


Help Me to Open My Eyes

by MistressYin



Series: By Your Side [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Abuse, Anbu Hatake Kakashi, BAMF Haruno Sakura, BAMF Hatake Kakashi, BAMF Nara Shikamaru, BAMF Uzumaki Naruto, But if someone wanted to beta that'd be cool too, Cause we know who's really doing the planting, Child Abuse, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Everyone Has Issues, F/M, Good Uchiha Sasuke, Grief/Mourning, Haruno Sakura Has Issues, Hatake Kakashi Needs a Hug, Hatake Kakashi deserves better, Hatake Kakashi is a Good Teacher, Hurt Hatake Kakashi, Hurt Uchiha Sasuke, Hyuuga Clan fix it, Hyuuga Clan should not be allowed slaves, I do not like villains, I love Team Seven, I swear it's interesting though, INSPIRATIONAL, Ino Yamanaka is a good bro, Kyuubi | Nine-tails | Kurama is a Little Shit, LGBTQ Themes, Loss, Loving Team Seven, M/M, Namikaze Minato Adopts Hatake Kakashi, Naruto backstory building, Naruto is too precious, No redemption for Orochimaru, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Not Danzo friendly, Not Third Hokage friendly, Orphanage, Panic Attacks, Politics, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sakura backstory building, Shikamaru Nara is figuring shit out, Smart Uzumaki Naruto, Strong Haruno Sakura, Team as Family, Uchiha Clan-centric, Uchiha Fugaku is an Asshole, Uchiha Itachi Has Issues, Uchiha Sasuke Has Issues, Uchiha Sasuke Needs a Hug, Uchiha Sasuke-centric, Uzumaki Naruto Has Issues, Uzumaki Naruto is a Good Friend, eating problems, just a bit of Uchiha Clan backstory, no beta we die like men, team seven feels, world building
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:49:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 40
Words: 532,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22577332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistressYin/pseuds/MistressYin
Summary: Kakashi Hatake was pretty sure his new genin were going to be the death of him.They were worth it, though.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura & Hatake Kakashi & Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura & Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura/Uzumaki Naruto, Hatake Kakashi & Uchiha Sasuke, Hatake Kakashi/Uchiha Obito, Nara Shikamaru/Yamanaka Ino, Sarutobi Asuma/Yuuhi Kurenai, Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto
Series: By Your Side [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1624504
Comments: 303
Kudos: 919
Collections: Fics I loved, Fics that keep me up





	1. Survive

**Author's Note:**

> Hello readers! Thank you for clicking on my story! I know the summary is pretty subjective but I'll give you a run down so nobody's confused! This is an alternate reality of my take on Team Seven. It begins about at the same time the third episode of Naruto does. As the story goes on it follows less and less of the original dialogue. For the first chapter of course it's very canonical. The POV does change from Sasuke's quite often after the first few chapters so if your die hard Sakura, Kakashi, or Naruto fans please be patient because they do get their turn. For plot reasons Sasuke's POV is ideal. I'd like to also clarify I changed a bit of Konoha's dynamic in this story. Instead of Konoha being the 'good' guys, this story is more about tearing down the government. The Uchiha's are painted in many different lights, but my villains will be Lord Third and Lord Danzo. This is all about a revolution. Or well, some of it is anyway. It's actually very emotionally based. If you like angst your in the right place! 
> 
> I would like to remind readers to stay safe and only read if their in a healthy mindset. If anyone is reading this and feels sad, triggered, or just plain moody afterwards please stop. Your safety is first :) That said I hope this actually helps people heal and serves as good entertainment. I don't think anyone ever really asked for this hodgepodge of ideas but it turned out pretty well. 
> 
> MistressYin

Sasuke had arrived at an obnoxiously early time to the academy. The sun was glaring in his face and his only savior from the long-lasting heat wave was an occasional cloud that would cast a shadow over his eyes. His bag was placed next to his feet under the desk, holding most of his ninja tools. Sasuke kept his foot on it to protect his coveted belongings from being snatched by grabby hands hoping to dig up some dirt on him. 

He closed his eyes to shield them from the blaring sun, linking his fingers together under his chin. His forehead was itching with the new regulation headband even though the cloth was surely bought from high class merchants. He wasn’t used to the feeling of something resting on his head. A sheen of sweat gathered under the silky material, making him further uncomfortable.

He ran his tongue over the slick bone of his teeth, feeling as if something was filled at the back of his throat. And was there something caught between his teeth? Sasuke fought the urge to brush his teeth _again_. He had already done so three times just today. Once before his diminutive breakfast, having not been able to force much down, once after, and then once when he went to the bathroom on his way to class.

His mouth was clean. 

His mouth was spotless and nothing was in his teeth. (He couldn’t any taste blood,) 

He gladly let himself become distracted as Chouji Akimichi pranced into the room, proud to be wearing his brand new leaf headband. His classmate waved shyly at him. Sasuke blinked in response, giving a tilt of his head back in acknowledgment. This was as far as their interaction ever went. The kindred boy then sat down about three rows behind him, his giddy, yet gentle smile never wavering. 

Sasuke could feel how clean his teeth were. Sasuke’s mouth, however, needed to be drowned in mouthwash and toothpaste and _mints_. He swallowed, feeling a lump form in the back of his throat. His pulse beat sporadically and hard enough Sasuke convinced himself Akimichi could hear it. 

He resisted the urge to bounce his leg as more students filed in, some chatting lazily and others exuberantly. A more notable appearance was Hinata Hyuga, which showed that the girl managed to pass through the exams. He had noticed that she always seemed to scrape by one way or another, never distinguished nor overlooked, just there as if her presence was naturally expected. Across from him and up a few rows she was fidgeting and studying her fingers intently. 

The next kid that bounced in he wasn’t expecting, having assumed he had failed the exams due to his rather dramatic exit from before. Naruto Uzamaki had practically jumped out the window, looking close to tears after entering the examination room with Iruka. Sasuke had left the celebration of passing the exams early since he had no one to cheer him on anymore, so he hadn’t seen any of the other graduates. He guessed that Naruto did something for extra credit and weaseled his way through. 

The blonde boy startled him by plopping down on the bench he was perched on. Naruto looked rather unperturbed by his choice of seating, in fact the kid looked downright relaxed. He was grinning and laughing at something in a familiarly mischievous way. He and Naruto went way back, but it kind of felt as if Naruto was crossing an invisible boundary between them by sitting next to him in class. They could be all sorts of civil outside of the academy, but in these walls, they were nothing but competitive classmates. That’s how it’d always been. Which, he was fine with. A part of him actually preferred the solitude. It was easy.

It soon became clear he wasn’t the only one who had thought Naruto failed, because Shikamaru, a boy so lazy it was a wonder he passed at all, faltered in his steps as he passed Sasuke’s chosen desk. 

The Nara raised a confused hand. “Ngh? What are you doing here Naruto? This isn’t for dropouts. You can’t be here unless you graduate.” The boy pointed out, looking at Naruto as if he had done something particularly stupid and foolish. Sasuke winced, knowing Naruto to be quite the spitfire, especially in the morning. Sasuke, in comparison, liked calm mornings. And he never liked shouting.

Naruto jumped on the chance to prove the genius Nara wrong. “Oh yeah? Do you see this do you see this?” he repeated himself, jabbing a finger at his finely polished forehead protector. “Open your eyes Shikamaru it’s a regulation headband.”

Sasuke actually did a double take at that one. As far as he could tell, Naruto’s vocabulary was not quite up to par with most of the _seven_ year olds Sasuke knew, let alone immense enough to use the word regulation in a sentence. He even managed to use the word correctly. Sasuke couldn’t help but give his own influence the credit for Naruto’s speech improvement.

The excited blonde went on. “We’re going to be training together. How do you like that?” Naruto’s shiny smile never stopped reflecting the sun that was still beating down onto Sasuke through the classroom’s large window. He grew bored of watching them and decided suffering through the blaring light wasn’t worth it. He closed his eyes once more, resisting the urge to scoff as Naruto went on cockily. 

Sasuke twitched when he heard storming footsteps racing down the hall. He assumed that some kids were just racing here or something, but you could never be too cautious. For all he was aware there could be some kind of emergency. His eyes flew open and he grew alert. Stiffening in his seat, he began watching the door attentively. His lip curled however when Haruno and Yamanaka barged through the sliding door rambunctiously. He had been right, other kids just running in the hall. They were shrieking about having absolutely gotten here first. The two had probably raced then. Sasuke winced. He remembered a time when those two had actually been friends. His life had been simpler then.

“—My toe was at least a tenth of an inch ahead—“

Sasuke clenched his eyes shut now, wanting to smack his hands over his ears. Why were they so loud? Escaping to the bathroom to brush his teeth was sounding better and better each minute. 

Suddenly their fighting cut off as who he identified to be Haruno burst into a fit of giggles. That meant trouble. He hoped she didn’t bring him more chocolate, he was highly lactose intolerant. The only problem was, when he tried to tell her this fact, she got really disheartened that he didn’t like her gift. Sasuke learned to just accept the chocolate and give it Uzamaki afterwards. Maybe that was why Uzamaki was sitting next to him? Sasuke gave him chocolate so he felt obligated to talk to him or something? He hoped that wasn’t the case; Sasuke wasn’t trying to force his friendship on anyone.

“Hi Sakura what’s up—“ Uzamaki began, sounding as if he were standing up because of the snapping footsteps. Sasuke twitched but didn’t open his sore eyes to face the sun, not deeming the situation alarming enough for his full attention. 

“Move it!” Haruno shrieked, cutting Uzamaki off.

The clatter that followed forced him to drag his eyes back open, despite every instinct in his body telling him that was exactly what he _shouldn’t_ be doing. 

Uzamaki was curled on the floor, rubbing his head dolefully. Haruno had a sweet, innocent smile on her face when she addressed him even though her heel was pressing into the ribs of the boy on the floor. Sasuke resisted the urge to forcefully remove her offending foot from Uzamaki’s body. The deadlast was by no means his favorite person, but Sasuke had principles involving unnecessary violence.

“Ah- Good morning Sasuke,” she greeted, clasping her hands together in between her cleavage. Sasuke watched her warily, eyebrows knitting together. “Mind if I sit next to you?” Sugar oozed from her voice, melting and bubbling in a way that made Sasuke resist the urge to flip the finger. He kept his fingers laced under his chin, noting that where there once was a red ribbon on her head now lay her ninja headband. Before he was going to be forced by social standards to answer her ‘polite inquiry’, the Yamanaka growled her way over joining the rest of the intruders of his personal bubble. 

“Back off forehead! I’m sitting next to Sasuke!”

Sasuke thought both of those ideas sounded awful. Did he not get a say so? If he sat next to them, they would pet his hair and get way more flirtatious than he could handle. Last time Yamanaka even got daring enough to roam her hand up his thigh, which resulted in a panic attack in the communal bathroom. 

How did his teeth get so dirty already so fast? Mouth wash. That’s what he needed. 

They began hissing at each other, which caused the rest of the female population to gather around as well. Poor Uzamaki was still on the floor, dodging the girls’ frustrated feet. Sasuke wanted to go back to the time when thinking girls were ‘icky’ was socially acceptable. 

“Actually I got here before either of you—“ Another girl Sasuke vaguely recognized countered.

“SO did I, I’m sitting next to Sasuke—“

“NO I AM—“ More and more girls gathered around, crowding the table until at least six or seven of them were all arguing back and forth. Sakura and Ino were the loudest of them all, shrieking at each other with everything they had.

Why did it even matter who got here first? Sasuke stopped the growl that clawed its way to his throat and turned away from the scene they were causing. Girls were clueless. Couldn’t they catch the hint he wasn’t interested in a relationship?

Teeth. His mouth was dirty. His lips were chapped from how excessively he had been scrubbing and cleaning but it didn’t matter. 

“Hm?” Sasuke jumped when Uzamaki landed in front of him on the desk. He was squatting, arms resting on his knees; his face was just mere inches from Sasuke’s. He was sure panic danced in his eyes for a brief moment; he calmed his quickening breath. Their forehead protectors clinked together. 

He couldn’t control his breathing as his pulse was quick to stop all together. The only thing he could do was glower at his assailant whilst waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

The girls’ screams weren’t helping his current dilemma. Hopelessly, he tried to take a breath, but only ended up releasing more of the oxygen he had left. His mind fought with his body, blood surging to his mouth from how hard he was biting at his cheek. Everything fogged up, sounds slurred together. 

He didn’t think about why he was like this. That was triggering in a whole other sense.

“Naruto!! Get away from Sasuke!!”

Their words were static in the background. His eyes could only train fearfully at the idiot’s next move. He was completely paralyzed in terror.

_Useless. Weak. Defenseless. Stupid_.

He wasn’t sure how, but his own voice quickly morphed into Itachi’s jeering taunts. His brothers cruel words echoes around as a low growl slipped out of (Naruto, it was just Uzamaki not his brother-) what his mind kept telling him was another’s mouth. 

He knew what happened next. He told himself _It_ wouldn’t happen. Naruto didn’t even roll that way. 

He tried to tell himself just to knock him over, to move because goddammit he was stronger than this, but his mind was getting overwhelmed by Itachi and all the hell that came with him. 

Naruto inched closer, his eyes studying him. Sasuke wished he would back away, but held his ground (And his breath, breathe you stupid piece of shit). Itachi’s voice continued whispering criticism in his mind. 

A literal uproar erupted from the girls, kicking Sasuke’s brain into further panic. Their screams were too much. Everything was too much and there was his brain telling him to brush his teeth again—

Sasuke froze. Time froze. His eyes burned as he watched Naruto fall forward, shock on his face. 

Sasuke couldn’t handle this. He had to get out. He had to move. He wasn’t defenseless. Why did it appear that Uzamaki was falling in slow motion? Why did it seem he was moving so deliberately when it was clear he was falling?

But of course he was immobile, too afraid to get his muscles to start obeying him once more. He couldn’t stop _that_ and he couldn’t stop Naruto now. 

Something slid down his throat and it was enough to shock Sasuke’s body into moving and breathing again. A distant voice informed him that it had been a tongue, but nothing in Sasuke was willing to admit it. He was jerking away and coughing, body panicking for real now as it waited for the inevitable pain that followed. 

Sasuke shook himself off, he should be over this by now...it’d been years. Ita- That man wasn’t here. He wasn’t able to harm him. His parents were long since buried underground. 

But Itachi wasn’t. He was out there and Sasuke wouldn’t be safe until the lowly excuse for a human being took his last breath.

Sasuke gagged once his senses came back, wondering with sick shock what the hell Naruto had ate to taste that bad. Fuck; he just wondered what Uzamaki Naruto ate to taste bad. 

His life would never be the same. 

Sasuke forced down every emotion, every panic driven instinct in his body and choked out a small and irate, “I’ll get you Naruto...”

Oh and he would. When the fucker least expected it. 

“AHHHHHH!!!”

Haruno’s scream pierced the thick tension hanging over the classroom.

Sasuke nearly had forgotten they had an audience. He would be lying though if he said this was the most humiliating thing he’d ever experienced. 

Itachi could be a sadist when he wanted to.

Sasuke shivered and reminded himself not to think that way because everything was wonderful and happy and most of all nothing bad was happening. 

What a bunch of therapeutic bullshit that was. He couldn’t even think his own brothers name without—

He’s not your brother. Never was, really. Sasuke wished he could choke Naruto out. While today hadn’t been spectacular, Naruto had unlocked a box of dark secrets in the back of his mind Sasuke knew had an absurd amount of keys that anyone had access to with simple words and actions. 

Even a kiss would make Sasuke need to—

Brush his teeth. Mouth wash and _floss_. 

Sasuke’s quality of day (and respect for Haruno) skyrocketed when Naruto peeked over to look at Sasuke’s array of admirers with a mumble of, “Danger...”

For a group of fangirls, they could let out an impressive amount of killer intent when the situation arose. Sasuke wasn’t too fond of killer intent himself, but that was beside the point. It wasn’t strong enough to have Sasuke trembling in fear, though, but in his more fragile state of mind it was enough to have him curling away from the group of girls.

All of the previous pity Sasuke had for Naruto getting picked on by the females had completely vanished. Sasuke almost wanted to give them a salute and yell something like, “Leave no survivors!”

The irony of that statement wasn’t lost on Sasuke. If that man hadn’t left him alive then...

Sasuke distracted himself by watching the group of annoying girls crowd around Naruto. He looked over at Hyuga and saw her flushed with anger in her cheeks. Then to Nara who looked about ready to actually get up for once and help.

Even Kiba looked sympathetic. 

Sasuke’s vindictive feelings wavered. Naruto hadn’t even meant to. Plus, Sasuke wouldn’t be mad if he hadn’t been triggered. It was his own fault for not telling people more about his home life. If they knew, then everyone would be more careful not to send him into a crazy spiral. 

Naruto hadn’t had much of a chance against so many girls he didn’t want to hurt in the first place. He could see the exhaustion on their teachers face when he saw the large bruises covering Naruto’s cheeks once he had arrived in the room. The man kept quiet about it though, beginning his speech wearing a stern and professional expression to guard his actual emotions. 

“As of today you are all ninjas. To get here you faced difficult trials and hardships.” Iruka began, his arms coiled behind his back. “That’s nothing. What comes next will be far more difficult.”

Sasuke had never been more indirectly insulted in his life (mostly because people usually insulted him straight to his face). Nothing? He had faced nothing? Ohoho _ho_. 

The area of Konoha was around seventy-four kilometers. The academy was at one end of Konoha, and the Uchiha Compound another. Sasuke, just to get to school, had to walk more than most five year olds did in a month...unsupervised. 

That was just the tip of the mountain (fucking mountain, not iceberg) of ‘hardships’ he had gone through to graduate this academy. It was not nothing. But now Sasuke’s feelings were warring against each other and he was wondering if it really hadn’t been that much work to graduate; he blamed Iruka for putting the idea in his mind.

“Now you are only genin, first level ninjas. All the genin will be grouped into a three man squad. Each squad will be led by a jonin, an elite ninja.”

Their sensei continued to review the inner workings of the hidden villages. 

Sakura, who somehow managed to earn the seat beside him, perked up at this ‘new found’ information. Sasuke thought the whole three man squad fiasco was common knowledge. But then again, Sakura was civilian born. 

Sasuke knew this system had much controversy. Many ninja thought having teammates given to prodigies would only slow down their development as shinobi. 

Iruka explained how the squads were chosen as evenly as possible; that each of the children in this room were picked to create the most functional team they could, solely based on their abilities and potential. He assured everyone the team choosing was not biased, hand-picked by the third hokage himself. 

Sasuke shifted in a bit of nervous excitement. The team choosings would basically decide who he was going to be spending the rest of his years to come with. 

“I will now announce the squads!”

Drama king. 

He called out name after name, going with easy tells like completely civilian born teams. Sasuke guaranteed they wouldn’t make it passed genin. 

“Squad seven!” Iruka announced this team name with far more vigor than the rest. Sasuke watched him carefully, wondering why the man seemed excited about this team out of all of them he’d already droned on about. 

“Naruto Uzamaki!”

Sasuke got his answer quick. His sensei always had favored the knucklehead. 

“Sakura Haruno!”

Beside him, Sakura wilted like a dehydrated flower. Her shoulders sagged as Uzamaki cheered loudly in wonderment. Sasuke once again question how the girl had managed to get the seat beside him out of all of the girls, and out of every boy in class why Uzamaki was sitting next to him.

What a team Uzamaki and Haruno would make. He felt bad for the poor guy who was going to be chosen for their last member. Let’s see, based on the way they were going they were choosing homogenous teams. Naruto was dead last, Sakura a civilian, so most likely they would be getting their next failure member—

“And Sasuke Uchiha!”

Sakura cheered loudly as Naruto made a point to complain. 

Why was he on a team with a bunch of weak, hopeless, no-future losers? Great, now Iruka proved to him once more he was never going to succeed as a ninja. His father would’ve beaten him black and blue for this. They probably got a shit teacher to. Team left overs; team you-were-so-awful-and-annoying-we-didn’t-know-what-to-do-with-you. 

Sasuke couldn’t wait to meet their sensei. He was going to suffer along with Sasuke no matter what. Suffer. Die in volcanic lava. 

He was still in a state of shock about the whole team choosings, the reality of this situation would kick in later when he wasn’t quelling the urge to murder his mouth with a toothbrush. 

“Next, squad eight, Hinata Hyuga!”

Sasuke wished that it was Hyuga on his team rather than Haruno. She was too shy to make any...inappropriate advances on him. The girl let out a quiet, “Yes, sir,” which made him want to demand the teams be switched. She was also respectful too. Sasuke cursed his luck, or lack thereof. 

“Kiba Inuzuka!”

The boy let out a low chuckle, clearly pleased with his team selection...lucky bastard.

“Shino Aburame!”

That was going to be a powerful team; trackers, most likely. It would also boon clan alliances as well, having all of their heirs be put on the same genin team. 

Beside him (no seriously, how did Sakura get there?), the more disrespectful of students began chatting. Haruno taunted Yamanaka about having made it onto his team, forcing a growl out of the blonde’s throat. He heard Nara complain moodily, “I don’t get it, what do you see in a guy like that? He’s not so special.”

Sasuke sunk further into his chair. He wouldn’t want the Nara on his team. Downright rude, didn’t he see that Sasuke was right here?

“You are so beyond clueless Shikamaru! Don’t you get it?” Ino cawed, frustrated.

“No I don’t get it, ‘cause I’m not a girl.”

The two bickered back and forth. Sasuke wondered what the Nara’s deal was. Maybe he liked Yamanaka and was jealous or something. Or perhaps, he was just genuinely curious what the girls all saw in him. If that were the case, Sasuke shared his inquisitiveness on why most girls tripped over themselves to even talk to him.

“You are so full of yourself. Jealousy is a terrible thing. I’d hate to be on your squad.” Yamanaka shot back. Sasuke nearly scoffed. She had clearly gotten the jealously vibe as well. 

“Now squad ten; Ino Yamanaka, Shikamaru Nara,”

Yamanaka cried out indignantly, while the Nara smirked with a mirthful laugh. “Did you say something about hating to be on my squad?”

“—And Chouji Akimichi!” Iruka declared with finality. 

He laughed as karma attacked Yamanaka and she clutched her head. He couldn’t help but turn around in his seat to smirk at her. Usually, Sasuke didn’t engage in social interaction on purpose, but right now, he couldn’t resist. 

“Hey, at least your teammates got passing grades. I’m stuck on the loser squad. It’ll be a miracle if we make it through a week without killing each other first.” He teased.

Yamanaka looked startled at having his attention on her, almost enough that Sasuke wished he would’ve just kept his mouth shut. But she wiped the look off of her face and groaned, giving him a weak smile. Sasuke didn’t really hate Yamanaka. He passed by her every day on his way to school, where she would offer him a black rose for mourning. He would take it without protest, and nod in appreciation at her. He always kept the rose in his bag, a constant sign of that he was grieving for the loss of his family. After school, he would tuck the flowers away to the small shrine he built in his apartment for his mother. 

“Those are all the squads.” Iruka rushed the words out, already beginning to pick up his books, clearly hoping to get the hell out of answering all of his students’ protests. Sasuke turned back around in his seat and watched Haruno glare daggers at Yamanaka. Something about it, however, was off. She seemed less upset that she had earned Sasuke’s attention and more upset that...Sasuke had earned Ino’s attention. Sasuke frowned. Not once had she made a move to get in his way, but the whole time had been turned around in her seat with her attention entirely on Yamanaka. That was oddly...suspicious. He would have to keep a closer eye on Haruno. 

“Iruka-sensei, why does a great ninja like me have to be in the same group with a slug like Sasuke!” Naruto was quick to jump up and point at him accusingly before Iruka could make his hasty escape. 

Sasuke found it odd that Sakura didn’t even react to Naruto’s insult directed at him. Sasuke wondered if he should maybe defend his honor or something for being called a slug. But, it’s not the worst thing you could call him...so...

Iruka hummed, looking like he really was biting out the next words he spoke. “Sasuke had the best scores of all the graduating students.” He sighed, pinching his nose. “Naruto...You had the worst scores. To create a...balanced group, we put the best student, with the worst student. “

Sasuke’s eye twitched as the loser growled. He was surprised that Iruka called him the best student, if albeit a bit indignantly. Iruka had never particularly liked Sasuke. He thought this might be due to Sasuke’s abhorrence to Mizuki-sensei. Come to think of it...where was the guy...usually he was right...

Sasuke shook himself off. He should be glad the disgusting man wasn’t here. He distracted himself by getting a small dose of revenge on Naruto for the kiss-thing. 

“Just don’t get in my way,” Sasuke’s mouth twitched upward, “Loser.”

”Hey what did you say?!” Uzamaki hissed. 

Honestly, he couldn’t take his own shit? Naruto called him worst names than loser all of the time. He also constantly slurred at him as well. Seriously what was with the bastard jibes? He was aware he was an illegitimate child, no need to rub it in! Dear old dad had done that enough. He wouldn’t deny that the losers insults stung. Both a mixture of hurt and anger he drawled, “Hard of hearing?”

Sakura glanced between them. “Knock it off Naruto, sit down!” she hissed.

“Ahem!”

Iruka’s attempt at control did nothing for any of the giggling children. Nor did it make Naruto sit himself down from standing on the bench. 

“After lunch,” the sensei continued as if anyone but the behaved students were listening to him anymore, “You’ll meet your new Jounin instructors. Until then...” his voice grew tight with exhaustion, “Class dismissed.”

Sasuke waited patiently for the class to file out. Despite most people’s belief, Sasuke was an extremely patient person. He used to wait hours at the door for his family to return home, his only companion school work he couldn’t quite grasp and of course their puppy. 

Sasuke shuddered to think what happened to that poor dog. Itachi was ruthless enough to beat puppies on top of the rest of his shitty traits...not exactly surprising, he supposed, considering. 

Sasuke got up with his bag, nodded at Akimichi who grinned back through a potato chip, and shuffled through the doors. 

He headed out of the academy quietly, hoping to avoid his peers for as long as possible. His destination was close, which made for an easy escape. Sasuke pushed the door open to the restaurant that was beside the Academy and carefully closed it back so it wouldn’t make any unnecessarily loud noises that could alert one of the other kids he was eating here. He stepped through the round wooden entryway and greeted the waitress. He opened up his bag for the plain, dark blue wallet he owned, and got out six dollars. He would be given two quarters and one dime back, like always. 

He told Sya, the woman at the counter, that he wished for a rice dumpling. She efficiently got to work packing it together. 

This was the restaurant his mother used to work at for extra money when she was still dirt poor. Before she got into another kind of business and then married Fugaku. 

The women here all spoke highly of Mikoto, telling him stories of her youth and grace. His mother always had been graceful, more so than anyone he’d ever met so far, exceeding even Itachi’s elegance in his entirely unbiased opinion. 

He was guided up to the second floor, where the space was mostly emptied. Along the way the waitress chatted with him about team selection, which they knew about because of his frequency here, and how now he would be on the road to becoming a true shinobi. He only whined a little when talking about who he was stuck with as teammates. 

He was given a bag with three wrapped dumplings. They weren’t the most expensive, but Sasuke still treasured them. 

He leaned against the window frame, looking outside at the academy for what might very well be the last time as a student. He took a small bite of the rice ball and sighed. He would get to brush his teeth after his meal. Even if he liked the rice dumplings, he still didn’t have much of an appetite. He forced the food down anyway. 

He heard a creak behind him a grunted in surprise. It happened quickly; the flapping window swung downward forcing him to jump back and narrowly dodge getting hit on the forehead. Something orange slunk through the open window that he identified as Uzamaki. 

“Naruto!” He growled in mild surprise, shoving the annoying blonde away from him. His bag was across the room, where all of his ninja weapons were. He only had the small pouch that was on him now to work with. 

What Sasuke wasn’t expecting, however, were the very solid and highly illegal shadow clones that came crashing down onto him from all sides. In the blink of an eye, he was throwing what he had thought were just illusions off of him, but caught by surprise that it was no use to treat them as mind tricks. 

He ended up on the floor, hands tied securely behind his back and breathing ragged. 

He saw Naruto cast a hinge and jump out the window with a confident smirk. Sasuke briefly caught sight of the Uchiha crest now on his back. 

Sasuke banged his head against the floorboards. He was going to kill that stinking brat. Well...maim or seriously injure. Sasuke didn’t kill. Well...he didn’t maim or seriously injure either...some ninja he would be...or is, now. Sasuke got a bad taste in his mouth at the reminder he was officially a ninja.

Ducktape was loosely pinned crisscross style along his mouth, restricting him from calling for help. He hissed. Stupid, Sasuke chided himself. He had let his guard down. In class, the damn idiot couldn’t even do a single replication so Sasuke hadn’t considered he had much to worry about; so much for not underestimating his enemy’s abilities. 

How could Uzamaki combine the replacement jutsu he was using with the shadow clone jutsu? He had performed them both at the same time! Where did all of that chakra come from? And the focus! 

Sasuke growled under his breath, startled when the door swung open to reveal Miatsu, one of the waitresses from before. 

She shrieked and dropped the tea platter she was bringing in. 

“Sasuke! How did—what?”

Her heeled footsteps clattered on the wooden floorboards towards him. Sasuke felt her long nails tear the ducktape off of his mouth, leaving a sticking sensation around his lips. He tried not to shiver in disgust at having someone else’s hands on him. 

_Could I brush my teeth now, please?_ He begged to no one in particular.

He let out a relieved breath at having the tape off though, despite that he had to have another person’s hand on his mouth to get it off. He had felt completely suffocated from the ducktape. Fear had rushed inside of him the moment Naruto jumped him, and Sasuke had already been incredibly close to an episode. 

She sat him up as he rubbed his sore lips together, untying his bound hands. 

“I was just bringing you some celebration tea—on the house!—and then, were you jumped? I know there is a bunch of shady shinobi out there but isn’t this kind of excessive?” her dubious voice was light and airy, the kind of voice that you could tell laughed frequently and often changed tones for each expression she carried.

He resisted the urge to roll his eyes at her ignorance to the shinobi lifestyle and smirked half-heartedly at her. “It was just that annoying classmate I told you about playing another prank; nothing to be concerned over.” He assured her, doing his best to keep the frustration out of his voice. 

She let out a relieved, yet skeptical breath. “Are you sure you’re doing alright? Bullies like this are very serious.” Miatsu was bent over with her hands on her knees, looking down at him with pursed lips. He felt slightly spiteful at hearing her call Uzamaki a bully. He was a dweeb most of the time, not a bully. 

“I’m fine.” His tone was clipped. 

She bit her lip, sensing that he wasn’t compelled to discuss the subject, “If you say so...”

Sasuke curved his leg and stood, Miatsu following suit. 

“I should probably go find the loser. This teammate of mine needs to know I’m not going to be a victim of his childish pranks.” Sasuke lightened the mood, not wanting to upset Miatsu with his irregularly snappish mood.

She gave him an encouraging smile. “You go Sasuke! Teammates are supposed to be on the same side! Show ‘em who’s boss!” she gave him a light hearted punch in the shoulder, spinning around to pick up the tray on the floor. Sasuke flinched only slightly. Sometimes, even the waitresses forgot how much he hated to be touched. 

“And when you’re ready once more, I’ll have fresh celebration tea waiting right here for you!” she cheered, her arm flying up in a cheerleader pose.

“...Thanks.” Sasuke deigned her with a formal nod. 

She waved absently while she cleaned her dropped platter up off of the floor, getting back into the work headspace as he leisurely made his way back down the stairs. 

Sasuke walked along the areas pristine sidewalk, sniffing in annoyance. Naruto could really be a pest sometimes. Why did he always have to act so bratty?

Sasuke wheeled a corner, passing by a large shady tree and a bench, where his other teammate jumped up to greet him. Sasuke couldn’t believe he had run into the two people he was avoiding most. Although to be fair, Naruto had sought after him unexpectedly.

“Sasuke your back!” She beamed at him, “Don’t be so shy you bad boy! Are you ready now? You know mentally prepared? Because I am, I mean I’m rearing to go!”

Sasuke winced, but remembered not to impulsively yell at her for not even doing anything. He was having a bad day and shouldn’t let it out on the lonely girl. She looked incredibly nervous standing there, like she would rather be anywhere else. Her eyes kept glancing to him and back to her shoes, mouth parted. 

Something was going on with her. It wasn’t his business however, so he restricted himself from prying.

“H-hey wait a minute?” She questioned.

Sasuke turned his head slightly, remembering he hadn’t answered any of her peculiar questions and just kept walking. Was she talking about being ready to meet their sensei? He wasn’t shy, just wanted some lunch. Maybe it wasn’t normal to eat lunch outside of the academy grounds?

Sasuke thought back to the restaurant and grew frustrated all over again. He wondered if Sakura had any idea of his target’s whereabouts. 

“Where’s Naruto?” he interrogated her. 

“Oh, see, there you go, changing the subject again!” she stumbled, but decided to carry on the conversation, “Anyway Naruto just picks fights with you!” she stamped her foot. “You know why he’s so annoying? Cause he wasn’t raised right!”

Sasuke listened with only one ear, glancing around in search of his soon to be victim. Growing up with Uchiha had taught him plenty; you didn’t always have to fight with fists to largely impact your opponent. Sasuke was going to tear Uzamaki down without even having to raise a hand against him. That is, if he could find the little imp...

“He doesn’t have a mother or father, no one to teach him right from wrong! Think about it, he just does whatever comes into his head! If I did things like Naruto...forget it; I mean my parents would get mad and I’d get in trouble, so of course I don’t do it! But if you don’t have parents to tell you how would you know?” she rambled on animatedly, rolling eyes and speaking like what she was saying was obvious. 

Sasuke’s eyes sharpened; little razing heathen. How dare she try to pull something like that? It was plain rude. She was treating Naruto like he was some rogue ninja who actually caused harm to the village. All he did was pull some childish pranks!

“He’s selfish and bratty! He’s all alone!” Sakura’s voice was growing more passionate with each statement.

Sasuke had taken enough. With clenched fists he looked straight ahead, gritting his teeth. “Alone. Isolated.” He huffed. Haruno needed to learn to respect and understand the feelings of those around her; she appeared to possess no empathy at all. Did she not think to put herself in Naruto’s shoes, imagine how it would feel to be insulted over and over and have your peers collectively think lowly of you? Sasuke couldn’t imagine how much pressure was building up inside of Uzamaki.

“Huh?” she paused in her rant, looking up at him through startled eyes. 

“It’s not about your parents scolding you. You have no idea what it means to be alone.” He shook his head in astonishment. How could she say those things when her life was so blessed? 

“W-why are you saying that?” she took a step away from him, sensing his foul mood. 

Sasuke had a great idea of what would hit the hardest. He made a point to turn only his head and give her a glare that would send his father reeling should he have been here to see it. “Because, you’re annoying,”

She inhaled sharply, looking pained. Her face contorted in grief. 

Sasuke forced himself to turn away and continue at a much more controlled and forced slow pace. He couldn’t apologize. She wouldn’t learn if he apologized. Sasuke walked in a blur, shoving his hands into his pockets. A distinct pressure was pounding in his temples and eyes. He thought it was only fiction that anger affected your health. 

He walked his back up into the academy building. Today was supposed to be happy, a step towards his future as a ninja. But, that was bullshit he supposed. Nothing about being a ninja was happy. It was walking a life of murder. 

Ninja’s were heartless.

The moment the sensei passed Sasuke the leaf headband they were simultaneously carving his heart out. 

Shinobi Rule 24: A ninja must never shed tears. 

Shinobi Rule 36: A ninja must not demonstrate mercy. 

Shinobi Rule 76: A ninja must never put themselves above the mission. 

Shinobi Rule 111: A ninja must never put loved ones above the mission. 

Shinobi Rule 300: A ninja must never put a comrade above mission success. 

The rules that spoke of a life of work and misery were all they were. Has anyone ever met a happy seasoned shinobi? No, he answered his silent question dishearteningly. 

Sasuke guessed the sensei weren’t the ones to cut out _his_ heart. No, the village didn’t get there first. His family hadn’t let him live a day of joy, burning his heart to ash when he was merely an infant. 

His anger dwindled. What did her thoughts matter anyway? Soon, everyone in the academy would understand what losing someone felt like; the helplessness. Soon, everyone in the academy would wish their hearts _had_ been carved out so they didn’t have to feel the pain of the path they chose to walk on. He would know. He had seen it happen to so many other bright eyed youths. Itachi hadn’t always been so ruthless... 

Sasuke’s head snapped up when his target could be seen rushing down the hallway, pausing in horror at seeing him here. His feet stuttered to a halt, his eyes wide and panicked.

“Sasuke?! How are you here—How did you get loose?!” he fired him with double questions, having not been able to process his thoughts over his own horror at Sasuke ruining whatever weird thing the fiend was trying to get away with.

Sasuke scoffed. He decided to mess with Uzamaki further than just his presence was doing. He placed a cocky smirk onto his features. “I used the escape jutsu. No sweat it’s a very basic technique.” Sasuke withheld his laughter. He knew Uzamaki would take his explanation unquestionably. No such technique existed; otherwise we wouldn’t be able to effectively hold ninja in cells, they would just use some weird jutsu! Uzamaki didn’t need to know that, though.

Naruto grunted, indecisively looking for an escape route. 

Sasuke barreled on. “Why’d you do that?” his eyebrows knitted together. “Transform into me.” He clarified his question. He felt as if he was missing something obvious. What did Sasuke have access to that Naruto didn’t? He understood ambushing Iruka and transforming into him, maybe to get a peek at some test results or who their sensei might meet, but he didn’t understand why Naruto would need to disguise himself as him. 

The boy squinted his eyes and began shouting at his normal volume. “I thought it would be fun to try out some of my new moves on you SO I DID!” he exclaimed petulantly.

Without further enlightenment, Naruto leapt into action. His hands formed a single seal and then solid clones were swarming him just like before in the restaurant.

“Agh! The same technique again?” he complained, moving to defend himself. He had forgotten his bag at the restaurant and would need to remember to pick it up when he came back for celebration tea. He prayed that moment would come soon. He couldn’t handle being around anymore bright eyed brats. 

Yea; tea sounded really nice right now. 

All the Naruto’s began shouting at him, yelling taunts and distractions. 

“Get ready Sasuke!”

He couldn’t quite tell what happened next, only that every single clone abruptly stopped in their high jumps and battle stances, leaning over to clutch at their stomachs.

“It’s back again!”

“It’s back again!”

“Hurry!”

“OOOH My stomach!”

“It’s back again!”

“Hurry!”

Sasuke felt his mouth drop open in amazement as the clones communicated with each other, talking on their own accord. They all had clambered to the door Naruto had just come out of. Sasuke noted that it was the communal bathroom. Of course it was the place he had been wanting to go to brush his teeth and clean himself up. 

All of the clones began fighting over who got to go in first. Sasuke wondered why the idiot didn’t just release the jutsu. 

He rubbed his forehead; he shoved his hands back into the safe confines of his pockets, still fingering a kunai knife. Not that Sasuke was actually planning on using a knife on Uzamaki, but it comforted him to know the option was there if necessary. Naruto’s violent tendencies didn’t bother him as much as other peoples’ did, though, so he didn’t feel particularly threatened. Something about Naruto comforted him rather than terrified him. He couldn’t exactly pinpoint the reason but a part of Sasuke definitely enjoyed Uzamaki’s company.

“What a loser.” Right now though he wasn’t feeling too happy with Naruto; despite this Sasuke decided revenge wasn’t worth it. At least right now it wasn’t. He needed to wait for the perfect opportunity to get back at him properly.

Sasuke began heading back to class, his headache pounding more insistently against his eyes and temples. He was upset with both of his teammates and their odd behaviors. They were acting like something else had happened that he was supposed to be aware about. Sasuke knew he exactly socially qualified to converse with his teammates without screwing something up, but he had imagined he would at least understand what he had done wrong. Sakura had apparently been waiting for him! How was he supposed to know that when he was trying his best to hide from her?

The walk was short and easy and soon Sasuke was back in the room with the rest of his classmates and Iruka-sensei. Haruno came back in as well, looking subdued and sitting next to him stiffly. The idiot followed and plopped down on the bench whilst holding his stomach protectively. 

Sasuke may have been harsh to Haruno, but he only spoke truth. She needed to learn that she wasn’t all that special. She was no better than Naruto in terms of personality or skill. Just as annoying, just as innocent. He was too smart to hope that she would suddenly have a huge moment of clarity, but he could hope that his words had sunk in a bit and she would keep that in mind the next time she wanted to scream at Naruto. 

Each team was warded off to an awaiting sensei that would walk into the room when called. Squad seven was listed off but apparently their sensei was also a jerk face and turned out to be late, so he continued with the rest of the teams until everyone but the three of them were left in the classroom. 

Iruka gave out on waiting for the guy, giving a sheepish smile as he explained that he had a lot of other kids to take care of. 

By now, Naruto had busied himself with whining loudly about this mystery sensei of theirs’, pacing back and forth impatiently. Sakura, even though she clearly didn’t want to admit it was ticked off as well. Her lips were pursed in displeasure and she seemed to be restraining herself from screaming at the top of her lungs at Naruto’s insistent tapping and thumping on things. 

When the boy began to open the door every fifteen seconds, looking around as if their sensei would just magically appear out of thin air, Haruno was clearly done. 

“Naruto! Just sit down!” she groaned, contrarily standing up from her own sitting position to scold him.

Uzamaki turned his head a little to glance her way before continuing to stare down the hall. “I don’t want to! How come our teacher’s the only one that’s late? I’m ready to rule! Believe it!”

Sasuke quelled the urge to roll his eyes, sitting indolently on the bench right of Sakura. The ninja headband was really beginning to become irksome, as were the cuffs on his forearms; those were more familiar though, but just as necessary.

“The other groups already met their new teachers an’ took off on some adventure or something and Iruka-sensei’s gone to!” Uzamaki yelped, his loud volume nearly making Sasuke wince. Uzamaki turned round abruptly to give them a glare as if Team Seven getting the shitty teacher was their fault. 

Who knows, maybe it was. Everything seemed to be Sasuke’s fault. 

He had to stop with the negativity. 

Sakura closed her eyes glumly, “We know, okay?” her shoulders sagged from the authoritative posture she had taken up whilst trying to mother Naruto.

Sasuke heard a thump, followed by a couple of clanks and pings. “Hey! W-what are you doing!?” Haruno hissed. 

His eyes shifted to the idiot. He was cackling while placing an eraser in between the sliding door. Sasuke imagined that would leave whoever was hit with it pretty disoriented, considering the weight. But, of course, a Jounin wouldn’t be tricked by something as cheap as that. 

“Naruto...” Sakura began, but was cut off by an extremely proud Uzamaki. 

“That’s what he gets for coming late! Surrr-prise!” he made an exploding motion with his hands to emphasize his point.

Sakura’s lip was quirking up as she examined the eraser. She grinned with both of her hands clutched towards her chest. “Okay, okay, I do think he totally deserves it!” she replied giddily. She jumped up from her bench, swinging her legs. 

Naruto whooped in response. 

Sasuke glared at the desk, shaking his head. How was he put on such an immature team? Hyuga Hinata wouldn’t have gotten their teacher mad at them. Maybe he could convince them to take it down before their sensei gets a bad impression of them. “Our teacher’s a Jounin, an elite ninja. You think he’d fall for that?” Sasuke snapped, pursing his lips. Sakura’s eyes sharpened to him, but she turned away with her hands on her hips. She suddenly froze, as the door slid open by a gloved hand. 

Her eyes were eager as she waited for the eraser to drop, combined with a bit of hesitancy now that he pointed out that the person they were playing a prank on was Jounin. 

A silver head poked through the door, followed by a hollow and resounding smack. 

Sasuke’s head thumped against the desk in agitation. There was no fucking way they were left with this guy. Anyone could have dodged that eraser.

Silence reigned as the Jounin instructor straightened up. Sasuke peeked through his bangs with his head resting on the desk to examine him. The clothes were standard, all but the fingerless gloves and long turtleneck he wore. His ninja headband was in the most common position, resting on his forehead only it was slanted just enough to cover his right eye. The most peculiar look about him, however, was the mask that was pulled snugly up and over the bridge of his nose. 

The tense silence was broken by Naruto pointing a shaking finger up to the guy. Sakura glanced at him with a screwed up face, her own eyes filled with mischievousness.

Uzamaki broke into obnoxious laughter. Haruno couldn’t hold it in either. She leaned over onto Naruto’s shoulder giggling with him excitedly. Her lips were trying to suppress the sounds but she quickly gave up and started laughing in earnest, throwing her head back and clutching her stomach.

He turned to the deadpan look on the guy’s oddly expressive masked face as he walked into the room, a smirk stretching over Sasuke’s own features. 

Sasuke pushed his face back into the desk and chuckled in hysteria along with them. There was no way this was actually happening. No competent Jounin would fall for that. Hell, Sasuke wouldn’t have fallen for that! His shoulders began shaking with laughter.

“I got him! He totally fell for it!!” Naruto cried, earning another loud snort from Sakura. 

Sasuke didn’t bother to look up, he could imagine the way their new instructors face was twisted behind the mask without seeing him. 

“I-I’m sorry, sensei! I told him not to do it but he wouldn’t—“ Sakura couldn’t get the apology out from her own laughter and shaky hands raised halfheartedly in a calming motion. 

Sasuke groaned waving an exhausted hand at what he assumed was the direction of their sensei in greeting. He grunted tiredly as he propped his chin up onto one hand, his head tilting curiously while he watched the silent man pick up the eraser that had bonked him in the head moments before. 

Masked guy rested a hand on his chin, letting out a thoughtful hum. “How can I put this? My first impression of this group...”

His voice turned uncaring and lazy. “You’re a bunch of idiots.”

Sakura groaned loudly while slumping her torso in defeat. Naruto however merely smacked himself in the head, not looking all too surprised. 

Sasuke just continued to stare at the intimidating figure attentively, feeling an odd sense of familiarity about him he couldn’t quite place. 

Without further explanation, the masked guy turned around, walking slowly and shifting his weight to each hip with every step. Sasuke looked around awkwardly, unsure. 

Sasuke was struck with the need to brush his teeth again, realizing he hadn’t gotten to do it after his small meal. 

The guy walked a couple more steps before turning around, “Well? Are you coming?” he prompted.

Haruno’s lips parted in surprised before she rushed around to gather her things, dutifully following after him. Naruto bounced over to him, a cocky swagger to his step, obviously still pleased with the eraser stunt. 

Sasuke got up and stiffly strode over to them. 

They were led down the hallway, Sakura hissing at Naruto to stop stepping on her shoes or dress every once in a while. The previous laid back chatter they had was gone with the presence of an unfamiliar figure. Sasuke still wasn’t entirely comfortable around his classmates and he had known them for years so it wasn’t a surprise he was awkward around a stranger but he still felt he would’ve been more relaxed if they had received a different, less menacing sensei. 

The man swung open a door, revealing a long stair case. Raising an eyebrow at them he mumbled expectantly, “Go on.” Sasuke obediently walked up the steps first, going a bit faster than necessary feeling awkward about both not knowing where he was going and having a stranger address him directly. 

They were taken to the roof of the academy, where the wind was a bit chilly but the sun still blazed both on his skin and eyes. He walked along the stone floors and under the large arches of the roof, pausing to turn around and stare expectantly at the opening he came through with squinted eyes. 

Sakura hopped out, her brow ticking from Naruto’s clumsy behavior. Naruto followed suit and then they all walked over to where he had stopped. 

The new guy climbed out gracefully, giving them an assertive crinkle of his eye. “Go on, sit,”

He strode passed them and all the way across the roof, leaned back against the railing that surrounded them expectantly. 

Sakura got down on her butt, maneuvering her dress around her and bringing her knees close to her chest. Naruto plopped down and Sasuke crisscrossed his legs as he made himself comfortable. His aching back was still straight though, his posture perfect from the lessons his family drilled into him. 

After a long moment of silence where each of them avoided each other’s eyes, their sensei spoke up. “Alright, why don’t you introduce yourselves...one at a time,” The man’s voice was even frightening, holding a hard edge to it Sasuke couldn’t explain. He sounded bored by the speed of his speech, but his tone of voice was carefully assessing.

“Introduce ourselves?” Sakura asked, taken aback by the suggestion. “Well...” she glanced at them. “What are we supposed to say?”

He spread his arms with a shrug. “Things you like...things you hate...dreams for the future...hobbies? Things like that.” He crossed his arms at the end of his spiel. 

“Why don’t you tell us stuff first? I mean, before we talk tell us about you so we can see how its s’pposed to work.” Naruto responded excitedly. If Sasuke had said the same thing it might come off as passive aggressive, but when most things are from Naruto they gain this certain veil of innocence.

“Me?” The guy looked surprised, pointing a finger at himself. All of them nodded. Sasuke himself wanted to see how the introduction worked. He may know Sakura and Naruto already, but he didn’t know too much about their personal lives, he just knew how they behaved.

“I am Kakashi Hatake. Things I like and things I hate...I don’t feel like telling you that. My dreams for the future, never really thought about it. As for my hobbies...” He looked his lone eye up to the sky, “I have lots of hobbies.”

Sakura turned to Naruto, acting as if their new sensei- Hatake Kakashi- wasn’t there. “Well that was totally useless all he really told us was his name.”

Naruto nodded in annoyance back at her. Sasuke pushed a strand of hair behind his ear. Even Hatake Kakashi’s name wrung a bell somewhere in him. He just knew that he and Hatake had met before or, or something! He felt like he had seen everything Hatake was doing...

“Okay, your turn.” He addressed the group as a whole. Sasuke was more focused on the fact his tone of his voice still hadn’t changed from nonchalant and uncaring _once_. 

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. 

When none of them volunteered to step up, the guy stopped leaning against the rail and stood straight, more authoritative. “You on the right; you first,” he declared, flipping is hand in Naruto’s direction. 

Naruto tilted his headband excitedly. “Believe it. I’m Naruto Uzamaki. I like instant ramen in a cup, and I really like the ramen Iruka-sensei got me at the ichiraku noodle shop. But I hate the three minutes you have to wait after you poor the water in the ramen cup. My hobby is eating different kinds of ramen and comparing them. And my future dream is—“ Naruto’s face morphed from excitement to determination, his eyes sharpening and his chin raised. “—to be the greatest Hokage! Then the whole village will stop disrespecting me and start treating me like I’m somebody...somebody important!”

Hatake-sensei didn’t even bother acknowledging Naruto, much to the boys chagrin. Hatake-sensei just motioned for Sakura to go. How rude and impatient, Sasuke was tempted to tell Naruto he had done a good job or something. How socially inept was this guy that Sasuke felt he was doing a better job than him? But of course, Sasuke was driven mostly by emotion, this guy appeared to rely more on logic. Having Sakura go next was the most organized and least time consuming why they could do this.

Haruno gave a big smile and sat up, both of her hands on her knees. He felt a wave of misplaced huffiness directed towards her, still irked over what she said outside the academy. “I’m Sakura Haruno! What I like—uh, I mean the person I like—“ her smile faltered, shoulders slumping as she shook her head. 

Sasuke frowned. Whenever she talked about him, it was with a large smile and confident air. 

Was she talking about him? It didn’t feel like she was trying to be flirtatious. 

She glanced helplessly at him, biting her lip. “Uh—my hobby is...” her cheeks were bright red at this point as she floundered. “My dream for the future—“

Her body slumped as her head tilted. “Well I don’t know.” Her lips were parted helplessly as she spoke, eyes lost. 

Once again, Hatake-sensei barreled on. “And? What do you hate?”

Her face hardened. “My—“

She wrapped her hands around herself. “I hate—“ Haruno huffed, laughing it off. 

“Well, hates such a strong word I don’t think I can apply it to anything.”

Sasuke looked between his teammates, perplexed. He hadn’t learned anything about either of them! Had they done that on purpose? Naruto had just said how much he loved ramen, his name, and a goal he spouts off literally every day. Well, at least he’s determined to accomplish being Hokage. But he would’ve liked to learn some things about them! Maybe one of them liked to take walks in parks, one of them hated swimming...he would even take something cruddy like what their favorite color was!

Sasuke kept still, waiting for the go ahead from Hatake-sensei. 

“Last one!” he called out disinterestedly. 

Both of his teammates gave him their full attention. Sasuke stretched his neck before beginning, oddly uncomfortable with their stares on him. 

“My name is Sasuke Uchiha.” He began, nearly gagging on the word Uchiha. He shook himself off; he couldn’t think about that now and his teeth were starting to itch from the reminder already. Could teeth itch? Maybe his gums were tingling?

What would he start with for this introduction? They didn’t really do introductions at the academy. He wasn’t sure if he had anything to contribute. He decided to start with dislikes first. But then again...that was kind of dark. 

He would be vague. “I hate a lot of things.”

What next? Likes? What did he like? He didn’t like to train, he _had_ to train. Saying he liked keeping up his personal hygene would be a weird statement...no more strange than saying your hobby was to compare ramen flavors but still...what about people? That was a bad idea. It’s not like he had any real friends. He shrugged, Sakura didn’t say anything, he doubted what he said would matter in the end. 

“I don’t particularly like anything.”

A dream.

Sasuke clenched his teeth. He had nightmares, not dreams. Sasuke didn’t want anything; had never wanted anything other than to be average. What was he to say? His dream was to...to restore his clan? But no, he didn’t think he could live through the, er, process of that...

What did he want? To advance in the ranks? Hell no, he hated the ninja lifestyle. He didn’t want to become Ita- that man. 

He wanted Itachi to die, but Sasuke knew he couldn’t be the one to kill him. It wasn’t because he was too weak or didn’t have potential. Sasuke would never be able to kill his older brother, even with the mission scroll in one hand a kunai to Itachi’s throat in the other. 

Sasuke sighed, thinking. 

“My dream is to find a purpose worth living for.” Sasuke was satisfied with that answer. “As for my hobbies, I train more often than not.”

There was a pause, where he faced a long scrutiny under the eye of their sensei, but it ended so quick Sasuke had doubts it even actually occurred. 

“Good. Your each unique and you have your own ideas. You’ll have our first mission tomorrow.”

Naruto instantly reacted to this, saluting their sensei excitedly and questioning him on the details of their mission. 

Sasuke himself wasn’t sure how he felt. With the way the man was acting, it all felt too easy. His stomach was queasy with the idea that maybe this was all it took to become a genin. He could have done this ages ago. 

This couldn’t be all there was. Genin were...they were adults! Fully trained ninja that ranked above even the highest of civilians!

It was impossible that it was all so...possible. So reachable. 

Too easy. 

“It’s a task...that the four of us will do together.” Hatake-sensei’s voice tilted and swayed mysteriously, his explanation pointedly vague. 

A task, not a mission; Sasuke knew the guy was just dangling what they wanted from him right on a string, enjoying the way each of them squirmed and strained to reach it. 

Sasuke had to pass. There was no other option. If he had been forced to go to the academy, he was going to be forced to be genin. 

Right?

Maybe he really was just so hopeless that they stuck him on a squad that would never move forward. 

“A survival exercise,” Hatake-sensei finally clarified. 

“Huh? Survival exercise?!”

“I thought we were supposed to have a real mission, not more practice!”

Both of his teammates screeched disrespectfully. Their outbursts were not reprimanded, however, just earned them an unimpressed raised eyebrow from the Jounin. 

“We already did this stuff in the academy, that’s how we got here.” Sakura attempted to explain to the Jounin, talking to him as if he didn’t understand that yes, they had already passed a cruddy exam that nearly 75% of all twelve year olds could pass. 

“...This is not like your previous training.” Hatake-sensei avoided explanation. 

Naruto raised his hand. “So uh- so uh- what kind of training is it then?”

Hatake-sensei had his arms crossed and back hunched as he burst into mirthful chuckles. He tried to stop himself from laughing outright, his shoulders shaking hard. He offered no explanation for his behavior. 

Sasuke was officially creeped out. What kind of sadistic bastard laughed in the face of a student who just asked him a question? Sasuke’s respect for the man was diminishing by the minute. 

Sakura’s cheeks were flushed bright red when she spoke up. “Hey hold on, that’s a normal question, what’s so funny?’

Hatake’s laughter died out. (Only people he respected would be titled sensei)

“Well, if I tell you the answer, you’re not going to like it...” Hatake teased. Sasuke could see the joyful smirk he had on even through the mask. 

Sasuke couldn’t put his finger on what the behavior reminded him of. He knew this guy. He was familiar in so many ways, why had he...

A picture. Sitting on his brother’s desk. 

Sasuke flinched. 

This man was...he was his brother’s captain. 

_No way_. 

Sasuke refused. He would not be led by the same monster that led Itachi. 

Itachi was crazy enough before anbu, but after he went in...

He was reminded of Hatake’s laughter and dull, hateful eye that taunted him. 

He knew what the behavior patterns reminded him of! It was his brother, in so many ways. The casual statement of hating everyone in the room, apathy towards all kindness, pursed lips and hand motions; all of it was Itachi. 

He sat still, his face blanching in horrified realization. A hazy red was filling his vision, forcing his headache to throb further. The headache that rested in between his eyes never went away for good, only dulled and increased in pain. 

Right now, it was worse than ever. 

He forced himself to calm, tuning back in on the conversation around him taking in a silent shuddering breath. 

“Of the twenty-seven graduates who just came here only nine will actually be accepted as genin. The other eighteen will be weeded out and sent back to the academy. In other words, this is a make it or break it pass fail test; and the chance that you’ll fail is at least sixty-six percent.”

Sasuke’s face hardened. 

He recognized instantly how Hatake’s words didn’t add up. If they were actually taking a non-rigged test, then the sensei would all collectively have to know each other’s scores for the students. Which meant that Hatake would have to come back to them once he...evaluated...their results with the other sensei’s. 

It was entirely unfair. 

If he was so bold to assume each of the teams administered the same test, each sensei would score the students differently. 

If it was whoever came back with the highest scores for the students, who’s to say the sensei will not falsely evaluate the children to either ensure they fail or pass?

It was...tricky to think the least. 

He could say that each sensei just decided solely by themselves if their group of students was prepared for the shinobi life, but that wrung him back around to the fact Hatake knew that only nine out of the twenty-graduates would past. Hatake is basically saying a third of the students will make it and the rest will either become civilians or head back to the academy.

So then each year, a third of the students that completed the academy’s testing actually ended up becoming genin. 

If a third consecutively passed like Hatake had seemed to hint, did that mean that they were all going to be tested the same way? 

Or, dare he think it, were the students that were going to graduate already decided before they created the teams?

That was the most likely scenario. They just, decided who would pass and made teams out of them, calling it ‘fair’ when the other teams ‘failed’ and were weeded out. 

That was awful.

The question was had Sasuke been in one of the teams that were chosen to win?

He looked at Hatake, a former Anbu captain, and hope blossomed. It diminished when he realized that Sakura was a civilian, and the teams most probable to pass were most likely not going to contain someone whose family had no history of jutsu. Perhaps Hatake had done something awful and his punishment was to handle the failure academy students that needed to be let down easy.

“That’s crazy! We worked hard to get here! Believe it! What was that graduation test for anyway?”

To decide which students had the potential to one-day join the ranks, and which were never going to even see a battlefield, Sasuke answered internally. 

Sasuke turned his eyes to the sky, watching the clear blue endless expanse of space rather than his aggravating and triggering new sensei. 

“Oh that? That was just to select candidates who might become genin. Or not.”

“WHATT???” Naruto shouted in outrage. 

“That’s how it is.” The smug bastard sounded triumphant, “I decide whether you pass or fail. Be at the designated training spot at five am....and bring your ninja gear.” He looked disdainfully at their clothing. 

His weren’t the worst, but Naruto was a human target and Sakura made herself immobile in that dress.

He heard Naruto growl low under his breath. 

Sakura had flinched, her eyes far away with teeth gritted and shaking hands. 

Sasuke’s own hands were shaking in frustration. He had to pass. Sasuke had no other life outside of the shinobi’s path. 

“That’s it, you’re dismissed!” Their sensei’s casual statement did nothing to quell the tension rising in the air. 

“Oh...” he turned his head around with a lazy loll, “Tomorrow you better skip breakfast, or else, you’ll puke.”

Sasuke watched his sensei disappear in a waste of chakra with a hiss. 

Sasuke had nothing else but the option of hope. 

He hoped that he was good enough to be one of the teams that passed. 

The distant thought that Itachi would absolutely create an exam that would have them throwing up if they consumed food reverberated through his mind. 

Maybe he was being biased towards Hatake. His mother had always hated him, and he respected his mother. She had called him a creep on good days, a perv on others. His father, who he still longed to impress, often spoke of him disdainfully, accusing him of stealing the Sharingan eye from Obito rather than receiving it at his teammate’s request. His dad’s logic was, ‘if he murdered one teammate, who’s to say he didn’t kill the other?’

And Itachi...Itachi loved the guy. Would tell him haunting stories at night about their missions to keep him up, talking about lightening and chirping, about how awesome his new captain was. 

He just needed to give the guy a chance. He couldn’t like or dislike him based on the opinions of his family members.

“Sasuke, you don’t really think we’ll fail, right?” Sakura asked him nervously, effectively snapping him out of his inner contemplation. She fiddled with her dress and then her hair. 

“Yea bastard, you seem to know a lot about this sort of stuff, you think we’ll pass, no doubt...” Naruto joined in. 

Both of them stared at him expectantly. 

The words slid out before he could contain his own insecurities. 

“There’s no way in hell we’re passing. May as well enjoy the last day we’ll have wearing these uncomfortable headbands.”

Sakura wilted like a flower. 

Naruto fell to the ground, body moving in squiggles like the noodles he loved to eat. 

Sasuke had not meant for that reaction. From on the ground, Naruto looked up at him with blazing eyes. “We can totally do this! Why do you have to be such a downer all the time, Sasuke?!”

Sakura for once didn’t glare at the blonde boy for his insults to Sasuke’s person. Instead, she looked at him with hope filled eyes through some of the bangs that had slipped out of her headbands grasp. 

“Are you...are you sure we’ll fail?”

Sasuke’s mouth twisted. He tried for a smile, but knew he was failing and probably grimacing. “No I mean...Yea of course we-we-we can pass.” He stuttered, which was unusual for him after all of his mother’s lessons. “Your staring at the best of the best right here...” he gestured lamely to himself eyebrows scrunched together as he hunched his shoulders.

Naruto snorted. “Really inspirational,”

Sakura clapped a hand over her mouth in surprise when she let out a giggle. She looked at him cautiously. 

“Hey, if we do fail does that mean we’ll get different teams?” Sakura looked honestly sad with this fact, frowning at both him and Naruto. She had clearly hyped herself up for having them as teammates. 

“What?” Naruto groaned. “Man this just keeps getting worse and worse...I didn’t even have milk with my breakfast this morning...believe it...”

Sasuke awkwardly began to walk away. 

“Wait—Hey! Sasuke! I was thinking...you know...maybe we could like...all catch a movie together or get something to eat? Better to stock up today since we won’t be having breakfast for tomorrow’s test!”

That destroyed the whole point of not eating so you wouldn’t throw up, but cool. 

Sasuke paused, surprised by the invitation, and inclusion of Naruto. He remembered his restaurant and tilted his head, “I have somewhere to be.”

“Oh.”

Sasuke began to walk away again, assuming the conversation was over. 

“Uh, hey uh! Sasuke? S-Sasuke?”

He turned around again. 

“Well, where do you have to be?”

He sent her a genuine smile. 

“If you two want to come, I’ll tell you all about it?” he asked hopefully. 

Naruto and Sakura were up on their feet before Sasuke could comprehend they had agreed. 


	2. Secrets Secure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke recognized Hatake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Thank you for clicking on the second chapter! I had a really good time writing this one, and yes, I did pause-play the actual show to get these lines. 
> 
> Don't judge me.

Naruto and Sakura arrived at precisely the same time Sasuke had, looking even more tired and worn out than he did. Sasuke was used to not getting sleep, however, both from when he was...younger...both from when he was younger and now as well due to nightmares plaguing him. He looked around the training ground Hatake had chosen, admitting that it was nice. A small set of memorial stones were at the very edge of the clearing before it became forest, a convenient pond opposite of it. Many trees that weren’t close enough together to prevent mobility were splayed out in the distance. 

Naruto let out a loud yawn, Sakura following suit exhaustedly.

Sasuke had tried waiting patiently for his sensei to arrive as would be respectful, standing for as long as possible until his knees were weak and his head was throbbing dizzily. Naruto gave up thirty minutes in, wrapping his arms around his knees and falling to the thankfully dry grass due to the awful heat wave that Konoha had been having. Around forty minutes later and Sakura had joined with grumbled sleep ridden breath clearly pissed she was getting her dress dirty with grass stains. He wasn’t quite sure how long all of them waited there, but at some point Naruto had taken to using him as a human pillow once Sasuke gave up his stubborn standing to lean against a tree and perch on its visible roots. Sakura was draped around his shoulders, shivering every once and a while when the wind hit them. For once he was glad it was relatively warm in Konoha. 

Sasuke knew they couldn’t have all gotten the date for this exercise wrong...could’ve they? He swore he heard Kakashi say tomorrow. Maybe there was a specific date for the test, one they would participate in with the rest of the rookies. 

Was something wrong at Headquarters or with security? No alarms went off, meaning there weren’t any emergencies for the common folk, but maybe some super insane thing was happening behind the veil. 

Then again...the creep had been dramatically late before. Sasuke hadn’t thought to ask of a reason for this, too distracted by Naruto’s prank and Sakura’s ‘ _concealed_ ’ glee. 

He adjusted his arm, afraid to shut his eyes. Nightmares like his stimulated from PTSD, making them a bit more vivid than your average, ‘I’m falling off of a cliff’ hoax. The nightmares would surely come when he closed his eyes, his psyche unused to having a nonthreatening body to wake up to. Sakura and Naruto were already giving him anxiety by just sleeping on him as it was. His mind was in overdrive, his instincts fighting desperately with common sense to not kick or throw them off of him in another violent way.

He just hoped the guy would come here soon. Both of his teammates were giving him aches everywhere; on top of it all, Naruto was drooling on his shoulder. Just plain unsanitary, is what that is.

Sasuke let his head hang as clouds passed over from up above, blocking for a couple sweet moments the sun and granting some shade. It was a bit chilly outside earlier- as it usually was in the morning right after you left your warm bed- but now it was downright scorching outside. What was it, ninety degrees out?

“Morning! Everyone ready for your first day?”

Sasuke would later laugh at their united ire as each jumped up. Sakura had pointed an accusing finger at Kakashi, Sasuke crossing his arms and giving a scowl he had often been told looked similar to pouting. Naruto was in between them, feet planted and torso slumped but his head was up and glaring daggers at Kakashi. 

“Hey, you’re late!” both of his teammates snarled. 

“There better be one heck of an explanation for this.” Sasuke supported them. 

Kakashi Hatake as their new would-be-sensei had introduced himself to be, played their anger off. He rubbed his neck sheepishly and managed to look like even more of an asshole; feat complete, sensei. 

“Well a black cat crossed my path so I had to take the long way,” He pointed vaguely to somewhere in the distance. 

Sasuke felt his crossed arms drop in shock as his face morphed into a stupid expression. Naruto snapped his body up and growled with his hair in disarray. 

“We lost sleep because of you! If you were going to be tardy why not just give us a later time?!” Sakura demanded.

“It seems to me you were all pretty cozy on Sasuke, you couldn’t of lost that much rest,” Hatake evaded Sakura’s question. Sakura flushed, snapping her mouth shut with an indignant squeak. 

Hatake abruptly turned serious, straightening up. 

“Weelll...” he cleared his throat mockingly, “Let’s get started.”

Hatake walked over to a set of three poles that were set up for targeting practice and the like. He procured an old school alarm clock, theatrically winding it then thumping it down on the smooth surface of the middle poles wood. 

“Here we go. It’s set for noon.”

The three of them blinked owlishly at him in clear question. Were they going to be timed on the exercise Hatake had planned?

“Your task is very simple. You just have to take these bells from me,” Hatake unlatched the bells that were on his belt and held them up for them to get a good look at. They were small, silver, reflected lots of light, and looked hard to get a hold of. 

Sasuke had a feeling they weren’t one of the teams that were pre-picked to pass. This task didn’t seem all that simple. It would be like trying to steal bells from his brother...with hopefully much less violence and injuries, now that he really thought about it. 

This was a destined failure. Hatake may have seemed like a loser, but he was still a Jounin and therefore one of the elite. This wasn’t a test, this was a joke! 

A loose shrug shook Hatake’s shoulders, “That’s all there is to it.”

He let the bells jingle tauntingly, dangling them just out of his students’ reach. Sasuke wanted to sneer. The man had laid out no ground rules. Was the only way to pass is if they managed to snatch one of those bells?

“If you can’t get ‘em by noon, you go without lunch.”

Sasuke was beginning to see the similarities between his brother and this man even clearer. There was no doubt in his mind that Itachi would pull something like this. Don’t eat breakfast, so my punishment of no lunch is just that much more effective. Naruto flailed with an indignant cry.

“—You’ll be tied to those posts, and you will watch while I eat my lunch in front of you.” Hatake went on, completely ignoring his students’ protests. 

Sasuke sighed. He had noticed the posts from before but had written them off as a kunai throwing or tai-jutsu practicing set up as was common in areas like this, not medieval torturing methods. Sasuke narrowed his eye, feeling foolish for the small bit of hope that said he would pass. Naruto let out a long whine, and Sakura clutched her stomach tiredly. 

Sakura’s eyes lit up, her curiosity sparked. “Wait a minute there’s three of us! How come there are only two bells?” She held up the number of fingers to emphasize her point. 

Absolute glee filled Hatake’s face; he had clearly been waiting for such a question to be asked. 

“Well that way at least one of you will end up tied to a post and ultimately disqualified for failing to complete the mission.” The bells jingled, “That one goes back to the academy!”

Sasuke wasn’t imagining his sadistic smile behind the mask. He knew none of them would be able to get those bells, it was just common sense. Hatake was just trying to be extra rude in showcasing the village’s dismissal of them. 

“Then again...all three of you could flunk out too. You can use any weapons, including shuriken. If you’re not prepared to kill me, you won’t be able to take the bells.” He tilted his head condescendingly. 

Sakura instantly protested the use of such volatile weapons, going on about how dangerous they could be for not only Hatake, but themselves as well. Naruto laughed in Hatake’s face, adding that it was more dangerous for Hatake since he couldn’t even dodge an eraser. 

Sasuke disagreed. It was more dangerous for him, the one who might have a panic attack because of all of this action. If someone launched a knife at him, Sasuke wasn’t sure how he would react. Would he fight back tooth and nail? Would he curl up on the floor? Would he run for the hills? 

Seriously, what was he doing as a ninja? He had often toyed with the idea he was going to go down in history for refusing to kill his opponent and then not receiving the same mercy. It’ll be a ‘don’t pull an Uchiha Sasuke kids, he was a pacifist after tragic experiences.’ It could be a classic kill or be killed story, an old legend people will tell about the once extremely powerful Uchiha clan that received its punishment in the form of Uchiha Sasuke, who was afraid of violence after growing up in the clan head’s abusive home. He groaned underneath his breath. He had let his thoughts stray off topic. Sasuke knew it was toxic or whatever therapists say to contemplate your own death in such detail, but sometimes, you couldn’t really control it. 

“Class clowns are usually the weakest links. You can safely ignore them. Lowest scores, losers,”

Sasuke paid half-attention, focusing more on the problem at hand. If one of those weapons got too close...Sasuke really wished it was a only taijutsu battle but another problem was that Sasuke did even worse when he had to put his hands on someone so, well... _close_. 

“When I say start, you can begin.” Hatake jumped right into beginning his test, probably because all of them were destined to fail. Sasuke prepared himself. 

Did Sasuke even want to pass? Maybe, maybe he wanted to pass. He hadn’t a clue what would happen once he did, though. At least the academy was known territory. 

Kakashi had said only nine of them will become genin. Maybe this was how they controlled it. None of them would actually be able to take a bell from a jounin, but all of the sensei could choose who managed to ‘snatch’ one. 

Naruto really wanted to pass. Sakura wasn’t ready to pass. 

What if they all joined up to get Naruto a bell and ensure him a spot? The squads would be rearranged with all who got a bell from their sensei and Naruto might be happier because he wouldn’t have to be on a team with Sasuke.

Sasuke would go back to the academy. 

The only thing stopping him from this plan was that he was the last Uchiha, meaning he had a duty to fulfill, a legacy to uphold. He had to bring pride to the family name, he thought spitefully.

A part of him wanted to disgrace the family name. Another side longed for approval. 

Sasuke was unsure what to do. Why did it have to be such a free-for-all test? Couldn’t it be a test of skill, so Sasuke had no control over the end results?

Then again...even if all three of them were to work together, the probability of being able to cooperate, come up with a plan, and then have it succeed enough to grab something off a Jounin that they didn’t want you to have would still be close to none. 

Close to none. 

But not none, which were Sasuke’s chances as of now by himself. 

Lord Hashirama when was this guy going to say start? Was he just going to leave Sasuke here to suffer in his blighted thoughts?

Apparently not before Naruto lost his patience; the boy charged at Hatake, kunai ready, clearly miffed about his low-blow insults. Naruto reacted explosively to the most capricious of things Sasuke sometimes doubted the boy actually cared and was acting more out of obligation to his persona. 

Sasuke wasn’t surprised when Hatake caught the boys arm just below the weapon, twisting it behind his back before he could run any closer, spinning around so the boy’s own kunai was pressed tightly against his hairline. 

Naruto’s eyes slid to stare at Hatake in shock. 

“Don’t be in such a hurry.” Their sensei muttered with a fallacious smile, “I didn’t say start yet.”

Sasuke’s heart raced. He could feel it in his neck, on his wrist and in his chest all at once. His eyes began to burn with repressed panic, his hands shook from where they had moved lightening quick to his kunai pouch. It had been bad enough when Naruto, a young boy his own age attacked him in that restaurant, even familiar territory. But watching some creepy, already triggering Jounin render one of the only people Sasuke tolerated helpless caused great turmoil inside of him to stir. 

Their sensei’s histrionics were almost as bad as Naruto’s, he could have simply told the young boy off but instead performed this entire little show. 

“But-“ Hatake went on, “You came at me with the full intention of destroying me so...” He gave them a sarcastic smirk. “How can I say this...I’m actually starting to like you guys.”

Sasuke winced. He wanted to give the man a chance but...Itachi haunted his every move. That mere statement was enough to send Sasuke into a state of horror. It inundated his mind with images of a crueler time, a different person. Sasuke was skeptical he could remain unbiased towards this man. But, if Team Seven failing was predetermined, then Sasuke wouldn’t have the need to. 

“Get ready...and...START!”

Sasuke raced away, fear taking charge of his movements. The thought of not knowing what Hatake was up to though terrified him worse than actually facing the man did. He switched his original hiding tactics and found a crouching position for viewing behind the bushes where he could watch Hatake closely. 

Hatake began a lecture, confidence oozing out of him as if he didn’t just give an official order for three people to try their hardest to pry the bells from his dead corpse’s fingers if need be. 

“Ninja must know how to conceal their movements, and hide effectively!” he called out. 

Sasuke felt some of his trepidation vanish. The only thing he was incredibly good at was hiding. He and his brother used to play hide and go seek throughout all of Konoha. Sasuke would run off and burrow himself beneath anything he found ‘effective’ enough to save him from the terrors that occurred if his brother did end up finding him...and that one actually was an if. 

Sasuke was pretty good at concealing himself and his chakra signature. Itachi wasn’t the only monster he had learned to hide from. 

He focused inward on his chakra core, focusing on the flow of blue chakra, the way it breezed and fizzled. Sasuke coiled the malleable force, assiduously checking that the chakra through his arms, legs, and torso was no longer flowing streams but thin, barely visible wire. 

He let out a huff of breath in relief when he tied up the last of his chakra and concealed his presence. 

Sasuke nearly lost control of his pathways, however, when Uzamaki jumped out of the actually descent spot he had been hiding, arms crossed presumptuously and face confident as he addressed Hatake. 

Sasuke heard ringing. 

Only the slightest nuance in Hatake’s stance revealed that he had acknowledged Uzamaki’s presence, a diminutive flex of muscles and popping of wrists. 

Sasuke tried valiantly to get himself to move, to call out, but fear kept him pinned to the floor where he was concealing himself. He wanted to help Naruto, but knowing who Hatake was wasn’t exactly...

And oh god there were so many knives around him he was going to start hyperventilating. He hadn’t truly made note of it before, but even Hatake had a good set of weapons ready for use on his person. 

He felt something wet sting his eyes and bit his hand hard enough to draw blood, concentrating on breathing through his nose. 

When he peeled his mouth away from his hand, there were distinct rings from where he had gnawed on left over. Sasuke could even make out which holes belonged to his canines. 

“YOU AND ME RIGHT NOW FAIR AND SQUARE! LET’S GO!” Uzamaki shouted, ever the exhibitionist. 

Meanwhile, Sasuke sat indolent feebly watching what he had convinced himself would be his teammate’s demise. Sasuke whined into his hand. There was absolutely nothing fair about an academy graduate fighting a Jounin. 

Sasuke knew his brother would’ve already pinned this kid as a fool. What would Hatake make of this?

“You know...compared to the other’s...you’re a bit weird...”

It was the first difference. Itachi was a bully in all aspects. He would’ve jumped on the chance to beat someone down. Hatake, however, looked genuinely _weirded_ out, just as he had said, by the blonde boy’s rambunctious behavior. 

“Oh yea?” Naruto shot back, “The only thing weird here is your haircut!”

Sasuke couldn’t watch as Uzamaki rushed forward, closing his stinging eyes tightly. They were throbbing persistently now. His fingers covered his vision from the little light that was shining through his eyelids. 

Abruptly, Uzamaki’s battle cry cut off, but not in the expected painful manner. 

Sasuke made a peephole with his fingers, slipping an eye open. 

Naruto was paused, eyes watching the hand Hatake had buried in his weapons pouch with actual hesitancy. 

Then Hatake stretched upward, regaining his earlier bravado. “Shinobi battle techniques, part one. Taijutsu,” then, clarifying the meaning of taijutsu, “The physical part,”

Hatake slowly pulled what he was reaching for out of his pocket, turning quick once the button of his pouch had been unclasped. 

Sasuke jumped, straightening up with an embarrassing squeak. 

He narrowed his eyes suspiciously. 

Sasuke knew what was in the asshole fucking shithead creep—He took a deep breath to calm his actually rather crude insults. 

Sasuke knew what was in his hand. 

It was a perverted book known as Icha-Icha paradise, written by the Great Toad Sage himself. 

What kind of—who read that—who read such an—who indulged in a—

Who read porn in public, in front of kids no less?

“But—What the—? Why are you reading that book?” Naruto complained, sounding both insulted and disappointed. It didn’t look like the boy was aware of the exact contents of Hatake’s book. 

“Why?” Hatake asked incredulously, letting out a scoff. “To find out what happens in the story of course.” He cheeked. 

Sasuke made an indecipherable sound at the back of his throat. 

“Don’t let it bother you. With your weak attacks it doesn’t really matter if I’m reading or...whatever.” he shrugged casually. 

Sasuke tilted his head, feeling some of his earlier fear fade. His taunts seemed to be intentionally aimed to raise the hackles of the person they were targeted at, not just for the satisfaction of saying them, like so often his uncouth brother had done. 

Sasuke watched Naruto rush forward, kicking with the intention of getting a shot at Hatake’s head. The Jounin ducked, Naruto’s foot sailing harmlessly above his head. Uzamaki then twists with a fist, but it meets nothing. Hatake was gone, had moved so quickly it was almost as if he had simply disappeared. 

Sasuke blinked and his enemy was behind Naruto. 

The tall man was crouching low, his hands forming around the cover of his book in a tiger seal, most commonly used for fire-style jutsu. The anxiety came back full force. 

What was Hatake going to do? What type of jutsu was he plotting? He wouldn’t really think about activating a jutsu on an academy graduate, right? Sasuke’s thoughts raged.

Sasuke had to get a grip. He needed to do something. Naruto could take a hit, but he couldn’t take a fire-jutsu to the back. 

He moved to get up, but noticed an oddity. Hatake wasn’t pumping any chakra into his fingers. Which meant that he wasn’t ready to use the jutsu yet; Sasuke would wait until is concentration wavered to use the jutsu, then throw a barrage of his own at their potential sensei to throw him off, and hopefully slip up with the jutsu and damage his reserves. 

He heard Sakura cry out desperately to warn Naruto, but Hatake let out a giddy, “Too late!”

But...no chakra...

“Leaf village secret finger jutsu!!”

That was ironic. He supposed it was karma for how many times Naruto had pulled that over all of their academy sensei, _especially_ Iruka _._ He was so distracted he forgot momentarily all about his worries. 

_“A thousand years of death!_ ”

Hatake had shoved the seal right where it would hurt on the ass, sending Uzumaki flying across the field and safely into the water. 

Sasuke couldn’t seem to ease himself back into a calmer state of mind even with the assurance Hatake had no intention of doing anything but play with them. 

His fingers hovered over his kunai. If they were destined to fail anyway, maybe Sasuke could just find an even better hiding spot and wait the timer out. Avoid all possible episodes and just hide. He could invite Sakura, too. 

Uzamaki was too loud to be invited. 

Hatake went back to reading his disgusting choice of ‘literature’.

Naruto attempted to catch him idle with a swift throw of two shuriken, but Hatake easily caught the projectiles showily on two fingers. 

They slowly span out and landed in his gloved hand harmlessly. The man didn’t throw them back. 

Sasuke shook his head. He wasn’t Itachi. Sasuke needed to find differences, something else to compare the man to. 

Sasuke studied his bandaged thighs, then his covered forearms, moving all the way down to the bandages that wrapped around his left ankle. He looked back up at Hatake, who had similar choices, not a single shred of skin showing except the small bit on his bare fingers and face. 

Sasuke wore his to cover up scars he didn’t want others to see. He wondered if Hatake was the same. 

His ankle was bad. He would probably get in trouble in class if he let it show, he wasn’t even allowed to _think_ something that rudimentary in Iruka’s presence. 

Sasuke shook himself off. 

Naruto was crawling out of the water, and seeing him struggle so hard made Sasuke feel bad he was watching everything go down like a show. That guilt didn’t motivate him enough to interfere, of course. 

Hatake looked at Uzamaki, totally unimpressed. “What are you doing now? You know, you won’t get lunch if you don’t take a bell by noon.” He reminded them. 

Sasuke had forgotten about that penalty, so caught up in everything else. He was almost pitifully used to going without food, so it hadn’t even occurred to him to be upset about the fact. 

On the ground, completely unabashedly, Naruto whined, “I know I know you told us already!” the boy was treating Hatake like he really was just training him, completely secure with the fact the sensei wouldn’t attack unless it was initiated by Naruto himself. 

Hatake’s eye narrowed, raising a brow at the blatant disrespect. “You look pretty wobbly for someone who’s going to surpass the Hokage.” He belittled. 

“You told us not to eat breakfast how can I fight when I’m starving to death!?”

What a baby. He was sure the idiot had gone days before without so much as a scrap, so why showboat the no lunch now? Sakura was clearly even used to not eating, according to the insane diet he knew she was on. 

Who would go without lunch willingly? Haruno apparently.

Naruto’s hand shook as he looked down. But Sasuke saw it, the barest hint of a concealed smirk. 

He readied his weapons. He slowly gathered chakra up for a gaton. Naruto was planning something. If Sasuke could communicate this to Haruno, he would. He hoped she got the message. Naruto began waving his arms around, sliding back into his façade. “So? You caught me off guard that’s all it was believe it!”

Hatake ignored him, walking away disinterestedly. Naruto clutched his stomach, still on his knees. “I’m so hungry I don’t have any strength...but I can’t let that stop me I’ve got to get one of those bells no matter what! I’ll find the strength somehow...Believe it!” he seemingly rambled to himself, distracting Hatake with his words. “Believe it!” he shouted at the back of their maybe-sensei.

Sasuke felt himself honestly encouraged by the speech. He really knew how to get someone’s confidence up. Sasuke knew the worst that could happen was failing, and he’d been through far tougher hardships. He even forgot about their alleged inevitable loss. He forgot about all of it, just got his head in the correct space to fight. 

And try. Sasuke was damn good at trying. 

“I’m gonna’ pass this test; and I’m not going back to the academy!” he could hear the boy call in the distance. 

A rustle of chakra beneath the water informed Sasuke exactly what he was planning to do, having already sensed this jutsu twice before it was easy to recognize. 

“I WILL BECOME A NINJA!”

Sasuke laughed triumphantly under his breath as what must’ve been dozens of Naruto-clones emerged from within the waters, all ready to fight. 

Hatake swerved around, startled. He pocketed his book, seemingly not taking any chances. 

Sasuke felt way too happy to have accomplished Hatake’s undivided attention toward the fight. Especially when he still hadn’t lifted a finger.

“Great technique, but I don’t think you can maintain it for very long. You talk like you’re the best Naruto, but your still the worst student.” Then, condescendingly, almost pityingly, “You can’t beat me with this jutsu,”

It was sudden, hidden, and sneaky, nothing he would’ve awarded Naruto with when listing his skillsets. A clone that had been hidden within in the trees jumped and slammed onto Hatake’s back, wrapping it’s arms around his Jounin vest. 

Sasuke began forming seals for a gaton, but paused. It wasn’t his best Jutsu...sure, he performed it well but...

He stared determinedly ahead, beginning the seals for a water style jutsu. Water was his nature element, after all, not fire. Besides, Sasuke wouldn’t want to accidentally hit Uzamaki with a blast of fire or anything, he wasn’t that resentful. It was a more of a precise jutsu, causing water to creep up the targets legs and solidify. Perfect for stealing the bells, after this high level jutsu Sasuke would probably only have a singular simplistic jutsu left in him. 

But this was his chance. 

There were thirty-six seals he had to perform. He began carefully going through them, keeping his chakra signature cautiously on the down-low.

Sasuke watched all the Naruto’s crowd around Hatake, waiting for his chance. Hatake would surely get through the clones, but if Sasuke timed it right...

One of the clone’s not restraining Hatake aimed a fist at his face, causing each of them to start crying out in pain when it collided.

Huh?

His fingers faltered. 

The diversionary tactic had worked, Naruto had...

The clone had punched...another clone...

Fuck, Hatake had used the replacement jutsu! 

All the clones erupted into panic, assuming that Hatake had henged. They all brawled until the idiot remembered he could just undo the jutsu. 

When he had hooked his fingers for a release seal, there was, blatant to an onlooker who had realized what had went down, no Hatake in sight. 

Wait...then...where was he now? 

Panic clung harshly to him, but Sasuke was halfway through his seals and was too blurry minded to do anything with all the excess chakra. He forced himself to release the jutsu, trying to control the sudden waves of chakra entering his system and keep himself undetected. 

He didn’t even think about anyone else. 

Not until he looked up to hear Naruto crying out loudly. He was hanging upside down by his ankles, the rope tied to a tree branch. Just out of the reach of his fingers, was a shiny, silver bell. 

And that was why he thought Naruto was a loser. He rubbed his harshly pounding temples, feeling like he needed to puke. He was sick to his stomach with all of these varying emotions, or, maybe it was all of that chakra reentering his system. 

His body shook as he watched Naruto get taunted with the mouse trap trick he had fallen for. 

He heard a disappointed sigh escape Hatake, who had jumped down from god knows where, his hiding skills far surpassing anything Sasuke could detect. 

He bent down to pick up the bell he had dropped, reattaching it to his pouch. 

“Think before you use a jutsu, or else your opponent might use it against you.”

Hatake was really acting like he was teaching them. Who knows, maybe he was. Before all of them were sent back to the academy it was nice to learn how a skilled ninja that wasn’t sadistic fought. But it was too quick to judge, Hatake could still be rotten. Sasuke had to tread carefully. 

Naruto moaned, just as careless as usual. 

“Oh! And also...” the Jounin smiled brightly, voice cheery. “If the bait is obvious, don’t take it.”

Okay, Naruto deserved that jibe. 

The Jounin continued to stare at the struggling Naruto. “A ninja must see through deception.”

“I. GET. IT!” Naruto screeched, unable to ignore the teacher like he normally did because of his unusual predicament. 

“I’m telling you this because you don’t get it.” Hatake hissed, face contorting. “You think you get it, which is not the same as actually getting it. Get it?”

Sasuke watched as Hatake slowly dropped his guard and lost his cool. His fingers twitched, but...he couldn’t. He couldn’t get his fingers to stop shaking as they clasped around the shuriken in his pouch. 

He let out a relieved huff when who could only be Sakura completed the task for him. 

Fourteen kunai and six shuriken sailed out from her approximate location, all aimed directly at Hatake’s back. 

She played dirty. 

To Sasuke’s surprise, and absolute panic having not expected the outcome to be possible, every single well-aimed (go Sakura) weapon thudded painfully into the Jounin’s back, blood spilling everywhere. 

Sasuke cried out, hand instinctively reaching out in desperation to help the fallen man, despite his distaste for him. 

“Are you two out of your mind?! YOU WENT TOO FAR!” Naruto accused. 

Sasuke was tempted to scream back how had played no part in the demise of their sensei, but choked the response back as before Hatake’s body could hit the ground, it dispersed into a log. Odd move, revealing he was alive when he could’ve kept a genjutsu up as his dead body and snuck up on them. However, that probably wasn’t necessary considering the ninja they were facing’s skill set. Even so, Sasuke gladly checked off another difference between Hatake and Itachi as no doubt Itachi would’ve let Sasuke believe he was dead to gain the upper hand. 

Naruto struggled against his binds, eyes wide in relief. Remembering himself, Sasuke took this as his opportunity to help out, quickly striking a kunai into his hand. After much hesitation, he launched it at the rope, reassuring himself of his practiced aim. This would cause no injuries. 

Naruto fell ungracefully to the ground, barely managing to flip around so his head wouldn’t smack the earth. 

Too focused on taking his chance to save Naruto, he wasn’t prepared for the quiet, “Boo.” That came from somewhere behind him. 

He had revealed his hiding spot by helping Naruto out. He tried to scream as he jumped but a gloved hand wrapped around his mouth, another on his torso. 

His shriek of terror was muffled by the hand as he thrashed. 

Sasuke squeezed his eyes shut. His heartbeat was frantically pounding and he couldn’t quite breathe right oh my god why couldn’t he breathe—

A hand was on his mouth-

Sasuke felt a rapid something brush against his skin, soft and paper thin. More and more came and surrounded him until Sasuke felt suffocated. 

Everything suddenly went black. He was on the ground, alone on cement floor he blearily recognized. 

Panic squeezed his throat but he couldn’t cry out something was blocking him, muffling the sounds. 

A giggle reverberated all around the room. 

His knees were beginning to ache. 

Sasuke’s panicked sounds were muffled against the gag on his mouth. 

The cloth on his eyes moved, and Sasuke whimpered when he realized it was a blindfold. 

“Hey pretty boy...”

Sasuke screamed as loud as his throat would allow in pure terror. The sound remained distant to his ears. 

Then everything went black for real this time. 

He felt an odd, distant ache to his back but couldn’t focus on it. His mind had completely shut down. Everything around him was bleary and he couldn’t think straight. 

Sasuke moaned, realizing his voice was hoarse. He tilted his head up, blinking rapidly at the sun. 

Sun...? Something about the prospect confused him. 

He got up from the grass, memories flooding back to him. Kakashi finding him, the dark room and—

He brought a hand up to his eyes, realizing there was a trace of tears in his fingers. 

Genjutsu, the hell viewing technique, seeing as Hatake would never have been able to conjure that particular fear himself. 

Sasuke numbly rubbed his eyes, pulling himself up onto shaky knees. He looked around himself, feeling drugged. And yes, Sasuke had been drugged enough times to compare this feeling to it. 

His eyes were stinging and his headache was pounding. 

His lip wobbled at the horrifying feeling of it all, but Sasuke held back the onslaught of feelings. 

He blinked against the sun again, focusing on the feeling of it burning his skin. He wasn’t used to sun ever since...one of the many incidents the genjutsu had demonstrated. He sniffed, wiping blood off of his mouth. That suffocating feeling had been the tell-tail leaves that came with the horrible technique. Sasuke should’ve noticed before. 

He felt wrecked. Sasuke stumbled to his feet, using the tree to help him up. He just leaned there for a second, breathing deeply. 

His chakra reserves were pounding hysterically, exactly the opposite to how bleak he felt. 

He slammed his head against the wood, wanting to slide back down to the floor. 

Sasuke could hear the loud, annoying bell of what had to be an alarm ring. 

It echoed in his head and combined with the ache in his eyes. 

He actually did fall to the ground this time, rubbing his sore eyes in exhaustion as he slid down the ridged bark. He used the trick that didn’t really work and places his head in between his knees to keep the sickness at bay. 

“I guess...I failed...” Sasuke groaned. 

“I guess.”

His head snapped up from where it was resting in between his knees. 

Hatake was standing there with his hands awkwardly shoved in his pockets. He seemed almost hesitant about something. 

Sasuke put a hand out to steady himself, scrambling to get back up and be respectful. 

“Sorry, I—stupid trick its j-just—“ he stuttered, something his father already would have kicked him back down to the floor for doing. 

Instead he heard a rustle, and glanced up to see Hatake holding out his hand. 

“No biggie,” a tilt of his head, “You doing alright?”

He laughed weakly, hesitantly taking the hand he was offered and allowing himself to be hoisted up. Itachi would have just left him here to suffer and get a grip. 

That was another, much more significant in his mind, difference from his tormentor. Perhaps Hatake wasn’t as bad as the stories tell. 

He sniffed, nodding and trying to avoid eye contact. Old habits die hard. You never looked an Uchiha in the eye. It was a challenge, and Sasuke was the smallest and meekest of all Uchiha’s. Maybe Itachi just wanted to destroy his clan further by showing ‘mercy’ to their most hated member. 

“Well, you definitely fail in the lying department, but, I’ll let it slide for now alright?”

Sasuke could only nod once again, grateful. The alarm began blaring since it hadn’t been turned off and he groaned, clapping his hands over his ears. 

“Does it have to be so loud?” he whined, looking up at their not-anymore-potential-sensei.

Hatake laughed at him, ruffling his hair. Sasuke hadn’t suppressed the flinch that instinctively shook his body, but it didn’t seem like Hatake made a note of it. 

They walked silently back to the grounds where he saw, after blinking the sun once more away from his eyes, Naruto tightly strung up against a log, and Sakura peeling mud off of her dress in disgust, squealing about worms. 

He snorted at them, feeling his reddened eyes crinkle. 

“What happened to you?” Naruto asked dejectedly. 

Sasuke wiped his chin, smearing more blood along his face with the back of his hand from his spilt lip. 

“Genjutsu, although I’m not so sure it’s me you should be worried about in this situation.” He raised an eyebrow at both of his frustrated teammates. 

He obediently scuttled over to them with his hands in his pockets when motioned to do so, flopping down and leaning against the post Naruto was tied to with an exhausted sigh. 

Kakashi walked over to them with a hardened look now shining in his eye, a complete change to his earlier gentleness. “Uh oh, stomachs growling.” The tone of his voice was censorious and accusatory. 

Naruto’s stomach was making loud sounds that only increased Sasuke’s hunger/daily headache.

“Well, that’s, too bad...” Kakashi raised a finger. Sasuke’s stomach dropped at how intimidating he appeared right now. He wished he could be a bit braver and not feel so terrified at the idea of disapproval. He was way too sensitive. 

“Oh by the way about this exercise, well, I’ve decided I won’t send any of you back to the academy.”

Sasuke was familiar enough with word games to recognize what he didn’t say and what he did. 

Naruto however, was not. He giddily beamed at Hatake. 

Sakura looked at him in confusion. “What? I passed? All I did was get my face smashed in...do you get points for that?”

Sakura began cheering, and Sasuke didn’t have the heart to tell her otherwise, he’d let Hatake be the bad guy. Naruto followed suit, trying to happy dance despite having thick ropes wrapped around his torso. 

“Yes, all three of you...are being dropped from the program.” He debunked. 

Sasuke’s head snapped up so fast he saw stars. 

“W-what...” he breathed. 

Sasuke had been longing this of the village since before he could remember. All he’d ever wanted was a normal life, if...if...but...he had a duty! To the village and to his clan! They couldn’t...he was...valuable...?

“Permanently!” Kakashi added with a hiss.

Sasuke was so lost in their sensei’s words he couldn’t even think to gauge his teammate’s reactions. 

_Whoa._

He heard Naruto screaming about never getting to become a ninja, he saw Sakura’s whole demeanor shift, however the only thing he could truly comprehend were Hatake’s next words. 

“—Why would you DO THAT!!??” again, Naruto’s voice was far away.

Kakashi placed his hands on his hips. “Because you don’t think like ninja, you think like little kids!” he sounded exasperated. 

Sasuke took a choking gasp of air. 

He had nothing but the ninja lifestyle. He was going to live and die within it. 

He had nothing, now. 

“Brats!”

Sasuke gripped his arm tightly, looking down. His cheeks were flushed, he couldn’t see straight. 

He rubbed his sore eyes harshly. 

“You think it’s all about you!” Hatake sent them a stern glare. “You don’t know what it means to be a ninja,”

Hatake paced before them. “You think it’s a game, huh?” he was practically snarling now. 

Sasuke flinched away, wrapping his arms around himself to stop all the protests climbing up his throat. 

“Why do you think we put you on a squad? Did you consider that question for one moment?” Hatake rolled his eyes, clucking his tongue. 

“Uh...” Sakura whimpered. “I-I don’t know what you mean!”

Hatake stopped his pacing to level her with a glare. She shrunk back. 

“I MEAN that you never realized what the exercise is all about!” he looked between them, ashamed. “Not even close.”

Sasuke’s bangs were obscuring his vision. His hands were shaking sporadically. 

Sasuke needed to brush his teeth, then throw up and brush his teeth again. He had nearly forgotten about the urge in all of this panic. 

“What it’s about?” Naruto repeated dubiously. 

“ _Yes_ that’s what determines whether you pass or fail.”

Sakura hissed. “But that’s—I mean I wanted to ask you about that from the beginning!”

Hatake looked up to the sky in amazement. “Che, use your head!” he flung his arm out. “Three people on a squad...why do you think we would do that?”

Sasuke bit his cheek. He had been trying to figure that out since the very beginning, just as Sakura had voiced. 

“How are we supposed to know why you picked three people? We didn’t make the rules!” Naruto slipped, sounding confused and just downright _angry_. 

Hatake chuckled under his breath. “It’s so basic....teamwork!”

Sasuke suppressed a sound to express just how stupid he had been. 

Of course, a teamwork challenge...it had been so clear...two bells...Sasuke had just slotted it into his own theory instead of realizing the answer was right in front of him!

He slumped his shoulders in disgrace. 

“Just working together...is that what you mean?” Sakura asked, dejected. 

“That’s what I mean.” Hatake replied sardonically. “It’s too late now, but if all three of you had come at me you might have been able to take them!” he sneered. 

Hatake straightened up. “Well, anyway, it’s over.”

Sakura floundered. “You set it up with three people but only two bells! If we worked together and got the bells only two of us would get to keep them! That would lead to group conflict and the squad would break up!” She talked back confidently. 

Hatake made a noise to express how stupid he thought they were. “Exactly. I purposefully pitted you against each other.”

Sakura bristled and Naruto looked insulted. 

“I wanted to see if you could overcome that and put the squad ahead of yourselves! A genin should have a natural feel for teamwork!” He spat. 

Sakura looked away. 

“But you...” Hatake went on, “It never even crossed your minds!”

Sasuke shuddered, fright getting the best of him. 

He swerved around to address Haruno directly. “Sakura! You felt no inclination to care about your teammates’ whereabouts or whether or not a move you made put them at risk! Naruto was right in front of you and you wouldn’t lift a finger to help him.”

Sakura’s cheeks reddened. Her pride had clearly taken a hit. 

“Naruto! You do everything on your own! Everything!”

“And you Sasuke...” Kakashi moved his body to stare him down, Sasuke’s eyes flickering up to watch him. 

“You’re a nervous wreck. You don’t follow through with your moves because you lack self-confidence. If you had actually activated a jutsu on me, you’re strong enough to safely say you would’ve in the very least had my attention. You might have gotten a chance to perform your own skills to impress me. But then again, you had no intent of ever even passing this exam in the first place, did you?”

Sasuke shivered, looking away from his teammates eyes boring into his head. 

“To succeed you have to have the drive and will to do it. _Stop hesitating_. Did you lack so much trust in your village’s elite shinobi that you actually convinced yourself I might harm you, Naruto, or even Sakura? You have to trust your village and your team if you ever want to get an inch within the shinobi ranks.”

He stalked forward, grabbing his arm and yanking him to his feet. Sakura let out a shaky breath of fear. 

“Ninja missions are carried out in squads! Of course, you need individual skills, but teamwork is the most essential element. Every shinobi understands this.” He was speaking to them all now, anger evident. “When individuals put themselves above the squad this can lead to failure, and death!”

“For example...Sakura, kill Naruto or Sasuke dies!”

He was holding a kunai to his throat before he could even comprehend what was going on. Sasuke snapped his head up, leaning away from the offending object. 

Instantly Sakura shrieked and Naruto began struggling away from the log in vain once more. 

Sasuke stared straight ahead, trying to avoid catching sight of the knife. 

Sasuke couldn’t see Hatake anymore, but relief flooded him when the kunai was removed and he was shoved back to the ground. “That’s what happens on a mission.”

He spoke it like he had personal experience. 

He probably did. 

“The enemy takes a hostage and you’ve got an impossible choice; and someone ends up dead.”

Hatake turned around, beginning a slow descent away from them. “On every mission your life is on the line.”

His eyes were trained on one of the memorial stones places around the clearing they were in. 

“Did you look at this stone, the names engraved on it?”

His head turned ever so slightly to glance at them. 

“They’re all ninja who are honored as heroes in our village.”

He was expecting Naruto not to understand, having probably never been to a memorial before, but instead, a dark look passed through his eyes. Naruto understood very well what Hatake was speaking of. 

“They’re all KIA.” His voice sounded distant, longing. Sakura was biting her lip, eyes trained on the rock in sympathy, but not the same understanding that reflected in Uzamaki’s blue eyes. 

Hatake went on. “This is a memorial stone. The names of my closest friends are engraved here.”

Sasuke looked up at him despondently. If anyone understood what losing someone meant, it was Sasuke. He ridded his now bleeding once more lip of the red liquid dripping from it. His face was still probably stained from wiping it around. Hatake seemed to decide something. 

“Alright...” he cleared his voice of the thickness from before. “I’m going to give you one more chance.”

He fully faced them. “But I’m going to make it much harder on you. You’ll have three hours to get a bell. Eat lunch now to build up strength. But—“ he looked directly at Sasuke. 

He swallowed. 

“Naruto doesn’t get any.”

There was a clear threat in his voice. Sasuke felt his fear get the better of him. He couldn’t even find the will to make a sarcastic joke like usual. 

“It’s your punishment for breaking the rules and trying to eat by yourself. And if anyone tries to feed him,” Again, Sasuke felt targeted. He was achingly curious about Naruto attempting to eat lunch, of course. “That person will immediately fail.”

“I make the rules. You follow them. Got it?”

It was the use of the phrase ‘got it’ that struck something within Sasuke. 

‘I’m telling you this because you don’t get it. You think you get it, but that’s not the same thing as actually getting it, get it?’

Sasuke warily watched as Hatake made an excuse about needing to go get his own lunch, even though Sasuke distinctly recalled a threat involving Hatake eating said lunch while they all had to watch. 

Sasuke couldn’t feed Naruto anything and would fail...he got it. Sasuke couldn’t, Sasuke couldn’t break the rules!

He got it!

....he thought he got it. 

Sasuke’s fingers slid open the bento box, snapping his chopsticks. He mumbled a quick thanks for the food and then began picking at the rice. 

Sakura was eating hers in a similar fashion. 

“GAH!! You guys actually have food and aren’t even eating it!!! That’s like, you’re like teasing yourself!” Naruto claimed. 

He heard his stomach growl distinctly. 

Sasuke bit his lip.

“So, what happened to you?” Sakura questioned dryly, forcing Naruto to stop squirming and peer at him closely. 

He rubbed his eyes. “Genjutsu,”

Sakura winced. 

“You?” Sasuke evaded the rest of their questioning.

“I was buried under the ground...with WORMS!”

Sasuke rubbed a hand over his face and laughed. She didn’t elaborate on what that statement meant.

“Yea well I hung upside down from a tree and then got tied to a post.”

Sasuke cried out indignantly. “Hey! I saved you from that tree!”

Naruto chuckled nervously. Sasuke narrowed his eyes. What had the loser done?

“Yea, well, y-you see...there were, ah...two traps set out...”

Sasuke slapped his chopsticks down and gave Naruto the stink eye. 

“WELL HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW!?”

Naruto’s stomach growling stopped the conversation. His face twisted in pain. 

“This is no big deal! I can go without eating for DAYS! FOR WEEKS! Believe it! This is no big deal!”

This only made Sasuke feel worse. Naruto shouldn’t have to go that long without eating; shouldn’t have the experience of starvation a common occurrence. 

Sasuke looked down at his food, already losing his appetite. 

“No problem...” Uzamaki was more assuring himself than them. 

Sasuke frowned. Hatake was right about a lot of things, including how he spotted Sasuke hadn’t been trying his hardest to pass. If punishment was failure...

Did Sasuke really care? He had just been lectured on caring, though...

Which one did he care more about? Impressing Hatake, or making Naruto feel better, which of course Naruto being their heavy hitter and distraction would need his strength...and Hatake wasn’t here as far as Sasuke could sense...But where had impressing Itachi gotten him? Hatake wasn’t Itachi...just his captain...

“Here,” he resented his box of food up towards Naruto begrudgingly. 

Uzamaki’s eyes lit up, while Haruno let out a small, “What?”

“No Sasuke you can’t do that! You heard what the sensei said!” Sakura protested, pink hair whipping around with her head.

Sasuke looked down. “Hatake’s gone. We need to get those bells as a team. If Uzamaki’s hungry he’ll be weak and ineffective. That hurts the team and jeopardizes the mission.” He tried in vain to rationalize his decision.

Naruto appeared hesitant. Sakura sighed deeply as if a great responsibility had just been thrust upon her.

Without a word, she held her food out to Naruto. Naruto looked at her, face contorted in a mixture of confusion and happiness.

Sakura gave him a soft, sheepish smile. Her arm was outstretched awkwardly, elbow bent. She was looking the opposite way of Naruto, embarrassed.

“Okay, thanks.” Uzamaki allowed.

Sakura cocked her head up, turning away with flushed cheeks. “W-well don’t thank me. Just hurry up and eat. My arms are getting tired y-you know...”

“But isn’t that your lunch?” he looked at the food pointedly. 

Sakura shrugged, letting out a breathy laugh. “Uh-I-I’m on a diet, I mean I don’t eat as much as Sasuke so...ngh! Just take it Naruto!”

Naruto whined. “I can’t take it! Because, well I can’t move my hands you’ve got to feed me...”

Sasuke twitched. “Hurry up. He could come back any minute.” He snapped before anything could get out of hand and Sakura reacted violently. 

“HErgghh....This is one time only! That’s it! I’ll never do this again, is that clear?” Sakura floundered, chopsticks grasping at a rice ball and holding it out. 

Naruto smirked. “Clear as a bell, Sakura!”

Sasuke felt like this moment was surreal. Sakura was moving the chopsticks exasperatedly to Naruto’s mouth, her eyes rolling good naturedly. He smiled at the two of them, his top teeth peeking out over his lips and one end of his lip curved higher than the other. It wasn’t his most charming smile, but it was genuine. Defying Hatake was worth this.

“Ahh—MMNN....”

Naruto swallowed, opening his mouth for more. Sakura turned around to pick up another bite. Sasuke watched the exchange in amusement, shaking his head ever so slightly at their antics.

A cloud of smoke made him jerk for his weapons pouch, the peace spreading over him evaporating.

“YOOUUU!!”

Sasuke’s hand faltered and he jerked forward, hands sliding against the grass blades and leaving phantom cuts. 

He heard Sakura shriek at the gusts of wind attacking them and barreling them every which way. 

Sasuke crouched low, trying to stay footed. Hatake was pissed. Sasuke remembered him saying to trust the village, but he knew better after all they put him through! Sasuke usually worshipped what his superiors spoke like it was gospel, but this was something Sasuke wasn’t willing to give on. If he were honest, he didn’t really trust anyone. People were to selfish to do anything that wasn’t partially for their own benefit.

“You broke the rules. I hope you’re ready for the punishment.” The Jounin hissed.

The smoke and dust cleared, leaving Hatake standing in an intimidating pose. The sun wasn’t shining anymore, the grass had a shadow cast over it. Hatake was the most prominent form around them.

He really hoped Hatake’s punishment was nothing like what his brother would do...

He was proved wrong when Hatake began forming seals, creating storm clouds above them. That made sense, seeing as he was a lightening type. Tiger, horse, boar, snake.

“Any last words?”

Thunder erupted, causing Sasuke to jerk. He hated loud noises.

‘I hate a lot of things...’

He wanted to laugh. At least he would one day die an honest man. More than any of his family could say.

“But-but you said...” Naruto’s teeth were chattering as he spoke. What was the idiot doing? Trying to get them in more trouble? He shouldn’t be talking back or-or playing the he said she said game! Rule number of one of Sasuke’s personal ninja rules, never argue! It doesn’t get you anywhere !

“You said that there were three of us! That’s what you said and that’s why...Sakura and...” Naruto glanced at him, losing confidence. 

Sasuke didn’t feel so great either. He wondered if they really would be dropped from the academy after so openly challenging a direct order.

‘And you Sasuke...you’re a nervous wreck.’

He removed his teeth from his lip. 

‘But then again, you had no intention of ever even passing this exam in the first place, did you?’

He clenched his fist.. 

‘ _Stop hesitating’_

“We’re all on this squad and we’re all in it together!” Sasuke hissed, for the first time meeting Hatake’s eyes on his own terms, not when it was expected of him.

“Yea that’s right! We gave our lunch to him because the three of us are one!” Sakura added, eyes narrowing boldly at him. 

“Yea and if we fail you’re gonna’ fail us all together!!” Naruto added, somehow managing to look strong even tied to a post. It was more than Sasuke could do. Tied to a post, Sasuke looked like a porn star.

“’The three of you are one’, that’s your excuse?” Hatake mocked. He marched up to them, mask twisted and bundled, headband slanted even worse than before and hair frizzed from the ongoing storm he was conjuring around them.

He got up close to their faces, mouth twisting and eye glinting dangerously. 

Sasuke’s hand stopped shaking around his kunai. 

The thunder stopped its booming.

Hatake smiled. “Hm. You pass.”

“Huh?”

“Huhhh?”

Sasuke’s mouth parted. 

“You. Pass.”

They had fallen for this trick once, and this time it wasn’t going unquestioned. 

Sakura was leaning away from him, eyes flickering. “What do you mean? How’d we pass?”

Sasuke saw the clouds part as Hatake—sensei?—continued. 

“You’re the first squad that ever succeeded. The others did exactly what I said; and fell into every trap. They couldn’t think for themselves.” He sounded impressed and reminiscent at the same time.

By now the sky was completely clear, the grass was back to being visible and the sun once again was beating on his face, shining into his eyes. Sasuke felt the weight of the day crash onto him in waves. He was abruptly much lighter, feeling like he could just sit and smile. The exhaustion had also kicked in, both physical and emotional.

“A ninja must see through deception.”

He heard their sensei take a deep breath. “In the ninja world those who break the rules are scum; that’s...true. But—“

His masked face tilted towards the sky, making the black color of the cloth look navy. “Those who abandon their friends, are worse than scum.”

Sakura smiled in relief slumping her body. Naruto looked perplexed at Hatake’s speech, but also like he agreed wholeheartedly; like he respected it.

Sasuke felt his lips tug into a well-deserved smirk. 

Naruto turned toward Sakura, ignoring Hatake’s existence just as he had done on introduction day. “He’s a...you know...he’s kind of cool...”

He could see the lazy smile even through the mask. “The exercise is over. Everyone passes!”

“Cha! I DID IT!”

“I DID I DID I’M I NINJA NOW FOR REAL BELIEVE IT!”

Sasuke laughed as Naruto thrashed around his binds and Sakura jumped up to victory dance. Her face was cheery. He caught the quirk of Hatake’s mask just in time.

Sakura suddenly wheeled around. “Sasuke! You were wrong!”

He tilted his head, confused. “Sakura?”

She was going to ruin his non-suffering moment with telling him off? His headache was even dull compared to the relief and accomplishment rolling off of him.

“You did pass!”

Sasuke slowly smiled, and felt a giddy laugh bubble out of his throat. “I guess I did, didn’t I?”

Hatake watched the exchange with a smile in his eye. “Let’s go home.”

Sasuke stood up, and would’ve fallen over if Sakura hadn’t caught him. She winced. “I know, I stink, I’m going to take a million showers when I get home.”

Sasuke sniffed, screwing his nose up. “Well, I can’t smell you. My nose is too stuffy.” Sasuke responded back, aware of how red his face got when he cried.

“Great, great, great we’re all bonding. NOW WILL ONE OF YOU UNTIE ME!” Uzamaki screeched.

Sasuke felt his smirk widen. “I distinctly remember being jumped yesterday....”

“OH COME ONE SASUKE THAT WAS ONLY A JOKE I WAS GOING TO UNTIE YOU BELIEVE IT!”

“I warned that I’d get you, Uzamaki.” Sasuke declared with finality.

“OOOH I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN!!!” Uzamaki sure sounded like he had.

Sasuke spun around, a giggling Sakura on his heels muttering about henge jutsu’s and fake Sasuke’s. 

Well, at least he knew what Naruto was doing Henging into him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta da! Chapter Two!


	3. Inhibitions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke likes cats.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who doesn't wish Sasuke loved cats canonically? It's too precious.

“Sasuke, I’m at point B.”

“Sakura, I’m at point C.”

....

“Naruto, I’m at point A, believe it.”

“Not so slow Naruto! Okay, Squad Seven...hm? Target has moved! Follow it!”

Sasuke was currently on one of the many D-rank missions they’d taken to. They were just shy of being fun activities, and good discipline training for Naruto. Sasuke was positioned behind a large tree, peaking out to search for their fortuitously non-lethal target. Sakura was a couple feet ahead, also behind a tree, and Uzamaki, like the weirdo he was, was perched up _on_ a tree....just, _why_.

“There!” Naruto hissed, rushing forward. He slid behind a tree, examining their target closely. 

Sasuke followed suit, Sakura taking up the rear. 

“What’s your distance from the target?” Hatake-sensei questioned into their ears through the nifty communicators they had been granted upon beginning their first mission. He could still at this very moment laugh at Naruto’s abhorrence to babysitting Lady Catlin’s four year old as a ‘cool ninja mission?!’ Naruto had shouted exasperatedly. 

“Sixteen feet,” Sakura answered dutifully. 

“I’m ready, just give the signal!” Naruto spoke up.

Sasuke shifted in his place, preparing to back Uzamaki up just in case. Over the last couple of days, the guy had reluctantly grown on him. Having Naruto on your side instead of against you made him a lot more fun to hang out with. Turns out all they needed to get along was a common enemy, and that, of course, was having missions that involved civilians. 

Naruto’s supposed reasoning was because the missions were boring and tedious, but Sasuke saw the way the civilians glared and hissed at the poor boy. Sasuke hated this because he knew the majority of the civilians that requested help and was nervous that they would end up with someone from when...from his past. Sasuke had pleaded to take up a mission where he didn’t have to babysit for nobles or weed someone’s garden. He had been terrified that they would end up with a bad, but familiar, apple. 

So far, they hadn’t, which Sasuke was eternally grateful for. 

“I’m ready to.” Sasuke confirmed. 

“So am I!” Sakura joined.

“Okay...” Hatake-sensei paused, “Now!”

Sasuke swung to the right, Sakura coming up from the left. Naruto, who had went in between them, managed to get his hands wrapped around their targets body, earning him some squeaky yelps and a lot of scratches. 

Uzamaki began cheering triumphantly even as the cat practically mulled him to death, Sakura joining in. It was short lived as Naruto cried in pain and was sent sprawling to the floor, but refused to let go of the poor kitten.

“Can you verify a ribbon on his ear?” Hatake-sensei probed.

Sasuke glanced over, watching the brown cat attempt to escape from Naruto’s clutches in vain. He glanced at both the kitten and his teammate in worry. His eye caught a red ribbon clipped into the long haired cat’s fur. “Affirmative, we’ve got a positive ID.”

“Right; lost pet Tora captured, mission accomplished.” It was rather anticlimactic how Hatake-sensei drawled it, seeming to realize the sentence made fun of itself. Sasuke had to agree, of course, they were taking these missions way to seriously for them being things like finding kittens and cleaning out lakes.

Sasuke beamed at the praise anyway.

“CAN’T WE GET A BETTER MISSION THAN THIS? I HATE CATS!”

Sasuke felt personally offended; how dare Naruto ruin his sense of accomplishment. A loud ringing filled their ears through the communicators from Uzamaki’s screaming. 

Sasuke whined and clutched his head in pain. He hated loud sounds.

Sakura ripped the piece out of her ear, growling low. “Naruto, if you ever scream while we are wearing the communicators again I will rip your throat OUT!”

Naruto stuck his tongue out, clutching the angry kitten way too tightly and ignoring it’s hissing. “Whatever.” He ripped his own out and winced. “And it hurt me, too, you know, I’m just not a baby.”

Sakura’s jaw dropped. “Now wait just a minute are you implying I _am_ a baby because—?!“

While two of them started bickering like they usually did, Sasuke snuck over and plucked the kitten from Naruto’s arms, seeing as he had begun squeezing Tora in anger which made Sasuke worry for their missions, and the cats, safety. 

The cat purred, curling up around him. 

Sasuke cooed. “Hey now it’s alright, we’re going to take you home now, I’m sure you miss your home very much.”

Naruto and Sakura were too distracted to notice him coddling the kitten, but Sasuke had completely forgotten about the communicator still in his ear. 

“You’re so sweet!” Sasuke gushed, lifting the kitten up and rubbing her behind the ears. Tora released a low rumble. 

“Aww, you say Naruto was just mean to you right? I mean no logical person hates cats!” he let out a giddy laugh, burrowing his nose in the soft fur and clinging on tighter.

Meanwhile, Kakashi stood somewhere in a nearby clearing, clutching his mouth to keep from laughing at the sheer innocence his gloomier student was demonstrating.

Sasuke picked up the cat, glaring at his teammates, finally fed up. “Could you please hush? You two haven’t stopped fighting since we passed Hatake-sensei’s exam. I thought you were learning to get along.”

“Oh like your any better at avoiding fights, you bastard! You have no right to criticize us with your history! You punched a teacher!”

Sasuke’s mouth twisted. He stood there, mouth open for a few seconds before letting out a humorless laugh. Naruto had slurred at him once again, except this time, it felt worse. Because Sasuke had thought Naruto was beginning to put their differences aside. 

Apparently not; and bringing up Mizuki? That was low. Naruto knew nothing about what Mizuki had been trying to do!

“Hey! Break it up!” Hatake-sensei interrupted, emerging probably after finding their chakra signatures. 

Sasuke clutched Tora and hid his face in the fur, keeping his emotions tightly coiled.

Hatake-sensei sent him a frown. Sasuke felt as if he was being analyzed. 

Sakura bit her lip anxiously. “Naruto...Sasuke didn’t even do anything. You don’t need to be mean so him.”

Naruto threw his hands into the air with a dramatic eye roll. “I wasn’t the one who came over here and patronized someone about fighting! Should I repeat what happened with the sensei?”

Hatake-sensei growled. “What did I just say? This is over. It doesn’t even matter.”

Naruto groaned loudly. 

Sasuke bristled. He screamed at himself not to say anything, he needed to shut up. He was actually pretty damn good at that.

Sasuke felt his features contort in disgust. Usually, he attempted to stay out of these fights, but Uzamaki had gone a step to far, no matter how much he had grown on Sasuke over the last few weeks. Sasuke had thought the caustic animosity that had developed between them was slowly being replaced by a hesitant friendship, but he had been wrong; like he usually was. Naruto still held enough distaste for him to call him insensitive names and shove awful memories back in his face.

“Now, we have a mission to report.” Hatake moved forward briskly, motioning for them to follow. 

Sasuke stiffened and obediently began walking toward the Hokage tower. 

His teammate, however, remained still, glaring at him. “You’re such a teacher’s pet. Always doing exactly as he says, so obedient.” Naruto hissed under his breath, before moodily beginning a stride the put him ahead of Sasuke.

Sakura looked away, sinking her teeth in her lips.

Sasuke saw red. He swore it. His eyes began burning and he had completely stopped walking. He blinked hard, forcing the colors away. He heard Hatake-sensei make a questioning sound. He was shaking hard. 

Uzamaki turned around, the sneer falling away from his face when he saw Sasuke.

Sasuke knew he had bitten through his lip. 

He had stumbled before he could comprehend, clutching the tree hard. Somewhere through the fog he realized that Tora was sliding out of his fingers. The cat instantly hissed, leaping up to make a run for it. Sakura lunged and restrained Tora before she could. 

“Sasuke! Why did you—!” Sakura looked up from where her face had pressed into the ground from her impressive slide, but cut herself off.

Teachers pet; always did what he was told; Obedient. 

A thousand things flew through his mind at that moment, flashes and images he didn’t ever want to face again shoved back at him.

He laughed under his breath, the blood gathering on his lip dripping into the grass. Naruto had no idea how close he hit home on some things. He forced his breathing to even out.

He rubbed a hand over his head, “Yeah, sorry just...I’m fine.” If his voice hadn’t cracked at the end it might have been less horrible of a lie. Sasuke never had been a prevaricator; funny how the rest of his family was so good at lying and he was terrible at it. 

“No you’re not.” Hatake-sensei snapped. 

“No-no, I’m fine; just dizzy, really, I’m all good.” he swayed and blocked the sun from his eyes. How come it was always so bright?

“Hey bastard, what was that?” Naruto questioned, clearly not understanding that Sasuke had considered what had just happened larger than a normal round of bickering. This fact only fueled his anger. Sakura elbowed Uzamaki in the side, which didn’t make him feel better like it normally would. 

“Not helping, Naruto.” She murmured, not quite low enough to keep her words from his trained ears. 

He let out a frustrated breath. “Let’s just go.” Shaking himself off, he took a shaky step forward much to Team Seven’s displeasure and begun plodding away. 

The walk there was tense. Hatake-sensei was an observer mostly, never really joining into their circle and staying a couple feet to the side of them. Sakura nervously tried to start conversations with him the whole time, fidgeting and laughing at moments where nothing was really funny. Naruto was blatantly thinking that Sasuke had overreacted. Sasuke wanted to talk to Sakura, but he was afraid that if he spoke he might start crying. So he just nodded and hummed. 

Teachers pet; Naruto didn’t even know the _half_ of it. 

Sasuke was relieved when the building was in sight. The sooner this was over with, the sooner Sasuke could clean out his mouth. Holy fuck he needed to brush his teeth.

Before they could enter, Hatake-sensei looked up to the sky as he often did when he seemed unsure of how to continue, before stopping to address them. 

“Alright, I heard you were a shit, Sasuke, but this is too much. No one here appreciates the silent treatment.”

Sasuke pretended not to see Naruto hift awkwardly. Naruto wasn’t dumb, Sasuke usually got over their fights quick, hadn’t even really even yelled at him after the whole kiss incident. It was the first time the other boy had ever mentioned the whole Mizuki scene...even Uzamaki could connect the dots. 

He had long since resigned himself to being blamed for everything, though. Hatake-sensei obviously thought this was his fault. Maybe it was and he was just being sensitive.

Hatake-sensei turned to Uzamaki with a disappointed air. “And, even though you got over it, you still fought with him, Naruto. We’re not entering that building until I hear two apologies.”

Sasuke wanted to snap something like, ‘we’re not four year olds, goddamnit’ and go into the building anyway, but instead he found his body moving towards Naruto. 

Don’t do it, he told himself. Explain, he told himself. Anything but apologize, he screamed.

He couldn’t stop. He glanced at Sakura, who was still holding the adorable kitten that Sasuke wished he could adopt as some sort of therapy pet then turned to Naruto with his full attention. 

He gave a nod. “I apologize. It wasn’t my intention to come off as condescending or superior. Next time, I’ll just stay out of your arguments.” Sasuke had enough practice with apologies to know how it went. He wasn’t prideful. How could he be after his life?

Naruto shuffled his feet, the epitome of guilt. “It wasn’t your fault, I forgive you...and sorry I yelled at you. I just—I get so mad. Sorry.” He winced, a grimace on his features. 

Even though the boy hadn’t said anything meaningful his apology still sounded better than Sasuke’s, sounded more sincere.

Sasuke couldn’t say it was okay. He just—he couldn’t. So instead, he gave a nod and hoped it passed. 

“What was that, Sasuke? I don’t hear an ‘I forgive you’.” Hatake-sensei looked down at him expectantly. 

Sasuke grit his teeth. He turned to Naruto then paused. He shook his head in astonishment at being treated this way by Hatake, but dug his nails into his palm hard and took it.

“I forgive you.” It came out sardonic, rude, and clearly wasn’t true, but he had said it. 

Hatake nodded curtly, displeased. “Alright then, enough moping, we have a cat to deliver.”

Team Seven walked through the doors, Sakura foregoing trying to begin conversations and just walking next to Hatake-sensei...Sasuke couldn’t help but feel she had gotten off easy. 

When they made it to the Hokage’s office the mood was still subdued. Hatake-sensei pushed open the doors, letting Sakura in first. 

Sasuke had barely walked through the door before he was greeted with a loud squeal. 

Sakura was nearly trampled by a plump woman reaching out her hands to grab at Tora, yanking the kitten away and squeezing her tightly to her chest. 

“Oohhh! My poor little Tora mommy was so worried about her nommy-little-fuzzykins! _Yess_!!”

Sasuke winced, watching the cat hiss and shriek, unable to get away. His eyes moved to the woman, an odd stirring in his stomach. 

Sasuke hated women like her, red lips and nails with deep purple eye lids, over the top flashy jewelry and long robes; she even had the ribbon in the cats hair matching her whole get-up. 

He heard Naruto walk up next to him. “Hahaha! Stupid cat! That kitty deserves to be squashed!”

He turned away from Naruto more pissed off than he should be at the comment because of his previous ire toward the boy. He took to watching the woman smother the cat with more love than his mother had given him in her life time; sad, not exactly funny, and true. 

“No wonder he ran away...” Sakura mumbled uneasily. 

“I’m so happy!” the woman squealed. Sasuke wished he could say the same. 

Lord Third, who Sasuke had still not become used to seeing up so close, cleared his throat pointedly. To him, the Third Hokage was a legend. A god like person only his brother and strong, collected shinobi could meet. Up close, he was a jovial old man who had a soft spot for Naruto.

Sasuke wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

“The next mission for Kakashi’s seventh squad is...ah yes, an errand to the neighboring town...to babysit the chief councilors boy...helping with digging potatoes, eh...“

“NOOO!!!”

Sasuke startled at the outburst. Naruto looked like he was fed up. His arms were forming a large ‘X’ across his body and his eyes were clenched tightly in horror.

“No, no! No thank you!” He barreled forward in his rant. “I want to do like, a more exciting mission!!”

Sasuke resisted the urge to smack his forward. Senile old man or not, he was still their Hokage and should be treated with the correct amount of respect. He assumed that the blond fire ball was just in a particularly hot headed mood. All this conflict was exhausting him.

“Give us something else!” Naruto demanded.

Sasuke sighed. He’s got a point...

Beside Sasuke, Sakura looked like she was trying not to strangle him. Kakashi’s shoulders were slumped visibly put out his discipline hadn’t worked properly. 

Iruka-sensei, who was sitting next to Lord Third to assist him with assigning missions for Genin fresh out of the academy, slammed his hand on the desk. “How dare you? You’re just a brand new genin with no experience! Like everyone else you start with simple missions to develop your skills and prove yourself!” Iruka hissed.

Sasuke, still grouchy from before, was in no place to face one of his least favorite people. After passing the academy, he assumed he’d seen the last of Umino, but apparently his favoritism of Naruto stretched out long enough to meet them frequently at the ramen shop Naruto enjoyed, and now, he was also given this job that allowed him to continue to pretend he was better than everyone else.

Sasuke could beat him a spar. And if Sasuke could beat him, Naruto would smoke him. Umino needed to get off of his high horse. He couldn’t even believe Iruka had the gall to lecture Naruto on being like everyone else! The sole reason the man was Chunin is because Lord Third liked him and decided to let him pass. Otherwise, this guy probably would still be a genin doing D ranks just like the rest of them.

Naruto groaned indignantly. “Are you serious? Babysitting is not a mission it’s just a stupid—GAHH!”

Sasuke’s gaze snapped around so fast he heard a pop to examine Naruto’s fallen form, face slackening at what he saw. Hatake-sensei had shoved Uzamaki head first to the ground using only one hand.

“Will you put a lid on it?” Hatake-sensei’s voice was carefully controlled.

Sasuke kept quiet, startled and disturbed by the dramatic turn of events.

“Naruto!” Lord Hokage began in a commanding voice. 

Naruto instantly curled in on himself, apparently only fearing the Third’s disapproval, not anyone elses. His face scrunched up and both of his hands came around to protectively guard his head. Sasuke felt his stomach drop, recognizing the position. Only he seemed to care Naruto had taken up a defensive pose at hearing the shout, flinching violently. The boy tried to cover it up, but Sasuke knew it all too intimately for it to be kept hidden from him; _fucking_ villagers.

“It seems you do not understand the tasks you have been given.”

Naruto’s terrified grunting cut short for his wide, and frankly adorable, eyes to stare of at their Lord.

“Listen, many different kinds of requests come into our village every day. From babysitting, to assassination,”

Sasuke shoved his hands into his pockets, aware that they should be grateful for receiving such simple tasks rather than crazy murder assignments. It didn’t really look like Naruto was listening to the lecture, mind caught in a loop elsewhere.

“These requests are carefully reported and analyzed. They are ranked A, B, C, D, depending on their difficulty.”

And S, Sasuke added silently. S for those the village doesn’t care about, S for those who risk not just their lives, but their sanity as well.

“We Ninja are also ranked by ability. Hokage at the top, Jounin, Chunin , and Genin at the bottom,”

No wonder Naruto was clueless. No one told him shit. A large number of their population served the Anbu, another great quantity served ROOT as well. His brother had served both, a feat only Itachi could accomplish. He had also been managing to convince his family he was undoubtedly loyal to solely the Uchiha clan. In the end, he screwed everyone over and went off to join yet another organization called the Akatsuki.

Sasuke took a deep breath. He had been rather content earlier, but now his being was just irate.

“At the highest level, our job is to select the missions and assign them to ninja who have the appropriate skill and experience.”

This time, Sasuke knew his face twisted. Did any ninja deserve to go on a seduction mission? Was any ninja ready for an infiltration mission? Appropriate skill and experience; che, if this information was anything but bullshit they wouldn’t be recruiting twelve year olds in ROOT still today.

His brother flashed through his mind. What six year old had the same experience as a Chunin , and could therefore take on missions that involved homicide and crimes that no one should have to witness?

At the highest level, you should be out in the battle field risking your life, not sending children who, apparently, had the proper experience and skill to _murder people_.

“And if the mission is successful, you receive a fee that supports our village and our work.”

Of course only if the mission is successful, because failure means death. In the history of Konoha, there had not been one single failed mission that doesn’t have a reported casualty. Oh wait, actually, he was wrong. Sakumo Hatake failed his mission with no deaths, and received so much scorn he actually killed himself and left his six year old son behind rather than keep living with their belittling. There the village goes again, destroying itself. Sakumo was one of their best fighters, and he killed himself because of inner workings.

Sasuke couldn’t listen anymore, he was going to strangle someone if he did.

So, he ended up doing something stupid and disrespectful.

“Hey Naruto? What type of ramen have you been eating lately?” He asked casually, stuffing his hands in his pockets to keep the room from seeing how bad they were shaking.

Sasuke focused on the giddy way the boy spun around, rambling on about his favorite thing of all time.

“So I had this tonkatsu ramen yesterday and I’m thinkin’ Misu ramen today—“ he held out his hand, attracting the attention of the rest of Team Seven who was just as done with the lecture as he had been.

“-since you are untried genin, just starting down the shinobi path, you are given D level assignments of course....Hm-?”

Damn. The third noticed, what was Sasuke ever to do? He took a deep breath. He was getting way too pissed off. Sasuke needed to find control.

“Silence!”

Only Sakura turned her head to stare at Lord Third, Sasuke kept his gaze on Naruto, trying to block out the thoughts that wouldn’t stop spewing venom at everything wrong with that speech.

After a pause, Hatake-sensei rubbed his neck sheepishly, turning to lord third with a disinterested expression. “Oh, sorry,” Sasuke was proud to say he didn’t sound remotely apologetic.

“Gah you always lecture me like you’re my grandfather or somethin’!” Naruto screeched, turning around in a circle having still not bothered to stand up since shoved to the floor.

“But I’m not the little brat who used to pull pranks all the time! I’m a ninja now, and I want a ninja mission!” he pouted.

Sasuke’s anger melted at hearing Naruto speak. While sometimes the boy could rile him up, he could also bring him down. Naruto was evidently getting his way, he knew how to manipulate people and how to play a part. It showed great responsibility to admit that you had or were trying to change. It really was a pity that everything was an act.

Sasuke was positive the boy had always been more than he led on.

Naruto pouted his cheeks out, crossing his arms and turning his back to their Lord Hokage. With Sasuke’s anger dissipating, so did his energy. He was tired, blinking away the exhaustion rapidly. It was better to just exhaust yourself than to upset others with your anger, which was usually what Sasuke did.

Sasuke had to fight hard to keep the shit eating grin from breaking across his features, though. He saw Hatake-sensei rub his head with an indecipherable look on his concealed face.

Sasuke watched Iruka try not to laugh, his lips pulling tight together in hopes of suppressing the sound. Lord Hokage took a smoke from his pipe, also smiling gently.

“Naruto wants us to know that he’s not a brat, he’s a former brat, and he wants a mission.” Lord Hokage tilted his head, nodding resolutely. “So be it.”

Naruto snapped his head up with a surprised sound.

Sasuke’s eyes widened in slight shock, was that really all it took for them to get out of the village?

“Since you are so determined...I’m going to give you a C-ranked mission. You’ll be body guards on a journey.”

Naruto wasn’t able to continue the silent treatment, turning around with an excited and slightly stunned, “Really?”

“YES!” he grinned, stumbling over himself to scoot back to face the Third. “Who? Who? Who’re we guarding? Somebody cool like a princess or a big wig councilor?”

Lord Third drew out a smoky breath. “Don’t be so impatient. I will bring him in now.”

Sasuke bit his lip. He really did not have any inclination towards leaving the safety of the village. Actually, the thought, like most things, terrified him to the core.

He bounced his leg anxiously, moving to help Naruto up so he didn’t look like a buffoon when they met their client. Naruto giddily came up, giving him a celebratory clap to the back. Sasuke flinched, cautiously shuffling away but his teammate was persistent. He wrapped on arm around his middle and brought him in for some sort of half hug.

Sasuke couldn’t help it. Naruto was warm and honestly smelled nice. He leaned into the touch, eyes fluttering briefly before he drowsily forced them wide. He hadn’t gotten any sleep last night. He shifted so his body weight was leaning against Naruto, yawning and nuzzling his head against his shoulder before pressing his cold nose down to his neck. His teammate snickered.

“Tired?” he mumbled under his breath, visibly cautious of moving too much so he didn’t force Sasuke’s body to jerk.

Sasuke nodded with a groan. “Exhausted; sleep, like most things, hates me.”

“Aww...Well, I don’t hate you. And sleep doesn’t hate me! Maybe I can be a peacemaker between the two of ya!” Naruto enthused.

Sasuke snorted, but couldn’t help but close his eyes for real this time, sleep sinking into him. Naruto was strong enough to keep him upright even as the rest of his body weight slumped.

Sasuke yawned again only barely aware of what was happening around him. He registered a knock on the door and startled, about to straighten up but the hand on his waist tightened and Naruto mumbled.

“It’s cool. Just go back to sleep.”

And who was he to argue? Sleep washed over him in a thin veil, but he was still aware enough to hear the sliding door peel open. He shuddered, cold. He attempted to pull of his bed covers, then had to remind himself he wasn’t at his apartment but standing in the Hokage’s office. A loud, more notably, _unfamiliar_ , voice interrupted the sleep that was evading him.

“What the? A bunch of little snot nosed kids?!” The voice was male, so Sasuke forced his eyes open and blinked rapidly. He heard a dripping sound, and his nose twitched at the scent of ale.

This made him stand more upright. His body was warning him of distinct danger.

Naruto let out an annoyed sound from somewhere his sleep ridden mind wasn’t quite registering yet.

“And you the sleepy one with a baby’s face; you really expect me to believe you’re a ninja?”

Sasuke growled, licking his lips to wake himself up. He knew he was scowling, but he usually did after he slept, even only a short while like just before. His hair was probably mussed up to.

He was the exact opposite of intimidating.

Sakura shrieked and Naruto leapt away from him, leaving Sasuke to stumble blearily.

He let out a sigh of relief when he found both of his enraged teammates had been caught by the back of their clothes by Hatake-sensei.

“I’ll demolish you, let me get my hands on him—“

“Let me at him! I’ll show him to talk about my Sasuke!”

Their sensei’s rational voice cut through their crazed behavior. Sasuke laughed under his breath, still delirious from lack of sleep.

“You can’t demolish the client, you two, it doesn’t work that way!”

Sasuke dusted himself off, the urge to brush his teeth after waking up strong. He kept his eyes trained on what he hadn’t even realized he was deeming a threat, their drunken client. His chakra was insitncitally spreading through his system and gathering into his hands and feet for fast running and higher leveled jutsu. He shook himself off, forcing his chakra to flow normally.

“I am Tazuna, a master bridge builder and I must return to my country.” The man declared bluntly, pushing up his thin, oval shaped spectacles. “I’m building a bridge there that will change our world and I expect you to get me there safely even if it means giving up your life.” he growled through a scratchy, roughly edged voice.

Sasuke rubbed his head, humming. “That’s kind of the job description. While we’re stating the obvious, I’m going to point out if you’re worried for your life your mission probably shouldn’t have been evaluated as C-rank.” He raised an unimpressed eyebrow.

Hatake-sensei, still restraining his overreacting teammates, let out a sigh. “Sasuke, do not question the way our system works. We have incredibly _trust worthy_ shinobi handling the decision stuff. All you should be worrying about is getting some sleep. I have honestly never seen someone fall asleep so fast while standing on two feet...I don’t have to shovel talk anyone, do I?”

Sasuke whined. “Hatake-sensei, I’m thirteen!”

“I’m highly aware, that’s why I asked; also, first name basis!”

Sasuke groaned like a true teen would. He rubbed his eyes moodily.

Iruka, from across the room, frowned worriedly. “Are you sure you’re getting enough sleep though? Ever since you were little you’ve fallen asleep in my class, and, unlike Shikamaru, you seemed actually apologetic and distressed you missed what I had to say.”

It was the closest thing to a compliment Iruka had ever deemed him with.

Sasuke shook his head blearily.

“Oh, this is going to be a long journey, isn’t it?” Mr. Tazuna asked, taking a large swig of his dirty, cracked bottle.

Sakura and Naruto, now rubbing their sore necks glumly, instantly showed him twin large smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate every reader so much! Seriously, I have my email set up to receive every kudos, and there is nothing better than waking up in the morning and seeing it. It makes my day. 
> 
> Wish you joy!!!


	4. When I'm Feeling Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Water-Style: Bleeding Freeze!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW okay a lot came out in this chapter. Hope ya'll love it. I'm not southern I just like to use the word ya'll. It's a free country.

“YEAHHH!!!” Naruto stretched his arms above his head, expression one of boundless joy. His eyes were vibrant and there was a skip to his step. “Alright!”

Sakura rolled her eyes, jumping up next to him. “What are you getting so excited about, Naruto?”

Naruto sent her and iridescent smile. “This is the first time I ever left the village! I’m a traveler now, believe it!” He looked around like there was something different and exciting ahead of him. Sasuke felt himself long to share Naruto’s enthusiasm. However, Sasuke had a very insistent voice in the back of his mind telling him that three feet in front of him was no different than three feet behind him where the village gates were located.

Naruto had other opinions, laughing and bouncing up and down.

“Hey! Am I supposed to trust my life with this runt? He’s a joke!” Their buzzed client, Tazuna the Master Bridge Builder, complained censoriously.

Naruto paused mid-skip, his eyes going white with anger.

Kakashi-sensei (the man insisted Sasuke address him as such, no last names acceptable any longer) laughed nervously, eyes flitting to Naruto. Their sensei had learned of Uzamaki’s temper tantrums by now. “He’s with me and I’m a Jounin commander, so you don’t need to worry.”

Sasuke bit his tongue to keep himself from adding Kakashi also had once been an Anbu Black Op Commander, outranking even Itachi Uchiha. Conversely, he was convinced that would prove deleterious to the situation, only prompting fear from their client and depreciation from his teammates towards Kakashi-sensei. 

Sasuke felt the need to defend Naruto’s honor after the blonde boy had practically carried Sasuke’s sleeping form to his apartment yesterday. Naruto was quick to preserve his own pride, far too hasty for Sasuke to have been able to get a word in before the Uzamaki.

“Hey! Never insult a ninja it’s a big mistake, and I’m one of the greatest ninja ever!! Someday I’m going to be Hokage and you’ll look up to me! My name’s Naruto Uzamaki, remember it!” he pointed a crooked finger at their client, seething in suppressed resentment.

Tazuna took another large gulp of his alcohol. He could smell his breath from all the way on the other side of the gates. Sasuke wanted to tell their client off for his deterrent drinking habits. If the ungainly man were to become intoxicated it could be detrimental to the mission.

“Hokage are powerful and wise. You are puny and brainless.” He looked Naruto directly in the eye. “The day you become Hokage I’ll sprout wings and fly...” he took a lazy swig from the chipped and cracking bottle, the glass scratching on his unshaved chin. Sasuke glared. Such a trite civilian had no place quarreling over a ninja’s abilities and limits.

“Gah! Shut UP! I’m willing to do anything to become hokage, no matter what it takes! And when I do everyone will have to admit that I’m the top ninja including YOU!” Naruto rancorously shouted back.

Tazuna grunted, popping the cap to his drink back on and pushing his glasses up his sweat slicked nose. “You can become Hokage ten times over and to me you’ll still be nobody, a loser.” He turned away from the boy, a satisfied look in his eyes.

Naruto howled, raising his fist angrily and lunging for Tazuna. Kakashi-sensei grabbed a hold of Naruto’s back pack without looking. Sasuke wished their sensei wasn’t so quick-witted. Tazuna definitely deserved a good black eye for that one.

“I’m going to make you pay for that right now!” Naruto screeched. He wriggled aggressively in Kakashi-sensei’s grip. “HEY! Let. GO!”

Kakashi sighed. “I TOLD you, you’re supposed to _protect_ the client not attack him!” he reminded, tone exasperated rather than disapproving.

Sasuke fixed Naruto with a look. The thrashing boy stopped his angry shouting to address Sasuke with a congenial smile.

“Yes, sleepy head? I’m not sure you’re aware, but you drool in your sleep.” Naruto hissed at him, clearly still disputatious due to their clients immature taunts.

Sasuke rolled his eyes, not taking the painfully obvious bait. “Naruto, would you quit it?” Sasuke absentmindedly thought he sounded like Shikamaru Nara whilst saying it, “You can’t strike our client without breaking ninja code, therefore failing the mission. I don’t particularly want a failed mission on my record because my teammate was too hot headed to think rationally.” He raised an eyebrow.

Naruto pouted, conceding to the point. Sasuke had long since learned most of his teammate’s anger was a ruse. No one could actually be that passionate and whole hearted about something so fickle. He believed the boy vied for attention, overreacting in grandiose ways to attract as many eyes as possible. “Okay, but only if you try the new ramen types with me when we get back?” he let the statement hang in the air like a question.

Sasuke rolled his eyes up to the sky in a silent prayer for patience. He stared back down at his teammate. “Alright, no more attempts on our client’s well-being and I’ll try your muddy worms; Deal?”

Naruto shrugged off Kakashi, clapping his hand on Sasuke’s, “Deal!”

Sasuke felt like that was supposed to have been handled by their sensei. He wasn’t too resentful towards Kakashi-sensei, however, because the man looked genuinely unsure of how he should proceed.

After that it was mostly smooth sailing. Naruto and Sakura were taking turns telling him about one thing or another, always attempting to stare at his face apparently unable to have a conversation without eye contact. It caused a lot of trouble, which he assumed was the real reason the two were actually doing it. At one point Naruto had taken the lead with a backwards walk to explain in great detail a prank he pulled on Mizuki. Sasuke hadn’t minded that particular story.

“Oh hey that reminds me, there’s a whole bunch of rumors going on around what really happened. Why did you, erm,” Sakura licked her lips, choosing her words more carefully. “Get into a skirmish with Mizuki-sensei?” Sakura tilted her head, treading onto the conversation cautiously. Sasuke’s mind shorted, his eyes bulging. He felt no desire to have this talk now. Sakura, ever perceptive, had obviously deciphered the reason he had been so pissed off yesterday.

Sasuke’s steps stuttered, before he shakily resumed his pace. He shook his head and turned away. “Nothing, Mizuki was just...”

He trailed off, unsure of his next words, having not planned that far. Naruto waved his arms around imploringly. “Just...”

Sasuke focused his gaze to the floor. “Saying things I didn’t want to be reminded of, acting in a way that wasn’t exactly considered appropriate of a teacher. I panicked, gave him a good black eye.” Sasuke shoved his hands into his pockets, hunching into himself. “I still think he deserved it. If I could do it again, I’d drive a kunai through his eye instead of my fist.” He took his tone to a more light level at the end, as if he wasn’t sharing a dark secret between them; it was best not to dwell on what the actual secret was. Even thinking about could send him into a frenzy.

Naruto let out an uneasy laugh. “I hate to admit it, but seeing as he’s now a rogue ninja, you’ve got a pretty good judge of character; I used to think you were an A-hole for hitting him, but now I get it.” Naruto mumbled the last part under his breath.

Sasuke nodded, studying the dry, dying blades of grass that peeped through the rocks in the path. “I have a lot of experience with bad people to know one when I see them.” He let his teeth sink into the peeling skin of his lips. He shouldn’t rip apart his mouth like this, but it grounded him to pay attention and not get stuck within his own mind.

Sakura cleared her throat, skipping ahead of them slightly with the clear of aim of exiting the discussion. She fumbled awkwardly for a moment, before gathering her courage. “Say, Mr. Tazuna...”

Sasuke was glad with the change of conversation, not wanting to dwell on such corrupt memories any longer. “Your country is the land of waves, right?”

“Yea, what of it?” he grunted back, a slur to his speech.

Sakura rotated her head so she was facing their Jounin commander, her eyes curious. “Kakashi-sensei, there are ninja in that country too, aren’t there?”

Sasuke understood why she wouldn’t know the answer. Sasuke only knew because he had a house full of people who had experience as a ninja, therefore the lifestyle was often deliberated. With a house full of civilians who were actually even _against_ the shinobi lifestyle, it made sense you’d be confused with how The Great Shinobi Nations worked.

Kakashi stretched lackadaisically. “No, there are no ninja in the land of waves. But, in other countries, there are hidden villages each with their own different customs and cultures where ninja resign.”

Sasuke hadn’t really thought of a village as a place to harbor ninja, but more of a village as a place that produced the ninja. But this point of view did have a lot of patronage to it. It was nice to believe every clan that existed in Konoha had arrived out of their own free will, grouping up because they believed in the village. The Uchiha and the Senju were the first settlers. To think of the village as an alliance that attracted people who wanted to fight for them, rather than as a ruler who needed more cannon-fodder, it was truly a comforting and invigorating perspective.

“To the people of this continent, the existence of shinobi villages means strength; military strength. In other words, that’s how they protect themselves and maintain the balance of power with neighboring countries. The ninja villages are not controlled by any government,”

Sasuke nearly snorted. It was achingly clear that Kakashi-sensei’s political views leaned more toward the Constant Prerogative side. 

Ever since a series of civil wars broke out inside the village, once even with the Fire Daimyo himself, there had been three existing foremost political parties. These political parties were the only separation between inner-clan working, and caused much conflict. For the first time ever there was a way to differentiate members of the same clan from each other, and a way to include civilians in politics.

The Constant Prerogative’s (or CP’s for short) believed that the village had the right to act independently of higher political powers. They held the ideology that the Hokage should get to make all decisions regardless if it affected someone else in a way they found displeasing. CP’s want interference with clan traditions, are the largest protestors of Hyuga slavery, and were the most abrasive and vocal when the Uchiha started openly disparaging the ways of the Hokage. CP’s didn’t believe in voting, either. They wanted the Hokage seat to pass down from generation to generation.

Then we had the Interiors. Interiors spoke more for inner workings of the village. They wanted improvement of laws, food cleanliness, housing, orphan care, and basically made up the entire population of civilians. They sought to increase the village’s economy levels and raise export taxes against the other villages. Out of all the political parties, Interiors grouped together, joined clubs that specifically targeted political views, and started protests more than any other; they were a very interactive political party that was determined to change things. The Interiors demanded clans to be completely disbanded and for all ninja to go under one rule, preferably the rule of Danzo Shimura. Interiors also wanted laws for the age appropriate of living by yourself, drinking, smoking, buying your own supplies, accepting your own missions without a sensei or guardian, and when you should be legally allowed to give sexual consent. They were also the only political party to have been seen supporting the idea Lady Tsunade presented that every undertaking team should have a medical ninja on hand.

Last but not least were the Wellsprings. They wanted to start ninja training at earlier ages and pick out prodigies. Wellsprings had a strong conviction for traditions and felt no need to change any of the clans’ personal affairs. The Wellsprings main focus was to forge stronger ties with other villages and recruit new ninja; they also wished to handle rogues more effectively. They felt the Ninja Rule Books way was slipping and wanted to rear it back in gear. Wellsprings were surely the most discriminatory, withstanding a large and historical disagreement with the Interiors’ idea of attracting more civilians. Wellsprings wanted to rid the civilians of their existence in Konoha, giving them an ultimatum of either become a ninja and take on missions, or leave the gates. They had the belief that the village only needed to be shipped goods and didn’t actually have to produce or manufacture them. In fact, statistically speaking, if all of the civilians of Konoha took on at least one ninja mission a day (excluding weekends, even), Konoha would be earning more money despite if they were no longer producing goods. But, a large percent of their ninja missions came from civilians, most D-ranked assignments were not from people outside of their village but some civilians who wanted their garden cleaned or help finding a lost pet. Yes, you could argue that the Lords and Ladies would remain inside of the village, and that retired shinobi would still be allowed residence after working a certain amount of time and would most likely request help, but it was still a very dramatic decrease in assignments that would affect the village largely over time.

Technically, giving out the statements like Kakashi had done as facts was illegal because he wasn’t permitted to enforce any way of thinking onto his students, but Sasuke wasn’t about to point that out. He definitely gave off the impression of being a Constant Prerogative. Sasuke himself was an Interior. If they couldn’t improve their own inner ties, how were they to progress from this seemingly endless cycle of conflict against other nations? He also was firmly loyal to village elder Danzo Shimura, much like his brother had taught him to be.

“Ninja villages are independent and have equal status.”

This was a lie; the village hidden in the leaves trumped all other villages in terms of power easily. We just speak humbly so the other villages don’t grow irate with us.

“Now, a small island like the land of waves has natural protection from the sea. So, there no need for a ninja village,” Kakashi-sensei’s tone was uncharacteristically serious. “The five ancient lands that possess shinobi villages are the lands of fire, water, lightening, wind, and earth. They each occupy vast territories. Together, they are known as the five great shinobi nations.” Kakashi-sensei was now in full blown lecture mode, taking the question Sakura had presented him very earnestly.

“The land of fire has the village hidden in the leaves; the land of water, the village hidden in mist; the land of lightening, the village hidden in the clouds; the land of wind, the village hidden in the sand; and the land of earth, the village hidden in the stones. Only the leaders of these hidden villages are permitted the name Kage, which means shadow. Hokage, Mizukage, Raikage, Kazekage, Tsuchikage, these are the leaders...the five shadows that reign over _thousands_ of ninja.”

Sasuke listened intently, hoping to jump onto a new piece of information about his sensei that might make him stand out from some of the other more rotten ninja Sasuke was familiar with. So far, Kakashi had made one singular statement that could be considered an opinion in his teachings, and that only _implicated_ his political standing.

Sakura beamed, mouth going wide in falsified excitement and interest. He wondered why she had to fake being intrigued by his stories when she clearly didn’t know much. “Wow! Then Lord Hokage’s really important!”

Naruto, across from him, looked annoyed and skeptical. Was there something between those two and Lord Hokage he didn’t know about?

Sasuke knew that the Hokage really was only one of the many decision makers that lorded over the villages. Clan heads, village elders, Daimyo’s, The Head Medic, the Head of T&I, The Head of Anbu, and the Head of the Analysis Team were all extremely noteworthy over-seers of the village’s activities. Hokages got much more credit than Sasuke would grant them, especially since most in their history had made devastating mistakes.

“Hey!” Kakashi had stopped walking, glaring at them sternly.

Sasuke stiffened, confused and anxious. Naruto and Sakura looked around guiltily.

“You all just doubted Lord Hokage, didn’t you? That’s what you were thinking!” Kakashi-sensei accused.

Sakura and Naruto began shaking their hands back and forth rapidly, letting out nervous sounds. Huh, Sasuke wouldn’t have imagined they would ever speak ill of Lord Hokage. You learn something new every day.

Kakashi-sensei walked up and placed his head on Sakura’s hair, a small but comforting gesture. “Well, anyway...”

Apparently that was all Kakashi-sensei felt the need to say. Sasuke, as a proud Interior, was annoyed that he believed just being caught red handed thinking about the incompetence of the Hokage was punishment enough.

“There are no ninja battles in a C-ranked mission. So, you can relax.” Kakashi-sensei reassured Sakura, his eyes flashing to Sasuke’s for a moment.

Sasuke nodded, swallowing and returning his searching gaze with a weak smile.

“So we’re not going to run into any foreign enemy ninja or dangerous rogues?” Sasuke questioned, his arms tightening around his backpack.

Kakashi chuckled, his solitary eye pointedly softening towards Sasuke. “Not likely,”

There were no promises, seeing as Sasuke was an Uchiha and therefore valuable to _all_ , and Kakashi-sensei had an expensive reputation in the Bingo Book, but chances were against anyone above the skill level of bandits bothering to ambush them.

Sasuke felt validated in his previous reassurances to himself about no dangers. His smiled broadened and he jogged up to Naruto, genially bumping him in the side.

Naruto squawked indignantly, playfully snatching his hair and ruffling it up.

Sasuke growled mockingly. “How dare you! Hours of my morning routine are dedicated to my alluring locks!” he badgered dramatically.

Naruto glared at him. “Yea, hours trying to keep it flat; now it’s just sticking up all over the place! And even more than before, wow, that’s a true accomplishment.”

Sasuke laughed screwing up his nose. “Believe me I know. I usually tie it up, but it looks so girly! I’m already feminine enough looking, thanks.” He mumbled the last part spitefully.

Naruto barked a laugh. “At least you know. Seriously, I’ve heard of taking after your mom, but this is a whole new level.”

“Oh shut up loser. At least I’m not the thirteen year old with _whiskers_.”

The only person Sasuke would let talk about his parents was Naruto. If it were Sakura, or one of the clan heirs, he might have been pissed; mostly due to the fact they didn’t understand and tip-toed around the subject when they brought it up. With Naruto, he stated everything bluntly and let it all out there, acknowledging Sasuke’s lost but not making him feel shitty about it like everyone else did. Sometimes Sasuke would like to remember his family in a good light, talking about the happy times instead of only being questioned about his more painful memories.

They both turned at Sakura giggling behind her hand. He huffed, crossing his arms. “I am insulted, Naruto. How dare she laugh at our serious and somber discussions?” he lamented.

“I am equally as mortified. It seems our teammate finds are struggles humorous.” Naruto stuck his nose into the air.

Sakura finally cackled, her hand falling away from her lips. She jogged up to them and shoved her teammates in the shoulders, squeezing between them. “Yup, I find you absolutely hilarious.” Sasuke pretended to make wounded noises.

They walked a little ways more, arms interlocked. It was slightly uncomfortable, but Sasuke had slept well and could handle the closeness between them for a while. In the meantime, Sasuke apparently didn’t know enough about pop culture or ramen _or_ healthy meals and life choices, so his teammates rambled on about their favorite subjects.

They crossed a bridge over a small stream, weaving through the ongoing path. Sasuke had never been this far out of the village. Everything seemed so far away and small. Maybe books did get some emotions right, he sure felt like all of his problems were smaller and somehow overdramatized seeing how big everything was outside of the village’s border. Sasuke shielded his eyes from the sun, inconspicuously as possible hiding behind Kakashi-sensei’s shadow. His eyes were hypersensitive.

It was scorching hot. He had no idea how his teammates seemed unfazed. He resolutely chose not to complain; whining was not rewarded in his home.

Naruto struggled over a puddle, still holding onto to Sakura’s arms.

Sasuke scoffed. “Just let go, loser.” He said from the right of him. Naruto ignored him, lunging his leg across the puddle. Sasuke and Sakura waited patiently to move until both of Uzamaki’s feet were planted firmly on the ground over the obstacle.

“I don’t see why you couldn’t just go around...” Sasuke pressed needlessly, knowing the boy was too stubborn to back down from a challenge even as small as making it over a puddle without letting go of Sakura’s hand.

Naruto made a face one would make when crossing their arms. Sasuke was about to say something else when his chakra senses flared so bad he felt his head spin and bile choke up his throat.

He turned on his heel, alarm rising within his chest. He stumbled. A distinct pounding was filling his head. The puddle had dispersed, revealing a type of jutsu that could either be transformation or genjutsu to have been placed upon it, enemy ninja using it as a disguise.

Two shinobi, (two chakra signatures reeking of killer intent, Sasukecouldnothandlethis) had thrown out some sort of chain device they was attached to their arms, wrapping it firmly around Kakashi-sensei’s middle. The chains snapped back, taught as they curled around the rest of his sensei’s body. The ninja pulled—

And pulled—

His sensei tore apart, blood splattering the ground. The thick scent flooded his senses, along with the horrible realization his throat was constricting and his eyes were stinging rapidly. Kakashi-sensei just...he was gone. Sasuke was going to be _sick_.

He couldn’t breathe.

Sakura gasped sharply, but Sasuke was unable register where the sound came from.

He heard Naruto let out a mournful cry.

He breathed in deeply, hands shaking. He couldn’t see. Were his eyes closed? It was a different kind of panic than the one he usually experienced from people getting a little too close for comfort. An indomitable urge to eliminate the shinobi overwhelmed him.

It was pure adrenaline, instinct beyond anything he could’ve thought up while his brain was actually functioning at its proper speed. Sasuke was so contradictive, either a pacifist or just completely savage.

He wasn’t here. Sasuke was elsewhere, back in the mindset he had when Itachi would chase him relentlessly, train him until his fingers were scraped raw, his ankles were twisted and throbbing and Sasuke couldn’t think past _survive_.

He opened his (they were closed when did that happen?) eyes, feeling pressure gathering on his temples. It was painful, but Sasuke brushed it aside, running on adrenaline and fear.

Sasuke jumped, his eyes stinging as he shot a shuriken at the two men, followed by a flurry of kunai knives. They were targeting Naruto next after eliminating his teacher, but Sasuke would not have it.

He could imagine the distinct squelching of blood soaking through his sandals while he ran full force away from his brother, while his knees ached and cramped but he had....to keep... _Moving_.

His weapons hit dead on, fastening the chains to a tree securely and effectively stopping their descent on his teammate.

Both rogues (yes, rogues, their headbands were slashed, these two were scum of the earth _traitors_ ) made questioning noises, but Sasuke had already whipped out another barrage of weapons, further trapping his targets to the bark of the oak tree.

One of them tugged fruitlessly on his chain. He knew he wasn’t going anywhere, Sasuke had a strong arm, that kunai was inches deep into the tree.

Sasuke raced towards them, weapons in hand as he wove his fingers through his most instinctual seals; Rat, Snake, Ox, Water release.

“Water Style: Bleeding Freeze!”

He aimed a kick directly at the back of the one on his right, ice crackling through his shoe. His opponent lost his balance, choking at the foot that had collided with his stomach. Frost permeated the air in wisps. His targets body beginning to shiver and turn a snowy blue. He slumped down on one knee, gasping and shivering at the painful cold. Sasuke didn’t have time to focus on holding up his jutsu.

Sasuke turned to his other captured assailant, but found him nowhere to be seen.

He swiveled around, only to be met with a fear inducing sight. Sakura had taken up a position in front of Tazuna, poised and ready for a fight. Running towards her at top speed was the rogue ninja.

Sasuke forewent focusing on beaten down enemy beside him and pumped chakra through his legs sloppily, slipping from his control and probably burning through his reserves.

But he was now standing in front of his teammate protectively, kunai ready.

Why had they attacked? Did they want Tazuna? This assumption appeared to be the case, according to their quick work and that they hadn’t saved Kakashi-sensei’s body to cash it in for bounty, nor had they surrounded and double-teamed Sasuke for his nonexistent Sharingan.

He bent his knee, readying his weapon in the split second he had before the enemy sunk his metal claws into him.

His eyes flickered when he heard Naruto cry out. The blonde boy was motionless, watching the enemy Sasuke had just temporarily immobilized race towards him. He had slipped control of the jutsu in his haste to guard their client and Sakura.

He had imagined Naruto would handle himself just fine. He was devastatingly _wrong_.

He faced a moment of indecision, his movements stuttering as fear subjugated him.

The claw was inches from Sasuke’s face now, the seconds lasting much longer to Sasuke. He had no idea why, but his eyes were burning worse than ever.

The burning sensation spread to his head, throbbing and pulsing, but he dismissed it.

One more moment and the claw will have ripped through his cheek, then his eye socket, then would make quick work of his skull. Once again, Sasuke contemplated why it seemed like everything was moving at a much slower pace than normal. Why could he see the exact path the weapon was making towards him?

It would be a painful death, having his face torn open by a rogue’s personal weapon, but nothing Sasuke couldn’t handle.

He practically fell over when a familiar flack-jacket and whips of silvery hair sunk into his blurry vision. He stumbled, wiping his face with the cuffs of his sleeve.

Kakashi-sensei stood tall, both enemies tightened in a headlock with each arm. He felt Sakura’s arms wrap around his side to hold him steady as he swayed.

Sasuke tried to ignore the burning sensation that was spreading from his eyes to his temples, around his head. It was wrapping him in a fuzzy, pain ridden haze. He needed to stay awake.

Sasuke swallowed the lump forming in his throat as a small cry tore through him. His head felt as if it were splitting in two. His vision was disturbed, black caving in along the edges of his sight. There was sharp, scrupulously agenizing burning sensation that was pounding through his brain, as if the rogue’s claw actually had made contact.

“Hi!” Kakashi-sensei greeted casually. Sasuke managed to choke out a delirious laugh through his pain and confusion. More of his body weight was supported by Sakura when his knee buckled from the strain of keeping himself upright.

The pain wasn’t just in his head now; it was spreading onto his whole face. His body temperature was rising so quickly Sasuke could actually feel the shift. It felt like someone was kicking him in the teeth while he simultaneously experienced the sensation of burning at the stake.

Now that the adrenaline was subsiding, Sasuke felt his body rejecting the reassurances his mind gave and derive into an anxiety attack. The pain was severe enough Sasuke would label it as unbearable, and it currently wasn’t helping him calm. He forced the episode down, controlling his breathing slowly. Not here, not now; Sasuke could deal with a small battle that appeared to have no fatal injuries. 

He tried to focus on other things, like Kakashi-sensei, perhaps. It seemed like an adequate distraction.

He tilted a smirk. What a showoff the guy was. If he was okay, then why hadn’t he just subdued them from the beginning? Surprisingly, there was no anger at the man’s histrionics, only relief. He would be crestfallen if Kakashi left them sensei-less already; Sasuke was just getting to know him for someone other than his brother’s scary Anbu Captain.

Sasuke had the distinct thought that maybe he was overreacting and his eyes didn’t burn so bad, when an ineffable wave of torment washed over him, heating his face. Was he running a fever? He wiped his face again, breathing deeply.

He kept his head ducked. He was panicking now. He could never meet people’s eyes when he panicked. He sucked in another shaky gasp of air.

“Huh? But he was—What?!” Naruto shouted in relief, lying in the dirt for some odd reason. Sasuke had to be out of it if he hadn’t noticed how his teammate ended up on the floor.

Sasuke shook himself off. His bangs were obscuring his face, which struck something inside of Sasuke. He couldn’t see anyone. He couldn’t tell if anyone was around him. He wanted to swipe his bangs away from his face to make sure Team Seven was still around him, but pain and fear were rooting him to the ground. He wasn’t breathing.

He wasn’t breathing.

A wave of dizziness crashed over him.

Breathe; Sasuke choked, gagging while sucking in a gulp of oxygen. He had bitten through his cheek and blood was filling up his mouth.

“Kakashi-sensei...used the replacement jutsu...”

Sasuke forced his brain to listen to the conversation around him, blocking out the pain and anxiety as best as possible.

Looks like Naruto had been tricked by the jutsu once again, just like in the bell test when his clones had started attacking each other. Except this time around, Sasuke had also been fooled.

Kakashi-sensei turned to Uzamaki, repentant. “Naruto...sorry I didn’t help right away, I didn’t mean for you to get hurt.” Sincerity crept into his voice at the admission, withering away with his next statement and turning firmer, “I just didn’t think you’d freeze up like that...” he sounded disapproving.

Brutally honest; however, Sasuke shared his thoughts. Sasuke had needed Naruto’s help, and the boy had frozen up in apprehension.

Kakashi-sensei made his way over to them, enemies still clutched in his arms. He eyed Tazuna briefly as their client’s shoulders slumped in relief, his face coated with sweat.

“Good job Sasuke very smooth...you too, Sakura.”

Sasuke nodded, suppressing a whine. He didn’t look up though. He couldn’t. His mind was telling him against all logic that he was back, back to when he was in a constant state of anticipation...waiting. Just waiting for the day he finally would close his eyes for good. Back in the compound with his mother and her peeled rotten apples and his father with bloodied knuckles and thin lips.

With his bro-

Sasuke looked to Naruto, scrambling for a diversion. His teammate was still frozen, though, clutching the grass in between his knuckles in shock. Sasuke caught his teammate’s eye, reminding himself to be kind, seeing as Uzumaki had been the one to drag him home yesterday when Sasuke was asleep on his feet.

He was in so much pain, though. Plus, he wasn’t good at nice, or mean, really. He just wasn’t good at making his mouth form words in general.

For a moment, Sasuke laughed inwardly in a self-deprecating way, before his body reminded him that he was in intense pain. His eyes stung, bad enough Sasuke wanted to clench his eyes shut to hide from the severe irritations. Except Sasuke was terrified of the dark and not being able to see, and after debate, Sasuke would rather deal with the pain.

His throat was dry, enough so when Sasuke tried to speak it crackled instead of articulating the words Sasuke had attempted to say. In truth, Sasuke wasn’t even sure what he had been planning to talk to Naruto about, just that he had to say something.

“Naruto!” Kakashi-sensei’s sharp voice cut through Sasuke’s inner contemplations of how to start a conversation. “These ninja have poison in their claws. We need to take it out of you quickly,” Kakashi-sensei commanded.

Naruto stiffened, “Ngh!” he held himself still, his eyes flitting anxiously down to his wrapped hand.

“We’ll have to open the wound and remove it. It’s in your blood so don’t move around, that spreads the poison.” His voice turned calm.

Kakashi-sensei’s face went cold. “By the way, Mr. Tazuna,”

The aforementioned man startled guiltily. “Uh...yea, what?” his voice was defensive.

Sasuke tried to mitigate the pain by paying extra attention to the confrontation that was unfolding.

Kakashi-sensei didn’t even turn around to face the man he was clearly extremely upset with. Through gritted teeth, he spat. “We need to talk.” His voice was dangerously composed.

Sasuke quelled his emotions, giving Sakura a weary smile. She tilted her head. “Hey, uh, could you help me...?” he swayed, his words slurring slightly. “Chakra exhaustion,” he supplied quickly for his current rather deprecated coordination rather than the truth. Sakura nodded understandingly, looping her arms around him and helping him over. He flinched away from the touch, clenching his eyes shut in resignation and forcing himself to allow her to be so close. Then he remembered that it was dark whe he closed his eyes and hurriedly peeled them back, his eyelashes sticking together.

“Yea, I can imagine! What kind of jutsu was that, anyway?” Sakura excitedly questioned him.

Sasuke blinked, confused momentarily, before remembering that he had used a water jutsu before.

“It’s a water type. It lowers the temperature of the targets blood. If held long enough it could kill the opponent, but it’s very controlled.” He explained briefly, trying to not have to talk so much through his sore vocal cords.

Sakura gasped, clapping a hand excitedly while still remaining mindful that she was the only reason he was standing up. “Wow, that so cool; you can pull off fire and water jutsus!”

Sasuke shrugged awkwardly back at her. In all honesty, water was his chakra type. His father just forced him to learn fire-style out of spite.

Bleeding Freeze was a jutsu that required consistent concentration. You couldn’t stop supplying the jutsu chakra if you wanted it to remain intact. Given the proper amount of time, if Sasuke drained his reserves entirely, he could freeze the blood of his target to ice.

Sasuke looked back to Haruno, who’s eyes had shifted to the enemy nin clutched in Kakashi-sensei’s arms.

After spending weeks with her, Sasuke had come to notice that she didn’t act like she had a legitimate crush on him. The Haruno he had come to learn at the academy would’ve been squealing at the chance to stand so close to him; however, the girl here was helping him with clinical accuracy moving about with a serious and mature air to her.

He bit his lip, wondering. Why would she fabricate something like being madly ‘in love’ with him, especially something so detrimental to her friendship with Yamanka? Unless...unless that was the exact reason. Perhaps she had used her as a social ladder and once Sakura was popular enough declared a rivalry on something she knew was important to Yamanka, something she was positive Ino wanted more than anything else...Sasuke. But...

No, that just didn’t sound like Sakura. She wasn’t that ruthless, and she wasn’t a borderline psychopath either. Besides, Sasuke had a lot of experience with prevaricators and their facades, and Sakura’s affection for Ino seemed as genuine as it gets.

Sasuke glanced at her, his gaze calculating. She gave him an encouraging smile back, mistaking his skepticism of her intentions for fatigue.

His headache was still screaming at him, but it was dulling to a tolerable level. He still was dizzy and would most likely fall over on his own, but his headache was dimming.

Their Jounin commander helped Naruto over to the tree, fuming silently. Kakashi-sensei was terrifying. Although, that wasn’t much of a feat for Sasuke’s standards; it was usually more of an accomplishment to gain Sasuke’s trust over his fear. Naruto’s hand was still split, but Kakashi-sensei didn’t seem all too sure how to treat it, waiting until everything was cleared up to figure out what to do with a poisoned comrade.

Sasuke didn’t have experience with poison outside the one’s Itachi used to administer one him during games. Sasuke used to have sets of puzzles, opening them up excitedly and happily piecing them together. His brother hadn’t preferred Sasuke’s joy not directed at singularly him, so he took matters into his own hands. Itachi would inject Sasuke with a poison before he played every game, only giving him the antidote once he had finished the entire puzzle. Sasuke’s puzzles were large, and sometimes took him weeks to finish. The one he had been doing he had done millions of times before (never a new puzzle, they couldn’t afford to waste it on puzzles. Or kid puzzles at all. Sasuke only had adult, 700 pieced puzzles) and Itachi had injected him.

Meaningless to say, Sasuke quickly lost interest in puzzles, for fear of a repeat of frantically trying to figure out the puzzle in his highest priority, above even school work. It was one of his most terrifying experiences.

“They’re Chunin from the village hidden in the mist,” Kakashi-sensei explained, his voice tight and deliberate. “Their specialty is relentless attack. They keep fighting no matter what the sacrifice.”

One of the men looked up, his voice muffled by a thick metal clasp secured around his mouth. Sasuke wondered what the purpose of those were, gas poisoning, perhaps? They were _mist village_ shinobi after all. It sounded like an accurate assumption. “How did you know about our ambush?” then man didn’t sound angry, just resigned.

Sasuke felt kind of bad for them. But when his eyes flickered over to Naruto’s injured hand, the guilt vanquished smoothly.

Kakashi-sensei tilted his head, looking at them condescendingly. “A puddle,” he stated bluntly, sounding astonished they had thought up a disguise so stupid, “On a clear day...when it hasn’t rained in weeks?”

Kakashi-sensei scoffed, stretching lazily, but without his normal careless flair. Each movement was accounted for and purposeful. Sasuke couldn’t believe he hadn’t been suspicious of the puddle. He had been internally complaining about the heat for, well, _weeks_!

Tazuna’s eyes sharpened. “In that case, why’d you leave it for the genin to do the fighting?”

“I _could_ have taken them out quickly.” Kakashi-sensei snapped. “But then, I’d have learned nothing. I had to know who their target was...” His eyes darkened, challenging Tazuna to speak up again. It almost seemed he was angrier with Tazuna than the men who attacked them.

When he was met with silence from their client, Kakashi-sensei shook his head. “...and, what they were after.”

Tazuna looked away, his deception obvious to Sasuke. “Hm? What a-are you getting at?” he fought to play ignorant. Ignorance of course, was not innocence, a rookie mistake for someone trying to weasel their way out of trouble. Sasuke could tell Tazuna had known high level shinobi were after him.

“This,” their commander faced their client directly, “I wanted to know if they were after us, ninja attacking ninja...or...” Kakashi-sensei’s demeanor shifted. “Or, if they were after you, ‘the master bridge builder’,” Kakashi-sensei’s eye was accusatorial.

A dark shadow loomed over his sensei. Sasuke let out a shaky breath, unable to turn away from the dangerous anger bleeding out of the masked man. His head pounded.

Sakura huffed next to his ear, shifting so Sasuke’s arm was slung around her shoulder. He strained to not force so much of his weight on the smaller girl. The burning in his eyes may have been a more bearable level, but that didn’t mean he was fine. He was now conscious enough of course to truly comprehend the gravity of what just happened. There was only one validated reason to ever abandon a mission, so strongly accepted that it wasn’t even considered a failure. If the mission was miscalculated the fault landed on either the Hokage’s shoulders, or the clients. The reaction to this problem could even be a permanent ban from requesting Konoha shinobi to fight for Tazuna ever again.

Sasuke broke the skin on his already bloodied lip, anxiety rising with the tension in the air.

“When you put in your request, you asked for standard protection; from robbers and highwaymen.” Kakashi-sensei raised his barely visible eyebrow. “You didn’t say there were ninja looking for you...hunting you down.”

He laughed humorlessly. “If we knew this, it would be a B-rank mission or higher. Our task was simply to get you to your destination and protect you while you finished building your bridge! If we knew we’d be fielding attacks from enemy ninja we would have staffed differently and charged for the cost of a B mission. _Apparently_ , you have your reasons but lying to us is not acceptable. We are now beyond the scope of this mission!” he hissed.

Tazuna’s shoulders slumped, his face slackening. Sakura smiled solicitously to try to console the demeaned man. “We’re genin, this is too advanced for our level of training. We should go back...and I really think we need to treat Naruto’s wound to get the poison out as soon as possible. Back in our village we can take him to a doctor.”

Kakashi hummed his approval.

Sasuke himself agreed with this idea. No more scary ninja missions. No more C-ranks and ninja battles. He had a feeling the look in his eyes portrayed his desires to his sensei.

“Naruto’s hand could become a problem.” Kakashi-sensei agreed, clearly considering Sakura’s request. Sasuke turned his eyes to Sakura, startled once again at her precociousness. She had seemed really pumped about this mission but was willing to stop for the sake of the team, even when she herself wasn’t injured in the slightest. He was actually growing fond of her. Kakashi-sensei decisively tilted his head in finality. “I guess we should go back to the village.”

Sasuke nodded stomach twisting in something like guilt. He didn’t like losing, and this felt like a really big loss. He was used to failing though, so he bore through it. Even as he told himself this was what he wanted, that this was best for his sanity, something churned horribly in his stomach about turning back now. It felt like he was abandoning a part of him, on that never gave up and never stopped fighting.

Sasuke’s head turned when Sakura let out a shriek, eyes wide in Naruto’s direction. His jaw dropped. He had to look twice to make sure what he was seeing wasn’t a mirage from the pain or panic that was coercing through his system. The sight didn’t change, remaining the same, shocking image.

The senseless boy had stuck a kunai right into his hand, undoubtedly earning him an infection if his kunai’s weren’t properly cleaned (and, knowing Naruto, they weren’t). He couldn’t imagine why he would do something so gruesome to himself out of nowhere. The knife was lodged right into the cut on his hand, too.

He twisted it around in a way that made Sasuke sicker than he already was. Naruto gritted his teeth and peeked at them through a glinting eye. “Why am I so different? Why am I always...ugh!”

Sakura looked between him and Naruto indecisively. He realized belatedly what she was having trouble with. Sakura wanted to go help Naruto, but was conflicted about leaving Sasuke o his own. He steadied himself on his own feet in what he hoped was an assuring manner.

She nodded in gratitude and rushed towards the boy, stopping short. She looked unsure how to proceed. “Naruto!” she fumbled, “Stop that...I, uh what are you doing?!” she shrieked, her appearance frenzied. 

Naruto growled, hunching into himself. Naruto was recalcitrantly dodging Sakura’s gaze. Sasuke could tell that his teammate was trying to pull himself together, quelling his shaking hands and taking a deep breath. Uzamaki looked up and directly at Sasuke, gaze steady and full of determination.

“I worked so hard to get here! Pushing myself until it hurt...training alone for hours, _anything_ to get stronger; to reach my dream!” Naruto swayed, desperately clutching the kunai buried in his skin. “I will never back down again and let someone else rescue me! I will never run away. I will not lose my friends!”

Sasuke’s eyes softened. He knew how hard the boy must’ve worked. It was different for Sasuke because he was apathetic about all of this. Sasuke hardly cared about anything anymore. Lately the only things his days were was dreading training and the strain that came with it, and impatiently waiting for his team to arrive while at the same time trying to work up the energy to do something while he waited. He would get up every day at five because he couldn’t sleep, staring and sitting, doing nothing but telling himself he’ll do something in a couple minutes, start a project in just a little bit, but he never stuck it through. He admired Naruto for his trait of being able to always work his hardest, always care so _much_ even when caring was just _so_ difficult.

Naruto’s eyes shifted to reflect back at him in his kunai knife, now stained with blood. “Upon this wound I make this pledge, _believe_ it!”

Sasuke did. For the first time in a while, he took something someone said to him for face value. No tricks, no ulterior motives to find, just sincerity. Sasuke believed.

Sasuke believed in Naruto.

That didn’t of course mean he was remotely happy with the encouragement of continuing this mission. Naruto’s hand seemed really bad, and Sakura probably only knew what kunoichi training taught her about the medical field.

“Bridge builder,” Naruto was always gruff. Sasuke realized Uzamaki probably didn’t even remember Tazuna’s name with an amused smirk. “I’ll complete this mission and protect you with this kunai knife!” his lips turned to form a feral grin, fingers curling around the hilt of his blade as he yanked it out of the wound.

Sasuke swayed, stumbling but catching himself as a wave of vertigo washed over him, but when the dizzy spell faded, his mind was clear. His head wasn’t pounding anymore. Sasuke let out a groan of relief as the pain faded.

Sasuke wasn’t happy or anything, okay? He didn’t do happy. That’s why his ‘Sharingan’ was always active. He never had peace of mind, so his Sharingan never stopped trying to calm him down. 

Sasuke was contemplated why his eyes had been hurting, because never before had they stopped pounding until the next day or so. Now, he wasn’t feeling any immediate excruciating pain, but there was a steady stinging every time he blinked, and a burning if his eyes were opened. Open or closed, it was a lose-lose situation. At least the incessant distress was dissipating.

Passing down the Sharingan didn’t work like eye color, with dominate and recessive pigments. No, it was more of a psychological trait. The best comparison was how disorders like MDD and Schizophrenia were passed on genetically.

An irregularity formed in the chakra system, due to a certain amount and kind of hormones stimulating a part of the brain. When a person feels strongly negative or experiences something incredibly traumatic, they produce a hormone in reaction. For Uchiha’s, this hormone is an instigator for the Sharingan. If produced enough, the hormone waves stimulate the Sharingan to activate and rid the Uchiha of the feelings of sadness to cope with their trauma by producing endorphins. In this way, it wouldn’t be inaccurate to compare the Sharingan to anti-depressant pills.

When an Uchiha has a child with someone not among the clan, however, complications arise. It dulls this psychological passing. If two people with MDD got married, the chances their child will have MDD increases. By having a child with a person who has no history of MDD personally or in their family, the chances decrease.

With the Sharingan, the chances don’t ‘decrease’ in the same way. Instead, it just takes a lot more negative hormones to be produced for the Sharingan to activate, and in some occasions, the body is as incompatible for the Sharingan as someone who stole the eye and implanted it as their own.

Sasuke was now in a middle-state where the hormones had activated his Sharingan, but not properly. He was only half way there. His Sharingan could only turn on when he produced a negative hormone to stimulate the Sharingan, not whenever he pleased. It caused many problems, because Sasuke’s Sharingan wasn’t deactivated, but in a constant state of almost-activation. His stress hormones were so high that his Sharingan was acting as anti-depressants and trying to soothe his mind.

For his Sharingan to fully ‘turn off’, Sasuke would have to be mentally stable and generally happy. But since he didn’t have a father with a Sharingan, it wasn’t activating properly. His near developed Sharingan wasn’t producing counteractive hormones. The Sharingan was necessary because Uchiha’s emotions are actually stronger than the average persons. They feel other people’s feelings and the care much more than they should. Uchihas are taught at a young age to suppress this trait, as it is vulnerable and could easily be used against you. Sasuke’s Sharingan was basically useless. It wasted his chakra, didn’t produce endorphins, and wasn’t fully activated.

His always active half-Sharingan led to chakra depletion, headaches, nausea, nose bleeds, and occasionally optical bleeding.

When he experiences extreme negativity like he had on a multitude of occasions, the Sharingan tries to activate to sooth him, but can’t because his body isn’t compatible with the Sharingan due to him being only half an Uchiha; there as, strain enters the eyes building pressure and high chakra levels until cells start to damage.

The damaging is directly in his retina, which has approximately six million cells. The broken Sharingan was destroying hundreds of cells in his retina whenever his eyes burn like this, a worryingly fast rate. Average human retina cells do not regenerate like other cells in the body, but for Uchiha (and Hyuga, but more notably in Sasuke’s personal opinion, Zebrafish), the cells regenerate nightly. Mostly, people do not experience damage to the retina from every day activities, for example, if shampoo slips into your eyes it’s more common that it only effects the cornea, which isn’t a severe injury but can cause extreme pain or burning.

So Sasuke was assuming that the dulled pain was because he was uncharacteristically less emotionally distressed than normal and his Sharingan was in a temporary state of deactivation and wasn’t inflicting harm into his eyes.

A smile tugged at his lips even though he his eyes were still burning because Sasuke would bask in any gift his life gave him, even one so menial as a dulled pain.

Naruto thrust his head in Sakura’s direction. “Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.” He assured her, clearly understanding her anxiousness over his wound.

Kakashi-sensei paced for a second, paused, and turned to the boy with a kunai inches deep into his hand. “Naruto, uh, I, that was really cool how you took the poison out and all, but if you lose any more blood,” his face screwed up even through the mask. “You’re going to die.”

Sasuke looked at Kakashi-sensei in shock at the blunt statement, realizing that his sensei had zero social skills. Sasuke gladly added another difference between him and Itachi to his mental list.

Sakura paused mid-step towards Naruto, jaw dropped in alarm.

Naruto’s body began shaking, the blood draining out of his face. Kakashi-sensei smiled uncomfortably. “Good idea to stop the bleeding now, seriously...” he looked uneasy at being the center of attention, nervously pulling his mask up further and avoiding eye contact.

Sakura blinked, making an attempt at regaining her sense of equanimity.

“NONONO! I’m too young for it to end like this! NONONO AGHH!!” Naruto yelped, breaking the momentary silence and beginning to run around in frantic, crazed circles. He waved his hands around and practically tripped over himself as he made the loops, blue eyes impossibly wide.

Sakura having been knocked out of her stupor finally rushed forward, grabbing his flailing hands with an outraged shriek. “Stop moving, you’ve really got a self-abusive personality.” She sneered, yanking him towards her. “It’s called masochism.”

Sasuke snorted near deliriously through the burning, for once actually understanding one of his teammates’ jokes. Naruto clearly _didn’t_ understand (which made everything so much better, ha, triumph) and narrowed his eyes. “What’s that?” he sounded frustrated that Sasuke was laughing at him.

Sasuke laughed inwardly, now Uzamaki knows what it feels like to be laughed at for something you don’t even fully comprehend.

Sakura flushed, having not expected Naruto to question her dig.

Sasuke winced at the question . Masochism; the term disturbed him. He knew it was unjust and rather provincial to dislike a person based on their sexual relationships, but this always seemed to him like a different level. He felt that possibly these types of people needed better coping mechanisms, or maybe they were being manipulated by someone and convinced they deserved it. Logically, he knew that everyone had their own preferences and thinking of masochists as victims was offending, but he couldn’t understand why someone would engage in that type of activity willingly.

He shuddered, trying to ignore the flaring in his eye. He briefly imagined a string looped through both of his eyes and a hand grabbing it and pulling. That’s what his head felt like right now. He looked up, sick and emotionally exhausted at his flustered pink haired teammate and nagging Uzamaki. Sakura had touched him too many times today. Naruto had held his hand, which was fine for now but what if Naruto wanted to do it again? Sasuke had bad days. He didn’t want Naruto to feel rejected if Sasuke refused to hang out and _stuff_.

Sasuke thought maybe he was going to throw up. Stress was weighing down on him, engulfing him in a heavy shroud of chaos. He was disquieted to envision sleeping in an unfamiliar place tonight, especially after everything that occurred. He needed to sleep, too, if he wanted to feel even remotely better.

Today had been rough. He had been forced to deal with Kakashi being inadvertently dogmatic about his political outlook, Tazuna reeking of alcohol, Sakura being way too close, and Naruto giving him a heart attack for getting injured (Sasuke really shouldn’t fault him for that, but still).

Sasuke liked organized, smooth routines. This was not his average regiment; he hadn’t brushed his teeth or ate his normal lunch, nor had he read any of his favorite books to calm him down. Sasuke peered through his bangs miserably. His genin status was encroaching on his sanity. He lived the same day, every day; any variations were unwelcome and caused unhealthy obsessions over them.

He peeled his lips together as his stomach rolled. Sasuke was pretty sure he was going to vomit. His lip quivered because crying sounded damn good right now.

Sasuke took a deep breath and shoved his shaking hands in his pockets.

No more surprises, he begged silently. His eyes were aching. Normally, he thought glumly, this would be the moment where a child pleaded to go home to the safety of family. Sasuke didn’t particularly feel like hugging gravestones.

The dark sway of thoughts shifted his mood from tolerable to irate. He pulled at the strings in his pockets, wondering if counting might help. Sasuke tried until he reached fifteen, but gave up having lost his patience.

At the rate, Sasuke would drive himself up the wall with anxiety by the time he could brush his teeth and crash into (an _unfamiliar_ ) bed.


	5. Intent to Kill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Momoichi’s sword brushed against Sasuke’s spine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAS The Land of Waves. Few people understand how frustrating it is to capitalize that every time you write it.   
> The Land of Waves...yeah it's annoying. But I did it!! Hope you enjoy :)

Sasuke rubbed his aching eyes tiredly. Yesterday had been a form of hell. They had trekked about four more miles before finally taking up camp, having lost valuable time from the fight against the Demon Brothers, they weren’t able to arrive at Mr. Tazuna’s actual home in a singular day like they had previously planned.

By the time they decided to turn over Sasuke had developed major sight loss, his vision going fuzzy every time he blinked. At one point Sasuke could swear he had lost consciousness from the pain entirely. On a multitude of occasions Kakashi-sensei had suggested they walk slower or take a short rest, seeming to sense that what he was experiencing was more than just chakra exhaustion. His sensei didn’t push the topic, though, thankfully. Sasuke was pretty sure that they ended up _not_ walking all the way through the night with only nap intervals because of him, especially since the rest of his team had each taken a turn on watch duty and left him out of it. They seemed convinced they were sneaky in babying him, but they weren’t. If Sasuke hadn’t been in so much pain he would have been offended, but he could only muster of the emotion of being thankful for their thoughtfulness.

Naruto had lost his tent in the battle, and startlingly enough, Sakura hadn’t even packed one. Because of this, Kakashi-sensei ended up giving up his tent and sharing with Tazuna whilst Sakura and Naruto took his. Sakura had been forced to sleep with Naruto because of Sasuke’s night terrors; much to their sensei’s amusement. Sakura had rolled her eyes at all of Naruto’s suggestive looks and coy innuendos. Kakashi-sensei had even gained up on her, giddily announcing that if they needed contraceptives (protection was the word his sensei had used), he had brought some. Sakura, completely desensitized and unperturbed had merely deflected everything by informing Naruto that she snored obnoxiously loud so he should probably try to fall asleep before her. 

Sasuke was left with his own tent. He felt guilty for not volunteering his camping equipment for his teammates to use. However logic told Sasuke that it was in everyone’s best interest. Sasuke would keep a cloth in his mouth to muffle any sounds that might escape him, except he had an aversion to gags, so he generally made lots of noise in his sleep. If his teammates tried to console him Sasuke would flip out on them and maybe even cause a serious injury. Sasuke was positive he wasn’t the only member on his team who didn’t want to deal with his insanity.

He was frustrated that even with all of his logic and understanding of his psychological trauma, he couldn’t stop any of it from happening. It was a helpless feeling to know how powerless he was against even his own emotions. Maybe Itachi was right on some of the assumptions he had made about Sasuke’s persona. It was pretty pathetic to be terrified of going asleep for fear of having a nightmare.

Sasuke tried to shake himself off, but found his mind was in a dangerous loop of negativity, obsessing about the smallest of details.

He took a deep breath and initiated an exercise to keep him calm. Sasuke took the time to remember the smallest details of things he enjoyed for there really were so few. The exercise was to recount every detail of even the simplest things he appreciated, be it his favorite game or a smoothie he enjoyed the flavor of. Sasuke would imagine something that made him cheerful or calmed him, listing all of the things over and over. It wasn’t complicated, but remembering that happy things still existed forced Sasuke to realize that the thing he was upset about was small and insignificant.

He nearly closed his eyes, but reminded himself that the action may cause him to shut down further.

He began a list, controlling his breathing with deep inhales. The burning of a warm apple cider candle, the texture of his cousin’s quilts as he ran his fingers along it, he imagined. Acorns scattered across the ground, snow melting in the palm of his hand. The sound of a keyboard typing, clean bristles on a toothbrush. The smell of wooden floor boards, bark scraping his knees as he climbed, lady bugs gathering on windowsills, caramel dripping off of a spoon. Standing atop the academy roof and viewing the world below, children practicing innocently and parents wishing their kids goodbye. The murmuring of crowds, festival food and games, and fresh tomatoes straight from the market; peaceful cloudy days where shinobi could be seen strolling the parks.

He could feel his heartbeat relax. 

_See?_ He told himself. _Your fine, you’re overreacting. There are plenty of wonderful things in this world._

Sasuke rolled his shoulders, ignoring that when he opened his eyes, there was crust sticking his eyelashes together. He wiped it away, cringing at the sight that surrounded him.

It surely wasn’t the villages market. It definitely wasn’t funny men who waved you over to play carnival games.

It was a mist filled waterway, the fog in the air so thick Sasuke was breathing more precipitation than oxygen. The water was murky and dirt filled, with oil floating to the surface. Every once in a while, you could see a distinct bubble pop on the top of the water, warning you that the liquid had an alarming amount of chemicals inside.

Sasuke sat on a rickety paddle boat, with a man standing at the rear of the boat and glancing around suspiciously every so often, strong arms paddling through the thick waters. There was a motor to this boat but their guide feared the sound may alert someone of their presence. The man was periodically squinting his eyes to try to see through the mist, searching for an enemy in a paranoid fashion. Sasuke didn’t fault him for his worry; he understood how strong the fear of one’s tormentors could influence a person’s actions. 

“This fogs so thick, you can’t see anything!” Sakura whispered breathlessly.

Across from him sat Sakura, emerald eyes full of worry as she stared over at Naruto, who was occupying the front of the boat. She still seemed upset about the whole hand incident Naruto had caused. Kakashi-sensei’s knees were comically pulled up so his chin rested against them, having been a bit too tall and lanky for the actual boat size. His visible eye was narrowed with unease, mouth forming a small pout of concentration behind his mask. He looked to be attempting to keep watch even through all the fog.

No one responded to Sakura’s hissing, none of them wishing to be scolded for not keeping their voices down by their volatile guide.

“The bridge isn’t far now. Our destination is just ahead...The Land of waves...” their guide murmured softly, speaking up for the first time without being addressed or provoked by Naruto’s loud behavior. Even getting into the boat, the blonde boy still made an incredible amount of unnecessary sound. He had been the opposite of stealth, crawling into the boat and nearly knocking it over. Meanwhile, Kakashi-sensei who towered over just about anyone in height had slid into the boat without so much as shifting the water.

Sasuke looked up, awed by the large structure he hadn’t been able to see until just now above him. It was a massive bridge, with huge beams and unfinished lattice walls. Both people and machines Sasuke had never seen before were quietly laboring way, small footsteps echoing down to them in the silence.

“Whoa! It’s HUGE!” Naruto’s mouth opened wide, his eyes bright.

Sasuke winced. How had he forgotten the rule already? The loser was always getting himself into trouble.

“Wha- Quiet!” the man looked around nervously, sweat gathering on his face, “I told you no noise! Why do you think we’re travelling like this, huh? Cutting off the engine and _rowing_...” he muttered spitefully. “We’re moving through this fog so they don’t see us!”

Sasuke still hadn’t been informed who the ominous ‘they’ were. Naruto eyes widened and he clapped his hands over his mouth, letting out muffled excited noises just to be irritating. Sakura was rubbing her temples, clearly restraining herself from jumping across the boat and throttling the boy.

Kakashi-sensei’s eyes turned unimpressed, his chin shifting to the direction of their client. “Mr. Tazuna, before we reach the peer, I want to ask you something.”

Sasuke stiffened. He thought it might be better to retreat into his mind and think about his happy things than witness this conversation. His eyes weren’t stinging anymore but they did feel like someone had brutally scrubbed them sore; he didn’t want to risk another headache like yesterday.

“The men who were after you...I need to know why.” Kakashi-sensei finally got out of his humorous position, settling for a more intimidating pose and crossing his arms. When Kakashi-sensei had originally sat down in the odd position, Sakura had flailed around trying to copy it. They all learned Sakura was missing a certain bone inside of her feet and couldn’t bend her ankles properly, restricting her from many positions and the ability to touch her knees to her chin while in a sitting position. Naruto had sat triumphantly in the position until Sakura, face red, had threatened to push him over into the water for his gloating.

Now all laughter was gone from his sensei’s face.

Acorns scattered across the ground, clean toothbrush bristles, caramel dripping off of a spoon...he chanted, recalling some of the happy things he had listed. Carmel was the only type of sugar he liked, mainly because it went well with saltier things and fruit.

“I have no choice but to tell you...no, I want you to know the truth.” Tazuna took a deep breath and steeled himself. Sasuke rubbed his tender eyes impatiently. He hated secrets and lies; hypocritical, he knew, seeing as he had so many secrets and told far too many lies.

“Like you said, this is beyond the scope of your mission. The one who seeks my life is a very short man who casts a very long and deadly shadow.” Tazuna crossed his legs, his face hidden beneath his oddly shaped hat.

“’A deadly shadow’?” Kakashi-sensei repeated incredulously. Sasuke bit his lip. Sometimes he couldn’t tell if Kakashi-sensei was being sardonic or honestly didn’t understand.

Tazuna growled beneath his breath. Kakashi-sensei, unimpressed, hummed in response. “Who is it?” he questioned.

“You know him...at least I’m sure you’ve heard his name before. He’s one of the wealthiest men in the world; the shipping magnet, Gato.” A bead of sweat slid down the side of Tazuna’s forehead. His eyes were shrouded, horrified by even saying the man’s name.

Sasuke felt something stir within him. He shoved it back, but the feeling insistently lingered.

He was all too familiar with fear of a name; hearing it sent you back to all of the awful things they’d done. Even seeing the name in writing could spoil your day with bad memories and unwanted sorrow.

He identified the persistent feeling as empathy. Sasuke recognized the name of the shipping magnet Tazuna had mentioned. Gato...he was one of the wealthiest civilians out there! The man had his name listed in _books_ about famous civilians in the library, he was a huge success and many children looked up to him as a role model. If he recalled the book’s information correctly, the man’s networth was approximately 67.4 BILION dollars! Gato wasn’t a guy you just messed around with!

Kakashi-sensei froze, his eye widening a fraction, “Huh? Gato...of Gato transport?” Kakashi-sensei shook his head in denial, “He’s a business leader; everyone knows him!”

Sasuke was grinding his teeth so hard now the sound almost blocked out his sensei’s words. There was no way they were fighting some rich civilian snob who could literally hire anyone he wanted from anywhere! They stood no logical chance! Besides, this man was a prominent figure of the Hidden Mist’s economy, The Village Hidden in The Leaves had no business interfering with this situation!

“Who, who? What, what?” Naruto leaned forward anticipatorily.

His happy places were no longer effective, his breathing exercises were useless, _hell_ , not even brushing his teeth right now would make him feel better.

Kittens in cute Christmas hats...warm hugs from Shisui...the feeling of fatigued triumph the first time he ever completed a Fire Style Jutsu...he tried in vain to focus.

Sasuke felt his headache coming back. He shifted his eyes to pay close attention to what Tazuna had to say about Gato.

Gato; Sasuke didn’t like the sound of this guy. He seemed to Sasuke like a major oppressor who took more than he needed and gave nothing in return. Anger spiked deep within him; Sasuke had dealt with many men like Gato before, and none of them deserved mercy.

“Gato...is a very powerful tycoon from a famous company, that’s true.” Tazuna closed his eyes, seeing something the rest of them weren’t. Sasuke was seeing his own painful images, though. Sasuke was warding away the memories that came with prevailing business men and trying to focus on Tazuna’s explanation. “...but below the surface, with the same ruthless methods he uses to take over businesses and nations, he sells drugs and contraband using gangs, and ninja.” Tazuna growled, clenching his fist tightly on his lap, quivers racing up his body. “It was one year ago when Gato first set his sight on The Land of Waves. He came to our island and used his vast wealth to take total control of our transport and shipping. Anyone who tried to stand in his way simply...disappeared.”

“In an island nation a man who controls the sea controls everything. Finance, government, our very lives! But there is one thing he fears...the bridge.” Tazuna continued, satisfaction creeping into his voice. “When it is complete it will join us to the land and that will break his control.”

Sasuke vehemently approved of everything Tazuna was trying to accomplish. For the first time in a while Sasuke felt true passion about undertaking something. He was going to protect their client and destroy Gato’s reign. A rush of vigor conquered his senses, forcing Sasuke to clench his fist to stop himself from tapping against something excessively. His emotions were always turning this way and that. His eyes stung with the energy boost, reminding Sasuke that he shouldn’t push his abilities too much if they were to run into battle. The way Tazuna was going about tearing Gato down wasn’t violent, it was tactical. Sasuke loathed violence. Anyone who was willing to go the extra mile to remain a pacifist was admirable in Sasuke’s book. After all, Gato could have just hired Leaf Ninja to taken down Gato and his tyranny rather than hiring shinobi to protect him while he built a long-term solution to his country’s problems.

“I am the bridge builder.” Tazuna concluded tipping his hat, his resolve to build the bridge bone deep.

Sasuke came to a realization. “That means, those guys we fought in the forest...they were working for Gato.” Sasuke’s lip curled at the reminder of the battle Sasuke needed to get over his dissent towards fighting. But...

But...

But the Demon Brothers were rogue Mist ninja. Gato was a business leader from the Mist village, clandestinely hiring his land’s rogue ninja. If the Mizukage were to found out about his own political spearhead using village defects to attack innocent bridge builders, how would he react? It was a great crime to help traitors, and paying the Demon Brothers surely counted as lending them a hand.

That didn’t make sense. How wasn’t the Mizukage aware of Gato’s dealings anyway? Maybe Sasuke should suggest they send in a messenger to inform him of the tyrant’s wayward actions.

Naruto looked down in concentration, visibly pondering the information. Sakura rubbed her hands together, looking cold in weather she probably had never been in before.

“I don’t understand.” Kakashi-sensei shook his head, his voice surprisingly patient. “If you knew he was dangerous- knew he’d send ninja to eliminate you- why did you hide that from us?” he watched Tazuna carefully.

“Because the land of waves is a small impoverish nation...even nobles have little money. The common people who are building this bridge, they can’t pay for an A or B ranked mission. It’s too expensive! If you end the mission when you drop me ashore there will be no bridge. They’ll assassinate me before I reach home.” Tazuna stretched languidly. “...but, don’t feel bad about that! Of course my sweet little grandson will be upset, he’ll cry ‘grandad I want my granddad!’”

Sasuke wilted. He understood on an intimate level what it was like to yearn for the wisdom of a grandparent. The pros of continuing this mission outweighed the cons in Sasuke’s mind. They could potentially be helping out hundreds of people, letting their kids grow up in a safe environment rather than one where they were scrounging for coin.

“And my daughter will condemn the ninja of the hidden leaves, denouncing and blaming you for abandoning her father and living her life in sorrow.” He added almost absentmindedly.

Sasuke knew what Tazuna was doing. The man was trying to make them to pity him; of course that knowledge didn’t stop Sasuke from feeling horrible. He hated to leave behind a family so similar to him Sasuke could almost pass as a distant relative. They shared common enemies, both were raised in poor families, and from what he’d seen from Tazuna, was a family of liars. The empathetic part of his mind demanded that he help this old drunkard out.

Sakura and Naruto both agreed, making pained noises in the back of their throats. Sakura looked ready to throw herself at Tazuna and comfort him, while Naruto looked ready to storm Gato’s base single handedly.

Kakashi-sensei had a resigned look in his eye as he studied them.

Tazuna rubbed his neck with a shrug. “Ah well. It’s not your fault, forget it!”

Sakura made another pleading noise directed at Kakashi-sensei. Naruto joined in, his growling a little more forceful. Sasuke looked at his sensei with eyes, begging him silently.

Their sensei sighed laggardly.

He and his teammates took this as a sign to keep it up, unwavering and persistent, slowly wearing their sensei down. Kakashi-sensei scratched his forehead protector musingly. “Well,” he began curtly. “I guess we have no other choice.” He held out his arms helplessly with a nervous eye smile. “We’ll have to keep guarding you.” Kakashi-sensei didn’t sound pleased with what he had just said; he sounded frustrated and tired. Sasuke wondered if his sensei’s eye twitching had been his imagination.

“Oooh, I’m very grateful.” Tazuna gushed.

Sasuke slumped in relief, happy they were going to get to help, even if that meant more anxiety attacks. He weakly attempted to match his teammates’ smiles. Sakura mouthed something snarky at him he didn’t quite catch but Naruto had, bursting into laughter. That wasn’t good. She schooled her features and pointed to her mouth. Ever so slowly she began to smile. Then, she pointed at him.

“Now you try.” Naruto piped up next to her.

Both of them erupted into hysterical whisper laughs, still mindful of their guide’s warnings.

Sasuke crossed his arms protectively around his chest. “I feel personally attacked. I do. Did you see that, Kakashi-sensei?” he sent Kakashi-sensei a bewildered stare. 

Sakura and Naruto laughed hard, Sakura letting out a loud snort and instantly getting hushed by their guide. His teammates momentarily stopped, subdued by Kakashi-sensei’s disappointed glare, before looking to Sasuke’s face and seeing something very funny. They began laughing once more.

Sasuke didn’t get it.

“I don’t get it.” he threw his arms into the air. “I can smile,” Sasuke hissed, keeping his voice low.

Kakashi-sensei choked on a laugh, his controlled expression faltering. He tried in vain to control the laughter in his singular eye but failed miserably.

“It’s not funny!” he whined under his breath.

“We’re approaching the shore.” Their guide cut off their joking, pushing against the water using his paddle and yet making no noise whatsoever. “Tazuna, we’ve been very fortunate, no one has noticed us so far,” He reported. Tazuna nodded and murmured his appreciation.

Sasuke now felt all self-conscious about his mouth, popping his jaw agitatedly and refraining from practicing a smile. He could smile, he just didn’t do it often. Besides, most of his smiles were picture perfect practices from his mother sitting with him for hours and forcing him to master the art of facial expressions.

You have to be polite, smile enthusiastically, blink frequently but not fast paced, show just a bit of your bottom teeth, don’t flare your nose, keep one shoulder higher than the other...

Sasuke’s genuine smile may have been crooked and looked more like a jack-ass smirk, but it was the real thing; his real thing.

Sasuke felt violated. It was a sensitive thing for them to joke about.

Out of the corner of his eye he caught Kakashi-sensei moving his arm to place atop his head. He jerked away slightly, but Kakashi-sensei didn’t stop his action and rested his large hand on his hair. He shook his hair until it was ruffled and uncomfortable. Sasuke grit his teeth and dug his nails harshly into his palms so he didn’t bat away Kakashi-sensei’s arm.

Sasuke let out a relieved breath when his sensei finally removed the offending hand.

Kakashi-sensei frowned worriedly at him. He almost smiled reassuringly, but was reminded of their disparaging and pettily crossed his arms and gave an agitated pop of his neck instead. He wanted to say more, but was stopped by the knowledge he would get in trouble for talking by their guide.

The boat moved quickly under a large tunnel that had fire lanterns strung on the ceiling, creating a soft and barely visible orange glow. Naruto eagerly leaned over the edge to examine their surroundings.

When they got through the hazy dark tunnel, Sasuke was rather awed. The port was adorable and well kept. Water was everywhere around the town, mangrove trees sprouting up from the water and docks lining the shores. The town appeared to have been built in the middle of the marine; there was no actual land in sight, Sasuke could only see the tips of trees in the far distance. Everything was either on stilts or crafted to float. Small pastel colored houses surrounded the port, wooden rooftops painted in cute colored stain and small vintage chimney permeating smoke. Naruto’s eyes lit up, features breaking into a giddy smile. “Yea!” he breathed, looking around to try to take it all in.

The blue skies and fluffy clouds were observable now that the area they were in wasn’t covered in thick mist. The town was nice. It was a good kind of sunny, too, all blue and bright with no blinding rays of sunshine. Sasuke’s eyes caught a large sign to his right hung up on hut with no doors, where in big, baby blue letter’s it read ‘Gato Industries Import and Exportations’. He glared. So that was why this town was all spruced up, it was governed directly by Gato. This place probably had absurd tariffs on all goods and charged crazy amounts to buy a ticket for a boat rides and such; it was likely the only way to get to smaller towns like the one Tazuna lived. He turned away from the sights, sickened he had been impressed in the first place.

They moved through the waters, Team Seven hushed in their observations.

Their guide docked the boat, expertly strapping it into place. Sasuke waited until Naruto clambered out of the boat before stepping onto the wooden floor held up by wooden supports buried beneath the water. He offered his hand to Sakura who clasped onto it. He didn’t particularly like the feeling of her hand in his, the close contact making him shifty and awkward. He hastily removed their hands from each other once Sakura was steady on her feet. Somehow, Kakashi-sensei was already off of the boat and standing beside Naruto, hands shoved into his pockets. Tazuna hoisted himself from the boat with a groan only an old man could pull off, nodding to their guide.

“That’s as far as I go.” The boat driver established. “Good luck.” He added sincerely.

Tazuna adjusted the pack on his shoulders. “Right...thank you for taking such a risk.”

The guide turned away with a huff. “Just be careful.” He warned. The guy started up the motor on his large boat, settling back down and moving away from them at a much faster pace than they arrived.

Tazuna turned around and addressed Kakashi-sensei. “Ok, take me to my home and I mean get me there in one piece.” He demanded.

Kakashi-sensei rolled his singular eye. “Right...”

Team Seven travelled out of the port and into a large forest path. The forest was different than Konoha’s normal dark green leaves and oak trees, instead full of small ponds here and there with brush and tall weeds in between every maple and cypress tree Sasuke could see. The path was wet dirt with roots sticking out of it everywhere rather than the clean pebbles and stones that filled the land of fires pathways.

Sakura was wincing, clearly wishing she wasn’t wearing ninja sandals. It was standard for training in Konoha but it clearly wasn’t the correct type of equipment for this weather. Sasuke’s toe nails were already caked with mud and perhaps clay as well.

Sasuke noticed that Naruto was ahead of everyone and looked bored, so he quickened his pace to catch up, watching him out of the corner of his eye. Naruto gave him a tight lipped smile, stretching his arms up before freezing, eyes zeroing in on something in the forest. Sasuke’s stomach dropped.

Naruto leaped forward launching a kunai knife in the direction of the trees he had been watching. Kakashi-sensei stiffened behind him and Sakura wheeled around to stand in front of Tazuna.

Sasuke blinked. He only sensed their chakra signatures, and a couple of critters everywhere.

He titled his head in confusion.

There was a tense silence, where Naruto was just crouching with narrowed eyes in front of them, poised for attack.

Naruto straightened up, ruffling his hair in confusion. “Hm, it was just a mouse.” He explained, turning back to them.

Sakura shrieked. “Mouse yea right!! Everyone can see through your stupid act!! You’re so obvious it’s embarrassing!!” She whined, clearly thinking he was either vying for attention or trying to scare them.

Kakashi-sensei held out his hands in a placating manner, looking anxious. “Naruto, those are kunai knives they’re dangerous.”

Sakura let out another frustrated yelp, backed up by Tazuna. “Stop trying to scare me ya’ scrumpy little dwarf!” he placed both hands onto his hat and turned enrage eyes to Naruto.

Naruto ignored them, looking around once more. He began mumbling to himself, pondering over where something was.

Sasuke tilted his head. Again, he only sensed some critters and...

Sasuke’s throat parched and all feeling sapped from his face.

“Kakashi-s-sensei! T-t-there’s a summon around here!” he had his kunai knife whipped out and his other hand placed on his weapon pack instantly.

How could he not have noticed? A scout summon was right there! It was so small and had so little shinobi chakra flowing through it Sasuke had dismissed it as a normal forest animal!

Kakashi-sensei’s eyes sharpened, instantly sensing the extra chakra signature once it was pointed out to him; Sakura gasped knowingly as well. “Naruto—!” she began warningly, but their teammate had already launched a kunai knife across from them in the direction of the foreign summon. Sasuke wondered how Naruto had sensed it before any of them.

At that exact moment, an enormous chakra signature spiked a wave of killing intent across the pathway. Sasuke gagged, stumbling. The killing intent receded enough he managed to regain his bearings and make quick work of rushing to his teammate.

“Look out!” Kakashi-sensei grabbed ahold of Tazuna’s head and slammed it into the ground, tugging Sakura’s wrist as well. She dove into an army position, arms tucked and eyes wide.

Sasuke tackled Naruto, his arms securing around the other boy’s waist.

A white rabbit leapt out of the bush, zipping away from the clearing. Sasuke jumped, closing his eyes fearfully.

A _shing_ zipped just next to his ear, followed by the snipping clean of his hair. The detached strands slid down his face while at loud thud shook the ground and sent chills racing up his spine.

Sasuke felt something tug on his body and gasped, having forgotten to breath. Naruto was dragging him to his feet.

“Get ready!” Naruto hissed at him, shuriken laced into his fingers and forearm protectively in front of his face.

Sasuke took another deep breath, the wave of killer intent still affecting him. He whined under his breath, vision skewed as he also took position.

His gaze shifted to Sakura who had her hands steady in front of her in a Tai-jutsu form he vaguely recognized from the academy, calm and poised once more in the face of battle.

Sasuke shifted closer to Naruto, who in reaction turned so their sides and back were barely brushing against each other.

He dared to look up. An oversized blade Sasuke instantly recognized as Kubikiribocho, a legendary sword from the Village Hidden in the Mist was lodged firmly into one of the surrounding trees in front of them. Two feet were planted on the hilt of the blade with exacting balance and ease. The feet belonged to an intimidating abnormally dressed man that managed to look terrifying even while wearing cow printed denim pants, tucked into close-toes shoes. The shoes reminded Sasuke of their sandals, this guy’s choice of foot wear instantly alerting him their enemy had the advantage of terrain over them seeing as he was dressed properly for the weather. Their foe was shirtless, with long arm guards that had the same cow print as the bottoms of his skin tight pants that stretched all the way down his forearm. He was muscled, with a strong lean stomach and prominently sturdy bones. Their foreigner’s face was covered by heavy duty bandages, reminding Sasuke of the mist village rogues from before who also wore face masks. Typically, face masks shielded their user from gas poisons or cold weather. Cold weather was out of the question, this land was humid and wet with only occasional chilly nights; nothing that would warrant so drastic of protection from the cold.

All the seven swords men as of now were rogue ninja. Both sets of Mist rogue ninja that ambushed Team Seven were wearing something to protect themselves from poison. Sasuke saw the connection and felt instantly stupid for not having come to the conclusion sooner. Both of them most likely had hunter nin on their tails, who were extremely precise in their killings. Poison would be a perfect weapon. Afterwards, hunter ninja would probably do something absurd like explode the body as if the dead could rise from their graves if they weren’t fully decapitated.

The Swordsmen was also unorthodoxly wearing his village’s headband without a cross tainting the Mist’s symbol. Sasuke quirked an eyebrow at that, caught up in his examinations.

“Well, well, if it isn’t Zabuza Momoichi, rogue ninja from the village Hidden in the Mist.” Kakashi-sensei drawled, arrogantly shoving his hands into his pockets and stepping forward.

Sasuke growled, his entire body tensing again. Kakashi-sensei was too casual, why would he address the enemy?

Naruto slid closer to him, bumping his arm and glancing at him in worry. Sasuke gulped, avoiding his teammates searching gaze.

Kakashi-sensei squared his feet, hand shaking up to his headband. “If he’s our opponent, I’ll need this.” he murmured, hooking his thumb under the plaque hesitantly. He rested it there, waiting for this ‘Zabuza Momoichi’ guy to make the first move. The name of this Seven Swordsman was familiar, but Sasuke didn’t know where from. He shook off the sound of Itachi’s cackling laugher from his mind, confused as to why it was coming back to him in the first place. Perhaps Itachi had once educated Sasuke on their current enemy before.

Kakashi-sensei’s thumb swept across his the Leaf Insignia on his headband.

Sasuke felt less terrified with Naruto beside him than he might have alone, but that didn’t mean he could turn off his horror. Sasuke knew what was under that headband and wasn’t sure he could handle seeing it again.

“Kakashi of the Sharingan eye, did I get that right?” Momoichi growled, tilting his head mockingly.

A wave of nausea swept over Sasuke, engulfing him in a state of immobilization. Even hearing the name of one of his greatest tormentors, the Sharingan, caused Sasuke immense horror.

“It’s too bad, ah?” Momoichi continued with mirthful eyes. The killer intent around the area became suffocating. Time slowed for Sasuke as a pounding began to intermittently slam in his head, eyes watering at the shocking pain.

Sasuke was taken back. Back to his mother, face morphed in grief as a blade was twisted mercilessly through her back and deep into her gut, pouring blood onto the floor and staining her white apron a deep maroon. He was back to lying face to face with his dead father’s bleeding corpse and thinking, knowing that he was next. That soon the blade would split his heart in two just like it had countless other Uchiha. 

His hands were shaking even balled into tight fists.

“But you’re going to have to hand over the old man.” Momiochi finally finished his statement, words oddly slow and disordered. He crouched down so his hand rested on the hilt of the blade he was perched on. The world tilted precariously around him. Sasuke briefly felt a bubble of pure glee as his vision was cut off by the dripping red, before the misery came back like in a wave, so strong Sasuke was almost swept away with it.

Kakashi-sensei said nothing, his eye unwaveringly tracking the swordsmen’s every move.

Then Sasuke sensed another form of killer intent, this was less like drowning and more sporadic. It made Sasuke’s throat seize up as the terror shocked his veins.

Sasuke had only ever sensed a fire chakra type’s killer intent. His father’s heated and furious flames that made Sasuke feel weak and small in comparison. His mother’s flickering spikes of outrage that forced Sasuke to tremble and instantly back down. Itachi’s heated cinders that swamped his senses with smoke and drained all hope and security from Sasuke’s mind, leaving him defenseless to every cruel taunt Itachi spat at him.

Kakashi-sensei’s lightening was much more overwhelming, attacking his very blood and making him want to run far away at top speed. 

Momoichi’s was suffocating. It made him want to sink to his knees and never get back up. He was exhausted and fearful, feeling as if he was going to begin throwing up buckets of water trapped inside of his lungs.

Both of them combined created indecisiveness inside of Sasuke, like experiencing the mania and depressive states of a bipolar disorder at the exact same time. One emotion however, was extremely clear. He did not want any part in this fight.

Sasuke was trained to obey killer intent. He was taught by his family that would often use it as an intimidation tactic, was taught that challenging their killer intent would end in much pain. When they released their vicious chakra Sasuke knew it was time to back down; not that Sasuke would ever challenge any of them in the first place.

The last thing he felt like he should be doing right now was fighting. His eyes were burning again, his Sharingan deleteriously attempting to activate and failing over and over on an endless cycle.

He ground his teeth together impatiently waiting for someone to make the first move. Kakashi-sensei didn’t need to, seeing as this wasn’t a necessary fight for him. Only Momoichi needed to attack. So then what was he waiting for? Why was he taking so much time?

“Now, quick, Manji formation,” Kakashi-sensei commanded. “Protect the bridge builder and stay out of this fight.”

Sasuke’s eyes darted over to his teammates, waiting for them to obey their superior’s orders.

“I taught you teamwork, now it’s time to use it.” Kakashi-sensei let out a frustrated breath.

Kakashi-sensei began pulling up his headband, every twitch of his fingers visible to Sasuke. For once, he noticed a thin scar in the shape of a crescent on Kakashi-sensei’s uncovered joints on his fingers, along a slightly darker shade of black on his glove that resembled a blood stain. Kakashi-sensei gradually pulled down the headband the entire way, revealing a thick scar directly down his eye. Sasuke’s own eyes darted to Kakashi-sensei’s uncovered right eye, spotting with a sinking stomach a three-tomoe-Sharingan.

How...how did he...how did Kakashi-sensei develop the Mangekyou?

Sasuke whined under his breath, gripping his blade tighter. He hated it, the idea that his sensei had nothing to live for. The only way to develop the Mangekyou was if your reason for living had vanished. The Mangekyou could only activate if the user wanted to die.

The Mangekyou Sharingan was a powerful level of the Sharingan, but it came with a devastating price. Eventually the Doujutsu would kill the body it inhabited. Sasuke remembered the day Itachi had flashed him what was undoubtedly Shisui’s old Sharingan, the three tomoes spinning madly.

He shook his head. It wasn’t Kakashi-sensei’s Sharingan it was the Uchiha’s that he stole it from. Kakashi-sensei didn’t feel that way; Sasuke was just too out of it to realize this. Just like Itachi stole Shisui’s eye because he hadn’t wanted to die, Kakashi-sensei stole his teammate’s old eye.

Sasuke wondered if Kakashi-sensei was where Itachi got the idea to steal his cousin’s Mangekyou from.

“I’m ready!” Kakashi-sensei declared challengingly, his electric intent flaring forcefully.

“Well...looks like I get to see the Sharingan in action. This is an honor.” Momoichi responded, lifting his head to stare imperiously down at them, hand clenching tighter around his deadly sword. Sasuke tried not to wince at the name once more.

Mist, thick and watery shrouded the area, emerging from the very air with a single seal formed from their enemy’s hands. His vision was even more impaired now, the hazy and harmless gas rendering even Naruto, who was right next to him, a blurry shape of orange and deep blue.

“As for you, Jounin, in the assassination unit of The Hidden Mist, we have a standing order to destroy you on sight. Your profile was in our bingo book; it called you the man who copied over a thousand jutsu...Kakashi, The Copy Ninja.”

Kakashi-sensei let the tomoe in his Sharingan spin in response, the vibrant Kekei Genkai even visible through the fog. His gloved hands clenched at his sides, his body coiling tightly in preparation to lunge in either defense or offense.

Sasuke remembered the oddity of Momoichi’s headband being clean of a slash, semblance of betrayal to one’s nation. Momoichi’s statement was odd. Why would he care about any lasting orders from superiors he had betrayed?

Momichi shifted, his movements distorted but intentions clear. He was preparing for an attack. “Enough talking, I need to exterminate the old man; now.”

Tazuna stumbled, and that’s when Sasuke remembered Kakashi-sensei’s orders. In synchronization, he and his teammates formed around Tazuna in a standard Manji placement. Sasuke was taking up the front, Sakura to his right and Naruto to his left, all guarding Tazuna from each direction.

Momoichi disappeared into the mist, his movements too quick for Sasuke to follow, his sword no longer lodged into the tree. A metallic clang rang around, cautioning Sasuke that their opponent had his infamous weapon in hand.

Momoichi reappeared. Sasuke was just barely able make him out through the mist, his feet hovering on the surface of the water, causing ripples to circulate through the small pond.

Sasuke had the epiphany that water jutsu was perfect for this climate. He could easily pull off a multitude of ice techniques, maybe even counteract this mist. But not yet, he would need to clear the mist when it was most crucial; his enemy was much stronger and had larger chakra reserves than him so Sasuke’s attempt would be completely shut down if he made it obvious. He’ll start with a fire jutsu, make it seem like that’s his chakra element...and when Kakashi-sensei gets an upper hand, rip the mist right out from under him and shock his chakra system. Sasuke nodded to himself, shaking his head to clear the pain and psychologically assure himself he wasn’t about to throw up.

More mist began rising, the humidity making it harder to breathe properly. This guy had to have been tracking them for a while to choose to show himself in such an ideal spot for his abilities. A pond, large brush, muddy ground, and thick air...all huge advantages.

“Ninja Art, Hidden Mist Jutsu!” he growled low in his throat. Once more, their enemy vanished.

Kakashi-sensei stepped forward, spinning a kunai into his hand. “He’ll come after me, first.” He informed them self-confidently.

Sakura, beside him, shifted nervously. “But...who is he?” she questioned, digging her shoes into the thick mud to get a better grip on the ground.

“Zabuza Momochi, the ex-leader of The Hidden Mist’s Assassination Unit. He’s a master of the silent killing technique.” Kakashi procured seemingly right out of a textbook.

Naruto stuttered out his confusion. “S-s-silent?” he mumbled, the thought clearly disturbing him. Sasuke was troubled himself with the thought of a completely silent killing technique in an area where Sasuke couldn’t see a damn thing.

Sasuke took a deep breath. He was fine. _He was fine_. The striking, horrible pain in his eyes would go away. The headache forming would disperse soon. Sasuke just needed to calm down. It wasn’t so hard, really, except he was being drowned in Killing Intent and didn’t know how to deal with it.

His hands were shaking, clinking his kunai awkwardly. When Sasuke swallowed, he tasted blood.

“As the name suggests, it happens in an instant without sound or warning of any kind. It’s so fast you pass from this life without realizing what has happened. The Sharingan cannot fully neutralize it so don’t lower your guard.” Kakashi-sensei warned, moving his toes so they were pointing towards the water and bending his knees, finally taking a proper Tai-jutsu stance of some kind.

Sasuke let out a harsh breath between his clenched teeth. Kakashi-sensei wasn’t helping Sasuke stay calm so far. In fact, he was only making it worse.

“Well if we fail we only lose our lives.” Kakashi amended, giving a small shrug.

This thought was actually rather comforting to Sasuke, in a way. Failure meant death, and Sasuke had never had any qualms against dying. The only problem was that it would be a major disappointment to the family name for the last Uchiha to die on his first C-rank mission. But, then again, Sasuke wouldn’t be around to witness any of the humiliation.

“How can you say that?” Sakura demanded, nearly losing her stance in her frustration at his way of consoling them. Ironic how she was mad at the only thing Sasuke had felt comforted by his sensei stating.

The mist was still thickening, spreading out and around the entire clearing. Ahead of them, Kakashi-sensei’s form was lost completely, covered by the growing mist.

“Shit, sensei!” Sakura hissed, the heavy silence around them stagnant enough Sasuke could hear her teeth grinding.

Sasuke, despite his best attempts at warding away the feelings rising and crawling onto is skin, was sinking into the horrifying effects of the killer intent. Sasuke felt his lip wobble. His heart hammering against is chest, Sasuke felt his fingers curl tighter around his kunai knife. He couldn’t take it. It was too intense. Despair and terror were warring volatility against one another inside of him. His teeth broke the skin on his lip, drops of blood smoothing down his pale face. He could no longer avoid the sheer devastation that Killer intent forced onto Sasuke’s psyche.

“Eight points...”

Sasuke’s body wracked with shudders, his arms shaking uncontrollably. Too much; it was too much. Everything was too much, the silence, the panic, and the revolting desire to kill contaminating the air he was breathing. It was chilling, the idea of witnessing two Jounin, one versus one, with nothing on their minds but destroying the other. He had tried to fight it off before, but the sensation had completely taken over the area now, both Jounin’s chakra spreading across the whole field.

“Larynx, spine, lungs, liver, jugular, subclavian artery, kidney, heart...now...which will be my kill point?”

Sasuke’s knees nearly buckled beneath him. He was going to throw up. The waves of deadly chakra were pounding into his system, rendering Sasuke immobile and helpless. His eyes stung, throbbing madly directly at the center of his pupil. Sasuke couldn’t close his eyes to soothe the pain, his abhorrence for darkness once again getting the better of him. His teeth slit his already bloodied lips, causing droplets to gather and slide at a quicker pace down his chin. The sensation spread, razing what was left of Sasuke’s composure to the ground.

Kakashi-sensei released a counteractive jutsu, his chakra visibly spreading out and creating a lull in the spreading mist. The area around them was temporarily clear from the thickness of the water, but Sasuke felt even more exposed.

He was so scared. His tongue darted out to lap away some of the blood along his chin, only serving to smear it across his cheek. He hadn’t been forced to experience killing intent since the massacre; it took everything Sasuke had not to disassociate into his own nightmarish flashbacks.

Kakashi-sensei’s killing intent dominated the room briefly, increasing Sasuke’s tribulation. He huffed out a breath.

The intense thirst for blood was smothering any rational thought Sasuke might have been having before. His eyes shifted, finding Kakashi-sensei’s Mangekyou.

Another thing he had in common with Itachi. Sasuke pursed his shaking lips together.

One shallow breath, one tiny movement of the eye, would be enough bring anyone in this clearing instant death. Sasuke felt himself pale, remembering the countless lifeless bodies of the massacre, not a single scratch marring their greying skin, but their eyes rolled into the back of their heads. Stuck, stuck for their last few moments in an endless nightmare Itachi orchestrated. Itachi hadn’t given his parents such a clean death.

He remembered being trapped, ensnared for an incomprehensible amount of time within Itachi’s sick world. Two hours; it had been two hours until Sasuke was found the night of the massacre. Two hours where every single second was an _eternity_.

The evocations overwhelmed him. The horror of what his brother inflicted upon him over and over and over and over again coming back to Sasuke in perfect detail. Every drop of blood, every hitch of breath, the pitch of every scream, played so many times within Sasuke’s mind he could recreate it without a single flaw.

If it went on like this, Sasuke would go insane. The killer intent was sending him off the deep end. It felt like his own life was being choked off, like someone was squeezing his throat and wouldn’t stop. All of his worst memories were creeping up on him, overwhelming him with their darkness. Perhaps he was dying, perhaps this was his end. If so, he wished it was quicker.

More tremors vibrated his hands, as subconsciously Sasuke began to turn his kunai onto himself.

He couldn’t bare it.

Both of his hands wrapped around the hilt of his blade.

He would rather take his own life than experience this pain for another instant.

His eyes throbbed.

Too much; too much pain, his eyes hurt, his chest hurt and everything _hurt_.

“Sasuke!” Kakashi-sensei’s voice broke through the torturous haze.

He snapped his head up. When had he lowered it? The corners of his vision were blurring a deep red hue, swirling in with the white of his eyes. He blinked rapidly until the illusion was gone.

“Calm down. I’ll protect you with my life, all of you.” Kakashi-sensei’s voice was calm. His voice was strong and assuring. Sasuke sucked in a breath, distantly realizes that he hadn’t been breathing at all. What kind of lunatic was he to forget to breathe?

This was... _excruciating_. Blurry images of his trauma began to creep back. His disgust for himself began to take over once again, prompting Sasuke’s fingers to curl tighter around his kunai. Everything felt like it was going so slow, like Sasuke could see their lips moving before hearing the sound of their voices. Sasuke imagined death wouldn’t feel too bad. He inched the kunai closer to himself.

He was forced away when his sensei continued speaking words finally back to the correct pace and timing.

“I will not allow my comrades to die.” Kakashi-sensei turned to face him, eye crinkling reassuringly. Sasuke took another shuddering gasp of air.

“Trust me.”

Sasuke didn’t hesitate. His kunai was back to shaking uncontrollably, but in it’s correct position facing away from his own body. _Trust me_ ; it wasn’t the first time Sasuke had heard his sensei plead for him to accept his help and rely on him. Just before this mission Kakashi-sensei had demanded he be called by his first name because Sasuke should trust him enough to not address him by his last name.

Trust him.

Sasuke parted his lips. It didn’t sound so bad, trusting Kakashi-sensei. It actually sounded exactly right.

He already sort of trusted Naruto not to pull anything, and Sakura was beginning to grow on him. Trust Kakashi-sensei.

Yea.

_Yes_.

Kakashi-sensei always made Sasuke feel better, even if he was a bit of a dogmatic politician who may or may not have had a hand in making Itachi go crazy, he made Sasuke feel good; confident, vibrant, happy and less like a ninja and more like a _kid_. Sasuke had never been a kid before, and he liked it a lot. Being treated as if he didn’t just magically have all the answers, being coddled just a bit, it was refreshing.

“I trust you.” His voice was quiet, but held much conviction. Sasuke believed the words as he spoke them. It would take a while to let his sensei in, but Sasuke would try. Sasuke could rely and believe in his sensei.

A moment later, he realized his sensei had stopped producing killing intent. The electricity coursing through his system was no longer present. Sasuke promised himself he would later thank Kakashi-sensei for his perceptiveness.

“I wouldn’t be so sure.” Momoichi’s sword brushed against Sasuke’s spine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are there any questions? I know like this chapter was very intense I revealed a lot of the actual plot to my story. If you didn't get anything or thought something should be elaborated on let me know!!


	6. My “Right”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hatake Kakashi reflects on how he got here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What? We're finally switching POVS? Yes I promised it would happen!! I found out that I love writing in Kakashi's perspective. It is really fun.

Kakashi, heresy to what the villagers of Konoha communally established, often indulged himself in many other types of books than Lord Jiraiya’s writings. He had read many antediluvian scrolls in which he gained much knowledge, including having familiarized himself with the odd and easily overlooked term Nodus Tollen. This obscure phrase meant to have the epiphany that the plot of your life itself is no longer conceivable. 

Kakashi retained a considerable opinion that he was experiencing this term first-hand.

The group of rookie children that had been thrust upon him by both his peers and Hokage were the source of his current troubling plight. He had been informed of the childrens’ tendencies and behavioral patterns, the way his female student was more focused on her appearance and romantic relationships than developing as a shinobi, the Uchiha’s penchant for provoking others and acting imperiously; Uzumaki’s mischievous pranks along with a careless attitude that often disrupted class.

In truth the young children were much more complex than they led everyone to believe. It enthralled Kakashi to circumvent his perfunctory tasks in favor of observing each of the curious graduates closely. In his findings he discovered that every single one of them diverted significantly from the personalities they had been designated.

Haruno Sakura, a wiseacre self-absorbed teacher’s pet who simpered and obsessed over Uchiha Sasuke. This was a paraphrased version of the report that he had been granted by the many Academy teachers who tripped over themselves to vent out complaints on the bratty behavior of their students. In reality, Kakashi acquired the outlook she was a subdued, smart and peremptory girl who refused to be treated unfairly or denied the same opportunities as the children with more renowned clan names. She was abrasive and caused many fights with her unnecessary insensible provocations. Haruno Sakura didn’t appear to hold any romantic interest towards Uchiha Sasuke; she was however extremely particular on her looks, but he believed this was more for hygienic and health reasons than simply to look appealing. After studying her closely he also found she was an attentive listener and took charge of complicated situations with the ease of a seasoned shinobi.

She was skilled in tai-jutsu and knowledgeable in medical allotments. He emphasized his praise on her hand to hand abilities; she had even managed to brush her finger against one of Minato-sensei’s bells. 

Uzumaki Naruto was immature and meddlesome; Kakashi did not deny him these traits. The reality yet was that he was rude and confrontational in a much quieter and ill-intentioned way than the teachers’ had shared. While the boy was quick to feel guilt and quick to forgive, he still had intense sporadic bursts of unadulterated and misdirected anger. Naruto was ambitious, a trait which his instructors had named as impractical naivety. Uzamaki was highly skilled and tactful; the boy’s mind quickly came up with ideas and unassuming plans, adjusting to situations like he was slipping on a new coat (although that metaphor may be a bit redundant seeing as he never changed out of that dreadful jumpsuit).

Sasuke was more of an enigma. He was quiet, and to Kakashi, looked quite saddened. Kakashi imagined Sasuke was a bottle of soda that was constantly being shaken, except that the boy had stubbornly duck-taped his lid shut. He was high-strung and jumpy, and Kakashi would like to clarify that he would never have labeled him to be arrogant or impulsive. The teachers made him out to be some sort of megalomaniac who isolated himself away from all people. But after a much more authentic delve into Sasuke’s character, he found that the boy was extremely pacifistic, socially awkward, and rather subversive to the rules. Kakashi assumed that the teachers’ were just judging him by his clan name and solitary behavior; he had also once heard a rumor Sasuke had struck a sensei, an implausible thing to incriminate the student he had come to know for. He couldn’t imagine Sasuke in a violent situation at all. Kakashi knew that the Uchiha Massacre still affected Sasuke’s behavior; he had witnessed the young boy try to participate with laughs and smiles but more often than not he looked either too exhausted or terrified to join in. 

Team Seven was certainly not the group of rambunctious pre-teens he had prepared himself to deal with. 

A Team Seven where Sakura pined over Sasuke was chimerical. Sakura grasped the rationality of the idea that Kakashi was superior to her and it should be wise to listen to him; however, if Sasuke were to speak the same words he himself did to the girl she would take it as Sasuke looking down upon her in a condescending manner. This scenario of course is not an immediate problem as Sasuke would never try to criticize someone else’s abilities being both too sensitive and timid to attempt such an act. 

Naruto had acquired a dominative position in Team Seven. He naturally upheld the title, often deciding what all of them were going to do and where they were going to meet up. Sakura wasn’t as willing as Sasuke to relent her authority but let Naruto proclaim himself the leader anyway. Kakashi theorized she disliked the idea of being named leader because she did not want the blame of their failures to fall on her shoulders but contrary wise still tried to be in charge of the situation. Sakura persistently argued and corrected everything everyone else did with a critical eye, but if her advice fell through she would excuse herself with things like ‘you didn’t have to listen to me,’ and ‘honestly, you clearly just didn’t do it right!’

An example of this would be one of their many D-rank missions. Sakura had conversed with the civilian who assigned them to the mission, cheery and perhaps even a bit flirtatious if Kakashi was reading her accurately. Naruto blatantly found much glee in assigning (‘like a real Hokage, believe it’) Sasuke duties. It wasn’t uncommon of Sakura to not do any work at all and only chat with their clients. Kakashi had many times reminded her to keep working; she seemed to know everyone they took a mission from no matter what part of Konoha they lived in and greeted them with excitement and familiarity. She got out of work by making clients tea and chatting with them, ranting about her delight over happening across her old friend so the rest of Team Seven felt it rude to complain about her lack of aid in the tasks. 

Naruto unabashedly dragged Sasuke around, the Uchiha always going willingly without complaint. Sasuke appeared to find nothing wrong with doing all of the work but yet still splitting the earnings amongst everyone at the end of the day. Both Sakura and Naruto were content with ordering Sasuke around, Sakura shouting adjustments she thought Sasuke should make to painting a fence, or planting a strawberry plant from afar and Naruto obsessively organizing when and where Sasuke would complete the task.

But the most confounding part of the way his team functioned was that, no matter the task or tweak, Sasuke did exactly what they asked of him.

It was the most frustrating thing. Kakashi had never met anyone as pacifistic and conciliatory as Sasuke. 

Once, he had even seen Naruto order Sasuke’s ramen for him. He hadn’t even asked first, just insisted Sasuke would love it. Sasuke didn’t appear even mildly affronted that his teammate had ordered his food for him, just silently sipped at the soup while Naruto piffled on about meaningless this and that’s.

Sakura was a different type of controlling. She was a perfectionist, and not just for herself, but for everything everyone did around her. She made everyone else’s mistakes her business, correcting even the way Sasuke’s hands shook when he gripped a kunai knife (That’s not how you do it Sasuke, you’re going to make the knife curve, here let me show you, are your fingers around that right...?)

Sasuke didn’t even really seem to notice how overbearing the two of them were. He just moseyed along, so lost in his own barrage of problems to create more for himself by telling them off; it probably made Sasuke’s life easier to be unburdened by large decision making or problem solving responsibilities. 

He came to realize that left alone to decide something Sasuke could take hours, treating that singular decision as if it would affect him for the rest of his life.

Growing up together, Sakura and Naruto had probably already been aware of how much Sasuke hated to choose things, so instead of putting him and themselves through the experience, the two found it easier to just do it for him. In the end this would only be a temporary solution. 

If Kakashi were to help Sasuke improve his social skills the first thing he would advise Sasuke to work on would not be the dynamic of his position on Team Seven, however. He would probably begin with polite eye contact, how to exit a conversation, not to walk away when someone in the middle of talking to you, and how to _participate_ , not just listen, to a conversation.

Where was the Uchiha pride and superiority? It aggravated him to see so many Uchiha traits were not present within his student. It was rude to judge one by the many, but Sasuke’s divergence to his family was becoming ridiculous.

Kakashi didn’t protest how the three of them worked because at least, if Sasuke had anything to say about it, conflict was avoided. Team Seven always got their mission completed. It would be recessive to assert his own ideologies on how the team should perform.

He reminisced back to the bell test, his first true impression of Team Seven.

He had assumed Sasuke would be the first to come at him in his bell test but in reality the boy never did at all. Kakashi wouldn’t admit it aloud, but he was a little hurt. Sasuke had been absolutely terrified of him. Kakashi would regret for the rest of his life ever using genjutsu on the boy. Genjutsu was the Uchiha specialty therefore Kakashi had made the assumption Sasuke would easily detect his Hell Viewing Technique. But Sasuke’s flushed face and tear filled eyes proved him devastatingly wrong. Kakashi wondered just what he had made that boy relive. Later on when Kakashi had tried to help him, Sasuke had flinched away violently, stubbornly avoiding his eyes. Kakashi later discovered Sasuke never truly met anyone’s eyes, not matter how lighthearted the circumstances were. 

The name thing, too, was it a matter of trust perhaps? The only person Sasuke seemed to trust was Naruto. Kakashi had still yet to learn how that came about. Sasuke could usually handle Sakura and Naruto’s occasional pats and hugs, but backtracked whenever it came to him.

Kakashi himself hadn’t gotten passed a clap to the shoulder without Sasuke nearly falling over in fear.

He wished he could help with whatever was going on. Sasuke very obviously didn’t sleep, and frankly, with how much he worked out, needed to eat about 800 Calories _more than he currently was._ Kakashi had never actually seen his student finish a meal.

He recalled listening to his students as they bickered. That day, the day they accepted this mission to the Land of Waves, was the first time Kakashi had seen Sasuke grow angry. It had been so abrupt too, like someone walking out of the hundred degree weather straight into a blizzard. Sasuke was ice when he was pissed, opposite to Naruto conflagration. Even more surprising was Sasuke ability to inflict guilt.

Before the fight Sasuke had previously been happy (and adorable) with his cat; he was openly laughing and appeared relaxed. But his mood completely flipped after he embroiled himself into one of Sakura and Naruto’s run-of-the-mill arguments. Sasuke’s intentions had been to dispel Sakura and Naruto’s fight. However, his interruption only served to fuel his teammates’ anger. Sasuke usually minded his own business though, so Kakashi didn’t blame him for acting on his exasperation.

The ensuing argument was brief; Naruto hadn’t been the nicest but he wasn’t cruel, just petty.

Kakashi didn’t fault Sasuke for his involvement in the fight, but he did fault him for his stubborn behavior afterwards. His student had completely overreacted to Naruto’s outbursts.

Despite knowing Sasuke was exaggerating his emotions, Kakashi was powerless not to be deluded by the uncharacteristic display of his feelings. Kakashi had never seen Sasuke more explosive and disrespectful than that day; which honestly was nothing compared to some of the childish behaviors he had witnessed from kids which much less of a reason for frustration. Sasuke’s anger only heightened when he entered Lord Third’s office. Kakashi guaranteed that Sasuke had to make an implicit effort to restrain himself from strangling Naruto when he laughed at Tora for having an incompetent caretaker. The fact Sasuke appeared on the verge of a _violent_ outburst was the most worrying thing of all. When Lord Third began his lecture on the ninja lifestyle Sasuke had been incensed enough to actually ignore his superior officer. It sounded like complete nonsense, but bewilderingly enough it was the truth. Sasuke had disrespected their Hokage. 

A long overdue fit of frustrated screaming, however, was far from Sasuke’s reaction. Instead all of Sasuke’s ire was converted into exhaustion. His shoulder’s had slumped, his eyes had went red as if he were holding back tears, and Sasuke had clung to Naruto despondently. He could see Sasuke struggling to withhold his guilt, instant regret for his behavior dominating any of his previous ire. He actually had fallen asleep upright right there in the middle of them receiving their first C-rank, which proved how sleep deprived Sasuke must be. Going without sleep made a person irritable; and Sasuke being Sasuke of course would feel horribly accountable for having even one bad day. Sasuke’s anxiety for everything didn’t upstart until the very next day after Naruto had- motivated by his own remorse for the argument- taken him home.

He didn’t quite understand how the boy had fallen asleep upright. Kakashi definitely couldn’t do that, and it’s not like Kakashi himself hadn’t been on hundreds of missions where camping in awkward places was necessary for survival.

His team’s protectiveness of each other had really warmed him. Naruto and Sakura had rushed to Sasuke’s aid when their client had made a rude comment. Kakashi almost just let them go, half out of his own frustration at the stupid remark and half because he was curious if the two would actually attack Tazuna or if they had anticipated his stopping them.

Kakashi’s students were truly quite close. He had caught Sakura and Naruto once or twice aiding each other in spying on their respective genders hot spring unabashedly.

If he could give a detention for rude language of course, Naruto would never leave his metaphorical classroom. The blonde idiot seemed to spew incongruous phrases. Sasuke seemingly didn’t notice, or a very real explanation could be he had no idea what they meant so just brushed it off. Sakura only ever reprimanded Naruto if it was a derogatory or demeaning word that targeted serious topics like race and sexuality, anything else she just shook off.

To be more blunt, he had heard Naruto more than once make a number of sexually themed innuendos Sakura dismissed and barreled through, had heard the blonde boy use phrases he wasn’t even sure where Naruto had learned, and frequently used ‘ _bad_ , bad words’. Kakashi had been forced to threaten him with no ramen after the thought of having his mouth washed out with soap didn’t faze Naruto. According to Sakura Iruka had previously implemented this tactic on Naruto so many times he was entirely immune to it.

Sasuke had never commented on Naruto’s language once. He wasn’t sure if that was worrying or not. He went with worrying because the Uchiha hadn’t looked even remotely perturbed by being called bastard along with other crude names on multiple occasions, just resigned.

So they all had their flaws. Sakura was a control freak, Sasuke was a ball of mistrust and fear, and Naruto had a mouth that taught _Kakashi_ new things.

He was observing each of them closely now.

Sakura often watched him aptly and was certainly the most disciplined of them all. She did exactly what was expected of her, exactly as she was told, and was easily taught new things. If Kakashi told her to do something, she would change her old way and do it.

Sasuke tried, but Kakashi had watched him multiple times drop a kunai like it was a burning foiled potato and jump into action when someone shouted or made a loud noise. Sasuke didn’t pick up new techniques quickly nor did he have much natural skill or instinct. Another major factor was Sasuke’s lack of motivation to improve his abilities. If Sasuke couldn’t do it, he would turn to Kakashi and ask him if he had to. 

“I failed. Do you want me to try again, Hatake-sensei?” (It’s up to you, Sasuke, and please, address me as Kakashi)

“It seems I am incapable of performing this exercise. Do you want me to keep trying, Kakashi-sensei?” (Oh, good, you’re using my name now. And yes, all of you must be able to complete this exercise.)

“Is it necessary I succeed, Hatake-sensei?” (Yes, it is standard procedure for genin to learn this, Sasuke, and I have already emphasized my inclination towards you calling me by my first name, _please_ )

Kakashi was one hundred percent positive if he told Sasuke he didn’t HAVE to do something, the kid wouldn’t. He’d probably go sit down next to a tree and patiently watch his teammates, clapping when they succeeded.

He was a sweet kid; really. He just needed to find his ambition, which didn’t appear to be the Shinobi lifestyle.

Conversely, Naruto was overly enthusiastic about learning and developing his skills. Naruto was too impatient to actually focus on training, though. It seemed he just wanted to magically become the best after only attempting something once. Naruto didn’t even try to listen to anything Kakashi had to say! So far on this C-rank gone wrong mission they were embarking on Naruto hadn’t done a single thing Kakashi asked of him; especially after the fight with the Chunin . Kakashi was helpless when it came to making Naruto respect him. Sasuke was the only one on the entire team who knew how to get Naruto to actually do something he was told to. It was probably because Sasuke saw what Naruto actually wanted from a situation and just handed it over. No negotiating, no irritation, just pure acceptance of the situation. Sasuke needed to learn not to let everyone walk all over him.

His original point was that Kakashi’s world had flipped with his students’ arrival. His life no longer was comprehensible and nothing was going anywhere. When he was in the Anbu, Kakashi always knew what to expect. There was a point to everything Kakashi did. There were strict rules and specified goals. The way to achieving those goals was clear. Failure to achieve his goal meant loss of his or others’ lives. With these kids it was entirely different. If he messed up he got laughed at or an argument was started. There were no sure fire ways to make something happen and he had no idea what to expect from any of them. He had no control over the situation at all even though he was their sensei.

When they finally stopped worthless D-rank missions to accept a C-rank, Kakashi would not lie about how relieved he was. Kakashi knew precisely what to expect from a C-rank mission and exactly how they could complete it. He knew what time they would arrive at The Land of Waves, even calculating Naruto’s frequent bathroom breaks and Sasuke’s leisure walking. He was in control.

...and then he wasn’t.

This mission has been a complete _disaster_.

When Sasuke had turned that kunai to face his own body Kakashi felt himself freeze with the horror of his students distress. He had been entirely stunned, rendered immobile for a few crucial moments that had lingered for an eternity within his own mind. With regained bearings Kakashi had figured out the reasoning for his student’s impulsive actions. Berating himself for his own carelessness he retracted his Killer Intent in a sloppy rush.

Sasuke having a huge aversion to killer intent was only logical. It gave an explanation to many of Sasuke’s actions. Kakashi had even been releasing massive waves of Killer Intent during the bell test; Sasuke’s fear was directed at him because he despised Killer Intent, not Kakashi himself.

Presently Kakashi was watching Sasuke shiver across from him, eyes solemn and lips parted. Kakashi opened his mouth instinctively, letting his emotions guide his words. “ _Trust me_.” The words were laced in passion, both a plea and a demand.

Kakashi’s Sharingan made each flicker of Sasuke’s eyes and shaky exhale of breath visible to him. Sasuke crumbled beneath the weight of his request, mouth twisting wordlessly. He turned his head downwards with quivering lips. Kakashi’s stomach twisted in hope that his students answer was one of positivity.

Sasuke quelled his terrorized habits and stood tall with his eyes meeting Kakashi’s directly. “I trust you.”

Kakashi felt the huge responsibility Sasuke’s words carried pass over to him. The manner in which Sasuke was helplessly gazing at him reminded Kakashi of how he must have looked when in his own sensei’s presence.

It struck a sense of determination inside of him for Sasuke to think of him as highly as Kakashi had his own sensei. To live up to such extraordinary standards as a teacher was all Kakashi had ever wanted going into this profession. He had never imagined himself actually being able to accomplish the great feat.

Sasuke, Sakura, Naruto...they needed him. They needed him to fight and save them from Zabuza Momoichi and comfort them through all the shocks that came with witnessing your first real kill... _because Kakashi will kill Momoichi for even thinking about harming his team._

They might have turned his life in so many circles Kakashi wasn’t sure which direction he was facing anymore, they may make him a nervous wreck and bring out his worst perfectionistic traits, but they were all he had left. Getting so close to new people unnerved him massively but Kakashi could overcome those trivial feelings if it meant experiencing even a droplet of the happiness his new genin had created inside of him once more. Kakashi had not been so genuinely joyful since the incident involving his father. 

Kakashi focused back to the current predicament. He needed to make sure everyone stayed safe.

“I wouldn’t be so sure.”

Kakashi’s Sharingan eye tracked the enemy’s movements, including the quick replacement Momoichi performed with a water clone. Kakashi wasted no time copying the technique, sending his own water clone into the trees for later use. He intuitively performed a tiger seal to conduct chakra to the soles of his heels for easier movement and speed.

Zabuza used his Silent Killing Technique to cover his scent, sound, and chakra signature; now Kakashi was relying solely on the sight his Mangekyou granted him through the hazy mist.

Kakashi glimpsed the shine of Momoichi’s sword. Zabuza didn’t give Kakashi a moment to think up a counterattack. Momoichi lunged forward, seemingly appearing out of thin air between his Team and the client, sword ready. Zabuza was now standing parallel to both Sasuke and Tazuna.

“It’s over.” Zabuza growled. Kakashi narrowed his eyes. If Zabuza was really such a skilled fighter as he claimed to be Kakashi may be forced to use some of his more elite moves to take him down. This fight could be over in minutes if he didn’t have a client and a triad of genin to protect. 

Kakashi jumped off of his left foot, swiftly intercepting the swing Zabuza had been performing. His kunai battled with Zabuza’s blade briefly before Kakashi forced his weight to the side and let the blade slam into the wet ground between Sakura and Sasuke. Kakashi’s Sharingan caught Zabuza’s muscle movement in the next moment. The swordsmen shifted his weight to his right hip and with a mighty tug hiked his sword up onto his shoulder in preparation for a heavy hit at Tazuna’s neck. It all happened in an instant, so fast Kakashi was only keeping up due to his powerful doujutsu. His hand lodged itself under Zabuza’s opposite arm just before Zabuza could finish his swing. His other arm grappled with a kunai knife and plunged it deep within the clone’s chest. 

Just in his peripheral vision, he spotted Sakura grab Tazuna’s shirt and using the momentum of a large jump drag him away from him and Zabuza’s fight beside her. Kakashi’s remaining students parried away from the center of the field; Naruto taking up a frontal position and Sasuke just behind him with a large sum of chakra gliding through his fingertips in preparation for a battle. 

Cold water seeped into his fingerless gloves. Without thinking twice he pulses chakra into his Sharingan and activates the technique he had copied from Zabuza before. Kakashi switched himself out with the water clone he had hidden within the trees using a Replacement Jutsu.

Kakashi blinked, his head snapping up. He was now perched just behind a large cypress tree with his back pressing firmly into the smooth bark. He pressed his eye lids tightly shut in an attempt to ward away the blood gathering at the corner of his Uchiha eye. Kakashi caught his breath and stabilized himself as he waited for his water clone to disperse. Kakashi wouldn’t reveal himself until the perfect opportunity discloses a gap in Zabuza’s defenses.

He moved from his position the moment the clone’s memories swept through him. With a quick shove of his arm he was off the tree and lunging at the enemy with his Sharingan draining his chakra so he could acclimate to the situation quicker than Momoichi.

Zabuza was paused with his arm stretched out clutching a sword dripping with water. He had sliced through Kakashi’s clone previously; the clone’s memories settled themselves inside of his mind’s eye, giving Kakashi an advantage of his target’s position. He pulses more chakra to his legs to hasten his running, stopping right at Zabuza’s back. With a flick of his wrist, he had an arm around Zabuza’s throat and a kunai pressing into his jugular; he swung a knee into Momichi’s side to keep him in place.

“Don’t move.” He threatened, warningly increasing the pressure of his blade against Zabuza’s neck.

Kakashi’s gaze flickered to his students to check their stability. With multiple shuriken at the ready Naruto was standing further in front of Sasuke than before. Kakashi was proud to note that every single one of Naruto’s weapons had explosive tags sealed into their core. Sasuke was immobile and stiff, excluding the steady flow of chakra running down to his fingertips. Kakashi could see Sasuke was still shaken up due to Momoichi’s malevolent chakra. Kakashi’s Sharingan stored away the sight of his students’ blown pupils and sheet white face. This was why he kept his Sharingan concealed. He hated forever remembering images he would rather forget about.

Across the terrain Sakura had Tazuna pushed in between her and a tree, one hand ready for a tai-jutsu battle and the other gripping Tazuna’s shirt collar unabashedly.

His team was as prepared as they were expected to be. Their first real ninja battle shouldn’t have as high of stakes as this one.

Kakashi let his kunai stay stationary, sensing something about this situation off. Zabuza was acting carelessly, as if he knew Kakashi wouldn’t actually kill him. Kakashi could easily kill Momoichi right now; but why wasn’t he? Perhaps it was unease of his students experiencing their first kill in a brutal and messy way; but this couldn’t be right for he sensed that the ease in which he restrained Zabuza was too precise. Everything had went exactly according to plan. If this weren’t such a serious situation Kakashi would take longer to muse about the fact that he was perturbed when things went as he predicted nowadays since nothing of what Kakashi prophesized as of late was turning out to be true. Sometimes one could just tell when something was wrong. For Kakashi that was this moment.

His Sharingan eye tracked back to Sasuke. His stomach turned; his student was watching with wide , glossy eyes and a similar skepticism. Sasuke’s fingers were twitching uncontrollably at his sides.

He reflected on the moment when Zabuza first arrived. Sasuke had been able to detect the smallest fluctuation of chakra between a scout summon and a normal critter.

Sasuke’s leveled him with a nervous gaze; all scrunched eyebrows and pursed lips. There was a certain force behind his stare that had Kakashi stiffening. He didn’t hesitate to expand his chakra signature, searching for something that might explain Momoichi’s reckless behavior.

He was frustrated to discover he couldn’t sense a single thing out of place. In response to his fruitless efforts he tightened his hold on his kunai. He was about to turn back to Zabuza when he caught Sasuke shoulder forward abruptly.

Sasuke’s hands flew through a bout of seals the Sharingan eye instantly identified.

Horse, dog, tiger, snake, boar, horse, dog, tiger...

The jutsu was familiar. Sasuke used his back foot to propel himself under Naruto’s arm and onto his knees.

“Fire Style; Fire-ball jutsu!”

Kakashi had seen Obito use this jutsu many a times. Sasuke’s version of the fire-style, however, looked much more complex and effective. But even with the additional strength of the jutsuit was a standard style. Even so, Sasuke shouldn’t be capable of performing a jutsu without Kakashi being aware of his abilities, no matter how complex or simple the technique was. It took way too much chakra to perform elemental Justus, especially when Sasuke had already pulled that brief water-style over the Demon Brothers yesterday. Sasuke being able to perform two jutsus consecutively spoke of skillful prowess.

Kakashi had not even been aware Sasuke was knowledgeable in two chakra types. Finding this out wouldn’t be so astonishing if the two chakra types he could wield weren’t opposites. This meant that either fire or water was not Sasuke’s elemental chakra type; it was no possible for a shinobi to posses two opposite chakra types.

The bleeding fire sailed behind Kakashi, and just past Sakura. Kakashi was distracted by heat spreading over the side of his face, forming water droplets along his skin as the misty air evaporated because of the flames.

Kakashi sensed a large flare of chakra to his side and sprang into action.

He dug his knife directly through the throat of the Zabuza in front of him, watching it disperse in water. Momoichi had summoned two clones, not one, and the revelation wasn’t all that surprising. The one he had captured was just another fake. The mass of chakra to his side must be from the real Zabuza, then.

Kakashi spun on his heel in the direction of Sasuke’s fire, watching Momoichi come out unharmed from the trees, an unimpressed eyebrow raised. Kakashi however _was_ impressed that Sasuke had been able to sense where Momoichi was actually hiding.

Zabuza brought his blade back into the air with his knees bent and stance widened. He sprinted forward on his heels dodging the blitz of weapons Kakashi launched his direction to try to quell the enemy’s speedy assault.

Kakashi ducked down low when Zabuza’s sword came into close enough range to slice horizontally through his head. The blade whipped through the air, just inches away from scalping him. Kakashi twisted his hips into a hasty roll to dodge the next attack, hyper aware of the fact that Kakashi wouldn’t have seen the attack coming without the aid of Sharingan. He needed to stop being so risky and take this battle more seriously.

The sword dug into the ground Kakashi had fallen to instants before, breaking the muddy terrain and dirtying the clean metal. Zabuza didn’t pause, easily adjusting his grip on Kubikiribōchō and pulling it one handed out of the ground, spinning so his foot came sailing towards Kakashi’s shoulder. Kakashi grunted from his collapsed spot in the mud, twisting so his feet swept beneath Zabuza’s. Zabuza tucked his knees and high-jumped to dodge, raising his sword above his shoulder mid-air. Kakashi’s Sharingan began spinning madly in an attempt to process every move Zabuza was executing. 

Zabuza’s movement slowed as Kakashi focused more chakra into his Sharingan, giving him enough time to perform a back hand spring from his awkward place on the ground. He watched, seeing everything faster than the rest of the clearing’s occupants as he narrowly maneuvered away from receiving a sword through the spine. Kakashi’s Sharingan zoned in and then he saw a flashing light momentarily blind his pupil’s. Once more the world began turning at a proper pace, and Kakashi narrowly avoided Zabuza’s punch to the gut, disoriented from his own theatrics.

Kakashi moved on blurry instinct to dodge another killing blow to the head that Zabuza swung his direction. His breath was quickening as the heated battle continued.

Zabuza’s fist sailed right where Kakashi’s head was longer; his knuckles met air when Kakashi tilted his chin to the right in avoidance. Kakashi vacillated a forceful convex of his torso, aiming a quick elbow directly into Momoichi’s thigh. Zabuza grunted in pain, stumbling. Kakashi saw an opening to shift his role in the battle from defensive to offensive and hurriedly unlatched his weapons pouch and gripped a kunai at the hilt, planning to lunge at his downed opponent. Kakashi jerked to away from Zabuza when Naruto cried out warningly, “Behind you!”

His Sharingan flickered to catch sight of another Zabuza clone rushing towards him. Kakashi blinked in astonishment, his Sharingan stinging with overuse. The real Zabuza whom he had previously been fighting regained his composure, holding his sword with his palm facing the air. Kakashi knew he could be quick, but he wasn’t near fast enough to escape both Zabuza and his clone’s advances.

The clone brought a knee up and into his abdomen from his right, sending him tumbling across the dirt. He scrambled back onto his hands and knees just a moment too late; Zabuza was already before him again and landing a direct hit on his face, splitting his lip and sending him careening into the water a short distance away.

Kakashi groaned in pain as the chilly liquid surrounded him, his Sharingan glowing under the surface, alerting him of something amiss. His stomach dropped to the pit of his stomach. He dug his feet into the dirt to pull himself out of the pond. The water was oily and dense as he slunk through it. His Sharingan caught traces of chakra strands sliding throughout the pond.

“Sensei!” Naruto’s shocked voice startled him out of his hazy stupor.

Warm air travelled down the back of his neck. Kakashi stiffened. He could sense the chakra flow emitting from Zabuza’s hand instantly.

“No!” Sasuke yelled in anguish.

Kakashi let out a sharp gasp of pain as a hand clenched around his neck. The fingers tightened until he was lightheaded.

“Kakashi-sensei!”

“Get out of there!”

He could only helplessly listen to his students pleas as he was thrown into the air, his assailant calling out confidently, “Water Prison Jutsu!”

Kakashi’s head slammed against something hard. He slid down the slick material and blinked blearily when he realized what had happened. He had never heard of this jutsu, but his Sharingan had swiftly copied it.

Kakashi was trapped inside of a dome of rushing water, giving the effect of being inside a tunnel; every sound from the outside echoed around his eardrums when they passed through the meddled with water. Kakashi placed his hands against his prison, observing the reaction it had to him releasing his own chakra through it. His own chakra did no good to help him escape. The prison was suspended in the air, the bottom of the dome resting on the top of the ponds surface.

Just outside of Kakashi’s reach was Zabuza with his hands still holding the last seal he performed to trap Kakashi within the chakra infused prison. “This prison is made of water but its stronger than steel. It’s hard to fight when you can’t move.” Zabuza tilted his head mockingly, and Kakashi guessed that there was wide grin concealed behind the thick bandages wrapped around the bottom half of his face. “So much for the great Kakashi...” he trailed off with a deep chuckle. “I’ll finish you off later. But first, your little friends will have to be eliminated.” Zabuza twisted his unoccupied hand into another water clone seal. Kakashi felt himself shudder in panic, worry twisting his gut. Zabuza was even skilled enough to perform one handed Jutsu, something Kakashi had always struggled with.

He opened his eyes fully and surveyed his student’s positions. Sasuke had jumped back, eyes frantically looking between Kakashi himself and Momoichi. Sakura was still guarding Tazuna fiercely, foot ticking agitatedly as she waited in paranoia for something to attack her. Naruto was standing in the very front of all of them, immobile and uncomprehending.

He needed to make sure they got out of here alive. It was his sworn life mission to never let permanent harm befall his teammates again. Kakashi would not allow fate to be so cruel that I would force him to watch his students perish one by one.

“You think wearing a headband makes you a ninja?” Zabuza chuckled darkly, his confidence making Sasuke visibly shrink into himself. Kakashi had to restrain himself from slamming his fist uselessly against the water cage that held him back. Zabuza would regret tormenting his Team; his eyes narrowed dangerously. He would not let this vile shinobi get away with pursuing a fight with Team Seven.

It took everything Kakashi had not to claw at his cage. Instead, he let the anger boil under the surface like a spring coiling, waiting to unleash his wrath on Zabuza when he figured out how to escape the water prison. A headband was the symbol of absolute loyalty to a village, an elite accessory of discipline and trust. Zabuza would do well not to belittle Konoha’s name.

“When you’ve hovered between life and death so many times it doesn’t faze you, _then_ you _may_ be called a ninja...when you’ve become so deadly your profile is entered in my bingo book, _then_ you _may_ have earned the title...ninja.” Zabuza’s clone stabilized, sheathing it’s long sword with a derisive laugh.

“But to call upstart like you ninja...is a joke.” his mocking nature rapidly changed into outrage, eyes flashing and killer intent spiking intensely.

Kakashi’s hands shook instinctively, readying himself for a fight he wasn’t even currently included in. If only there was a way out...some loose chakra thread or missing stream...he steadied his hands against the rushing liquid wall, sensing the chakra inside. He found to his surprise that there was a massive amount of chakra produced by Zabuza’s outstretched arm still entering the prison and holding it together like a thread to a yarn ball. Zabuza could not let go of his jutsu if he wanted to keep Kakashi inert, the same way pulling on the very last thread would untangle a yarn ball. Zabuza would have to keep winding together the jutsu and would eventually fall victim to chakra exhaustion, unable to unwind the chakra threads he already added on. He would have to continue providing his jutsu chakra in the exact same position he was in, meaning Zabuza couldn’t leave the premise unless he was willing to release Kakashi.

Kakashi looked up in time to see Zabuza’s clone disappear in a quick spin, reappearing right before Naruto and shoving his foot underneath his student’s chin. Kakashi growled, eyes flickering between his student and the enemy. Naruto was thrown harshly into the ground, his body tumbling and rolling through the wet mud and grass. The force of the hit knocked his headband off of his face with a painful thud. The headband was buried in the mud, the plaque facing upwards. Kakashi grit his teeth. A precious item of the Leaf Village such as the headband had no place in the dirt.

Zabuza strode over towards the Hitai-ate with purpose. He stood before the headband contemplatively for just a moment before slowly lowering his foot directly on the Leaf insignia. Kakashi choked. The plaques had been hand engraved by the Hokages’ themselves! His features twisted into a snarl behind his mask at the blatant disrespect for his village’s leaders, slamming his hand against the water prison and doing his best to ignore the real Zabuza’s burst of laughter at his attempts.

“You’re just brats.” Zabuza stared down at his students imperiously.

Sasuke convulsed, letting out a shaky breath. Sakura cried out in concern for Naruto’s wellbeing bouncing with anxious energy as she indecisively glanced between Naruto and Tazuna. She steadied her kunai with firm resolve, staying in her place and tearing her eyes away from Naruto’s slumped form with a wobbling lip.

Kakashi shook himself off, digging his blunt nails into the standard Jounin uniform pants. His nails tore right through the cheap cloth; the Jounin uniforms were so much more inefficient than his old Anbu attire. You needed a kunai knife to rip the material of his Anbu clothes, not finger nails. Kakashi desperately wished he had been more prepared for an A-rank mission. He was so used to fighting in his old uniform and old weapons. The light weight of his current outfit only disoriented him.

“Listen! Get the bridge builder and run! _You can’t win this fight_!” he ordered sharply, praying that for once Naruto would follow his commands unquestionably.

When his students stayed frozen, Kakashi continued. “He’s using all of his power to keep me in this prison, so he can only fight you with his water clone! But the clone can’t go far from his real body; If you get away from him, he can’t follow!” he shook his soaking head desperately. “Now, RUN!”

Sasuke finally looked up, his mouth shut tightly. He briefly tried to catch eyes with his student, only for Sasuke to avoid eye contact entirely. The Uchiha brushed the hair out of his eyes, bending into a position Kakashi found vaguely familiar.

And then it clicked. Kakashi, sitting here and only able to observe his students obsessively finally recognized what he found to be so familiar about Sasuke.

Everything peculiar Kakashi hadn’t been able to find a reason for pieced together like a jigsaw puzzle. Every crack was now filled with cement. When Sasuke smirked lopsidedly at Naruto in detached amusement, when Sasuke tilted his neck to the left with a curled lip, when Sasuke raised his eyebrows unevenly in challenge...Sasuke’s variation to the fire-style jutsu...

Sasuke’s technique, Sasuke’s trepidation towards him, it was all because- ...because once upon a time, Kakashi had trained Sasuke’s elder brother.

Kakashi placed a steadying hand against the water prison in shock.

That stance he was using, Kakashi had seen Itachi get ready for a battle in that position hundreds of times. He had commented and critiqued several of Itachi’s battle formations. It was why whenever he studied Sasuke’s positions it was textbook and exact; Kakashi had already made the adjustments necessary before, but just not with Sasuke.

How had he not thought of the possibility Sasuke had been more aware of Kakashi’s character than he was letting on? Kakashi confessed his troubles to Itachi; empathized with Itachi. Psychopath or not, Itachi was still Sasuke’s brother, and most likely had told Sasuke all about his Anbu Commander. Sasuke flinched away from him and acted as if Kakashi really might kill Sasuke during that bell test. Maybe it hadn’t just been irrational fear of everyone in general . Maybe Sasuke really had believed that Kakashi specifically was capable of something like that. Watching Naruto, you could tell he was treating the exercise like an exam, randomly plopping onto the floor when he got tired or exasperated and openly trying to find loopholes. Sakura had even come at him with a serious yet bordering on _playful_ intent. But the entire time, the only thing that provoked Sasuke to reveal his hiding spot was the chance to let Naruto go.

Sasuke had thought Kakashi was going to kill him. Kakashi was so, so _stupid._ He had even been radiating killer intent! Had forced the boy into a genjutsu, Itachi’s specialty! Sasuke only saw him as his brothers teacher, not his own!

Itachi used to tell him plenty of stories about Sasuke’s progress and prodigal skills. It never occurred to him that his teammates teaching methods may have been skewed.

_Sasuke’s brother hadn’t abruptly turned into his tormentor, into someone Sasuke despised. Sasuke had always been a victim of Itachi’s insanity._

It made perfect sense. It solved every question racing through Kakashi’s mind; the flinching, the backing away, the abhorrence to adults, disgust for training, everything!

And right now, with his Sharingan on, he could see not a single difference between Sasuke’s current stance and Itachi’s old one. Even the direction his feet were facing situated right on point.

Kakashi sat back on his heels and resisted the urge to _scream_.

He had thought the only reason Sasuke was afraid of him was the killer intent; had convinced himself that there wasn’t an underlying cause. Kakashi shuddered as he leaned forward to watch what Sasuke was planning to do. He knew it wasn’t escaping, but what kind of attacks did Sasuke know, especially starting from such a unique position?

Sasuke shifted his foot to the right, distributing his weight evenly onto both legs. Then his student lunged.

Zabuza’s clone shook it’s head condescendingly, his face bored. Kakashi had never gotten the chance to truly observe Sasuke’s fighting style, but watching it was like observing the scrolls with painted figures performing moves on them. Every action the Uchiha made was purposeful and fluent. Sasuke was deeply aware of his surroundings, his eyes sharp and ready.

Just before reaching Zabuza, Sasuke flipped over to the side, landing with bent knees and four kunai knives in his hands; each one was flung with perfect accuracy at Momoichi.

Kakashi was stunned to silence. He knew Sasuke had to have good aim, but he never bothered to demonstrate it; not like how Sakura or Naruto would gloat about their skills.

Sasuke didn’t pause to see if his knives had stuck the landing, disappearing in a blur behind the clone’s back, aiming a kick at Zabuza’s spine. Zabuza bent his back limbo style to avoid the knives and caught Sasuke’s foot in his hands. Sasuke didn’t even flinch at his own weapons now sailing towards his face without Zabuza standing in the way, facial expression blanched and body on autopilot. His student stomped on Zabuza’s sandaled foot and dropped straight to the ground. Sasuke rolled quickly onto his side, three shuriken in his hands and flung directly at Zabuza’s face.

As Kakashi watched, it almost seemed like Sasuke had experience facing someone older and more powerful than him. Sasuke was playing both on defense and offense, using standardized escape tactics yet complicated attack patterns. His fighting style was unexpected because it appeared to be entirely based off of a defensive dynamic.

Zabuza ducked the weapons and leaned to the side, grabbing Sasuke outstretched hand in a bone crushing grip. Sasuke’s fingers were firmly tucked however, making it near impossible for Zabuza to break his fingers all at once. Sasuke took both of his feet and kicked onto Zabuza’s chest, but not with intention to harm. Instead he back flipped over, using Zabuza’s chest as leverage, forcing him to lose his grip on Sasuke’s wrist.

Sasuke was skilled. If Kakashi wasn’t so out of it in this moment he might’ve been reminding Naruto to help his teammate out; but Naruto was still paralyzed in the dirt with an expression of wholesome fear.

Sasuke reached his arm back to fling another weapon at Zabuza. Zabuza interrupted him with a lightening quick backhand, buckling Sasuke’s body to the floor. Zabuza reached down to Sasuke crumpled form, grasping tightly at Sasuke’s throat with his large fingers pressing firmly into Sasuke’s jugular. Instead of using another escape method to free himself of the hold, Sasuke seized up in terror. His body froze and his eyes went impossibly wide. He began squirming irrationally, that sense of calm he had gained from before overtaken by panic. He cried out as his hair was brutally yanked backward with the clone’s unoccupied hand, digging his fingers into Sasuke’s scalp to strengthen his grip. Sasuke’s hands scrambled for purchase on Zabuza’s larger arm, eyes rolling into the back of his skull as he was lifted high into the air until he was eye level with Zabuza.

Kakashi choked on his own panic. His mouth moved frantically, but no sounds came out. Sasuke needed to get away from Zabuza. He had to keep fighting so he could take his chance and run! Kakashi needed to save him, Kakashi needed to break free and protect his students! Zabuza’s face of complacency only ignited Kakashi’s hatred further, his being overwhelmed entirely by an onslaught of emotions.

He leaned forward on hunched shoulders, eyes still carefully tracking the movements of the battle. He wished his hands hadn’t gone numb so he could yank his headband down over his Sharingan; he didn’t want this ingrained in his memory forever. He didn’t want to watch it and see every easy way that Kakashi could change the situation if he could circumvent the prison. 

Sasuke gagged, his eyes squeezing shut and clawing hands falling limply off of Zabuza’s arms. Sasuke caught sight of Kakashi’s eyes.

Kakashi tried to convey his need for Sasuke to fight back with just a stare. It was all that was necessary for the hazy, half lidded look in Sasuke’s eyes to snap away and focus. Sasuke brought his knee up with a weak yet enraged snarl, digging his knee right into Zabuza’s crotch. Zabuza grunted in pain, his back arching and hold loosening. With an angered shout Zabuza slammed Sasuke’s head with a brutal twist towards his chest on instinct in reaction to the pain. Sasuke took this as an opportunity to bite hard on Zabuza’s forearm, making Zabuza unclench his fist in shock. Sasuke was dropped onto the floor, where his head made contact with the dirt with resonating thud. 

Zabuza growled, his face twisting as he clutched his bleeding arm. “You little shit!” Zabuza, blinded by his anger, brought his heel back and slammed it into Sasuke’s abdomen, slinging Sasuke’s body across the field. Sasuke didn’t land as properly as Naruto had been able to when Zabuza had performed a similar move on him and instead let his body fling straight into a tree, limbs bending awkwardly.

Kakashi sat back, the buzz in his mind calming. Injured, Sasuke was injured...and Sasuke was alive. He rubbed his forehead and rolled his shoulders. Sasuke was alive, and so were the rest of his team. He needed to keep himself together.

Kakashi ground his teeth onto his tongue, the shock of the situation hitting him full force. If Sasuke would just stop being so scared, he could actually accomplish something! Why had he frozen up like that? Chunks of Sasuke’s hair were slipping out of Zabuza’s hand right now, drops of blood staining the grass and all because the Uchiha had stopped fighting! Why would he do that? Where were the survival instincts from before?

Kakashi focused his eyes onto Naruto, who was scrambling backwards in the mud away from Zabuza. His eyes were wide, and his hands were shaking, but Naruto’s frantic movements paused abruptly. Kakashi was unnerved by the somber look that entered Naruto’s eyes. A shadow cast over Naruto’s figure when his gaze flickered over to Sasuke.

Naruto hunched his shoulders and with a low growl snapped his head up to stare directly at Zabuza, his lip curling. He slowly bent his leg to stand, smearing the mud coating his figure as he used his hands for balance. His back finally straightened.

Kakashi’s mind short circuited before a massive wave of adrenaline pushed its way into his system. His body was twitching with the electric boost it received from his student’s bad decisions. No; his genin should be escaping, not trying to fight back! Sasuke had only encouraged Naruto instead of deterring him!

Naruto’s eyes slowly raked Zabuza’s entire body before staring him directly in the eyes. His bandaged hand clenched into a tight fist. “You would do well to learn something, _pal_.” Naruto’s voice was acidic and carried the strength to knock someone over. He positioned himself into a sloppy stance. “Messing with my friends is a big mistake!”

With a battle cry he rushed forward, startling Kakashi enough that he cried out in alarm. Sakura shrieked, battle stance faltering. “Naruto?! What in the world are you doing?!” she protested, but it sounded weaker and held less conviction than it normally carried. She too, it seemed, was disquieted over Naruto’s out of character snarl.

Zabuza didn’t even bother to adjust himself properly, just chuckled confidently. Kakashi’s Sharingan tracked the exact moment Zabuza’s knee slammed into Naruto’s chest, just an inch off from cracking his ribs. Naruto was flung back across the clearing, but unlike Sasuke, managed to steady himself before he tumbled.

When Naruto looked up, a proud grin was stretching over his face.

Sakura’s concerned face morphed into surprise, seeing something Kakashi hadn’t noticed yet, before she too was smirking. She leaned back into her formation with a quiet, but relieved mumble of, “Idiot.”

Naruto struggled to stand properly to reveal he was clutching his ninja headband tightly in his fist. Kakashi couldn’t help the wave of triumph that washed over him. Naruto was clearly just as frustrated with Zabuza’s disrespect for the Village Hidden in the Leaves as Kakashi was.

Sasuke was a distance away, struggling to stand up with the help of the tree he had been thrown into. His black eyes warmed, even as he rolled them at his teammates showy antics.

“Hey you, the freak with no eyebrows,” Naruto snapped, his normal loud volume lowered into something more foreboding. He cracked his neck and rolled his shoulders briefly, before finally looked at Zabuza in full. “Put this in your book! The ninja that will become Hokage of the Village Hidden in the Leaves...” he wiped the back of his hand across his face, slightly out of breath. “He never backs down...”

Naruto’s fingers easily laced his headband around his forehead, the plaque glinting even in the mist surrounding them.

“...and his name is Naruto Uzumaki.”

Kakashi’s gaze flickered back to Sasuke, who was now as steady as was normal for him, nursing his split lip and injured elbow. Kakashi hoped neither of the injuries were serious enough to stop him from fighting, Zabuza would never let them run away after what the two of them pulled. Sasuke wavered before crouching into a runner’s pose and moving so quickly to appear next to Naruto’s side Kakashi’s over exerted Sharingan only caught the leaves rustling.

“Alright Sasuke listen up can you hear me?” Naruto spoke rapidly, taking up the leader role.

Sasuke moved a shaky hand to his kunai pouch, nodding. “Yea I hear you.” He confirmed. He turned to briefly check up on Sakura. Once he could see she was unharmed, he turned back around with an expectant eyebrow raised.

Naruto smirked. “I’ve got a plan.”

Kakashi leaned forward, waiting to hear what Naruto had on his mind. However, Naruto didn’t offer any explanation. Even though Naruto hadn’t said anything, Sasuke was glancing at his teammate, looking impressed.

Sasuke shook his head in amused relief. “S-so your finally including me, h-huh?”

Naruto laughed, rubbing his injured fist. “ _Believe_ it. I figure you could use some action. Alright guys, let’s go wild!”

Sasuke’s eyes flickered, and Kakashi was startled to notice he was spreading chakra into them, his pupils fading from black to red then withering away. Sasuke was controlling his breathing carefully, moving his hands into a tiger seal to focus his chakra.

Why would Sasuke be sending chakra to his eyes? He doesn’t even have the Sharingan yet, as far as the village records know. With how many surprises the boy was causing him, however, Kakashi wouldn’t be the most shocked out of everything if he had already developed his eyes.

“Ok, ready? Let’s bring this guy down!” Naruto formed the Kage Bunshin seal determinedly.

Zabuza laughed, lazily gripping Kubikiribōchō. “Haha! Big words for such a little man.” He growled. “You think your plans going to keep you in the game?”

Kakashi grit his teeth, reminding himself that maybe his team could still escape this mess. He needed to discourage the continuation of a fight. “What are you doing? I told you to run!” he shouted, although through the Water Prison his voice was muffled. “This fight was over the moment I got caught! Now take off!” he demanded furiously, blood trailing down his thighs from how hard he was digging his nails into them. “Your mission is not to prove how brave you are! It’s to stay with the bridge builder! Stay! On! Mission!” he tried helplessly to get his students out of this mess. They should never have taken this C-rank Escort. Kakashi was merely being selfish when he allowed the harder mission to slide due to his own boredom. He should’ve been responsible. None of his students were equipped to handle an A-rank level fight. 

Naruto’s face scrunched up, his eyes filling with hesitance. Kakashi’s stomach flipped and turned uncontrollably. Naruto turned to look over his shoulder at Tazuna, his lip quavering. “Bridge builder?” he prompted desperately.

Tazuna gently moved Sakura away from her protective stance, pushing up his glances with a heavy sigh. Kakashi’s heart sank. No, no....stupid client! Dumb civilians! Be selfish, tell them to save you! No...! Don’t even.... _think_ about...

“Well I...I guess this all happened because of me; because of my desire to live...but I won’t let that stand in your way now.” he tilted his straw hat resolutely. “Forget about me and do what you have to do! Go ahead and fight to save your sensei!”

Kakashi froze momentarily before his delayed heart rate frantically began pounding against his wrist. His breath huffed out sporadically. Why did the client have to sacrifice himself for the Team when he had already falsely named the mission details? Why was Tazuna gaining a conscious right when for the first time his selfishness would benefit Kakashi’s interests instead of hinder them?

Kakashi observed Sasuke’s slumped shoulders and eyes that almost seemed to pulse with life. Every breath Sasuke took, his chakra matched it, expanding and reducing the amount of chakra filling his eyes and incidentally, the color. A cold smirk stretched over his features, his tiger seal dropped in favor of a horse symbol. “Alright, you hear that?” Sasuke questioned, referring to Tazuna’s approval of saving Kakashi himself.

“Yea, believe it ya ready?” Naruto was back to his confident bravado, bouncing from toe to toe.

Zabuza began laughing darkly, his shoulders shaking and head ducked so he couldn’t read his facial expression. Kakashi could feel his calm slipping away from him entirely. His world was tilting. In the gloaming light Kakashi’s impaired Sharingan could barely assimilate the exigent fight scene unfolding. Sasuke’s more pacifistic existence however was sure to fault the outcome of the battle; he was much too weak willed to fight Zabuza with the intention of being victorious. Kakashi had to rely on Naruto to make a finishing blow on their enemy, and needed to trust Sasuke in figuring out a way to release him from this prison.

“You really haven’t learned anything, have you? Still playing your little game...pretending to be ninja...” Momoichi’s clone languidly leaned against it’s sword, wearing a grin identical to the original Zabuza’s. His eyes mocked their best attempts at saving Kakashi cruelly, unabashedly discouraging them from fighting back.

Momoichi studied his hand curiously, tilting it from front to back. “When I was your age, this hand had already crushed many opponents.” He mused aloud, his innocent expression shifting to one of great humor.

Kakashi equipped himself to soothe his students away from the disturbing peak into their enemy’s history. His quickly assembled plan was to exploit Sasuke’s venal existence and convince his team that running was the best option. He was dubious to discover Sasuke’s nonplussed behavior towards Zabuza’s admission. His eyes were calm and his mouth was pursed into a line. Sasuke appeared more disapproving of Zabuza’s claim than mortified.

Kakashi could only assume that Sasuke imagined it was commonplace for younger children to already have their first kills. The people he was surrounded by weren’t the most innocent of shinobi, nor were they average in skill.

Despite his student remaining indifferent towards Zabuza’s admittance, he himself couldn’t help but experience a wave of revulsion. Kakashi wasn’t about to hide the bloody stains etched onto his hands; but he would however be so bold to declare he had never found enjoyment in slaying innocents. “Zabuza... the demon...” he mumbled, more to himself than anyone else in the clearing.

Momoichi let out a maniacal and giddy laugh. “Ooohh...so I was in your book, too.” He growled excitedly. 

Kakashi hissed and turned to his students, deciding if they were choosing to fight, they should at least be more aware of just who they were up against. “Long ago in The Village Hidden in the Mist,” he took a deep breath, forcing the words out. “Also known as Blood Mist Village,” he added carefully, hoping to convey the cruelty of this awful requirement. “-before a student could become a ninja there was one final test.” He shuddered. Kakashi couldn’t imagine it. Being forced to even _cause harm_ to Gai, Kurenai, Asuma...Obtio or Rin...

It was unthinkable. But maybe the problem is that it wasn’t entirely impossible to picture. Years before he himself had been running full speed, preparing to take out the last regiment of enemies on their tail. His feet were flying, electricity crackling. Then his feet had stuttered because he body was flung through an unaccounted for obstacle. His first thoughts were to try to keep running to his enemy before they could take advantage of his vulnerable state. Then he had a heard through a distinct ringing the sound of a bubble popping and something warm coating his hands. A familiar smell of shampoo was detected by his senses but it was drowned by the thick and consuming stench of blood. His eye had focused to take in what had happened but he couldn’t trust in the reality of the situation. He remembered not knowing what expression he was wearing, he remembered his arm going completely numb, every little detail of the awful event was stored away in his mind’s eye due to Obito’s cursed Sharingan.

Kakashi tried his best not to gag at the very idea of a graduation exam where you were forced to take down the rest of your classmates. Kakashi would truly rather die.

Zabuza raised an eyebrow. “Hn? You know about the graduation exam?” he inquired, unfazed by the mentioning of what should’ve been a traumatic event.

Kakashi felt more apprehension towards his students facing off with this monster. He was completely heartless. No one should be able to brush off killing dozens of your childhood friends before the age of thirteen.

“What graduation exam?” Naruto fumbled with his attacking position, tilting his head demandingly.

Zabuza’s real form glanced at him with a mirthful laugh before turning back to Naruto, his head shaking in supposed astonishment. Kakashi shuddered. It felt as if Momoichi was trying to share a moment with him, gaining up on Naruto because of his lack of knowledge on the Mist’s fateful examination trials.

“What’s the big deal, anyway? We had graduation tests too!” Naruto snapped. Sasuke’s eyes flickered over to Naruto momentarily, before landing back on Zabuza with a cold sneer. Kakashi swallowed; Sasuke knew about the test, then. This didn’t surprise Kakashi. Sasuke was a smart boy that grew up in a shinobi family. To most ninja the story of Hidden Mist’s graduation test spread faster than word of the ending to the Shinobi World War. Most people were outraged by the innocent deaths, others by the waste of potential shinobi. But the common denominator in opinions was highly distasteful of the change in examination trials, shown clearly by the large drop in economy the Mist Village faced after the event.

Zabuza laughed in near hysteria at Naruto’s oblivious questions, his shoulders shaking with the force of his amusement. Slowly he let the laughter die away from his lips, looking up to stare Naruto directly in the eye. He raised a thin eyebrow scornfully. “Did you have to kill the other students to pass?”

Kakashi slumped his shoulders. He couldn’t believe Zabuza was acting as if the change in rules had been funny. It was an awful tragedy, nothing to laugh about. He narrowed his eyes at his coldblooded captor.

Zabuza smirked, eyes raking his audiences’ reactions. Naruto in particular looked most disconcerted. “Imagine young ninja like you eating together, training together; and then comes the final exam! –but they changed the rules...kill or be killed! You can’t stop when your opponent still breathes, he was your friend, shared your dreams...now it’s HIM or YOU!” Momoichi hissed, looking down at them with an uplifted chin.

Kakashi worriedly searched his students’ expressions. Sakura’s face had lost many shades to the point it was bordering on achromatic. Her eyes were wide not with fright but with repulsion and her lips were twitching.

Kakashi felt a jolt of antipathy surge through him as well. He couldn’t believe Zabuza was treating all of this like it was some medal to be proudly worn and polished; like killing his classmates made him superior by default. He quickly rejected this idea to his students; it didn’t make him superior, it made him insane. “Ten years ago in The Village Hidden in the Mist the graduation exam... _changed_. One year before a dark evil had filled the school with terror.” He told them somberly.

Sakura composed herself, her brow furrowing “Is he saying that...the thing that caused the terror was..” she mumbled to herself, catching on to what Kakashi was about to convey.

“Without pause or hesitation a young boy who was not even a ninja approached the class...and took down over a hundred other students.” Kakashi wrapped his hands around his knees and studied Zabuza closely. He didn’t react visibly, but Kakashi could sense the satisfied thrumming emitting from his chakra.

His looked down, swaying slightly. “It...” Momoichi growled, his shoulders shaking, “It felt so—“

His body twisted and his eyes filled with malicious intention. “GOOD!” Zabuza snarled. Kakashi felt Zabuza’s chakra expand widely with killer intent.

Kakashi couldn’t warn his students when Momoichi’s clone lunged forward, sweeping a kick underneath Sasuke’s body too quick for the boy to dodge properly. Sasuke grunted and his body jolted forward. He was thrust into the air momentarily before he scraped his back against the muddy terrain. Naruto cried out in horror.

Zabuza raised his elbow and without giving Sasuke a chance to recover slammed it straight into his gut. If Sasuke hadn’t had any major injuries before he was sure to have some form of internal bleeding in his abdomen now. His body curled inward at the impact, trying in vain to shield itself from the powerful blow. Sasuke gagged on a mouthful of blood, choking and spilling it down his chin.

“Sasuke!!” Sakura screamed.

Kakashi gasped shakily. His face contorted in grief. He slumped back down on his haunches trying to control his breathing. A rush of hatred overwhelmed his senses enough that Kakashi began releasing his own killer intent once more, powerfully directed towards Momoichi.

The real Zabuza threw him a taunting smirk as his clone slammed a foot on to the injured part of Sasuke’s torso. He pressed his shoe on the wound firmly, digging the ridges of his sandal into Sasuke’s partially exposed skin.

Sasuke whined loudly, throwing his head back. Kakashi growled at the sound of pain, his hands twitching uncontrollably with energy.

Zabuza’s clone reached around his back and gripped Kubikiribōchō threateningly. Sasuke clenched his eyes shut and groaned loudly while his body convulsed against the added pressure to his aching ribs.

Kakashi couldn’t withhold the growls that escaped him, unable to form words that could express with anger properly. The shaking in his hands spread to the rest of his body, his protective instincts overtaking rational thought. Sasuke wailed in surrender at the insistent throbbing pain Zabuza was inflicting. Zabuza scoffed. “Your nothing.” He growled, slowly twisting his foot creating several loud cracks of Sasuke’s ribcage. Sasuke let out a pained and fearful moan. Sasuke scrambled with his knees, trying to get away on pure instinct. His shoulders were twisting and his eyes were still firmly clenched shut.

“Stop right there, or did you forget what I just said?! I told you never to harm my comrades!!” Naruto snarled, reminding Kakashi of his presence in the battle. Naruto, using his Shadow Clone jutsu technique created dozens more Narutos that surrounded Zabuza from all directions.

Zabuza looked up, his sadistic glee fading into caution. He glanced at the clones around him suspiciously. There was about four on each side of him, all upholding unique tai-jutsu stances. Kakashi shook his head in astonishment. It took copious amounts of chakra to have so many clones performing so many different tasks. Kakashi was unsure if even he, someone who completely mastered the cloning technique, was capable of procuring such a large number of clones.

Zabuza’s arm strained with potential energy as he clutched Kubikiribōchō. Other than the muscles on his back tightening in preparation for a strike, his stance was otherwise uncaring. Both of his feet were together, and his other arm was inactive. He was treating Naruto more like a pest than a threat, only a truly bothersome in large numbers; and even then pests were ten times smaller and dumber than you were. Kakashi was confident in the fact Zabuza was going to regret underestimating Naruto.

Kakashi took a moment to scan Sasuke’s body for signs of movement in worry. Sasuke’s lips were curled but he seemed to sense that Zabuza’s attention had shifted from harming him. Kakashi watched Sasuke peel his eyes open with a great struggle biting his lips to keep down any noises. His stomach was naturally coiling upward in reaction to the pain and his knees were bending awkwardly. Sasuke managed to twist his body away from Zabuza’s sword tip, his chest still trapped beneath Zabuza’s foot.

Kakashi turned back to Naruto and multiple of his clones were now adorned with kunai knives. Zabuza self-assuredly eyed his Genin. Kakashi sneered ruefully. Zabuza would soon discover Naruto and Sasuke could hold their own.

He decided he may as well vote for his students if they were truly dead set on not escaping. If he couldn’t convince them to run he was at least going to believe in them. He wished he could do more than that, but in his current situation it simply wasn’t possible to give them anything more than his belief.

“Here we go!!” Each of the Naruto clones collectively declared as they charged an attack.

Much to Zabuza’s frustration he was forced to lift his foot from off of Sasuke’s chest.

Sasuke seized the opportunity to use his arms to thrust himself upward and into a backwards roll neatly landing on his haunches.

Sasuke seized the opportunity, using his arms to thrust his body upwards into a backwards roll. He landed without dropping his weight, lightly balancing on the tops of his toes.

The Zabuza clone glanced to Sasuke with a quick dismissal. He refocused back on Naruto just in time to meet the large Naruto clone force’s attack directly. Zabuza sheathed his sword quickly but was unable to elude the fate of being tackled by dozens of Naruto clones working in unison. Each one climbed over the other, encompassing Zabuza’s body until he was no longer visible. Naruto’s clones shouted in triumph as they struggled to keep Zabuza beneath their various bodies.

Naruto’s witty tricks failed to confine Zabuza for long. With a garish thrust of his blade and a ferocious roar he sent the clones sailing off of him, most popping out of existence on impact.

The real Naruto was soon the only remaining Naruto on the battlefield. With a quick turn of his torso he snatched a weapon from his bag, still flying through the air from when Zabuza dispersed his clones. Naruto’s desired weapon was revealed to be a large shuriken. Just before knocking into the muddy floor he launched the weapon across the field with a strained call of, “Sasuke!!”

Sasuke, still enduring a decent amount of torment from his wounds, managed to straighten his back enough to stretch his arm out. With skills only retained from vigorous training he caught the shuriken right in between the joints of the metal, sliding the spinning blades until each were parallel from each other. He jolted from the force of the weapon knocking into his hand and undoubtedly leaving open gashes on his palm. Sasuke paused only briefly before collecting himself. He spun around with one foot behind him and one in frontal, a satisfied smirk crawling upon his features. “Demon Wind Shuriken: Windmill of Shadows!” he called in a clear tone, bending his torso and winding his arm backwards.

However Sasuke did not move from this position. Instead, he watched his opponent very closely, an impatient look in his eye.

Sakura let out a relieved breath from across the field. Kakashi himself was not relieved. Why wasn’t Sasuke attacking? Pausing on something like a shuriken attack ensured failure; the only way to hit an opponent so much stronger than you with that kind of weapon was by surprise and relentless force. He let out a frustrated growl at the back of his throat, unable to think up a reason for Sasuke to delay the activation of his jutsu.

“A shuriken?” Zabuza’s clone finally spoke up, blinking in astonishment. “You’ll never hit me with that.” He schooled his startled expression into a mocking one, scoffing derisively.

Only then did Sasuke finally move, jumping high into the air with a large boost of chakra. He spun the shuriken with the strength of his entire body, launching it at a curved angle. The shuriken speedily glided towards the clone, but last minute it twisted and changed direction towards the real Zabuza.

Kakashi’s eyes widened. He hadn’t thought of that option. But if this was the plan from the beginning, wouldn’t it have been more effective for it to happen quickly without Sasuke’s deliberate halt?

The kunai sailed towards the real Zabuza and Kakashi watched, disheartened, as he easily caught the middle of the blade with his free hand, effectively halting it’s movements.

Sasuke fell back onto the ground with his weight leaning too far on his right leg, his body giving out and his injured chest contracting. Naruto moved in a flash before Sasuke could slump to the ground, catching his teammate’s exhausted form. Sasuke awarded Naruto with a pained smile, and Naruto returned the camaraderie by adjusting Sasuke so he was practically hugging Naruto with his face relaxed into his neck.

Kakashi, so distracted by their casual display of affection during a battle zone nearly missed the second shuriken slide out of seemingly nowhere and spiraling towards Zabuza. He blinked. Where had...?

_‘Demon Wind Shuriken: Windmill of Shadows!’_ Kakashi recalled Sasuke’s jutsu. He realized what had happened. Sasuke’s jutsu replicated the Shuriken like one could replicate themselves as a clone; he threw the first one Shuriken and then waited for the clone version to follow along after their opponent, hidden in the shadow of the first. Kakashi watched the blades descent anxiously, knowing that this time around Zabuza catching the blade was out of the question because both of his arms were occupied. Kakashi’s Sharingan caught Zabuza’s tensing muscles, letting him know that the glimmer of hope he had felt was for naught. Zabuza was going to jump the shuriken, and by the look of it, still manage to flow chakra into this wretched prison jutsu. Kakashi nearly cursed.

Zabuza bent his knees into a jump, his heels nearly brushing against the shuriken sailing harmlessly underneath him.

Sasuke’s body slumped against Naruto as he let out a groan. Zabuza’s clone laughed. “You didn’t really think you’d land a hit on the original me, you pathetic-” the clone cut himself off as he looked at their twin smirks, all previous exhaustion vacant from their faces to leave only victory. 

Kakashi slammed his head toward the real Zabuza, watching as the shadowed shuriken popped from existence to reveal Naruto. Kakashi’s assumption had been wrong; Sasuke hadn’t clones his Shuriken, Naruto had transformed into one. His gaze flickered back to Sasuke and Naruto, realizing that a clone was helping Sasuke up, not his actual student. Kakashi gawked. That was impossible. The amount of chakra inside that clone was equal to the normal amount Naruto carried around. Unless...Kakashi shook himself off. No, his sensei’s seal would keep _that_ at bay...he hoped...

The newly revealed real Naruto launched a single kunai with a gleeful laugh. “I already warned you this would happen, why do you seem so surprised?” Naruto taunted. 

Kakashi realized that this was happening much faster than he was seeing it. Zabuza still hadn’t fallen to the ground. His Sharingan was assisting him strongly, allowing the fight to move at a slower pace. He watched at the exact moment Zabuza was forced to release the water prison jutsu to dodge the singular kunai knife Naruto had thrown his way. The second Zabuza’s hand was no longer supplying chakra to his jutsu, and because of this, the water prison was released. Kakashi’s cage shattered, razor sharp blades of water whipping him across the face as he landed back onto the pond.

Kakashi caught himself on the water’s surface with chakra, steadying his hands and feet as best as he was capable of.

Kakashi was free. He gasped for clean oxygen hurriedly, understanding just how possible it would’ve been for him to suffocate through the thick layers of water and chakra. The air inside of the prison had been muggy, filled with water particles. He greedily gulped down crisp oxygen.

His Sharingan scanned Zabuza, who was wielding the wind shuriken he had caught from the first throw Sasuke made. He was spinning the shuriken and aiming it directly at the real Naruto, who wasn’t ready to evade the blow after all of that chakra work.

Kakashi sneered, allowing the built up killer intent inside of him release in an onslaught of anger. He directed the negative chakra towards Zabuza. Kakashi lunged forward, bringing his hand up for lack of weapon to block the blow.

He grunted in pain as the large shuriken halted inside of his hand leaving a gaping wound. He ignored the water dripping from his body, down his eyebrows and lips and into his eyes, doing his best to keep Zabuza from cutting his fingers clean off with Sasuke’s shuriken.

He recognized the distinct splash of Naruto’s real body finally falling into the water. The noise snapped his focus away from pouring chakra into his Sharingan, forcing Kakashi to lose his advantage and witness the battle average speed.

Kakashi brought his eyes up to meet Zabuza’s with a snarl. He saw hesitation flicker across Zabuza’s face. Kakashi felt his stomach coil in satisfaction. Zabuza knew even though he currently had a shuriken nearly cutting Kakashi’s hand in half that Kakashi was the one who in control here. Kakashi would be the one to make it out on top.

In a moment of panic Zabuza slammed the hand holding his sword directly towards Kakashi. He brought a kunai knife up with his unoccupied arm and clashed their weapons together, creating brief sparks of heat between them. They entered an even stalemate, both of their left and right arms fighting for dominance over the other.

Kakashi raised a challenging eyebrow at Zabuza, his eyes not leaving him even as Kakashi began speaking to Naruto. “Naruto...that was an excellent plan. You’ve really grown, haven’t you?” he praised, half to undermine Zabuza and half to compliment his student.

Naruto laughed triumphantly, all traces of his previous intensity gone. “Ha ha ha ha! I knew I couldn’t beat him with my shadow clones; that was just to distract him!” he pointed his thumb towards himself with a goofy grin, “While he fought the clones I turned into the demon wind shuriken! He didn’t know what to do, believe it!” Naruto continued doggy paddling in the water. Kakashi found deep amusement in Naruto’s casual take on the situation. He didn’t even appear mildly disturbed. He could tell Zabuza was incredibly irked at hearing Naruto gloat so openly. “I used one of the clones to transform into the shuriken; but when I threw it to Sasuke, it looked like a real Shuriken!” Kakashi watched, with a growing smirk of glee as Naruto threw his hands wildly into the air. “Sasuke, with his great chakra sensing and all, could tell it was me in a second! He spun me around so no one could see and pulled out his own shuriken! Sasuke demanded to look through my bag while I was packing, so I looked through his! That was why I knew what weapon to transform into!”

Kakashi made sure Zabuza was still staying docile as he gathered chakra into his core, using his student’s celebratory explanation as a distraction. His arm that was blocking the sword began shaking with strain, the heaviness of the pressure Zabuza was forcing upon him causing his arm to begin to ache painfully. His other hand was still nearly being cut clean off by the shuriken Zabuza stole from his student.

“Now there were two shuriken. One was real, and one was ME! I hid in the shadow of the real Shuriken, and my target was the real Zabuza! Of course I knew that I couldn’t fight Zabuza myself; that wasn’t in the game plan. I just wanted to get in there and break up his water prison. I didn’t know his clone would be wrecked too! Ha! That was a bonus, believe it!”

Kakashi hummed in surprise, glancing over to where the cloned Zabuza used to reside and realizing that indeed it had dispersed. For a moment he wondered how that had happened, but it turned out that his Sharingan had caught the occurrence without Kakashi’s knowledge. He could feel a supply of memories wash over him. His eyes widened at what entered his mind. Sasuke had taken advantage of the clone’s shock upon realizing what had happened with Naruto’s secret transformation. With teamwork Kakashi had even seen Jounin lack Sasuke had lunged at the enemy with a sharp kick to the knees. The clone dodged only to land in the direct trajectory of Sakura’s four kunai knives, all thudding deep within the clone’s skull.

Kakashi was brought out of his new found memories by Sasuke’s sheepish voice. “Don’t brag, we just lucked out!”

Zabuza joined into the conversation, his lips curled. “Hn. I got distracted and lost my grip on the water-prison. That was all.” Kakashi found deep amusement that Zabuza was saying this whilst chakra exhausted and unable to overpower Kakashi even though he was the only one armed. It was a pathetic attempt to clutch at the wisps of his pride still remaining.

Kakashi twisted his hand around the shuriken buried inside of his knuckle, showing off just a bit to knock his opponent down a few pegs. “Don’t flatter yourself. You weren’t distracted; you were forced to let go.”

Zabuza’s head snapped to his indignantly.

Kakashi, far more controlled than before, weaved his killer intent at Zabuza forcefully. Zabuza responded in kind, attacking his senses with hateful intention. His students sensed the change in the air, adjusting themselves back into the headspace of battle.

Kakashi grunted. He almost had stored away enough chakra in his core to perform a chidori. He just needed a bit more time. “Your technique worked on me once, but it won’t work again.” Kakashi shook his head mildly, leveling Zabuza a condescending stare. “So, what’s it gonna be?”

Kakashi quickened the pace of his chakra, anticipating the moment when he would have the correct amount in his core. The idea of storing away chakra within your core was having enough for a quickly paced powerful jutsu. Kakashi would still be able to use other jutsu while that chakra waited, and then when he saw an opening he would speedily release the chakra out of his core and activate the jutsu. Instead of changing and molding the chakra outwardly, Kakashi prepared it inside of himself for efficient future use.

Kakashi heard Sasuke and Sakura mumble to each other while taking up defensive positions around Tazuna. He applauded their developed skills as a shinobi. It was intuitive of them to remember the need to protect Tazuna after all that was going on.

Kakashi suppressed any outward reactions when finally enough chakra for a Chidori wove into his core. He would wait until Zabuza made the first move before lunging. He still wasn’t positive if Momoichi wished to continue this fight.

He got his answer when a crazed look flashed through Zabuza’s eyes. The shuriken digging into his hand closed with a spin so all of the blades were now pressing into the metal on his hand guard. Zabuza forced more strength into the blow, trying to break through Kakashi’s thick plated gloves. Kakashi smirked. The gloves were the only accessory left of his Anbu uniform that he had been permitted to keep. It figures that they would be the only thing saving his left hand at the moment. Kakashi released a deep breath. He needed to focus. This fight wasn’t over just yet. With a pained grunt he thrust the shuriken away from him trembling with the strain he put his muscles through. The shuriken in Zabuza’s grip sailed out into the mist filled clearing, clattering in the distance.

Kakashi broke away from Zabuza, each of them jumping backwards in the air to gain some distance, using the leverage of their battling weapons to their advantage.

Zabuza wasted no time in activating another jutsu, one that his Sharingan targeted the moment Zabuza formed his chakra. Kakashi smirked, knowing Zabuza couldn’t see his gloating face behind the mask. Now Kakashi had two jutsu ready to activate, his dormant Chidori, and the Water style Zabuza activated.

Kakashi landed on the water, his fingers already moving through a myriad of seals. He had never activated this jutsu before, he wasn’t quite sure he even recognized the seals used.

Zabuza began chanting the seals used for the jutsu, his voice taking on a chilling monotone as he focused on the high level technique he was wielding.

“Ushi, saru, u, ne inoshishi tori ushi, uma, tori, ne, tora, inu, tora, mi, ushi, hitsuji, mi, inoshishi, hitsuji, ne...” Zabuza began the series of seals, listing the hand signs’ names as he went along. It was an old, forgotten practice to list the seals you were activating, but some antediluvian jutsus that dated back centuries still required the old procedure. Kakashi could only assume that the Jutsu Zabuza was activating was taught to him by a village elder who was passing down a clandestine technique. He couldn’t help but feel a bit excited to add such a rare find to his knowledge of jutsu.

Kakashi pumped more chakra into his eye, beginning to copy the words Zabuza had spoken previously. “Ushi, saru, u, ne inoshishi tori ushi, uma, tori, ne, tora, inu, tora, mi, ushi, hitsuji, mi, inoshishi, hitsuji, ne...” his voice was more lackadaisical than Zabuza’s and held much more confidence. Kakashi was doing his best to throw Zabuza off of his game. He needed his enemy to be distracted if he was going to come out of this battle alive; he was nearly entirely drained of chakra from overusing his Sharingan so much, luckily for him, his opponents chakra level were just as diminutive.

Kakashi grinned when he noticed Zabuza snarl in anger, beginning the chant once more but this time synchronized with his own chant, Kakashi having caught up to Zabuza. “Jin, saru, tori, tatsu, tori, ushi, uma, hitsuji, tora, mi, ne, saru, u, inoshishi, tatsu, hitsuji,”

Zabuza began to grow even more frustrated, picking up the pace of his seals indignantly. Kakashi didn’t even pause, his Sharingan catching the movement of Zabuza’s lips before the sound could reach anyone’s ears and he quickly replaced his previous chanting speed with the new fast tempo. “Ne, ushi, saru, tori, jin, ne, inoshishi!”

And then both of them broke off, hands flying through the rest of the seals without use of the added vocals. They continued through the pattern easily, Kakashi watching in sheer triumph as Zabuza’s face contorted with rage. It was clear to Kakashi Zabuza was angered that he was able to pull of this complicated jutsu without any way to have actually seen or heard of it before. Zabuza almost fumbled in his seal once before he quickly recovered with a new enraged vigor.

“TORI!” both of them finished, standing opposite of each other on the water with the final seal formed. Kakashi watched, trying his best not to appear to outwardly fascinated, as the water before them began morphing and gathering.

“Water Style: Water Dragon Jutsu!” Kakashi hadn’t even realized he had said the words, to entranced by the two snake like creatures forming out of the water. He had never quite been able to create high level water styles, his always came out a bit choppy and misshaped. Right now though, the dragon like monster that was now formed before him couldn’t be more graceful. The double dragons faced each other, both opening their large jaws wide baring their many razor sharp water fangs.

The massive creatures stood taller than even the trees surrounding them. Kakashi didn’t even command his jutsu to move; as if sentient the water dragon lunged on its own accord, twisting and entangling itself in Zabuza’s own dragon. Kakashi couldn’t help but childishly note that his was obviously much, much cooler than Momoichi’s.

Kakashi’s dragon twisted its long neck and slammed itself directly into Zabuza’s dragon, causing the water in which they were created out of to collapse, splashing a massive wave of water over Kakashi’s already soaking form.

Naruto hurried out of the pond as fast as he was capable, somewhat swept away by the large wave. The water even managed to swarm around Sasuke, Sakura, and Tazuna’s feet, each of them strengthening their stances in an attempt to stay upright. Tazuna’s hat fell off on impact, carried away by the powerful waves he and Zaubza’s jutsus caused.

The water settled only to be mucked up once more by their jutsus, this time each of the dragons colliding and causing their waster based bodies to shatter into large raindrops and streams of water. 

Kakashi’s Sharingan worried itself over his students, checking to see if each of them were still alright. Sakura had wrapped her shivering arms around Tazuna’s body, some of her hair sticking to her face and her arms covered in water welts but otherwise unharmed. Sasuke had been sent sprawling onto the floor, his split lip actively bleeding again. Naruto was by Sasuke’s side, an arm worriedly cradling Sasuke’s injured chest.

Upon seeing his hurt students Kakashi’s amusement for the situation vanished. It might have been fun and games to beat down such a powerful foe if his students weren’t around, but right now he needed to get them to Tazuna’s house safe and then figure a way out of this mission in one piece.

Zabuza had hurt Sasuke, sadistically enjoying it when he dug his shoe into Sasuke’s bruised ribcage. Kakashi would make sure Zabuza regretted ever taking up that tyrant Gato’s little covetous mission for the rest of his meaningless life.

He lunged for Zabuza, his trusty kunai knife clashing with Zabuza’s kubikiribocho. They stood at a standstill for just a moment, each of them straining to gain the upper hand and knock the other to the ground.

Zabuza added a second hand to press on the flat of his blade, increasing the pressure Kakashi was fighting off.

Kakashi didn’t hesitate in his next move. He poured nearly enough chakra into his Sharingan to activate his mangekyou, boosting his reaction time.

He and Zabuza leapt away from each other at what appeared to be the same time, but in all actuality was just a few beats off. The difference in the timing of their movements wasn’t visible to the naked eye; Kakashi could only detect it because of his Sharingan.

Zabuza attempted to circle behind him, but Kakashi had already seen the move coming, had noted the slight twitch in each of his muscles as he prepared to move; the flicker of his eyes as to where his destination would be. Kakashi performed the same turn Zabuza did, both of them running around each other until they had basically just switched places.

Kakashi and Zabuza were almost in the same position as they were before, just on opposite sides. If you had the Sharingan you would notice that their footing was slightly different, and their positioning was just a slight bit to the left of where each of them had been before.

But no one else here had the Sharingan. Therefore no one else would notice such a miniscule, meaningless divergence of positioning. 

Kakashi’s Sharingan blared. He watched Zabuza’s arm muscle go taught, preparing his body to raise his arm above his head. His Sharingan quickly assessed the symbol Zabuza’s fingers were performing and mimicked it.

Now both he and Zabuza stood across from each other, both with one arm raised above their head and one arm curled near their chest. They were back in Zabuza’s concealing mist jutsu stance, the very jutsu that had started this entire battle.

He saw Zabuza’s eyes widen.

Kakashi smirked. So far he had merely been detecting muscle movement in Zabuza, but now it was in his plans to change tactics. He had gotten into Zabuza’s head that he was somehow predicting Zabuza’s movements. In reality, his Sharingan was merely working at a faster pace than Zabuza or Kakashi’s body could function. But now Kakashi was going to use a bit of a more chakra consuming Sharingan technique. Kakashi’s plan was to hypnotize Zabuza into using the technique Kakashi wanted him to activate. This would eliminate all guess work Kakashi had so far been using and allow Kakashi to trip Zabuza up enough he might slip and give Kakashi an in to finish the job. Just copying Zabuza’s moves would lead nowhere; no, Kakashi had to be faster than Zabuza. And to do that, he would need to activate one of the rarest Sharingan techniques out there, hypnosis. Or at least, the closest thing Kakashi knew of toward hypnosis. It was all really an elaborate genjutsu. Kakashi would use his Sharingan to imprint ideas, plans, and movements into Zabuza’s mind. Zabuza would comprehend Kakashi’s placed thoughts as his own and go through with them. It took an incredibly strong will or powerful Sharingan to counteract the effects of this technique. In fact, Shisui Uchiha was famous for perfecting this form of hypnosis. It was said that not a single person had ever betrayed one of Shisui’s imprinted commands before. Shisui Uchiha had accomplished real hypnosis; Kakashi simply had a strong knack for persuasion.

Kakashi was obviously not that talented with this technique; he was, however, good enough that he could enrapture a chakra exhausted Zabuza Momoichi into doing exactly as Kakashi bid.

Zabuza grunted, Kakashi’s genjutsu already affecting his thought process. Kakashi began simple by influencing Zabuza to bring his arm down from where it was raised and out to the side. This time around Kakashi performed this movement at _exactly_ the same moment Zabuza did. He then slid a thought into the back of Zabuza’s mind. When Zabuza’s psyche accepted the idea as its own, Kakashi finished the thought aloud for Zabuza.

‘It’s as if...as if he knows what I’m-‘

“Going to do next?” he ended Zabuza’s forged thought aloud with a challenging tilt of his chin.

Kakashi would later found pleasure remembering the befuddled and horrified look that cross over Zabuza’s face, but right now he was far too focused on the battle to care about Zabuza’s lack of arrogance.

Kakashi knew the Sharingan technique sounded rather complicated, but in reality it wasn’t so mind numbing. Bluntly stated all he was doing was sending thoughts into Zabuza’s brain and then doing the exact same thing, convincing Zabuza he was predicting the next move he would make. In reality all Kakashi was doing was synchronizing their movements.

He sent the idea of Kakashi having the ability to read Zabuza’s mind through the genjutsu, resisting the urge to clap gleefully when Zabuza didn’t even think twice about the peculiar thought and instead even began considering the possibility.

He supposed thinking that Kakashi was reading his mind wasn’t too absurd. In a form, he supposed, Kakashi was reading Zabuza’s mind. He wasn’t doing so as surely as Yamanaka’s were able to, but Kakashi did to some extent know what was going on inside of Zabuza’s mind.

This little trick was nothing compared to what the Mangekyou Sharingan could do, however.

“It makes you furious, doesn’t it?” Kakashi taunted Zabuza, already knowing the answer to his inquiry. Emotion was the easiest to manipulate when using this technique, movements however were quite hard. Kakashi would need to choose a jutsu that was in Zabuza’s arsenal of techniques, not his own. He wracked his brain for some of the jutsu that were listed on Zabuza’s bingo book file. Kakashi vaguely recalled seeing the Water Style: Giant Vortex Jutsu on Momoichi’s profile.

Directly after transitioning the idea to activate the Giant Vortex Jutsu into Momoichi’s mind, Kakashi forced a wave of anger onto his opponent. It worked smoothly and Zabuza began running his mouth off with ill-tempered insults.

“Ha! All you’re doing is copying me!” he snapped, blinded by anger. “Like a monkey!” he added on with a snarl.

Kakashi however knew what Zabuza was going to say next, having implanted the bold statement in Zabuza’s mind already with his Sharingan. He opened his mouth at the same time Zabuza did, forming and identical hand seal as well.

“You can’t beat me with cheap tricks! I’ll crush you!” Zabuza spat, but Kakashi had drawled out the words along with him adapting a much more lazy tone.

Zabuza blurred through the rest of the Water Vortex jutsu’s seals, his eyes bulging in shock and Kakashi’s implanted anger. “When I’m finished with you, you’ll never open that monkey mouth again!”

Kakashi smirked as his Sharingan swirled, activating the jutsu Kakashi had convinced Zabuza to use through his genjutsu. Kakashi had chosen one of Zabuza’s jutsu’s he was personally familiar with, enough so it wasn’t necessary for him to copy the technique, he could perform the jutsu in his own right. Faster than Zabuza could manage while still under effects of Kakashi’s hypnosis jutsu, Kakashi sped through the seals required to perform the Water Vortex jutsu.

Kakashi pumped the remains of his chakra that wasn’t stored away for a chidori into his hands, recognizing the fatal levels he was running at. He had to take down Zabuza quick before he completely chakra exhausted himself.

“Water Style: Giant Vortex Jutsu!” he called out triumphantly.

Zabuza leaned forward in shock, “W-what?” he fumbled, his eyes roaming Kakashi in a desperate attempt for an explanation.

Zabuza was too confounded to react properly and evade Kakashi’s jutsu. Water swirled in a large wave towards Zabuza, crashing down upon him and forcing him to the bottom of the pond. But the jutsu wasn’t done yet. Once Zabuza was underneath the water the waves started up again even stronger, swirling and swinging back forth. The waves slammed out of the water and onto the ground, still carrying Zabuza along with them. The jutsu created large waves and tides along the whole pond, splashing up against his students. Sakura held tightly onto Tazuna, keeping a firm stance on the ground. Naruto had long since propped Sasuke up against the tree when Kakashi wasn’t paying attention; now however Naruto had taken to wrapping his arms tightly around Sasuke’s shoulders in a mock hug to protect him against the strong currents of water barreling against them, pressing their bodies tightly against the large mangrove. The waves continued onward, pushing Zabuza and folding him along the water. Zabuza tried in vain to get to the surface for oxygen, but Kakashi’s vortex didn’t relent and kept him tightly under.

The water created strong winds that were dotting cuts all along the exposed parts of Kakashi’s body, including the large tears his fingernails had anxiously carved into the thin material of the Jounin uniform. He winced at the pain but stood firmly atop the water as he focused on his chakra core. Now was the perfect opportunity to use his stored up electric chakra for his chidori. He began pulling the chakra into his hands in preparation for a final blow.

Zabuza was far too focused on scrambling to the top of the water to recognize Kakashi’s plans. All it would take was one blow to the back and Momoichi would be done for.

Kakashi squared his legs and brought his arms back, electricity beginning to crackle along his arms.

Zabuza scrabbled for a hold against one of the flooded trees, fingers digging into the bark, mirroring his students’ plan. He hacked up the water that had filled his lungs, wheezing pathetically while trying to defend against the waves that were knocking him off balance again and again.

Kakashi jumped a branch of the tree Zabuza was using to stay upright. He watched as the waves began retracting back into the water. With his switch of chakra the jutsu was no longer active and was calming fast. He quickly aimed four kunai consecutively against his downed opponent, pinning Zabuza to the very tree he had been using to save himself.

“It’s over.” He declared, both to Zabuza and to his students.

The last of Kakashi’s waves crept back into the pond, giving him a clear view of his exhausted team and client. Anger sparked within Kakashi. Zabuza had done all of this, had spoiled his team’s first experience outside of the village.

Zabuza sent him a bewildered look, defiant to his inevitable demise. “How...can you...see into the future?” he choked, looking as if he wanted to say more but was unable due to his own shock.

Kakashi raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. He would not be showing this man mercy. He let an air of nonchalance and confidence creep into his voice as he spoke. “Yes. You’re going to die!” Kakashi leaned back, letting the last strands of chakra begin to gather into his hands.

What he wasn’t expecting was Naruto’s panicked shout to interrupt him. “Kakashi-sensei wait!!” Naruto screeched. Kakashi peered over at his students.

Sasuke was tugging on Naruto’s shirt, but once he noticed Kakashi’s focus on him, began to frantically shake his head.

Kakashi opened his mouth to protest, his first reaction to be under the belief that Sasuke merely wanted to show their enemy mercy, when the whizz of a senbon needle reverberated in his eardrums.

He stiffened, his body turning to face Zabuza completely.

Sticking out of his neck were two senbon needles, smearing blood across the scene.

Kakashi’s eyes widened in panic.

His Sharingan blared to life, making it appear as if Zabuza’s body was falling towards the ground in slow motion. When his face finally smeared into the dirt, his head band slid off with a final clank.

“You were right. He did die.”

The calm, indifferent voice came up from atop a tree. Standing on a tree branch just across from Kakashi was a small child that couldn’t have been older than fourteen years of age. He had a dark, imposing presence to him despite his size and admittedly feminine appearance. Kakashi had to check twice to confirm the sex of the new intruder, but ultimately decided on him being a male. Upon further inspection Kakashi’s eyes finally caught the Mist Anbu black op mask. He allowed his chidori to fizzle out of existence and couldn’t help but rub his forehead tiredly. What were he and his team getting into? First Gato, a profound business man, and now they were running into the Mist village’s hunter ninja? This was more excitement than had occurred during Kakashi’s anbu missions.

Kakashi leapt back onto the ground on instinct, kneeling next to Zabuza’s body. He stayed on alert however, because Kakashi was still unsure if the Hunter Ninja before them was a threat or not. Kakashi pressed two fingers against Zabuza’s throat, but found not even the light fluttering of a pulse. His students wisely remained silent, waiting for Kakashi to declare the perimeter safe. The Anbu was clean; hitting a vital point from so far away to instantly subdue Zabuza so precisely took years of training and precocious skill that matched his own. He traced his fingers higher up Zabuza’s neck, and finally pressed his thumb beneath Zabuza’s nose. Kakashi could feel no air blowing against his hand.

Kakashi sat back. “He’s definitely dead.” He declared, too tired to work up any guilty emotion towards yet another fallen enemy.

Kakashi huffed. He wasn’t so exhausted not to feel the rise of bubbling spite clawing inside of his chest. He turned to the Hunter Ninja with a huff. Kakashi had wanted that kill. In the long run it would count as his and perhaps be added to his reasons of why you should be cautious towards Hatake Kakashi in the bingo book, but Kakashi would feel more validated and satisfied if Zabuza had died by his owns hands, his own chidori.

“I thank you.” The mist elite spoke up in a casual fashion. “I’ve been tracking Zabuza for a long time...waiting for this chance to finally take him down.” He bowed his head politely.

“By the looks of your mask, I see that you’re a tracker ninja from the Village Hidden in the Mist.” Kakashi stated in an accusing tone, forgoing accepting the Mist ninja’s insincere appreciation.

The hunter ninja straightened up. “Impressive, you’re well informed.”

Naruto stiffened. Kakashi’s sore eyes barely caught the motion. Proof of his exhaustion was the fact that he hadn’t noticed Naruto stand Sasuke up and prop him around his shoulders, nor had he seen Sakura and Tazuna move towards them protectively. All of them were now huddled up in a corner, assessing the hunter ninja suspiciously.

Good, Kakashi decided, you can never be too cautious.

Naruto nudged Sasuke in the side. “What’s a tracker ninja?” he mumbled, trying and failing to be discreet about his question. It might have worked in a room full of civilians, but in this clearing full of experienced and paranoid ninja his whispering wouldn’t go unnoticed.

Sasuke shifted, letting out a shaky breath, his eyes directed at his feet as was normal for him. “A tracker ninja...is someone that pursues people like Zabuza. People who have betrayed their village; the mist village in particular has an especially large corporation for tracker nin because of their especially large number of runaway shinobi. Tracker ninja are specifically trained to assassinate these ninja to avoid having the secrets of the village leaked.” Sasuke narrowed his eyes at the floor, mumbling the next part quietly. “It’s the kind of shinobi I’m training to be, Naruto.”

Naruto’s eyes lit up. “Oh! Cool, you never told me that Sasuke! Seriously, we eat lunch together nearly every day now and that never came up in conversation once?! I always ask you if you’ve decided on a dream yet!!” Naruto shouted indignantly, glaring at his teammate severely. Before Sasuke could respond to Naruto’s rapid questions, they were interrupted by the foreigner.

“That is correct. I am a member of the Elite Tracking Unit of The Village Hidden in the Mist. It was my duty to stop Zabuza.”

Kakashi digested this information as best as he could in his current state. The thing his mind was currently stuck on was less of the current problem and more of his new dumb sensei worries kicking in. Sasuke had never once claimed he wanted to be a member of Konoha’s in actuality rather small tracking unit. Kakashi wouldn’t say he was exactly cut out for it. But he hadn’t really said he wanted to do it, he had informed them he was training for it. Did Sasuke feel pressured in some way to pursue a life he didn’t want to lead?

Kakashi shook himself off. Not only could he be looking too much into his student’s wording as he often overanalyzed when it came to people, but now really wasn’t the time for contemplating life-altering decisions. He could allow himself to be concerned for Sasuke at a later time. The important and threatening thing he just learned was that this Hunter Ninja claimed to be a part of the Elite Tracking Unit but looked no older than Naruto. Perhaps the Mist Village really was falling off the deep end like the Council was worried about. Assigning a child such an important role in times of peace? It didn’t sound plausible to Kakashi.

Kakashi then came across the horrifying realization he couldn’t sense the kid’s chakra signature at all, not even now that he was aware of his presence. But Sasuke had been able to with ease sporting a possible head concussion and damage to his abdomen. Either he needed to be teaching Sasuke chakra sensory techniques, or Kakashi was more worn down than he had originally assessed.

But either of those options still meant that this hunter ninja was able to conceal his chakra to the point where it was near invisible. Kakashi wondered just how long the hunter ninja was watching them.

Naruto tightened his protective arm around Sasuke, letting out a frustrated noise in between his teeth. His eyes were focused on Zabuza’s still form, but instead of appearing forlorn or even triumphant, Naruto looked oddly skeptical. His brow was furrowed and his lips were twisted.

Kakashi moved his eyes back to Zabuza. Everything about him looked exactly like a fresh dead body. In about an hour or so Zabuza’s face would slacken, his muscles would unwind and his temperature would begin to decrease. Right now though Zabuza still looked alive with that shocked expression peeled over his features and the warm temperature of his skin; even his eyes were still full of emotion and consciousness.

Kakashi winced. Naruto was probably stunned by how alive their fallen opponent still seemed. They may have covered autopsies in the academy, but it’s still horrifying witnessing it all first hand. It was a colder and more haunting experience than simple diagnoses and assessments as teachers typically made it out to be.

“What is this? Who do you think you are? Did you hear me?!”

Kakashi turned a startled eye to Naruto. He was standing defiantly with his chin raised, Sasuke pushed slightly behind him. He was aiming a ferocious glare at the hunter ninja.

Kakashi raised a warning hand, hoping to calm Naruto down for whatever he got himself worked up over. “Easy Naruto; he’s not our enemy.” He chastised, moving away from the chilling corpse beside him to make his way over to his student.

Naruto span in his direction, frantic emotion swimming inside of his eyes. “That’s not what I’m asking! I mean...! That Zabuza...that Zabuza was killed!” he fumbled, his face crumpling. No sooner had he saddened had Naruto gotten angry all over again, his glare much stronger and less confused than before. “And this kid, who’s no different from me brought down Zabuza with one move; like it was nothing! I mean, what does that make us?” Naruto shook his head concisely, forehead creased. “We’re...We’re pathetic! I can’t accept that!”

Kakashi softened. Naruto looked lost, and incredibly frustrated. He gently made his way over to his young student, who had no place in such a horrific crime scene as this one. Kakashi had thought the days where young children were forced to see battle were over; but he had been mistaken. So long as ninja existed so would the trauma and despair that followed the lifestyle.

He placed a reassuring and strong hand atop Naruto’s head. “Well, I understand your disbelief. But this, too, is reality.” He informed Naruto, watching his face screw up at the injustice of it all. “In this world there are kids who are younger than you...and yet, stronger than me.” Kakashi smoothed Naruto’s hair down as best as he could. All of his students were ragged looking and hadn’t bathed or washed in days. They were caked in mud and injuries, all with the same lost and hurt expression on their faces.

Kakashi’s eyes found Sasuke’s, who had a more understanding appearance to him. Kakashi recalled his earlier words, able to grasp why Sasuke looked so especially upset. Itachi truly may have been stronger than Kakashi when he was younger than Naruto. Sasuke had much experience with seemingly indomitable opponents that were even more frightening and fearsome than Zabuza.

Sasuke was the first to look away, taking a large breath as he watched the unnamed Anbu leap onto the floor to wrap his arms around Zabuza’s corpse unflinchingly. He curled Zabuza’s limp body around his own, demonstrating more physical strength than he appeared to have.

“Your struggle is over for now. I must deal with the remains. There are many secrets in this body, they must not be allowed to get into the wrong hands.” His speech was detached and sounded rehearsed. “Please excuse me.” With a final tiger seal performed only with one hand, the hunter ninja disappeared in a tunnel of wind and leaves.

“He’s disappeared!” Naruto exclaimed, spooked. Sasuke sighed in frustration and through a bleary, unfocused haze Kakashi heard him begin explaining to Naruto how the transportation technique worked, and its limits. He heard Sakura jump in as well, hands back to their usual place upon her hips now that she wasn’t puppy dog guarding Tazuna. His students all seemed to understand that for now, they could rest easy.

Kakashi wearily brought his headband back down to cover his overused eye, blinking rapidly at the change of vision. Most people didn’t realize seeing out of one eye all of the time required a lot of focus, experience, and chakra. Sometimes Kakashi missed his old eye, missed walked around with at least some of his face visible. The disorientation of being one-eyed was always worse after using his Sharingan for an extended period of time. His body gets too familiar with the extra aid of the Uchiha’s Kekei Genkai.

“He’s gone Naruto, let it go.” Kakashi mumbled, ending his students quarrelling and causing them to look away, subdued.

Sakura rubbed her arm, clearing her throat. “Kakashi-sensei...I...what was the point? I mean, I don’t...he didn’t have to _die_...couldn’t someone else have given him money...?” she fumbled, nervously tying her hands together. Kakashi made his way over to her, kneeling down so the two of them were eye to eye.

“The life of a ninja is never easy, nor does is always make sense. Trust me on this one, I know.” He brushed the hair that was sliding down from her headband and into her eyes away, tucking it back behind her ear. “It’s so easy to get lost in the why’s and wonder about the morality of a decision...my advice? Find something worth fighting for. Find something that renders you unable to question your loyalty to it. Once you find that, you’ll always have an answer.”

Kakashi assumed that was the reason why some merely chose to be undyingly loyal to the village. It was easier that way. All you had to do was follow orders unquestionably, safe in the reassurance that you were doing what was right because your village commanded it of you. Kakashi had once been that way. Kakashi used to follow all orders and could lord his superiority over others by saying what he was doing was right; killing them was the right decision, that’s what the commander said to do. Abandoning them was the right decision, it’s a clear rule in the ninja handbook. It never was; the right decision, that is. He always chose the easy way out. It was much harder to assess every situation and find what the best solution was. It was much harder to remain loyal to your people even after they have made unforgivable mistakes.

‘People live their lives bound by what they accept as correct and true...that is how they define reality. But what does it mean to be correct or true? Merely vague concepts...their reality may all be an illusion.’ 

Kakashi startled. Long ago one of his comrades, one of his friends, had told him this. Kakashi now wondered what it is he had meant. Being correct and true...was it really just a figment, a concept based entirely on ones’ opinion? He glanced to Sasuke, so firmly against all violence, and then to Naruto who practically spat at the unfair or mistreatment of others; the both of them had clear conceptions of what the ‘right thing’ was. He looked upon himself and saw someone who defined his life by the lives of his friends. He supposed that was his reason...that was his ‘right.’

“Kakashi-sensei?” Sakura asked, eyes searching his.

“Hm?” he responded with a gentle ruffle of her hair.

A smile shone across her face. “I think I found something that’s definitely worth fighting for. You were right. It did answer my question.” She gave him a dazzling smile.

Kakashi smiled, basking in being on the receiving in of such an innocent smile for just a moment, before standing up tall and addressing the rest of his little group as a whole. “We haven’t completed our mission yet. We still have to get the bridge builder, to his bridge.” Kakashi allowed a bit of withheld anger to creep into his voice when addressing Tazuna.

Their client laughed anxiously with a tilt of his restored hat. It seemed that Tazuna had found his hat when it flew off, then. Although Kakashi had no idea how he had managed that feat, or why he had wanted to. It was caked in mud and sopping wet but for some reason Tazuna was deciding to wear it anyway. “Sorry I caused all this trouble for ya! But uh...you can rest at my house when we get to the village, it’s not far from here so don’t worry!”

Kakashi nodded at him with a concealed roll of his eyes. “All right, let’s get a move on!” he declared, moving forward at a stiff pace.

His steps stuttered to a halt. He felt his face contort in a horror, but was unable to do anything about his own expression, paralyzed by a wave of disorientation washing over his body.

Wet slid down his forehead; Kakashi caught a brief glimpse of something green before his eyes forced themselves closed. He struggled to peel them back open, to move his mouth to call out to his students, but a kind of heaviness pitted in his stomach and throat which made him unable to usehis voice.

The last thought he would later remember having was of a rather stupid realization.

Oh yea, chakra exhaustion. Guess he should’ve seen that one coming.

The voices that were shouting obnoxiously around him seized into blissful silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Watcha think? This is my favorite chapter so far!!


	7. Efflorescence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura was a private person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MY QUEEN IS HERE! I love her she's the bomb no one can tell me different. This is Sakura's big moment I hope I can convert all Sakura haters after they read this chapter!! #HarunoSakura

Sakura remembered the days when Ino would smile, and Sakura would smile back.

She knew that lapse of her life was far in the distance, that their friendship had shattered irreparably- but this did not mean she couldn’t reminisce on when things were pleasant between them.

Most people were mistaken on the reasoning behind the decimation of their friendship.

Sakura was aware that, unluckily for her, Ino was included in that section of ‘most people’.

She and Ino had been so close; it was absurd to think the other girl had believed they were ending their entire bond over a boy neither of them truly knew anything about. It hurt more than she was willing to admit Ino had taken to the lie so simply.

In truth, Sakura had left Ino because it was what was for the _best_.

Sakura was dangerous. And she had hurt Ino before, betrayed Ino before...she was far too fearful she would do it again. Therefore it was necessary for Sakura to eliminate all opportunities where she could potentially harm her dearest friend.

Perhaps an much needed explanation? She would start at the very beginning.

Haruno Sakura had been an...odd, child, really. She hadn’t liked toys like the other children; no dollhouses, no action figures, no board games. The other kid’s thought of her as arrogant and rude; she had no delusions to their opinions of her.

She found her passion in books. But not literature, like picture books or even long winded novels, the most peculiar of textbooks and dictionaries were constantly weighing down on her too small of hands for such a heavy weight.

Her mother and father weren’t the pushy sort. Relatively speaking, they let Sakura do as she pleased. If Sakura wanted to sit and read scrolls and ninja arts, even as nothing elder than a four year old, then that is what they would let her do. At least she’s behaving, they would say.

Sakura used to throw tantrums. Not just the average bratty screaming fit, or the terrified nightmare induced attacks some children were unfortunate enough to experience, no. Sakura would hit. Sakura would kick. Sakura would launch things across the room and never, ever stop; and she would do this without a decipherable reason behind her actions.

Her parents started to take her to a psychiatrist, a retired old woman of the Yamanaka clan that found fulfillment in life by helping the younger generations of ninja. The woman shaped the rest of Sakura’s life, for the better or worse was yet to be discovered.

Sakura hadn’t exactly gotten on with Mrs. Abigail. The woman didn’t let her read her textbooks, she didn’t let her practice her ninja training, and she wouldn’t stop asking questions or prompting her to play with the more child-like toys that constantly littered her office.

Even now, the thought of the woman left Sakura’s throat parched and aching. You can’t unlearn hating someone. She knew now, logically speaking, Mrs. Abigail was only doing her job, but she had a hard enough time controlling her emotions as it was.

Mrs. Abigail had brought out the worst in Sakura.

She was with Mrs. Abigail when she first met her ‘imaginary friend’.

She had been arguing with Mrs. Abigail, telling her that she didn’t want to share her toys with her, nor did she want to talk to Mrs. Abigail at all. That’s when, out of the corner of her eye, she saw it. A girl, with dark black hair, pasty white skin, and shimmering pink eyes the color of Sakura’s own hair.

“I’m going to share my toys with her, not you!” she had declared.

Mrs. Abigail had quirked an eyebrow as Sakura seemingly delved into long conversations and games with no one at all. The girl across from her, with a smile of paper, nonglossy teeth, had inquired giddily if Sakura wanted to play a game of chess with her. Sakura had readily agreed, and her new friend began enthusiastically explaining the rules behind a game Sakura herself had never played before.

To Mrs. Abigail, Sakura had run to the other side of the board, playing both the white and black pieces against herself, pretending to play as what Sakura would later hear Abigail refer to as, “An imaginary friend, which is a good sign in her development. I believe my sessions are helping.”

To Sakura, however, she would play as white and her friend, using Sakura’s hands as her own, would play as black.

Black won by a mile. And Sakura, well, Sakura had never lost before. But, instead of throwing a fit like she would’ve had it been anyone else but her new friend who bested her in a game of wits, Sakura got curious. She wanted to be that good. She wanted to be as good as her new friend.

A cycle began. From the age of four to seven Sakura kept her imaginary friend, until her parents had sat her down and claimed that her friend had been forced to move away and that she wouldn’t be coming back, so Sakura better say goodbye. Maybe Sakura could make some new friends at the academy, her mother had suggested.

But Sakura didn’t understand. Her friend hadn’t left. She had consulted her about moving away and her friend had just laughed and told her it was best if they kept their interaction from now on a secret. Sakura hadn’t ever had any secrets before then, and the thought of keeping something from both Mrs. Abigail and her parents frightened her. She was told to confide everything in her psychiatrist. Her friend dismissively assured her, of course, that it wasn’t a big deal. It was a game that they were playing, just the two of them. And just like how her parents couldn’t actually see or hear her friend, now they couldn’t know about her either.

Sakura had obeyed. Just like she had obeyed when her ‘friend’ had suggested they sign up for the academy.

The academy was quite a wondrous place for Sakura. Everyone read books, everyone practiced the ninja arts, and no one tried to talk to her. This fact worried her parents but was a huge relief to Sakura.

Sakura however had started to get picked on by many other girls her age. She didn’t particularly mind, for to her their opinions were of no meaning. They called her rude names, complained about being distracted by her overly large forehead, and claimed that Sakura must’ve been some sort of mutant due to her oddly colored hair. Sakura just swiped her bangs in front of her eyes to block them from her vision and kept going.

Until one day.

The girls wouldn’t stop. The girls wouldn’t stop and they were distracting her from reading, from practicing. Her friend had come with her to school today, as always, and wasn’t taking kindly to their words of discouragement and violent behavior. Her friend whom she had come to know cleverly as “inner” for her friend was only internal, began screeching with utmost rage. It was the first time her friend had ever tried to forcibly take control of her body, and would not be the last. Sakura had been able to barely resist grabbing one of her kunai knives at Inner’s command and slitting their throats.

She had collapsed to the floor sobbing, pain lacing her entire body. It was as if her nerves were fighting against her. She was this close to murdering another human being, at the tender age of seven, nearly eight. But she was fighting the compulsion.

Then a girl with striking blond hair, cheerful blue eyes, and a wide toothy grin had flounced up, becoming the first ever person to defend Sakura against the bullies that constantly nagged at her. And even though Sakura had never minded the harsh words, it still meant something that another person did mind them; minded them so much that they bothered to stop them from happening all together.

The girl with a cheery exterior leaned down and brushed Sakura’s bangs out of her face. She distinctly remembered feeling a cool palm across her forehead sweep the bangs out of her eyes. The enrapturing girl had told her not to keep it that way, that she looked much better with her hair brushed back.

Just like that Inner, along with her tears, had calmed enough she could see properly.

The girl’s name was Yamanaka Ino, and she would later become one of Sakura’s favorite people.

After that they grew. Sakura didn’t stop training but when she had time, which was rare, it was spent with Ino. Their activities ranged from helping Mrs. Yamanaka out at the flower shop, playing board games, sleepover parties, braiding sessions, healthy food baking, all the way to playful spars, kunai throwing contests, reading up on the library, and practicing taijutsu forms.

Sakura had been fine before. She had been determined to be the best, to work the hardest. But now Sakura was something more; Sakura was happy. Truly, she was joyful. She was pretty sure this was the first time she had experienced elation.

Soon they were ten year olds, skills sharpened and jokingly battling for top of the class. Iruka-sensei would always sigh in a way that made Sakura’s heart flutter happily when she and Ino would get into yet another battle of answering his pop-quiz questions as rapidly as possibly, far too fast for any other student to catch up. If Nara wanted to Sakura imagined he could’ve, but for some reason he never bothered; a shame in Sakura’s opinion. Inner no longer swarmed all of Sakura’s attention, she had made plenty of friends and acquaintances. Her parents had been positively over the roof about it all.

One day Ino invited Sakura to see her father, Mr. Yamanaka, at his work place. Sakura readily agreed.

Inner wasn’t just a helpful friend, Sakura learned, she was a dangerous enemy.

Inner had forced Sakura’s body to sneak away from Ino that day, with an excuse of having to use the bathroom that clawed out of her throat entirely unwillingly. She had begged Inner not to do it, that Ino was too important, but her _friend_ hadn’t been cooperative.

Sakura knew many of the Yamanka clan secrets now, after that day. Inner had managed to sneak them underneath the T&I facility to a large basement lined with shelves upon shelves of scrolls and documentaries. Sakura knew she wouldn’t have had the skill to break inside the basement and come out undetected without Inner being in control.

For the first time, Sakura had wondered just what Inner was. Had questioned the goodness and helpfulness of her first ever friend.

Inner was furious. She saw Ino as some sort of wretched being that was pushing Sakura toward frivolous ways she _apparently_ didn’t want nor need. Sakura had been equally as upset. She spent many sleepless nights arguing with a voice in her head over the valuableness of her _actual_ closest friend.

Unrest internally had never been something Sakura had faced before. The next year was a harsh one. Ino and her spent weeks on and off with each other, much to the other girl’s confusion. Sakura would randomly disappear and return as if nothing had happened.

When Sakura was eleven she was truly worried, a feeling that was rare for the very confident girl.

Inner had taken it a step too far.

She had burned all of the flowers inside of the Yamanaka shop. Mrs. Yamanaka had asked her to lock up, as Sakura had on a multitude of previous occasions, but this time she was taken by surprise as Inner forced her consciousness to control Sakura’s physical body. Every last flower shipped from all around the world turned to ash.

Ino hadn’t even known to blame Sakura. She had rushed into the room after smelling smoke, saw the mess and assumed an enemy ninja was in the house. The Yamanaka household was on complete alerted lockdown for six hours before Ino’s father deemed the premise clear. They never did find the nonexistent intruder, a fact that the Yamanaka’s still brought up over dinner today.

Sakura hadn’t used chakra, so her signature couldn’t have been traced. She had used a single match that ruined everything.

That was the day Sakura caved in to Inner’s wish of disposing of Ino.

She conjured up an absurd plan. And this of course led us back to where we started. With Sakura pretending to crush on Sasuke so she could destroy her and Ino’s trust and friendship, hopefully for good. Because Sakura was volatile, Sakura was dangerous.

She hadn’t known before. She had just thought she was different. Had even once considered Inner as just a figment of her imagination that she used to cope with her emotions. That she was just an oddball and that everyone would think her insane if they knew.

That wasn’t the case. Inner was real.

Inner was alive.

Inner had control.

And inner continued having control, forcing her way into their body’s steering wheel and taking over for Sakura. For Sakura these days went by in a hazy blur, she felt not as if she herself had lived them, but as if those months she was neglected from were robbed from her.

And just like that Sakura was drowning in work, in her textbooks, in a persona that wasn’t her. Behind everyone’s back she was vastly improving; none of the sensei noticed, too caught up in her _infatuation_ with Sasuke and status as a civilian to think any more of her than the bare minimum. Inner played the role of helpless, innocent young girl all too well.

She kept it up and brought Sasuke sweets every single day, even though the both of them were very knowledgeable on the fact that Uchiha was lactose intolerant and didn’t even enjoy sweets at all. However, Inner was accomplishing giving the rest of her classmates the same impression on their personality.

Sakura refused to let Inner handle everything else the way she pleased. She and Inner were an imbrication, a pattern of absolute exhaustion with neither one willing to give in. She was constantly fighting to regain authority, never giving Inner a second of rest.

Her beleaguering on Inner’s control paid off on the day of team choosings. Inner was weak from being in control so long and it was wearing down on her; Sakura took her chance when they spotted Ino at the flower shop. She could practically feel Inner boil over with jealousy at seeing Inner there and Inner had instantly engaged in an argument with Sakura’s old friend. After they had raced all the way to the their academy classroom and spewed even more venomous taunts at each other Inner was swallowed in emotions. It got worse and worse from there on, the incident between Sasuke and Naruto, Sasuke talking to Ino instead of Inner, being rejected by Sasuke to go out to lunch- each small occurrence racked up on Inner stress levels. The perfect opportunity to regain control over her downed opponent appeared when Inner was raging with indignation about Sasuke scolding her about her treatment of Naruto; when Inner’s eyes blinded with rage at the condescending tone, Sakura lunged. She had been entirely shocked when the attack actually worked and she had found herself opening their emerald eyes to the world around them. She remembered faintly recognizing Sasuke leaving the area in frustration, but hadn’t truly been able to comprehend what was happening around her.

She was back in her body. She was breathing the perfume like scent of the academy greenery and experiencing the breeze drift over her sweat slicked neck.

However it was inevitable Inner would at some point be in control in place of Sakura. She couldn’t win every battle. But Sakura would be damned if she were going to continue flaunting this false personality Inner had created for them. She would not dare act the way Inner did when she was in control and manipulating their peers. She didn’t care if it was a literal 180 degree flip. She would behave as she pleased.

Inner was a cheerful and yet trigger-happy being. She purred at Sasuke, snarled at Inner, seethed at Naruto, giggled almost constantly, and had a snobby and over-confident air about her. Sakura also couldn’t deny hints of sadism. Even with being cocky though, Inner had a tendency to keep their abilities on the down low.

And while Sakura had nothing to prove, only strong for the benefit of her own pride, she wasn’t as secretive as Inner and made no move to hide their talents when facing off against Kakashi-sensei during the bell test. But once they all three passed his underground schemes challenge, the reality of the situation crashed onto her shoulders. 

This team was going to burn in hell, she remembered thinking. Inner had agreed with snort of mishcheif. Even with her pessimistic outlook because facing the facts a team made of her, Sasuke, and Naruto wasn’t ideal, she had no doubts they could make it work. She felt empowered to do as she pleased, to be what she pleased. Inner could no longer keep Sakura out of the picture. She couldn’t manipulate Sakura any longer. 

It was easy to get along with Naruto, and fighting with him was doubly exhilarating and fun. She had always found a good verbal mêlée entertaining. Neither of them usually got offended at the other, and all was forgiven with a ramen bowl and a shared cherry sprite by the end of the day.

Sakura had imagined Uchiha Sasuke would be another great opponent in the argument department, but she had been largely mistaken. Sasuke stood to the side more than expected. He was better for a quiet chat and a shared knowing smile across the room when someone made a particularly idiotic comment.

Sakura discovered she not only liked Naruto, but she liked Sasuke too, which was rare for her. It wasn’t that she hated everyone, but more that she never had particularly loved anyone. Inner had them too immersed in growing as a kunoichi to bother with friends and when she had developed bonds Inner had taken them out of her life.

When Sasuke had invited them to eat with him at his favorite shabby little eatery and she had the pleasure of witnessing a hoard of waitresses coo over an abashed Sasuke, she felt like she was seeing something very real for the first time. She felt connected to the world around her like never before. The feeling only blossomed when Naruto showed off in the most peculiar of ways by trying to eat an entire platter of rice balls before Sasuke finished his one. Sakura had a theory Naruto’s childish actions were only spurred on by Sasuke’s snorting laughter and bewildered eyebrow raise. Sasuke had at one point just watched in awe as Naruto finished off the entire platter of rice balls before moving onto stealing uneaten half of Sasuke with a hearty pat of his stomach. Sasuke had even applauded Naruto afterwards with a shy giggle.

The two of them were so...happy, despite many reasons they had not to be. Being around them, it made Sakura want to be that way. It made Sakura want to forget her anger and sadness and guilt and just, smile. She couldn’t remember the last time she had smiled so much.

That’s why she had been so determined to pass Kakashi’s test. This was also when Sakura began to notice other things about her teammates that she had never noticed about other people before.

Sasuke hated decisions. He hated that responsibility. Sakura eliminated something he disliked with ease; she was good at dictating other people, it was nice to get to control someone else since she couldn’t guarantee control over herself. Meaning, if Sasuke didn’t want to decide anything Sakura would gladly choose it for him. Naruto was on board with this as well, although Sakura wasn’t sure if this was his need to boss people around or if he too had recognized Sasuke’s hatred for decisions.

Sakura had also discovered Sasuke hated physical contact. He clammed up even at the slightest ruffles of hair or pats to the head, specifically when it was from Iruka or more recently Kakashi-sensei. When she went in for side hugs and the like he didn’t seem to care as much as with others, and even sometimes reached out to grab her hand when he was particularly stressed out about meeting someone or Naruto doing something that would get him in trouble.

Something she had only noticed upon entering his team was he was rather against fighting. Arguments, even lighthearted ones, were not appreciated by him. Nor were spars, kunai throwing challenges, push up contests- hell, even a game of rock paper scissors had Sasuke forfeiting. He conceded so easily. He definitely needed to improve his pride because in her opinion it was rather lacking. He had no self-confidence or backbone at all. Sakura herself had great trouble understanding this, and at first had set out to getting him to snap at her and tell her off. She had started sneaking up on him and correcting him on everything, only to realize Sasuke reacted less with anger to other people and more with sorrow. He seemed genuinely upset with disappointing her, soon gritting his teeth and huffing out breath. She had stopped picking on him and was now trying to understand why he chose to let people walk all over him and allow everyone’s words to hurt him so. One day, she would ask him to explain it to her, but not anytime soon. They were all still learning to be trust each other.

Sasuke wasn’t all flaws though. Sasuke was funny. He was kind in a way that didn’t make you feel smaller in comparison, that didn’t emphasize that he was doing something nice for you. His pacifism wasn’t all bad; he could end a war with his ability to persuade people’s emotions and opinions. Sakura admired that ability. She was awful with people. Sasuke was alert and aware. Sasuke was always able to understand what was going on around him, to see things in a different way everyone else was viewing them. Sasuke was incredibly patient, another trait she admired. Sakura couldn’t even wait in line at the grocery store without cutting at least _once_. In this way, she guessed, they evened each other out nicely.

He had lots of things going for him. And after all that he had been through, Sakura wasn’t surprised at his quirks.

Naruto was a different matter altogether. If he wasn’t excited, he was angry, if he wasn’t angry, he was sad, if he wasn’t experiencing some kind of dramatic emotion- he was dead!

Uzamaki Naruto was a ball of energy. He constantly was feeling something, doing something, working towards something, expressing himself in some way; Sakura had never felt as much as Naruto felt in an hour her entire life! He was on an endless high. Sakura had points in her life where she wasn’t sure what she was feeling, what she wanted, but Naruto...Naruto always knew. Naruto was always so sure of himself.

Naruto wasn’t anything like Sasuke. He was boisterous and loud but yet he was startlingly sneaky. Naruto got away with so many things back at the academy Sakura wasn’t even sure she knew them all.

Naruto was a nice person to lean on. He was sturdy. He was the type of guy to run to you at your team meeting place with a big grin and greeting every single day, even after the days you returned his cheerfulness with a grumpy morning sneer.

Naruto and Sasuke, Sakura conceded, did share one thing in common. They both followed this internal compass, something inside of them that said, “This is the right thing to do.”

She recalled a time, just a couple weeks ago when Lord Third sent them on a D-ranked mission. All of the D-ranks were boring and dull, but being with her Team made them just a bit more interesting.

It had been a mission to retrieve a scroll from the Fire Daimyo and deliver it to the head of the Nara Clan. Apparently, the Nara clan had business with the Fire Daimyo.

Sasuke had been appointed as the scroll carrier. He had taken the scroll from Lord Daimyo himself and set off to get it to Hyuga Hiashi safely. Naruto had been looking at the scroll skeptically the entire way; Sakura had first written it off as jealousy since Sasuke got to carry the scroll, but quickly realized this was not the case. Naruto was glaring at the scroll. After about fifteen minutes of walking, Naruto whispered something spitefully to Sasuke, and then Sasuke started glaring at the scroll too, except with even more disgust than Naruto.

She had no idea why at the time.

After the scroll was safely on the Hokage’s desk, Sakura had gone home that night and lied awake in bed, completely mystified. She had been so restless she had marched herself to the Hokage’s office, receiving odd looks from the Jounin who were returning home from missions still into the wee hours of the night.

She had marched herself up to the mission board to reread the mission that now read completed and would be replaced with something new tomorrow. After plucking it off of the corkboard, she reread the words multiple times before finally understanding why her teammates had been pissed off.

The Fire Daimyo was demanding the removal of an entire town not far off of here and wanted to put a well-informed Hyuga clan member where the large new Shinobi Camp was going to be. It was a brief mention, it wasn’t even the main thing the scroll was focused on- but it was there. In fine print and writing the order to, as Sakura later found the town on a library map, remove six hundred civilians from their home for a war campsite, when they were currently living in a time of peace. Six hundred people with six hundred individual lives would be uprooted and forced to find new jobs and new houses.

Sakura would never have noticed such a thing without Naruto and Sasuke secreting of annoyance and guilt. It wouldn’t have even crossed her mind to care about the construction of a new Shinobi Campsite.

Later she would see Sasuke burning a newspaper detailing how helpful, convenient, and _necessary_ the new Leaf Village War Camp was going to be.

Sakura was looking into things she never had before because of her teammates. Was caring about what happened to other people like she never had before. They showed her empathy that she had seen come from no one else in her entire life. Inner was oddly silent throughout the entire fiasco.

The last member of her team was just as nice as the rest of them. Kakashi-sensei was a pleasant person, who always appeared to be analyzing something. He was constantly lost in thought, eyes scanning over the three of them sporadically. Sakura liked to pretend he was a guard dog. That’s how he acted. He was also very....touchy. He didn’t seem like the kind of person who preferred physical interaction, I mean, he carried around pornography for crying out loud. But in all actuality he was constantly by someone, ruffling their hair, holding their hands, patting their shoulders; on rare occasions Kakashi even offered side hugs.

Another resemblance he had to a guard dog was that he was practically omnipresent. He was always there beside them, whether he was a part of the conversation or not.

Everything was going pretty smoothly, other than Inner’s restlessness at no ninja action even though they had finally graduated. That problem was quickly solved by Naruto. He suggested to the Hokage, using means Sakura wouldn’t have had the boldness to implement that they take on a C-rank mission.

Lord Third allowed them to.

She was super excited. Inner was too. Everything they had worked for, all of the training and sore limbs and aching lungs and exhausted chakra was for this rush right here; a mission. Sakura might have despised Inner during the academy, but that didn’t mean she hated the academy itself. Some part of her still longed for the thrill of the shinobi life, as she had been dreaming of for years.

A real, action-filled escort mission was underway!

Their client might have been a major drunk, who actually had the gull to proclaim himself a master bridge builder, but Sakura wouldn’t let that spoil her excitement. She didn’t feel strongly about many things, so the adrenaline was abnormal.

Her parents weren’t spectacularly thrilled at the idea of her leaving the house for such a long time, but they had since the academy to get used to the idea of their daughter being a kunoichi.

Sakura owned a relatively nice travelling bag with a lot of pockets and zippers, but she was unsure of what to fill up all of the space with. She had been amused at the perfect timing of her two teammates when they came over. Apparently, Sasuke had figured she might require help deciding what to bring due to her civilian upbringing. Along the way, he, “Realized that Naruto is just an idiot,” and would also need help deciding what to bring on the mission. He had used his bag as an example and helped them pack their own bags the right way. Sakura’s parents had been overjoyed she had guests over, even if her father was distasteful of both of them being boys _and_ ninjas.

Sakura still found herself missing Ino, but not nearly as much as she used to. She decided to try something new and be optimistic; her life wasn’t over because she was living two of them. It was just...different than most peoples. It helped that the rest of her team lead very _different_ lives as well. Sakura still wasn’t an expert on looking at the bright side, but she was getting there. She just needed some practice. Sakura was good at practice.

Sakura had to admit, watching Sasuke taken down the Demon Brothers had been inspiring. She had read all about the Demon Brothers in her bingo book, and while they were no Yellow Flash, they were still quite the mighty opponent. Inner had directed curses at her within her mind when she hadn’t immediately guarded Tazuna upon the rogue ninja revealing themselves. It took Sakura a moment, but Inner’s words had eventually registered. Kakashi-sensei had used the replacement jutsu. Once she had understood her sensei was just peachy Sakura launched into action.

She learned a lot watching Sasuke finish the fight without killing anyone. He had many chances to end his opponent’s life, but the decision never seemed to cross his mind. To Sasuke, killing someone was unthinkable. Sakura wished she had morals that were so important to her that bypassing them was completely out of the question. But it got pretty hard with two personalities crammed into one.

Sakura couldn’t personally relate to Sasuke’s mercy. Killing was killing; she had always been that way. It never fazed her; they had taken classes dedicated to becoming unfeeling towards war and suffering but Sakura had always found them dull and unnecessary. She didn’t see the point. Sakura really didn’t have mercy; if it was her or the enemy, she wouldn’t hesitate. After all she was also the same child who asked the nurse if she could give herself the shot because she thought it would be imperative to know how to administer medicine. The nurse had been quite flustered, as you can imagine. Efficiency was key; she stuck by that.

Once again Sasuke’s pacifism was both a boon and a bane. While no lives had been lost by Sasuke’s hand, she knew that Kakashi had ended up staying behind to finish them off anyway. And because of Sasuke’s hesitation Naruto got injured.

If Sakura was talking professionally, Sasuke needed to get rid of his inhibitions.

She took that back. If Sakura was talking professionally, she would tell Sasuke to become a Chunin and stop there. Maybe he could find a _nice_ perfunctory ninja job like guarding the village gates, or being a sensei at the academy, hell, Sasuke could even pull off the whole medical ninja thing if he wanted to.

Just...maybe not...an assassin, like he claimed he wanted to be.

That took her to the battle against Zabuza. Sakura had accomplished her duty; protect the client. Inner had wanted to go off and break the rules, but that wasn’t Sakura’s way. She refused to interfere in the battle with Zabuza when her job was protecting the client, even if she had to fight Inner tooth and nail to do so.

When all was said and done, after Sasuke was injured, after he and Naruto managed to release Kakashi-sensei, something in particular stuck with her.

Kakashi-sensei had told her to find something worth fighting for; had told her to believe in it.

She and Inner had always had trouble agreeing on something, working towards a goal when both of them were so different. This often caused Sakura to give in easily to starting a new project or trying something just for the fun of it because it was almost inevitable Inner disapproved. But this was somehow different. For the first time, Sakura was willing to fight Inner for the rest of her life if she got to keep the goal that instantly popped into her mind when Kakashi told her to find something worth fighting for.

Keep them safe.

Keep Naruto and Sasuke safe; help them, protect them.

Sakura hadn’t realized how much she had wanted this before, but now that the thought had formulated inside of her there was no chance of reverting back to her old ways. Inner was going to be a pain in the ass, but Sakura was confident in her ability of handling her counterpart. After all, she had taken control from Inner before, she could do it again. It would just be a challenge.

This resolution kept Sakura’s body from giving out even as she currently trudged along a muddy dirt path with Sasuke trying his hardest not to collapse his weight entirely against her. Her right arm was wrapped around his waist and propped up under his armpit, while her left arm was holding both of his hands to help him keep his balance. Sakura was forced to walk in awkward directions so their feet wouldn’t collide against each other and trip the both of them. Naruto had three clones summoned a few feet away, all of them calling out orders to each other loudly as they carried Kakashi-sensei’s limp form between them.

Team Seven wasn’t at their best. Their client, who Sakura had yet to decide whether or not he was a good person for she did not think it her right to judge others in this manner especially with only knowing them for such a short time, was attempting to keep the cheer. The tired, weary man had even forgone drinking for the time being.

Inner raged in the back of her skull, causing a pounding to begin aching within her neck and spine. Inner seemed to think she would do much better at carrying Sasuke than Sakura was doing. Inner was probably correct on this assumption but Sakura didn’t exactly feel ready to relent control of her body right now. She didn’t want Inner doing or saying anything _crazy_.

She lasted long, facing against Inner’s forceful screams and persistent pushing to be in control.

Eventually however Sakura’s tenacity withered and she was releasing the reins of control and submitting to her secondary personality. She distinctly heard Inner begin making exaggerated harrumphs at being referred to as “secondary”.

She felt a sickened horror at the familiarity Inner addressed her with. They were not friends any longer. Inner needed to stop acting as if they were. She needed to stop treating all of this as if it were some joke.

Sakura stood back from the scene as Inner quickly set out to adjusting their grip on Sasuke, moving with more speed and fluidity than Sakura could’ve with weeks of practice. She felt a pang of jealousy, which was absurd seeing as they were sharing the same body, but she was still envious nonetheless.

Sasuke relaxed tenfold, letting out an aching groan. His eyes fluttered as he winced.

“It’s alright. You don’t have to work so hard while you’re in pain. I’ve got you.” Inner’s voice was always startlingly softer than Sakura’s.

She wasn’t aware of the intentions behind Inner’s kindred behavior. Inner may have been able to hear Sakura’s thoughts but the same didn’t go for Sakura hearing hers. Sakura only heard what Inner wanted her to hear. Otherwise she could only guess what kind of plots Inner hatched involving her teammates. It benefited Inner for Sakura to be connected to people. It gave Inner more power and an easy way to control her. Despite recognizing this Sakura couldn’t help falling into the trap that was her teammates. She wasn’t used to friends, and in Sakura’s perspective they were pretty badass friends.

They were worth fighting Inner for, she repeated to herself. 

She ignored the distant, mocking laughter that rang around her mindscape.

Sakura hovered over Inner’s actions as they finally arrived at Tazuna’s house. She knew that the sore muscles of her body would be insomnia inducing once she regained power; it had taken them a lengthy amount of time to get back here at the slow pace they were moving and they would be aching for days.

Tazuna hobbled up to the doorstep, knocking his fist against the door stridently. He shifted from foot to foot in a way Sakura interpreted as excitement.

The door creaked open just a bit, before a gasp could be heard on the inside of the house. To her side, Sasuke was completely disregarding Tazuna and the doorstep in favor of carefully observing the house with a critical eye. Sakura shook her head. Sasuke was always studying things. She could only guess that he merely liked to know his surroundings to feel safe; either that, or Sasuke was just highly interested in architecture.

The door swung open and a woman with long, navy hair and a tearful smile flung out of it. “Father!” she wept, her bony arms looping around Tazuna’s neck. Sakura picked up on that this must be the daughter Tazuna referred to in the boat on the way to his homeland.

The woman disentangled herself from her relieved hug with a woeful gasp. “Oh dear, these must be the ninja you hired as escorts!” she realized, her hand flying to her mouth. Once her eyes scanned them all she grew fretful. “And you’re injured, I insist upon helping you with those awful wounds! You all must be exhausted; it appears you had quite the fight.” She looked directly at Sakura while saying this, probably assuming she was the least unconscious and most approachable. With all of the woman’s previous relief for seeing her father again dispersed, she slapped her Tazuna across the arm with pursed lips. “I demand to hear all of the details involving your struggles; but first, help me get these shinobi into the house so I can treat them.”

Sakura sat back tiredly. It was no secret between them Inner hated talking to other people. If she were going to have a conversation with someone willingly it meant that Inner was getting something out of it. Otherwise, Inner was dismissive and rude. That wasn’t to say Inner didn’t know how to act, however.

Inner moved them forward with a graceful step, fluttering her eyelashes with a brilliant smile. “That would be very much appreciated, Ms...?”

“Tsunami; It is truly a pleasure to make your acquaintance. I only wish it wasn’t under such distressing circumstances!” she responded with a doleful clasp of her hands.

“I agree entirely; the situation could indeed be brighter. My name is Sakura Haruno, Ms. Tsunami.” Inner responded in that same high and airy voice, adjusting Sasuke next to her. He snapped his attention away from Tazuna’s house to them with an irritated wince. “My sensei is experiencing chakra exhaustion, so he just needs some bed rest. The most critical wounds that need cared for are my teammate’s, Sasuke. I checked him over and found that he could potentially have damaged ribs, and he has many incisions along his arms that need disinfectant.” Inner paused with an abashed, side-ways look. “I thank you again. Your hospitality is sincerely appreciated.” She forced as much sincerity as possible into their voice.

Sakura scoffed, unwilling to admit how smooth Inner was when it came to charming people. The woman, Tsunami, instantly rushed over to them, gently peeling Sasuke away from her and Inner. Sakura didn’t appreciate Sasuke being separated from them, but was given no choice as Tsunami led Naruto who was still carrying Kakashi up the stairs into one of the few rooms. Tazuna showed Sakura into the house with a hearty call of “Inari!”

In response, a young boy immediately pattered down the stairs and swung into the room with wide and hope filled eyes. “Grandpa, you’re back! You’re okay and your back!” the young boy’s voice broke just at the end of his cry, his eyes glistening with tears as he threw himself at his grandpa in a similar fashion to his mother. Tazuna scooped up his grandson with a mighty heave, bringing the young boy known as Inari close to his chest.

Sakura felt awkward standing there in the middle of such a sentimental moment, but Inner didn’t share her sympathy. Sakura was too tired from being in control all day long to put up a fight against Inner tapping Tazuna on the shoulder and interrupting his moment with an expectant gaze. “Excuse me, sir, but could we,” Inner quickly let out a small, feigned nervous laugh as she corrected herself, “ _I_ wash up in your bathroom?”

Tazuna raised an eyebrow. “Yea sure kid. Although don’t be too disappointed, it ain’t much. Our restrooms just down the hall that way.” Tazuna dismissively waved a hand towards the only hallway of their small home, turning his attention back towards his grandson.

Sakura, much like Inner did to her when she was leading their body, groaned over dramatically at Inner’s slip up. She ranted to Inner for an annoyingly long amount of time about how she shouldn’t refer to them as ‘we’ vocally. Sakura did this despite the fact Sakura had made the same mistake on multiple occasions.

Inner just rolled their eyes and skipped childishly in a manner which Sakura never would have.

They found the bathroom with ease; there weren’t very many rooms so it wasn’t a hassle. Inner peeled open the door and had to give the handle a few good shakes before the old, rotting wood finally gave way and let them into the bathroom.

“Mr. Tazuna was right, their bathroom is anything other than impressive.” Inner sneered in her high pitch tone, looking around in distain.

Sakura couldn’t help but agree in a more pitying, sympathetic fashion. The wood along the walls was all rotting and chipping away, the toilet didn’t have a toilet seat and there didn’t seem to be a flusher for it, and the sinks were lined with mold and black gunk. Above the sink was a plain mirror which could really just be described as a block of glass. Of course, on top of it all when they took a step the floor underneath them creaked worryingly. Sakura saw no shower or bath in sight.

She sighed, feeling self-centered for longing for a nice warm bath to ease the soreness of her body when this family lived their entire lives without any such _frivolous_ luxuries.

Inner stood them in front of the mirror and weaved her fingers through their hair, picking out stray bobby pins and wincing at the rough texture the hairspray Sakura had applied left behind. Sakura had never particularly liked makeup and dress up games. She preferred a book and a cup of expresso, or a jog after it just rained so all of the dew sparkled and the air was fresh. It wasn’t that Inner loved makeup, Sakura wasn’t sure if her counterpart loved anything, but Inner did want to keep up pretenses of their persona from when Inner had taken over them completely. Inner hadn’t stopped shrieking at her all morning before they left on the mission until Sakura caved and applied the makeup and wore the dress Inner had chosen. It wasn’t worth the headache. 

Inner experimentally pushed the tap on the sink.

Sakura would have jumped back in surprise if she were in control right now, but all Inner did was groan in frustration at the translucent black gunk protruding from the nozzle of the sink in place of water. “Look at this, Sakura? How are we supposed to get clean using this?” Inner motioned to the sink before them indignantly.

Sakura thought maybe, since they were in The Land of Waves and all, they could just go out for a swim. She ruled that idea out however at the risk they would get in trouble for going out. Being alone at night in this kind of area would put them at serious risk.

Inner tilted her head, examining their reflection in the mirror. Her eyes expressed her displeasure. She wiped her thumb across their lip and guffawed when lipstick smeared over their skin.

Inner leaned against the edge of the sink with a roll of her head, clearly thinking about what they should do. Inner peered at the mirror for a moment before realizing that it doubled as a cabinet. She pulled it open and saw that they didn’t have much inside. A singular toothbrush, one tube of toothpaste so empty it had practically flatted, some old rags, and a bottle of cleaner.

Inner reached for one of the rags and shook it out. She snorted after pulling her hands away and seeing that they came out dirtier than they were before handling the towel.

They both looked to the sink and saw that after time the water had cleared up a bit. It was just water, now. That was good. Sakura had only ever seen her sink turn black this one time when their pipes froze over because they hadn’t left their water running during one of Konoha’s rare blizzards. She had been brushing her teeth and shrieked when instead of water entering her mouth it was black gunk. She had washed her mouth out and gargled many times with mouthwash before she felt as if she weren’t going to die of some sort of poisoning.

Inner didn’t hesitate to stick the rag under the water and ring it out, repeating the action a few times before wiping the makeup off of their face. Inner stripped down and removed their dress, looking around for something to set the clothing on but finding nothing. She ended up wasting a sealing scroll so he dress didn’t have to touch the dirty toilet, sink, or floor. Sakura wished she could growl in frustration.

Sakura was trying to do her best to ignore her counterpart and take this unusual amount of resting time to relax her mind and calm down. She had been through a long day, and it was wearing down on her. She encouragingly reminded herself she now knew how to jump back in control and force Inner out, so neither she nor her teammates were in any real danger right now. Inner couldn’t do anything more than clean them up. It wasn’t like back at the academy when Sakura hadn’t been able to conquer Inner’s hold.

When Inner was done she turned off the tap, scraped her teeth with her finger in place of a toothbrush, and then scrutinized their image in the mirror.

There was a bit of eyeliner remaining around their eyelashes, but Sakura had packed some folds of makeup remover in their bag so that wasn’t a problem. They weren’t clean, but they had cooled down a bit from the heat of battle and were certainly less caked in mud.

Sakura startled when she heard a knock on the door. Inner turned around, making a face that the teenage girls from soap opera’s who were always popping gum bubbles would make when they were bullying the main girl character; in other words, a face of pure ruthlessness with a hint of sadism.

“Hello? Ms. Sakura? I thought you might like your bag for a change of clothes. After you come out your welcome to come check up on your teammate; and you were correct about his ribs, he has multiple fractures, but it’s not like I’m an official doctor prepared to make diagnoses. I wouldn’t suggest he move around too much the coming days.” It was Tsunami calling out to them, the woman they had met minutes before who had hugged Mr. Tazuna.

Inner slid a hand on their hip before piping back in that wretched shrill of hers, “Thank you, mam, for bringing me my bag, it was very thoughtful. I’m glad Sasuke’s not in a critical condition. How’s Kakashi-sensei?” she cooed, pursing her lips.

“Your sensei’s just fine! His chakra levels are scarce, but he appears to have sustained no major injuries!”

“That’s wonderful.” Inner responded in a relieved tone, not offering any more to the conversation. After an awkward pause where Sakura could hear Tsunami tap her foot against the petrified wooden floorboards, the mother let out a shaky and awkward laugh.

“I’ll just leave your bag right out here, dear!”

Inner waited impatiently until they could no longer hear Tsunami’s footsteps before opening the door and grabbing their bag, unashamedly trying to avoid any further conversations with the thoughtful woman. Sakura sent a wave of disapproval Inner’s way, but she ignored it with an exasperated roll of her eyes. Inner was never overly nice to anyone she couldn’t get something out of. And, well, what did Tsunami have to offer that she wasn’t giving them already?

She washed up the rest of their face, Sakura hissing at her to be careful around their eyes with the cleansing wipes. She then changed into the pair of clothes Sakura had packed after some negotiations with Inner. It was a plain red t-shirt with a white jean jacket filled with pockets. It looked better when hanging unzipped according to Inner but Sakura always had zipped it up tightly worried over hazards for battle. It took a lot of haggling but Inner had gotten Sakura to agree with the look as long as Sakura got to pick out the form fitting black ninja pants that had even more pockets and compartments for weapons than the jacket, along with the effective closed toe sandals.

Inner huffed at her. “Oh stop being such a worry wart. Nothing is going to happen to us while we’re in this house, calm yourself. It’s just the clan symbol.”

Sakura stubbornly dismissed Inner’s flippant comment. The Haruno clan symbol wasn’t necessary for them to sport. She didn’t care if it represented their civilian heritage and that was inspiring or something, it was flashy. The huge red circle looked like a literal target had been painted onto their back. 

They made their way upstairs, Inner flouncing girlishly even though Sakura was positive that their sore muscles and bruised tendencies were causing her counterpart many painful hardships.

Sakura heard their team before she saw them. Naruto was loudly reiterating the whole tale of Zabuza’s attack to an attentive Sasuke, even though he too had been a witness to the same frightening events.

Inner pranced into the room with a predatory gaze, examining their teammates. Sasuke looked better now that he wasn’t walking around so much, changed into a dark blue long-sleeved tee and long black sweats. Naruto was just as vibrant as usual, wearing an honestly quite cute frog sleeping cap along with long white pajamas.

Inner curled their lips into a smile. “Well, aren’t you guys adorable! We might as well engage in slumber party activities and share our deepest, darkest secret!” She squealed, all of her actions and facial expressions screaming childlike.

Sasuke looked skeptical. “I’m not good at sharing secrets.” He deadpanned, taking Inner’s suggestion seriously.

“Yea, and I don’t know any sleepover party games.” Naruto piped up, stretching his back lazily.

Inner blinked, wilting. “Huh. Have you guy’s ever actually been to a slumber party at all?” she questioned, her eyes wide with pity as she placed the palm of her hand on her cheek.

“Not really.” Sasuke and Naruto agreed in synchronization.

Inner stomped her foot and pursed her lips thoughtfully.

Sakura had a bad feeling about where this was going. Now may be a good time to take over again. But only, when she tried to regain her authority over their body, Inner didn’t even bat an eye.

“I’ll be you guys’ first sleepover experience!” Inner crowed, a nefarious gleam to her eyes and a wicked smile, never dropping her childishly high vocals.

Sakura’s futile attempts to force herself back into control could be compared to one trying to press the flat of their palm against a barge and expecting it topple over. She panicked, feeling as if she were a little girl at the academy all over again. She thought she had overcome this.

Inner was never going to budge. She knew Inner was probably rejoicing in her struggles, but the bottom line was that it was unfair and Sakura was too mad to care about trivial things like pride. Sakura had no idea what Inner was planning on gaining from this. If she wanted anything more than merely to cause trouble.

Sakura was always a steady, constant anger when it came to being cross with people. For her, fluctuations of emotions happened steadily, over time, after Sakura had gotten a chance to process everything. With Naruto everything just seemed to swarm him and wrap him tightly in a bundle of emotions. She had noticed that Sasuke’s emotions flowed constantly, always active and feeling something, moving about. It was a warning sign when Sasuke’s emotions froze and he stopped feeling for even a moment; you could just tell that when this occurrence happened it meant trouble. Kakashi-sensei she hadn’t known as long, but all of his emotions seemed to come quickly and disperse just as easily, everything happening in one terrifying flash.

Her point was, unlike her teammates Sakura couldn’t feel something one moment and then not feel it another. Once she had figured out she felt something, that she wanted something, it was near impossible to change her mind.

And right now, she was furious with Inner, and probably would be for the rest of her life.

Sasuke shifted tugging at the cuffs of his sleeves and letting out a small breath. “If that’s what you want to do, I’ll do something with you. At least then we don’t have to be the weirdos who have never been at a sleepover party before.” Sasuke muttered, prodding at his side despite the fact his actions were clearly hurting him. Sakura couldn’t help but worry about the way Sasuke was digging his teeth into his lip, causing his chapped lips to split even worse than they already had. He shouldn’t be biting his lip with a mouth injury like that. Zabuza had slammed him into the ground many times, enough that Sasuke’s lip had split open and a large bruise was beginning to form along his jaw. It had to hurt.

With that thought Sakura was reminded of her and Inner’s own sores and aches and couldn’t help but selfishly be thankful she wasn’t in control to experience the pain first hand.

Naruto, unlike Sasuke who was clearly expressing his distaste for the idea, jumped up excitedly. “Yea, yea, yea! So how do we do this? How do we have a super cool slumber party!? I mean I’ve never been to one before so tell me what to do!” he demanded, his face expressing his happiness, his grammar and politeness slipping in his openness and excitment.

Inner crossed her arms imperiously, smiling indulgently at Naruto. “Well, you know, a sleepover party isn’t really a sleepover party without a classic game of truth or dare...”

“Truth or dare? Wait...I mean...do we have-” Sasuke interjected, blinking at the rapid fire pace of Inner and Naruto’s conversation.

Sakura herself was having a hard time catching up. Inner had transitioned from sleepover parties to truth or dare so fast, without consulting either of their teammates. And sure, Naruto was usually up to anything even when it wasn’t within reason, but Sasuke tended to be more hesitant when it came to games and social activities.

It was too late however for Sasuke to stop the game from happening. Both Inner and Naruto were already too captivated by the idea of a game of truth or dare.

“SASUKE! Don’t ruin this for me!!” Naruto snapped, cutting off Sasuke’s meek protest. Sasuke snapped his mouth shut and pressed himself back against the bed, looking small. Sakura felt rather helpless. Sasuke was incredibly good at making himself look very pitiful, whether it was on accident or not.

“So Sakura, Sakura! How do we play, how do we play, how do we play!?” Naruto exclaimed, reverting back to his old habit of repeating things when he really wanted to be heard.

“Well, the instructions are in the name. We go around in a circle...” Inner held out her hand imploringly. “And someone asks one of us the question, ‘Truth or Dare?’”

Naruto looked at her ecstatically. “Then what, then what?”

Sakura watched Sasuke curl further away from them, his fingers tugging on the loose threads pulled out from the hem of his sleeve.

“And then once the person who was asked chooses which option, they are either dared to do something they wouldn’t normally engage in or asked a question to which they must answer _truthfully_.” Inner giggled mirthfully.

With one final look at Sasuke, Sakura gathered her strength, trying her hardest to break through Inner’s impenetrable force. She had a distinct feeling Inner hadn’t suggested this game in the name of fun and friendship. Sasuke was already retreating back into himself and Naruto was too obliviously innocent to notice Inner’s sinister intentions, whatever they might be.

Inner clicked her tongue. “Alright then, everyone in a circle! Who wants to go first?”

Naruto instantly raised his hand, shouting loudly, “ME! ME! ME!” on repeat.

Sasuke simply shuffled into the middle of the floor, wincing and jerking his side as he attempted to find a position that didn’t irritate his injuries. The reality of the situation settled on Sakura, forcing her to admit that Inner really did have absolute control in this moment. She could do whatever she so pleased. The feeling this realization brought wasn’t fear, Sakura wasn’t one to get scared, but more of a complete feeling of helplessness and anxiety. If Inner was to do something terrible, Sakura would have no means to stop it. She let out a shaky breath, refusing to fall into hysteria. She needed to think of a logical way out of this situation before things escalated beyond repair. Sakura would not have her new friends be isolated from her because of Inner once again.

Inner, as fake and sugary as ever, widened their eyes in apparent remembrance, even though Sakura guaranteed this entire conversation had been manipulated right from the start. “Oh, an additional rule; to make sure Sasuke won’t be doing anything physically challenging, he can only choose truth.”

Sakura forced herself not to let out a shrill scream of outrage at her counterpart. She finally knew what Inner’s goal was. She wanted to drill Sasuke for information. What Inner wanted to know from Sasuke remained unclear, but Inner obviously wanted answers about something.

She saw Sasuke stiffen in protest, only to flinch away from Inner’s challenging stare.

She felt something inside of her wither, all of her hope crumbling down to nothing. It was in her blood to be optimistic and normally she was rather confident that everything would work out. Right now however she was at a loss for what to do. Sakura sincerely doubted how capable she was of righting the wrongs Inner was inflicting on her team

Sasuke shuddered again and nodded elusively, mumbling a barely audible acquiesce to her unfair dictatorship over the rules.

“Alright then,” Inner plopped onto the ground and crossed her legs, dusting off nonexistent dust on her legs. “Naruto...” She paused for playful dramatic effect, “You’re first.” Inner was using that sickly high pitched tone once again.

Naruto cackled mischievously, turning on Sasuke with a devilish grin. Sakura would like to say she was comforted by Naruto’s familiar behavior, but it only made her dread the inevitable fallout that was bound to happen. She didn’t want Naruto’s bright mood to be smothered. “Alright Sasuke truth or...er, truth! Truth, or truth!” he declared, crossing his arms and examining Sasuke closely. Sakura wondered absently if Naruto had known how to play the game and was merely indulging Inner when he questioned her about how to play. It seemed absurd even to Sakura who was as antisocial as any average shinobi recluse to not even know the basic mechanisms of the childish game _Truth or Dare_.

Sasuke raised a hesitant eyebrow. “Truth.” He confirmed with a strained smile.

“Alright, uh...” Naruto screwed up his face, pausing for a brief moment before asking with a mirthful giggle, “Was I your first kiss?”

Sakura’s stress alleviated. She was grateful for the slightly embarrassing, but not particularly intrusive question Naruto had chosen. She scolded herself for ever believing Naruto would upset Sasuke with rude inquiries.

When Sakura refocused on the world around her she felt a swarm of concern. Much to her chagrin Sasuke didn’t appear any better than before even after Naruto going relatively easy on him. His mouth was twisted into an ugly snarl that was unfamiliar on his face, and his skin was paling considerably. 

“No.” he swallowed visibly. Sakura was only sure that he wasn’t going to lunge for Naruto’s throat at that moment because she knew of his pacifistic nature. If Sakura hadn’t known him she was positive she would’ve interpreted his expression as one that was ready to commit voluntary manslaughter. 

She once again experienced the peculiar sensation of wanting to shift uncomfortably without having a body to do so. It was similar to waking up after a nightmare and being frozen with terror, unable to move even though you keep on telling yourself over and over again how completely safe you are. Except Sakura wasn’t just having a nightmare. This was very real and even more horrifying.

Sasuke was disastrously upset over Naruto’s question.

Naruto opened his mouth to say more, but Inner shushed him with a sharp look. “It’s Sasuke’s turn, Naruto.” She explained, motioning to Sasuke and blinking their eyelashes innocently.

Sasuke rolled his shoulders, mindful of the wounds along his stomach.

“Sakura, truth or dare?” he questioned, his tone flat and distrustful.

Inner looked up for a moment, fiddling with her white jean jacket before turning back to Sasuke with a decisive smirk. “Dare.” She responded lightly, pretending to be oblivious to his despondency.

Sasuke shrugged his shoulders, looking around the room awkwardly. “I dare you to...I dare...” Sasuke shook his head disbelievingly. “This game is mean. I can only think of mean things to say.” He seemed frustrated at the prospect of only being able to come out with negative ideas. Sakura understood. The whole idea of this game was to humiliate the other players. It wasn’t exactly Sasuke’s dream game. Sakura might have had fun playing this game with people like Ino, Kiba, Naruto, Shikamaru; people who she could see enjoying or at least amusedly tolerating the activity. But usually when other people weren’t having fun, Sakura wasn’t either. So watching Sasuke struggle so much was putting her in a spectacularly foul mood.

Inner rolls their eyes, making no attempt to forbear her annoyance. “Oh, stop pretending to be so nice and just tell me to do something already.” She snapped.

Sakura was horrified. Sasuke wasn’t pretending to be nice; he was nice. She remembered back when they were kids the other girls always cutting in line when Iruka wasn’t looking, never letting her have a turn on anything they were doing, whether it be sparing or target practice. Sasuke was always lined up first, a privilege to having the best grades. The top of the class always got to go first. But even though he worked extremely hard to earn not having to wait through nearly sixty other academy students Sasuke had been the only one to realize she wasn’t properly lined up according to her grades. He started trading places with her, always assuring Sakura that he preferred to not be first anyway because people always stared at him.

That wasn’t fake.

That was nice. Sasuke never got anything for helping her out; not even praise from their sensei who hadn’t even noticed there was a problem, too overwhelmed by having to take care of so many volatile ninja children at once, nearly always the only sensei on staff.

Sasuke glared at the ground before mumbling half-heartedly, “I dare you to fit an entire spoon inside of her mouth.”

Sakura was impressed. That was a rather random and creative dare, and also one that bunch of twelve year olds would find hilarious. She thought it crude, and kind of inappropriate, but she could absolutely see Kiba daring Ino to do it with a pervy grin as she snarled at him and shrieked about boys. She doubted the probability of Inner being able to do it. It was solely a matter of willpower and discipline. It sounded simple in theory, but fitting an entire spoon in one’s mouth was going to be hard and frankly painful. Sakura had a terrible gag reflex, and by extension, Inner did to.

Inner laughed gleefully, nodding with exuberance. “Now we are _talking_. Does anybody have a spoon?” she held out her hand expectantly.

Sasuke and Naruto both looked at each other. Naruto wordlessly held his hand out in preparation for a game of rock-paper-scissors, but Sasuke backed out instantly and went downstairs to go get one himself exasperatedly shaking his head.

Naruto laughed triumphantly. Sakura wanted to scold Naruto for trying to use Sasuke’s aversions to competitions against him, but she wasn’t the one currently in control of their vocal cords.

Sasuke’s footsteps crept quietly back into the room, a spoon sticking out the sleeve he was hiding his hand inside of. “I found one.” He said, presenting the spoon too Inner with his eyes staring at the wall opposite of them.

Inner slapped her hand onto his without warning, causing Sasuke to jolt in surprise. He placed a hand to his pounding heart and then set himself back down, prodding at the painful wound bandaged on his stomach.

Sakura repressed the urge to argue with Inner, she would only find amusement in Sakura’s attempts to subdue her.

Inner opened her mouth wide with a hum, sticking the round side of the spoon in her mouth and pressing downwards. She got about two inches before making an uncomfortable sound in the back of her throat.

Naruto snorted. “How is she supposed to fit the entire spoon in her mouth, Sasuke? That’s insane. No one can do that.”

Sasuke swept a hand through his hair. “I can.” He explained.

Inner scoffed and pulled the spoon out of her mouth. She wiped the saliva off of her lips before raising an eyebrow. “Yea right. You can’t fit a spoon in your mouth, Sasuke.” She informed him condescendingly.

Sasuke looked about ready to say something, before biting his lip with a wrinkle of his nose. After a moment however he turned to face them fully, holding his hand out in the same expectant way Inner had when she’d asked if anyone had a spoon. “I can show you if you don’t believe me.” He declared, wiggling his finger tauntingly.

Inner looked Sasuke up and down before slapping the spoon into his hands with a shocked huff of laughter.

Sasuke didn’t bother with hesitation like Ino had, first examining the spoon and taking in and out of his mouth; no. He put the spoon into his mouth, circular side in first, and shoved it straight down his throat until only the edge was sticking out. He then maneuvered his lips around the bottom of the spoon until they were tightly closed.

He raised a challengingly eyebrow at Inner. Inner snarled quietly. The tension went unnoticed by Naruto, who cheered loudly. “Wow, dude. I definitely couldn’t do that. I gag when the doctor tests me for strip throat!” he laughs, scratching the back of his neck.

It looked as if Naruto didn’t get the innuendo here at all. She wondered when Sasuke got so childish. She supposed he was more trying to fit into the game than anything else. Besides, shoving a spoon down your throat only had to be crude if you thought about it that way.

Sasuke reopened his mouth and removed the spoon, rubbing his throat for a brief moment before placing it down beside him.

“Okay then Sasuke.” Inner began, her eyes clouding over in anger, “Truth or truth.” She deadpanned, mimicking Naruto’s earlier one-way method of asking the classic truth or dare question.

“Truth, Sakura.” Sasuke responded, averting his eyes once more, his moment of defiance over and reveled in.

“If your first kiss was not Naruto, who was it?” She questioned, crossing her arms in triumph when he froze, knowing full well she had hooked him with a question he hadn’t wanted to be asked.

Inner had caught on to this ability with the spoon and had clearly gotten curious. Sakura’s stomach dropped at the look on Sasuke’s face. He was clearly regretting giving Inner some sort of clue to why Naruto wasn’t his first kiss. Sakura felt worry weigh down on her.

Naruto chuckled, rubbing his hands together and staring expectantly at Sasuke.

Sasuke blinked. “What- I- n-no. Um, no, I’m backing out of this one.”

“What? Come one, Sasuke!” Naruto protested, leaning forward.

Inner smirked devilishly. “Yea, come on Sasuke.” She mimed Naruto with a satisfied grin. 

Sasuke pressed his knees into his chest looking away. “No, I’m serious. Ask me something else. I’m not going to-”

“So was it like with your tongue? Did you pin her to a wall, or, hey wait, were you in the academy? Was it someone from our class?” Naruto beleaguered eagerly.

Sakura took it back. Perhaps Naruto wasn’t as innocent here as she thought he was. There was this heated, suppressed anger behind his eyes. The questions he had asked had been pretty inappropriate, and plus it wasn’t even his turn.

Inner watched victoriously as Sasuke shrank back and began to fumble, his confidence and resolution not to answer dwindling with Naruto’s rapid questions. “Oooh, was it rough? Did she fight for dominance?” Inner interrogated, copying Naruto’s position of leaning forward pressingly.

Naruto suddenly gasped in realization. “Was it a HE?” he fired at Sasuke.

Sasuke’s head snapped up violently. Tears of anxiety were gathering at the corner of his eyes, and he let breathless gasp.

Sakura was astonished by his expression, having never actually witnessed Sasuke reach a point where he couldn’t handle the situation anymore. He always seemed to power though, no matter how uncomfortable or horrible he felt. A foreboding dread loomed over her being, assuming the awful thing that both she and Inner had concluded. The only reason Sasuke would react the way he was to being forced to admit who his fist kiss was, is if it wasn’t a willing experience. 

Inner narrowed her eyes, her mouth twisting. Sakura could feel her counterpart’s earlier triumph dampening into something akin to regret, but far from guilt. “What, hey, seriously stop being a baby it’s just a question...” she rambled, hoping to salvage what she could of the situation.

“Sakura, shut up.” Naruto hissed, his head snapping towards her in anger.

Inner shrieked indignantly. “Hey! Don’t try to-!”

Sakura shrieked so loud within their mindscape that half of her voice cut off Inner’s control midway through the scream, making them let out the choking finish of her cry stop. “-OP!” Their head snapped sideways as both of them entered a state of control and their body became overcrowded.

Because of their internal battle she and Inner had unknowingly flared their Killer Intent, sharpening the intensity of the room. Her dangerous chakra combined with their abrupt and unexpected incoherent shriek had Sasuke’s defensive instincts kicking in. 

Sasuke flung himself into the wall with sudden terror, his hands weaving into his hair and his body hunching over in a way that was probably incredibly painful to sit like enduring fractured ribs. He whined loudly as his arms snaked down to his ankles and clung tightly, a loud and panicked sob escaping his throat.

Sakura recognized the signs anywhere.

_They had just pushed Sasuke into a panic attack._

Inner sat back on her heels, her eyes slightly wide and washed out lips parted, relenting in the battle of dominance. It was clear she hadn’t been expecting to push Sasuke to his limits yet; she hadn’t known that asking about his first kiss would set him off so badly, even after the spoon.

Sakura took Inner’s surprise as her cue, and shoved with all of the strength she had left in her at Inner’s hold on their body. Inner slung back into the mindscape with finality. Sakura made sure to bury her deep within their soul until she had nearly wasted all of her energy with securing Inner’s captivity.

Sakura was overwhelmed by the sensations that came back to her. For a moment she forgot to breathe, just sat very still until she felt the palms of her hands scrape against the floor. She immediately recognized the burning need within her lungs. She took a gasp of air, closing her eyes against the brightness of the light coming back to her.

She looked to her right in anxious concern, forcing her eyelids to open sluggishly against her body’s wishes.

Naruto was gently easing Sasuke through breathing exercises, demonstrating his adeptness in handling a mental episode in such a way that gave Sakura the feeling he understood what Sasuke was going through on a highly personal level.

Sakura dared to once over her panicked teammate. Sasuke was wrecked, gasping in shuddering breaths of air. Sakura felt the guilt drag her under and weigh on her stomach. She couldn’t believe she hadn’t been able to win control over Inner before things got so out of hand. She should’ve prevented this from happening. She had submitted to Inner far too willingly.

Not next time, she swore. No, she swore there wouldn’t be a next time.

Sakura stumbled onto her feet, taking in another gulp of air as waves of smells and sounds crashed against her. Everything felt different in the mindscape; hearing was more like she was hearing something secondary, slower than it originally happened. Smells were nonexistent, and colors weren’t pressing against her eyes insistently. It was like waking up after a concussion to blinding hospital lights.

She was soon kneeling before Sasuke and Naruto, her eyes creased with worry and the heavy pounding of Inner’s screeching reverberating against her skull and vertebrate.

“Hey, Sasuke, whoa there...it’s okay. We’re all okay here. You don’t have to say anything, I understand. Just breathe with me, alright?” Naruto’s voice was clear and definite, a light and airy tone to the sound that wasn’t normally present. Sakura didn’t even realize she had begun copying his breathing exercises, allowing herself to be soothed by Naruto’s solicitous nature. Sasuke seemed to be trying to follow Naruto’s steps but his breath kept hitching and he fell out of beat.

Sakura reached her palm out face up, leaning down and still feeling as if there was a twinge of unreality to the situation before her. “I’m going to touch you, Sasuke.” She didn’t phrase it as a question, but waited until she got a nod of confirmation from her teammate anyway. He took a deep breath as she grabbed his hands and pressed them against Naruto’s chest. Naruto caught on and slid Sasuke’s hands into his own, taking a deep and controlled breath.

Sakura could see that it helped Sasuke. His shoulders loosened and his wide frantic eyes fluttered shut as he began to suck in gulps of air through his nose, every once and a while forced to breathe through his mouth for extra oxygen.

Sakura wanted to apologize but was aware that would only worsen the situation. Sasuke needed to calm down, and probably needed to rest. It would be selfish of her to try to satisfy her own guilty conscious. Sakura had never had fractured ribs before but they didn’t sound like a pleasant walk in the park.

“Good job, Sasuke.” Naruto hummed, smoothing Sasuke’s knuckles over with his thumb. “Can you loosen up a bit for me? You’ve got an injury and we don’t really want to irritate it, okay?”

Sasuke bit his lip. “Yea, yea okay.” His voice was hoarse. He shakily unwound his knees and crossed them inside, grunting at the pain the action caused.

Sasuke stared resolutely at the floor, his shoulders relaxing and his breathing now steady. It was fast recovery time; Sakura was usually much harder to console once she entered a state of unrest.

None of them spoke, all awkwardly close together with their limbs tangled and hands gripping each other’s tightly. Naruto’s cheery face was marred with a guilty frown, his eyes switching between scanning Sasuke and glancing worriedly at Sakura. Sakura expressed her own concern in her gaze. They were both wondering the same thing at this moment.

What more could have happened to Sasuke?

They all consecutively startled when a knock resounded on the door. It may as well have been an explosive going off the way each of them reacted to the contrasting loud sound to their small room’s somber silence.

Sasuke pressed himself against the wall with a deep sigh, calming his racing heart. Naruto turned to the door in irritation, picking up that neither of his teammates planned on answering. “What is it?” he questioned with as light of a tone he could muster

“Oh well I was just planning on letting you kid’s know that we have some extra blankets in the storage room in case one of you gets cold. I know that the nights in The Land of Waves can get pretty chilly compared to the Leaf!” Unsurprisingly it was Tsunami’s syrupy voice splitting through the poorly constructed door.

Sakura took a deep breath and forced a false smile onto her face on instinct to go along with her fake happy voice. “Thank you for your consideration, Tsunami! We’ll make sure to tell you if any of us get cold!” It wasn’t nearly as smooth as Inner would have made it sound, but Sakura was never one to socialize so she wasn’t too well inversed on the subject of being a house guest. The only house she stayed over at was Ino’s, who was a very controlling host. When they were little Ino liked to make a game out of being the host, and would give her lines to say in response to Inner’s overdramatic welcoming theatrics. Sakura didn’t really have to do anything but what she was told.

“Alright, I’ll leave you folk to your games and whatnot!” Sakura imagined Tsunami waving enthusiastically at them behind the door, skipping off to go finish another menial task around the house.

She turned away from the door and noticed that Naruto’s mouth was twisted upwards, his shoulder’s shaking uncontrollably. Sakura snorted herself, pursing her lips. Naruto broke first and let out breathy, quiet yet contagious laughs. A smirk replaced Sasuke’s previously saddened features as he got comfortable leaning on the wall. “You ass; none of this is funny.”

Naruto held out a hand, rolling his eyes playfully. “You got to admit Sasuke. This kind of shit would only happen to us.” He claimed cheesily, poking Sasuke gently in the arm. Sasuke flinched only slightly, but even so his smile didn’t drop until he turned to her.

She shifted uncomfortably under his piercing gaze. She had no idea what he was going to say to her after all that she had pulled today. She supposed, though, that Sasuke didn’t know Inner’s true intentions and probably just assumed she was equally as oblivious as Naruto was.

Sasuke took a deep breath, his shoulders quaking. He squeezed his eyes shut before turning away from them and towards the balcony door, his face a torrent of sorrow. “I- uh, I think I just need a moment to breathe, okay?”

Sakura nodded mutely, watching as Sasuke stumbled through the balcony door before sliding it shut behind him. Naruto glanced her way awkwardly with pursed lips.

Sakura blinked back the headache pounding in the back of her mind courtesy of Inner. She didn’t care how much it burned.

She wasn’t letting Inner out again anytime soon. She dug her fingernails inter her palms and squared her shoulders.

She was in control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I do her justice? I know the anime doesn't! Any theories on what Inner is?


	8. My Life isn’t that Bad When I’m Sharing It with You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Team Seven heart to heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know what your thinking, I know what your thinking...BUT WHAT ABOUT NARUTO!
> 
> And...and that's fair. He's coming, I promise. Just...not yet.

Everyone had their moments. The moment that troubled them more than anything else, the moment that sent them reeling in panic or paralyzed with numbness. Perhaps for you it was at a family dinner table and your aunt belittled you one to many times, maybe it was at the bar you took nightshifts on where a perverted old man continued to harass you, it could even have been alone in your kitchen with a bottle of Aterol clutched tightly in your hand. Everyone has that moment where abruptly nothing else but their own feelings exist. You are drowning, suffocating in turmoil and the only way to be rid of it is to let it out. To scream at your aunt when she opens her mouth to scold you, slap the old man who dared run his hand along your thigh right across the face, and shove the entire bottle of pills down your throat without looking back. The moment where you lose control is all of these things and more.

For Sasuke Uchiha, the moment where he finally froze in the bitter cold that was his life was the moment Sakura Haruno asked a fatal question.

Everything blurred and became overwhelmingly fast while at the same time his brain slowed to near impossible levels, his mind only able to compute the horrifying answer to the question Sakura had fired at him.

Thankfully, Naruto had swept away the cold that was bearing down on him and Sakura had stood by him while he gasped for air. Sakura had looked so guilty afterwards, although he had no idea why. It wasn’t her fault he had reacted in such a volatile way when she asked a seemingly innocuous question. It surely wasn’t her fault he had been manic towards every fluctuation of chakra he felt. Sakura had been off since the beginning of the night, acting more like she had back in the academy then the new Sakura he had gotten to know. Perhaps the faked smiles were a shield to protect her from the horrors they faced today. She just needed to act like everything was fine, and so had suggested they act like normal _tweens_. Then she had gotten a bit ruder, more forceful, and Sasuke wasn’t sure what really happened after that for he was already so close to a panic attack and experiencing fractured ribs without any pain medication. Whatever happened was bad enough Sakura and Naruto both had the posture of scolded puppies.

He was now standing outside on their client’s shabby balcony as wet pellets slapped him in the face and occasionally dripped into his eyes. The rain was nice in comparison to Konoha’s burning droughts. He thought back briefly to Itachi, fleetingly longing for his warm hugs and sly grins, before pushing those manipulated desires to the back of his mind. He wanted warm hugs but he surely didn’t want them from Itachi Uchiha of all people

Itachi had a large amount of triggers that set him into his own frenzy. His brother never moved past anything. He suffocated himself with his own burning ashes and soot.

His brother was the current reason for Sasuke’s dilemma. The thing was Sasuke didn’t want to face his brother. He had always been so terrified of Itachi coming back for him, that he even avoided thinking his name for fear of spoiling his good mood. There was no point in withholding Itachi’s name now that he had already slipped into the darker crevices of his past.

Honestly he was so focused on processing the fiasco that just occurred he felt almost unable to freak out; he just felt really numb.

For the first time in nearly seven years, Sasuke had been forced to confront the demons plaguing his mind. And the reaction wasn’t what he had expected, which was a crashing waves and crumbling walls formed from icy emotions beleaguering him into frenzy. Instead, he was just frozen. Everything was ice; everything was numb, and completely incomprehensible.

Keeping his emotions inside of him had always comforted Sasuke. It gave him his own private bubble. Telling someone what had happened to him meant he had to trust them. The only problem was that he was afraid that after finally finding people he could trust, they would view him differently now that they knew a part of his past. Something would be changed. Perhaps Sakura and Naruto would glance at him worriedly now every time someone asked him about how his dating was going or if he had someone special in his life as if Sasuke were going to be set off by the smallest of things. And if Sasuke was set off, that wasn’t there concern, it was Sasuke’s! It was his issue to learn to handle himself. And what if each of them would stop patting his back or teasing him about stuff they imagined would hurt his feelings?

If Sasuke’s feelings were going to be hurt, he would tell them. Like with the Mizuki-sensei ordeal; he had made it quite clear that topic was not to be discussed. He didn’t want his friends to tip-toe around him. He wasn’t an explosive fire that turned everything in its path to ash; he was water, and when something splashed his surface it would merely take him a few moments to settle back into his previous steady flow.

His thoughts drifted back to Itachi, and his burning ash that filled Sasuke’s throat and had him paralyzed with fear.

He heard the sliding of the door and knew his teammates were joining him. He couldn’t work up the ability to feel anything but tired before, but now irritation was slithering along his skin. He didn’t want the feeling of concern for their wellbeing’s that bubbled in his chest. He was worried how they were handling everything with all the problems they already had in their life, and that made him annoyed. He shouldn’t have to feel concerned over them when he was the current victim present. That didn’t mean he could just turn off his emotions. Sasuke settled for sitting there and patiently waiting for them to speak, scenarios of what they would say blowing through his mind like a tundra. Their footsteps sloshed on the wooden floorboards until Naruto plopped down right next to him, crossing his legs instead of dangling his feet like Sasuke was off of the balcony. Sakura scooted onto her butt and pulled her knees against her chest, swiping a dampened piece of hair behind her ear. Sasuke’s hair was already soaked by now, the rain soaking through his shirt and pants progressively.

“I want to know Sasuke.”

Sakura could have said a lot more, Sasuke thought. Her words hadn’t been anything he had been readying himself to face. She could have apologized and forced Sasuke to accept her apology when he wasn’t quite ready to. She could’ve delivered an inspirational and encouraging speech that would have Sasuke sneering. She could’ve taken his hand and told him about her own experiences. She could have told him that telling her would make him feel better.

Instead, she went straight for the truth.

Sakura had said exactly what she was feeling. Sasuke wasn’t just some broken doll that had to be carefully handled now that she knew. He was still a person, and so was she. And they were just people, with no reasons, rights, or obligations to do or say anything.

Sasuke appreciated how she was still treating him like she had before. Up front and brutally honest. Her curiosity demanded she learn what the hell had happened to him.

His lips quirked up despite the situation, “You can ask. I’m more prepared now.”

Sasuke wasn’t quite sure if he was lying or not. He didn’t know if he wanted them to know, or if he just wanted the two of them to leave, but he did know that he wanted to tell them. He wanted the words to come out of his mouth. But did he want Sakura and Naruto to understand? He wished he could tell them, and then have them instantly forget about everything right after. That would cleanse him of his secret and still allow him breathing space and privacy. They would have been told, they would have reacted, and then they would be completely normal afterwards because they forgot. A pipe dream, Sasuke knew.

Sakura didn’t question if he was sure, she didn’t give him a concerned purse of her lips and double check in just to be clear he wasn’t just hiding his true feelings, and she didn’t call him out for his shaking hands. She nodded and sucked in a sharp breath, before blowing it of her face.

“Did someone...hurt you?” she was looking straight at him, their eyes meeting each other’s through the wind and rain. They both understood what she was implying.

Sasuke bit his lip and breathed low, unsure if it were tears or rain that were smoothing down his face. “Yes.”

Naruto looked out at the crashing waves of the ocean they could see in the distance, his gaze not really seeing the view he was watching intently. “Who?” Naruto’s voice was unnaturally dull, Sasuke thought.

“My brother, Itachi.” His reply was soft and more resolute, his eyes following Naruto’s to look out to the view.

Sasuke was feeling oddly calm, the usual anger and mistrust that came when someone confronted him absent. Sakura’s hand found his and she gave him a pained smile. “You didn’t deserve that.”

“No one d-does.” He replied in a wobbly voice, squeezing her hand tightly. And even though it was a cliché line, coming from Sakura it sounded unfairly sincere. Like the words had come directly from her heart and not from a script in a psychology book. He hated that he was on the verge of tears, he didn’t want them to see him so vulnerable, but they came unbidden anyway. He wasn’t even sure why; everywhere you looked people talked about how victims were never at fault. However, there was something about the words being directed at him, singularly, by someone he cared for, that sent him over the edge. Tears streamed down his face and he ice that had coated him before melted and created a flood.

Then all three of them sat there, until Sasuke’s breath was hitching and he was choking on a sob. Naruto pulled him into his side, and Sakura squeezed his hand in reassurance. Sasuke cried. He sobbed and he whimpered and he choked, even after the rain started to drizzle and the moon disappeared behind the clouds.

He didn’t want them to see him crying, but at the same time he wanted to cry. He wanted someone to hold him and to let him just wallow in his past. He didn’t want them to feel obligated to help him or to befriend him. But it was still nice they were helping and befriending him. He just hoped it was because they wanted to, and not because he was something to be dealt with or handled.

He felt Sakura’s hand pull his wet hair behind his ear, repeating the motion over and over until all of his sticky hair was smoothed down.

He swallowed thickly, sniffing down all the snot that had gathered inside of his throat. His arms were shaking, and he felt a familiar sense of guilt and shame at having cried in front of other people. Even if he knew that they accepted, perhaps even welcomed his sorrow, it didn’t stop his face from burning and something nasty and wrong to twist in his stomach.

“Damn, Kakashi-sensei’s going to be so jelly. He missed out on a fab pity party.” Sakura cooed her voice at the end, pursing her lips and batting her eyelashes. She was lightening the mood, ending the sorrow that hung over the group and initiating conversation.

Sasuke groaned theatrically, rubbing his temples. “Oh god, stop; no one should use the slang word ‘jelly’ seriously; or ‘fab’ for that matter, especially when free education is a thing.”

Naruto snorted. “God, Sasuke, you’re such a prude. YOLO why not forgo grammar entirely? Besides, slang encourages creativity.”

Sasuke laughed, a thick and wet sound that reminded him of what had just happened all over again. It also reminded him of the meaning behind Sakura’s obnoxious imitation of teenagers from soap operas.

“YOLO? What the fuck is that?” he commented sardonically, or as sarcastic as he could make his voice go thick with saliva. It was the first time he had ever cursed in front of his teammates, and he saw their eyes widened before the laughter started.

“C’mon! ‘You only live once!’” Sakura interjected with her mouth wide and shoulders shaking. It took Sasuke a moment to understand the acronym, but once he did he joined their laughter, his more shaky and quiet.

Sasuke sobered his expression, sniffing in and sighing. “Could you...not inform Kakashi-sensei, yet? I don’t...I’m just not so sure how long he’ll be around. I mean, I’ve known you two all my life, I plan to stand by you...but Kakashi-sensei? It’s debatable. I trust him to be our sensei, sure, but trusting someone with this kind of information is just _different.”_

Sakura nodded along. “I understand. Don’t worry, I’m not going to gossip. It’s not like anyone said you had to spill every bad thing that ever happened to you. I feel like that would just make everything awkward and sad. Sometimes, people just need... _time_. And lucky for us, in our generation, we have plenty of it.”

Naruto bumped him on the shoulder. “Just don’t make it a huge deal. If he asks and you don’t want to answer, say so, or if you’re totally cool with answering than that’s your decision. And if he never asks, you can tell him in your own time.”

Naruto’s wisdom didn’t surprise Sasuke. His teammate might act childish and impatient, but under all of that is something inside of him that just knows and understands. He grasps everything with ease. He senses other people’s emotions, thoughts, and feelings. It’s a phenomenal characteristic he possessed.

Sakura’s easy going acceptance and Naruto’s empathy warmed Sasuke and allowed him to relax. He imagined that having them know would be something impossible to deal with. But now he realized it was just something difficult to deal with, but also entirely worth it. Now his situation felt more real than ever before, but it also felt far more manageable. If he allowed himself to open up even further to Sakura and Naruto, then he could absolutely picture himself in more control of himself and his thoughts. It would take much work, willpower, and the actual desire to heal, but Sasuke was confident in his ability to at least make an attempt.

Sasuke leaned back, feeling his own exhaustion wash over him full force. His potential rib fracture, coupled with his breakdown and general tiredness over the long day he had gone through toppled him. Through a sleep ridden haze he registered being lifted up under arms and stumbling back into their makeshift guest room. He mumbled his own goodnights, watching hands peel back the covers to his sheets and crawling into the bed, curling up around the uncomfortable pillow. The sheets were thin, and he regretted not taking Tsunami up on her offer for more blankets. He heard hushed laughter and realized he had voiced his thoughts under his breath.

“I guess I have a knack for putting you to sleep, don’t I?”

The last thing he remembered hearing before his eyelids melted together was Naruto’s joking comment, along with Sakura’s loud bark of laughter.

He chuckled to the dark room, barely registering the pain of his injuries, as the last candle left flickering dispersed into the night with a whistle of air. Sasuke didn’t even realize he had gone to sleep in his soggy training uniform; his exhaustion was too consuming. Pain coupled with chakra depletion and zero painkillers would do that to a person, he reckoned.

Sasuke slept as if he were dead. With his eyes heavily shut and his body still. He had sore muscles when he peeled open his drooping eyelids after a long night of rest. The ache in his back registered first, a peculiar pain that struck up his spine. Next, it was a pounding in his temples that knocked his breath away. His back and socks were damp from last night’s downpour; his hair also suffered from the effects of the rain, becoming straggly and filled with knots.

Then he registered the face above him. Combed and flat pink locks lying over vibrant green eyes; Sakura was the embodiment of a spring day back on Konoha. Full of sunshine, cherry blossom trees, and fresh green grass and leaves everywhere.

Sasuke startled upon becoming self-aware that, oddly enough, he wasn’t panicking. Perhaps it was that his body was in so much pain that he couldn’t muster up the strength to dissolve into flashbacks. Or, it might have been that he had told Sakura something dark last night and his teammate would no longer register as a threat to his panic disorder. Her close proximity wasn’t even making his heart race.

But Sasuke knew it wasn’t either of those reasons that were the main cause of his calmness. It was simply Sakura. Sakura was genuinely cheerful right now, which was a rare look on her. It made his stomach flip to see her smiling so brightly. Her happiness and kindred behavior compelled him to behave the same way.

He tried for a smile, but it felt as if it came out more like a pained grimace. He stopped himself midway of stretching his back (ribs, he reminded himself), blinking away the teary residue that stuck his eyes together.

“It’s time to get up, Sasuke!” Sakura giggled, poking him in the chest. Sasuke chuckled a bit weakly. He moved his hand over his bandages as Sakura sat herself back up, adjusting the strap on her sleepwear to allow a bit more breathing space on her neck.

It was awkward. That was the only way to explain the tension within the room. Sasuke was too tired to piece together a speech that would allow Sakura to feel comfortable around him after last night. But even through the awkwardness, it wasn’t unpleasant. He had a feeling she wanted to ask more, but was respecting his space. Sasuke himself wasn’t sure how he felt. The only thing he did know was that he had experienced enough crying and emotions to last a whole month. He didn’t want to drown in his own turmoil any longer.

Sakura helped him get up and move about. She perfected the limited quantity of bed-sheets and shams, smoothing out every crease and fluffing the pillows, before moving on to open the curtains. She helped him limp into the bathroom since his injured body wasn’t ready yet to move on its own so early in the morning. Sasuke was reminded of yesterday, when he was delirious with pain and Sakura was his only life support. A rush of gratitude filled him, and remembering all that she had done for him made him feel guilty about laying all of his problems on her last night. His teammates had probably needed a cool down after the battle against Zabuza. He had instead made the both of them comfort him.

After splashing a bit of water on his face, brushing his teeth with the toothbrush and toothpaste he packed, flossing, using mouthwash a bit too generously, and changing out of damp, sticky attire, Sasuke opened the door to the bathroom and entered their spotless temporary bedroom.

Sakura was an efficient cleaner. He couldn’t begin to explain how much he appreciated this trait of hers. He liked it when things were tidy. It gave him a sense of safety.

Sasuke saw that Sakura had changed out of her pajamas, probably because now Sasuke wasn’t sleeping and preventing her from finding her bag and clothes in the room. He had the feeling she had already been awake for a while, due to her brightness and wide eyes. He had never been fond of the mornings. Naruto wasn’t either, demonstrated clearly by the way he was sprawled on the floor and shivering stubbornly without any blankets. Sasuke guessed that Sakura had knocked him off of his sleeping bag before removing all of his covers, and now opening the curtains to let light in.

He looked to his teammate and studied her new outfit, interested that he had never seen her wear it before.

“That outfit suits you.” He offered, his eyes scanning down her body.

The shirt she had on was form fitting and dark red, completely sleeveless and showing off her well defined shoulders and arms. She had on jean shorts to go with it, just as near scandalously tight. On her feet were closed toe sandals, which reminded Sasuke of trudging through muddy paths with dirt stuck in between his toes. Her headband was now tied around her thigh, and her hair was pulled back into a tight bun.

It matched her personality more than her normal garish dresses and skirts. So many extra layers and unnecessary slits and lace in the cloth it looked more like it belonged to Yamanaka than his teammate. And nothing was wrong with showing off a slim fit body, but Sakura always seemed so awkward in her outfits. Constantly picking at stray laces and running her hands through her long hair, readjusting her ninja headband in it an excessive amount of times. She was the embodiment of the phrase “Less is more.” Her hair and eyes and skin was already so colorful and out there, wearing crazy pop out clothes just made her a bit overwhelming to look at. With a more simple style, it was easier to admire her. He also noticed a freckle right at the edge of her chin now that she wasn’t caked in concealer.

“You look really pretty.” He appreciated, still unabashedly studying her.

Sakura averted her eyes with a huff, placing a confident hand onto her hip and sticking her nose into the air. “Yes, well, I was going for efficient.” She hissed while peeking an eye over at him. The movement could almost be interpreted as a shy one, and her flushing cheeks only strengthened this deduction.

Sasuke rubbed the back of his neck, crinkling his eyes into a smile that vaguely resembled Kakashi-sensei. “Uh, heh...” he wasn’t quite sure how to respond to Sakura’s offense to his compliment, but was saved by a young boy marching into the room.

He raised an eyebrow and glanced at Sakura, who didn’t seem surprised. He wondered how unhinged he must have been last night to not have realized that there was a small child within the house. He resisted the urge to lean down when addressing him, remembering how much he himself hated it when adults or older kids would do the same to him when he was younger. It not only intimidated him, but him feel crowded and looked down upon.

He had always felt comfortable around kids. It was instinct to try and start a conversation with the unfamiliar boy. “Hi, I’m sorry we haven’t met, I’m Uchiha Sasuke.” Once again stopping himself from leaning down to the other boy’s eye level, he held out his hand for a shake instead.

The boy crossed his arms and peered over at him skeptically. “I know who you are. You’re the ninja that wanted to leave my Grandpa all alone.” Sasuke blinked, wondering how that was the only part of the story the young child had heard. What about the part where he redeemed that cowardice and rode across heavily guarded waters with the number one loudest blonde in all of Konoha? Or when he nearly was choked out and then how his chest was crushed, all in the name of saving Tazuna? “I’m Inari...and I’m up here to talk to you _losers_ because mom asked me to tell you it’s time for breakfast. So hurry up, or else there won’t be anything left.” The tone he used was petulant and bordering on bratty. The boy spun on his heel and marched out of the room, giving the door a good slam and causing him to jump slightly. Sasuke wondered about how not even he had been that grumpy when he was Inari’s age.

Sakura let out a resigned sigh. “I’ve been up since before seven o clock—it’s ten now, by the way—and he hasn’t even spoken anything to me but what you just witnessed, and a brief complaint about how Tazuna’s best clothes were practically ruined on our way here.” She wasn’t quite complaining, but she was seeking acknowledgement for what she had to deal with.

Sasuke schooled his facial expression from one of shock at the boy’s behavior to sympathy. Sakura closed her eyes and waved him off satisfied her efforts had been recognized. It didn’t take much to make Sakura happy with you, Sasuke noted. The same went for making her mad, though. “Anyway...” she adorned a mischievous grin. “I think we have a lazy ass to awaken.”

Sasuke laughed quietly under his breath, carefully handling his ribs and stopping himself from full blown laughter. Sakura had gotten right next to Naruto’s ear and then loudly screeched that intruder ninja had broken in, searching for the packs of ramen Naruto had hidden within his travel bag.

Naruto yelped and flopped over, scooting away in a fashion that resembled a caterpillar still bundled in his sleeping bag. “No way! No way! No way!” he moaned, scanning the room groggily. “Fucking rogue...That’s my ramen!!!” he declared, his language slurred from sleep.

Sasuke quite suddenly developed the overwhelming urge to get up and brush his teeth once more. His mouth was aching, and perhaps he would also be privy to flossing. He didn’t know why he needed to at this moment, when he had been doing relatively well since joining Team Seven on controlling his obsessive tendencies, but it was probably because he had missed a day of painstakingly scrubbing his teeth until they were flawless.

Naruto took a while to force out of his sleeping huddle and out of his sleepwear. Sasuke had watched in amusement as Sakura, far too stubborn for Naruto to win the battle spurring amongst the two of them, dragged him into the bathroom to fandangle him into brushing his teeth and combing through his ratty hair. Once all of Team Seven were even remotely presentable, Naruto led the squad down the stairs and into the kitchen, apparently having known his way around the house after trying to find the bathroom in the middle of the night without waking anyone.

Sasuke was hit with a smell of complete familiarity when they stepped through the open doorway of the kitchen. It was the smell of boiling cassava, a root with looks that were similar to a potato, but came from tropical trees. Sasuke watched as Tsunami carried in a pan of cassava flour that had been sitting out in the sun, perfectly smoothed down around the pan and ready to cook. His eyes flitted back to the large pot resting on their rickety, wooden countertop that was already filled with the porridge like food.

He didn’t even realize he was grinning. “I haven’t had this since I was a kid.” He addressed a startled Tsunami, who turned around with a raised eyebrow.

“I didn’t know Konoha had foods like this.” It appeared as if she were going to say more, but stopped herself. Instead she closed her mouth and smiled warmly, yet briefly.

“Yes well, there was this one time where my mother accidentally rested the cassava in the shade rather than in the sun, for only two hours...we _all_ got so sick. I actually had to take a leave from the academy, my legs were completely stiff, I couldn’t walk without someone helping me!”

This elicited a surprise burst of laughter from Tsunami. “You have got to be joking! She gave all of you cyanide poisoning?” she turned bewildered, black eyes towards Sasuke with both of her hands resting on her hips, yet a wooden spoon still clutched in her hand.

“Wait, how did that story go from cooked incorrectly to cyanide poisoning?” Sakura jumped in, pursing her lips.

Tsunami tilted her head to the left and gave a sort of shrug. “Well, cassava contains cyanide, that’s why you lay it out in the sun for a good amount of time. Before laying it out though, you mix it with water and make sure it’s smoothed evenly on a pan. After heating away the germs in the sun, you boil it and then prepare it how you like.” She explained, scooping up her food with her spoon and calling Inari over to taste it. He hurried over and took a big bite, nodding with enthusiasm as he declared that it was done.

Tsunami turned back towards him. “So has your mother learned her lesson? Does she still poison you all?” she questioned as she began to fill bowls up with the alternative porridge.

“Oh sure she did, she solved the problem by getting me to do it instead. So every single day before anyone else would even be awake we both got up and began preparing breakfast. I would begin with the cassava, prepare it and set it out in the sun, and she would work cleaning the house, and of course cutting the vegetables if we had them. She didn’t trust me with a knife, not after I threw it at my brother when he called me an ugly toad.” Sasuke was in a loose tongue mood. While he didn’t feel like, well, feeling feelings at the moment, since last night came up his past was hovering at the forefront of his mind. He couldn’t help but bring up the story.

Tsunami was laughing and he was laughing, and both of them were sharing a moment. He absently leaned against the counter she was working on, shaking his head disbelievingly towards his own story.

He remembered how hard it had actually been, but it was nice to talk to someone about it who understood. Just because it was difficult didn’t mean it was essentially bad. Waking up early with his mother were some of his best childhood memories.

“I was the same way when I was a girl. Always the one up and at ‘em and helping mom out.” She grinned up at him but quickly refocused back on her work. She took a bite of her food, hummed, and then began fiddling with the flavor a bit more. She cleared her throat. “So you said your brother? Is it just the four-” she waved around towards him vaguely, “-or are there more of you?”

And Sasuke was struck that he had put her under the delusion his family was still with him. He was just so used to everyone knowing who he was, what had happened, that it hadn’t occurred to him she would assume they were around. He knew she knew his name, so just stating that he was Uchiha Sasuke wouldn’t get him out of explaining things. He looked down and scrunched his nose before taking a deep breath.

“Uh, yea um...” he shook his head. “My family _passed_ a while back...difficult circumstances. It still stings but I’m...movin’ along.” He nodded to confirm the sincerity of his story. It felt odd to talk about them in such a past tense, and in such a casual manner. It wasn’t exactly hard to get out, the statement merely felt weird rolling off of his tongue. Sasuke let the feeling of nostalgia linger. It was weird, how easy it was to forget someone was gone and not coming back. When you lose someone it’s such a shock that the tears come but rest of it didn’t. How you will never give them a Christmas card again, how you won’t be able to listen to their favorite song and hear a song anymore and instead hear their memory- it all came weeks later, at the oddest of times. When you’re having a normal day and then there is this trigger...something that just brings memories to the forefront of your mind. And you realize, that yea, you knew they were dead. But now you know that they are _gone,_ and you will not be making any more dorky memories with them every again. Saying that they’re dead, well, it was less awkward for him and more awkward for the person he was telling. And no matter how he said it they always hear the same thing. That he doesn’t have parents.

Her face morphed into regret and sympathy. “Oh I’m so sorry to hear that dear. They sounded lovely.”

It wasn’t much, but she, like most people, threw together something they imagined would be kind and comforting to say. Sasuke had heard phrases like her’s so many times he already forgot what she had said, her statement blurring with the thousands of others strangers had offered him.

There is a loll in the conversation as she worked and he looked around the room to watch Sakura try to convince Naruto not to go attempt to wake up a catatonic Kakashi-sensei, and he even noticed that Tazuna was now sitting at the table looking hot and sweaty with a cheerier Inari than had greeted Sasuke before by his side.

Tsunami got his attention by humming slightly. When he turned to her, she was holding out a spoon. “It might not be your mothers, but it’s still worth a taste, yea?”

Sasuke’s heart warmed at the sincerity in her smile, and the altruistic intention behind her gesture. For a brief moment, he saw his mother in her place, heaving a great water pot onto the counter and letting out a sigh of relief as she managed to place it on the wooden surface. He saw Itachi walk down stairs and leave a lingering kiss on his cheek before scooping him up and resting him in his lap as he began to eat the meal they cooked. In just a blink of an eye, his father was stomping down the steps and plopping into his seat at the head of the table, and his mother was adjusting a napkin onto his chest.

The images were fleeting and disappeared as fast as his family had the first time around. Sasuke hadn’t even realized his teeth were clinking on the spoon until he pulled back and recognized the flavor dancing around his mouth, gone far too fast for Sasuke to fully revel in it. It was far from a delicious, hearty meal, but it was home.

He managed a smile. “It’s good.”

He saw, across the room, Sakura and Naruto openly staring at him. But instead of pity or sadness stretched over their features it was happiness. Naruto gave him a big smile and nodded warmly. Sakura grinned at him, but even so after a moment mouthed slowly. “Are you okay?” and he couldn’t quite see each word but he knew what she was asking him.

He nodded back and that had Sakura smiling again.

They enjoyed his story about his family. They weren’t crying or apologizing or giving him too long of hugs, everyone in the room was simply smiling at him with a type of acceptance Sasuke had never faced.

After a moment, Tazuna spoke up. “I know what it’s like to lose loved ones. I find that celebrating them, rather than mourning them, is always the best kind of grieving. It really helps you heal to share stories of them with others, spread the joy they caused by existing in this world.”

Sasuke’s mind halted and he realized the same could be said for the reverse. Sharing the pain someone spread could also help heal. He remembered admitting to Sakura and Naruto what his brother had done and felt a mixture of relief and nerves strike him. He figured that even after what a shitty day he had experienced yesterday, things were looking up for tomorrow.

Sasuke never looked forward to tomorrow. It was a liberating feeling.

And then he was laughing as he sat down at the table and joked with the child who had been rude before. Teased and got teased by every person around him and lived within the moment, not thinking about next, or then, but now.

Now.

Sasuke shoveled down more cassava, savoring each bite and not realizing until the bowl was entirely empty that he had completely finished a plate of food.

“Alright!” Tsunami clapped her hands pivotally. “Any volunteers to help clean? –Other than you, Sasuke, I still have to look over those ribs again before I’m letting you off the hook for anything even remotely laborious.”

And Sasuke didn’t know what it was about the situation; the familiar setting, the people, the food, or perhaps even his mood, but it all felt so domestic. So real, and alive, and happening; Tsunami was kindhearted, enough that she had managed to get all of them to behave for longer than Kakashi-sensei ever had.

Kakashi-sensei, his teacher’s name sent a painful twist in his bruised ribs.

I trust you.

He thought back to those words and was proud to say that he still meant them with all the sincerity he possessed.

Sasuke sat back and watched Naruto clean the dishes up with spotless precision, and Sakura sweep the floor absently while swaying her hips to a tune Tazuna was humming along to with Inari. Inari soon left the room after the chores had been completed and Tazuna followed him out.

Sasuke shared a look with his teammates. Kakashi-sensei ought to be waking up by now.

Tsunami left upstairs to go check on him, and they followed behind her at a slower pace. When they entered the room, Sasuke was unsurprised finding Kakashi-sensei lying down with a mildly irritated expression, the covers pulling up to his masked chin.

Naruto gasped in surprise. “Hey! Sensei’s awake!” he exclaimed with a fond smile.

Sakura frowned, walking over to kneel beside him. “Listen Sensei your Sharingan is amazing and everything, but if it puts that much strain on you, maybe it’s not worth it!” she worried over him, jumping right into patronizing him for overusing his abilities.

Kakashi-sensei winced. “Sorry.” He apologized guiltily.

Tazuna, who had just made his way into the room, grunted dismissively. “Well, you did take down one of the most powerful ninja assassins so we’ll be safe for a while.”

Sasuke’s eyes caught Kakashi-sensei’s in a deadlock, both of them sharing that they knew what the other believed to have really happened back in the swampy battle.

Sakura, as perceptive as ever, spoke up about her own doubt involving the hunter ninja. “Right, but...you know that boy with the mask, what about him?” she placed her hand to her chin skeptically.

Kakashi might have shrugged if he wasn’t resting his damaged body in the comfort of his cot. “He’s from the Elite Tracking Unit of the Village Hidden in the Mist. Those masks are only worn by the most elite shinobi...” he left his statement unfinished, clearly something else he didn’t quite feel like voicing yet hidden beneath the simplicity of his reiteration.

“What do they do?” Sakura questioned.

“The Anbu Black Ops, also known amongst civilians as the Inferno Squad-“ at this, Sakura gasped with realization of the importance of who they had just happened to run into in the middle of the forest. “Destroy all traces of a rogue ninja’s corpse. The shinobi’s body contains many secrets- ninjutsu, chakra, special medicines used on his body. These are the secrets of his village. If his enemies find them, people would be in grave danger.”

Sasuke contemplated this statement.

He had always strived to become an Anbu Black Op, mostly because of the prestigious title and his want towards serving his village. It was expected of him to eventually attain the promotion to the elite ranks by Lord Hokage himself.

It didn’t sound like his dream job, but it was his duty to protect his home.

“For instance,” Kakashi continued, “If I were to die at the hands of an enemy he would try to analyze my Sharingan. In the worst case my entire jutsu could be stolen and used against our home village.”

Sasuke felt his fist tighten. Kakashi was acting as if he had not done the same himself to one of Sasuke’s own family members. He had managed to implant someone in his clans Sharingan into his own eye socket all for the sake of power.

He shook himself off. He didn’t know the full story, and his parents’ claims weren’t trustworthy enough to rely when involving the morality of his sensei.

Sasuke unclenched his fist.

“The sacred duty of the shinobi trackers is to prevent this, to keep the village secrets safe. If a ninja betrays his village the trackers hunt him down, eliminate him, and obliterate every trace of his existence.”

Kakashi-sensei looked away, his face shadowed. “That’s their specialty.”

Sasuke paused to observe Kakashi-sensei place a hand gingerly on his brow, his face clouded in concentration. Sasuke felt his stomach churn uncomfortably. The battle had been brutal to him. Sasuke still wasn’t sure how to handle or confront the emotions unraveling inside him. He did know, however, that if he kept ignoring them then the feelings would persist tormenting him.

He glanced around to watch Sakura bit her lip, and Naruto’s fist clench behind his back.

He wasn’t imagining the tension building in the room.

“Hey, are you okay, sensei?” Naruto blinked in concern.

Kakashi straightened up, shaking himself out of his revere to smile unconvincingly at Naruto. “Yea.” He mumbled, glancing at Sasuke before continuing. “To finish what I was saying, tracker ninja deal with the body immediately... _on the spot_. This ensures there is no room for error.”

Sakura nodded, surprisingly demonstrating a wide range of knowledge on a topic Sasuke wouldn’t have assumed she was taught or studied in. Naruto rested on the floor, and Sasuke followed with the help of Sakura. Tazuna with a groan only old men pull off hoisted himself onto the wood paneled flooring as well, while Tsunami remained standing far off to the right. The position made Sasuke feel even more out of place in the room as he squirmed uncomfortably.

Kakashi-sensei wasn’t wrong about the purpose of tracker ninja with the orders to destroy. But a lot of tracker ninja had the orders to _bring back_. Many rogue ninja are taken back to their village, either for public punishment, probation, or to become a lab rat in T&I. There are so many reasons for a village to keep a rogue shinobi alive. Reasons Kakashi-sensei was purposefully leaving out.

“Think about it, do you remember what that tracker did with Zabuza’s body?” he consulted his students directly, looking for assurance he wasn’t being paranoid about whatever his assumptions were.

Sasuke could start an argument and reveal more than he wanted to of himself at this moment. But after everything that had happened, he didn’t have the emotional endurance to say anything else about himself or his past. He felt drained, and anxious. So Sasuke stayed quiet as he listened to Kakashi-sensei’s spiel.

“We don’t know what he did. I mean, I guess he took it away somewhere...” Sakura engaged with Kakashi-sensei

“Exactly ! But why? He should’ve worked on Zabuza right there, as quickly as possible.” By now, Sasuke watched Kakashi-sensei sit up and rest a hand on his chin, lost in his own quick wit, piecing together something and speaking his thoughts aloud. “Think of the weapons he used for the take down. Do you remember what they were?”

Sakura was leaning forward, his teammate and sensei figuring out something that Sasuke wasn’t even remotely seeing. He understood something about the scenario was fishy, but he wasn’t quite sure what the two of them were getting at.He glanced at Naruto, who was already staring at him with a completely confused expression. Sasuke was sure he looked the same. Naruto scooted across the floorboards over to him, his mouth a bit too close to his ear for comfort but Sasuke allowed the contact anyway. “I’m starting to see a resemblance here.” He mock-whispered and Sasuke snorted in response.

“Throwing needles!” Sakura jumped up, “No way! Wait...throwing needles don’t even originate from the Mist. Even I know senbon are most commonly used in The Land of the Wind. Mist ninja aren’t known for subtleties. Most are either swordsmen or element users.”

Kakashi-sensei let out a frustrated growl. “Exactly, none of it adds up.”

Sasuke looked between the conspiring student and teacher with an amused purse of his lips. Naruto shared another glance with him, this one much more mischievous. Sasuke would never have looked this far into his enemy’s actions, quick to forget about the encounter. He also knew that Naruto would’ve never got caught up on small details like weapon choices and strange cross-gender olden time outfits...

Wait.

“Kakashi-sensei, the mask.”

His sensei blinked. 

“Kakashi-sensei the mask!” Sasuke’s hands were flailing by now as sat up on his knees and stretched his wounds.

“Sasuke, what do you mean, ‘the mask’? What about his Anbu Mask?” Sakura interjected.

Sasuke saw Naruto’s eyes go similarly wide, realizing what Sasuke was pointing out.

When Sasuke and Naruto were seven years old, they were tested on Hidden Village Anbu Black Op Masks. Both of them failed the test so bad Iruka-sensei forced them to take it over before allowing them to move on with the rest of their classmates, announcing their failures very publicly. Later, in an effort to show Iruka-sensei how annoying he could be, Sasuke and Naruto both went looking for something to prove him wrong about. The two were eleven and almost graduating, so they had to act fast. They stayed up all night in the library, when Naruto started complaining about the dreadfully humiliating Anbu Mask Test. Sasuke got an idea and flipped through one of the more up-to-date books, to find that the Hidden Mist Village had decided to withdraw their previous Anbu Masks in favor a new design, now based off of animals in a similar way Konoha’s were.

The test had been to sketch each village’s Anbu Black Op mask. A pretty simple task, and they were little when it was administered. However, the both of them flunked out big time. Now they had learned that the Mist Village had changed the mask they used since the test, making something Iruka taught them useless, and proving their point.

Sasuke and Naruto had been so triumphant that day, neither of them would ever forget the giggling students of the classroom as Naruto bounded up with his proof of academy incompetency.

“IT WASN’T AN ANIMAL!” Naruto now shouts with utter shock dripping from his voice, his jaw slack.

Sasuke waves his arms around, wobbling slightly into Naruto because of his injuries. Both of them look at Sakura and Kakashi-sensei imploringly, willing them to understand. The boy wasn’t wearing the current Mist Village Anbu Mask, which after all the previous evidence could really only mean one thing.

Kakashi-sensei’s eyes slowly widen. “How could have I...I’m so used to the old mask, I didn’t even...but I did hear that they were redesigning...” he looked down at his gloved hands in disapproval of what he overlooked.

“What are you all yammering about? You demolished that assassin!” Tazuna cut in, sounding both hopeful and hesitant.

Kakashi-sensei fell back into his bed, his eye closing in exhaustion. “Here’s the truth. Zabuza is still alive.” He finally spoke what had been resting on all of their minds since the beginning of this conversation.

Both he and Naruto groaned loudly, while Sakura hissed under her breath. “I knew it! I knew I should’ve obliterated him when I had the chance!” Her eyes had gone slightly cruel for just a moment before she snapped back into her normal, average Sakura. Sasuke refrained from sending her a concerned look and instead focused on the current situation.

Tazuna had nearly fallen on his ass at Kakashi-sensei’s bold statement, his eyes wide with horror and disbelief. Ms. Tsunami just gasped quietly somewhere behind them.

“But Kakashi-sensei...you checked him yourself. You said that his heart stopped.” Sakura reasoned, rubbing the gooseflesh off of her arms.

“His heart did stop...but that was just a temporary state...to simulate death. The senbon that _Tracker Ninja_ used has a very low ability to kill unless thrown with vital accuracy. It’s something that was originally used for medical treatment, such as acupuncture therapy. Ninja Trackers are trained to know all about the structure of the human body. I imagine causing the heart to stop temporarily while still keeping the body alive is actually quite simple for them.”

Sasuke closed his eyes with a deep, calming breath at that statement. He could only imagine his brother and cousin with their Anbu Masks firmly in position.

“First, he carried Zabuza’s body away- even though it’s much heavier than he is, and would therefore have been easier to eliminate him without leaving the premise. Second, he used senbon which have a precise affect but are rarely fatal. Lastly, his Black Op Mask is outdated, the symbols resembling someone who lived around my time, and I am at least a decade older than he. From these factors we can conclude that the Tracker wasn’t trying to destroy Zabuza, he was trying to save him! I suppose we can also gather this means he was merely posing as a Mist Ninja.”

Sasuke felt his stomach turn reminded sharply of the battle he had been trying to take his mind off of. Remembering the feeling of Zabuza’s hands curled tightly around his throat. His fingers came up to brush the bruises lining his jugular and collarbone.

“Come on, your overthinking this, aren’t you?” Tazuna attempted to convince Kakashi-sensei he was simply tired and paranoid.

Kakashi-sensei raised an eyebrow. “Encountering suspicion the ninja prepares quickly; hesitation leads to disaster. Every shinobi knows this saying.” He offered no further counter argument.

Sasuke fiddled with his thumb, glancing up at Kakashi-sensei for a moment but instead of looking away as he had planned, catching eyes with him. Sasuke cleared his throat. “Better paranoid than dead.” He agreed.

Naruto clenched his fist, letting out a satisfied grunt. Sasuke wanted to smack him. It was clear he was pleased with the news that Zabuza was alive, even if they were all only assuming this fact because it was in their best interests to be prepared for anything. The idiot probably wants another go at him, Sasuke thought.

Sakura placed her hands bossily on her hips. “But sensei, what do you mean prepare quickly? But how can we do that when you can barely _move_?”

Sasuke was brought back to introduction day, when Kakashi-sensei was Hatake and had started laughing in the face when contemplating their likely failure. Presently, Sakura made a confused noise as Kakashi-sensei broke out into borderline childish laughter.

He sat up with a grin. “I can still train you!” he cried cheerfully.

Sasuke abruptly pressed his palms into his stinging eyes, recognizing the signs of his usual headache coming back. Sasuke suppressed the urge to sigh. He had enjoyed the lack of pressure behind his eye lids while it lasted.

Sakura tilted her head in excitement. “Bring it on, Kakashi-sensei. I’m not going to let you get by me this time.” Her eyes sparkled with liveliness and adrenaline. Sasuke didn’t want to know what that statement could mean, he could only assume she was referring to whatever happened in her fight against him during the bell test

Sasuke ran his palms down his face and caused the skin to stretch, before plopping his hands onto his lap with a sigh. “Kakashi-sensei, with utmost respect for your belief in us, I’m _not_ confident in our capabilities enough to believe we can fight off Zabuza when even you had a hard time with it. Maybe we should retreat until your-”

“Sasuke; why was I able to stop Zabuza?- Because you ALL helped me. You’ve grown.” Kakashi-sensei’s eyes scanned them all, “Naruto!” the startled boy looked up with a choked off noise in the back of his throat. “You’ve grown the most.” Kakashi-sensei delivered a smile entirely with his singular eye.

Naruto let a smile replace the somber frown that used to be dominating his features. “Thanks for noticing Kakashi-sensei! Now things are going to get better, believe it!!”

Sasuke felt his own face relax. He wasn’t exactly happy, but he was satisfied. Naruto deserved to be recognized.

“I don’t believe it and nothing is going to be good!”

Sasuke turned around, blinking slowly in surprise. His team shared his expression but wore confusion in different manners as they stared at Inari, the grandson of their client. His fists were clenched by his sides and his small face was blank of any emotion but a frosty stubbornness.

“Gah! Inari! Where’ve ya been?” Tazuna crowed, opening his arms wide. The small child flung himself into his grandfather’s arms, curling up in his arms with something akin to contentment in his eyes.

Tsunami marched over to her son, motherly sternness blatant in her posture. “Inari that was very rude! These ninja helped your grandpa and brought him here safely!”

Tazuna patted the child’s hat covered head proudly. “It’s okay, it’s okay, I’m rude to them too!” he laughed amusedly.

Inari slid out from his grandfather’s hold to look at his mother with a whiny voice and frustrated expression. “Mom don’t you see these people are going to die! Gato and his men will come back and find them and wipe them out!” he ranted emphatically.

Naruto couldn’t resist starting a fight. “What did you say, brat!? Listen up you know what a super ninja is?-Well that’s me only a lot better! I’m going to be Hokage in the future! This Gato or chocolate or whatever he’s called is no match for a real hero like me!” Naruto held up his fist, his blue eyes seeming extra clear and vibrant.

Sasuke shrunk back, and for the first time in a while really felt the need to get out of a room and fast. He could feel the film on his teeth, the pounding in his head, and a jittery and anxious feeling worming around in his skin.

“Huh, a hero? That’s ridiculous! There’s no such thing! You’re just full of stupid ideas!” Inari snapped, his hands firmly seated on his hips.

Naruto was about to race forward, anger blurring his judgment, but Sakura caught him in time. He shouted indignantly as Sakura struggled to keep him held back. “Naruto! Calm! DOWN!” She shrieked. Sakura wrestled with Naruto’s arms, pinning them behind his back. Sasuke squeezed his eyes shut and away from the scene. He took a calming breath, his eye lids shaking and twitching sporadically. He attempted to stop it, but his muscles weren’t reacting to his brains commands. After a moment, he used his other hand to force his eye lid down by pressing his palm into the socket, his eye no longer twitching. Sasuke removed his hand only for his eye to start shuddering insistently again, so he kept his hand pressed against his eye until his other eye started twitching just the same. He resigned to burying his face in his knees, worrying over what the eye twitching could mean. It had happened before, just never as uncontrollably and abruptly. Usually his eye would be sore for a while before shutting down, his vision caving completely. Sasuke would sleep it off. His head was beginning to pound now as well, leaving him a bit too hazy to contemplate the meaning behind his eye twitches much longer. He hoped it didn’t mean something bad was happening to his irregular Sharingan.

Sasuke peered away from his knees long enough to watch Inari casually turn away from all of them with a roll of his eyes. Sasuke’s gut tightened. He really wasn’t in the mood to deal with all this confrontation.

“If you want to stay alive you should go back where you came from.” He was relieved by the pattering footsteps that indicated the young boy’s departure, but equally as disturbed- and honestly?- offended by his words. He didn’t listen to Tazuna’s protests and Inari’s angry excuses because the pounding in his head was growing stronger. He only tuned back in when he recognized the slamming of the sliding doors.

“Sorry about that.” Tazuna apologized on his grandson’s behalf.

Sasuke shook his head and stood up abruptly. “I’m going to the bathroom.” He announced.

Kakashi-sensei nodded, and Sakura glanced briefly at him before focusing her worry on a pissed off Naruto.

Sasuke stumbled out of the sliding doors and down the hall, wiping furiously at his face. With blind determination he headed for the bathroom, feeling emotions build up in the pit of his stomach. The urge to be entirely alone, or somewhere safe back in Konoha, was stronger than ever. He crossed his arms around his waist protectively as he continued on to his destination.

His head exploded with pain, enough so he stumbled into the wall. He scrambled to catch himself. Sasuke willed the pain away as best he could as he groped the wall blindly for the bathroom door. When he finally found the handle, he shoved it open and nearly collapsed. Sasuke’s body wracked with shivers.

His breathing was far too ragged but Sasuke couldn’t distinguish reality from his past and therefore had no means of calming himself. His eyes had never felt this way before. It hurt, he thought frantically, his mind clamping down and focusing on that one sensation. The lights were too bright, the near nonexistent sounds were echoing, and overall Sasuke felt pain. Pain in his head, his temples, his eyes- Sasuke lost his breath. He was too overwhelmed to scream.

And then the pain was gone, and replaced by an equally consuming wave of depression. It swallowed him whole, his weight finally giving out completely. The pain was gone, but Sasuke was floating and too delirious in the moment to be thankful. His lips and tongue felt numb, and he realized it was because he had been biting down hard enough on them to cause jagged cuts to form.

After everything that happened, Sasuke hadn’t quite been mentally prepared for a conversation about the battle against Zabuza.

Sasuke knew this wasn’t really about _Zabuza_ himself, or even the Demon Brothers. They were just triggers, people that reminded him of a past he’d left behind for _a reason_.

He remembered telling Sakura and Naruto about everything, and for the first time it all seemed like a bad idea. Telling them meant they knew which meant inevitably more people would know no matter who swore secrecy. Actually it wasn’t even about people knowing- it was about the different way they would treat him if they knew. So many people already babied him, a good majority hated his heritage and everything he stood for, and a lot of them pitied him; however, none of them felt the need to get personally involved. None of them thought that intervening would help. This information wouldn’t just affect his everyday relationships with the people he knew, it would drastically change his image in the public eye. He would go from last surviving Uchiha to well, the Uchiha that survived.

And yes, there was a difference. The difference was in respect. The difference was how one way, people would think him destined for strength, someone who had suffered a trauma and was now here to prove everyone wrong. But he would become a charity case, a victim if- when?- how Itachi treated him got out. Right now he was safe, a few people knew, some doctors with patient confidentiality contracts, and some higher ups like Lord Third and Lord Danzo. The whole village knowing would allow people to see everything he did as extra special. They would blow all of his accomplishments out of proportion, and the last thing Sasuke wanted was to be a poster child. People naturally strived to be admired, or feared; they didn’t want to be treated like something was wrong with them. No one wanted to be treated like they needed to be handled, like even hanging out with Sasuke would earn someone the title of Good Samaritan.

Thinking about the mistake he’d made last night began a dangerous trail of ruminating. Forced him to remember things he shouldn’t have done, had yet to learn from. Trusting people was out of the picture for any sensible person. When it benefited or interested someone, betrayal wasn’t a large price to pay. Everyone Sasuke had loved chose not to make him their first priority. Selfishness prevented that. Everyone’s first priority was themselves, whether unconsciously or not.

He thought of Mizuki-sensei. Of the pain in his ankles as he tried to drag him out of the village-

Sasuke forced himself to let go of the thought, only to latch onto another. Shisui’s dead body staring blankly at him, skin peeled back and bones visible; bugs crawling out of his cousin’s mouth.

With each shake off something else filled its place until Sasuke was excessively slapping his shaking leg and stuck with his worst demon, the one he rarely confronted.

Itachi.

_Big brother_.

And just like that Sasuke was throwing up, his hands clutching at the splinter filled surface of the makeshift toilet. He gagged and spluttered, saliva sticking to his lips. His emotions overtook the pain wrenching his ribs and throat. Tears spilled from his eyes rolling down his face in sloppy tracks, running into his nose and getting caught in his eyelashes. He felt one slide down onto his ear.

It always came back to Itachi, no matter what trauma he suffered, none quite compared to the number Itachi did on him. For a moment he imagined Itachi’s hands running along his sides, spreading across his stomach, inching lower and lower. He swore Itachi was huffing next to his ear, the compressing weight Itachi couldn’t always control crushing him. Sasuke breaths turned frantic; his wheezing and cries morphing into whimpering, incoherent mumbling, pathetic sniffles, and hopeless moans. His hand wound to his thigh, where Itachi used to press his fingertips until deep bruises would shade in while his parents either remained oblivious, chatting away at the dinner table, or just didn’t care enough to help. And the worst part is that Sasuke will never know, he will never ever found out the truth about his parent’s knowledge on him and Itachi’s relationship. He hadn’t even realized that the rubbing on his thigh had changed into scratching, angry lines bubbling on his skin.

Sasuke couldn’t focus on the physical pain for long, because it was almost awful enough to make him want to throw up again. He hated knowing he was able to that to himself. Others couldn’t even pinch themselves to bruise, let alone carve marks into their skin with their fingernails. The throbbing behind his temples had returned less strong than before but still present while Sasuke had been paralyzed sitting there, not quite silent as his breathing was labored and full of cracked emotion. He tried to control it, to suck in deep breath, but he ended up collapsing into more sobs, until he could no longer breathe. He pulled himself back his fingers digging into the ground and his back pressing against the toilet seat. The strings of whimpers mixed with his tears grew louder, the shaking in his hands harsher.

Itachi’s lips caressing his ear, his tongue darting along the crevices of Sasuke’s body, his much stronger, bigger, _older_ hands pinning Sasuke’s hips to the surface they were on- maybe the mattress, sometimes the forest floor; all of these images attacked Sasuke. Not one by one, but all at once. It reduced him to nothing but a shell shaking uncontrollably on the floor of Tsunami’s bathroom.

Just when he thought he got his breathing under control, he made the mistake of closing his eyes for a breather. And then Sasuke couldn’t open them. He forgot where he was. He couldn’t see where he was. And the images his mind was providing him with disoriented Sasuke’s grip on reality. His lip quivered.

Another wave of emotion crashed but Sasuke was too delirious to identify what it was or how to handle it. He could only focus on the bile once again rising in his throat, and had yet to force his eyelids open to face his fears. He swallowed down the vomit and gasped for air afterwards, having lost crucial air supplying seconds.

His cheeks were burning with shame, he could feel it. His face had to be extremely red and blotchy. After imagining what he must look like, it made the delusion of being trapped in the basement of his childhood home all the more real. It used to be furiously scorching down there because they could hardly afford the fans for their upstairs, let alone air conditioning for the basement. Itachi had taken to leaving him there for hours so when he found Sasuke he was coated in sweat and suffering from far too high of temperatures to even register the world around him, completely helpless and disoriented.

He gagged one last time, spitting spitefully and carelessly wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and feeling a string of his vomit connect his knuckles and lips together.

He squeezed his eyes tighter and sobbed. However, sobbing made it harder to breathe and soon Sasuke was hyperventilating all over again.

He thought about being forced to fight the Demon Brothers. He took himself back to Zabuza and aiming a kunai knife at his own body. For a moment it distracted him from imaging the rough texture of cement under his knees, remembering how horrible today and yesterday had been reminded him of now, but it also traitorously reminded him of Itachi and his own cruelty. And just like that, Sasuke was back with Itachi and he worried that he would get stuck, never coming back out of his head and living forever in his own world of torture. Itachi would like that, he thought to himself, finding comfort in his own mind’s derision. He had always tried to keep Sasuke in the Tsukiyomi for as long as possible when they were kids after all.

He settled his spine against the rim of the toilet with a self-disgusted groan.

His brother haunted him. Sasuke knew this. Itachi had more control of Sasuke’s life than Sasuke himself. He swallowed saliva and it was so thick Sasuke almost could imagine it was semen instead, thick and stuck in his throat. That thought had him shuddering, had him gripping the toilet tightly in order to ground himself to the reality around him.

Sasuke rubbed his bruises for a minute, just sitting there studying the lights that colored his eyelids...or maybe he was staring at everything that was in his mind’s eye, and just distracting himself with the flickers of colors that would taint the darkness of his closed eyes every once in a while whenever Sasuke worked up the courage to shift. He didn’t know why, but he felt like moving would lead to something bad happening. So he stayed as still as possible, no matter how uncomfortable he got, for as long as possible. His world had temporarily become this one, shitty bathroom, and Itachi’s wrenching taunts. He didn’t have the energy to get up. He was exhausted. He didn’t even have the strength to reopen his eyes.

Sasuke just wanted to be by himself, away from concerned gazes and skeptical eyes, away from nudging arms and secretive glances he was forced to return with small smiles. He was so done. So used to being alone that it had become his comfort.

He was his own comfort. His own thoughts were the only ones that didn’t want or expect something from him. His mind was the only one he knew that let him be himself.

Sasuke rubbed his recently dislocated and relocated elbow. It was a bad idea to lean against the toilet on it. He could feel flaring pain. His hand was shaking, but a part of him felt a bit saner now and definitely calm enough to move so his spine wasn’t being bruised any longer.

He knew, logically, sooner or later someone was going to come looking for him, and that he should clean up so he didn’t look like shit when it happened. He should dry his eyes, wash his mouth, smooth out his hair and put on a smile.

But he was so tired.

And he didn’t feel like sitting here, but he didn’t feel like doing anything else either. And he was already sitting here anyway.

Sasuke thumped his neck back against the toilet rim once more. He wondered what the trigger was to this feeling, pondered why it always seemed to happen to him, each time a little different than before. He knew that it had to be some sort of disorder a psychologist would throw around in an instant. He didn’t really feel like labeling it. He just wanted to acknowledge that if you have good times, then shitty ones were bound to come around to. It was astonishing how quickly his earlier good mood had vanquished, but that was his life. Bad things followed him around, and sometimes Sasuke wondered if maybe it was self-sabotage.

Before Sasuke could think any more about it, he opened his eyes and stared straight up at the light on the ceiling. They burned, and he had to blink a few times to get used to it, but once his eyes were opened, all of the dark nightmares crept away to the back of his mind. The headache had faded, whatever had just occurred was dormant for now. He carefully examined the room around him, taking to methodically counting the cracks in the wood floors. Once he got to fifty-seven, he realized how dumb and obsessive he was being and stopped, settling for staring at the door and dreading the moment he would hear a knock.

Sasuke only knew that the anxiety coursing through his system was making him want to move. But the fizzling in the back of his head was demanding he stay right where he was.

Sasuke blinked slowly. He didn’t know if he was capable of much else.

He imagined the cassava and suddenly didn’t appreciate the blast from the past. He had been so happy when it happened, but now he just felt vulnerable and lonely.

A knock never came, but a voice did. Startlingly enough, it didn’t annoy Sasuke as much as he thought it would. Instead he just felt even more scared, even more alone. Naruto sounded so normal and here Sasuke was, crying on the floor of the bathroom for no real, concrete reason other than being fucked up.

“Hey, Sasuke, uh? Kakashi-sensei wants to know if you’re ready to go train?” Naruto’s slightly irritated tone was muffled by the door. 

For a moment he felt an explosive amount of anger, then it morphed into panic, and soon numbness. He contemplated telling Naruto to shut up, telling him off, and then he contemplated begging Naruto to comfort and help him, to talk it out and make him swear that nothing was going to be different. But the truth was something was different. He couldn’t very well force Naruto to pretend it wasn’t. Besides, he was all _emotioned_ out. He didn’t think he really wanted to confront the conversation that happened last night, even though it was the healthy thing to do.

“Yea, i- I’ll be out in a minute.” He answered, cursing himself for letting the chance to speak with Naruto alone slip through his fingers. Another time, he negotiated with himself.

Sasuke heaved himself up from the ground as he heard a call of affirmation and stomping, extra loud footsteps. He wondered if he had done something to piss his teammate off, but then reminded himself that he didn’t necessarily have to be the problem. It could still be that Inari kid and his claim that hero’s don’t exist.

Sasuke had never seen a hero but that didn’t mean he didn’t believe that they existed. Sasuke had whole heartedly thrown himself into the idea of a man who shimmies down a chimney in a big red suit delivering presents. Even when Sasuke got presents that were only in the price range his parents could afford. One year though, they hadn’t had quite enough money to buy the Christmas present he wanted. His mother had tried to break it to him ending in instant denial. Fugaku just shook his head and mumbled about delusional children. It was up to Itachi to drag him to the closet and show him the presents the family had done a shitty job of hiding from him. Only problem was, Sasuke still refused to believe that Santa Claus’ existence was a farce. He, with no reasoning, truth, or evidence, all things that had been presented to him by each of his family members, whole heartedly threw himself into the idea of Santa’s existence. When he didn’t get the gift he had asked for that year he complained that his mother must have sent the letter wrong.

And it wasn’t a ‘deep down Sasuke had known’ moment. Sasuke had genuinely convinced himself Old Saint Nick was out there.

His family sure found it amusing, especially Shisui who pretended he too believed in Santa Claus and from then on whenever addressing his family would refer to them as atheists. His parents pretended not to find the encouraging behavior funny.

His initial point _was_ (Jeez he was being real reminiscent) that even though Sasuke had all the reasons, anger, and evidence to believe that heroes were figments of children’s imaginations, he adamantly refused. One day he knew he would meet a hero.

He believed that he even might see the process of one being made, via the form of Uzamaki Naruto.

Sasuke shook himself off of his- again- philosophical run away thoughts and finished cleaning his image up. When he was decently satisfied he exited and joined his team by the door of the house.

He was a little confused how he was going to train with all of his injuries. Naruto was miraculously okay in only a way Naruto could be, and Sakura hadn’t been a part of much of the hand-to-hand combat so she wasn’t at a large risk of fatal injury.

That left Sasuke and his sensei. Eying Kakashi-sensei’s makeshift old-man crutches he was using to prop himself up, he smirked sarcastically, “Do I get one of those?”

Sakura abruptly gasped and Naruto’s eyes widened. Sasuke tilted his head.

“Ohmygosh I totally forgot you were hurt! How are you going to train like that?!”

“How come Sasuke-bastard has to train when his ribs are all wonky, sensei?!”

Sasuke was pretty sure anyone could guess who said what.

Kakashi-sensei tilted his head. “His ribs are what now?” he drawled in confusion.

Oh yea, Sasuke thought. They hadn’t exactly filled him in.

“Sasuke’s suffering from fractured ribs, along with various other injuries that are still in the process of healing.” Sakura explained dutifully at the same time Sasuke waved off,

“I’m fine!”

Kakashi-sensei closed his eye and ran a hand down his face. “How this wasn’t top priority on your list of catching me up remains a mystery.” Kakashi-sensei motioned him over. “I better look you over.”

Sasuke, defeated, shuffled over to his sensei and looked up at him. He felt an itching in his skin at the thought of being touched so soon after one of his episodes, but thought better than to complain about it or protest.

He knew he was rough. Kakashi-sensei’s eyes first roamed to his most visible injuries on his neck, which he had already covered up with a rather thin genjutsu. Hi sensei mumbled a releasing seal and revealed the bruises, much to Sasuke’s displeasure. He went through a lot of work to make his neck look normal and not waste away his chakra reserves.

He heard more than saw a huff of air exit his sensei’s masked mouth. He could see the anger beginning to simmer inside of Kakashi-sensei’s pupils.

Sasuke felt an uncomfortable roll of his emptied stomach. He wasn’t used to being the object of someone’s protective instincts. His mother was vaguely concerned with him, but the sad truth was that she didn’t care for him with ferocity because she was too self-preservative. Fugaku never cared for him. Itachi had protective instincts, but Sasuke had never appreciated them. It was far more possessive that protective. It felt strange to so casually think of Itachi’s name, but after the episode he just had his brother’s name was fresh in his mind. It would prevent nothing to avoid thinking about him right now.

But he could feel it. From each of his teammate’s protectiveness was being radiated, and Sasuke was the center of it. He felt oddly safe. He thought he would be more uncomfortable being cared for after an episode, but it was actually kind of nice to be close to someone. It grounded him. Even if his team was oblivious to the episode’s existence, they still managed to help him through it. 

Kakashi-sensei cleared his throat. “Your ribs, Sasuke? Sakura said they were _fractured_?”

Sasuke nodded mutely, trying hard not to squirm.

He felt a tug on his shirt, and Kakashi-sensei’s shockingly cold hands were on his skin, hiking up his shirt. Underneath revealed bandages stripped in tidy lines, ensuring minimal jostling.

He saw Kakashi-sensei’s hands move indecisively. “If I had any chakra I’d be able to heal you , even with my minimal medical training. As it is, I’ve decided on changing up the training exercises to target each of your skills and disadvantages individually. We’re heading out to a nice clearing away from the village. Our first training exercise is to learn how to carry a fallen comrade. In this case scenario, Sasuke is the injured comrade.” Sasuke was still relieved when his shirt was pulled back down, and Kakashi stepped away. Even if it was nice to be comforted and doted on, it was still a bit anxiety inducing, and felt a little like being babied. He once again kept his mouth shut about it though.

That’s when he noticed the mirth in Kakashi-sensei’s eyes.

Sasuke’s eyes widened in panic; he just realized what Kakashi-sensei’s words meant.

He was _so_ not being carried like a downed shinobi.

Turns out, as Naruto hefted him onto his shoulder, Sasuke had no say in the matter. Even though he had a plethora of valid arguments, like the position might aggravate his ribs, or- “But, Naruto already knows how to do this Kakashi-sensei! He carried you all the way here!”- and eventually downright refusal.

But in the end, his protests proved fruitless.

It only occurred to him later that he hadn’t even remotely been afraid of relying on Naruto, of allowing Naruto to touch him. It hadn’t even crossed his mind to be worried about Naruto. Sasuke realized he was actually quite happy with the turn of events, and it was really helping melt some of his earlier numbness away.

“Hey! Let go- ugh, STOP! This is completely unecesas-ARY!”

That didn’t mean Sasuke was going to stop complaining, however. When it came to Naruto, Sasuke wasn’t really that afraid to speak his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many feelings. I was legit this close to crying while writing this. Okay that's a lie. 
> 
> I was crying.


	9. I’m Perfectly Healthy, See?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto, and his thoughts on the matter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The moment you've all been waiting for is here! Naruto Uzumaki get's his turn!!

Naruto had lived an unusual life. He wouldn’t call it sad, just difficult. He knew that some aspects of his personality had been affected by it, Sakura ran her mouth off about psychology enough for him to make some connections, but he tended to brush that aside in favor of trying his hardest to make the future count. What did the past matter, anyway? What was done is done. He was doing great, all smiles and laughter now-a-days. What happened to him before should no longer be relevant.

After Naruto’s run in with Mizuki, a lot more made sense. The villagers, the old man, even Iruka-sensei. All adults- or most he supposed- were aware of the taboo secret sealed inside of him. The Nine-Tails Fox, one of the nine demons that reside in human vessels. He was one of them. He was one of nine people in the entire world.

_It made sense_. Naruto understood it all, really. He got why other felt the way they did. He accepted that. He wasn’t mad at them for it- well, he was, but he didn’t have the right to be.

When Naruto was growing up, he had a lot of trouble with other kids his age. Either they were wary of him, or rude to him because their parents bitched about him. Misbehavior, at least, got someone to look at him. Their apathy was countered through his own schemes. They couldn’t ignore him when he was causing trouble. Even if it was to yell or stare disapprovingly, the attention was still better than the cold avoidance. It was better than addressing a store clerk and having them pretend you weren’t there. And once he started, the reputation had already been set in stone. Everyone remembered the first time he did it, and everyone was expecting a second and third. What was the point of not doing it if he was going to be treated negatively for it either way? Better to actually have done it than be wrongly accused of it. At least he experienced the fun of doing it that way.

Sometimes, Naruto wondered if he really _was_ there. No matter what polite way he asked no one spoke to him, helped him. Yes, he thought. At least their antipathy proved that Naruto’s existence meant something to someone else, even if it was in a undesirable light. At least their anger meant he mattered.

Dealing with the orphanage was better, but not perfect. The orphanage hadn’t been funded well. The only money they received to keep functioning was from Village Elder Danzo. He could vaguely recall never-ending nights spent shivering in the cold. The rest of the children were given thin blankets at the minimum, the smarter groups bundling together for body heat. While he sat alone, rejected and ignored, wondering if he would wake up should he have fallen to sleep.

Most of the kids in the orphanage ended up to be washouts- drug addicts, hobos, prostitutes, even rogues. Since leaving the facility Naruto had only seen one familiar face. Kabuto Yakushi, a child who had been adopted a few years after Nono, the woman who lead the orphanage, brought him in. He still didn’t know what had happened to the kid, only that it had been pretty bad. Even with his tougher start to life Kabuto was one of the nicer and more responsible children he met. His old friend told him in one of their many chats inside Ichirakus about all of his accomplishments. The ones he was most proud of being making a decent living as a genin, and developing his medical ninjutsu to prodigious levels. His old friend had proven that hard work pays off. Even if he still hadn’t become a Chunin yet, the poor guy. Naruto was confident he would one day. He even suggested helping him train.

When Naruto was eleven, the orphanage ran clean out of money and shut down. Sometimes he wondered what happened to the other kids, like sweet Mia and her passion for cooking, or little Drew and his penchant for brightening everyone’s day. But he had to stop himself. Because he now knew that part of the reason he survived so long out on the streets was due to the creature within him. He _knew_ so. Sakura once told him that humans couldn’t go more than two weeks without food, and Naruto was positive he had lasted months on public bathroom sink water. 

In conclusion, Naruto had faced hardships, especially when becoming genin and finding an apartment for himself. Living on his own was a lot to figure out- money, budget, food, bills (Naruto learned of all the different kinds of bills one had to pay, even to live somewhere as tiny as he did), and balancing all of this with his new training with Team Seven. His life had completely changed the moment Iruka-sensei handed him his Leaf Ninja Headband. He had gone from roaming around the streets and scrabbling to scrape by, to having a team and renting his very own apartment. He didn’t even feel like the same person.

But that didn’t matter anymore. He was happy now! He had a team!

He cared deeply for his team. They were the first people to look and not see the surface- a demon, a brat, a troublemaker- and instead see something that they found worthwhile.

Well, Sasuke has always been there. If Naruto landed himself in the hospital Sasuke would patiently loiter outside the building, knowing that the medics never allowed Naruto any visitors. Sasuke would give him this roll of his eyes once he was discharged, but they would be full of warmth and that’s all that Naruto was concerned with. Then Sasuke would usually mumble with an awkward invitation to pay for Ichirakus but “only if he was up for it”. Which, duh, of course Naruto wanted to. 

Nowadays, Sasuke was even getting used to Naruto’s hugs. He had fallen asleep on his shoulder! Which had been literally the cutest thing ever; Sasuke was like a baby kitten. But better, because cats were the worst. That was a bad analogy.

Naruto, currently still running through the thicket of trees around their grumpy client’s house per his sensei’s orders, glanced ahead of him and saw Kakashi-sensei and Sakura, chatting amiably. Naruto hiked Sasuke up his back (halfwa through Sasuke demanded a piggy back ride because Naruto had been rubbing his ribs with each jump) and turned his speed a bit slower. Sasuke was easy to carry, light-weight and helpful. He knew just when to adjust his position, always aware if Naruto was uncomfortable.

Naruto didn’t like reminiscing on the bad parts. He rather would indulge in other people’s problems and help them out because he was pretty sure he was fine. When Naruto confessed things he was usually met with judgment, so talking it out never really had helped him. That’s why he liked to be a good friend to complain to. Naruto would never judge someone for what they were feeling, unlike others did to him.

He looked ahead and noticed that Kakashi-sensei and Sakura had stopped, waving them over to a clearing.

Naruto placed Sasuke down onto his feet and off of his shoulder carefully, making sure Sasuke had his total footing before letting go.

To be honest, all this reminiscing on his past was because his mind was reeling. What Sasuke had told him last night, well, it slotted into the way his best friend behaved seamlessly. Naruto just hadn’t been able to see it before. Sakura had gotten him alone to discuss what Sasuke confessed earlier after Sasuke disappeared off to wherever (Naruto guessed it was probably to catch some alone time and clean himself up). She had coined the term ‘sexual abuse.’ She used a lot of psychological references, saying she knew so much about all of this because she used to read the books at her own therapist’s office. She said that many of Sasuke’s responses were learned behavior, and that what Itachi Uchiha (she also told him that name so he would stop referring to him as Sasuke’s mean brother, even though it was a perfectly suiting nickname) did to Sasuke was also known as sexual grooming. She used hundreds of words and meanings, ranting on about how Sasuke ‘made a lot more sense now.’

It kind of pissed him off, just a bit.

Sasuke had gone through his own, individual experience. He had listened to Sasuke’s story about his family this morning while eating, and understood that even though something awful had happened to Sasuke this didn’t necessarily imply his whole life had been hell. And that shit about ‘making a lot more sense now?’ That made him even angrier! Sasuke was Sasuke, and just because he went through something bad, does not mean that he behaves the same way everyone who had gone through something bad does! It doesn’t mean that who is his is designed off of his past!

She could use her fancy words all she wanted, but she couldn’t classify Sasuke’s personality as ‘traumatized victim’.

After their conversation had been interrupted by Kakashi-sensei, he had stormed over to the bathroom Sasuke was quite obviously hiding in and informed him of training.

He had needed to get out of there before he said something to Sakura he would regret.

Because yeah, even though Sasuke wasn’t upset with Sakura, Naruto was beyond infuriated. First she pried into his life like it was all a game, and then she goes and sticks him in a box of thousands of other individuals who, by the way, do not deserve to be treated like they were all the exact same broken record.

He took a deep breath and managed one of his cheerful smiles hopefully to cause Sasuke’s darkened eyes to brighten back up and into reality.

It worked, and Sasuke sent him his own crooked smile.

Naruto knew there was so much more to Sasuke Uchiha than his trauma. He knew that Sasuke was one of those rare, genuinely good people. He liked to believe all people had the ability to do good, but Sasuke was one that lived up to his potential.

He knew Sasuke’s family hadn’t been well off, they were poverty stricken and Sasuke was usually quite hungry. Naruto himself had never lived comfortably either. Sasuke was the first person to notice this, and even though he had little as his own lunch (sometimes just a free fruit given away by the more generous merchants) he still shared it with him.

That was genuine kindness. You couldn’t try to convince Naruto that Sasuke’s inclination to help people was purely a behavioral pattern. That it was just some figment of a person due to traumatic experiences. And even if some of his kindness came from knowing what it was like to be on the other side, it was still wholesomely Sasuke’s kindness. It was his and his alone whether he was born with it or otherwise.

Naruto had always liked Sasuke. He saw Sasuke and knew that he was the one. The guy he wanted on his side.

Naruto had been through his own shit, of course, so he related to a lot of Sasuke. He understood things about his teammate no one else did. Naruto and Sasuke didn’t always get along, but they learned how to forgive each other no matter the occasion.

Naruto listened with half an ear open as Kakashi-sensei re-explained (post academy, he thought they were done with this theory shit) the mechanics of chakra. He saw Sasuke tilt sideways and absentmindedly pulled him back by the sleeve, supporting Sasuke’s weight on his own. Sasuke grinned in thankfulness at him. Likewise, Naruto sent him his best grin back.

“Alright, training starts now!” Kakashi-sensei announced, apparently having finally found the perfect clearing for what they were about to learn.

“Right!” Naruto was the only one who responded, watching Kakashi-sensei closely. The intention behind answering Kakashi-sensei was to give him the impression of having Naruto’s full attention...and well, it was a rare day someone had Naruto’s full intention.

Today was not one of those rare days. 

“First we’ll begin with a review of chakra, a ninja’s basic source of power,” Kakashi-sensei instructed, making Naruto roll his eyes. “Understanding chakra is essential.” He declared.

Naruto held his finger up with a grin. “Yea! Yea! We know! A long time ago we learned about...uh...catra!”

Kakashi-sensei, still using his temporary crutches, let out a resigned sigh. “It’s chakra...”

Naruto flushed. Same difference, he thought.

“Go ahead Sakura.” Kakashi-sensei motioned to the object of Naruto’s ire.

Naruto glared at her almost imperceptivity, trying his hardest to reign in his negative emotions. Heat was flaring all around him, and it was everything Naruto could do not to start lecturing his teammate about morals and empathy. 

“Alright Naruto...” Sakura began with a superior tone and her hands on her hips. Her change of clothes briefly distracted him from her obnoxious voice, before her next words caught up to him. “I’ll explain it simply so _you_ can understand it.”

Naruto noticed the emphasis on referring to him singularly. He took a deep breath, aware he was actually just affected by what Sasuke had told him, and that he was feeling emotions and the urge to comfort his teammate right now. Except that usually when Naruto felt something strongly, he also lost a bit of that constant self-control he built up. The loss of control gave way to the demon inside of him’s anger. The nine-tailed foxes resentment.

That was a whole other story, wasn’t it? He didn’t particularly like thinking about his dead parents, and how as an orphan he was an easy vessel to select to become the next- what was the word the old man had used?- Jinchuriki. A vessel for the demon that had raged horror on the his village. All of the power was sealed tightly away inside of him- but along with the power, came the emotions as well. Sometimes he let them slip.

The village didn’t care much for him because they wanted to have him slaughtered. Get rid of him before he caused them any more trouble.

He refused to let their words get to him. He would show everyone just what his life was worth.

His control slipped further as he thought back on even crueler, harsher nights than the ones cold and isolated at the orphanage. The demon inside of him seized it’s opportunity, wrapping him in a blanket of rage.

He eyes narrowed and he could feel his fists clench. No matter how often he told himself that the anger he was experiencing wasn’t his it never truly convinced him. He couldn’t even really remember the reason for his anger, just that he was made with Sakura and wanted to-

Naruto twisted his neck and unclenched his fists, focusing on his teammate’s exaggeratedly bossy voice.

“Chakra is the elemental light energy a ninja uses in jutsu. It’s the source of all their power. Now this energy has two forms. Physical energy which exists in all cells in the entire body _all_ working together, AND spiritual energy the primal source of power which is intensified with training and experience. These two types of chakra must be drawn out and brought together in order to perform jutsu. The interplay between physical and spiritual chakra is the key. Finally hand signs focus and unleash the chakra.” She stated matter-of-factly, quite obviously brown-nosing Kakashi-sensei.

“Right on all points; Iruka-sensei really did have some excellent students.”

Sakura beamed proudly. Naruto however noticed the added word of ‘some’. That’s just bullshit. All of Iruka-sensei’s students were- are- excellent. Whether it be him, the other failed students, or the other passed students.

His anger was using old wounds to keep him trapped under the nine-tails influence.

He needed to stop himself from getting swarmed by the heat that the nine-tails brought on.

Naruto couldn’t resist the urge to snap, but he settled for something less explosive and angry than what he wanted to say. “What’s the big deal with all of these complicated explanations? The whole point is to learn the jutsu isn’t it?”

Naruto waved his arms around, moving to stomp his foot before with his stomach dropping in transitory panic stopping himself. So immersed within his own anger he hadn’t notice Sasuke plop down on the floor next to him. He had almost stepped on him! The guy needed to learn to make more noise, it was like he was constantly on edge that even a sound might set someone off. Right now though, Naruto could see through Sasuke’s ever-present diligence a sense of underlying boredom. He was forcing himself to look interested and pay attention. is

Naruto could absolutely relate. Sakura was being extra bitchy and Kakashi-sensei was trying to get him to bother with the details of, well, no one cares. And Sasuke only cared a little. Sasuke cares about everything, so that’s an even crazier statement than nobody caring.

Sasuke’s presence was like water gently splashing away the anger kindling within him. He felt subdued and much more cool headed than before.

The visible eye on Kakashi-sensei’s face bulged, expressing his intensity, “Keep in mind you have not mastered this ability- you have barely scratched the surface of it!” Kakashi-sensei narrowed his eye back into its normal scowl. Kakashi-sensei however had a way of igniting Naruto’s anger, and just like that the false since of comfort that had washed over him was sent aflame.

Naruto flung his arm to the side, his agitation mounting. “What do you mean?!” he demanded, his voice raising. What _did_ he mean, anyway? Naruto thought they had really been improving on the whole chakra control thing!

“Calm down and listen.” Kakashi-sensei ordered. “It’s just like Sakura said,”

Naruto stopped listening after that. He could feel his gut churn with red hot fury and his overall temperature increase. His mouth twisted.

He hated when he got like this. It was better now that he knew the cause of it, but when he was a kid his temper tantrums caused him masses of trouble. That reminded him of his academy days. Few things could calm him. Getting what he wanted was an obvious option. There was also Iruka-sensei and ramen that he enjoyed. Quiet time with Sasuke as he read scrolls aloud in a soothing tone to him definitely did the trick. And he can’t forget fighting heatedly with Sakura to the point where a sensei intervened because it was bordering on physical violence. All of those things helped in different ways. Getting what he wanted deleted the problem entirely. Iruka-sensei scolded him and explained why he was wrong or right, talking it through until he could accept it. Sasuke allowed him to ignore the problem and rest. And Sakura let him rage until all of his anger was spent.

He couldn’t fight with Sakura, or get what he wanted, because those were the same things. Fighting with Sakura right now could ruin their friendship forever. Sasuke was too tired to read to him or calm him down, and Iruka-sensei was way back in Konoha.

-Which meant that he was legitimately out of all options...at least his usual ones.

He snapped out of his thoughts when he heard Sasuke laughing in what could only be explained as pure joy. Sasuke was trying to stop himself, but it was obvious he wasn’t succeeding. Naruto turned around and his eyes widened.

Kakashi-sensei, with his crutches and all, was old-man-hobbling up the side of the tree. Without his hands; he was vertically standing off of the side of the tree, and Naruto realized he could sense a good sum of chakra being produced and released from him. He casually continued his descent, until reaching a branch and hanging off of it like one would if they were bat.

“Well, you get the idea.” Kakashi-sensei announced, although Naruto only got the fact that he was climbing up a tree without using his hands.

Sasuke was shaking his head like something really funny had just happened, and Naruto would have asked about it if that wouldn’t give away the fact he hadn’t been paying any attention at all.

“Focus the chakra toward the soles of your feet and use it to connect to the tree. This is one way to apply the power of chakra.”

Sakura clapped her hands giddily, clearly excited. Naruto however was feeling spiteful. “Hold on, that’s a neat trick but how is it going to help take down Zabuza?” He crossed his arms.

Kakashi-sensei hissed. “It’s the _only_ way to fight him, Naruto. That’s the entire goal of this training!”

Naruto quickly tuned out, knowing that if he were to listen to a lecture right now there would be no doubt he would burst. He watched Sasuke instead, who was studying his hands intently. Naruto tilted his head, but observed instead of asking so Kakashi-sensei didn’t notice. He was slightly surprised by Sasuke’s lack of attention, but then again, not only was the boy in pain, but he wasn’t even going to be learning tree walking due to his injuries.

A faint blue glow circled his palms, before flickering away. Sasuke visibly clenched his jaw to focus. After a moment, a much more stable blue glow appeared. Then the chakra changed. It flickered until it was a light green, and then a dark one, and he pressed it lightly against his side. Almost instantly he released a relieved sigh. But after a moment, the green flickered away once more. He noticed Sasuke’s quivering wrist.

Naruto, forgetting the ruse of listening, kneeled next to his teammate. Sasuke startled but didn’t stop his attempts. No words were exchanged between them. Naruto gripped Sasuke’s shaky hands to stable them and soon the green light was back and stronger than ever. Sasuke’s body relaxed entirely.

He heard a slow clapping and stopped himself from jumping so he wouldn’t harm Sasuke.

“I didn’t know you were capable of medical ninjutsu, Sasuke, and while the trick is neat I don’t appreciate the distraction. Also, I wouldn’t advise practicing your skills on such a serious wound, it may damage your nerves.”

Sasuke instantly wrenched his hand away, cheeks flushing in shame. Naruto felt the anger sweep over him once more, this time ten times stronger. Couldn’t Kakashi-sensei see that Sasuke was in a lot of pain right now, and had just been dragged out to do one of the only things Naruto had ever witnessed him actually protest doing, train? And not even complain, just request not to do it!

He glared, about to say something when Sasuke cried out.

Kakashi-sensei stiffened, beginning a descent down the tree. “What, Sasuke, what is it?” He heard his sensei worry.

Naruto leaned down. “Are you hurt? What happened? Was it the chakra?” Kakashi-sensei had said something about damaged nerves, and while he didn’t know what that meant he had a general idea of that it was bad and painful.

His anger dwindled and was replaced by worry- his worry. Right now, his emotions were far too strong to be manipulated by the demon within him.

Sakura had already gotten over to them as well, her equanimity unmatched. She had pursed lips and a calming presence.

Sasuke slowly shook his head.

“No? No to which question?” Sakura prodded gently, concerned.

Sasuke moved his lips until finally sound came out, and by then Kakashi-sensei had managed to hobble his way over here. “I- it’s fixed.”

Sakura breathed out, instantly understanding. “No way,”

“Move over.” Kakashi-sensei ordered, and Naruto forgot about his anger as it was swallowed in worry and confusion.

Kakashi-sensei leaned down to Sasuke, who instinctively leaned away from the physical contact. Naruto only noticed this because he had known Sasuke his whole life, and his hatred for physical touch soon became evident, as well as the tells for when he wanted you to stop. It was somehow even more concerning now that Naruto knew the whole story behind his aversion.

Kakashi-sensei wasted no time to lift Sasuke’s shirt and pull at the old bandages. When they fell away, Sasuke’s stomach was pale and smooth. Kakashi-sensei placed his gloved hand feeling around until he sat back with a stunned expression.

“I’ve never seen anything like this.”

Naruto was confused. So what Sasuke’s wound had healed? That’s what they were worried about? Isn’t it a good thing his bones finally fixed themselves? Naruto’s were way faster!

Sasuke seemed a bit spooked, having yet to say anything. He simply sat there staring at his ribs with wide eyes.

Kakashi-sensei met Sasuke’s gaze, and it was as if something had passed between them. Some sort of holy shit I just realized what happened, moment.

Naruto’s head whipped between them. “What? What?” He worried.

Sakura looked between them confusedly as well, but remained quiet.

Kakashi-sensei looked directly at him, smiling with his eye. “Oh, it’s nothing Naruto. I’m just kind of shocked Sasuke did so well on such a complicated technique. This means he lords chakra control over all of you!” he beamed.

“-Which means he’ll be the best at tree-climbing!”

Naruto looked at Kakashi-sensei skeptically for a moment.

He thought long and hard about what happened. Then he wilted ever so slightly.

Sasuke had only been able to heal himself when Naruto helped. Naruto had been really worked up, really emotional. His control over his seal had slackened. That meant that the _other chakra_ must have been hovering on the surface.

His mind followed the trails one after the other, growing more desolate as he went.

Sasuke was the only one he wasn’t angry with. Naruto had touched Sasuke. Naruto’s chakra had aided Sasuke. Naruto’s chakra healed Sasuke at insane levels.

His eyes found Kakashi-sensei guiltily. He squirmed in discomfort. “Sorry sensei...I didn’t realize I was doing it.”

Kakashi-sensei procured a look of mild surprise before smoothing into a reassuring one. Naruto’s gut twisted.

The academy teachers would have killed him for something like this.

Sasuke’s face screwed up, cutting Kakashi-sensei off before he could reassure Naruto. “Sorry? _Your_ _sorry_? That’s really cool, Naruto. You like, healed me. Now I don’t have to hobble up a tree like Kakashi-sensei!”

He could see the sincerity in Sasuke’s expression, but also could see the intention to cheer him up. His stomach squirmed uncomfortably.

Naruto felt his expression darken, not consoled. He readjusted his lips into a smile and rubbed his neck. “Yea, right of course, Sasuke. Now you owe me big time!”

Naruto could deal better with anger than the swirling, encompassing trap of isolation he found himself in. He felt as if every breath of air he took in would be the last one he was capable of, but he always breathed right after all the same.

Naruto squeezed his eyes shut briefly, before opening them to watch Sasuke stand up for the first time since the battle without wincing or nearly falling over.

And some of the guilt, the tension in his body, melted away.

Sasuke gave him a bewildered, giddy look. He shifted from foot to foot then looked up at Kakashi-sensei.

“Sensei, look! Look, I mean-!” he stuttered off with a faraway look, before shrugging sheepishly. “I feel great.”

Kakashi-sensei patted the both of them on the head, but his eye focused on Sakura, who didn’t seem as confused as Naruto thought she would be. In fact, neither Sasuke nor Sakura were asking him any questions at all.

He looked at Sasuke’s distractedly excited face, and Sakura’s indulgent one, and tilted his head in confusion.

Didn’t they want to know how he did it? Or, did they really already know? And, if they did, did that...

Naruto asked too many questions. He should really just be accepting that they were accepting.

But he couldn’t help but doubt. His emotions were his emotions, after all, he couldn’t just turn off his mistrustfulness.

Kakashi-sensei dug three kunai out of his pocket and tossed it in the air dismissing the conversation. Naruto felt the awkward, abruptness of the end of topic, but decided not to comment on how each of them were ignoring Sasuke’s healed ribs. It wasn’t so far-fetched for something like this to happen to Naruto, but he had never done it to others before. Or maybe he had, and hadn’t realized?

The kunai Kakashi threw flaunted their wielders skill as each knife buried themselves in front of all of their feet respectively.

Sasuke nearly jumped a foot in the air, his eyes wide. Naruto fondly recognized that his was due to Sasuke having been healed meaning he no longer had to sensor his instinctive reactions. He watched as Sasuke pressed a hand to his heart and closed his eyes, the action reminding him of one a mother might exhibit.

Naruto laughed. “Ha, it’s good to have old jumpy back.” He teased him with a smirk, unable to control the impish remark from slipping off of his tongue.

Sasuke flushed and picked up his kunai knife with a half-hearted, borderline scolding, glare. Naruto’s grin widened as Sasuke rolled his eyes, trying to not convey his clear fondness of the situation and maintain an angered front. 

Naruto snatched his own kunai and handled it, realizing he didn’t know why Kakashi-sensei had presented them with the weapon. What did they need kunai knives for when tree climbing? He’d seen other ninja walk up things on numerous occasions, and had always been jealous. That’s how the Anbu had caught him painting the Hokage monument; he had devised an entire plan to lift himself in the air with a complicated ropes system, and all they had to do was walk. He’d once attempted learning how to defeat gravity on his own, but Sasuke had forbade further practice when he tried to get Sakura in on it and both of them ended up in a pile on the ground, screeching loudly at the other.

“Use the kunai knife to mark the tree at the highest point you can climb- _without using your hands_. Then try to get passed that mark the next time, and the next!” Kakashi-sensei ordered. Naruto pouted at the emphasized and cleverly added, ‘without using your hands’. Naruto would have been able to complete this training with an easy loophole had Kakashi-sensei not learned of Naruto’s sneaky antics.

Naruto thought Kakashi-sensei had a good point making them keep track of how high they reached each time. It helped learn what made you climb higher and what slowed your progress down. Sasuke was listening raptly, for once appearing vaguely enthusiastic about learning. Then Naruto scratched his head, realizing that Sasuke looked different today. He was wearing something different than his high-colored clan shirt and cuffs. Sasuke looked much better in his outfit. It was a lightly colored jean jacket with the Uchiha insignia engraved into it. The sleeve cuffs were rolled with obsessive perfectionism, and his new long, slightly baggy pants covered his dark bluish-black boots.

Naruto looked to his other teammate to see that she had also changed clothes, as he had noticed earlier. But now he had cooled his anger off enough to study her appearance. He had nothing better to do after all. No way was he listening to Kakashi-sensei lecture them. Similar to her teammate, Sakura had a jacket on, but it wasn’t jean and it wasn’t as long either. Hers went to her upper waist, rather than her lower thigh like Sasuke’s. Sakura’s was zipped to the top, and Sasuke let his have some more leniency. She had some cute, white shorts on that Naruto admired her legs in, and some muddy sandals.

Naruto frowned at his own, mud ridden, bloodstained jumpsuit. He understand why his teammates had changed, but he only packed sleepwear and that other weird outfit Sasuke had insisted he bring just in case. He pouted, he would probably have to change into that later. He would have been fine with the mud, but the bloody patches were kind of disturbing. Plus, he would like to change before Sakura got on his back about it and started complaining about his lack of self-care.

Naruto slipped out of his fashion-focused thoughts when Kakashi-sensei’s voice intensified. “Ready?!” he called out.

Naruto grinned, flipping the kunai in his hand over, intuitively assuming what was happening. Sakura was staring intently at her kunai with an apprehensive, panicked look in her wide eyes. Naruto shook himself off, the curl of anger he had when looking at her already beginning to dissipate. After training, he’d think through everything she said and try to understand her perspective, but right now, it was go time.

First things first, he needed to steady his chakra. He had to pull it not just down to his feet, because he knew from experience the explosion _that_ caused, but all around his body with an emphasis on the location of his heels and toes. He closed his eyes and formed a loose tiger seal, just for concentration purposes.

Naruto ran, full force towards the tree of his choice. It had lots of branches, but a nice wide trunk. When his foot connected he propelled himself forward once, twice, before he lost focus and the little chakra he had in his feet slipped. His back and head collided harshly to the ground. Naruto stilled, trying to ward away the dizzy whiplash he was experiencing. He squeezed his eyes shut and sat up, staring moodily at the tree.

This only proved his point. The damn trees just wouldn’t cooperate.

Too little chakra, it seemed, had him tumbling. But too much like how he had done it before caused the tree’s bark to split.

He frowned, fingering the blade. Naruto lunged once more for the tree, shoving the chakra on instinct to his feet. He took one step on the bark, but unlike last time was more prepared for the backlash of the tree and felt himself shove off of it just the same.

He summoned more of his chakra, pounding all that he had into his feet and stepping back to get a good run. When his feet got onto the tree, only momentum kept him walking four steps. Then he was on the ground again, this time rolling on his side. 

He glared at the tree.

With how much chakra he was adding in, it should be bursting outward, or splintering under the pressure like usual. But now it was as if his chakra wasn’t coming out, just moving inside of his body.

He tilted his head.

He let out a heavy exhale. He shifted his focus to watch Sasuke jog to the tree and run right up, only that he was wobbling harshly by the fifth or sixth step and had soon lost his footing entirely, barely managing to hold onto the tree. Once he was stable, Sasuke took an experimental step up. Almost instantly both of his feet dropping out from underneath him and Sasuke slammed into the ground with a grunt, chakra visibly releasing from his feet.

Then he turned to Sakura. She was getting ready to run, her face determined. With a burst of speed she made her way to the tree. Both of her feet got onto the bark smoothly, but when Sakura tried to move her back bended in an arch to the ground. Her neck slammed into the wet grass, her fingers scrabbling at the ground frantically, and her feet still firmly planted on the tree. She shrieked, obviously frustrated. After much twisting she dislodged her feet and went into a quick backwards summersault to soften the blow of landing back on the ground.

“Pretty tough, right?” Kakashi-sensei’s mocking voice came from across the clearing, where it was clear he was heading out to leave them all to train.

Naruto glowered. “No way, I’m going to have this down easy just you wait!” he snarled, readjusting his feet.

He absently noticed Sasuke slide once more down his tree, almost like his chakra just wasn’t sticky enough or something. Sakura had gotten her hand this time mistakenly attached to the bark, like her chakra was some sort of super glue. She was trying in harshly to rip it away. Naruto’s own chakra wasn’t even affecting his tree.

He groaned, grabbing his kunai, and readying himself for another go. But then he paused. He was reminded of something he had done when he was just a six year old kid, getting officially juked out of the right to be adopted as his orphanage shut down, and no other home would take him in.

The civilian council had petitioned for months, the remaining orphanages had filed endless complaints, and every noble Naruto had ever had the pleasure of meeting negotiated with all they had. Eventually, Naruto had lost his place in all Konoha adoption systems. He was kicked onto the streets.

He had been running, he remembered that, but from what was kind of blurry. He knew that the need to escape was strong. And he had just done it. Propelled himself over and up the wall...then _kept going_.

He fiddled with his kunai once more, trying to regain that sensation. He heard Sakura squeal again, and Sasuke’s gasp shakily as he lost his balance, but tuned it all out with a focus. He slid the chakra into his feet, and instead of expelling, kept it there. Hovered the chakra at his toes, and the soles of his feet, evening the chakra between right and left.

Then he ran. He noticed that his speed had definitely increased from his previous attempts. When his foot placed onto the tree, it stuck. But then he expelled the chakra gathering in his foot and took a step. He repeated the process with his other foot. Two steps up, one for each foot; he gathered more chakra to his feet and then expelled, his mind a blur of focus. Eighteen, nineteen, each step became more and more instinct. His kunai stuck at least eighteen feet on the tree before he released himself and jumped back onto the ground.

He heard a giddy clapping, and turned to see Sasuke beaming at him. Naruto felt the curl of satisfaction in his gut strengthen as his capabilities were validated. “You catch on quick, Naruto!” Sakura complimented distractedly, still caught up in her own work but not so absorbed as to forget to cheer him on.

Naruto grinned, looking back at his tree, then to Sasuke’s.

He had needed to solidify his chakra before expelling; before, he had just been expelling his chakra into the air instead of on his feet. His gaze flickered to Sakura’s problem, her chakra over and over just buckling her body out as it stuck her to the tree. He got an idea.

“Hey, Sakura,” he began a bit nervously, realizing she might take him trying to help the wrong way. She might treat it like he saw her as inferior, or something else crazy she conjured up. “Maybe, you should try to like, instead of just bringing the chakra to your feet, push your chakra OUT.”

Sakura paused then growled. “Why would I do that? My chakra needs to be on my feet, not floating around aimlessly in the air!!!”

Naruto huffed, “Just try it, will you!? I mean, I’ve been the most successful so far, so just DO IT!” he motioned to the slash in his tree. He was too lazy to explain his theory further, and knew that yelling at Sakura to do things typically worked. He had to explain everything to Sasuke before getting him to do something, but Sakura could just be screeched at and she would screech back sure, but she would also still do it.

Sakura averted her eyes. “Fine.” She conceded, mumbling threats of bodily harm directed towards him if this didn’t go well. Naruto scoffed, crossing his arms petulantly. 

She formed the tiger seal, took a deep breath, and then raced towards the tree, noticeably very fast. Faster than he had been, and Naruto was pretty sure he was running as fast as he could go.

Sakura’s foot hit the tree, but when she expelled her chakra her foot slipped, but she caught back onto the tree quickly with her other foot, sticking in place. Then with a lot of hip movement, she swung her other leg onto the place above her foot. It was wobbly, but very slowly and with a lot curses on her part, she climbed her way up the tree. She nearly slipped a few times, but regained her balance and continued the odd march.

When she landed back down next to him, she was beaming. “Okay, I’ve got to hand it to you, Uzamaki. You sure as hell give good advice.”

She looked up proudly at her probably twenty-feet decent.

Sasuke, across the field, began clapping again.

He and Sakura turned to him, hands on their hips and eyes evaluating, although they couldn’t seem to figure out his problem. They suggested both of the things they did to make it work, but Sasuke was already pumping chakra into his feet and expelling, which lead them to believe maybe he was just doing all of it wrong.

Sasuke moved sure, but it was wobbly as hell. Eventually, Sasuke snapped at him and Sakura for watching him so closely and ordered them to go practice their own goddamn climbing, although he didn’t use _any_ of those words.

So Naruto continued on, eventually doing stupid shit like throw pinecones at Sakura’s head while both of them were running up the tree, jump and switch trees with her, and pretend to be vampires hanging upside down from branches.

But looking over at Sasuke, he still hadn’t gotten it. If either he or Sakura were in his position, they’d be pissed as hell, but he seemed perfectly content with trying, and failing, over and over again.

With slightly different, but still negative results each time.

The fact he was failing bothered the both of them more than it did him.

Sasuke jumped down from his attempt, waving over at them. He and Sakura obediently jogged back down their trees, turning towards him. Naruto wondered if he was asking for help, finally, the stubborn bastard.

But Sasuke was rubbing his neck. “I think this is going to take me a while to get the hang of. What about if you and Sakura just headed back to the house, and I’ll meet you there in an hour or so?”

Naruto didn’t see a reason to protest. Sasuke sometimes got this way. Sasuke did better training by himself to be honest; less eyes to make him anxious. Naruto knew he would never make fun of Sasuke for failing, but that didn’t mean Sasuke liked him watching him all the time.

So he just shrugged. Sakura, however, had something to say. She opened her mouth to protest, but then snapped it shut and shook her head rapidly. When she turned back to Sasuke, she sighed. “Al-alright. I guess.” She mumbled without much conviction.

Sasuke nodded resolutely at them. “I’m sure I’ll get the hang of it soon.” Then Sasuke turned around, abruptly leaving them behind and making his way to train again.

Naruto was also used to the way Sasuke never said goodbye, or hello, or any greeting, really. The bastard was simply too absorbed in his own head to remember things like politeness and courtesy. Kindness was different than social etiquette. Sasuke treated sentences like they were puzzles to be pieced together. Or that’s how Naruto thought he did. He never really knew what his friend thought about. He guessed though, that Sasuke was pretty oblivious to his rude behavior. Sakura didn’t really seem to mind either, but she never had been once to socialize. When they were kids she was always reading, and at parties Sakura drifted more towards the corners of the room to avoid all the conversing.

Naruto had learned to be better at the ins and outs of social cues and what people expected from you through the vast number of families that had interviewed to adopt him. Sakura had learned to be better at making friends, via Ino, and this was demonstrated by all of the civilians she knew. But Sakura’s problem was that she didn’t like any of it. She imagined that all of society’s rules were beneath her. Naruto called bullshit, but whatever. Most of the time, Naruto liked Sakura; sure, she was bossy, but that’s just a character flaw. Naruto had those.

But other times, Sakura’s meanness couldn’t just be classified as a flaw.

Maybe he was the only one who noticed, but he could tell. Had always been able to tell; that was why he was being lenient about her judgment of Sasuke.

There always had been something wrong with her.

Not like Sasuke’s allergic reactions to actual human interaction, or Kakashi-sensei’s poor coping mechanisms.

Something, deep rooted in her, was twisted.

He tried to ignore it, but it was hard. She just...it wasn’t a flip. A flip would be easy to notice. It was a divergence within her the basic network of her personality.

On one side, Naruto met with a determined, but not to be mistaken as enthusiastic, girl who would die for her friends. He saw a girl that didn’t care about shinobi ranks, but cared about strength, and intelligence. The girl that was privately amused by her friend Ino’s, antics, but hung around anyway because she genuinely cared. He liked this girl. The Sakura that read almost constantly, rarely spoke unless spoken to, and had the most surprising of sharp tongues. This Sakura who would debate him until they lost track of time and both forgot what the original argument had been about in the first place.

The other side was where things got tricky. He had known her long enough to see that this other Sakura was scarily cheerful yet trigger happy. She was rambunctious, and sly, and could lie like he had seen no other achieve before. This Sakura that knew the correct answer but said the wrong one anyway, just to appear dumber and keep up appearance so those around her would underestimate her capabilities; this Sakura that was so mistrustful she didn’t even want her closest allies to know the her strengths and weaknesses. The Sakura who would roll her eyes mockingly at her schoolmate, Ino’s, antics, and kept her around because of the Yamanaka name. He despised this girl. The Sakura that giggled at Sasuke, leaving him chocolates even though for perhaps the eighth time he’d tried to tell her he was lac-fucking-tose intolerant. The Sakura who treated Naruto as if he were nothing but a stupid nobody, nothing but a pest beneath her shoe; in other words, the Sakura that was distinctly _wrong._

Naruto, walking alongside his friend, felt worry sink into his gut. Yesterday had been the first time since entering Team Seven she had snapped. Naruto thought it was a little inappropriate, maybe idiotic, to try to fit a spoon into your mouth. But Sakura and Sasuke had been having such an intense thing. He had almost cracked some dirty joke, reasoning that’s what kids his age would do in this situation in an attempt to lighten the mood, but stopped himself at the stare-off his teammates engaged in. And yea, any group of teens would have done stupid shit like ‘hey, let’s see if we can fit the spoon into our mouths!’ and asked who was someone’s first kiss, teased about someone’s sexuality.

But they wouldn’t have executed it the way Sakura had.

People say actions speak louder than words.

Naruto said intentions make more of an impact than both of them.

Sakura had intended to knock Sasuke off balance. It didn’t matter what her words claimed, nor what her actions displayed, the truth was found behind her intention.

But his Sakura, the Sakura he knew, wouldn’t have done it. The Sakura he cared for wouldn’t have even played the stupid game in the first place.

He shook himself off, glancing at the girl beside him to check if she had noticed the dark look that crossed his features. She hadn’t, but was silently opening and closing her mouth to herself, her eyes spacy, blinking slowly.

He paused. Sakura wouldn’t want him to interrupt her thoughts. She would get mad, even if it did help her.

Maybe, that was similar to how Sasuke didn’t want Naruto to help him learn how to scale the tree.

But when had Naruto ever done what people wanted of him? Most of his life, he was told to stand back, that he was a disruption. Did he listen? No. No way. Did it work out? Yes. Just like saving Kakashi-sensei had worked out. Maybe Naruto should be the one thinking about what was best for them, not conforming to whatever they wanted of him.

So he stopped walking.

It took Sakura six more steps to notice he wasn’t beside her.

“Neh? Naruto?” she mumbled absently, still completely lost within her own mind.

“Sakura?” he parroted. This earned him a reaction, and she turned around with a more irritated than usual eye roll.

“What? Kakashi-sensei is probably getting worried.”

Naruto waved her off, slinging his arms behind his head with a grin. “Yea, yea. You know, I don’t feel so great about leaving Sasuke behind. So, like, I have a plan. Yea?”

Sakura blinked. “You have a what now?”

Naruto snorted. “A _plan-_ And it involves your help. Do you remember how Sasuke never hits the targets, and his hands are always shaky? And when he tries out jutsu, his chakra wobbles when you know, he’s nervous?”

Sakura crossed her arms over her chest. “Of course, idiot. Who could forget the classic time he knocked himself out busting his own chakra reserves? Iruka thought he had killed Sasuke! But what does-”

Finally, Naruto thought, she realized what he was saying.

“You think that his chakra is shaking, and that’s why he can’t climb the tree?”

Naruto beamed. “Now you got it!”

She walked over to him, placing her hands on both of his shoulders, that normal Sakura spark back in her eyes. “What’s the plan, Uzamaki?”

Naruto rubbed his hands together.

“Oh _ho._ You’re going to love this.” he slotted his hands on her shoulder with a feral grin.

Yea, Sasuke was a victim. He didn’t like violence. He flinched and squirmed and was often panicky. Naruto would never cross the line and try to upset, or make fun of him for his flaws. He wouldn’t ever force Sasuke to meet his eyes unless he was ready, and he wouldn’t dare betray his trust.

But no one, not even his bestest-ever-friend, avoided the wrath of Naruto’s pranks...especially not when Sakura was willing to get in on it.

His bestest-ever-friend; Naruto grinned. Startlingly enough, Naruto hadn’t been the one to use that particular term in the first place. It had been Sasuke, in one of his rare rambles, when they were just seven years old. It had been cute, especially the way Sasuke hadn’t even noticed he had said it. But from then on, Naruto referred to Sasuke as such, whether teasingly or when they were reminiscing.

Naruto finished telling Sakura his plan, for some reason keeping his voice low, used to being in Konoha where almost anyone would spy on you.

He parted from her, and she sent him a large grin. “Right...now we just need to find one. You find it, I’ll snatch it up.” Sakura ordered, taking to the plan with a slight grin.

Naruto rubbed his hands together eagerly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo this was actually really hard for me to write out of everyone on Team Seven Naruto is the hardest for me to relate to. Don't get me wrong, I love him to death, but I don't resonate so well with his personality. I still tried to tap into my inner Uzumaki Naruto to pull this off, though. 
> 
> How'd I do?


	10. Pack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi doesn't do "nothing" well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyooo!! Kakashi Hatake's turn!! I left out a lot of his backstory on purpose and it will be revealed later....so if your confused don't worry your kind of supposed to be :)

When Sasuke arrived back at Tazuna’s house, he had his arms firmly wrapped around his torso and his lips pursed. His teammates were treading behind him, their quiet laughter not unnoticed but ignored.

Sasuke had been practicing through trial and error like he had been doing since he was just a kid when he recognized his team was probably bored, and he would feel better without the wandering gazes analyzing his progress anyway. He shooed his teammates away having already been upset since the whole attack within the bathroom. It would be nice to be alone and catch a breather.

Not even fifteen minutes after they went on their way to Tazuna’s house did he see a very innocent baby bird shaking violently on the tree Naruto had been training on, lost from its nest and completely alone.

He had been horrified; pure horror. He had instantly thought to climb up the tree, but realized that the tree Naruto had chosen had not a single branch to steady himself on. It was almost virtually impossible for him to climb up. The bird had been chirping pathetically, making loud whining noises.

Sasuke glared at Kakashi-sensei’s feet as he walked to the doorway to greet them, going for a smile before realizing the state they were in. He sent his disheveled students a bewildered look.

He heard Sakura let out a repressed snort.

Sasuke, back in the forest, had then watched a kunai knife come sailing directly at the bird that had captured all of his attention.

He hadn’t thought about where the hell the kunai came from.

Nor had he noticed the glisten of ninja wire connected to the weapon.

He failed to wonder who the hell through kunai at baby birds.

He had just moved. Straight for the fucking tree.

And right up it.

To the baby bird; the baby bird which he scooped up his hands and turned his shoulder to the weapon instead, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. When the impact of a knife hitting his back was replaced by a muted clatter and Naruto’s loud, triumphant laughter, he realized what had happened almost instantly.

Sakura had yanked the kunai knife back last minute by the ninja wire she had ingeniously connected to her weapon aimed at the helpless creature. Naruto had planted the creature himself, using a replacement jutsu on the baby bird with pinecones.

Their laughter followed him the rest of the way to Tazuna’s house, as did their gloating.

Apparently, Naruto had used his, quote unquote, exceptional observational skills, to recognize that most people work harder when motivated. Sasuke wasn’t particularly motivated, but anxious. So he had plotted up this little scheme to see if Sasuke’s issues lied in his ‘shaky’ chakra. Naruto had technically been proven right. Okay, well, Naruto had been proven right. Sasuke felt his cheeks heat up, both from indignation and anger.

“Well, how did the exercise go?” Kakashi-sensei questioned awkwardly, peering over his perverted book. Sasuke really wondered who qualified Hatake to be a Jounin sensei, porn books with a side of no social skills wasn’t exactly the ideal teacher. Then he shook away the thought almost directly after it crossed his mind. When panicked, or angered, he tended to get very snappish and smart ass.

Sasuke didn’t meet Kakashi-sensei’s eyes, too wound up to try for the challenge. “We all climbed to the top.”

Kakashi-sensei raised his eyebrow, humming in a way that made it obvious he knew they weren’t saying something. “Is that so?” he engaged, prompting for more information.

“Yup!” Naruto cut in cheerfully, wrapping his arm around Sasuke’s back. “Sakura and I got ours first, but we helped Sasuke reach the top too!”

Sakura scooted up next to them. “He couldn’t have done it without us...and _baby birds_.”

Kakashi-sensei sent them a deadpan look, but decided he didn’t want to know. He shook his head and buried his nose back into his book, informing everyone that Ms. Tsunami had dinner ready for everyone.

Sasuke shrugged Naruto off of him and stormed away from his team, passing Kakashi-sensei in his hurry to get to his seat.

He was pissed off, but not in a bad way. He wasn’t earnestly angry. He thought it was stupid to get upset over this type of thing when so many worse of situations could have occurred.

He was glad he had been able to climb the tree in the end. In truth, he had been getting the hang of it before everyone arrived, because he got to thinking about what Naruto and Sakura were doing wrong. Back at the academy Iruka-sensei tested everyone for their elemental nature. Sakura’s is earth, Naruto’s wind, and of course Sasuke’s was water. Earth and wind, well, the two elements are opposites. Sakura had been sticking to her tree, and Naruto wasn’t even touching it. And while chakra control relied entirely on the method used, the methods they were testing had been instinctive. They abandoned instinct and borrowed their opposites’ method, blending their instinct and practice together to create a balance. Naruto stuck more to his tree instead of sliding away and Sakura eased up on her chakra solidity.

Of course Sasuke altering his instinct to one of theirs wouldn’t help. The opposite of water was neither earth nor wind. However, Sasuke did know quite a lot about his actual opposite, fire. And once he figured it out he used all of his acumen on the subject to implement the practice. Instead of allowing his chakra to flow in a continuous circle as he had been, he needed his chakra to remain in one steady spot and create a hardened glue as opposed to a constantly wet and slippery one. He actually picked up the glue analogy from Naruto, who had explained his theory after Sasuke had fallen for the bird trick. But for the fifteen minutes of training he got in before being tricked, something had still been wrong and shaky. Who knew there wasn’t a logical answer at all, but an emotional one. He was too jittery to accomplish anything. That was pretty embarrassing.

But after experiencing walking on a tree, and then knowing what it was he needed to do to manage to walk upwards, succeeding became capricious. 

So yes, Sasuke was irritated, but in a child-like manner. In a way, he was also grateful. While he hadn’t wanted Naruto to stay and watch him, in the end his teammate knew what he was doing. So yes, Sasuke appreciated the help. Next time he would remember that Naruto wasn’t just a hat rack. Not that he ever thought that in the first place.

Just so Naruto was aware Sasuke wasn’t really upset with him, he gave him a half-smirk as he walked into the dining room with Sakura. Naruto beamed back at him and flounced over, attitude peppier than a child on their birthday. He plopped into the seat across from him and sat surprisingly straight up and shoulders squared. He even kept his elbows off the table. Naruto could have good manners when he wanted to. Sasuke copied his movements with a grin, watching Sakura blink at the both of them before slouching over with her elbows exaggeratedly poised on the table cloth and scowl on her face.

Sasuke shook his head amusedly. Sakura was covered in sweat, slouching, and her shirt was sliding down enough a bra strap was visible. Not exactly the picture of grace. She sniffed and wiped the back of her hand across her face uncaringly. Sasuke hesitated, remembering her academy explosiveness, before motioning for her to straighten her back. Sakura rolled her eyes melodramatically but obeyed, squaring her shoulders and posturing herself with startling affluence.

Sasuke’s thoughts, unbidden, drifted back to his newly-healed ribs.

The amazing thing was, since Naruto...did what he did, there hadn’t been a single ache throughout his whole body. Even the bruises on his neck faded, and the pain in his arm was gone entirely. It felt invigorating to suddenly have all of his strength and energy back. But, of course, prodding at his not even remotely sore ribs, he couldn’t help but remember the reason why.

To be honest, Uchiha’s were shits when it came to rules. They never did bother with laws, and they didn’t bother hiding their poor citizenship either. It was almost humorous that they were the Police Force. Uchiha weren’t really the disciplined type. Maybe one day he’d learn why that title had been granted upon them. But the point was is that Uchiha were not only confident in their ability to break the rules, but confident they wouldn’t get caught.

They had told Sasuke all about what lye within Naruto. How he was the Nine-tails jinchuriki...a vessel for a terrorist behemoth; the body in which a demon rested.

But like he said, he was being honest with himself. And no matter how you worded what Naruto was, Sasuke couldn’t find it in himself to care. It was so unlike him, really. He was a worry wart. He pondered and stressed over everything. But he felt more anxiety over keeping his scars hidden than the fact his teammate was the host of a monster that slaughtered even more people than his _brother_.

He grinned without a care while Naruto stocked up on food so they could get back to work. Tsunami passed bowls out, this time a large pot with an odd assortment of fish, and he caught sight of a few chopped up mushy carrots in the mix, and placed the stew in the center of the table. “I made extra today since everyone was working so hard!” She cheered happily.

Tazuna still had yet to return back from the bridge. This worried Sasuke immensely because it meant their client was left unprotected, but the man did have to finish his project. He was pretty sure he would take offense to being assigned a clingy babysitter anyway. Inari was not to be seen. Tsunami didn’t even set herself down, just told them all to eat up as she bustled out of the house, apparently having a long list of errands to run. He realized with guilt this entire meal had been made just for them. This family probably went without lunch all the time, and didn’t want to treat themselves today for fear of breaking the habit.

He let Naruto pour him a bowl of soup, but Sakura fussed over how many carrots she wanted in hers until Naruto groaned loudly and slammed the entire large stew pot in front of her with a huff. She thanked him, her snide tone evident, and poured herself the soup the way she wanted it done.

Sasuke sipped lightly at his, drinking it from the bowl rather than with a spoon. He was still kind of full from this morning anyway.

The only reason he looked up from staring at the floating carrots bits in his bowl was Kakashi-sensei’s loud, indignant squawk.

His eyes naturally roamed towards Naruto and Sakura, who were usually the cause of Kakashi-sensei’s distress. Both of them had a spoon firmly in their mouths and were trying to get the whole thing down like Sasuke had done the night before. Naruto was making exaggerated ahh noises but Sakura was concentrating too hard to make a sound.

Naruto wrenched the spoon out of his mouth. “I just don’t think it’s actually possible! You must be broken or somethin’!” he pointed a very accusing finger at Sasuke.

Sasuke slid into his seat, taking another drink of his soup to avoid the wide eye of his sensei.

“Whatever righteous entity out there decided to assign you three as my team, I beg for forgiveness. I know I’ve sinned, but I also know I definitely did nothing to do deserve this pack.” Kakashi-sensei hissed his glare both serious and mocking.

Any other time, Sasuke would have felt offended. But he had come to learn that when it came to Kakashi, insults were a sign he was enjoying himself, letting himself relax a bit. And of course, he was distracted by the use of the word _pack_.

Sakura was too, apparently, as she finally lowered her spoon to raise an eyebrow at their sensei. “We aren’t Inuzuka, Kakashi-sensei.” She informed him dryly, giving him a rude version of asking for an explanation.

Kakashi-sensei actually flushed. His lips formed a visible pout under his mask, and his fingers fiddled with his kunai pouch. Sasuke’s first impression of Kakashi-sensei had been a very somber one, but getting to know the man and interacting with him regularly revealed his true, humane side. Like this nervous, twitchy one he was currently demonstrating. “I’m aware.” He muttered, his eye lolling up to study the ceiling. “It’s more of a Hatake thing. We have a contract with the canine summons, you see.”

Sasuke set the bowl that was hiding his face aside. He watched his sensei curiously. “So...we’re a part of your pack?”

The thought sent something warm curling inside of him. He felt his own cheeks warm as he gripped his bowl, running his thumb along the clay. He heard Kakashi-sensei sigh, shifting in his chair. “Well, yes.” He stated bluntly.

Sasuke couldn’t with good faith hold a grudge against Kakashi-sensei for being his older brother’s captain any longer. It would be wrong of him. Itachi was cruel, and always had been. He would never know if Kakashi-sensei played a hand in it. Sasuke was pretty sure he was okay with that. He didn’t need to know.

He trusted Kakashi-sensei.

He was a part of _his pack_.

“I think I’m heading off, then. Later.” It seemed they had flustered their teacher, for he left in quite a hurry, not seizing the easy opportunity to tease them about anything that had transpired, both with the spoon, and before while training.

Sakura and Naruto dedicated a good amount of time to complaining about Kakashi-sensei’s lacking social skills and poor expressing of feelings, which was comedic coming from their duo. Sasuke listened, bouncing his leg. He was still bursting with energy, a feeling he wasn’t quite used to. But the abrupt change of feeling bad to feeling healthier than _ever_ left him with energy to burn. To distract himself, even though he didn’t have much of an appetite, he swallowed a large spoonful of soup.

Sakura too took another bite, before standing up and placing her hands self-importantly onto her hips. “I’d love to stay longer, but Kakashi-sensei assigned me to guarding Tazuna.” She declared, beaming with pride and excitement. It was a rare moment when Sakura boasted. She may put others down lots, but she also rarely voiced her own confidence. So Sasuke made sure to smile extra wide and send her a thumbs up. He didn’t say anything, a bit too overwhelmed to attempt at stringing together a good inspirational compliment.

Sakura left, running away but still waving at them behind her. The moment the door clicked shut Sasuke went back to picking up his spoon and realizing how unappetizing the food in front of him felt. He looked up when he sensed something amiss around him, and found the source of the disturbance. Naruto was grinning wickedly at him, rubbing his hands together eagerly.

Fuck no.

“So...Sasuke...”

Sasuke blanched. He set down his spoon and looked around awkwardly. “So...Naruto...” he mumbled, but it definitely wasn’t near as smooth as Naruto’s was.

“Me and you...”

“It’s you and I, loser. Grammar is a thing.”

“Uh huh...ME and YOU...”

“Why are you like this?”

“Ready for action-”

“Now is not the time, Naruto.”

“-bestest friends like never seen before...”

“No.”

“You’re in, right?”

“...fine.”

Sasuke felt a smirk creep onto his features as Naruto whooped.

Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.

Even though no real conversation was shared between them, both of them followed the meaning easily. They had been talking about it for a while now, but never had the time. Naruto wanted to try out a new jutsu, one they could use together. After some brief negotiations, Sasuke agreed to help Naruto figure the jutsu out as long as he still got in some tree climbing practice. Naruto knew that Sasuke was better with water than with fire, either just from interpretation or maybe at one point Sasuke had rambled to him. But no matter how Naruto figured it out, he still was aware that Sasuke was good with water. And Naruto had been prompted to figure out what _he_ was good with. Sasuke hadn’t had money to buy him a chakra element tag, so the just kind of went with it until figuring out his type. When that failed, the two of them pitched the idea to Iruka-sensei, who, like he said before, had given all of them elemental tags. It was wind. Wind and fire typically went together, but that was for those without imaginations, in Naruto’s words.

Sasuke had been scared at first, hearing the plan for the jutsu. But then after a lot of cajoling on Naruto’s part he thought it was pretty kickass. Plus it would be fun to have a team attack with him. No one really expects those from their opponents.

Sasuke and Naruto bustled about the kitchen, Naruto washing the dishes up because leaving it to Tsunami felt as if they were encroaching on the family’s livelihood. Sasuke organized the kitchen table back to its rightful state before they were both ready to head out. He slipped on his ninja sandals then paused as he studied Naruto. Blood matted the side of Naruto’s jumpsuit, probably from having carried Sasuke around on the battle grounds. The cloth was clumped and he could smell the stench of iron even from where he stood. His sleeves had torn, the cuffs of his pants were caked in mud.

Sasuke tapped his foot. He wasn’t sure how to do this. He could offer it simple, like, hey you want a change of clothes? Or just something kindred like, Hey, what if I got you some of the extra clothes I packed? You’re looking a bit worse for wear.

In the end, what came out was an entire accident, but it was exactly what he was actually feeling.

“Naruto, your changing clothes; blood is not a fashion statement.” He grabbed his teammate’s sleeve with the intention of leading him up to their temporary room, before freezing at realizing what he just said.

His face felt like it was on fire. Worry pitted his stomach. Naruto was probably going to be pissed at him for saying that. Why did he open his mouth? He shouldn’t bother trying to be a nice person if he’s going to just be rude. It didn’t matter if Sasuke saw a potential dress up doll when he looked at Naruto, that didn’t mean he got to just force the boy to wear what Sasuke imagined would suit him!

A second ticked by, then another.

Naruto laughed. “Sasuke, did you just...was that, was that, a joke?”

All of his earlier guilt vanished and he untangled his hand from Naruto’s sleeve, crossing his arms. Sasuke squawked, affronted. “It wasn’t a joke, I’m being serious! Orange dyed by blood wouldn’t even suit someone with perfect skin complexion and sporting _Ma Delicate_ heels, alright? And...like, just why? I mean, it’s so unhygienic and bad for your pores-!”

“Oh man. I wish Sakura was here to witness this. I finally figured out your thing.” Naruto snorted. 

Sasuke paused mid rant, only now recognizing that he had been waving his hands around expressively, rolling his eye and fluctuating his voice much more than he normally allowed himself to. Normally he was either afraid of being rude, or just not in the mood to talk. But right now energy like never before was coursing through his system.

“My...thing?” Sasuke questioned dryly, making air quotes because he was already on a roll, why not show some sass.

“You know, Sakura has feminism, I have ramen, and you... _you have fashion_. Skin care, hygiene, makeup, dress up, whatever label you prefer. That’s your kicker. That’s the thing that gets your boxers in a twist. I mean, I should have realized, seeing as you own a pair of girly boots and carry around a bottle of hand sanitizer everywhere, no matter the occasion.” At this point, Naruto was giggling excitedly, probably imagining all the new types of conversations they were going to have now that Sasuke had a ‘thing’. Sasuke didn’t focus on this, and instead focused on the jibe to his just-in-case-hand-sanitizer.

“...but what if someone coughs on me?”

“You’re only proving my point, bastard.”

Sasuke winced. He was getting used to Naruto’s rude nickname, but it still always left him pausing. He didn’t particularly feel like confronting that issue at the moment however so Sasuke filed away what would surely be a disheartening conversation for a later date. He knew Naruto would think he was being too touchy, but even still, the nickname reopened old wounds.

Naruto turned around, and Sasuke jumped to see that he had already gotten on the stairs and was making his way up. “You comin’ or what?” he grumbled. Sasuke hurried to follow after him.

After following Naruto to their room, because Sasuke still hadn’t memorized the layout of this house, he made a beeline for his bag. Naruto found his own bag right next to his, probably organized by Sakura, taking out a multitude of weapons and seals before finding the clothes Sasuke had helped him pack.

Naruto wrinkled his nose at the look. Sasuke smirked.

He pulled out a hairband, thinking about how annoying his hair had been the day before. He grappled his hair back into a slight pony, only a little bit of his bangs sticking out on his forehead.

Naruto bounced over to the bathroom as he got changed. Sasuke, now self-conscious of the act, rubbed hand-sanitizer over his knuckles. Sasuke rummaged around his bag in search of a cleaning kit, planning to polish his weapons while Naruto showered and changed. By the time Naruto came out of the small bathroom, Sasuke had wiped down all of his kunai and had moved on to shuriken.

He halted his task to look over his newly dressed teammate, wishing Sakura were with him so he could gloat about his sense of style.

Sasuke, sadly, had not been able to swindle Naruto into a different color than orange. He had managed to at least tone down the amount of the vibrant pigment. Now, Naruto wore a jacket that was only partially zipped, showing off the white t-shirt underneath. The jacket was high-collared, a few inches below his ears on either side of his head. His pants were still a bright orange as well, but this time it was blended with black and white. One pant leg had an orange stripe running down the middle of the black clothed leg, and the other had an orange stripe running down the middle of a white clothed leg. His ninja sandals were now close toed, because Sakura and Sasuke had talked and resolutely decided to never again wear anything open toed. The Uzamaki symbol made its appearance on his back, loudly and proudly declaring Naruto’s birthright.

Sasuke grinned. He had helped Sakura pick out her new clothes as well. And as he already noted, she looked wonderful. The trip to the store had been quite a fiasco. Apparently she had experienced some pretty long-winded shopping trips with Ino, and therefore new a lot of employees EVERYWHERE. No one would leave them alone. It took them forever to find an outfit due to being stopped by a new person every three minutes.

Sasuke sent Naruto a triumphant look. His hair had clearly just been towel dried, and he smelled just fine now. He hoisted himself up off the floor. “Now that’s what I call good looking. I need think I need to choose your clothes for you all the time.” His voice was quiet, but he had a soft smile on. Naruto snorted and swung an arm around his shoulder. Sasuke didn’t flinch.

“I wonder what kind of stuff Sakura’s up to.” Naruto said thoughtfully. The both of them made their way back downstairs and to the door, Sasuke opening it up for Naruto and hit with the smell of rain and muggy air.

“I don’t know. M-maybe she’s like, helping out with construction. You never know what kind of skill she’s hiding from us.” He slurred a bit on his words when he hit maybe, but otherwise his voice was fine if nervous and quiet. His energy high was making him talk more sure, but that didn’t mean it helped his speech or his nerves much. He still had trouble sometimes finding the right words. He still got overwhelmed by his anxiety issues. He wasn’t a Hinata Hyugga, no, hers was a stutter. His was more of a lack of thought. Like he got so nervous his brain short circuited and he forgot what he was trying to say. It left him floundering.

Naruto didn’t comment, probably already used to Sasuke speaking patterns from years of knowing each other.

It was only as he was walking through the thick, gangly branches of the forest and Naruto was waving his arms around to emphasize his story about the wild boar that attacked him, did Sasuke realize what the energy, what the increased conversation on his part meant.

He was happy.

Giddiness burst in his chest, and he looped his arm around Naruto’s. He couldn’t help it. A small, dopey grin split his face. He probably made an embarrassing image...ah well.

Happiness felt good.

Naruto rambled on all the way until they passed tree upon tree, only arriving at their training clearing when the sun was disappearing and lowering from their view. It cast a glow across the field Sasuke found incredibly peaceful. His normally burning eyes rested, and he felt no pain from his average headaches.

“Alright, you ready to try this?” Naruto asked with no nerves for a possible mishap apparent.

Sasuke nodded, letting out a quiet, “Absolutely, Naruto.”

Naruto took a deep breath, holding his hands out in the basic seal for bird. Sasuke walked across from him, steadying his hands in the seal for serpent. Naruto shifted his feet into a wide stance, and after a few moments of focusing his chakra, Sasuke followed suit.

Sasuke reached inside of himself, meddling with his chakra system. He extracted his spiritual chakra, separating it from his physical chakra, and brought a large sum into his fingertips. Then he spread the rest of his spiritual chakra to the center palms of his hands. Naruto, trying not to lose concentration, mumbled breathlessly, “Okay, ready?”

Sasuke went to nod, but remembered Naruto closed eyes and through his concentration managed a strained, “Yea.”

Both of them at the same time slammed their hands onto the floor, palm in the dirt and other hand raised behind them.

Sasuke felt something inside of him shake. He felt every drop of spiritual energy collected into his hands and his system get sucked straight out of his body and into the ground. His eyes widened in shock. For a brief moment, nothing happened.

And then he felt his back slam against solid bark, his neck snapping backwards. Sasuke kept his eyes closed tightly. His chest tightened in pain, his face contorted in an image of pain. He registered an odd vibrating in his gums from his teeth clanking together too hard. He peeled his eyes open to see Naruto was flat on his back, both of his hands on his mouth and hacking loudly. Naruto rolled quickly onto his stomach, propping himself up on his hands and threw up a bout of chakra infused water.

“Well it was...a good try.” Naruto spluttered and gagged, his lips smacking together.

Sasuke rubbed his head and let out a deep breath, feeling his lungs tighten. “You’re an idiot.” He deadpanned, his hands running through his hair.

“What happened?” Naruto grunted, kneeling in the dirt tiredly.

The idea of this technique in particular had been to combine both of their chakras together to create a new jutsu. Sasuke had slaved over a lot of different scrolls and charts to try to figure out the best way to make Naruto’s idea a reality. The original plan had been that Naruto wanted to create a tornado jutsu. Since he had a wind type, Naruto had assumed he was capable. He asked for Sasuke’s assistance in designing the jutsu, declaring its name, “Wind Style: Spiraling Storm!” He had made a lot of detailed picture graphs to show Sasuke just what he wanted to happen, and how strongly.

Sasuke took his time, figuring out the correct seals that would control the chakra to swirl, writing out the chakra points Naruto needed to use chakra from and eventually coming up with a draft of Naruto’s vision. The only problem was is that every time Naruto tried the jutsu instead of spinning the air just seemed to pick up, sometimes even slamming Naruto into the ground and snapping tree branches. Naruto could control the direction it went, sure, but the wind spiral _itself_ was sporadic.

Sasuke did some digging, and found that for a tornado to form properly the air had to be moist, which was why tornados commonly formed during rain storms. That’s where Sasuke’s chakra came into play. At first Sasuke had tried a simple raining jutsu, but separate chakra’s often attacked each other instead of combining. Naruto’s chakra separated naturally away from Sasuke’s, and they ended up just having a wet field with a dry tornado on the loose.

Finally Sasuke came up with a solution. It came in the form of studying those with two chakra types. They were able to combine their abilities together because their spiritual and physical chakra’s both had separate natures. Mei Terumi was the most renowned shinobi to have mastered this skill, an expert at using her own element, lava, from a combination of fire and earth. It was studying her notes that Sasuke realized what needed to be done.

Sasuke figured if he were to use his water physical chakra, and Naruto were to use his wind spiritual chakra, then they would create the moist atmosphere necessary for the jutsu at the same exact time as activating the jutsu with Naruto’s wind chakra. They would also eliminate their chakra attacking each other because spiritual and physical chakra worked like magnets and were naturally attracted to each other.

He narrowed his eyes, thinking about what went wrong in their current attempt. As far as Sasuke could tell, all of his physical chakra got absorbed by Naruto. Naruto’s system, instead of expelling his own spiritual wind chakra like it was supposed to, expelled his physical wind chakra to accommodate the new surge of physical water chakra provided by Sasuke. The physical wind chakra, without any spiritual chakra to guide it, burst from his system and sent Sasuke slamming into a tree. Meanwhile, Sasuke’s physical water chakra invaded Naruto’s system and had him hacking up chakra coated liquid on the floor.

Instead of explaining this rather complicated cycle to Naruto, knowing the unlikelihood of the other boy actually paying attention, he simply stated, “We failed...I’m trying to figure out why.”

He knew what went wrong, but he didn’t know why it went wrong. Was the timing off? Why did Sasuke’s chakra invade Naruto’s system rather than combining with the jutsu? Did they need some sort of connecting component to combine their chakras together?

“Uh, hello bastard? Got anything to say?”

Sasuke startled, watching Naruto wave his hands around in an obnoxious and disrupting attempt to gain his attention. “Ngh...” He responded, trying to find his trial of thought.

Naruto used a bird seal, Sasuke used a serpent seal. Both of the seals they had been using were commonly used as starter seals so...

Oh. Sasuke blinked. When activating a jutsu, you didn’t immediately combine your spiritual and physical chakras. You began first by expelling a type through a seal, either physical or spiritual first depending of the designated jutsu. Certain seals activated spiritual, others activated physical, all from different points of the body, which was why you needed so many for more difficult of jutsu that required more chakra. Those with exceptional control had to use less seals because they could simply maneuver their chakra throughout their body without needing the assistance of hand signs.

Sasuke had chosen two starter seals, that activate different chakra’s, at the same time. What he needed to have done was choose for himself to begin with his physical chakra, and then Naruto to follow along with his spiritual chakra at separate times as if they were one person moving through hand seals.

Physical chakra was the power behind the chakra. It was the emotion, the spark. Spiritual chakra brought chakra outside the body and worked as a guide. Sasuke would be guiding Naruto’s spiritual chakra with moist, water chakra and allowing a tornado to form. Originally trying this Sasuke had flip flopped their current roles of chakra types thinking that it would require a good amount of physical wind chakra to create a tornado. But actually, Naruto wasn’t creating wind, but manipulating and controlling already existing wind, hence why he was spiritual. Sasuke produced water solely from his chakra core and not out of nature, which was why he was the physical chakra in this jutsu.

Sasuke saw something come at him in the corner of his eye and ducked, panicked. He flinched away with wide eyes only to see that it was one of the many pinecones his violent teammates had been chucking at each other earlier that day.

He glared at the culprit, who was Naruto looking nowhere near innocent with a shit eating grin stretching over his features. “What?” he asked defensively, but Sasuke didn’t press the matter. He shook his head and motioned for his teammate to get back in position. Naruto straightened his back and shuffled a bit so he was evenly across from him.

“Okay, so this time, Naruto, I’m going to delay combining my chakra with yours until the wind has been formed. You’re still going to use the bird seal, and basically do everything the same. Only stay on the ground and really focus your chakra into a specific sphere. Water flows, so I’m going to try to make my physical water chakra gather in the air current.” He explained, attempting to keep his patience when Naruto responded with a confused nod.

“Just tell me what I need to do, leave the rest the confusing stuff out.” Naruto requested.

Sasuke rubbed his temples. “I just told you what you needed to do. Everything the same, except make a sphere shape with the wind like you’re creating a flowing current!”

“I think I get it.”

“You think?!”

Sasuke dropped the subject after that, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. He was doing this for Naruto, the least he could do was show him some respect and pay attention.

Naruto nodded to himself, but Sasuke was already closing his eyes just in case he tried to argue any further. He spread the chakra in his feet out, while at the same time forming his own seal of a serpent and waiting to sense Naruto’s chakra pulse. Sasuke twitched as a surge of chakra filled the ground in a rotating cycle, blowing in influenced circles.

Sasuke breathed in deeply, before slamming his palm on the ground. His chakra instantly latched onto Naruto’s, allocating itself with his system. Sasuke gasped, using all of his willpower not to fall face first on the floor. His lips parted and stayed that way, matching the shock of his wide eyes.

He felt Naruto seize control of his chakra and use the supplied water to fly through a set of hand signs Sasuke assigned him. Then Naruto stood up. Sasuke hadn’t imagined the feeling of his chakra being controlled by someone else to be so disorienting, but when Naruto moved Sasuke felt something inside of him jerk lopsidedly, unsure what to do with the sudden loss of chakra.

Naruto, with a grin only he could wear concentrating so hard, shouted, “Wind Style: Spiraling Storm!”

Sasuke water chakra, fused with Naruto’s wind chakra, took flight in the air and picked up speed with great force. For a moment the swirling air widened outward, before all sucking in and becoming a tube like shape. Naruto stumbled and the tornado ran directly into a tree, knocking it down. He panicked and deactivated the jutsu as the, probably fifty foot tall tree collapsed onto itself.

Both of them stood there for a moment, gaping in shock at what used to be a tree. Naruto fell onto his butt and studied with morbid curiosity the splintered wood chunks, and the debris flying in the air.

The jutsu had demolished that tree, leaving nothing but saw dust in its wake.

The first thing out of Naruto’s mouth is what begins the next six hours of nonstop, lethal training.

“Let’s do it AGAIN!”

Sasuke collapsed similarly to the tree in exhaustion. He looked to his cheering partner and sighed. Naruto was insane.

The tree had literally exploded on impact.

Sasuke wasn’t really a fan of explosions.

He was pretty sure they needed to tone it down a bit.

“Alright but this time less chakra, dead last- every tree you take down, I’m making you plant a new one with me,”

Naruto looked between him and the tree for a moment, a contemplative expression on his face.

“Deal.”


	11. Don't Touch Me, Pervert!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura's not like her teammates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was accidentally previously posted as a continuation of last chapter! Sorry for the confusion, and if you read it before, don't worry there's no difference. I just like to separate POV and chapters :)

The sound of construction echoed off the steel of the Tazuna’s bridge. Every clatter had Sakura wincing and looking around in paranoia, remembering how quiet they had to be even when they were miles away and arriving into a small town port. She could smell something smoky and vaguely reminiscent of a camp fire burning, but she wasn’t so insensible not to realize that was far from the actual case. The most prominent and new thing around her was both the sound and smell of the ocean however. The saltiness combined with the crashing of waves was a completely new experience for her. She thought it would be nice to go for a swim, maybe get Sasuke off of her back since she radiated the small of body odor, but ultimately decided the job she was tasked with was more important than itchy sweatiness.

She shuffled her feet, resisting the urge to lean back against the railings of the admittedly sturdy bridge and focus on sensing enemies. She was glad for the tag Kakashi had given her that if pulled would send a flare in the air, knowing that it was unlikely if an opponent approached she would be able to guard the entire construction crew along with taking the foe down.

“It looks like you’ve got some time to kill there all by yourself.” Sakura turned to see Tazuna was addressing her. She couldn’t disagree, it would be nice to have a distraction from standing here all tense and coming up with every worst case scenario possible. She felt like Sasuke she was doing so much worrying. It was just that no one had ever trusted her with such an important job. Her parents were coddling, her teachers dismissive, and her friends kept at a distance. The fact such a strong Jounin had even thought to choose her for guarding Tazuna put a lot of pressure on her shoulders.

She turned her head to study Tazuna intently, watching him continue to ramble on. “Where that weird blonde kid and the one with a stick up his ass?”

Sakura twitched, feeling a fluctuation of a large mass of chakra coming from the forest. Her eyes tracked the trees as she responded to his rather rudely asked question. She would have been equally as rude if she wasn’t so distracted by the already quickly dissipating mass of chakra. “They’re in the middle of training.”

“Too tough for you?” he scoffed.

Sakura heard ringing. She felt Inner roll her eyes inside the tight hold Sakura had her under. She pushed away from the railings and stalked towards him, her eyebrows raised in a challenge. “And why would you assume that? Because I’m a GIRL?” she felt her fist clench by her side.

She was horrified. How could someone be so blatantly sexist right to her face. Sakura rattled to rattled herself, and ignored Inner trying to shush her raving monologue on feminine rights and capabilities. She watched Tazuna raise an eyebrow as if to say ‘sheesh’. Her anger increased, she was about to open her mouth to lecture him when a man approached them, or more accurately, Tazuna.

Standing beside Tazuna Sakura noticed just how tiny she was compared to him. He was actually rather well built, sturdy and strong with clear signs of having above average capabilities in his youth. Her head reached his bicep. She looked at her thin wrists and then to his gloved muscular ones.

That was so not fair. He looked so strong! But she recalled seeing him lug three large pieces of lumber from one end of the bridge to the other. She just hadn’t really thought about how tough one had to be to build a bridge.

The man who approached them ignored her entirely. She was used to it, but that didn’t mean it still didn’t bother her. Going out anywhere with her parents, especially her father, meant meeting lots of their associates. Either because she was girl or a child they just ignored her, sometimes talking about her as if she wasn’t smart enough to understand they were discussing her academic achievements. But this was a stranger who interrupted her conversation with Tazuna, and he had the nerve not to even incline his head towards her. Seriously, where were they, medieval times?

“Tazuna!- uh, I need to talk to you.” Sakura recognized the backfield and hic intonation of his voice. He pronounced to like it was ta, and he pronounced talk as if it were tawlk. She repressed the urge to grin as she imagined how much that would irritate Sasuke.

“Huh? What about?” Tazuna grumbled, stopping whatever he was doing with the drill and turning to face the man directly.

The man looked away, wiping his sweaty hand to buy himself some time on the towel draped across his shoulder. “Uh, the thing is...” he met Tazuna’s gaze, clearly having gathered his courage. “I- I’ve been thinking a lot about the bridge, and I decided- well I’ve pushed my luck far enough. I want out!”

Tazuna’s face twisted, his eyes blazing behind what Sakura could only refer to as old man spectacles. His nose was wrinkled in disgust. “You’re going to quit on me just like that?! You’re kidding! Not you too!”

Sakura’s looked away from the two angry men fighting, mulling over what Tazuna’s words had to man. ‘Not you too!’ could only mean he wasn’t the only one who ditched the construction site for good. She supposed with how dangerous the job was, those with families or any hint of self-preservation would be sensible enough to quit while they were ahead.

Sakura wasn’t one to quit. She understood the concept of others quitting, but she wasn’t biologically engineered with a forfeit switch. She was competitive to a fault, and she was determined enough it was near irrational. These people however had grown up somewhere that discouraged them to step out of their comfort zones, to strive to do something more. So even though Sakura didn’t like him quitting, she understood. And even though Tazuna was angry she could tell he understood as well. It was hard to risk everything for something that may not even get completed.

“You know, I stayed on because of our friendship.” His eyes downcast, “But I’m putting my life on the line every day I stay here. Gato and his thugs will show up eventually.”

Tazuna pursed his lips, growling under his breath. Sakura watched his face close off entirely.

“-when they do, they’ll kill you and the bridge will never get finished anyway.” The man continued on, trying to justify his actions.

Tazuna said nothing, and the man nervously rambled on.

“It’s a lost cause Tazuna! Why don’t we quit now while we can still get out of this alive!”

Tazuna took a deep breath, clearly trying to calm himself. After a very slow blink of his eyes, his lip curled and he readied himself to speak. “Not a chance.”

“Huh?” the nervous man took a step back.

Tazuna clenched his fists.

“This is our bridge. Our island is poor and it will stay that way until this bridge connects us to the main land! Commerce, trade, and hope- that’s what we’re building here!” Tazuna snarled.

The man scoffed, not buying into Tazuna’s optimism. “There’s not going to be much hope if we’re all dead.”

Tazuna walked away, passed the man and jostling his shoulder with his own. “It’s already noon. Let’s break for lunch.”

The man reached out a helpless hand. “Tazuna! Let’s not end it like this!”

Sakura realized she was still standing across from the stranger and hurried after her client, reinvigorating her efforts to sense any foreign chakra signatures. It wasn’t really her forte, though. Naruto and Sasuke much were better at sensing opponents.

Tazuna exchanged one last argument with his old friend before informing him not to come back once lunch was over. Sakura figured it was pretty harsh, rejecting a long-time friend because they wouldn’t want to risk their own skin for the sake of the many, but she also could see the appeal in finding satisfaction from being so rude to the quitter.

Sakura rested her hand on her pocket and hurried after her fuming client, resisting the urge to glance behind her at the _former_ construction crewman.

Tazuna, without saying a word, led Sakura off of the bridge. Sakura didn’t mind the silence, nor did she mind the lack of explanation on their whereabouts. She was focused on keeping her client safe. She felt Inner shift restlessly behind her eyelids, so she blinked rapidly and concentrated on her task even harder to push her other half into dormancy. They weaved through an embittered town full of small children and young women, moving through to a shopping district area that had a very obvious increase in men. All throughout their trek neither spoke a word, comfortable in their own worlds. Sakura kicked her feet across the cheap dirt that covered what used to be a rock path but hadn’t been properly cared for and was now just muddy gunk with the occasional cigarette butt thrown in the mix. Her hand, even though it began aching half way through, never left its place hovering over her kunoichi pouch.

Sakura looked to her left, examining an old man selling entire, uncut half rotted fish, it’s condition probably due to late arrival in shipment. She scanned a frail obviously pregnant woman who may have curled aside a worn building with two children beside her, not a single passerby offering help or even glancing at the poor family.

She swallowed. If Sasuke was here, he would have already taken the woman’s hand and decided he was bringing her back to the leaf to have a safe child birth, or he would have at least taken her hand and offered to help as best he could, in any way possible.

She thought of Naruto who wouldn’t even have gotten this far into town because he would be three blocks back, buying food for kids and teaching them how to survive by themselves.

But Sakura wasn’t her teammates, so she turned her head away from the woman and focused on her task, knowing that the best way to help the majority of this land was to ensure Tazuna’s safety, and get that bridge built. Offering a hand out to that woman would only help today, not tomorrow.

She was startled when Tazuna cleared his throat, scratching at his unkempt beard pensively. “You know, you’re a lot quieter when your friends aren’t around. Or do you just have something on your mind?” he pointedly looked around, assuming she was being so silent because of the contrast between her hometown and his.

It was true the sight around her was disturbing, but Sakura was usually quiet anyway. Naruto and Sasuke just brought out a unique and rare side of her that was loud, demanding, and confident. Well, she was always confident. Normally she was less expressively confident, though.

She glanced at him, not moving her stiff fingers. She didn’t respond, instead just shrugging. She hoped he would stop talking to her, because she had enjoyed not having to make conversation and getting peace to just think and process over everything that had happened.

“It’s not like a ninja is going to jump out of thin air! Are all kids of Konoha this paranoid?” he grumbled, peering at her readied hand suspiciously.

“Didn’t you hear what Kakashi-sensei said? Encountering suspicion the ninja prepares quickly; hesitation leads to disaster. No offense, but everyone here is suspicious. Desperation makes people weak minded, and when your mind is weak it is easier to give into temptation. For example...slaughtering a master bridge builder in exchange for some cash...hired by the very man that put you in an insolvent situation.” Sakura realized only too late she was slipping into herself, so focused on keeping Inner at bay she wasn’t censoring her words or adding a childish cheerfulness about her that kept people from worrying. It was hard to show emotion when you were trying your hardest to keep a very emotionally driven counterpart under imaginary lock and key.

In response to her statement, Tazuna’s eyes gleamed with something both angry and longing all at the same time. She couldn’t comprehend how from just studying his face she could read these emotions so clearly. Her own face only expressed emotion when she consciously chose to allow someone into her feelings. Even then she wouldn’t be able to muster such raw emotion as he was demonstrating with one tired stare.

There definitely were unspoken words that had yet to be confessed about the situation of this town. Right now however, Sakura didn’t push, instead straightening her back and changing the topic to allow the older man space to breathe, especially on his work break. “Where are we heading off to, anyway?”

He nodded mutely, shaking his after a moment and then clearing his throat, ridding away any excess emotions. “You want to eat tonight don’t ya? I got to pick up some things for dinner.”

Sakura stiffened as a man shouted from somewhere she couldn’t see about a thief, repeating it over and over in panic. No one even flinched, in fact they seemed to close off from the world around them even further, trying their best to ignore the obvious crime going on.

That’s when Sakura stumbled as a boy swept by her at full speed, bolting underneath ledges and dodging wandering shoes. The boy couldn’t have been older than ten.

She narrowed her eyes. Her grip on the kunai knife inside of her pouch began to dig into her skin. The young boy was the thief the man had been screaming about?

Sakura chose not to comment, instead doubling her efforts in protecting her charge.

For a brief moment, her thoughts drifted back to the conversation she had the night before, with Sasuke and Naruto, but a swamp of what could only very eloquently be described as bad feelings weighed down on her muscles and she was extremely relieved when Tazuna loudly declared they had arrived at their destination. She needed the distraction away from the horror show that had been the night before.

They walked into an open little stall like shop, with a shabby roof and crates as shelves. At first glance Sakura wouldn’t even have assumed this was a still running store at all, but when Tazuna reached to the bottom of one of the crates to pull out a bunch of grimy carrots she understood. The town was just massively under stocked.

She glanced to her left upon hearing a croaky, “Welcome.” The store clerk from behind the desk had greeted them. It stuck out to her that he was wearing a shinobi flak jacket. He was a retired Mist Nin, perhaps? She got an awful thought. It could be this ninja worked directly for Gato, and that was why he was the only shop around with actual produce. But why was it that this town had no crops?

Sakura blinked. Did this town get every produce item from shipment? Did they not have any crops for themselves? Did the town rely entirely on imports? Then she thought back to breakfast, the abundance of weird oatmeal that according to Sasuke came from a tropical tree. Perhaps they grew that by themselves, and Tazuna was taking her here because carrots were a good source of nutrition. Cassava didn’t seem very nutritious, especially if consuming it uncooked led to paralysis. So this shinobi worked for Gato, bringing in just enough shipment items so those under his command could scrape by.

Or at least, that’s what she was assuming.

Sakura sensed a chakra signature walk through the store, naturally growing cautious. She made sure not to follow him with his eyes, in case he noticed she was being mindful of him and decided to strike. The man, which she could see what bald out of her peripheral vision, came up behind her...she swallowed. She really hoped this wasn’t some crazy assassin. Inner was voicing her opinion on quite the opposite, craving the thrill of battle. As inconspicuously as possible Sakura removed her hand from her weapons pouch and kept very still. She didn’t want to provoke him.

She felt a hand cup her ass and her jaw dropped.

This town really was a sexist hidey hole. First no women running any shops, then a guy publicly groping her?

She spun around and irrationally jabbed the guy as hard with the handle of her kunai as she could manage from the odd angle.

“You disgusting pervert! Get off jackass!” She snarled, never one to squeal when it came to serious situations.

The creepy bald guy even had a classic creepy mustache. She shoved her jacket down to further cover her better, glaring at the heap on the floor.

Absolutely revolting, that’s what he was. Distantly, she felt Inner groan, displeased with Sakura’s supposed theatrics.

She heard a snort and saw Tazuna holding up two paper bags with an assortment of vegetables inside. He looked between her and the man and motioned for the exit of the shop. Sakura stomped her way through the open doorway.

As they walked out, Tazuna looked at her appraisingly. Sakura couldn’t bask in his acknowledgment at the moment, too angered by the creepy man’s behavior.

“Wow...you really surprised me back there. Girls around here don’t fight like that.” Tazuna gave her a half smirk.

Sakura took in a deep frustrated breath, ignoring the side of her that was even irritated that he was surprised she was a capable kunoichi. Not much usually truly ignited her anger, but that back there, especially after everything she just found out about Sasuke, was quite disturbing. She hoped that guy hadn’t gotten to any of the under trained girls around the square. She shuddered to imagine it. She wondered why authorities weren’t called, as is what would have happened in Konoha, but then remembered the child who had stolen so auspiciously in her opinion. Maybe it wasn’t luck that ensured he wasn’t caught, but lack of anyone to catch him. If that was the case, then girls around here really did need to fight back.

“They should! Something is seriously wrong here!” she snarled, speeding up her walk in strides. Sakura was so worked up she wasn’t expecting the sudden small chakra signature behind her, nor the tug on pant leg.

She swung around, panicked at first, before remembering the small chakra signature and realizing that it was only a small child. He was dirty, with bright blue eyes, dark smooth hair, and baggy clothes that had a layer of dust on them.

Her eyes widened, unsure what to do; she never had been good with children. The boy held out his palms in a begging motion. “Gimme some?” he asked, opening and closing his hands to get his point across.

Sakura noticed a deep gash under his right eye, still sporting an innocent smile despite being malnourished and living out in the streets. He gave her a big, toothy smile.

Sakura softened for a moment, feeling Inner once more try to take hold and just ignore the child.

She felt her face wrinkle, her mouth forming a somber line. She fumbled for her pouch. “Uhhh...”

Inside was a bundle of rations she had packed in case of emergency. The young boy studied them for a moment, beaming at her as she passed them into his hands. “Here,” She spoke gently, unsure of what else to do. Unsure if there was anything she could do that would help him long term. 

She lost her chance to help further as the boy skidded away, rushing off and calling out his appreciative thanks.

She slumped, her lips quivering as she nodded to the retreating back of the child, aware he couldn’t see the movement but it was more to comfort her than him

A hand clapped on her shoulder.

“This is how it’s been since Gato came here. The children suffer, and the adults are afraid to stand up to him. They’ve lost all hope.”

Sakura’s eyes shifted to her charge, biting her lip in a way she realized she’d seen Sasuke do.

“That’s why now we have to finish the bridge. It’s a symbol of bravery...in order to reach their spirit so they don’t keep running away...for the people of this land who have their minds on remaining passive...”

Sakura thought about this. She wondered what Sasuke would do. What Naruto would do. She guessed that’s why her teammates worked so well together; Naruto with a mind set on passion heading towards whatever was thrown at him full force and Sasuke with a mind set on _com_ passion and always trying to find a way out.

She couldn’t imagine what a town with a million Sasuke’s would be when their enemy was a Naruto. And she couldn’t imagine trying to get a million Sasuke’s to stand up for themselves and fight. Thinking of it like that demonstrated just how much responsibility Tazuna was carrying on his shoulders. But Sasuke was...in his heart he tried to do what was, in his own perspective, right. The same was true for Naruto. That’s what separated them from being the villagers of this town and Gato. Naruto would never be a Gato because he cared too much about people. And Sasuke would never allow Gato to continue his rein even if the idea of facing him was terrifying because it was affecting other people’s livelihoods. That’s what made them special. Naruto’s ambitious nature was combined with an altruism and kind heart that spread out to others not for attention but out of candid generosity. And Sasuke, as meek and pacifistic as he was, accepted that the world wouldn’t change through benevolence, training himself and fighting against his own trauma all for the sake of helping others.

“If we can just complete that bridge...people will start to believe again. They’ll believe that they can live with dignity.” Tazuna’s hand tightened uncomfortably on her shoulder, but she didn’t comment. He eyes were squeezed shut behind his thin glasses and his eyebrows were twisted in knots. His hand fell away from her shoulder as his eyes snapped forward in the direction of Ms. Tsunami’s house. “We can’t let Gato stop us!”

Sakura remembered Naruto, with his hands clasped on Sasuke’s as the two of them healed his ribs completely. She hadn’t asked questions, hadn’t wanted to amidst Inner’s screams of outraged shock and realization of _something_. So focused on warding away her other side Sakura hadn’t recognized how curious she really was.

Why could Naruto and Sasuke heal so smoothly when as far as she knew neither had delved in the subject of medical ninjutsu? She tampered briefly with the idea Sasuke was secretly an expert, figuring that would match well with his personality, but threw that theory out fast. Sasuke wouldn’t keep an ability like healing a secret. He would probably overuse it and extend his capabilities way too much.

Thinking back to Tazuna’s declaration, she decided to contemplate all of those later issues, well, later. Like Sasuke’s big reveal about his home life, Kakashi’s use of the word pack, and now the remarkable way Sasuke’s ribs healed.

For now, she made a promise, to herself and to the town she had been walking around in all day long, studying the homeless with intensity and branding their suffering into her brain so she would never forget how many people had it so rough.

She swore that bridge would be built. And if she had to ensure this would become a reality with her own bare hands, then so be it.

“Say, Mr. Tazuna, you seem to be pretty short staffed from what I interrupted earlier. You yourself said I impressed you. Now I don’t know much, but I’m a fast learner. What do you think, _boss_?”

Sakura grinned. Oh yes, and this way she would have no trouble being bored or anxious while guarding her client at all.

Construction work had never really piqued her interest and trying new things was never quite her style, but something about this impulsive, sporadic decision had her feeling oddly optimistic.


	12. Fighting Spirit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi doesn't do 'nothing' well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yayy it's Kakashi!! We're delving a bit deeper into his backstory here, hope it all makes sense. Keep in mind I didn't give his whole backstory on purpose!! You'll see more of him later, during his arc.

Kakashi rarely doubted his ability to remain in control of his actions. He had ascetic standards for his training regimes and daily life. He could balance heaps of work on top of remaining his usual, carefree self. He was compendious when it came to orders, a willful and exact soldier.

Admittedly, these last couple years had changed his reputation of irrefutable punctuality. He wasn’t as uptight as when he was younger, and he no longer felt the need to always remain on time. But, a few tenacities of his past still affected him today.

Kakashi was a very controlled, always actively-present person. He wasn’t the type to _space out_. Not to claim he had never found it difficult to upkeep his focus, but rarely did this urge to slack off largely impact him. Kakashi did not dawdle on trivialities like minor headaches and fatigue; he always pushed through, and always exercised his best self.

This control was the most prominent trait he carried with him from his years as a Genin. It was a very productive yet stressful trait. High-standards meant low self-esteem if he were to fail his own expectations. It also meant a reputation that others reacted to and expected from him. Once he excited the Anbu everyone knew he had become more carefree and laidback, the more outgoing downright claiming he was lazy. But it was also a well-known fact that Kakashi had a perfect mission track record with zero failed assignments. Not a soul doubted his loyalty to Konoha. It put insurmountable pressure on Kakashi to know that one single slip-up could potentially ruin the few good things people still said about him. One back-talk or questioning of orders may as well be a death sentence to whatever remained of Kakashi’s reputation.

But including both his colleagues and the villagers, Kakashi would always be his own harshest critic. The control really wasn’t even his anymore, he had lost control the moment control became his obsession. If he were to even toe out of line from his strict rules he would send himself into a panic. He used to apply his obsession with control by swearing to be on time _all the time_. It used to be a very startling occasion indeed if Kakashi arrived at a later time than the listed date, and even more shocking if he were to behave in a manner that could even be interpreted as disrespectful. That’s why it had irked him so much when his teammate, Obito Uchiha, used to be late every day. It was a personal accomplishment for him to arrive on the dot. It was easy to judge others the way he judged himself. If they weren’t meeting the impossible expectation he gave himself, then they weren’t worth his time. He thought everyone should try as hard as he did; should strive for perfection.

Watching his students and their completely _out of control_ behavior definitely had a negative effect on his obsession. He couldn’t control them, so he had to control his own actions on an even tighter leash, no matter how tired or emotionally drained he was feeling.

In the eyes of others, this control was his greatest asset. He was reliable to work the hardest, and accomplish the most. He had unshakeable _motivation_ even when he was sore and sleepy.

That’s why the village couldn’t very well let him off the hook of Anbu over the concern of his teammates on the matter of psychological concern for his wellbeing.

It was approximately seven years ago when he was called in to Lord Thirds office to discuss his emotional wellbeing. That’s what the summoning scroll said, anyway. The reality was that his fellow graduates were upset he was no longer spending time with them, and had also convinced themselves he was lonely and depleted of happiness. They might not have been entirely wrong; Kakashi acknowledged this reluctantly. He had been especially reclusive in the time period they called for an intervention. Lord Third publicly declared he was being demoted into a Jounin position with the intention of quelling his friends’ worries. But on the side, late at night when no one was watching, Kakashi would continue to fill out his Anbu Black Op duties. You know how retired Black Ops say, “You never really leave the Anbu.” In Kakashi’s case, he really _hadn’t_. Only Lord Danzo, Lord Third, and obviously he himself were privy to this information. He supposed a few members he shared time with had some suspicions, but due to the camouflage seal worked into the Anbu entrance tattoo they weren’t certain. The minimal chatting and gossiping involved with the Anbu provided a fairly easy atmosphere to hide his identity in.

As most would assume, balancing Anbu and Jounin duties was not a chore Kakashi could simply half ass.

It was tiring, and just generally draining. It had been easier when he hadn’t had any actual Genin to care for. Only the rare group that was assigned to him destined to fail, but seven years after his _demotion,_ he had been assigned Team Seven. Team Seven was the first group he saw honest potential in, not just the potential to make Chunin and become a percentage on a death rate poll as so many other children had given him the impression of. The same year Kakashi was introduced into the new Team Seven, his fellow academy graduates also acquired students.

Kurenai had come around, a brand new Jounin who graduated the very first Team she was assigned. Her very first Jounin mission, the first batch of kiddos that Lord Third had tasked her with; Kakashi wasn’t quite sure how wise he thought it was of her to not only assume that the kids were qualified for genin but she was qualified to teach them. Even so, Kakashi knew Lord Thirds will was law, and wasn’t about to openly profess his hesitation towards Kurenai being a sensei so early in her career. Asuma had also taken in his own brats; it was the first time all available Jounin-sensei on staff had each taken in prodigies in the same year since before the Second Shinobi World War. It used to be a given for all sensei to teach all students, but peace times allowed the pickings to be more precise. Due to Asuma and Kurenai’s enthusiasm to go down in history as the greatest sensei to walk the streets Konoha, Kakashi had been roped into many “Sensei Support Meetings” which he may have been able to tolerate had he actually had the time for it.

He was an official Jounin, and therefore now attended Jounin debriefings. The title wasn’t just for show. He had a lot of paperwork to fill out about Team Seven, a lot of mission organizing and information gathering he didn’t feel was necessary, and a lot of random, tedious labor jobs he would never have signed up for that were apparently mandatory for shinobi in his position. On top of this, during the nights, he was rendezvousing with his other Anbu team, handling crime, and completing high class dangerous ninja missions.

And his team wondered why he was late _all of the time_. No, Kakashi did not love being late. He did not enjoy the way people naturally expected his tardiness. But after a bit more than seven years of balancing Anbu duties with Jounin duties he got used to the sleep deprivation and the lack of proper meals. There were times when Kakashi could have been on time. However it would be suspicious for him to be on a time random days of the year. Kakashi usually took these well-earned rare once in a blue moon days to shower, rest, and visit the hospital for long overdue checkups.

To summarize, Kakashi was obsessed with control. And you’d think after all of this non-stop work he’d been put through, after everything that had happened in the past years he never wanted to face or even think about, that he’d long for a _break_.

He used to, want breaks, that is. It was like a pipe dream after first joining the Anbu Corporation. Back then he was still sleeping, though. Nightmare infused sleep, sure, but still resting of the body and consciousness. Now, Kakashi barely had to make it back to his apartment and work in a quick shower and change of clothes before meeting up with his genin all day and then heading out for Jounin debriefings and patrol.

After a while though, Kakashi not only grew accustomed to the tiresome work, but addicted to it. It distracted him from memories, kept him busy at all times. On a lesser level it could be compared to waking up at seven o clock sharp for an entire year, anxiously awaiting holiday vacation where sleeping late was common. But when the holidays came around, even without your alarm, your eyes open at seven o clock; a habit that you aren’t exactly in control of, but happens to you anyway.

What was happening to him right now was a highly exaggerated version of that.

This, this C-rank mission gone wrong, was the longest fucking break he’d had...maybe ever?

He didn’t know.

He couldn’t ever remember a time when he just...sat around...

When Kakashi was five years old, after the passing of his father, an Anbu training facility recruited him. He remained circumscribed to only the walls of the Anbu corporation until he hit eleven years old, where the village started assigning him missions whenever they were short staffed or required someone small and adept at deception. At twelve years old he was given the Genin examination test which he passed with all the fluidity of a full-fledged shinobi. He was then invited into a three man squad. He dove into his new role as student of the famed Minato Namikaze, the rules of Anbu drilled into him and still haunting his every action.

After that his career sky rocketed. He was almost immediately handed a Chunin promotion, and then when he was thirteen a Jounin promotion and flack-jacket to sport followed. At fourteen he entered the Anbu Corps as an official ninja, not just a trainee who took on jobs when no other more capable shinobi was available. Anbu Captain was his next accomplishment, and he stayed in that striving position until he was twenty-two. That’s when he was _demoted_ to a Jounin teaching position due to the worry of his old colleagues. As you now know of course late at night and whenever he was available he was working with either Lord Thirds Anbu or under Lord Danzo’s command.

When he took up Team Seven, Kakashi’s workload definitely peaked. Anbu, Jounin, and Jounin-sensei duties combined with taking on all of his missions (including Team Seven’s) proved to be a hassle. Kakashi was pretty sure he didn’t even _touch_ his bed the past couple months.

Then he was assigned this C-rank, which demanded his full attention. It was nothing compared to what he was used to. The quick one night mission he took on the day before meeting Tazuna had been more stimulating than fighting Zabuza. But Kakashi was incredibly chakra exhausted, and he had an injury to his right arm. He wasn’t one to complain however. In fact, he hadn’t even been reminded of the strain until he had used what was left of his chakra and knocked himself out, waking up to a blaringly painful right arm that he did not know how to diagnose. He’d been injured enough though to see that there was nothing physically wrong with him, bones and skin wise that is. After poking around he came to the disturbing conclusion he had burst multiple of the chakra points located in his arm.

Ouch, he thought to himself. He could count on that injury to be debilitating.

He was currently ‘resting up’ inside of his client’s guest bedroom, splayed on a creaky chair and clutching Icha Icha Paradise tightly in his hands, but not opening it.

He didn’t want to read. It’s not like he wanted to go work, but he was so used to it he felt almost guilty for not finding something productive to do. His injuries really weren’t _that_ bad, and his chakra only depleted so fast after using his Sharingan because he had just come back from a rough Anbu assignment. At least on the D-ranks Kakashi busied himself with observing his students...or filing Anbu mission reports, or some work _somebody_ assigned him!

Here, out in Wave Country, mildly injured and with occupied students, he had time to rest.

At first, the thought appealed to him, when he realized that no one would be talking to him and he had some time to read a book or...

Well, Kakashi didn’t have hobbies.

He was too, --anxious, energetic? He didn’t know what he was feeling-- to read, so he was just sitting, staring at the wall, thinking of all the things he could be doing right now but wasn’t.

It didn’t help. But it was happening anyway. ‘Happening’ because Kakashi wasn’t choosing to dwell on the matter the matter was dwelling on him. This sensation was his, the sensation was happening _to him._ That’s how Kakashi would describe it. All of Kakashi’s emotions converging together outside of him whilst this anxious, deprave parasite devoured all that was inside.

Kakashi experiencing a hazy stupor, where he could only focus on the buzzing in his legs, and he was so tired, but yet so full of energy at the same time.

His body was tired but damn his mind was running its own course, completely out of control.

He didn’t have _control_. It made Kakashi feel like he never had control.

But when did he have actual control? Nowadays he could only control how he behaved. Kakashi never controlled anything important happening in his life and that’s why he was so obsessed with controlling the small things. Everything else controlled him; Lord Third, his missions, Lord Danzo, his duties- sitting here the only thing he had to do was remind himself of all the things he willingly allowed to continue tormenting him.

He hated it. He hated sitting here, being unproductive, and just bitching about his life. But he couldn’t move. He didn’t want to. He did, he wanted to have the energy (so much energy was flowing through his system, he needed to move or do something) but he didn’t somehow. He wasn’t in good form.

Yea, let’s just leave it at that, Kakashi decided. He was in a bad mood. Because in truth if he tried to explain what he was feeling it would probably sound like the ramblings of a psych ward patient.

That’s why he hadn’t moved a single muscle in what felt like forever, hand frozen in mid-air around his Icha-Icha book, and neck getting sore from how stiff and strained it was. He was in a bad mood is all.

Kakashi irrationally felt soothed as he encouraged himself to move and do better. He didn’t know why, but it seemed to clear up something in him. Talking to himself made him feel less alone, and like the situation was more plausible.

_Come on, Hatake, you got this._

He closed his eyes against the pounding in his temples, glancing at the clock on the desk. He had been sitting here, doing nothing, for nearly twenty minutes.

Kakashi blinked, about to finally continue scanning the pages of his book, when Ms. Tsunami peered into the room. The creak of the door was irritatingly loud against the silence that had pressed into him for so long. He disguised the instinctive jump he allotted as him shifting the pages of his book. He couldn’t help but feel a small relief at Ms. Tsunami’s presence. It gave him an excuse not to focus on reading his novel.

“It’s so quiet I almost thought I was the only one in the house when I opened the door. Can I come in?” She questioned, smiling perkily at him. Her brightness would have normally amused Kakashi but in this moment he still felt numb and dreary. He couldn’t even work up the strength in himself to smooth down his ragged appearance.

Kakashi had not had a good first impression of her. The woman was not only a mother, but definitely over the age of thirty-five, and therefore felt like she had the right to treat him like a child. Oftentimes mothers treated him like a child, and he supposed at the age of twenty-nine, he really was quite younger than them. They tended to feel like it was their job to pass down their wisdom onto him. So originally Kakashi had been irritated by her coddling, over-dramatizing ways and how she didn’t want to let him bandage his own injuries. But after he had acknowledged that she willingly chose to help him instead of engaging in the many tasks she had to complete to keep her family’s livelihood stable his image of her shifted. She was a busy woman, and since Tazuna earned no money while building the bridge, the family’s sole provider.

It was admirable.

So Kakashi found himself nodding amiably and allowing her to enter, readjusting himself into a far more suitable position to be in when speaking with one’s acquaintances. He couldn’t force a smile for his cheeks felt heavy and his eyelids were sagging but even presenting her with a friendly nod felt like a win at this point. He remembered to tuck his book away just in case she was observant.

“You have such kind students, you must be very proud.” She complimented, busying herself with tidying up the room, closing the curtains and the like. She giggled. “And very clean, too; I imagined with two boys this room would look like a disaster.”

Kakashi hummed. “Ah yes, well, I’m sure if it were just Naruto it would. Without my other puppies assistance his messy behavior can be mistaken for a rain storm. As it is, Sasuke and Sakura agree with you on how a room should appear.” He found it easy to converse about his students. He had plenty to say on this matter, especially since he would normally share this particularly peculiar piece of information with the other sensei. But since he left Konoha he hadn’t been able to attend their little group sessions this week. Everyone has heard the phrase ‘you don’t know what you have until you’ve lost it’ and it never ceased to astonish him just how much he missed things that seemed so mundane before. In truth he had experienced the feeling the little saying detailed on a much larger scale before, but that didn’t mean he didn’t understand it even when it came to something as simple as missing his academy classmates willing ears. 

Tsunami turned around from her fiddling with the curtains to giggle appropriately at his remark. “They seemed pretty worn out at lunch. You’re not going too hard on them, right?” She teased, scooping up a black sock that could only be Naruto’s and tossing it in the basket she had left by the door.

Kakashi let out a breath in understanding. That’s what she had been doing, then. Everyone’s laundry was probably really dirty and she was taking it upon herself to find his student’s used clothes and wash them up. Kakashi’s fondness for the humble woman grew.

“Mah! It’s my job to ensure their prepared for the life of a ninja. If it takes a little chakra exhaustion to do that then so be it.” he resisted the urge to habitually shove his hands in his pocket and instead scratched his ear bashfully. He had a feeling it wouldn’t ease the unfamiliarity between them to behave in such an ungainly way.

Tsunami finally found what she was looking for, Kakashi observed. His puppies had piled all of their old clothes under the bathroom sink, having no waste bin or trash bag to stuff them in. No one had shaken them out or even ran them under water, just discarded the clothing in a heap, leaving a trail of mud stains on the floor. Clean as they were, they were still children. Tsunami didn’t hesitate to gather all of the outfits into her arms, throwing it inside of her laundry basket and then clapping her hands brightly. Kakashi was quick to try to think up a sensei-like remark on his student’s idea of cleaning when he caught a spike of familiar chakra patterns approach the house.

He internally winced, wanting to knock himself in the head. He had been way too distracted by Tsunami’s chatty mannerisms. It had taken him far too long to notice his female student and client’s presence. He almost wrote it off as chakra exhaustion, but felt that he was just being lazy and allowing himself to slack off. He swore to himself the same mistake wouldn’t happen twice.

Both of them heard the door cling open and quiet pattering footsteps followed by a thunderous call of, “Hello family!

Tazuna was quite a boisterous man, thought Kakashi. He withheld a smirk when he caught the tail ends of Sakura’s whiny muttering. Sakura was always talking to herself. She said something loudly to Tazuna, which had him laughing heartily, and then they were clambering off.

“Hello father!” Tsunami responded in a slightly strained voice due to heaving the basket into her hands. Kakashi thought quickly for a moment before making a split-second decision.

“Need my help with that?” he offered. Tsunami smiled at him.

“Oh! Thank you!” She was so distracted by the appearance of her father she forgot to protest about him moving around while still experiencing the effects of his injuries. She set the basket down and told him she wanted it beside the bathroom. She was going to wash the clothes in the bathtub, he interpreted. Kakashi was relieved she couldn’t see his pitying frown behind his mask.

She clambered down the stairs, informing him she needed to start dinner and she was very grateful for his assistance. He heard her begin to talk with Tazuna and then a lot of rustling. He shook himself away from the intrinsic desire to eavesdrop. Kakashi picked up the basket with only a slight sting in his arm and headed down the stairs toward the hall. If he remembered correctly, and he prayed he did, this was the way to the bathroom. 

Only then did he realize what had happened. He had gone off seeking work _, stimulation_. He wondered how long he could continue doing so little compared to his daily compendious loads. It’s not like worrying was helping though. He should enjoy it while it lasts.

Kakashi didn’t bother to repress a very unmannered snort. He doubted he was simply going to be able to enjoy this rest. His mind hated him like that.

His whole body stung when he leaned down to place the basket on the floor outside the bathroom. His eye caught sight of a roach darting under the floorboards. The foundation of this house was completely withering away. He was honestly worried it might collapse. With how many warped floorboards and dented walls they had, the chances were high.

He absently hoped the body aches would go away soon. Kakashi was used to pains and burns, it was like when an old injury acted up. One was aware of its existence, but had become almost numb to the hurt. He knew he shouldn’t have ditched the crutches so fast, especially with how chakra depleted he was, but he hated feeling so helpless...and Kakashi was pretty sure he could take the added pain just fine.

He made his way back upstairs, where the sun fully had set. The time showed it had been another fifteen minutes since the last time he checked. And all he’d done in that time was bring a laundry basket down the steps.

He sighed. The voice in his head was going to get annoying.

Then he heard stumbling footsteps, and watched his other two students make their way through the front door. His whole pack was here now.

At a second glance he was able to decipher the state Sasuke and Naruto were in.

Sasuke had multiple pine cone shavings stuck in his hair, and was leaning heavily against a worn out and dirty looking Naruto. Naruto had a scratch on one cheek and a nasty bruise on his temple.

Similar to earlier today when Kakashi had seen his students look like hooligans, he frankly did not want to know.

Sakura did, though.

“What did you two do? Because I sensed multiple, very large explosions coming from what could only be you pair of idiots!” She abandoned her chore of setting the table to stare accusingly at her teammates. She slapped one hand on her hip and used the other hand to brandish the fork she was using as if it were a weapon.

Sasuke grumbled under his breath, and Naruto laughed triumphantly.

“Well, I’m pretty sure Sasuke’s never going to forget how to tree climb!” He declared brightly.

Sasuke shot him the worst glare Kakashi had ever seen on the boy’s face.

Kakashi smiled. What lovely puppies he was assigned. His mood brightened just by absorbing the aura his student’s interminably omitted.

This, _this_ was stimulating enough to distract him from not working. Maybe he had just been lonely. It had been a long time since he wasn’t surrounded by his comrades.

Sasuke growled nodding towards his Naruto-crutch. “Yea, and Naruto’s going to have a pretty unattractive scar so he doesn’t forget to never sneak up on me again!” He snarled, the most feisty and open Kakashi had ever witnessed him behave.

Naruto always brought out the best in people. This seemed to include Sasuke. He was actually participating instead of trying to suffocate the playful banter Sakura and Naruto engaged in. He wondered if this was progress. If Sasuke spending months of D-rank missions with them really had boosted his confidence, or in the very least earned them the right to see a more open real version of Sasuke.

Sasuke was clearly still reserved but that was just a personality trait. He liked to keep more to himself. Kakashi was perfectly fine with this. Sasuke’s quiet nature evened out the loud rowdy personalities of his teammates. Sasuke made hanging around the two of them much more tolerable.

His student’s sat down across from each other, Sakura sliding in between them at one of the ends of the table. Kakashi decided to stand, not all that hungry anyway. He felt as if he had eaten more food today than he usually ate over the course of three days. Balancing so much work made it hard to focus on other things, including his nutrient intake.

Sasuke poked around with his chopsticks, probably feeling just as full as Kakashi, and nibbled at his vegetables. Naruto was eating at a similar hesitant and slow pace. Sakura was the only one who was on her way to clearing her plate.

Kakashi watched Sasuke avoid eating by downing some water. Naruto watched his friend drink and followed suit, wincing at the food in front of him.

Kakashi sighed. It seemed that no one was really enjoying the very celebratory and expensive meal that their charge slaved over.

He rubbed his visible eye tiredly. He had a feeling his student’s should eat more. Objectively speaking it was pretty obvious. But the two functioned fine, and Kakashi functioned fine on a lot less. It would be hypocritical to lecture them on proper self-care. He was also hesitant to engage this conversation with them because Kakashi didn’t honestly know all too much on the subjects of safety and health.

“-You did what, Naruto? Out of the blue, while he was trying to practice tree climbing?! And you just launched them at him? Is that why you have so many pinecones stuck to you?” Sakura’s voice cut through his the haze in his head like paper, snapping him back to reality. That’s odd. Kakashi was sincerely not the type to space out. He shoved his hand in his pocket and took a deep breath in an attempt to center himself. Then he wrenched his hands back out as he remembered where he was and who all was present. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly to focus on himself and his actions. Then he snapped his eyes open and listened intently to his pack’s tale.

He chuckled as he began to understand his student’s excited conversation, Sasuke watching them with a very content smile on his face. He still wasn’t quite used to that. Sasuke wasn’t the type that smiled a lot. This meant you always knew Sasuke was being genuine on the rare occasions he smiled at you. Sasuke had a nice, knowing smile that made you feel dissected inside and out when it was directed at you. Like you couldn’t hide anything from him, like you didn’t even want to.

The story went something like this from what Kakashi could gather from Naruto’s overenthusiastic and slightly confusing yet still very entertaining ways; Sasuke and Naruto had been practicing tree climbing, and since Naruto got it down quick, he got bored quick. Kakashi was unsurprised by Naruto’s lack of patience. However Naruto mastering tree climbing so speedily had surprised Kakashi. Then he remembered it did take good amount of chakra control to create Shadow Clones, especially when producing the vast amounts he does. Thinking of it this way made it less shocking and more amusing that someone so impatient was the first to really grasp tree climbing. Sakura was still the most controlled and stable when walking, though. Kakashi didn’t know about now, but when Kakashi had left the clearing Sasuke had appeared to be struggling greatly. 

The story goes on. While Sasuke was making his way up to a high branch, at a careful and wobbly pace according to the enthusiastic story teller, Naruto had been plotting ways to make it more interesting. In other words, he had started to chase Sasuke with pinecones, not pulling any punches on chucking them at Sasuke. Sasuke seemed outraged this had happened, especially since he, “-did nothing to even warrant that behavior, sensei! I was trying my hardest to climb that tree and he just came out of nowhere-!”

Naruto made a point to emphasize how much better Sasuke did after he was properly riled up.

Which lead to the story from earlier this afternoon, which had Tazuna choking on his spit with laughter.

The shits really were crazy, I mean, a baby bird? Sasuke would risk his life to protect a firefly; they must have given him a seizure with that baby bird trick. At this point in the story Sasuke had thrown his hands into the air and whined, “I- I am feeling a very distasteful rage directed at all of you!”

Sakura had found that to be the new _definition_ of funny.

The rest of the dinner was filled with teasing and laughs, the group careful not to take their insults too far, and eventually Kakashi sat himself down next to Naruto and Inari arrived to eat in the seat beside Sasuke. Sasuke had tried to say hi, but the child had ignored his hesitant attempt at amity entirely.

Kakashi was feeling anxious however, so he couldn’t fully bask in the quaint pleasantness that coalesced through every person in the room.

“Kaiza would’ve been so proud of this moment. Leaf Ninja, and Mist villagers, at peace with one another and sitting down for meal. It truly is surreal.”

The happy, cheerful atmosphere was desecrated by Tazuna, a simple sentence hushing the entire dining room. His eyes were reminiscent, his mouth smiling and his eyes glistening with tears.

Kakashi wouldn’t have thought twice about the statement had it not been for Tsunami stopping in her tracks, her hands cradling the dishes she was washing so loosely Kakashi feared she would drop it and break one of her limited dining resources. Sasuke sensed the shift, uncrossing his legs and looking away, his body coiling like a spring, ready to bolt from the room if necessary. Sakura stopped pacing the room absently, instead fixating her gaze on the picture watching over the kitchen, the build of a man torn out of the frame.

Naruto had just frozen, switching between watching Sasuke in concern and glancing at Tazuna in what seemed to be annoyance.

Tsunami’s thin framed shifted, about to set down the plate and continue her duty, when Inari pulled out of his chair, nearly knocking it over and barging towards the door.

Tsunami dropped the plate with a plop back into the sink, rushing after her distressed son. “Inari!”

The door slammed in her face. Just as she were about to reopen the door, she hovered her hand on the knob and spun around. “Father, I’m always telling you not to talk about that person in front of Inari!” With a snarl, the previously surreal, kindred woman switched to one of pent up frustration and worry as she hurried to soothe her son.

He heard her footsteps clamber all the way up the stairs.

Sasuke tensed even further, his eyes darting around the room like he was trapped. Kakashi thought briefly about comforting him, but was used to helping people with actions as opposed to words. A touch of the hand, a ruffle of the hair, a high five, thumbs up- anything that could express his feelings without alerting others he was explicitly trying to do so like words so commonly implied. Words were messy, difficult, and often times meaningless. Actions meant so much more to him.

He had recently become highly aware that Sasuke did not appreciate any physical contact, especially when it came from him. He was now unsure how to proceed in helping his nervous student.

Naruto’s eyes were wide and fixated on the previously slammed door, and Sakura looked as if she were stopping herself from asking a million rude and inconsiderate questions about what just went down. Her lips were pursed together and her eyes were longingly wide.

His gaze flickered over his students, but Kakashi was at a complete loss on what to do to help. Tazuna shifted in his seat, looking down at his empty glass, his lip curling.

Kakashi took a moment to ponder how he was feeling. Not fabulous, the scene that had just shambled the happy mood had done so for a reason. It was a harsh crash of reality to remember the reality of the situation. The reality of the mission he was partaking in. Gato had destroyed these people’s once prosperous lives. Tazuna was bringing his village hope. It sobered Kakashi up pretty quick. The anxiety in his stomach bubbled back to the surface of his feelings.

“He was a man who was called a hero in this town.” Tazuna didn’t look up to meet any of their gazes, his eyes steadily observing the cup in his hands.

Kakashi could no longer repress the urge to rub his eye, the pain in the arm having somehow gotten worse as the day went on. Maybe he could get Naruto to use more of his Nine-tail chakra...

Kakashi breathed deeply. That wasn’t a topic to joke about. He hadn’t even known a jinchuriki could lend chakra to another person before witnessing Sasuke’s wounds, for lack of better explanation, vanish.

He considered what Lord Third would do with that information. The images in his mind made him shudder. Kakashi would keep Naruto’s trick a secret for as long as possible, no matter the repercussions for his disobedience. Neither Lord Danzo or Lord Third knew how to be nurturing; it would only lead to fallacious and destructive outcomes should they catch wind of Naruto’s...incident. Kakashi highly doubted the probability of Sakura and Sasuke ratting Naruto out as well. Sasuke had this glimmer in his eye that made him wonder if Sasuke knew a lot more about the village than he let on. Sakura had completely dismissed the whole debacle itself; she accepted Sasuke’s healed ribs with shocking carelessness.

Sakura was leaning against the warped wooden structure of Tazuna’s house with her lips being treated like bubble gum in between her teeth. Her eyes were fixated on the torn picture frame in the room which Kakashi assumed was the man Tazuna had referred to as Kaiza moments before.

“Inari’s so... , I mean...what happened to him?” Sakura fumbled, frustrated and a bit flighty when it came to other people’s emotions on a level that wasn’t empathetic or logical. She knew very well how to put herself in other’s shoes, but that wasn’t always the best solution for her, Kakashi had learned. You needed to understand other people’s feelings and reactions, not just your own.

Sakura didn’t always understand her feelings perfectly,from what Kakashi could see. But Sakura didn’t come off as an all-too-emotional person. Most of the time she was indifferent, and if she wasn’t indifferent, it was hard to tell whether she was vaguely amused or highly annoyed. This meant that when she put herself in other’s shoes, she couldn’t comprehend that they would react more emotionally to a particular something than she would. That was why empathy wasn’t the right pair of shoes for Sakura.

Kakashi himself found nothing wrong with her question. Objectively speaking he understood why it might offend someone, but it would never have offended him. It was a sincere question. He was actually quite pleased with her bluntness, it made him feel much safer to respond in similar straightforward phrases.

But again, objectively speaking, it could be interpreted as rude or detached.

Luckily for them Tazuna was actually rather cool headed when it mattered. So the old man simply sighed and shifted, adjusting the glasses slipping off of his nose.

“Inari had a father not related by blood...It was as if they were a real father and son who got along extremely well...he brought so much happiness. He and Inari were very close. In those days Inari used to laugh all the time...” Tazuna choked up on his story, his fisted hands convulsing with repressed anger and longing.

Kakashi took this moment to gently reach over and grasp Sasuke’s hand, which had been digging crescents into the top of his other hands knuckles. Sasuke startled and sucked in a deep breath, his eyes wide and his mouth peeling back. After a moment, he relaxed enough Kakashi could wind his hand gently beneath Sasuke’s, giving his student the control to decide when he wanted Kakashi to stop touching him by leaving Sasuke’s hand on top.

Sasuke’s eyes shifted in his direction but he avoided looking directly at him. Kakashi tried his hardest not to be offended but it was difficult when Sasuke’s hesitance was so full of fear and mistrust. It wasn’t like Sasuke could control his feelings- at least, these types of feelings. They appeared and dispersed on their own when combined with patience and acceptance. Even knowing this Kakashi couldn’t help but be hurt. Sasuke’s eyes stuttered and glanced at him cautiously but never engaged him

Kakashi sometimes felt he was a bit hypocritical, preaching to everyone else how to handle their feelings when the only calm he possessed was the kind that came right before a storm. Even aware of his own faulty ways he felt he bestowed important advice onto others. He would do well if he took his own advice once in a while, of course. Kakashi would always be more of a teacher than a student.

Tazuna finally regained his bearings, shaking his head. “But then...all that ended; he never laughs or smiles anymore. Ever since that day everything changed. The word courage was stolen from this island, we were left feeling powerless, hopeless, and Inari suffered the most.” He raged, his eyes flickering towards the door before he slammed his hand back down onto the table. The table shook with the force of Tazuna’s blow.

Sasuke jumped, his hand squeezing Kakashi’s in an iron grip. He watched Tazuna with conscientious yet curious eyes.

Kakashi, in an attempt to control the chaos that he may or may not have been imagining was peaking in the room, decided it was his time to speak up. With Sakura switching between understanding and eager expressions and Naruto having not moved his eyes away from the door since Tsunami slammed it, Kakashi would bet his career that he was indeed not under any illusions to how bad this situation could turn out. He wasn’t in the best state of mind to be handling the tension festering in everyone’s souls, but Kakashi was unwavering on trying his best to subdue the disaster.

He patiently waited for Sasuke’s desperate grip to soften before speaking in a calm hopefully soothing voice. “Tell us. What happened to Inari?” he prodded, examining each of his student’s as if they were time bombs set to explode the Hokage monument. He felt bad for doing so, they were children and very human after all, but Kakashi also knew it would be foolish to pretend his student’s weren’t capable of much destruction. Especially Naruto; it was a necessity to ensure Naruto wasn’t pushed over the edge. Kakashi needed to get control of the room and calm everyone down. It was hard to control others however when Kakashi was having a hard time controlling himself. 

Tazuna sloshed the ice in the bottom of his empty cup around, shaking his head. “First you need to know the man- his father- the man who taught us the word courage.” Tazuna’s anger had been replaced with sorrow, as he removed his glasses and wiped the tears leaking out of the corners of his eyes.

He felt Sasuke’s hand finally loosen, but his student didn’t turn to acknowledge Tazuna and instead kept his gaze on somewhere next to his nose, blinking slowly but never even shifting his eyes in the slightest. Kakashi could feel how tense Sasuke was, could see that he was only breathing every few seconds. It must be disorienting, Kakashi realized, to be so happy one minute and then have your whole mood transformed when just a single something reminds you of a horror story. When just one word can send you somewhere else, kick you into a state of mind that leaves you terrified and unable to focus.

Kakashi couldn’t remember a time when he was the way Sasuke was. He had never been triggered like Sasuke. But trauma comes in different forms, and Kakashi’s was the kind that he could only describe as haunting. No matter what he did it stuck in his head, no matter who was talking or where he was he never stopped looping around the events over and over. An endless, demented cycle; it got to the point Kakashi wasn’t even obsessively thinking of all the things he could have done to prevent the tragedies he had witnessed anymore. Kakashi would just replay the events and drown in sorrow with no hope of escaping.

Sasuke’s seemed to be more fearful. More random, and specified on his mood...as if he was living in fear of something happening again, with transitory moments of reprieve. Kakashi wished he could change his past and Sasuke prayed he would never have to relive it.

That was it. Kakashi finally put his finger on it. Kakashi regretted- Sasuke feared. Sasuke remembered the face that hurt him, and knew Itachi Uchiha was still out there. Knew that he was never safe, not really; after all, if someone could murder three hundred people in one night and still run far enough away they were untraceable by the time anyone realized the Uchiha were even _gone_ , then why couldn’t he sneak into the village and finish what he started? Why couldn’t Itachi Uchiha single handedly complete a very ruthless genocide?

Kakashi watched his student and knew there was an abundance of factors he was missing. Even with all that he didn’t understand he had the distinct impressed he was right on this discovery.

Sasuke didn’t hate Itachi, he was terrified of him. Kakashi could not relate. He had trouble fearing for himself nowadays. He used to get scared when knives would soar past his face in the training rooms but eventually he just stopped flinching. There wasn’t enough time in his life to get hung up on a moment such as grieving over a bad situation. The point was that you lived, not that you almost died. At least this was how Kakashi saw it.

“He came here about three years ago...” Kakashi snapped his eyes up, horrified at his own lack of concentration. He had imagined that resting one’s body and mind would make focusing easier but in this moment he could only let his mind wonder. With a surge of determination he decided to listen intently to Tazuna’s story. It was rare that client’s felt safe enough in his presence to share their feelings such as Tazuna was doing. Kakashi would use Tazuna’s tale to remind himself why he was a shinobi. To stop people, good people, from witnessing the triggering of the hell that lay dormant in this world. He couldn’t save himself from darkness but he would be damned if he let others be dragged down alongside himself without attempting to prevent such a misfortune. 

Kakashi was soothed by the heartfelt tale. Tazuna explained the meeting of Kaiza and Inari, the man who became Inari’s father figure. Kakashi felt longing or perhaps he misidentified the emotion and instead it was isolation, but whatever the feeling meant it was heart wrenching and embittered his mood heavily.

The man known as Kaiza saved a young Inari from drowning and ignited a kinship strong enough to last even after his passing. Kaiza valued loyalty and bravery and bequeathed them onto Inari to allow him to grow into his own righteous man one day. The advice Kaiza had presented Inari was by no standards logical. Jumping into water when Inari was far too young to swim properly against the ocean’s tides all to save his dog was what Kaiza implied would be the proper course of action given the situation. Kakashi believed the morality of the ideal was admirable. It lacked self-preservation but the act could easily be interpreted as heroic.

Kakashi himself didn’t have many life-altering or hero worshipping stories to share from his childhood. And if Kakashi spoke having removed all the fallacy he displayed outwardly, he didn’t have many notable childhood memories at all.

He was struck with a familiar lonely weight sinking him to reality. He had been told so many times he was special, prodigious, but all Kakashi heard was odd and different. It used to not be that way. Kakashi had at one point prided himself in besting his fellow classmates in all competitions. He had worked tirelessly to show off his moves like they didn’t mean anything to him. But this point of view changed after the incident with his father.

Often times Kurenai and Asuma laughed about kunai knife training and boring old academy homework that ‘didn’t teach them anything. The reason for the academy was discipline, he resisted the urge to chastise, it was to teach children the importance of hard work and obedience. No one expected the young children to hit the target every time. That’s why prodigies were the exception and not the rule.

Kakashi remembered how he used to stand in a line among dozens of older children and stick a kunai into the bulls-eye of his moving target on repeat for hours. That wasn’t really a story. They asked about his time in what they knew to be a special training facility for the talented, but Kakashi kept it vague and often used the excuse of confidentiality. Listening to Inari’s childhood was like a strike in the gut. He missed out on so many happy memories that one could only experience when possessing the innocence of (don’t make him say it) youth (fuck you, Gai, he was not going to start wearing a green jumpsuit, he’s just admitting you make a good...if enthused...point).

“His name was Kaiza. A simple fisherman who’s come here from another land to follow his dreams; after they met Inari and Kaiza were inseparable. The boy had never known his real father so you can imagine what I meant to him to have Kaiza in his life. He looked up to him and followed in his footsteps like a real father and son. Kaiza spent more and more time with us until he just naturally became a member of our family. And he was a man this town needed.” Tazuna breathed.

It was as if something was missing inside of him as Tazuna continued the story, the story of a hero. The story of a man, a mere civilian, who still had the guts to rush out into storm tainted waters and tie the rope onto the posts holding their damn together so the water wouldn’t flood the city.

“From that time on, Kaiza was considered a hero of this land. He taught us all the meaning of courage and Inari was so proud to be his son. But it wasn’t long after that Gato showed up and took over. He terrorized the whole village. Only Kaiza stood up to him...and Gato couldn’t have a local hero getting in his way. It took his whole gang to stop one man.”

Kaiza was punished for his heroism; he went down fighting even as he was shoved into the dirt. Even as the arms he used to save so many people were beaten clean off of him...even as he had to look his son in the eyes while tied to a post and awaiting an excruciating death. 

Inari had witnessed his father’s cruel execution. What Gato did was unforgivable, and perhaps Kakashi was so invested with helping these people because he felt like he related to them. He lost a father as well, and his life took a turn for the worst from then on. His father had been a hero too.

He shuddered. Perhaps Inari was right. Heroes don’t exist, because unlike how it was portrayed in childish stories the hero would be the one to die first, every single time.

Kakashi was no hero, and he would never claim to be. That’s why Obito, Rin, Minato, Kushina, his father- that’s why all of them were gone. They were decent people.

And Kakashi wasn’t.

His eyes darkened. It was impossible to deny, so no one should try to. It wasn’t low self-esteem. It was the truth. He simply didn’t have the same goodness he had seen in others. He sees it in Naruto, and he sees it in Sasuke, and it scares him.

It scared him even more that he sees _himself_ in Sakura. He didn’t want his life for her, and he suspected that if the village were in times of war it would have been the case. Except this time there wasn’t a war, this time Team Seven would have a Sensei that wasn’t so distracted- Kakashi would kill himself from exhaustion between his work and being a sensei before he sent his student’s off on their own like Minato had been forced to. He wouldn’t hesitate to break village code if it meant protecting his new pack.

“Ever since then, Inari has changed.” Tazuna whispered hoarsely, staring into his empty cup like he really wanted more water if only to have something he could distract himself with, but still refused to get up and pour himself another glass.

“Tsunami changed as well...all of our people did. We lost our will.”

Kakashi observed his students, watching as Sasuke finally unwound their hands and leaned back in his chair, rubbing his eyes like they were the source of all of his pain. He’d seen Sasuke do that a lot, he realized. He had thought nothing of it before, because rubbing your eyes was a common stress tick. But Sasuke was very intently massaging his actual eyes, not his head or temples. He resisted the urge to ask Sasuke about this. It probably meant nothing. It might mean, however, that Sasuke was developing symptoms of the Sharingan.

He moved onto checking on Sakura, who was still leaning against the wall, avoiding all of their eyes. He could never quite tell what she was thinking. While his students were far from open books, he generally had an idea about their behavioral patterns now that he’d gotten to know them. Sakura was always the most confusing. Her face wasn’t guarded per se, but it seemed liked she couldn’t quite comprehend what she was feeling herself. Like she couldn’t quite decide which emotion suited the situation the best.

He turned away from her when he heard a thump, and saw that Naruto had finally jerked into movement, ending up sprawled across the floor. Chakra exhaustion could do that to a person, he figured. Perhaps this was the first time Naruto had worked himself like this.

“What are you doing down there Naruto?” Her voice was oddly serious, not as if she was confused, but as if she was curious for the answer. She was looking at him in complete surprise, her frizzled hair and parted lips giving one the impression that she had just seen a ghost.

“Eguh! Eh- Naruto!” Sasuke fumbled, his hands darting away from his face and instead clenching tightly by his sides and revealing wide, worried eyes. Kakashi also noted that his sclerae were bloodshot and his pupils thin. He wondered if that had something to do with the Sharingan. He was actually quite in the unknown when it came to the Uchiha’s kekei genkai, sadly enough, especially since his teammate possessed one and ended up bequeathing it to him.

“You better take the day off, no more training.” Kakashi advised, cutting in to his student’s antics. In case Naruto didn’t understand, he clarified. “You’ve used too much chakra.”

He watched in resignation as Naruto disregarded him and struggled to stand up, no doubt straining every chakra cell in his body as he pushed up onto his hands and knees, sweating from even the slightest of actions. “If you push any harder it could kill you.” He added, hoping Naruto finally understood. Kakashi wasn’t sure why Naruto always pushed himself to the brink. It was counterproductive in many ways. A person needs energy, and shouldn’t waste all of it in one day- and try working that hard every day.

A voice in the back of Kakashi’s head reminded him of all of his duties, and he found himself muttering under his breath, “...said the pot to the kettle.”

Naruto looked up, his blue eyes blazing. Even though he was obviously struggling, his voice came out smooth. “I’m going to prove it.”

Tazuna raised his eyebrows, earlier emotions controlled, and Sakura rolled her eyes. “Prove what?”

Naruto managed to get on his feet, locking his knees tightly. “I’ll prove that it’s true!” He snapped at her. Kakashi froze, feeling a burst of something ominous coat the room. “That in this world...” A grin split his face, and just like that the creeping sensation of _rot_ heightened. “There are real heroes!”

Kakashi should feel proud, but he only could focus on the ugly chakra and the bad feeling racing through him like blood in his veins. Something struck in him, something bad.

He had a feeling that Naruto would make good of his promise, sure.

But how he got there would definitely be _bad_.

Kakashi had already said once that all his loved ones were engraved on stones. That every last one of his loved ones were heroes in their own right.

But...

Take it from Kakashi.

Heroes don’t get the girl, they don’t get the castle, they don’t reap the rewards...

...and heroes never get the happy ending.

Kakashi, observing each of his students, watching the eagerness in Sasuke’s eyes, tracking the gentleness reflecting in Sakura’s, definitely knew the type of students he had been given. The little group of genin who would grow up to be heroes, would grow up with a fighting spirit Kakashi had never possessed. He knew then and there he had no chance in steering them away from their dreams.

So Kakashi decided to be swept along. He decided that if his students were going to play the righteous good guys, then he would be there every step of the way.

Because he was glad to join hell early if it kept his student’s fighting for what they believed in even a few _minutes_ longer.


	13. Damsel in Distress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even though their beauty was undeniable, Sakura's rarity far exceeded this stranger's compelling elegance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I looked over this chapter a lot, I hope it turned out well. Like I said before Naruto's POV is weirdly difficult for me.

“You’ll catch cold if you sleep here; wake up.”

Naruto found himself awake, a rush of memories inundating his consciousness. He distinctly recalled Sasuke’s face as Naruto ran off into the forest, dragging his unwilling partner along with him. He could picture Sasuke’s pleading eyes directed towards an unsympathetic Kakashi-sensei as Naruto pulled him through the door. Sakura’s annoyed grumbling was the next thing that came back to him, followed by a brief flash of hard work as he and Sasuke trained vigorously in a forest clearing with their new technique.

The first thing of the present his mind realized was the wetness of his back, and the uncomfortable feeling of the position he was lying in.

He grunted, momentarily distracted by the face looking down on him. A thin neck was covered by a black choker, long dark locks that reminded him of how Shikamaru would look if his hair was let down, and a smooth forehead along with a concerned frown. The person that woke him, then, Naruto figured. Naruto tried his hardest to suck the grogginess out of his system, with only enough success as to allow himself to yawn indulgently.

He paused, choking on an instinctively confused sound in the back of his throat.

Naruto hoisted himself up with furrowed eyebrows. He fought the urge to scoot away suspiciously as he looked around himself in confusion. He was so out of it after sleeping all night in the middle of the forest his tired brain didn’t remember to let Naruto filter his wording. “Who the heck are you?” he huffed out, rubbing his eye with a grumpy glare.

Naruto flushed, scrambling for his manners as an amused smile split over the mysterious person’s face. “Oh, uh...I mean, how- where did you come from? Uh, what’re you doing out here and all that?” he raised a sheepish hand to his heated cheeks. He was normally more put together than this. However he had been entirely unprepared to make friends with a stranger.

“I’m gathering herbs.” Hearing the person’s voice for the second time had Naruto admiring how smooth it was; a deep tone, but still elegant and vaguely feminine all the same.

“Herbs?” Naruto questioned, trying to buy himself more time to stare.

After sweeping his eyes up and down, Naruto could only figure the person in front of him was wither a feminine boy or very board shaped girl. The person had a flat chest, structured neck, and even though their arms were thin and scrawny, their shoulders were built like a man’s. Soft skin and soft eyes, plucked and pretty eyebrows- and that all that was just after examining all of the constant factors. The person who had awoken him was sporting a silvery pink robe and tight waist wrap that accentuated their strong thighs, slim waist, and- even though Naruto couldn’t see it from the view he had- what had to be a nice ass. Yet even after this close examination he couldn’t quite decide the gender of the person, and he didn’t want to just assume.

When the person smiled at him, Naruto’s breath caught in his throat. “Yes that’s right.” The mysterious person affirmed, leaning over and plucking a leaf off of Naruto’s shoulder; they flicked it away gracefully. Naruto tracked the movement, his stomach flipping in excitement when the delicate fingers brushed his exposed skin. Naruto could only thank Sasuke for forcing him to wear the short sleeves under his jacket, because otherwise he wouldn’t have experienced the tingling in his whole body from the almost casual physical contact. “There for treating illnesses and healing wounds.” They clarified, referring to the herbs he had been gathering. Naruto would like to see them as a she, but something was off about that, kind of like how with certain animals it was hard to attach a particular gender to it and eventually you just ended up referring to it as it’s species or whatever its name was. It felt misplaced to say she in this moment, but saying ‘he’ didn’t have the same wrongness to it. He frowned, because even if they felt to Naruto more like a he than a she, the person definitely leaned more towards the female side in looks.

Naruto was mesmerized by the way their lips worked around the words like they were a complicated spiel instead of a rather blatant statement. Whatever gender this person wore, it fit them well, he decided. They were graceful and completely at peace and comfortable in themself.

“Loser?”

The voice startled him out of his trance. It was Sasuke, who had curled up not too far away from where Naruto had rested last night. Sasuke was currently rolling his shoulders and flaunting dark bags under his eyes that worried Naruto and distracted him briefly from the person who had woken him up.

He thought back to the night before, remembering how sore his limbs had gotten and drained of chakra Sasuke had been by the end of the night. Kakashi had advised them not to go out, but Naruto had wheedled Sasuke into the idea. If you were to ask Naruto’s opinion, the two of them had done rather well in developing their jutsu. Occasionally technical difficulties such as the jutsu expanding too high or moving too fast occurred, but Naruto was getting better at managing all of the factors at once; Sasuke was a huge help in this matter.

“Hey, Sasuke.” He greeted cheerfully, only refraining from returning the _loser_ insult because of his audience.

Aforementioned audience spoke up, glowering sternly at Sasuke. “You shouldn’t let him sleep in the woods you know. It’s bad for replenishment and proper growth periods.”

Naruto nearly choked at the protectiveness the stranger displayed. Sasuke looked similarly startled. Then Sasuke got this look on his face that Naruto didn’t quite like. It was a mixture between distrust and indignation, but the clearest emotion was displayed in his stance; the clenched fists, the shaking knees, and masticated lips from Sasuke’s teeth gnawing on the skin all told Naruto how afraid Sasuke was.

Naruto stopped for a moment, studying the way Sasuke stepped back, deciding not to defend himself by explaining that they were sleeping in the woods solely to the fault of Naruto. It angered him, the way Sasuke couldn’t ever seem to stand up for himself. Perhaps it made him angry because what was hard for Naruto was the opposite for Sasuke. It was difficult for Naruto to back down, to submit pride the way Sasuke did. Sasuke rolled over not because it was hard but because it was easy. It grated on his nerves.

He wasn’t sure if he was angry at Sasuke, Itachi, or the things that happened to Sasuke.

He was very aware of the anger itself, though. Even if he couldn’t identify it’s roots.

Sasuke was looking between the two of them in complete bewilderment. His eyes hovered on the person who had yet to introduce himself (and wasn’t Naruto just dying to learn his name, maybe it would clue him in on their gender) before snapping to Naruto and looking at him like his permanently whisker marred face was suddenly as smooth as Sakura’s. It was a very confused and shocked expression indeed.

Naruto raised his eyebrows in what he hoped to be an encouraging, open manner, tilting his head in silent question. Sasuke’s eyes flickered to the stranger before he settled back. Sasuke opened his mouth to say something, but stopped and bit his lip instead. If seemed Sasuke had finally come to a decision, as he shrugged a shoulder and leaned in a very tense fashion against the tree, eyes tracing Naruto and the stranger’s interaction closely.

“You sure start work early, huh?” Naruto lowered his voice just an octave, trying his hardest to remain friendly towards the stranger instead of highly suspicious. Sasuke reacted cautiously to everyone, something in the back of his mind tried to reason. It had nothing to do with the particular person in front of him, and everything to do with Sasuke.

But something was off about Sasuke’s behavior. Usually, he at least attempted to learn something about social situations and had Naruto invite him into the conversation; today however he was tense and coiled, ready for something Naruto hadn’t figured out yet.

On the outside, it would seem that Sasuke was giving Naruto space to talk to his new friend, and Naruto was seizing the opportunity. But Naruto and Sasuke shared the bubble they used to protect themselves from offenders and easily passed their feelings to each other without anyone else hearing. 

Sasuke made an acquiescing noise cuing Naruto to move along as if this situation hadn’t gone from Naruto admiring a person’s grace to him ready for an enemy ninja raid. 

“I like it early. It’s calm but I didn’t think I’d find anyone sleeping out here in the woods.” The person responded, a bit of sass creeping into their posture and speech.

Naruto grinned, all teeth and wicked eyes, something akin to worry churning in his gut. “I’m training.” He responded, leaning forward and doing his best to give away as little information as possible. His breath caught as the stranger copied the movement, placing his hands in front of his crossed legs and arching towards him. Naruto resisted the urge to glance at Sasuke in worry. A part of him enjoyed the closeness, it made it much easier to study the attractive person, but the other side of him panicked and set off his body’s alarm bells as his stomach dumped summer saults and cartwheels.

“Hm?” the person murmured, his eyes wide and curious. “So are you a ninja? Because...I noticed that headband you’re wearing...or could it just be a fashion statement?” they prodded.

Naruto leaned back in an attempt to appear casual, clenching his fist and changing his mischievous grin to a more serious, intent expression. “You noticed that, then.” His gaze sharpened, scrutinizing what could very well be an enemy before him.

Naruto flared his chakra, but the stranger didn’t flinch at all. He wasn’t sure what this said about them, whether it meant they were a civilian with no sensing abilities or a hard trained shinobi who wasn’t even affected by killer intent was a mystery. But it did mean his enemy was either extremely dangerous or completely harmless, no in between. He was sure though that if the person before him was indeed acting on behalf of enemies, he wasn’t dressed for the occasion. Perhaps this meeting had been  
a coincidence on both their parts then.

And just as quick as Naruto’s serious expression came, it left, with him leaning back and gesturing to himself with his thumb. “Well only super cool ninja can wear these.” He boasted, filing away that moment for later.

He finally managed to earn a genuine smile of amusement from the stranger. If they were a spy, for this moment currently lingering in the air they let their guard down. “No kidding; I see, that’s very impressive.” The stranger hummed, their emotions concealed once more not by a faulty Anbu Mask but instead by an eerily blank stare. They looking down with their chin and up with their eyes, something coy and exciting written over their features. “But...does that mean your training for something dangerous?”

His heart palpitations stuttered to a halt, as did the rise and fall of his lungs. Naruto gulped. He struggled to regain his sense of composure and remember both to breathe and think up a proper response.

Naruto shrugged. “I’m just developing my skills so I can get stronger.” His posture was decidedly relaxed but his voice was firm and full of resolve. Only after the words left his mouth did he find the strength to take a deep breath, forcing his shoulders to loosen up even further. His feigned wandering his eyes around to guise the fact he was watching for any signs of weapon usage from the intruder.

They scooted closer to him, blinking their eyes curiously and yet Naruto got the impression the action was very purposeful. He felt both studied and treated like a fool in that moment. It was an odd, irritating sensation.

He heard a cough from behind him, and was abruptly yanked onto his feet and away from the stranger’s elegant nose and mouth.

“Well, it was very nice to meet you-“ Sasuke’s quiet voice cut in. Naruto felt shock overwhelm him at his timid friend’s uncharacteristically bold move. Sasuke’s voice wasn’t strong; however the words he was using got his message across very clearly. “But as ninja, we’re very busy p-people!” Sasuke sniffed nervously. Naruto tried hard not to let fear overwhelm him at Sasuke’s panic ridden face and body language. 

The stranger didn’t even flinch, completely ignoring Sasuke. Naruto held down a sneer. They shouldn’t be disregarding Sasuke so _blatantly_ \- in fact, they shouldn’t be disregarding Sasuke at all. Naruto was confident Sasuke could kick the majority of the ninja population’s ass if he wished to.

Instead of acknowledging Sasuke the stranger looked straight into Naruto’s eyes. “Why is it so important for you to become stronger?” Their question was more forceful than their other shared banter, their eagerness for the answer demonstrated in the way their fists were clenched tightly and their hair had fallen slightly over their eyes.

Naruto blinked, unsure how to answer. The question was abrupt. Naruto wondered if it was some sort of code but scratched that out. Ninja villages wouldn’t make a passcode one of the ninja rules they drill into all academy student’s head. A ninja must fight for their village. That was law. The strangers question was personal. Hearing it made Naruto feel vulnerable- he debated lying, for just a moment, but couldn’t think up a good enough fib in the moment. In the end, after a long pause of Naruto studying the stranger intently, they spoke up once more.

“You see,” the stranger went on, wisdom Naruto hadn’t recognized before seeping into their words, “When a person has someone important to protect...then they become genuinely strong.”

Naruto sucked in a breath. The stranger had hit home on Naruto’s reasoning for being a ninja. Becoming Hokage was important to him and being the best was something he would always strive for- but protecting the people he cared about ranked highest on every list of wants and goals Naruto had ever created.

Naruto tugged Sasuke’s arm off of him, his eyes meeting the stranger’s in understanding. “Yea, I hear you, I know exactly what you’re saying.”

For a moment, Naruto was completely lost in the stranger’s eyes, seeing turmoil and respect warring with each other dance in their irises. Naruto couldn’t agree more with the other’s words. It was all too true. A person became much stronger when something they cared about was on the line. A person flourishes when they have a reason for working their hardest and trying their best. Without a reason no resolve exists, and reasons that only exist selfishly can be erased and forgotten. But to work in the name of someone else is much more meaningful. One could not simply cheat or laze their way through when it was about someone else’s happiness, someone else’s safety. It was all or nothing.

Looking into the stranger’s eyes he understood something had been shared between them- something that didn’t involve the words they had spoken. Something that was much deeper, and told Naruto that he and this person had more in common than he had originally assumed. Naruto had to feel Sasuke’s grip tighten around his arm to remember that the stranger across from him was an enemy.

Sasuke tugged on his arm, and this time Naruto didn’t resist. He was too lost in the movements of the stranger. The stranger got up, snatched their basket and turned away. “You will get strong. Very strong.” Their smooth voice informed him with all the confidence of a child stating their favorite color. “Goodbye.” He finished their chat in a very anticlimactic manner, walking away seemingly without a single concern in the world. It didn’t even appear the stranger had a particular destination. After a moment however, their steps faltered and their eyes found Sasuke, who was still gripping Naruto’s wrist a bit too desperately for it not to be obvious.

The stranger smirked, his teeth flashing in the sunlight. “We’ll meet again sometime.” Something devilish glinted in their eyes.

Their footsteps padded softly away but once again they stopped themself after a few steps, remembering yet another thing they wished to declare. “Oh.” Their voice had turned sharper, colder. Naruto felt something in his stomach pit, worry eating at him. He hoped that whatever the stranger had to say, it wouldn’t lead to bloodshed on either of their sides. Naruto knew if it came down to it he would fight the stranger, but nothing in him felt any of the exhilaration that came with fighting Zabuza for the battle looming over the clearings head. “By the way...”

They sneered at Naruto and studied him with only their eyes. “I’m a boy!”

Then HE disappeared behind the tall trees of the woods.

Naruto blinked.

Sasuke didn’t even give Naruto any time to comprehend all that had happened, instantaneously tugging him by the wrist and staring at him intently, his eyes wide and worried. Naruto allowed himself to be susceptible to Sasuke’s worry, even as he made a confused noise in the back of his throat. “Uh, you going to explain what’s happening?” he questioned, unsure why Sasuke had been so concerned over the person that had waltzed in not a moment ago. He only then realized he had been treating him like he was 100% an enemy, when Naruto had no idea if they were civilian or not.

Naruto frowned when Sasuke released his arm and looked at him in shock, his mouth opening and closing unsurely. It made him feel as if he were missing something stupidly obvious.

If Sasuke were someone else, he would have told Naruto what was going on already. But Sasuke wasn’t; he was quiet and timid, with no social skills whatsoever. “Um...that was...” Sasuke looked at him, clearly trying his hardest to find the correct words.

Naruto raised an eyebrow, beginning to think Sasuke was just paranoid over strangers. Just as Naruto was about to voice his doubts, Sasuke floundered. “The mask!- The masked man!” he explained. Sasuke looked at him imploringly, eyes begging him to understand his minimal wording.

Naruto paused. After a moment, he began to comprehend what Sasuke was attempting to tell him. The masked man; Sasuke could only be referring to the Anbu that had stolen Zabuza’s body. Wait a minute...was Sasuke trying to say...

“That guy was the Anbu impersonator?!” Naruto shouted emphatically, clutching his head in pure shock. “How do you know?” he demanded.

Sasuke looked equally as confused. “Wha- his chakra!?” he stated it both as a question and as if it were utterly obvious.

Naruto stood there with Sasuke for just a few moments, silence weighing down as their brains ran through every horrible possibility the Anbu’s presence could possible entail, including the danger their team could potentially be in.

His eyes widened. Had that been a distraction? Had the boy poisoned them with something?...Sasuke could recognize people by their chakra? Naruto had so many more questions, thousands of possibilities flitting by him. One however stuck firmer than the rest of them.

Was Zabuza that boy’s important person, and if so, then _why_?

He knew he should be worrying about what this meant for the mission, for his team, but he couldn’t help but think back to the knowledge, the determination in the boy’s eyes as he spoke about the people most important to someone. He had the eyes of someone who understood exactly what he was talking; who had experienced all of it for himself.

Naruto caught Sasuke’s eyes, shaking himself out of contemplating the enemy’s motives and instead focusing on the enemy’s actions. “Why didn’t he...you know...” Naruto wrapped a hand around his throat, rubbing phantom pains away.

Sasuke paused, sucking in a sharp breath. “I don’t know.” He confessed. Naruto felt something in him unhinge. Sasuke always knew, and if Sasuke didn’t know than he had a guess that was always right. Sasuke wasn’t a people person but that’s because, Naruto thought, he knew people. He knew what people were capable of. He predicted what people would do, assumed their worst, learned their behaviors, and deciphered what they wanted.

Sasuke wasn’t a people person but he knew people.

It scared Naruto not to hear Sasuke’s usual theories and ramblings, his brain running a mile a minute. Looking at Sasuke now, Naruto couldn’t help but think Sasuke’s brain had stopped.

Sasuke was always buzzing. Naruto knew this. Sasuke always paid attention to the point that if any academy student wasn’t listening he was their go-to when they needed debriefed on a lesson. Sasuke was high alerted and anxious. He hung on every word every person said. He always grasped what was going on around him. He always had some control over a situation.

But looking at him now Sasuke had stopped- stopped feeling, stopped thinking, stopped _buzzing_.

Naruto grew worried. Naruto wasn’t the worrier. Sasuke was. Naruto didn’t pay attention, didn’t notice shit, and almost never listened. But he listened to Sasuke’s labored breathing now, he paid attention to the hitch in his breath, and he noticed the helplessness encroach him.

“Fuck.” Sasuke hissed, his fists clenching.

“Fuck.” Naruto parroted, because what else was he to do?

The scene was interrupted by a loud, exasperated call of their teammate. “Sasuke! Naruto!” Just as they heard her she emerged from the forest, inviting herself into the clearing and slapping her hands to her hips. “You two! I could scold you but you don’t listen and Sasuke does whatever you tell him to, Naruto.” She informed him, shaking her head and rolling her eyes in a very self-pitying fashion.

Sasuke glanced at him and Naruto held his stare firmly as if to say, ‘don’t mention it.’

Sasuke nodded so Sakura couldn’t see and then jogged up to her giving her a small smile as greeting.

 _“_ How talkative of a greeting, Sasuke.” He nagged derisively, attempting to break free from the dark theme of his thoughts from before. “ _Way to put in the effort_.” He then turned to Sakura, ignoring Sasuke’s heated gaze. It was much better than his frozenness from before, and even if Sasuke wasn’t happy, Naruto called it a win.

“Watch’a need, sis?” he attempted to dig his elbow into Sakura’s side but she slammed him on the head before he could try, going so far as to jump out of the way. Naruto winced and clutched his head as Sakura held her arms up defensively.

“What do I need?” she sneered, “The both of you missed breakfast and are late for training. I don’t need anything, but you do! It’s called time management.” She snapped at him. Naruto could recognize an irritated Sakura from anywhere, and right now he was definitely face to face with one. Standing next a doom and gloom Sasuke, the two made quite the pair. Sakura was glaring at him, daring him to argue with her just so she could out maneuver his every argument, and Sasuke had his head ducked and arms awkwardly tucked into his sides, looking both panicked and uncomfortable, with an underlying frustration about him.

Naruto observed his teammates, his earlier anxiety snatched away by the presence of his friends. He didn’t like silence when he was disquieted about something. He liked distractions because in Naruto’s opinion worrying only made situations worse. Sakura had actually once told him a weird story about anxiety. Most of the things she said were weird and creepy, but Naruto didn’t mind. It was also interesting. She was pretty serious on the topic of psychological health, she believed that spreading awareness would benefit everyone. But since no one else would listen to her, she was stuck ranting to Naruto. Hinata had been little and had been made fun of for peeing herself when she was forced to perform a complicated taijutsu move with the whole academy as an audience. Sakura had defended her by explaining to him that when someone was anxious it often made someone have diarrhea or trouble going to the bathroom. Their stomach then develops a weird, ‘butterflies in your stomach feeling, you see’ she had said. When finally forced onto stage, your body calms down because it’s facing the thing it’s been prepping for and...well, if you’ve had a lot of water, your screwed. With your stomach relaxed you can pee again, and that’s exactly what happened to Hinata. She then proceeded to feint because she was so embarrassed. Sakura then ranted to him the difference between embarrassment and anxiousness.

Naruto was startled out of the musings on his close friend when a hand clapped firmly on his shoulder. Naruto slammed his palm to his chest and span around, heatedly glaring at his sensei. “Don’t scare me like that!”

For a moment, he had been convinced the masked Anbu had returned. Naruto put as much force into his glare as he could muster, watched with rage as Kakashi merely ruffled his hair. His anger wilted however when his sensei moved forward and used his shoulder as a crutch to hoist himself next to him, wincing all the while. Naruto’s stomach plummeted. He briefly considered helping Sasuke heal Kakashi but knew that would be ruled out by both Sasuke and Kakashi. It was a bad idea to exercise the fox’s chakra anyway.

Even though, a tiny voice in the back of his mind whispered, that chakra healed Sasuke of all his suffering. Naruto promptly told that side of him to _shut it_.

Sakura held out her hand for Kakashi and helped him to stand on his own. Kakashi stretched with a yawn before he and Sasuke were both on the receiving ends of a stern frown. “You can’t just disappear like that on a mission. It’ll get you, or us, killed. Alright?”

Naruto stomach turned and he was once again reminded of Sakura’s lecture about nervousness. He looked to Sasuke to make sure Naruto wasn’t the only one on edge. Sasuke swallowed, his eyes flickering from Kakashi’s hands to his firm stare.

Kakashi-sensei was scary.

Naruto couldn’t help but feel awkward standing there in silence. Sakura was staring at the two of them with something like realization and sorrow in her eyes and it was making him uncomfortable. She was probably going to try to diagnose him again, he could because it wasn’t the first time Sakura’s eyes had looked upon him in such a way that had him squirming. Naruto’s eyes followed Sasuke’s gaze to Kakashi’s clenched fists and he let out a shaky breath. He couldn’t help but feel the three of them were all waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“I said, alright?” Kakashi-sensei’s scowl intensified by a hundred, and even with a limp and busted arm the advancement he made forward was menacing.

The two of them acquiesced at the same time.

“Yes sir.” Sasuke stated clearly, his eyes on the floor. 

“Alright,” Naruto held Kakashi’s gaze firmly, but his words came out in a mumble.

Kakashi-sensei nodded in satisfaction. Naruto didn’t relax even when an easy smile was back on Kakashi’s face. He noticed that Sasuke actually had calmed down, his shaking hands the only visible clue to his earlier distress. Naruto was not the same. He knew smiles could be just as dangerous as glares. His mind flickered to Lord Third, and to the lady who ran the orphanage when it was still running.

Maybe smiles were even worse.

“Lighten up kids. I’m just making sure your safe.” Kakashi insisted. “We should be heading back now. It’s not a good plan to leave a client alone in such an obvious location as their house.”

Naruto wasn’t expecting the hand that warmed his own. When he glanced to his right, he saw Sakura staring ahead of her at Kakashi-sensei’s back, her cheeks pink. Sakura’s fingers were wound around his, and when she noticed his stare, she squeezed soothingly.

Sasuke walked beside them with a content look on his face. He made no move to join his hands with theirs. Naruto could accept that. Sasuke didn’t have to express his care with physical contact.

Kakashi continued to hobble away. Sakura snorted and shook her head. “How does he have this whole placed memorized already?”

Naruto didn’t think it was that hard. He could easily navigate this forest by now. He had spent a lot of day’s by himself, mapping out the quickest ins and outs of Konoha, that now it was instinct to track every dip and swerve of the location he was at. In this case it was the forest. He shrugged, not having much to say to Sakura on the subject of direction. It always came pretty easy to him.

Sakura pressed her arm against his and Naruto’s heart warmed. That stranger might have possessed an exotic elegance, but nothing compared to the way Sakura’s lips twitched when she was happy and her forehead creased when she was upset. Sakura was beautiful both in body and face, her teeth glimmered in the sun, her hair fell in cascades down her back; but Naruto noticed the smaller things too. Her swollen chapped lips and itchy dry skin she probably never bothered to soothe with moisturizer. The stranger didn’t compare to the connection he shared with Sakura. Naruto used to spend his lunch studying Sakura’s strong biceps and toned calves until she would catch his eyes and give him a weirded-out face.

He looked ahead of him to discover Sasuke had taken the lead beside Kakashi. He couldn’t guess what they were discussing. He and Sakura were a little ways behind them, but enough that unless they used chakra to enhance their hearing, the two of them wouldn’t hear what Naruto and Sakura were talkinga about.

“How are you?” Naruto’s the first to speak up. He wouldn’t lie; when it came to him and emotions, he was very personal. Some people appreciated the way he asked questions and engaged with them; kept everything they discussed in a box next to his heart. Other’s thought he was too emotional and clingy. He very strongly encouraged others to express their emotions. They didn’t have to unlock all of their secrets, but if they were upset Naruto believed it was better to not lie and be upfront about it. If the person your upset with is truly your friend then they’ll in the least listen to what you have to say.

“I am...” Sakura kicked the dirt beneath her sandals glumly. “I am completely shocked.”

Naruto screwed his nose up. He was more overwhelmed than shocked. He understood how she could be surprised though. Sakura hadn’t seen Sasuke outside of large social groups like he had. He felt bad now, for some of the more insensitive things he’d done before. Like, tying him up on the floor of a restaurant was probably not the best experience. By far accidentally kissing Sasuke ranked worst out of every shitty thing he’d done or said to him. 

“It’s just so horrible.” She sounded miserable. For once Naruto agreed with her, though. It truly was a terrible story. “Do you know if anyone else knows about this?”

Naruto felt his lip curl. Of course Sakura would wonder that. She was going to be such a tattle tale. The fondness he had felt for her earlier vanished into something darker. Was she going to demand Sasuke needed therapy now? He doubted that forcing Sasuke to go was the answer. It was Sasuke’s goddamn choice. He resisted the urge to yank his hand away from hers and hissed at her. “No.”

He wasn’t expecting Sakura’s shoulders to slump in relief. “Oh, that’s good.”

Naruto stopped walking, uncaring to the fact Kakashi and Sasuke’s backs were close to disappearing in the trees ahead of them. “Why is that good?” he asked, genuinely curious.

She had recently wasted so much of his time rambling on about the statistics and symptoms of sexual trauma, he had assumed she would encourage that Sasuke be taken to a professional.

Sakura stopped walking as well and gave him a dumbfounded look. “Sasuke is the last Uchiha. We don’t want that kind of debilitating information spread out. If enemy’s got ahold of it who knows what could happen! Sasuke would be in more danger than he already is!”

She s turned away from him and looked forward. “Besides, I know it’s wrong, but I don’t trust anyone- even psychiatrists- not to blab off to Lord Third or Mr. Yamanaka about Sasuke’s...erm, condition.”

Naruto thought Sakura could be extremely surprising. She had layers and layers of secrets that she used to belie her friends and close ones into thinking she was someone she wasn’t. Sometimes Naruto heard her say one thing to Iruka, another to Ino, and something else entirely to her parents. He wondered how it would feel to lie so often. He imagined one day you would simply forget what the truth was. Looking at her now that instinct something about her was wrong heightened and zipped to the fore front of his mind. He couldn’t tell if she was speaking what he wished to receive from her or if she genuinely believed her statement.

Her statement was also hypocritical. She was exactly the type of person to betray someone’s trust and gossip around with what you told them in confidence. Maybe Naruto was wrong, however. Maybe Sakura wouldn’t do something like that. Not the Sakura he loved, anyway.

And then...then he noticed that something in the room had shifted. That after Sakura’s statement, there was a change.

He was acutely aware of the hand in his. It was oddly cold, and deadweight like a corpse.

Naruto took a deep breath. He refused to believe that Sakura would actually imply out loud she didn’t trust Lord Third or Inoichi Inuzuka, a respectable clan head, with the information on Sasuke. She would think it, but never would she say it, right?

It felt like she wasn’t talking to him at all. It felt like he was talking to himself. The Sakura he knew trusted Inoichi perfectly fine, and accepted the old man’s less than ideal ways of leadership. The Sakura he knew thought therapy was wonderful, and was almost disturbingly interested in psychology to the point where even things like personality quizzes excited her. But this Sakura blended together with another one, and it was then Naruto realized he didn’t know Sakura from her other half. He realized there were more than just two Sakura’s. There was the Sakura everyone outside saw, the Sakura she let Naruto and Sasuke see, the Sakura she only let herself witness, and the dark Sakura that intertwined with and tainted every other version of her.

Naruto tested the waters. He took Sakura’s clammy hand and readjusted the way they were holding their fingers together. Instead of lacing each finger to interlock he gripped their hands at their palms. Sakura had once nearly broken his hand because of this, forcefully shoving their fingers back in a laced position and complaining about stiffness. Naruto wasn’t picky on either but he pretended to like the palm way better because it bothered her.

Sakura simply smiled softly at him and kept walking.

Naruto felt a bead of cold sweat slide down his temple.

Her hand felt like cool metal. Her smile was plastic. Her voice was too amenable.

He had never conversed with solely the bad Sakura. He could always see the one he loved peeking through.

“We should catch up to them.” Naruto forced casualness into his posture, even as something inside of him shifted. Naruto had never been observant, hadn’t even noticed moments before he was speaking to an enemy, but when it came to Sakura, he always knew. Sakura was the object of his everything, always had been. He paid attention when it came to Sakura. He watched and listened, because no would else did. Because he cared too much to lose her; they loved each other in their own weird sense.

This time, it wouldn’t be Sasuke helping him and suffering in silence. It would not be Sakura blowing up and hiding her true feelings while Naruto fell for it every time. He remembered his promise to protect his comrades, and he would. It was their turn to play the damsel in distress, because Naruto was stepping up to be the fucking hero.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did it go? Just so ya'll know I'm not an intense fan of Haku, so I won't be changing his story or making him out to be a hero. Sorry if you like him lots :)


	14. Through His Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke has feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new chapter?? Whoop! Buckle up cause this is an emotional roller coaster. The angst is palpable. 
> 
> Enjoy!! Also, yes, Sasuke's backstory is ambiguous on purpose. The more your in everyone's point of view the more you'll learn. The Land of Waves and Chunin Exams is kind of the set up of my version of the Naruto world, so we won't reach the REAL plot until Shippuden.

Sasuke’s breaths came in short huffs as a satisfied smile slowly crawled onto his face. He looked around at the destroyed trees around him, to the rubble, and then to the shredded rocks with a sense of accomplishment. Sasuke could proudly proclaim he and Naruto had perfected their Wind Style: Spiraling Storm technique. Naruto was now in complete control of the tornado. He couldn’t hold the position for very long, but Sasuke was still super impressed they had come this far.

Earlier this morning, Kakashi-sensei and Sakura had trained with them into the afternoon before Sakura headed back to guard Tazuna. Kakashi-sensei was needled into taking a rest from moving around so much by a very insistent Sakura.

Naruto had developed an internal plan to ignore everything that had transpired in the woods hours before with the whole enemy ninja in disguise thing, but Sasuke was not going to tolerate Naruto’s avoiding tendencies. He made sure the topic was thoroughly discussed from all angles. In the end, they both decided to keep the information to themselves unless an emergency were to arise. They didn’t need to start an unnecessary battle, and they didn’t need Kakashi-sensei pushing himself any harder. It was in their best interests to act like they hadn’t spent a good ten minutes hanging out with their soon to be opponent.

One thing led to another and Sasuke was practicing the Spiraling Storm with Naruto once more. They trained on it tirelessly, only ceasing when they were so out of breath that trying again would be counter-productive. Their muscles and chakra systems were overused, but it was worth the happy, successful feeling lightening his mood greatly.

Standing here breathing his mind had nothing else to do but wander off to the conversation he had with Kakashi-sensei on their walk back to breakfast. Kakashi-sensei had asked him something that had thrown him for a loop. It wasn’t along any of the lines he had been expecting. He perhaps thought he’d be questioned about his typical-strange behavior, maybe his easy acceptance to Naruto’s healing prowess; for all he was guessing Kakashi-sensei might have even brought up his multiple chakra type wielding. Never however would Sasuke have made the assumption that Kakashi-sensei would shove his hands into his pockets and with the air of someone discussing the weather tell him, “If anything is to happen to me in the upcoming days, I need you to answer me this so that I can be assured of my life work.”

Sasuke had nodded curtly, curious as to find out what _Kakashi-sensei_ was taking so seriously. He didn’t express his keen interest in case looking to eager dissuaded his sensei from speaking truthfully. In that moment he hadn’t been prepared for what Kakashi was going to ask of him. After hearing Kakashi-sensei’s prepared speech Sasuke now felt like a completely different person from just four hours ago when he had been ignorant of what Kakashi-sensei’s request entailed.

“Sasuke, this question goes not just for now, but for any situation in which I become permanently unavailable.” Kakashi-sensei had clarified.

Sasuke remembered feeling extremely humbled. He had swallowed and nodded once more.

“Inside my collection of Icha Icha books, are seals. Contrary to popular belief I don’t just read them for enjoyment. Now, what I ask of you is that you bring these books to a man named Jiraiya, you may know him as the Great Toad Sage.”

Sasuke eyes had gone wide, “The Great, _oh..._ Yes sir.”

On the inside he had been reeling. Then again, it shouldn’t surprise him that Kakashi was on a first name basis with one of the Legendary Sannin. He was Kakashi-sensei, after all.

“This is very important Sasuke. It’s _very important_ that these books make it to him. Don’t worry about getting caught, no one will question that you have my collection directly after my death. And no one will question that you are bringing them to Jiraiya. The cover story is that I wrote story feedback in the pages and left it to him, and you are despondently delivering them to my dear friend. Do you understand?”

“I...” Sasuke had paused, unable to resist the urge to question, “Why are you entrusting this to me, out of anyone you could have picked? Why now? Why do you need them delivered upon your death?”

“I wish I could explain. I do not wish to be forced to give out the information in the seal through death. I believe there is a way I make it out of this alive. This is simply a precautionary, so if I die, the secrets I know do not disappear with me.” Kakashi-sensei had stopped him, glanced back at Sakura and Naruto, before he gave him a hard stare.

“Sasuke, I’m telling this to you because you gave me your trust. Now I’m giving you mine.”

Then Sakura and Naruto had been by their side, and Kakashi acted as if nothing had happened.

The conversation was so bizarre. Anyone else would’ve asked many more questions, but the orders were quite clear to Sasuke. Kakashi-sensei was working on something and hiding it well, and if he died and was unable to complete it by himself, Kakashi-sensei needed someone else to finish the job for him. Sasuke was the delivery boy because if Kakashi-sensei had told anyone else they would’ve tried to interfere with Kakashi-sensei’s plans. Even if the person’s intentions behind messing with Kakashi-sensei’s plans were pure and the person simply wanted to help, it would likely backfire. Whatever Kakashi-sensei was trying to do, it was most effective if he did it alone. Kakashi-sensei was smart, Sasuke knew. If he needed help he would ask. If Kakashi-sensei was in a situation he didn’t believe he could handle he would undoubtedly back down.

Sasuke’s orders were clear. If Kakashi-sensei dies, pass his work on.

While I’m alive, keep your mouth shut and _stay out of it_.

Sasuke could follow orders. However stopping his curiosity from running amuck was a different story.

He just found it so intriguing. Kakashi-sensei was doing something he didn’t want anyone else to know about and had trusted Sasuke with this information. Sasuke could do whatever he pleased with this information. Of course Sasuke would never betray Kakashi-sensei’s trust, but it was still gratifying that Kakashi-sensei believed this as well.

He focused his mind back on the present. “Let’s go back.” He suggested to Naruto , heaving himself off of the ground only for his wobbly legs to give out underneath him. He plopped down on his butt, much to the amusement of Naruto. He heard a stifled snort and rolled his eyes; how childish could his teammate get?

Sasuke glared at Naruto, moving to hoist himself back onto his feet, and not expecting Naruto’s hands wrapping around his forearms and pulling him up. His arm slung around Naruto’s neck.

Sasuke startled. “Oh- uh, thanks.”

“That’s what friends are for, Sasuke.”

The words struck something in him. He had always really, really wanted to be friends with Naruto, but sometimes he wasn’t sure. They joked about being best friends because of something Sasuke said when he was younger, but Naruto rarely acknowledged their friendship out loud. It felt very real. It definitely improved his mood, and instead of turning away or feeling the usual crawl of disgust he got whenever someone else touched him without his permission, he felt a smile creep onto his lips. “Yeah yeah, I said let’s _go_ already.” He jibed good-naturedly.

Most people would assume due to Sasuke’s more mistrusting approach to life he was a naturally curious person. However, these assumers had not assessed the facts thoroughly enough to absolve the correct conclusion. 

Sasuke wasn’t a control freak like Sakura and Naruto. He left mysteries alone, because Sasuke had learned that something was a mystery because someone out there hadn’t wanted the answer to be discovered. Sasuke hated confrontation more than anything, and curiosity was the most straightforward path to trouble.

When Sasuke woke up in the hospital with no recollection of the horrid events of the massacre other than an all too real genjutsu and the sight of his parent’s corpses, he asked not a question. Lord Third informed him that just like in the _Tsukiyomi_ he had been tormented by, Itachi had slaughtered all of the Uchiha Clan, sans Sasuke himself.

Sasuke had nodded mutely, and Lord Third saw himself out.

Sasuke didn’t think about the fact that he didn’t believe Lord Third for even a second. He hadn’t even believed him even when he was a vulnerable seven-year-old.

It wasn’t that Sasuke didn’t desire the answer, he just resolutely ignored the urge to take action. It would only cause trouble, and knowing wouldn’t change the events of the massacre, it would just open old wounds.

Sasuke had seen a lot of things others would have questioned vigorously. But Sasuke was the Uchiha survivor for a reason. He didn’t have to be upfront about his distaste for the village. He didn’t have to hide his distaste for the village leaders either. He just wouldn’t take needless, how his brother would say it, _foolish_ action.

He wasn’t reckless like that.

He would wait for the right opportunity. And until then, let the people talk. Let them say what they wished, because they knew only his surface. The depths of his waters were too dark for outsiders to see through, and insiders easily got lost.

Naruto was so bright that Sasuke stood no chance in preventing him from observing his inner thoughts. But most of the time Sasuke didn’t mind and actually quite enjoyed Naruto’s bolstering support.

Sasuke wasn’t ambitious, either. He just wasn’t. He wasn’t ambitious and he had no genuine desire to act upon even the barest wisps of his curiosity, and this lead to him being the perfect candidate for Kakashi-sensei’s scheme.

Sasuke’s only concern was that it fucked with his life. He had enough people trying to puppeteer him- Lord Third, Lord Danzo, Itachi- at one point in his life Fugaku- he didn’t want Kakashi-sensei to add to the long list. He wasn’t mentally stable enough to live through all of it. He decided a long time ago to stop taking action, to just let what happens to him happen. That’s why he was just going to give and be in the Anbu Corporation. That was why he never spoke up when Lord Third spewed bullshit. And that’s why so few people knew about Itachi’s perversion.

Sasuke was so tired of it all.

He hated to admit it, but he was tired of his life.

Kakashi-sensei didn’t appear to be one of the bad ones, not after everything Sasuke had learned about him. If Sasuke were someone else, he might’ve decided to trust him, to have hope. He wanted to remain silently skeptical. However, even if it was _foolish_ , Sasuke kept thinking back to admitting the words.

‘I trust you.’

Did he? At the time it had been so clear.

Sasuke decided, that no matter the consequences, he needed to allow himself to hope.

And he hoped Kakashi-sensei was one of the good ones.

So he shoved Kakashi-sensei’s order to the back of his mind where he kept things that he wasn’t supposed to visit, and trudged along the rocky path back to Tazuna’s house with Naruto as his human crutch. Sasuke was going to believe in Kakashi-sensei, because his gut told him it was the right decision.

He and Naruto made their slow decent towards the house, a peaceful silence between them.

Sasuke couldn’t help it; he was finding himself growing attached to Team Seven. It was far too easy, he thought scathingly, he made it far too easy for them to make a place in his heart. He was irritated with himself or letting Naruto and Sakura in. Another side of him, this mushy, gooey side he had locked away a long time ago, the side of him that trusted and love with every atom of his being, was elated.

For the first time, he had people that cared for him back. His feelings were reciprocated, and it was...new; exciting. It made him never want to leave their company. It made him want to learn all there is to know about them.

One day. Not today, however. Patience was a virtue, and all that.

Naruto pushed open the door to Tazuna’s house with a heavy grunt. They found themselves in the center of Tsunami’s kitchen, the most common place to walk into when entering a home.

“What happened to you two? You look like something the cat dragged in.” Tazuna spat at them gruffly, wiping his face with a greasy napkin. Sasuke couldn’t help but think the phrase was classic of an old man. It made Tazuna’s statement seem less ill-intentioned than it actually was.

“We were _training._ ” Naruto cried emphatically.

Kakashi-sensei nodded at them in acknowledgment. “Good. You’ll both join Sakura in guarding Tazuna tomorrow, then.”

Sasuke would never forgive Naruto for what he did next. The absolute numbskull cheered loudly and brought both of his arms up with a whoop and a loud, “ALRIGHT!”

Sasuke found himself on the cement floor of the kitchen, his legs skewed around Naruto awkwardly and his head spinning from how hard it thudded into the floor. His neck hurt too, now that he thought about it. Naruto’s elbow was digging painfully into his newly healed ribs. “You are such a LOSER!” he snapped, shoving Naruto off of him as best he could. Naruto had bothered to help him get all the way here but Sasuke ended up sprawled on the floor anyway?

Laughter broke out from Sakura, Kakashi-sensei, and Tazuna. Sakura didn’t even try to conceal her mirth as she wrapped her arms around her stomach. Tazuna’s laughter was heartier, and Kakashi’s simply added to the humiliation and made Sasuke feel like he was the butt of some famous comedians joke.

He pouted.

Sasuke was eventually helped up by Sakura who guided him to the chair next to her. She was laughing nearly the whole time, but by now Sasuke was smiling despite himself. Kakashi-sensei briefly bothered himself with preaching about the counter productivity of overtraining, and how the two of them would be of no use if they were exhausted and sore when a battle arose. He eventually gave up when he was met with Naruto’s faked snores. Naruto was adept at discouraging teachers.

Naruto slumped exhaustedly across from him, not even bothering to pretend to eat Ms. Tsunami’s food. Sasuke at least had the courtesy to mush up his beans and make appreciative noises when cued. Sakura once again dug in like she was eating for three people, in Sasuke’s opinion. He didn’t fail to notice her take Naruto’s plate, and when he raised his eyebrow at her, she just very innocently asked, “What?” when all he did was stare, she defended herself. “I’m a growing girl!” Sasuke snorted, and earned a very hard kick to the knee underneath the table. He hissed, scolding himself for forgetting how violent she could be. The next bite she took she spent her time glaring pointedly at him.

“In a few more days the bridge will be finished. I have you to thank for that.” Tazuna began, stacking their dishes to pass to Ms. Tsunami.

“You’ve all done great but you’ve still got to be careful!” Ms. Tsunami chimed in.

Sasuke watched the scene carefully, awkwardly straying from the conversation. As far as he was concerned Tazuna and Ms. Tsunami were still strangers.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you this but I haven’t had the chance until now. Why did stay and protect me even when you found out I lied to bring you here?” Tazuna wondered, trying to conceal his confusion with an uncaring gruffness.

“Those who stray from the path of justice have no courage. But under the wing of a strong leader, cowardice cannot survive.” Kakashi-sensei responded almost instantaneously. Ms. Tsunami blinked in surprise, but Sasuke recognized a quote when he heard one. He simply couldn’t recall who’s words those were.

“That was a quote from the First Hokage.” Kakashi-sensei clarified, and offered no other explanation as to why he decided to stay on this mission.

Now that the issue had been brought up, Sasuke couldn’t help but ponder over it. It was a valid question. Kakashi-sensei gained nothing from allowing all of them to indulge their moral compasses and help out Tazuna. It was actually against protocol to continue helping a client with a falsely identified mission fatality. Yet Kakashi-sensei had allowed all of them to continue with almost no resistance.

It was odd, but Sasuke hadn’t even realized it.

Kakashi-sensei was odd, though.

Every time Sasuke thought he learned something, another thing his sensei did contradicted it in some manner. Similar to how it was hard to read Sakura.

Naruto probably would’ve known Kakashi-sensei’s quote, and would have eagerly boasted about his knowledge had he not been sleeping soundly on the table. The boy religiously studied the previous Hokage’s lives.

Sasuke turned to Sakura, about to comment on Naruto’s sleeping form, when Inari slammed the table so hard Naruto jerked awake before he could properly be teased. The sound startled Sasuke. He turned to Inari, who’s hands were clenched and resting on the table. Inari looked completely furious.

Staring at Inari loathingly, Naruto rubbed his drooping eyes.

“All this stupid training is just a waste of time! Gato’s got a whole army they’ll beat you down and they’ll destroy you!” Inari shouted, nearly knocking over his chair during his rant.

Sakura turned wide eyes to him, attempting to communicate her own thoughts with Sasuke. He received the message pretty clearly; ‘what the hell is wrong with this child?’ Sasuke thought Sakura was being pretty harsh.

“No matter what cool things you say or how much effort you make...it doesn’t mean anything! The strong always win and the weak always lose!” Inari continued on.

Sasuke was so shocked, he couldn’t think of any way to cool down the situation. He was just gaping like a dumbass. Sasuke thought about saying something to soothe Inari or maybe chastise him, but his grandfather and mother were sitting right across from them. It would be disrespectful to scold someone else’s child.

Sasuke was expecting the silence around the room to last longer, until Inari either stormed away or Tazuna tried to console his panicked grandson, but he wasn’t expecting the newly awakened Naruto to snort derisively. Without even looking up from tucked beneath his bare arms he sneered at Inari. “Just speak for yourself. I’m not like you.”

“Why don’t you be quiet!” Inari countered, his eyes beginning to glisten with tears. “Just looking at you makes me sick! You don’t know anything about this country, your just...butting in!” Inari leaned over the table with a quiet, shaky sob. Sasuke was amazed neither Tazuna nor Ms. Tsunami had attempted to stop his outburst, but then again, it was the most he’d heard the small child say the entire week they’d stayed with the family. If such a stranger as himself was shaken, the father and daughter must’ve been blown away.

“I’m not like you, always laughing and playing around! You don’t know what it’s like to suffer and be treated like dirt!”

Sasuke’s stomach dropped. After looking to Sakura and finding himself able to read her normally abstruse expression with all the surety of a wolf leading its pack he knew his own expression must have been ghastly. Sakura was just as much aware as he that Inari’s words were downright damaging to Naruto’s control on his anger issues.

Sasuke reached out to grab Naruto’s hand, maybe console him, but he was aggressively shoved back. Naruto sat straight up, his mouth a thin line. Sasuke retracted his hand and bit his lip, waiting for the outburst that would undoubtedly make its appearance sooner rather than later.

He would’ve rather heard shouting and Naruto’s normal screaming fits, than the cold, detached words that slid from Naruto’s mouth like oil desecrating an ocean. “So you’re just going to cry all day like the lead in a tragedy?”

Inari jumped back, clearly surprised at meeting resistance. As far as Sasuke’s knowledge spread, Inari was actually a rather spoiled child, despite his rough circumstances. Inari did little work, often whined, and hadn’t been denied of whatever he wanted by his mother and grandfather whilst in Sasuke’s presence. After hearing the awful tale of woe Tazuna had to share Sasuke could understand them softening up on Inari, encouraged it even, but the way they treated Inari was only going to backfire when the real world caught up to the child.

“You can whimper forever for all I care. You’re just a crybaby.” Naruto was often blindsided by his anger, but Sasuke had never witnessed him like this. It was unnerving to behold a Naruto that’s aim was to hurt; to punish Inari for his words.

Inari, with warm angry tears streaming down his face, had no argument for Naruto’s cruel accusation.

Sasuke would normally be hearing Sakura’s scolds by now, but she and Naruto had actually come to a confluence in their opinions. Sakura’s expression wasn’t one of mock like Naruto’s was, hers was one of utter disappointment. Sakura looked as if she had expected everything but received nothing; like life had proven achingly predictable once more. She got up and tried for a mumble but through the thick silence the entire room could hear even the stuttering of air between her breaths. “Come on, Naruto. You should get some rest.” Naruto took her offered hand and the two stalked down the hall, all earlier cheer and triumph forgotten. Their walk was deadly and each synchronized step taken was heavier and more appalling than the previous.

Sasuke watched Kakashi-sensei stand up with detached unreadable eyes and thank Ms. Tsunami for the generous meal, before he too left the room without a word of apology or promise of retribution.

Sasuke knew what was expected of him in this moment. He was to apologize and give an explanation for Naruto’s brazen behavior towards a mere child. But instead, he found himself standing up and leaving the room with a dispassionate heart. His natural empathy was at odds with itself; he couldn’t decide whether to empathize with Naruto, or Inari.

The brat had almost had it coming, the way he thought he could get away with talking to a group of guests in front of his guardians. Sasuke never would have expended the boldness Naruto had by calling a child out on their coping mechanisms, and he felt that Naruto should not have thought he had the right to scold Inari, when his mother and grandfather were right across the dinner table. Naruto was usually so much better in social situations than Sasuke, it was surprising that he had been the one to screw up and not the other way around. 

He found his feet taking him to Kakashi-sensei’s chakra signature, hurrying his footsteps so he could catch up before his sensei made it to the guest bedroom where Naruto and Sakura were. Kakashi-sensei slowed down when he saw him, a single eyebrow raised in question.

“Can we go on a walk?” he asked, rushing the words out before he second guessed himself and ended up chickening out.

Kakashi-sensei looked towards the guest bedroom before nodding in assent.

They were silent as they made their way outside through a window and off of the roof, which wasn’t that unusual for them. Sasuke decided it was best not to bring up their earlier conversation; in fact, he ended up remaining entirely silent even as they roamed the empty streets of town. He felt oddly secure in Kakashi-sensei’s presence. It had him occasionally forgetting during the trek they were roaming around in a dangerous town after sundown. Their footsteps pattered and sloshed in the left over rain residue from last night’s storm. Sasuke did not feel pressured to speak like he did in other’s presence. He felt that Kakashi-sensei was just as content as he to simply exist side by side.

Eventually however the silence ended when Kakashi-sensei hummed thoughtfully. “Your awfully quiet- not that that’s anything new, but you did ask me to walk with you. Something on your mind?” Sasuke had learned that Kakashi-sensei had a way of speaking that was not intrusive or anxiety inducing. He was calm and accepting. Sasuke did not feel accused of anything by the question.

“There’s always something on my mind.” He replied cryptically, simply because it was hard for him to open up and he wanted to see if Kakashi-sensei would chase after him.

He wasn’t expecting a quiet chuckle from Kakashi-sensei that slowly ended in an uncouth snort. “I can understand that. Life doesn’t make anything easy to comprehend, does it?”

Sasuke wasn’t usually indulged by adults; Kakashi-sensei surprised him. Sasuke felt more relaxed and ended up saying one of the many thoughts that were floating in his head. “I don’t think that...you know...maybe Inari didn’t deserve all _that_. He’s a little kid you know.”

Kakashi-sensei hummed. “Do you really believe that?” he wondered with a tone of incredulity, and for whatever reason Sasuke’s anger flared. Kakashi-sensei knew how to get on people’s nerves, Sasuke was aware of this, but that didn’t stop him from being ruffled. Kakashi-sensei was supposed to be on _his_ side. Kakashi-sensei was supposed to think that Naruto was being childish. He was an adult, after all, and it was common sense to realize Naruto had overreacted.

“Of course I do! Children- children will carry their memories into adulthood. It will never go away! Naruto probably scarred him forever!!”

“Ah. _And_?” Kakashi-sensei was acting like his point had no validation to it at all. Sasuke knew that it did. Inari didn’t deserve any of the words Naruto threw at him, no matter how false or how true!

“And?” Sasuke spluttered. He couldn’t believe the nerve of his sensei! Of course, of course Inari was a little kid and of course he didn’t deserve Naruto’s anger! “Well, well there’s nothing more. I would have been devastated when I was a-” Sasuke very nearly uttered ‘a child’ but in a sense he still was one. “-when I was his age had someone said that to me! Naruto- Naruto was out of line, and _rude_ -”

Kakashi-sensei actually had the gall to snort. Sasuke guffawed.

“Someone, w-w-w-well someone ought talk some sense into him! Where does he get off acting all high and mighty like that? Who the hell makes a child cry and proceeds to act as if their actions were-were totally justified!”

Sasuke ended his rant by shoving his arms down abashedly. He couldn’t believe he had just yelled at his sensei, but...no, Sasuke reminded himself firmly. There were no excuses for disrespecting people’s opinions. Just before he could open his stupid mouth once more to make even more of a fool of himself by apologizing, Kakashi-sensei spoke. He winced, preparing himself for rebuke.

“You don’t need me to justify your opinion, Sasuke.”

Sasuke blinked. He wasn’t being scolded as he had envisioned. When Kakashi-sensei’s words registered, he frowned. Sasuke knew that. He knew he didn’t need others to tell him that his opinions were wrong or right, but he didn’t want to make them angry by disagreeing. It was best to keep his mouth shut and let them speak first, agree with whatever they said while still holding onto his own beliefs internally.

“You started that little fit with, ‘I don’t think’ and ‘maybe’. Why were you waiting for my approval? If you truly feel that way, don’t allow me to dissuade you. If you believe Naruto has something he needs to understand _learn to say it to him_ _yourself_. Though in less fiery words, mind you, there’s no need to start a fight.”

Sasuke gaped at him. In all of his life, no one had ever told him to think for himself. Sasuke had just basically been given permission to take any course of action he wanted. To say anything he pleased.

Kakashi-sensei had passed the control into Sasuke’s hands.

He felt himself shudder. His mind reeled and he spent what felt like an eternity gathering his thoughts. Sasuke couldn’t help but be shocked- and he didn’t know it yet, but he would continue to experience the mind numbing effect of his sensei’s words throughout the weeks to come, going over the conversation over and over and reminding himself that _yes_ it was real and it _had_ actually happened.

“Oh. Um.” Sasuke was looking at Kakashi-sensei, utterly bewildered. Belatedly, he realized his feet were still carrying him along the path on instinct and he forced himself to a stop so he could confront Kakashi-sensei directly.

Or should he? Maybe it was best not to look a gift horse in the mouth. Those old sayings existed for a reason.

“Sasuke, what you feel is not up to others. You have to decide what you feel or if you even feel anything. It’s not healthy to rely completely on empathy to guide you along your life. You need to ask yourself what you wish to say, and you need to decide how to say it; _you should do this all on your own_. Advice can only get you so far. Sometimes Sasuke it’s you who is right about something.”

Sasuke stood there and for a moment he couldn’t think. When his thoughts flooded back he pondered over hugging his sensei and ignoring PDA laws, he even contemplated thanking Kakashi-sensei.

But in the end Kakashi-sensei started walking before Sasuke could gather his equanimity. Sasuke watched his sensei’s back for a moment before smiling softly to himself. The rest of the walk back to the house was completely silent...neither wanted to shatter the sensation of understanding that had passed between them.

This meant Sasuke was left to his thoughts.

He decided that confronting Naruto may have been Kakashi-sensei’s way, but it wasn’t his. Kakashi-sensei said he was allowed to choose.

He knew just what to do.

He didn’t believe what Naruto did was wrong, just uncalled for and brutal. Naruto probably already understood that. He probably already regretted his scathing words.

It wasn’t about Naruto, it was about Inari. That’s what this whole argument had been about all along.

Inari needed to understand some things.

Sasuke was never good with words. He wasn’t good at teaching. But that night when Kakashi-sensei headed to their cramped guest bedroom with Sakura and Naruto, and Sasuke excused himself to the bathroom, he felt no fear or anxiety of slipping up. He knew he could do this. He was right about this.

He made a beeline for Inari’s bedroom, not the bathroom. Sasuke had the distinct feeling Kakashi-sensei was out of it, because he had failed to notice his chakra signature slide away into a deceptive nothing. Sasuke knew his demeanor usually displayed him to be the cold, abject type of shinobi who stuck firmly to the rules and laws scrawled on the adages of Konoha’s founders. Sasuke abandoned that harsh stigma and relinquished its hold on his mind. In this moment he was exactly whoever he wished to be.

If he wanted to make a difference, he was going to; all by himself, without the permission of Naruto or Sakura. He could do this. Kakashi-sensei believed in him to make the right choice- to make his own choice.

When the door to Inari’s bedroom came into his view he instantly made note of the door’s half open appearance. It wasn’t slammed as Sasuke had envisioned it being.

He stepped through the door, not bothering to muffle the obnoxious creaking, nor did he go through the trouble of padding his footsteps. He wasn’t trying to spook the kid, after all. Making his presence known was a good thing.

He stopped walking when his eyes found Inari’s form sitting on the sill of the window, resolutely avoiding his gaze. As Inari continued to pretend he was very invested in the view of his bedroom window, Sasuke approached him with a genuine calmness he was distantly aware was unusual for him. Equanimity was neigh impossible for Sasuke to possess. Contrary to his usual feelings he felt very at peace with himself when his hand brushed against Inari’s shoulder before he sat himself beside Inari.

Inari sniffed. “What do you want...” he glanced at him out of the corner of his red rimmed eyes, appearing as pitiful as he no doubt felt.

Sasuke pursed his lips. Inari knew why he was here, but children didn’t have much tact.

“I want to talk to you, if that’s alright.” He replied neutrally. He knew what he wanted to say, but it hadn’t occurred to him he might not receive the chance to say it. Inari’s answer determined Sasuke’s next move, it seemed.

“About what?” Inari’s voice was more curious than bratty as it had been before. Sasuke figured that when Inari was scolded, it usually wasn’t up to him whether he wanted to listen or not. Of course, Sasuke wasn’t here to chastise Inari. Young children had a pretty innate sense of character and intention; Inari had probably already deciphered Sasuke wasn’t angry with him.

“A story.” He responded vaguely, waiting to see if Inari wished to say anything more. Silence reigned around them, prompting Sasuke to clear his throat. He turned to Inari with eyes full of as much sincerity as he could muster.

“The story begins with me, when I was your age.” Sasuke started with little flourish. The tone in the room was somber, as was the story. He was not about to embellish it with unnecessary details.

Inari grumbled something under his breath. Sasuke waited patiently for Inari’s anger to subside before continuing.

“You see back then, my family was still around. I hadn’t been orphaned yet. In fact, my whole clan was feared all throughout the Shinobi Nations. My clan was known as the Uchiha and had a reputation for its endless production of legendary ninja.” Sasuke’s tone took on a concise edge, like he was quoting words from a history book rather than speaking his own personal truth.

Inari’s gaze flickered over to him in surprise. Sasuke guessed he hadn’t been expecting the brutal truth to glide like water off of an icy slate from his lips.

“I wasn’t always a happy child. My life wasn’t easy. But most days I pulled through. My older brother often made my life miserable, and he was always picking on me, and my family wasn’t blessed with wealth, but we managed.”

Inari shuffled closer to him, his expression pensive. Sasuke felt humbled to have Inari’s full attention. Telling Inari this story wasn’t like telling it to people of Konoha. Inari understood nothing of what happened to the Uchiha. The only he truth he had of the event was the truth Sasuke decided to give to him. Inari didn’t have a previous conception of the massacre.

“But soon my brother got worse. The teasing turned into bullying into violence, and he completely ignored my parent’s existence and disregarded their authority. My mother was at a loss on how to handle him.”

This was harder for Sasuke to share. He wasn’t sure why it was harder to speak of Itachi than his actions, but it was. The massacre was so much easier to cope with than facing the why’s behind the tale.

“It was around after my cousin passed away that Itachi truly snapped. He started threatening me, saying these awful things. Once, he even told me his plans to murder our very own parents. At first I didn’t believe him. But he kept saying it over and over, with varying degrees of seriousness in his words. One day I screamed back at him, I told I was going to tell mom and dad before he could ever get to them. He laughed in my face. Hurt me bad, I still have the scars from the injury he gave me. He said that if I told mom and dad, he’d kill everybody else in the whole clan with them.”

Inari gasped sharply.

“I was shocked, scorned, degraded, intimidated- whatever synonym best describes my total feeling of helplessness- into remaining silent.”

It was true. Itachi had destroyed his sense of self-respect. He still had a handle on Sasuke’s view of himself today, if Sasuke were omitting his secrets. He could recall the scar that rested on his forearm now with startling clarity. He hadn’t looked at the old injury in so long he had almost forgotten the way it curved, the way it stung when Itachi was carving the words into his skin. That day was the boldest Sasuke had been perhaps in his entire life. The rebellious streak had been effectively suffocated. Itachi had glided through the words, ‘Property of Itachi Uchiha’ across his subclavian arteries like a knife through butter. Only Sasuke’s arm had bubbled with blood and spilled crimson, the letters appearance melting away as Itachi carved. Sasuke had nearly bled to death. Itachi hadn’t even realized how bad he had hurt Sasuke until he was shaking his nearly unconscious form in hysteria, begging Sasuke to come back and “Smile for me, please Sasuke? I’m sorry, I’m sorry, just come back and give me a smile?”

Sasuke’s leg started bouncing. Yes, it hurt so much worse to think of Itachi than of what Itachi had done. Itachi didn’t even mean to manipulate Sasuke half of the time. He was genuinely insane, Itachi had genuinely needed help. Sasuke, six years old, had known that. But that didn’t mean it had been his job to help Itachi- and just because Itachi needed help, didn’t mean he could be fixed, or, or _cured._ That was bullshit. No one could cure Itachi’s insanity or will it away. 

He remembered lying in the bathtub, in nothing but his boxers, as Itachi diligently bandaged his arm as if he hadn’t been the cause of the injury. He had stared dully at Itachi, tears that he couldn’t control sliding down his face not because of the pain, but because he knew no one could stop Itachi. Not his father, not the Hokage, and not Sasuke himself. No matter how guilty he still felt today for never telling anyone about Itachi deep down he acknowledged it wouldn’t have changed a single thing. If Itachi wanted the clan dead, then they would die. Itachi was too strong to stop.

That’s why Sasuke had whispered weak “I forgive you’s” through the pain. That’s why the next day when he ran his injury under cold water to clean it out and he saw the full sentence for the first time as the carved words were pulled away from the curtain of blood they were trapped behind Sasuke had reapplied the bandages without looking back and slipped on arm protectors to avoid suspicion.

Because Itachi was too strong; Sasuke had believed in Itachi’s invincibility, similar to Inari’s delusions of Gato. In the end both of them were mortals, and therefore, both were made of fragile organs and bone structures just like the people they killed. 

Sasuke found his voice. “Itachi is now an S-Class missing ninja with more money on his head than Gato’s networth. Do you know why?”

Inari swallowed. The kid shook his head slowly, looking as if he didn’t want to hear the answer. Sasuke knew it was best if he did though, it was best if Inari was aware of what people at their worst were capable of. It was for his own good he learned that good and bad did not have limitations. Every situation can get worse.

“He slaughtered every last one of my family members, regardless of each. The only ones left of the mighty Uchiha Clan is their executioner...and _me_.”

Inari wasn’t speaking. He was staring at him in horror, words failing at formulating a clear sentence. Sasuke didn’t regret telling Inari the story, even though the child’s face was pale and his eyes were bugging. He had already been faced with the real world, and he needed to understand what Sasuke was trying to share.

“Inari, you said that we were going to die if we fought Gato. But answer me this. Would you rather die, or spend the rest of your days earning money for the business tyrant that murdered your own father? Because that’s what you’re doing right now; every day, week, and month that passes in this village earns Gato an indescribable amount of riches. One day you’ll have no choice but to be employed by Gato if you want to survive, if you want your elderly mother or perhaps your newborn children and wife to survive. Actions have consequences, everyone always tells you that. But no one ever tells you that doing nothing may create an even worse outcome. The Uchiha Clan tried to fight, but my brother took action, and I watched him do it, I knew he was going to and I did nothing. My brother slaughtered everyone for reasons I still can’t comprehend, and I let him. Don’t be me; be my brother. Take action, or somebody else will do it for you.”

Inari looked over to him, eyes shrouded, and Sasuke suddenly felt the weight of everything he just confessed out loud. But Inari didn’t say anything for a long time, instead remaining seated with a scrutinizing gaze directed at Sasuke.

Finally, Inari spoke up. “If my options are trying to accomplish something and risking it all...or ending up working for Gato and having nothing...then I choose to risk everything I’ve currently got so I can hope to keep it. Does that make sense?” Inari pondered biting his lip.

Sasuke nodded. “It makes perfect sense.”

It does, Sasuke confirmed in his head. That statement was the verbal embodiment of everything Sasuke had failed at doing. He had looked upon his family, his friends, and Itachi, and he hadn’t been able to _decide_. He hadn’t been able _to risk_. He had folded his hand before the cards were dealt. Itachi had told him of his plans. Sasuke had remained quiet. But then again, previous experiences hadn’t given Sasuke much bolstering to speak out. Delusional, they had whispered. Foolish, they had claimed. Liar, they had accused. Yes, Sasuke learned very quickly that even with evidence people believed what they wanted, and rejected any idea that defied their personal realities. In Inari’s case, he needed the belief of the people in a much different way. He needed their belief in something good, in something people wanted to hear. He needed them to stand up and make the fantastical reality Tazuna envisioned believable. He needed to alter their realities in a way that allowed for a better replacement. He could help Inari realize his potential. He could be there for Inari like no one was for him.

Inari tilted his head. “I like you. You talk to me like I’m actually somebody, not just a little kid.” Sasuke ruffled his hair gently in response. He had an awful shock to back when he was Inari’s age, and Itachi was Sasuke’s. He could almost feel the annoying sting in his forehead.

He shook off the image.

He would never be _Itachi_. It was absurd to even experience the pit of anxiety in his stomach. It didn’t make any sense. He could never be Itachi.

_No_ , he _would_ never be Itachi _._

“...I’m sorry about your family. That must feel like shit.” Inari finally mumbled sullenly, eyes fixated on the ground as young children tend to do when faced with an awkward or displeasing situation. Sasuke had never really grown out of that tell-tale habitual sign of discomfort.

Sasuke surprises himself by laughing and Inari looks at him and snorts too. “Don’t tell mom I cursed okay _she’ll kill me_!”

Sasuke shakes his head. “Only if you swear not to tell your mom I told you a morbid story about death and deception.”

“Oh hell yes, deal! You got the bad end of that barter, sorry to tell _ya_.” Inari snorted, and Sasuke removed his hand from the brat’s head with a roll of his eyes. There was a long moment when the only sounds were the slight hitches in their breaths and the crashing of ocean waves against the shores. Inari broke it however, with a hesitating furrow of his brow.

“...What did you mean, when you uh...” Inari shifted uncomfortably, his gaze not quite meeting Sasuke’s. “When you said you _let_ your clan...”

“Die out?” Sasuke answered gently, knowing that Inari was bold, but not quite so brazen as to approach such a touchy subject so blatantly. It was a fair question seeing as Sasuke made the situation seem like it was in his control. It hadn’t been, but sometimes Sasuke felt that if things hadn’t been so bleak with Itachi Sasuke could have made a difference. It was not meant to be. Sasuke wasn’t ever going to have the chance to stand up against Fugaku, to put his mother in her place, to help Shisui- none of these things were going to be reality; only his own fantasy where things were _different,_ not essentially _better_.

“Itachi was always pretty crazy. His threats usually weren’t joking. He did a lot of bad things. When he told me he was going to murder the whole clan? I knew instantly he was telling the truth. But I just...was so scared. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t feel like I could do anything. Maybe that’s true, I don’t even know today. Every night after that I came home with this horrible feeling in my stomach, scared that I wouldn’t be coming home to my family, but corpses. I didn’t have to feel anxious for long. One day...” Sasuke shrugged.

He knew that some might claim he was handling this maturely. But the truth was is that he was almost numb to the massacre. Genjutsu can permanently affect the brain, sway the mind. Itachi implemented his own consciousness onto Sasuke that night, through the Tsukiyomi. Itachi forced him to watch over and over as his family was slaughtered, but not from Sasuke’s view, from Itachi’s. It was two hours before he was found and the genjutsu was broken. By then Sasuke was so out of it he couldn’t even move. When he woke up, the only memory he had was of Itachi’s apathetic, cold-hearted thought process and reasoning as he took out Sasuke’s family.

Sasuke had trouble remembering things from that night because of that genjutsu. Every time he thought back to the massacre, it wasn’t through his own eyes, but Itachi’s.

He was plagued by Itachi. Not his actions, but Itachi.

Sometimes he thought that’s exactly how Itachi wanted it. Itachi wanted to consume Sasuke’s everything. Having Itachi’s subconscious ingrained into his memories was haunting. But it was also very detached. It made it hard for Sasuke to remember to feel. He missed his parents, but thinking about their deaths should have been traumatizing.

It wasn’t.

Sasuke couldn’t remember their actual deaths. Itachi’s memories could though. It made it hard for Sasuke not to accidentally mention the massacre. Because the massacre wasn’t some big, triggering event like everyone assumed. It was more depressing than panic inducing. He hated thinking about it, really. It made his eyes droop and his body sag and drained every last bit of energy from his body.

“I don’t...I don’t want that. I don’t want that with my family.” Inari whispered hoarsely. Sasuke resisted the instinct to console him, letting Inari understand the gravity of everything around him. Innocence within children was beautiful, but in some cases, it was better to show them the truth before they experienced it first hand and they ended up shattering.

“Your grandpa doesn’t want that either. Nor does Team Seven. Naruto can be...harsh. However I don’t disagree with him. Let me get this clear; you are not a bad kid Inari. You are a kid who was dealt a bad hand. Now you have to see it through. No more crying, now is the time for action. From what I understand, it’s what your father would have wanted.”

And then Sasuke was faced with an armful of Inari, his body curled into Sasuke and his head tucked under his chin. It took every ounce of self-control in his being not to shove the child away from him on instinct. Instead he patted Inari’s back awkwardly. The kid either didn’t notice or didn’t care about Sasuke’s reaction. Inari only curled closer, folding himself in Sasuke’s lap.

Sasuke eventually wrapped his arms around Inari, letting his shoulders relax.

Inari sat like that for a moment longer before leaping away, stumbling to his feet. He nodded firmly at Sasuke with a determined crease in his mouth. “Okay. Okay, I got this. I can be strong for grandpa, and mom.”

Sasuke smiled proudly at Inari. Inari was clearly energized by Sasuke’s speech. Sasuke felt his own self-esteem boost at having helped Inari. He may not have been the top shinobi around, but hey, he could teach a little kid some pretty valuable life lessons about responsibility!

Sasuke stood up, covering his hand over his mouth to conceal a yawn. “Kid, it’s definitely passed your bed time.”

Inari pouted. “That’s true.”

After a beat of silence, Sasuke made his way to Inari’s bedroom door. He opened it up, but just before Sasuke could sneak back into the room, Inari’s voice struck him to the core. “Your strong too, you know. I can tell. There’s something about you that I believe in.”

Sasuke’s lips quirked, “Thank you, Inari.”

The statement followed him all the way into sleep.

“Your strong too, you know. I can tell. There’s something about you that I believe in.”

Two people in the same day believed in Sasuke.

Kakashi-sensei, and Inari; if a little kid and a Jounin were both relying on him, then Sasuke for the first time in his life had the drive not to falter.


	15. Confluence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura's a badass and the plot thickens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey ya'll. Who's ready to read the next chapter??? We're finally at the mission to the Land of Waves Zabuza/Haku battle!!! Yes, we're also finally diverging from canon completely. So quick warning if you skip this battle you will be confused probably for the rest of the whole series.

From where Sakura was standing she could see the ridged outline of Kakashi’s shoulders. The humor he was feigning in his poor attempt at a relaxed posture sent her sense of calm asunder. She could see that the ease at which he moved was all an attempt to cover up how injured he truly was. Even the small parts of his face that were visible to her creased with worry, and his fingers hadn’t stopped twitching since Zabuza had made his presence known.

Sakura had been fully expecting another visit from their enemy; she just had underestimated the time he would need to heal his injuries. Either Zabuza was at full capability and Sakura was no good at living up to her self-identification as an analyst; or he was here without having fully recovered, as her sensei was. Sakura would say the odds of the second option were higher. No matter how good a medical ninja the masked ninja was they weren’t capable of willing away all of Zabuza’s injuries in such a short period of time. Only the legendary Tsunade would be capable of such a feat.

Sakura struggled to spot the flaws that undoubtedly should make an appearance in Zabuza’s stance. If Zabuza was suffering from his injuries in a meaningful way he wouldn’t be able to hide all of the hiccups in his facade. It was easy for Sasuke, this sort of thing. If he were here she’d look to him for an explanation. Sakura cursed herself for being so reliant on her teammate’s downright unnatural knack for reading people. She wished she could have that kind of ability...to possess an innate sense of what was happening around her. Sasuke always understood what was going on, at least when it came to emotion.

But no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t figure out the emotion suffocating the clearing. Tazuna, Kakashi, Zabuza, and the masked ninja were all intense, she could tell, but she had no clue as to why no one was fighting yet. Everyone else seemed to have some understanding passed between them. They were all in a glued state, nervous and jittery yet unwilling to start the fight until provoked, waiting impatiently for the advantage that most likely wouldn’t come.

She hated it, this helplessness. Human emotion wasn’t her forte, neither were words....and sure actions were easily detectable just more often than not _misunderstood_.

Yes, actions were very easily detectable. She could spot a flicker of eyes and a fluctuation of the voice with little to no effort. It was deciphering the reason why her aunt kept glancing at her uncle over the dinner table last Labor Day that left Sakura floundering. She didn’t know what the twitch in her mother’s eye meant when she came home from school until her mother explicitly told her. She had noticed it, but could not figure out why it was happening. Emotions weren’t her forte; but this didn’t mean Sakura wasn’t attentive. And it didn’t mean Sakura hadn’t learned. She had used a calm voice and slipped her aunt one too many wine glasses to get her to spill that her husband had recently had a breakdown, and she was glancing across the table worriedly to make sure he was alright. After being chastised by her mother for leaving her shoes out on the floor again and again, she learned that if her mother’s eye was twitching it meant she had probably forgotten her sandals and should go pick them up. Sakura had learned from experience and perception.

That was why before anyone could even blink, she had caught the foot of the masked shinobi right before it would have collapsed Tazuna’s skull inward. Tazuna’s eyes went wide, a subconscious expression of his shock, as Sakura’s hair whipped past him until she found herself clutching a ninja sandal posed for a deadly blow within her palm. In the same moment her other hand shoved Tazuna behind her. Inner pushed to the forefront of her mind to warn her of their opponent’s immense chakra signature.

Not a single emotion passed through Sakura’s face, her eyes expressing the way all emotion she had been feeling was put on hold and replaced by extreme focus. The masked ninja’s eyes were similarly imperceptible but in a much more purposeful manner, which suited Sakura just fine. She didn’t need to read her enemy’s emotions. She didn’t need to understand their intentions. She didn’t need anything from her enemy.

The only thing she needed was her own instinct to protect. The fluttering of her hammering heart calmed back to its normal pace now that Tazuna was safe and out of danger. Sasuke and Naruto cared so much about this penniless family she felt that by extension it was her duty to protect them. She admitted to caring for the town itself as well. After hearing Tazuna’s heartfelt words about his people it was impossible for her not to commiserate.

“Good work, Sakura,” Kakashi commented in order to shatter the tense silence that filled the clearing. Zabuza took her sensei’s words as an initiative to lunge forward, aiming directly at Tazuna. His sword was pointing high in the air and would have glinted in the morning sunlight if it wasn’t for the wave of mist that coated the clearing on his command. The mist spread outward around Zabuza’s body, weaving throughout the clearing to their enemy’s advantage.

As a precaution Sakura sidestepped so the masked man would have to cross her first before reaching the client. She had a feeling Zabuza wouldn’t reach Tazuna, however, because Kakashi had it covered. Her hands gripped a kunai lightly ready to release the weapon at any given moment. The battle intensity was a major contrast to the peaceful domesticity of her morning, morphing her sense of reality. It was hard to wrap her head around how quickly the situation had changed.

Sasuke and Naruto had been exhausted this morning. Sakura knew why. Sasuke had come clambering into bed in the middle of the night, with his eyes heavy due to lack of sleep. Sasuke was not tired enough to overlook the lack of Naruto. Sakura had also become aware of Naruto’s absence when she went to bed a few hours prior, but had assumed he would be back after a few hours of blowing off some steam. Sasuke had woken her up looking dead on his feet, inquiring about Naruto’s location. She had opened her eyes groggily and resisted the urge to hiss at Sasuke for interrupting her rest. Couldn’t he just assume that Naruto fell asleep training again like the imbecile he was and be done with it? She was perfectly content to close her eyes and roll over, deciding to deal with his absence when the sun was up. Sasuke had no such lack of moral compass. He had grabbed his shoes in an act that clearly meant he was heading off to go look for him. Sakura fell back to sleep with little guilt. Then in the morning her teammates were basically lying dead in their cots from sleep deprivation. Sakura could fill in the gaps of what she witnessed pretty easily. Naruto had kept Sasuke up all night and they came back to Tazuna’s house with the single goal of curling up and closing their eyes.

She remembered experiencing a moment of indecision to whether she was amused or angry with her teammate’s bad habits. When breakfast came around Sakura realized it was definitely anger she was feeling. She had been left to eat breakfast and deal with the rest of the adults and Inari by herself with zero helpful back up. Inner and Kakashi were not helpful, so they didn’t count. Sakura would have probably been the only one on her team actually consuming food, but Sasuke and Naruto’s companionship would have been nice nonetheless.

Inari, surprisingly, had seemed just fine this morning. Much more polite than he had been the previous night. She assumed that Tsunami gave him a talking to.

Then she had made her first mistake of the day by allowing Kakashi to let the boys off the hook. She and Kakashi escorted Tazuna to the bridge by themselves. This is the part Sakura had a hard time swallowing.

They were met with the gruesome sight of hundreds of groaning men, clinging to life, and a foul stench that indicated the corpses littering the bridge. She wasn’t sure if she cursed herself for her leniency with her teammates or was glad they didn’t come after all; her teammates tended to leave her confused with how she felt. Sasuke would have surely given himself a heart attack worrying over the people strewn about the bridge like dead flies.

Sakura stood here now, Kakashi behind her somewhere in the ever spreading mist, trying to wipe everything from her mind but the upcoming battle. Even all of Inner’s thoughts were focused on techniques to eliminate their opponent. Sakura kept her back to Zabuza confidently, knowing Kakashi could handle him, even in his less than decent physical state.

A clash of metal on metal resonated behind her. She shoved down the urge to turn around and watch what was going on. Inner tracked their enemy’s movements whilst Sakura focused on Tazuna...and every angle to which the enemy could possibly contemplate striking from.

Another clash, and then her sensei’s derisive voice cut through the mist covered battle ground. “Well well...it seems my assumption was right on the money. That little mask...who does he think he’s fooling?”

Sakura squared her stance wider upon Inners advisory, keeping her attention on the battle at hand and ignoring the voice in her head that sounded like Sasuke snapping at Zabuza, “Big phony!” and the other voice that was undoubtedly Naruto rolling his eyes at Kakashi and groaning, “Speak for yourself sensei!”

Sakura was only allowed one voice in her head. Not three. It used to be much easier to focus and forget the world. She was having an annoying amount of trouble with that right now. Sakura caught a flash of color cross her vision and momentarily she panicked, scolding herself for being so distracted by her own sensei of all things.

Inner swooped under control of their body before disaster could strike. Inner flipped over Tazuna, gripping the back of his shirt and flinging him across the ground just before a barrage of senbon could pierce his eye sockets.

Sakura retook control with no resistance, both of the hosts of the body understanding the severity of the situation enough to let go of any resentment between them for the time being. She dodged to the side to avoid the masked ninja’s second bunch of expertly tossed senbon needles. Her enemy was fast, faster than Sasuke had been when he took down the Demon Brothers. This was concerning for her. She wasn’t adept at keeping up with speed.

Sakura felt Inner wrench the steering wheel to their body out of her hands. She was jerked out of control to observe as Inner used a kunai to deflect another sequence of senbon needles headed their way. The enemy’s body was fluent, his skill level displayed clearly by his confidence and lack of hesitation. Even though Inner did not move with same grace that their enemy had she still succeeded in driving the masked ninja backwards with simple distractive Taijutsu arts. Inner pushed him away until Sakura felt that Tazuna was no longer in immediate danger. Their enemy’s poise and body language was feminine, but Sakura saw no visible signs of curves. This meant their enemy was either young or just a very thin unusually coordinated man.

Even though Sakura desperately wanted to keep tabs on the battle her own body was enduring, she took the precious time Inner was buying her to examine the rest of the bridge.

From what she could see through the mist, Kakashi appeared to have used a summoning jutsu to add some allies to the battle; a pack of different sizes and kinds of dogs perched in front of Tazuna defensively. Good move, Sakura acknowledged. Kakashi was clearly struggling in handling Zabuza by himself. His arm was stuttering and his speed was blatantly delayed. Zabuza barreled on without leniency.

Sakura snapped back to attention when she felt a pain enter her wrist and realized Inner had just shoved her back into control. Irritation suffocated her mind at her very unpredictable counterpart. Sakura saw that a needle had just imbedded itself into her wrist, and wondered why the hell Inner left dealing with this up to her. Of course Inner despised pain, so Sakura wasn’t really that confused or surprised.

Then a knotting, twisting sensation overtook her body. Her heart picked up speed and most of her joints went numb. For a moment Sakura panicked that the needle might have been laced with some type of poison, but quickly identified Inner as the one to blame for the strange sensations.

Inner was depriving Sakura of the majority of her chakra. The only chakra she had left in her coils was the bare minimum, meaning she couldn’t enhance her strength or preform any jutsu in order to defend herself. In another circumstance Sakura would have fought Inner or in the very least figured out what she was trying to accomplish, but Sakura was a bit preoccupied with the masked ninja persistently bearing down on her strike after strike. She could not match his speed, in fact she was so slow compared to him even a civilian observing their fight would recognize who was the better fighter.

Their body was panting, thanks to Inner’s reckless waste of energy. It was a little less jarring than normal to switch with Inner because of the lack of resistance, but it still left her disoriented. She needed to improve upon her recovery time after a switch. This was completely inefficient for battle. The mist around her wasn’t helping her eyes readjust at all.

The masked ninja’s speed might have been unparalleled, but Sakura caught on to a pattern with ease. Every so often the ninja would lash out and try to grab ahold of her, to which Sakura would be pushed back and have to focus her attention on the defensive. Her wrists were thin and petite, an easy target to snap backwards and cause her disorientation and loss of an important tool in battle; her dominate hand. The ninja’s strategy was so transparent it was laughable. Or, maybe in reality the ninja was laughing at her, playing with her so Zabuza would wear Kakashi out and the masked ninja would deal a surprise final blow. Well, Sakura wasn’t going to play into her enemy’s hand if she could help it. She silently thanked Inner for all those years at the academy feigning to be the unqualified civilian dropout. She waited for the right moment to trick her enemy.

When the ninja’s fist came barreling towards her nose, instead of dodging, she gasped sharply and over exaggeratedly, letting the bruise on her upper lips form with little thought to her appearance. Luckily, her nose hadn’t broken on impact. Sakura let her inner, well, Inner shine because her actual other half was distracted doing god knows what to her chakra system. Her eyes went wide, her shoulders slumped, and her lip quivered. She rode with the impact and tripped backwards slightly. The only thing she didn’t manage was to conjure crocodile tears.

Sakura let out a very shaky, very vulnerable huff of air. Her enemy’s posture softened considerably, his fist unclenching. The move was risky, Sakura knew, but her enemy hadn’t seemed aggressive. Sakura had felt like he was stalling her and waiting for an opening to strike down Tazuna. Her enemy hadn’t been coming at her with the intent to kill that would have been tactical.

This showed a weakness that Sakura may not have understood, but she did notice it. Like she had already expressed the move was dangerous and based off of an extremely loose hunch.

She was one lucky shit that it actually worked.

Just as it seemed her enemy was going to speak up, she took her chance. His shoulders were lax, making it easy to take an explosive step forward and jam him right in the thin ring of muscle that was beneath the ninja’s shoulder and to the right of his chest. Sakura knew it knocked the breath right out of you to be jammed in that tendon. Wasting not a single second she tossed the rest of her body weight at him so they were breathing the same air.

She got ahold of the masked ninja’s forearm long enough to use her left hand to aim a kunai in between the ninja’s eyeballs. For a moment she actually thought it might land, before a hand shot out and caught her own forearm. She pressed forward, using momentum from her hips, but only succeeded in swinging her leg out to buckle the ninja’s knee, not loosen his grip. Her opponent used his own collapse to his advantage, shifting his hold on her and snapping her elbow upward, attempting to weaken her hold on his other arm. She gripped even firmer, going for a knee to the nose of the crouched ninja. He stood up and took her hit to his side instead, shoving forward so they were nose to nose and even closer than before. The kunai inched closer to his face.

Sakura pressed forward, sweat dripping down her temple. It was jarring, the cold liquid sliding down her face, and brought her into the reality of the situation.

She huffed. “Damnit.” Sakura hissed, pressing forward to no avail. Her chakra coils were still alarmingly empty, meaning she couldn’t summon any chakra to help her. She couldn’t even wrap a simple genjutsu to at least distract her enemy with the low levels she was scraping by with. _Inner what the hell?!_

“As a male, the likelihood of me besting you in a battle of pure strength is much higher than you gaining an advantage.” The ninja said with a blank voice yet Sakura’s ear still caught the arrogance present.

Sakura could have reacted in anger with her own choice words, but instead barreled on with doubled force, letting her opponent’s taunts rejuvenate her resolve. She pressed forward, repeating over and over to herself that she just needed to keep up the strain a little longer, no matter how tired she was or how much her arms were shaking. Faltering now meant death, and Sakura refused to give up without first exhausting all of her options. 

Sakura wriggled her hand out of his grip and hurriedly stuffed her freed hand into the ninja pouch attached to her thigh, trying for a shuriken to the ninja’s jugular. The ninja jerked his shoulder enough to the left to shield his throat from the deadly blow. Her shuriken whipped past him and clattered to the ground. The kunai aimed at his nose was pushed back toward her. Sakura could feel her arm shaking. She was getting tired.

“Haku!” Zabuza’s voice suddenly felt inches from her, and Sakura realized through all the mist it was hard to determine distance. She quickly made note Tazuna was still safe and sound in his huddle of canine summons. “Stop messing around and use your goddamn jutsu already!”

Sakura learned her opponents name and something heavy settled inside of her. She was angry. Sakura could feel the hateful emotion weighing down her very bones. None of this would be happening if it wasn’t for _Haku_.

Zabuza would be dead, and she would be showing off in front of a bunch of arrogant sexist old men, carrying their materials and learning how to properly use all of the complicated tools that now lay untouched on the bridge. But instead she couldn’t even use her chakra in hopes of surviving long enough for Kakashi to defeat Zabuza and help her out.

Inner was supposed to know not to fuck with her when their life was on the line. But no, she managed to take her chakra away and leave her baseline defenseless. Inner was strangely silent, which did nothing to calm Sakura’s furious rampage of emotion.

But then Zabuza’s command caught up to her angry, adrenaline prompted thoughts.

‘Stop messing around and use your goddamn Jutsu already!’

Sakura watched Haku’s hand lash out and grab her wrist this time, squeezing tightly. She wasn’t panicked, no, but she did recognize how bad this situation could turn if she let her opponent use a deadly jutsu on her. She needed to get the advantage. The kunai in her grip clambered to the floor.

Sakura tried to break free from Haku’s hold, forgoing trying to keep her hand gripping his other arm.

It was her second mistake of the day, and possibly her worst.

Without her grip on his arm, his hand was free. And she watched with wide eyes as he began performing seals with only the use of a single hand. Sakura slapped her hand down on Haku’s grip, her twisting and struggling proving to be as useless as it made her feel.

“We want the bridge builder, not you.” The lack of effort he was putting into his hold on her became obvious and greatly wounded her pride. Something sickening overtook her, something cold and raw and nothing like she usually felt. It was a hopeless, anxious _nothing_. She wasn’t afraid of death, she supposed. It would happen to her eventually. The pressure on her arms increased, and she stumbled and nearly fell over.

Inner let out a squeal of fear at their precarious situation, the first sound she’d made in ages.

The fear was a reminder.

When Sakura heard Inner’s terror filled scream, it reminded her she had people that she needed to live for. That she had a reason to be very afraid. Without her to keep the two out of trouble Sasuke and Naruto were goners. Inner’s voice crumbled the eerie acceptance that had begun to sink within her and replaced it back with the previous cold fury she had felt moments before. “If you back down, I won’t have to kill you.” Haku reasoned.

Sakura could have responded with a hundred witty or impactful comments. She could have reminded him he didn’t have to kill her either way, or she could have sworn he would never have the chance. But instead of useless chatter she focused all of her strength on pulling out of his grip, feeling the moment when her struggling became too bothersome for him to handle and he had to tighten his hold. She doubled her efforts, triumphant that she was at least accomplishing something other than bruising her wrists. She would have tried for a kick, but without proper balance, the move wouldn’t affect the standstill at all.

Neither she nor Inner (according to the loud shriek of horror that instantly gave her a headache) were expecting the spike of chakra large enough for even them to sense.

“Sakura! Get out of there!” Kakashi shouted from somewhere within the fog.

She watched her opponent, _Haku,_ disappear with a knowing dread in her stomach. Her gaze flickered briefly to Kakashi’s suddenly very visible panicked face. However she wasn’t soft like Sasuke and Naruto, she wasn’t going to comfort or reassure him with confidence or kindness. She was much harder, and she didn’t respect his focus on her one bit. He needed to be kicking Zabuza’s ass so he could was able to help her not get murdered by an enemy that’s experience quadrupled hers. 

“Don’t you fucking dare get distracted, Hatake! I swear to god!” she shrieked, once again channeling her other half’s more aggressive ways. She was perfectly aware of the danger she was in without Kakashi’s redundant warning. She also knew she was letting out some of her frustration with the scream she directed at her sensei, and it felt really good. Suddenly she understood why Naruto shouted so much.

Just before her vision was blocked, she saw Kakashi spin around and meet Zabuza’s blade with his own once again. The momentary detachment from the very real life threatening situation around her dispersed. She looked around to examine what she and Inner had really gotten themselves into.

“Hidden Jutsu: Crystal Ice Mirrors!”

Inner’s voice exploded in her mind, but Sakura already knew everything Inner was shrieking at top speed.

Whatever jutsu had just been used, it wasn’t elemental. It wasn’t like the Fireball Jutsu or Kakashi-sensei’s Headhunter Jutsu. It was dangerous, like Naruto’s Shadow Clone technique; the lack of elemental designation meant it couldn’t just be used by anyone. Naruto’s Shadow Clone technique was Kage level, a technique she assumed Lord Third taught Naruto in his free time. The Hokage seemed quite chummy with her teammate. That however was beside the point, the point was that it was passed on from the Hokage to Naruto, _specifically_. Not just anyone could learn the Shadow Clone jutsu. These type of hidden jutsus were esoteric by nature. Not just anyone could learn Ino’s Mind Transfer, Shikamaru’s Shadow Possession, or Choji’s Human Bolder jutsus. It was passed on from hundreds of years of experience, clandestine and sacred. Sometimes the secrecy wasn’t the only factor that prevented others from using the techniques. Sometimes, like Kiba’s Fang Over Fang, ninja needed a certain type of chakra to perform a jutsu.

Sakura took a deep breath. She had just let an unknown jutsu without an elemental designation be used on her. She had no idea what it did, or the approximate skill level of her opponent. Her confidence was deterred by her opponents enigmatic skillset. If she didn’t know what she was facing, in what manner should she approach the object of her opposition? She wondered if remaining defensive was really the best tactic. Perhaps the most tactical decision would be to attempt at ending the fight as quickly as possible, meaning she should switch to a more offensive strategy. 

The first thing Sakura noticed was different was the drop in temperature. It was cold, much colder than the Land of Waves ever should be. She could see her panting breath leave her mouth, and the mist around them only aided the chills she was experiencing. It was also quiet, like Kakashi and Zabuza’s battle was no longer raging a few meters away from them.

She watched in sick fascination as water formed a circle all around them. The water arose from the ground like a cage, forming a shape Sakura had yet to make out. The water swirled and the air got even colder, and then Sakura blinked and there were sets of large squares of ice every way she looked. She was surrounded, trapped in a prison of ice mirrors. Empirically the walls were exuding enough chakra that Sakura would need to find a way to circumvent the jutsu without having to shatter the ice. She doubted she was capable of bursting through the strong ensnare of chakra lacing the mirrors with brute force.

“Oh _shit_.” Sakura hisses, the adrenaline in her system running out and replaced by a calculating thrum of numbers and plans.

Haku, from the outside of his prison, stepped his foot into one of the ice mirrors. His shoe sunk into the surface and rippled until his whole body was emerged. Haku was clearly using some sort of Kekei Genkai, because Sakura had never heard of anything like the jutsu she just witnessed.

Sakura looked around her, and in every single reflection of the mirror, there was an image of her opponent. She was surrounded.

For the heck of it, she tried to release her chakra to test for a genjutsu. However nothing changed, and the image of Haku’s multiple masks staring down at her remained ever present.

“ _Oh shit_.” She repeated once more.

Kakashi’s words back in the bell test caught up to her. She remembered, when he had used the Headhunter jutsu to trap her beneath the dirt, how she had checked upwards, to her left, to her right, but had miscalculated and not bothered to look down.

Sakura glanced upwards, spotting a mirror above her head. She looked to her right and was met with the reflection of her opponent, and then to her left where her opponent was still staring right at her. Then Sakura turned her gaze _down._

She cursed Inner. If she could use chakra, a simple Earth style would make escaping this a piece of cake. Chakra draining, sure, but she had held her own in taijutsu against him just fine without the aid of her chakra. As long as he didn’t have large enough reserves to activate this technique twice in a row, Sakura would’ve been fine. No point contemplating an impossible solution, however, seeing as Inner was being a bitch at literally the worst time _ever_. Without the bolstering of her chakra Sakura’s life relied on the actions of her assailant. It wasn’t beneath her to trick or claw her way out of this situation, but she suspected that behaving ignominiously would not impact her opponent any longer. She had fooled him once already. He acknowledged that she was a serious threat. No matter how softhearted he was on the inside, he was still a ninja. It was purely up to Sakura to weasel her way out of falling because of her own ineptitude. She needed a table turning strategy and a lot of luck. If she managed to excavate those things out of necessarily nothing, she might just have a chance at survival.

But what could she possibly do to prevent her opponent from wiping her out? She was virtually powerless. Sakura was stuck in her enemy’s jutsu with no means of escaping. It was a game of cat and mouse and to win Sakura just had to find a hole to escape through.

The only problem was that Sakura saw no logical end to this battle. She couldn’t envision the outcome. She refused to accept her own death, but she couldn’t imagine actually getting far enough ahead of Haku to kill him.

Maybe that was the key. She didn’t need to kill Haku, she needed to survive- to escape- just like a mouse. Sakura needed to hold Haku off long enough that someone else could come to save her. Kakashi’s words echoes in her head, from that humiliating day back in the bell test. She’d thought he had taught her nothing...that he’d been wasting their time with D-ranks and long, boring mornings waiting on his tardiness.

But his words meant something to her right now.

_“Just working together...is that what you mean?” Sakura rebuked, disbelieving._

_“That’s what I mean.” Kakashi-sensei snapped heatedly. “It’s too late now, but if all three of you had come at me you might have been able to take the bells!” he sneered._

She thought back to her conclusion. To defeat Haku, she needed her team. For her team to get here, she needed time.

“Now then, I will give you one more chance. Yield!” Haku’s voice was forceful but didn’t increase in volume whatsoever, despite their being multiple of him surrounding her.

Sakura paused. That didn’t add up. When Naruto used his Shadow Clone Jutsu, he was always louder. She could always hear an echo. Sure, Naruto was louder than most on average, but when there were thirty Naruto’s? His voice stretched all the way across Konoha.

That’s when Sakura pieced it together. Haku had not multiplied himself so he could appear in every mirror. He was moving at a faster speed than she could even _comprehend_.

She watched one ice mirror for a moment and saw nothing, not a flicker. He was moving so fast Sakura could not even see the time in between when she was _looking_ for it.

Her hand went for her kunai pouch, but this seemed to alert her enemy she had no intention of paying his words any mind. Yield? Sakura Haruno?

Fuck you, masked ninja, Sakura grouched. Unlike you, I don’t have to aim to kill. All I have to do is tire you out to make this easy on my teammates. There was undeniably something triumphant and confident in that realization.

Sakura knew that this was going to end with her getting injured, but it was better she be prepared. It was better she knew what to expect from this strange jutsu. Sakura launched flicked her hand out of her pouch and launched a knife straight at one of the chakra filled mirrors, her knees shaking with trepidation at the bold move so unlike her methodical and beleaguering approach to winning. She hoped her uncharacteristic recklessness paid off. The kunai bounced uselessly off the mirror like a bouncy ball against a sheet of glass. Her eyes widened, even though she had suspected the ice was strong.

Then Sakura felt something warm and cold wash all over her body. It took her breath away and distracted her for just a moment. Blood rushed to her ears and throat, and tears shot from her eyes. Sakura finally felt it, then, an indescribable amount of pain. Her arms were burning, her legs, her cheeks, her stomach, her thighs- every inch of her skin, bare or covered, started itching as if flames were licking at her skin. Her knuckles and fingers felt like she had shoved her hands into a fire. Her hair was lying in wisps on the ground around her, falling off every few seconds and clinging to her clothes. The sound of rushing wind roared in her very skull.

Only Inner’s bumbling voice in the back of her mind granted clarity to what was happening. Senbon, thousands of them, raining down on her and slicing her open from all sides. For once in Sakura’s miserable life Inner’s panic proved helpful.

Sakura hit the ground, tucking her arms underneath her and bringing her knees close to her chest. She took her first breath of air, her lungs constricting and her weight pressing into the ground like the levels of gravity itself had increased.

Then Inner was in control, and the pain and hurt melted away into a complete numbness.

Sakura was shocked. Inner didn’t like pain. Inner was actually a pretty fearful being. She disguised her fear with distaste, but Sakura knew. Inner was afraid of large animals, Inner was afraid of being reprimanded, Inner was afraid of people knowing she was afraid- Inner was intensely paranoid, which made up for Sakura’s organized, methodical approach to life. Inner however feared nothing more than getting hurt. Pain was Inner’s enemy. Pain didn’t bother Sakura much, so she was usually left in control when their body was under a lot of stress.

So of course Sakura was stunned when the numbness overwhelmed her, because Inner had just helped her...saved her, in a way.

She blinked.

Maybe the problem wasn’t just Inner’s selfishness, maybe Sakura’s extremely judging tendencies were partially to blame for the anger between the hosts of the body. Maybe she was just feeling passionate in the heat of the moment.

Inner grunted momentarily, but otherwise did not let the pain faze her. Her hands formed seals underneath their stomach, flying faster than Sakura had ever been capable of preforming jutsu.

Sakura watched the mirrors, searching for a moment of pause, a brief glimpse of the speed Haku was moving at faltering- but nothing, the images surrounding her were ever smooth. Her view of them was so concise Sakura swore she could even see Haku’s reflections pulsing with breath.

Sakura then felt a tugging sensation that was vaguely familiar. The feeling snuck up on her, wrapping around her and taking her breath away. She was brought back to that moment, the intense head to head battle she and Inner had been in when Sasuke had gone into a panic attack, when both of them were pulling at the reins of their body. Except this time she wasn’t blinded by anger and intensity. This time she was perfectly aware. She was conscious of every tug and pull, of every pain and shock. Her vision blurred for an instant, before slowly Sakura watched the shapes around her reform like camera lenses adjusting. She took a deep breath of the muggy, yet strangely cold air, and it felt different.

If felt _alive_.

“Oh, so it worked then.” Sakura hadn’t even realized she had mumbled it out loud until she realized _she_ hadn’t. Inner had mumbled it.

“Holy shit!” she shot up, regretting it instantly. Needles took the moment to jam into her side. Sakura hissed in pain and ducked back into her imitation of a turtle hiding inside it’s shell.

Inner rolled their eyes that were covered by her annoyingly long bangs strangling out of her tight rubber band. “It worked. I’m brilliant.”

Sakura widened their eyes.

They were in control _at the same time_.

Then Sakura noticed the other changes. Her chakra coils were no longer near exhausted, they were strong, and doubled. Both her and Inner’s chakra had merged, shifting from two intertwining chakra coils to one very large chakra pathway with copious amounts of spiritual and physical chakra spreading throughout her system fluently. Something in her chest felt dislodged and lighter all of the sudden. Then a strange emotion filled her, but it wasn’t hers. It was Inners. Inner was excited, and fearful, and ready for a fight. None of these were things Sakura usually felt. She could keep everything calm so easily, yet still be intense and battle ready. However this buzzing, fluttering sensation in her stomach was making it incredibly difficult to focus. She suddenly understood Sasuke a bit better if this was how he felt about fighting all of time.

She had never been able to feel or truly hear Inner’s thoughts, not to say the two couldn’t communicate, but only Inner had ever been able to feel her emotions and hear her thoughts. Sakura had never been able to do the same with Inner.

Something like worry niggled at the back of her mind. Something that said she just lost a bit more control over her own body, something that informed her that she and Inner were equals now instead of a host and a pest, but she shoved it down harshly. This was her body, not Inners. There was no harm in sharing for a bit, because the facts would never change. Sakura was the real one. Inner was the intruder.

Even though Sakura was dying to decipher every single meaning and possibility this new chakra and subconscious coalescing ability could provide, the irritating fluttering in her stomach and racing of her pulse was too distracting and forced her to take action.

She and Inner had an Earth Style ready in an instant, their hands forming signs with surprisingly fluidity for the first time ever being in control at the same time. Sakura supposed it was beginners luck and wouldn’t last long. Inner snorted, and it was weird that the reaction was vocal and not just within her mind; she wasn’t sure if that made her saner or crazier.

“Earth Style: Tunneling Jutsu!” Sakura and Inner’s voice sounded like two people perhaps only to their ears, but she wasn’t quite sure by how surprised her opponent appeared.

Sakura felt the world zip by her and then everything was dark. For a moment it felt like she was free falling, but then everything came back to her in a sensation similar to throwing up, only without the vomit.

They stumbled, and Sakura looked around. The transportation jutsu had worked, they propelled themselves through the ground and outside of Haku’s ice prison.

“Sakura!” Kakashi’s voice warned.

She and Inner hit the floor, and she heard Inner hoping and pleading to the very gods themselves that’s what Kakashi had wanted them to do. A moment passed where the only sound around them was a persistent buzzing. An unfamiliar bout of anxiety that she was absorbing from Inner flooded her senses. The buzzing was over stimulating her. Everything was much too loud and too fast. She couldn’t focus, she couldn’t think of anything but the need to get out and find somewhere safe and alone to hide. She tried fighting the projection she received from Inner with her own indifference, but it turns out that emotion was definitely stronger than indifference. The emotion won, and Sakura was left to face this awful, eternal anxious sensation. Sakura’s stomach swooped when they heard a gush of wind parting for Zabuza’s Kubikiribocho blade. It sailed just above her head, much like the attack he used in their very first meeting. Her whole body was tense with fear.

Kakashi-sensei rushed towards her, gripping her shoulder and yanking her to her feet. Without a second to spare he was pushing her dangerously close to Haku’s ice prison she and Inner had just managed to escape. She skidded across the ground, her backside aching from the impact of the solid surface she had been shoved into.

“Keep the one in the mask distracted, I can’t hold off Zabuza _and_ keep your ass safe. This is no time to test your abilities, Sakura.” Kakashi-sensei hissed. Sakura wasn’t offended, and for once neither was Inner. In fact, now that their emotions were (temporarily?) lined up, she could even detect a sense of respect exuding from Inner. Kakashi disappeared in a blur of mist, leaving Sakura to agonize over the worrying sounds of battle echoing throughout the bridge.

Wait...temporarily? God she hoped this was temporary. If Inner didn’t figure out how to undo their merging Sakura would collapse! If emotions were stronger than indifference she would constantly be feeling something! Inner hadn’t even merged with her for three minutes and she had already discovered that fear was _exhausting_.

Then she and Inner became cognizant of the insurmountable stress their body received from Haku’s vigorous attack. As the adrenaline left Sakura, the effects of the agony caught up with her as well. Now both of them were worn out from pain. Their knees buckled beneath them, and she and Inner scrambled to pick themselves back up, standing on shaking legs. Needling pain crept up her spine, her neck, her shoulders, but she couldn’t pin point a single one of the irritating aches. She was losing blood fast, however, and her wrists were dripping red liquid. A fact Kakashi might have noticed had he not been so distracted protecting her from the much more dangerous of threats, Zabuza Momoichi. She couldn’t blame him, she had barely noticed herself. Inner was beginning to panic, which normally would have just been mildly irritating, but now Sakura was forced to experience all the physical attributes that came with fear. Her racing pulse, her labored breathing, and the blurring of her vision were all greatly affecting Sakura’s thinking process. Sakura did her best to calm her other half down but it was difficult when her strength was diminishing by the second.

A single needle lodging directly into her cheek had her body caving in and falling back against the ground from the shock and pain, nearly forcing a cry from her lips. Instead of faltering she turned her fall into a quick roll, slamming her palms against the ground to hoist herself back onto her feet as fast as she could manage. Her palms vibrated with pain. By the time her feet were steady Haku was already on her again, his speed and clear lack of strain giving him an obvious advantage.

Sakura slipped on the water flooding the bridge and fell back, another needle sticking into her bottom lip. Sakura could feel the metal of the needle clank against her teeth as it burst several veins. She leaned over onto her hands and knees and ripped it out, spitting in aggravation. The whole in her lip flooded her mouth and chin with blood.

She caught the kick aimed at her ribs, hearing the bone of her hand snap. For a moment Sakura was confused, because a rush of unfamiliar fearful emotions squirmed underneath her skin, before remembering the intrusive being currently also in control of the body. Inner made the next move out of instinct and irrationality rather than careful calculation, taking their enemy’s ankle and wrenching Haku down on top of them, slamming him in the jaw with heel of their foot. Sakura and Inner’s head smacked to the ground in a whiplash effect of the force they had reeled into the kick. For a moment her vision blurred. Sakura sniffed, wiping her face and feeling the blood droplets smear.

Inner’s disgust had their body shuddering, but Sakura didn’t let it distract her.

Haku was standing above her, rubbing a large bruise on his jaw and arrogantly assuming the fight between them was over. Sakura felt herself consumed by her anger. She couldn’t help it. Their bright green eyes flashed. Sakura had spent the majority of her life going above and beyond to prove herself worthy, and this stranger was making her feel like she was just as useless as everyone had always expected her to be. The academy teachers, her parents, her classmates, she thought graduating had proved them wrong and rid her of the insecurity they inflicted her with. But that was not the case; she still felt like she needed to show everyone how truly devastating her willpower could be. It made her angry Haku had that kind of control over her that he didn’t even have to say anything to make her feel weak in comparison.

Inner was terrified, adding tons onto the weight of Sakura’s own emotions. Inner’s fear amplified her indignation. Inner was always trying to impress others, putting on a show and never letting anyone see what’s inside. Even though Inner didn’t care a single ounce what anyone thought of them personally, she knew that to get ahead in life she needed them to be viewed in a certain way. Consequently, Inner was very careful with how she portrayed herself. Because of this agreeableness Sakura had no counter for her anger. She only had Inner’s terror coursing through her veins. Sakura had been a steady indifference to counter Innere’s terror up until now. However both of them were currently experiencing very raw, extreme emotions. Their body didn’t know how to react to all of the stimulation. She gasped as her mind short circuited and nothing else but her emotions mattered.

It was Inner who remembered to fight the pain in their body long enough that they could roll out of the way of barrage of needles all aimed to kill.

Sakura grunted, clutching her side in complete pain. A needle was imbedded into her spleen, a few needles had pierced her subclavian arteries, and as she assessed the damage, she realized that a few had gone deep enough that they may have pierced her lungs. It was strange, how during the attack it had been painful, but it hadn’t felt life-threatening.

The powerful emotions she had been experiencing muted into nothing. Their mind had overloaded. Sakura could no longer feel a thing. She couldn’t even remember how she had gotten on the bridge in the first place. Everything was becoming fuzzy. The image of her loved ones, her parents, the academy faded away slowly and hovered out of her reach, a blank whiteness replacing her most important memories. 

Her life was ticking away. She decidedly was not going to call Kakashi. It was better he save himself and the bridge builder. But...how would Kakashi manage to fight off both Haku and Zabuza? Not even he was capable of that. 

Sakura felt a heavy weight collapse atop her and wheezed weakly. A hand pressed firmly against her throat but she didn’t even have the strength left in her to bat it away. She had been clinging to the hope that Kakashi would be able to incapacitate Zabuza by the time she lost against Haku. That he would help her take the masked ninja out- _that they would work together_ ; she now realized how foolish that was. She could never hold her own against such a strong opponent all by herself for so long. Looking into Haku’s eyes as he panted and gathered the strange necessary to either snap her neck or choke her, she realized how lonely she really was. How she would die all by herself, surrounded by mist, her dreams and ambitions meaningless...her _life_ meaningless. 

“You have me, Sakura.” Inner breathed it right out of their throat, uncaring of Haku’s confused expression.

Sakura smiled blearily. That was true. At least she would die beside the literal bane of her existence, she thought, only half joking. 

Then she felt the grip on her throat tighten, constricting her air, but she didn’t struggle. He decided on choking her, it seemed. She was weak. The blood loss was catching up to her; even though her chakra reserves were bursting at the seams, she wasn’t physically strong enough to do anything with the available power. She couldn’t breathe, or swallow, and the lack of oxygen was finally starting to feel painful. Black dotted her vision, and she heard Inner start laughing in hysteria. Figures the person she has to die beside is not only crazy but could very well be a figment of her imagination.

Sakura watched Haku and then remembered. Remembered why she _could not_ die here. Why she was not allowed to die.

She remembered everything in her life that was unfinished. Remembered Ino and their broken friendship, Sasuke and Naruto and their newly formed one, her parents and their weak relationship she never would have the chance to strengthen. She remembered telling Kakashi her vow, her vow to keep Sasuke and Naruto safe.

Her gut tightened. She could not rely on Inner’s power, or Inner’s quick thinking, or Inner’s endurance to save them this time.

This time, it was all on her.

In a swift movement she had kneed him in his unprotected crotch, following by an elbow straight to the throat. He wheezed in pain and surprise. His near unconscious opponent had moved with a swiftness that should have been impossible. Sakura gasped both for air and out of shock that her blows had actually landed. She quickly seized the opportunity to slam Haku right in the nose, his mask splitting in two. Sakura hadn’t even realized how much chakra she had launched into the hit until she noticed his body crumble and the blood caking his nose.

Inner’s laughter finally faded, the silence welcomed. Sakura at first thought it was because Inner was proud of her. She was proved wrong when Inner’s laughter came back full force not a minute later. Inner took control of their stupid, disobedient mouth long enough to scramble away from Haku’s slumped form and declare in a very loud voice.

“You call that a dick? No wonder I thought you were a girl. It’s not even there.”

...what had she even been thinking. Inner was a cruel, horrible being. She needed to remind herself that Inner was entirely unreliable. Inner could never be trusted. Sakura’s face morphed into horror, but she wasn’t expecting the very real, not-in-her-head male laughter that abruptly made an appearance to her right.

When she turned her head, she felt nothing but relief.

Standing right across from her were Sasuke and Naruto, behaving the way the two always did. Sasuke was behind Naruto, kunai at a ready and hyper-focused, until he noticed Naruto’s obnoxious, inappropriate laughter and seemed to be debating whether the enemy or Naruto was the more immediate problem he needed to deal with.

Sakura let her head rest against the bridge as her she was hoisted into the arms of a very warm Sasuke Uchiha.

He had her across the clearing and surrounded by dogs in what seemed to be milliseconds to her blood loss affected brain.

Sakura only let her eyes close, however, after Sasuke rested a hand against her cheek and gave her one of his rare smiles. “Just relax now Sakura, you did it. You held him off. Everyone’s safe.”

....yea....

Sasuke always knew what to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes. Sakura is a queen.


	16. Helpless Isn't My Color

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi is an experienced ninja.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for sticking by me this long! Here's to another chapter!

“You know the score, Kakashi. If you go after Haku, I go after the bridge builder.”

Kakashi conscientiously tracked Zabuza’s every movement through a desultory Sharingan. A stream of flimsy chakra was sluggishly moving along his ocular pathways, barely stimulating the powers Obito’s Sharingan granted him. The frankly vestigial chakra he had after the tiresome past few days left him weary, with perspiration slicking his back and temples. There was a plethora of reasons to disbelieve Zabuza’s ultimatum. After all, the man had lied and cheated his way out of death itself. He wasn’t the most honorable of opponents. Kakashi could not grasp the why behind his instinctual trust in Zabuza’s words. Perhaps, he considered, it was because Zabuza cared for Haku nearly as much as he himself cared for his brightest student, Sakura. Feigning insouciance was like slipping on a pair of gloves or pulling up his iconic mask, in simpler terms, he did not even have to think it about. It was done without fuss.

Underneath his proverbial mask however was an ineffable need to save his cherished student. Sakura had to be struggling greatly. Kakashi had never heard her utter an acknowledgment of pain, even during their intense Taijutsu spar at the bell test. To scream as unrestrained and loudly as she just did...he worried intensively for her life. He had warned her about Haku’s attack much too late. She was unable to escape the secret jutsus filthy clutches. She had screeched at him to focus on his own battle in response to his protective concern, and Kakashi could respect her audacious wisdom. It took guts to tell your sensei to get his ass in check. She knocked some sense back into him. Her words had a hidden meaning in them. She was telling him to forget about her, and focus on Zabuza. Zabuza was the important threat.

Relying on Sakura or not, the reality was he had no choice but to obey Zabuza’s condition. The bridge builder must be protected, or all of the suffering Team Seven had gone through on this C-rank gone wrong would be for nothing.

He needed to trust that Sakura could carry her own weight. It was hard to depend on his student- on anyone, really. If Kakashi could see any other viable option he would have taken it, but as it was, his physical state was not capable of surviving through Kakashi’s infamous reckless streak. He could not take on Zabuza and Haku at the same time while nearly chakra depleted. The tempting urge to try was encompassing him in blanket of thick storm clouds, the nimbostratus monstrosity growing in size and rolling over him in waves. The variables made taming the hostile storm a near impossible task. He had to account for pressure, temperature, and density. Of course by now, Kakashi was equipped to handle his rainstorm of emotions. After years of discovering new crevices of his mind where he learned to understand where he struggled most, Kakashi acquired the necessary tools and acumen to stopper his own disastrous emotions.

It started with patience, and serenity. He had to calm his mind and accept the situation. A task that embodied the phrase ‘easier said than done’.

“Just relax Kakashi. Let’s see how they do one on one.” Kakashi did his best to ignore Zabuza. After a lifetime of battles facing off against self-indulgent rogues and enemies he found it quite easy. He focused more chakra into his Sharingan, widening his stance and preparing to use all he had left. If only, Kakashi mourned, if only he had enough chakra to activate the Sharingan’s true capabilities. If he was at his full potential Zabuza and Haku would have already been goners. It was no use to dwell on such matters, Kakashi thought dismissively. He had what he had, and he would use it.

His next tool to quell his anger was focusing on the facts. He would throw out his irrational emotions in favor of strict realism.

Zabuza rushed towards him, uncharacteristically wielding a kunai rather than his flashy sword. He seemed to understand Kakashi wasn’t one for battle banter. _It will be the death of Naruto_ , he had once told Asuma during their Sensei Support Meetings. _Half-way through every mission, every spar, even halfway through swallowing ramen, he’s all chatter._ Kakashi retained the impression that this particular trait of Naruto’s was impossible to unlearn.

He deflected Zabuza’s kunai by pressing his knuckles to the flat side of the blade and twisting, watching the poorly gripped kunai soar out of Zabuza’s hold and onto the already mist layered ground. Kunai actually originated in the Leaf; the other villages only started mass producing them a few decades ago. Perhaps the Kunai wasn’t a common weapon where Zabuza grew up, and that was why he was so choppy on wielding it. Kunai came cheap, and in bulk, though, so Kakashi could interpret that this was the reason Zabuza had them in his small weapons pouch. Kakashi could see that Zabuza was a one trick pony. He was a sword wielder through and through. To further prove his disparagement, the mist had no variation to it than the previous jutsu Zabuza had used in their last confrontation.

He leaped back, taking pride in the fact that Kakashi Hatake was not even close to only having one trick. He had thousands. And to even out the playing field, it was time to get creative.

He bit into his thumb lightening quick, opening a scroll and signing he blood across the page. It was a standard summoning scroll, the only difference being Kakashi had not bought it from the store, but painted it himself. He had copious amounts of money. It wasn’t a financial issue. Even so, wasting his invested coins on something as silly as convenience was absurd. He finalized the summoning jutsu with a conservative pulse of chakra. A cloud of smoke was added to the mist covered area that was already damaging his sight. If there was a way to delete the smoke that occurred after preforming a summoning technique, Kakashi would have found it by now. As it was he would have to live with the obnoxious smoke that came with his favorite dogs. Kakashi had always kept his dogs dear to his heart. Some shinobi treated the animals they contracted with like prizes and property; something to be flaunted and ordered around at will. But never Kakashi; he would assertively risk his life to save any one of his adored pets. The smoke cleared, revealing his pack of loyal dogs all different breeds and sizes waiting patiently for Kakashi’s strategy.

“Boss?” Pakkun, a small pug with big eyes and deep voice prompted. Pakkun typically interacted with him the most because of his high status position in the summoning realm. He was the substitute leader for when Kakashi wasn’t available.

Kakashi shifted, knowing his dogs could sense how weak he truly felt. “There’s no time to talk. Guard the client, and do not leave your post under any circumstances, even a life threatening situation involving me or my student. Go, now!” his dogs yelped and barked, rushing off to prowl around Zabuza, some baring their teeth and others stiffly posturing for battle. All of his dogs but Pakkun, that is.

“ _Boss_ ,” Pakkun insisted. It was only a single word, but Kakashi still received the message within. All of his unspoken words only made Kakashi more tired. He tried in vain to encourage himself, to hype himself up for battle, knowing deep down that in the state he was in no amount of motivation would help him survive. His body was past the point of powering through the pain.

“I know your worried, Pakkun. But I don’t really have much of a choice here. I can’t let him kill Tazuna.”

Pakkun knew him well enough to back off, scuttling away. It wasn’t usual for Kakashi to retain a first name basis with his clients. Pakkun turned around one last time, his round eyes staring deep into Kakashi’s soul. Whatever he found he seemed resigned to, as his one of a kind pug’s tail drooped unpleasantly.

Kakashi ducked, having been fully prepared for Zabuza’s horizontal slash with Kubikirobocho. Zabuza laughed, riding with his swing and flipping over Kakashi’s head, redirecting his sword to Kakashi. He was still kneeling, but he had enough strength in him to jump Zabuza strike.

“You think that prissy genin will hold her own against Haku? Impossible; he is the ultimate battle weapon, a perfect tool.” Zabuza taunted him. Kakashi miserably realized he has assumed wrong. Zabuza did not pick up on his distaste for banter. Or, perhaps Zabuza did pick up on it, and was egging him on.

Kakashi had thought he was immune to battle talk. Kakashi was wrong _again_. Zabuza’s words felt like someone was twisting a blade imbedded in his gut just for kicks. To call a comrade a tool was unforgivable. Zabuza was monstrous. How dare he think of that poor, young child as anything less than a human being? Kakashi had been a tool once. He had been where this so called Haku was. Demeaned and brainwashed to follow a cruel purpose.

“Let’s finish this, now!” Kakashi hoped to obliterate the opportunity for Zabuza to anger him further, ready to get lost within battle. He wasn’t one for banter, never had been.

“You’re no fun Kakashi. I have more to say!” Zabuza ignored Kakashi’s bait. Kakashi thought about pressing on and striking anyway, but something held him back. The longer Zabuza stalled, the longer Kakashi could wait for his students. Sasuke and Naruto were genin, sure, but the added numbers would be a game changer. If one of them guarded Tazuna and the other helped Sakura, then Kakashi and his pack could focus their attention one hundred percent on Zabuza. Stalling might ignite Kakashi’s anger, but it was in Team Seven’s best interest. He redoubled his efforts to control his anger, allowing himself to simmer for now, a storm brewing behind the scenes. When the time came he would be all too ready to inflict his storm of Zabuza. 

“In our battle before...I didn’t just let you defeat me like a fool.”

“Hm?” Kakashi feigned curiosity, making sure to include enough pride in his posture to give Zabuza the impression he had been knocked down a few pegs at the idea Zabuza had secretly gone easy on him. In reality Kakashi didn’t care much. In the end all that mattered was that they got The Bridge Builder to his family safely.

“Haku was there, hiding in the corner, watching every move you made, studying your Sharingan. Haku is smart. With his ability to analyze he is able to plan a counterattack after observing a technique just once. It’s one of his gifts.”

Kakashi made sure to look extremely alarmed, despite his body sinking and his eyes sagging. More than anything, he needed rest. It wasn’t an option, though. With his determination rejuvenated, Kakashi augmented his efforts at appearing convincing, wondering just how long he could keep Zabuza running his mouth. With every second a new burst of hope bloomed in his chest. Sasuke and Naruto would be here any minute. They would save Sakura, guard Tazuna, and give Kakashi the opening he needed to take down Zabuza for good. He just needed patience.

Patience was easy. Patience was nothing. These few minutes of pain are going to be nothing compared to the work Kakashi has done before.

Zabuza steadied his stance, confidence boosted. Zabuza was falling prey to Kakashi’s more manipulative side. He doubted Zabuza would see through him. Kakashi lied to the faces of more intimidating individuals than some low life rogue ninja; compared to the kind of people Kakashi usually faced, Zabuza was nothing. “I’ve been waiting to see the look on your face when you realize your Sharingan has become _worthless_.”

Kakashi repressed his instinct to fire back at Zabuza. He was good in the art of debating. The ins and outs of understanding the difference what people say and what they mean and using it against them was child’s play. He could deflect Zabuza’s statement while painting a complicated sealing scroll blindfolded. Even knowing the perfect deflection was at the tip of his tongue waiting to knock Zabuza off of his high horse, Kakashi waited. He waited for the moment when he would be let loose and really show Zabuza who was the true ninja between them.

He just needed patience, he repeated to himself.

“You once said ‘The same jutsu won’t work on me twice.’ Well now _I’m_ telling _you_ that!” Zabuza gloated. For a brief, horror filled moment, Kakashi wondered if when he himself smiled behind his mask it looked as disgusting as Zabuza’s grin behind his bandages. He rejected the notion instantly. It was improbable that he was capable of being as damn annoying as Zabuza Momoichi. Not even he could pull off Zabuza’s level of capricious conceit.

Kakashi was typically a compendious person when debating. He focused on the facts. In this case, however, he desperately clung to anything that would prevent Zabuza from furthering their battle. It was not a time for a concise shut down. It was time to elongate Zabuza’s reasons for wanting to speak. To do this Kakashi must think of their conversation less as a debate with a winner and loser, and more as an argument with no end in sight. He must find a way to anger Zabuza.

“Says the guy who once again relies on mist to hide away from trouble; tell me, Zabuza, does my worthless Sharingan really scare you that much?” Kakashi goaded.

Instead of angering Zabuza like he had planned, this only proved to amuse him. Zabuza tossed his head back and crowed with mocking laughter. Kakashi was glad he had distracted him, though admittedly confused that it wasn’t with animosity. “Wrong again, Copycat! This jutsu is a bit different than the classic style, passed on from generation to generation. This jutsu has my Mizukage’s own special improvement!”

His...Mizukage? Zabuza rebelled from the Mist village. He was an infamous missing ninja who blatantly despised authority. Why would he flaunt a jutsu used by the very man he’d directly attempted to murder?

Of course, Kakashi knew the story. Most shinobi as old as he had caught on to the whispers that shadowed the rumor mill after the incident; it was a truly disturbing story. It left those who heard it with a feeling of profound discomfort. Everyone liked to believe that the people who protected them were loyal and patriotic. Everyone- there were no exceptions. Loyalty to the village was a trustworthy trait, and the trait was required for all ninjas to possess. The crimes Zabuza committed unveiled the truth behind the headband of a ninja. Ninja were human. Ninja still had opinions of their own. Civilians could have their own varying degrees of approval and disapproval towards the village’s actions, but shinobi were supposed to represent their Kage. If a seemingly devoted ninja like Zabuza could attempt to assassinate his Mizukage, then who’s to say other ninja could not as well? Zabuza’s actions struck panic throughout the world. Zabuza had plotted a coup with a number of other unnamed KIA individuals. It had nearly worked. Zabuza had made it all the way to the Mizukage’s headquarters, but hadn’t struck the Mizukage down in time. When backup was called, the recruits flooded and overwhelmed Zabuza and his comrades. Zabuza was the only survivor, as far the official statement goes. But Kakashi privately believed a few others had been involved and merely kept their head down about it.

The point was, Zabuza was prideful. It was out of character for him to use a jutsu alteration designed by the very bane of his existence. There was something off about the entire situation, but Kakashi could only weakly theorize about it.

Kakashi watched with growing suspicion as the mist thickened. Soon, he could no longer keep an eye on Sakura’s duel or his beloved ninken. The mist’s volume doubled, creating a cooler, heavier atmosphere. The aura was chilling. Even Kakashi’s breathing was affected by the water-heavy air. He wondered how Zabuza could see through the mist himself. Kakashi was having a hard time of it and he had the Sharingan. An implanted, chakra depleted Sharingan, but his point still stood. Kakashi twitched just then, an ostensibly meaningless memory striking into existence.

_“Ninja must know how to conceal their movements, and hide effectively!”_

Kakashi remembered his own words, directed at his students during the bell test. Sasuke had been exceptional at hiding. Kakashi had thought, at the time, that it was only because Sasuke couldn’t see him that he couldn’t see Sasuke. But it turns out, now that he had gotten to know Sasuke a bit better than just what he’d gathered from unreliable academy sensei reports, he discovered that Sasuke could sense chakra like no other. Sasuke had hidden in a spot where he could use his sensing effectively and still keep a close eye on Kakashi. Kakashi had only been able to find him because he’d revealed himself. Zabuza’s mist wasn’t dissimilar to the shroud of Konoha’s forest.

A whirring commotion caught his attention. Relying on his Sharingan he turned to the left, barely clinging to a flicker of movement. Weapons of all different kinds shot his way, but thankfully, Kakashi was prepared. He deflected every sloppily aimed weapon with his kunai, unwilling to jump away from his current position and lose sight of where he was on the battlefield for good. Getting lost in the mist was not on his check list for staying alive.

“Very skillful,” Zabuza adopted a superior tone, “As I’d expect from Kakashi the Sharingan Warrior.”

Kakashi spun on his heal, alarmed that Zabuza was standing opposite from the direction the weapons were thrown. He was either very fast, or Kakashi wasn’t seeing something. Whatever the case he decided not to dwell on figuring it out; he couldn’t make risky moves based on assumptions. Right now he was purely stuck on defensive. Kakashi focused instead on the way Zabuza’s eyes were closed, his hand in the familiar seal of the tiger. Again, his brain flickers back to the bell test involving Team Seven. He remembered how finding Sasuke crouching in the bushes, fingers forming the seal of the tiger for reasons unknown. At the time, he’d suspected a Fire Style Ninjutsu. He thinks that he understands now. Sasuke was sensing his chakra, memorizing it. Zabuza must be doing the same. He was going to track him in the mist using his chakra signature.

“The next time you see me will be the last time you see anything at all!” Zabuza sounded extremely pleased.

Kakashi was genuinely disappointed. That’s it? That’s the secret behind Zabuza’s legendary silent killing technique? His twelve year old genin can sense chakra signatures. Zabuza wasn’t so special. Kakashi blinked. Or maybe, he realized, maybe _Sasuke_ was _very_ special. Kakashi had never learned how to sense chakra because he lacked the control and patience for it; chakra sensing really didn’t incorporate into his style of fighting anyway. It would be relatively useless to work tirelessly on something he would only need every blue moon. It might randomly come in handy, but it would be much more beneficial for Kakashi to improve upon his other skills. Because of this logic he’d never truly understood the complexity of chakra sensing. Naruto and Sasuke preformed chakra sensing like second nature. It came easy to them. Even Sakura had some grasp of the technique. He wasn’t sure if natural chakra sensing was a sign of precocious students, but he decided to look into it.

He refocused his dizzy, exhaustion addled thoughts onto Sasuke’s weaknesses. He always fumbled when killing intent made an appearance, but Kakashi assumed that was much more personal. What else tripped Sasuke up? The bell test...the bell test...oh, why couldn’t he just think clearly? Then, unexpectedly, the thought came to him. He felt like it was a betrayal to examine Sasuke’s vulnerabilities with such a callous outlook, but if it helped keep them all alive, it was in Kakashi best interest to temporarily toss aside his morals. After finding Sasuke hidden in the bushes, he had grabbed him and activated- _Genjutsu must be it!_ He would spread his chakra everywhere with a Genjutsu. It might not solve the problem of being able to track Zabuza’s location, but it relocated both of them to the same level. If neither of them knew where he each other were the mist would surely be more of a hindrance and Zabuza would only need half a mind to realize dispelling it was in his favor. Kakashi paused, getting carried away. Genjutsu was very chakra taxing. He wouldn’t be able to spread genjutsu all around the field without depleting his reserves.

What other than Genjutsu had made Sasuke falter? Nothing Kakashi couldn’t write off as personal difficulties; perhaps he shouldn’t scratch off the idea of Genjutsu completely. He needed to improvise. He needed a way to work around his chakra exhaustion.

“You spoke as if you saw through everything...” Zabuza’s blurry form once again disappeared, speeding up the frantic speed of Kakashi’s concocting. He didn’t have a plan. He didn’t have a backup. He was essentially relying on his opponent’s frivolous attitude. “Your foresight was wrong, clearly. I’m still alive.”

Kakashi winced at the reminder. He had been so infuriated during that battle. Kakashi remembered feeling completely ready to slit Zabuza’s throat in front of all of his precious Genin. Now, his careless behavior was coming back to bite him on the ass. Zabuza was taking this personally.

Think, Hatake, think, he ordered himself. What could he do with a genjutsu, without demolishing his reserves?

“You’re a fraud Kakashi. You can’t read my mind or my future. The Sharingan is merely a cheap trick that makes you seem more powerful than you are!” Zabuza carried on.

Kakashi silently encouraged him to keep talking, hoping his desperation was properly concealed. But Zabuza’s words had something niggling in the back of his mind. The Sharingan was capable of weaving extremely realistic Genjutsu. Perhaps, if he used the Sharingan to help him, he could make Zabuza _believe_ that he was sensing millions of Kakashi everywhere. The Genjutsu would effectively disorient Zabuza’s sensing capabilities and deceive him to think that Kakashi had cloned himself hundreds of times, when really, it would all be an elaborate ruse. He really should drill into Naruto that battle banter was the easiest way to die _ever_. Zabuza just gave him a brilliant idea.

With a start, his ears stopped drowning out distractions. Zabuza was still rambling on telling him he’d figured all there was about the Sharingan out. But theory and execution were very different things. Zabuza could understand the Sharingan like the back of his hand and still never be able to properly defend against it. The Sharingan had a surfeit of hidden tricks for its wielder to do with as they pleased.

Kakashi would have to ask Sasuke if he knew of any tell-tale signs a highly developed Sharingan that could shift from ability to ability. As far as Kakashi was aware, the Sharingan could use any ability it pleased at any time. Once Kakashi had developed his skills with the Sharingan, new abilities just kept appearing. The copying was the first ability he could control, but the second was hypnosis, and later, although Kakashi still had yet to fully master this one, the ability to warp things out of existence. He wasn’t actually sure where the things he warped went, _exactly_ , but he was working on it. Jiraiya would disapprove of how much he used it without knowing what happened to the things he aborted. Kakashi was a firm believer in learning from experience. He’d figure it out one day.

“Now that I know all of this about the Sharingan, a very simple plan can defeat you. First neutralize your perceptive eyes with zero visibility mist.” Zabuza snarled. Kakashi barely shielded his head from the forearm that violently struck out at him, slinging up his forearm to guard himself. His arm ached under the pressure behind Zabuza’s hit. Kakashi was forced to leap back in order to avoid any follow up attacks. He almost activated his planned genjutsu, but then remembered this entire situation was about stalling. Kakashi might as well let Zabuza mess around with him. Naruto and Sasuke would arrive eventually. He would use the Genjutsu when the perfect opportunity revealed itself.

“Next, neutralize your hypnotic eye by keeping my own eyes closed! You can’t bore into my mind if you can’t look into my eyes.” Zabuza boisterously rumbled.

A blindfold would’ve been so much more effective, Kakashi’s mind instantly supplied. Eyes had very twitchy muscles. Some would even swear eyes moved on their own accord, separate from your conscious movements. Keeping your eyes forcefully closed, especially in intense situations, was like practicing whistling with no results. In other words keeping your eyes closed felt impossible.

Kakashi braced himself for Zabuza’s next display of impudence. Men like Zabuza enjoyed hurting others because it put them in a state of superiority. Kakashi didn’t need to worry that Zabuza’s next blow would aim for killing him. Zabuza was going to enjoy this as much as possible.

“Brilliant!” Kakashi responded with a dishonest jovialness, hoping to found out for sure that Zabuza was using chakra sensing after all. Kakashi’s plan only worked if Zabuza was relying on chakra sensing. “Except with your eyes closed you can’t see me either.” Kakashi crouched low to the floor, bending one knee. He strongly hoped that Zabuza would fall for that bait and seize the chance to brag.

“Have you forgotten who I am, Kakashi? I’m The Demon of The Hidden Mist, master of The Silent Kill...I can take you out by sound alone!”

Kakashi’s brow furrowed. Zabuza wasn’t dumb. Anyone could muffle their own footsteps if they had enough chakra. It took very little skill to move about silently. It was a wonder Naruto was so loud all the time. Ninja’s were taught since childhood to be quiet. It was a very effective way to build reserves. Then again, perhaps that was the exact reason Naruto didn’t possess any quiet skills. He didn’t need to build his reserves at all. The exercise must have come so easily to him he quit out of boredom. What was Zabuza playing at, thinking he could rely on hearing to attack Kakashi?

Zabuza was bluffing. He had to be.

Which meant Kakashi would need to jump the gun and use Genjutsu. He was almost one hundred percent sure by now that Zabuza was sensing him. Kakashi heard a shout and felt his gut churn. How long will Sakura be able to hold out? She was good, but that kid she was facing was something else entirely. He needed to help her. He needed to defeat Zabuza. And it started with activating a Genjutsu, but he had no idea where Zabuza was. How could he use a Genjutsu on someone he can’t find? Oh lord, every wall he tore down was backed up by another barrier.

_Stay calm,_ He reassured himself. Where is Zabuza? What will he be after? _Think_ , he ordered his exhausted brain, _Where will he strike?_

Kakashi span around fast, his pulse thudding in his ears. “Pakkun!” he shouted, uncaring that his shout alerted everyone to his location. It was painfully obvious he’d aim for Tazuna. The Bridge Builder was the only concrete reason he was fighting Kakashi in the first place. Kakashi was so forgetful. Oh, scratch forgetful, Kakashi was downright senseless.

Kakashi preformed a Transportation Jutsu, leaves billowing in his wake. He could feel his chakra deplete further, caving into itself. He’d need a soldier pill. They were risky, and taxing on the body, but he had no other choice. Soldier pills would grant him a small amount of chakra for the next hour or so, at the cost of damaging the natural rate of his chakra rejuvenation. It would take weeks to recover from this battle after he took the pill, and Lord Third would surely want him back on A-ranks once he got back to the village. None of those impending A-ranks compared to the lives at stake here, however, and he would take his chances. Suffering through A-ranks and harsh injuries was worth Team Seven. His students had taught him to care again, and he wasn’t risking their lives in exchange of pain relief.

His Transportation Jutsu placed him directly in front of his summons. When preforming a Shunshin you typically needed to see the location, or at least have seals in place to connect your chakra to. Kakashi was lucky he didn’t need to know the dogs’ exact location to transport to them, nor did he need to use seals. His dogs shared blood with him. They used the blood Kakashi sacrificed for the contract as their own so they can stay in the physical world. Because of this Kakashi had a special link to them; he could perform jutsus using their chakra, they could smell his scent from Konoha all the way to Suna, and as he was now he could use the Transportation Jutsu to their location without any preparation.

He wound up right in front of Tazuna, since his dogs were dutifully guarding the client. He had a few moments to see Zabuza bear down on him with his Kubikiribocho blade. His Sharingan was to thank for his quick comprehension. He moved to block Zabuza’s hit, but remembered his earlier plan. Kakashi needed to be able to target Zabuza for his Genjutsu. He needed to be able to find Zabuza. His dogs sense of smell was on par with high bred Inuzuka pups. If he let Zabuza spill his blood, and his blade had his blood on it...he could use one of his pups to tell him where Zabuza was throughout the fight.

He could target Zabuza for his Genjutsu.

“You were late, Kakashi.” Kakashi heard Zabuza’s mocking drawl before he felt the pain. It was sharp at first, had him grimacing and unable to pin point the location of his wound, but eventually it dulled until the throbbing of his side became overwhelmingly clear. There was a cut, nearly an inch deep stretching from the center of his stomach to his sides, following the bones of his ribs. Kakashi focused on weaving his chakra for a Genjutsu instead of the pain in his side. It proved to be a suitable distraction. His labored breaths evened out as his body got accustomed to the agony in his side.

The important thing was that Kubikirbocho was dripping with his blood, his scent. Zabuza was speaking, and it took all Kakashi had to refocus on his words. Usually he would ignore his opponent, but this wasn’t a usual circumstance. He had no choice but to play along with Zabuza’s brutal fighting methods.

“Your whole-hearted intent to help that brat has gone to your head, and it seems to have clouded your focus and ability to wield the Sharingan.” Zabuza’s taunts were not much of an insult. Kakashi appreciated the fact that he came off as the type of person to feel such concern for his students he would take a blade to the stomach. It was true, just not in the context Zabuza believed. “Your eyes are sharp, Kakashi, but not sharp enough to read my moves...not anymore.” Zabuza laughed, dropping his guard ever so slightly to clutch his stomach in sick amusement. If Kakashi wasn’t repeating the fact that he was lying in wait for Sasuke and Naruto like a mantra, he already would have lunged a Chidori at Zabuza’s unprotected throat. But that wouldn’t end well; Kakashi would be killed by the backlash of chakra the Chidori would drain from him- and that was banking off the improbability that Zabuza didn’t block his hit. He was on defensive, and Zabuza’s frivolous ways only benefited Kakashi’s end goal. “Come on Kakashi!” Zabuza goaded. “I want this to be _fun_! I want to enjoy myself as I exact my revenge! Don’t worry. Anytime now, Haku is going to defeat your brat, and then with his help I can really start playing with you.”

Kakashi removed the hand that was wrapped around his injured side, eyes hazy. He still had a small amount of chakra left; even though Kakashi didn’t want to, he would wait to swallow a soldier pill. Kakashi hadn’t been in a situation where he needed to conserve his assets so much in years. Even Anbu missions didn’t usually tax him this much. It’s the damn kids’ fault.

“Relax! You’ll have plenty of time to weep out an apology when you are in ‘the next world’ for your lack of strength.” Zabuza’s laugh was delighted, his pure enjoyment reverberating in Kakashi’s ears.

Kakashi’s emotions had been stirring under the surface for a long time. With a fierce strike his anger poured, the dark clouds that had been stirring inside him rumbling with energy. Zabuza’s laughter was still ringing, his lazy unprotected posture searing in his mind’s eye. Zabuza had his back slouched forward, the grip on his sword careless. Kakashi’s body convulsed with the extreme effort not to launch himself at Zabuza.

Kakashi’s eyes narrowed. Zabuza was disappearing back into the zero visibility mist. Swiftly, Kakashi wasted no time in communicating his plans to his ninken. He related each detail in low tones to all of them, making sure they still understood the importance of protecting Tazuna.

Kakashi was frustrated. None of Zabuza’s taunts hurt him on an accuracy level, but the fact that Zabuza appeared to believe his lies grated on Kakashi’s patience. He wasn’t a patient person, but life threw him enough curve balls that patience was a virtue he acquired along the way. Obito had been the first person to teach him leniency and patience. Kakashi had applied that slowly built patience to much rougher situations for the rest of his life. Kakashi was late, almost always, and he knew that it bothered the hell out of his students. But he did kind of need to shower blood out of his hair before team meeting. Missions before teaching his students were common occurrences, often resulting in critical injuries and uncleanliness. The only thing that got him through the anxiety of his tardiness, even after seven years of practice, was the knowledge that his students were learning that same patience Obito taught him. If they could apply that patience to things other than Kakashi’s bad habits, they would be cruising when it came to real world situations. By the time they were Chunnin, Kakashi bet that his students would have the patience of the Sage Himself.

With the thought in mind that his students waited hours every day for his arrival, it became easier to swallow that his students hadn’t swooped in to help them out yet. It was a strange coping mechanism, but Kakashi was tired and chakra exhausted, and would use whatever weird compromise necessary to get through this hellish battle.

“We got it, boss. Let’s end this quickly.” Pakkun saluted. Kakashi took a deep breath, reassured by his dogs’ confidence in him.

He could do this. His back was aching, his throat was strangely parched, his whole stomach sort of felt queasy; he pushed through. He pushed through the urge to pop the Soldier Pill here and now to save him from the constant pain of chakra depletion. He determinedly focused on the task at hand, saving all other concerns for later.

Zabuza’s laughter finally faded into the mist. Kakashi could still hear the sound of battle, and with every crash his worry layered.

Kakashi forced his mouth to move, continuing his conversation with Zabuza. He was thinly smoothing his chakra into his hands, hoping to use as little chakra as possible. But such control over his core took time. He needed to stall. When they got back to Konoha Kakashi was going straight to Obito’s grave to complain about how much he’d had scheme to defeat Zabuza. Kakashi took a deep breath, reinforcing the ‘when’ of that promise.

“I...believe in her strength.” He spoke up. It was admittedly satisfying to defend his student. He wasn’t going to just let Zabuza slander her like he knew who she was and what she was capable of. Sakura was a brilliant kunoichi. She’d figure it out. He had to rely on her. “Sakura...she’s a civilian, with no blood line to name of. And yet, she has more potential than I’ve seen in any other student, and I have seven years of teaching under my belt. Status does not equal strength; if anyone’s proved that to me, it’s Sakura.” Kakashi’s felt tone his harden and soften all at once. His voice was strong with conviction and vulnerable with faith. He had faith that Sakura would be all right.

“No one can match Haku.” Zabuza scoffed. Kakashi could not see him, but a murmur from Pakkun placed him at seven o clock. Pakkun quietly ordered one of Kakashi’s smaller pack members to run after Zabuza. Kakashi held his breath. He wished he didn’t have to risk the safety of his summons, but if he wanted anyone to have a chance at going home it was unavoidable. Even so, he whispered a brief warning of caution to Stella, an elderly Cairin Terrier. She was one of his oldest dogs. He’d known her since he first contracted with the canines.

“No one has ever stopped his secret jutsu, even the most talented Jounin fall at his feet!” Zabuza boasted, his voice seemingly echoing throughout the whole field. If it wasn’t for Pakkun, he wouldn’t have a single clue which direction Zabuza was speaking from. “...it’s about time I settle this too, huh...” Zabuza uttered, deadly quiet with an abruptness that chilled Kakashi; he’d wanted Zabuza to shut up since this battle began. Now that it was finally quiet it disturbed Kakashi. It left the hair on his arms standing on end, and his stomach churned aggressively.

Kakashi leant down, waiting for Stella’s signal. She would be on Zabuza at any minute. “All of you, stay with Tazuna.” He secured his pack’s orders.

A bark alerted him of something amiss. It wasn’t Stella’s bark to warn him of Tazuna, it was Pakkun, a sharp and startled cry. Kakashi forced his heavy legs to move in the direction of Pakkun, choking at the sight.

“Sakura!” Kakashi panicked.

Sakura complied with his anxious call, smashing to the floor with a loud, surely painful impact. Relief flooded him. His knees quaked with residual adrenaline. Sakura’s face was frozen as Zabuza’s blade swiped air instead of Sakura’s chest.

Kakashi remembered himself. He made his way to her, as fast as his exhausted body could take him. He held her shoulder and helped her to her feet. When she was steady he pushed her back, so she fell on the padded part of her thighs with minimal harm. Kakashi didn’t even comprehend the words leaving his mouth, only knew what he said was something to do with staying away from Zabuza. He also scolded her, but a high pitched yelp from within the mist dominated his attention.

Kakashi sprinted, staying as low to the ground as possible. He heard it. It was just barely audible in comparison to the rest of his pack’s typical barks, but in the quiet clearing little Stella’s yelp was absurdly loud.

Zabuza’s enraged roar came next. Kakashi was on him in an instant, knife readied. Zabuza let out a groan of surprise, trying to slow the sprint he had been rushing through in Kakashi’s direction. Zabuza ran right into Kakashi’s kunai, his hip taking the blow. Kakashi ducked in panic, unprepared for Zabuza’s quick reaction time. The Kubikirobocho blade swept above his head; strangely enough, Zabuza froze, his face paling. Kakashi was an opportunist at heart. He wasted no time and quickly activated his planned Genjutsu. Zabuza stumbled, visibly ensnared by Kakashi’s trickery. He was now sensing many more Kakashi’s in the clearing than there actually was.

That’s when Kakashi blinked. An ominous, skin-crawling aura had infected the clearing. The sinister chakra wasn’t unfamiliar, though. This was not a new opponent. Kakashi now understood why Zabuza, a sensory type, had majorly faltered in the midst of battle. He had only thought to act as quickly as possible when Zabuza stopped so abruptly. Analyzing the situation more thoroughly had Kakashi realizing just how unusual it was for someone on Zabuza’s caliber to falter. Kakashi was getting goose bumps himself. He couldn’t comprehend how petrifying the roaring hatred must be for his sensory type opponent; he did not pity him. In fact, Kakashi felt a bit satisfied while observing Zabuza’s stricken, pale face. Demon chakra was invading their lungs, their very beings. Kakashi was exceedingly immune to the presence of the true power Tailed Beasts possessed. He was not the slightest bit frazzled by the chakra. It gave him an advantage over Zabuza for sure. As Zabuza stumbled away, his legs shaking in terror, Kakashi lost sight of him as the mist enveloped his field of vision. He growled. He needed to strike Zabuza while he was distracted. Before he could call upon his dogs for support, however, Kakashi was met with a shock. 

So distracted he was by the crash of water collapsing onto his head and body, Kakashi didn’t notice the recovery of his vision. He spluttered, choking on the flood of water. He was completely soaked now, weighed down by the spontaneous downpour. The water only temporarily shifted his focus, and soon Kakashi noticed that through watery eyelashes his vision was completely clear. The mist was gone. He could see the entire clearing with an ease he had lacked for what felt like hours. Kakashi reveled in being able to properly asses the battle field. He efficiently checked off a list of concerns, mentally prioritizing his problems from greatest to least.

He instinctively went searching for Sasuke, remembering Zabuza’s horror and comparing it to Sasuke’s fragile state of mind, only for a blur of dark colors to find him first, sprinting at an inordinate speed. He was shooting in the direction of...

The first thing he felt was relief. Sakura was alive. She had not been killed. But soon the state of her body caught up to him, and anxiety replaced his contentedness. Sakura was swaying precariously, before falling forward into a deep puddle of water mingling with blood, her evident exhaustion catching up to her. Sasuke caught her head before it could smash against the cement, looping his arms underneath her tired body and sprinting her back across the field. Pride struck Kakashi so fast he was actually startled. Sasuke was rushing her back to Tazuna and his pack of dogs. God, he was blessed with the most intuitive students of all time. Sakura was in safe hands, then, Kakashi let himself breathe a sigh of relief, taking what he could get. He came to the end of his student headcount with Naruto, his lips twitching at the sight of Naruto serving justice to Sakura’s assailant.

Naruto was proficient with fighting Zabuza’s comrade. After Sakura’s number on Haku, beating that punk into the ground should be child’s play for someone of Naruto’s skill level. He couldn’t wait to see what the masked boy would look like once Naruto was done with him. By the quality Naruto’s chakra had taken on before, he was just as pissed off as Kakashi was. 

Kakashi whistled to his dogs, his equanimity restored. His students were all alive and within his field of vision. Stella fell back to the rest of the pack, standing guard next to Sasuke. Sasuke had already begun working on Sakura’s injuries, his hands moving a mile a minute. Kakashi could barely keep up with his quick work.

“Now,” He growled, readying his kunai, “To deal with you.”

Zabuza choked, but shakily gripped his Kubikirbocho blade tighter. If Kakashi could sense Naruto’s rage, then surely it was driving Zabuza off the deep end. He thought back to Sasuke and winced. Sasuke had to be having a rough time with this as well. It took some of the pleasure out of watching Zabuza fumble.

“What has this chakra done? Why can’t I sense you!?” Zabuza snarled, frantically looking about him in confusion. Kakashi pursed his lips together, withholding a smirk. The situations had been reversed. Kakashi was now on offense, and Zabuza didn’t suspect he was under any sort of Genjutsu at all. Kakashi finally allowed himself a chakra pill, knowing exactly what jutsu he had in mind to end Zabuza for good.

Kakashi felt the Soldier Pill taking effect, enhancing his body with artificial chakra. Zabuza had stopped turning this way and that, but his eyes were unfocused. Kakashi needed to strike now. If Zabuza evaded, he’d be done for. He couldn’t activate a Lightening Blade twice, not while relying solely on a supplement. Zabuza wasn’t going to be that easy, though. He leapt at Kakashi, his bearings not regained but managed. Kakashi narrowly avoided Zabuza’s blade coming down on him, leaping away to safety. He worked harder to keep up his Sharingan. Zabuza’s blade had been a bit too close for comfort. If his Sharingan was at full power he would have seen Zabuza’s explosive attack from a mile away. As it was, he was rapidly slowing down.

Out of the corner of his eye, his student approached them. Sasuke was covered in blood, and even though it wasn’t his own, the sight still sent a shiver of fear down Kakashi’s spine. He hoped that wasn’t Sakura’s. “About time, Sasuke,” he confessed, taking as deep a breath as he could with his side bleeding profusely.

Sasuke wiped a fleck of blood off of his fingernails, staring at him blankly. That’s when Kakashi noticed that it was not Sasuke’s black pigmented eyes boring into him. Sasuke’s eyes were red and spinning with the Sharingan. Kakashi noticed that Sasuke’s Sharingan looked a bit different than Obito’s. Sasuke’s Sharingan only had one black droplet spinning rapidly. Obito’s had three. He wondered if that meant something important. Perhaps Sharingan were just unique to the user, like fingerprints. It struck Kakashi that he didn’t really know much about the Sharingan. Or much about the Uchiha Clan at all; his teammate, his comrade, and now his student were all Uchiha, and yet, Kakashi hadn’t discovered a single clan secret. It was unlike him. In his defense the Uchiha were extremely private people. It had never occurred to Kakashi to ask about the Sharingan. Perhaps it would be beneficial to question Sasuke on the Sharingan, for both of their sakes. Kakashi could teach Sasuke how to use it effectively, and Sasuke could give Kakashi a lesson on the historical side of the Uchiha Kekei Genkai.

“Great timing,” Kakashi informed Sasuke, pleased. Sasuke had finally activated the Sharingan. It was a lot later than Hyuga, but Obito hadn’t activated his Sharingan until he was thirteen, so Sasuke was younger than him. Uchiha’s Kekei Genkai must not appear until later years, he supposed.

Sasuke shrugged his shoulder, wiping his nose with a deep sniff. “Meh, I think I was a bit late. Looks like you taught me something after all sensei. I’ll tell Sakura, maybe she’ll get off your back.”

Kakashi let out a very startled laugh. He tended to forget Sasuke was capable of humor. Sasuke was genuinely funny when he wanted to be. His eyes softened on Sasuke, peace filling him. But like a light switch that feeling of pride switched to upmost concern. Sasuke didn’t just look worn out. He looked dead on his feet. Kakashi traced every inch of him, scanning for injury. He soon understood that Sasuke’s eyes had been bleeding. Kakashi’s Sharingan only bled a few times, usually after intense overuse. It hurt like hell. How did Sasuke already reach that breaking point? But the blood stains said it all, Kakashi couldn’t deny it. Sasuke had just cried tears of blood.

“I’ve had enough of your chatter! This is ends here!” Kakashi had almost forgotten about Zabuza in his worry. Stupidly, his first thought was not that he should figure out where Zabuza was striking from, but a dry comment on Zabuza’s hypocrisy. He was shouting at them for talking too much? Then his brain caught up with Zabuza’s battle cry. He jerked back to face his opponent, panic getting the better of him, only for everything in his being to begin picking up speed at a faster and faster rate. His hands shook with the force he was using to clench them into fists. Hot rage and fear boiled under his skin.

Zabuza’s blade was aimed straight for Sasuke.

Kakashi nearly gagged. Sasuke needed to move. Kakashi would never make it there in time to save him, or even throw himself in front of Zabuza’s blow. It was all on Sasuke. Sasuke needed to move. Sasuke _had to move._

“Let’s start with the brat, shall we?!” Zabuza crowed.

_Sasuke ducked_. Zabuza’s Kubikiribocho sailed above him. Kakashi did not relax. His student moved out of his kneeling position fluidly, taking a step to propel himself forward, his hands a blur of seals. He grabbed Zabuza’s arm roughly, complete focus reflecting in his Sharingan eyes. Even caked in blood and exhausted, Sasuke fought back. “Water Style: Bleeding Freeze!”

Kakashi recognized the jutsu from when Sasuke had activated it on the Demon Brothers. It had been briefly effective then, but nothing particularly major. Now Kakashi understood why it was in Sasuke’s arsenal. Zabuza was instantly frozen, his breath visibly cold in the warm air of The Land of Waves. His sword clattered to the ground, his fingers quivered, even the blood and sweat on him crystalized into shivery icicles.

Kakashi was more absorbed with his student. Sasuke had slipped and fallen forward. Leaning against Zabuza’s cold body, it was the only thing keeping him upright. Kakashi snarled, hating that Sasuke was so close to their enemy. He quickly removed Sasuke from Zabuza. Kakashi tried to gently carry him away. He knew he was a bit rough with Sasuke, but he couldn’t help it. Exhaustion was taking its toll on his abilities. Sasuke struggled against him, so Kakashi let him drop to the floor of the bridge. They were far enough away from Zabuza anyway. He winced in sympathy as his student violently became sick, throwing up into the water and using the back of his hand to hold back his sopping wet and sticky hair from his forehead. Sasuke’s lip quivered. His student was miserable.

Kakashi had plenty of chakra thanks to the soldier pill. And Zabuza was helpless thanks to Sasuke. It was time to end this for good.

Kakashi let his anger envelope him, remembering all of Zabuza’s vicious taunts. He rejoiced in being the last thing Zabuza would ever see. Zabuza’s life would end in failure. Zabuza would die fighting for a cause he didn’t even pursue for himself. He would die as a worthless nobody.

Kakashi smiled to himself.

“Poor ignorant Zabuza...” Kakashi let the words hang in the air, Zabuza’s frozen form causing him to feel vindictively satisfied. Sasuke’s jutsu was copied by Obito’s Sharingan. He’d have to learn it later. “Do you really believe I’ve managed to survive relying on just the Sharingan?” Kakashi mimicked Zabuza’s condescending tone from earlier. He hoped Zabuza could still hear him, even incased in ice. “Here’s something I didn’t copy. A jutsu of my own, really...to enlighten you...” Kakashi drawled, forming his signature hand seal, the moment so familiar it was drilled intrinsically into his actions.

“Lightening Blade!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love writing in Kakashi POV...


	17. Holding Off the Inevitable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke is emotional, Sakura is prepared, Naruto is hopeful, and Kakashi can be pretty scary when he wants to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter update! It's been a while, I know, but I'm really proud of how this chapter turned out.

“WAIT WHAT THEY LEFT US BEHIND AGAIN!?”

Sasuke was sympathy deprived as he watched Ms. Tsunami and Inari endure Naruto throwing one of his biggest tantrums of the year. Sasuke was drowsily curled up on a dining chair, listening blearily to his teammate’s hissy fit.

Sasuke had been awoken by Tsunami gently whispering to them through the shaded morning glow of the guest bedroom that breakfast had been prepared. Sasuke, for a few blissful moments had been completely content to bask in the freshness the morning provided. Then, Naruto, his energy levels retaining no limit, had bolted straight up. His selectively sharp mind had instantly noticed that it was Tsunami, not Sakura, shaking the two of them awake. While Naruto raged and expressed his anger untowardly, Sasuke rolled over with his cheek pressed against his pillow and accepted the truth. Kakashi-sensei and Sakura were out guarding Tazuna, and had been working independently of he and Naruto since the crack of dawn. Out of pure generosity his teammates had left them to sleep. Naruto saw the situation in a much different light than Sasuke. He considered his teammates leaving without him an act of abandonment, not silent support. Naruto was confusing like that, often misinterpreting others actions to be more malicious and conniving than they were. It wasn’t as if Naruto would’ve been happy if Kakashi-sensei and Sakura had decided to wake them up instead. Naruto was by no means a morning person. Sasuke could picture his grumpy as shit expression this very instant. That might’ve been because Naruto’s face was currently twisted with fury across from him, of course. He didn’t have to use much imagination.

Naruto was still upset that they hadn’t invited him to protect the client, restful sleep be damned. Dragging Sasuke with him, vivacious even through sleep deprivation, Naruto had thrown on his clothes, hurriedly brushed through his unkempt hair, and barely gave Sasuke enough time to finish brushing his teeth before dragging him downstairs, Sasuke’s face still damp with saliva. He wiped his hand across his mouth, not bothering to resist his stubborn teammate’s grip.

Naruto was still going ballistic even now that the two of them were seated at Ms. Tsunami’s dining table.

Sasuke had walked into the kitchen, Naruto beside him. Naruto gotten an indignant, childish expression on his face before storming his way over to the dining table and promptly shoving Sasuke into a chair.

Sasuke had readjusted himself, discomfited by Naruto’s rabid behavior, drifting in and out of listening to his teammate huff and puff. He was too exhausted to properly handle the situation. He found that after so many situations the past week of overcoming difficult tribulations, he couldn’t muster up any politeness or Naruto-buffering techniques. Once, he tried to jump in and defend Tsunami because in the end, the kindred woman had been the one to wake Naruto up with her overabundant concern over breakfast. This motherly worry gave Naruto more time to guard the bridge. Naruto had shot him down with some expert deflection, continuing his rampage in a blind fit of inconsolable anger poisoned with an undertone of hypocrisy. Sasuke was half asleep on the table, drowning out Naruto’s screams as best as he could manage. The early morning made Naruto’s endless shouting all the more bothersome. Sasuke wasn’t good with ignoring anger on a good day. It was quite frightful for him to wake up with all the hope of a wondrous child and be disappointed by an atmosphere of rage. It left him in a frenzied, foul sort of mood.

“Those assholes left without us? Ms. Tsunami they abandoned us how can you be so calm what if they’re in trouble and we’ve just lying around in bed all morning! _Why didn’t they just wake us up_???” Naruto grumbled under his breath, words tumbling from his mouth. At least he had finally ceased his incessant shouting, even if his ill-tempered attitude remained.

Sasuke, with irritation he didn’t want to feel, disagreed. It wasn’t as if Sakura and Kakashi had left them here with some suck-ass job while they pranced around the bridge and were served Pina Coladas. They were guarding the client, a bluff and a precaution all at once. Naruto was acting as if the two of them been left with the short stick. The reality was much different. Sasuke was quite glad that they were sitting here picking at breakfast rather than yawning and glancing in paranoia around an infamous bridge. He’d honestly rather be hiding in his room, sleeping peacefully once more; but Sasuke believed in rejoicing the little wins. 

He curled his knees to his chest, trying to block out Naruto’s negativity. Naruto stabbed his plate of mushy, suspiciously yellowish carrots to direct an exasperated look his way.

“I just don’t understand those two! Are they avoiding me or somethin’?” he complained, continuing the mutilation of his breakfast, wasting the effort Ms. Tsunami had put into making them feel comfortable. Naruto was acting like a spoiled child; not that he’d ever vocalize such a critical admittance.

Sasuke hated being the guy who slept at the table instead of making conversation, but he really had no choice. His eyes were stinging. Proper sleep was a necessity of life. Sasuke must’ve been a borderline insomniac by now. He blamed Naruto. Naruto sighed at receiving no response, throwing his hands in the air, behaving as if Naruto himself was the victim and not the perpetrator. “And they left me alone with a walking zombie. Why are you always so grumpy, bastard?”

“Oh my god _stop calling me that_.” Sasuke had no idea where the anger came from, but suddenly he was stiff as a board in his chair staring intensely at an already pissed off Naruto. His palms lay flat on the table, the air in his chest huffing out all at once. His eyes were wide, and Sasuke made quick work of softening the anger inside of them. He hoped it would make his reaction seem less explosive. Sasuke was full of terrible ideas. He never should have gone off at Naruto when he was already upset. It not only wasn’t fair to his struggling friend but would serve to redirect Naruto’s anger onto _him,_ instead of the actual culpable members of Team Seven currently unavailable. 

Naruto sneered and his glare was a lot more intimidating than Sasuke was ready for as early in the morning as it was. If you consulted Sasuke’s point of view _eight o’clock_ wasn’t really sleeping in. “You got a problem, Uchiha?” Naruto questioned. There was a frightening warning about his tone, a promise of danger hidden beneath a circumstantially innocuous question.

Sasuke couldn’t blame his teammate, or at least deep within a wise part of his mind knew that he _shouldn’t._ Inari had frustrated Naruto and now his team had left him alone with Sasuke of all people. Even if he and Naruto apparently were real friends, he doubted Naruto would choose to hang out with him above Shikamaru or something. Sasuke was just all Naruto had at the moment. Naruto was angry, and when Naruto got mad it was intense. Sasuke understood. He just wasn’t ready. He wasn’t ready for the glare or the use of _the last name_ , and he definitely wasn’t ready for the spike of chakra. At the academy it had all been predictable, routine, expected. In Ms. Tsunami’s kitchen however Sasuke’s arms weren’t raised to lessen the pain of the blows. Naruto’s childish behavior was something Sasuke used to be a victim of everyday. But Sasuke had been under the illusion they were done with this charade. He wasn’t ready for the betrayal he felt at Naruto’s harsh words; he wasn’t ready to take the full force behind the punch to his gut. Sasuke was usually immune to Naruto, but a combination of all the negative factors working against Sasuke managed to pierce that sense of security. He was so exhausted, and so tired of handling his emotions. He couldn’t suppress his shaking hands or labored breathing.

Sasuke watched Naruto carefully, his face paling.

Whatever was on Sasuke’s face, Naruto didn’t like it.

“STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!” Naruto stood up very quickly, his palm slamming against the table and a snarl on his face. Sasuke jumped.

The intensity of the situation suddenly became aware to a previously oblivious Ms. Tsunami and Inari. Inari observed them carefully from across the kitchen, and Ms. Tsunami had paused in wiping down the countertop with a holey rag to peer at them anxiously.

“Naruto, I-” but Sasuke’s voice was suddenly lost, his mouth dry and throat as rough as sandpaper. He leaned away from Naruto, mouth moving and voice soundless. He was too drained to dredge up the courage necessary to explain.

Naruto was standing up and storming to the door before Sasuke could pull himself together. His heart was ramming against his chest, the thrum loud enough to reach his ears and drown out Tsunami’s weak protests. Sasuke was frozen in his seat the entire time Naruto fumbled around for his ninja sandals and headband, his chakra signature rapidly picking up in anger and aggression.

Sasuke gasped sharply as the door was slammed closed, signifying his teammate’s departure. Naruto didn’t even tell him if he was going to the bridge or not. Sasuke could only assume he was. Anger and shame had his shoulder slumping and eyes drooping.

Sasuke looked to Tsunami and shakily tried to grab his plate, but his hand couldn’t properly grasp it and he feared dropping it. He stumbled away from his chair, tripping over the table leg, before standing before her. His eyes found her shoes as he hurried out a mumbled, “Excuse me, mam.”

Sasuke practically flew up the stairs. Once his legs were moving his heart beat quickened even faster from pure fear. Fear of what, Sasuke didn’t know. He just knew that when he got inside the guest bedroom it didn’t help. His hands were still shaking and regret was beginning to flood him. He couldn’t imagine he had snapped at Naruto when he was already having an episode.

Sasuke bit his lip, blood forming in little droplets.

How many times was this going to happen to him before he became normal?

Sasuke startled himself with the hopeless thought. He was genuinely a pretty self-aware person, which made his issues realer and more physically present. It didn’t always help manage them as much as some might believe it would. Even with how he typically knew himself and his problems Sasuke never really had asked himself a question that disrupted his equanimity so thoroughly. Why hadn’t he ever wondered when things would get better? Had things ever gotten better before without him realizing it? Why wasn’t he, in the least, _more_ normal than he used to be? He worked his ass off every day to be better, and it felt like he hadn’t made a lick of progress.

Sasuke shoulders slump, trying with his best effort to ward away the negative thoughts creeping up on him. It wasn’t possible that they were true, they were just frenzied worries induced by his distress. They were only flowing around in his mind because of his own exhaustion and the skirmish with Naruto. His thoughts warped back to the original subject; Naruto.

Sasuke shouldn’t be the one to apologize this time around, but he knew that ultimately between he and Naruto, Sasuke was the one who cared less about a wounded sense of pride. Contrary wise, Sasuke could feel the beginnings of resentment growing within in. Naruto was so utterly self-absorbed sometimes it left Sasuke to wonder if he really cared at all. Sasuke had been wonderful to Naruto last night, saved him from a pissy Inari, and trained with him at the expense of his own exhaustion. Naruto hadn’t even acknowledged any of that. Well, Naruto didn’t know he had talked with Inari, Sasuke relented. But Naruto was fully aware that Sasuke had sacrificed a full night of sleep to help him out. Did Naruto not understand the meaning of emotional reciprocation?

_Bastard_. adHad things ever gotten better before?

The word felt like fire, burning his muscles out until Sasuke was collapsing on the floor, because bed’s didn’t really give him the same comfort it gave others. The village was right, he was as bad as his older brother. He was hallucinating his father’s killer intent. It felt so real, the hot raging flames that were the foundation of his father’s chakra signature leaving a scorching imprint on his skin. Fugaku had never liked him. Sasuke could accept and face the truth about it. Fugaku had never liked him and no matter what Sasuke accomplished he never would care the same way he cared about Itachi. Just because Sasuke could face that doesn’t mean he was content with Naruto shoving it up his ass 24/7. Because Fugaku wasn’t really his father, a fact that remained unspoken yet never forgotten, and served to separate their family even through death.

Sasuke still shouldn’t have snapped at Naruto. His friend was angry. Why add fuel to the fire?

Naruto should have more control; yet Naruto couldn’t help it. Sasuke’s feelings warred with each other until he just decided on the easiest option; following his instinct, not his reasoning. He would accept the blame for their fight and go on with his life. It was simple that way. Nothing dramatic had to happen.

Sasuke could swear his father’s killer intent was right here with him in this room. Except, no wait...his father was fiery and stubborn...this was....this was forceful like rushing waves. This killer intent would have knocked him off his feet had he been standing.

A high pitch scream had Sasuke curling his hands into fists. “GYAHH!!” it was brimming with agony, and the tone fluctuations were uncontrolled. The scream echoed throughout Sasuke’s uncomprehending figure. Tsunami had been the source of a sound so tortured he recoiled in disgust. It was a horrid scream. The following shattering of glass had Sasuke jumping to his feet. But then he was unsure. What was he to do? All those times he’d been in battle before now, Naruto or Kakashi or even Sakura had been there to back him up and guide him.

He was all alone now. His hands were shaking and he was left to fend for himself. _Damn them_ , he thought ferociously. _Damn them all_ _for leaving me here!_ It was unfair that he had to deal with this. If Naruto had stayed behind this wouldn’t have been left up to Sasuke!

Tsunami wasn’t useless, but she wasn’t a ninja. She needed him to save her. Sasuke didn’t like the feeling of being so heavily relied on. What if he slipped up and something happened...? What would he do _then_? His anger and compassion coalesced in a turmoil that turned against him aggressively. His anxiety peeked, knocking the breath out of him. Anxiety was strange and unlike other emotions. Anxiety wasn’t just mental; something about it was physical as well. No matter how many times he told himself everything was fine, his body disagreed. His brain itself disagreed. Even when he’d succeeded in completely blanking his thoughts to nothingness his body would subconsciously believe there was a problem. An unsolvable, horrific problem that his body would get caught up on until he was blindsided with worry. Sasuke was familiar with anxiety; but time and time again it proved to be wholly uncontrollable.

_“You don’t follow through with your moves because you lack self-confidence. If you had actually activated a jutsu on me, you’re strong enough I can safely say you would’ve in the very least had my attention.”_

Those were Kakashi-sensei’s words during the bell test. It had truly stung back then and seemed entirely unhelpful. Sasuke had known he was a nervous wreck; Kakashi-sensei reminding him of it did nothing but sting. However, right now, all alone, with only his self-deprecating thoughts questioning his every move, his words lingered and brought with them a feeling of hope. It was enlightening to hear Kakashi-sensei coincide acknowledging his lesser qualities and believing in his abilities. Kakashi-sensei’s voice meant more than Sasuke’s own vague less meaningful reassurances. It was truer coming from Kakashi-sensei. The words possessed substance. They didn’t just exist within his brain.

Sasuke was having trouble staying focused. He couldn’t wrap his mind around the idea of facing this alone. But with Kakashi-sensei’s words echoing around in his mind, he took a step forward, and then another. It felt like ice water had been dumped on him. Those steps had triggered something strong within, an instinctual urge. What had he been doing, sitting there on the floor?

Ms. Tsunami had just screamed bloody murder and he was _sitting on the floor_?

Sometimes, questioning yourself can be a good thing.

Sasuke hushed his footsteps and darted down the stairs, peering around the corner. What he saw had him resisting the inherent urge to gag. Glass was shattered all around the room, and the wall to the side of their house had caved inward. He observed that the wall must have been cut down by the two foreign men standing in the middle of the mess, towering over a fear filled Tsunami curled against the cabinets. The men had matching leers _and_ swords. Their unique features would have normally attracted Sasuke’s attentive focus, but in this moment Sasuke’s eyes were not trained on the threat, but on the victim.

Tsunami had blood trailing down her hands and a bruise forming on her neck. Her clothes were rumpled, and yet her eyes remained strong. She was fearful, but she was standing up for herself the best she could. Even as a civilian, she was more courageous than Sasuke had ever been when facing his demons. It was admirable. Tsunami shuddered and convulsed, glass sticking out the side of her foot and carding through her hair. She looked upon her assailants defiantly despite the situation demanding anyone with the barest amount of self-preserving decency to cower in fear.

The two shinobi shattered a plate near her feet, more to scare than to actually injure her. The resounding shatter echoed throughout the house and reminded Sasuke vaguely of Itachi when he would throw fits. Instead of terrifying him and making everything worse like the image of Itachi would usually do, Sasuke was actually calmed at the idea he had handled a situation similar to this before; _all on his own_. Sasuke had faced many things by himself, he now recognized. He could handle this without Team Seven. Surely the horrid things that had been done to him were worse than two nameless bandits.

“Mother!” Inari rushed into the room, eyes wide. A son’s hand reached out for his mother but shot back at her screeching rejection. 

“NO! Don’t come in here! Get out of here, now!” Tsunami ordered in rapid succession, picking up a glass shard and bearing it like a weapon in case the men made a move toward her son. She was curled on the floor but ready to defend Inari.

“Don’t move.” One of the men ordered, and Sasuke finally tore his eyes away from Tsunami long enough to study him. He wasn’t all too threatening. The man had greasy hair with gangly limbs, a purple beanie that was tearing at the seams, and strange face paint that implied he was born into some long forgotten clan. The one next to him was far more intimidating, with large muscles decorated in tattoos and a bearded chin and long nose. A scar ran along this man’s forehead. His whole demeanor was confident, and it made Sasuke nervous. The two hit-men were no Itachi, but they weren’t amateurs either. Sasuke shouldn’t bite off more than he could chew. He needed to remain tactful. He needed to seize the proper moment for striking.

“Should we grab this one too?”

“No, Gato asked for just one hostage.”

Sasuke listened intently, noticing an eye patch on the stronger man’s right eye and the way the man in the beanie had a left ankle that convulsed every so often; two injuries for Sasuke to target. The use of Gato’s name had Sasuke wondering if Sakura and Kakashi were having difficulties where they were positioned on the bridge. Hostages were typically used as leverage, but Tsunami and Inari could be a backup plan if Zabuza falls short. He had assumed from the beginning the criminals were working for Gato. It honestly hadn’t occurred to him they would be anything else. But by the shocked look on Inari’s face it must not have been quite as obvious as he’d assumed. He wondered if violent break-ins were frequent in the Land of Waves.

“Alright...” the stronger one began, a grin forming on his lips. His surprisingly white teeth shadowed in the strange lighting peeking through the crumbling wall. “Then let’s waste ‘em!” Sasuke didn’t bother smothering his disgust at the man’s excitement at the thought of murder. His anger only intensified his fear.

Sasuke moved swiftly. The man was in the middle of unsheathing his sword, his guard down. Now was the perfect moment to strike.

He didn’t alert anyone of his presence, although he had a feeling that Tsunami already knew he was here. She didn’t look surprised at all when he stepped behind her and jabbed a kunai at the man with the beanie, silent and swift and most importantly _fast_. Sasuke had always been fast. Shisui said it must’ve been a family thing. Shisui of the Flicker was the fastest known shinobi to walk the ninja world, and he was Sasuke’s cousin. It was weird to be related to that kind of fame. It put a lot of pressure on how amazing Sasuke would need to be to impress his family. He’d need to be as good as   
Shisui- _and-some_ for them to have considered him worthy. Uchiha standards were impossibly high.

Sasuke aimed his kunai at the man’s spleen, hoping for something more along the lines of incapacitation than killing. He didn’t think he could stomach killing anyone right now, or ever.

To Sasuke’s surprise the hit landed. It was then Sasuke realized that these two men were nothing but bandits and probably couldn’t even qualify as an academy graduate. Their swords were broad and oh god, Sasuke had just stabbed a civilian mercenary in the spleen. He’d honestly thought, like in every ninja battle, his first hit would have been dodged.

He was wrong.

He heard a gurgle behind him combined with a cry of pain from the man he hadn’t stabbed, and was ashamed to admit to the swell of pride he felt upon seeing Tsunami having put her weaponized glass shard to good use and got the man right in his good eye. She had brilliantly used his surprise at Sasuke’s abrupt entrance as a distraction. Sasuke pivoted before the tattooed man could implement his obvious attempt at a cheap backhand to Tsunami’s cheekbone, jamming the intruder’s temple with the back of his kunai. He swung back around before the guy’s body hit the floor, having heard the sound of splitting wood. He instinctually grabbed Tsunami’s forearm protectively in panic. He pushed her behind him and faced his other opponent only to be met with Inari slamming a chair on the other man struggling to his knees, a knife still lodged in his spleen. The wood broke apart and tore, leaving hundreds of splinters behind. The man groaned, his face swelling due to the impact of Inari’s hit. A spasm wracked his body before his face smashed against the floor and his already distorted nose eerily cracked.

Sasuke reached out with his chakra signature, more than a little confused. He could have sworn the killing intent was real, he couldn’t have been wrong. These men were still giving off killer intent. But they were sprawled on the floor, groaning and probably begging their Gods for mercy. Sasuke shoved down all the guilt boiling up to the surface. Now wasn’t the time for empathy. Now was the time to figure out why he could feel a very strong chakra signature reeking of death and yet see no opponents.

The chakra signature was real and still very, very alive, Sasuke concluded.

It was coming from Tazuna’s bridge. Sasuke felt the breath knock out of him. That answered his question on Kakashi and Sakura’s safety. His teammates were in danger- big danger- he could sense it all the way from Tazuna’s _house_. Knowing the source amplified the clarity, making him squeeze his eyes shut and groan in horror. If it was this suffocating from miles away, Sasuke feared what it must feel like to stand in the middle of that clearing, facing Zabuza. He was overcome with concern for his teammate. She was strong, of course, stronger than him in so many ways- but no one should be subjected to that kind of killer intent.

He felt two arms wrap around his leg and his eyes widened in shock. A mop of brown hair was pressed into his waist. Then he felt an arm drape around his shoulder and another delicate, yet calloused hand wrapped around Inari’s shoulder. _Tsunami’s face_ , was his first, dumbstruck thought. Tsunami’s face was pressed in the middle of his spine. He knew it was her head because her hair was sticking to his sweat. Once the two were situated they only squeezed harder.

Sasuke blanched.

“Oh thank god we’re all okay.” Tsunami whimpered, tugging him closer into her motherly embrace.

When Sasuke would look back he wouldn’t really be able to recount all that had happened. He only knew that for what seemed like an eternity his mind was still. He felt completely numb. He wasn’t exactly panicked, but he wouldn’t call incomprehension just fine and dandy either. It wasn’t that he was switching from battle mode to hug mode, but it was more that it had been a really long time since he was included into a ‘we’.

‘Thank god we’re all okay.’ Tsunami had declared. Sasuke couldn’t properly deduce how that made him feel. The words made him feel like he belonged, but at the same time a crushing sadness drowned him. This sadness was born from the knowledge that he didn’t truly fit in; this family was not his, and never would be. It was the most tantalizing of fruits that he was only permitted to bite into once. He determined that if he could have only one bite, he’d savor the taste as long as long as time would allow.

It took him a few moments to regain himself. Once he was in the present and his brain was fully intact once more, he was capable of placing a hopefully affectionate hand on top of Inari’s head. He was mimicking what Kakashi-sensei had taken to doing to him as an expression of affection. Sasuke didn’t have anyone else to use a focal point, and didn’t really desire another someone either. Kakashi-sensei was as respectable of a role-model as any.

“Since when do you give hugs? I want in on this!” There came an indignant cry from none other than Uzumaki Naruto, his determined trek coming to an end with a forceful kick in the ribs of their attacker. He had a bundle of rope in his hands, which he was probably planning to use to restrain Gato’s men. Sasuke was glad that he had no intention of killing the two rogues in front of him or the family. He wasn’t sure if Naruto planned on sinking them in the water, but if that was his cruel ploy, at least Sasuke wouldn’t have to witness it. He felt selfish for thinking this because their deaths itself was a reason to mourn. He shouldn’t only want them not to be killed because it made him feel like a better person. He should genuinely want them alive. Of course, he thought up an excuse quickly, it would be good that they have someone to question about Gato’s business. He should remind Naruto to just tie them up and leave them for interrogation. Kakashi-sensei would be impressed. _Sweet Lady Kaguya, Kakashi-sensei!_ Sasuke panicked.

“The bridge!” He gasped, eyes shooting up and latching onto Naruto’s gaze. His teammate was making quick work of binding the nameless rogues, an air of authority and seriousness about him Sasuke was glad for. He hadn’t liked having to protect Tsunami and Inari, for even the short amount of time it was left up to him. He had a strong hunch he would never be much of a leader.

Naruto tightened the knot he was weaving around the rogues as he spoke, “I know. I can sense it too. It’s driving me crazy. I hope Sakura’s alright—and Kakashi-sensei.”

Sasuke pretended not to notice Kakashi-sensei had been an afterthought. Naruto may not be aware of Sasuke’s shrewdness, but Sasuke saw through Sakura and Naruto’s strange, bitter relationship. They _like_ liked each other. Sasuke felt like a school girl for even thinking that. He would never bother voicing his thoughts and assumptions, but those two were going places. Maybe Sasuke just needed to boot them in the right direction. He also needed for Sakura to stop being so dumb about it and just admit she more than tolerates Naruto’s presence. It was cute, but it was getting pretty annoying.

Sasuke nodded to his teammate, reading the meaning behind his efficient movements. He risked a glance back at Tsunami and Inari, wondering how they planned to protect the two. It had been made clear they weren’t out of the woods when it came to Gato’s hired soldiers. Even with Tsunami and Inari being in potential danger he and Naruto couldn’t very well stick around. The a massive wave a killer intent permeating from their teammate’s location was far too dangerous. Leaving was their only real option, and it left a bad taste in his mouth. He couldn’t shake the image of Tsunami, curled beneath the cabinets and brandishing a piece of glass as her only means of protection.

“We need to leave.” Sasuke agreed to Naruto’s unspoken command.

Tsunami blinked. “Wha- why?” she stuttered, bringing Inari closer into her arms and finally letting go of him. Much to his mother’s chagrin Inari broke free of her hold, blinking up at Naruto with big eyes. He was wasting what little time they had, but Sasuke could see the kid had something important to say. Sasuke quietly shuffled away, hands in his pockets.

“Wow that’s so cool you can sense grandpa from way back here? That’s just like a real ninja!” Inari expressed.

Instead of being offended, Naruto laughed. “You twerp I am a real ninja!” he winked at Inari, bending down to his level of height. Inari beamed at him.

Naruto’s face faltered. “Hey, by the way, sorry about yesterday,”

Priorities, Naruto. Tick fucking tock. Sasuke nearly laughed out loud at that thought. It sounded exactly like something Sakura would say.

Inari’s lips parted in surprise. Naruto avoided Sasuke’s searching gaze and kept his eyes focused on Inari. Naruto rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “Calling you a coward was pretty mean, I guess. Anyway it’s not true you know.” Naruto fumbled around with his words at first, but ended his speech with an air of finality. He rubbed Inari’s shoulder soothingly.

Sasuke watched their interaction, cursing his own heart. It was too sweet. Naruto was smiling and apologizing. Naruto recognized he had made a mistake. He said he was _sorry_. Sasuke was such a sucker, oh why couldn’t he just hold a grudge? But looking at Naruto’s blue eyes filled with only sincerity...Sasuke knew he had lost. Just like he was going to be the first to apologize, he was going to forgive his teammate’s hateful actions as well. Friends can’t just run off on each other after one small fight, he supposed.

Wait...friends?

“Cause you were really brave, Inari!” Naruto declared.

Ha...yea....friends...no use denying it. What had he gotten himself into?

Naruto’s eyes suddenly went wide. Sasuke searched for the source of Naruto’s surprise, nearly leaping across the room when he saw Inari’s bottom lip quivering sporadically. Inari bunched his hands into small fists and rubbed his eyes furiously, wiping away his rapidly falling tears. “Darnit! I promised myself I wouldn’t cry!” Inari wailed, shuffling away from Naruto’s caring hold on his shoulder. “You’re gonna’ make fun o’ me again and call me a baby, but I can’t stop!” he confessed.

“What are you talking about?” Naruto asked calmly, turning away and looping his arms behind his head to face the hole carved out of Tazuna’s home. “You’re happy, what’s wrong with that?”

Inari turned a tear stained, flushed face to Naruto. He seemed surprised, like he was expecting more harsh treatment from Naruto. Sasuke felt awkward standing by and watching this all play out, but he didn’t feel like interfering. He’d let Naruto handle this. What he did do was turn to Ms. Tsunami and wince, noticing how she was plucking a piece of glass from her shoulder, biting her lip in order to silence her pain. Sasuke marched over and gently handled her arm, feeling strange wearing a stern expression directed towards someone so taller and older than him. But he kept the expression on and offered no words as he shooed her hand away and gently removed the piece of glass, wiping away the blood with a glowing green hand. After Naruto had healed him a few days prior he had regained his strength. He didn’t have much sleep to work with right now, but healing was something that came naturally to him.

She gasped as the cut was sealed closed, looking at him with wide eyes. “How did...” she breathed, and Sasuke smiled at her, glancing back at Naruto and Inari. Her eyes followed his, forgetting her question as they studied the two interact with each other.

“It’s okay to cry sometimes...especially when you’re happy, really it is!” Naruto gave Inari a very warm, close lipped smile. Sasuke looked back to Tsunami and gave her his own, shaky smile.

She grinned back at him. “Didn’t you say you had to be somewhere?” she muttered to him, nodding her head to the hole in the wall.

Sasuke could still feel the killer intent creeping up his spine. “Yea,” Then remembering the men on the floor, “Will you be all right to handle...” he trailed off, motioning to their bound bodies.

She smirked at him, the fieriest expression he had seen her wear. “You’ve got nothing to worry about. This isn’t my first rodeo. Inari’s father never put a ring on it, and he was trouble.” Her eyes hardened by the end of her declaration. Then the dark expression wiped clean off her face and she looked pointedly at him.

Sasuke stepped forward. “Naruto.” His teammate understood the look on his face and bade a quick farewell to Inari.

“Okay I can leave you in charge of things now, right?” Naruto asked the kid, turning away.

“Y-yes...” Inari stammered, and Sasuke noticed a hint of awe in his tone.

Naruto nodded. “Good.” Then, turning to Sasuke, “Ready, Sasuke?”

Sasuke gripped the hilt of one of his kunai, shuffling closer to Naruto and preparing a running stance, knowing that they were going to be full on sprinting to get to the bridge. Once they were in, there was no stopping. He glanced back at Naruto.

“Of course...and you?” he responded, raising a challenging eyebrow.

The two of them were raced full force through the hole that had been ripped out of the already worn down home. They sprinted across the dirt and gravel, rocks flinging behind them, before finally disappearing within the thicket of forest. They bounded up the trips, hopping across branches and picking up speed with every stride. Sasuke increased his speed, taking up a frontal position. Naruto was naturally a bit slower than Sasuke. Sasuke had emphasized speed in nearly all of his training. Naruto’s forte was endurance, and would prove more useful in the upcoming battle than on the sprint there. Hence, Naruto concerned himself with the back of their formation and Sasuke dealt with the front.

As Sasuke lead the two of them into the center of full blown battle zone his stomach turned in nausea. With every step closer to Kakashi-sensei and Sakura the killer intent became ever more acute and deadly.

In the distance Sasuke finally spotted the construction site, just about a quarter of a mile away. The killer intent sharpened to unbelievable heights so potent Sasuke swore the air itself was thickening. He picked up his pace against his natural rationale, rushing towards the danger instead of away from it.

He stopped just before stepping onto to the bridge, his sandals sloshing in the cold water. The bridge was shrouded in mist, as was to be expected, but the disconcerting part was how whenever the chakra filled mist brushed against the ocean’s tides, the mist’s density expanded. The chakra collected the natural element and was doubling Zabuza’s technique. Sasuke noticed that the chakra pattern in the mist was deviant from the last battle. During their last fight Zabuza’s mist technique had been airy and loose, impossibly difficult to dispel, and its mass was much less overwhelming. Now Zabuza’s mist was thick and compact, his chakra interweaving and overlapping, working as a thickening agent. On top of this variation to his previously basic technique, the areal jutsu was made into an enormous maze of mist due to terrain advantages of being near a huge body of water. Zabuza was using less chakra than last time and the end result of mist had been more than doubled. 

But Sasuke’s opponent was the only ninja here capable of water ninjutsu. Ridding the clearing of mist would be his first course of action. Before the basic technique had been loose and hard to grasp, like air molecules, but now it was compact and solid. Sasuke was more than capable of getting ahold of Zabuza’s chakra, especially since Zabuza was under the impression providing strengthening chakra to his jutsu would be pointless.

He heard Naruto’s shoes squelch in the water beside him. Naruto shot him an inquisitorial look, asking without words why Sasuke had stopped and not rushed forward to save their comrades.

Standing there facing such a large task, especially with Naruto’s expectant gaze relying on him, Sasuke was incredibly intimidated. The killer intent was permeating around the field with no particular target, only pure rage. The clash of kunai was loud and ringing, and he heard what sounded to him like the bark of a dog. He didn’t bother reaching his chakra signature out to find out if there were indeed animals on the bridge, knowing the killer intent would deter his attempts. He could sense various unfamiliar chakras within the mist, but they weren’t stable perceptions. The quickest and most effective way to help his team would be to remove the mist. Sasuke believed that Naruto could help him with this. An ambush wasn’t the right tactic here because Team Seven’s strength lied in numbers, so an open battlefield was what they wanted. But Sasuke didn’t have the sheer power or amount of chakra necessary to counter all of the mist, even after fully analyzing the weaknesses in Zabuza’s technique. He remembered back in the forest, the way his healing chakra had amplified times ten with the aid of Naruto’s special chakra. If they could replicate that, Sasuke should be able to wipe the mist clean from the bridge altogether.

“I need a chakra boost.” He informed Naruto, his hand held out hopefully. Naruto frowns.

“I don’t think I can do that again.” His mouth twists unsurely.

Sasuke takes a deep breath and then releases it slowly. As he exhales the tension festering inside of him disperses. “Well, you have to.” He responds stubbornly. Naruto shuffles for a moment before acquiescing. He reaches out and clasps his hand with Sasuke’s. Sasuke remembers the feeling of borrowing his friend’s chakra quite well. It hadn’t felt like he was pulling from Naruto, but more like he was receiving from Naruto.

Naruto squeezes his eyes shut, and Sasuke takes the time to gawk for a moment. When Naruto’s eyes open they are burning red, with cat like slits replacing his pupils. Almost instantly Sasuke’s hand is coated in the oozing fiery colored chakra. Sasuke expected to be burned like the color implied, but he only felt a warm sort of fuzzy glow radiate off of Naruto. He didn’t hesitate to activate his jutsu, seizing the rare case of serendipity. A bout of worry struck him that Naruto might not have great control over his more... _demonic_ side but he does his best to dismiss it. Naruto simply has a cool power that needed to be used right now if they wanted to save _anyone_. That’s how Sasuke was deciding to view this. It was the only way to look at this situation and remain relatively sane.

“Release!” Sasuke grunted with effort, focusing on sucking the chakra out of the air, morphing it from a gas back into a liquid. Even with the terrain boost, Sasuke had the advantage of returning the water back into its original form, which was much easier to do than maintaining an active elemental jutsu. Sasuke focuses with everything he has, forcing his eyes closed and grinding his teeth together in concentration. He could feel the stress weigh on his chakra system, and his chakra began to waver. Zabuza was fighting back. But just as soon as the wobbly, fatigued feeling was becoming too much for him to push through, a feeling sucked into the palm of his hand he recognized as Naruto’s chakra. It was a pleasantly warm sensation, but the gentleness didn’t last long. Sasuke’s entire hand started burning. Sasuke cried out, wrenching his hand away in an instant.

He looked to his palm, but a large _sploosh_ prevented him from assessing the damage. He had just been soaked in a large amount of water. His hair was sopping wet and his eyelashes heavy. The water sloshed around at his ankles. He shifted his gaze from his burning hand to the area around him, and his eyes widened. The entire bridge was clear. The mist had morphed back into water. He could see Tazuna, crouching behind a variety of dog summons, he spotted Kakashi toe to toe with Zabuza their blades ever equal, and then he saw Sakura, her chakra signature frazzling and beating prominently enough he could sense it over the waging killer intent. Her back was pressing against the boards of the bridge, her hair splayed out around her, wet both from the water Sasuke had caused and her own blood. Sasuke locked onto the sight of the masked man straddling her, his thumbs pressing against her jugular insistently. Sasuke didn’t even need to shout at Naruto. He merely looked into Naruto’s worryingly red eyes and his reliable teammate joined the fray, Sakura his number one priority.

Sasuke was glad his teammate hadn’t noticed his burnt up hand. He needed Naruto to be completely focused during the fight. Naruto couldn’t get hung up on guilt or worry.

Damn though, he reluctantly acknowledged, his hand hurt like hell.

The soft pads of his fingers bubbled with blisters. His knuckles were badly reddened and peeling. Sasuke, knowing his chakra was already suffering and he needed to safeguard his reserves for healing on the battlefield, shoved his hand into the water on the ground as efficiently and quickly as he could. He peeled off the deadening skin ruthlessly. He would have a scar, especially on the palm of his hand where the burning was the worst and hottest.

Anxiously shoving his hand out of the water, he too joined his teammates on the bridge. He turned his crouching pose into a boost, lunging forward a full on sprint. Running past groaning and wheezing men only made him feel guilty, and it worsened the severity of the killer intent. Now that everything was visible, it was hard not to focus on his sensei’s battle. But he needed to get to Sakura because he could see she was badly hurt. He forced down all unnecessary and useless feelings. The sprint to her position left him panting; she was at least four hundred kilometers away, maybe more. Sasuke didn’t stop once. Not when his sandals scraped against the backs of his ankles, not when the killer intent skyrocketed to unbearable levels, not when he heard a crunch and realized he had just stepped on someone’s bone; his feet never stopped pounding and splashing in the water. Not until he was standing behind Naruto and witnessing Sakura shove a person with twice her body strength off of her with nothing but pure self-defense she had to have gleaned from survival 101.

Naruto laughed unabashedly when she declared, wheezing and panting with a barely fluttering pulse, “You call that a dick? No wonder I thought you were a girl. It’s not even there.”

Naruto laughed loud enough that it attracted the attention of everyone else on the bridge. Sasuke’s breath was stolen away as the shinobi around him seized fighting to evaluate the newcomers.

Sasuke spared one last glance at Naruto, relief and slight exasperation flooding him upon seeing his eyes back to their normal cerulean blue, before he rushed for Sakura. She wasn’t too far away from him and with the battle paused it was easy to reach her. He scooped her up as gently as possible, distantly aware of the throbbing in his hand. He smoothed her hair down as he sped to the safest place he could find, which happened to be the Tazuna’s guards of ninken. Sasuke stored the information that Kakashi-sensei possessed ninken dogs for later. He had to assume they were Kakashi-sensei’s, because Sakura was good, but not near skilled enough to have so many summons out at the same time. He was pretty damn sure they weren’t enemy’s seeing as they were guarding and not maiming Tazuna.

Sakura made a small, little groaning noise; it was a mixture between pain and irritation. She was glaring half-heartedly at him, her lips twisted. He looked down to see that she was coated in blood, a fact he hadn’t really taken in before. His eyes raked her figure and he instantly began cataloguing her injuries, which thankfully were nothing too difficult to treat. They were simple injuries, a fact that startled him, because he had seen how intense the battle between her and the masked boy had ended up being. Of course, the sheer amount of cuts and bruises she was sporting worried him. Sakura hissed, and Sasuke reacted instinctively, shushing her with a gentle pet of her hair. “Just relax now Sakura, you did it. You held him off. Everyone’s safe.”

Sakura’s eye lids fluttered at him, before slowly closing as her breath evened out. It was the least explosive way Sasuke had ever seen someone pass out, and it was so _Sakura_ that Sasuke was stung with urge to cry at the unfairness of it all. She shouldn’t have been left here alone. Kakashi-sensei shouldn’t have to be fighting when he had nearly died days before.

Sasuke wasn’t a qualified medical ninja, how was he supposed to do this? Where did he start? What was the most life-threatening wound? How should he treat this?

The intensity in the atmosphere did nothing to calm Sasuke’s frenzied state.

Sasuke took a deep breath, his eyes stinging. God, Sakura was _hurt she was bleeding oh lord._ There was so much blood. The stinging in his eyes worsened. _Not now,_ he prayed. _His eyes couldn’t do this to him right now._

As Sasuke’s breath sped up the world around him began tilting and spinning. His eyes were burning ever more, drowning out any pain he might have felt in his hand. Sasuke blinked, realizing that something warm was slowly sliding down his face. The wet substance cascading down his face was blood. In a twisted version of tears blood pooled from his eyes and stained his sunburnt cheeks a maroon hue. The turmoil he was feeling did not subside, but instead his face twisted and the pain only worsened. Soon Sasuke’s whole body felt like it was boiling, his chakra core twisting in circles and gripping him like a vice. Sasuke gasped wetly, choking on nothing but his own saliva.

_Drip._

The moment he heard the sound his eyes shot open. He hadn’t noticed he had closed them, but somewhere within the prison of torment his body inflicted on him Sasuke lost track of reality.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

Blood rolled off of his chin and onto Sakura’s whitening face, splattering softly as the colors contrasted in a mockery of beauty.

The pain disappeared, and with the absence of pain, arrived the blessing of _sight._ Not just ordinary vision, but eyes that could see and process at a faster pace than the sharpest of minds. Eyes that were beating, thrumming with energy that was all Sasuke’s to wield. “The Sharingan.” He whispered quietly to himself.

It had activated. He wasn’t destined to a life of frequenting misery. He would not be subjected to cruel words or false hope any longer; he now had the Sharingan. He now had the Sharingan and it was... _powerful_. It was wild. It contradicted every fiber in Sasuke’s being. Sasuke knew that there was a common problem with every Uchiha that had ever possessed a Sharingan; the issue was emotion. Uchiha who let emotion guide them were doomed to drive themselves mad. But no matter how many times a young Uchiha child is taught to conceal what they felt, there was not a recorded example to reference of an Uchiha who didn’t lose themselves to their own troubles. The emotions of anger, grief, remorse, pain, loss- whatever the activator the solution remained constant. Father tried to start a war, Shisui killed himself, Itachi went mad with control, Mother hated herself, Izumi blinded herself in a fit of insanity, and all of those examples were compiled from tragedies Sasuke had been alive for. Sasuke had even witnessed some of the events personally. The list of powerful Sharingan users’ conquests of senselessness dated back decades. No one had ever succeeded in truly conquering the enigmatic Sharingan.

Sasuke would not abuse his power. The Sharingan was not a coping mechanism or a tool for uprising. It was a way to save his teammate. His borderline inhumanly quick visual comprehension took in Kakashi-sensei with a bleeding leg and smarting cheek bone within a quarter of a second. Kakashi-sensei was slowing down, but Zabuza was becoming equally sloppier. The fight was not near over. He turned his newly acquired vision onto his other teammate. Naruto had engaged the now unmasked boy in hand-to-hand combat, and yes, it was unsurprisingly the boy they had stumbled upon in the forest. Sasuke could see that there was a vicious amount of anger emulating from both of them. Kakashi-sensei’s and Zabuza’s dual was similarly intense. Everyone on the field was exercising their own personal killer intent. Sasuke took a deep breath and reminded himself that Naruto and Kakashi-sensei could hold their own. He would help them after Sakura was in the clear, and he kept to his word about her safety.

His Sharingan roamed Sakura’s body, able to see every niche in her flesh. His hands went to work. His hands and eyes felt detached from one another, like they were partners rather than portions of Sasuke’s body. They worked together, with the Sharingan giving orders and his hand’s receiving them almost too fast for his consciousness to keep up.

Chakra flickered into his hands and for once in his life it was _natural_. He didn’t have to concentrate on redirecting the flow of his spiritual and physical chakra from stimulating his eyes to his pathways, all he had to do was think it and the signature green of healing chakra was wrapped around his hands.

Her chakra system was a mess. Needles stuck out of her body like she had substituted for a pin cushion. Her neck was bruised and Sasuke could instantly see that the air circulating into her body was shallower than it should’ve been. He mentally revered his Sharingan for its helpful nature. He would never have noticed her shaky air flow had it not been for his newly completed Doujutsu. Shaking himself away from her minor injuries, Sasuke arranged his order of operation.

A steady flow of blood was sloshing from her wrists and pooling in the watery ground around her. He decided the wrists were much more of an immediate problem than her short breathing. The bruising on her neck might not even be the cause of her slow oxygen intake. It could be the massive loss of blood. He needed to get her out of life-threatening danger before delving into the specifics.

The needles in her subclavian arteries were carefully plucked out of her skin, quickly sealed by his middle and index finger rubbing over the wound with as much gentles as possible. The skin resisted a few times, trying to keep the needle lodged in, but Sasuke pinched and twiddled until the stubborn ones inevitably came loose. His Sharingan caught the rapid flow of blood with a level of dexterity and precision that improved Sasuke’s work speed times a hundred.

He didn’t know how long he sat there curled around her body, battle waging around him. He wasn’t focused on anything but saving Sakura. Needles were plucked from flesh and eased out of veins over and over, a repetitive and taxing process. His chakra was sucked from his reserves. Sasuke soon had a pile of senbon neatly stacked beside him. He flipped her to her side and repeating the grueling process along her back, making sure to pay carefully attention to the few that had pierced along her spinal cord. When finally her body was stripped of all foreign objects, he pressed his hand against her throat and washed away the multitude of bruises, his Sharingan helping him to decide just how much chakra was necessary to force the swelling to fade. His Sharingan could see every layer of skin the contusions had penetrated. His Sharingan could detect any hitch in her breath or twitch of discomfort. Her neck was not dazzling in its paleness by any means, but once he was finished it was no longer molted with greens and purples.

He checked her breathing, and was relieved to find it had evened out. As far as he could tell, she had no concussion, so it would be unnecessary to wake her body up. It would make him feel better, sure, but it might stutter the healing process in the long run. Just to make sure she wasn’t experiencing any neurological affects, he pulled her eyelid open, checking her eye for dilation. He winced upon seeing that her eye was bright red from exhaustion, but it luckily wasn’t dilated. No concussion; Sasuke breathed a bit easier.

His hands were shaking terribly when he pulled them away from her body. There was an ache in his neck from hunching over and he felt like throwing up as the worry in his stomach finally settled.

“You did good, but I expect nothing less from one of Kakashi’s brats.” The voice startled him back into reality, as did the paw pressing against his arm. A small dog (Sasuke didn’t have the knowledge necessary to know what breed it was), was staring up at him with beady yet understanding eyes. Kakashi-sensei’s ninken, he guessed. He couldn’t help but screw up his nose at the presence of a dog. He was raised as an Uchiha, and dogs reminded him of Itachi.

“Che, cat people.” The dog growled at him. Sasuke sneered back.

“My names _Sasuke_ ,” he emphasized, correcting the dogs earlier slight, and refusing to let his eyes off of the canine for a second.

“Yea and mines Pakkun, brat.”

A firm hand settled on his shoulder startled him out of his irritation at the disrespectful creature. “Hey, it’s good you healed the girly and all, but I think those two could use your help out on the battlefield.”

Sasuke blinked at him for a moment before nodding slowly, frustratingly distracted by the killer intent still permeating the clearing. Sasuke smoothed down Sakura’s hair, marveling at the peacefulness with which she slept. He stood on unsteady feet to face Tazuna. His Sharingan was blaring and he saw Tazuna’s eyes widen with surprise. Tazuna glanced back at Kakashi. “You two related or something?” he wondered.

“Or something,” Sasuke replied quietly, glancing back down at Sakura concernedly. He trailed his eyes up to Naruto, the one who supposedly required Sasuke’s assistance.

He wasn’t expecting there to be a sharp tug on his pant leg. “Sasuke, I’needt’si’up. Can’t _breathe_.” Sakura was looking up at him with bloodshot green eyes. She was horrifically pale and squirming.

Sasuke kneeled quickly, helping her struggle to her knees. She rubbed her ears in discomfort. He gently cupped her ears, massaging them quietly. Her contorted features smoothed out, before she was suddenly batting his hands away with a fierce glare. “I’m fine now.” she snapped. “Go help.”

Sasuke couldn’t help but roll his eyes at her bossy behavior. It felt good to see that Sakura wasn’t too damaged from her battle. Even if her face was spotty and flushed, all that mattered was that she was acting like her usual self. She combined pushiness with overprotectiveness in a way that made it impossible to be angry with her. It was her approach to expressing affection.

Sasuke stood up, this time preparing for battle. His Sharingan eyes found Naruto, who had a fist aimed directly at the ninja boy. His red chakra had started oozing about the battlefield again. Without the mist around them it was easy to watch and even easier to determine who had the advantage. When Naruto’s fist connected with the enemy’s rounded nose with close to zero resistance, Sasuke decided his best tactic would be to aid Kakashi-sensei. Naruto was wrapping things up. Sasuke stood straighter, his Sharingan taking in his sensei’s sluggish body movements and desperate killing intent tainting the battle field. He tried his best not to focus on anything insensible. He needed to end this. He felt bad for leaving Naruto alone against his moral compass. Kakashi-sensei of course was in a much more dire circumstance, however. Naruto would be fine...physically, at least.

Sasuke shot a glance at the ninja dogs Kakashi-sensei summoned, and then turned to Sakura. “Okay, I’ve got an idea, but I need you and the summons to make sure there is never an opening on Tazuna. Can you do that?”

Sakura snorted, picking at the blood that caked her once white shorts. “I’m on it, Mr. Sharingan.”

Sasuke winced.

Sakura glared. “Don’t think I didn’t notice.” Her face softened. “Just be careful with it, alright? You know how um, _in demand_ your Sharingan is. Flaunting it around this battlefield as you already have done gives me little hope the word of its awakening won’t spread.” Sakura’s caution, Sasuke thought seriously, would not be taken lightly. She was right, after all. The Sharingan was powerful and many would want to get their hands on it, especially now that he possessed one of the only one’s still out there.

Sasuke nodded firmly before turning away as a clear conclusion of the conversation. “Protect Tazuna.” He reiterated, leaping along the bridge in the direction of his sensei.

He crouched just a few feet away from them, their battle pausing upon his entrance. Zabuza leapt backwards, clutching the blade that stretched along his back with slight haughtiness. Kakashi-sensei raggedly scrambled away and readied a kunai, his Sharingan expanding and dilating in an extremely familiar way. The pulsing meant he was running out of chakra to stimulate it. The problem was Kakashi-sensei couldn’t just turn off his Sharingan like most Uchiha. It was an implanted Kekei Genkai, and therefore it wasn’t within Kakashi-sensei’s abilities to deactivate it. He didn’t have the genetic mutation in his ocular paths that Uchiha’s possessed.

“About time, Sasuke,” Kakashi-sensei wheezed while still maintaining an airy demeanor. Sasuke wasn’t so sure how much of a help he would be, but he was going to try his hardest to take some pressure off of his sensei.

Sasuke could not maintain banter in the horribly thick atmosphere, instead side eyeing Kakashi-sensei with as much determination as he could muster, and purposefully displaying Sharingan. Kakashi-sensei’s not tampered with eye widened in understanding, while his Sharingan remained squinted. After the initial shock wore off, Kakashi-sensei sent him a pleased look. “Great timing,” he complimented.

“Meh, I think I was a bit late. Looks like you taught me something after all sensei. I’ll tell Sakura, maybe she’ll get off your back.” Sasuke wasn’t really feeling up to any wittiness, but the surprised snort of laughter and soothed way Kakashi-sensei’s chakra fizzled was worth any discomfort he felt. Kakashi-sensei’s eye crinkled. No matter how inappropriate the joke felt inwardly, Kakashi-sensei enjoyed it and that was what mattered most. 

“I’ve had enough of your chatter! This is ends here!” Zabuza interrupted, handling his mighty blade with a cold hearted sneer.

If it wasn’t for Sasuke’s Sharingan, he would not have been able to control the outcome of this battle at all.

But as luck had it Sasuke had awakened his Sharingan, and his Sharingan had caught the barest flicker of Zabuza’s eyes bore into him. Kakashi-sensei would have seen it too if it wasn’t for his damaged chakra, but as it was, Sasuke would not have a defender when Zabuza struck. Very few Shinobi were fast enough to interfere in a move as expertly executed as Zabuza’s. The Kubikiribocho blade twitched and his body moved so fast he would’ve been reduced to nothing but blurry colors if it wasn’t for Sasuke’s Sharingan. Zabuza cried boldly, “Let’s start with the brat, shall we?!” Sasuke was in much too intense of state to feel offended at being referred to as a brat.

Sasuke was ready. Zabuza’s chakra signature made him obvious, his killer intent pressing into Sasuke and making his head spin. Sasuke didn’t know what it was that was currently pushing him. It could be adrenaline, or emotional drive, maybe a mixture of both, but even when all of Zabuza’s anger was directed at him Sasuke didn’t flinch. He ducked the blade that aimed to sever his neck, his arms whipping out behind him from the impact of his speedy dodge. But instead of following his instincts and running away from Zabuza, Sasuke shot back upwards, a jutsu on his fingertips. “Water Style: Bleeding Freeze!” the words barely made it out of his mouth, sucking out every last inch of chakra Sasuke had left. His Sharingan flickered away as his core shuddered in repulsion at the emptiness. But Sasuke forced the jutsu to escape his blood caked fingers. He only had enough chakra thanks to the water terrain advantage.

It was then Sasuke fully comprehended how tired he was. He was exhausted. The intensity of the killer intent around him somehow got worse. But he forced himself to push through, even when his stomach churned with the need to throw up.

He endured, his fingers going numb and stiffening in the form of a hand seal. The ice was not visible, but Zabuza’s body froze all the same. His skin tinged a sickening blue color and his breath came out as fog. Zabuza’s cheek bones whitened and the saliva of his open mouth iced, coating his tongue entirely. The image was burned forever, even without Sasuke’s Sharingan being active to record the scene. Sasuke should be sick, but he felt so very numb and worthless he couldn’t muster up any proper disgust.

Sasuke’s back crumpled forward, his head spinning. His eyes were bleeding again, he realizes dully. He was so tired, and so horrified. He was draped around Zabuza’s body, rendered idle from exhaustion. Thankfully he didn’t have to stay in the position for long. Kakashi-sensei’s hands wound around him, which nearly sent him into a panic. The hands were invasive on his skin. Even so Sasuke allowed himself to be dragged away, catching sight of a dead body severed into multiple pieces as Kakashi-sensei pulled him a good few feet away from Zabuza. The moment Sasuke felt Zabuza was no longer within attack distance to slit his throat he yanked himself away from Kakashi-sensei’s hold and collapsed onto his knees, gagging and spluttering what little was in his stomach. Emotion came back to him like a tidal wave. It crashed upon him and left him drenched in water and completely disoriented. Trapped beneath the force of the ocean; Sasuke could no longer breathe.

A wooziness in his head washed over him. His hand was still burning. He couldn’t see quite right. Everything was a mess of blurry shapes. He spat out the saliva and gunk left in his mouth, scooting a bit away from Kakashi-sensei’s seemingly suffocating body heat. Eventually he was forced to scramble for air beneath the metaphorical water, and Sasuke reluctantly did just that. He kicked and pushed until his mind was at the surface of reality once more, gasping for breath. The moment Sasuke was conscious of his surroundings again he wished he had let himself drown.

“Poor ignorant Zabuza...” Kakashi-sensei’s words crackled in the air, his killer intent suddenly reeking stronger than Naruto’s red fiery anger a distance away. It stood out against the fake hunter ninja’s blank promise of death, and was even more dangerous than Zabuza’s horrific and ominous bloodlust. Kakashi-sensei was not just scaring Zabuza. He _truly_ desired to destroy him. This was a fragment of the man who taught his older brother, calm and collected with a vicious _want_ to end another’s life. “Do you really believe I’ve managed to survive relying on just the Sharingan?” Kakashi-sensei condescended.

“Here’s something I didn’t copy. A jutsu of my own, really...to enlighten you...” Kakashi-sensei drawled cruelly, forming a hand seal like Sasuke had never before witnessed. A quick series of more average hand seals later, and Kakashi-sensei’s feet were surrounded by a circle of pulsing electricity. Even ragged and bleeding, Kakashi-sensei was the most intimidating opponent on the field. Sasuke would have died of fear by now if he was in the rogue ninja’s shoes. Perhaps he would die of fright anyway. The hammering of his heart was worrying enough.

The electricity crackled and chirped. Kakashi-sensei’s hands acting as a conduit for the pulsing energy. Lightening gathered into his hands, formulating a weapon of pure electricity that could overpower anyone’s body in an instant upon the simplest of contact. The watery terrain played to Kakashi-sensei’s advantage, making it near impossible for Zabuza to survive should he be hit with the infamous jutsu. Water was the most renowned conduct for electricity in existence.

“Lightening Blade!” Kakashi-sensei shouted above the roaring of his jutsu. His chakra surged with enough power to morph into visibility. “I won’t allow you to kill Tazuna. He’s a brave man with a noble dream. The bridge he’s building is the symbol of courage in this land and all of its people. You’re like a _disease_. By attacking one you infect all; _and you don’t care_.”

Sasuke’s heart thrummed to a beat of a dangerous tune, the strums starting low and reverberating in his ears. Over and over the cords were playing at just a scarcely higher note, and with each increase in pitch his heart beat louder and heavier in his chest. Sasuke’s pulse skyrocketed.

“That is not the way of the Shinobi.” Kakashi-sensei’s voice was void of any emotion. The only thing he could detect from Kakashi-sensei was the spike of killer intent he was deliberately emitting.

The thrumming in his ears grew louder, faster and sharper until Sasuke could hear nothing but the intense ringing. His eyes burned but some part of Sasuke couldn’t move, couldn’t turn away. He was frozen in place, anxiously suffering through every ticking second of delay. The expectancy of the inevitable, the knowledge of Zabuza’s death, did nothing to quell Sasuke’s fear. The pause was not Kakashi-sensei dithering on whether or not to kill Zabuza. Kakashi-sensei was not in any manner hesitant. He was anticipating what was to come, savoring the moment where Zabuza’s body would be torn into pieces by his charged blade of pure electricity.

“Your right, I don’t care!” Zabuza’s voice worsened the ringing and overwhelming beat playing in Sasuke’s ears. His growling, disgusted tone brought with it an added wave of negative chakra. Sasuke trembled. “I have always fought for my own ideals. These useless little people and their petty little dreams mean nothing to me! I have a dream of my own.”

Sasuke flinched as the lightening in his hand brightened, transmitting a physical illustration of Kakashi-sensei’s chaotic fury. Kakashi-sensei’s voice was calm but his eyes, Sharingan and regular, were impossibly wide. His chakra was developing a mind of its own as it crackled. In contrast his voice was light and teasing. “But to have a dream, you need to have a future and...”

Kakashi-sensei’s voice finally lost all humor, he crouched and readied his Lightening Blade.

“You don’t.”

Silence. The rigorous tune of danger finally concluded. He was suddenly aware yet again of his numb fingers and empty core of chakra. All of his senses inundated him with abruptness that made him choke. Despite the pain in his legs and the creeping cold beginning to envelop every inch of his skin, Sasuke could not move. He could not struggle or ask for help. He could not even perform the simplest of tasks. His airways constricted until Sasuke’s breathing came to an end.

Panic was replaced by shock. An encompassing horrid disgust that was so incredibly unexpected he was unsure of what to do next. He just sat on the floor, blinking, lips parted at the scene before him. Icy shock crept along his spine, and he lost all control of his chakra system. His Ice jutsu finally slipped, and Zabuza was freed from Sasuke’s admittedly weak grasp. It did not matter, for Zabuza was still frozen, just like Sasuke was, completely unable to understand the image his eyes were delivering him.

Blood splattered to the floor, onto Kakashi-sensei’s vest, up his forearms- but most importantly, it coated the young boy whom Sasuke had spoken very briefly to in the middle of the forest. The now unmasked shinobi had saved his comrade, taking a killing blow. He would not live. Blood soaked through his hair, poured down his mouth as he choked. His lungs had no doubt collapsed.

Kakashi-sensei’s face slackened, and if Sasuke were someone else, he would not have noticed Kakashi-sensei’s shaking hands. As it was, Sasuke’s eyes were back to burning furiously, this time because of lacking chakra to turn his Sharingan on in response to his own distress. Because of the half-activated Sharingan the shivering of Kakashi-sensei’s hands was easy, natural even, to spot. Sasuke had imagined when he activated the Sharingan the burning and headaches would end. But it appeared that whenever he was chakra exhausted the stinging of his eyes would be a lucky additive.

As his mind started to unfreeze, his other emotions thawed with it. The urge to puke again was strong, the smell of the vomit already in front of him influencing his upset stomach. Only the surface of Sasuke was frozen, inside of him was a raging storm of waves and emotion.

For whatever frustrating reason though Sasuke’s eyes could not leave the truly heart wrenching sight of Kakashi-sensei’s hands splintering inside of the boy’s chest, electricity no longer crackling. The masked boy had saved his comrade. The masked boy had enough heart to jump in front of Kakashi-sensei’s terrifying Lightening Blade in order to let someone else live. If the situation was reversed, could Sasuke have done the same?

The boy’s body slid forward, squelching further onto Kakashi-sensei’s arm. If Kakashi-sensei’s hand wasn’t still inside of his chest the boy’s body would have collapsed onto the ground by now. Dead on contact, just like he’d assumed. Sasuke’s eyes burned worse. With it came the churning of his stomach and acute awareness of his empty chakra core.

His head _spun_.

Zabuza laughed, and the sound sent something entirely unfamiliar into Sasuke. He remembered Itachi, standing over his parent’s bodies. It was a vague image, a flicker, but he swore he remembered the curling anger in his gut. The hatred that made his eyes burn and his blood run cold. It was the first time he’d been able to grasp a memory of his own from that night. The picture of Itachi’s cackling face and Zabuza’s morphed together into one hazy image.

The fucker had laughed.

Zabuza had laughed, Sasuke thought with no small amount of hostility.

He had laughed and laughed, and oh, he was still _laughing_ , as if he the funniest joke in the world had just been shared with him. Fear had Sasuke’s entire body shaking. He had been fine before, had been able to hold it together. But the sight of Zabuza’s carelessness stirred something inside of him long suppressed. Just a fleeting picture, nothing that Sasuke could confirm to be true, but still purely terrifying. His world titled in and out of focus. He was scared.

Sasuke shrunk back, moving for the first time in what felt like hours.

“So, I don’t have a future, huh? Wrong again Kakashi!” Zabuza hissed mirthfully.

Zabuza’s eyes narrowed down at his comrade still imbedded in Kakashi-sensei’s arm. “Well done, Haku.”

Zabuza moved, the moment of treaty shattered into pieces. His blade slashed vertically in a move that almost split Kakashi-sensei in two. Kakashi-sensei wrapped his arms around the boy- Haku- and jumped back, laying the limp body down onto the ground with remorse clear on his face. He gently rearranged Haku’s limbs until they were no longer crooked, his eyes never leaving Zabuza’s prone figure. The anger on Kakashi-sensei’s face didn’t surprise Sasuke. But the hatred startled him. Kakashi-sensei being furious didn’t surprise Sasuke, but how personally he had taken this was what stood out. Sasuke wondered why a seasoned Anbu would be so affected by something like an enemy dying.

Kakashi-sensei was different, Sasuke reminded himself.

Kakashi-sensei was a good person. Sasuke didn’t know how he knew, but he did. Kakashi-sensei was one of the good ones.

“You’ll pay for that!” Naruto screeched, blood on his cheek and eyes reduced back to their original blue shade.

Sasuke observed as Kakashi-sensei conscientiously pulled Haku’s eyes closed in a show of respect.

“No, Naruto. Stay out of this. This is my battle.” Kakashi-sensei stood up, his Sharingan flickering back to life full force. “Zabuza is mine.” Sasuke shivered. The sight of Kakashi-sensei, eyes narrowed, fury etched into his blood stained face and ninja headband was gruesome. He hated this situation, hated it with his entire being. Indignation blindsided him. Haku, the boy no older than Sasuke should not have been lying dead at Kakashi-sensei’s feet. Zabuza should not be laughing. Kakashi-sensei should not be solving the problem of death with more bloodshed.

“Naruto!” Sasuke flinched backwards at the loud, disrupting shout. It was not the sound one made in the middle of battle. It was too casual. And of course it came from Sakura. She appeared to be doing alright, Sasuke was relieved to see, other than her blood matted hair and desperate need for a shower. She didn’t look as repulsed as Sasuke felt she should. She should be disgusted, horrified at the murder of a young boy, enemy or not, but instead she was peeling drying blood out from under her fingernails like it was _no big deal_.

He followed her gaze to Naruto, who was standing dumbly in the middle of the bridge, looking lost. Sasuke remembered that Naruto had been fighting Haku just minutes before he had appeared in front of Kakashi-sensei’s killing strike. Naruto must be feeling awful. He was pale and sweaty, and instead of his normal humorously confused expression when faced with an unfamiliar situation, he wore a warped version of that innocent obliviousness. His eyes were wide and far away. He looked entirely helpless.

Sakura didn’t seem perturbed at all. Sasuke wondered if there was something wrong with her. She had a kunai in one hand, and was waving exuberantly with the other. Tazuna stood behind her with a disgruntled expression, and the ninja dogs guarding them paid her no mind, standing with their backs tall and awaiting orders from the one who summoned them. _Dogs_ were currently taking this situation more seriously than Sakura.

Naruto hadn’t moved an inch at hearing his name called, a sure sign that something was wrong with him, but Sakura pressed on. “Naruto! Naruto over here! _Naruto_!” she even hopped a little, and finally Naruto’s head turned to the side, his blue eyes squinting in concentration. He was trying to process something beyond anything he’d seen before, and Sasuke knew from experience that the first death you witness isn’t always the most brutal or most tragic, but it always sticks with you. He would remember this moment forever.

Sakura wasn’t acting traumatized. Sasuke himself still couldn’t find the willpower to twitch his muscles aside from sucking in shallow breaths. This was why a civilian girl had become a ninja. She wasn’t normal at all.

“Thank god you’re okay!” she crowed again, unnoticing of the somber mood. Naruto’s eyes scanned her, still foggy and sad, but a bit more clear now that someone was talking directly to him.

Sasuke wasn’t the type to underestimate. In fact something Sasuke struggled with on a daily basis was his tendency to overthink. Every action, every word, Sasuke clung to and took to heart. He delved into the deeper meanings of things that should have been simply viewed at face value. So no, Sasuke didn’t underestimate. However Sasuke tended to overestimate. And overestimating seems better, in retrospect, than underestimating.

But in this situation Sasuke had overestimated his capability of handling the sight of a corpse. Did no one get it? Did not a single soul realize that no competent psychiatrist would clear him for being a Genin, let alone a real mission- and a dangerous one at that? Did they not understand how much Lord Third had pushed for Sasuke to be here?

He was sinking, and fast. His didn’t know how long his hands had been shaking, only that it probably wasn’t a good sign it didn’t immediately come into his awareness. Sasuke should have detected his shaking hands. He always knew the possibility for him to freak out in the middle of a mission was very serious; in fact, the chances were against him. But usually he could control himself to some extent.

But Haku’s lifeless eyes...something about it set him off not in the normal, shaky, fearful way, but in a way like never before. Sasuke hadn’t seen any dead bodies since the night of the massacre; he’d seen plenty before though. Dead bodies hadn’t made him feel much but the need to help people and a lot of empathy. Corpses had never freaked him out. Again, in hindsight, it made logical sense that Sasuke wouldn’t deal well with seeing another dead body. Sasuke just hadn’t thought of it. Sasuke wasn’t ready for the feeling of wrongness in his stomach. He wasn’t ready to look into Haku’s eyes and not see an enemy ninja, but instead an innocent young boy who had his life ripped away.

It wasn’t panic or anxiety Sasuke was dealing with. It was a deep sense of wrongness. How could this be?

How could he be dead, while the rest of them continued to take their own lives for granted?

“Kakashi! I wouldn’t be so distracted if I were you!” Zabuza screamed, charging at Kakashi-sensei, who was still crouching next to the shell of the enemy’s comrade.

The killing intent was back, but now it reminded him not of the Itachi, but of Kakashi-sensei with his hand sticking out of Haku’s chest. He was not panicked, but surely, surely he should be. Panic was his normal, his average. Panic was how Sasuke knew all of his gears were turning in the usual way. Panic was how Sasuke was predictable.

Zabuza took a lunge but Kakashi-sensei was easily faster and better equipped with being pushed to the brink of death; he swung his leg around, not even bothering to stand up and instead using the ground as extra velocity, kicking Zabuza in his chest. Zabuza grunted, falling backwards with a pained gasp.

Sasuke watched detachedly. Sakura had acted like it was nothing. Kakashi-sensei had killed someone right in front of him. Sakura hadn’t batted one of her dainty eyelashes.

Everything was wrong. Sasuke was wrong.

His eyes burned, but it was dull in comparison to the stinging Sasuke had become accustomed to over the years. How could she be so fine, when Sasuke was hurting so much?

He still hadn’t moved a muscle.

He looks around with only his eyes for that was all he was capable of. He noticed that Naruto had moved in front of Tazuna, blade at the ready and eyes tracking Kakashi-sensei and Zabuza’s endless exchange of blows. Kakashi-sensei had now lodged three kunai into Zabuza’s left arm. Zabuza was panting heavily, kneeled on the ground with all of his weight leaning against the Kubikiribocho blade. He looked worn out and exhausted, especially in comparison to Kakashi-sensei. Kakashi-sensei had plenty of injuries, blood was sliding down the side of his temple, his hands were caked in blood, yet his eyes remained ever fierce and determined. Kakashi-sensei wasn’t letting up. He was standing tall, persisting through the pain.

Zabuza lunged, “Damn you!” he screamed, racing towards Kakashi-sensei once again. Kakashi-sensei put no effort in the punch he delivered to Zabuza, pushing his enemy back once more. It looked like a mix between a punch and a backhand, the way Kakashi-sensei pulled off the move.

Kakashi-sensei advanced further, on the offensive. He jabbed Zabuza right in the eye with the palm of his hand. The way his body weight shifted to his right leg reminded Sasuke of how the Hyuga clan fought. Sasuke was left wondering just how many jutsu’s and techniques Kakashi-sensei had studied. Zabuza flickered away, wasting chakra on a shunshin. It was a wonder Zabuza had any chakra left. Zabuza was growing angrier, and with his rage came recklessness. Kakashi-sensei sill had a cool head. He was standing there with a superior, unimpressed eyebrow raised. Somehow Kakashi-sensei’s confidence didn’t feel like he was bluffing. Kakashi-sensei was truly unruffled by Zabuza.

Sasuke swallowed. He found it within himself to bend his knee and try for standing, but the moment he moved an unexpected wave of nausea tormented him. His vision blackened, taking a moment to clear back up. Sasuke moved slower this time, careful not to jar his overused body. He soon found himself panting heavily in a kneeled position, palms splayed on the rough bridge-flooring for balance. He felt numb. He couldn’t even care about the blood drying on his face, around his nose and mouth. His eyes had bled more than he thought. He wondered how horrific his appearance was if Kakashi-sensei and Zabuza, who still had the strength to fight, looked like they were on death’s doorstep.

Zabuza recklessly moved forward, an exclamation of rage on his lips. “I’ll split you in half!” he roared. He slammed his blade with all of his strength towards Kakashi-sensei. It was clear he was getting slower, especially since one of his arms had been made useless by throwing knives.

Kakashi-sensei jumped back, Zabuza’s sword lodging into the concrete and leaving a spider web of cracks in its wake.

Kakashi-sensei flickered, appearing behind Zabuza in a scene reminiscent of their first battle, except this time, Zabuza was not a water clone. He was the real thing, and Kakashi-sensei’s hand was wrapped around the base of his neck. Kakashi-sensei wasn’t so cocky as to let his guard down, though. His stance was strong, unwavering, and his eyes watched Zabuza’s actions carefully. “Look at you. You’re falling apart.” Kakashi-sensei taunted. “I knew you didn’t have what it takes for the long haul.”

Zabuza snarled, but remained where he was at the risk of his neck snapping. “What did you say?” he fumed.

Kakashi-sensei narrowed his eyes. “You have no idea what real strength is.” Zabuza convulsed, his anger melting into fear. Zabuza swallowed visibly.

_Click._

“Well well, so this is how it turns out, huh?” Sasuke felt a tremor of hate spark at the new voice and chakra signature. The chakra was slimy, slipping out of Sasuke’s grasp and impossible to lock onto and focus on because of how repulsive it was. The amount of chakra was small but was obnoxious enough to pollute the entire bridge. A man with sleek black shoes stood at the end of the bridge, opposite to where Sasuke and Naruto had joined the battle at. He had uppity dress pants, an expensive shave job, and perhaps least appealing of all am snobby walking stick. The clicking sound had been his walking stick demandingly tapping against the ground.

He knew Kakashi-sensei must have sensed or heard the newcomer, but apparently Kakashi-sensei also didn’t care. He span his kunai blades around triumphantly, ignoring the man and savoring the inevitable death of his current target. He stopped his showy spin of blades and gripped then harshly, visibly tightening his hold on the back of Zabuza’s neck. “You lose.” Kakashi-sensei drawled harshly. Zabuza’s eyes went wide, but whether it was in surprise or fear Sasuke was unsure.

Kakashi-sensei brought his kunai down to the center of Zabuza’s back. But Zabuza wasn’t giving in so easily. Adrenaline kicked in and Zabuza managed to wrench his blade out of the ground and spin it behind him, directly at Kakashi-sensei. If Kakashi-sensei didn’t move and continued with his attack, his torso would be detached from his body. Zabuza’s attack was forcing him to abort. But Kakashi-sensei made Anbu Captain for a reason, Sasuke was reminded of this when instead of leaping away like his enemy intended, Kakashi-sensei redirected his kunai straight for Zabuza’s elbow joint. Zabuza’s hold on his blade crumbled, and Kakashi-sensei jumped away just in time to save his own life.

The Kubukiribocho blade skidded across the bridge and out of Zabuza’s current reach, clanking and clambering loudly. The sound was like a final ring of death for Zabuza. The bridge was dead silent, relief and desolation mixing with their lingering fear. They would not sleep easy even when Zabuza was finally killed. The paranoia of battle would travel with them all the way back to Konoha. But even so they basked in the small victory of Zabuza’s collapsed form. Sasuke felt guilty for being so relieved, but he was unsure how much longer he could handle the intensity of battle.

“Both of your arms are useless...what now?” Kakashi-sensei belittled Zabuza. Sasuke couldn’t see what expression he was wearing because Kakashi-sensei was crouched with his head tilted down and away from Sasuke’s vision; to top it off his bloody mask was still in place even after all of the fighting. “You can’t even weave a _sign_.”

Zabuza snarled, his previous fear vanquished. He was about to lunge forward for Kakashi-sensei in a hopeless effort, when the slimy man from before took a step forward and his polished shoes click-clacked self-importantly. Sasuke thought that the shoes were completely obnoxious and inefficient for the situation, especially with such high water levels. His step was so loud that even Sakura and Naruto were paying attention. Sakura and Naruto, Sasuke quickly went about checking over two teammates. He had been so absorbed with Kakashi-sensei and his own personal issues he had forgotten about his other teammates entirely. Thankfully they both appeared physically fine. Naruto looked very stricken, though, and his hand was tightly clenching his stomach. Sakura had her hands wrapped around his shoulders in a very loose hold, her cheek resting on his shoulder. It would have been cute had Sakura not been looking more concerned than Sasuke had ever seen her. Naruto’s distress also ruined the potential adorableness. No, this situation was by no means happy or cheerful. Not even his two crazed teammates could argue that point. Tazuna was still protective by a wall of ninja dogs, his attention cast on Sakura and Naruto concernedly. Sasuke had missed something. He was left to interpret what was happening, and his mind wasn’t providing him with any positive ideas.

“Did quite a job on you, didn’t he Zabuza?” he man who spoke was arrogant and peculiarly short, but his posture was that of the tallest man in the world. He had a very average voice. In fact the only thing that made him stand out as a threat was his own self-importance. “You look like yesterday’s sashimi. I must say I’m...disappointed.” A mocking grin curled onto his face. It was uglier than Kakashi-sensei’s own words, because when Kakashi-sensei spoke them, he and Zabuza stood on the same ground. Kakashi-sensei spoke as someone who believed in what he was fighting for, and was determined to end his enemy and prove that his cause was superior. This man preening in a suit and tie that looked like it cost ten times the amount of money Tazuna could spend on a whole week of food reeked of vanity and arrogance. The man’s words were spoken out of a sense of pride, not out of loyalty to a cause. From afar Sasuke could barely make out the shape of sunglasses resting on his nose.

That was precisely the moment when Sasuke saw and felt it.

“ _Fuck._ ” It was the first words he had spoken out loud since the masked boy had been murdered. Kakashi-sensei’s eyes found his face, but Sasuke couldn’t muster up the courage to hold eye contact right now. Kakashi-sensei didn’t push, but he did give him a very hopelessly exhausted look, followed by a weak eye smile. Even Kakashi-sensei was having a hard time dealing with problem after problem.

Behind Gato was an army of dozens. They each brandished various types of weapons, from swords and spears, to scrolls and throwing knives. Some were crouching at the ready and others stood firm. A few even wore bored expressions, like they couldn’t wait for this to be over and done with and for them to receive their pay. The longer Sasuke looked, the more information he gleaned. The man who had spoken before had a bandage wrapped around his hand. A couple of the shinobi weren’t wearing proper gear, even going so far as sporting robes or sweat clothes. Some were shirtless, some had heavy boots, but none of them looked like they knew who the person standing next to them was; none of them looked like they cared. This was not an army, despite what the Sasuke assumed from his first impression of them. This was a band of mercenaries gathered in the same place. These people would abandon their comrades if it meant saving their own skin in a heartbeat. Not only did they lack loyalty but they lacked teamwork. At least he could respect Zabuza and his comrade as proper foes. But these worthless toads embodied the deadly sin of greed.

Kakashi-sensei’s face was reddening with anger. He looked ready to throttle every last one of the money driven disgraces. His whip like killer intent crackled fiercely.

“Gato,” Zabuza’s voice had regained its fire. Sasuke knew that it was not determination that kept Zabuza standing. This was not like Naruto believing in the fight and never giving up. Zabuza had already given up, and therefore, he had nothing to lose. No reason not to push.

Sasuke’s eyes suddenly widened, and he choked. It always takes him much too long to really understand what people say, especially when the words aren’t directed towards him. Zabuza had just said Gato. _The_ Gato. The man who haunted Inari’s nightmares, the man that Tazuna wished dead; the man Sasuke had sworn to stop. Gato wasn’t what he’d pictured, but he fit the bill of an arrogant, rich asshole well enough. Gato was balding a bit around his forehead, making up for it with an absurd about of hair on his skull. Sasuke reexamined his suit and wondered how he hadn’t guessed who this was before Zabuza addressed him. The way the stout man held himself was proof enough of his identity.

“Why did you come here? And who are these henchman?” Zabuza demanded.

A smirk crawled onto Gato’s face. “Our strategy has changed a little...” Gato’s figure stepped forward, and Sasuke’s Sharingan reacted violently to the action. His eyesight soared briefly, enough so that he was able to spot Gato’s teeth peeking out from behind his wrinkled lips. His smirk was much more disconcerting when Sasuke was tracking it with his Sharingan. The pain caught up to him and Sasuke shoved the Sharingan back down, wondering how in the hell he was going to get control of his out of whack Kekei Genkai. “According to the new plan, you die right here on this bridge Zabuza.” Gato declared with open triumph. 

Zabuza’s skin was whitening, and Sasuke questioned if it was because of Gato’s words or blood loss. Mixture of both was most likely. “ _What?_ ” Zabuza hissed dangerously. His chakra was flickering, but it was still strong enough to channel his teetering rage and disgust throughout the bridge.

Sasuke held his breath, feeling the air around them change. Kakashi-sensei was backing off, his killer intent retreating. Sasuke wondered why for just a moment, before feeling foolish. Zabuza was only fighting them to get to Tazuna. If Gato was no longer his employer, Zabuza had no business here.

“Since hiring a regular shinobi costs handsomely, I hired Rogue Ninja’s like you.” Gato barreled on, ignorant of the growing band of ninja readied to fight against him and his so called army. Sakura had stepped forward, her eyes alight with anger, and Naruto had stepped back, pushing Tazuna along with him. The ninja dogs finally abandoned their post, on some silent order from Kakashi-sensei rallying up behind him and snapping and growling in the direction of the mercenaries. Sasuke felt empowered at the way all of his team was just as ready as he to rally against Gato.

“And, it would have been even more ideal for my pockets and effort if Ninja-to-Ninja battles ended in each killing the other off. But you couldn’t seem to manage that, could you, Demon of the Hidden Mist Village.” Gato spoke Zabuza’s name with much mockery. Sasuke, to put himself in Gato’s shoes, tried to envision what would happen if he were to taunt Kakashi-sensei about his famous Copycat title. Long story short, the scenario didn’t end well for Sasuke. He glanced to Zabuza and thought that if the man’s hands weren’t numb, they’d probably be clenched into fists. For a ninja to earn a title they had to have done something unique. They had to have earned their way into the bingo book.

Gato laughed to himself, leaning against his walking stick carelessly. “Look at ya, you look about as demonic as a wet kitten.” His ridicule was met with bouts of laughter from the thugs behind him.

Sasuke managed to make his feet move to the front lines, finally stretching his legs out after kneeling helplessly for so long. He stood up as best he could and stumbled over to Sakura, briefly studying her hardened features. She looked ready for anything. Sasuke wondered where she got all of her confidence from.

“You alright?” Sakura murmured, her lips shining with blood.

“I’m just a little shaky.” He responded back shortly. She nodded tightly at him, her eyes unwaveringly cast upon Gato.

Zabuza pushed himself past Team Seven’s reckless human barricade. It was strange to have Zabuza standing three feet in front of him with no violent intentions. “Well, well, Kakashi. It seems our fight is at an end. As long as my reason to take down Tazuna is gone, there is no real reason to fight you either.”

Kakashi-sensei stood up next to Zabuza, his eyes raking Gato. Sasuke had the impression that Kakashi-sensei was not impressed with what he saw. “Yeah, I suppose your right.” He responded, wincing and putting a hand to a bloody slash across his Jounin vest. Zabuza snorted at the action. Kakashi-sensei actually sent Zabuza a sheepish eye smile.

The moment was destroyed at Sakura’s alerted gasp of outrage.

Gato had walked closer to all of them. But it wasn’t them Sasuke feared for. It was the corpse resting by Gato’s feet. Haku’s body was wet and pale, and not easily overlooked in the empty clearing. Sasuke was disgusted that Gato would stand so close to the boy. He had no real conversation with the boy and still the outrage was there. For Sakura who had fought him, and Naruto who had talked with him, this must be searing their self-control. His teammates didn’t have endless forbearance; eventually they would snap. Sakura looked particularly heated. Anger wasn’t usually a problem with him. His teammates had a shared defiance born from pride that Sasuke lacked. Of course, had he been raised differently, he had a feeling that he too would have been experiencing their righteous indignation, but Sasuke felt more horrified and intimidated by Gato than anything else.

“That reminds me...” Gato began. Sakura stiffened beside him, a muffled sound of protest clawing it’s way to her throat. “I owe him something.” Gato used the heel of his polished boots to turn Haku’s face this way and that, as if examining him.

Gato looked up to sneer at Zabuza, visibly increasing the pressure of his shoe. “He squeezed my arm ‘till it broke.”

Gato released a cry of satisfaction. He reeled his boot backwards and slammed Haku right in the face, breaking his skin. The corpse jerked sideways and slowly fell back into a laying position. Sasuke gritted his teeth, disgusted. Gato reminded him more of a petulant child than a renowned business man. Perhaps business men were petulant children in disguise.

Kakashi-sensei’s killer intent came back full force, spinning wildly. Zabuza noticed the shift in his former enemy’s mood, his eye studying Kakashi-sensei with something akin to respect.

Gato prodded the mark on Haku’s face with his walking stick, declaring jauntily for the crowd, “I only wish he was alive to feel it.”

Sakura and Naruto charged. Sasuke should not have found it as humorous as he did, but a sort of bleary smile cracked across his wet, bleeding face. Sakura had let out an incoherent screech while Naruto had started shouting insults. 

“GET AWAY! GET AWAY FROM HIM, YOU SCUM!” Naruto cried, struggling to catch up to Sakura since he had the disadvantage of being a few feet behind with Tazuna. Naruto wasn’t really the ‘protect the client’ type. Sasuke was strangely aware of his own humor creeping back into his brain, some of his panic retreating. With the slowing down adrenaline, however, came an increased attentiveness to the aches in his body.

To Sasuke’s vague disappointment, and his more rational side’s relief, Kakashi-sensei gripped Sakura’s wrist like a vice and wrapped his other arm around Naruto’s waist, holding back both of them with a very tired, but sort of content look in his eye. Sasuke noticed Kakashi-sensei’s shift into clasping Sakura’s hand and holding Naruto’s waist in more of a hug, pressing in face next to Naruto’s shoulders. Sasuke had never understood other people’s attachment to physical contact, but it was clear Kakashi-sensei found it comforting. He hoped one day he could learn to love the warmth of another as much as Kakashi-sensei did, but Sasuke knew it would take _work_ , and _healing_. Sasuke wondered if he would ever have time to work on himself and heal if he kept going out on traumatizing missions like this one. He wasn’t one to dismiss thoughts, but that particular one left him incredibly sad. He hated the thought of living and dying the way he was, having never grown out of all the tics and habits he clung to in order to remain sane.

“Stop! Don’t act recklessly!” Kakashi-sensei’s voice was definitely filled with silent laughter. He tugged his students closer and held them. Sasuke felt out of place standing a few feet away, closer to Zabuza than his team. Zabuza, his mind supplied. He had gotten lost in the bubble of distraction that was his team. He turned back to the corpse on the floor, remembering the respectable reason why Sakura and Naruto had tumbled into a fit of rage in the first place.

Naruto seemed to be thinking the same thing as him, shifting his anger from Gato to Zabuza. “Well what about you, Zabuza?! Are you gonna’ let ‘em do that?!” Sasuke noticed Naruto’s slurred, quick paced speech and was able to identify real distress underneath Naruto’s wild behavior.

“Be quiet you fool.” Zabuza responded without a moment of pause. “Haku’s dead already.”

Sakura’s eyes jerked open, but instead of tugging against Kakashi-sensei like before, she curled back into him. It was clear that whatever words she spoke wouldn’t even begin to express the anger boiling inside of her. Her eyes were usually quite blank, but Sasuke could see that Sakura was putting effort in displaying her anger outwardly without spouting words that would never reach Zabuza’s unwilling ears.

Naruto had a different strategy. “Didn’t you feel anything watching him sacrifice himself for you? Were you not with Haku for years?” Naruto challenged, still struggling against Kakashi-sensei. He was not as easy to rationalize with as Sakura. Sakura could put away her emotions with ease. Naruto...not so much; Sasuke himself liked to believe he was somewhere in the middle.

“As Gato used me...I was simply using Haku. I thought I’d told you...we shinobi are merely tools. What I wanted were his skills and not Haku himself. I have no regrets.”

His callous outlook didn’t surprise Sasuke. It wasn’t startlingly brutal at all. The thought process was the same as Lord Thirds and the village representatives, after all. Naruto looked to have only just realized that people often had no qualms about stepping on others to get the result they desired.

Zabuza’s words left a bitter taste in his mouth. It made him want to lay down his blade and give up. Zabuza’s toxic beliefs betrayed ever reason that motivated him. 

Sasuke shivered.

Later, he decided, later he would wallow. When he was resting and healing up with no threats of mercenary’s or killer intent that had him choking. All of this would be over soon, one way or another. Sasuke either died or he didn’t. Facts, really; Sasuke preferred to view future possibilities as concisely as possible. He liked to break down all what if’s and battle strategies and unknown variables until all he had was something completely factual and easy to understand.

“If you mean that, you’re an even bigger rat than I thought!” Naruto insisted. Zabuza didn’t give him the time of day.

“That’s enough, Naruto. We don’t even have to fight him anymore.” Sakura murmured sharply, her eyes piercing Zabuza with an inscrutable glint.

Something broke in Naruto’s expression. The rage, the built up emotion over the past few days swept away. He was smothered by his own turmoil. Sasuke could see the cracks breaking through what Sasuke had come to assume was an impenetrable mask of carefree joy. Naruto’s fist clenched, and his eyes glistened wetly. But he did not cry. Sasuke had never seen Naruto cry. It was a shocking thought, something he’d never really thought about before. It wasn’t unusual to never see a friend cry, but Naruto had gotten so close to him, he would’ve thought that Naruto could feel comfortable breaking down in front of him. He’d never seen Naruto at his worst, but this moment right here was the closest he’d ever come to witnessing his best friend crumble.

“As far as I’m concerned he’s enemy number one!” Naruto accosted, his finger jabbing in Zabuza’s direction. “Why you....” Naruto breathed heavily, finally managing to break away from a reluctant, but too exhausted to fight, Kakashi-sensei. Something passed through his wide blue eyes, something that was picked up by the storm brewing inside of Naruto. “You ungrateful...after everything he did for you! Haku lived for you! You were the most important thing in the world to him! And he meant nothing to you, nothing at all?! You really...honestly...don’t feel anything at all?” His eyes filled with emotion, with a desperate longing to find something in Zabuza that wasn’t harsh and cold.

Sasuke wondered how Naruto could look so hopefully upon the world. Naruto expected the world to be brilliant; Naruto expected everyone to understand each other. Sasuke didn’t know if it was idealism, or simple naivety. Sasuke did know how he felt about Naruto’s boundless enthusiasm; grateful. He was so appreciative of Naruto’s charismatic nature, of his drive to discover the humanity within every trace of sentience.

“When a person becomes as strong as you...does that person behave like you?” Naruto asked. His voice wobbled.

Sasuke had an answer to Naruto’s heartfelt question. It had been something he’d asked himself, once. He’d looked upon everyone who had power; Lord Third, Fugaku, Itachi, and he’d seen nothing but cold. He used to think that their power had turned them into the ruthless, heartless people they were. But he was coming to realize this outlook was all wrong. It was not that the powerful were ruthless, it’s that the ruthless were powerful. People like them, people who took what they wanted with no remorse; they thrived off of hurting others. It was an easy thing to do, hurt others. What was hard? Forgiveness...trust...love... and faith. Honor was an even trickier virtue. Lord Third, Fugaku, Itachi- these people had given up. They had not tried to see the good in the world and change the bad. They had only worked around and with the bad, accepting it as a constant rather than a variable.

“He threw his life away for you!” Naruto rambled on, desperately wishing Zabuza was actually hearing his words. “He didn’t even fulfill his own dreams and yet...” Naruto shook his head, clearing the thought away.

“To die as a tool...! That’s...that’s too painful.” Naruto confessed.

“Kid...” Sasuke turned startled eyes onto a pale, bleeding Zabuza, not expecting his gravelly voice to respond. Sasuke saw it then, his bobbing throat behind the bandages, and the tears slowly sliding down his face and pattering softly on the bridge floor. “Don’t say anything anymore.” Zabuza ordered.

Naruto’s mouth snapped closed.

“Haku was...while he fought...his heart was breaking in two. He was feeling pain for your wretched little team. He was always too kind. I know. He felt pain and sorrow, and now, _curse him_ , I feel it too. And something else...I feel content that this is the way it ends.”

Sakura took her cue, it seemed. She looked vaguely impressed, but not as stunned as Sasuke. She found their unprotected client and reached around to keep a firm grip on his arm, all pretenses of their client’s masculine-pride forgotten in the midst of battle.

Sasuke watched with no small amount of satisfaction as a shocked look overtook Gato’s face. Zabuza was tearing off the bandages around his face, maneuvering his shark like teeth as his hands were useless. It was customary for Seven Swordsmen to sharpen their teeth, like an admission ritual or some shit. It was humbling to see it up close. Zabuza spat harshly and the bandage finally ripped off of his face completely, falling to the water in a forgotten heap. “Yes, little punk, it’s as you say after all.” Zabuza grinned, and the effect was much more feral now that his mouth was revealed. “Even Shinobi are human...maybe it’s impossible to become an emotionless tool...no matter how hard we try to escape that simple fact we always fail. I...”

A self-deprecating smile curled around Zabuza’s face. “Well at least... _I_ have failed.” His smile faded into an expression of sobriety, reminding Sasuke of the dozens of soldiers awaiting the order from Gato to take their banged up group out for good.

“Boy!” Sasuke startled, watching Zabuza carefully. “Give me your kunai, boy, and wipe that silly expression off your face. What kind of ninja are you, huh?” Sasuke carefully unbuttoned his pouch, glancing first at Kakashi-sensei for confirmation of the action. When Kakashi-sensei nodded, he tossed the kunai in the air. He wasn’t sure how Zabuza planned on catching it, but he had already thrown the knife and it was too late to question Zabuza’s thought process regarding his useless arms.

Then Sasuke understood why Zabuza had unwrapped the bandages concealing his face. Right out of the air he snagged the handle of Sasuke’s blade between his teeth, his killer intent resurfacing savagely. Wearing a livid expression, Zabuza adopted a running position, readying his body and mind for a sprint.

Then, right before Sasuke’s eyes, he was gone. If he had been able to activate his Sharingan again, he would’ve, just to witness the speed at which Zabuza charged.

Gato finally recognized the danger he was in, glancing behind himself and tripping madly in his haste to hide behind his fleet of mercenaries. “E-enough! Take them out!” Gato ordered, cradling his broken arm with a pained expression and waving his other arm frantically in Team Seven’s direction. Cheers erupted from Gato’s employees. Sasuke could feel Zabuza’s confidence from three hundred yards away and finally understood. These men Gato gathered were not shinobi. They were criminals. A common samurai, with no chakra prowess or studious training in their chosen weapons; they were like the men who had invaded Tsunami’s home.

Zabuza was planning on taking the lot of them out with two hopeless arms, sore legs, a chakra exhausted core, and a blade clutched in between his teeth. Sasuke felt a hand grip his shoulder and push him back, making him startle. His breath quickened before he recognized what he already knew to be true. Kakashi-sensei was pulling him back and stumbling forward, ready to stand in the front just in case any of those mercenaries got by Zabuza. Sasuke obediently pressed back, shakily slotting a bundle of shuriken through his knuckles.

The first man fell, his torso splitting in two and blood gushing out of the wound. His head lolled and his body smacked against the floor, instantly dead. The next round of men’s lives ended similarly, with little fuss and a copious amount of slippery blood, dying the unprotected wood beneath their feet a dark maroon.

Sasuke blinked.

Watching the men die as Zabuza flipped around them and twirled his kunai with his tongue, he was astounded to admit the emptiness within himself. The gruesome sight left him blank for the longest of times. The bodies, some splattering and some thudding to the floor, merely rendered him out of breath. Zabuza leapt and ducked around the civilians like they were pests; to a shinobi as strong as Zabuza, they were.

That thought finally broke the bubble of indifference shielding Sasuke’s mental state. To think of civilians as pests was unforgivable. They were people. In fact, Sasuke knew that all of the men falling to the ground all felt happiness and pain just like himself. All of them had their own separate ideas, their own separate goals, their own individual personalities and lives- and all of them were dying; sinking into a bloody, gory nothingness. The last thing the men would do wasn’t even representing their own name.

Someone, Sasuke couldn’t see who, managed to stick a spear through Zabuza’s spine. But it did little to stutter Zabuza’s progression. Zabuza had a goal. Even the oaf Gato didn’t need it to be clarified that Zabuza wanted to kill him. Zabuza’s intentions were etched into the snarl on his face.

Zabuza got his revenge, in the end. His will and experience led him through the mass of injuries and confusion, directly towards a stout man in a formal black suit. Gato was standing there, helpless to Zabuza’s rushing form. Sasuke didn’t have to be able to see it personally to know Zabuza was _smiling_.

Gato turned around, sensing his demise. Sasuke heard a louder cry above all of the commotion around him, and of course it ripped from Gato’s throat. Zabuza didn’t pause to relish in his win, he dove right onto Gato, his knife burying deep into his ex-employers chest. The finality should have been there, it should’ve been strong and ringing and it should have given Sasuke a sense of accomplishment. But Sasuke still felt that internal sense of wrongness. Sasuke still could not remember how to breathe or even think. His lips were frozen in a perpetual frown. His eyes were sunken.

Zabuza killed Gato, and as his limp, torn apart body was thrown off of the bridge and into the sea, Sasuke registered laughter. It was a rather hysterical sound, but he turned around to see Sakura, face caked in blood both wet and dry, clutching her sides and laughing.

“I’m sorry...” She wheezed. “It’s just that...he’s _dead_!”

Sasuke should have been thoroughly disturbed, really. It was in his nature to be calm and compassionate. But Sakura worded it as eloquently as any master poet could have explained the feeling of watching someone who truly deserved to die face justice.

“He’s dead.” Sasuke agreed, and even though he thought it impossible to smile, his lip was quirking.

Sasuke’s head jerked to the side and he recognized Kakashi-sensei smacking him on the back of his neck, glaring fiercely at Sakura all the while. “Both of you stop. _Now_.”

Except Kakashi-sensei’s mask was sliding down his face enough he could almost see the tip of his nose, and his eyes were gleaming and his smile was indented in the black cloth quite perfectly. Kakashi-sensei was just as tired as them. But there was something about this almost-end, there was something utterly indescribable about the anxiety and fear still unhelpfully pounding in his chest. That something compelled them to behave in a way that would comfort them, because they could not handle any more fear or pain.

Wallowing was for after a battle. Celebrating was for when they were safe in Konoha. But right now, they needed desperately to pretend that everything was _okay_.

This lead to Naruto snorting, acting like cradling a dislocated wrist was casual, and declared with no small amount of humor. “Alright Mr. and Mrs. State the Obvious, Gato’s dead! You guys know who’s not?” Naruto shuddered exaggeratedly, nodding in the direction of the Gato’s army. “ _Zabuza, apparently.”_

Kakashi-sensei choked, his long legs briefly giving out before he quickly straightened himself.

Sasuke didn’t want to face the reality of the world. Despite this he forced down all of his silly, fear driven emotions. He fixated on Zabuza, finding that he had been impaled in multiple places all along his back by Gato’s operates. He had succeeded in murdering Gato just before his death, Sasuke supposed. He died as honorably as a man like him could. Now his body was swaying, the mercenaries parting away from him in apprehension as he made one final desperate movement in the direction of his comrade’s corpse, before collapsing to the ground. Sasuke’s first instinct was to assume Zabuza had died. His chakra was still very much alive, contrarily. He heard Naruto make a horrified sound, but couldn’t tear his eyes away from the blood ridden waters surrounding Zabuza to check on him. It reminded him vaguely of something, but he couldn’t put his finger on it.

Tap. Tap. Splash.

Sasuke tried desperately to cling to the memory, but it was quickly lost. He couldn’t even grasp it anymore. He tried to stare harder at the bloody water surrounding Zabuza, chasing the strange sensation, but it was a hopeless endeavor. Whatever had happened, it was gone, and he would not be remembering it any time soon. Frustration bloomed in his chest. All of his distracted thoughts were set back on track when he noticed that it wasn’t just Zabuza’s collapse his team was worried about.

The advancing group of mercenaries were jeering and crowing angrily. Listening to their conversations and indignant squawks, Sasuke began to interpret the source of their outrage. They wanted money! Those bastards were still thinking of who would pay them now that their employer had kicked the can! Died! Gato had died! And they were? They were greedily threatening a group of Konoha Shinobi like it was nothing! Where was the honor? Didn’t they have an ounce of shame?

“We’ll just have to hit the nearby village and see what they’ve got for us!” One rogue suggested, waving about a weapon Sasuke had never seen before.

“Yea c’mon!” cries of agreement spread throughout the mass of hired criminals.

Kakashi-sensei paled, his body shuddering violently in protest of any more movement. “Not good.” He grunted, the words slow and warning. A cough wracked his thin frame, and Sasuke could see the flecks of blood even without his Sharingan.

“You don’t happen to have a jutsu that can annihilate all of them at once, do you?” Naruto daringly waved his fist around, eyeing their opponents without much fear.

Sakura hissed at Naruto. “If he did, do you honestly think he wouldn’t have used it already!?...Right, Kakashi-sensei?” Sakura glanced to Kakashi-sensei for confirmation of her rebuttal.

“Not right now, I’ve used too much chakra.”

“See? Don’t be an idiot, Naruto.” Sakura rolled her eyes.

“Hey! He said he has a jutsu, he just can’t use it! So my question wasn’t idiotic!” Naruto shouted at her, spinning to glare heatedly into her eyes.

Sasuke didn’t have the patience for his teammates in that moment. There were dozens of enemies, and his teammates were squabbling like toddlers. One of the mercenaries released a commanding battle cry, and as all of the mercenaries dashed in their direction, Sasuke’s teammates continued to argue.

This is how I die, Sasuke thought faintly. I die here and now, with a barely functioning sensei and toddlers for teammates.

The swarming and progressively nearing enemies didn’t persuade Sasuke’s prophecy.

Sasuke jumped for a moment, Naruto and Sakura’s voices finally cutting off. In that instance he had been convinced something had hit them, or at least come close. But it came from behind them. He looked to the side and finally craned his neck back around, Tazuna and Team Seven following suit.

Sasuke’s knees buckled in relief. Sweat slid down the side of his temple. Lined up and prepared for battle, was not dozens, but hundreds of armed citizens. Women, men, children- everyone had shown up, those without weapons handy improvising with kitchen blades, slaughterhouse axes, and the like. Sasuke’s heart warmed with pride, for standing in the front of all the united villages was Inari, a cross bow propped on his small shoulder. Sasuke had not known the small child was capable of wielding a cross bow and it was truly impressive. His eyes followed Inari’s line of vision to an arrow imbedded in the ground, just at the feet of the halted enemies. The sound had been Inari’s arrow, not an enemy attack.

“Enemies who come any closer to our island...” Tsunami stepped up from behind her son, her voice defiant and capturing the attention of both her allies and enemies, “With all the might of all the islands people...will not be allowed to live!” the citizens cried were much less greedy and far more prideful, cheers with powerful voices filled with challenge daring their enemies to step forward echoing all the way across the bridge.

“Inari!” Naruto swiveled around, his eyes glowing at the side of his new friend.

Inari laughed, a flush creeping on his cheeks. “’Heroes usually show up at the last minute, you know?’” Inari quoted Naruto’s words from when he arrived to help out back at the house. Tsunami placed a hand on her son’s shoulders and shouted a ferocious yell, her comrades behind her supporting her battle cry with their own loud agreement.

Sasuke’s eyes next found Sakura, who was stabilizing a benevolent Tazuna. Warm tears gathered beneath his glasses, and he did not make an attempt to wipe them away. Sakura supported Tazuna with a gentle, happy look in her eyes sparkling with earnest kindheartedness. “Inari...you guys...” Tazuna murmured, astounded.

Naruto laughed suddenly, turning around to face Sasuke with his fingers forming the special symbol for Shadow Clone Jutsu. He paused however when he noticed that Sasuke was slumped on his knees, his back curved and his face pained. Sasuke, though experiencing nausea and exhaustion, was _okay_. He was just fine. He rolled his eyes at Naruto’s concern, and his friend’s somber expression morphed back into a cocky one. “I’m going to help out too!” he declared brightly, “Shadow Clone Jutsu!” Four Naruto’s popped into existence.

Sasuke wondered, absently, if he should stand. The enemies could still knock out quite a few villagers if they truly wanted to raid Tazuna’s home. It would sure look more intimidating. Sakura also seemed to understand their need to bluff their opponent into surrender or at least emission. She moved away from Tazuna, her shoes clacking and splashing until she was right by Kakashi-sensei. Kakashi-sensei followed Naruto’s example formed the hand sign for the Shadow Clone Technique. “Shadow Clone Jutsu!”

“- _Kakashi style_!”

Sasuke couldn’t help it, he choked in shock. Hundreds upon hundreds of Kakashi-sensei’s littered the battleground, swamping Naruto’s, in comparison at least, measly four. Sasuke could barely summon one with his entire chakra depleting, let alone hundreds. If his feign of power didn’t throw off their opponent, Gato’s employees were truly just a bunch of _idiots_. It took him a moment to recognize Kakashi-sensei’s creative use of Genjutsu, casting an illusion of hundreds of clones, and not having summoned the real thing. Made much more sense, because it was simply impossible for Kakashi-sensei to still have so much chakra left.

Sakura cracked her knuckles, not bothering to activate a shadow clone technique, but still plenty intimidating with her blood-stained teeth grinning at their opponents manically. She was standing in the very front of Kakashi-sensei’s-Kakashi-sensei army.

Sakura grinned, even as Naruto loudly complained that Kakashi-sensei was just trying to outdo him. “Still want to fight?” she challenged them, her voice dripping with mockery and triumph.

The mercenaries didn’t spare any time to hurry of the bridge, retreating to the boat Gato had arrived in. They took turns flocking to a rope ladder, some just hopping off of the bridge and onto the ship, until there wasn’t a Gato hired low life in sight.

Sasuke hadn’t even had to stand up.

It was Naruto who helped him, looping his hands underneath his elbows. Good old reliable Naruto, Sasuke thought. He truly was the best friend he could ask for, always there to pick him up when he fell.

Cheers erupted from the villagers who came bravely came to defend their home, Inari noticeably crying out a loud, “Victory!” Tsunami’s laughter also rang importantly above the other civilians cheers.

Tazuna stood surrounded by his friends and family with pride etched into his warm expression. Sasuke’s heart soared. He had been on quite the roller coaster of emotions, and would surely be feeling the crash soon.

“Sasuke,” Sakura’s startled him by pulling him away from Naruto. Her face held none of the villager’s camaraderie and success. Her eyes were disturbingly blank, and her lips were pursed. “Stay with me. Naruto, go help Kakashi-sensei.”

Naruto and Sasuke turned to see Kakashi-sensei stumbling towards Zabuza’s prone figure. Naruto’s happiness stuttered until he was nodding somberly at Sakura and heading over to him, walking silently alongside his sensei.

Sakura squeezed his arm, then wrapped it around her shoulders. “Think you can help me meet them halfway?”

Before Sasuke could even think to send her a quizzical look, she was waving at Haku’s corpse in explanation. Strangely enough, Sasuke understood. The cheers felt much quieter now. With every step away from the celebrating villagers and towards the masked boy, something sank further and further in Sasuke’s chest.

When Kakashi-sensei and Naruto made it to Zabuza’s body, the villagers had quieted. The shinobi who had made their freedom possible looked pale and tired, and their curiosity was peeked.

Zabzua’s croaky voice was heard all around the now dead silent bridge. “Sounds like it’s over.”

“Yea.” Kakashi-sensei responded, both sarcastic and sad at the same time.

“Kakashi...I have a favor to ask.”

“I believe I understand.” Kakashi-sensei answered. This didn’t stop Zabuza from barreling on.

“His...I want to see his face...”

Kakashi-sensei nodded, tugging his Sharingan back under his ninja headband. Naruto, without prompt, grabbed Zabuza’s legs while Kakashi-sensei carefully slid his hands around Zabuza’s shoulders and neck.

Sasuke glanced at Sakura and she nodded. The two of them grabbed Haku in a similar way, one lifting his legs and the other his head. The walk felt long, especially with all the eyes following their movement. Once or twice Sasuke stumbled on the water, or debris from the battle, but he didn’t rest his burning arms until his back hit Naruto’s. Team Seven halted their excursion, silent other than the splashing water their feet produced. None of the villager’s made a sound, the fragile atmosphere obvious.

They turned the comrades until they were lying parallel. Sasuke wrapped their hands together by warmly cupping his hands around their stiff fingers. Zabuza’s eyes began to glaze over, finally allowing himself to rest. His pulse was fading. “Thank you.” He croaked at Team Seven. Willing the last of his strength to turn his head towards his fallen comrade, Zabuza pulled in Haku’s body for a cradling hug. Their foreheads pressed together, and Zabuza closed his eyes for the last time.

Sasuke, too, closed his eyes. He wasn’t religious. Many, many shinobi weren’t. Even civilians had lost their faith somewhere along the lines. It wasn’t a choice, but at some point all the time and war dedicated to the practices must cease. His mother had been the rare type, the type who held religion close to their hearts. Despite having never memorized hymns or learned important verses, Sasuke prayed for Zabuza and Haku. Sasuke prayed wherever Zabuza and Haku were, they were together.

In the end, that was all that was truly important.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for listening to what I have to share! I appreciate every single person who even is intrigued enough to click on the story, let alone read so many words!


	18. Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto curses more than the other characters. He's angsty like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow? What's this? A fast update???? Yeah, all I had to do was edit this chapter because when I caught the flu I had plenty of downtime to write this. I hope everyone enjoys this switch in POV and writing style, it's very unique compared to the rest of the chapters. Naruto has much less internal dialogue, which makes much more capable of happening in one chapter. Sasuke's chapter's tend to be word-count monstrosities. Enjoy! And please keep in mind Naruto's backstory is vague on purpose! Think of it like a mystery, if you must.

Naruto took a deep breath. And then he took another. For the longest time this was the only action he could manage. His breaths were ragged and uneven, loud in the silence of the clearing. It contrasted with Sasuke’s nonexistent gulps of air that seemed to grow weaker and weaker. Sasuke was leaning against his side, eyes fluttering as he shivered in the cool morning air. Naruto had at first been concerned about the shivers, but Kakashi and Sasuke had both reassured him that Sasuke’s body was lacking chakra and because of this his temperature was decreasing. Kakashi actually had a severe fever earlier; Naruto suspected the man was carrying it right now. Kakashi was only pretending to feel better, and Naruto was pretty sure he was faking in an effort to make Sasuke feel better. Sasuke was still shaken up from the battle. Sakura looked really bad, but she claims to be fine, other than the feeling she explained as fire ants scurrying about under her skin. Sasuke had healed all surface wounds Sakura had sustained but her skin was still irritated, which was why she felt itchy and hot. Naruto also noticed that her voice had been croaky. Strangulation was pretty severe, apparently. Sasuke had mumbled about how she needed to record all of the symptoms she was experiencing throughout the day so she could get proper treatment back in Konoha. The medics there would be able to fix her easily if they knew exactly how she had been feeling throughout every day since the injury, Sasuke had informed them. Sakura wasn’t in any danger. She would most likely just be prescribed some medication until the dizziness went away. Naruto was worried the most about her, but not because of her concerning physical health, but more because of her concerning behavior. Ever since the battle she had been acting strangely. Not bad exactly, she wasn’t being rude, just sketchy.

Naruto himself was doing just fine. He had no physical injuries at all. The only notable pain was the one in his limbs. His muscles were getting quite the work out from Sasuke leaning on him all the time.

All of this skimmed Naruto’s thoughts as he gazed upon two new gravestones, graves he was in some part, responsible for. That’s why he had taken it upon himself to bury them. He was responsible for their untimely demise and so he’d be responsible for their burials as well. The stones weren’t anything particularly special. It had taken hours of work for him to make them relatively smooth and the material wasn’t very eye catching. But the stones served the purpose they were created for...honoring rogue ninjas Zabuza and Haku.

It was sad, standing here and looking at the stone marking the spot their bodies lay. Sakura had dug the holes when her chakra had finally replenished. Still, compared to Kakashi and Sasuke, Sakura’s chakra had come back quick.

Naruto pursed his lips. He felt a bit irrationally like Sasuke, worrying so much about other people like this. To be fair it was neigh impossible to avoid concern at this point. Sasuke and Kakashi had been on best rest for three day’s now because of their injuries. Other than a few meals (for most had been eaten in the peace of Tsunami’s guest bedroom) this was the first time Kakashi and Sasuke had gotten up and moved about.

Naruto and Sakura had made themselves useful by building this memorial. They had been left with a jittery feeling of loss and confusion, and the only way they’d figured out how to cope was distracting themselves with the mindless productivity of honoring their foes.

Kakashi had made the long trek all the way to the top of the hill he and Sakura had chosen without fuss. When he made it to the stones it did not take him long to fall into a sitting position. Kakashi was now on the back of his thighs, his knees splayed around him, panting quietly. Sakura plopped down beside him with a bundle of flowers, chucking the carefully wrapped and plucked colorful flowers onto the stones spitefully. Sakura had taken a long time to find them, each flower meaning something important. Naruto didn’t know what flower meant what, but he knew Sakura cared about it. Now she was just angry. Her lips were pursed and her hair was tangled. Naruto decided he might as well sit down as well. He did so, whilst helping Sasuke to the ground, careful not to jerk him around or startle Sasuke.

Sasuke had majorly freaked out earlier. Naruto didn’t like treating other’s like glass, but in this case, a bit of gentleness wouldn’t hurt. Sakura had been there to witness it, and instead of freezing up like last time, had actually acted authoritatively. It had been Naruto’s duty to keep him calm, and to keep him breathing. Sakura on the other hand had flurried about, filling a bottle up with water, moving Sasuke from their guest bedroom to the bathroom, and quietly informing Tsunami, who was tending to a sleeping Kakashi, each of them were heading to bed after a long day. Sasuke had finally broken down once they got into the guest bedroom. There wasn’t a particular trigger, he just walked in, looked around for a lengthy period of time, and then he was on gasping on his knees. Since then Sasuke hadn’t really calmed down. It wasn’t a panic attack, Naruto didn’t think, but it was something. He had been crying and rambling to them, going on and on about the battle; Sasuke had even expressed guilt for feeling like this, especially when he hadn’t even been the one actually fighting. Naruto had made it abundantly clear to Sasuke that he and Sakura were proud of how long he’d made it through the battle.

Naruto was proud of Sasuke. He was also really, really guilty. And not like Sasuke’s misplaced guilt based on self-deprecation and esteem issues, this was the kind of guilt that he carried with him during and after what he did wrong. Sasuke had just...Sasuke had looked at him like he was scared. Sasuke had been scared of him. The villagers always looked at him like that. Like at any moment he would lash out and kill their children or some other bullshit. He knew now, looking back, that Sasuke hadn’t been scared of Naruto. He was scared of Naruto’s anger. It had taken him ten minutes of storming on his way to the bridge to realize that. He went back to apologize only to see Sasuke had fought off two mercenaries aiming to take a hostage. Naruto glanced at Sakura in brief surprise as she broke the silence of Team Seven.

“Is that really it, Kakashi-sensei?” light reflected off of Zabuza’s ginormous sword, the final touch to their memorial, and onto Sakura’s face. Her skin shone in the sun, illuminating her somber features. Kakashi made an inquisitive noise, allowing her to continue without any interruptions. “Is that the ninja way? Is it really as these two were saying?”

Naruto listened carefully, attentively judging his sensei’s answer.

“Shinobi should not seek the reason for their existence. What’s important is to exist merely as tools. It’s the same in the Village Hidden in the Leaves.” Kakashi’s words held no passion. Naruto could instantly sense Kakashi did not like his answer. It was surely treacherous to teach his student’s something else. But the open, gentle way he said the words gave them all leeway to speak out and deny such a meaningless existence. To reject such cruel rules was betrayal of his country. Naruto didn’t particularly care. He would easily betray a country that rejoiced in producing people who thought like Zabuza and Haku.

“I wonder,” Naruto looked to his sensei, face pinched and brow furrowed, “If anyone here sincerely practices that. Including you, sensei,” His words came out surprisingly less forceful than he imagined them. He sounded thoughtful, like challenging the very meaning of the ninja was a regular occurrence for him.

He wondered if anyone would agree. He wondered if any of his teammates would have the guts to fight back against the so called shinobi way.

It was Sasuke who spoke up, his voice eerily dark. “There’s no reason for that: for an existence without purpose or joy,” Sasuke looked to the stones with a kindling rage, the obscurest expression Naruto had ever seen cross his best friend’s face. His eyes were narrowed, and his whole aura was one of knowledge born from experience. Sasuke had seen his fair share of wasted life, Naruto knew this, but it didn’t usually show. Sasuke mostly seemed just as childlike and oblivious as the rest of them. It was then Naruto saw the wisdom lurking underneath Sasuke’s insecurities. This problem wasn’t new to Sasuke, he had been thinking on his existence for a while. Naruto was starkly reminded of the introductions at the academy for Team Seven, when Sasuke had relinquished his dream. “My dream is to find a purpose worth living for.” He had declared, quietly picking at his gums. It was a similar tick to what he was doing right now, actually. Sasuke was scrubbing furiously at his teeth with his fingernail. He’d have to ask Sasuke about that. He’d brushed his teeth way too many times over the past few days, and was going to get drunk from his excessive use of mouthwash.

Kakashi sighed deeply, shifting on the ground. “It’s a realization we ninja have to deal with every day of our lives. Like Zabuza, and the kid...”

Naruto couldn’t stand for that. Kakashi wasn’t supposed to, to sound so hopeless. Kakashi-sensei was cheerful and annoying. Kakashi-sensei was mysterious. Kakashi-sensei was not someone who just gave up.

Naruto stood up, mindful of Sasuke’s balance. He made his way over to stand before Haku’s grave, thinking back to their battle.

He had lost every ounce of control in his body, and just as he’d reeled it back in, Haku had gone and offed himself for the sake of a low life like Zabuza. It struck him how fragile life really was. Just a few days ago Zabuza and Haku were breathing, talking human beings. Now their words meant nothing; they could no longer combat Team Seven. They were just shells. They were nothing. The two rogue ninja’s he’d wanted so desperately to help were gone for good and never coming back. Naruto didn’t get a second chance. He didn’t even know them and yet this pain was deep in his bones, hanging over his head. It haunted him, the thought that they could be standing here today had things been different. He didn’t even know them yet the pain smothered him. He wondered how Sasuke must feel after losing so much. Sasuke had lost everything in one single night. He wondered if Sasuke used to forget his own mother was dead. If he used to wake up, think things like ‘mother wouldn’t want me to wear the same underwear as yesterday’ and then remember he had no mother to nag him. Naruto thought these things. Naruto wished he had a mother to nag and force him to do silly things. To think that Sasuke could accidentally forget about his family’s demise made him greatly uncomfortable. At least parents were unreal to him. He had never had the option of having folks that did special things with him, he had nothing to mourn but a life that could’ve been. Sasuke had essentially lost his entire life. Sasuke had picked himself up with the help of nothing, surrounded by nothing, with a life full of nothing.

Naruto decided he hated nothing. It was an ugly word. It was a word that represented futility. Sasuke had done the impossible; he had built something out of nothing. Naruto felt foolish to admit it, but it was the first time he’d ever really respected Sasuke. It was easy to deeply care about Sasuke. He was a loving, accepting person. Naruto believed even Sasuke’s many quirks added to his charm. But Sasuke was so meek. He let himself get tossed around and never tried hard enough. He was always a fun kill, and always so serious. Even when having fun Sasuke had this air of responsibility around him that made Naruto want to gag. He wanted to throw a fit at Sasuke and tell him to loosen the fuck up, but knew it just wasn’t in Sasuke’s nature. So Naruto hadn’t respected Sasuke. Because to respect someone you have to see what it is that they are better than you at. Naruto hadn’t seen that. Naruto had never recognized that Sasuke was better at lots of things than him; because Naruto had never cared about the same things as Sasuke. He had never cared to always drop a dollar in a homeless person’s hat. He had never bothered reading the academy newspaper and making a point to compliment the writers and photographers on their work. He had even dubbed Sasuke a suck up when he shared understanding glances with their sensei, proceeding to help caution the younger kids on the dangers of kunai knives.

Naruto genuinely had thought, wow, okay, cool Sasuke, good job being a good person. It was easy to be nice though. It was hard to get up and try and work towards a goal. Naruto had always thought he worked so much harder than Sasuke. That’s why he hadn’t really respected him, only liked his soft, caring personality. He liked Sasuke in a way that made him want to hang out with him, not want to be him.

He felt completely stupid. Sasuke deserved so much respect. Naruto hated being identified by a hateful past; hated the looks of pity from lazy villagers who wouldn’t lift a finger to help him for fear of marring their perfect lives. Somewhere along the lines, though, he had confused sympathy and pity. He had never sympathized with Sasuke. He had never seen how strong Sasuke was for overcoming his past and moving forward.

It was now, staring at two useless stones acting as a marker for nothing people, that he regretted not treating Sasuke with more understanding.

Things were that much harder for Sasuke. The battle on the bridge was that much harder for Sasuke. Sasuke should be acknowledged for that. Someone needed to look at Sasuke and for once say something like, ‘it’s going to be okay’ or ‘I’ll help you.’

Had anyone ever helped Sasuke? Was Sasuke really all alone?

Was this how Sasuke felt, only a hundred times worse, after the massacre? So _nothing_ that it felt like _everything._

Sakura and her psychology was bullshit. But at least she had seen that Sasuke was hurting, and was going to be hurting for a really long time. She had understood he needed help.

Naruto had always thought that they understood each other because they’d both had shitty as fuck lives. But Naruto hadn’t known Sasuke’s pain. Naruto had been feeling isolated, ashamed, broken, misunderstood, and most of all angry. He had been feeling so much all the time. He had been feeling everything. Sasuke was feeling nothing.

Naruto was so sick and tired of people offering to help him. He was so agitated with people’s disappointed stares. He was so angry that people treated him like he was nothing that he’d made up for it by feeling everything. Naruto and Sasuke were different.

Sasuke was going to need different things than him.

Sasuke needed help, didn’t he?

Naruto decided that the somber mood was getting to him. He turned towards his team members, plastering a large smile onto his face until it felt real, and natural. He met their confused stares boldly, nodding to them and himself. “I’ve just decided!” he declared.

Kakashi raised his eyes, coughing quietly. Sakura patted his hand absently, her eyes on him. Sasuke paid him full attention, his face encouraging Naruto to continue. Once he made sure everyone was listening, he turned back around to face Zabuza’s sword, basking in the chilled warmth of the morning sun. “I’m going to pursue my own Way of Ninja! A way that’s straight and true without any regrets. From now on I’m following the way of Naruto!” He shouted to the world, reaching his hand outwards and grasping his metaphorical dream, pulling it tight to his chest. He used to do this a lot when he was small. Reach out and grasp what wasn’t really there. It was a way to capture his goals. He thought of his loyalty to the academy ways, digging his hand into his jacket pocket, pulling out nothing but air. To Naruto though, it was every dumb ninja rule they’d had to memorize. It was every order never to cry. Naruto did not let go of any of it. It wasn’t his style. He threw it all as far as he could. Naruto imagined it landing on the ground with a splat, disappearing into a million pieces.

Kakashi chuckled, his eyes crinkling and his mask scrunching up. He sounded happily surprised. Sakura voiced her confusion. “What are you doing, Naruto? What’d you throw?” She asked, glancing at Kakashi. He nodded at her and after thoroughly checking his face she got up. She heaved Sasuke to his feet and dragged him over. Naruto waited to answer her until both of his friends were by his side.

“I threw away the dumb Way of Ninja. I told you, I’m following the way of Naruto now.” he reminded her, grinning cheekily.

Sakura blinked. Instead of rolling her eyes or making fun of his naming skills, she smiled. She let go of Sasuke in her excitement. Sasuke stabled himself with a huff of breath, looking at her curiously.

Sakura stepped forward, digging into her kunai pouch and pulling out a clenched fist. She wound up like she was throwing a ball, taking a step forward and launching it out to the world.

“What did you throw, Sakura?” Naruto wondered. He received a big grin in response.

“I threw away the same thing, silly! But just to clarify we are so not naming our new ninja way ‘ _Naruto’_!” She put her hands on her hips and glared at him challengingly. Naruto shook his head. He knew she wouldn’t let the name slide.

Naruto waited with bated breath to see if Sasuke would follow suit. He questioned if Sasuke would abandon the rules as easily as they had. Normally, he would have pushed Sasuke, but Naruto decided it wasn’t the time for that. Sasuke needed to figure this out all on his own. He wouldn’t deny the relief that swept him off of his feet as Sasuke stepped forward with a vigor to his step that hadn’t been present for days.

He fished into the pocket of his pants, spreading his arms wider than he and Sakura had and revealing something about the size of a bowling bowl. Sakura started laughing mirthfully. “Really, Sasuke?”

Sasuke shushed her, “I’m not done!” he declared. She backed away with her hands raised in surrender, a smile still stretching her face.

Sasuke hobbled forward, making pretend grunting sounds as if what he was carrying was very heavy and large. He plopped it onto the ground and then turned around. Sakura tapped her foot on the ground impatiently. “Sasuke-“ She began, but cut herself off when Sasuke ran as fast as he could in his current state, kicking hard at the nothing.

Naruto waited a moment, silence reigning the clearing, before shouting loudly, “CaboomPLOW!”

Sakura and Sasuke looked at strangely.

“It’s the sound of it hitting the ground.” he explained.

Sakura rubbed her hands together. “Mine sounded more like this-“ She waved her hands around and yelled, “CHA! SPLOOSH!”

Sasuke started laughing, his lips stretching and his face shining happily. He was awkward; Sasuke was always awkward when he laughed. Sasuke stood there with his shoulders bobbing up and down and his laughter uneven and underused. The sound still had Naruto joining in, though, his cackles interrupted occasionally with one of them making a strange exploding noise. Sakura clutched her sides, trying to wave her arms around and make more sound effects but too breathless to achieve success.

They all instantly quieted however, when they saw Kakashi-sensei hobble over to them, fishing into his Jounin vest and tossing something out off of the cliff-side.

Naruto’s eyes shot open in surprise. Sure, Kakashi hadn’t been scolding them, but he hadn’t joined in either...at least until now.

It was Sasuke that broke the silence, wiggling his fingers with a very wide eyed expression. “Sciddlybopbop-KASPLAT!” he abruptly jumped upwards throwing his arms up wildly. Naruto had known Sasuke since they could walk. He had never been the cause of such a loud sound in all of those years. It was so bewildering that for a moment all Naruto could do was stare.

At first Naruto let out a few low chuckles, but the more he thought about it, the funnier it became. Sakura’s cackles triggered a full blown laugh attack.

Kakashi sat himself back down, and Naruto commented on his old man groan. Kakashi waved him off with an irritated glare, huffing about “Kids these days...”

Naruto smiled to himself, the sun reflecting off of his features. The walk back was lighthearted, but thrumming with an energy that no one dared to speak of. It was like a forbidden code. They all knew it had occurred but in order to ensure the secrecy felt too anxious to bring it up. The enormous happenings hung over their heads with a somber outline and giddy anxiousness. Naruto didn’t know how to handle such rebellion. He had always been loyal. Defiant, yes, but he had never questioned the morality of the village outright. He couldn’t imagine how uplifting and dramatic this must feel to the rest of his team. Naruto felt changed. Naruto did not feel _nothing_. He had taken that nothing and made something. Sasuke taught him that.

The next week passed in a similar manner to that pivotal afternoon. Glances with varying emotions were shared yet words were never spoken. The act felt too fragile to speak of. Even through all of this silence Team Seven grew closer than ever. Naruto learned that Kakashi-sensei was not only a workaholic, but a true perfectionist. He had taken to organizing his three student’s weapons and religiously sharpening both kunai and shuriken to fatal points. After their weapon pouches were raided, Kakashi critiqued them and set out making homemade explosive tags for them all. He ended up writing out three sets of fifty...for each of them. Most nights Sakura had to usher him back to bed rest. She’d even resorted to trying to get him to read. Naruto knew it was bad when Kakashi-sensei couldn’t even read his favorite porn paperback.

Sasuke’s stability gradually improved. Naruto did his best to support Sasuke without being too overbearing. He knew Sasuke didn’t like physical reassurance, so often Naruto found himself sending concerned gazes and double checking if Sasuke was okay. The first few days had a lot more of Sasuke confessing to be ‘not okay’. Sasuke got better with time. His hands stopped shaking, and Naruto even got him to stop brushing his teeth every hour.

Sakura had never quite gone back to normal. Naruto wondered about her. She seemed...happy. She seemed just fine. Something about her was different, and it didn’t take Naruto all week to come to the conclusion that it was a good change. She was glowing. Her eyes were bright and she was so much more patient and relaxed. He had a feeling nursing Kakashi and Sasuke was therapeutic for her. She liked taking care of them.

“We could never have finished the bridge without you. I can’t tell you how much we’re going to miss you.” Tazuna proclaimed, watching Team Seven proudly. They were standing under the large temple that marked the beginning of the quarter mile long bridge, facing the group of villagers that had wished to see them off. Home; the thought brought a sense of relief within Naruto. There was also a pang of loss. He was going to miss Tazuna’s family. He was going to miss Team Seven all living together like one big family of their own. Naruto, despite his sorrowful emotions, was ready to move on from the Land of Waves with a skip in his step. He had learned a great deal from the blossoming village around him, and was so thankful to have been granted the opportunity to help all of these wonderful people.

Naruto clapped Sasuke on the shoulder, happy that his friend was no longer flinching intensely. His breakdown would not be forgotten, but it could be moved past. Sasuke was going to be just fine. Sakura stepped forward to shake hands firmly with Tazuna, a smile of begrudging respect on both of their faces. Kakashi stepped away and motioned Naruto and Sasuke forward.

“Do be careful.” Tsunami cupped Sasuke’s shoulder with a caring smile, her hand squeezing Sasuke’s shoulder hesitantly. Sasuke smiled up at her, opening his arms up to welcome her. A beautiful smile appeared on her face as she kneeled to hug him fiercely. Sasuke tolerated the action, a look of soft contentment and vague discomfort twisting his face. Sasuke hugged back. 

“Now, now,” Naruto cut in, waving his arms around. “Don’t get all choked up. We’ll come back and visit real soon!” he said in his best assuring voice. His eyes shifted to Inari, whose lips were quivering. Tsunami, embarrassed, pulled back and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, patting Sasuke’s cheek one final time. Tazuna and Sakura crossed their arms, glancing at each other as if to reassure themselves they weren’t the one’s Naruto was calling out for being sappy.

Inari promptly burst into tears, wailing about their departure. Naruto clapped a hand to his face as everyone took this as their cue to return to their sentimental goodbyes. Sakura and Tazuna started laughing with each other, Tsunami was reminding Sasuke to eat as he was ‘a growing boy’, and Inari had begun clinging to his legs.

He looked to Kakashi for help, but his sensei pointedly avoided his gaze with an absent minded whistle. Naruto glared at him.

Eventually, after much corralling on Naruto’s part, Team Seven parted ways with the Land of Waves. They walked in one big group, the four of them lined up happily. Kakashi was strong enough to carry his bag and make the trek back home. Sakura had gotten a change of clothes and disposition, clutching her backpack with less tiredness and more enthusiasm than ever before. Sasuke was perhaps most noticeably different, his back straight and chin high with mirth glimmering in his eyes as he listened to Kakashi and Sakura joke back and forth. Naruto felt that they all left the Land of Waves different. Naruto felt different. It wasn’t like the day after your birthday when people asked you how it felt to be twelve years old. It was noticeable. It was a change Naruto was conscious of and embraced.

Naruto hopped into his team’s conversation. “Haha! As soon as we get back, I’m going to let Iruka-sensei fix me up a whole mess of ramen to celebrate a mission accomplished!” he looped his arms behind his head and grinned. “Oh! And just wait until I tell Konohamaru about all my heroic exploits! The kid’s gonna worship me!”

Sakura shook her head. “Good grief, Naruto.”

Naruto laughed cheerfully, imagining exactly how he was going to tell Konohamaru of his grand adventures. Sakura sighed next to him, sending him a knowing look that only made his smile widen. Characteristically, Sasuke watched the two of them with a hint of confusion and amusement, like he was only pretty sure he knew what was going on.

Naruto grappled both of their arms in a locked circle. Yea, new beginnings; this chapter of Team Seven’s story was going to be spectacular, Naruto was sure of it!

Team Seven’s trip back to Konoha was one of camaraderie. Jokes, smiles, eye rolls, and snacks were all shared with equal pleasure as they switched between jogging and walking back to Konoha. Without Tazuna to slow them down, it was pretty much an easy trip. They got to Gato’s port within the day, except this time sneaking through was unnecessary, seeing as their reasons to hide had been taken care of. It would have gone smoother had Kakashi-sensei not steadfastly refused to buy them a boat ride back, and insisted on haggling with their guide for a good fifteen minutes to acquire a lower labor expense. Naruto was almost to the point of paying the extra coin himself. Kakashi-sensei was cheap. Despite Kakashi-sensei’s stalling they made it to the familiar Konoha forests in one piece. There was this one moment, where all of them spotted a puddle and stopped dead in their tracks, only for them to realize that the drought had finally been irrigated properly, and that the whole forest was gradually getting wetter and wetter as they walked. It started sprinkling for a while, which seemed to greatly entertain Sasuke. Sakura abhorred the gloomy weather, of course. Naruto offered his jacket, and she ended up taking his sleeping-cap too to guard her hair from the rain.

All in all, Naruto thought to himself as he rolled out of bed, it had been a peaceful affair. When he opened his fridge it also occurred to him that a grocery trip was long overdue. His milk was spoiled, his oranges were bubbling strangely, and his pack of blueberries were now a pack of purple _globbiness._ Sasuke had been right to warn everyone about cleaning out their fridge. He had just assumed Sasuke was over analyzing the C-rank, but they were gone for a month. Sasuke had an unfair knack for predicting outcomes. Or maybe he was just an unlucky pessimist, who really knew?

Naruto ended up cracking some eggs and heating them, spreading it over toast, filling a cup up with tap water, and calling it a day.

It was alone in his apartment with nothing to do but self-reflect that Naruto struggled the most. His mind kept drifting back to the battle with Haku. He kept remembering how angry he had felt. How angry he had been at everything. How uncontrolled he was. Naruto wondered that if pushed a little further, if he would have been able to stop himself from-

Naruto scarfed down the rest of his toast. Never mind that, he shook off. He wasn’t going to go into what ifs and think about changing the past. What was done was done.

His appetite lost, he threw the half eaten toast back onto his plate and stood up with a shaky grin. It was time to be happy. It was time to forget about all the bad stuff. If he couldn’t forget when he was alone, he’d get an early start at the bridge. Unlike when he was small he had people to go to when Naruto felt down; he may as well seize the opportunity and go to them. Sakura and Sasuke would be there already anyway. That’s just who his teammates were.

He locked his apartment door, smirking as he tightened his headband to remind himself of his goals. It was a ritual he used to stay focused. Tightening his headband, which was the representation of his status as a ninja, was equivalent to tightening the grip on his determination. He would work hard today. He would try his hardest every day to get one step closer to the Hokage position. His smile settled with resolution to be the best.

“Okay!” he said to himself. “Wake up! Okay, here we go!” he skimmed through a few stretches and got into a running stance. “Whoa! Mach 5!” he encouraged himself as he started his run. He had begun running to Team Seven’s meeting place since day one, because his morning run to the academy would be sacrificed when he became Genin. To get a long run in though he needed to get creative; he mapped out all the best places around Konoha where few people meandered about, and wasn’t too out of the way of his destination. Naruto figured running was always a good exercise to practice with. Ninja’s, especially active duty one’s like he wanted to become, needed to run long distances at a fast pace. An added bonus was that running also boosted his energy levels for the day.

Naruto’s footsteps finally lead him to Kakashi-sensei’s meeting bridge, his breath a bit short but definitely not strained. They were going to be training all day, after all. He saw no need to kill himself the first hours of the morning.

“Hey good morning Sakura, what’s up?” he greeted as he skidded to a stop, walking over to where Sakura was looking at her hands with a strange expression on her face. He waved again, trying to catch his daydreaming teammate’s attention. He had little success. “Good morning Sakura.” He repeated.

“Good morning, Naruto.” She sucked in a sharp breath and turned her eyes to meet them, offering him a fluttering smile. Her face finally relaxed and she waved quietly back at him. She quickly got that same lost look on her face and went back to staring down at her hands. Naruto let her. She looked deep in thought. He’d seen that expression on her face and knew that she only had so much patience to spare. She wouldn’t tolerate being interrupted twice, especially when she was being so obvious about her attentiveness to whatever she was doing and her dismissiveness of him. Sometimes, just because he was unexplainably angry, he poked at her when she got like that. Naruto contemplated pushing her, he did, but Sasuke was leaning against the bridge with an air of sadness that needed to be squashed. Making Sakura mad was fun, but knocking Sasuke out of his bad mood was a priority. 

“Sup, bastard.” Naruto kept a healthy distance away from Sakura as he approached Sasuke. He didn’t feel like being thrown off the bridge for breathing to hard and interrupting her precious focus. Sakura would do it.

Sasuke closed his eyes, obviously trying to block him out. That wouldn’t do, Naruto thought. Sure, he had a newfound respect for his best friend, and yeah, he knew that Sasuke had lots of serious boundaries, but Naruto stuck by his choice of attitude. Everyone, even Sasuke-bastard, needed a little poking. Especially when Sasuke-bastard was leaning against the bridge all gloomily; Naruto set out to do some cheering up.

Naruto poked Sasuke in the cheek, grinning as Sasuke groaned. His eyes finally opened to give Naruto his full attention.

Good, he didn’t like Sasuke curling into himself. Naruto wasn’t going to force Sasuke to talk a lot, just make him laugh and loosen up his shoulders a bit. “What’s up, butt face.” He smirked.

“Nothing,” Sasuke replied with a moody air, crossing his arms protectively over his chest. Naruto frowned.

“Come onnnn, don’t be like that. I’m trying to talk to you.” Naruto whined, dramatically kicking Sasuke in the shin.

Sasuke jerked away from him, and his sigh of resignation sent irritation through Naruto. Why didn’t Sasuke want to talk to him? “We’re waiting for Kakashi-sensei, like always.” Sasuke closed his eyes again, and Naruto gave up. Fine then, don’t talk to me, he thought petulantly. 

He wandered over to Sakura, smacking his hands on both of her shoulders abruptly. She jumped and spun around to face him. “You _jerk_.” But she was grinning and laughing. That, Naruto grouched, was the proper reaction. Even hyper-focused Sakura had a nicer reaction than Sasuke’s grumpy ass.

He didn’t know how it happened, but he and Sakura ended up leaning against the bridge with sleepy eyes, tangled up a bit. Sakura was trying to use him as a human shade tree, and Naruto was using her as a human pillow. They had a mutual understanding. Sasuke stood off to the side, being his usual bastard self. He looked more tired than both he and Sakura combined, and yet, he was still awake both when Naruto nodded off and when he woke up hours later. He could feel his annoyance transform into concern. Sasuke wasn’t just being grumpy, he was being reclusive. Naruto had given him plenty of space after the Land of Waves mission, but he couldn’t walk on egg shells for the rest of their lives. At some point, Sasuke had to start being okay again.

“Hey guys, good morning. Sorry I’m late, afraid I got lost on _the path of life_.” Kakashi perched himself on the railing of the bridge, smiling down at his students like the evil mother fucker he was.

He and Sakura screamed so loud the birds hastily flew away to avoid danger.

With much grumbling, they all gathered around Kakashi-sensei. Well, Sasuke didn’t do much grumbling, just pursed his lips like he was a big pouting baby. Naruto did notice he seemed comfortable standing close to Kakashi, even going so far as to greet him and place himself close enough Kakashi could ruffle his hair. Sasuke almost seemed to condone Kakashi’s affectionate behavior.

Naruto blinked, pleased. Sasuke was making new friends!...was it wrong to take some of the credit for raising Sasuke? He was experiencing a fair amount of parental pride at the moment, and it didn’t feel that misplaced. He was sure Sasuke would think the same thing if the situations were reversed and Naruto was the one that stepped out of his comfort zone.

Naruto didn’t want to ruin the moment, but he was pumped with adrenaline and eager to get this show on the road. He approached Kakashi-sensei with a flourish. “Hey hey, I’m ready for the next ninja mission, sensei! And hey come on no more of this easy beginner stuff okay? I want a chance to prove myself! I’m talking a real mission where I can use my Way of the Ninja and my soul...you know?” Naruto pumped his fists excitedly, shifting from foot to foot in an attempt to balance his energy and enthusiasm. He was offended when Kakashi stepped back awkwardly, his eye looking anywhere but at him. No way, Naruto thought indignantly.

He stepped forward and grabbed his sensei’s arms, shaking them back and forth and trying to transfer his excitement to his sensei.

Kakashi-sensei sucked in a sharp breath. Now, had Naruto been any other Genin he would not have noticed how wrong Kakashi’s arm felt. How bumpy and ridged it was even through the lines of his Jounin flak jacket. But Naruto was raised to be just a bit tougher than most. He grew up in a way that meant bandages were familiar and the tightness of a pained expression was detected without thought.

His excitement was drained in that instant and replaced by concern. Had Kakashi-sensei still not healed from the Land of Waves?

He caught Kakashi’s eye, or tried to. But he was just as dodgy as Sasuke in that aspect. He extracted himself from Naruto’s grip, not even rubbing his arm to rid himself of Naruto’s injury aggravating touch. He stood with his back stiff and his expression cooled. “Oh right, that’s great...I get it, Naruto. Now take it easy, would ya?” Kakashi-sensei was just as awkward and absent minded as usual.

But when he pulled out his favorite book with his left hand instead of his right not even seconds later, Naruto caught on. Kakashi-sensei was still injured. Naruto wasn’t a tattle. He’d keep it to himself. He wouldn’t particularly want Sakura shrieking around in worry either. It was amazing how much of a spaz she could be when it came to injuries. It was like she’d never seen a cut before. Naruto thought this was quite the paradox when he remembered her utter indifference to Haku and Zabuza’s death. No, it wasn’t indifference, it was just...easy acceptance. She had already processed their deaths in the time it took Naruto to realize that Haku had even fallen to the floor. She was just so ready. He was pretty sure that was one of Sakura’s most helpful traits. Sakura had clearly already considered Zabuza and Haku’s death as the mostly likely outcome. Even if it was morbid and sad, Sakura was willing to face the problem head on instead of being wishy-washy.

Naruto wanted to smack himself. Even surrounded by Team Seven, he was still thinking back to the Land of Waves. The battle was done, he reminded himself. He didn’t need to think on it any longer.

He decided to focus on something else. Sasuke and his foul attitude was a good distraction.

“Let us know when you’re done fantasying, Naruto, so we can _start the_ _mission, alright_?” Kakashi satirically clapped him on the shoulder, eyebrow raised.

Naruto was not going to respond to Kakashi-sensei’s mocking. “Right!” he chorused.

Sakura temporarily snapped out of the spell she was under to glare at him. “Could you not be so annoying Naruto just for once?” She snapped angrily, fist raised. Naruto’s lip curled right back at her, and he stuck out his tongue for good measure. Sakura growled.

Kakashi-sensei did not make them collect the mission at the Hokage Tower, thankfully. Last time that had been a disaster. Instead, he let all of them off the hook by revealing he had signed Team Seven up for a stack of D-rank missions, saving them many trips back and forth. Naruto hadn’t realistically expected anything higher than D-rank after the whole Tazuna ordeal, but a guy could dream. Sakura looked a bit put out, but to the annoyance of _everyone_ , Sasuke looked quite pleased. Sasuke was just getting on his good side, too, and then goes and acts like that, Naruto bemoaned. The first mission Kakashi gave them was to weed Ms-who-even-cares’ garden. Naruto was glad Kakashi had the respect to call it a mission and not chores. That would be even more demeaning.

They trudged to her house, Sasuke picking at his teeth, Sakura looking more and more frustrated by the second, and Kakashi-sensei trying to hide the fact he _absolutely_ had a limp. Naruto got stuck with quite the communicative team. He didn’t remember Kakashi hurting his leg on the mission before—stop, he ordered himself. Stop thinking about it, just get over it; Kakashi-sensei is a grown ass man who can take of himself. He had to stop obsessing over the battle. It was done.

The D-rank went like always, at first. Sakura cheerfully talked up the lady whose garden they were weeding, a lady that turned out to be a chef. Kakashi-sensei went off to lean tiredly against a tree in the yard. Naruto was about to slip into his usual D-rank mode, which mostly consisted of telling Sasuke where to pull weeds and arguing with Sakura about dumb stupid things, but got a shock when Sasuke brushed right past him, bumping his shoulder.

Naruto glared.

Sasuke turned around and glared right back.

All of the frustration that had built inside of him, including from his rough morning bubbled up to the surface.

Sakura sensed the change in pace and turned, eyes full of confusion. She saw Sasuke and her eyes widened. Sasuke slipped past them and started working by himself, in his own patch of garden.

“Ooookayyy then,” Sakura blinked. “What did you do, Naruto?” She assumed. Naruto would normally take offense, but Sasuke wasn’t one to get upset at all even when he had a perfectly good reason. It was so out of character that Naruto, too, couldn’t help but wonder what the hell he must’ve done. Because he had to have done something...either that or Sasuke had been replaced with a robot.

Naruto shrugged his shoulders helplessly. “I have no idea.” He confessed.

Sakura put her hands on her hips. “Well, fix it! We’re a team, and to function properly we need Sasuke to not look ready to punch you in the face!” she waved her arms around fanatically. Then she tapped her chin. “Why don’t we help weed? I bet having less work to do will cheer him up!” she snapped her fingers at her own brilliance.

“You’re so smart, Sakura!” he complimented excitedly. Sakura beamed at him, before turning around to start on a plot of weeds.

This lady sure has a lot of weeds, Naruto thought grimly. He was starting to understand why she needed ninja assistance. Her whole garden was practically weeds! Surely if Naruto helped out enough here Sasuke-bastard would stop being mad at him and they could all be a happy team once more. The thought made him clench his fists determinedly. He didn’t know what he did, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to work his hardest to get Sasuke to forgive him!

He began working at top speed, pulling weeds and chucking them behind him. A flash of Haku and herbs entered his mind, but he picked up his speed to keep his mind off of bad stuff. He worked his way across the patch of dirt he’d chosen, pulling and pulling until there was a thick pile of weeds in the grass and a clean, shiny new plot ready to be planted in.

He grinned triumphantly, placing his slightly reddened hands from the harsh treatment of grass blades on his hips. He laughed a bit, happy to have helped. They were practically done now!

“Hey you!” the lady chef that Sakura was talking to before marched over to him. Naruto scratched his nose, side eyeing her uncomfortably.

He smiled despite her anger, motioning to her new, clean garden. “Oh! Hi lady, I got rid of all your weeds! Pretty cool, huh?” he informed her exuberantly. Her face contorted in a mix of horror and rage. Naruto’s smile dropped. “Uh...what’s wrong?” he wondered.

“Those...those aren’t weeds...” she began, and Naruto’s stomach started to drop. He now realized why pulling the weeds reminded him of Haku. “Those are- WERE- herbs I grew in my garden!” she shrieked, tugging her hair and taking a menacing step towards him.

Haku had picked herbs with him. Naruto had ignored the warning his subconscious tried to give him, and had the opposite effect on his goal. Sasuke was the picture of pure shock, staring at the decimated garden with empathetic sorrow. Naruto resisted the urge to fall to his knees in defeat. Only Sasuke could make sadness over lost plants look so genuine and pitiful.

Naruto could sense the lady’s anger heightening. Sakura intervened with a nervous laugh. Naruto caught Kakashi momentarily peek an eye at them, sigh, and then go back to his book. Naruto wasn’t surprised by the lack of support. Sakura only got the lady to calm down after vehemently promising to help weed next Saturday free of charge and replant all of her herbs. Team Seven did not get paid for the weeding D-rank. He was pretty sure they technically _lost_ money.

As Kakashi passed them the next mission, Sasuke said not a word, seething in silence.

Their next mission didn’t go so great, either. Kakashi had signed them up for cleaning out the Taki River. Naruto had personally never been. He hadn’t needed to, since it was so out of the way of everything significant in Konoha. It was next to a small little suburban street of mostly retired shinobi and their families. Naruto learned that the river adjacent to their community was covered in litter. Old soda cans, plastic wrappers, even a couple cigars were sunken or floating around the rushing water. The community had just been constructed on the land that used to be an outpost for guards but got shut down about six years ago. A few people cleared out the area, built their homes, and attracted the eyes of many wealthy folk looking to settle down. The old watch tower was now used as a place to view the stars, with a telescope and everything. Naruto knew all of this from just one conversation with the old man who’d hired them. He had been one talkative, boasting fellow. The long conversation had done nothing to improve Sasuke’s reclusive mood.

Sasuke was across from him, feet steady with chakra. He was easily ankle deep in the water without budging an inch from the harsh currents. Naruto was practically being swept away. Sakura was steady too, catching quickly flowing by garbage cans and lugging them into the packs the local civilians had loaned them. The man had been rather nice; he clearly didn’t want to clean the river himself though. He did buy them equipment, like the poky-sticks for picking up trash, and a set of nifty woven baskets to deposit all the litter in. He had yet to figure out why exactly a perfectly healthy guy as himself hadn’t taken the time to clean it without aid. Naruto was almost falling over due to the rushing waters, sure, but that couldn’t be why he was paying them eighty bucks a person to rid the Taki River of trash, could it? That seemed like a major investment calamity.

Naruto shivered as something ran by his legs, probably a fish, and tripped. He wasn’t expecting his knee to bust harshly in sharp rocks, and he wasn’t expecting the current to instantly pound against him. He quickly lost his balance, and was soon being carried away by the harsh current. Naruto shrieked indignantly at the world, abandoning his pokey-thing to try to swim through the waves. He failed. “Somebody help!” he cried.

His stomach swooped and Naruto screamed, shock and terror combining; a waterfall, a motherfucking waterfall! He took everything back. The civilian guy wasn’t nice at all! Any decent person would have warned them about this humongous safety hazard! He screamed louder, bracing himself for impact.

_Zing!_ Naruto jerked forward, his body convulsing. Sakura was hanging off of a tree, her hand clutching his tightly. She grunted, using the arm clutching the tree branches to pull them up higher. They were dangling over the edge of a waterfall. One wrong move, and they were both goners. “Nice view, at least.” Naruto wheezed, his shoulder screaming in pain.

Sakura growled in frustration, scrambling with a chakra filled hand to find purchase on the thin branch they were hanging from. “You are the worst person _ever_ , Naruto.” Sakura hissed at him, her face screwing up with strain.

Yeah. Long story short, the river cleaning mission hadn’t gone as he’d hoped.

At least Sasuke talked to him, this time. But only to briefly inform him that the river was named by the Uchiha, who had adapted to the Leaf-tongue while still maintaining their culture. Taki meant ‘waterfall’. Naruto actually remembered reading about this in the First Hokage’s biography. The Uchiha had collaborated with the Senju, the founding clans of Konoha, to create a language that soon became popular all throughout the Hidden Villages. However, the Senju and Uchiha had their own original languages before this. And even though many had wanted to cling to traditions, the language barriers throughout interactions between Senju and Uchiha were just too difficult to ignore. A lot of people had tried to make the Senju’s birth language the official language, but the First had rejected this unfair demand. Hence, the Senju and Uchiha created a new language, and set an example for every village after them. It was one of the greatest accomplishments of the First Shinobi World War. Now the Four Nations Military all spoke a collective language, and while many families still upheld their traditional languages, they were less keen on sharing and more keen on keeping it to themselves. People who spoke two languages tended towards the snootier, rich side of the scale. Meaningless to say, Naruto did not know two languages. Naruto had loved learning about Lord First, and had discovered so many different things about him. He was the original author of the legendary Scroll of Sealing. He’d even set the example still used today for the Hidden Leaf’s academy curriculum. Lord First, the great Hashirama Senju, was truly a legend. He was like, Naruto’s role model. Well, he came in a close second to Lord Fourth. No one was greater in Naruto’s eyes than Lord Fourth.

“Yeah, Yeah, Sasuke-bastard,” He had grumbled in response, begrudgingly understanding Sasuke’s prickly behavior on language. He had forced himself not to say anything too annoying in response, but despite his best efforts, Sasuke’s eyes had still flashed angrily as he spun away on his heel, not taking well to Naruto’s restrained yet blatantly sardonic reply. He winced, cursing his own uncontrollable anger. He was trying to get Sasuke to forgive him, not get madder at him. He still thought it was dumb that they were cleaning a river that fed into a waterfall, though. Simple logic said that they should clean the bottom of the waterfall, where everything would inevitably flow. Even he knew that. He suggested this and Team Seven finished their task much quicker. Sakura did spend a good ten minutes reaming a wheezing with laughter Kakashi-sensei for purposefully setting them up on the top of the waterfall. He claimed it was because he wanted them to still get a good round of training in whilst picking up trash. Naruto remembered screaming in sheer frustration, wishing that he was strong enough to kick Kakashi in the shin.

At least they got paid this time, Naruto admitted optimistically.

Naruto resolutely decided to make things better this next mission. No more monkeying around. Sakura was rolling her neck and shoulder excessively, clearly sore from saving him. It made him feel pretty guilty. She had just recovered from Haku’s crazy needle attack anyw-

He took a deep breath. If distractions weren’t working, maybe calming his mind would work. But every time Naruto found that empty blankness of peace Haku’s pale face drifted by. Distractions were temporary solutions, but at least they helped some. Every other tactic Naruto tried proved useless.

The next mission Team Seven received was a walk in the park...literally. They were going to walk some old lady’s beloved dogs. Kakashi stayed behind to talk to the old lady while Team Seven went out. Kakashi and the old woman were bonding over dogs as far as Naruto could tell. Kind of cute, in a way Naruto didn’t really understand. He hated dogs. To be fair, dogs innately hated him too.

He chose the largest dog available, leaving Sakura and Sasuke with the easy pups. _Now neither of them will have to strain_ , he recalled saying to himself.

“Hey! Please stop!” Naruto begged.

It wasn’t going so well.

His large dog was bigger than him, and very stubborn. If it wanted to walk a certain direction, there was no stopping it. Sakura and Sasuke were trailing quietly behind him as he was dragged off by the unusually large canine. It was the size of a wolf, but had the face of a Boxer. 

“What a fool.” Sasuke deadpanned behind him. Sakura chimed in, not jumping to his defense at all.

“Of course! That’s because he stubbornly chose the biggest option.” She agreed.

Naruto would have argued with their slandering had he not been occupied. His large dog was dragging him closer and closer to the fence that marked a danger zone, an area full of landmines. Naruto desperately did not want to go through there.

“Hey, hey wait a minute! Wait a minute!” He tried for an authoritative tone. The dog ignored him as he had done this entire time, trudging along and following his nose stubbornly. His dog trudged forward, right through a _convenient_ whole in the fence. The shit dog had done this before. He had torn through the fence and one this exact thing to some other poor soul.

“AGH!” he tugged with all his might, skidding his feet along the dirt in hope of deterring the dogs path. He could always let go, but he didn’t want to have to report back to Kakashi without a dog. That was more terrifying a thought than the landmines, honestly. Kakashi was fine with weeds and waterfalls, but lost dogs were an entire different story. Naruto’s training would be hell for all of next week. So he firmly kept ahold of the leash, trying his best to keep the monstrous dog back.

He failed.

“AGh! Agh!” he choked on a scream, narrowly avoiding being blown up all together. Fire danced before his eyes.

“You’re an idiot, Naruto!” He vaguely recognized Sakura’s voice calling over the fence.

When all was said and done, and Naruto was crumbled on the floor smelling of ashes and covered head to toe in soot, he received a happy lick from the large, miraculously safe from harm dog he had dared to walk.

Now Naruto was heavily leaning against Sakura and Sasuke. Sasuke was still pointedly looking away from him, though. Kakashi had left not too long ago, mumbling about being incredibly busy. Kakashi had given them all the mission reports to turn in. Kakashi had written and sealed them, they just needed to deliver them to Lord Third. Normally they would have called bullshit, but seeing Kakashi so honestly out of it stopped all of their protests. He left in a swirl of leaves, leaving Sakura and Sasuke to help Naruto limp to Lord Third’s. It was warm in Konoha, so nice and sunny compared to the Land of Waves-

Naruto stopped that line of thought. It was hard, because the sun was beating down on his face and he wasn’t used to it just yet. He managed to fully dismiss the thought when Sakura broke the grumpy silence stretching over Team Seven.

“Well, it’s because you’re so reckless!” Sakura chastised good naturedly.

“Geez, you are so much trouble.” Sasuke added, except his tone was much darker. Those words hurt coming from Sasuke, because Naruto knew he meant it.

Naruto broke free from their grip, pointing an accusatory finger at Sasuke. “What is with you today, bastard?! You’ve been so...I don’t even know! You’ve been mad at me since this morning and I haven’t done a single thing!” Naruto brought his hand down, slumping his shoulders dejectedly. His rant had started strong, but the more he spoke the less angry and more confused he felt.

Sasuke pursed his lips. “What’s with me?” he hissed. “You’re the one who’s insulted me all day! You insulted me just now!” he raised his voice, startling even Sakura, who was usually quite stone faced. Sakura clutched her hands to her chest and watched them both carefully.

Naruto however, blinked. He remembered before, but he had been so intent on blocking the Land of Waves out that he had forgotten about it. Sasuke had snapped at him. Sasuke had snapped at him right after he had called Sasuke a...

Is that what this is about?

Really?

That’s _it_?

“Are you serious right now...?” Naruto could feel some of his own anger creep into his voice. “You’ve been shitty all day because I’ve been calling you bastard?!”

Naruto threw his hands in the air, taking a step towards Sasuke. Sasuke turned from him and crossed his arms. Naruto watched the moment Sasuke’s anger peeked, the moment his tapping foot stomped into the concrete and his eyes flickered a shade of red. Naruto wasn’t expecting Sasuke’s words, however. He could have taken a hit. He could have taken an insult. But what left him reeling in shock was Sasuke’s heartbroken, wrecked confession. “Do you seriously not get it? I heard that shit enough from Fugaku, okay? I get it. I’m a bastard. Now would you just fuck off?” Sasuke stepped away from him, shoving his hands into his pockets and storming off down the deserted street. He didn’t say anything else, just left them to their misery.

Naruto felt sick to his stomach. Sakura was pale. Their silence was uncommon and unwelcome. He wished he could take back years of insults, but knew just how irresponsible he was being. He couldn’t wish any of this away.

Naruto turned to Sakura, swiping a hand numbly through his hair.

He felt horrible. He felt disgusting. He placed a hand to his head and sighed, deeply regretful. Sakura took a similarly startled breath. It seemed neither of them knew just what to say.

The outburst hadn’t been led up to. It had just happened. There had been no warning fight or moment where Naruto knew he should back down. Sasuke’s explosive behavior was from years of inner torment. To Sasuke his anger had been long overdue, but Naruto was still trying to wrap his head around it. The silent treatment was acceptable, but randomly getting spat in the face was a bit more dizzying. Sasuke’s anger had been startling. He wasn’t prepared for him to just run off like that either. Sasuke had fled. He wondered how long Sasuke had been bottling up his rage.

“He seemed so angry.” Sakura mumbled. Her lips were doing that thing where they sucked inwards, and her nose was scrunching up unpleasantly. She was sad. She was trying to hide it, but Sasuke had hurt her. Not because what Sasuke did was uncalled for, but because it was, and the guilt was suffocating. Trying to push the remorse away only made the guilt harder to take. Naruto’s embittered mood was crushing. He had no idea how to handle this.

He realized with a shock he was focusing more on Sasuke’s anger than his confession.

“...Sakura, Fugaku is the name of his dad.” He realized this with dawning horror, and watched her face morph from crestfallen to understanding.

“Right. I should’ve assumed his parents were for shit.” She said breezily, taking everything in stride. He nodded at her, hearing what hadn’t been explicitly said. Sakura let him grab her hand and squeeze, closing her eyes and leaning her forehead against his shoulder in a rare form of vulnerability. “Finding out about...finding out about everything else...” she lowered her voice to a hoarse mumble, low enough that only his ears could hear it, even in the deserted street. Team Seven had a majority of notorious members, so they liked to take the calmer paths to the Hokage Tower when possible. “...That made sense. I could get that. It fit with him. I didn’t have to be surprised, because I had already considered the possibility through observing his behavior. But I always just figured Sasuke’s parents were douchebags, and that was that .I never thought that he was an illegitimate child. I mean, how didn’t this blow up? What about his birth certificate? Did the Uchiha lie? I just...this is a-whole-nother can of worms. I wish he would talk to us, tell us everything instead of bottling it all up inside.” Sakura rambled on, letting her emotions for freely.

Naruto didn’t understand her obsession with communication. She was the most private person on the face of the planet. Okay, that was an exaggeration, but she was no less secluded with her personal affairs than all the other members of Team Seven. In fact Sasuke was the most emotional of the group. He was always expressing himself and his beliefs. Naruto had lots of beliefs, but Sasuke wore his moods like skin, and Naruto wore his more like clothing. He could shed layers when he needed to, or add some if the situation called for it. Naruto found his emotions to be private. They were his and his alone. He could control them how he saw fit. Sasuke seemed to have no control over his feelings whatsoever. And he disagreed with her that Sasuke was bottling things up. He was so very expressive. Sometimes Sasuke didn’t have things to express because he was fine, so he kept quiet. The only reason Sasuke hadn’t already told Naruto everything and anything about being a bastard kid was because he hated confrontation. He probably didn’t have the self-respect to believe Naruto would stop using the insult if he knew, and going by Sasuke’s logic, it would hurt a lot more for Naruto to be purposely jibing at his birthright than accidentally doing it. Naruto knew that it wasn’t lack of ability to express himself that held Sasuke back, but more fear of rejection. Once Naruto became an open minded figure for Sasuke way back when, he had come to him for lots of problems. But Sasuke hadn’t really trusted him. Trust was Sasuke’s biggest issue, not in a rude way, but in a scared kid way that made you want to hug him even if physical contact only made Sasuke feel worse.

He would’ve told Sakura as much if he didn’t feel it was a direct invasion of what little privacy Sasuke had. It would drive Naruto crazy if the media attacked him the way they attacked Sasuke. 

Sakura’s head shifted and she sniffed, looking up at him with big, expectant green eyes. He felt a bit spiteful that he was to comfort her, but pushed past that and patted her head instead, earning a playful laugh out of Sakura. “How do you feel about it?” she inquired, and even though Naruto expected the question, he still repressed a wince.

“I think that Sasuke has a lot of things going on, and he can’t possibly deal with all of them at the same time. He has to focus on the big stuff, and that’s hard for him. He’ll get there.” Naruto said as confidently as he could. Before Sakura could say anything else, he enforced the importance of the rest of his opinion. “But he must get there by himself. It _sucks_ , but we can only be there for him when he wants us there. He has to learn a balance between dependence and independence.”

He felt wise speaking those words. He liked being there for his friends, but that didn’t mean it was easy. Sakura disentangled herself from him, shaking herself off. There were no tears, but Naruto could see her try extra hard to school her features and plaster on a believable smile of reassurance. Not even Naruto could tell she had just been talking of Sasuke’s issues, and he’d known her his entire life. Sakura grabbed his hand, clearly planning on continuing this entire conversation in a more brisk manner and continuing their trek up to the Hokage Tower, when Naruto caught sight of a card board box that had been painted to match the color of the pathway.

Naruto shook his head dejectedly, and Sakura turned to him with a question on her lips. He hushed her with a finger to his lips and mischievously wiggled his eyebrows. He’d think of Sasuke later, when his mind was more refreshed and he wasn’t still reeling from the Land of Waves. It sent a flurry of guilt in his stomach when he remembered how hurt Sasuke must be feeling, but figured it was best for both of them to cool off before confronting the daunting wall between them. He dismissed his negative feelings and spun around in a circle, tugging Sakura along with him. Sakura followed him with amusement as he danced around the pathway, walking backwards, in circles, in hexagrams, and she likewise caught on to what was happening. The square shaped disguise was following them around, little feet sticking out the bottom of the box with oxygen holes like a hamster cage. The feet scurried along after them, oblivious to the teasing he and Sakura were doing.

Naruto, wheezing with poorly stifled laughter finally stopped, taking pity on their audible panting breaths from beneath the box. He turned to Sakura, sarcastically declaring loudly, “Wow Sakura I think I’ve just discovered a new type of rock. It’s perfectly square, and moves about like it’s chasing something!”

Sakura gave him a deadpan look, peeking around him to giggle at the failed disguise. “You can come out now.” she prompted.

“You saw through my disguise again! Your slick boss, just what I’d expect from my greatest rival!” Konohamaru’s voice was muffled by the box, giving him an even more childishly girly pitch. Naruto grunted in surprise, tugging Sakura further behind him, already feeling his earlier cuts and bruises fading into dull ghosts of his injuries. His energy had come back now, as well. It was easy to move around.

Three large booms resounded through the clearing, colored smoke filling up the abandoned route. Chips of the cardboard box flicked out into air, one narrowly missing his face. It seemed Konohamaru had wanted to color his smoke and had gone a little overboard because of it. The intended affect did succeed, at least. Pink, yellow, and purple (or maybe that was blue) puffs of smoke suffocated his lungs. He resisted the urge to cough, not wanting to give the brat the satisfaction.

When the smoke cleared he heard a bunch of coughs, all from Konohamaru and his academy friends. They were on their hands and knees, hacking up their own smoke. Naruto pinched his nose, but quickly pulled his hand away in horror at the risk of channeling Iruka-sensei’s mothering habits. “I think we used a little too much gunpowder you guys...” Konohamaru grunted, wiping his dusty hands off on his knees while moving to stand. He wobbled unsteadily on his feet, helping up his friend absentmindedly. The three children’s eyes simultaneously shot up to look at him, only now remembering his presence. Their childish antics dissipated upon sighting him and were replaced by cool confidence in hopes of impressing him. They stood in a battle formation that Naruto vaguely recognized. Sakura snorted from behind him, resting her chin on his shoulder with a grin. He had to glance sideways at her to see she was smiling.

“I see the three of them just learned the basic battle formation _Cobra_. Do you remember learning that? It feels like just yesterday...but looking at those three, it really makes me feel like I’m all grown up.” Sakura murmured out of the kids’ hearing range. Naruto couldn’t help but admire her way with words. She expressed the nostalgic charm in hanging around Konohamaru with perfect accuracy.

“I’m Moegi of the senior class at Konoichi Preschool!” Moegi was always around Konohamaru, easily recognized by her almost orange colored hair that stood up in short twin pony tails. She seemed to have turned a blanket into some sort of wrap and cape, crossing it around her chest and neck to let the blanket flare down her spine. Naruto noticed with amusement she was wearing goggles, like the one’s he used to sport before receiving his ninja headband in order to become accustomed to periodically wearing something on his forehead. She broke formation to pose haughtily. Sakura choked beside him, but whether she was withholding an ‘Awww’ or a malicious cackle was lost on him.

“I love factoring, top of my Advanced Algebraic Class, call me Udon!” Udon was also wearing a set of goggles, however his glasses got in the way a bit so his were pushed higher on his forehead than Moegi’s. Naruto was impressed Udon had made it into prodigal class with top marks, seeing as he undoubtedly was one of the youngest contenders. Not even Shikamaru had managed that class at such an early age, although Naruto bet if he’d ever decided to put in some effort he would have been selected for it. As it was, the only graduate from their class to have taken Advanced Algebra earlier than strictly necessary was Shino, and he had been ten, not seven. There was a crucial three year difference there. He could tell Sakura was impressed by Udon as well, even if his name was rather unfortunate. It must be an orphan thing to be named obscure food items, he thought, referring to his own name. Udon stepped out of his attack circle to pose as well.

“The most brilliant Ninja in the village- Konohamaru!” Konohamaru finally called out his own name, a blanket tied around his neck like a cape as well. The knot was similar to Moegi’s, so he assumed she had tied it for him. Or, maybe it was Udon who had tied both of their blanket accessories. Konohamaru too wore goggles. Naruto felt a bit humbled to be so openly worshipped. They were clearly copy-catting him, but rather than feel bitter, he felt much more responsible. All of these small children were looking up to him. It was his duty to set a good example. Konohamaru jumped out of the battle formation which Sakura had told him was called Cobra, kicking at nothing in the air.

They fumbled for a second before the three of them leapt back into their attack circle and called out with equal levels of enthusiasm, “The three of us together are the Konohamaru Gang!”

“Hey boss!” they greeted simultaneously.

Naruto rolled his eyes good naturedly. “Hello Konohamaru and friends.” He greeted, eyeing their goggles mischievously. “I like your guys’ headgear. It’s real cool that you guys’ would imitate me like that.” He pushed as much cheer as possible into his voice, even though he wasn’t feeling to up for hanging around them. Another time, he promised himself. But right now he and Sakura needed to report to the old man and sort through some things. He just didn’t have the time or patience to babysit.

They all beamed with pride, showing off gap filled grins and big rosy cheeks. “You used to wear goggles remember, boss?” Konohamaru was a kid, and excitedly repeated this information at him. Kids tended to like to say things over and over again, especially things they were proud of. He’d hung out with a lot of small kids, and it was a pretty common thing among them. It didn’t matter if they’d told you once or three hundred times, it was always shared with great excitement.

“So, did you want something?” he wondered, hoping that whatever they sought him out for he could quickly write off as a ‘later’ and then get back on track. It wasn’t like he wanted to sulk, but Sasuke’s words were still fresh in his mind, and it was hard to tell himself not to feel guilty when Sasuke had been so hurt. Ignorance, Naruto thought glumly, is not innocence. It was one of the Iruka-sensei’s most annoyingly repeated sayings. 

Moegi stepped forward bravely, her fists clenched with determination. “You know what we want!” she accused. “Do you have some free time, leader?” she questioned, embarrassingly using their nickname for him in front of Sakura. He resisted the urge to wince as Sakura snorted in his ear. Konohamaru had already called him boss, but now that they’d said it twice, it became clear to her that was how they always referred to him.

“Boss, you promised us you would play ninja today! C’mon!” Konohamaru whined insistently. This earned a full blown laugh from Sakura, right into his eardrum.

“Sakura!” he complained, leaping away from her hold to rub his ear. She rolled her eyes at him, raising her eyebrow sardonically. He had the feeling she was mocking him, but Naruto pretended not to understand.

“Oh...did I say that...” he rubbed his neck sheepishly, silently seething. He couldn’t hang out with them today, because they would never let him go once he started. Sakura crossed her arms pointedly.

“Hey boss, who’s that girl anyway?” Konohamaru questioned, pursing his lips. He got a very constipated look on his face while he glanced between them. After a moment his eyes gleamed. “Ah!” he snapped his fingers. “I get it! You’re a smooth operator boss!”

Naruto froze. Sakura, who had been crossing her arms playfully at him, openly gawked. The silence between them gave Konohamaru more time to run his mouth. “C’mon I know that she’s your...” he lifted his pinky up, something he’d seen Sasuke do before and wondered about it. It was a culture thing that meant...

Ummm...

“-Girlfriend!” Konohamaru crowed.

Girlfriend, or more accurately, referenced the existence of a relationship between two people. Sasuke would be proud of him for remembering. Or maybe he was wrong. After all, what Naruto had done was bad enough to be unforgivable. He couldn’t believe he had been so stupid, all this time! Instead of allowing his toxic thoughts to get the better of him, he gladly allowed his friends to distract him. Sakura was still gaping. Naruto seized his opportunity. “Heh, well, you can tell that she’s really crazy about me, huh?” he said slyly, smirking at Konohamaru lazily.

Sakura choked. She looked at him, a blush slowly creeping onto her cheeks. “Yeah.” She mumbled spitefully. “Crazy enough to kick you where it counts...”

He could see her face gradually reddening, however, and indecision flickering in her eyes. Naruto sauntered over to her, wrapping an arm around her small shoulders. “Yup. You happened to catch me on a date with Sakura here.”

Sakura bit her lip, before finally regaining her composure. With a deep breath, she leaned awkwardly into his embrace. “I never knew I had bad taste.” She grumbled.

Naruto couldn’t resist. “Really? Because Ino’s been trying to tell you that since preschool,”

Sakura snarled. “Why I can’t even imagine you would-”

“But hey,” he interjected. “Maybe I could give you a few tips to prove her wrong, I mean, it’s obvious that I...” he sized her up, purposefully letting her see the action. “Have spectacular taste.”

She huffed, turning away from him. “Smooth, the kid’s right.” she acknowledged.

Their interaction set all of his little followers off in frenzy. They rushed around them, questioning and nudging them about all the details. He and Sakura weren’t really quite sure how to answer, seeing as they hadn’t ever used any significant relationship status on their names. The only thing they had done was purposefully make the other jealous. Or at least that’s why he assumed Sakura was sweet on Sasuke, but she could have some other reason. But ever since Team Seven formed all flirting with Sasuke had ended. He wondered why, not that he was complaining. It used to make him so angry. Now though she had just...stopped. No explanation for her abrupt change in behavior. It definitely boosted his self-esteem she stopped looking at other guys, he just wished he knew what caused the change. He hoped it was him.

They hadn’t ever officially decided anything about what they were to each other, too embarrassed or worried they would cross a line. If the other was spotted holding hands with someone else, of course, there would be bloodshed. Someone would likely die, he thought with a bit of humor. The only exception to this rule was Sasuke, whom both of them could hold hands with as much as they wanted. Naruto doubted Sasuke was in a place to be stealing crushes anyway, as sad as that thought was.

Sakura looked overwhelmed, blinking rapidly between him and the small children crowding around. Finally her face settled and she let out a giggle, a big smile blooming over her face. “Well, I can tell you that my boyfriend here once got so jealous he got right in the face of this real tough guy. The funny part, of course, is that-”

Naruto covered their innocent ears, Sakura’s own cackling thankfully cutting off the end of that sentence. Privately he was inordinately pleased. Now she had called him, well, now she was talking to him like...

They shared a private smile over the rambling academy students.

There was now a security, a confidence between them. Naruto admitted to being pretty worried before. Maybe, he had thought, maybe she didn’t feel the way he did. But she had just confirmed it.

Sasuke was going to be so pissed he wasn’t there to see this.

Sasuke...

Remembering his friend had him remembering all of his other issues. Sasuke, the report, Kakashi-sensei’s weird behavior, the Land of Waves...it was all such a mess. At least he had Sakura. Sakura would be there for him. Sakura was his girlfriend.

“C’mon boss you got to tell us your dirty secrets!” Konohamaru commanded.

All it took was for he and Sakura to look at each other and they were running. She gripped his hand and led him down the street, winding down the path as fast as their feet would carry them away from the prying questions of Konohamaru and friends. Sakura’s laughter rang out clearly amongst the chaos of the indignant screams of the kids following them and the oxygen and blood rushing to his ears. Her laugh was clear through everything. So distracted he was by her he did not notice the two other occupants to the usually barren street. With a loud smack Sakura collided into a tall boy, his companion stiffening in surprise. Naruto fell over onto his knees, accidentally dragging Sakura with him. They tumbled onto the unforgiving floor.

The two of them sheepishly looked upwards, swift apologies on their lips. Before they could say they were sorry, the three kids trailing them caught up, skidding to a halt in response to the newcomers.

“That hurt...” the guy muttered, angry enough to startle Naruto. This guy was going to be trouble, he realized. He pushed Sakura to her feet and behind him, cautiously eyeing the boy and the girl backing him up. His words were careful when he spoke, but even as he said them he had a feeling they were going to prove a waste of energy.

“Hey man look we’re sorry, we were just messing around with some younger kids from the academy. No harm done, right?” he attempted to rein the situation in before it got out of control.

Naruto tried to relax his posture, knowing his suspicious nature could be viewed as hostile. He always made an effort to look on the bright side of things. He shouldn’t expect this guy to be a problem. It was presumptuous of him to think such things. He gave the guy a once over, taking in his all black attire and the headdress he sported. It was then Naruto realized he was looking at foreigners. Both of them had their _Sunagakure_ headbands on proud display. Suna was one of the newest additions to the Shinobi Nations. Their most notable characteristics were their small population, all of whom relied heavily on resources from other villages; Suna was located at the epicenter of a massive desert, after all. It was the Military Representative for the Land of Wind, and because of that, they tried to keep it safe while still allocating themselves in a position that gave them easy access to any of the Nation’s people in trouble. Hence, the military capital of the Land of Wind stood proudly at the very middle of their land. Unlike Konoha, Suna had no civilians residing in it. The weather conditions were harsh even for seasoned Shinobi, Naruto had read in many geography scrolls. Sasuke would probably have something political to add to that, but Naruto himself just found it an interesting fact and nothing else. He didn’t particularly identify with any of the political parties, much like Sakura. However the difference between them was that Naruto loved politics and Sakura loathed all the intricacies of the art. She was a very constant sole, preferring to stick to simple truths and harsh realities. That’s what led her to taking up the academy elective of Taijutsu Theory.

Naruto chose History of the Great Leaders. He had always loved learning about the Hokages, and foiding out that every village had their own Kage’s had sent Naruto into a compulsive craze. He knew he aced that class, because his teacher had been forced to begrudgingly grant him a C. The senseis were unfair and brutal, but anything lower than a C would have pushed someone to speak out against their obvious discrimination.

It was hundreds of history books and rapidly asked questions directed at Sasuke and Sakura way-back-when that led him to the answer he was picking his brain for. Why were foreigners crawling around Konoha? Why, the National Chunin Exams, of course. It was already that time of the year. A bubble of excitement struck him. He didn’t even know how to register for a promotion, but once he learned, he would work his ass off to be a participant.

Sakura pulled away from him and crossed her arms, eyeing them suspiciously. He wondered why. If Naruto was able to figure out the reason behind the Suna Ninjas presence in the Leaf, then wouldn’t she have as well? Or wait, that thought made him pause; why were a couple of Suna ninjas walking around such a deadened street? Wouldn’t they want to tour the village’s more lively hotspots? He shook his head to rid himself of his mistrustful assumptions. Maybe, maybe they were just lost.

Sakura glanced at him, pursing her lips. She was leaving this up to him, then. Finally, the angry guy sneered at them, his reaction igniting Naruto’s anger instantly. He took a threatening step forward, but before Naruto could stop her, Sakura matched his step. Just like that tension rose between both groups. Like lightening he grabbed Sakura’s shirt collar with his large hands. Naruto nearly lunged at him right then and there. But Sakura did not flinch. She leveled him with a gaze straight on, pursing her lips dispassionately. “So, does this hurt, punk?” the guy hissed at her, nearly spitting with rage.

“Put her down, Kankarou, or you know you’ll pay for it later!” the Suna girl cajoled the dickweed named Kankarou, her eyes filling with fright at the prospect of reproach.

Sakura took a deep breath, and if it wasn’t for the anger sinking into her facial expression, Naruto already would’ve knocked the guy face first in the dirt. The situation wasn’t calling for his interference yet, and getting angry would only escalate the tension. Sakura ground her teeth together, clearly suppressing her own fury. She planned to give these two a chance to walk out of here, and if she was willing to be so generous, then Naruto had no choice but to follow suit.

“We got a few minutes before he gets here, let’s mess with these punks, huh?” His grip tightened on Sakura’s shirt collar as he dismissed his friend’s wise suggestion.

Sakura took a deep breath. Before she could speak her eyes widened in horror as Konohmaru’s protests started up. “Let go of her you jerk!” his friends chorused their agreement, they spouted off varying levels of threats, but no matter the words the effect was the same. A couple of young, innocent little kids had just egged on the guy who had Sakura by the collar. Naruto swallowed. He wondered just what Sakura was going to do.

“You’re quite mouthy, aren’t you? Well, that won’t last long.” A twisted smile morphed the asshole’s face. Naruto had almost thought bastard, but the insult had lost all meaning.

Naruto, despite knowing Sakura was perfectly capable of defending herself, could feel his anger mounting. He tried to control himself as best as possible. Sakura was doing the same. Neither of them wanted to scar the academy students behind them by releasing their pretty brutal killer intents. The guy addressed Sakura, “Maybe if you beg for forgiveness I’ll let you and your friends off with a fair warning.” He smirked at her, tilting his head condescendingly.

“I’m not involved in any of this, okay?” the girl stepped back, closing her eyes tiredly. Naruto sneered at her. She was just going to stand by and watch this asshole throttle a girl? Sakura was tough shit, but no guy should ever handle a girl like that, especially off of a battlefield.

Sakura was beginning to lose her patience when Kankarou’s grip tightened enough only her toes brushed against the floor, and their faces were mere inches apart. He heard a whistle of air push past her gritted teeth.

Naruto wound a hand around his stomach, feeling his body begin to burn. He took a deep breath, but he could not simply wish away his anger. The fucker didn’t deserve his mercy anyway.

“I think it’d be best if you let go, sir...for all of our sakes.” Sakura’s eyes briefly caught his. The guy laughed, pulling his arm back in response.

“First I’ll waste you, and then all your little punk friends!” Naruto would’ve rolled his eyes at the lame declaration had he not been seething with fury. His arm made to punch Sakura square in the jaw, but a splash of blood and cry of pain was all that Naruto registered. His anger was stalled by confusion. Sakura hadn’t moved at all; wouldn’t have been able to without losing control of her chakra signature.

Naruto turned his head to the sound of a small clatter. A rock, equal to the size of a quarter, was bouncing tauntingly on the ground. He followed the trajectory of the rock, feeling an absurd amount of joy at the sight before him. Sasuke was perched on a nearby tree branch, another rock clutched in his hand similar to the one that had just pierced Kankarou’s readied fist. Sasuke had taken this guy down with nothing but a freaking rock. He looked so serious up there too, brandishing the second rock in case he needed to teach this guy another lesson.

His anger at the low-life stranger was not forgotten though, and seeing Sasuke swarmed him with guilt. The guilt was harder to handle than his fury. His frustration mounted and he pushed back his guilt in favor of anger, eyeing Kankarou disdainfully. Normally he would have signaled for Sasuke to join them, but he didn’t currently feel like he had the right to boss Sasuke around when there was so many unresolved issues between them.

Sakura did not move from where she stood, but instead rolled her neck and shoulders out, preparing for a fight. He even caught her sizing up the girl behind Kankarou, just in case she decided to step up for her friend.

The guy swiveled around to face Sasuke, who glared at Kankarou heatedly. He raised his rock higher in the air, broadcasting his willingness to fight. “Your way out of your league, interloper,” the way Sasuke said it he sounded like a threat. Naruto smirked, unable to stop himself. Team Seven obviously wasn’t in any mood to be play around. Sasuke’s glare sharpened, his lips curling. Team Seven was collectively frustrated and high-strung. These two foreigners didn’t know what they were getting into. Sakura squared her stance, raising an eyebrow at Kankarou in challenge.

“Oh great another wimp to tick me off.” The guy complained, but even though his words were strong, his hand was cradling his wrist carefully. He looked doubtful now that he was so heavily outnumbered.

They all shared a look. Team Seven was still united even when they were facing internal confrontation. Naruto stepped forward, “Try it.” he dared. Naruto would gladly beat the anger rising inside of him out on Kankarou. He wouldn’t even feel guilty for it.

Kankarou turned, and it was only then Naruto noticed that his face was painted with odd purple markings. He wondered how he hadn’t realized that before, but assumed his black outfit and angry exterior had distracted him. “Get down here punk!” he yelled at Sasuke, “You’re the kind of smart aleck that I despise the most. If you had any real strength you’d be down here fighting me already!” he reached behind his back to grip the large, bandage wrapped cylindrical carrying pack resting across his shoulders. The strange weapon was about the height of an umbrella and the width of Naruto’s waist. The girl behind him finally looked alarmed, her gaze snapping to him in angry surprise.

“Wait! You aren’t really thinking of using Crow, are you?!” His blonde companion cried out, her eyes wide with fright. Her hand wavered indecisively in the air as she debated whether to try stopping him or not. Kankarou ignored her, slamming the unknown tool onto the sidewalk in front of him with a flourish. The weapon thumped loudly, causing Sasuke to stiffen from where he was sitting. Sasuke looked alert and panicked. Naruto wondered why he seemed so scared. Did Sasuke know what was inside of the package? If so, why wasn’t he speaking up?

Then Naruto caught onto what actually had Sasuke so wound up. A strange, yet disturbingly familiar chakra suffocated him. The signature was as scratchy as sandpaper, itching underneath Naruto’s skin and inside of his chakra system. The sensation grated on his nerves. The signature made Naruto’s dominant hand twitch, yearning to grab a kunai knife. He wanted to prove something to the ominous figure that had yet to show themselves. Even with how annoying the signature was, it also reminded Naruto of something. He couldn’t quite grasp the thought, but he knew that somewhere before he had sensed this strangers same signature.

“Kankarou, back off.” A low, raspy and male voice came from the tree Sasuke was perched in. Sasuke openly startled, head swiveling to the side. He looked mortified, and just a bit hysterical, too. Naruto wondered what that was about. Maybe Sasuke still hadn’t fully recovered from the Land of Waves after all. He studied the new figure whom was using chakra to hang from a tree branch by his feet, a large case also wrapped around his back, much like Kankarou. After a brief glance at his headband, he found that this guy too was from the Sand Village, otherwise known as Suna. His red hair was short and spiky, and the bags under his eyes explained the raspy voice. This newcomer was heavily sleep deprived. The other thing that caught Naruto’s attention was the angle of his red colored bangs. They were styled in a way that did it’s best to hide a gruesome scar on the edge of his forehead. His arms were crossed hostilely, and his clothes screamed foreigner. No Konoha native would think to wear so many layers on a day like this. He was also incredibly pale, like, paler than Sasuke.

His eyes drifted back to the scar, and something inside of him flipped. It meant something. He wished he could figure out what. The new guy glared at Kankarou, speaking once more, “If you try to fight them, they’ll kill you.”

Kankarou shook with surprise, his previously haughty stare turning wide and intimidated. The girl next to him let out a squeal, stepping back a bit. Sakura didn’t react, but Naruto saw her lips twist. He couldn’t tell whether she was impressed, or upset he had been able to read her so well. Naruto shrugged off the comment, hoping against hope that this guy wasn’t referring to Team Seven in particular, and more basing his assumption off the reputation of Konoha as the strongest Ninja Village.

“Heh...uh, Hey, G-Gaara...” Kankarou smiled nervously, the grip on his strange bandaged package tightening until his hands were a shade of white.

“Have you forgotten the reason we came all the way here?” Naruto caught on this guy’s name was Gaara, and he was rapidly earning Naruto’s acknowledgment.

“Please listen to me, Gaara. T-They lashed out first...” Kankarou stammered, forcing a badly woven lie out of his mouth as quickly as he could.

Naruto openly snorted at Kankarou’s claim, shoving his hands in his pockets. He was relieved when Sasuke hopped out of the tree to the ground, then swung himself over the fence between them. He used his leg to brace his downward descent, landing in a kneeling position. Sasuke joined Naruto side, and Sakura followed suit. Naruto breathed a bit easier now that everyone was beside them. He felt that a lot less things could go wrong if they stuck together. Sasuke glanced at Konohamaru in concern, eyebrows knitting together. Naruto nearly rolled his eyes. It wasn’t rare that Sasuke went a little overboard with his concern. Those kids were fine.

“Shut up...” Gaara commanded, his mouth the only muscle in his body that wasn’t completely still with repressed fury. “...or _I’ll_ kill you.”

Naruto winced. “That got dark fast.” Sakura quipped. She had a little grin on her face as she studied Gaara. That grin concerned him much more than the emotional state of Konohamaru and friends. She looked all too excited to meet this guy. Naruto had to admit, though, he was kind of impressed by Gaara as well. He looked young, and was commanding someone a lot older than him.

“Understood. I was totally out of line. I’m, I’m sorry Gaara I was totally out of line.” Kankarou hurried to correct himself, stumbling over his words in his haste.

Gaara turned to them impassively, addressing Sasuke rather than the whole group. Naruto felt an urge to protect Sasuke from this guy, but quashed it. Sasuke could handle himself without Naruto’s constant interference. “I’m sorry for any trouble he might have caused.” He apologized on Kankarou’s behalf.

Gaara didn’t use a hand sign, and even so one moment he was upside down dangling from a tree branch and the next a whirlwind of sand engulfed him. For a moment his figure was shrouded by the strange jutsu, but soon the sand dispersed. Except no longer was Gaara on the tree. Gaara reappeared on the ground, tendrils of sand drifting lazily back inside of the large gourd shaped canister across his back. It was sort of like one large bottle, with a cork lid and everything. Naruto was immensely impressed by the display. It was a unique sort of shunshin, unnecessary in this current time and a hubris show of his power, but Naruto nonetheless was intrigued. He could see that Sakura’s demeanor had changed. Now she was more worried than anything else, with a trace of recognition and contemplation. Naruto dismissed this. He was excited. A useless shunshin like that meant this guy felt he had nothing to worry about, even surrounded by foreign ninja in a foreign country. He had to be strong, and he had to have a lot of chakra. He looked the same age as Naruto himself! What excitement, Naruto grinned.

Gaara, Naruto would never forget the name now, turned to his fellow Sand ninga impassively. “Let’s go, we didn’t come here to play games.” He grouched, turning around before Naruto had the chance to talk with him. He nearly pouted in frustration, and had the childish urge to stamp his foot. He wouldn’t do these things, of course, but the thought did cross his mind. The boy and girl nervously obeyed, keeping a safe distance between them and Gaara. 

Sakura rushed forward, startling him. It seemed like she’d wanted them to go. “Hold on!” She demanded, and her voice bordered on desperate. Naruto studied her curiously.

“You...do I...I know you, right?” She furrowed her brow. She noticed her hair was in disarray and she sounded kind of crazy, so she hastily rearranged her appearance. Gaara didn’t answer, even after Sakura was down smoothing down her hair. He merely watched her, emotionless and bland.

“Yes.” He responded, tilting his head. “We’ve met before. Once, very long ago, in the Country of Rice...”

Sakura trembled. She took a deep breath and composed herself. “I knew it.” she said triumphantly to herself, eyes gleaming. Naruto had a bad feeling all of the sudden. Something in her eyes was different, far more vulnerable yet still so much colder. It was paradox if he’d ever witnessed one.

“I didn’t know you two were here.” Gaara almost sounded accusing, and for the first time displayed emotion in his suspicion. His suspicion wasn’t born of fear, however. Naruto couldn’t quite understand it, but something passed between Sakura and this stranger that was impactful. Something in Sakura changed, and her lips formed a small ‘oh’.

Two...? Was Sakura with someone else when she met Gaara? When did Sakura, as a civilian, leave the village? He recalled her saying something about her parents being travelling merchants. Maybe Sakura had a sister or brother, Naruto wouldn’t know. She didn’t talk much about her personal life at all. Naruto blanched. He almost knew nothing of substance about his favorite person. She had only given him _her_ , not her family or loved ones, or anything of her life; just her personality and emotions. Naruto suddenly felt very left out and plagued with jealousy.

“Yes well, my parents moved here to settle. Thought a more domestic life would do me well.”

Naruto startled, as well as Sasuke. Hearing Sakura say ‘my parents’ was oddly jarring. It was easy to forget she had a life outside of Team Seven.

Naruto stepped up. “You’re here for the Chunin Exams, I’m guessing?” Naruto wished to put an end to the interaction between Gaara and Sakura. He placed a hand on her arm, and she stepped back with him. Her eyes didn’t lose the gleam from before, but she did offer him a reassuring smile. He wondered if she would tell him what all of this was about. He hoped so. He knew Sakura often mixed truth and lies, and everything she said was best examined carefully rather than taken for face value. Sakura spun quite the pretty web. If Naruto were someone else he probably wouldn’t second guess her. But Naruto saw so much of himself in Sakura that he felt it gave him an edge in knowing her better than others. He knew how his own mind functioned, and therefore he knew, to some extent at least, the cognitive process of hers.

“Yes. And before you ask, we have our permits right here.” The girl explained snappishly, holding up three cards with their identification on it. Sasuke laughed, and it was only then Naruto noticed that all of the children had flocked to him. Moegi rested on his back with her cheek pressed against his, and Konohamaru and Udon were hiding a bit behind his legs. Sasuke looked torn between discomfort and amusement, but Naruto knew he would never dare ask them to get off. He was too nice.

“I don’t think we were really planning on it,” he told her with a small smile, and Naruto marveled at how the tension between the two groups rapidly shrunk. Sasuke had a way with calming people’s nerves, even when he himself was probably ten times more nervous than everyone combined. Gaara and Sakura stopped their stare off, and the new girl even laughed sheepishly.

“Sorry, it’s only we’ve been stopped and asked so many times. You’d think everyone would have heard about the exams already. I’m Temari, by the way.” She gave Sasuke an appreciative once over, which he steadfastly ignored.

“They make the announcement tomorrow. You guys are just a bit early. Once the Chunin Exams become public you’ll receive a lot less heat, don’t worry. I guess that’s why your back-road-ing it, huh?” Sasuke joked, hoisting up Moegi as she began to slip.

Naruto _really_ needed to give Sasuke more credit. He’d always thought Sasuke was a social wreck, but time and time again he proved to be naturally charming. He didn’t even have to try to come off as a real nice guy because it was the damned truth. He just was that thoughtful and cheery. A part of Naruto was annoyed, but another part of him kind of dug it. People tended to not like Naruto on instinct. He needed a good while of insistent trying on his part until people opened up to him. Sakura was only nice on a basic level- she didn’t leave much of an impression. She blended in. No one would have anything bad to say about her, but she wasn’t going to be someone gushed about. He was pretty sure she liked it that way. But Sasuke seemed to naturally attract attention. He just went out, was himself, and then boom, people swarmed him. Like Tazuna, Inari, and Tsunami back at the Land of Waves. Naruto shook himself off on that note, wondering how once again his thoughts were lead back to Haku’s death place.

For a moment, the girl...umm... _Temari_ Naruto remembered, looked taken aback. After a moment she smiled again, except this time looking more genuine. “Yeah, very perceptive of you.” She bit her lip, and Naruto nearly groaned when she stared Sasyke directly in the eyes wearing an overly sunny expression. Damn Sasuke and his good looks. “Are you participating in the exams as well?”

Sasuke glanced at Naruto and Sakura. Sakura finally returned to her usual self and helped Naruto stare very intensely at Sasuke. He almost forgot about his guilt, for a moment, but dismissed the rising feeling of regret. He and Sakura continued giving Sasuke their disturbing stare until he got the message. He rolled his eyes, “Probably.” He said begrudgingly.

Gaara spoke up returning the attention back onto himself even as Temari smiled flirtatiously at Sasuke, who smiled back out of politeness. His gentle smile held no interest for her, but Temari seemed too caught up in Sasuke’s attractiveness to notice or care. Gaara crossed his arms. “Good. I’ve always appreciated a challenge.” His eyes lit up in excitement.

Naruto felt something strange during that instance. An odd sort of glee he was unused to. The sensation was so alien it almost felt artificial, as if it was only a rip off of real happiness. The surge of adrenaline still had him pumping his fist in response to Gaara’s statement with the widest grin he’d worn all day. “Can’t wait to see you there! I’m Naruto if you didn’t catch my name already!”

Gaara’s lip quirked, “Naruto.” He said giving him a curt nod. “Very well. Thanks for giving me something to look forward to.”

Naruto’s stomach turned with excitement, like he was leaning over the edge of a cliff just waiting to be randomly shoved into a free fall. It was exhilarating and terrifying all at once.

They waited a moment, watching the Suna Ninja’s retreating backs, unwilling to speak until they felt the foreigners were no longer within earshot. Once they were a permissible distance apart from the group, it was a bit chaotic. Naruto himself enjoyed loud, excitingly new situations, but this time he did his best to quell the heated recounting and rants flying around the group. He only chose not to embrace the disturbance in his boring, average day because of how uncomfortable and genuinely worried Sasuke appeared. Sakura was vaguely concerned, but mostly she was excited about seeing that Gaara guy again. If he hadn’t just discovered Sasuke’s hidden past he would have encouraged Sasuke to push through and become accustomed to the new circumstance. As it was Sasuke had enough making him uneasy, which was the deciding factor of Naruto’s decision to let him be. Inari, Moegi, and Udon circled them with wonder fueled vigor, switching from rushing over and clutching Sakura’s hands with rapid questions to clinging onto Sasuke’s pants and gushing about the coolness he displayed. Naruto gently broke up the exclamations, beginning to sense Sakura’s own discomfort. In fact, she had gone from mild humor to deep contemplation. He wondered what she realized that made her look so worried.

“Alright, alright Konohamaru, Sakura and I have to go now. We were waiting for Sasuke to arrive so we could report a mission.” Naruto smoothly fibbed, tugging on Konohamaru’s goggles playfully. Konohamaru instantly whined, unhappy at being separated so soon. Naruto deflected all of Konohmaru’s complaints, wincing when he brought up that Team Seven could allow Konohamaru to tag along.

“Come on Naruto! Lord Third is my grandfath-“

“Lord Third,” Naruto interjected, “Is a very busy old man, who would want you safe with your sensei, not bothering him at work.” Naruto decided to throw in something else as well, to strengthen his point, although he wasn’t quite sure about the accuracy of the claim. “And he’s even busier now with the Chunin Exams going on. I promise I’ll hang out with you later, honest.” Naruto settled on saying goodbye to his pride, knowing Sakura would never let him live the next part of his persuasion down. “You just caught your boss at a real bad time.” He patted his head apologetically. Konohamaru finally conceded, scuffing his feet miserably with a pout. They parted with enthusiastic farewells and shouts of challenge, declaring that Naruto wouldn’t stop their ambush next time. Konohamaru even embarrassingly referred to Naruto as his rival _again._ Naruto shouted back that they were to go directly to their sensei, because they had confessed about sneaking off to find him. He couldn’t blame them, they were excited about seeing him, but it was still irking that they wouldn’t have even got into the mess with the Suna nin had Konohamaru done as he was told. Naruto winced at the hypocrisy of his own inner scolding.

They all collectively kept quiet watching the retreating backs of the academy students, an awkward silence replacing the overly cheery atmosphere that kids tended to carry with them wherever they went.

Naruto took a deep breath, shoving down the tremors in his chakra from meeting that Gaara guy, brushing aside all thoughts of the Land of Waves, and finally burying the guilt for ditching Konohamaru. Once he was completely fresh and blank, he turned to face Sasuke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for telling me his name was Uzumaki, friend. I feel much more educated.


	19. I Didn't Grow-Up, I Just Stopped Pretending to be Someone I Wasn't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura is...not used to emotions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of editing. This chapter is like the foundation for all future chapters there are a lot of little sneak-peaks for the rest of the story's plot. Read carefully! I wouldn't suggest skimming this one! It might lead to future confusion!...Or you know if you like being confused, I guess you can skip. But just keep in mind, I warned you!!!
> 
> Thanks for reading this chapter, I'd love to hear theories! It inspires me and makes me smile!

Sakura is curled on the little balcony that makes up the roof of the Haruno house hold. A thousand thoughts were whirling around her mind, and Sakura was left with the painstaking task of organizing them as they flew by her.

Unluckily for her and Inner their parents had arrived home from their getaway trip to Suna, which they’d left for at the soonest chance possible. When Sakura had offhandedly remarked that she was to go on a mission and it might keep her away for a few weeks, her parents had jumped at the opportunity and booked a vacation to Suna. Out of all places, Sakura wonders why they would choose someplace like Suna. Windy, hot, dry, and poverty was all Sakura believed the Land of Wind had to offer. Traveling was fun and adventurous, but only when done right. She supposed it made since her parents would be failures at planning vacations, since they were neither fun nor adventurous. _How utterly disappointing_ , Sakura shuddered. _I’m glad I’m adopted. Otherwise I’d be boring, too._

Contrary to Sakura’s opinion on the trip, her parents were enthusiastic. They wanted to see some oasis there and seized the opportunity. They still hadn’t returned from their getaway, and she’d come home from the Land of Waves over a week ago. Yesterday however, she was greeted with the unpleasant surprise of her parent’s nagging personalities. Sakura liked them less and less every day. This morning they had nagged and nagged until Sakura caved in to the desire to hide away, hoping to find reprieve from their obnoxious habits. 

She leans her back against the handrail, eyes drifting up towards the Hokage monument thoughtfully. Beside her, in a physical form that only Sakura can see but a sensor could easily detect, Inner follows suit. It takes not an ounce of chakra for Inner to appear in the physical world like this, for she appears as a form derived from a mass of chakra within them, and when she returns, the chakra does as well. Sakura needed to have clear thoughts that were solely her own about such a serious matter as the Chunin Exams. Ever since the Land of Waves she and Inner had been unable to separate within the mindscape, which really jumbled their respective thought processes. Inner didn’t seem to mind as much as Sakura did, which was familiarly bothersome and just like her carefree counterpart.

Sakura needed some peace and quiet for just a while before Inner’s teeming emotions began merging with her own once more, which was why she’d essentially kicked Inner out. She appreciated the numbness that came with being in her own skin, grateful to be away from Inner’s passionate nature. A part of her still missed the excitement of desire and emotion, but she squashed that side of her down with a vengeance. _No_ , she shook her head rapidly, hair whipping her across the face. _Those aren’t my emotions, they’re Inner’s emotions; I can’t start doubting myself._

Sakura curled her knees into her chest, using the alone time both away from Inner and her parents for some much needed self-reflection. 

Sakura had a lot to deal with right now, actually. Ever since Team Seven had run into that Gaara guy she felt like something was missing. Sakura rarely forgot things, especially when they were important, which made the strange feeling even more disturbing. Inner was close lipped about the subject, which only proved her reasoning that she should treat Gaara with suspicion. During the confrontation with the Sand Ninja Inner had recognized Gaara and Gaara had recognized _them,_ plural. It was overwhelmingly terrifying that Sakura had no recollection of ever interacting with him before, yet Gaara knew her darkest secret. Naruto had told her that both he and Sasuke had been flabbergasted by the massive chakra signature they sensed from this sand ninja. Sakura blinked, remembering the rift in her team that was now patched up quite neatly. Gaara issues aside, Sakura had one thing to feel relieved over. Her two teammates had finally laid peace between them.

Naruto had given her a recount of the conversation he’d had with Sasuke when they were training together last night. Naruto had told her the events in a daze, almost unable to stop repeating everything that happened over and over. Sakura too found it heartwarming, but she didn’t know Sasuke as personally as Naruto, so it wasn’t as world-changing. She did her best to understand where Naruto was coming from, of course.

_“It’s okay.”_ Sasuke had told Naruto, but Naruto had been adamantly against such an easy way out. With fire blazing in his eyes Naruto relayed what he’d enforced to Sasuke, and if he was so passionate to her, Sakura could only imagine how intense he’d actually been.

_“And I told him, I told him—Sasuke it’s not okay. It’s not okay that you had years to tell me I was hurting your feelings and you were too scared to say anything. It’s not okay that I didn’t notice I was hurting you. And you know what? It doesn’t have to be okay, Sasuke. Sometimes things just suck, and sometimes it’s good to just let it suck. You don’t need to see the silver lining here. And he was just, so sad all of the sudden and I’d thought I’d fucked it up big time, Sakura! I thought I’d said all the wrong things and then I noticed that I was stupid enough to grab his hand without his permission and—“_ he had rambled on and on. Sakura had given up on practicing her academy forms, instead deciding to just stand and listen to his preaching. The night was quiet, the breeze gentle, and Sakura felt as if the world was giving them a reprieve. Apologizing for all that happened and all that was to come.

_“Sakura, Sasuke looked down at our hands like he was gonna flip out. I was so scared. But then, he, I mean he...”_ Naruto had shook his head and looked her straight in the eyes. _“He hugged me, Sakura_. _He hugged me and we stood like that and he wasn’t okay at all, I thought he was giving himself a panic attack but—he hugged me.”_

Sakura had never been prouder to have Naruto as her...., she giggled to herself, resisting the urge to squeal like the tween she was. She’d never been prouder to have someone as brilliant as Naruto as her _officially labeled_ boyfriend. She had a boyfriend. His name was Naruto Uzumaki, and he was all hers. Sakura fiddled with her hair, a smile forming on her lips. She and her boyfriend were going to be the best Chunin the village had ever seen.

Sakura was starkly reminded of the daunting reality she actually had a shot at becoming a _Chunin._ It felt like the bubble of happiness she’d been building up popped right back into her face, leaving her to spit out a mouthful of figurative soap.

Chunin Exams, she internally moaned. She wondered how she was going to win. Just earlier today when Kakashi-sensei had given them the sign-up papers she and Naruto had been so completely speechless that _Sasuke_ was the first to step up and graciously accept them. He’d proceeded to quietly pass them theirs and scan the document intently. He hadn’t seemed frightened at all. In fact, Sasuke had seemed to be quietly simmering with something Sakura couldn’t quite identify on her own. Inner had said he was going through a change, whatever that meant. Sasuke didn’t seem any different to her. But despite her general incompetency in regards to emotions, even Sakura had seen the patterns that made Sasuke who he was rearranging into a new picture. Usually he’d have huffed or tried to give up, but Sasuke had grabbed those papers with determination _. Finally_ , Sakura thought to herself, _I can relate to the Uchiha_. She too was determined to make Chunin. She was ecstatic that her two teammates were equally enthusiastic. She’d never had anyone to be excited with before.

Sakura bit her fingernails. She was determined to prove to herself that what other people constantly accused her of was false. She was more than just a civilian girl with a pretty face. Winning the Chunin Exams would mean everything to her. Sakura wondered if she would be the only civilian born participating. She scowled at that, especially when thinking of just who she got stuck with as parents. Two useless civilians who wasted their time hiking to Suna just so they could sight see some tourist trap. Her eye twitched.

Inner huffed across from her. “Are we going to sit in silence or actually discuss our feelings on being both a girl and civilian-nobody entering an _international_ competition?”

Sakura glared at Inner. She was trying to sort through her thoughts and her thoughts alone. Inner’s sardonic commentary was not helping. 

“Sakura dear, I can’t read thoughts from over here _where you kicked me out_. Remember?” Sakura sensed both resentment and, predominately, concern exuding from her counterpart. Sakura refused to respond, tilting her head so she was staring away from the Hokage monument and toward the Hokage tower. Sakura’s house overlooked both national landmarks.

Out of the corner of her eye, Sakura watched Inner threw her arms in the air, distraught. Then a fierce glare overcame Inner’s pasty face. Sakura’s eyes widened, sensing what was to come. Sakura raised her arms above her head as if to shield herself from an attack. Inner launched her chakra-form towards her, arms outstretched and chest leaning forward. Once again their minds fused together, muddling any individual thoughts Sakura might’ve wanted to have. Due to Inner’s emotional tendencies, all rational preparation to handle being ‘ _a civilian nobody’_ dispersed and was replaced by a crushing anxiety.

Sakura felt trapped beneath a fallen building. The feeling was unwelcome. Sakura could no longer wonder how she felt or what she should do because Inner heard Sakura’s factual thoughts and added the emotional responses without her permission. Sakura felt anxious. Sakura felt scared. She felt pressured. She wanted to tuck herself into a ball and never leave the safety of her knees. She wanted to self-pity for getting thrown a shitty hand. She shuddered, wishing that she and Inner had never fused at all back at the Land of Waves. It was turning her cognitive processes into _mush_.

“Ugh...Chunnin Exams...” she whimpered, Inner’s wild emotions and her overthinking reacting negatively to each other. Inner’s panicked gasps could be heard all throughout Sakura’s mind. She resisted the urge to copy Inner’s breathing with their outer body as well, fearing for their oxygen intake. “You think too much!” Inner screeched, clutching their head dramatically. Sakura was about to retort, when a smooth voice interrupted their panicked state.

“Hey!”

Sakura recognized the voice as Sasuke, and Inner instantly became excited. She flipped them around, no longer panicked by Sakura’s hundred mile Chunin Exam worries because her one-track-mind had already moved on to the next most intriguing thing; Sasuke’s presence outside her parent’s house. Sakura had never told Sasuke where she lived, and she doubted Naruto would have.

Inner smiled and flipped their hair back, ignoring Sakura’s confused suspicions. She peered over the railing at Sasuke’s stoic figure below. “Sasuke! What’s up?” Inner called cheerfully. Sakura appreciated that Inner toned down her normal level of flirtatiousness. She was still provocative, but not enough to set Sasuke off. Sakura wasn’t so convinced it was a good thing their normally asocial and subdued teammate looked serious and blank. His mouth was forming a thin line. Inner, who had no discretion at all, outwardly shuddered at the scenarios playing through Sakura’s mind on reflex. She was thinking of all the things that could’ve possibly happened to cause her teammate to look so morbid. Inner was all emotion and no thought. If something was wrong they needed to stay strong, not uselessly make things worse by flailing about. Sasuke’s dark expression could mean _anything_!

Sasuke shoved his hands into his pocket, a habit he’d begun to pick up from Kakashi. Inner giggled at the idea of Sasuke and Kakashi’s cute new dynamic, and Sakura did her best to ignore Inner’s obnoxious ways. “Let’s take a walk just you and me.”

Inner blinked, so shocked that it startled even Sakura. A moment later she understood. Inner was quick to recognize Sasuke’s use of improper grammar. Sakura hadn’t at first cared, so used to Naruto’s bad sentence structures and her parents own speaking ticks. It was one of the things she’d loved about Ino; she was ever eloquent all of the time. Her words were _beauty_. Sakura hadn’t noticed Sasuke’s slip up and felt mostly embarrassed, but also kind of glad Inner had her back. Inner of course was an expert on all things emotions and she remembered that when Sasuke got stressed he became even more uptight. Even more obsessive over the little things, ‘you and me’ would drive a distressed Sasuke crazy enough to rip his fingernails off. Inner was too stunned and confused to say anything, so Sakura took the lead. She giggled and pulled a hand to her lips, remembering the way Inner used to have them act around Sasuke with a shudder of revulsion. “It’s you and I, Sasuke.” Sakura condescended in a teasing and flirtatious voice.

Sasuke didn’t even flinch from her purposefully sultry tone, just rolled his eyes almost fondly. “Don’t be a know-it-all, Sakura.” He groused.

Inner would’ve gasped sharply if Sakura hadn’t reeled her back in. Inner’s emotions ranged from confusion to outrage. Sakura quelled Inner’s turmoil with a single realization. The person below her balcony was not their Sasuke. It was someone posing as him, and Sakura went about the necessary processes to figure out why. Now, she thought furiously, if only Inner would stop mucking up their mindscape with her melodrama.

“I can’t believe this is happening!” Inner whispered urgently under their breath, turning so Sasuke couldn’t see the mix of emotions on their face. They were now facing the Hokage monument once more, face ducked downward to avoid ‘Sasuke’s’ awaiting gaze. Sakura inhaled deeply. “You’ve got to be calm. Let’s follow him and see what he wants.” She reasoned.

“Wait what? That’s our plan? Follow the imposter into his trap?!” Inner whispered back at her, biting their knuckles in anxiety.

“It could be a _her_ for all we know. Now shut up, I need to focus.” Sakura dismissed with a wave of their hand.

She turned around before Inner could continue to ramble, trying to give her eyes the effect of being love sick. Sakura knew that while she was a good liar, Inner was a better actress. With a scoff at Sakura’s poor attempts, Inner seized the lead instead. Inner batted their eyelashes with greater ease, biting on her lip just enough to make it look absent minded. She leant over the balcony and slid her palm under her chin, relaxing their shoulders and sending the Sasuke look-alike a dazzling smile. “Do you want to leave right now?”

Sasuke nodded silently, with an air of impatience. Whoever this imposter was had terrible acting skills. _Or_ , Inner piped up, _they have a skewed perspective of Sasuke_. Inner bounced down the wall, always energetic. It was strange to experience the mania that was constantly Inner, because Sakura would’ve called herself a very chill person. To have so much extra energy to burn was peculiar.

Instead of back flipping onto the ground as what would’ve been most natural for them, Inner did a bit of a hop and skipped girlishly toward Sasuke. Inner loved showing off, but at the same time she knew when to hold back. Sakura liked to be the center of attention with equal vigor. It was one of the few things they had in common.

Inner didn’t even have to fake the flirting. Inner was just _that_ naturally flirtatious. She even skipped around like this in the _dead of night_. Sakura had snuck out of her house on numerous occasions, albeit for different reasons than what was normal for most kids. She usually snuck out to take advantage of Konoha’s twenty-four hour library. Once, Inner had gotten incredibly nerve wracked over a test and wouldn’t stop whining, so to end her other half’s troubles she’d snuck into Iruka-sensei’s office early to see what score they’d gotten. All top marks, naturally. Sakura hadn’t expected anything less. Whenever she and Inner escaped their suburban prison they liked to be wild, testing if their parents would ever notice. Her mother and father never had, not even when Sakura had recklessly plunged from the window in her room all the way down into Naruto’s awaiting arms merely because she wanted to see if fiction could be reality. Naruto had been game so long as her parents didn’t see him. Sakura understood. Her parent’s hated Naruto. Most people did. She’d always figured, _screw ‘em_. Sakura had given up on getting her parent’s to pay attention to her a long time ago. As time passed the only emotions left between the civilian parents and their kunoichi daughter were adverse.

She and Inner chatted aimlessly with Sasuke, doing their best to remain alert while keeping an unsuspecting demeanor. It was hard to feign carelessness when they were prepared for a kunai to the throat. During the walk Sakura and Inner discovered that the not-Sasuke wasn’t a transformation, but a Genjutsu. If they looked close enough with chakra channeling through their eyes they could detect ripples in the image of Sasuke, his face and clothes occasionally distorted when moved too fast; like the wind blowing or his expression changing.

Inner finally had enough of Sakura’s decision to walk into their enemy’s trap when they were lead into one of the training grounds that mirrored The Mist Village terrain, with muddy ground and misty air. Sakura found it disturbing that of all places the imposter wanted to lead them, they chose this particular training ground, just after the mission to the Land of Waves. She began to suspect that whoever was disguising as her teammate was probably someone who knew her. Inner eyes him skeptically, and Sakura lets her speak because she too was becoming unnerved. The prospect of a fellow Konoha ninja betraying her wasn’t new, but it definitely altered the dangerousness of the situation. “Uhm...Sasuke...what’s up all of the sudden?” she interrogated, but the way Inner said it made it seem like a very innocuous question. Inner pulled off the insecure and love sick girl with impressive ease. She didn’t even have to think about what to say or how to say it. She slipped on the new role and made it her own.

Not-Sasuke didn’t even turn around to face her. He continued walking through the muddy grass. With his hands resting in his pockets he spoke her name commandingly, “Sakura.” He addressed her.

They stayed quiet, wondering what this stranger wanted. “Give up on the Chunin Exams. It’s too early for you.”

Inner didn’t miss a beat, “I was afraid of that.” She slumps their shoulders. Sakura allows Inner to keep up the act, all the while buzzing with questions. “Your right,” Inner confessed.

It was someone they knew, according to the terrain choice. Mentally, Sakura began listing off the important things she knew about this Genjutsu weaver. They didn’t want her to take the exams. They didn’t know Sasuke well enough to pull off a believable act. They thought she was so smitten with Sasuke she’d let him dictate her career decisions. She and Inner swallowed, mentally narrowing down the list of people she knew who would do something like this.

Who respected her so little they treated her like a small child, and not an up and coming kunoichi? Her first thought was Ino, but the idea was quickly dismissed. Ino wouldn’t know about Zabuza and his mist, daughter of the head of T&I or not. She refused to even toy with the idea Kakashi-sensei was pulling one over her; not even he would test her like this. He knew she was smarter than cheap transformation and genjutsu academy basics.

_Academy..._

Inner heard her halted thoughts and came to the same conclusion. 

The genjutsu wasn’t aware of Sakura’s brewing indignation. “These ninja are very advanced and they have no mercy. If you try to fight them you could lose your life.” Not-Sasuke cautioned. Sakura recognized the condescending tone much better now that she’d figured out the person who wanted her to quit.

She was furious. The imposter’s disgusting behavior was amplifying her previous frustrations. If the not-Sasuke wasn’t just a genjutsu she would have throttled the impersonator already. It was too bad for her that the self-righteous Chunin hadn’t even bothered to show his face as he advised her to give up on her goals—her _dreams_. Inner remained cool in the face of being severely underestimated. Much to Sakura’s chagrin it appeared Inner was reaping enjoyment from this. Inner found the situation _amusing_! Inner was laughing at _Iruka-sensei’s_ sexist ignorance!

_I will never see Iruka-sensei the same_ , Sakura hissed inwardly. _Who does he think he is, treating me like a..._

_Civilian little girl_? Inner finishes her train of thought with a cackle. Inner ignored Sakura’s fuming and placed clasped hands in the center of their chest, really selling the sweet little school girl vibe. “Sasuke...” she breathed, a happy inflection creeping into her once sorrow filled tone. “You’re telling me this because you care about me.”

The genjutsu Sasuke under Iruka-sensei’s control turned to them with a kindred smile. “Yeah...kind of...” he confessed awkwardly. Sakura gaped. Even if she didn’t have a crush on Sasuke (and never really had,) Iruka-sensei thought she did. He thought she was in love with this guy. _How dare he try to manipulate her!_

Just as Sakura was revving up to give her old teacher a piece of her mind, another chakra presence she could only vaguely detect made itself known. “HAHA! Two sweethearts, how touching!” she and Inner jumped at the new voice. It was quite clearly another genjutsu, this one designed to look like a rogue ninja. Iruka-sensei must really not want her and Inner to take Chunin exams. The new genjutsu was less wishy-washy and thankfully not stealing the face of a comrade. Iruka-sensei’s genjutsu wove a strange cloaked shinobi with many robes and concealed pockets draped about his figure, the bottom of his face concealed with a mask and his eyes shrouded by a large straw hat. The stranger perched on top of a training pole behind the fake Sasuke and directly in Sakura’s field of vision, a modicum of killer intent permeating the area. The hostile ‘rogue ninja’ grinned manically.

Fake-Sasuke spun around. “Get lost!” He snapped, eyeing him suspiciously. Inner watched the scene with abrupt impassivity, her previous amusement lost. Sakura was confused by Inner’s actions. One minute she was playing along like a good kunoichi, and the next she’s completely furious, her wrath thrumming throughout their mindscape like a disease.

Inner’s face was cruelly blank with a hint of amusement, but the Genjutsu’s controlled by their old sensei had yet to notice the change in behavior.

“Talk is cheap!” the stranger shinobi declared, sending a handful of shuriken towards the imposter Sasuke. Fake-Sasuke dodged easily.

“Now I’m really mad!” Fake-Sasuke growled. Sakura tried not to snort. _Apparently_ , she joked to Inner, _There’s a reason Iruka-sensei’s not in infiltration. I feel like I’m watching a cheap theater show._

The genjutsu Sasuke rushes forward, preparing to attack. Their assailant sends another barrage of kunai Sasuke’s direction. Fake-Sasuke tries to deflect, but the moment his kunai knocks away one of the shuriken an explosion of weapons burst from within a hidden seal on the knife. The Genjutsu Sasuke’s face morphs into horror, before the shuriken pierce him all over his carbon-based body. The stranger jumps away, looking to her with an expectant air. A cloud of mud and mist wraps around the spot not-Sasuke received his injury, shrouding the gory sight from view. Inner didn’t even spare the injured imposter a glance. Just a few weeks ago Sakura would’ve been completely confused. She wouldn’t have had a clue what Inner was planning. Now that she and Inner’s current thoughts had fused, Sakura knew exactly what Inner was scheming. She grinned, annoying or not, her counterpart could have _fun_.

Inner played it cool, because Inner was cool. She didn’t yawn cockily, or gloat about seeing through Iruka-sensei’s deception. She turned on her heel and started walking away, before the dust surrounding the fake-Sasuke had even begun to clear. Sakura marveled at her counterpart’s tact. Once they were a few feet away Inner spoke up, not bothering to turn around, much like the fake Sasuke hadn’t. “You know Sasuke there are a lot of dangerous ninja in the Chunin Exams. If you fight like that you might as well give up now!”

...Inner sprinted away before anything else could be said.

Sakura no longer remembered Inner’s anxiety. She only remembered the importance of proving everyone who’d ever doubted her capability as a kunoichi wrong, and knocking their teeth in. She and Inner giggled like the school girls they no longer were while racing back through the training grounds. That was just the confidence booster Sakura had needed. The two giddily imagined their dumbstruck classmate’s faces as they shrugged on a Chunin flack-jacket in front of a crowd of lords and lady’s from all across the Shinobi World. They smiled all the way back to their house, maintaining their toothy grin even while unlatching their window. They were crawling into their room in an effort to avoid their parents; the decision was instinctual, by now. When she and Inner caught a glimpse of Team Seven’s portrait on the nightstand, they held it tightly to their chest and fell back onto their comfortable red bed sheets, reimagining their triumphant fantasy.

After all, becoming a Chunin wouldn’t be the same if Naruto wasn’t standing beside her.

Once she and Inner got over the initial giddiness of all that had transpired they began to question the likelihood of it _actually_ being Iruka-sensei. After all, Sakura didn’t have the same level of chakra sensory as her two teammates; she could only sense chakra, not identify who it belonged to. In their haste for justice they had let emotions rule their thought process. Sakura excused her own brazen behavior by pinning the blame on Inner. It was Inner’s naturally distracting presence that was clogging up their shared mindscape. Inner huffed and they argued, but the moment back in the forest was not forgotten. It had been years since the two of them had worked together. Back at the Land of Waves it hadn’t meant much to Sakura. She had just brushed Inner’s behavior off as self-preserving, and dismissed any other possibilities. Sakura had, after all only accepted Inner’s help because it was strictly necessary. But recent events had Sakura reconsidering her and Inner’s interactions over the last few months.

The two of them didn’t talk to each other, nor did they acknowledge that anything had changed. They went as separate ways as two girls living in one body can go and sank into their same routine of push and pull with no winner in sight. There wasn’t a reason to loudly declare the change of their relationship. Both of them already knew that much of the resentment between them had softened into something else, something that could perhaps be forgiven when the time was right.

For now Sakura reminisced on the flood of fond memories that her brain provided her. Inner had helped her a lot in their life. She had also screwed her over quite a bit, of course, but by now she couldn’t say with certainty Inner was a bad entity. Maybe Sakura could find peace with Inner. As far as she knew they were going to be spending the rest of their lives together. She loathed admitting it, but it was childish of her to try to continue an unnecessary fight forever. In ten years it’d be making a real mountain out of a molehill; Inner needed to learn her lesson, but she didn’t deserve Sakura’s eternal hatred. There were a lot worse people out there Sakura should expend her time and energy on punishing.

Sakura remembered a time when she couldn’t focus on anything but herself. The world was a small place compared to the views her own mind could conjure, and Sakura’s overactive imagination more often than not got out of hand. She was selfish, and she hadn’t truly learned how to care about others. She had been scared of getting hurt. She couldn’t remember why, but the thought of loving people had terrified her. Inner had...Inner had helped. She had shown Sakura what joy it was to smile up at her parents and boast. She had showed Sakura that she was worthy of friends. Ino, Naruto, and eventually Sasuke, had all been introduced to her because of Inner. She never would’ve bothered with them had it not been for Inner’s urging. In turn, she wondered if she had shown Inner anything. She wondered if maybe they completed each other and Inner lacked something fundamental that Sakura had an abundance of and shared. Reading her other half’s mind these past few weeks had been an exhausting experience, but it also made her understand Inner a bit more.

The more she toyed with the idea that perhaps she and Inner complimented one another and made up for each other’s strengths and weaknesses, the more realistic it seemed. Inner was so emotional, so anxious, and she cared about every little detail obsessively. Inner cared what other people thought, she cared about fitting in, and she cared about being respected. Sakura had never actually bothered with any of those things. She wasn’t emotional because it was a waste of time to give in to small urges when one looked at the big picture. Sakura lacked anxiety because she had nothing to fear and nothing to look forward to. The only thing she’d ever been mildly interested in was learning; it hadn’t been her that originally aspired to become a strong enough kunoichi to make it into the history books. That too had been Inner. Sakura acted how she pleased, whether that meant standing out or blending in. Sakura used to overjoy when people overlooked her. It meant less talking for her, less work for her, and in the long run, their dismissal meant one day she’d get to prove them wrong. If they underestimated her it made them idiots.

Inner had changed all of those things. Inner had made Sakura into a whole new person. Had Sakura, too, changed Inner? She remembered a time when all Inner cared about was becoming the perfect student, the perfect daughter, the perfect kunoichi. The desire turned into an obsession for Inner. Sakura would like to believe they were equals and they’d both grown into who they were today through experience and learning from their mistakes. She’d like to believe they benefitted from each other’s strengths and made up for each other’s faults.

That night she dreamt of twisted versions of memories of a time when she and Inner had been happy. It made her sad, yet put her in a strangely peaceful mood. It was peculiar how a night so disturbing had a calming effect on her. She felt like she was starting anew.

She woke up to the blinding morning sunlight and Inner’s natural clock that seemed to jostle their body to rise at the same time every day. While rolling out of bed and rubbing her eyes she winced at the sound of her mother’s demanding screeching. Then her eyes snapped open and she swallowed because, holy shit, today was the day. Her thoughts zeroed in on the Chunin Exams and her stomach gave a flip. It was unbelievable.

The moment the idea of the Chunin Exams popped into her mind it wouldn’t leave. It was the center of her world. She could feel so much pressure and an immense amount of excitement rush her. How could she eat breakfast, how could she go about her morning like everything was normal, when indeed her entire world had shifted? The Chunin Exams could potentially change her life, whether she made Chunin or not. It was her chance to prove herself. To awe those who believe civilians to be incapable of learning the skills of shinobi belonging to clans that date back generations. She didn’t need a line of famous family members to work the hardest. Because someone in her position couldn’t just work on their shit; they had to put their head down and grind, they had to do eleven, when their opponent stops at ten. That’s who she was. Every morning, every night, every day, every single decision was an important step in the right direction. She was getting closer and closer. When others give excuses she will be disciplined. She will not quit. She will not stop. She will push past her limits and show everyone what she is truly capable of. No holding back, not this time, and never again. Sakura will never again hide. She was going to reveal her true capabilities and she would bask in the shocked expressions of anyone who ever doubted her.

Halfway through breakfast, Sakura was disturbed from her rare giddy state by her father, who was absently reading the paper like a boring _old man_. Her mother all the while was sipping lightly on a glass of orange juice without a care in the world. What had startled her out of the same old domestic routine was one of her father’s seemingly innocuous comments. Now, her father’s nagging comments ranged from economy he realistically knew nothing about and new inventions that he could only dream of affording, so on a normal day she would have listened with half an ear. However her father’s dragging commentary held a tidbit that piqued her interest. He hummed and cleared his throat before curiously reading the caption of an article. “Do the Rookies Stand a Chance?” He then went on to offhandedly inform her mother that for the first time since the Nine-Tails attack rookies were taking the exams. He sounded surprised, like this was news to him. At first she was blinded by fury because her father should have already _known_ this seeing as Team Seven was one of those Genin teams and that was _her team_. However the anger was unimportant compared to the dread that filled her when Kizashi’s eyes went even _wider_ as he relayed to them that not one Genin rookie team, but all of the Genin rookies would be participating...as in all of them... _every single rookie team_.

Which meant Ino; Ino was going to be there, a foe...a fellow competitor. Had Inner known about this and kept it from her? Was that why she’d been mysteriously silent this morning? When she tried to ask Inner about it her counterpart remained immaturely mute.

Sakura got up from her chair, having already finished her breakfast ages ago. Inner used to scold her for this display of impoliteness, but nowadays they both had more important things to care about than upsetting their parents. It’s not like her mother and father really cared, they just wanted to maintain the aesthetic of being overly concerned yet still tirelessly proud parents. But she’d just learned she’d be facing off against all of her old academy classmates. It was the ultimate advantage for Team Seven, or it would be, if Inner, Sasuke, and Naruto would ever actually fight them. As they stand now Sakura had to accept that the most important people in her life were too self-righteous to take the easy way out. Team Seven knew the ins and outs of all of their techniques, while she was fairly certain their own skills remained completely unknown and underestimated. Since her loved ones wouldn’t wish to fight familiar faces this meant either teaming up or avoiding them all together, which, if one-on-ones were going to be included, may be impossible.

She heard her mother make a disapproving sound, and her father sent her a look. Sakura had left the table without preempt, cutting their false family breakfast scene short. Her parents wanted to play house today but Sakura wasn’t up for the game. She ignored both of them and rinsed out her bowl of oatmeal, simmering with the news and something else that unnerved her. In the midst of yesterday’s shenanigans, could she really have forgotten to tell her parents about the Chunin Exams? Sakura blinked, unsteady on her feet. The two didn’t even realize she was included in the Genin rookies. Her parents had forgotten. Should she tell them she’d be gone? Would they care? She paused awkwardly, unsure of how to start a conversation with them. It’d been so long since they’d all had time like this. It’d been so long since they’d played family.

“Sakura,” She wanted to cringe. The way her mother said her name was always fake, like she was pretending to be loving but unwilling to call her a pet name. Her mother didn’t do pet names. Never had; Sakura had always been jealous of the other kids whose moms said ‘honey’ and ‘sweetheart’ with so much endearment, when the only _nicknames_ her mother used were insults. According to her mother she was a klutz. She was a recluse. She was a nuisance. Sakura was anything she was doing wrong. If she made a mess, she became a slob. It’s not as if Sakura could possibly have layers. She was her every action, and in her mother’s eyes, Sakura didn’t do many things sweet, respectable girls partook in. “Your father and I are leaving the village. We won’t be back for a few months.”

“Months?” Sakura parroted, dumbfounded. _Ah yes_ , Sakura thought wryly. _Well I must be a parrot now_. Inner wasn’t as immune to her parent’s attitudes. Inner’s frustration mounted and their eye twitched.

“That’s right, Sakura. Now didn’t you have somewhere you needed to be? I don’t want you being late...” Her mother patronized, standing up to clean her father’s plate. Sakura figured there was no use telling her parents now. They were leaving her, again. But had they ever really been there for her in the first place? In her early childhood they had succeeded in being physically present, but she was beginning to doubt how nurturing they actually were. She had been so independent and eager to pull away all her life she’d never taken notice that most parents wouldn’t let their children stay over at other kids’ houses without asking permission. Nor had it ever occurred to her that unlike other parents hers did not say goodnight and tuck her in ritualistically. Not in her house, she could hardly imagine that! It’d be exceedingly strange to seek out her parents just so she could tell them she was going to sleep. Her parents wouldn’t even know what to think.

Inner was angry, but also very confused. Sakura was disappointed and resigned. The combined emotions were causing them to develop an untimely headache. She grabbed a bottle of water and figured she shouldn’t care. “It’s a bother to bother being bothered.” Sakura mumbled to herself, feeling as if her parent’s had managed to revert her back into her six year old mindset without even raising their voices. She had been a friendless and lonely little girl. When her sadness cluttered her focus it was easier to simply not care at all than to try to solve the problem. Now that she was older she knew the sentiment shouldn’t be applied to all aspects of life, but in this situation she thought it worked quite well. Her parents were a bother, and it was a bother to be bothered by them. Letting them get to her would only soil her important day.

Besides, Sakura had Team Seven now. It was not that she hadn’t known before her mother pointed it out but Mebuki was right. The time was ticking. Sakura needed to leave before she was late. Her Team was undoubtedly concerned about where she was; unlike her useless parents. Inner readily agreed with that sentiment and without sparing her family a glance she slipped on her shoes and scampered out the door. She was excited, and so was Inner, and the two of them worked together to push away any negative thoughts that tried to stomp their cheer out. There was no use dwelling on any of that sadness. Naruto would agree.

Walking to the academy was strange indeed. The days when she’d walked this path every single morning felt like a lifetime ago. She passed by the Yamanaka flower shop, relieved that Ino wasn’t there to bother her. Her eyes drifted to stare despite her internal resistance and Sakura hated it. She spun around and marched down the road, ignoring the dull ache in her chest that lingered from seeing what she considered to be her childhood home. She’d spoken about the same amount to the Yamanaka’s this year as she had with her parents. This wouldn’t be a surprise except for the fact that she and the Yamanaka’s weren’t even on speaking terms anymore. She stopped, shaking her head so her hair whipped around her face.

“No, no, no, no! It’s a day of celebration.” She and Inner smiled and the pain finally fled from plaguing their mindset.

The Academy came in sight, and Sakura’s heart warmed. No, she denied. It wasn’t the Yamanaka residence that was her childhood home, it was this building here. All of her best memories were here. This was a place of true comfort. She looked around and spotted Naruto and Sasuke pretty easily, despite the hustle and bustle of foreigners and anxious Leaf Shinobi that should’ve given her a hard time. To be fair Sasuke and Naruto were difficult to miss. Naruto looked ready to implode with excitement and Sasuke looked almost bored while he lounged on a park bench. She jogged over there, hoisting her travel bag higher on her back. Ever since Sasuke had shown her what to bring and what not to bring, fussily lending her that fascinating Ninja Essentials textbook, she’d been eager to show off her vigilance. She even brought hair bands in case she needed to tie her hair back in a moment of emergency.

She was _acing_ this exam.

“Sakura! Hey, you’re late.” Naruto held out his arms and Sakura fell into him, squeezing tightly. She saw Sasuke raise a briefly surprised eyebrow before shaking his head and looking way too wise. She wondered how he seemed to know everything all the time. It was so _unfair._

“My parents held me up.” She explained evasively.

“Blargh.” Naruto responded. Sakura giggled.

“Yeah, that’s exactly right.” She agreed reveling in Naruto’s understanding nature.

She pulled away from Naruto (her _boyfriend_ ), tucking her hair behind her ear. Sasuke stood up to smile at her. “Good morning Sasuke.” She greeted.

Sasuke fiddled with his own travel bag, shrugging one shoulder. “Yeah, you too.” He mumbled. Sakura noticed how his eyes kept shifting around the busy entrance. Inner felt a swarm of empathy for him that Sakura wasn’t expecting. The more she learned about Inner’s deeper thoughts, the more she questioned if her counterpart was all that bad. If she had the capacity to feel compassion, that meant she had to be capable of goodness as well, right?

“C’mon, let’s go you guys.” Naruto looked between them and then around the perimeter skeptically. He was wary, and Sakura didn’t blame him. Team Seven huddled as close together as possible without holding hands or interlocking their arms, amazingly avoiding stepping on each other’s feet. Naruto seemed to know where to go naturally. He had always had a knack for directions. Sakura let him do the work while she focused on strategies. Team Seven could easily gain the upper hand in any fight due to their wide variety of fighters, along with the unexpected power house techniques. They could get by on the surprise tactic alone if they make themselves seem pathetic enough. But even if that didn’t work she was confident her Team could best the average Genin trying for Chunin. What she was really worried about was that Team Seven tended to get themselves into trouble, and that could range from accidentally breaking the rules to making an enemy of the strongest competitor out there. They climbed a few stair cases, Sakura absently noting that they’d passed some of her old sensei’s classrooms, and weaved in and out of long hallways. The rugs were all a familiarly ugly maroon, and the wooden floorboards creaked with each step taken. Sakura smiled. She’d missed the academy, design flaws and all.

“What’s going on up there?” “Can you see?” “I don’t know!” “Why are we all stopping?”

Naruto squinted, clearly confused by the large crowd road blocking the hall. Sasuke placed a hand to his head, looking feint. Sakura turned to him and was struck with a realization. Sasuke wasn’t just anxious about being next to all these people. Their chakras were overwhelming him! Could he not turn off his sensory? She naturally assumed he could, but maybe it was more instinctual than that.

“Are you okay?” she whispered, resisting the urge to grab his wrist or pull him closer to her. She’d learned the hard way that did not help things.

“Yeah, just focused, I want to remember all of their signatures. It’s easier to sense someone if you’ve sensed them before.” Sasuke swallowed. Sakura nodded.

“Don’t overdo it, remember to save some strength for the actual exams.”

Sasuke shook his head. “The first test is written. I’ll explain how I know later. I already told Naruto while we were waiting for you outside.” He mumbled.

Sakura didn’t have time to respond, because Naruto ordered in a sharp voice. “Stay close.”

They followed at a brisk pace, aggressively pushing through a sea of Chunin hopefuls. They finally made it to the front, Naruto unapologetically parting the uppermost row and shoving Team Seven through. She rather liked that he didn’t care about anyone but them. It made her feel protected.

She heard a smack and noticed Sasuke’s eyes go wide. It looked as if a quarrel had broken out, caused by a pair of cocky Genin. She had no idea what the fight was about in the first place, but by the bruise forming on the Leaf Ninja’s cheek it was serious. Sasuke clenched his first and muttered, “That’s one of _our ninja_ , Naruto.” She blinked, recognizing the sense of loyalty in his voice. She’d never paid any particular attention to patriotism, but she figured if Sasuke was concerned for this team, then they should help. Even if Sakura herself thought it was a silly thing to do. It would only bring attention to them, but she _supposed_ she could see the advantage of showing the other villages that Konoha was a united front. It would make their competitors less likely to approach them if they thought they might have to face off against all of Konoha’s contestants at once; an intriguing prospect indeed.

“You’re taking the Chunin exams but you can’t even get passed us?” A boy sneered. Sakura was starting to get the picture. Two boys were standing in front of a door, with a sing above that read ‘301’. She recalled Kakashi-sensei saying that was where they needed to register, but found it odd the room was dead silent. It also did not feel as if they’d walked far enough to have passed Mizuki-sensei’s classroom, which was located on the floor they were headed. She had imagined when she walked in she’d be able to hear loud yells and rapid conversations in various languages with various accents, but the doors behind these two guys were sealed, locked, and quiet. She took notice that Sasuke had slumped, rubbing his head with an annoyed expression. She glanced at his irritated scowl directed at the two Genin, which she now noticed were also fellow Leaf Ninja, guarding the door.

Sasuke pulled Naruto back grabbing her as well to whisper furtively. “It’s a genjutsu, and those two guys aren’t Genin. They’re Izumo and Kotetsu, the Chunin that are in charge of Konoha’s main gate. I’d recognize their signature _anywhere_.”

Sakura inhaled sharply, nodding to show she understood. Naruto followed suit. Before they could pull away Naruto turned to Sasuke. “Do you want to help these guys?” he motioned toward the Leaf Genin who were arguing with the undercover Kotetsu and Izumo. Sasuke’s eyes flickered to them briefly, but to her surprise, he chuckled.

“I think they’ve got it handled.” He responded mysteriously. Sakura shrugged, accepting his response. She sized up Kotetsu and Izumo with a scowl. All traces of doubt in her mind that is had been Iruka-sensei guising as Sasuke yesterday dispersed. As Sakura listened to the outraged cries of the Genin around them, she interpreted that these two Chunin were pulling a similar trick. It must be a Chunin thing to weed out the unprepared participants.

Naruto motioned for them to follow and began leading them around the crowd, but Kotetsu and Izumo weren’t letting them off that easy. The Chunin tasted to oust the Genin took their jobs seriously. Sakura inhaled slowly, counting down from ten in her head. She just wanted to sign up for the exams and get this show on the road. What she didn’t want was to deal with two Chunin so incompetent they were permanently banished to _gate duty_.

“You three too scared to even try to get passed us? I expected more from Genin of my own village, but it seems this generation really is just a bunch of brats.” She didn’t know whether it was Kotetsu or Izumo who called it out. Sakura made a hasty decision, glancing quickly at Sasuke and Naruto. It wasn’t in Team Seven’s best interest for the weak ones to chicken out. The more competition, the more chances they had to win, the way she saw it. Having a bunch of lesser Genin around will give them free easy targets.

“What’s really sad is the Genjutsu you placed on that door. Honestly it’s pathetic you think anyone here would actually fall for that. Now quit messing around and let us head to the real third floor!” Sakura declared as obnoxiously loud as she could, hoping to stop the quivering Genin around her from forfeiting. Anyone who was terrified of these two would be easy to take down. Team Seven wouldn’t have to target their old academy classmates as long as sniffling toddlers like these were around.

She nudged her Team forward, pushing them to the center stage. She glanced at the girl with buns who had a blossoming shiner, and couldn’t help but feel irritated. Kotetsu and Izumo had really struck her in the face on the principle of scaring a couple Genin off?

“You think you’re so tough huh? The Chunin exam is no place for a bunch of doll playing little girls. Go home before you get yourself injured or worse.” Sakura didn’t know if it was Kotetsu or Izumo who was disguised as the person talking, but she frankly didn’t care. She was furious. Furious that she was being treated like _a nobody_ within fifteen seconds of entering the building, not to mention downright appalled at their sexism, feigned or not. Sakura found herself snarling, her hand clenched into a fist.

“Kunoichi play _ninja_ , you misogynistic delinquent!” Sakura shrieked, and blindly, she found that girl who he had struck before. She yanked the girl to her feet, hardly sparing her a glance. “Go ahead try us we’ll take you right here, right now!” Sakura felt the girl shrug her off, and to her relief back her up. They both stood there and defiantly stared two down, a united front against their ill-bred comments. The girl wiped her cheek and snarled.

She wasn’t expecting the foot aimed directly for her face, at a velocity hard enough to crack her nose and leave a shoe print for the rest of the day. She prepared to stick a shuriken in the arch of his foot, uncaring that they were just a couple of Chunin following orders. She felt the girl beside her shift, and her chest bloomed with affection. She was preparing to help her. A strange mix of dark tones and pale skin blurred in front of her, catching the foot before Sakura could give the Chunin a piece of her mind.

She tilted her head, studying the boy that had jumped in front of her to block the kick. He was grabbing onto her hand, stopping her weapon from stabbing him in the temple instead of her intended shoe-target. She was kind of affronted he had stopped her. She was also impressed. He moved exceptionally fast to get here from all the way across the hall before the fight even broke out. Sasuke was fast, but this guy was something else. Her lips quirked; the guy was actually a total freak. She’d heard people of all shapes and sizes are invited to the Chunin exams but this was almost unreal. He had a bowler cut so slicked up it shined in the florescent lighting, and a deep green jumpsuit that didn’t leave much to the imagination. She giggled despite herself. Inner was very observant and was undoubtedly shallow. Inner was screaming so loudly about tweezers and unkempt eyebrows she swore Naruto and Sasuke could hear her too. Sakura had to admit Inner was right, though. The guy has some funky eyebrows. But he was fast, and that was what Sakura really cared about. He was also Leaf. He could be a good ally, if Sasuke wanted.

Sakura was bemused to note that Kotetsu and Izumo high tailed it out of there. Another swarm of Genin had shown up, ready to fight. The two were Chunin, but they still couldn’t take on twenty or thirty Genin, even if most of them had the intelligence of toddlers. The boy in front of her turned to the girl next to her with wide, worried eyes. Sakura realized the two of them were probably teammates. They were both Leaf, and they seemed to know each other as well.

“Tenten!! Are you quite alright?” he crowed, his voice loud and declarant.

The girl beside her, Tenten, chuckled sheepishly. “I’m okay Lee!” she reassured hurriedly. Sakura turned to her with a small smile, about to speak up, when their third teammate stalked up with a not so pleased expression.

“I thought you were the one who said to keep a low profile.” He complained, approaching them with his arms crossed. Sakura noticed that his eyes were pale like Hinata’s, and deduced he was a member from the Hyuuga Clan. He was extremely pale, with light brown hair and eyes. He looked very similar to Sasuke in structure. In fact, his nose was pointed and his cheekbones held the same aristocratic shape. Clansmen, Sakura thought snidely.

“I know, but—“ the boy who’d stopped Kotetsu and Izumo’s kick began, looking abashed. Sakura looked around in surprise. In a very short time period the hall had once again been cleared, and just a few kids were loitering around looking uncertain. Sakura hoped most of them had decided to continue with the exams. The more the merrier, especially if they weren’t skilled.

“Well, long time no see.” Sasuke’s smooth voice startled her. He had a devil’s smirk like she’d never seen before, and his eyes were mischievous. He looked very different than normal, and Sakura’s stomach swooped. That was why so many ladies fawned all over him. When he made faces like that, no one could deny his attractiveness. Of course, Sasuke wasn’t really her type. She and Inner liked someone a bit more charming, a lot more talkative. Someone they wouldn’t ever need to tiptoe around.

“Ha, fancy seeing you here, rookie.” The Hyuuga who’d been complaining before turned to Sasuke with a smile of equal sharpness, but the severity was in his eyes rather than the corner of his mouth. In fact, if Sakura hadn’t been looking into his Hyuuga eyes she would have thought his smile was gentle. Their interaction caught up with Sakura and she turned to Sasuke in surprise. She should’ve assumed they knew each other. That’s why Sasuke hadn’t been going to help him. He’d known that this guy didn’t need help, or at least wouldn’t want it.

“You know this guy, Neji?” the girl who’d taken that hit before pursed her lips at her teammate. Sakura sensed a drift in between _Tenten,_ the jumpsuit guy and this Neji fellow. Their team was split down the middle, but Sasuke didn’t appear to care. Neji Hyuuga nodded concisely, looking much less happy to see Sasuke than Sasuke was to see him. Sasuke seemed almost smug, somehow. She was missing something. 

“He’s the last Uchiha.” Neji Hyuuga explained flippantly. Sakura bristled at his tone, but Sasuke’s happy demeanor didn’t falter. He was clearly used to this guy’s brazen attitude.

Sakura, deep in concentration, slipped a strand of hair behind her ear. Sasuke seemed pleased. Why, she had no idea. He had never mentioned this guy before. As far as she knew, he didn’t talk to anyone outside of Team Seven! Not that she was bothered, just...taken by surprise. She jumped a bit when the guy who’d stopped the kick from before, um, Lee, she recalled the girl saying, approached her expectantly. He wore a glimmering smile with perfectly structured teeth, and spoke once more with that declarant voice of his. Her eye twitched at the interruption from her focused deciphering.

“My name is Rock Lee! You are Sakura, right?” the boy introduced, back straight as a board. She crossed her arms, Inner’s squeamishness about his appearance reflected in her attitude towards him.

“Huh?” She questioned, unimpressed and irritated he was talking to her at all. She had more important things to think about, even if he would’ve made a good ally. Like the fact time was ticking and they only had about fifteen more minutes until sign up hours closed...wait, when did she tell this guy her name?

“Please be my girlfriend! I vow to protect you with my life!” he declared boldly, giving her a thumbs up.

Sakura blanched. “Definitely...not.” she responded numbly, too shocked by his forwardness to come up with anything more eloquent.

“Why?” he asked her, crestfallen.

“Because you’re a weirdo.” She snapped placing her hands on her hips with all of the sass Inner possessed.

Naruto cackled in the background, and she startled as she turned to him. He gave her a smile and she smiled back. He approached her, gently tucking her hair behind her ear. It must have fallen out when Lee had the nerve to approach her like that. She giggled.

“C’mon let’s go!” he bemoaned dramatically, tugging on her shoulder. She was about to turn around with him in the direction of Room 301, but noticed Sasuke and that Neji guy were standing across from each other, holding eye contact. They weren’t saying anything and Sakura was beginning to think she should intervene, when the Neji guy uncrossed his arms, and much to her shock, shouted loud enough to turn heads.

“ _OH_ alright!” he conceded. Sasuke clapped happily.

The Neji guy dug around in his pocket and procured a small scroll, tossing it to Sasuke with little flourish. Sasuke caught it and winked at him. “Pleasure doing business with you, old friend.”

“We’re not _friends_!” he rebutted.

Sasuke ignored him, and Sakura could tell from the secretive look on his face he wasn’t about to explain what just transpired.

“You ready?” Naruto asked impatiently. Sasuke nodded with an excited hum and Naruto snatched both of their hands, dragging them off to find the next room. Sakura heard the surprised questions of Neji’s team as they retreated.

As they walked away Sakura could feel Inner’s curiosity about Sasuke rapidly increasing. Whenever Inner got curious she got excited, and when she was excited she giggled. So Sakura was entirely too distracted by forcing herself not to giggle like a maniac to be nervous about the exams. It was a bit of a convoluted cycle. That is, until they passed a group of kids that looked completely terrified. One boy on the team was sobbing uncontrollably. It was a rude awakening. With her now sobered mood she walked without a skip in her step behind Sasuke and Naruto. These exams were not going to be all fun and games. These exams were a huge turning point for her career. She couldn’t blow this. She wasn’t working for anyone but herself, and that was almost worse. Sakura had no one to let down but herself, which also meant she had no one to believe in her but herself.

And Kakashi, Inner whispered in the back of her mind. Sakura blinked, oddly comforted. Inner was right. They had Kakashi-sensei. Kakashi-sensei could be proud of them. Kakashi-sensei believed in them, if he didn’t, he wouldn’t have given her the chance to take the exam. The bounce found its way back into her step.

Sasuke grabbed her hand. She startled, glancing at his pink cheeks stubbornly pointed ahead. Sakura smiled at the softness of the gesture, lacing their fingers together and squeezing his hand reassuringly. She glanced at him and saw that while his face was still stained scarlet, he now had a happy smile upon his lips.

Sakura became aware of the loud, echoing voices of their fellow Chunin hopefuls. They approached the doors to the examination room, feeling once again like wide eyed newbies. She couldn’t back out now. Inner’s own nerves were profound and only served to psyche Sakura out worse.

Room 301; Sakura took a deep breath as their destination came in sight. The walk here felt like a journey in its own right.

“I see you’re all here.” Kakashi-sensei was leaning against the doors, much to Sakura’s shock. He seemed to suddenly appear before her, as she hadn’t spotted him walking up to the room anywhere. She wondered how he did stuff like that. It seemed his presence was summoned out of thin air, and it happened often enough there had to be a technique to it.

Sakura waved at him, confused yet pleased her sensei had made his appearance known. She scanned him, noticing that something about his demeanor seemed different. She bit her lip, her genial smile faltering. Watching Kakashi-sensei closer, Sakura corrected her earlier assessment. The difference was in his level of energy. He was tired, exhausted even; his face was wary. She glanced at her teammates and saw that they too noticed the change in their sensei. Sasuke in particular appeared concerned.

“Kakashi-sensei, your chakra is flickering.” Sasuke stepped up, biting his lip and clasping his hands. Sakura resisted the urge to snort. Sasuke was such a suck up, whether he knew it or not. In fact, it wasn’t faked at all. He had the genuine quality about him that most adults found appealing. It was both amusing and irritating. Her dry thoughts were quelled by her worry, and her attention refocused on Kakashi-sensei’s well-being. Sasuke had revealed that something was wrong with his chakra.

“I’m quite alright, Sasuke. Staff’s a bit low ‘cause of the exams and I just got back from a pretty tough mission. None of you need to worry.” He stepped forward and placed a hand on his head, mucking up Sasuke’s hair. Then he moved to Naruto and pulled him into his side for a brief hug. “I’m going home for bed rest after this since by chakra’s running low. Your always so observant, Sasuke.” Kakashi-sensei praised, his eye’s smiling at them. It wasn’t like his normal smile though. Sakura couldn’t pin it down but he just seemed...saddened. But that was wrong, too. She observed him grasp Naruto tightly, her concern mounting. A chakra exhausted person doesn’t just pop in for one last goodbye simply because they felt obligated to do so. Kakashi-sensei was assuaging his mind of worry. He was concerned. Concerned for Naruto and Sasuke; Inner, deep in the back of her mind, gently reminded Sakura that he was concerned for her just as well. She smiled up at him. It warmed her to see that even injured and tired he cared enough about them to risk his recovery. Her heart soared.

“Oh, Kakashi-sensei...” she was overcome with emotion. She hadn’t yet gotten used to Inner’s intense feelings, and it often got the better of her. She stepped forward and wrapped herself around his other side, an action that clearly surprised him. She didn’t care. The urge to comfort him was too strong. “You go home and get your rest! I don’t want you to risk your health!”

Sasuke huddled into their circle, but largely stayed clear of physical contact. “We’re going to be okay.” He mumbled, eyes filled with compassion

“Yeah we promise to be careful!” Naruto cheered.

Sakura didn’t know what she had started, but clearly her rare show of emotional support and care had kicked her teammates into action. Now Team Seven had entered new territory, at least for Sakura. She wasn’t really used to comforting people or having touchy-feely moments. She’d never felt so overwhelmed with emotion she’d _needed_ someone else’s comfort, unless you count Inner’s occasional words of support. She’d never understood the need for other’s to be comforted because she’d never known emotional turmoil fierce enough to require the warmth of another’s reassurance. These last few days she could’ve seriously used a friend, however, and this fueled her to help Kakashi-sensei. She learned what it was like to be left alone in to your own mind, and it was not a pleasant experience. Crushed by the weight of your feelings and wishing someone would help and talk to you. She pulled Kakashi-sensei closer, taking her own comfort from him. Now that she knew the horrors of feeling lonesome she never wanted anyone to feel that way again.

God, what had Inner done to her. She was turning into a worse sap that _Sasuke_.

“I’m proud of you all, remember that.” Kakashi-sensei squished them close. Sasuke laughed quietly at the scene they painted, before his eyes lit up comically.

“Oh! Kakashi-sensei I have something for you.” He grinned. Sasuke dug into his pocket, pulling out the small parcel that the Hyuuga boy had tossed him earlier. Kakashi-sensei extricated himself from them and accepted the offering, turning it over in his hands to examine it.

“Whatever for?” he responded in surprise, moving to untie it. Sasuke stopped him quickly.

“No, just...don’t open it yet. Not here.” Sasuke rubbed his hands together, as if cold. “It’s not so much of a gift and more of a...hm, well I don’t know what to call it. But you just shouldn’t open it here.” He explained mysteriously. Naruto groaned.

“Ah man Sasuke how come I don’t get to see it?!” He complained.

Kakashi-sensei was eyeing Sasuke critically. Sakura wondered what the exchange meant. She noted that Kakashi-sensei did not protest as he quietly pocketed the parcel. Sakura pursed her lips. She wished she had the vaguest idea what could be inside. Inner for once seemed just as in the dark as she.

Kakashi-sensei nodded firmly, before waving them all off. “Ma, go on now puppies. It’s time to show those other kids whose boss. Oh and Naruto, don’t do anything rash. Please. I have a big enough headache as it is.”

“Hey why are you only picking on me?!” he shouted. Sakura grinned at his misfortune, elbowing him in the side.

“Because you’re an idiot, Naruto.” She informed him cheerfully,

Kakashi-sensei smiled down at them. Sakura discovered a courage so strong it stamped out any fear infecting her mind. She doubted the perpetuity of the sensation, but for now she basked in the attention of her closest loved ones.

All too soon and yet not soon enough, Sakura’s hands were pressed flat against the double doors. She opened up the room and was once again in for a shock. She was indeed met with crowds upon crowds of types of people she’d only seen inside books, no discrimination intended, but they were not bustling and screeching. It was not a crowd of children. It was a hall of people, each with their own agenda, quietly stewing in their determination. Every group was segregated in some manner, gender, village, clan, or team, it didn’t matter. The divisions were obvious and the hostility to outsiders even more so. Whispers flew about the room upon their entrance, leaving Sakura uneasy. Remembering the death toll made her stomach turn. By the end of this exam, chances were more than half of this room would be dead.

Sakura squared her shoulders and met her competitors head on, confidently stalking into the room with Naruto and Sasuke beside her. Team Seven walked with pride, _and they were not intimidated_. They would not cower at the sight of their enemies, and they would not isolate themselves out of superstition or fear. She swallowed. She couldn’t help but be uncomfortable, of course. The atmosphere of this room would put anyone on edge.

“Sasuke, where have you been??”

Sakura nearly shrieked in frustration at the sound of Ino Yamanka’s shrill voice calling her teammates name. Inner still thought Sasuke cute, but less in a _crush_ way and more in a _small child_ way. Sakura had never thought him attractive, not particularly. He had a very feminine aura about him, and most girls were rather cruel to Sakura. Now that Sakura had been on a team so long with him she was definitely protective. She had learned just how negatively flirting affected him, and she would be damned if she let her old friend hurt her new one.

Sasuke grunted in surprise and panic as Ino flung herself around his back, wrapping her hands around his neck and hoisting herself in the air. Naruto narrowed his eyes at her, giving her a look of pure disgust. Sakura mirrored his distaste. Sasuke grunted as Ino giggled, but to Sakura she sounded more like a deranged cow than anything else. She glared at her. Inner’s emotions were affecting her, it was true, but knowing that didn’t grant her the self-control to ignore the feelings of rage boiling in her gut. “Boy you have no idea how much I was hoping you’d show up here! I’ve missed those brooding good looks of yours.” Ino simpered.

Sakura nearly tore her hair out. Thankfully before Sakura could do anything rash under Inner’s influence, Sasuke saved himself from Ino’s wrath. He was surprisingly efficient when motivated, and he escaped from Ino’s hold with admirable speed. She knew how strong the clingy girl could be, and laughed outright when he disappeared from Ino’s grasp and far away from all people. He gave Ino the most panicked, loathsome look she’d ever seen him wear. Sasuke wasn’t mean spirited, and had not a cruel bone in his body, but in that moment Sakura swore Sasuke was resisting the urge to tackle Ino and strangle her. It wasn’t right, but it improved Sakura’s mood greatly to know somebody shared her distaste for the annoying girl...or, more accurately, Inner’s mood was improved.

Naruto laughed and moved between Ino and Sasuke, an unconscious show of support that made her melt. Naruto was a true saint. She startled at the sound of other familiar voices. “Oh it’s you guys...” Naruto made a displeased sound at the back of his throat. Okay, so maybe she was wrong. Team Seven seemed to communally agree on disliking their academy classmates. She sighed. If only they were morally questionable enough to screw them over. The moment one of her teammates agreed Sakura was all in and taking advantage of these guys. “I knew this was gonna’ be a drag, but I didn’t know it was gonna’ be this lame.” Shikamaru Nara waltzed in with his hands shoved deep in his pockets, ninja headband tied loosely around his arm. Not this guy. He got by because of the symbol on his back. She’d bet he never worked a day in his life. It showed in his baby face and soft hands, too. He’d meet his rude awakening on of these days.

Team Seven naturally migrated closer to each other, a defense mechanism against their old classmates. None of them had really gotten on well with anyone from the academy, and it showed by the looks of irritation on everyone’s faces. They weren’t exactly delighted to see familiar faces. Naruto crossed his arms. “So all through stooges are here?” Naruto grouched. Sakura’s eye twitched.

“Hey you know what pipsqueak?” Shikamaru moved forward, his voice low with anger. Then he shook himself off with a grunt. “Ah, forget it. You’re a waste of time.” Sakura noticed Naruto flinch, and she ached for him. She felt dizzy with all of these strong emotions Inner provided. She knew that many people had prejudicial opinions about Naruto, but seeing it so blatantly displayed in front of her caused her great fury. She dodged Ino and placed a hand on Naruto’s shoulder, hoping to convey her understanding with only her eyes.

Team Seven finally found each other again, and Sakura felt better huddled together rather than spread out to be picked off one by one. Naruto didn’t touch Sasuke, but he did pull Sakura close. She wished to be anywhere but here. God, how she’d always despised her fellow academy graduates. They brought out the worse in her back then and they were bringing out the worst in her now.

“Well what do you know?” Kiba Inuzuka emerged from the crowd, Akamaru resting on the top of his head. Hinata Hyuuga and Shino Aburame flanked him. “It looks like the whole gang is back together again.” He said presumptuously, causing Sakura to roll her eyes at his referencing them as a gang. Team Seven was a part of no such silly thing.

“Oh, hi, N-Naruto,” Hinata Hyuuga flirted shyly yet obviously all the same. Sakura let Naruto pull her closer, narrowing her eyes at the other girl. How shallow of her. Shino, as usual, stayed silent, and Choji from beside Naruto continued to munch on his chips uncaring to their entrance. She felt trapped here. Sakura’s brow twitched when Ino smirked at her with a hand cockily pressing against her waist.

“I see you’ve finally realized your worth, Sakura. It’s good that you’ve given up on something you’ll never achieve and settled.” She looked Naruto up and down pointedly.

Sakura could care less about Ino’s opinion on her relationship with Naruto. But it was her words double meaning that struck a cord. Naruto pinned a hand on her arm and gave her a warning look. Inwardly, she was raging. She wanted to scream at Ino, tell her that she’d never give up. She’d never settle, not like her mother and father did. She was going to be a kunoichi. Much to her horror, she felt tears sting at the corners of her eyes. Only by sheer will power did she hold them back. A part of her had missed her old friend dearly, but that part of her was now smothered by Ino’s cruel taunts.

“Sakura’s worth ten of you.”

Her head snapped up and she looked into Naruto’s blazing eyes. Ino’s cheeks pinked and her jaw snapped closed in shock. She’d never been snapped at by Naruto, few had. She saw Shikamaru’s eyes blaze as he too stepped forward. “You’re on thin ice, Uzumaki.” He growled warningly.

Oblivious to the tension, or perhaps he simply didn’t care, Kiba stepped forward with obnoxious laughter. “Wow, this is going to be fun. The nine rookies, here we all are.” He declared showily. Then he paused, sending Sasuke a devilish smirk. “At least, for those of us strong enough to make the cut, right Sasuke?”

Sasuke didn’t give him the time of day. Sakura had always been impressed by his self-discipline. She was already on the verge of a breakdown. To be fair she had a girl that surely wasn’t a figment of her imagination who felt very, very strongly about anything and everything corrupting her thought process, but that didn’t mean his control wasn’t estimable.

“What, those cat’s you Uchiha so dearly love caught your tongue?” Kiba barreled forward, unsatisfied with Sasuke’s lack of response.

Instead of speaking Sasuke opted for an eye roll. Kiba growled at this and clenched. “What, Uchiha scum, are you above responding to the likes of an Inuzuka?” Kiba took a step forward. Naruto jumped at the action, pushing both she and Sasuke behind him. Sakura noticed Kiba’s eyes flicker, something like hurt and confusion ghosting over his features, but dismissed it. He was verbally attacking them; for what reason would there be to feel remorse? Hinata Hyuuga placed a startled hand to her collarbone, her quiet and tender voice hushing the arguing group of Konoha nin.

“Uh, don’t mind Kiba, I’m sure he didn’t really mean anything by it.” she reassured them all, her white eyes avoiding their gaze. She tugged on the hoodie of her sweatshirt, clearly wishing she could pull it up and hide from the attention rookie nine was granting her. Sakura’s eyes, unbidden, searched for Ino. She was still watching them, and when Sakura’s eyes landed on her, Ino’s face shifted from that of pained confusion to dismissive contempt. Sakura grit her teeth through Inner’s rise of irritation and let herself feel her own emotions. She felt...like she lost someone important to her. She felt like she’d lost a piece of her childhood forever. It didn’t feel real, but at the same time, it was terrifyingly permanent. Ino looked away. Sakura desperately longed for her old friend to smile at her again, but knew that the chances weren’t high. Sakura had brutally ended their friendship. Why should Ino care about her? She let Inner’s hatred for Ino cloud her own sorrowful mourning. It was numbing, and felt strangely like running away. It left a bitter taste in her mouth.

“Hey, you guys. You might want to try keeping it down a little.” A young boy who looked only slightly older than them, both because of his height and the manner of which he sauntered over to them, called out. He was wearing a leaf nin headband and looked all too self-important. Peculiarly, Sakura didn’t mind. In fact her first impression had been one of affection. His glasses glinted in a way that was soothingly familiar. She suddenly felt very calm indeed. Her shoulders relaxed. The white haired boy had the same reaction on Naruto. He lit up happily, all thoughts of academy classmates wiped from his mind.

“Kabuto!” he called out cheerfully, a blinding smile overcoming his features. “It’s great to see you again! This is the year, okay? This is the year you make it to Chunin!”

The boy laughed at Naruto’s enthusiasm. “Your belief in me is the best confidence booster a guy could ask for.” He sheepishly rubbed his neck. “But, heh, I think the saying is third times a charm...not the seventh...” the boy, as Naruto addressed him, Kabuto, trailed off. Sasuke crossed his arms, clearly unimpressed. Sakura was about to ask about the fact he just implied he’d taken the exams six times previous, when Sasuke finally spoke up.

“What kind of name is helmet?” he mumbled spitefully. Sakura rolled her eyes.

“Don’t mind him.” Sakura waved off, stepping forward next to Naruto. “He just doesn’t do well with strangers.” Naruto eyes, if possible, grew wider. He pushed her further forward eagerly, his eyes crinkling.

“Kabuto this is the girl I was telling you about. You know, Sakura.” He sent her and Inner a cheesy smile that had Sakura’s stomach flipping. Inner even commented on Kabuto’s calming presence. Inner complimenting someone, especially after the first impression for she was never one to judge books by their cover, was an impressive feat. Her growing respect for this newcomer whom Naruto was acquainted with grew. After all, she trusted Naruto more than anybody in the whole world. If he liked Kabuto then she did to simply by association. Going off of Sasuke’s scowl he wasn’t as taken by Kabuto’s geniality, but she knew that’s just because he was naturally untrustworthy. Sakura giggled. He would make a great politician, actually. Naturally charming and always on alert were great traits for public figures to possess.

“No offense, but you’re the nine rookies, right? Fresh out of the academy?” he asked incredulously. Sakura huffed at being thrown into the same boat as the rest of her underachieving classmates. Unlike them, she expected to win this thing. “I wouldn’t go making a spectacle of yourselves.” He cautioned.

Sakura nodded in swift agreement. She’d been trying to reel in her teammates all along. Her original plan had been to keep a low profile. “Just cool it, this isn’t a class fieldtrip.” Kabuto continued on after seeing her fellow Genin’s unimpressed gazes.

“Well who asked you?” Ino questioned snidely. “Who are you?” she crossed her arms under her chest. She’d known Ino for a while and could tell she was irritated at being told what to do. Ino felt undermined.

“I’m Kabuto Yakushi.” He responded cordially. Then a slow smirk crept onto his features, and he shared a quick look with her. “But really, look around you. You’ve made quite an impression.”

Sakura quietly obeyed his request, wincing at the hundreds of eyes trailing after them. She could smack herself. She would never go by overlooked _now._ They had the eyes of every ninja village on them, eyeing them like they were a family of rabbits and they the eager foxes. Naruto shivered beside her. Sakura’s eyes instinctively searched for Sasuke. He wasn’t focused on the people around them, however. His eyes had found that Hyuuga boy’s again. Inner quietly commented that Sasuke looked sad. Sakura caught sight of the Hyuuga boy and decided that the _both of them_ seemed to be somber. She wondered what was going on.

On a normal day concern for Sasuke’s wellbeing would have captured all of Sakura’s attention, but Kabuto Yakushi and the Chunin exams were also pressing matters she had to take care of. Sakura didn’t know it at the time, but this moment was a turning point for Team Seven. This moment would decide their future paths, for even though Team Seven stood united, in this moment each was preoccupied by different matters. Sakura herself was busy worrying about the exams. Naruto was completely smitten with Sakura and hoping to help her in any way he could, and Sasuke was distracted with the realization that standing there, surrounded by Konoha nin, he had never felt more at home.

With each of their minds set on such individual paths it was no wonder the Chunin exams ended in such disaster. Team Seven was not cohesive and wouldn’t be for quite a while. Before Team Seven could truly flourish the members first needed to find themselves, not to say that any of them were particularly lost. No, they were not lost, but none of them had discovered all that there was to find about their individuality. The only member of Team Seven who’d predicted the upcoming falling out wasn’t present to help them. His name was Kakashi Hatake, and he was in a more complicated and life changing situation than all of his precious Genin combined. The frustrating part was none of what was happening was even his fault. He had no control over anything at all.

Not for long though, because Kakashi had learned something that would change his life forever.

A coward he would be no more.

That’s right, Kakashi Hatake was going to be a _hero._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sakura can be pretty angry, I know. But she's going through a lot and I wanted to be realistic about her thought process.


	20. I am...(To Die For, Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi's personal arc begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is broken into a few parts. The parts will be spread out in between all the other chapters, so expect some confusion and emotional turmoil. 
> 
> I hope everyone enjoys and understands this new update, Kakashi's plot is unraveling and I can't wait to delve into it fully.

Kakashi was forced to slip into a cloak of amenability and cheer each time the suffocating smoke of Lord Third’s pipe dusted his lungs. Ridiculously, he’d heard others say that the smell of their Hokage’s pipe was comforting. Since most Anbu were CP’s (Constant Prerogative’s) it’d only make sense that they felt Lord Third’s presence was soothing. Kakashi didn’t really do politics. He’d rather the change be _effective_ than _loud_. Politics had been his father’s thing. Kakashi didn’t ever wish to end up like his father. Because of this firm resolution to be his own man separate from Sakumo, Kakashi didn’t have a particular political standing. If pushed he would claim neutrality. Few knew his political opinions, a topic often deliberated by the common populace. If he ever dared to demonstratively vocalize his ideals Kakashi would be labeled ‘rebellious’ and ‘unpatriotic’. Because of Kakashi’s political silence not a single citizen across Konoha would even ponder over accusing him of such nonsense. Nobody knew Kakashi’s internal opinions. The public believed him to politely identify as a respectable CP as was true for the rest of his generation and profession.

Kakashi wondered if it were possible to have an anxiety attack over opening doors. It sounded real enough, and he was sure there must be a phobia out there to explain this irrational terror. It probably was more intellectual than dooraphobia, but medical terms weren’t in Kakashi’s reservoir. But he needed to call it _something_ and had decided to refer to his fear as such. His dooraphobia was particularly strong today. Humorous coping aside, Kakashi couldn’t will himself to grasp the doorknob. Instead his hand hovered hesitantly above it, not quivering in fear but frozen with nausea.

He had been summoned to Lord Third’s office the moment he’d walked through his apartment doors, for the first time in what realistically had been weeks. He should’ve recognized the peculiarity of lacking a mission. Lord Third had requested his presence immediately, going so far as to send an Anbu instead of the usual bird or letter. Kakashi was quick to change out of his Anbu uniform and into his Jounin attire, for the order had been addressed to Kakashi himself and not his Anbu alias. It put him on edge. If he was wanted as himself then that meant Lord Third wanted to speak to _Kakashi the Jounin Sensei_. Consequently, that could mean he wanted to discuss his kids. Kakashi couldn’t bear the thought of Lord Third doing anything vile to his Genin, so rather than face the truth, he stood outside the door in an act of cowardice. His lack of punctuality was undoubtedly grating on Lord Hokage’s patience but Kakashi did not have the will to gather his courage. In the end, it was not bravery that drove him to enter Lord Thirds office. He was motivated by a stronger fear than that of the truth. The greater terror was an all-consuming fear for what kind of missions he would be punished with should he keep Sarutobi waiting.

Kakashi entered the office with padded footsteps, fear muzzling any greetings he might have thought to contribute on a normal day. What could Lord Third want with Team Seven? Why did he need Kakashi for it? The questions were endlessly torturous, muddling Kakashi’s mind with a loop of dark scenarios. “Lord Hokage,” he addressed, nodding demurely.

“Ah, Kakashi!” Lord Third waved him into the room, a warm and pleasant smile on his wrinkled lips. He took a smoke from his pipe, the perfect picture of a lackadaisical man greeting an old friend. Kakashi didn’t like the feeling curling in his gut. This scene was far too domestic, and when Lord Third wanted something he always tried to cheat his way into getting it free of charge by using an innocent disposition. “How’ve you been? You seem well!”

Kakashi grit his teeth. He was not, in fact, _well_. He was quite sick. His body hadn’t stopped shivering for some time now and just earlier he’d been so nauseous he almost hadn’t made it to the trash bin in time. Kakashi was running a high fever. The flurry of abrupt symptoms was worrying. He soon discovered he’d developed some sort of infection from a festering wound in his arm. He’d visited the hospital about it and they’d cleared him with strict bed rest orders. Kakashi hadn’t exactly had the luxury to obey their advisory.

Lord Third had recently been ruthless about assigning him missions. Kakashi supposed he’d been away for so long that all the missions he would’ve normally gotten done had started piling up, until he was presently left playing catch up. His arm wound was persistently reopening and even though Kakashi was careful with disinfecting and wrapping it, there was only so much one could do to an open wound without agitating it permanently. Since he’d overused his already damaged arm chakra pathways, and abused the legal right to take free soldier pills from the pharmaceutical wing of the Hospital, his chakra system had been out of whack. The good news was everyone had made it out of wave safely. A little flu was exhausting but it wasn’t life threatening. He was calling it the flu, anyway, even though his cold symptoms were from an infection he’d picked up on one of his tougher missions. It was easier to deal with that way.

Kakashi resisted the urge to rub his head. His splitting headache was getting progressively worse. “Yes, I’m quite content.” He almost said _and the kiddos are well too_ , but hated the thought of giving Lord Third an easy opening to mention his Genin. If Lord Third wanted something he’d better have the guts to demand it straight to Kakashi’s face, no gimmicks.

Lord Third cleared his throat, taking another draw from his pipe like he wasn’t entirely wasting Kakashi’s precious time. “I’ve actually called you here to discuss the upcoming Chunin Exams.”

Kakashi’s stomach sank. His rookie students were nowhere near ready to participate in the exams. They were capable as far as strength goes, and they stuck together quite effectively, but their maturity and well-beings were unstable, and that was putting it kindly. They needed time to adjust. His students _were not ready_.

Kakashi hummed quizzically, pleading to any and every divine force that Lord Third didn’t want his kids to partake. “I think you should consider recommending Team Seven.” Lord Third inevitably suggested.

Kakashi’s hands started to shake. “Perhaps, Lord Hokage, they are very skilled.” He agreed smoothly.

Lord Thirds eyes narrowed. “You don’t seem confident. Why is that?”

Kakashi tucked his quivering hands into his pockets, doing his best to appear relaxed. Lord Third hadn’t demanded it, but the disappointed way he was staring him down made Kakashi sweat. Lord Third would never incriminate himself by saying it outright, Kakashi knew, but he heard the silent demand all the same. “Well kids will be kids, hm? In times like these there’s no rush. The reigning peace is a true blessing.” He tactfully parried the question.

“Your wrong, Kakashi,” Lord Third claimed. Kakashi bit his tongue to keep from snapping at his superior in distress. “For Shinobi of the respectable Leaf we must always be in a rush to ensure these times of peace are long and fruitful. We do not have time for the extravagance civilians do.” He countered, leaning back into his chair with a look of apology. Kakashi knew from previous experiences that Lord Third’s repentance was a farce.

“This is true.” Kakashi stalled, doing his best to hide his panic.

“So you will recommend them?” he reiterated.

Kakashi smiled. “We’ll see. I need some time to consider it,” Kakashi dodged, knowing in his heart he was walking on thin ice.

Lord Third set his pipe down, his smile replaced with a contemplative frown. “Give you some time to consider it...yes well I’ve just been struck with a brilliant idea. Studies show that Shinobi do their best contemplating on missions, you know; in the heat of battle. How about we test that theory, Kakashi? What’d you say? It’s been a while since I’ve assigned you an S-class mission.”

Kakashi jerked, looking up at his Hokage with horror. He would surely lose his life if he tried to complete an S-class right now. He couldn’t afford to lose his life, not since he’d developed three important reasons to live. His team needed him. Kakashi knew his face was deathly pale beneath his mask.

The next time Kakashi stumbled into Lord Third’s office, he was no longer pale. In fact, he was flushed scarlet with a very high fever. His body ached and his eyes drooped. Lord Hokage had followed through with his threat. 

The S-class mission was brutal. A cruel punishment for disobedience of the subtle type, but the mission was a success. Likewise, seeing as throughout all of these troubling years Kakashi’s perfect track record remained unsullied. It was unlikely he would lose that untouched score without losing his life along with it.

Kakashi’s emotions seethed and writhed in turmoil, anticipating the moment he would finally get the justice he had craved ever since his father’s demise. Kakashi was no stranger to S-ranks. People who’d never partaken in an S-class mission did not know the truth behind the fatality designation. S-rank was entirely separate from A, B, C, and D. To be S-rank meant to be top secret, information only shared in a small inner circle of those in power. A-ranks could be equally as dangerous as S-ranks, even more so, but on an A-rank you wouldn’t be forced to visit T&I to have a silencing seal placed upon your tongue to ensure that you didn’t leak the village’s secrets. S-ranks were harsh missions. Missions like...slaughtering young children simply because of their Kekei Genkai birthrights. S-ranks involved tracking clandestine organizations like the Akatsuki. Most suspiciously, the amount of S-rank missions one has completed is not information detailed on files seen by anyone but the Three Lords themselves. Lord Danzo, Lord Third, and the ever useless Feudal Lord; Kakashi himself had lost track of how many he’d been assigned. He wasn’t allowed to check, either. Knowing it far exceeded ten or twelve was more than enough to satisfy Kakashi’s curiosity. A part of him appreciated the numerical ignorance.

Kakashi’s tongue burned with sharp, kindling rage. He couldn’t speak of any of the crimes he’d been forced to commit. And if he was caught, without a physical record of the Mission, Lord Hokage would simply deny any claims he tried to make on Kakashi acting on Village orders. The rules of the game were rigged, and Kakashi was destined to lose from the start.

His head spun. Or perhaps it was the world that was spinning. He didn’t really think the difference mattered, at this point.

“Lord Hokage,” He addressed, falling onto a bent knee and bowing low.

“Ma, no need for such formality, Kakashi,” Lord Third dismissed. Kakashi fought the crumple in defeat. He knew that if he hadn’t bowed the consequences would have been devastating. The mind tricks beleaguered him no matter what he did. Kakashi had learned to accept long ago it was impossible to satisfy the Lord Third. He always had something to be bitter about.

Kakashi righted himself, limping visibly on his left knee. He despised this room. Where before the mission he was consumed by terror now all that was left was a choking hatred. Hatred for the Lord Third, hatred for the situation, and strongest of all, hatred for himself; it was unforgivable that he allowed his strings to be manipulated without a fight. Even though he knew logically that patience was a virtue, at times like these he never failed to feel like a failure; like he was letting down everyone that Lord Third continued to do wrong by stepping in line. Kakashi was a man of facts, of course, and the facts were right there in his face. Lord Third was a puppeteer, and Kakashi the puppet. Trying to fight his master while his strings were still attached would be fruitless. He had to figure out a way to tangle Lord Third’s wires so brutally that his machinations could no longer affect him. He had to lie, and he had to cheat. When the rules were unfair the only option left was to ignore them, and hopefully later gain the chance to rewrite them.

“Lord Third I wanted to tell you that I reconsidered. I will be recommending Team Seven for the Chunin Exams.” Kakashi informed blankly.

“That’s my boy.” Lord Third’s smoke billowed about the room in waves.

Kakashi only barely manages to make it back to his apartment. His whole body is convulsing in shivers, brought on by having a high fever for an extended period of time. He stumbles into his kitchen and collapses onto the floor beneath the counter, hands barely snagging the first aid kit before his fall. He sets to work stitching up the slice just below his ribs, wincing at how fresh the wound feels. He’d received it a few hours ago, and usually his body would’ve naturally started the clotting process. However, wound was still flowing freely with blood. He’s been sick enough times to know that the infection from his arm is weakening his immune system, now slowing down his body’s normal healing process. His white blood cells are working hard to fight off the infection as it is, without the added pressure of healing a slash in his side. Kakashi has stitched himself up numerous times before. He would go to the hospital, but with a glance at the suns location he knows that the trip is going to have to be delayed. His students have already been waiting three hours for his arrival. Any longer and Sasuke would surely have a panic attack out of worry, and Sakura and Naruto would combust with rage. No one wants another Nine-tails incident, he thinks with delirious humor.

The stiches are messy at best. His hands are shaking. He hasn’t eaten any real meals in far too long. He’d heard people have died from infection, but he knows he’s tougher than that. He can hold out. He has to, really. S-class missions are top secret. And so is the fact he never actually left the Anbu. To keep up pretenses Kakashi has no other choice but to see to his students.

That thought in mind he swallows a few painkillers. He stands up and almost forgets that he’s completely matted with blood, both his own and his targets. He shakes the S-rank mission out of his mind, knowing that he’d already have to revisit the horrid day when the time comes to log the mission. At first he rejects the idea of a shower, but figures that the smell of soap will cover the scent of blood and his arm could use a good washing out.

With that thought in mind he finds his way to the bathroom, shedding his clothes into the bin he’s gotten into the habit of keeping by the shower curtains. Whenever Kakashi has time he’ll throw the bin in the wash with a generous amount of the strongest soap he could find at a reasonable price. He used to use bleach, but the smell was a tell-tale sign to any shinobi that he’d been washing blood out of something, so instead he’d switched to wearing all black and hoping the faded stains weren’t too visible. Even his once navy mask had been swapped.

Kakashi’s shower isn’t peaceful. It’s wrought with emotions he wants to ignore and pain that he can’t. His arm really is beginning to look bad, and his chakra is running so low it’s a wonder Kakashi hasn’t fallen prey to yet another forty-eight hour nap. He spends way too much time picking dried blood and dirt out of his hair and not for the first time curses the gene pool for the light pigments he inherited from his father.

He grabs a new pair of pants, feeling utterly foolish as he hops around in a hurry to pull his Jounin Uniform up around his waist. He buttons everything in a hurry, shrugs his jacket over his shoulders, and pulls up his mask securely. He grabs his house keys and stuffs it in his kunai pouch half-heartedly. It’s not exactly like he’ll be back anytime soon. He’s about to leave the house when he notices that he left out his first aid kit, and spends a good eight minutes resorting the pack and scrubbing his blood off the floor. Finally he’s out the door.

Normally he’d Shunshin. But his chakra levels are low and his knee still aches from when Kakashi’s teammate had been forced to right the dislocated ligaments. He had succeeded in relocating it, but Kakashi could tell it was swollen. With how much he was moving around on it the injury would take a few weeks to heal appropriately and even longer for Kakashi to stop feeling any pain in the area. It was never a good idea to Shunshin with dislocated or broken anything. That was something Kakashi learned when he thought it’d be a good idea after a shinobi kicked him in his tibia and caused it to crack. It was just after he’d turned fourteen, on one of his first official Anbu Missions. The Shunshin ended up splitting the crack in his tibia to a full on shatter; too much pressure on an injured surface, he concluded. That bone still ached sometimes, and it’d been twelve or thirteen years.

“Hey guys, good morning. Sorry I’m late, afraid I got lost on the path of life.” he greeted, breathlessly hopping off the railing of the bridge and onto the concrete path.

“YOU’RE _LATE AGAIN_!!” Sakura and Naruto, Kakashi noticed with amusement, violently awoke from leaning heavily against each other. Sasuke startled at their shouts a little ways away, uncrossing his arms and rolling his eyes fondly. He turned to send Kakashi a private grin. Kakashi felt like he could breathe easier. The familiarity of his students was refreshing. Sakura and Naruto continued shouting at him on the principle of the matter, mostly likely because he was later than usual...Kakashi narrowed his eyes at the sun. He had no idea what time it was. He turned to his least difficult student.

“How much time do we have left for missions, anyway?” He questioned Sasuke casually, rubbing his student’s shoulder and beaming when instead of looking panicked like he had when they first met Sasuke relaxed into the touch.

“It’s only noon, Kakashi-sensei.” He reassured. Kakashi noticed his eyes glance over at Naruto and Sakura a bit apprehensively. Kakashi frowned. He wondered what that was all about. Probably more teenage drama, he assumed. Kakashi didn’t really have the patience to worry over their petty arguments. Sasuke and Naruto had a strange relationship and he didn’t feel it was his place to interfere too much. They were old enough to sort out their own issues.

His headache was still making him weirdly nauseous, even with the strong painkillers. Naruto approached him excitedly, and Kakashi felt his lip quirk. He would be worried about being contagious except for the fact that he was only calling the infection the flu when he was pretty sure it was something a bit more concerning. As far as Kakashi was aware you couldn’t spread illness brought on by infection, so his kiddos were safe.

“Hey hey, I’m ready for the next ninja mission, sensei! And hey come on no more of the easy beginner stuff okay? I want a chance to prove myself! I’m talking a real mission where I can use my Way of the Ninja and my soul...you know?” Naruto rambled. Kakashi blinked, startled by his loud voice and antics even after nearly four months of being on a Team with the hyperactive child.

Kakashi jerked. Four months...wow. Had it truly been that long? It didn’t feel like it. But the Academy exams were held just a few weeks after the Chunin Exams, and since the Chunin Exams were held twice a year...yup. Three months and three and a half weeks of being a real Jounin Sensei. How could it feel like a lifetime had passed and yet feel as if the time had moved far too quickly? They say that’s what true happiness does to people; distort time and all that. They’d only gotten back from the Land of Waves a week ago, where Kakashi had been shipped away to a flurry of missions and ordered his students to enter a strict rest and recovery mode. He also told them moderate exercise was ideal, but nothing with the use of chakra. Now he was back and plotting the worst ways to make them suffer through D-ranks imaginable. Maybe Minato-sensei and his insufferable D-ranks made him vengeful, but Kakashi paid no mind to that side of his conscious. It was too fun to laugh at his students now that he’d learned to enjoy their strange team dynamic.

Kakashi looked to Naruto’s wide, excited eyes nervously. He was looking at him with about as much passion as Gai possesses when challenging him to a match to exercise their ‘youthful rivalry.’

Kakashi looked away awkwardly as Naruto started bouncing in place and punching invisible opponents. He scooted back to avoid getting accidentally injured by his student. Kakashi jumped when Naruto grabbed onto his arms and shook him, unable to withhold a gasp of pain. The pain sizzled out as he extricated himself from his student hastily. He had bit his tongue in surprise at Naruto’s abrupt movement, and tried to focus on that sting rather than the sudden wave of dizziness he was swept with. His head was killing him. Literally, not figuratively at all; Kakashi was going to fucking die. And Gai would probably dress him up in some god awful jumpsuit to be buried in. He’d have to spend the rest of eternity tortured by too-bright-of-spandex.

Maybe Kakashi’s fever was more worrying than he’d originally assumed. His thoughts were straying, and it felt as if Kakashi’s mind was separate from his body. “Uh right, I get it. That’s great, Naruto. Now, take it easy, would you?” he pleaded. Kakashi watched Naruto’s eyes drift into lala-land, probably imagining some great mission where he’d get a chance to show off his heroic side. Kakashi resisted the urge to sigh and used his non-dominant hand to flip open Icha Icha Paradise. His other hand was beginning to throb strangely and Kakashi didn’t feel like risking it. “Let us know when you’re done fantasying, Naruto, so we can start the mission, alright?” he cut in, startling his distracted student.

Naruto saluted. “Right!”

Sakura groaned. “Could you not be so annoying Naruto, just for once?”

Kakashi shook his head as his students started a childish contest of sticking their tongues out and going ‘nnnnhhh’ like toddlers. Sasuke settled beside him to ask where they were headed, and then to gently remind him the Hokage Tower was the other way. Kakashi blinked and thought himself senseless. He had forgotten to tell them he’d already prepared a stack of D-ranks for them to accomplish. He related this information to apt students who were suspiciously grateful that they didn’t have to do it themselves. He’d never known his students to be slackers, but appreciated the gratuity nonetheless.

Kakashi spent the rest of the day observing his students from afar, trying his hardest not to be amused by Naruto’s attention seeking habits and Sasuke’s moodiness. It was after Naruto destroyed the old farts garden that he realized Sasuke was pouting. It almost made having to go to work through his fever worth it. Sasuke was pouting and whatever happened was Naruto’s fault. It was funny, and Kakashi was resolutely not going to feel guilty about the fact he thought so. Naruto was desperately trying to get Sasuke to forgive him and Sasuke was staunchly holding out. He wondered what had happened between the two.

Sakura seemed just as lost as he. So lost in fact she’d actually bothered to help her teammates complete the missions for once. It was all rather shocking. Naruto had narrowly avoided a black eye for his reckless behavior. Kakashi had indeed noticed his student straying into the actual garden but was too comfy basking in the sun and leaning against a fence to care. Naruto needed to learn his lesson somehow. The trash gathering had similarly been a disaster. Sometimes Kakashi forgot that many ninja couldn’t speak the Uchiha tongue. The Academy had stopped teaching it ages ago. The only reason Kakashi knew the Uchiha tongue was because it was passed down in the Hatake Clan. Kakashi forgot the reason why linguistics had stopped being an Academy requirement, but decided he’d get to the bottom of it later. It seemed like a helpful skill to have, whether it be the Uchiha tongue or some other language. Linguistics was a refined art. Naruto hadn’t understood they were directly above a waterfall and Sakura had been forced to save his sorry ass, all because of a hilarious misunderstanding. Sasuke just buried his face into his elbow and let out a muffled scream.

Kakashi was tired, but thankfully his student’s didn’t require much attending to. It was just D-ranks, after all. He’d been left mostly alone all day to flip through Icha Icha’s pages and rest on the sidelines. Kakashi had even engaged in a lovely chat and cup of tea with the owner of the Inuzuka Humane Society. Like most old people she’d had plenty of advice to share, her acumen detailing the proper method of grooming dogs, and Kakashi obliged her by listening attentively. Ms. Tsuka was a retired old ninja and Kakashi couldn’t help but hope that one day when he was senile and grumpy like her some kiddo would indulge his wisdom as well. He couldn’t hold back a snort when he saw his students walking the dogs. He’d politely dismissed himself from Ms. Tsuka’s company in order to keep an eye on his Genin, only to see that Naruto had decided he was capable of handling an extremely large boxer, and left Sasuke and Sakura with miniature puppies.

Perched on a tree and distractedly finishing up the mission reports on today’s activities, Kakashi listened to Naruto being dragged into Training Ground Nineteen. It was a facility not for the faint of heart. By the end of the day Naruto was worse for wear. “You’re an idiot, Naruto!” Kakashi chuckled at Sakura’s eerily cheerful call over the fence wall.

Kakashi knew his students could sense he was tired. Then again, they were under the impression he’d used this past week to heal from chakra exhaustion and injuries from Zabuza’s battle. He winced at the memory of the slightly angry and healing red cut just below his chest from when Zabuza gained the upper hand. He knew that they were worried because Naruto suggested they return the favor of Kakashi himself picking up their mission scrolls by sending off the mission report themselves. Kakashi, before leaving, reminded them sternly not to open the report scroll. It was illegal. And if the little shits thought that they would take a peek at Kakashi’s evaluation, he sealed some...measures in place that would react to his student’s unique chakra signatures. Even through exhaustion Kakashi had gotten bored evaluating his students’ chore-accomplishing efficiency and needed to occupy himself. Besides, his sealing was a little rusty anyway.

His head hurt, though, and he dreaded going back to an empty apartment. It was times like these where he longed for someone to take care of him the most. He would need to do his laundry. He would need to restock the cabinets. He had a list of things to do and no energy to drive him.

Kakashi sighed. At least with his students he had something to distract himself from the weariness. Now all he felt was a cold fear griping him unforgivingly. The Chunin Exams were brutal and his students were going to be participating. That is, Kakashi thought hopefully, if Sasuke decided he was up for it. Then again...his shoulders slumped. Sasuke was a pushover. If Naruto and Sakura wanted something he’d shrug and pass it over; even if that something was his left hand or some shit.

He needed sleep. And rest...and perhaps a month long stay at the hospital. Kakashi continued his slow trek back to his apartment with impossible problems weighing on his shoulders.

“Kakashi! My Youthful Rival! It has been too long!!” Kakashi had no warning when Gai slammed him on his injured right shoulder. He jerked, nearly screaming in both frustration and pain. He kept his lips tightly closed but his eyes flashed dangerously. His demeanor softened with the fading of the sharp pain, and his heart lurched at seeing Gai for the first time in months. Gai was his best friend, eternally, and he could always rely on him to know when Kakashi had free time.

“Ah, sorry my Youthful Rival; I know you do not like to be snuck up on.” Gai apologized sweetly, even as he misinterpreted the meaning behind Kakashi’s pained expression.

Kakashi chuckled. “Ma...it’s alright. It keeps me on my toes.” He reassured him.

Gai beamed. “Would you care to join the rest of the sensei? We’re celebrating our students’ blossoming! I’ve decided I’m entering my ascending Genin into the Chunin Exams, and Asuma and Kurenai are considering their new apprentices for the challenge as well. I’ve heard that many Konoha teams will be participating this year! I suppose we’ll find out tonight!”

Kakashi leveled Gai with a surprised stare. “Tonight?” he asked dubiously. It could be a bit hard to keep up with Gai sometimes, the way he rambled and filled up his sentences with so many unnecessary adjectives.

Gai hesitated. “Er, yes, my Youthful Rival, Lord Third requested the presence of all the Jounin sensei a few days ago!” he looked at him suspiciously. “Kakashi...” Gai’s voice dripped with disappointment. “You mustn’t fall prey to the evils of old age. We are in the prime of our youth! Your memory surely can’t be failing you already, can it?”

Kakashi chuckled, knowing that Gai had an eccentric way of expressing worry. He shrugged his good arm. “I’ve been busy with the pups.” He realized all too late his recurrent slip of tongue. His students were _children_ , and he would not be subjected to the teasing of his ruthless comrades for his thinking of them as a pack.

“Pups?” Incredulity dripped from Asuma’s voice as he approached them from seemingly nowhere, along with clear amusement and satisfaction. Kakashi slumped. Too late to save his dignity, then; Asuma was the worst of all the gossips because he knew _everyone_. Kakashi was done for. He sorrowfully wished goodbye to the remainder of his pride. “Please tell me you bought a whistle, Kakashi.” Asuma asked eagerly.

Kakashi side eyed Asuma with the darkest glare he could summon in his wounded state, “Oh yeah? And where’s your cane, old man?” Kakashi slouches his back and mimes limping around like the elderly, making pitiful pained noises about his bad spine. 

Asuma flushes at the routine jibe. “Six years! Your six years younger than me Kakashi!” he protests exasperatedly.

Kakashi takes Asuma’s hands in his own, cheerfully enjoying his friend’s scarlet tinted cheeks. “Ah, I’m so sorry to have to be the one to tell you this.” he confesses mournfully. “But your well of Youth has run dry,” he hears a very offended gasp escape Gai’s mouth behind him. He usually wouldn’t feel safe with anyone outside his field of vision, but Kakashi knows his old comrades have his back.

Kakashi grunts as Kurenai walks up from Asuma’s side and smacks him playfully on the head. Asuma laughs heartily. “Thank you, Kurenai.” He looks all too pleased with his ‘ _secret_ ’ girlfriend’s actions. Kakashi pouts at her through his mask, blinking back any dizziness her smack sent through his skull.

“Yes, Kakashi should know by now how unbecoming it is to the tease elderly. It’s perfectly normal to be sensitive about your age, Asuma.” Kurenai consoles Asuma, poorly concealed laughter in her voice. Asuma guffaws and Kakashi’s pout transformed into a surprised bout of laughter.

The interaction was familiar, like home and happiness strung up in one gift. His heart ached for company and to be closer to his friends even as his eyes drooped. He wished desperately he could tell them how sickly he was. He wished he could ask for their help. But he’d have to take what he could get. He’d have to accept that for now their smiling faces would be his only medicine. Kakashi was too close to accomplishing his goals to cave into desire.

Kakashi is lead away by his comrades, the friendly banter continuing along with both praise and complaints directed at their Genin teams. Asuma has the most to say about the Nara Clan’s heir, Shikamaru. “The boy is impossible, okay? He just is. He’s the most unmotivated Shinobi I’ve ever met!” Kakashi snorts at his friend’s anguish. Kurenai taps Kakashi’s shoulder thoughtfully. Kakashi obediently moves aside so she can slide next to Asuma and walk along with him.

“What about you, Kakashi? How is Team Seven getting along? It feels like it’s been ages since we’ve seen you!” She wraps her arm in Asuma’s larger one, leaning into him cheerfully. How the two of them think that their relationship is inconspicuous is beyond Kakashi’s capacity for understanding.

Kakashi considers her question, moseying down the path and waving at Miterashi Anko, who is spending her lunch at a sweets stand that sells Dango. Kurenai engages a conversation with her briefly before they continue on to their destination. Kurenai turns to him. “So? Team Seven?” she prompts, returning to the previous topic.

Kakashi hums. “Sasuke is a Water Type, I saw him use Water Ninjutsu on a mission so I decided to personally check all of them.” He offers, turning the corner. Asuma makes a startled noise and Kurenai turns a bit white.

“But...he’s an Uchiha...” Gai glances at him, curling a contemplative hand around his chin. 

“I know.” Kakashi nods in agreement. “But if he’s a Water Type then he’s not _just_ Uchiha. He knows it too. He shrugged at me when the paper soaked through and proceeded to avoid all interaction with me the rest of the day...” Kakashi winces. “He’s not very sociable.” He shoves his hands into his pockets as they finally arrive at their destination. An old stand that sells mostly junk. Kakashi doesn’t usually order anything but today he’s admittedly hungry and fatigued. He doesn’t want to wait until he gets home. They seat themselves and grab the menus, even though everyone here already knows the options available. The four of them are regulars here.

“So, if Sasuke’s not a full Uchiha, is he also a civilian?” Kurenai’s eyes widen, and then she leans forward on the table with a somber expression. She lowers her voice and they all obediently lean in. “Do you think that’s why he’s the only one who was spared?” Kakashi jerks at that thought, surprised at the conclusion she came to. Kakashi thinks that she’s wrong. He knew Itachi Uchiha, and the kid was warped. He wouldn’t spare Sasuke for any reason beyond his own entertainment. Keeping Sasuke alive helped Itachi Uchiha somehow. Kakashi had yet to figure it out, and didn’t dare to broach such a fragile subject with Sasuke so early into being his sensei.

Kakashi shakes himself out of his stupor. “Enough of this; we’re here to celebrate our student’s progress, no?” His comrades take the change of subject as the dismissal it is. He doesn’t want to discuss it with them right now. He had told them to make sure they were in the loop, not to theorize about past tragedies. They all go about settling back into their usual groove, Gai ordering the rainbow salmon salad, Kurenai and Asuma share a meal to ‘save money’ and not because their hopelessly smitten with each other, and Kakashi orders his own plain bowl of rice because his stomach can’t handle much else. They tease him about his plain decision for a bit, a recurring theme to these reunions.

It’s times like these Kakashi is the saddest.

The reminiscence shocks him to his core and worst yet there is a longing want for an implausible something that haunts him. He sees Kurenai, Asuma, and Gai all cheerfully enjoying themselves and misses. He misses Obito, Rin, and Minato because people at their age talk about the past, and for Kakashi, his past will never be present again. His comrades have so many good memories to look forward to with each other. Kakashi doesn’t. They talk about the past and how wonderful if it was and it makes Kakashi feel hopeless. He’ll never be with his Team again. He’ll never see them again. He’ll never say hello to them again just as he never got to say goodbye. Kakashi is emotional, yes, but it’s not so terribly bad of a feeling. He’s wallowing he knows, and the sadness grows as other old friends file in. Even Umino Iruka, a Chunin Academy Teacher, shows up for the _celebration._ He doesn’t think there’s much to celebrate, personally.

He wonders what Obito would do right now. He’d probably throw an arm around Kakashi’s shoulder, press his thigh against his and lean over to steal a scoop of his rice. Then he’d complain about the taste. Rin would laugh at him and skip about the restaurant, sharing greetings and small talk with every heart she’d touched. Everyone liked Rin. Her happiness was a contagious feeling that those around her caught by breathing the same air as her.

Kakashi blinks slowly. He remembers how Team Minato used to come here. Kakashi would always use the quiet route so he could wrap his hand in Obito’s. He never met Obito’s gaze when he did this, but even so he could picture the flush of his cheeks right now. They’d both walk hand in hand, eyes firmly glued to opposite ends of the street all the way until the crowds started to make an appearance. Minato and Rin always laughed at them.

Minato was a ruthless joker, a kindred spirit, an amazing shinobi and flighty instructor who got so lost within his explanations that everyone else felt lost, too. Rin had a knack for being so wise they all felt irresponsible in comparison, and her loving nature was so reassuring that even wild animals were attracted to her. And Obito, of course, was....Obito was...well he was....

Obito was everything Kakashi had ever wanted.

Kakashi got lost in his memories, drink grasped loosely in his hand and eyes glazed. Amazing how even surrounded by friends and comrades Kakashi could feel...entirely alone. Isolated from his fellow Jounin, divided by a wall he’d created himself. It was a familiar sensation, but the isolation always managed to surprise him.

_Kakashi Hatake,_ _thirteen years old and quite novel to the whole friendship shebang, was content with life_. A few ninja to hunt down, a couple D-ranks, a mission report to Danzo here and there- yes, life was simple. His world didn’t expand outwards to reach anyone but his team, and he didn’t particularly care. He now had a select few he trusted unconditionally. It was more than enough. Happiness was plentiful. Days weren’t lonely as they had been once before, when he was tirelessly assigned grueling missions that no child should have to know exists, let alone witness firsthand. Being ordered to watch over Team Minato was the best thing that had ever happened to Kakashi. The numerical value of his blessings were once confined to just his ten fingers, but Team Minato had multiplied that measly number by a thousand.

Kakashi smiles at Rin, adjusting his face mask over the bridge of his nose. Minato-sensei sat across from them, casually cleaning his blades like the socially inept man he is. They were currently sitting in a restaurant, a social scene which apparently was too complicated for Minato-sensei to grasp. Many civilians were eyeing them warily and others with poorly concealed aversion. Minato-sensei paid them no mind. Kakashi didn’t particular care anyway, as used to scowls and second glances as he was. The space their glares occupied in his brain was miniscule in comparison to Kakashi’s preoccupation with Obito’s tardiness. Kakashi anxiously peers at the sun, noting the steady decline of light through the windows lined on every wall of the building. Rin bites her lip. “He’s usually not _this_ late.” She reads his thoughts, worriedly joining him in staring intently at the sunset.

Rin swings her arm around her chair, craning her neck. She checks the door behind him and shakes her head sadly. Kakashi slumps in his chair, too disappointed to care about the amount of emotion he’s displaying in public. Kakashi gasps in pure shock as hands clamp down on his shoulders from behind. A familiar voice shouts exuberantly, “Bakakashi!” Kakashi wheels around in his seat, eyes wide.

Rin starts giggling mischievously, having clearly seen Obito sneaking through the door and hiding it from Kakashi.

Kakashi is face to face with Obito, their noses brushing against each other. Kakashi relaxes instantly, rubbing a hand over his face and turning away in a temper. “I hate you both.” He grumbles as Obito slides into the seat beside him, hopping his chair as close to Kakashi as he can get it. The sweet action is almost lovable enough to earn Kakashi’s forgiveness. However, he’s still irritated and he huffs in order to express his scorn.

“Don’t be upset, Kakashi!” Rin cajoles. “Obito was just messing around. He’s sorry.” She says decisively.

“Nah, I’m not sorry Bakakashi! Don’t listen to her, she’s terribly deceptive you know.” Obito denies, wrapping his arm around Kakashi’s shoulders. Kakashi feels his face flush and all irritability leave him. Obito’s arm sat heavily on his neck, his fingers massaging the end of his shoulder with care.

“Not here, Obito!” Kakashi hisses, looking around at the watchful gazes of, well, actually most people had left. Minato-sensei scared them off, it seemed. Obito raises an eyebrow and deliberately leans in, his mouth an inch from Kakashi’s ear. Kakashi’s face turns beat red, but the words Obito spoke were so lewd he’d hate to even believe they were spoken. He sees Rin gawking at Obito, clearly having heard him. Minato looks up from his diligent cleaning like he’d just realized Obito had arrived.

“Oh, hello Obito, glad you could make it.” he greets with a brilliant smile, flashing them perfectly straight teeth. His tone says innocence but the gleam in his eyes gives Minato away. He’d heard Obito, just like everyone else had too. “I’d lecture you on manners,” Minato begins absentmindedly, starting up on sharpening his newly polished weapons, “But everyone hates a hypocrite.” The weapon he’d begun sharpening _shings_ at the end of his declaration.

Kakashi gives up trying to reel his team in, leaning into his boyfriend’s embrace with a sigh of resignation. Obito beams at him. Kakashi wonders if Minato had scared away the civilians on purpose.

“Why were you so late anyhow, Obito?” Rin dusts invisible crumbs off of her lap, pushing what is left of her platter of food over to Obito, who greedily starts chomping away.

“Thanks, Rin!” He turns to Kakashi, offering him a bite of food. “You not eating?” he asks dubiously.

Kakashi shrugs. Obito licks his fingers, eyeing him skeptically. He turns back to Rin to answer her earlier question. “I was so late today because I’m awesome and got my boyfriend a gift for his birthday. Duh.”

Rin laughs, “And in the process showed up late to his celebration! Although I still think we should’ve invited more people...” she grouches, crossing her arms. “And we just went out to the same old restaurant we always hang around in, too. What’s special about that?”

“You guys are special enough,” is Kakashi’s knee jerk reaction. Rin flushes, her hand flying to her heart. Minato looks similarly flattered. Kakashi can feel Obito pull him in closer, and if he’s not careful, Kakashi will be in his lap. Kakashi looks away and awkwardly changes the subject back to Obito. He tries not to think about how close Obito is, so unabashedly and casually. Kakashi’s cheeks heat and he’s grateful for his mask. 

“You got a present?” he doesn’t want to leave Obito’s arms, but in order to receive his gift he scoots only the bare minimum away, looking to his boyfriend eagerly. Obito steals a kiss on his cheek, mask and all, before Kakashi can fully squirm out of his grip to face him.

“Yup. You’re going to love it.” he says decisively.

Kakashi rolls his eyes. “The anticipation is killing me.”

Obito reaches into his bag and pulls out a small package messily wrapped with duck-tape rather than packaging tape. Kakashi snorts. “You’re terrible.” He insults.

“I think it’s beautiful.” Rin consoles Obito, sending Kakashi a stern look.

Kakashi obediently takes Minato-sensei’s offering of a freshly polished kunai and slices through the wrapping, popping open the box lid. Kakashi peers inside and gapes. He pulls out a small orange book labeled, “Icha Icha Paradise.” Rin shrieks and Minato-sensei slaps his head, letting out a wail of anguish about his own sensei’s terrible influence. Obito still has a massive grin on his face, and Kakashi wants to simultaneously kiss and punch it away.

“You’re a douchebag. You’re such a _douchebag_.” Kakashi manages to choke, frozen solid from shock. He can’t believe his boyfriend got him porn...for his birthday. Porn written by their teacher’s teacher, _oh,_ that was so weird. Obito had never been a good gift giver.

Kakashi sighs and gently thumps his head against Obito’s shoulder, resigned to a lifetime of re-gifting and grudging acceptance. How could he have gotten his hopes up?

_“I thought it was a good gift!!!” Obito protests, patting Kakashi’s head apologetically_.

Kakashi jerks out of his memories at the sound of an unexpected voice. “Hey, Kakashi! Good to see you.” Misande Takumi greets him merrily.

“Yo.” Kakashi responds. He has no idea why this guy is talking to him, and finds himself a bit irked by the unwanted company. 

“How’ve you been? Heard you got quite the Genin team on your hands,” Takumi is a fellow Jounin-sensei, who works with a rather advanced Genin team. Kakashi uses what little information he has on his coworker to carry on the conversation.

“Oh, still brats I’m afraid...and your team, Takumi? Will they be partaking in the upcoming exams?” Kakashi inquires, wishes he could run and hide from having to deal with the type of engagement he abhorred most; small talk.

“Yes, but I’m afraid it’s poor Kabuto who really pulls the team along. He’s a right fine medical ninja, and is exceptional with Taijutsu. The other two have a little ways to go, but in my opinion they’ve got good chances.” Takumi nods genially. Much to Kakashi’s chagrin Takumi claps him on his shoulder. He nearly bites through his tongue in an effort to restrain himself from lunging out of his chair and choking the man. _That hurt_ , Kakashi internally hissed. “Well nice seeing you. Have a good one!” he waves, turning away before Kakashi can respond.

“...you two...” he mumbles to no one in particular. He’s left once again to his thoughts, but this time he doesn’t let himself sink into memory lane. Instead he watches Gai hop around the room with glee as he boasts about his own exceptional team. He’s proud of them, and Kakashi’s glad Gai found a profession where enthusiasm is appreciated rather than condemned.

He shuffles the white rice around in his bowl, his stomach growling. He’s hungry, but the rice isn’t appetizing. Nor is any other dish on the menu. He decides to eat when he gets home, even if the rice had been a waste of cash. In the meantime, his thoughts drift back to Team Minato, the memories flooding with more happiness than sorrow. Rin had been the first one to remember that without being eighteen or older, one couldn’t purchase a book from the Icha Icha series. Obito dodged her interrogations pretty smoothly, but Minato’s questioning was on a whole other level. Minato had looked properly furious upon finding out Jiraiya-sensei had snuck Obito the book. It had taken Obito until sunset to get Kakashi the copy of Icha Icha because he’d had to track down the Great Toad Sage first.

He couldn’t help but chuckle to himself. Who would’ve thought Obito was a good gift-giver from the start. Not anyone from Team Minato. Kakashi brushed his fingers against his headband. Yeah, he’d have to tell Obito that at the gravestone later. Obito would probably get a kick out of Kakashi finally admitting to liking his presents.

Kakashi took a deep breath, shifting his hand from his headband to his forehead. He still felt hot. He’d need more fever reducer. Come to think of it, some pain relief wouldn’t do any harm either. The tender skin under his ribs was acting up and he didn’t even want to think about his shoulder. He hoped his arm was fine. _Hope without means is just a pipe dream_. Kakashi grimaced at the familiar quote. It was a line from one of Lady Tsunade’s most famous speeches. She’d written the quote in an effort to accomplish her long-time goal: the requirement of a medical ninja’s presence on all teams. She was referring to how many people hoped their loved ones would come home safe, but didn’t prioritize medical aid out on the field. It was a brutal and wise sentiment. One could hope for shinboi’s safety all they wanted, but if they didn’t take any action to protect them, their hope was purposeless; a happy ideal lacking any substantial foundation.

Kakashi was beginning to think that he wasn’t fine. No, he’d known all along. The issue was that he couldn’t stop. He had no choice but to keep going. Any more of this, and his body would be pushed to the point of no return. He really, really hoped that never happened. But Tsunade’s sentiment echoed in his mind, and his arm throbbed as a painful reminder to reality. His hope alone wouldn’t change the situation.

Kakashi makes his way back to his apartment in a haze. The goodbyes to Asuma, Kurenai, and Gai felt too final. He collapses back against his counter, grabbing Rin’s med kit from off the shelf. _Rin gave good gifts too,_ he thinks deliriously. Rin herself was a gift. All of them were gifts; Minato, Obito, Rin...his eye shifts upwards. He’s not afraid. He can still do this. He plans to finish what he started; if not for himself, then for those he’d lost.

He swallows some strong fever reducers and takes a grounding breath. It was time to face the disappointment of his friends. He was going to have to announce the participation of Team Seven in the upcoming Chunin Exams. He thinks about Obito. What he would do. What should Kakashi do?

He doesn’t know anymore. He thought he did. But...right now? He can feel it. Something is coming. He just doesn’t know the form it’s going to take.

Kakashi supposes it’s in his best interest to shake off the peculiar feeling. If he doesn’t know what’s coming, then he also has no clue how to prepare for it. He’s not even sure if the mysterious feeling is bad.

Kakashi bustles about the kitchen before heading out, ending up eating half of a protein bar and throwing the rest away. He can’t stomach anything right now. His head would pound no matter how slow he chewed. His stomach churns indecisively. He’ll have to work back up to food, a miserable process indeed.

He leaves the house with a quick once over on all of his protective seals. He has nothing to hide. But Kakashi is paranoid; after all, as a renowned shinobi one can never be too careful.

It had been hard to walk away from the safety of his apartment. It was even harder to walk through the halls of the Hokage Tower. Kakashi knew he shouldn’t push his luck and be too late, but even so he found his pace gradually declining with each step. His body feels like lead and he’s hungry again, even though when he’d try to eat earlier he’d felt like throwing up. Kakashi spots Lord Third’s office door and nearly turns around and hightails back the way he came, upset stomach and fever be damned.

He still goes in. He still gets in line. It’s all a bit of a blur. He pretends not to notice the glances being shot his way by Gai. Gai was disturbingly perceptive when it comes to Kakashi’s demeanor. On the other hand, Gai’s hypotheses were always way off.

Lord Third orders the Jounin-sensei in charge of the rookies to step forward. A normal occurrence would be that each of them declares their teams unprepared, followed by the speedy dismissal of their presence for all further discussions. Today differs from the norm. Today, Kakashi will be recommending his first team, all rookies, for the Chunin Exams. He steps forward side by side with Kurenai and Asuma. Were they too persuaded into having their students participate? Perhaps all it took was Lord Third’s approval of their respective squads to sway their decisions. He doesn’t know. In the best case scenario, Kakashi’s Genin will be the only rookie team pushed past their limits this year.

“Kakashi, Kurenai, and Asuma, what do you say? Are there any in your squad you believe are ready for the exams, despite their inexperience?” Lord Third raised an eyebrow.

For a brief, terrifying moment the thought of defying Lord Third crosses his mind. He hastily squashes the prospect; a fate worse than death awaits him should he disobey and not recommend Team Seven.

It feels dastardly, saving his own skin instead of sparing the innocence still lingering in the faces of his Genin. It leaves him feeling selfish and wholly incompetent, as if he was moving backward instead of forward. However, Kakashi is stronger than the voices in his head. He is stronger and with logic alone he conquers the self-deprecating notions that were pushing him toward the wrong decision.

Lord Third could just as easily kill Kakashi, free to send Team Seven into the Chunin Exams personally. Kakashi’s team could be assigned a new sensei. If Lord Third and Lord Danzo leak the right information, Kakashi could be publicly scorned and labeled traitorous. Numerous scenarios began playing through Kakashi’s mind’s eye, reminding him that if he were to take a stand here, it would change nothing. Lord Third would still get what he wanted in the end. Kakashi swallows, glancing as inconspicuously as possible toward his fellow rookie leaders. He’s caught by Asuma, who smiles crookedly at him. Kakashi turns away, gut wrenching.

“As you know, any Genin who has carried out eight or more missions is technically eligible for the examinations. Beyond that, only you can decide when they are ready.” Lord Third informs them.

Kakashi’s fists clench inside of his pockets, his scraped and bruised fingernails managing to leave marks in his skin. The fact that Genin who’ve completed eight missions were eligible for a championship of death is utterly dehumanizing. Lord Third had just made it abundantly clear the decision to send Genin into the exams is left up to their Jounin-sensei. Kakashi finds himself trapped. All the fault of his student’s entering the exams rests weightily on his shoulders. Meanwhile, Lord Third comes off as a genial old man who trusts Kakashi’s evaluation skills. He glances at Asuma helplessly, wondering what it had been like to be raised by such a monster. Even if he’d lost them so early in life, Kakashi had been blessed with two kindred parents. Asuma will never even know his mother, and was reared by a man who Kakashi believes to borderline psychopathy. Lord Third sits back in his seat, perfectly at ease. “So Kakashi, you begin.” He orders, a gleam of triumph glinting through his mask of joviality.

Kakashi straightens his back, readying himself for the tongue lashing he’s about to receive. He hates disappointing his comrades. He hates _failing_ them. Kakashi has made so many mistakes in his life, and the bad choices only continue to pile on higher. One day that stack of mistakes will come crashing down on top of Kakashi, and he has no idea how he plans to survive the inevitable disaster. “I lead Squad Seven, Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto, and Haruno Sakura.” Kakashi says, focus wavering. In fact he feels so absentminded that he’d accidentally slipped into Uchiha Tongue, speaking all of their first and surnames in reverse. He blinks. That’s...that’s a language barrier he hasn’t messed up in a while. Sakumo hadn’t been around very long but Kakashi is a prodigy among prodigies. He’d picked it up with ease. His linguistic skills sharpened after he met Obito, and both of them rejoiced in communicating behind Minato and Rin’s back in their respective Clan’s native tongue. “I Kakashi Hatake recommend all three of these Genin for the Chunin Selection Exams. “

Not a single Jounin in the room had time to overcome the shock at a rookie team recommendation as Kurenai immediately began speaking after him, the transition smooth and speedy. “And my squad is number eight. Hinata Hyuga, Kiba Inuzuka, Shino Aburame; and now I Kurenai Yuhi recommend all three.” She doesn’t even pause for a breath of air.

Asuma forgets to remove his cigar, talking rapidly after his girlfriend. Kakashi wonders if they had planned for this. It’s much better to be united as the infamous Jounin to recommend rookies for the Chunin Exams than face that criticism alone. Kakashi can say it’s safe to assume Lord Third had gotten in his comrades heads. _He’d probably made it my idea, too_. Knowing Lord Third as well as Kakashi meant that his actions could get predictable. That doesn’t mean his actions are at all _stoppable_. The Third is the ultimate power of the Leaf. But the sole advantage Kakashi possessed was the aggravating hubris that came with the title of Hokage. Lord Third continues to grow careless. He relishes in the power of the Hokage seat and forgets the true meaning of struggle. Kakashi has not forgotten what it means to try. He struggles every day to accomplish his goals. Lord Third will only get sloppier as he gets more comfortable with his total control, and one day there _will be_ an opening. Kakashi won’t waste a single breath when that day comes. 

“And my squad is Number Ten. Ino Yamanaka, Shikamaru Nara, Choji Akimichi; and now I, Asuma Sarutobi, recommend all three.”

Whispers and surprised exclamations broke out amongst the crowd of sensei. Kakashi couldn’t believe he’d actually done it. He’s equally as dubious that Asuma and Kurenai had recommended their teams alongside him. Kakashi figures that as coveted clan kids their teams are going to be a more mentally stable than his own. All of their students have parents who give them a life of emotional and financial comfort. Kakashi met Sakura’s parents way back, when he was evaluating his Genin’s homes. He’d checked over Sasuke’s sterile apartment, Naruto’s chaos apartment, and finally knocked on the Haruno household’s door. His stomach still churns when he remembered Mrs. Haruno blinking at him in shock, entirely oblivious to the fact her daughter had passed the exams, let alone with exceptional marks. He’d prepared himself to walk into a domestic disaster, with over-proud, gloating civilian parents of their daughter’s fine accomplishments as a kunoichi. He was sorely mistaken, and as he’d moved about the house and sat down for tea he couldn’t help but notice the emptiness of the walls. No family pictures, no childhood stains, no scratches or indents; it was almost as if the house wasn’t lived in at all. A frown tugged on his lips at the memory. He’d noticed how little the girl spoke of them, and how often she didn’t return home at all. He’d need to broach the subject with her as soon as possible.

Just, after Kakashi deals with his more immediate concerns first; he’s got a lot on his plate, nowadays.

He still doesn’t feel comfortable with sending his team into the Chunin Exams at such fragile stages of their growth. Sakura’s acclimation to violence is disquieting, and as sad as it is, Sasuke’s abhorrence to violence will greatly debilitate all upcoming challenges. Naruto is far too eager and headstrong. Putting all of them together does not create the intended balance Lord Third had planned for. There is little doubt in Kakashi’s mind that Team Seven only fuels each-others fire. Sakura will see Sasuke’s hesitance as permission to slaughter whomever she pleases, feeling as if it is her duty to help. Naruto will interpret Sakura’s confidence as a go-ahead to be reckless, and Sasuke would rather die slowly than stand up to those two. There isn’t a single student on Team Seven that will argue or reject a bad plan. Team Seven is _too agreeable_.

Kakashi grits his teeth. So what if they’re strong? Not a single one of them are ready. Above all else, they deserve to be kids.

And that was the epicenter of Kakashi’s beliefs. Their strength capacities and emotional well-beings weren’t the leading factors; it all boils down to the fact Kakashi _knows_ that they deserve better. They deserve to enjoy life. They shouldn’t have to grow up. Kakashi had grown up so fast that it still affects him today.

It had been five years since rookie Genin had been selected for the Chunin Exams. Kakashi wishes that his Genin aren’t the ones to change that. Kakashi wishes no one had to change that. It should be ten years, and then fifteen years, and more and more until the very idea of rookies in the Chunin Exam had people laughing out loud. Maybe one day, Kakashi dreams.

“ _Hold on just a minute!”_ Iruka-sensei approaches the three of them apprehensively, his face creased with worry. Kakashi winces.

“Yes, what is it, Iruka?” Lord Third inquires patiently.

Iruka brings his fists close to his chest, his words heartfelt and full of compassion. “Lord Hokage, with all respect, the nine names that were just given were all my students at the academy. I know their skills and abilities. Every one of them has great promise, but it’s too soon! They need more experience before they are tested. If they try now, they’re _sure_ to fail the exam.”

Kakashi forces himself to let go. He forces down every voice in his head screaming agreements and spins around to face Iruka with an unimpressed air about him. “When I became a Chunin, I was six years younger than Naruto is now.” Kakashi chose Naruto, knowing from the way the kiddo spoke about Iruka the two were close. He assumes the comparison will affect the academy sensei greatly.

_“Naruto is nothing like you!”_ Iruka bursts, his eyes blazing. Kakashi withholds a wince. He hadn’t expected Iruka’s words to sting quite so horrendously. He knew they’d be a jab to his pride, but he hadn’t expected himself to be so emotionally attached to the opinions others had of him. After all, he’d been critically judged his entire life. Perhaps that was the reason. Just when people were starting to believe in him again Kakashi goes and messes up years of reconciliation.

Iruka maneuvers around the crowd gathered for Chunin Exam discussions, stepping forward to glare at him good and proper. “Are you trying to destroy him?” he accuses.

Kakashi wobbles a hand in front of him from one side to the other, adopting an aloof expression. “Well, they’re always complaining about not being challenged enough.” He reasons. “Maybe wiping out on the exams will teach them a lesson. A little pain is good.”

Iruka first reels backwards, but then propells his foot forward with a determined expression. “How can you say that?” he asks, astonished, enraged, and just a little bit...frightened. Kakashi does his best not to hunch into himself.

Kakashi hums, resisting the urge to rub his head to soothe the throbbing that’s beginning to intensify. “Oh, nothing fatal, of course,” Kakashi turns his back on the Chunin, dismissing the man rudely. “But seriously Iruka, relax.” Iruka inhales sharply, and Kakashi wavers just a bit. But to pull this lie off he really needs to sell the douchebag cliché. He can’t afford for Lord Third to be dissatisfied with his performance. “I understand how you feel.” He begins in a condescending tone, “It’s very personal and it upsets you. But--,” his patronization is ended sharply by Kurenai’s blazing eyes.

“Alright Kakashi, back off. You’ve said enough.” Kurenai interrupted. Kakashi forces his expression to remain neutral. He’d gone and made her mad too. His headache suddenly feels so much worse and his arm burns and almost bubbles with agony.

Kakashi steels himself. “On the contrary Kurenai; Iruka needs to hear this. He needs to realize that they’re not his students anymore. They’re mine.”

Iruka clenches his teeth, clear disgust painted on his features. Asuma finally removes his cigarette, sending him a wary glance Kakashi hadn’t seen directed at himself in a long while. That, more than Iruka’s disgust and Kurenai’s irritation, tears into his spirit. “Ugh,” Asuma placates. “Enough already,”

Kurenai sighs, looking tired. Kakashi wants to throw his hands in the air and shout the truth, but he can’t. It would do no good. Iruka steps forward again, this time looking more distressed than angry. “But these exams could destroy them, you know that!” he pleads.

“Iruka!” Lord Third must sense Kakashi’s weakening resolve, as he finally interrupts their dispute. “You have made your point. I understand.” Lord Third soothes.

“Lord Hokage.” Iruka expresses his relief in the tone of his voice. Kakashi winces at the false hope, unable to withhold his facial expressions any longer. He momentarily freezes when Kurenai sends him a bewildered glare. But he recovers soon after and reaffirms his aloof exterior.

“Accordingly, I have decided that the best thing to do is to hold a special preliminary test.” Lord Third declares out of the blue. Kakashi isn’t particularly surprised by his declaration. Hiruzen excels at manipulation. What better way to prove Kakashi’s students had improved by having an official test run? No one could protest the truth regarding factual matters. A pass or fail prelim would prove that the rookies involvement had been well thought out to any who looked into it. Kakashi’s Sharingan spun to life behind his headband, reacting to Kakashi’s indignant turmoil. Or perhaps that was Obito’s spirit, speaking out in the name of justice.

“Pre-preliminary test?” Iruka repeat warily, taken aback. Kakashi turns away, unwilling to witness such a cruel display. Once more he feels like Lord Thirds true skills lie in puppetry. He weaves this rooms strings so expertly he convinces the Jounin of their importance when all along this they’ve been mere puppets in a scene. 

Hours later, void of any paperwork or assignments to fill out, Kakashi’s feet carried him to a place he both despised and loved more than anywhere else in all of Konoha. He didn’t know how to explain the feeling of gut wrenching pain every time he lays his eyes upon the clearing, nor could he explain the need to escape here at every free chance he could get. Here was the only place Kakashi could breathe and think. Sometimes thinking could be painful, and he’d rather forget all of his troubles. Despite this, he found himself returning time and again, knowing from experience that he’d feel lighter afterwards.

He stared at the Memorial stone in grief, a bouquet of flowers he’d hazarded to buy last minute resting before him. Kakashi was surprised at himself for visiting the Yamanaka’s to purchase the mums, the flowers he always presented his team members. He knew some found his choice peculiar. Mums were bright, often used in floral settings and to compliment bouquets. The one’s he’d chosen were even yellow. But in the culture he came from, and Obito’s for that matter, mums signified mourning. Mrs. Yamanaka hadn’t even glanced twice at his choice, just smiled understandably at him. She did try to cheer him up with small talk, however, and inquired heavily on Sakura’s progress and wellbeing. He wondered what that was all about. Perhaps Sakura was friends with the young Yamanaka heiress. He wouldn’t be surprised, seeing as they were from the same class.

Kakashi kneels down, tracing Obito’s name with the tips of his fingers. “Obito,” he greets. “I’m not sure if you’ve been watching over me, but I like to think you do. It comforts me to imagine you rolling your eyes whenever I do something stupid.” Kakashi had thought this countless of times, but admitting it out loud brings the reality of Obito’s death upon him harshly. He chokes a bit. With how much he thinks about Obito, it’s almost like he can pretend that he will one day see his beloved teammate again in this world. Hoarsely, Kakashi laughs a bit. “I do a lot of stupid shit, so I bet you roll your eyes a lot, huh?”

Kakashi pulls his knees to his chest, and the rest of his visit is spent in somber silence. He paints quite the picture, he knows. If someone were to find him they’d think he’d gone off the deep end. The problem is how right they would be. Kakashi hasn’t been feeling A-plus lately, even with his newfound determination to protect his Genin. He just feels...lost. A bit hopeless, honestly. A part of him still clings to the notion of Obito coming back to fulfill his dreams. Obito had never even gotten a proper funeral. Kakashi sometimes wonders if his body is still crushed beneath hundreds of boulder and rocks. How can Kakashi feel peace when he isn’t sure if his dead love ever found any on the other side? Obito’s corpse is forever stuck in a place of horror, a place where Rin was captured. Kakashi curls his knuckles around Obito’s name and heaves himself off of the floor.

He is proven wrong. Kakashi does not feel lighter. He isn’t able to find any words. He feels far away and yet oddly close to Obito, his feelings arguing over which emotion is correct and which isn’t. His Sharingan starts spinning again. Kakashi has no idea why; his Sharingan hasn’t been ever been so restless. Not even during the Nine Tails Attack and Uchiha Massacre. What is causing such disquiet?

“Is that you, Obito?” he asks the Memorial Stone, brow furrowing. Somehow, he feels like the answer is no, even if he’s only met by the evening breeze rustling the graveyard’s greenery. There is a whistle to it, and it feels ominous.

Kakashi has a bad feeling. It could be his fever. It could be anxiety over his kids being thrown into a deadly examination. He could blame it on the strangely cool weather for a Konoha night such as this. He could pin it on the lack of moon above him. Kakashi could claim that he was fatigued and in pain. Heck, he could jump so far as to call this sense of wrong a hallucination brought on by his prolonged exhaustion.

But...he knows better.

_Something is coming._

_What am I going to do about it?_

“Obito...I could really use a friend right now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to check out a cool ass author, btw, you should check out a lady called MessageStatus on fanfiction net. She's a true queen, and her stories are super creative and fun!


	21. Konoha United

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke and this is kind of self-indulgent on the writers part.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sorry. I had to edit this a lot because I wrote this instead of sleeping.

Sometimes, Sasuke feels like he's one of those weird fish with that attach to sharks to clean teeth. And, before you start laughing, no, it is not because he has an unhealthy obsession with brushing his teeth. Admittedly he had come across the strange fact because of research on dental care, but no one needed to know that. Sasuke is fascinated by these foot-long fish because they attach themselves to strong, bigger fish in an act of symbiosis. They’re called remora, and they rid sharks of parasites and dead skin along their mouth and bodies, and in return get easy-food and protection from other predators. On occasion the sharks even risk their own safety to ensure their friend the remora isn’t left behind. Falling off the shark is unlikely due to the remora’s suction function. The shark could swim top speed with the remora attached and the clingy fish wouldn’t lose its grip!

...anyway, Sasuke feels like that fish. The fish that instead of choosing smaller, safer predators that they may be able to escape from should things go south, decide that they should choose the largest fish imaginable for optimal safety from all other threats. Sasuke is the type of person to find someone who could protect him, providing his own attributions in return and clinging tightly to his chosen person through any hardship, like the fish’s suction power. If Sasuke were that dumb fish, he would be dumb enough to trust that shark under any circumstance. He would be dumb enough to crawl into his shark-buddy’s mouth to clean his teeth.

Why is he thinking about dumb fish in the middle of the (oh God) Chunin Exams? Just, hear him out, okay? The analogy isn’t as outrageous as it seems.

Sasuke is very proud of his accepting nature. He’s always been welcoming, and he’s always been able to understand people and allow people to be their truest selves without pressure. Sasuke loves helping others heal because it gives him hope of healing as well.

This accepting nature is also a nature of firm belief in humanity. It makes him depressed to believe that there isn’t at least some good in everyone. Sasuke refuses to listen to his pessimistic side and perhaps a bit childishly lets himself believe that even those who have committed the most heinous of acts can redeem themselves. That even monsters can be relieved of their sin.

Its always been this way for him. He’s always strongly reprimanded himself whenever he let assumptions and preconceived ideas get in the way of forming an opinion. It’s one of the reasons Sasuke latched onto Naruto when they were children. He’d seen how other’s treated the boy and hadn’t wanted to be a member of their prejudiced society. He’d talked to Naruto not in an act of rebellion but with the hope to show others that the scrawny blonde boy was just like everybody else. A kid who wanted someone to care about them; ever since befriending Naruto his belief system has only been reinforced. Naruto is living proof that the act of judgment is a terrible fault of society.

Despite objectivity being the foundation of Sasuke’s entire belief system, Sasuke can not will himself to be apologetic upon instantly thinking, in short simple terms with no leniency or reason to it whatsoever, ‘I don’t like you.’

Sasuke shocks himself with the negative thought. It’s entirely cruel to opine without any insight. Sasuke doesn’t usually surprise himself. How terrible of a feeling, to shock oneself with an uncontrollable thought. The moment the thought comes Sasuke banishes it, but the feelings of dislike ruminates.

The judgmental thought had formed the moment Sasuke caught sight of the gleam in Kabuto Yakushi’s eyes, and hasn’t left all throughout the suspicious stranger’s self-important spiel on the dangers of the Chunin Exams. Sasuke can only explain it as a bad feeling, an omen so dark not even he can put a spin on it for the better. His accepting nature is usually boundlessly plentiful, but a single word slipped between the pearly teeth of his fellow Leaf Genin and his common sense is thrown out the window with abandon.

Kabuto Yakushi reeks of arrogance. He speaks of the obvious like it’s a secret known to only the best of the best, and talks down to Rookie Nine like they’re a group of inexperienced toddlers. His academy classmates hold a certain level of innocence in their eyes that the presumptuous would mistake for ineptitude. However, this Kabuto guy is not excused by the foible of a presumptuous nature. Sasuke feels that this unfamiliar Genin is well aware of Rookie Nine’s true skill level. This advanced-Genin is trying to make them appear small, so he may feel important in comparison.

Sasuke remains diligent. He observes Sakura and Naruto’s interaction with him as if trying to solve a particularly challenging puzzle. Everything Yakushi says, no matter how thoughtful and nervous he makes himself out to be, rings off pitch. The way he weaves words is like a master guitarist strumming with an out of tune guitar. It’s suspiciously out of the ordinary, and makes Sasuke uncomfortable.

Kabuto tilts his head, bangs sweeping across his forehead and tangling in his glasses. “You can’t help it. I mean how could you know the way things work? You’re just rookies.” His attempts at consoling fall flat, for Sasuke can sense a buried jab beneath his words. He’s mocking them. “You remind me of myself a while back,” It’s obvious he possesses a severe superiority complex in the way he looks down at a group of Genin as if they are mice when the reality is we stand just a few inches shorter than him.

Sakura holds out her hand for a shake. It’s a pretty civilian custom, and he wonders how no one has ever corrected her on the greeting. Most ninja are too distrustful of each other to get close enough for such close-contact to be possible. “Kabuto, that’s your name right?” she smiles at him, her eyes closing innocently. She blinds herself because of the squinty smile, and Sasuke feels on edge, for his teammate is unsuspecting to an attack should one arrive. Sakura and Naruto’s easy going behavior has Sasuke even more firmly against the _Y akushi_. He must make up for what his teammates lack, after all. Kabuto shakes her hand sheepishly.

But then Sasuke gets to thinking on that, because thinking is what Sasuke is best at. Sasuke has never been better at anything in his life than discerning truths. He gets to thinking about how familiar Naruto is with Kabuto, and how Sakura has instantly taken to him. He wonders if perhaps his distaste for Kabuto is misplaced. Perhaps he is jealous of Kabuto; jealous that his two favorite people are so enthusiastic to converse with him. That explains why he can’t see the goodness in Kabuto. The problem isn’t this poor, friendly Genin, but Sasuke and his clingy habits. Sasuke does his best to not let any further open hostility show on his face, already feeling terribly guilty for thinking such rotten things about someone he doesn’t even know. He’ll let Sakura and Naruto do the talking.

Which concludes the twisted road that leads to Sasuke’s inconveniently timed personal comparison to a _dumb_ _fish_. Sasuke wasn’t academically challenged by anyone’s standards but sometimes he questions the rationality of his thoughts. Thoughts of his own clinginess have reminded him of a certain ambitious remora and the fish’s suction function. It’s as if this Kabuto guy is a pilot fish, a type of fish that also has a symbiotic relationship with sharks. The pilot fish does not cling to sharks; they only visit the sharks occasionally. But on those occasions they steal some of the remora fish’s food source, even though the remora fish is steadfastly loyal and the stupid jerk pilot fish even travels around to rays and sea turtles to find food. The attention hogs don’t care about the shark’s wellbeing at all!

Okay, so maybe Sasuke has known that the feeling of dislike was jealousy from the beginning. But is it so wrong to be jealous? He’s never had to share before, and he’s finding it increasingly harder to do the longer he listens to Kabuto Yakushi run his mouth.

Sakura gushes, “So you’re practically a veteran, huh? How many times did you say you took the exams?” She leans forward interestedly. With his mind made up Sasuke forces his scowl down until only a general unease remains, like the brewing of ocean waves before a nasty storm. Thoughts of Itachi and his own jealous, possessive ways try to break Sasuke’s emotional defenses, but with a vigor that is rare for him he promptly banishes the negativity. Sasuke is not like Itachi and he never will be. It’s the goal that drives him onward in life.

“Err, that would be six...” Kabuto laughs, rubbing his neck abashedly. Sasuke feels his clenched jaw loosen in shock. Sasuke isn’t sure if he admires this guy’s tenacity or disrespects him for the sheer incompetence it takes to fail a sequential exam three years running.

“Cool!” Naruto enthuses. “You can give us all the inside tips!”

Shikamaru Nara, nudging his way forward to stand beside him, snorts disdainfully, “Yeah, some expert. He’s never passed.” Shikamaru’s lips curl upward, eyes narrowing. Sasuke bites back a small laugh. It’s proving harder than he’d originally thought it would be to shove down all the negative feelings he’s developed for Kabuto. Jealousy isn’t something Sasuke is familiar with. It leaves a hot and unpleasant boiling in his stomach, to the point where Sasuke feels uncomfortable in his own skin. His foot bounces anxiously.

Shikamaru glances at Sasuke, his lips quirking up. He has noticed Sasuke’s attempt at biting back a laugh and is basking in his humorous comment being appreciated. Shikamaru’s smile then disappears and his shoulders droop. Sasuke stiffens in mild surprise when Shikamaru leans over to him, tone resigned. “So I guess all those rumors about the exams being tough are true, huh? Oh man, I knew this was going to be a drag.” He grouches, his normal whining tone absent. Shikamaru is expressing genuine displeasure, unlike his usual half-hearted carping.

“Hang on, don’t give up hope yet!” Kabuto interrupts their conversation, digging into his pocket with a smile. “Maybe I can help you kid’s out a little.” he teases braggingly.

Sasuke’s eye twitched. As caught up as he has been in his jealousy and irritation, he’s completely unsuspecting to Ino’s entrance. She abruptly pops up at his other side, joining her teammate in leaning close to him. Sasuke withholds the urge to shove them away. He feels inwardly proud of his own self-restraint.

For someone so loud and extroverted, Ino can sure sneak up on a guy. Sasuke calms his beating heart. Ino is staring at Sakura and Naruto with an uncomprehending numbness. Every so often her lips will twist and then she’ll shake her head rapidly, before the cycle continues. It’s obvious she’s internally debating something. Sasuke isn’t intuitive enough to guess what, however. He doesn’t know Ino well enough to read her facial expressions. Choji too sidles up behind Shikamaru, Team Ten all gathering around him. Their expressions are unguarded and welcoming. It’s just like his old classmates to be unruffled by the hostile faces surrounding them. They’d probably let any one of the participants here come over and chat with them. Encouraged by the harmony filled atmosphere, Sasuke relays his opinion to them. Under his breath, so only those close to him can hear, consisting of Ino, Shikamaru, and Choji, Sasuke scoffs. “Anyone else think this guy’s a total showoff ?” he can’t help but ask.

Ino covers a dainty giggle behind her hand, and Shikamaru snorts quietly enough to be overlooked by Sasuke’s teammates.

Ino’s eyes light up unexpectedly. She whips around to him, her ponytail swinging wildly. “Would you mind,” she laughs a bit, rolling her shoulders, “Telling me all about whatever... _that_ , is.” Ino gestures to Sasuke’s two teammates. It takes Sasuke a moment to realize what she is referring to, and finds himself smiling secretively at her. He’s missed having someone to gossip with. Ino had always been nice to him, when she wasn’t flirting with everything she has in her. Thankfully she only flirts when her rival Sakura is around. Sasuke actually has quite a few pleasant memories of shared chats with her.

“I’m pretty sure they’re a thing now. They haven’t said anything explicitly, but ‘just friends’ don’t typically hold hands while they walk, and hug every time they see each other.” Sasuke peers over at his teammates excitedly. He hasn’t yet had the chance to gush about his adorable teammates to anyone, let alone someone like Ino who would find it equally interesting. To his disappointment she blinks at him, before nodding absently. She suddenly seems very confused and tired, looking at Sakura with worried eyes and a quivering lip. Ino opens her mouth to say something but Sakura and Naruto’s twin shouts of surprise put a stop to her words.

The rest of Rookie Nine pushes them forward to see what the fuss is about. Sasuke feel disappointed that Ino hadn’t confessed, even though he’s capable of guessing what she hadn’t voiced. Ino had never wanted to stop being friends with Sakura. Sasuke doesn’t know _why_ Sakura hadn’t wanted to hang out anymore, but figures that it’s between them. He drops the conversation because it’s clear she has no desire to digress the topic further, her turquoise eyes fixated on anything but Sasuke’s concerned gaze. The slight flush to her cheeks tells Sasuke she’s aware how petty her actions are. Sasuke forces himself to bite his tongue. It isn’t in his nature to leave things unresolved. It takes everything he has to stop the plans formulating in his mind. Reigniting Sakura and Ino’s childhood friendship would be momentous; he only barely succeeds in keeping quiet about the subject. 

Sasuke is uncomfortable with the proximity of Rookie Nine, bunched up as they were, hands brushing and backs bumping against each other. He still rather enjoys their presence. He’s missed being surrounded by people he can rely on. He’s missed the community of Rookie Nine.

He wonders if in the forest of death Rookie Nine would accept an alliance. It’d be rather effective. However...he frowns. It’ll be hard to get Naruto and Sakura to agree to something like that. Sometimes he has to remind himself that Rookie Nine wasn’t always kind to those two as they all were to Sasuke. Sasuke can’t really remember a time when anyone from his class had ever behaved _cruelly_ towards him. In fact, the only bad memories of the academy he has are purely circumstantial. The flirting girls and Mizuki are only a bother because of Sasuke’s own personal issues. Most of everyone had been very courteous after the Massaacre, and Sasuke is sensible enough to understand that the occasional whispers can’t be helped. So, in conclusion, he’d never truly enjoyed the academy itself, but the people within it have been missed dearly.

He’s missed Choji and his silent support. He’s missed Hinata and her exasperated fondness. He’s missed Shino and the way he was always just there, prepared to defend any of his friends at any given moment. They’re all such good people. Rookie Nine, all gathered together craning their necks in a childlike display of enthusiasm in hopes of witnessing the source next bout of commotion with Naruto at the center of it, brings upon him a deep sense of nostalgia. His academy classmates are the closest thing he has left to consider family.

Kabuto Yakushi is demonstrating an array of Ninja Info cards, which are essentially pieces of paper that are disguised as blank until the owner pulses chakra into them. They’re usually kid stuff, like invisible ink and magnifying glasses but with the extra bonus of helping strengthen your child’s chakra control. Kabuto Yakushi appears to be using them for much more meticulous of methods, and perhaps borderline sinister motives as well. Kabuto fans the cards, flippantly bragging on his own creation. “It’s hard to explain, but these cards have been chakra encoded with everything I’ve learned over the past four years. I’ve got more than two-hundred of them. So you see I haven’t been completely wasting my time.”

Sasuke shares a disturbed look with Choji, who is actually so surprised by the news he paused in his determined chip munching. Watching Choji eat gives Sasuke anxiety, because his fellow Genin always devours food as if it’s going to be taken from him. Sasuke had once asked Choji about it and he’d shrugged, claiming it was a _family genetics_ thing.

Kabuto kneels on the ground, readying his cards to be shown off. He places his index finger on one of the cards and balances his chakra throughout it. Sasuke noticeably jumps. The chakra Kabuto possesses doesn’t match his persona at all. Kabuto’s chakra is a sticky, gloppy mess. Sasuke reaches out his own signature to hesitantly prod at Kabuto’s system. It’s disturbing. Sasuke can’t tell right from left or up from down _or an arm from a leg_. The chakra is light, slippery, and scattered. It oozes everywhere and Sasuke is utterly confused by it all. He’s never sensed anyone else with chakra such as his. Sasuke senses something amiss, but decides against probing further for fear of being caught snooping. And, of course, to respect his fellow Leaf Ninja’s privacy; it’s incredibly rude to just go about probing someone’s chakra without permission or reason as he’d contemplated doing.

“Awesome, a map!” Sakura brightens as the card transforms from blank to colorful.

“It shows the geographical distribution of all the candidates who have come to take the Chunin exams.” Kabuto holds up his card. Sasuke doesn’t need a second glance to memorize the displayed statistics. Kabuto has mapped out how many participants from each village are competing. Konoha had the largest number, with twenty-four teams, or seventy-two individual participants. Suna is second, but it’s a large gap. Suna has ten teams and thirty participants. Sasuke finds it curious they have such a large quantity this year, for Suna prefers discretion in regards to their population, and also tend to hold back their Genin quite a bit longer than Konoha.

Sasuke finds that Kabuto’s numbers are all highly abnormal, a particularly curious statistic being the voluminous participating Ninja from Grass. Grass Ninja are a rarity because their military doesn’t belong to one of the Great Nations. A colossal fifteen participants and three teams is more than a vast improvement. Most years Grass was a no-show all together. He wonders what the new competitors will bring to the table.

The Sound village has a total of three participants and one team, Waterfall has twelve participants and four teams, and finally Rain has twenty-one participants and seven teams. Sasuke winces at the absence of so many Great Nations’ Militaries. Mist, Cloud, and Rock have all opted out of taking these exams. He was bewildered as to _why_. Why go through such great lengths of Exam planning and funding only to send less teams than the even the smallest of villages? The funding for the Chunin Exams is paid for by all the participating lands governments. It was like an inclusion requirement; a village can’t enter unless they are contributing financially.

When Sasuke blinks again, he belatedly realizes that in his haste to study Kabuto’s card his Sharingan has flickered to life. Sakura is still admiring Kabuto’s map and everyone moves on, oblivious to the hundred mile thoughts that had just surged through Sasuke. He is used to ephemeral moments of sped up time, where things feel slower than they should. He is not used to such extreme moments. Now that his Sharingan is fully active and (mostly) under his control, Sasuke’s comprehension time is increased tenfold. He could read a full history book in mere hours.

What a wonderful, joyous thing to realize. The first thing Sasuke is going to do after the Chunin Exams is pour over every single book that he has yet to read in the local library.

Kabuto, in a voice that suggests he isn’t expecting an answer, asks, “Why do you guys think they all come here to take the exam together, at the same time?”

Sasuke wonders if he should perhaps speak up. Rookie Nine is entirely silent, exempting Choji’s rigorous chip-chomping, showing that they either don’t know the answer or don’t plan on speaking up. Sasuke himself is curious to know what Kabuto believes is the true reason for the Chunin Exams. As silence continues to reign, Kabuto finally answers his own inquiry. “It’s to foster friendships between nations, of course.” Kabuto states, but his tone suggests there is more to it. A mischievous smile stretches across his face and he gives a one armed shoulder shrug. “International brotherhood and all that; and it’s true enough, as far as it goes.” Kabuto withholds a snicker.

Sasuke leans forward suspiciously, detecting that Kabuto isn’t revealing all that he knows. “But there’s another thing.” Sasuke states shrewdly.

Kabuto smiles, “Yeah. You see, the important thing is that this way, they can carefully regulate the total number of Shinobi that end up in each village, thereby maintaining the balance of power.” Sasuke grits his teeth, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. Anyone who has opened a book knows that about the Chunin Exams. Naruto and Sakura nod along, both thoroughly invested in Kabuto’s teachings. It’s becoming abundantly clear that the guy doesn’t have much to teach beyond anything that can be self-taught. The reason for lectures, in Sasuke’s opinion, is to learn something that you can’t learn or grasp by any other means. Kabuto’s lecturing is dull and repetitive, not to mention fundamentally opinion based.

Shikamaru side eyes him before sighing deeply. “Balance of power? Big deal, it’s all a drag.” He dismisses. The Nara’s are a clan of great knowledge; he and Shikamaru have a similar distaste for wasted breath.

Kabuto releases the cards contents, shuffling it into the stack far too conscientiously for the card placing to be coincidental. Sasuke wonders if there is a system to the card order, because the way Kabuto’s hands move about it sure seems like they’re kept in a particular categorization. _That’s quite a lot of cards_ , Sasuke notes. “If the balance isn’t maintained one nation could wind up with many more shinobi than its neighbors, and it might be tempted to attack them. So, they try to maintain the status quo.”

Sasuke steps up next to Naruto, brow furrowing. “Do those cards of yours have any info on the other candidates?” he questions, hoping that if they did, Kabuto will share his acumen. Sasuke is an opportunist at heart. If Rookie Nine can achieve an upper hand, he’ll seize whatever chance available to snag it.

“They might.” Kabuto responds mysteriously. Sasuke feels personally offended as Kabuto uses his middle finger to push up his glasses. Sasuke relents that the guy probably doesn’t know that singularly raising the middle finger is considered rude language in the Uchiha Clan, but decides to hold it against him anyway.

He finally understands why Sakura and Naruto have such a hard time controlling their emotions. This strong feeling of resentment towards Kabuto is impossible to disregard. “You have someone special in mind?” Kabuto pries, mirth glimmering in his expression.

Sasuke narrows his eyes. “I might.” He responds in a clipped tone.

Kabuto shuffles around his cards, gathering them into a neat stack. “Well I can’t promise my information is complete or perfect, but I’ve got something on just about everyone. Including you guys of course,” Kabuto flaunts cheerfully. Sasuke clenches his jaw. This guy really is a whole new level of infuriating. “So which one is it? Tell me anything you know about them. A description, where they’re from, whatever....anything at all,” Kabuto readies himself for a challenge. Sasuke doesn’t bother to stop himself from rolling his eyes this time around, allowing the petulance he never had the chance to display as a child take the lead.

“Gaara, from the Sand Village,” Sakura volunteers, maneuvering around Rookie Nine until she’s beside him. Team Seven is finally back together again, with Sakura in the center of him and Naruto. Sasuke approves of her choice of competitor. The Gaara kid from Suna has one hell of an aura. His chakra is darker than any level that Sasuke has seen of Naruto’s core, and it oozes power in waves. The skin crawling fear he brings forth is insurmountable. Back at the road, Sakura had looked interested in Gaara from the beginning, and so had Naruto. Naruto looked ready to fight him and Sakura looked closer to befriending him. Then again, Naruto has a strange line between fighting and friendship, Sasuke concedes.

“Man, that’s no fun you even know their names!” Kabuto complains. “That makes it easy...” he grumbles dejectedly.

With far more vivacity than strictly necessary, Kabuto pulls out the top card and flips it around to them, revealing a name that has Sakura’s eyes glinting. Sasuke is glad she’s distracted; that means that her usual perceptivity is replaced by ignorance to his shocked gasp. Sabaku no Gaara is a very recognizable moniker; it’s easy to forget that Suna has quite a few that use the same tongue as the Uchiha. Out of all the Shinobi Nations, Suna is the one with the most varied language dialect. It creates a bit of a barrier between Suna and the other nations, because Suna is still in the process of acclimating to the universal tongue. It had no original language of its own, which makes teaching everyone the universal dialect that much harder. Suna is the most underdeveloped of all the Great Shinobi Nations which is why it adopted many different languages from its diverse founders.

Most in Konoha wouldn’t refer to Gaara in the Uchiha tongue. Most would refer to him as the translated version, being Gaara of the Dessert, or Gaara of the Sand Waterfall. Gaara earned his nickname for being the top Genin across the nations since...well, Sasuke isn’t going to think of that man now. Subaku no Gaara is said to be as bloodthirsty as he is talented. Sasuke remembers Fugaku speaking of him often enough, but his parents usually just referred to him as ‘Suna’s Jinchurki’ or his moniker, which he’d earned at a very young age. Fugaku had clearly seen Gaara as a threat to his eldest son’s genius reputation. But there had been something else, something that Sasuke hadn’t been able to interpret before he was shooed out of the room time and again. Now more than ever he is very curious about his Clan’s interest in Suna’s jinchuriki.

It feels to Sasuke like submitting Jinchuriki is cheating, plus, no one should really expect Chunin to hold their own against a Tailed Beast. But then he considers Naruto’s seal and how unfair it would be if he wasn’t allowed to participate. It would wreck Team Seven, and not to mention create rifts between Nations. Jinchuriki are already treated like they’re shiny new toys. It’s best to debunk that misguided belief as aggressively as need be. If that meant shoving the tailed-beast hosts into the Chunin Exams with the rest of the future faces of the village, then Sasuke isn’t going to dwell on his leader’s decisions.

Sasuke is just glad he’s not one of the unlucky suckers who’s been pitted against the Nine-tails Jinchuriki. He glances at Naruto in amusement. Sasuke wonders if Naruto recognizes Gaara’s title. It’s a shame if he doesn’t. Sasuke will have to get around to making sure Naruto knows he has a fellow Jinchuriki to befriend in the Exams.

Kabuto begins explaining little things about Gaara, thankfully leaving out the whole One-Tailed demon host shebang. Sasuke kind of thinks Kabuto is a douchebag, but Kabuto would have to be both stupider than anyone Sasuke has ever met _and_ _a major_ douchebag to reveal that kind of information to a room of freshly minted Genin.

“Mission Experience: eight C-ranks, and—get this, one B-rank...as a Genin!” Kabuto appears impressed. Sasuke nearly rolls his eyes. Gaara is powerful, his chakra signature is all the proof required for Sasuke to know that for certain. Contrarily, Gaara appears to have virtually no authentic combat experience. A B-rank isn’t that impressive; maybe for a smaller village like Suna, though, Sasuke acknowledges. He feels guilty for underestimating Gaara, now. Suna is probably very proud of their Jinchuriki. After all Suna’s shinobi population is less than half of Konoha’s...or something like that. Suna is a private place, so Sasuke doesn’t know the exact number. Kabuto lists off a few more facts about Subaku no Gaara’s skillsets before pushing up his glasses and smiling conspiratorially. “There is this. He’s survived every mission without a scratch on him.” Kabuto places a hand on his chin, marveling at his own words.

Sasuke blinks. That...is different. How do they even keep a record of that? And how does one avoid injuries all together? Fatal wounds he’d understand, but not even a scratch? That has to be an exaggeration!

Rookie Nine breaks into bursts of murmurs, shoving shoulders and leaning into each other’s ears in order for their opinion to be acknowledged. Shikamaru gives him a disbelieving glance. Sasuke sympathizes. No words are needed to express his equal bewilderment. Listening to the gossiping of Rookie Nine reminds him of a certain friend he’d forgotten about in all the examination excitement.

He scolds himself for not properly thanking Neji previously. After all, he is the person who had made Kakashi’s gift possible! Why, Neji had gone out of his way to help him with that present and Sasuke has forgotten to show his gratuity! He resolves to keep his old friend in mind throughout the exam until their paths cross once more. Neji was such a great help to him with that research. Sasuke’s been curious about it for a while now, and Neji had been so thorough and patient with him. Well, he wasn’t exactly patient, per se. He was actually rather short with him. But he still stuck out and helped the entire way through, which reveals to Sasuke that even though Neji has a rough exterior his intentions are true.

He startles out of his thoughts at the sound of someone sneezing a distance away. Sasuke shakes his head. That was silly of him. A sneeze isn’t an enemy attack. He’s just even more paranoid than normal.

Taking a deep breath Sasuke does his best to relax. Sakura and Naruto have been unashamedly worrying over him, keeping him close, but truthfully Sasuke doesn’t have a large issue with crowded places. He has an issue with hot breath and unexpected contact, angered voices and cold looks; but loud noises have never bothered him too much. He doesn’t love simultaneously hearing thirty different conversations he isn’t a part of. Nor does he appreciate the occasional flare of random Killer Intent, but Sasuke has no problem being in a room with a bunch of people. In fact, being in a room with a bunch of people has always been safer to Sasuke than being alone. This crowd in particular is rather tame. Everyone is silenced by their nerves over the upcoming exams. In terms of honing his sensory skills, crowded places can actually be advantageous. It’s overwhelming in a good way; Sasuke’s good at dealing with pressure. But Sasuke certainly isn’t immune to worrying over all of his comrades. He’s _so_ concerned for their safety. At least Rookie Nine is a unit, an unconventional one, but one that will never resort to fighting each other.

_You know, hopefully_. Sasuke is trying to take one from his cousin’s book and be less pessimistic. It honestly feels a bit unnatural. But while optimism is new to him, seeing the good in _all_ people isn’t. He’s just clever enough to acknowledge the bad as well.

Sasuke realizes that he’d entered a meditative state, lost in his contemplations as he was. He hadn’t noticed he’d begun reaching out with his chakra to feel his way through the crowds, operating on instinct, until he came upon a shockingly sinister signature. It isn’t...it doesn’t feel right. Sasuke can sense that the signature isn’t unique at all. All signatures are unique. A proper analogy is comparing them to fingerprints. Chakra signatures are individual by nature.

Imagine your surprise if you worked as an Anbu in investigation and came across two people with identical fingerprints. Your whole life’s work would feel like a lie. Sasuke feels like that pitiable investigator. He’s never came across another signature that feels...it feels almost like it’s existed before. His skin crawls. He digs deeper, eyes slipping closed in concentration and all conversations he hadn’t even been paying attention to in the first place fading out of focus. He pushes deeper, trying to determine what’s wrong with the signature. It’s dark. It’s...disgusting. He has no words to describe its hideousness. Sasuke attempts to find the location of the signature within the room, nearly gasping when a powerful chakra signature intercepts his search. This signature is at least familiar in its abnormality to normal chakra signatures. It feels like Naruto’s signature. However, Sasuke’s brow furrowed, this isn’t Gaara’s signature, either.

This is someone else. Someone less powerful with an equal sense of presence; two chakra signatures, separate yet intertwined. The signature is so confusing Sasuke isn’t quite sure what impression it gives him.

“RAHHHHH!!!” Naruto roars.

Sasuke snaps out of his meditation, gawking at the sight of his teammate. Naruto’s fists are clenched and with steely eyes, shouting at the crowds upon crowds of examinees in the room. He resists the urge to smack his forehead. A wave of dizziness crashes upon Sasuke before he is able to decipher why his teammate is throwing a fit. The loss of inner equanimity is the cause of his stomach tightening. He had been focusing intensely on the peculiar, yet eerily familiar signature, and getting snapped back from that intense concentration is jarring. He remembers how disorienting it felt when he came across that second signature...Sasuke is glad to be back in his own skin. Not a single part of him wants to feel such disturbing chaos again. He shudders at the thought of being the one responsible for sorting through a mess like that. It’d be easier to start all over. A strange concept, seeing as one could not simply start over their chakra signature. Maybe he’ll ask Neji about it later. His old friend knows many things.

Sasuke watches his blonde teammate rage for unknown reasons, resigned to Naruto’s continuous unpredictability. _That’s what I get for prying into a stranger’s personal business_ , Sasuke chides himself. Now he has to deal with Naruto actively trying to kill all of Rookie Nine by egging on all of their competitors. The universe laughs at him. When Sasuke is paying attention and being careful, the world makes him feel paranoid and crazy. But when he’s unsuspecting and otherwise preoccupied, the world delivers a sharp kick to the gut as a price for his thoughtlessness.

“MY NAME IS NARUTO UZAMAKI. AND I’M GOING TO BEAT EVERY ONE OF YA! _BE_ LIEVE IT!!” Naruto screams, jabbing his hand wildly at the surrounding crowd. He vaguely wonders what has set the hothead off this time.

“Hey!” Ino protests, reeling on Sakura. “What’s that idiot trying to do, get us killed?” Sasuke watches apprehensively as Sakura’s eye twitches in a sure sign of an outburst. Ino doesn’t sense it, probably forgetting the tick after being apart from her for so long. “Tell your boyfriend to keep his big fat trap shut!” Ino shrieks.

Sakura spins around and growls at Ino, her eyes flaring. Sasuke contemplates interfering in his teammates affairs, but ultimately decides not to risk his own neck. Sakura is gritting her teeth though, and Sasuke is beginning to worry she will go so far as to smack her has-been friend. Sasuke winces.

“Don’t talk about my boyfriend like that you PIG!” Sakura swerves around fast, and Sasuke jerks into action. Thankfully his quick reaction time isn’t needed, because instead of lunging at the other girl like he’d been expecting her to, she stalks up to Naruto and points accusingly at the crowd.

“IF A SINGLE ONE OF YOU CHALLENGES MY BOYFRIEND YOU’LL HAVE ME TO DEAL WITH TOO!” she screams. Next to him, Ino’s jaw drops in shock.

Sasuke does smack his head this time. He closes his eyes. He opens them. The terrifying scene doesn’t disappear. Shikamaru snarls at Naruto, spouting off an insult so generic Sasuke already forgets what it was. The sentiment is agreed by the rest of Rookie Nine. Kiba glares and hisses, “Didn’t quite catch that. Wanna say it again a little louder?” he looks absolutely livid. Even Shino, who’s known for his silence and lack of strong opinions, let’s out a quiet mumble of, “Jackass.”

Sasuke sighs. He should’ve known something like this would happen. His teammates are insane. _Sasuke’s teammates are insane!_ Even with the negativity surrounding their actions and the rapidly increasing chances of Team Seven dying a horrible death, he can’t help but crack a smile at them. They’re the gutsiest, stupidest, most lovable idiots he’s ever known. Sakura is more than aware that what she’d done is beyond reckless but did it all the same just to prove a point to her rival. Sasuke admires the impulsivity they rely on as a guide. Sakura and Naruto had been so serious before. Now, not even fifteen minutes in and all plans and strategies have been tossed aside in favor of antagonizing their opponents. Sasuke supposes they’re leaving the _actual_ planning up to him.

Sasuke’s small laughter transforms into an almost hysterical chuckles. Ino blinks at him. “What could you possibly be laughing at?” she looks upon the vast crowd and their heated gazes with horror.

And it is a very large crowd. Dozens upon dozens of Genin from all over are gathered in one spot. Some of them are even pissed enough to emit a small dose of Killer Intent, which is rare for Genin. Kabuto had earlier claimed during his spiel that this is the toughest bunch of Genin he’s seen yet, in all six of his exams. Sasuke crosses his arms under his chest, his laughter fading out into a small smirk. The expressions on their competitor’s faces range from shock to outright hostility. He tilts his head. He doesn’t know why, but he feels like he’s waiting for something. Like he’s waiting to feel afraid; only right now, he isn’t afraid. He’s far from it. He’s exhilarated. He has a reason to be here, and that’s getting his laughably rambunctious teammates to survive this freaking exam.

He’d come into this prepared, ready for the challenges that awaited him. He’d come into this cautious, remembering with a heavy heart the death toll that marred the exams reputation. He’d walked through the doors wary of the day his brother had come home wearing an Anbu mask instead of the Chunin vest he’d sought to acquire. He’d gazed upon his teammates with belief in their abilities. He’d asked around and searched for answers. He’d tried to find reason to be afraid. He’d stayed up all night writing furiously to remember all the tips he’d collected. Throughout it all, there had been this drive. A drive inside of him stronger than hopelessly getting improving to protect himself; a drive so unfamiliar Sasuke at first had not recognized what the jittery feeling inside of him meant.

This drive is one born of protection. He now realizes his goal, his reason. Konoha is full of so many spectacular people. He wants to keep them safe, and he can do that with much more ease if he sports a Chunin vest. He isn’t afraid for his own wellbeing but for the wellbeing of those around him, and that’s where the drive originated. He can’t hide himself away. That would do nothing to save his friends. He has to be stronger. He has to get up and fight. Sasuke must constantly watch Sakura and Naruto’s backs because they’re too reckless to watch their own. He’s afraid, but no longer does he fear the possibility of dying without meaning. Now he fears losing Sakura and Naruto, losing Rookie Nine, losing the camaraderie he’s so blessed to enjoy.

Maybe it’s these impassioned thoughts that drive Sasuke to behave as he does. After all, Konoha is his home and whether he likes it or not Kabuto’s a part of it. Sasuke had sensed the Killer Intent and malevolent pulse of chakra like whiplash. Sasuke doesn’t regret his actions. In fact, he feels rather proud of himself. It serves to strengthen his resolve to protect Konoha and its people.

He moves quickly, shoving Kabuto out of the way and feeling the ache in his jaw as a fist meets his chin. Arrogant asshole or not, Kabuto hadn’t provoked the Sound Ninja’s that went after him. Sasuke won’t just stand by and watch some cheap display of dishonor. His ears ring with the impact, his stomach turning. He feels himself stumble backwards. Sasuke looks up to see the once anger filled faces around him morph into looks of stunned incomprehension. Sasuke glares at Kabuto’s would-be assailant, feeling protective of the ones he cares for as a whole. He wipes his chin, wondering if now would be the moment he should declare something bold and inspiring. Sasuke rids himself of the thought. He isn’t eloquent like Naruto. He doesn’t have anything to express to them, nothing to prove to them. He doesn’t care how they viewed his action. All he cares for is protecting Konoha. Let the others fall prey to their conjured assumptions born from inadaptable belief systems. Let their eyes paint a picture of an ocean when beyond them lies a vast forest. Sasuke knows why he does it, and it’s against his moral pull to take any other action.

“What the hell! You intercepted my attack!” The sound ninja before him most likely struck to prove their worth, Sasuke recalls. Kabuto had made them seem quite insignificant in comparison to the other villages, and his cocky leaf-superior attitude would grate on any foreigner’s nerve. It would’ve grated on his parent’s nerves. He couldn’t remember Kabuto’s exact speech, spaced out as he had been by the dark chakra signature hiding amongst the Chunin hopefuls. He knows it wasn’t friendly, though.

Sasuke’s hands shake. “Leaf ninja are leaf ninja. It doesn’t matter who you hit, the meaning is the same.” Sasuke straightens himself up, blinking back a wave of nausea. At first he thinks it might be his Sharingan acting up again, but then he notices the odd chakra ringing in his ears. It’s a strange sensation, like he has abruptly developed an ear infection. His ears fill with cotton, and his stomach churns. He uses his own chakra to push the intrusive chakra from his system, clutching his head with a wince. Sasuke sways.

Sakura, with a gentle look in her eyes, appears beside him and pulls him into her side. She allows his weight to lean against her. He smiles at the sincerity behind the gesture. Naruto storms up next to him to glare defiantly at the gawking crowd. The sound ninja, backed up by his two teammates, snarl at Sasuke’s bold acclamation. _Maybe I am eloquent after all_ , Sasuke considers. _It was a pretty badass thing to say._

Team Seven’s display of camaraderie comes to a sudden end. The familiar and echoing sound of a summoning is heard, and then standing front and center of the room is Ibiki Morino, a man Sasuke has seen on multiple unpleasant occasions. After the events of the Uchiha Massacre he’d been the ninja assigned to all intelligence coveting and attaining involved with the infamous night. Sasuke has yet to ever speak to the man in person, despite being intimately familiar with his reputation. He’s an intimidating figure. Sasuke shies away from the tall man with anger lines and a scowl fiercer than Kakashi-sensei’s. 

Dear God... _Chunin Exams_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! The next chapter's almost done already, so it won't be nearly as long if all goes as planned!


	22. Here's the Thing, I'm Not a Quitter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first test of the Chunin Exams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya friends. Editing this chapter took a lot out of me. I think I'm satisfied with the way it played out. I like the feel of it now and I'm just glad it's out here. Feels like a massive weight off my shoulders.

Sasuke moved with pure confidence.

Ino was outsmarted playing a game of her own invention.

Naruto wrote down each answer to the test as if he were a scholar.

How did this series of seemingly impossible circumstances occur? Sakura smirks wickedly. Who knew the first sector of the Chunin examination would be child’s play? A pure confidence booster is what the written test turned out to be. She leans back against her assigned desk chair, rolling her shoulders serenely.

It all started way back when, on the day Inner had snatched the scrolls from the Yamanaka archives. Sakura, despite having argued that Inner’s decision was morally corrupt, proceeded to scavenge the knowledge the Yamanaka’s kept closely coveted within their clan. She learned a great many things about the mind, ranging from meditative theory all the way to the clan’s most prized jutsu.

It’s true. Sakura had stolen the famed Mind Transfer Jutsu. It had taken her a great many tries, countless secretive nights spent tirelessly at the training grounds. Sakura did it though. She’d stolen her best friend’s technique.

And now she was making it her own.

Sakura was consciously aware that a morally attuned girl would be feeling immensely guilty, and yet sheer triumph was the only sensation coursing through her veins. Not only had she ensured her team a spot in the second sector of the exams, she’d sabotaged Ino’s chances as well. In just one move Sakura had permanently sealed the gap between her civilian status and Ino’s clan lineage. Sakura set her pencil down, stretching out her fingers in satisfaction. She allowed herself to rest to the sound of Inner’s giddy cackling. Sakura even let out a few soft chuckles herself.

Team Seven 1, Chunin Exams 0.

\------

Shikamaru Nara was having a very...wait for it... _troublesome_ day.

The story begins way back when, the day Team Seven’s members were first announced. He curses whoever selected such a poorly blended team. Ino had been nothing but annoying about it for weeks afterwards, switching between mourning over Sasuke and obsessing over Sakura. The sole good thing about Team Seven is their vengeful Jounin-sensei, who always accepts the worst of D-ranks to pass onto his Genin. Shikamaru knows this because Asuma-sensei found it incredibly humorous, informing Team Ten that they should be grateful to receive the easy missions he chose in comparison to Team Seven’s dreadful assignments.

_A great shock_ is an understatement for how strange it had been to see the members of Team Seven. For the first time in months Rookie Nine was back together, and the weirdness wasn’t just because of the amount of time elapsed without his classmates. The members of Team Seven were closer than Shikamaru could have ever believed possible. No one on Team Seven had even really talked at the Academy as far as he recalled. Sans a few scuffles between Sakura and Naruto swiftly put to an end by Iruka-sensei. They were nearly unrecognizable as the kids he’d known from the academy. Shikamaru has been unable to stop pondering over Team Seven since they barged in through the double doors of the sign-up room. He hates not understanding things.

Ino always acts different around Team Seven. She downplays her own skills and makes herself seem...meaner, more dismissive than she actually is. Ino cares deeply about her chosen passions, and is capable of true kindness when she allows herself to relax. Her walls surge onto the defensive whenever Sakura comes around. Ino and Sakura have some serious history, and it’s obvious in all of their interactions.

Ino acts all flirty and annoying around the Uchiha, yet another downside to Team Seven’s presence. He just can’t see what everyone else sees in the guy. Other than his decent looks, Shikamaru supposes. Not that the Uchiha is a bad person or anything, but he isn’t particularly special. Sasuke’s just a _guy._ Like every other academy ninja.

Finally, Team Seven’s last member, Uzumaki....Shikamaru finds Naruto to be a public menace. He’s always getting into some kind of trouble. A part of Shikamaru, however, has missed the loudmouth. As difficult as it is to admit, being around Naruto is akin to basking in the breeze of a perfect day. Naruto’s cheery disposition is always a mood booster. Earlier today, of course, Naruto’s more troublesome traits made an appearance.

Naruto had gone and made a complete fool of himself, which considering all of his other questionable acts of the past isn’t a surprising occurrence. Instead of toning down the situation, Sakura followed him recklessly into her doom. Sasuke appeared to be used to his teammate’s stupidity. The Uchiha remained unruffled, off into his own dreamland of carefully assessing the competition. The crowds seethed.

Contrary to the Uchiha’s indifference, Shikamaru feels quite bothered. Naruto and Sakura painted red targets on the backs of every participant from Konoha. Sasuke has even more right to be upset than Shikamaru. It’s truly fascinating that Sasuke had and still remains impassive, resigned to his teammate’s behavior. Sasuke proceeded to patch up the trouble Naruto caused. Uchiha made a big spectacle of himself in front of the crowd of Genin surrounding them. It was bold to declare Konoha as a united front, but Shikamaru begrudgingly admits to the tactical advantages. It was the ideal countermove to soften the blow of his teammate’s obnoxious declarations. Shikamaru wishes he’d come up with something that genius himself.

He twitches at the sound of Kiba’s dog yapping away a few rows across from him. What’s happening is obvious to Shikamaru, who has spent many childhood years training and hanging out at his fellow Genin’s residence. Kiba is using Akamaru, his ninja-dog that is perched happily atop Kiba’s head, to cheat off of other people’s papers. From the height the dog is viewing the world it has a clear look at most of the participant’s pages, allowing him to yip the correct answers into Kiba’s ear.

He isn’t the only cheater, of course. Shikamaru has made it a game of sorts to see how many Genin he can catch red handed, preferably before even the proctors notice their deception.

Shino’s bugs have whizzed near him quite a few times, giving his blank page curious onceovers. Shino, like how his teammate Kiba can speak with Akamaru, is capable of communicating with his insects. Shino’s an Aburame, and his clan specializes in harboring and training various bugs for the use of ninja affairs. Shikamaru resolutely keeps his pen on the desk, hyperaware of all the eagle eyes waiting for the chance to cheat off of him. Tainted by his laziness or not, he has quite the genius reputation.

Tenten, a girl from Shikamaru’s math class back at the academy, is quietly tapping her pencil on the table. A few rows behind her, both of her teammates Neji Hyuuga and Lee Rock are making similar motions. It’s not morose code, but its close, and it’s entirely inconspicuous. The only reason Shikamaru has noticed is because he’d been irritated by Tenten’s “contemplative” tapping. She has a good poker face, as do her teammates. They all seem confused yet focused. Nothing on their faces reveal that they’re helping each other solve the answers. The Hyuuga occasionally flashes his Byakugan at other participants, reading their answers and relaying them back to his teammates in their tapping code. The three then go back and solve every cheated-off answer to ensure its accuracy. Shikamaru thinks it’s an impressive display of teamwork and diligence. That team is in it to win.

A couple people have already been caught cheating. Those unfortunate Genin ended up with kunai embedded in their tests, thrown by irate proctors. Some have even been hauled out by their arms, the disappointment the proctors felt evident by the deep creases in their faces. “Number 23, fail,” Ibiki Morino, the lead Jounin in charge of the written exams, drones on in boredom. He’s the only proctor unaffected by the Genin failing left and right.

Shikamaru has already noticed the few proctor implants through shear perceptivity alone. Every few rows sat a Leaf Genin he doesn’t recognize, dressed in casual clothes and writing intently. These ‘Genin’ have been placed at intervals around the room. It’s likely they’re a part of the test to ensure that the correct answers are present on at least _someone’s_ paper, so the proper info can be passed around to the successful cheaters. This amplifies the information gathering goal of this test by a hundred. It’s hard enough to cheat with dozens of eyes boring into you and an hour time limit, but add to the fact only a few people in the room have the correct answer? And the answers work almost like a game of pass-on. If the Genin aren’t lucky enough to get the information from its root, then it’s likely their answers will be skewed. This test has been designed to put as much stress on the Genin as possible.

Ino lays her head back, feigning sleep as her fingers form the mind transfer jutsu. Shikamaru raises an eyebrow. Haruno has finally halted her furious writing, and Ino is eagerly seizing her chance. Ino still trusts Haruno’s mind the most out of every perfectly good participant available in the room. Haruno’s body slumps forward for a moment before quickly snapping up. Sasuke, in an incredible display of comrade telepathy briefly glances over at her, but much to Shikamaru’s confusion, turns away with a shit eating _grin_.

Shikamaru feels like Ino has just walked into a trap, as weird as that intuition is. His stomach drops, and for the first time since Asuma-sensei passed them the Chunin sign-up forms Shikamaru feels nervous.

Ino, within the mindscape of Sakura, scans her ex-friend’s test answers diligently. Shikamaru’s brow furrows as Ino swaps back into her own body, determinedly copying what she’d memorized onto her test. Memorization is Ino’s specialty; once Ino hears it, she remembers it. He’s pretty sure the talent is passed down in the Yamanaka family, much like the Mind Transfer Jutsu. The Mind Transfer is an incredible technique that allows the caster to send themselves into the minds of their targets, temporarily gaining control of their bodies. It’s not particularly chakra taxing, but it’s dangerous to use in the midst of battle because it leaves the wielder as useful as a corpse. It’s the jutsu Ino is using to cheat this very moment.

Shikamaru becomes aware of an itching at the back of his mind. He readies himself for his teammate’s jutsu. A sensation akin to plummeting towards the ground overtakes his conscious thoughts. He inhales deeply as he comes back into himself, looking around with a feeling of disorientation. It’s as if he’s been falling for hours, but a glance at the clock lets him know it’s only been about fifteen minutes. He regains his senses and notices a cramping in his hand. Looking down, he sees that he’s finally picked up his pencil. Ino had used her clan’s classic jutsu on him, it seems, and wrote down all of the answers she’d just copied from her ex-best-friend. There’s about forty minutes left of the exam, and Shikamaru resists the urge to use up that time napping. His trusty teammate Ino has done all the work for him. Well, Haruno helped, he supposes. His thoughts bring his gaze back to Haruno, checking to ensure she’s properly come back to herself after Ino’s forceful visitation.

Shikamaru blinks groggily, noticing something peculiar. Haruno is writing again. This time her script is less furious than her previous answering. She now has her eyes narrowed, hair cascading around her forehead, steadily documenting her answers. Her demeanor has flipped from rapid and intent to collective and self-assured. She makes her way _back down_ the test. The test that she has already answered...or so he’d assumed.

Shikamaru recognizes the deceit with a clenched jaw. He’s unable to warn Ino about the trap she’s blindly stumbled into, their assigned seats having purposefully placed all the participant’s teammates apart. Besides, Ino’s already passing the information on to Choji. Shikamaru knows this because her body is slumped backward on her chair and Choji has begun documenting Sakura’s fake answers. He glances down at the page before him, fingernails digging into his desk. The transcription of Sakura’s paper details many complicated answers, quantitative methods executed flawlessly and personal interpretations neatly filling the lines in an organized fashion. Despite the clear effort put into the verbose answers it comes to his attention that the answers before him are not _correct_. More precisely, the formulas are correct, but the basic math is skewed. To be able to mess up the answers as Sakura has means she intimately understands all of these unfairly advanced questions, able to reinvent them just enough to make it seem real yet remain false.

Upon first receiving his test about thirty-minutes prior, Shikamaru hadn’t wasted a minute of his time realizing the chances of being expected to comprehend the equations before him were nonexistent. No sane leader thought Genin should be intellectually progressive enough to finish this type of exam. He’d ultimately come to the only plausible conclusion. It was a test all about information gathering, and after a while, Shikamaru began watching many others begin the silent process of cheating.

Sakura’s capabilities far exceed any average Genin, let alone a civilian girl raised by a family he believes accomplished nothing more significant than the simplistic lifestyle of traveling merchants. With her type of background she can’t possibly know anyone personally enough to have a tutor, and she hasn’t been a Genin for long. Her Jounin-sensei wouldn’t have been able to teach this kind of detailed intelligence to her in such short notice. Shikamaru acquiesces; his interest is captured by Sakura’s unnatural natural-intelligence. 

The feigned answers are so convincing it just might have gotten past Shikamaru’s awareness had he not witnessed Sakura rewriting her test. Shikamaru’s fingernails indent the wood, permanently marring the already worn academy desk. The thing that really gets to Shikamaru has nothing to do with Haruno’s little trick being irreversible. Shikamaru can easily shadow possess Ino and rewrite the answers personally, having been effortlessly capable of solving the equations all along. Haruno’s trickery makes his life minimally difficult. What affects him isn’t Haruno thinking herself _clever_. It’s not that she thinks she’s outsmarted him. So many believe that they are far better than his privileged lazy ass that her thinking she could effortlessly send his team home crying may hurt, but is acceptable in its recurrence. What hits the hardest is the shattered trust. He’d trusted Rookie Nine to leave him and his team alone. She’d broken that intrinsic bond, and now he is left scrabbling with anger and hurt. Even though Ino had been the one using Sakura in the first place, it was different. Ino had only been forwarding her team’s success, she’d never intended to sabotage her friends as Sakura had.

Shikamaru relaxes his hand, smoothing his fingers over the ridges he’d just chipped into the timeworn wood. He softens his eyebrows and smirks, letting the righteous anger toward his competitor’s arrogance weigh down upon him. Who knew the Chunin Exams would actually turn out to be entertaining?

His Shadow Technique could surely benefit this situation, not for the purpose of reversing the mess Haruno created, but to cause his own disaster right alongside her meddling. The game is on, with no rules so long as he’s not caught, and Shikamaru has no qualms in conquering a cheater through cheating.

_You want to play sabotage, Haruno? You’ll soon discover how risky it is to start a game off with the progression of a knight._

“Shadow Possession Jutsu!” he hisses, and just like that, Uchiha Sasuke is stuck mimicking his every move. Sasuke’s shadow snaps closed, curling into itself and shrinking away. The shadow’s futile attempts to hide from his attack are shaky, timid, and startled. Shikamaru carefully unbinds the frightened chakra and links it to his own, spiking his chakra with both warning and finality. Shikamaru remembers Sasuke’s joyful expression at Ino’s failed Mind Transfer and feels a spike of validation at his own brazen reaction. Sasuke had the gall to preach about Konoha’s unification mere minutes before, the most unashamed display of hypocrisy Shikamaru has ever bore witness to. The Uchiha deserves to be taken down a few pegs for his opportunist ideals and manipulative impartiality.

He moves his hand to erase all of the transcribed answers before him, simultaneously erasing the Uchiha’s test, which he assumes is comprised of answers he’d cheated to find. Despite Sasuke’s prodigal reputation Shikamaru seriously doubts his IQ is high enough to even understand the test at all.

Shikamaru isn’t able to hold his Shadow Technique for the entire exam, but the likeliness of Sasuke rewriting all of his answers with perfect accuracy by the end of the time limit is minimal. Just as he finishes erasing their second questions, he feels that same itch from before.

His stomach plummets and he falls, sinking endlessly. This time, however, when he awakens from his dreamlike state a quick glance at the ticking clock shows him that nearly thirty more minutes of time has passed. Shikamaru jerks in shock, having not expected to suddenly lose and regain control of his mind in such rapid succession. It’s disturbing to find out that he’s lost so much time. He glances around the room, feeling disoriented and dizzy. His stomach flops around uncomfortably. He finally regains enough composure to notice the latest addition to his test. On his page, written in a bastardized version of his own handwriting are the words, “ _Back off_.”

Shikamaru purses his lips. The warning is ominous, but he’s not scared. He’s just getting started. Then he blinks. He really thinks about the Mind Transfer Jutsu and its limited users.

He looks up to Haruno, seated a few rows in front of him, his jaw loose in stunned silence. Shikamaru’s eyes shift around the room, trying to find a plausible explanation. Naruto, a little ways away, is leaning against his assigned seat beside Hinata Hyuuga with a confident expression. Sasuke seems similarly at ease, all of his answers rewritten and hand tiredly massaging his head. Shikamaru’s head hurts in the exact same place.

He looks down at his paper. He looks back up to Haruno. He remembers Sasuke’s grin as he gazed upon Ino within Sakura’s body, and everything falls into place. Haruno had swapped her mind out just as Ino had swapped her mind _in._ She’d busied her time in Sasuke’s body, wrote the proper answers, and switched back into herself when Ino was done. Ino must have been inside of Shikamaru’s body when Haruno pulled the same cheap move on Naruto, explaining the Uzumaki’s relaxed posture.

Had this been the real source of Ino and Sakura’s fight? Had Sakura...had Sakura broken Shinobi Code? Had this no-name civilian girl stolen the Yamanaka clan’s personal jutsu? But if that were the case, shouldn’t she be facing legal consequences?

It’s the only logical explanation, though, despite the holes he had yet to fill. The theory makes perfect sense, backed by evidence and reason. What’s bewildering is that Haruno isn’t even trying to _hide_ her technique. But since Haruno isn’t in prison, Ino can’t know that Sakura stole her clan jutsu. Why isn’t Haruno trying to hide it? Is she just that arrogant? He looks back down at the words on his paper, feeling rage bubble within him. He watches Uchiha rub his head, Uzumaki yawn, and Ino smile in oblivious satisfaction. Shikamaru readies himself for another shadow technique, this time to be used on Choji and Ino’s papers to make sure the two aren’t marked off as zeroes, but pauses. The circumstances are skewed, and his mind is trying to tell him something. He takes a deep breath. He needs a clear way to view this. He needs to pretend this is just another game of Shogi. He doesn’t want to make a hasty decision.

Haruno has proven the insane level of _sheer intelligence_ she possesses. Smart people are often arrogant, yes, but the trail she left behind isn’t messy, it’s obvious. With the information he has been given the conclusion he had come to was inevitable. The perfect trail that succinctly leads to how Haruno’s pulled everything off; but why go through the trouble, he wonders? She’d had to have known he’d be able to shadow possess his teammates to replace her false answers with the correct ones. Why work towards something that could easily be fixed? Why waste high pieces just to save a pawn? She’d willingly sacrificed her queen to pull off a high-stakes move that left her no closer to seizing his king. 

Haruno is smart. Smart enough to intimately understand every last question on this outrageous test. _Haruno is smart!_

Shikamaru glances down at his paper. His eyes shift forward. He glances at the clock. Twenty-five minutes until the test ends, and then the last question will be given to those who’ve made it. He should be using his Shadow Technique to change Team Ten’s answers.

But he isn’t. He worries. Sakura can’t possibly have given away the ace up her sleeve; not without a backup plan. Not without something even more dangerous dormant in her arsenal.

But what, realistically, had she given away? She’d left ‘evidence’ on his page in the form of her warning. The so called evidence, however, was in his handwriting. She hadn’t been friends with Ino in _months_ , and the two’s friendship had been shaky at best the year before that. Sakura is a civilian, and all of her records showed the background of a fairly-smart girl who excelled at theory, lacked in taijutsu, and was hopeless with most of anything that expended large amounts of chakra. Her teammate’s could’ve believably cheated without her assistance. Sasuke is prodigal and Naruto has a history of sly pranks. From an outsiders view, Sakura is the least likely teammate to successfully cheat. Even if Shikamaru’s the Nara heir, all his accusations would accomplish is further animosity between the civilians and ninja of Konoha. He hasn’t exactly witnessed her use the jutsu, meaning not even his memory counted as evidence. Shikamaru nearly snarls, furious at himself for this helplessness.

Sakura is smart, smart enough to cheat and not get caught. Shikamaru can’t indict or even criminalize her. She’s protected by a carefully woven reputation and an even more conscientiously strewn web of lies.

He huffs. But why give her hand away at all? Why not just let Ino cheat off of her? Had it all really been a matter of principle?

Twenty minutes, he notes. What has Haruno done? What is he missing? He glances anxiously at the clock, and once again his perception shifts. He begins asking himself less _what’s_ and more _how’s_. How has Sakura accomplished all of this by herself? There’s a clear time limit. Not even someone as smart as her could come up with a set of false answers on her own page, write Naruto and Sasuke’s page herself, and then do her own work as well, all in much less than sixty-minutes. Besides, Ino had been memorizing answers, not writing them. She’d only been in Sakura’s body for about seven minutes, not even close to enough time for Sakura to finish the test within Sasuke’s body. By the time Ino had transferred all the answers to Shikamaru Sakura had completed both Naruto and Sasuke’s tests, and was at the end of rewriting her own from scratch. That kind of time efficiency is unbelievable, implausible. It would have had to be the perfect plan, and it isn’t like any of the participants knew about the written test in the first place. She didn’t have time to plan. She should hardly have had enough time to finish the test individually, let alone finish the test for both of her teammates.

...what if....

What if it isn’t Haruno that has strung this plan together? What if she’s working with someone? Uchiha? No, that’s doubtful. He’s too fair-play to help Haruno with something as malicious and backstabbing as this. Uzumaki? Not likely, he wouldn’t bother sabotaging others. Naruto only cares about his own advancement.

If, hypothetically, Haruno has taught this second person the Mind Transfer, was it them who intruded on his mind? Was this lurking figure the one who left behind a blatant threat on his test?

Nineteen minutes remaining. Three more teams had already been shoved out the examination doors during his hasty contemplating. Shikamaru’s time is ticking, and he still hasn’t corrected his team’s answers. 

Shikamaru closes his eyes, and that’s when he feels it. His chakra system is _wrong._ His chakra is twisted and tied, the strands messy and impossible to understand. It’s like an incredibly complicated puzzle. His eyes widen. He gently prods at the chakra in his fingers and a blinding pain whitens his vision. The pain is so all consuming that for an ephemeral moment he forgets the source.

Haruno, or whoever Haruno is working with, has seriously messed with his chakra system. If Shikamaru had used his Shadow Technique...he moves his experimentally stretches his fingers. Shikamaru then curls his hands together, gasping quietly through the pain in his palms. His chakra system is busted in the hands, sporadic and jumpy. If he’d pulled a mass of chakra from his core for a jutsu, that same thing would be happening to his heart. It occurs to Shikamaru that had he used his Shadow Technique his heart would’ve collapsed. Someone was trying to _kill him_. 

Seventeen minutes remaining and the ticking of the insistent clock is driving Shikamaru mad. Shikamaru grits his teeth through the thankfully fading pain in his hands.

Shikamaru doesn’t know what the hell Sakura had been thinking. His brush with death is not the reason for his frustration. He feels so achingly defeated and furious because for the life of him he can’t figure Haruno Sakura out. He can’t see her angle.

He’d never taken this long to understand something. Life tended to be dull for Shikamaru. His existence dragged on and on, a never ending cycle of ease. Everything had been easy for him, his entire life. School, friends, money, jutsu...in general, the life he’d lived had been one without struggle. He’d never known strife or challenge, he’d never been faced with an answer he couldn’t find. He could beat almost anyone at Shogi. If Shikamaru tried, he’d always known he could be top of the class. But because he’d always known he could do it, the motivation had been lost. If he could for sure eventually accomplish it, than what was the point of trying? He didn’t need to prove anything to anyone, not even himself, so he had no purpose for getting stronger. Everyone had always known he’d do fine. He’d do fine without having to try. Why try if success was inevitable anyway? It was easier to just be fine. He didn’t know if he could be great, so why not just settle with fine? Why not just let himself be average, and live a life free of hardship? They were in peace.

But...Shikamaru isn’t so sure anymore. Looking around this room of hostile faces, it doesn’t appear to him that the shinobi nations are at peace. It looks like the teetering edge of war. Even Sakura, a fellow leaf ninja, cannot blindly be trusted. Shikamaru needs to be selective in his trust. He doesn’t know if he can solve this. Sakura Haruno is the first unpredictable factor in Shikamaru’s world of constants.

He is invigorated. He wants to prove to her, to himself, that this is possible. He can win. He will try.

He can be better than fine. Shikamaru can and will be _great._

The insistent voices of disbelievers fade to the background. He doesn’t care that everyone thinks of him as lazy. In fact, tactically speaking, their assumptions are advantageous. His strength, the fact that he’s a prodigy born with talent, is his biggest weakness. It’d made him believe that he didn’t have to try. But Sakura has tried her whole life and grew better than him. She is something he doesn’t understand. If he had been trying all along that would never have happened. He could have excelled.

Shikamaru rolls his shoulders. There is one good thing about his laziness. It’s become his weakness. No one is expecting anything from him. He can fade into the background with ease, silently working away. His strength is his biggest weakness, but like Haruno’s civilian status, his weakness can become his strength.

All of his life Shikamaru had been told he lived in a time of peace. War had been discussed offhandedly, like a figment of the past long forgotten. It’s a brutal type of awakening to realize he has been sheltered from the truth. A compelling, overwhelming need floods him. He needs to do something, to fix this. Shikamaru needs to understand. The puzzle before him is a language he has never learned, but he is determined to uncover its secrets. For now, he refocuses on the first issue he must absolve. Because if he can’t figure out one civilian girl, how is he to figure out these new, scary questions weighing down upon him? Shikamaru sets about separating facts from fiction.

Had it really been Sakura, he wonders, who messed with his chakra? Is Sakura really capable of that kind of brutality? Is it possible she hadn’t known how much it would hurt him? Is it possible she hadn’t meant to do it at all? So many questions, grouches Shikamaru, and so few answers.

Tick...Tick...Tick...Fifteen minutes.

The clock would soon announce the ending of Shikamaru’s chances. When that happens there won’t be a decision to make. Are they going to fail? What’s the tenth question?

Finally, after an endless bout of questions, an answer comes to Shikamaru. Ibiki Morino clears his throat, and the Genin around him can’t help but stand at attendance. The man has an aura about him that simultaneously makes Shikamaru hate him yet still want to impress him. “Alright, listen up.” Commands Ibiki. Shikamaru doesn’t know the guy too well, but Ibiki’s been over to Ino’s house a bunch of times, for formal dinners and weighty discussions. Ino’s dad is this guy’s boss, and it’s weird to think that a kindred soul like Inoichi tells someone as intimidating as this proctor what to do on a daily basis. He wonders if Sakura knows Ibiki, too.

“Here’s the tenth and final question!” Ibiki announces once all eyes are on him. A tense silence has overcome the room. Shikamaru closes his eyes, fruitlessly attempting to untangle his chakra. He’ll never get done in time, at the rate he’s going. Shikamaru pretends he’s solving a high-stakes puzzle, desperately speeding up in hopes of editing his team’s test answers. If Shikamaru can get his jutsu up and running he feels confident that his team will pass. He’ll rewrite Team Ten’s answers all at the same time, and then he’ll solve question ten. But that’s only if he can straighten his chakra out. “But, before I give you the tenth question...” Ibiki drawls. “There are some more rules that you need to be aware of.”

Shikamaru is completely enraged by Ibiki’s slow, careless way of speech. Not only is his voice distracting but he’s dancing around the damn point, and Shikamaru is trying to beat the clock. He’d prefer to have as much time as possible to solve the tenth question. He grits his teeth as a Suna nin waltzes back into the classroom from a bathroom break, if Shikamaru recalls correctly. The Suna nin looks around himself in confusion. As the Suna nin is half-heartedly scolded by the proctors Shikamaru refocuses on his chakra signature.

Or, he tries to, but he notices Sasuke’s eyes boring into him with worry. Sasuke glances at Ibiki, and then back at him, pencil anxiously pressing into his lip. Shikamaru doesn’t think he can explain his situation through a game of charades, but is shocked when Uchiha taps his eyes. Sasuke blinks for a long moment and reveals two Sharingan to Shikamaru. He taps his mouth with his pencil again and Shikamaru understands. The Sharingan can read movement.

He glances at Ibiki for a moment, but the ruckus the Suna nin have caused is still buying Shikamaru some time. He turns back to Uchiha and mouths, ‘Chakra system, something’s wrong.’

Sasuke studies him for a moment, before, to Shikamaru’s shock, he holds his pencil like a dart and aims it at the back of Kiba Inuzuka’s head. Kiba squawks loudly, and Akamaru hops off of him in surprise, barking anxiously. “Who did that? What the hell?” Kiba shouts indignantly, while Akamaru scampers around in fright. Uchiha unhurriedly rights himself, the picture of lackadaisical innocence.

“Don’t interrupt me!” Ibiki reels on Kiba, “Unless you want to face the consequences.” Ibiki motions to the door dramatically. Shikamaru wastes no time feeling bad for Kiba, turning back to Sasuke with a questioning gaze.

Sasuke’s Sharingan is intimidating, or it would be, if his expression isn’t so open and gentle. His eyebrows are soft and his lips are curved upwards. Shikamaru feels a pang of guilt for ever doubting Uchiha’s steadfast support. The guy really does just want to help. Sasuke forms the tiger seal with his hands as Kiba nervously seats himself with a huff, fussing over Akamaru with soothing scratches and strokes. 

Shikamaru jolts. Bit by bit, he can feel his chakra unwinding. The sensation is fluent, washing through all of the tangles and unfolding them. Shikamaru’s own attempts have only served to make new, different tangles. Sasuke works with an effortlessness that startles Shikamaru. It also settles a thought in Shikamaru’s mind. Sakura couldn’t have been the one to mess with his chakra, as her teammate is openly helping him. A few other Genin have caught on, sharing looks and questioning mumbles that go largely unnoticed by the confident proctor explaining the new rules. Ibiki cautions all of them not to be frightened, which is easy for Shikamaru. No, he’s not scared at all, he’s pissed. Ibiki starts off by telling them that they can choose not to take the final question, labeling that willful decision rule number one. A girl from Suna with blonde hair leans forward and boldly shouts, “What’s the catch?”

Ibiki explains that choosing to not take the tenth question equals failure, and the failure of your teammates alongside you. Shikamaru swallows, wondering just what the catch of accepting the question was.

He startles as a pencil goes flying by him, aimed to jab Choji right in the forehead. Choji lets out a small cry of surprise, dramatically ducking away and nearly knocking over his desk in the process. Ibiki snarls. “What did I just say?” he slams his hand on the desk, making Uchiha jump a little ways away. Sasuke’s fear is projected onto Shikamaru because of their resonating chakra. Shikamaru can feel his chakra beginning to settle once more. He wonders how the hell other people have gotten in on Uchiha’s helpfulness and have decided to play along. He feels oddly special, being the center of attention like this. Shikamaru is usually the type of guy who fades into the background.

Another pencil goes flying, the thrower unidentifiable, and the Grass Ninja it was aimed at catches the object with her tongue. Shikamaru winces. An extremely long, movable tongue is one heck of a weird Kekei Genkai. Two more pencils sail about the room before Ibiki can react, and bouts of giggles spread out amongst the less anxious and egotistic of Genin. Shikamaru watches Sakura launch a pencil at Uzumaki, who cries out in rage. Naruto is just about to settle back down when two more fly at him with a small _plonk,_ clattering and rolling around on the floor. “C’mon who’s doing that?!” Uzumaki whines. Shikamaru snorts, feeling Uchiha’s mirth mix with his own.

“Enough!” Ibiki shouts. “If one more pencil is thrown I’ll fail every last one of you!”

Shikamaru would think that would stop the room, but instead one lone pencil sails across the room directly for Ibiki Morino himself. Shikamaru feels Sasuke’s chakra writhe with glee, and wheels around to stare wide-eyed at Uchiha, who is smirking with his arms crossed. The kid next to him doesn’t have a pencil, and is looking upon Uchiha with avid respect.

Ibiki snatches the pencil out of the air, cracking it in half and slamming the two pieces to the floor. “Who. Threw. The. Pencil?” his voice quivers with rage.

If anyone had seen Uchiha, no one speaks up. The Genin have found too much glee in messing with the proctor who’d designed an impossible test, and many here have already resigned themselves to failing. What do they have to lose? Besides, who would believe that Uchiha had openly defied the rules? Shikamaru sees the proof himself and still can’t wrap his head around it.

Ibiki raises both of his eyebrows. “Che. You didn’t let me finish before.” he reminds them.

Shikamaru feels Sasuke’s chakra leave, and the cooling sensation that had been coiling around his system retracts with success. Shikamaru may be able to maneuver his chakra again, but that doesn’t mean he can celebrate. Ibiki sounds far too triumphant for someone who’d just lost control of a crowd full of Genin. He sounds smug, and Shikamaru has a feeling that if he could still feel Uchiha’s chakra, it’d be stirring with unrest. Shikamaru readies himself to find out what the second additional rule is.

“If you do accept the question but answer incorrectly, you will not only fail...you will be barred from taking the Chunin Exam ever again!” his voice raises and his eyes flash, but otherwise Ibiki’s exterior remains relaxed and at ease.

Shikamaru curls his toes. He glances at Sasuke, whose eye is twitching ever so slightly. There’s an irony to his expression that goes right over Shikamaru’s head. He’ll have to ask Sasuke about it later. Cries of outrage swarm the crowded room, all thoughts of humor forgotten with this new, unfair development. Shikamaru breathes deeply, using the shadow technique to takeover Ino and Choji’s bodies. He can’t focus on the precariousness of the tenth question. He has his own answers to document.

Shikamaru goes through the motions, sweat slicking his palms. He doesn’t stop speedily scribbling the answers until he’s completed the ninth question. He releases the Shadow Technique, mourning at the loss of his chakra. He feels sick to his stomach. Now that his world has cooled down and he feels safe with the knowledge his questions have been properly answered, he ponders over who could’ve messed with his chakra. Was it really Haruno? Was Team Seven so uncoordinated their team members openly defied each other? But then why had Sakura thrown a pencil at Naruto and helped out with the distractions? And why had Uchiha needed his Sharingan on, and how come he could fix Shikamaru’s chakra so adeptly?

He dismisses his rapid questions, knowing that he won’t find any answers any time soon. The question he needs to be focused on is final one Ibiki is about to give.

Shikamaru notices that many Genin have scrambled out of the room, fear getting the better of them. Even some of the cheaters have bailed, worried they won’t end up with the correct final answer. Shikamaru prepares himself. It’s been a weird, mind boggling hour of questions and revelations, and he has no intention of quitting. Shikamaru hears a bunch of people cry out about unfair rules and other kids here having already taken the test multiple times, but Ibiki dismissing them with a smirk.

“I guess you’re just unlucky.” He condescends. Shikamaru is befuddled that Naruto has this excited, knowing look in his eyes, bouncing in his seat. It’s like he’s figured out a great puzzle, and it’s clear that Uzumaki is on the verge of giggling aloud. He’s done trying to figure this shit out.

Shikamaru thinks that Team Seven is going to be the reason behind his headaches for the rest of his life.

Glancing at Ino, who has a furious gleam in her eyes as she stares upon Sakura, he thinks that she’s going to be a victim of their craziness as well.

_Goddamn Chunin Exams._

\------

Naruto understands that Sakura is cheating. He understands that Sasuke’s pissed off about something to the point where he got Choji to help him do _something,_ and he knows that the Gaara guy won’t stop staring at him. He doesn’t know _why_ , though. He has no idea why any of these things are happening. Shikamaru is up to something too, by the looks of it.

Naruto goes over once more what he _does_ know. He’s trying to figure out what exactly has gone wrong.

Sakura used some weird-ass jutsu to help them cheat on their tests. It worked well and he trusts her enough to believe their answers are correct. Sasuke and Sakura are fighting, and Sasuke’s using his Sharingan for something. Sasuke’s also helping Shikamaru. He threw a pencil at Naruto’s head for some reason. So did Sakura. But are Sakura and Sasuke fighting? It’s like...

He shakes his head. He’s known Sakura since they were kids. Something is definitely wrong with her. He’s never been quite sure what it is.

But this time it’s different. This time, the conflict within Sakura is obvious in her actions. She’s mad at Sasuke, yet she’d helped Sasuke anyway. She’s angry at Sasuke for something. What did Sasuke do? This can’t be about the _pencils_. He huffs. When he can’t come up with any solution, and he knows Sakura will never talk about it with him, Naruto decides to think of his own problems. Like the fact all the people he’d sworn to beat are bawking and running around like _chickens._

So Naruto does his best to pretend his teammates are fine. He ignores Shikamaru’s intense gaze and focuses instead on the creepy eyes boring into him. He could care less about the wimps around him. He’d learned from Kakashi-sensei that this proctor guy is bluffing. He can’t actually ban them from retaking the Chunin Exams. It’s just a fear factor, a ruse to test their willpower. Naruto’s eye twitches breaks when another team is ushered out of the room, the guy who’d forfeited apologizing profusely to his teammates.

Naruto resists the urge to slam his hand down onto the table. Instead he turns around in his chair, meeting the curious green eyes so intent on staring. Hinata Hyuuga jumps beside him, and for the first time Naruto notices the absence of her pencil. _Huh,_ he thinks wonderingly. _I guess she was in on it too._ And then, with a sudden epiphany, _did she throw that at me!?_

The Gaara guy’s lips form a grin, and Naruto finds his own mouth matching the smile. For just a moment, the entire room goes still. He can only see Gaara with his green eyes and captivating chakra signature. Naruto swallows, all thoughts of his problems leaving him in one big swoosh. In that moment nothing matters but the all-encompassing fascination with this boy from Suna. Sakura, Sasuke, Shikamaru, Kakashi-sensei and his weird behavior, even the Land of Waves is gentle blown out of his mind like wind sweeping away leaves. He is cleared. He is focused.

Ibiki declares the end of the test, he has passed, he finds out. It matters little to Naruto’s current enraptured thoughts. Even as cheers erupt from the crowd, Naruto’s eyes never leave Gaara’s.

When Naruto finally turns away, he takes a sharp inhale of breath. He hadn’t noticed he wasn’t breathing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did ya'll think of Shikamaru?


	23. ...a Coward (To Die For, Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi reveals that he has a plan. What that plan is remains a mystery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo! This is going to leave everyone confused. I mean, it left me confused. That's good. So, just to clarify, this Chapter is probably the most plot-oriented chapter I've had this entire story. Read carefully and you might be able to figure out some of the more mysterious parts of my plot.

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Kakashi Hatake sits in the silence of his room, hands shaking out of habit as a storm of fear bottles up in his core. The scroll before him is stained with light tan, probably from the spilling of tea. A green ribbon is tied around the rolled paper with a small note attached. The note was written by his Sasuke, but he can’t imagine is skittish student drinking caffeine. The thought is humorous, and leaves him chuckling as he unites the ribbon with a gentle tug. He unfolds he note, paper crinkling, smiling at its contents. _“They say teaching someone is the best way to learn.”_ And then, in tidy script a little ways down the paper, _“PS. What I said before still stands. I trust you.”_ Kakashi tilts his head, looping his thumb underneath the roll of the scroll and unraveling it before him, settle against his bedframe and clearing his throat. He begins reading, head tilted in concentration.

Kakashi stiffens as he reads. His shoulders hunch and he stops breathing, eyes raking the paper and unraveling it over and over without rest. Nearly an hour passes of intense concentration, the world fading into white noise as he continued to devour the information he’d been granted. Once he’s done reading, Kakashi takes a moment to absorb the overwhelming words.

He leans his head against his bedframe, silently thanking Sasuke, who right about now should be foraging through Training Ground Forty-Four. He slides his headband over his eye. As his finger brushes his Sharingan he thinks of Obito, and there is only pure determination.

Kakashi gets up, body aching as it demands to continue it’s recuperation. He knows logically he needs to rest, but he also knows that with willpower alone Kakashi can force his body past it’s limit. He will force himself to endure now, so in the future he may be at peace.

Just a few favors called and a couple trips to the archives, and he has compiled all the information he needs. He separates his mind form the pain of his body and breathes.

The information that came out of his research is messy. It’s needs polishing, but at best it’s accurate, solid logic. He’d gathered every newspaper, every old report, anything that possibly related back to his discovery, and brought it into one place. It was unlikely he’d be here in today if he’d had access to this scroll when he was thirteen. All of this information is pinned across his bedroom wall, his dresser pushed to the corner of the room and a map hung in its place. His Icha Icha series are surrounding him on the floor, open and filled with new information. Kakashi scrawled it all in red pen, contrary to the black ink of the rest of his journals. The new writing details a culmination of all Kakashi knows, the basis of everything he’s experienced. He doesn’t need evidence for this. His body is the evidence. The blossoming bruise on his knee is the evidence, the slash in his side, the horrible wound on his arm...it will be all the evidence the world needs. And as Kakashi’s story comes out, others too will follow his lead.

He finally has the edge he needs to take a stand. Sasuke gave him that. This scroll is exactly what Kakashi has been missing. He steps back, observes his discoveries. A sense of success rains down upon him, washing away the pain for a brief moment of bliss.

Standing there, eyes glued to his research, he receives a call from Asuma, informing him that two dead bodies were found outside the forest of death. But that wasn’t the only tragedy that occurred.

Now he’s here, any thoughts of Sasuke’s scroll pushed to the back of his mind as he anxiously paces back and forth. He’s waiting for Anko’s report on his student’s wellbeing, and he’s furious that he’s been forbidden from heading into the forest to check on them personally. Kakashi is waiting with impatience in the sensei lounge, which is a fancy term for the room that displays the footage of the cameras set up around the forest of death. Orochimaru is clever enough to have eliminated the camera set that would’ve recorded his confrontation with Team Seven, leaving all of the Jounin completely in the dark until Anko returns.

He bites his tongue. He picks at his nails. He sits down. He decides sitting was a terrible decision, and he starts pacing again.

“Are you...okay, Kakashi?” Kurenai, quietly sitting on a cushion with her back straight, finally speaks up.

He spins on his heel and reverses the direction of his walk, reaching the end of the imaginary line he drew for himself. He does it again. He paces back and forth and back and forth until his mind is blank with anxiety. “Kakashi?” He jumps at Kurenai’s worried tone. He’d forgotten she’d spoken to him.

“...sorry.” he mumbles, refocusing on his pacing. Too much chaos in such a short time; his headache is terrible, his side feels ripped to shreds, and he wishes he were asleep because at least then he wouldn’t have to endure this patience and sanity testing torture. He hates _waiting_. _Why am I always waiting?_

He spins on his heal again, snarling in frustration when a hand halts his movements. The only thing keeping him sane is the repetitive consistent motion of his pacing. He can’t contain his fury at Asuma, who has gripped his shoulder with a firm stare.

“Stop...” Kakashi complains, half mumbling because he’s too focused on getting back to his task. He has to pace, because if he doesn’t pace, the tightening in his chest will get worse until he suffocates. Kakashi tries to take another step, but Asuma’s grip tightens. “Stop it, get off!” Kakashi snaps. “I have to-”

“ _Kakashi_ , you have to calm down.” Asuma intones confusion evident in his voice. “If you’re this concerned about them why did you enter them in the first place?”

Kakashi freezes. Words die on his lips and his face pauses in a contortion of terror.

_“Breathe, Bakakashi. I’m here, okay? It’s fine. Your weapons are plenty sharp, man. They’re like, the pointest of all pointy things.” Obito soothes Kakashi._

Kakashi is twelve and he can’t get his blades sharp enough. He’d sat there for the last two hours, completely forgetting about the date his boyfriend invited him to...not that Rin wouldn’t be tagging along, of course. Kakashi wasn’t usually late for things, and his absence worried Obito. When Obito had seen him sharpening his weapons he’d started yelling in outrage, startling Kakashi enough that the blade in his hand slipped and he cut his own palm. What alerted his boyfriend to something being wrong is the way Kakashi hadn’t even paused, picking up the dropped blade and continuing to sharpen, blood and all. After the end of today, Minato-sensei is put in charge of sharpening all weapons. Kakashi doesn’t know why he feels so wrecked today of all days, but from the moment he’d gotten up his schedule had been out of whack. His bed had been strangely difficult to make, his calendar was marked a day off, he’d forgotten to turn on the dish washer the night before, and a page in his well-loved book “The Hero With a Thousand Faces,” had ripped down the middle. The lack of order hadn’t helped his intrinsically foul mood. When he’d sat himself down to sharpen his weapons, he ended up working more to make up for the unproductivity of the rest of the morning. Once he started on the extra weapons, he’d figured he might as well finish all of them. The spiral progressed from there until Kakashi was trying to make every one of his weapons slice skin to the touch.

Obito looks upon him with pity and worry. Kakashi ignores him entirely. “It’s fine, Bakakashi, c’mon. Get over here and let me wrap your hand.” Obito beckons. Kakashi can’t though, not until the knife is pointed just _right_. Blood slides down his palm and onto the wooden floors. Kakashi looks down in surprise. He’d cut himself harder than he’d thought.

“Can you let me get you to Rin so she can handle it?” Obito asks gently.

“...but.” Kakashi responds numbly, unable to express this feeling of deep unrest in words. “...I can’t.” he ends up admitting.

“Why not?” Obito asks gently.

 _And Kakashi well, Kakashi didn’t have a simple answer for that._ _Rin, Obito, and Kakashi ended up talking for quite some time, and the next day Kakashi was pleasantly surprised when they delivered him a brand new rip-free copy of “The Hero With a Thousand Faces,” which Kakashi instantly got to rereading._ _The author truly was a genius._

He can’t breathe, but that’s unimportant. What’s important is that he’s freaking out and he’s on the verge of getting caught. And he can’t get caught. Not now that he’s so close. Not now that hope has articulated within his soul, _and he’s so close_. He just has to be patient. He just has to wait. He thinks of Obito’s warm, comforting voice, and forces himself out of his spiral.

He steps back, sitting his ass down with a shaky exhale. “...right.”

He’s obsessing, he realizes belatedly.

Sakura, Naruto, and Sasuke are in trouble. Orochimaru has somehow infiltrated the village, gotten into the Forest of Death disguised as a student, and has beaten the _shit_ out of his kids. He doesn’t have a report because they won’t cancel the exams. They should. A rogue ninja appeared as a Genin, the exams are clearly faulty, but they don’t put an end to the important international examination. They’re letting his hurt kid’s limp around and nearly lose their lives. _But they signed consent forms,_ the Anbu who had been reporting to him reasoned. _They individually accepted the risk to their lives._

How could Kakashi argue with that? Those kids had the same rights as adults, meaning that if they wanted to, they could sign their lives away. Technically speaking the village couldn’t be blamed for anything that happened in the second exams. His fist clenches. First the scroll, then this...his life has truly turned upside down. From hope to devastating, crushing terror, his thoughts circle in an attempt to decide what to feel. Kakashi is normally a highly focused person, capable of completing multiple tasks without feeling overwhelmed in the slightest. But now is different, now he can’t change either situation dropped into his lap. He is a sitting duck, stupidly waiting to discover if he’s in a hunting free zone or not.

“Kakashi...I’m sure everything’s fine. Dad would’ve canceled the exams if they were hurt.” Asuma places a hand on his shoulder. Kakashi laughs, face in his hands.

“You and I both know that’s bullshit, Asuma.” He spits.

Asuma retracts his hand, face pinched. Kakashi resumes pacing. Kurenai’s eyes never leave the cameras, trying to find an angle that hints at a battle with a Sanin taking place. Asuma doesn’t defend his father, and Kakashi’s stomach turns. He remembers a time where Asuma was gone, having run far away from the Village Hidden in the Leaves. He can sympathize with past Asuma’s hasty retreat.

They remain silent for the next half hour. Kakashi’s feet don’t make a sound against the floor throughout his pacing. Asuma watches the window in search of a messenger hawk, unmoving. In fact, the only sound present in the spacious camera room is the occasional tapping of Kurenai’s fingers as she scrolls through camera system after camera system.

“Kakashi,” It’s a short gasp from Kurenai, her eyes wide and red lips parted. He understands her unspoken words. She has found footage of Orochimaru, of his team. Kakashi strides his way to her, fixating on her the large set of screens hung up on the wall. Kakashi notices that Asuma has also stood himself beside her, leaning forward with anticipation. Kurenai clicks the playback, each Jounin’s eyes captivated on the screen.

Orochimaru is in the footage. But Kakashi can’t focus on that. The disturbing part that makes him want to kneel on the floor and vomit is his student. Naruto is lying in a clearing, screaming. The playback is loud and haunting. He’s never heard Naruto scream the way he is, full of pain and torment. He doesn’t beg, probably doesn’t have the state of mind to. He just screams, twisting and turning under the glare of the sun. His hands are clutching at his ears, eyes clenched shut, body a quivering mess.

They don’t stop the footage.

It stops itself, cutting out into abrupt _fizz._ The absence of Naruto’s screaming leaves a ringing in Kakashi’s ears.

Kakashi jolts forward. He has a thousand questions on his tongue, his stomach is churning, and a new guilt adds to the weight on his chest like piling bricks. The sight of Naruto screaming is nothing that surprises him. However, Naruto’s usually cheerful and excited shouts mutated into something dark and sickening leaves Kakashi shaking. The memory of Naruto’s pain makes Kakashi want to dig his finger nails beneath his skin to peel his own flesh off of his bones, and he wouldn’t hesitate to follow through with it if he thought it would help to shed the uncomfortable crawling sensation he has succumbed to.

The door bursts open. It’s Gai. Kakashi doesn’t know what to feel. He’s too afraid to hope for good news on the chance that he will face disappointment.

Gai doesn’t move from the doorway, eyes steely. “Dear Anko has been found.” He begins gravely, his normal naivety put on temporary hold as he delivers such important information. “She’s at the hospital being treated for her thankfully mild injuries!” He reports, shoulders straightening and feet coming together in mockery of a soldiers solute, an old instinct resurfacing from his work in the Field Division during the war. Before Kakashi can race out of the room and straight to the hospital, Gai halts him. He grabs him by the shoulder, and Kakashi doesn’t even care that it’s his hurt arm in his desperation to leave. “She’s in quite a state, Kakashi. I know you are restless, but I ask that you don’t push her.”

Kakashi swallows. He nods. He disappears.

He can’t _Shunshin_ , but he runs like hell itself is nipping at his heels. He makes it to the hospital, forgoing the door and glancing through the windows to find the room Anko’s been placed in. He guesses correctly by the third try. Even he has been to the hospital enough to have memorized which sections are used for what. Anko’s not marked as a severe patient, but she’s under the watchful eyes of nurses. Only one wing of the hospital is used for this type of situation. It’s the reserved section for the hospitals more resistant patients.

He breaks through the hospital seals and slides through the window. The room is small, undoubtedly strictly monitored, yet Anko’s not in bed. She is grunting with effort, leaning against an IV drip and wobbling towards him. His planned greeting is halted, the familiar words “Yo,” catching in his throat. Anko’s always been an admirable comrade. It takes skill to balance on IV drips, and even more skill to do so while dodging intangible alarm system tripwires splayed around the floor.

“...could use some help.” She grumbles at him.

Kakashi unplugs her from the IV. He dismisses the alarm seals. Despite the med team’s rightful paranoia, they never do manage to hold ninja of their caliber. She looks at him, and she’s one of the rare few that don’t have to tilt their head up to meet his eyes. Anko’s tall, even slouching forwawrd as she is. “You’ve got to teach me how to do that.” Anko seems impressed. The look of triumph fades as she looks around herself with unashamed disgust. “I fucking hate hospitals.”

Kakashi nods. He can understand the sentiment. “Do you want to stay, or do you want to come by my apartment? I have a med kit.” He offers. She waggles her eyes at him flirtatiously, grinning with tired humor.

“Tell me, Hatake, are you always so forward with your partners?” she wobbles where she stands, hospital gown draping around her, making her arms and legs appear thinner and paler than ever before. He doesn’t like it. It’s not her.

“Do you know where your clothes are?” Kakashi asks. It looks as if she tries to come up with another innuendo, but her wit is a bit slower than normal. It’s a sign she’s wearing down. Instead of saying something else inappropriate, she shakes her head sadly.

“No way we’re getting to ‘em. The hospital knows me to well after so many escape attempts. They’ve started to keep my uniform down in the supply room.” Anko explains.

Kakashi sighs, grabbing her hand. “C’mon then, I’ll give you something of mine. I have some old uniforms that will fit you decently enough.”

Anko can come up with a clever joke for that, apparently. “I wouldn’t say wearing a strange man’s clothes is decent, Hatake. In fact it’s perfectly _indecent_.” Anko believes no one tells better jokes that she herself. She’s usually the one laughing the loudest by the end of her quips.

He looks at her wobbly figure and bites his lip, unseen behind his mask. “Do you want me to carry you?” he is resigned to whatever joke she will torture him with in response. _Torture,_ Kakashi shudders, remembering Naruto’s pained screams. His hands shake. He wishes they’d stop doing that.

Kakashi is surprised when Anko blinks at him, no jokes on her lips. Instead her eyes soften and she silently climbs onto his back, face pressed against his shoulder blade. There is a beat of silence, where both of them adjust to the new position, Kakashi acquainting himself with the new weight. Then Anko slumps tiredly against him. “I’m sorry about your team, Hatake. Believe me when I say I know how shitty Orochimaru can make people feel.”

Kakashi’s breath catches. He can’t muster up a response to that. Anko isn’t touchy-feely, never has been. The way she’s leaning hurts his shoulder, but he doesn’t make her move. _Who cares about permanent damage,_ he thinks aggressively. _Lord Third can stick my amputated arm right up his ass_.

And then he runs, slowly creeping out of the hospital and to his far off apartment. His front door is bare, Anko is breathing shakily against him. He notices that his own breath has naturally aligned itself with her quick pants.

He lets them both in, leaning against the doorway in relief. Her sharp eyes follow his movements as she slides off of him. Her bare feet curl in response to the cold wooden floors. Anko looks around curiously. “Nice place...” she mumbles in a halfhearted attempt at small talk.

He brings her to the counter, where Rin’s med kit is. He digs out some painkiller and passes it to her with a glass of water.

“Alright Hatake, I can tell you’re fuckin’ dying to know what happened to your team but...” She shakes her head. “I know about as much as you.”

Kakashi runs a hand through his hair. He’d hoped she had something, anything to explain Naruto’s screams. “I’m so sorry.” Her voice cracks.

Kakashi pulls away, taking a moment to digest being completely helpless. “I’m going to get you those clothes, okay?” his hands quiver.

She slumps forward, her elbows resting on the counter. “Sir, yes, sir...” she mumbles tiredly. She peers up at him with a singular eye, “...thank you for this.” she tells him sincerely.

“Anytime Anko, really,” Kakashi’s eyes crinkle, a genuine smile cracking his chapped lips, “Welcome yourself to anything in...uh, I mean, welcome yourself to the couch, I suppose. I haven’t really been grocery shopping in a while.”

Kakashi can hear her laughter from his bedroom as she jibes at him good naturedly. “Old habits die hard from the Anbu, huh?” He hears the cluttering of cabinet doors, followed by shameless laughter. He shakes his head at her childish behavior. “Are you still living off of ration bars?” she taunts loudly.

Kakashi scoffs, ducking into his closet. It doesn’t take him long to find the old outfit he’s looking for, his closet organized from head to toe. It’s a plain undershirt and an old Hatake jacket he can’t remember ever wearing, paired with some loose tan pants. His eyes flicker to the map on his wall, pinned information and cluttered books across the floor. He winces. Kakashi hurries to tidy everything back up, snapping his collection closed and stacking them on top of each other in the back of his closet. He rips down the map and folds it, looking around frantically. He doesn’t have any loose floor boards, no tiles to move. His house is pristine. Kakashi hears footsteps and does the one thing he can think of. He shoves the map into his kunai pouch. He winces, because his dresser pushed against the opposite wall is kind of a tell-tale some of something being amiss.

Anko leans against the doorframe, arms crossed. She looks wholly unintimidating in her hospital gown and messy hair, but Kakashi knows that she’s capable of taking on ninety percent of Konoha’s elite individuals. Few can stand up against Anko, but most believe they can, for her manipulative nature and poison expertise is fatally easy to underestimate. “Thanks, Hatake.” She grins, snatching the old outfit out of his hands. Kakashi turns away quickly, aware of his comrade’s _immodesty_. Anko huffs, “What a gentlemen...” she grumbles. He seems to stand there forever, waiting anxiously for her to finish changing. He hears rustling, and resists the urge to turn around.

“The fuck is that?” Anko questions with a teasing lilt to her voice. He startles, turning towards her, and she’s thankfully dressed. The clothes frame her loosely especially baggy over her wrists, but fitted on her shoulders. Younger-him was pretty scrawny so it makes sense that it fits her with relative comfortableness, not that he isn’t still leaning on the limber side today. Anko is pointing accusingly at a messenger hawk pecking at his window. It clutches a scroll in its beak. Kakashi stumbles to reach it before her, visible eye wide, but she has a distance advantage. Kakashi’s knee screams with pain as it buckles beneath him and he slips, hurrying to straighten himself upright. He marvels at how quickly the previously exhausted Anko can move. Her hand reaches the windowsill, shoving it upward with giddy excitement. He pauses, standing back with shaking hands. _She doesn’t know_ , he reminds himself.

“Thanks.” He, stupidly, holds his hand out for her to pass it to him. She sees his shaking hands and her playful curiosity turns to suspicion. Her eyes narrow at him, and she pulls the scroll towards herself. “Anko...” He warns.

“ _Hatake_ ,” She responds stubbornly, glancing between him and the scroll. Her fingers wrap around the scroll tightly.

She moves to open the scroll. Kakashi runs his mouth. “Anko, that’s, that’s classified you can’t look at...”

Her sharp gasp has him wincing. “Fuck.” He grunts. He was so stupid to have brought her here. Curse him and his sympathy.

She looks up at him with shock. She looks back down at the page in her hands. “Do you have a dick for a brain? You can’t have possibly signed up for an S-rank while your students are in the Chunin exams!”

Kakashi does the only think he can think of. He lunges for the scroll, panic twisting in his chest, “Give that here, Anko! It’s not yours!”

“Yeah, I know, the problem is that it’s yours!” she dances out of his grasp, knees buckling as they hit the back of his bed. Her butt plops down on the mattress but she quickly turns and scrambles across his double bed, landing on the opposite side of the room with a thud. Kakashi doesn’t chase her, just stands with his arm outstretched as he listens to their matching labored breathing.

Kakashi huffs out another sharp breath, panting. He can’t find any words. The scroll rumples, Anko’s head audibly thumping against the bedframe where she’s slumped out of his sight. The light of the setting sun casts a shadow across the room, giving the situation an eerie dreamlike quality. Kakashi can’t find the will to move. He collapses down under the opposite side of his bed, letting his neck loll backwards. Both of them sit like that, unable to formulate anything through the layer of shock coating their senses. Kakashi feels himself start to break down, stress peaking. The storm clouds of emotion in his chest rumble and prepare for a blowout.

And then Anko is standing. She marches her way over to him, fist raised, eyes blazing like the fire nature she possesses. She’s waving her arms about and her face is flushed with fury. Kakashi feels suddenly painfully calm. He can’t speak, can’t move, can only stare up at her blankly. His knees tuck into his chest, gone unnoticed by his fury driven comrade.

Anko is practically pulling out her own hair. “You twisted son of a bitch! Who would sign up for missions like this?” She shakes the scroll in his face, purple hair whipping about. “Your killing lost clan kids? Who the fuck let you become a sensei? They’re _kids_! Their innocent civilian children who just, what, happened to be related back to the village? And you think this is _okay_?!” She kicks him in the knee. It doesn’t have much force behind it, at least, not by the standards of Anko’s usual strength. He thinks he should feel it, but he can’t. He’s numb. This shock is more effective than any painkiller he’s popped in the past week. His body cannot handle the pain of her words and the pain of his wounds at once. He wishes he’d go suddenly deaf, too. He wishes Anko would stop. “You psycho freak! You, you...you’re horrible! You’re just as bad as Orochimaru! I hope you burn in hell! I’ll send you there myself!” she kicks him again, abandoning the scroll form her grasp by means of launching it at his face. He flinches back, even as the paper lands harmlessly in his lap.

“Why?!” her voice breaks off, looking to him with desperate rage. She shakes her head, backing away from him. “Is this Danzo’s work?” she mumbles to herself, leaning down to rest her palms on her knees. She huffs and puffs for a minute, eyes closed as she gathers her bearings. Anko decides she’s not quite done giving him a piece of her mind. She stands tall and reels on him, but this time she’s not in range to attack him. The only thing she can do is scream until her face is red. Before she can get the chance to verbally harass him anymore, Kakashi’s emotions come pouring down. The numbness fades and his emotions rumble and strike light lightening in a storm.

He laughs.

He laughs, right in her face. It’s hysterical, completely irrational, but his laughter is uncontrollable. He tugs his mask further up his nose, burrows his head into his knees, and he _laughs_.

“You...” he begins, looking up at her, laughter fading with a swallow. “You actually think I asked for this? You...you’re so blindsided by this, this everlasting loyalty to Lord Third that not only did blaming him not cross your mind at all, but you decided to assume I’d specifically requested for an assassination mission. It’s just...” he snorts, hand running through his hair. “It’s comical, Anko. It’s comical and really, really fucking typical. Hatake Kakashi, the comrade killing, copycat, suicidal Anbu freak, slits the throats of children as a frivolous pass time. I mean it’s really great to see just how much you actually trust me!” he smacks both of his hands against the ground, looking up to her frightened face. His words hit hard, as loud and prominent as thunder and as piercing and all-consuming as lightening. The omnipresent stress within him has been unraveled, strewn about in the words hanging between them. The admittance of secrets tastes like ash and fire on his tongue. He can’t begin to understand all of what he’s given away, only that the anger curling in his gut has not lessoned, but seemed to have intensified. The flood gates have been opened, and Kakashi still has a lot more baggage to let out of him.

Anko reacts unexpectedly. She doesn’t start accusing him of treachery like he’d assumed she’d do. After all, it was Lord Third who’d saved her from Orochimaru. No, Anko does not scream and she does not accuse. She leans down, picks back up the scroll and begins the painstaking process of smoothing it out. Kakashi stares up at her, lone eye filled with confusion. Once the rumpled paper is legible, which takes quite some time of silence filled with choking tension, she reads the scroll for the second time. Her eyes scan the paper, carefully assessing instead of hurriedly skimming. Kakashi watches and waits, unable to guess what she could be thinking. 

Her arm falls limply to her side, eyes distant. She turns to him with an air of resignation, like she already has him all figured out. Her stare is an uncomfortable invasion of his privacy. “Your cabinets are empty...” She mumbles. Kakashi stops dead in his tracks, having forgotten the part about Anko that’s been working in T&I for years.

His mouth parts, unseen behind his mask. Why isn’t she screaming, he wonders? All of his life he’d expected that if the truth ever came out his comrades would make him pay for his scheming. They’d consider it retribution for all the destruction Kakashi has undoubtedly caused in his lifetime. But Anko isn’t calling for the Anbu to take him away. She’s giving him a chance, a chance he doesn’t really deserve. He receives her kindness with utmost gratitude.

Anko continues on, following the confusing trail of slipups Kakashi has accidentally given her. “You’re ten times slower than normal, and your limping. You haven’t been using your dominant hand.” Her eyes flicker about the room, voice no longer controlled by emotion. She is calculating. This side of her, this logistical side that disregards any preconceived ideas in the face of facts is born from years of T&I and tutelage under Orochimaru. She reads him like Kakashi reads his favorite books, with confident ease. “And your chakra signature is completely exhausted.” Anko limps her way towards him, collapsing before him in exhaustion. They’re both exhausted from their injuries. Anko might not be dying as he is, but no one comes out of a battle against Orochimaru unscathed. She stares him right in the eye. “This is a classified scroll. S-ranked, only seen by Lord Third and the Village Elders... _Jounin don’t go on S-ranked missions._ ” Anko continues her list, head tilting. Kakashi waits with baited breath. “You never actually retired, did you, Hatake?”

Kakashi peers at her. He never actually signed up, either.

He doesn’t say that though. He doesn’t say anything. Instead, he reaches into his kunai pouch and procures a map. He lays it out on the floor in front of them, Anko’s eyes taking in the new piece of information with quick adaptation. “That’s not an answer, Hatake.” She insists stubbornly. Kakashi snorts.

“But it is, though, Miterashi.”

And so he talks, what was previously a storm settling into a less dangerous but equally intense downpour. He speaks openly, safe in the knowledge that no one will come looking for them and the Anbu are busy. Besides, his seals are strong and his house is well-protected. He speaks to her with patience, beginning from the start and almost never coming to and. It is the story of his life, after all. It hasn’t ended yet, and when it does end, he won’t be around to tell it. Perhaps Anko will tell the world his story. He continues on with his lackadaisical pacing, knowing that he has nothing else to do while he waits for his Genin to emerge from the Forest of Death. Now is perhaps the only chance he will ever get to explain. The words spill from his lips and out into the world, and he almost feels guilty for putting something so rotten into reality. He has been dying to tell someone all he’s discovered, to make what happened to him concrete and not a figment of his imagination, and Anko is the perfect candidate. Her patience and logistical thinking are exactly what he needs. He doesn’t want pity, he wants change. Anko understands that better than anyone.

And if Anko explains some things to him too, well, those are her secrets to tell, not Kakashi’s. He accepts her stories that demonstrate just how she empathizes with him. Through these words of understanding their subversion is born. Two child geniuses who have grown into adults who want nothing more than to make a difference sit hunched over a map delirious with exhaustion and high on hope is quite the sight to behold. They work well into the night; snacking on ration bars they’ve become so used to that the powdery taste goes unnoticed. Neither of them would’ve slept anyway, with Anko’s rogue sensei returning after years of abandonment and the Kakashi’s students perhaps lost forever.

Kakashi hadn’t known anyone else understood his uprising ideation, and Anko hadn’t known she could change a damn thing. Together, they hatch a plot so deceitful that under any less desperate of circumstances it would be unforgivable. As it is, neither of them feel guilty. They only feel hope clinging to their hearts for the first time in their lives. It’s risky, but all important moves are. Kakashi thinks it’s time to stop waiting. His patience was an hour glass, constantly flipped before running out. Kakashi has shattered the confining glass to pieces.

 _How long has it been_ , he ponders, _how long have I waited_? Forever and no time at all, a century and the blink of an eye, achingly long yet breathlessly short. The answer is he has waited his entire life. Since a young child he had been raised by a father who openly spoke against Shinobi Law. Sakumo was always rallying for change, especially when intoxicated. Kakashi had believed change to be an inevitably. Until he grew and realized what fool Sakumo had been for his faith in humanity, he learned how cruel reality is and how it finds it spends its days tearing people to pieces. When his father died Kakashi cursed him for planting the seeds of hope in his mind, because they wilted before they could even fully mature. The only plant Kakashi was allowed to nurture was the Leaf of his village.

_Kakashi walks along a line of masked faces, every soldier an empty husk, emotionless to the point their mask hides nothing but their identity._

He’s six years old, which seems young, but if compared to the bodies surrounding him he goes unnoticed in the crowd of young children. They’re all crowded, shoulders near-touching. Every child is lined in a perfect row, having received a letter and number and then been organized accordingly. Kakashi’s letter is Z, and his number is three, which puts him in a position that does not allow him to see where they are headed, and puts him very close to the wall. There are sixteen children in each alphabetical row, stretching from A-Z. Kakashi does not know where the children came from, if they were orphaned like him or ripped from loving families, but he has been taught not to care.

Still, with wide innocent eyes he peers into the eyes beneath the masks, hope glimmering in his chest to spot a flicker of emotion, a glimpse of his own feelings within his fellow attendees. Without fail, Kakashi is disappointed. One would think a hall of marching children would be loud with at least the stomping of feet, but the walls are hollow and the silence stretches on. Silence, Kakashi has never liked silence, and as he grows older he will learn just how much of a cruse silence can be.

A command, nonverbal, understood through the twitching of muscles in the renowned Anbu code. The rows of marching feet stop in sync. The candlelight looms over them. Kakashi falls into a bow, head hanging, and he doesn’t need to look up to know that the entire crowd has fallen into the same kneeling stance.

Kakashi does not understand the organization of the groups they’ve been put into. It can’t be for efficiency, because there seems to be a theme in age, with young pairing with young and vice versa. However, there are a few scattered exceptions, like Kakashi who has been placed into a group where most of the children are much older than him, some even reaching into their teens.

This time the command is verbal, Danzo Shimura making his way through polished double doors, limping on his cane. He critically observes the crowd before him, before clearing his throat hoarsely. “Ah, I suppose you must be curious as to why I brought you all here? Rest assured, you will soon see.” He waves the hand that isn’t holding his walking stick, his puckered mouth growing into a smile. “Let’s get on with it, then. Boar, Tiger, stand at attendance.” The two Anbu Lord Danzo called upon blur into existence kneeling just as Kakashi is, only they stand directly before his feet. Kakashi marvels at the close proximity. _One day,_ he thinks, _I’ll earn the Village’s trust and I too will serve important figures, like Lord Hokage and Lord Danzo!_

Danzo coughs more, breathing deeply. “Groups A through Y, Tiger will show you to your training grounds for the promotion exams. Group Z, you will remain here with Boar and I.”

All the letters file out of the room down another looming hallway, and Kakashi is secretly glad that he doesn’t have to force his tired legs to walk any further. The last sixteen children of group Z walk forward, lining up horizontally before Danzo and Boar. Kakashi doesn’t even wobble from his stiff legs after getting up out of his kneeling position. He tries not to beam with pride behind his mask, having learned that emotion is looked down upon in this new, frightening school.

Kakashi was recruited into this facility almost immediately after his father’s suicide. A few quiet conversations followed by heaps of paperwork, and he was being called out of the academy by an ecstatic teacher, informing him he’d been hand selected for a very prestigious program. He’d packed a bag full of essentials and been rushed here, where he’d spent the last week sleeping and eating with complete strangers who just like him, all wore masks. Only these masks covered their entire face, and were painted like the Anbu. Kakashi was given one, and he was told it was a _Silver Wolf_. Well, they’d said white wolf but Kakashi has taken to telling people it’s a silver wolf. One of the very few topic conversations around this facility is the animal one’s mask represents, so by now Kakashi has spread the word he’s silver, not white. Not the White Fang. After the first week where he’d preformed intense training regimes for a whole bunch of spectators, they’d all been called together and assigned groups. Now Kakashi finally gets to find out why he’s Group Z, after nearly twenty minutes of marching in what felt like ridiculous circles.

“Group Z, I assume you’re all acquainted with each other?” Danzo questions, glancing to Boar for confirmation; Boar nods an affirmative. Kakashi disagrees. He doesn’t know any of the people around him. He’d barely familiarized himself with the dark lighting of the halls, let alone introduced himself to all a hundred and twenty eight kids here. “Wonderful. You all should be very proud to be a part of Group Z. It means you’re special. It means you’re going to accomplish much in the name of your village.” He continues. Kakashi listens eagerly, desperate to prove himself and separate the name Hatake Kakashi from Hatake Sakumo. “It is with great honor I inform you every face before me has been automatically promoted to Anbu. Serve your Hokage well.” Danzo informs them.

Kakashi nearly bursts with excitement. Danzo doesn’t say much more beyond a forgettable speech on loyalty and prestige, but even Kakashi is too impatient to listen completely.

It is precisely four months later that he finds out what happened to the other one hundred and twelve children he never had the chance to know. It is four months later he learns that most of the kids around him grew up in the facility he was only just recently introduced to. It is four months later he makes his first mission report to Lord Danzo.

All of Group Z receives a first mission, naturally S-class even though most of them aren’t particularly life threatening. Kakashi is to learn how to spy, for he’s been assigned to evaluate Minato Namikaze’s Hokage candidacy. He spends the next few years undergoing vigorous training, until that dream to prove himself as loyal fades into dust.

_His father, he realizes over twenty years later, kneeling on the floor of his apartment with Anko Miterashi, was right all along. He was right to sacrifice himself for his loved ones, right to reject the ideals of the Village. And in that moment, the Silver Wolf loses its painted-on shine and becomes the White Wolf._

“Kakashi, what do you mean?” Anko whispers, fingers halting in her furious writing. “What do you think happened to the other kiddos?”

Kakashi stops too, his lone eye shifting upwards to study his perfectly smooth ceiling. Kakashi’s entire apartment is impeccable. As if it wasn’t lived in. Kakashi certainly doesn’t harbor any emotional attachment to it. “They...those kids were sold, Anko. They were sold to Orochimaru.”

Anko’s eyes go steely, and she smiles, eyes watery. “Kakashi, I already know. I was a member of group M.”

And her words pang in Kakashi’s chest, his heart weak and gasping. He wonders how it still beats after all he’s been through.

It makes him think of Kushina, of all people. She’d been an amazing woman, who was kindred even after the massacre of her land, and forgiving and understanding towards all that wronged her. Her husband was equally heroic. Minato-sensei had practically raised Kakashi. When Kakashi thinks dad he sees Sakumo, but when Kakashi thinks family he sees Minato and Kushina. They were his heroes.

Heroes, like Obito and Rin. All of them were so different yet all of them were heroes. It reminds him of his old most read book, the one he’d torn and the one his comrades had replaced.

What makes a hero? It’s a question that’s been weighing on Kakashi’s mind for quite a while. Since the first time he’d finished that book by Joespeh Cambell, to be more exact. The author suggests something quite outrageous. He suggests that he has discovered the recipe for a hero.

What a weighty question it is, he thinks.

Its weight is unparalleled in the perspective of the question’s recipients who dare stand up and claim the definition of hero. Why so heavy? Why so hard to understand and concisely define? Because a hero exists in a person’s reality, and the reality of individuals differs from person to person, ninja to ninja. If the reality is a variable, along with the definition of hero, then to define a hero, one must define reality.

So what _does_ make a hero? Let’s exemplify the theory.

Garitta, an old man who lives just south of Konoha’s borders lives in mild poverty; he gets by, but he and his family, his grandchildren, do not live easy lives. They struggle to make each other happy, because their lives are full of labor and struggle. This old man, Garitta, lives in what he considers to be the true reality. The rich live in fantasy while he experiences what true living is, what true suffering means. He understands the hardships of life and so he understands gratitude.

Eliza, an elderly woman who lives just south of Konoha’s borders lives with her eldest son who grew wealthy upon inheriting his father’s business. She lives a breathtakingly simple life, one of frivolous joy and frivolous worries. She fusses about her waistline and gushes upon the sights of jewelry, spending hours shopping in order to present her grandchildren with the perfect holiday gifts. This old woman, Eliza, lives in what she considers to be the true reality. Life made easy, lacking physical pain and suffering. She lives a happy, and of course, drama filled life, and it is to her understanding that poverty and death should be rid of. She believes that her life is the ideal life. The life all people should get the chance to attain. She sees the necessity of change.

Garitta and Eliza’s realities are not precisely polar opposites, but they are divergent from each other. Because of this, the hero of their realities will be different as well.

Garitta’s hero will be one who lets the world know that they are wasting away with their wealth and pride. A hero of Garitta’s reality will be one who speaks out to slap some sense into the rich who waste their lives believing they need objects a plenty in order to be happy. Garitta does not regret his life of hardship, he is grateful for it, as his eyes are open to the horrors of greed.

Eliza’s hero will be one who evens the playing field. Who shows the world that all are able to prosper through kindness and equality. Eliza’s hero will ensure the suffering of people will come to an end. This hero will ensure that everyone can experience Eliza’s quality of living. Eliza believes her life is the prime example of happiness, and she hopes that one day suffering will end and happiness will conquer evil.

Neither of the perspectives is true or false. Still, both the people Garitta and Eliza paint are heroes in their own right.

So if not the changing of a cruel reality, if not action, what makes a hero?

A person.

A person makes a hero.

Think of a hero in your mind. Do you have one? Alright.

Does that hero...start in a world they consider ordinary, in a reality that belongs to them?

Now, the calling of an adventure; does your hero receive a mysterious message, or perhaps is motivated by circumstance to go somewhere? To do something adventurous and new?

But the hero needs help. Preferably from one older and wiser than them, with more experience in the sort of thing their trying to learn.

Now the hero must leave. The hero must embark on their journey away from the ordinary lifestyle their familiar with.

Now they must face hardship. Some sort of trial, some sort of test or riddle, because being a hero is hard work. 

And now, it’s time to face the biggest fiasco. The difficulty that trumps all other trials they’ve faced so far. The hero fights!

But there’s danger...trouble. The hero faces failure, overcomes it.

Now the hero reaps the reward. They get some sort of treasure or precious thing that means a lot to them. They earn their place.

Result. Something important happens because of what the hero has done.

The hero returns to his ordinary life, but something new is born. The quest has changed the hero; the hero has outgrown their old life.

Now we breathe, and something incredibly important is revealed, discovered, or explained.

Does this sound like your hero?

Does this sound like...you?

Go back, and see if perhaps you relate to this series of events. You do, I presume. Even if your version isn’t slaying dragons or doing great battle you have experienced this series of events.

Why? Because heroes are people; heroes are not their accomplishments, they are not their struggle. Heroes are _people_.

No, he thinks, a more accurate description would be that people are heroes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Kakashi and Anko friendship it's adorable.


	24. It's Familiar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first part of the Chunin Exams, Sasuke style.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super fast update due to super inspired writing! What a cliff-hanger...

When Sasuke was seven, he had opened the door of his house, entering with a knowing dread within himself. When Sasuke was seven, he’d found his parents dead bodies strewn on the floor like dolls with their strings cut. When Sasuke was seven, he’d fallen to his knees.

Sasuke is thirteen, and he propels himself off of a tree branch, entering the clearing with a knowing dread within himself. Sasuke is thirteen, and he finds his teammates’ bodies strewn on the forest floor like dolls with their strings cut. When Sasuke is thirteen, he stands up.

He does not cradle Sakura’s body as he had at the Land of Waves. He brusquely grabs Sakura by the arm and hoists her onto his back, securing her tightly. He snags Naruto out of the bush he’s tangled in, thorns sticking in his legs and arms. Through the scraping and cutting of brush Sasuke pulls Naruto’s limp body free. Closing his eyes against the burning sun, his toes curl as he checks Naruto’s pulse. Only when he feels the feint thrum of life within his teammate does Sasuke let himself think.

Sasuke feels a plan start to formulate, recognizing a steely resolution to first and foremost find shelter. He stares at his teammates, knowing that he’s not strong enough to carry both of them at once. Sakura’s is whining in her sleep, hand clutching her shoulder and mouth agape. He sees blood dribbling from her mouth, down her chin and staining her shirt a deeper red. He makes sure her head tilts upward so she doesn’t choke on her own blood. Orochimaru did more to her than mar her with an ominous seal, if she’s still in this much pain. His eyes trace Naruto, unconscious to the point of appearing dead. It’s almost scarier than Sakura’s pain...for at least her agony indicates a chance of awakening. Naruto may be stuck as he is forever.

He swallows, blood filling his mouth. He’d taken nasty hits in all sorts of places, and he has half a mind to lie down with his teammates and let them all die. He closes his eyes.

When Sasuke was seven, he’d laid down where his parent’s had lost their lives and wept, ignoring the stains on the unforgiving floor. 

When Sasuke is fourteen, he refuses to do what is easy. He stands up and he grabs a kunai, because he’s awful with directions and Naruto is currently deadweight. He marks up a tree with the symbol of the Uchiha, as it’s memorable only to those of Konoha. He takes Naruto’s hand and is only barely able to pick him up, because admittedly Sasuke isn’t very strong. He can’t handle much weight on days when he’s not close to collapsing, so he feels it’s fair to struggle with carrying his teammate now, injured and alone. Sasuke takes Naruto’s cold hand and gives it a squeeze for his own comfort.

He then pushes Naruto up against the tree he’s marked, digging into his kunai pouch for some rope. He ties him to the tree as securely as he knows how, a mockery of their first day as Team Seven when Naruto had been tied to a pole. Sasuke begins weaving a Genjutsu, one Itachi had taught him, and proceeds to mask Naruto’s presence entirely. He’s good with chakra control. He prays this trick will pay off.

Sakura’s body is more complicated to maneuver, as she kicks and smacks at him whenever he gets close. He wonders what she’s dreaming of. It takes him nearly ten minutes of harsh struggle to prop her up on his back. Sasuke looks back at Naruto, stomach flipping. His teammate doesn’t appear to be there at all, hidden behind a B-class Genjutsu, chakra signature nonexistent.

Sasuke turns away, Sakura’s sweat slicked body pressed against his back, and then he takes a step. He must, he has to, and he takes another just to prove a point.

It’s not an easy task to find a river. Once he does, he lets Sakura’s body slide to the ground in a hurry. His arms are aching, in his shoulders and his wrists, but the worst pain is the anxious flipping of his stomach. As fast as he can move, Sasuke pulls Sakura’s body into the water. She’s running a fever, either from fatigue or the seal she’s been cursed with. He wipes her down, notes that she’s missing her shoes; cleans out the cuts on her arms. He sits in the water and lays her over his knees. She’s shuddering and her teeth are chattering. Sasuke pushes down every instinct to shove her off of him and continues working. Smoothing the hair out of her face, Sasuke takes off his jacket.

_Riiip._

One would think his Uchiha Jacket would be a difficult sacrifice to make, but through the pain Sasuke is satisfied. He doesn’t like his jacket, he doesn’t like flaunting his belonging to a tragedy, and he goes about wrapping Sakura’s ankle without a second thought. There isn’t time for second thoughts, not much time for thinking at all. He knows that when this is over his mind will run faster than a rushing waterfall, but for now his thoughts are still. He must focus.

Sasuke is a firm believer in tomorrow; tomorrow will come because he will force it to. He will see tomorrow and most importantly, Sakura and Naruto will too.

When Sasuke was seven, he’d spent most of his time in the hospital, studying the medical ninja who shouted unfamiliar words and carted ninja off on stretchers.

Sasuke is thirteen, and he uses that knowledge to snap Sakura’s multiple dislocated ankle joints back into place. One ankle had been gushing blood and the other was twisted in knots. Now her right foot is wrapped in his jacket sleeve and her left is swollen, but no longer misshapen. He cleans out the deep gash in her tongue that nearly split it in half, using a bit of medical ninjutsu to seal the cut closed. He won’t let her go out by choking on her blood. The very idea makes him sick.

He stands up, ensures Sakura is properly leaning against a tree, and thinks on what to do next. Naruto isn’t here, there’s no way he’s safe, but Sasuke can’t leave Sakura by herself in this state. She’s unpredictable, and if he doesn’t get her fever down further she won’t last long. There’s only one option.

He doesn’t have much chakra, but he forces the genjutsu anyway. He hides Sakura’s signature. Sasuke stands up and makes his way back the way he came, huffing and puffing. He feels like he’s going fast, but objectively Sasuke knows he is slow. He is tired and slow, and with every stride he scolds himself to push harder, go faster.

_He’s still here_ , Sasuke thinks. Relief is an understatement, but his stomach is still in his throat. Sakura is alone now. Naruto is heavier, swamps his body. He can hardly lift him up, let alone hook his arms under his knees run.

When Sasuke was seven, he’d lost everything.

Sasuke is thirteen and he’ll be damned if it happens again.

He lifts Naruto, he runs with Naruto’s chin pressed against his shoulder. He’s heavy and it’s impossible, like running instead of swimming through water.

Sasuke collapses when he sees the stream. Really, he does. His knees give out and his nose smacks the hard forest floor, the earthy smell of dirt invading his senses. He swallows and apologizes silently to his teammate, because he’s no longer strong enough to do anything but drag Naruto by the arm to the river spot Sasuke had found.

He sits Naruto beside Sakura, huffing in exhaustion. He doesn’t know what to do, and he can’t leave them. If Orochimaru broke into the test then that means there’s more under the surface. He can’t very well ditch his team to inform the Anbu, who’ve had hours to figure this shit out and have come up with nothing. Not even his village has his back.

Sasuke doesn’t have much, a few kunai, one or two shuriken. What’s left of his chakra reserves is abysmal. But he can hide. It’s something he knows how to do. If Itachi couldn’t find him during their old games of hide and go seek, then no one, even if they aren’t a Genin, should be able to find his teammates.

He hides their signatures and this time, instead of _just_ genjutsu, collects as many twigs and leaves as he can. He buries them in the brush. He activates an aerial Genjutsu, but it’s not enough.

His eye twinges, and his Sharingan flickers to life. His Sharingan is alive, desperately trying to tell him something. His fingers shakily form together, an idea settling its roots. It’s reckless, it could thoroughly waste his chakra, but he doesn’t know what else he can do. His Sharingan hadn’t even been totally active when he first saw the jutsu activated.

It’s all he can do.

Sasuke was seven, cowering from his brother.

Sasuke is thirteen, and he knows how to face hell.

He forms the seals, his Sharingan remembering. “Water Style: Hidden Mist Jutsu!” his shout feels hushed in the isolation of the clearing. At first, there is nothing, but the river bubbles and then lifts, spreading mist all throughout the clearing. Sasuke stumbles backwards, and his chakra truly is gone now.

But he’s safer than before. He grabs a kunai and settles himself in front of Naruto and Sakura’s tree, waiting.

When Sasuke was seven, he gave up on life itself.

Sasuke is thirteen, and he’ll fight until every last muscle in his body rips apart.

With hands quaking and fingers numb with fear he waits. He can sense the chakra signatures flying about around him. He knows one of them will notice he and his team soon enough. He peels his eyes apart, willing them to stay open. He’s exhausted. But Sakura’s leg has started bleeding once more with insistent abundance. Sasuke’s fingers tighten on his jacket, wishing he had more than cheap cloth to provide her. He doesn’t. Most of their supplies are lost in the forest, somewhere around the area where they fought with Orochimaru. He imagines the bandages, scattered across the ground, and curses angrily. An obvious trail like that will lead an enemy right to them.

He feels his eyes start to burn, but he forces down the Sharingan’s attempted activation. He thinks back to how he got here, how much he regrets his stupid decisions. He thinks about Miterashi Anko and her psychotic rules. Mostly though, Sasuke’s mind is blank. He always thought he’d like it if his mind turned off. If he could stop worrying and fussing over people. If for just a moment he could stop caring. But Sasuke finds that this unpleasant blankness is of equal torture. His gut is empty and his eyes are dull, he can feel his very soul turn limp with sorrow. _This_ , Sasuke believes, _is what defeat feels like._

_“They call this place the forest of death!” Their proctor, Miterashi Anko declares with a devilish gleam in her eyes, “Soon enough you kiddos are going to find out_ why _.”_

They’re standing outside a large fenced in forest, the flapping of bird wings and scattering of insects oddly audible even from the distance he’s standing at. Sasuke isn’t quite sure he feels comfortable, but that’s nothing new. There are about sixty or so Genin in the clearing, a major drop in the number of participants since the first exam. Sasuke had thought Ibiki Morino was terrifying, but that was before meeting Miterashi Anko. She’s got purple hair and more exposed skin than any decent person would ever condone, and he finds her tanned, wicked eyes to be the most menacing attribute she possesses.

He’s scared, and it’s putting him on edge. His brother had been in the Forest of Death for his Chunin Exams too, Sasuke knows. His brother had told him all about the Chunin Exams. He assumes a bunch of other clan kids have the same advantage of future knowledge. Itachi had actually taken him here once, for a game of hide and seek. Sasuke’d fallen into the water. Itachi had saved him, thankfully. Oddly enough, that’s all Sasuke can remember about the day. Sometimes his past blurs together, events intertwining. He doesn’t remember why they were in the Forest, or how he’d fallen into the water, but he remembers the feeling of drowning, water filling his lungs to the point of strangulation, and then the all-consuming relief of Itachi diving in to rescue him.

Sasuke hasn’t had good luck with the Forest of Death in the past. His gut is telling him that this isn’t going to end well, but Sasuke knows he tends to feel that way about every situation. Just as Sasuke is enforcing his cousin’s typical positivity to his own outlook, Naruto proves Sasuke’s gut to be an intellectual sensor.

Naruto’s got his hands on his hips, and has adopted an extremely mocking female pitch. “They call it the forest of death, and soon you’ll find out why!” Naruto snorts, running a hand through his hair confidently. “Do you worst you’re not going to scare me away. I can handle anything!” His bold declaration is not met with the approval of the proctor. Sasuke can sense her chakra grow from anticipatorily cheerful to sadistically agitated. He steps up, grabbing Naruto in the forearm. He has no idea what’s gotten into his rambunctious teammate. Normally he’d at least show some restraint in expressivity of cockiness. But ever since these exams have started he’s been nothing but eager and astonishingly risky.

“Please, don’t mind him.” Sasuke laughs, tugging harsher on Naruto’s sleeve. “He’s just...nervous, and has an odd way of expressing it!” he tugs Naruto’s close to him. “Right, Naruto? You’re just nervous.”

The proctor spins a kunai knife on her finger, eyes crinkling in a way that reminds him of Kakashi-sensei. “I don’t think your right, Uchiha.” Sasuke winces at being so easily recognized. He needs to get rid of such an obvious jacket, patriotic symbolism be damned. “Your little teammate thinks he’s a tough guy.”

_Zing._ A kunai whizzes past Sasuke’s line of sight and slices Naruto’s cheek, severing the layers deep enough to create a thin rush of blood. “Gah!” Sasuke panics. He feels a rush of terror, because he can’t stand when people he’s told to trust break that lawful foundation. He swallows, stumbling away and wrapping his arms around himself. He’s scared of her. She’s supposed to not be that way, and when people are supposed to be a certain way but turn out to act completely different, they become unpredictable. If Sasuke can’t predict something he is instantly flipped onto the defensive. He trembles. Naruto wipes the blood away with the back of his hand, eyes rolling. Sasuke notices that the cut has started to stitch itself back together with a wince. He hopes no one else see’s Naruto’s healing abilities.

“I wouldn’t say withstanding a cut makes me tough.” Naruto snorts. Sasuke really, really wishes he’d stop provoking her. She’s proven to be unkind. The proctor flashes him a look of loathing. She’s about to advance upon Naruto when another strange figure, a figure that sends chills down Sasuke’s spine approaches the scene. It’s a Grass Kunoichi, and she’s got a very disturbing Kekei Genkai. Her mouth is open to reveal an abnormally long tongue, wrapped multiple times around the kunai knife Anko had thrown at Naruto. She’s standing behind Anko, her tongue presenting the weapon back to the proctor. The grass shinobi smiles, a small string of saliva stretching down her chin.

Sasuke takes the opportunity to step away from the scene, instinctively searching for Sakura. He stops himself. He’s angry with her, and he actually doesn’t want to be around his confusing teammate. He realizes he has nowhere to go, ending up accidentally observing the attention-catching scene unfold.

“You dropped this,” The female Grass Ninja’s voice is smooth, but not in a calming way. It’s smooth and slimy, mischief dripping off of her words. “I thought I’d return it to you.”

Anko snarls, a new kunai gripped in her gloved hand. Sasuke marvels at how dauntless she appears, back straight and posture unworried. “You know,” She begins casually, “I really only recommend you stand this close behind me if you wish to reach a premature end.” Throughout her speech her voice remains lofty. Sasuke thinks she’s close to Kakashi-sensei’s age, and wonders why their generation created something as psychotic as the innocuous threat. Her face is cheerful, her tone innocent, yet the meaning of her words is unmistakably harsh. Kakashi-sensei tends to act similarly.

The Grass ninja blinks, unsurprised and perhaps impressed with Anko’s display. She withdraws her tongue from around Anko, her tongue disappearing back into her mouth with an odd slurping sound that makes Sasuke shudder. “My pardon,” She apologizes, “It’s my nature to act up at the sight of blood. And when you sliced through my precious hair, I got excited is all.” Sasuke twitches. He could do without her bloodthirsty display.

“Likewise,” Anko doesn’t yield her authority, watching the Grass ninja retreat back to her teammates with narrowed eyes. Sasuke nearly screams at Sakura to move out of the Grass ninja’s way. The foreign kunoichi shoulder checks his teammate. He feels himself stir with anger at Sakura’s stupidity. Messing with the proctor is one thing. Naruto had only been risking their failure. But messing with their competitors can lead to death. He hopes Sakura knows what she’s doing, playing with fire all of the sudden. “Seems to me like everybody here is a bit quick tempered...there must be something in the air. This is going to be fun, isn’t it?” Anko grins, twiddling with the kunai that had been presented to her via a tongue. Sasuke notices that the blade is still dripping Naruto’s blood. It must have been a deeper cut than Sasuke had originally thought. And yet...it healed so fast.

Anko turns around, thankfully leaving them alone. Sasuke rubs his head, feeling relieved for just a moment, before the fear starts up again as Anko begins her speech. “Before we begin this test I am required to pass these out to you.” She pulls out a copy of a document, papers rustling. “It’s just a standard consent form. Before the test all of you are going to have to read over this form and then sign it.” Anko sighs, “For those of you who think they should sign it without reading the fine print, don’t blame me when our village’s local Anbu are escorting you back to your village...as corpses.”

Sakura’s hand shoots in the air, excitement on her features. “Are you implying...that we’re not restricted from...ah, permanently defeating our opponents?” she questions. Sasuke swivels onto her with wide eyes. If she’s delusional enough to believe he’ll be a part of any Genin slaughtering, she’s got another thing coming.

“I’m not implying anything. If you have questions related to violence, go ahead and grab one of these babies.” She waggles around the consent form in her hand.

“Now I’ll explain what you’ll be doing on this test.” She motions to Sasuke, and hesitantly, he steps forward. She roughly yanks on his shoulder, reaching into a box he’d only noticed was behind her right now. He’d been too focused on her theatrics to take in his surroundings properly. She hands him a large stack of papers. “Here, Uchiha, pass these out,” She orders offhandedly. Sasuke feels his eyes go wide. He resists the urge to plead off on the duty, shuffling to Naruto despondently. He passes his distracted teammate a form, moving on to Kabuto and his teammates who are also standing front and center. He really wishes his team had gone with his idea of standing at the back of the crowd. He gives one to Sakura, unable to meet her eyes. He’s angry, and he doesn’t want to start a fight. The best thing to do right now is to clear his head and get a conscious thought process. If he fights with her now, he’ll lash out.

Sasuke moves along, making sure to pay attention to Anko’s speech all the while. He also tries to commit to memory all the chakra signatures left in the room, particularly those that appear to be greater threats. Like the Grass girl, for example.

“The second task will test every one of your survival skills,” Anko declares. Sasuke passes three sets to Shikamaru, who gives the other two to his teammates. Sasuke pretends not to notice his searching gaze. He has too much on his mind right now to talk with Shikamaru about a topic he’s equally as clueless on. “First, I’ll give you all a description on the terrain in the practice field.” She explains. Sasuke flashes his Sharingan at the sign she’s holding up, once again thanking the stars he’d finally activated his Sharingan. The sign is a map of the entire forest, and Sasuke commits the image to memory with ease.

He passes another paper to a familiar Suna ninja. Sasuke recognizes it as the girl he’d talked to before, when Naruto and Sakura had gotten themselves in trouble with the academy students. “Thanks,” she says gratefully. He moves to give one to Gaara, which he now realizes is the Suna Jinchuriki. His hand is about to pass the paper to Gaara, but sand wraps around his wrist and smoothly tugs it out of his grip. Sasuke blinks. He looks up at the Gaara guy, watching him hold his new consent form in his hands defensively. His sand is retreating back into the large bottle strapped across his back in the shape of an hourglass.

“Cool.” Sasuke says unthinkingly, mystified by the manipulation of an element he hadn’t known ninja to be capable of wielding. Gaara shrugs at him, eyebrows raised.

“I suppose, Uchiha.” Gaara drawls.

He tries really hard not to pout about how even some random Suna ninja recognizes him as an Uchiha. Damn jacket and damn chatty proctor. Anko begins explaining the terrain in detail. Sasuke meanders his way through the crowd to pass a set of paper’s to a red haired girl with round framed glasses. Their hands brush as he gives her the paper. She looks up at him and he looks at her. Her chakra is compelling, wild yet tightly contained. He draws his hand back, moving back to his task. He can feel her eyes follow him as he goes. Anko explains that the tower in the center of the map is their final destination. He stumbles as her voice turns dark, chakra spiking belligerently.

“The test consists of...” She breathes. “An anything goes battle.”

Sasuke can practically hear his teammates grinning. His hand tingle with the urge to smack them upside the head.

Anko continues. “The objective is to get your hands on these scrolls.”

Sasuke finds his way to Neji, passing him and his team three consent forms. He’s grateful Anko has assigned other people to help him with the task, as he hadn’t wanted to interact with the creepy tongue lady at all. Neji smirks at him. “See you in the arena.” He challenges. Sasuke glares at him, huffing. Then his eyes go bright.

“I wanted to properly thank you. Your help means a lot to me.” He says sincerely, happily watching Neji’s cheek flush. Neji turns away, shoulders hunching.

“It was nothing.” He claims. Sasuke lets it slide, finding his way back to his teammates at the front of the crowd. He finds Sakura standing there, using her arm to stabilize her papers as she signs her signature in all of the given areas. Sasuke looks down at his own document with his lip in between his teeth. It’s sketchy, Sasuke notes. With the proctor who handed out the form, he can’t begin to trust it.

Name:  
Signature:  
Date of birth:  
Village Alignment:  
Place of Birth:

Check yes if you agree to the following terms...

Sasuke’s eyes widen as he reads through the paper. The form makes consenting mockingly innocuous, using terms that would be used on a paper to enlist a child into an extra-curricular or something. Agreeing to this...it’d be insane. The form legalizes homicide, torture, any form of violence, and it’s not ambiguous. It lists each possible outcome in gruesome detail, using terms Sasuke doesn’t even want to think about. Quietly, Sasuke flips through the form, but he doesn’t mark down his own information. His pen has a mind of its own as it scrawls down the false information.

Sasuke quietly lists the only person he can think of, Shisui Uchiha. He knows all of his personal information by heart. He marks it down, copies his signature with almost unbelievable accuracy; it’s just in case, he tells himself. He thinks back to Kakashi-sensei, pale as he saw them off with more clinginess than he’s ever expressed. Sasuke thinks that the precaution is a good idea.

“Are you ready?” Sakura looks up at him with a giddy smile.

Sasuke clears his throat, signing his cousin’s signature once last time. “Yup.” He takes a breath.

He’s never broken the rules before.

But this...this feels right. He doesn’t know why. It’s not like it will help him if he can legally blame the village on the grounds of a discordant death. He licks his lips and nods a bit more easily, still avoiding Sakura’s eyes. “So ready...” he mumbles.

Anko finishes explaining the exam once everyone has their form signed. Sasuke finds it a little horrible that Ibiki’s scare tactic had been staking their career on the line, and that had frightened more than half of the Genin out of the exam. But these same kids agree to risk their lives like it’s nothing, chatting away with smiles and laughter. He digs his nails into his palms and shakes himself off.

Their each going to be given one of the following scrolls: Earth, or Heaven. Their goal is to get to the tower in the center of the forest with both scrolls, one of which they will have to steal from their opponent. Anko also explained that twenty-six teams are remaining, in other words, seventy-eight participants. Sasuke marvels at the numbers. They’d started with nearly two hundred kids, and their down to seventy-eight. By the end of this, there will only be, at the very most, thirty-nine participants remaining. Somehow Sasuke has to be one of those kids. _No pressure there_ , Sasuke thinks, glancing in between Sakura and Naruto. The worst part is that there is a one hundred and twenty hour time limit set in place. That means that they could be wandering around the Forest of Death for up to five days. Sasuke has a feeling his recently cured insomnia is going to return full force. No way is he going to be able to sleep knowing that he’s completely surrounded by enemies.

The remaining teams crowd around the scroll hut, set up by the village and run by two undistinguished Chunin. It was run like a trading post, with their consent forms handed over for either a Heaven or an Earth scroll. Sakura nudges him. “Sasuke, think you can track their scrolls with your Sharingan?” she wonders. He considers her. It’s not a bad idea, and he can’t call her out for cheating. That’d be hypocritical. His Sharingan flickers to life, but the scrolls are guarded by an unfamiliar chakra signature. He can’t tell one from the other.

His Sharingan slides off. “It’s no good, their protected by some foreign chakra.” He tells her. She slumps, kicking the ground with her shoe. They continue to move up in the line until their turn finally comes. The hut has a tarp covering it. They’d obviously gone through extreme efforts to ensure the information was kept within each individual teams. Sasuke clutches his paper tighter to his chest, nodding at Sakura. Naruto claps them both on the shoulder.

“Whoop! This is _exhilarating_! If you don’t mind, uh, I’m going to go talk to that Gaara guy.” His face flashes with a moment of insecurity, “You don’t mind, right?”

“Of course not, Naruto, do what you got to do.” Sakura rolls her eyes.

“Go for it.” Sasuke nudges him in the direction of his fellow Jinchuriki.

Sasuke and Sakura wander around for a minute, silently contemplating. It’s awkward, and he doesn’t even know why. It’s like his anger has manifested into a physical sickness. He’s ill with cold rage.

“Okay,” Sakura reels on him. “What’s your problem? Can you stop being so weird and talk, you know, like a functioning human being?” she scrunches her eyebrows together. Their standing far away from the rest of the Genin, next to the fence that separates them from Training Ground 44, otherwise known as the Forest of Death. He scoffs.

“You’re kidding.” Sasuke raises both of his eyebrows in shock, giving her a once over.

“Oh I’m sorry, so you haven’t been ignoring me for the past hour?” She snaps.

Sasuke’s lip curls. “You know what this is about.”

“I don’t.” she claims.

Sasuke pulls away from her in disgust. “Okay then, would you like me to clarify the situation? Help you see it through my eyes?”

Sakura is rearing for a fight, fists clench and balancing on her toes. “That’d be lovely.”

He lowers his voice. “What were you trying to do? Kill him?” Sasuke’s boiling over, like a steaming kettle with its lid left on overtime

Sakura gasps in shock. “No!” she shrieks. “What do you even mean?”

“His chakra, it was decimated. I saw you use the mind transfer on him.” Sasuke groans, exasperated, “ _I saw you do it, I had my Sharingan on.”_

“Who are you even talking about?!” Sakura throws her arms in the air.

“Who do you think, Shikamaru!” Sasuke spits, stumbling away from her. “I’m not stupid, Sakura.”

Sakura’s eyes _change_. She grows stone cold, lips returning to a neutral position and eyebrows smoothing out. “What’s it to you?” her hand curls around her hips and she sneers. “Why do you care so much?”

Sasuke yanks away from her, mouth parted in shock. “Why do I care? Because he’s my friend and you hurt him. What can’t you possibly understand about that?”

Sakura’s fists clench, and Sasuke instinctively backs away from her. He sees Sakura’s angry expression falter, before morphing into something ugly and devastated. “I...Sasuke I...” she steps back, emotions guarded by the blankness of her stare, “You don’t understand.”

“Then show me. Let me understand.” Sasuke enforces.

“I can’t, I just don’t know how.” Her voice breaks desperately.

Sasuke can’t bear to look at her any longer. Her helplessness, her pleading for forgiveness, It’s too much like Itachi; too analogous to his tactic of manipulating Sasuke into empathy.

_He leaves her standing there, refusing to look back. He hears a few Chunin announce the handout of Heaven and Earth scrolls for the exam, but he takes a moment to breath, leaning against a far off tree with a shaky exhale._

Sasuke grips his kunai with ferocity. He can feel three enemy chakra signatures approaching the clearing, and somehow he knows that they’re going to find him...that they’re looking for Team Seven. Sasuke feels his heart thud against his chest, frozen and unable to relax. Not that he should be relaxing, but he should probably come up with a better plan than Genjutsu to keep them protected.

The chakra signatures stutter in confusion, accidentally traveling back around in a circle, temporarily stalled by Sasuke’s trickery. He panics, floundering around for a moment. The mist is useful, but it really puts a toll on his chakra. He won’t be able to hold it forever. Those chakra signatures are clearly searching for them. So, Sasuke is hidden. But what happens when he’s found?

Sasuke was seven, and Itachi found him. He ended up having to take a sick day from the Academy.

Sasuke is thirteen, and the chakra signatures _will_ find him. He’s not at the Academy anymore.

He creeps away from Sakura and Naruto, Sharingan spinning. He hopes that their concealed chakras; the genjutsu; and the shrouding Mist are enough. Sasuke quietly makes his way out of the protected area, spiking his chakra to reveal his presence. His teammates are safe, at least. He’ll just have to improvise _. Lead the enemy away_. Sasuke breathes deeply. _No big deal_. He grips his kunai, using the last vestigial wisps of his chakra to stabilize the mist. If the Genjutsu is found, it’s unlikely anyone will find Sakura and Naruto without dispelling the mist. That way, Sasuke will feel his chakra disperse. It’s like a massive alert system.

He’d tried to borrow some chakra from Naruto. It hadn’t worked. He refuses to think too hard on it.

“Did you abandon your team?” He hears an obnoxious whooshing sound, and the three charka signatures he’s been sensing finally show up. The one who’d spoken is male, odd clothes, tanned skin, and a headband from Sound. “It’s alright, I understand. Weaklings like you need to be selfish. Tell me, is this what you did with dear mom and dad? Turn tail and run?”

Sasuke swallows. Truth is Sasuke doesn’t know if he ran on that fateful night. He can’t remember anything but Itachi’s endless Tsukiyomi. There’s a girl and two boys, and they don’t look easy to take on. His lips twist. He’d decided not to hide. Now he has to deal with the consequences of that decision. Sasuke’s vision hones in as his Sharingan begins spinning wildly. It’s nothing like the lazy swirl his father’s eyes tended to fall into, and Itachi’s eyes were usually deathly still. This twirling, wild Sharingan is all is own. He’s oddly proud of it. “Don’t, don’t say that.” He mutters, and if there’s one thing Sasuke is good at, it’s making himself look small. He hunches in on himself, bangs shrouding his Sharingan from view. They can’t see the hostility on his face. “Just promise to leave me alone and I’ll tell you where she went, okay?”

The girl steps forward, hand resting on his hipbone. “Likewise, Uchiha...now where is this bitch? I can’t wait to fight her.” she says eagerly.

Sasuke forces himself not to react to the insult. Despite his previous anger at her, Sasuke feels it’s his duty to defend Sakura’s dignity. Bitch is a nasty word, one he doesn’t ever condone using. He lets his body quiver, hands curling. He hadn’t been planning to surprise them, he hadn’t had a plan at all, but now that the situation has unraveled he’ll go with the flow. Sasuke’s said it before and he’ll say it again, he’s an opportunist at heart. He’s not used to manipulating people, but he finds it’s almost disturbingly easy. It makes him a bit sick. His morality battles his survival instincts, but in the end, Sasuke knows his fierce loyalty trumps all.

“She’s...” he shuffles. “She ran off. In, down by the tower...? She seemed panicked. She got hurt pretty bad, so it’s not like she’ll put up much of a fight.” He reasons. He channels his, in all honesty, inner mother. Mikoto Uchiha danced around the center stage with captivating elegance; the crowds wouldn’t notice the knife in her hand until it sank into someone’s throat. He’d never thought he was like his mother, always assumed he wasn’t like any Uchiha. In his mind’s eye he remembers her devastating looks, unending loyalty, skittish mannerisms, and quiet manipulations. Perhaps he needs to rethink his perspective. He and his mother may have quite a few things in common after all.

With his mother’s coy smile in mind, Sasuke hunches, fiddles, and becomes so cowardly that he very nearly believes the act himself. He moves quickly, because Sasuke is fast when he needs to be, and the guy who’d had yet to speak startles. The tip of Sasuke’s kunai glides like butter through his upper arm, not even stopping when it hits the humerus bone. Instead Sasuke forces the kunai directly through his humerus, splitting the bone and creating what he assumes to be a spider web of cracks. The guy screams. Sasuke spins a kunai into his left hand, a right-handed feint that works on everyone that doesn’t know he’s ambidextrous, and slams the back of the knife into the sound ninja’s temple, effectively knocking him unconscious. Sasuke kicks him in the skull for good measure.

He’s pulled backwards by his hair, a scream of rage escaping the girl of the group. He recognizes the hand in his hair as female. Sasuke’s not the type to drop things in surprise. When he’s surprised, he grips them tighter. His hand digs into the handle of his kunai and he blindly shoves it behind him. Even though he’d been trying to stab her in the side, he ends up nicking her elbow. She punches him in the face.

Sasuke grunts, head slamming into the rocks. He wishes the terrain was wet like it was about a mile back, that way it would absorb some of the shock that runs through his body. Instead he’s met with a mouthful of weeds and dust, jaw aching. He rolls out of the way of a kick.

With a turn of his stomach, Sasuke swallows a gag. He’s dizzy, and it feels like how his Sharingan used to make him feel. Like a migraine, thrust upon him without warning. It’s disorienting, but it doesn’t stop him from fighting. He flips to his feet, stumbling back and tossing a handful of Shuriken her way. Sasuke’s eyes widen. He drops to the ground quickly, a kick sailing above his head. He’d not forgotten about his other opponent, but it was hard to focus on two people at once.

_Crrrack!_

Sasuke gasps. His fingers, stomped on. He looks down at his mangled hand, fingers twisted and swollen, but forces himself to stand up and pull his arm to his chest. _Not good_.

He has no hope of dodging the next attack. It’s the girl again, this time with a knee to his stomach and an elbow to his sternum. She pulls back her arm once more and smacks him right across the face. For a moment Sasuke is confused, dizzy and wondering why she hadn’t just struck him down. But then the dizziness comes back, and it takes all he has not to throw up. His head sways, his neck aches, and he can’t care less about the hand-shaped bruise imprinted on his cheek. His breath is quick. He’s scared, he’s worried, and he’s so, so sick. Sasuke grabs both of the kunoichi’s legs out from underneath her, but before he can do anything to his downed opponent, her teammate drags him backwards by the arm. It pulls painfully at his joint, feet lagging in the dirt.

“You piece of scum, Uchiha!” the Sound ninja snarls at him, and after wincing at the volume of his shout, Sasuke notices the ringing in his ears. Sound ninja, he thinks deliriously. They use sound. The eardrums play a key role in balance; mess with the ears, and you mess with the entire function of the body. _An attack on the ear could be inducing migraines,_ he reasons. He blinks back the dots in his vision, assessing the ninja thoroughly with his Sharingan. His arm has a large amount of chakra in it, and strapped onto his forearm is a large metal device. It has a bunch of holes in it, like a speaker. _That’s got to be it!_

Another slap, this one out of anger and victory; Sasuke lets his body slump against the floor. He takes a moment to breathe, the slap provoking further dizziness. Sasuke remembers saving Kabuto from the punch and then pushing the sound from his system. The dizziness he’s currently experiencing is on a way larger scale. He swallows, because he doesn’t have enough chakra to ward away the feeling. Weakly, Sasuke attempts to crawl away, but a foot slams down on his spine. _That’s going to bruise._

“You Uchiha, always so cocky with that Sharingan of yours...” The Sound ninja’s teammate snarls in agreement, “Tell us where Sakura Haruno is and we’ll grant you a painless parting from this world.” The Sound ninja chuckles, applying more pressure to Sasuke’s back. He has a sudden flash of fighting Zabuza, pinned beneath his boot. His ribcage still aches in the morning from time to time. How had he escaped then? _I didn’t_ , he thinks self-deprecatingly. Naruto saved him with his Shadow Clones.

Sasuke is stomped on, like a pest beneath the Sound Ninja’s shoe. Sasuke grunts, unwilling to respond. He’s not battle-chatty, and he’s definitely not a snitch. He squeezes his eyes shut and takes the pain.

“Well? Look, I don’t actually want to do this, Uchiha. I’m just trying to get a job done here. Spit it out already, scum.”

Sasuke is seven years old and he couldn’t fight back.

Sasuke is thirteen years old and he can’t fight back.

_No._

Sasuke was seven years old with no one to help him get back up. He’d fought back, but the enemy was too impossible.

Sasuke is thirteen years old and someone helps him up. Sasuke isn’t alone and it wasn’t his fault and he shouldn’t have to do it all by himself. He opens his eyes.

“You son of a bitch!” Kiba Inuzuka, armed with his trusted dog Akamaru, barrels into the Sound girl beside him.

“Gentle fist!” Hinata Hyuuga thumps her palm against his tormentor’s chest with an angry shriek.

Shino Aburame helps him to his feet. And Sasuke doesn’t feel less for needing help. He’d tried, he’d done his part, he’d helped and he’d asked for help in return. Naruto had saved him, they had saved him, and Sasuke only feels stronger. Because finally, finally Sasuke knows that if he falls, someone will be there to catch him.

He wants to say thanks, but he knows that simple word isn’t enough to express his gratitude.

He says it anyway, because he’s not eloquent and he doesn’t know how else to put it. “Thank you.”

\---

_Things were going to shit, fast. The Forest of Death, while easy to navigate for Team Seven as Sasuke had first and foremost sketched a map for Naruto follow, was proving to be a tough challenge._

They didn’t have anything to eat, for one, and no way in hell was Sasuke hunting. Sakura normally would have volunteered for the duty with some affectionate name calling, but today she was silently picking at her shirt sleeve, withdrawn entirely. Naruto wanted to say something, clearly, but he wisely chose the other option of just trying to cheer everyone up. Sasuke and Sakura’s fight weighed heavily on the two’s mind, one filled with pain and self-loathing, and the other overflowing with questions and hurt. Truth is, they’d rarely spoken throughout the entire first twenty minutes of wandering around in the forest. That saying, ‘it’s easier to apologize than to ask permission’...know it? Yeah, Sasuke wanted to find whoever came up with that, shake them, and explain that it sure as hell is easy to apologize. But damn is it a lot harder to forgive.

“I have to take a piss.” Naruto stops abruptly, looking at them helplessly. Sasuke doesn’t bother to correct his foul language, because that’s Kakashi-sensei’s job.

“What are you waiting for? Permission?” Sakura snaps, lips pursed. She’s angry, and it really irritates Sasuke. How does she have the right to be mad?

Naruto groans. “You don’t gotta be so angry, Sakura...” he mumbles. Sasuke holds his tongue on correcting his grammar, too. He’s really not in the mood to talk. Sasuke waits as Naruto huddles behind a bush, resisting the urge to close his ears. It’s awkward, standing there beside Sakura like this, when on any other day they’d be perfectly amiable. Sakura would probably be screaming at the top of her lungs to block out the sounds of Naruto going to the bathroom in a bush, and he’d be laughing with her. 

Sasuke twitches. A chakra signature he vaguely recognizes is trailing them. It’s dark, and ominous, but it’s too concealed for Sasuke to make out who their stalker is. He carefully schools his expression, unwilling to give away he’s figured out their being followed.

He startles as Naruto’s chakra spikes and a new chakra signature collides with Naruto’s. It’s not the ominous chakra, but a different one, one Sasuke doesn’t recognize at all. He hears a thud, and then Naruto is dragging out an Ame ninja from the bush with a very disgruntled expression. Sakura snorts, raising her eyebrow. “Eventful bathroom break?”

Naruto heaves the Ame ninja onto the ground before them. “Har...de har har...” he gets out in between breaths of exertion. The Ame ninja scrambles to get away, even with his hands bound tightly together behind his back, but Naruto pounces on him with a kunai at the ready. He points it at the guy’s neck.

“Scroll?” Naruto prompts. The Ame ninja glares defiantly. Sakura kicks him in the head, hard. Sasuke winces.

“Sakura!” he scolds, arms uncrossing in surprise as he speaks for the first time in what feels like hours. She glares at him, throwing her hands into the air.

“The guy has a kunai to his throat and he’s dumb enough not to hand over his scroll!” she complains.

Naruto digs the knife into the Ame ninja’s skin, leaving a pinch mark. “Sakura’s got a point...” he agrees.

The Ame ninja shudders, blurting out abruptly, “I don’t have it! I don’t have it okay!”

Sasuke pouts. Of course it couldn’t be that easy. The momentary humorous atmosphere screeches to a halt as Sasuke jerks. The ominous chakra around them grows darker, crueler. He looks to the Ame ninja skeptically. Is the chakra signature this guy’s teammate, he wonders? If so, Team Seven needs to get out of here fast. The chakra signature stirs up with even more power and fury, causing Sasuke to wheel on his teammates in a panic. The dark signature is exquisite with power but repugnant with the intention of jeopardizing their lives. When the chakra signature begins producing killer intent, Sasuke knows it’s time to get the hell out.

“Sakura...Naruto...step away from that guy...” he warns. His Sharingan has flared to life, sensing with a mind of its own the danger of the Ame ninja before them.

“Huh?” Sakura hears the fear in his voice.

“What’s wrong Sasuke?” Naruto doesn’t budge, reluctant to be frightened so easily.

_“I said move!”_ his voice is frantic. Sasuke’s Sharingan has caught on to the seal painted across this Ame ninja’s body. _Suicide bomber_ , he thinks in distress. _It doesn’t make any sense at all though,_ he thinks in confusion. Every team needs all three members to pass. No one can just sacrifice a teammate.

He snatches Sakura by the arm first, flinging her away from the Ame ninja. He topples Naruto straight into the ground. _Boom!_ The explosion that erupts from every chakra point in the Ame’s ninja body knocks them back a few feet, leaving them with scorched clothes and irritated skin. There is nothing left of the Ame ninja but soot, the explosion seal on him wiping the guy out completely. Sasuke can’t move, even though he’s incredibly uncomfortable being on top of Naruto with their limbs tangled together.

“What the hell was that?!” Naruto gawks, coughing. 

“A bad sign!” Sakura shouts, scrambling toward them. She doesn’t reach them, however, because the ominous signature that had been watching them pounces.

“Sakura!” Naruto yells, and Sasuke is pushed off of him. It’s too late, though. Wind surges towards them, kicking branches off of trees and spreading a thicket of dust. It’s a wind jutsu, and the powerful kind that cuts skin with the slicing force it creates. Sakura flies backwards, screaming incoherently as she’s flung away from them. Sasuke’s however flies _forwards_ , body twisting in the air and smacking against a tree. His forehead takes the brunt of the blow. He tries to grab onto the bark, cutting his hands in the process, but the wind keeps him pinned. Naruto tumbles past him through the air, hitting a few stray branches on the way. Then the wind becomes even stronger, cutting Sasuke’s clothes and skin, even his cheek beginning to bleed from the sharpness of the wind. Just as quickly as the wind came it disperses. Sasuke has no time to comprehend he’s falling towards the ground until his back slams against a branch, arching the wrong direction with painful force. He gasps.

Shakily picking himself up, Sasuke digs his hand’s into the bark for some sort of purchase in an effort to balance himself. His head spins and his Sharingan continues to spin with rapidity. He reaches out with his chakra signature, freezing when he comes across a killing intent so potent he can sense it from what has to be a half a mile away. He’s shuddering, shaking, and he’s so, so suddenly terrified. He can only think of this fear, this horrid all-consuming sense that his death is coming.

And he’s _far_ away. Is...is Sakura with that chakra? Is Naruto with that chakra?

He goes to dig into his pouch, but realizes that it has been ripped off of him in the wind. His eyes travel downwards, nearly pulling his hair out in frustration at the scattered mess of weapons beneath him. He slides carefully down the tree, scrambling to pick up as many weapons as he can. He finds his pouch hanging in a bush, _and then_.

Then he makes his way towards the terrifying chakra signature. It’s so all-consuming that he can’t sense his teammates through it. He has to stop his trek a few times, breathing deeply. The fear reverberates in his core, making it difficult to accomplish even the simple task of forcing oxygen into his lungs.

It’s worse when he finds his teammate. It’s Sakura he finds, and she’s being chased by the largest summon he’s ever seen outside history books. It’s a gigantic snake, fangs bared, scales a poisonous purple. Sakura spins midair, three kunai sailing past her harmlessly. Beside the Snake Summon is that woman from before with the tongue Kekei Genkai. She’s the one who is reeking killer intent. He doesn’t see Naruto, doesn’t know if he’s okay at all, but Sakura needs help.

_He grips his kunai, knees shaking, and lunges for the Snake Summon. One step at a time, he thinks hysterically._

“These Leaf Village worms will be sorry they squirmed their way into something that doesn’t concern them!” The male teammate of the Sound Ninja stands upright, arm raised.

Sasuke panics. He looks at Shino with eyes wide. “He uses that to make me sick-” he is quickly hushed by Shino tugging gently on his ripped jacket sleeve.

“We know.” He mumbles.

Sasuke watches with eyes wide as the Sound Ninja’s arm explodes outwards, blood splaying. Small, round shelled beetles creep around the severed part of the Sound Ninja’s arm, and around the banged up device on the ground. Blood splatters onto Sasuke’s cheek. There is a beat of silence, where Kiba and Hinata are paused and the Sound girl stares at her teammate in shock. Then the Sound Genin lets out an ear piercing scream. His shout is pain-filled and horrible, eyes wide and mouth agape. Sasuke grips onto Shino’s hand tightly.

Kiba and Hinata lunge for the girl, Kiba wielding an arm full of shuriken. The girl tries to run, screaming both in fear and at the sight of her teammate rolling about the grass floor in torture. Kiba’s shuriken make the girl dodge left, right into the palm of Hinata. The girl collapses on contact, not another sound to escape her once sneering lips.

The remaining aggressor moves to get up, dragging along a stump for an arm. Sasuke doesn’t hesitate as he rips away from Shino’s surprised grasp. He knocks the tortured Sound Genin out swiftly, green coated fingers curling around his wound and sealing it closed. He’s running on pure willpower. When the wound stops bleeding, Sasuke sits back, numb. His chakra is so empty it’s painful.

“Are you okay?” Hinata.

“What happened?” Shino.

“Why’d you help that bastard?!” Kiba.

Three questions, he thinks, and he has not an answer to a single one of them.

Sasuke leans back, swallowing. “I have to get back to Sakura and Naruto.” His voice is croaky, but it’s the truth. He tries to stand up, but ends up slipping on blood. It sends a disturbed thought into his mind, but he can’t grasp it. It’s a memory, a far off one, and it makes his stomach turn. What’s the memory of? The fleeting feeling washes away.

“Where are they? Why weren’t they helping you, Uchiha? And no way in hell we’re letting you move around in your condition!” Kiba waves his arms around. Sasuke sighs.

“Their unconscious,” He explains. He manages to take a shaky step, checking his nearly empty weapons pouch. He should go find that kunai he tossed earlier.

A small hand tugs at his sleeve. Its Hinata’s delicate fingers, chipped nails somehow elegant and pupiless eyes full of caring. He wonders what it must be like to have a sense of self so powerful that no matter your outer appearance your personality shines through. Sasuke’s misjudged just for his name, and people fear him because he looks exactly like Itachi. But Hinata...her personality is more than both her name and appearance. “Let us help.” She soothes.

Sasuke pulls away, hands shaking. “There’s been a breach in security. Orochimaru’s in the village.”

_“Naruto! What are you thinking? She’ll kill all of us! She’s- She’s on a much different level.” Sasuke kneels on a tree branch, eyes wide._

He’d managed to take down that snake, just barely. It’s jaw was wide and it nearly swallowed him whole, but Sasuke was crafty. He’d frozen the snake from the inside out, burst it into ice crystals. He’d heard the summoning of more and nearly lost all hope until Naruto came onto the scene, actually letting himself get swallowed whole and then creating so many shadow clones the Summons popped out of existence. It was a strange tactic, but effective nonetheless.

“Seems like you brought the giant snakes down brilliantly, _Naruto_ ,” their female opponent grins, tongue flicking out of her mouth. He’s realized that her Kekei Genkai must be transforming into a snake or something, as she has a snake tongue, and has currently transformed her legs into snake tails, using them to wrap herself around a tree. She’s disturbing, and he fears meeting whatever messed up clan she came from.

“Okay, okay, I don’t know what’s going on here, but you’ve been picking on my friends and I don’t like that. Now that I, Naruto Uzumaki have arrived, I am going to wipe the floor with you!” Naruto declares, pointing his finger to emphasize his point. Sasuke grits his teeth.

_We’re all going to die,_ he realizes with a pit in his stomach. Naruto doesn’t even realize it, grinning stupidly as he is. Sakura has her fists clenched and is rearing for battle, no thoughts of backing down entering her mental zone. Sasuke has no hope of getting out of this. For some reason, he thinks back to that consent form he never signed. He remembers fighting with Sakura. It all seems petty now, in the face of such danger. They’d been fighting over secrets, like little kids. Sure, the secrets were large scale, but they should’ve been adult enough not to threaten tattling and accuse people without any real knowledge. Now he’ll never know why she did it. He’s going to die, right here, and Kakashi-sensei is going to be informed that yet another one of his teams have been slaughtered.

_What do I do? What do I do?_

Naruto’s eyes flash red. Sakura is sitting in a pile of blood, and she’s way too far away for Sasuke to help her.

_What am I supposed to do?_

Sasuke looks between his two teammates, one with glaring red eyes and the other completely terrified.

_I can’t do anything._

“What do y-you mean Orochimaru’s in the village?”

“I mean he’s here. I don’t know how but...”

_Orochimaru’s neck extends, mouth and jaw unclenching. His neck has become that of a snake, and it is with a sinking feeling that Sasuke realizes this technique is not the result of a Kekei Genaki at all, but trial and error experimentation. He shudders to know what the failed versions of this technique look like. Orochimaru’s teeth sink into Sakura’s neck. She doesn’t scream. But she chokes and spits and her body slides to the floor, mouth spilling as much blood as a woman foaming at the mouth from a seizure._

_Sasuke can only catch her. He can’t do anything else. He’s not strong enough._

“What is it, Sasuke?”

“It’s nothing. I don’t know why he entered the exams.”

_Sasuke feels his eyes bleeding, his Sharingan spinning insistently, different now. More powerful; his Sharingan has accommodated to his wishes. He catches Sakura out of the air with lightening speed._

Sasuke was seven and he wished he were dead.

Sasuke is thirteen and he’s so, so glad he survived.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What'd you think? Suspenseful enough? How were the fights?


	25. Ebony Hair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Orochimaru is here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sup broski. It's MistressYin. Real stuff goes down in this chapter, lemme tell you. Super fun to write.

All Sakura knows is pain.

It’s sudden, all consuming, and it never, ever stops. The worst kind of torment is the torment that comes unexpectedly in the midst of bliss. The torment that shocks you to the core suddenly, at the most inopportune of times, just when you think you have it all figured out. And then that torment sticks with you and it doesn’t leave. It stays. _This is why people build walls_ , Sakura thinks. _Because they never want to fall prey to this kind of surprise again. This is why Sasuke flinches whenever someone touches him. Being constantly paranoid is better than the alternative._

Sakura doesn’t scream. She doesn’t have the air in her lungs for it. She’s running, her throat raw as her feet blister from scraping against wood. She’d lost her sandals in the woman’s wind tornado, and now she only has her sore heels and dead skin to work with. She tries to pump her legs faster, but fighting through her bleeding feet and labored breath proves very difficult. She looks behind her in a moment driven by fear, eyes widening at the sight of a massive snake nipping at her heels.

She doesn’t scream, but her expression is filled with pain and despair. Sakura jumps and grapples at a branch above her, arm nearly overextending in her haste to climb up. The snake’s head soars beneath her outstretched fangs a moment from severing her legs off. Sakura leaps up to an even higher branch across from her. She stumbles as she slips a bit on her bare toes, lungs expanding and contracting rapidly, trying to keep up with the adrenaline in her veins.

Sakura’s stomach swoops, but she does not scream as she plummets to the ground. She keeps her wits about her and manages to twist midair, landing on the side of the tree with the chakra-enhanced soles of her feet. She gasps as her blistered feet pop and burn, but still presses her back against the bark and slides the next few feet to the ground.

From across the field, Sasuke manages to distract the snake, drawing the beast away with loud clattering and waving arms. She swallows, tears brimming at the corners of her eyes. He’s helping her and she doesn’t deserve the kindness at all. She’d yelled at him, wanted to slap him, and here he was, arriving on a battle scene that neither of them stood a chance at winning.

She wraps her hands around her stomach, containing the urge to throw up. Once she has gathered the courage to bear the pain she stands back, eyes roaming the tall tree ahead of her. She walks backwards, wincing as branches and thorns dig into her feet. Then she readies herself and lunges into a run. She ascends up the tree, arms pumping furiously.

“Hah!” she shifts her weight and launches off this tree to the next, kunai digging into the bark for added support. Sakura looks up as the snake she’d previously been running away from is lead further into the forest by her much faster shoe-wearing teammate. Her eyes scan the trees for the woman. Inner has been silent ever since their fight with Sasuke.

She’d overtaken Sakura, and Sakura was beyond furious, and not just because of Shikamaru. She was angry at her counterpart for everything, and angry at herself for ever letting Inner worm her way back into her heart.

She shouldn’t have ever let her guard down. She should have stayed paranoid. It had just been so _nice_ to finally let her guard down. Letting friends like Sasuke and Naruto into her life had been an entirely new and welcome experience. She is now paying for her selfishness. She’d hurt Sasuke, and Inner had nearly killed Shikamaru. She hadn’t even realized Inner had done it until after Sasuke confronted her, to which Sakura reeled on Inner with a vengeance. She’s scared, scared all over again of the sin Inner will commit next.

Sakura thinks about the woman for a moment. She thinks about her tell-tale snakes and foreboding presence, her crooning words in her ear. She’d whispered, “All will make sense soon, young one.” And then he’d wrapped her snake like body around her arm and tightened it until her shoulder dislocated entirely. Relocating it was an even worse experience. Sakura rubs her shoulder in memory of the pain.

Sakura locks eyes with the woman’s snake like slits, and takes a deep, steadying breath.

They clash blades.

It’s an understanding between them that no words are necessary. They speak with the furiousness of their movements, the blazing in their eyes. Sakura snarls at the woman, and the woman slithers her tongue across her cheek in response. Sakura sends a kick and receives a punch. Sakura aims for the throat and receives a slap. Sakura pushes forward again and again, only be knocked down each time. It’s a good thing Sakura’s used to getting back up.

The woman cackles at her, grinning wickedly. From where Sakura’s sprawled on the branch they’ve been sparring on she blinks in confusion. The woman is turned to face Sasuke, who is standing above many shattered particles. Sakura allows herself a flicker of both pride and guilt, before lunging for the distracted woman’s feet. She’s not at all surprised Sasuke had managed to destroy the damn snake.

Sakura’s honestly expecting the failure of her attacks at this point. She’s flung back into bark, neck craning awkwardly. She winces at the soreness, knowing that if she makes it out of this alive she’ll definitely be feeling that tomorrow. She’s expecting a follow up attack, helpless as she currently is. Instead the woman bites her thumb and summons two more massive snakes, plumes of smoke clouding her vision and filling her lungs. The snakes slither about, knocking over trees with their large tails. The trees fall to the ground and leave great indents about the terrain. She absently wonders how much damage like this will cost to repair. She could probably ponder over something like that for hours, but she’s distracted by Sasuke’s panicked dodging. She whips her head around and refocuses on the woman. It’s almost like...

“Good, now we can have some alone time.” The woman purrs.

It’s almost like the woman wants to fight her. Sakura hates to admit it, but the feeling in her chest that sparks from the woman’s statement is not fear. It’s the feeling of being recognized. She’s a civilian and this powerful, amazing foreigner wants to battle with her, Sakura Haruno. Sakura almost gets lost in the need to be recognized, in her need for attention.

But Sakura remembers Sasuke protecting her. She reminds herself that he risked his life to save her. He’d sacrificed his comfort zone and destroyed something, she thinks, picturing the snake’s corpse in her mind. Killing might not mean much to her, but it’s a big deal to Sasuke. Sakura had almost let herself admire this woman before her, idolize her even, but she chooses to hate her. She chooses to decide never to become her. And she could, easily. She could become someone as vicious and heartless as this woman, living for the thrill of instant gratification.

But Sakura feels herself hate this woman. She hates seeing the end to a path she hadn’t even realized she’d been following. She hates seeing an end to her story that she doesn’t desire.

She hates this woman. Sakura really, really hates her. It’s not Inner whose decided it. It’s not Naruto who’s told her how to feel. She’s not piggybacking off of Ino’s opinions or letting anyone else dictate her feelings. She decides upon the rage in her gut all on her own.

Sakura steps out of her comfort zone, just as Sasuke had done for her.

She feels something like a weight in her stomach. It’s the weight of her hatred, and it will stay with her until this woman is defeated.

Sakura shrieks with rage and stumbles onto her bare feet, no plan in mind and no rapid thoughts at all. She is only feeling. Feeling for Sasuke, and feeling for the woman she wants to destroy. Sakura vows to destroy her. And once Sakura decides upon something, it’s damn near impossible to side track her from that determination.

She claws at the woman’s face, elbows her in the side. She shrieks and screams and she doesn’t stop. She falls and gets back up, she falls and gets back up, she falls and she gets back up. Her face is bruising, her eyes are watering, but Naruto has always told her that ninja are those who endure. Sakura heeds him. She endures.

Sakura flickers through a series of hand signs, praying that after hours of practice the Jutsu that she’s attempting success will come to fruition. “Earth Style: Headhunter Jutsu!” Sakura’s eyes widen as her trap is successful and the woman is sucked beneath the floor. _That’s from Kakashi-sensei_ , she thinks in delirium, rushing forward. She feels Inner scream out desperately, momentarily taking control of their body. “No!” Inner shrieks, a hysterical sob escaping their lips. Sakura persists, ignoring her confusing counterpart. She regains control and forces their legs forward until her hand is clutching a kunai and she’s just a foot away from the woman. Her kunai sticks into the woman’s throat, blood pouring out of her veins and rushing in between Sakura’s fingers in a sticky mess. Black globs of blood stick underneath Sakura’s finger nails as she yanks her arm back and drives the knife forward again, this time right through the woman’s open mouth and out the back of her skull. Blood splats against Sakura’s flushed cheeks. The kunai sticks out of the woman’s head like it’s been sheathed.

Sakura feels her feet give out beneath her, anger dwindling into something different; something analogous to shock but less surprised and more crushing. She’d always assumed killing would be easy. The idea of death came easily to her. What was the difference between thoughts and reality? For Sakura, a thin line separates the two, as she’s always been stuck questioning if Inner truly exists. Inner felt real and she only existed within the mind. Sakura had spent her entire childhood all alone, holed up in library with history books and walking home alone with only her imagination as company. The line between reality and her own little world had been crossed so many times Sakura had forgotten where it was.

She suddenly remembers where the line exists. She watches the woman’s corpse slump forward, blood spilling around her and onto the forest floor, staining Sakura’s calves deep red. The woman’s corpse is close enough to touch, close enough that Sakura could wrap her arms around the woman’s shoulders and pull her into a hug. She shudders at the thought.

Killing, Sakura thinks, is one of those things that seem simple until you’ve really done it. Sakura’s sudden disgust lingers, but it shifts targets. Her green eyes widen and her chapped lips part.

The woman’s corpse is moving, convulsing and twitching violently. Her head, despite her severed neck, jerks upward. Blood gushes from her body as her eyes roll into the back of her head, kunai still shoved down her throat. The shaking and convulsing intensifies. The rest of the woman’s body is hidden beneath the earth, but Sakura bets that her torso and legs are shaking too. Sakura knows she should run or call for help, but she’d just killed someone for the first time, Inner was dead silent, and she could only stare in abject horror at the unfolding scene. The woman’s body finally stops shaking, but the moment it happens, a crack in the earth appears. The ground around Sakura’s Headhunter Jutsu continues to crack and blister, until the woman squirms and she manages to reach one hand upwards towards the sky. The earth makes a rumbling, cracking noise and then the woman jolts forward and swings a leg onto the surface of the ground, straightening her body and wiggling the next leg out of its confines.

The woman tilts her head at Sakura, blood dripping down her mouth as she gags up a kunai knife.

Sakura doesn’t know what kind of expression she’s wearing, but she can guess it’s not pretty. She doesn’t know how to feel without Inner around either. She just sits and stares, nearly rendered to tears with fear.

The woman’s skin falls away, and Sakura is reminded of the snake summons. The top layer of her skin is shed to reveal a pale man with a sheet white face and oily black hair. He chuckles deeply as he steps a foot toward her, boot sloshing in his, or that woman’s, blood. Sakura recognizes the emerged man before her, an infamous and oddly familiar name niggling at the back of her mind. It’s hard for her to connect this man with the one she’s read about in history books. It’s not her who gasps his name in shock.

Sasuke is standing a little ways away, Naruto standing tall next to him. She can’t even comprehend the amount of relief that swamps her when she notices Naruto’s alright.

“Orochimaru?” Sasuke whispers hoarsely, but in the dead silent clearing the disbelieving realization is profound. Naruto flinches, recognizing the name of one of the most infamous rogues in the Shinobi Nations.

The man breaks the silence by chuckling, leaning down to grip Sakura’s face in a pale bony hand. “My, my...” he croons, “How you’ve grown into a fine woman. Killing with such cold heartedness...I raised you well, didn’t I, young one?”

“Get off of her you fucking creep!” Naruto roars, racing towards them. Sasuke tries to stop Naruto’s reckless attack but he ends up falling down, rubbing his eyes tiredly. _He must have been using the Sharingan,_ Sakura realizes.

She doesn’t know why Orochimaru is here, or what he could possibly want from Team Seven, but she knows he’s dangerous. Sakura knows that she’s really, really scared. She knows that Naruto will not win, and Naruto will die, and that is unacceptable.

“Naruto!” She swings her head away was from Orochimaru’s caress, helpless to do anything but watch as Naruto is easily knocked backwards by their foe. “Naruto don’t, he’s too strong!” she pleads.

Naruto ignores her, managing to stand directly in front of her with his arms outstretched. She’s kneeling, blood everywhere, and Naruto’s protecting her again. “I’m so sorry...” she whispers, because twice now Naruto has risked himself for her. Twice now he has put himself in harm’s way for her sake.

_Everyone’s always getting hurt because of me._

Sakura thinks of Ino, and without Inner’s scrabbling, persistent hatred, she can mourn. She mourns the girl that could tell by the look in her eyes that she didn’t want to go back to her home. Ino, the bright, kindred young girl that understood better than any adult and invited her to countless sleepover parties without a second glance. Ino, the generous girl who would bring her over and have her parent’s cook her meals when Sakura’s own parents forgot to go grocery shopping and were out on a trip. It was Ino who always knew when something was wrong. Ino, who taught her that boys could mean more to her than the inevitability of a controlling husband. Ino taught her that some boys wanted a person, not just arm candy, and made her forget her parent’s insistence of her finding a wealthy boy to provide. Ino introduced her to Naruto, and to Sasuke. _I have a lot to apologize for_ , Sakura realizes.

A memory, long since pushed down to the crevices of her mind, resurfaces as she stares up at Naruto’s outstretched arms. She sees her childhood friend with her arms outstretched in front of her, protecting her from Inner’s voice and the bullying girls. Ino had protected her from those girls in their class. For an ephemeral sight she’s seven and it’s not Naruto protecting her, but Ino.

_I don’t want this. I don’t want anyone to feel pain because of me._

_I don’t want to be a burden._

She thinks of Sasuke hours before, stumbling away with shocked terror before leaving her standing next to the fence of the Forest of Death. He’d been so scared of her. Sakura thinks about the memory she’d managed to snatch from Inner of Shikamaru and his pained expression, and her inability to do anything to help. She thinks about sabotaging Ino. Sakura feels her hands start to shake, still soaked with blood. But even without her first kill painted underneath her nails, Sakura’s hands would still be permanently stained with all of her past actions.

Orochimaru flings Naruto backwards. Sakura winces as Naruto flies through a series of fallen leaves and branches, landing on the ground in a slump. _Naruto always gets back up_ , Sakura thinks miserably. _He’s going to try again._

Sakura isn’t wrong. He charges, only to be flung back by an increasingly frustrated Orochimaru. The Sanin attempts to turn to her, lip curling, but Naruto comes flying at his back with a kunai raised.

It’s his last attempt.

Sakura can feel herself starting to get hot due to the blood coating her legs and arms boiling in the sun. Her cheeks flush with heat. She can’t move though, because she’s too enraptured by the disturbing sight in front of her. Orochimaru’s hand slams into Naruto’s stomach, palm jostling his entire body. Naruto chokes and is pushed away a few feet on impact. Sakura watches Sasuke stumble forward to an attempt to help them, only to gasp and fall back over, clutching his head despondently. He’s looking up at Orochimaru with terror filled eyes, and Sakura can’t blame him. A guy like Orochimaru has to have a terrifying chakra signature.

Naruto’s limbs flop around and his head bounces against the ground. He tries to roll over but his eyes go suddenly wide. Sakura’s mouth dries as she watches her teammate start to scream his lungs off, rolling about in torture. Sasuke is shaking. She doesn’t want to know what has been done to Naruto. Sakura doesn’t want to hear any more of his pain filled screams.

She doesn’t get to observe her teammates for long. A hand wraps itself around her throat. She is lifted into the air and shoved back against the bark of a tree behind her, the thud quiet compared to Naruto’s screams. She almost doesn’t stand, ready to admit defeat. But she is Sakura Haruno, and it is in her nature to get back up. So, foolishly, Sakura stumbles to her feet, dragging her body like a ragdoll. Orochimaru backhands her and its demeaning.

She plants her feet on the ground and heaves herself up once more, but she’s met with an elbow to the nose. When she falls this time, she falls right on her ass. Sakura’s legs give out, but she still desperately tries to stand. Her palms scrape against the floor, her feet bleeding and swollen. It’d be easier to just give up.

Sakura stands. She faces Orochimaru, a legendary Sanin, head on. Blood drips down her chin from her bleeding nose, and she feels herself huff with exhaustion. She and her enemy haven’t shared many words, but now is finally the proper time to talk.

“Why do you get back up, knowing you will be knocked down?” Orochimaru questions her, and Sakura takes note that his eyes are hauntingly glowing. Sakura studies him, lost in his yellow eyes. “Do you not have any sense of self-preservation?” he licks his lips, still utterly calm despite all three of his opponents knocking on deaths door.

“I...I don’t know.” Sakura confesses, because now is not the time for silly games and lies. She will be truthful. If she didn’t live an honest life, she’ll at least die an honest death. “Why do you toy with us, when it’d be easier to just kill your prey and crawl back into whatever hole you came from?” she wonders, tone steely. Kakashi-sensei tends to mask his true anger, but Sakura refuses to hide her fury any longer. She will rage for as long as it pleases her.

Orochimaru chuckles, his laughter oddly smooth for such a cruel, callous man. She’d imagined it would sound maniacal and deadly, but it only sounds like he’s a new friend laughing at her for something she has yet to understand. “You see, Sakura Haruno, I have no intention of killing any of your team. I am merely testing your capabilities. And might I say, young one, you all have impressed me greatly.” He admits, pinning an arm above her head and leaving her trapped in between his body and the tree. Her neck lolls down in exhaustion, and he grabs her chin to keep eye contact. “Uchiha Sasuke is a surprise, but Itachi Uchiha is an even more unruly child than I was, so Sasuke’s attitude is understandable.” He continues on, licking his lips with an excited expression, “I was very astonished by Uzumaki Naruto. I never imagined he’d have such excellent control of the Nine Tails Fox.”

Sakura can feel anger start to boil in her gut at his words. How dare he speak Itachi Uchiha’s name. How dare he compare Sasuke to him. She doesn’t understand what he means about Naruto, but she knows that it can’t be good. She adds both horrible statements to her piling list of reasons to hate Orochimaru. She’ll have to ask Sasuke about the Naruto thing later. _If he’ll still be up for it after all I’ve put him through_. “And me?” she dares to ask, raising her chin in the air and wrenching free from his grasp.

“You...you are perhaps the most surprising of all.” He tilts his head, angling their faces so his eyes meet hers and she can smell his breath. It’s like rotting teeth. “It seems you have forgotten me.”

“What?” Sakura blurts.

Orochimaru presses forward, grinning with a wickedness that makes her flight instinct ignite with a passion. “Don’t worry, dear one. It’ll all make sense soon.” He coos.

Sakura is too late to move. His teeth sink into the skin of her neck, fang-like canines leaving a mark of chakra and pain.

Sakura looks right into his smug, piss yellow eyes, and bites through her tongue in order to keep down the scream of pain she wants to release. She won’t give Orochimaru the satisfaction.

Her head spins as her eyes cave in. She can make out a bluish blur that can only be Sasuke lunging for her. Blood fills her mouth as she bites down harder and sinks to her knees, slumping. She can’t feel Sasuke’s hands on her. The pain in her neck has spread to her entire body, burning and freezing at once. She stays as still as she can in fear of worsening the pain with movement.

Sakura can’t handle the pain for much longer. She jerks forward and falls unconscious.

But her sleep isn’t peaceful. It’s twisted and dark, and for a moment, she believes has awoken. She is wrong. She is trapped somewhere deep in her mind, and she recognizes the feeling from living in this twisted world for so long. 

She blinks, looking around herself. Inner is seated across from her in the dark pit of black they’ve arrived upon. Inner’s knees are pulled into her chest, and her ebony hair is the only thing visible because her face is buried in between them. She is sobbing loudly. Sakura reaches a hand out towards Inner, confused beyond belief. “Hey, what are you...?” she stops short as light begins shimmering through Inner’s body. It shines through Inner’s skin and reflects all around the room. Soon, the entire area is blinded by white light. Sakura closes her eyes and quickly covers them with her hands, the rapid light change swamping her with dizziness.

“Meet our newest friend.” Orochimaru’s voice startles her. He is standing in the center of the room she’s arrived in. Sakura lunges for him, but instead of throttling him or getting pushed back she sinks through him. Orochimaru’s body disappears into millions of fragments before succinctly reassembling itself. She curses the intangibility of the mind-scape. Around the room she spots many curious items, like isolation tanks and narrow tables littered with medical tools. The lighting is eerily sterile, with the neon white hospital lights almost as blinding as the light that brought her here. Behind Orochimaru is a very short head of ebony hair. She walks around Orochimaru to study her closer, and sees a girl with skin the color of loose-leaf paper, and eyes as bright of green as the forest itself. Her hand is clutching the edge of Orchimaru’s pants, and her eyes flit about the room with innocent curiosity.

“Oh?” responds the man Orochimaru is talking too. He has pale grey hair and glinting glasses. Sakura gasps. She recognizes that kid, only she knows an older version, and the teenager she met in the sign-up room wasn’t dressed in a lab coat. “Well, it’s nice to meet you. You can call me Kabuto.” He leans down, hands on his knees, and ruffles the girl’s head affectionately. The girl lets out a quiet squeal and spreads her arms wide in welcome, a brilliant smile on her lips.

“Nice to meet you too!” she beams.

Sakura feels sick. She feels so, so sick. Sakura knows the color of her own eyes from hours of leaning over a sink and into a mirror practicing the application of eye shadow. The small girl’s eyes reflect Sakura’s same green. Sakura is aware she’s adopted. Her parent’s never tried to keep it a secret. She had been found abandoned in a forest. When she turned out to be a strange child, her parents made her see a psychiatrist. She has unexplainable naturally pink hair.

And the girl hugging Orochimaru’s leg is _her_.

More accurately, the girl is Inner. Inner...does that mean Inner was...was a child this whole time? But, no, Sakura thinks, she grew up beside Inner. Neither of them are little girls anymore. Inner isn’t just memories she’s...actually...what is she?

“That’s the wrong question, Sakura.” Sakura spins around and the examination room falls to pieces before she can grasp onto any substantial answers. She tries to plead for it not to go away, tries to will it back into place, but the imagery has already been shattered. She watches as a new setting morphs around her, and this time it’s she and Inner, back when they were small. They’re playing chess in her physiatrist’s office. The scene reflects the first time they’d met. Sakura keeps looking around and finds Inner with her ebony hair, arms crossed and eyebrow raised drolly.

“What do you mean? Inner, what is this?” she snarls, stalking forward, uncaring as she phases through the young children’s chess match, grabbing onto Inner’s arm aggressively. Inner is solid.

“The correct question is... _what are you, Sakura_.”

“Huh?” she breathes.

Inner yanks free from her grasp and her eyes flicker about the room absently. “Your mind’s trying to tell you something. Use that big brain of yours to figure it what it is.”

This time, there is no crumbling or shattering or blinding lights, instead, there is only a loud rumbling. The very ground shakes. Sakura looks around herself and sees trees begin bursting from the ground, spreading their roots. The sun bursts through light green leaves, the wind rustles, and everything is quiet except Sakura’s own turmoil. She thinks that the sudden peaceful atmosphere is like a slap to the face.

In the growing forest around her that girl with ebony hair is standing, fingers curled around Kabuto’s hand. “What are we doing here, Kabuto?” she mumbles, rubbing her head scornfully. Kabuto peers at her. The forest manifests the rest of the way, sun peeking through stray clouds and branches.

“Is your head hurting you?” he questions her, kneeling in front of her face and pushing his glasses up his nose.

“Yes, sir,” She nods up and down, driving her forefinger into her temple. “It hurts there.”

Kabuto nods at her. “I see.” He clears his throat, standing to motion around them. “We’re here, young one, because I think it most beneficial for your pale skin to see the sun, and I prefer reading in a peaceful setting rather than holed up in the lab all the time.”

_“Oh.”_ A smile lights up on her face, “Thanks Dr. Kabuto!” she skips around on her heels, and Sakura is reminded starkly of Inner and her habit of skipping about.

_“...what are you, Sakura.”_ Inner had said.

Sakura swallows.

The girl drags Kabuto to sit down beside a tree and pulls her knees into her chest, impatiently ordering Kabuto to read, read, read already! Sakura watches, feeling a yank at her something deep inside of her.

“Alright, alright patience is a virtue, honestly.” Kabuto pulls the girl into his side and begins reading from a book she doesn’t recognize.

Sakura waits a moment as his voice filters about the clearing, waits for the area to change but it doesn’t. She remains where she is.

So Sakura sits down on the dewy grass, water soaking through to her underwear, and listens. She’s always liked books anyway, and she has nothing better to do. It’s less boring than other times she’s been trapped within the mindscape. It’s not the first time she and Inner have been trapped together. Once, during a training session, Sakura received a pretty bad hit to the head and got a concussion. She and Inner had been stuck with each other for hours. She wonders for a moment what Orochimaru is doing out in the real world, and what he has done to trigger this strange dream. Her hand creeps to her neck, but no pain lingers, and she can’t see a single mark. Her eyebrows furrow.

Kabuto begins reading. Sakura sighs as she listens to his captivating voice. “Once upon a time, many, many years ago, there was peace. Peace resided through the lands because there were no foes to conquer or arguments to be settled. There was only improvement and hope. But then, like all things do, that peace came to an end. It ended with the birth of two brothers, Indra and Asura.” The girl with ebony hair scoots closer, clinging to Kabuto’s arm excitedly. Kabuto chuckles, turning the page and continuing his story,“Indra was a boy of prodigal skill who cared for his younger brother greatly. And Asura, Indra’s younger brother, was a boy of guided by his heart, and cared almost foolishly for all of his people. They were the sons of a famed leader, but only one of them would be their father’s predecessor. Naturally, despite Asura’s kindred heart, it was presumed that Indra would take over for him because of his prowess. But it was not to be. Indra grew greedy and entitled to his power. His father saw darkness within him. It was decided that Asura would be the successor. Indra was infuriated. He’d been promised leadership his entire life, and to have it stripped from him by the people whom he trusted most was heartbreaking. After a failed attempt to destroy the entire land, Indra swore vengeance on his brother and his people.” Kabuto clears his throat, taking a moment to polish his glasses.

The girl with ebony hair gasps, small hands shoving him in the arm with little effect. “What then, Kabuto? What happened to the brothers?”

Kabuto smiles at her. “I’m getting there.” He turns another page. “On his death bed, Indra promised that nothing would stop his vengeance, not even death itself. His hatred was passed down for generations to come. Indra and Asura’s father made a promise as well. He swore that just as Indra’s vengeance would be eternal Asura’s love would live on until the hatred between them finally came to an end. To this day, Asura and Indra’s souls live within a pair of accursed brothers, destined to be each other’s undoing.” Kabuto closed the book with a small smile.

The little girl screams out with shock. “What?! That’s it? But how come Indra turned all mean? And who is their anger and stuff inside today?”

Kabuto chuckles, “It’s just a story, young one. None of it is real.” He stands up, holding out his hand and not indulging her childlike questions. “Now come, we must get back to the lab.”

Sakura reaches out her hand, suddenly not wanting the image to leave. She wants to cling to it.

Her head is spinning, and just as she thinks she can’t take any more of the dizziness, it all stops and her knees buckle to the ground. She’s in a dark room, the walls and floor made of inky black. She’s back where she was in the beginning, except now there is a small amount of light. The only light present shines through the ceiling, blindingly white. She quickly turns her eyes away from the unbearable brightness. Sakura gasps in surprise when she notices Inner sitting cross-legged in front of her. _Is this some sort of dream?_ Sakura wonders. _Are these memories? They feel so real._

She swallows, standing up and watching Inner’s head tilt upward to keep their eye contact. Sakura doesn’t know what to say. A particular memory is prodding at the back of her mind. Sakura can’t quite access it. It’s blocked somehow. A spark of pain shoots through her neck, leaving her sprawled on the floor. Inner watches impassively. It’s the least emotion she’s ever seen Inner wear.

“I’m sorry.” Inner’s voice is dull. She’s staring past her. Sakura’s about to ask her which thing she’s sorry for, why she’s apologizing now, but her tongue feels tied and the pain is too all consuming. The bright light peeking in from the top of the room envelopes her vision and Inner disappears in blinding whiteness.

For a moment, she thinks that she is relieving Orochimaru biting into her neck. Then she realizes it’s something else. She is relieving something far more painful. She notices that her hair is black and her skin paler than she’d ever let it get, years spent brutalizing herself in the sun causing her skin to tan irrevocably. Her hands are small and her arms are even thinner than before, her lips are smooth, and most importantly, there is still an irritating light shining in her eyes. She tries to crane her neck away from the light but a gloved hand halts her. “Stay still.” The voice is Kabuto’s, a smooth command that Sakura finds herself meekly obeying.

As her vision accommodates to the fluorescent lighting she sees glinted glasses, and when she looks down, there are seals wrapping around her baby-soft stomach, squiggling and squirming across her skin like Orochimaru’s beloved snakes. The pain spikes, briefly worsening, but Sakura refuses to shriek out of surprise. Then the pain fades, only to double back intensely and this time stick. The worsened pain leaves her shaking and shivering, desperately fighting against the bonds on her wrist and ankles she’d only realized were there this moment.

Sakura knows that this time she’s bitten through her tongue completely. The pain is almost too immense for her to suppress. Sakura thnks it’s a trick when the pain crumbles away, leaving her gasping and panting. She braces for another wave, but when it never calms, Sakura calms and stops straining against the bonds on her wrists and ankles. Stray _pink_ hair swoops across her eyes, and Sakura comes to the realization that she’d been avoiding with a dread filled heart.

Inner, she thinks with a swallow, isn’t the invader.

“What am I?” She finds herself asking, but Kabuto’s shining glasses don’t respond, and the room around her is frozen. He is frozen, looking past her sitting form on the large hospital bed. She notes that her bonds are gone and sits up, rubbing her sore wrists. Sakura moves with uncertainty, dropping down from the hospital bed that feels very high to her small body. She patters across the room in a hospital gown, swallowing thickly.

“Hello?” a voice causes her to jump. Sakura spins around, her hand flying to her thigh that holds a reappeared kunai pouch. She’s taller now, and her hair is pulled back, and Sakura has never been more grateful to be herself. She’s looking down at a small girl with ebony hair and a curious expression. “Hello?” The girl repeats again, stumbling towards Sakura. The girl can’t be more than five years old.

“Hi.” Sakura croaks. The girl looks up at her, a smile on her lips. She’s holding out her hands expectantly. She wants to be lifted up.

Sakura hesitates. She turns around and a sea of green trees meets her gaze. It’s the Forest of Death. She looks back down at this small girl with a needy expression and makes her decision.

She scoops up Inner and cradles her closely to her chest, burrowing her face into the young girl’s hair. The girl presses her face against her cheek lovingly.

Sakura feels the small shoulders she is clutching shift, growing in size. She stumbles as the weight becomes unexpectedly difficult to carry and hears the thud of shoes slapping against the floor. She flinches upon noticing who is now in her arms.

Inner stands before her, what used to be pasty skin vibrant with life, fingernails painted her favorite shade of green, and smile as wide as Naruto’s on one of his best days. Her black hair is blown by a chilly draft that Sakura doesn’t know the source of. Inner breathes deeply, and pushes stray hair behind Sakura’s ear the way Ino used to.

“It’s time, Sakura.” Inner leans down and presses her lips against her cheek, the cheek she’d just been pressing a chubby face to moments before. Sakura tilts her head, breath escaping her mouth in a quiet puff.

“For what?” she whispers, licking her dry, chapped lips.

“To be one,” She explains, and Sakura _screams_ as suddenly she’s falling, falling into thousands of more long forgotten memories.

It’s a blur, and Sakura wishes she could slow it down. It’s not like before when she was watching each memory objectively. This time she experiences everything in the blink of an eye, upfront and personal. The memories cloud her brain as they continue to beleaguer her. The images of an almost separate life are way too much for her to process. Sakura feels as if this torment has been inside of her all along, but only now has she started the painful process of untangling the mess. She feels a sense of déjà vu as the scenes flit past her, some of them intimately familiar, like the first time she’d stood up Ino just to go train alone in Training Ground Six. The difference is the torrent of misplaced anger that floods her, the vindication deep in her gut. She hadn’t felt all of that the first time. She’d only felt guilt and pain.

It is only when the memories screech to a halt that Sakura sees Inner once more. It is sudden and jarring, but somehow she’s sitting on the floor of her bedroom with Inner right beside her. Their knees press together, their hands gripping each other tightly. Inner leans her head on Sakura’s shoulder, and Sakura’s breath catches in her throat. She stares down at Inner with teary eyes.

“Hey...what’s wrong?” Inner sits up, head titled questioningly.

“I don’t want to remember.” She says hoarsely, “I don’t want to know.” The confession feels ugly, but it’s a truth she’s been hiding for a while. The only truth she has never let herself accept. Sakura is a factual person, but she’s also a fantastic liar. She’s been lying to herself for a long time now.

“That’s why I’m here,” Inner mumbles, brushing her thumb over Sakura’s knuckles. “...to protect you from suffering.”

It’s then Sakura’s sees it, just as she’s leaning her head more heavily against Inner’s shoulder and her eye lids grow heavy. She freezes, breath catching in her throat. Sakura is staring at a strange seal, inky black stark against Inner’s oddly tanned skin. Sakura looks to her own skin and sees that it’s pale, almost translucent. Her lip curls.

“Orochimaru...” Sakura realizes. She turns to Inner with eyes wide. She remembers Inner screeching at her to stop right before her kunai stuck into the snake-man’s throat, and her eyes close resignedly. “That’s why you didn’t want me to kill him. You...you love him.”

Inner acquiesces. “Yes.” Her voice is as cheery as ever, and her grip on Sakura’s hand becomes painful.

“You shouldn’t.” Sakura enforces, trying to wrench away from Inner’s grasp.

Inner smiles, “But I do.”

“Inner...I have to let you go.” Sakura chokes, swallowing thickly. “I have to say goodbye.”

“Do you?” Inner hums, tilting her head, “Wasn’t it so nice, Kabuto reading to us? Didn’t he make us feel so loved? Our parents never read to us. But he did. Orochimaru loves us. _He_ wants us.”

Sakura manages to break free and stumble backward, knowing deep in her heart what she has to do. In vain, she tries to reason with Inner one last time. “Inner you can’t honestly believe that. He hurt us. He hurt our friends.”

Inner scoffs. “Those aren’t our friends Sakura. We’re just using them. Lord Orochimaru wants Sasuke’s Sharingan. It was necessary to get him to trust us, that way he’d let us in.” Inner stands up too, following after Sakura. She stands right by her, pushing her hair back just like Ino used to do. She’d thought it an act of love before, but now it feels like a mockery of her old friend. Inner’s eyes shift and darken, twisting. Sakura’s eyes drift back to Inner’s neck. Her neck has now been overtaken by a dark swirl of patterns. It’s creeping up the side of her face. Sakura’s hand clutches her own neck in discomfort, remembering Orochimaru’s teeth sinking into her skin.

Inner’s lips caress her ear, breath the same disgusting scent as Orochimaru’s. “You’re nothing, Sakura. I’m real. You have to listen to me. I’ve been the one in control, all this time. I was born, you were made. You’re nothing without Orochimaru.”

Sakura remembers that young girl she’d embraced, remembers her morphing into Inner and then Inner morphing into this. She remembers Inner apologizing, sobbing on the floor and hand clutching her neck. She’d told herself that the young girl was Inner. Sakura was lying. That small girl was Sakura. She shakes her head, tears gathering at her eyes. She can’t let Orochimaru win. She will not allow that small girl to grow up to be someone as nasty as _Inner_.

Inner brushes their foreheads together. “Sakura, just let me in. Let us be one. We’ve come so far...” she whispers in her ear, “I can get you all the power you want. You can be so strong.”

Sakura knows what she must do. Inner was never her friend and will never be her friend. From the memories she now has access to she knows what Inner is. Inner is what Orochimaru created to control her; to make sure that when the day comes she will go to him. She still doesn’t know why Orochimaru wants her. She doesn’t know what makes her special. She does know that she can’t love him. She can’t love Inner.

She can’t let go of control. She can’t let Inner win. She has to fight. Just one more time, she has to fight.

Inner’s fingers are running through her hair, tempting her to relax and let Inner, _Orochimaru_ , win. Tempting her to give up the struggle and submit.

Sakura smiles, as conniving as Inner. _No_ , she corrects, _as conniving as me._ Inner has always been a representation of her own internal conflict. Inner has been there every step of the way to trip her up. Inner is a part of her, yes, but she is a vile part of her that Sakura must squash. All of those things Inner did had been thoughts created by her own mind. _Inner is just thoughts created by my own mind, manifested by Orochimaru’s chakra_.

Sakura’s toes curl. The realization hits her like a ton of bricks.

“No, Inner. You are nothing without _me_.” She snarls and spins a kunai into her hand. Inner stumbles away, looking at her in betrayal. Sakura grins. She grips her forearms and slides the blade from the front to back on her elbow, grunting and jerking with effort. Her arm, severed from the elbow down, falls to floor as blood gushes from Sakura’s wound.

Inner screams. She clutches her head as her black hair begins falling away in strands, her skin peeling like old wallpaper. It reminds her of Orochimaru, except underneath Inner there is nothing. Inner’s skin is shed and shed as Sakura’s stump arm drips with blood. The more blood that leaves her body the smaller Inner becomes. Her pink bedroom is stained crimson, but Sakura had never liked her childhood room anyway.

Sakura walks over, stumbling in pain. She can feel the corners of her mind beginning to disintegrate, all she’d just learned about her past slipping between her fingertips as Inner loses her existence. Sakura grasps back onto the memories in a panic, not willing to forget all she’d learned. Inner bubbles back to life as Sakura’s memories return. Inner has been reduced to bones and beady eyes, her loud shriek piercing the air as a mangled hand reaches towards Sakura. Sakura trips backward, realizing that with her memories comes Inner, as it is Inner who controls her past.

No. No, that’s wrong. Sakura is in control. Even bleeding out Sakura’s memories are Sakura’s memories. They don’t belong to Orochimaru. Inner doesn’t belong to Orochimaru. Sakura takes back her childhood.

She grasps the memories tightly. _They belong to her_. As she regains control of her thoughts she watches as the final layers of Inner’s skin is peeled away, leaving nothing but a pile of bone and flesh. Out of the mash of blood and gore Sakura sees a wisp appear. Inner appears before her. She races at Sakura in fury, attempting to scratch her across the face. Sakura laughs in pure shock as Inner runs right through her, existing nowhere but the mind. Inner is no longer tangible. Sakura laughs as Inner races back at her again.

“NO!” Inner screams, shoulders heaving with fury. “You need me!” she shrieks desperately, her ghostly figure spitting with indignation.

Sakura smiles at her. She approaches her intangible friend, knowing what she must do. She is in control, and when she wraps her arms around Inner she can feel her bony shoulders as if they were both in the physical world. Instead of growing like before, Inner shrinks. She shrinks down until she’s nothing but a small child. Sakura heaves the innocent girl into her arms and squeezes. Inner smiles back up at her, giggling happily. She sinks into Sakura’s chest, disappearing for good. Sakura can no longer sense Inner within her mindscape. She clutches her hands to her the place on her chest where Inner had just been clutched in her arms.

“You’re right, Inner, I need you. And now I have you.” She mumbles. Sakura gasps sharply at the sound of a hiss. She turns back around with an obvious stumble, pain from her arm causing her to grow exhausted. Sakura gazes upon the mesh of flesh that was once Inner, watching as it bubbles and spits out a purple and red patterned snake. She rushes to get away, but her blood loss makes her vision go black. The snake bursts forth and lunges at her, fangs bared. Once more, Sakura is enveloped in extreme pain, except this time she can feel the formation of the seal she’d seen on Inner moments before paint onto her neck. _This is the price_ , she realizes, _this is the price for getting rid of her. This seal is my burden to bear._

She snarls at the snake on the floor, using the last of her strength to get rid of it for good. She grabs the snake by its jaw so I cannot bite her, snarling at its slithering tongue.

She holds it out in front of her, fingernails digging into its scales. Its tails whips out, trying desperately to squirm away. Sakura feels her eyes grow heavy. She fights through the urge to pass out. Just before her eyes slip closed, Sakura drops the snake to the floor and takes a kunai clutched into her left hand, lording it over the snakes head. It scrambles to get away, but it is trapped beneath Sakura’s bare foot. _Bare_ , she thinks somewhere in the back of her mind, _why aren’t I wearing my shoes_?

Sakura pins its head to the ground with the kunai, and the moment she does, the room morphs and Sakura’s missing arm is reattached. Her exhaustion disappears just like that. She looks down at her bare feet and realizes that she now looks as she does in the real world. Missing shoes with blistered feet, beat up face, sore shoulder from dislocation and relocation, and blood stained shins. She is looking down, gazing into the eyes of a little girl.

She has pink hair and she’s all alone in a forest, crying. Sakura hears footsteps. She holds out her hand, and the little girl accepts it. She has another task to accomplish before she can rest. “C’mon, honey. It’s okay.” Sakura soothes. She brings the girl along with her towards the direction of the happy voices. She can’t feel any pain from walking on the forest floor barefoot, but in her delirious state it doesn’t strike Sakura as odd. They come out of the forest upon a road, where a wagon, a man, and woman are happily waiting, as Sakura had known they would be. The moseying along wagon screeches to a halt before them, having not expected a little girl to come bursting from the woods in such a manner.

She nudges the girl forward, and the man and woman rush out of the wagon and sweep the young girl into their arms, Sakura invisible to them. The little girl waves goodbye at her as she is taken away, the Haruno’s condescendingly questioning who she is waving at. Sakura waves back, finding herself following them to the wagon and hopping on with them. The girl can no longer see her.

She watches time go by, watches that little girl throw tantrums, watches her meet her therapist. Sakura watches as the little girl finds her first imaginary friend, and then her first real one. She watches that girl throw away her burdens out into the world, her tired teammates by her side as they mourn the loss of their opponents on the battlefield. Sakura watches that little girl become her, a proud member of Team Seven.

“I know what I am, Inner.”

She doesn’t scream.

Instead, a whisper greets the world, “I am whole.”

And then. Then falling.

Sakura realizes she’s screaming, and the sound is starting to hurt her throat. Only it’s strange, because her throat feels raw and her tongue has ridges on it she doesn’t remember being there before. Her throat aches and she quietly gasps, choking. Her eyes are wide as she scrambles up, looking around the room frantically. Her hand flies to her arm, which she realizes with a jolt is still present. At first she thinks she is back on the stretcher laid out before Kabuto, because the lighting is bright and her eyes are sore. She is wrong. The sheets on her feet get tangled between her legs, and a hospital gown slips off of her teenage shoulders.

Her eyes slowly travel about the room, and she spots Kakashi-sensei sitting on a chair with an overtly relieved expression on his face. She feels her lips start to quiver as the crushing emotions of the day settle in her brain.

Kakashi-sensei is looking at her with a startled expression, having clearly been asleep. Sakura realizes there is a girl resting her head on his shoulder. “Sakura?” he mumbles tiredly, focusing in on her as if she will disappear in an instant. The girl on his shoulder jerks awake, and upon seeing her slumps in relief against the obviously uncomfortable hospital chair.

“I think it’s for real this time Hatake.” The girl, which Sakura now recognizes as the Chunin Exams proctor, shoves Kakashi-sensei in the shoulder. Anko Miterashi, she recalls.

Kakashi-sensei stands up, but before he can make his way over to her, Sakura is tackled by none other than Uchiha Sasuke. She lets out a strangled sound of both pain and surprise as Sasuke wraps himself around her torso. He sniffs loudly. “You’re never allowed to get hurt again.” his voice is muffled in her shirt. She almost can’t believe that Sasuke is hugging her. The moment is surreal. He’s warm, oddly enough, because she’d imagined he’d be cold. But no, the only cold part of his body is his hands, probably from excessive washing. He’s also very thin and small, like she could crush him in her hands.

“Sasuke I-” Sakura curls herself into his thin body, eyes sorrowful. “I’m so sorry.”

Sasuke looks her dead in the eye. “It’s okay.” His tone is calm, reassuring. Oddly enough, Sakura senses an underlying tone of knowing. Sakura wonders what he knows with a healthy layer of suspicion. His forgiveness is too simple, too easy. Something has happened, but she doesn’t get to say anything more. She goes to ask Inner about it, but pauses. Inner is not there to answer. Her stomach swoops. It’s up to her, now. 

“Sakura! Sakura! Sakura?!” Naruto barrels into the room, blue eyes wide with cheer. He freezes to halt just before their bed. “ _Sasuke?!_ ”

Sasuke chuckles while disentangling himself from her, hopping off her bed to stand at attendance. Naruto tries to make his way through but Kakashi swoops down to gather her in her arms. Sakura swallows. Her father isn’t really the hugging type, and he’s not exactly safe either. She can’t say the same for Kakashi-sensei. His arms are safe and warm, and his hands are shaking with fear, a physical sign that cares about her. And by his previous sleeping form, she can guess he’d been here a while. Her face is buried into his chest awkwardly, so no one can see her tears. She’s always hated crying, hated the way it made her look, how it made her feel, how it made other people perceive her. Right now however she really, really just feels like crying. It’s stupid, but the longer he holds her the louder her crying becomes until she’s choking on a very audible sob. His hands smooth her hair down.

“Oh, kiddo...” He murmurs, and it makes her cry so, so much harder. Her own father isn’t here. Her own father calls her that, but it’s always prior to a demeaning, perverted joke. She’d originally disliked Kakashi because she’d thought he was lazy and sexist, just like her dad. But Kakashi-sensei is hardworking and accepting, and he pulls her into his chest with open arms.

“Sakura...” Naruto sounds kind of distant. She isn’t expecting him to bounce on the end of her bed and cross his arms petulantly. “How come everyone gets a hug but me? You said it yourself, I’m your _boyfriend_.”

Kakashi promptly chokes, and when she looks up at him, his eye is narrowed at Naruto with vehemence. “ _What._ ”

She hears mocking laughter, and sees that the Anko woman is still in the room, sizing up the scene before her like she wants a lounging chair and a bag of popcorn. Sakura wipes her eyes subconsciously.

Kakashi doesn’t even flinch at the sound of the woman’s laughter, gaze having switched to Sasuke. “You knew about this?”

Sasuke snorts. “Duh,” he seems to realize his rudeness and flushes brightly, shuffling away and hiding his face with the side of his hand. Sasuke clears his throat uncomfortably.

Kakashi-sensei runs a hand down his face. “I did too...” he sounds resigned. Sasuke sends him a sympathetic grimace.

Sakura and Naruto both squawk indignantly. “What NO WAY!” they shout it in sync, eyes wide and mouths agape. Even though her eyes are watery and her soul is tired, the camaraderie is a good reprieve.

Kakashi clears his throat, a hand on her head. “Anyway, that discussion is for later. Sakura, go ahead and give Naruto a hug, and then Anko and I need to talk to you, okay?” There isn’t room for argument in his tone.

When Naruto and Sasuke leave the room, she feels cold. Not even a minute has passed and she already wishes she was back in Naruto’s arms.

_...especially_ when she looks up into the grave faces of the remaining occupants of the room.

And it’s all on her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! And if you have any questions on what the whole dream thing meant feel free to ask in the comment section below, but to clarify it will be further explained in the story so any answers i give will technically be spoilers.


	26. I'll Be Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto clears some things up, but he also brings about more questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, huh? Put a lot of work into this chapter because it's really plot-based and very AU. You'll find out more about Sasuke later...in chapter twenty eight...

It had all been explained to Naruto in clear, concise terms.

Naruto feels sick, sitting on an unforgiving mattress all alone in their temporary rooming. Since some Genin finished the test faster than others, the tower at the center of the Forest of Death provided stay-over rooms for the early arrivers. Naruto had been given the key to their bedroom upon arriving at the central tower. He shifts from where he’s sitting on the bottom bunk. Their room has two bunk beds parallel to each other, and a small window on the back wall between them. It’s a forgettable room, with floral wallpaper and rickety wooden panels making up the bed structures. Naruto takes a deep breath, attempting to quell the rage curling in his gut. The anger is impossible to get a handle on, and is so potent that Naruto wants to do nothing else but lounge about in his room in a temper.

The memory of Sasuke’s tears leaves a bad taste in his mouth. He thinks his fury started then, when they were all back inside the Forest of Death.

Naruto had woken up next to a deadened campfire soaked with water, four sleeping Genin, and one very shocked Kiba Inuzuka on watch duty. He hadn’t meant to shout and wake up the campsite, but he couldn’t help his questions at the sight of Sakura’s injured figure. Shino had hushed him with a hand clapped to his mouth, warning him about enemy ninja. Naruto remembers this next part very clearly, and as he thinks about it a bubbling fury claws at his throat and roars in his chest. He had spotted Sasuke trying and failing to get out of a sleeping bag Naruto didn’t recognize. Sasuke had probably borrowed the sleeping bag seeing as they lost all of their supplies, but that wasn’t the important part. The image of Sasuke’s knee was what is now permanently ingrained in his mind, and was the start of Naruto’s all-consuming rage. Sasuke’s knee had been completely busted, and his hand was wrapped in a series of complicated bandages. He’d later learned that the bones of Sasuke’s fingers were shattered, and his kneecap had been broken.

From then on it was downhill. He’d been told of Sasuke carrying his and Sakura’s prone bodies to the river, hiding them. Sasuke had explained Sakura’s seal and how little they actually knew about Orochimaru’s intentions. At some point Sasuke had stopped his story and Kiba had picked it up, explaining that Akamaru sensed the scuffle and lead them to the sight of a one-sided fight, the advantage in the hands of the enemy. Naruto was so angry at that point he couldn’t even work up the will to praise Sasuke for his endurance and new use of the Mist jutsu beyond an unfeeling thank you. Naruto had asked more questions about Sakura, but was left without anything of meaning. Then Naruto was told that they were heading to the tower, because both teams had the required scrolls. Naruto had assumed that the acquisition of enough scrolls for both Team Seven and Eight would be good news, but he was sorely mistaken.

The Gaara guy Naruto had been compelled to speak with before made an appearance. Team Eight and Sasuke had been sitting around a fire, joking and laughing back and forth, completely taken by surprise when they heard a loud crashing. The, as Sasuke explained it, ominous chakra grew closer and closer until they had no choice but to gauge the danger they were in. Abandoning the campfire Team Eight had walked the distance of what Shino said was no less than four hundred meters. They then came across a pair of terrified Genin. When they were explaining the story Team Eight and Sasuke had looked disconcerted, hesitant to speak the happenings out loud. It was Sasuke who took the responsibility of recounting the events. Gaara used a jutsu called Sand Coffin to crush the pair of foreigner Genin from the outside in, bursting forth blood and bringing about a gruesome death. Sasuke said it couldn’t have been painless, even if it was a seemingly fast death. Sand had wrapped around the foreigners bodies and solidified, before rapidly caving inward. Sasuke had looked directly into Naruto’s eyes when he told him that the entire clearing had been smothered with blood.

Naruto feels himself unable to control a thin layer of killer intent scattering from his core as he sits in their cramped apartment space. He’s not even sure what angers him most at this point. He feels sick to his stomach with disgust, and it frustrates him that he has no way of solving a problem he can’t identify. He’s just angry.

Kiba took over the story, eyes clouded with guilt. He said he’d been blinded by panic because Akamaru was trying to run forward to help the foreigner Genin. Kiba had instinctively snatched his constant companion out of harm’s way. In turn of catching Akamaru, Kiba had jostled Sasuke, who was leaning on him for support. Sasuke’s injured knee buckled and he cried out in pain, Shino informed him, which contradicted what they said before about Sasuke’s injuries having the potential to be a lot worse. “Thankfully,” Sasuke had claimed, “My spine is only bruised.” Naruto didn’t see anything to be thankful for in a bruised spine, shattered finger bones, and busted kneecap. He didn’t say any of that though, anxious to hear the rest of the story. Sasuke continued and explained that his cry of pain alerted their enemy to his presence. Sasuke had given Team Eight a sharp warning look before willfully entering the clearing. Hinata had explained it as _rather scary stink eye_ with a giggle. Sasuke had looked mildly offended.

Sasuke had stumbled into the clearing, and Naruto could picture his limp and awkward smile perfectly. Sasuke had downplayed it, but it was clear both he and all of Team Eight had been terrified. Even so, no battle came to fruition. They said that Gaara inquired on Naruto’s own presence, wondering if Naruto was up for that fight they’d been anticipating. Sasuke had reported that Naruto was unconscious and that he’d not intended to interrupt them as he was only scouting for a few weak links to snatch a scroll off of to pass, lying through his teeth. Naruto had listened to Sasuke recount the exchange word for word, and he had to admit he was kind of amazed Sasuke could remember the dialogue so perfectly. However, his impressions could use some work. Sasuke had made his tone overly low and growly as he told Naruto, “Kankaro, give me a...” Gaara turned away from his brother to address Sasuke, “What scroll did you say you needed?” Sasuke returned to his own voice as he said, “And I was like, an Earth one, but why...?”

Gaara had offered one of his apparent countless scrolls, leaving Sasuke to gawk openly. Gaara had told Sasuke that he wanted to fight Naruto, and that if Team Seven made it through the Forest then he and Naruto would inevitably meet in battle during the finals. Naruto is relieved because after hearing of Gaara’s shocking brutality he’d thought they were all goners even though the living proof of their survival had been sitting right in front of him. A sick part of Naruto can understand the kind of anger that would drive someone to crush a fellow human being out of existence, but thoughts are different than actions.

Kiba said that Naruto wouldn’t stand a chance against _that Gaara guy_ , and Shino called him an idiot for picking fights with psychotic killers. Sasuke told him to be careful and think thoroughly before making any decisions.

Naruto rubs away the gooseflesh crawling up his arms. He can’t help but feel excited at the thought of a battle with Gaara. Gaara had been so compelled by Naruto he was willing to help Team Seven pass just for a _chance_ to face off with him during the finals. He forces away the anticipation in his gut, reminding himself that the anger he is experiencing fuels his usual compulsion for battle.

Gaara’s recognition of him as an equal adversary does nothing to assuage Naruto’s odd, uncontrollable anger. Not that he should be angry, he should be relieved. They had made it to the tower in one piece, Naruto insisting on carrying Sakura and Team Eight insisting on joining them on their trek to the tower. Sasuke saw nothing wrong with their help, but Naruto was more suspicious. They weren’t getting anything out of helping Team Seven, he thinks, _why did they help us_? From past experiences Naruto understands just how manipulative people are, and he feels as if he’s just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Upon entering the tower, they had spotted a worn out Team Ten heading down a hall. Despite Team Ten’s ragged appearance, Ino had spun around in paranoia at the sound of their entrance. She’d taken one look at the six of them and abandoned any ill-will she held for them. Ino had rushed forward at the sight of their injuries and told them all about the meaning of “the poem,” much to her teammates chagrin. Despite Shikamaru and Choji’s admonishment, Ino had barreled forward and told them that they must open both scrolls at once to summon their sensei. “The poem” was really a riddle painted across the tower wall that they had to solve to officially pass the second part of the exams. Ino had told them the answer without thought, her eyes never leaving Sakura who was draped across his back. It had taken every fiber in Naruto’s being to pass over his girlfriend’s body to Ino as Sasuke passed him a scroll, but he knew it was the right thing to do as he watched Ino smooth down Sakura’s hair and kiss her forehead gently.

Naruto and Sasuke had each taken a scroll, summoning Kakashi-sensei as Team Eight summoned Kurenai-sensei. The relief on both of the sensei’s faces was palpable, Kurenai scooping her team into her arms as Kakashi-sensei inquired about Sasuke’s health first, rapidly interrogating him about a seal. Naruto’s stomach had dropped and he’d said with little inflection at all, “Orochimaru went after Sakura, sensei.”

Kakashi had flown into action, taking Sakura’s limp form off of Naruto’s unwilling hands and dragging her to a hospital with single-focused determination. She and Kakashi-sensei had disappeared down the hall, leaving the rest of the Genin to stare awkwardly at each other. Despite everyone’s expectant stares Naruto wasted little time in grabbing Sasuke and excusing the two of them from the other team’s presence. Naruto had taken Sasuke to the hospita effectively avoiding Team Ten’s confused, intruding questions. He didn’t know where Team Eight went, but he was kind of glad to be rid of them. He found himself uncomfortable in their presence, more guarded and awkward than normal. On the trek to the hospital Sasuke had gushed further about what happened with Team Eight. He was free to talk openly now that they couldn’t hear his every word.

Sasuke spoke of many things, including crafting a fishing-poll for Team Eight and then teaching them how to gut fish. He was stuck by the fire pit, which was why Sasuke couldn’t catch the fish himself and instead supervised Kiba. Sasuke complained a bit that Kiba scared away the fish with his loud voice. Apparently no matter how many times Hinata reminded Kiba to hush, he’d always go back to shouting. He also complained that Kiba shot fish guts at he, Hinata, and Shino when failing to follow Sasuke’s instruction on how to clean out a fish. Naruto actually laughed at that, because he couldn’t imagine not knowing how to gut a fish. _Clan heirs_ , the both of them had said in amusement. He also spoke of how Hinata and Shino knew the Uchiha tongue. Sasuke seemed very amused by this story, and was incredibly excited to tell it. Naruto did his best to be a good listener, and he was able to squash his anger down for a time, because it was rare for Sasuke to rant like he had and Naruto wanted to savor it.

Sasuke said that Shino made fun of Kiba for not knowing the Uchiha tongue when Sasuke and Hinata had begun speaking it. Kiba had retorted by calling him “Estúpido!” which Sasuke could only guess had meant stupid, and then said a bunch of other stuff in rapid Inuzuka tongue. Shino scoffed at him and revealed he knew many, many tongues, which Sasuke remembered the names of but Naruto couldn’t recall. It was because the Aburame Clan was full of diverse speakers, a fact Naruto found surprising since the Aburame were so close-knit and clandestine about their affairs. Kiba had floundered. Sasuke and Hinata had gone back to chatting about the Uchiha tongue, and Naruto learned that in the Uchiha tongue suffixes were common and considered respectful. Hinata had called Sasuke “Sasuke-san,” which was how the entire conversation started in the first place. Naruto didn’t really care about the language, but Sasuke was happy to tell him so Naruto listened. Eventually they got to the hospital, though, and Naruto pretended not to notice the relief on Sasuke’s face as he was ushered into the hands of a nurse. Naruto hadn’t been allowed to stay in Sasuke’s room, anxious nurses flocking to him. Naruto had worried in the waiting room over both of them.

Naruto was just fine physically. He felt guilty for it. Beneath the raw anger and hatred clouding his judgment Naruto felt _guilt_. Both of his teammates were crushingly hurt and here he sits just fine and dandy.

Sasuke had been healed, afterwards forced to eat some nutritious food to replenish himself down in the cafeteria. Naruto had followed him, and as Sasuke shoveled down some broccoli and chicken they got the alert that their teammate had awoken. Naruto curses how much faster Sasuke is than he, as he was up out of his chair and had raced towards the receptionist to ask for her room in the blink of an eye. By the time Naruto had caught up, Sasuke had already found out which room she was in and had shouted it behind his back at Naruto as he ran to her.

Sakura had woken up about fifteen minutes ago, but Naruto wasn’t allowed to go see her. He’d only been allowed to give her a hug before Kakashi-sensei said he needed to talk to Sakura alone. Not seeing her only amplified his anger.

Naruto taps his foot, considering what he knew that nobody else did. Everyone knew Sasuke and Sakura had it rough back in the forest, but no one had wondered about Naruto’s...predicament.

That Orochimaru guy had done something to his seal. It’s the only logical explanation Naruto can think of. And while Naruto isn’t typically a logic driven kind of guy, the burning in his gut always means the same thing. He doesn’t have to pull his shirt up to know that his seal is glowing bright red, the burning is tell-tale enough. Something is very, very wrong. He can distinctly remember the pain that began tearing through his skin when Orochimaru had struck his palm into his gut. He closes his eyes, breathing picking up as he thinks of Orochimaru lording over Sakura’s terrified form. She’d been sitting in a pile of blood, and he’d tried to save her, he’d tried but he couldn’t do it. He’d just ended up leaving Sasuke all on his own like a reckless fool. He places the back of his hand against his mouth, chewing on a knuckle and exhaling between his teeth. His eyes squeeze shut as he thinks about the strange technique Orochimaru had brought down upon him. 

Naruto felt trapped in the events of that forest. His hands weren’t bound and neither were his feet, and yet Naruto had never felt more incapable of escaping in his life.

When Orochimaru had done what he did...he’d heard a voice. A pain filled scream, followed by hundreds more. He couldn’t get a grasp on the image well, but he remembered the way he’d felt. He’d felt like he was trapped and controlled, felt like he was a caged animal. The screams grew louder, and then came the smell of smoke and feeling of fire burning beneath his skin. The feeling of fire grew and grew, but it wasn’t painful, it was powerful. An uncontrollable power that destroyed everything in his path wreaked havoc across what Naruto was soon able to recognize as Konoha. As the sight of Konoha cleared, so did the corpses. Bodies were burnt, choking screams escaping the dying men and women’s mouths like final prayers. A few people were hanged by broken buildings, some were crushed beneath rubble. Missing limbs scattered the brick floor, and as if the blood staining the streets wasn’t enough, the sky was discolored by an ominous blood-red shroud. Naruto shuddered to remember the pain filled expressions of those who died, but those who managed to survive were lonesome and with worse expressions on their faces than that of the dead. He’d tried to cover his ears from the screams, but the sound didn’t lessen in the slightest. Naruto eventually broke, screaming and sobbing in such panic that he couldn’t even think to beg for it stop.

Naruto’s stomach hasn’t stopped burning since. He can feel the fire in his gut, the caged animal sensation inescapable. He has a feeling he knows what he was reliving. The Nine-Tails Attack killed more people than any other slaughter in history, and the demon that’d done it lived inside of him. Naruto wonders if the memory he’d been experiencing belonged to the Nine-Tails. If so, Naruto had many questions. He’d been told that the demon enjoyed killing and if given the chance would burn the world to the ground. If that were the case, then why wasn’t it pleasurable for the Nine-Tails? Why wasn’t it pleasurable for the Nine-Tails? Why did Naruto’s memory produce a heated anger and anxiety so strong he was still feeling the effects of it now?

Naruto shakes himself off. He doesn’t want to think on it, especially when thinking about it only makes him feel worse. Briefly he ponders what he should say to Kakashi-sensei, if maybe he should lie and say that Orochimaru caused him great pain and that was why he was screaming, but decides that he’ll save that decision for later as well.

He lies back, groaning. Worst of all, Naruto is alone. Sakura is still talking with Kakashi-sensei, which makes them unavailable. Sasuke was _lost_.

The Anbu had arrived just as he and Sasuke had finally made it to their room’s door. They’d grabbed Sasuke and offered minimal explanation as they dragged him away. Naruto obviously protested, but seeing as he wasn’t present or conscious for nearly the entire Orochimaru battle they’d paid little mind to his indignant shouting.

Sasuke has never been comfortable around Anbu. Naruto knows from the days when Sasuke would run away whenever Naruto’s Anbu guards were present. Sometimes Sasuke sensed them even before Naruto, randomly going stiff and flinging out excuses. The memory sends Naruto into a fit of rage, because after everything they’d went through Sasuke shouldn’t have to make a report, especially all alone. If Naruto could save him, he would. He wouldn’t think twice about dragging his friend away. It’d already been nearly thirty minutes and Sasuke still wasn’t back. Naruto huffed. He wanted his friend back here, safe with him. He didn’t even know why the Anbu had taken him. For all Naruto was aware, it didn’t even have to be about the battle with Orochimaru at all. Knowing Sasuke, it could be about anything.

Naruto hates the silence surrounding him; when it is silent, Naruto is left to his thoughts. Naruto’s thoughts are dangerous, beleaguering him as if Naruto deserved to be punished. Just as Naruto’s contemplating jumping out of his bed and demanding to see Sasuke, he is pleasantly surprised. A knock resounds on the door.

He rushes to the door and flings it upon, fixing his scowl but unable to alter his ragged appearance. The duo that greets him is confusing enough that he pauses in excitedly inviting them in. Ino Yamanaka and that Hyuga that Sasuke knows are staring back at him, Ino with a nervous wave and smile and the Hyuuga with a demanding scowl. Naruto waves back at Ino, a hesitant smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

The Hyuuga crosses his arms, Byakugan blazing. Naruto wonders how someone with an attitude so presumptuous can be related to a nervous wreck like Hinata Hyuuga. “Tell me where Sasuke is.” he orders. Ino clears her throat awkwardly beside him, scrunching her nose and wringing her hands, looking very uncomfortable. He has no idea why these two are together. They weren’t even in the same class. He doesn’t think that the Yamanaka have any ties with the Hyuuga.

“...why?” Naruto’s nose scrunches. He crosses his arms in slight petulance. He doesn’t want to out Sasuke’s whereabouts to some random guy who doesn’t even have the civility for greetings.

The Hyuga snarls. “It’s as simple as this. The annoying Sasuke I know would have already checked up on me to see how I did in the exams. This means that Sasuke must be incapable of seeing me.” The Hyuga crosses his arms, cheeks tinted pink. “So I figured it was only logical to check in on him.”

Naruto startles blinking owlishly at the Hyuga’s so called logic. His flushed cheeks are kind of cute.

Sasuke’s namesake means “ninja” in Uchiha tongue but Naruto had never thought it fit. Naruto suddenly thinks he was wrong all along. Only a true ninja could wrap a member of the cold-hearted Hyuuga clan around their pinky finger. He grins, rubbing his hands together and shoving down the overwhelming guilt in his gut. Sasuke isn’t available, and he hesitates to be the bearer of bad news. “Aww...that’s so sweet of you, Hyuga. Are you and Sasuke-kun _cwose_?” he holds a hand to his heart and flutters his eyelashes, changing the pitch of his voice to that of mother speaking to her baby.

Okay, so maybe he picked up a bit more of Sasuke’s long suffering explanation of the Uchiha tongue suffixes than he intended. It doesn’t _matter._ It’s no big deal that he was paying attention. Sasuke just makes learning so much...fun. Apparently ‘kun’ was a term used to describe someone you find adorable. Naruto hopes he’d used it properly.

The Hyuga’s eye twitches as his fist clench. “Fine Uzumaki, if you don’t want to tell me I’ll find him myself!” he spins on his heel, but Ino turns and catches his wrist. She tugs the Hyuga forward and faces Naruto.

“Please, we just want to know if our friends are safe.” Ino looks like she’s ready to start crying, and Naruto wishes he had some form of reassuring them. He can’t make change reality, though. Naruto pushes the door to his room further open, gesturing them inside.

“Hey, hey, I wasn’t trying to be mean. C’mon in guys,” Naruto’s eyes soften at the edges. He hopes that they won’t run off because he was being purposefully difficult. When Ino and the Hyuga make their way into the room, he’s unsure if it is relief or dread that floods him. He doesn’t want to be alone, but he has no desire to relive the suffering of his teammates.

Ino walks in and crosses her arms, nodding graciously. “Thank you.” She murmurs. The Hyuga looks deep in concentration. Soon the Hyuga comes in right as Naruto is sitting back on the edge of his bed, closing the door behind him. Neji leans against the door frame, observing their room critically.

Naruto huffs while rubbing his eyes, “I just...look, it’s not good news.” He kicks the ground moodily. There is a beat of silence where neither of them respond.

Naruto bites his tongue and breathes deep. “I don’t know how they’re doing.” He confesses. He doesn’t know _why_ she’s not okay, what’s up with that seal. He doesn’t know even know where Sasuke is. Ino, of course, blows up.

Ino bristles, ponytail whipping around her as she shakes her head rapidly “How could you not know?” she asks snappishly. Naruto can tell the anger hides desperation.

Naruto runs his hands through his hair and then down his face, feeling his agitation rise. “Sakura’s still in the hospital, she’s not allowed visitors yet and...Sasuke was taken away by some _asshole_ Anbu.”

He rubs his palms against his eyes and feels sick to his stomach. The urge to run is strong, but he can’t work up the energy. He just sits in the small room with two practical strangers and thinks about all the things he wishes were different. He sniffs. “Look,” He pleads, “What happened in the forest...I don’t think Sakura’s ever gonna tell me the whole story. And...and where’s Sasuke? He’s been gone for so long and that can’t be _right_!! Nobody is telling me anything!” his temperament gets the better of him and Naruto feels himself begin to shout, fists clenching.

What happens next is different than if Sasuke or Sakura were here. Sasuke would sit beside him in comfort. Sakura would leave him to simmer. But neither Ino nor Neji are here for Naruto’s sake, and so they don’t go away or comfort him. It’s uncomfortable and he wishes that it were his teammates with him instead. Ino glares at him, taking a deep breath. “I get it.” her voice is frustrated. She doesn’t say anything else for a while, all of them simmering in silence.

Ino plops down onto the bed opposite of him, running her hands over the cheap, itchy sheets despondently. “Nobody ever tells me anything either.” Ino begins, and he and Neji’s gaze shift to her. Naruto’s anger is still present, but he finds the patience to listen to her through his teeth grinding fury. She laughs coldly, lips pursed. “I was friends with Sakura for six years and I don’t even know her middle name. That’s the truth...” she looks up to the ceiling, head tilted. “At the time I didn’t mind. I just assumed she was a private person. But now I get it. There’s something wrong with her. I mean, really wrong with her.” her gaze sharpens. “And I thought that I could fix her. I thought that if anyone could help, it would be me, seeing as I know so much about psychology. But not matter what I did nothing changed. She was always... _bipolar_. She always said one thing but did another.” Ino shakes her head, stopping herself speaking further. Then a look overcomes Ino’s face, one of resolution and realization. She shifts that gaze to him, and then slowly to Neji as well. Naruto feels a choking need to defend Sakura to argue Ino’s angered word. Just as his stomach churns and he’s about to stand, Ino beats him to the punch.

“Sakura would want Sasuke to be okay.” She says slowly. Naruto pauses, waiting for her next words. Then, Ino stands and brushes off her skirt, clearing her throat and wiping underneath her eyes with the sides of her fingers. “Well as the daughter of the Head of T&I, I know quite a bit more about the village than I should, enough to properly arrange a rescue. Naruto, do you think you can describe the people who took Sasuke away? Trust me, they won’t be allowed to take him out of this building, it’s against Chunin Exam protocol. We’ll be able to find him.”

Neji gives her a bewildered look. “And then what?”

Ino breathes deeply. “And then...answers.”

Naruto thinks that he likes Sakura’s best friend.

He learns the Hyuga’s name is Neji just as they all huddle together in the center of the cheap room to strike up a plan. Naruto has a good memory for people, especially when it comes to Anbu. He’d spent much of his childhood observing their slender figures and face obscuring masks, making it easy for him to describe the two that snagged Sasuke. Ino doesn’t tell him their identities, but she tells him where the two of them work. The torture and interrogation department; Naruto suspected he was being questioned, but he hadn’t guessed it’d be such an official investigation. Ino says that if he was taken by T&I not even they had the authority to take him off the perimeter. So wherever the Anbu were, they were in this tower.

The three of them don’t have a map of the tower beyond what Sasuke drew of the Forest of Death and sadly his nifty drawing only makes up the outside area. Ino knows what the T&I room will look like, which does help their venture somewhat. The door to the T&I department is hidden. Apparently the entrance is marked by a seal hidden behind a painting that looks like an infinity symbol. He asks why T&I’s symbol is an infinity sign but Ino winces and shakes him off. She says that the painting is always a portrait of someone, but the person changes throughout the T&I ‘hidden locations.’ It makes Naruto uncomfortable, and he has a feeling that he will be looking behind every portrait he spots from now on in fear of being next to a T&I operation center.

The next part involves some sneakiness, a level of tact they learn all three of them possess. They have to scout the building somehow, and they’ve already decided that when it comes to T&I morality won’t guide the department’s decision of placement. Which means it could be outside a Genin apartment, in the hospital wing, or anywhere else in the large tower. Neji’s Byakugan comes in handy. Their plan doesn’t require much ninja skill, but it takes a certain amount of innocuous intent to pull off what they do. Ino is skillful with words, and Naruto is good at going unseen.

They are stopped by suspicious shinobi over twenty times, but they manage. The plan goes like this. Ino and Naruto will take the lead, with Neji absently following behind them. They roam about the halls until they find a new department. They ended up finding three departments in total, one for Intel, one for foreign translation, and one for criminal investigation. Each time they discovered a department Ino would rush to the receptionist, making sure to look befuddled and worried. Naruto and Neji would use the transformation jutsu to look like important looking figures and hustle down one of the halls, dodging the receptionist scolding because of Ino’s expert distraction. Naruto would then pick a lock of one of the doors. The two of them would sneak inside, searching for a portrait. If it turned out to be a bust, they’d leave and repeat the process. Thankfully some of the doors were already unlocked, and Neji’s Byakugan helped them to know when to be extra careful because he could spot any Shinobi from all directions. Naruto learned a lot about the Byuakugan on this venture. He was honestly surprised by how open Neji was about it, seeing as Sasuke acted like his Kekei Genkai was an S-class secret. Once he and Neji stumbled across a portrait, but it didn’t have anything behind it. They left feeling disappointed.

Naruto hated to admit it, but the adventure actually calmed him down. It’s fun, and the best part wasn’t even getting to pick a hundred locks. The best part was watching Ino slip into the Yamanaka tongue like a pro when they found the Foreign Translation department, completely fooling the receptionist. Ino didn’t look much like a foreigner, but her behavior was so convincing it wasn’t even questioned. It reminded Naruto of Sasuke telling him all about how Shino was fluent in four languages. Shino’s skill was suddenly a lot more impressive.

They found the portrait in a random room in the Department of Criminal Investigation. Had their makeshift team been blessed with a map, they would’ve guessed that the T&I region would be in this hall from the start. But they didn’t have a map, and the trial and error method they used turned out well. Neji and Naruto winced at the arrogant painted face of Tobirama Senju, glancing at each other in mild surprise. “He’s my least favorite Hokage by far...” Naruto grumbles. Neji makes a sound between agreement and indifference that Naruto is already becoming familiar with.

They put back the portrait that hides the Infinity Sign, briefly debating on who should go get Ino. They decide upon Neji because using his Byakugan he will be able to rediscover the room by finding Naruto’s presence.

Naruto sits down once he leaves, eyes roaming the room curiously. It looks no different than any other room, boxes stacked on one end, sticky notes, random equations, and what not on a white board. The floor has an ugly rug, there is a desk with a spinning-chair and the light fixture has a generic shade.

It looks so...normal. But something about the room disturbs Naruto, and since it took he and Neji forever to walk here, he has a feeling it will take Neji and Ino even longer, as they won’t have anyone to distract the receptionist. He briefly considers going in without them, but listens to his gut and waits for their return. Then he realizes he doesn’t know how to get in. He figures since he’s waiting he can snoop, and so Naruto putters around the room, lifting up files, examining pens, and trying to find something of entertainment.

He finds it in the desk drawer. It’s a key, small and rounded and barely noticeable around the hundreds of pens and paperclips this desk contains. He hesitates before pocketing the treasure.

Naruto sits beneath the table so no will spot him just in case someone enters this room and waits. The door opens, but it’s not Ino and Neji. Naruto huddles below the table further, breath catching.

Hair hidden beneath a black hood, face concealed behind a cold, chilling mask. Weirdly enough, something about this completely concealed person strikes something familiar in Naruto’s gut. The figure approaches the portrait, his gloved hands removing it from the wall. The stranger of an Anbu moves through a series of hand signs and presses his palm against the wall, just like Ino explained. The stranger audibly breathes in concentration. Then the Anbu sinks into the wall, disappearing into nothing. Naruto leans back and blinks. He thinks that he had to imagine it. That he didn’t just successfully hide from an Anbu that walked through a wall. But Naruto doesn’t question reality that much.

Naruto runs his hands through his hair and curses under his breath. He palms the key in his hand and rubs his eyes with his knuckles. 

He knows that they’ve been searching for Sasuke’s T&I room for over three hours now. He knows that they were treating it almost like a game. He could quit now, go see if he can visit Sakura and pretend none of this ever happened. Patiently wait for Sasuke to return.

But when Neji and Ino creep back in, whispering his name in alert, Naruto follows along. “Nervous?” Ino whispers. Naruto convinces himself that shaking his head _no_ counts doesn’t count as lying. He didn’t say anything, after all.

He follows inside the Infinity Seal, Ino going through a series of hand signs and locking their arms before leaning forward. Their noses brush the wall before sinking into it. _Disappearing kind of feels like walking through milk_ , Naruto ponders. It’s a strange sensation and it’s cold and warm all at once.

He opens his eyes to spot an Anbu and instantly with his heart beating against his chest he grabs one of Ino’s bobby pins she’d give him earlier out of his kunai pouch and picks one of the locked doors, hurrying the three of them inside. He presses himself against the wall with a deep exhale, having never been more thankful that he’d had delinquent friends that taught him the skills of thievery.

The room they’ve arrived in looks like a storage facility. It’s incredibly lucky that no one is inside since Naruto hadn’t checked with Neji before dragging the three of them in. Shipping boxes line every wall, old desks pushed against each other, and the whole room in just generally crowded. There is a window by the door of the room with wooden paneled curtains that Naruto pulls aside and peers out of, watching the Anbu critically.

The portrait surely didn’t lead to a very welcoming room, no receptionist and no indication of the room being an entrance at all. It’s like they were just dropped in the middle of the facility...but seeing as no one but experienced Anbu were supposed to be allowed in, the set up kind of makes sense. There isn’t any use in wasting space for an entrance when everyone knows where to go and how to get around. He looks around the peculiar entrance, engraving it into his memory in case they get lost in the search for Sasuke. Open-doorways with never ending halls through them are scattered amongst a few double doors that are tightly locked with chains. The room they arrived in is small, but it’s clear that the T&I division itself is moderately vast. The Anbu who Naruto spotted disappears into one of the many doors, but Naruto does not relax. How can he, with the fluorescent lighting burning his eyes that causes the three of them stick out like cardinals amongst a flock of blue jays? They aren’t safe. He wishes it were dark, because that darkness would provide some sort of cover.

“They’ve had him here for a long time.” Neji whispers, looking around in suspicion. Ino follows suit, fingers adjusting the band keeping her hair back with an anxiousness that puts Naruto on edge. 

Naruto pulls both of them back and presses himself against the wall tightly. “Don’t move.” He hisses. Both of them stay quiet for a minute, and Naruto is glad they’ve let him take the lead. Nearly three hours have passed and supposedly Sasuke’s been here for all of them. This had seemed like a childishly angry game at first, but it’s morphed into something more now that he’s seeing the Torture and Interrogation hall for real. It’s not dark, not like a basement or chamber. It’s fluorescently light and cold and Naruto can’t hear a thing. Everything must be sound proof. _Why have they kept Sasuke so long?_ He wonders. He last saw Sasuke at quarter until noon and now it’s nearing dinner. _._

What if Sasuke isn’t _here_? Sasuke has to be here. Sasuke has to be here because otherwise Sasuke is lost and Naruto can’t lose two teammates in the same day _he can’t_.

“What are you thinking?” Ino whispers right in his ear, her voice almost inaudible.

Naruto bites his thumb nail. “Neji, can you use your Byakugan to find Sasuke?” he whispers. “Something just doesn’t seem right.”

Neji nods sharply and flashes his Byakugan around the corner, brow furrowing.

“I can’t sense him.” Naruto mumbles in the meantime.

Neji jumps, causing both he and Ino to tense. Neji rushes out of the hall before Naruto can stop him and appears to grab onto something, lugging that something inside the door speedily. Naruto blinks as before his eyes Sasuke Uchiha appears before him. Sasuke runs a hand through his hair and gives Neji a relieved expression. _Sasuke must’ve been using Genjutsu,_ Naruto thinks. He was probably concealing his signature too. During his observations he spots that Sasuke’s still limping on his hurt knee. Naruto’s fist clenches.

“How did you guys get here?” Sasuke whispers, huddling in with them.

Naruto punches him in the arm, hard. “Don’t ever scare me like that again!” he whisper-shouts. Sasuke flinches and rubs his arm moodily.

“Scare you? I could sense you guys from all the way across the room you gave me a heart attack!” Sasuke reaches out and punches Naruto’s own arm petulantly, but the punch is soft and hardly even affects him. “So take that.” Sasuke declares, retracting his arm and crossing it against his chest.

Naruto guffaws, waving his arms around. “How are you even here?” It takes a lot of him not to shout. “What happened?”

Sasuke winces. “I don’t...the two Anbu that took me away weren’t...they were weird, Naruto. I don’t think they were as interested in Sakura’s wellbeing as they lead on.” Sasuke leans forward. “I told them as minimal as possible, but here’s the weird part. This....this...” Sasuke avoids his searching eye, and Naruto knows that Sasuke is trying to hide something. He knows it’s important though. He can see it in Sasuke’s flickering eyes. Sasuke’s stopping himself from saying something. “this... _other_ Anbu guy rushes in and declares that I’m needed elsewhere and starts ordering them around. They get really nervous and hand me over, right? But this guy throws me into a room and locks it, tells me to keep quiet.” Sasuke’s eyes go distant, mouth agape. He looks lost in memory. “After ten minutes I got nervous, and after the first _hour_ of sitting there alone I was convinced something shady was going on. But I didn’t...I couldn’t get out...and uh...” Sasuke swallows. Naruto watches Sasuke’s fingers dig into his own knuckles. Naruto has a feeling that much of this story is an elaborate lie. He narrows his eyes, hating the fact that Sasuke is lying to his face and believes he can get away with it. _I know you better than this_ , he thinks viciously. Sasuke clears his throat. “I did manage to escape and after wondering around for a long time I came here...” Sasuke shakes his head with a smile. “I’m so glad you guys came to find me, how do we get out? I was blindfolded when they brought me in.” he finishes explaining.

Naruto feels himself slump with relief. “All we have to do is go through this portrait. It’ll be fine we’re almost out of here.”

Naruto thinks that he should feel relieved, but he can only feel an itching anger at Sasuke. They’d all risked their asses to find him and he has the gall to lie about what happened. Naruto feels pressure build up in his eyes and he quickly blinks away the chakra that is bubbling to the surface of his skin, begging to be released. He controls his breathing and tells himself that he’ll question Sasuke when they’re out of here. _Maybe Sasuke hadn’t been lying to him but to Ino and Neji_ , he considers. _Maybe the Anbu took him really bad reasons._

Neji turns to him. “Okay, the perimeter is clear. We should get going. Ino, you take the lead.”

Ino begins laughing nervously, scratching her chin. Naruto turns to her, midway through grabbing ahold of Sasuke’s arm. He pauses, watching her stumble for a bit. Unconsciously, he squeezes Sasuke’s shoulder. Sasuke finds his hand on his shoulder and cups it gently. They don’t meet each-other’s eyes.

Ino clears her throat, and Naruto knows he won’t like what she has to say. “A-actually you guys...there’s something I kind of left out about the whole...portrait thing...” she fiddles with her fingers.

Sasuke looks between them in confusion. “Portrait thing?” he parrots dubiously.

Neji narrows his eyes at Ino with a vengeance. Naruto interferes any fighting with a cautious, “What do you mean, Ino?” He gives Sasuke a sharp look. Sasuke backs down, understanding that now isn’t the time for asking questions.

“There are _two entrances_.” Ino grows serious, swallowing in fear. “The infinity seal only appears on the active one, and every time someone goes through the seal, it becomes inactive again and the entrance switches.” Ino moves her hands emphatically, “The Anbu have this elaborate system of entering and exiting so they can move around...”

Neji looks to Sasuke, the only person of the group he knows, with a stunted expression of shock painted across his face. He seems to be searching for comfort, but Sasuke’s never been too good at the whole optimism thing. Sasuke looks away from Neji’s worried gaze and rubs his shoulder, shivering. Ino shivers too. “It’s freezing down here.” She mumbles in the uncomfortable silence that has overtaken their group. Naruto nods in agreement, scanning Sasuke’s shivering form. He’s missing his jacket, Naruto notes. It’s strange because Sasuke almost never leaves behind his Uchiha jacket. Naruto can’t believe he didn’t notice until right now. Ino too has begun shuddering, dressed in only her three-quarter top and short skirt. Neji isn’t wearing anything that would keep him warm either. Naruto is the only one dressed for the occasion. Sasuke himself has been down here for hours, Naruto hopes he doesn’t catch a cold.

While Sasuke can hide, sneaking is a different matter entirely. A matter that concerns Naruto’s skillset, and he needs the three of them to listen. He clears his throat and let’s his mind whir as he grabs their attention. “I know we’re all frustrated, trust me! But...” He holds out his hands imploringly, “We can still get out of this. Just...you have to listen to me.”

All of them swallow, seeming to agree. Neji pinches the bridge of his nose and whispers, “Now our fates have truly been sealed. We’re all dead. How am I supposed to trust your leadership?” Sasuke side-eyes him with mild-annoyance, and Naruto relishes in his teammate’s loyalty.

Naruto laughs nervously, hands rubbing together. “Just...trust me on this. I have a plan.”

Naruto rakes his hands through his hair, chewing on his knuckles. He has a feeling his plan won’t be well received. First things first, he has to ask Ino a question. “Ino, can anyone open the entrance seal?” he wheels on her, watching as she rubs her hands together to ward away the cold. Naruto can see her breath.

“Yeah, it’s universal.” She confirms.

Naruto nods to himself. “Can you teach me?”

“ _Why?_ ” Sasuke interjects suspiciously.

“Because I’m going to go open the other entrance.” Naruto declares, and it isn’t a question. Neji eyes go wide, but his face morphs into understanding and he nods slowly. Naruto nods back. Ino has other opinions.

“What?” Ino gawks. “No way am I letting you do that!” She pushes him in the chest in shock. Naruto hushes her sharply, glancing at the window with panic. Naruto shakes his head and steps back.

“Naha, you’ve gotta.” He enforces. “It’s the only option.”

Ino’s brow furrows. “How so?” she challenges, hands resting on her hips.

Naruto opens his mouth to counter, but Sasuke beats him to it. Sasuke scoffs. “Okay, what’s going to happen to your father, the Head of T&I, if they found out he’s broken his oath of confidentiality? If they find his daughter and a pack of Genin skulking around, are you willing to have your father imprisoned for life? Because let me tell you, they won’t show mercy on a head of clan. This will go down in history, and your entire clan will be disgraced. How much illegal information has he told you, Ino? I bet more than half of what you know is worse than simple T&I locations. If they discover you then that’s it, your dad’s behind bars.” Sasuke turns to him and raises his fist. Naruto bumps his own fist against it.

“You’ve got this.” He glances at Ino. “He’s got this.”

Ino’s face morphs into surprise. Naruto feels a lump form in his throat.

“Okay.” Ino croaks. She looks between the two of them and wipes her eyes. Sakura would probably be whining about being a crybaby if she was the one bawling, but Ino doesn’t seem to mind her tears. Naruto hates crying, and he doesn’t understand why she’s so comfortable expressing her emotions.

Naruto turns away from Ino awkwardly as she sniffles. “It’s a good plan. Sasuke said it himself, you getting caught is a big deal. And I’m sure Neji doesn’t want to get in trouble with his clan either.” Naruto watches Neji flinch, the sight only obvious to him after witnessing Sasuke make similar motions his whole life. _I really hate clans_. Naruto thinks aggressively.

Despite his burning anger, Naruto’s tone is reasonable and soft. “What do I have, huh? Everyone already thinks I’m a troublemaker. If I get caught no one will be surprised. Plus, the old man likes me, he’ll soften the blow.” Naruto is lying. The three of them all know it, by the look in their eyes. They don’t call him on it.

Ino glances downwards, looking guilty. But he knows her final decision. Naruto’s not as important as her father. Neji doesn’t think Naruto’s as important as Sasuke, or important enough to risk the wrath of his clan.

He’s surprised by Sasuke’s agreement to this plan. It relieves him to know that Sasuke trusts him enough for this. It relieves him that if Sasuke had been lying earlier, it wasn’t because he didn’t trust Naruto.

His plan is simple. They will stay here, hiding quietly. Naruto will make his way to the other portrait and exit through there, allowing the three of them to safely leave through this side. If he gets caught, they’ll have to take him to the Criminal Department before interrogating him, so either way he’ll be leaving through the other portrait and giving them an easy way out. They will wait at least a half hour, plenty of time for Naruto to make it the short distance. 

It’s clear cut, the best solution possible.

Sasuke’s Sharingan blares to life, and Neji looks at him in surprise. Naruto still doesn’t know how the two of them know each other, but he can only guess that their clans were friends or something. Ino look similarly startled. Naruto notices that something about Sasuke’s eyes seems different. The wild spinning is still present, but there seems to be less red to his Sharingan, like the black has begun to take over. Naruto finds it captivating. “Come back.” Sasuke enforces with a hint of desperation in his voice.

Naruto nods. “C’mon Sasuke. I could never stay away from you for long.” Sasuke’s resulting smile is watery.

Neji is looking at Sasuke with pity. His eyes meet Naruto’s behind Sasuke’s head. He can see a newfound respect in Neji’s Byakugan eyes. Naruto can guess that they’ll be talking about Sasuke’s eyes when he’s not around.

Unexpectedly, Ino grabs his shoulders and brings him close. Naruto stiffens, but accepts the hug nonetheless. She, like him, doesn’t need her friend’s to say anything outright. She understands the unspoken danger in the air. She understands that if Naruto gets caught she won’t be seeing him again. Her eyes aren’t searching when she pulls away, she doesn’t ask any questions. She nods and smiles but her eyes are on his. “You have my blessing.” He gazes at Ino in confusion.

She laughs at his expression. “To date my best friend, obviously,” Naruto’s heart shouldn’t go so warm from her words, especially in the cold air.

He steps back from her, hand wrapping around his gut and palm splaying across his seal. He swallows and resists the urge to groan about the sappiness of his friends.

Maybe Naruto should find his own new friends. Team Seven is already his family, the thought of having friends on top of that...it’s almost too good to be true. Neji and Ino...they’re good. Naruto knows it. Sakura and Sasuke have great friends, so if something happens to him, they’ll be fine. He’s glad.

He shakes himself off and gets into the right mindset.

Naruto flashes his friends a quick thumbs up. “I’ll be fine.”

He doesn’t wait to check if they believe him or not. He moves quickly, exiting the room and hustling down the first hallway.

None of them know where the other entrance is. It’s up to Naruto to find it.

At first, Naruto manages to stay calm. He shifts down halls and slides behind doors, thinking about Sasuke’s chakra exhausted signature as a source of determination. Sasuke should have kept off his feet, especially with his knee, hand, and severe chakra depletion, and Naruto directs his anger at the unjustness of the Anbu taking him away. Sasuke should’ve been, _should be_ resting.

Naruto’s breathing picks up when he catches sight of a shadow. He hurriedly glances around, spotting a door. It takes Naruto a moment to pick the lock, but he’s had about three hundred practice takes by now so it’s not the hardest thing to do. He works through his jittery fingers and slides into a room, temporarily shielding himself from the shadows field of vision.

The shadow is an Anbu and he recognizes it as the man who he spotted earlier. Man is a strong word, however. The Anbu looks barely older than him. He feels himself grow nervous, remembering Ino’s explanation on the intricate system the Anbu have sorted out to regulate the people who come in and out. That means there are at least...he racks the Anbu he knows are down here in his head. The two who dragged Sasuke down, the one who locked Sasuke in a room, and now this guy...that makes four; the realization causes Naruto’s heart to stutter to a stop. He has to dodge at the least, four highly experienced shinobi, and he has to hide from them underneath fluorescent lighting and down narrow hallways.

The idea of the Anbu’s complicated system worries him. It means that messing with the doors could mean that somebody notices their entering and exiting. He shakes himself off, knowing that worrying won’t change a thing. If things go south, he already knows he’ll volunteer the blame onto his shoulders. One door opens and then closes permanently; if an Anbu is trying to leave through Naruto’s door, they’ll know something is wrong when it doesn’t work.

Naruto envisions the other room with the portrait he and Neji found, remembering that it was in the supply section of the Foreign Translation department. He gazes upward, picturing the winding hallways above him. He can do this.

It’s far. It will take him at least thirty minutes at the rate he’s going. Naruto grits his teeth.

He continues forward. He must, he has too, and despite the hammering of his heart Naruto forces himself to push on. He hides in rooms, behind open doors, creeps along the shadows. He’s grateful that the skill of chakra sensory is so rare. If it wasn’t he and his massive signature would have already been caught. His legs aren’t sore, but his mind is exhausted. Being paranoid twenty four seven wears down on the physical body. He understands Sasuke’s constant done-ness a bit better now. He’d be tired too, if he was this nervous all of the time.

Naruto throws himself behind a corner at the sound of a voice. He glances down at his shadow with a wince and looks around desperately. There are no rooms to sneak into, nothing to hide under. Just a big, empty hallway; slowly, Naruto’s gaze shifts upward, and he’s hit with an idea. He works his ears to listen to the footsteps and voices, estimating he doesn’t have much time. The lighting is still bright, and his shadow will still be visible, but Naruto plants his feet on the wall and crawls up. He forces his way onto the ceiling, pressing his nose against the cold surface. Naruto moves along the wall and towards the voices, unnoticed as a prowling cat. He voices come into view and Naruto spots two Anbu he recognizes as the one’s who’d taken Sasuke. One of them has their masks hooked onto their pouch, making their face visible. Naruto finds out that it’s a woman, and that the woman has a really stupid face.

“I can’t believe Tiger waltzed in there and ordered us around like that, Sugho!” The woman whines, adjusting the hood on her head so a bit of brown curly hair peeks out across her forehead. Naruto, even hiding on the ceiling, finds enough sass to make a gagging face at her.

“Don’t use my real name, Boar! We’re at work!” The one in the Dragon mask complains, a male voice that is still high pitch. He moves down the hall with a slouch, dragging his feet along.

“Oh c’mon Dragon, we’re the only one’s down in this dump anyway!” she laughs. Then the girl clears her throat, “Look, I’ll show you...” she cups her hands over her mouth. “Hello!” she shouts in a deep, announcer-like tone, “My name is Selene and my codename is Boar! I like cheap food and breezy afternoons!” she laughs cockily, hands on her hips.

The Dragon guy adjusts his mask, laughing quietly at her. “You’re crazy...” he grumbles as they disappear around the corner. The woman just cackles in reply.

Naruto jumps down from the ceiling into a kneeling position, head angled towards the end of the hall. Anbu, he realizes, are people too. He heads down the hall and continues his search.

When he sees the infinity sign on the wall, he wants to cry. He congratulates his directional skills with hysterical relief. He’d pushed as hard as he could, held his breath and forced patience onto himself. Now he sees the exit. Now he can save his friends who are relying on him.

He waits, checking the halls, before rushing forward and preforming the hand signs that Ino had taught him. He goes through the motions, then splays his palm flat and prays for success.

As he sinks through the portrait and tumbles out onto the other side, Naruto swallows.

He’d survived. Naruto collapses against the wall with his eyes closed shut.

They all had. He sits there and breathes, blinking against the normal lighting. His heart rate calms and his hands shake. He needs to get out of here so no one will catch him.

Naruto jumps as the door is pounded against by a heavy fist. “ _Naruto!_ ”

Naruto freezes. That isn’t Sasuke’s scolding, exasperated voice. It definitely isn’t Ino or Neji. He knows that voice.

It’s Sakura.

He doesn’t even think before racing to the door and flinging it open. He doesn’t care that her voice had been pissed meaning he is so in for it, and he doesn’t think about it when he has to shove past a disgruntled Neji in order to reach her. Naruto ignores that Ino’s sharp gaze is watching, and he couldn’t possibly care less that Sasuke is trying to scold him.

He wraps Sakura in his arms and squeezes. Sakura relaxes against him, bandages on her shoulder and stitches on her mouth he didn’t notice before in the brief time Kakashi-sensei had let him see her.

He buries his head into her hair and breathes. She’s more than his teammate and girlfriend. He’s known her his entire life. She’s Sakura, and she’s...she’s everything. He looks down and spots the seal, except it is no longer an angry red but an inky black. Naruto thinks of his own seal, and knows that now more than ever it’s his responsibility to tell her the truth. He needs to tell her what he is, even if she’s already guessed it. She deserves to hear it from him..

“Sakura...” through the lump in his throat he speaks. Sakura had come here for him, flanked by a group of friends that were concerned for _him_. He thinks about how even terrified in those halls he wasn’t alone. He was doing it for them. He has people to love. Even alone Naruto will fight for his friends. He can’t imagine her not accepting him, but the fear of speaking the words out loud have silenced him for years.

He’s so happy that Sakura is safe.

Her palms are splayed right on his bony spine. She rubs his back gently. When Sakura pulls away, she smiles at Ino embarrassedly.

Ino smiles back at Sakura.

And then. Then she grabs his ear and screams. “I’m gone for one day and this is what you do?”

She levels him with a deadly stare. Weakly, Naruto protests, “But Sakura, I saved your friends! That’s got to count for something!”

Sakura releases his ear and pulls him back in for a hug, leaning her body weight against him. “I know...” she murmurs. “But you scared me, Naruto. Don’t be so reckless, you didn’t have to do it alone.” Her eyes are searching, confused and longing.

Naruto doesn’t say it, because his words are in the sobriety of his eyes. He did have to do it alone.

Sakura breathes deeply and turns to Ino. “Thanks for bringing me here guys. Kakashi-sensei is probably losing his mind with worry.”

Sasuke laughs, agreeing easily. Sasuke and Sakura’s fight has been resolved, Ino and Sakura are smiling at each other, and this new Neji guy is actually pretty awesome. Naruto’s smile grows wider.

Naruto wraps a hand around Sakura’s waist, regaling the events of the day to her cheerfully. Sasuke launches into his own story for Neji and Ino, rambling about Gaara with much more fright in his words than how he’d originally told the story to Naruto. He seems relaxed, and Naruto can’t help but be too. Even though they’re waiting for the inevitable doom of Kakashi-sensei’s wrath Naruto feels safe. He has more friends than ever and it turns out they’re really good people.

Sakura and Naruto keep their hands held. Ino’s eyes flicker between the two of them, a smile gracing her lips.

Neji stops walking, arms crossed. “Alright, this is where we part ways. I’m taking Sasuke back to the hospital.” He declares.

Sasuke shrugs at them helplessly. Neji grabs his arm and marches away. 

Sakura shakes her head in amusement. “I can’t wait to hear the story of how Sasuke wrapped a Hyuga around his pinky finger.”

Naruto shouts in excitement. “That’s exactly what I said!” he grins at her.

Sakura beams. “Really? Ha! Great minds think alike, believe it.” She beams, purposefully using the catchphrase he tends to tack onto the end of statements for emphasis.

Ino stops walking and dusts off her skirt. “But fools seldom differ.” She mumbles, and Naruto raises an eyebrow as Sakura cackles. It’s clearly an inside joke. “Well,” Ino spins on her heel. “I’m going to go find Shikamaru and Choji, I told them I was just checking on Sakura like four hours ago! Knowing them, they’re probably already planning on avenging my death or something!” She calls, running away. Her blond hair billows behind her.

Sakura turns to Naruto with a big grin. “Well...” She says, scrunching his nose at him.

“Well...?” Naruto teasingly repeats back to her.

Sakura looks down, and then around the hallway. The she grabs his chin and pecks him on the cheek.

Naruto grins and responds with a daring kiss to the corner of her mouth.

He and Sakura stare at each other with wide smiles on their faces. They bask in the moment before both he and Sakura move at once kissing right on the lips. They pull apart, and Sakura makes a dramatic smooching sound. “Oh, Naruto! Take me away!” she places the back of her palm against her forehead and feigns a swoon.

Naruto laughs at her as she leans her weight against his shoulder happily. “What, do you want me to start calling you princess?” he strokes his chin thoughtfully.

Sakura guffaws. “Ha! You do realize who you’re talking to, right?” Sakura motions to her hospital gown dressed form with a raised eyebrow.

Naruto nods. “Yeah your right, Sasuke qualifies for princess status better than you do.”

Sakura’s eyes go wide with joy. “I am so telling him that!” she cheers.

Naruto opens his mouth, about to ask her to talk, when she bites her lip. “I...I have something I need to do, Naruto.” She cranes her neck towards the direction Ino ran off to. “I’m sorry.” She apologizes.

Naruto grabs her shoulders. “No...no I understand Sakura.”

When he watches her retreating back, he is alone again. But...this time, he doesn’t feel so alone. He knows that even when his friends aren’t around, they’re with him in spirit. He stalls on returning to the empty bedroom, however, too frightened that the loneliness with return. It’s during his aimless walk his thoughts drift to a realization. He’d never told anyone about what Orochimaru had done to his seal.

_I’ll be fine._ Naruto reassures himself. _My seal probably isn’t that bad. They already have so much to worry about. I’ll just end up getting in everyone’s way._

Naruto ends up right where he started...alone in the silence of his room with nothing but his thoughts to keep him company.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!


	27. Curiosity Killed the Cat (and there is no such thing as resurrection)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ino loves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey ya'll! I'm baacckkk! Sorry for the long wait, I was also writing some other work while writing this and got definitely side-tracked. But, bonus, this chapter is longer than most!

Ino Yamanaka can’t stand the glass wall that is silence. It’s invisible, fragile, but yet it manages to separate so many people. Konoha is a victim of silence on both ginormous and teeny-tiny scales. And while Ino is capable of being a drama-queen, she’s not exaggerating in her claim of silence being the bane of her existence.

Ino acquiesces that sometimes the wretchedness of silence is necessary. In silence, plans grow like building blocks. It’s near impossible to knock down a sturdy tower with just the power of breath, the power of words. But build the tower up high enough and the gentlest of breezes will cause it to tumble. As silence builds it becomes easier to destroy.

She can’t speak up now, but soon, when the tower is unstable and the opportunity is right, she plans to shatter the silence that blankets Konoha. Silence is arrogant. The longer it hushes people the more power silence believes it has. But what is truly astonishing is that one syllable can shatter centuries of quiet. Because of silence relationships crash and burn, love festers into hate, what was once peace becomes a prison...some people think that sticks and stones hurt the most. Others argue that words are the most painful of all. But silence, silence is deadly. Silence is like an infection, growing and growing underneath the surface until you longer have the choice to make it better. It will kill everything in its path.

Ino has scars on her tongue from how many times she’s bitten through it to stop herself from screaming at the top of her lungs. She’s gotten used to the dull throb in her mouth as blood slides down her throat and all the while Ino smiles.

Ino walks away from Sakura and Naruto’s perfect little romance, shoving down all the spite in her heart and doing her best to be happy for them. She’s seen what out of control emotions can do to people, and she doesn’t want to end up like them. She doesn’t want to a puppet to her own feelings. As long as no one knows how Ino actually feels, then Ino can go on pretending she doesn’t feel it. She just has to not cry, she just has to make it back to her room. She quickens her pace, willing away the water in her eyes. Ino’s never minded crying; she’s never minded crying at all, because crying is something sweet little girls do. She’s outwardly an open person, emotions on her sleeve and love in her eyes. But Ino doesn’t like people to see the parts of her that are ugly. Crying can be beautiful and sad, but crying can also be ugly, and she doesn’t want people to know that any of Ino is less than perfect. She doesn’t want people to know that there is more to her under the surface. She can’t trust anyone with that side of her. There is a time and place to cry, and out in the open in front of all of her competitors is not it.

She’s not sure why her tears are coming now of all times. It is perhaps a culmination of the betrayal wrenching at her heart she doesn’t want to feel. Sakura hurt her, but Ino doesn’t want to be hurt, because Sakura is so much more fragile than she is. If Ino slips up once Sakura will never trust her again, and that trust is so important to Ino. Ino can’t trust anyone, not even herself, and so she makes up for it by getting everyone else around to trust her. Ino is a trustworthy person, it’s a simple fact, but if she gives even an inch the rest will be taken without her permission. She can’t trust, try as she might, because time and time again Ino’s paranoia is proven correct. Her silence is necessary, and Ino hates herself for believing that. 

Earlier today she’d watched Uchiha Sasuke lie to her face and she’d known that once again her silence was necessary, expected. He’d told them about some Anbu when they were down in T&I, and he’d obviously been lying through his teeth about how everything went down. She’d frowned, because usually he was actually rather good at fibbing, to the point where even she couldn’t detect his lies. However, panting and scared, his lying skills were definitely lacking.

There have been many times in her life where Ino has wisely stayed her tongue. If she had a nickel every time she’d stopped herself from speaking she’d double her family’s fortune and then some. Of course Ino isn’t referring to mundane things like refusing to tell someone their lip gloss is smeared or not debunking teachers who give false information. She’s talking about holding her tongue as her father rolls in late looking ragged. She’s talking about smiling at Sakura as her friend lies about an enemy ninja breaking into the Yamanaka flower shop house and starting a fire.

Oh yes. Ino knows about the fire. Sakura was the only one in the house. It had to have been her. Further evidence is that Ino had found the box of matches in Sakura’s school bag earlier that week. All evidence points at her best friend. But since her parent’s had naturally believed it was someone using Ninjutsu, Sakura got off the hook. At the time rage against the Uchiha clan had been peaking so her father had pinned the blame on them. Ino held her tongue about Sakura and her box of matches until the incident was nothing more than a bad memory rather forgotten.

Ino will always defend her friends. Her loyalty is fierce. However, loyalty and trust are two different spectrums. She may be loyal to Sakura, but she doesn’t trust her. She’d never told Sakura anything of importance about herself. For the longest time the two of them had been very guarded. Ino had been just fine with that, in fact, she’d been glad! So many girls want to pry into people’s personal business. She was grateful that Sakura would rather hang out than clutch a pillow to her chest and spill her darkest secrets.

Ino could make fake be fun. Her favorite memories are playing pretend with Sakura around the house. None of the things she and Sakura had done involved much touchy-feely behavior. Sakura was guarded but she trusted easily. She trusted Ino more than she trusted anyone, and Ino thrived on the feeling of being needed. Ino’s always been afraid of talking about her family because her dad tells her confidential information. When she was little she never knew what was considered a secret, and she never knew how to distinguish secrets from her family. Her family seemed to be made of secrets. It distanced her from other girls who always talked about their family, because she never had anything to say...especially since she was an only child.

Ino likes her secrets. She is comfortable in her natural distrust. It was why she’d originally liked Sasuke. Ino admits it; at one point, she’d crushed on Sasuke. But it was when they were like _seven_! She’d only kept it up because Sakura made it a big deal, incorporating it into their rivalry. Academics switched from a chore to a competition when it came to Sakura, but Ino never minded losing. She’d learned to expect it. To Ino Sakura was more of a goal than a rival. To Sakura, Ino was the reason to never stop improving. If Sakura stopped for anything Ino would’ve swept past her.

But yes, Ino liked Sasuke, still did, but as a friend nowadays. She’d liked him because he approached others with caution. He didn’t demand Ino to share, and it was clear he didn’t want to share either. The only thing Sasuke shared was his notes in history class...he was cool like that. But Sasuke didn’t need someone to rely. He needed, needs, mutual trust. If she’d befriended him she would’ve just been another person that held him back. Sasuke had found his person in Naruto. Naruto who shares, Naruto, who Ino tries to understand but can’t.

Naruto trusts easily. He trusts people even if they’ve given him a handful of really good reasons not to. Yet despite this intrinsic trust that should make Naruto an open book, Ino knows nothing about Naruto. Sure, she knows his personality, his look, how he’d do anything for his comrades, but that’s different than knowing the foundation of a person. She doesn’t know his deceased parent’s names, where he came from, who adopted him... she doesn’t know the story behind how he just appeared out of nowhere at six years old, hated _by all_. When she was small her dad never spoke ill of Naruto but Ino knows that he thought it. Her mother had wanted her to have the opportunity to develop opinions of her own and so had silenced her father from voicing his thoughts. Now that Ino is older and more mature with opinions of her own, her father openly rages about Konoha’s Jinchuriki. Ino knows that since her father hates Naruto she should too. But on the inside, Ino is hesitant to hate. She’s hesitant to form an opinion without all of the facts. She may have known Naruto for years but he still feels like a stranger. He’s still completely unpredictable. Until Ino knows more about him she refuses to make assumptions based on heresy and judgment. But now that Sakura is dating him and he saved her, all evidence and facts point to Ino liking him. She loves her dad, but no one is right all the time. She thinks that her father is wrong about Naruto. It really puts her on edge to question so much about her life.

Shikamaru and Choji haven’t been helpful. Ino rages at them, because they’re supposed to be her team and they are clearly hiding something from her. She’s not surprised, Ino is never surprised, but she’s disappointed and angry. Ino loves her team. Shikamaru and Choji have been with her since forever. She knows the two of them inside and out, and all of them provide something wonderful to their team. Shikamaru is protective and analytical, Choji is caring and mischievous, and Ino loops their arms together as the glue of the trio. Choji and Shikamaru rarely fight, but when they do argue, it’s vicious. If she wasn’t around Ino firmly believes they would have long since stopped talking. And maybe that makes Ino clingy, forcing people together like she always has. The entire reason she made good friends with Shikamaru and Choji is because of their fighting. Little-her had intervened and demanded the two of them apologize, before dragging them off and paying for barbeque. Ino always pushes for people to stay.

With all their history I Ino is offended that Shikamaru and Choji thought they could hide something from her. Their insistence to shield her from the truth is aggravating beyond measure. She knew the basics. Something had happened that ended with Ino getting the wrong answers on her test. Sakura was probably trying to sabotage her. Ino had seen her rewrite the test. Shikamaru had fixed it with his shadow technique, and Choji had done _something_ , the only problem was she had no clue why they were so upset. They’d passed, hadn’t they? But the look on Shikamaru’s face told Ino that is was another one of those times where it was necessary to hold her tongue. If she asked Shikamaru he’d probably get upset with her. So Ino stilled her tongue but kept an open ear.

In the forest, she, Shikamaru, and Choji had passed with ease. They found a weak team to snag a scroll from and headed for the central tower, but Ino was not happy. Her entire team was a victim of silence. None of them had addressed the issues at all! The only good thing that had come of the exams thus far was the chance to save that poor girl in the forest from a strange bear. The girl thanked Team Ten profusely, and Ino is glad to have saved someone so kind. Team Ten had such an easy time of the test Ino had been fully expecting to walk in to Sakura’s taunting voice asking Ino why it took her so long to get here. Ino is usually right. She knows when and how things will happen. But Ino hadn’t expected the somber silence of the tower. She knew right then and there that something was very wrong, and her stomach had turned violently. She’d tried to reassure herself that it was fine, that she was overreacting, but deep down Ino knew the truth of the matter. Still, Ino had ignored the ominous feeling in her gut and participated in solving the poem. It hadn’t taken their three intellectual brains long to come up with the solution to the poem, or riddle as Shikamaru was so eager to insist. _Whatever, poem, riddle, it’s the same thing!_ Ino had thought indignantly. But all traces of childish petulance vanished from her when Asuma-sensei appeared before them, face grave. Ino had let the silence reign as Asuma-sensei stumbled over a congratulatory speech before disappearing with the uncharacteristic use of the transportation jutsu. Asuma-sensei always has something to say, and Asuma-sensei never wastes chakra. Ino was instantly alerted to her sensei’s suspicious behavior. Yet she had said nothing, bound by the century old teachings of how curiosity killed the cat.

As Team Ten was walking away towards the apartment center Asuma directed them to, Ino had heard a clutter. Turning around she’d spotted pink hair and instantly had a taunt of triumph on her lips. Upon realizing what the scene before her meant, Ino jaw had snapped close. She’d rushed forward and ignored the cries from her teammates. She’d made quick business of telling Team Seven and Eight the answer to the _riddle._

When Naruto had passed Sakura into her arms, she’d cried silently, but gave no one an explanation for her tears. Her emotions were hers, and she didn’t need to justify them to anyone. She’d kissed the forehead girl on her admittedly normally sized forehead and prayed that the action would cause Sakura’s eyes to snap open. Once Sakura’s green eyes focused they would narrow, shrieking at Ino for teasing her about something she was sensitive over. But Sakura hadn’t awakened.

She’d squeezed Sakura tightly in her arms, but relented when her intimidating sensei had grabbed her away. It is only now, thinking back on it, that Ino remembers why the guy had looked familiar. Team Seven’s sensei is Kakashi Hatake. The Kakashi Hatake, supposed comrade killer, longest-serving Anbu Black Op to date; you get the picture. He’s infamous for just about everything, but the history books tend to neglect him. She only knows all of this due to her father specifically warning her about him. She plans on sharing her knowledge with Sakura, just in case Sakura has gotten buddy-buddy with Kakashi Hatake of all people. Ino’s not one to judge people by heresy, but in terms of her father’s opinion and her friend being in potential danger Ino chooses to tread carefully. She is mistrustful by nature, so it’s not as if the man is getting bad treatment from her, she’s just adding an extra layer of precaution. Sakura tends to jump the gun sometimes, Ino knows from experience. It also makes her revaluate Sakura’s choice in boyfriend. A ninja is better off paranoid than dead. Not that Ino expects Sakura of all people to actually listen to her warnings.

Sakura is like Shikamaru in that sense. They both cling very firmly to ideals and goals. Once their mind is set on something trying to sway them is like trying to move a building with your bear hands. The building doesn’t even laugh or respond to you. It just stays. Whatever went down between her two friends is probably going to escalate very quickly and crash and burn even faster.

Ino rubs her forehead. She’s not sure she wants to deal with Shikamaru and Choji right now, but her feet carry her to their apartment room nonetheless. She winces at the reminder of how long her day has been, and just really, really wants to take a bath. And a nap...or wait, Ino knows what sounds even more relaxing. She needs to take a nap in the bath. She hasn’t stopped moving since the start of the Forest of Death. Ino had immediately gone to the hospital to check on Sakura, but she’d discovered that her friend was unconscious. She’d gathered the courage to have a nurse lead her back and found out from her sensei that Sakura was sleeping due to her injuries. Ino was skeptical of her injuries, however, because he hadn’t let her actually see her friend. He’d spoken to her with the door to Sakura’s hospital room firmly shut. Ino had done her best to talk to Kakashi Hatake like she didn’t know every crime he’d been accused of committing, and aside from the awkward silences during their brief conversation, she’d been successful. She’d gleaned quite a bit from him before the door cracked open and Anko dragged Kakashi Hatake back into the room, scolding Ino for bothering them. Ino knows Anko quite well, seeing as the woman works for her father. It had been a pleasant surprise to enter the exams and know both of the proctors personally. Ibiki Umino and Anko Miterashi were names that come up in conversation at her house frequently. Ino had known that it couldn’t be a good omen that the Chunin Exams proctor was in Sakura’s hospital room, and it had to be really bad if both she and Sakura’s sensei were obviously injured and exhausted. She had no idea what Sakura had gotten herself into, but she was going to find out. Ino had stubbornly decided to wait outside the door until the very second Sakura was allowed visitors. She’s slid down the door with her arms crossed and waited.

Then Ino had spotted Neji Hyuga striding down the halls with a firm scowl. Ino remembers feeling startled for only a moment before uncrossing her arms and asking in a voice brimming with concern, “Huh? Hyuga, what’s wrong?” He hadn’t answered her, determined to get somewhere. Ino had elected to follow him, much to Neji’s aggravation. She didn’t know Neji beyond repruation but Neji knew Sasuke and perhaps Sasuke knew what had happened to Sakura. When she voiced this, tripping over her own feet in order to keep with his long strides, Neji’s scowl had finally smoothed out, and he’d looked at her with an expression of understanding. It wasn’t empathy, but it was close and Ino would take it over his previous hostility any day. With his footsteps slowing down to accommodate her, Neji had explained his own issue like a formal report. According to Neji upon learning that his cousin Hinata had passed he’d immediately checked in with her. Hinata had told him a very worrisome story about finding Sasuke alone in the forest with an unconscious team. She’d toldl him that Sasuke was badly injured and Naruto had taken him to the hospital. Neji had instantly grown worried, cutting his reunion with his cousin short. He’d rushed to the hospital, but when Neji had tried to ask a medic for Sasuke’s room, the medic said that Sasuke had already been dismissed from treatment. Neji then told Ino that he was on his way to find Team Seven’s apartment room, where hopefully Sasuke would be. Ignoring Neji’s blatant ignoring of her, Ino had volunteered her assistance; if it wasn’t a no then it was a yes in Ino’s book. She’d followed him to Team Seven’s apartment room, Neji having used his Byakugan to find Naruto, and he’d knocked sharply on the door.

The rest was history.

Ino stopped her footsteps, reminiscing on Sasuke’s strange behavior and Naruto’s heroism. Naruto had saved all of them, had lead their ragtag team to finding Sasuke. It’d taken nearly a half-hour, but eventually they watched the seal glow briefly, sneaking out of the room and escaping in rush. Neji had recalled which section he and Naruto had seen the other portrait in. Sasuke had looked around in confusion, lips curling, but not a question on his lips. Sasuke’s eyes had hardened and then he’d demanded, “We shouldn’t go there immediately. Someone’s going to notice that we’re all gone, and if Naruto’s gotten caught, they’ll trace it back to us.” So with rolling stomachs they’d forced their feet not in the direction of Ino’s potential friend, but away from him. That’s when Ino had the idea to check the hospital for Sakura, because if they were trying to act natural, then Ino and Sasuke would definitely be visiting her. Sasuke had nodded, Neji refusing to leave his injured friend and deciding to tag along. All of them kept deathly silent about Naruto during their walk to the hospital, too terrified of eavesdroppers. Sakura’s hospital room was finally allowed visitors, and when they’d walked in, Anko Miterashi and Kakashi Hatake were nowhere to be seen. Ino hadn’t had the time then to be indignant that Sakura was all alone, but now, walking by herself, she lets her lips curl. _Sakura was wide awake and left by herself_. When Sakura had first seen them she’d been openly relieved, wearing that expression she always gets when she’s so happy she plans to tease everyone and everything mercilessly. Then after her gaze lingered for a moment her face had fallen, and that mischievous twinkle disappeared from her eyes. “Where’s Naruto?” she’d wondered, voice shaking as she took in their disheveled appearance. The three of them had glanced at each other and swallowed. Ino couldn’t imagine how it must’ve felt for the first thing Sakura to have heard upon waking up in a hospital bed was that her teammate was _gone_.

They’d snuck Sakura out of the room and down to the other portrait without thinking twice. It was truly unthinkable to leave her behind. Besides, Sakura is scary when she doesn’t get her way. Ino’s just glad all of them are unharmed. Naruto and Sakura’s reunion was beautiful, and she’d figured that Sakura is probably supposed to be in the hospital resting, but they’ve all broken so many rules today Sakura’s early sign-out is the least of their worries. Ino suddenly realizes that she hasn’t been walking for quite some time now, staring off into the distance. Unshed tears glisten in her eyes and a lump forms in her throat. Sakura and Naruto are pretty great together.

She’s happy for them. She’s really happy for them. Her footsteps restart as she forces down any resentment for her old friend. Sakura is safe, and that’s what matters. She doesn’t need the old days back. She won’t be selfish when Sakura clearly never cared about her as much as she’d be lead to believe. Ino knows that all of this time it has been her forcing their friendship together. Clingy and sticky like the glue she’s always been. That’s how Sakura makes her feel...clingy, like she’s an annoyance. Were all of those missed times and canceled plans Sakura trying to shake her off? Did Sakura ever care? Ino did, does. She supposes that’s fine. She cares for Sakura, and now Sakura is happy without her. Sakura is happy, isn’t that good?

Then why are the tears still coming? Ino wipes her eyes and swallows. She wraps her hand around her mouth and lets out a small, choked sob, debating on whether or not she wants to cry. She’s not sure if she feels like rolling in self-pity. But then again...the tears bursting from her eyes are pretty insistent. The hall is barren now, so it’s not like anyone will see her tears. Ino is seriously contemplating curling up by the wall and finally letting herself cry, when she hears rushing footsteps. She stiffens and wipes at her eyes furiously.

“Ino!” Sakura’s voice is deafening in the previous silence of the hall.

Ino doesn’t deny the relief that floods her. Her knees nearly buckle as she spins around. Sakura is rushing towards her speedily, sweaty and still wearing that dreadful hospital gown. Her pink hair whips around, obscuring Sakura’s facial expression.

Ino knows that her eyes must be red, and she doesn’t want Sakura to know she’s been crying. Sakura will feel bad or maybe an even worse outcome will be that Sakura doesn’t feel guilty. Maybe Sakura will reveal how annoying she thinks Ino really is.

Sakura stops, staring down at her feet. Sakura’s hair is longer than at the academy, Ino has noticed; long enough to tie into a hairband. Sakura has let it grow out. It suits her.

“Ino...” Sakura pants. She comes to a stop in front of Ino and wipes her hands off on her hospital gown. She looks down at herself in embarrassment, shrugging at Ino helplessly.

Ino shrugs back letting out a laugh she prays isn’t obviously croaky. Her fingers twitch to rub her eyes, but she stills them. Sakura’s face morphs into something saddened, her lips pursing. They both stand there, and Ino is about to make small talk to avoid any strangeness between them. She doesn’t want Sakura to feel like they can’t talk. Sakura always responds when Ino taunts her. That’s what Ino will do. She’ll taunt her and everything between them will be normal. Just as Ino’s opening her mouth, Sakura interjects.

“I’m so sorry!” Sakura cries out, rushing forward until she’s inches from her. Ino pauses, mouth forming a startled _oh_. Sakura reaches out to Ino and clutches their hands together. “I’ve been horrible...I...” Sakura’s voice shakes.

Ino moves on autopilot. She pulls Sakura in, gripping her sturdy shoulders and pressing her against Ino’s own lankier body. She swipes a hand down Sakura’s hair and winces. “What’s been going on with you, Sakura?” she asks quietly, soothing her. She breathes in Sakura’s flowery shampoo, squeezing her tightly. 

Sakura chokes on a sob. “I-I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Her voice stutters and she sniffles, trying to pull away. Ino lets her go with reluctance. Ino had been hoping for a longer crying session than a quick hug. Sakura’s eyes meet hers, green and vibrant as ever. Ino sighs. Sakura fiddles with the stiches on her mouth. Ino continues to stare at Sakura expectantly until Sakura saves, shoulders slumping yet eyes turning into steel. “You can’t tell _anyone_.” She demands. “Well...you can tell Kakashi-sensei, he already knows.”

Ino nods, head spinning at her friend’s behavior. It’s nice to talk to Sakura openly, like they haven’t been ignoring each other for months. Even though Ino’s not quite sure what Sakura is talking about, she agrees anyway. “Of course I won’t tell anyone Sakura.” She enforces. “I’d never.”

Even _Sakura_ demands her silence.

“Okay, but for real, you’re won’t tell anyone?” Sakura asks, confidence replaced by nerves.

Ino laughs, nodding. “Never.” She swears. Ino’s good at keeping secrets. One more will hardly be a problem. Secrets can be tricky to keep, but Ino has lots of practice.

Sakura glances around. “Not here.” She explains. Ino understands the wish for privacy better than anyone.

She grabs Sakura and changes the subject, dragging her towards Team Ten’s apartment. She has the perfect excuses formulating in her mind to get the boys out of that room. In the meantime, Ino runs her mouth to fill the hated silence in the air. “We need to get you out of that hospital gown.” She declares.

Sakura shrugs. “Yeah, true. I’ve been getting a lot of stares.” Ino shakes her head, the exasperation she feels obviously exaggerated.

“Well, I have an adorable outfit for you to try on!! We’ll be _twinsies_!” She cheers, and Sakura looks her up in down in horror. 

“Ino I am not wearing something that revealing...” With eyes wide Sakura hisses. Ino always forgets that Sakura was raised in a conservative home. Sakura is very good at concealing the part of her she inherited from her parents.

Ino laughs. “Not this silly.” She motions to her body, “This is my outfit. I bought something else just for this occasion.”

Sakura gives her a bewildered stare. “You brought it?” her lips quirk in amusement.

Ino feels her chest warm at the approving look of her friend. She cackles. “I am always prepared.” Ino gloats.

Sakura _groans_. “More like paranoid!”

As they walk hand in hand, Ino perceptively picks up on Sakura’s exhaustion. She slows down, letting the trek seem as normal as she can. It’s not difficult to ramble. Sakura’s a listener anyway. Sakura might pretend to have a lot to talk about but once she exhausts her usual topics she flounders. Sakura’s good at small talk but she’s less adept at _conversations_. It’s something that she’d instantly noticed about Sakura and Naruto. When they talked it was easy. He made it easy for her to have something to say.

Ino grips Sakura’s hand a bit tighter. She’s always considered Sakura to be younger than her. Even if Sakura is better at her at a lot of things, Ino feels more responsible and mature. Ino takes care of people. She’s taken care of Sakura her entire life. Ino’s even developed a cute nickname in her native tongue for Sakura, Sœur cadette which translates into younger sister. Its Ino’s way of expressing affection to her; but Ino has never told her what it meant. Eventually Sakura got so used to hearing it she’d stopped asking, which was relieving because the meaning kind of embarrasses Ino.

Ino hesitates before deciding to use the term of endearment. She hopes it will comfort Sakura and reassure her friend that what happened between them doesn’t define their lifetime of friendship. “Well my soeur cadette, welcome to Team Ten’s merde à la maison!...that means shitty home, by the way.” Ino motions to Team Ten’s apartment door, which the two of them have finally arrived upon. Sakura startles a happy laugh, enjoying her use of rotten language. Sakura tends to think breaking the rules is cool, though, which would also explain why she enjoys when Ino lets the more...crude side of her shine through. Sakura has always thought it funny when Ino curses. Ino doesn’t quite understand it, because Ino obviously isn’t prissy, but she gets the feeling Sakura believes that she is. But Ino is far from bothered by her friend’s skewed perception of her. Ino’s aware that she is difficult to understand.

Despite it making Sakura happy, Ino doesn’t curse often. Ino believes looking good in the public eye is more important than being ‘ _cool_.’ Coolness, after all, is nothing but a meaningless social construct.

Before Ino can knock on the door, it slams open in her face. She sighs as an angry Choji hisses at her, and Shikamaru actually gets up out of bed to greet her. She pushes Sakura behind her, having expected her teammates to stir trouble. Ino feigns an awkward laugh, having already prepared herself for the level of rage her teammates would express because of her absence. “Ino!” Shikamaru begins, but clamps up when he sees Sakura. “What is she doing here?” he says, dumbfounded.

Ino puts a hand on her hip, eyes rolling. “Boys...” She begins, clapping her hands commandingly. “Out! Out! I am getting Sakura and I dressed up for announcements tonight! So make like gentlemen and shoo.” Ino gives the two of them threatening stares despite her cheery disposition. It’s a trick she’s learned from Anko that comes in handy often, especially when wrangling with hypocritical, troublemaker teammates. Choji sighs, trudging back into the room to grab his bag.

“C’mon Shikamaru, I wanted to check out the cafeteria options anyway.” He pauses, looking behind him. “Shikamaru?” Choji prompts.

Sakura and Shikamaru are locked in what appears to be a staring contest, eyes blazing. Sakura is the first to relent, her eyes falling quietly to her shoes. Shikamaru huffs shoving his hands in his pockets and turning to Choji slowly, “Right...” he grouches. Before the two of them walk off, Shikamaru gives Ino an indescribable look. “Have fun, you two.” He says begrudgingly.

Ino impatiently watches the door close. She feels bad for leaving her teammates hanging, but Sakura is distressed and her teammates can handle a little confusion. They left her in the dark the entire Forest of Death, so she’ll call it square. Ino smiles cheerfully at Sakura, cracking her knuckles and popping her neck. “Okay check that off the list...” she mumbles to herself. She heads for her bag that holds the matching outfits she’d brought just in case Sakura wanted to hang out. She’s so excited to spend time with her friend that she’s almost completely forgotten about why she’d kicked the boys out in the first place. Now remembering Sakura making her promise confidentiality, Ino sobers up. She continues rummaging through her bag in an attempt to look casual, before turning to Sakura with imploring eyes. She clears her throat. “Okay so do you want to have some fun...or talk?” she questions, passing the reigns to Sakura. Sakura takes control graciously, bobbing her head.

“Let’s talk first, okay?” Sakura asks.

Ino smiles encouragingly. “Got it,” she sits herself down on one of the bunks, habitually dusting off her skirt. She folds her hands in her lap and waits, anticipating Sakura’s words but trying not to show it. She’s trying to make Sakura feel better, not interrogate her. The goal isn’t to know everything. Even though Ino really, really wants to know everything. She reminds herself harshly that this is about Sakura.

“So...uh, you really won’t tell anyone, right?” Sakura looks at her through the corner of her eyes skeptically.

Ino dismisses her with a wave of her hand. “Of course not, Sakura,” she grins. “You can trust me.”

 _I just can’t trust you,_ she thinks tiredly.

“Okay, well. I guess I should start here.” Sakura shifts and clears her throat, moving to sit on the bed opposite of her. “I’m adopted.” She clears her throat. “But not in the traditional way.”

And so the story begins. Ino can tell that some parts of her story were rehearsed, gone over so many times in Sakura’s mind she can’t even register how impactful her words are. Ino learns of how Sakura is an ex-experiment, how her parent’s found her wandering alone in the woods. Sakura stops short on her story, however, when she gets to the part about her parent’s taking her to a psychiatrist. Ino knows that Sakura spent a period of time in therapy, she just hadn’t known it was for anything more serious than social anxiety. Apparently Sakura had been having full blown panic attacks. Ino winces, wondering how her friend managed to keep all of this from her. Just as she’s about to ask why Sakura would ever keep this from her, Sakura shudders violently, stopping her story short too look her directly in the eyes. “I...I know I haven’t been a very good friend, Ino.” She mutters. “Trust me, I know that.” Sakura sweeps her hair out of her face, bangs having long since grown into layers of hair. Her mouth hangs open and she whimpers a little, before forcing herself to speak. “Do you remember when the flower shop caught fire?”

Ino leans forward, eyes skeptical. “Yes...?” She breathes. She debates for a moment whether or not to tell Sakura she already knows. Eventually Ino decides that she will let Sakura have her confession. Sakura is trying to speak from the heart, and Ino doesn’t want to lessen the power Sakura believes her words carry.

“It wasn’t a rogue.” Sakura mumbles, choking on her tears. “It was _me_.” She points to herself and swallows thickly, her hand violently shaking.

Ino is beside Sakura in an instant, wrapping her arms around her. “Oh, soeur cadette, it’s okay.” If Ino didn’t know the situation intimately she might have been confused by Sakura’s confession. She’s known about all of this for quite some time, and it’s haunted her. Ino is good at forcing things out of her mind though, and has been doing so about this particular issue for a while. It’s nice to unearth the pain she shoved down into her chest. Freeing this secret from her mind gives her some breathing space. Ino is proud of Sakura for finally telling her, and now that she has, Ino can let go of her memory of the flames. “Thank you for being truthful.” Ino murmurs, rubbing Sakura’s back, hospital gown and all.

Sakura chokes on another sob. “And-and-” Sakura sucks air, gasping through her tears. “And you know I’m really sorry.” She sniffs in deeply. “I’m really sorry and, and I’m sorry I’m crying all over you. I’m such a ba-baby...” She whines out the word baby, stuttering and struggling with coherency. “You probably think I’m a baby...” she mumbles. Ino is quick to reassure her tearful friend, letting Sakura rest her head underneath Ino’s chin. Sakura buries herself into her chest.

“Let it out soeur cadette, it’s alright to cry. Crying is good, natural.” She reassures, just wanting Sakura to trust her with this, to feel better.

Sakura nods rapidly, but still pulls away. Her tears have lessened and she wipes at her eyes, trying to control her breathing. Ino’s never seen Sakura cry like this, but it doesn’t surprise her. She’s been waiting for this breakdown for months, preparing her own mental state to be prepared to handle her friend’s issues. “I um...I understand if you don’t want to talk to me anymore.” Sakura whispers hoarsely.

Ino grabs her hand. “No, no Sakura I still want to be your friend.” She responds, voice raw with sincerity.

Sakura shakes her head despondently. “You won’t. You won’t after I tell you what else.”

Ino blinks, having not expected Sakura to have more. Her grip on Sakura’s hand slips. “Else?” She prompts, her voice rising. Ino feels herself go stiff at the prospect of something new, something worse than the flower-shop fire.

Sakura looks directly into her eyes, face devastated. “When um...when we were having that dinner party with your parents and your dad dragged you away...I was left with your mom and she was doing dishes so...I told her I was going to your room? But I didn’t. I went to the basement and I...” her lips quiver. “It’s why Shikamaru and I are fighting! I stole your jutsu, Ino. I stole it.” Sakura runs her hands through her hair and gasps. “Oh my God, what have I done?”

Ino watches Sakura with poorly concealed surprise. She’d known her friend was sneaky, but she’s disappointed she hadn’t seen this coming. She should’ve. It’s her job to know things. She’s not surprised that Sakura stole her jutsu, it seems like something her friend would do, but she is shocked to the core that she hadn’t noticed Sakura using it during the written test. “Oh.” Ino mumbles, mind wrapping around the new piece of information. She’ll digest it later, but right now, she needs to let Sakura know its _okay_. Even though Ino isn’t quite sure she _is_ okay with it. “Right, well...does anyone else know?” Ino wonders, thinking about Shikamaru. She’ll make sure he keeps his mouth shut, but she can’t guarantee the silence of anyone else Sakura’s told.

Sakura moves her jaw slowly before swallowing. She tries to speak but ends up having to clear he throat first. “Just Sasuke, Naruto...Shikamaru, now...and you...” Sakura informs her. Ino bites her nails.

“And your sensei? He doesn’t know, right?” She ensures.

Sakura blinks. “No...but why does that matter?” she wonders, confusion evident as she rubs her puffy eyes.

Ino ignores her questions. “Sasuke and Naruto...they won’t tell?” Ino purses her lips.

“No why would they say anything?” Sakura blinks. “...and what about Kakashi-sensei?”

Ino watches Sakura sniff and decides she has only one personal question. She’s been sitting on it for a while. She also needs to divert Sakura from asking her questions, because Ino isn’t sure she trusts Sakura with the answers. “Why? Why did you...I mean, if you feel bad about all of it...why do it in the first place?” Ino asks the question that’s been burning her tongue for years, anticipating Sakura’s answer. 

“I um...” Sakura grabs her neck, pausing. “Okay, Ino, but for real...I’m not supposed to tell _anyone_ this.”

Ino nods eagerly, forgetting for a moment her mantra of this being about Sakura’s wellbeing. She just really, really wants to understand her friend.

When Sakura is finished with her story, all of her tears have been shed. Ino sits back and breathes. Sakura’s story was more serious than emotional, grave over distressing. According to Sakura Ino is the first to know any of this. She hasn’t even told her sensei more than the part about Orochimaru biting her. Now Ino knows more about her friend than even her parent’s do. It makes her smile that she’s finally earned Sakura’s full trust. Ino ponders over Sakura’s newly acquired memories of a life before the Haruno’s. She can’t believe that the mystery of Sakura has finally been solved. The new secret weighs heavily on her chest. The thought that Sakura had been battling some sort of multiple-personality disorder that repressed her memories is truly disturbing. It makes Ino sick to her stomach. And Sakura’s painfully detailed description of her battle against Orochimaru...Ino rolls her shoulders. What Sakura’s put on her is a lot to bear, but Ino can handle it. The real issue will be not letting on to her family that she knows top-secret information. It’s illegal to keep the fact Sakura is an experiment secret, and if her father finds out he’ll be forced to interrogate her. Like Ino, her father tends to avoid the law. But he won’t really have a choice if his position is threatened.

Sakura sniffles, wiping her nose with her forearm. “Ino?” she prods, lips quivering.

Ino responds by enveloping her friend in a tight hug. Sakura doesn’t cry, but she relaxes into the embrace, nuzzling her shoulder. “Sakura,” Ino whispers, “I understand.” Ino doesn’t know a better way to express that she’ll always have her friend’s back.

Sakura swallows against her, sniffing loudly. Ino feels like her world has shifted, like the reality she once knew to be true is gone, vanished into thin air. But Ino’s not complaining, because now her reality isn’t based on lies, but built on the truth. 

Anyone who knows Sakura knows that Sakura likes being in control. Arguably, Sakura has a need to be in control. Ino understands her friend’s need for control s a lot more now that she knows about Sakura’s repressed childhood memories. She wonders if her father has perhaps been informed of all Sakura’s curse seal. If he does know, it’ll make it all the more difficult to pretend that Sakura hasn’t confessed all of this to her. There’s not a doubt that Sakura’s curse seal will come up in conversation at some point, and she can’t just avoid her own dad forever. Not that Ino would normally be against telling her parents things, but in this case her silence is necessary. It’s in everyone’s best interest.

With Ino, Sakura’s secrets are secure. Ino knows it will be a tough task indeed to hide everything from everyone. She’s willing to endure the struggle if it’s for Sakura. Ino bites her lip, shoving all of Sakura’s secrets into a tight box in the back of her mind. She must go on like she has no idea what’s going on with Sakura. Ino wipes Sakura’s tears with her fingers, plastering a practiced smile onto her lips. “Now, let’s get you cleaned up and ready for the announcements! You might’ve missed it, but Lord Third said that he wants to give a big speech for all the aspiring Genin! You know, inspiration and all that jazz! Ha, I’m just excited to show off our toned bodies! C’mon!” Ino is excellent in the technique of adding cheer to a situation. When her parents were groggy and exhausted, young Ino took up the hobby of willing away their pain. Now she has a penchant for making people forget all about their worries. The first step is always to smile and act like she’s having lots and lots of fun. There is not a more endorphin producing act in the world than altruism. It’s a scientifically proven fact. If Ino makes other people think that they’re doing her a favor, it’s easier to make them happy! The best part is it works both ways, because Ino knows that she’s secretly helping the other person.

She doesn’t give Sakura a chance to overthink, grabbing her friend by the wrist and dragging her up. She reaches into her bag, humming to herself as she lays out her new clothes. Sakura blushes, protesting.

“Ino I’m not like you I don’t look good dressing up! You’re so pretty but you know...I’m a tomboy.” Sakura tries reasoning. Ino _guffaws._

“Who called my best friend a tomboy? I’ll rip them to pieces, no, no, _you’ll blind_ them with how fabulous you’re going to look in this outfit!!” Ino screeches. Rummaging around her various clothes and hair products, she shakes her head in exaggerated outrage. “Honestly, tomboy is a term coined only by the small minded. Girls can be feminine and into so called ‘boy stuff.’” Ino rants to herself, pulling out her hair from its confines. She breathes a silent sigh of relief. Her head feels so much better now.

Sakura shuffles awkwardly. “Why do you do this...” she complains as Ino observes her through a pretend camera lens made of Ino’s fingers.

Ino cackles, before rolling her eyes deliberately. “Because you’re my dress-up doll, duh...” she jokes.

Sakura rolls her eyes. “Oh, so I mean nothing to you outside of my fashionable worth?”

Ino dumps a bag of makeup on the bed and winks at her. “Precisely.” She agrees. Her plan is working, and Sakura is becoming comfortable around her.

Ino dances around to invisible music as she sets up she and Sakura’s new clothes. “Get out of that _thing_ , Sakura.” Ino commands, referring to the hospital gown Sakura is still sporting. Sakura grumbles and crosses her arms. Ino huffs and walks over to remove the gown herself. She wrestles with her friend for a moment, before successfully wrenching the gown off of her shoulders. Now in just her bra and underwear Sakura flushes and crosses her arms around herself. Ino grins mischievously at the modesty of her friend. “Now you have no choice but to wear my outfit!”

Sakura deadpans, “I would rather walk back to my room like this.” she claims, shielding her body from Ino’s view.

Ino rolls her eyes and ignores her friend’s inability to appreciate fashion. She passes Sakura a half greyish blue, half white three quarter top, the split of colors horizontal. Ino also passes her a tan sports bra. Sakura quickly strips and dresses into the shirt, her toned stomach on perfect display. Ino wishes she had a camera beyond her perfect memory. Sakura looks stunning. When Ino tells her so, she crosses her arms and huffs out, “Whatever...” but Sakura is blushing brightly.

Ino waves her hand dismissively, “Il n’y a pas de fumée sans feu.” She tells her. Sakura’s brow furrows.

“What does that mean?” she asks suspiciously.

Ino gets out their matching shoes from her bag and says, “It means, ‘where there is smoke, there is fire.’” Ino explains. “It means...two things equaling each other. For example, you are blushing from head to toe because of my compliment, meaning that you obviously appreciated me calling you stunning...” Ino smiles haughtily.

Instead of responding to her jibe, Sakura hums thoughtfully. “I like it...where there is smoke, there is fire. It’s poetic.”

Ino laughs, “Oui, the Yamanaka tongue is very romantic.” She grins.

Ino then passes Sakura a pleated maroon and white skirt and white undershorts. Sakura dresses in them, and while she does so, Ino peers at her friend’s ears. Ino mentally cheers upon discovering that her friend’s ears are still pierced and the holes hadn’t grown closed over her and Sakura’s time apart. While Ino is grabbing their matching maroon gemstone earrings, she realizes something that startles her. “Sakura, you’ve started wearing your forehead protector on your forehead!” she exclaims. Sakura straightens, shrugging shyly.

“Yeah, I mean, Sasuke and Naruto wear it like this, so...” Sakura rolls her eyes upward to observe her headband. Ino looks her up and down for a moment before nodding to herself.

Ino takes her headband off her hips and ties it onto her forehead. “I like it. Its poetic.” she declares, using Sakura’s words from earlier. Sakura is so happy with her compliment that she doesn’t even bother to ask how wearing a headband can be poetic. Her beaming smile is well worth the downgrade in Ino’s personal creativity and fashion. Having a headband on her forehead is so cliché, but Sakura enjoys it, and she’s wearing what Ino wants, so Ino must compromise. After a beat of silence where Sakura smiles shyly at her, Sakura’s grin turns shark-like. “But you know, Ino, I don’t think poetic is the right context for wearing a headband.”

Ino responds by chucking her maroon ninja sandals at Sakura. To Ino’s surprise Sakura gives an approving nod to her choice in clothing, not even commenting on the slight heel. “Red was definitely better a choice than white for the shoes. This way if we bleed on them they’ll still be pretty.” Sakura grins.

Ino scoffs, having so much to say to Sakura’s logic, but settling for, “Sakura, our outfits are maroon.” She corrects.

Sakura stands up and groans, throwing her hands into the air. “Whatever crazy pants...maroon, red, they’re practically the same thing!”

Ino jumps up at that, pointing to herself wildly. “Ugh, that exactly what I said to Shikamaru!”

Sakura blinks. “That maroon is the same as red?”

Ino groans. “No, no! That a poem is the same thing as a riddle.” She expresses.

Sakura shakes her sadly. “It’s really _not._ ”

Ino spins on her heel at that, huffing and puffing. Shikamaru and Sakura really are scarily similar. Nobody would ever guess it either, what with Shikamaru being a lazy clansmen and Sakura being an overworked civilian-born. Ino changes into her own set of the clothes she gave Sakura, slipping on the maroon and white pleated skirt, maroon and white three quarter top, and adorable, _maroon_ sandals. Sakura pauses, lips pursed, “When is this speech anyway?” she wonders. At first Ino is surprised, because it’s not like Sakura to not remember a date and time. But then she remembers that Team Seven’s sensei hadn’t really had the time to for a congratulatory speech like Asuma-sensei had. Sakura probably had no idea the speech was even happening until Ino mentioned it a few hours ago. Ino winces at the time that has elapsed, knowing that Shikamaru is probably still listening as Choji drones on and on about stuff at the food court. Sometimes Choji’s unique knowledge is interesting, but once he talks about it for hours, it tends to get...boring, it tends to get boring.

Ino bites her lip, looking around until she finds an alarm clock on the side table between their bunk beds. “Well its six right now, and we need to be there at seven thirty! So, plenty of time to finish our makeup and gather our boys!” Ino claps, happily realizing how perfect everything worked out. Sakura hums.

They spend the next half-hour on hair and makeup, and just as Ino finishes pinning up Sakura’s hair, there is a knock on the door. “Ino!” Shikamaru calls. “Are you girls done yet?” he wonders, a hint of impatience in his tone.

Ino shouts back, “Just a minute!” she and Sakura close the makeup cases and shove everything back into her bag, sharing colorful smiles. Ino opens the door, leaning against the doorframe expectedly. Choji instantly beams. “Wow Ino, you look amazing!” he compliments.

Shikamaru turns away, nodding, “Yeah, you look good.” Ino claps excitedly, brushing off her skirt and spinning around. Sakura stands up, and Ino marvels at her.

Her hair is done up in a classic Yamanaka bouffant, Ino’s hair matching. She chose the style so their hair was out of their faces enough to fit their headbands. It’s a very intricate bun that sits at the back of their heads. The top and skirt frame her muscled body wonderfully, strong legs shown off by the slightly heeled sandals. Sakura’s lips are matte red, a very small amount of eyeliner applied to the corner of her green eyes. She looks nothing like the disheveled girl Ino had brought into this room. She looks refreshed and happy. Ino shoves Sakura’s shoulder and beams. “Okay, Sakura! Now, go impress Naruto with how beautiful you look!” she urges her friend towards the door. Sakura laughs at her, walking towards the door and passing Shikamaru and Choji as they walk inside the room. Sakura briefly meets eyes with Shikamaru, a look in her eyes Ino can’t quite see through. She stops by the door, looking to the room with a deep breath. “Thanks for everything, Ino.” She says sincerely. Then Sakura turns to Choji and Shikamaru, smile more hesitant. “See ya guys around.”

Sakura disappears out of the door, her clicking heels audible. Shikamaru watches the now closed door with utmost suspicion. Ino understands. Shikamaru is a skeptic in all walks of life, guided by facts. As of now he doesn’t know the psychological side of Sakura’s decision. He has only seen Sakura’s actions, and not the situation that lead Sakura to do what she’d done. He’s skeptical for now, and Ino likes him for it. It’s a sign he won’t be easily fooled.

Choji startles her out of thoughts, scratching his ear. “Did you have a good time? I haven’t seen you hang around with Sakura in ages!” he enthuses.

Ino shoves down the irritation she feels that Choji thinks he knows anything about her and Sakura’s relationship, understanding that Choji had been making a simple observation. He was probably just trying to start a conversation with her. She settles with shrugging and spinning the conversation around on him, asking how his time at the cafeteria was. Choji says it was good, but the food court could definitely work on better representing Konoha’s fine cuisine to other villages. Just as Ino is grabbing her bag and readying to attend Lord Third’s speech, Shikamaru’s finally voices his thoughts. “You know what she did, don’t you?” Shikamaru observes her silently. Ino meets his eyes steadily. She clicks her tongue and takes a deep breath before turning back to her bag and stuffing a few kunai inside, just in case. They might be attending a speech but Ino has come prepared. She has an efficient band hidden beneath her skirt pressing a myriad of weapons against her leg, including explosive tags.

Shikamaru continues speaking when she doesn’t respond, Choji glancing between them. “I figured it out the moment you ran to Team Seven and Eight.” He watches her closely, rolling his shoulders with a curious eyebrow raised. He’s trying to look carefree but Ino can that he’s intent to get to the bottom of this. Ino will have to talk to him later.

For now Ino bites her tongue, shrugging a shoulder and skipping towards the door. “You are beyond clueless, Shikamaru. Honestly if that’s how you talk to girls you’re going to alone forever.” She flips her hair, ignoring his suspicions entirely.

She opens the door, briefly checking to ensure that Shikamaru and Choji also have their room keys. As they walk away she can feel Shikamaru’s gaze. Eventually he bumps her shoulder and sends her a half-smirk, Ino smiling weakly back at him. The two of them are okay.

Then Team Ten head for the top floor of the tower for announcements. The Forest of Death examination closed this morning, and it makes Ino wonder how many people got through after them. Ino turns to Shikamaru, slipping back into Chunin-exam mode. “Do you know how many Genin passed?” she asks, pursing her lips. The hall they are walking down is almost entirely empty. They turn a corner and spot a directional sign that tells them a staircase in just to their right.

Shikamaru hums. “Twenty-one...luckily, Konoha rookies make up nine of those examinees. That’s a seventh of the participants.” he reports.

Team Ten begins ascending the staircase, walking side-by-side. Although she feels relief to hear that all of her friends made it through the second exams, learning about how many enemies they still have puts a stopper to any celebration. She lets out a sound of frustration, fists clenching. “Did you know that on the occasion of too many Genin passing the first two sectors of the Chunin Exams the proctors will postpone the mandatory third and final exam with a preliminary round? Well, I did, and I also happen to know the number of individual participants allowed in the final exam cannot exceed a whopping number of twelve! Ha! So interesting...” Ino fiddles with her headband, trying to repress her anger.

Shikamaru’s fist mimics hers and clenches, “Shit.” He hisses.

They start climbing a new staircase but Team Ten’s pace doesn’t falter. Choji cracks his knuckles. “We can handle preliminary rounds before the finals, got it? We’ll just have to look on the bright side.”

Ino and Shikamaru reluctantly agree. Ino grits her teeth at the thought of getting up tomorrow and preparing for an additional one-on-one round. _This is what we get for only taking out one team_ , Ino scolds herself. They should’ve stuck around and picked off some more teams before heading to the tower.

She can’t change any of that now, though. She can only march up these stairs and hope that all of her friends have recovered enough from their injuries to make it through another battle. Everyone is supposed to get a month off now for training and recuperation, but the nine extra kids that passed have ruined this plan.

Ino notices that the staircases are finally coming to an end. She can hear the mumbling of crowds, and squares her shoulders. She moves aside as Shikamaru takes the lead, her and Choji flanking him.

They exit the staircase and walk down a short hall into a large stadium. Lord Third is standing in front of a massive statue of two arms forming the tiger seal. A crowd is gathered around the slightly raised state, the twenty-one competitors left all gathered in one place. She lifts her chin and walks forward, pleated skirt swishing around her legs.

Sakura, Naruto, and Sasuke are already here, probably having rooms that were closer to the stadium. She glances around and confirms Shikamaru’s claims from before; all of Rookie Nine is present. Many other Leaf Teams are here, like that weird Kabuto guy and his teammates, as well as Neji and his team.

Ino approaches Team Seven, Shikamaru and Choji following her. She grins at Sakura as Lord Third and some other officials prepare their speech on slightly raised ground a few meters ahead of them. Naruto has his arm wrapped around Sakura, and Sasuke is standing behind them with a tired expression. “Hey guys!” Ino greets. “How do you like Sakura and I’s get up?” she spins around showily.

Sasuke chuckles, “I remember when you two matched all the time...you both look really nice.” He compliments. Ino squeals, clapping her hands.

“Thanks, Sasuke!” She says brightly.

Naruto tilts his head. “Does anyone here know why the old man’s giving a speech?” Naruto jabs his thumb towards Lord Third. Ino snorts at his disrespectful nickname for their Hokage. If Kakashi Hatake had been doing his job correctly, Team Seven would already be well-informed about this speech and its contents. Ino frowns and mentally deducts a few points Kakashi Hatake’s figurative evaluation.

Choji shrugs. “Yeah, he’s announcing the contents of the next exam.”

Sasuke’s already exhausted expression turns into a look of pure misery. “More exams...?” he mumbles to himself.

Ino giggles. Shikamaru shakes his head sympathetically. “This is such a drag...” he groans, popping his neck.

Naruto and Sakura look out onto the crowd of competitors with matching grins, not commenting.

They all jump at the sound of a microphone adjusting, attention turning towards a familiar looking Jounin readying for a speech. Ino can’t put a name to his face, but she knows that they’ve spoken before. “Attention all Genin...” the man drawls, “My name is Hayate, and I’m a proctor for this examination.” Ino nearly smacks herself; Hayate, yes, she knows him. The man used to be in the Anbu and just recently relaxed into a Jounin position

The crowd of twenty-one Genin silence themselves, heads upturned towards the speaker. “Please remain quiet as Lord Third begins his speech.” Hayate has a drawling voice, words slow and deliberat. He coughs into his fist and steps aside so Lord Third can address the crowd.

Lord Third is looking as important as ever, with draping robes and his traditional Hokage hat firmly in place. He takes a smoke from his pipe before speaking, smoke thinning into the air and out onto the crowd. Ino glances anxiously at Shikamaru and Choji, eager to get the show on the road. She wants to have a filling dinner and a good night’s rest if the prelims are really going to be held tomorrow. Maybe she’ll invite Sakura to go with her to dinner and the two of them will eat together, all dressed up. Ino hopes so. She tunes into Lord Thirds speech as he spreads his arm widely, cloak hanging off of his arms. “I’d like to congratulate all the Genin that have made it thus far. You have done well representing your village, and I applaud you for your strength.” Even though his voice is elderly, it’s also wise and powerful. Ino would rather be talking about shoes any day, but listening to Lord Third talk is nice, she supposes. She surely doesn’t agree with everything the man has done politically, but that’s just because of her upbringing. Lots of people like Lord Third...civilians, Jounin, Chunin, Anbu...he’s a great political figurehead. A wise white male born right here in Konoha, whose sensei was also Hokage. Plenty of people could do his job better, but very few people have equal reputation and status. Lord Third is eye-catching, a man people would vote for. He’s got no criminal record and not a speck of dirt on his family life. It’s funny how people choose character over competence.

She zones back into Lord Third’s speech once he’s finished with the congratulations. She’s never preferred empty praise. She knows her own worth without somebody else exaggerating her efforts. “Now please do not worry, but I have some unfortunate news to share with you before I get to the point. I know your all eager to get back to your rooms and hang out with your friends, which I greatly encourage by the way. There is nothing that warms my heart more than the strong relations our youth shares. But I ask that you be patient with me and heed my words. There has been a major security breech on the premise. We fear that a rogue ninja may be targeting young children to entice into desecrating their loyalty to their village. If you see any suspicious behavior, please make sure to report such villainy to the Criminal Investigation Department we have handy on sight. Our ninja there are very trustworthy and will listen to you with a fair ear. If you do not know where the Criminal Investigation Department is, ask for directions from one of the Jounin Sensei here today, because we do not offer maps of the building.” Lord Third chuckles, “I apologize for such an obvious inconvenience but we do have our reasons for choosing to keep the premise largely confidential. While we’re on the subject if you need assistance finding any of the other departments you have full permission to bother my Jounin. That’s what they’re here for. I assure you all of our Jounin are very approachable and friendly. Well most of them, if you see one who wears a mask you might want to steer clear he’s been very moody lately.” Lord Third pauses to chuckle and then take a smoke of his pipe. Ino hears Team Seven giggle in the silence.

Sasuke protests, “But Lord Third Kakashi-sensei’s super nice!”

Lord Third erupts into a bout of laughter, prompting many of the other Genin around the room to giggle and chuckle as well. Just like that the tense atmosphere is shattered. Sakura and Naruto laugh loudly, and Ino let’s herself smile as well. She’s still skeptical of Kakashi-sensei, her father’s warnings about him reverberating in her skull, but Team Seven seem to really like him, so she’ll give him a chance before writing him off. Ino can’t help but marvel at Lord Thirds calming tactics. He told everyone of a very serious issue and smoothed it over with a few jokes and wrinkled grin. Ino bites her lip, wondering if it’d be rude to approach her Hokage and ask for public speaking tips.

Lord Third readies himself to speak again. “Now, more importantly, let’s talk about the Chunin Exams.” He declares, “As I’m sure most of you are aware, the Chunin Exams are traditionally split into three tests. However, due to the number of passing participants this year, we shall be holding a preliminary test tomorrow morning to narrow down the Genin that will make it to the finals. Don’t think of this as failure. Think of it this way; with every passing year our societies grow stronger and we have more and more people ready to become Chunin. It demonstrates national improvement. But only half of you will have the chance to return to your villages wearing a Chunin Vest.” Murmurs of dissent spread throughout the small crowd, people frowning and some hissing about bad injuries. Ino frowns, seeing through Lord Third’s lies. She looks around the crowds, aware that most of the Genin here are from Konoha. National improvement refers to everyone, even those outside the Leaf. But...this looks more like Konoha leaving the other villages in the dust. Now that she looks around, _where are_ the other villages? Sure, Suna showed up, but she can’t recall seeing anyone from the other Five Great Shinobi Nations at all.

Ino’s frown deepens, but at least the prelims haven’t come as a surprise to her. She revels in reaping the benefits of being born her father’s daughter.

Lord Third speaks some more words of soothing before stepping aside and letting Hayate takeover once more. “I am here to accept any immediate questions about housing and Konoha protocol, but first and foremost, if anyone would like to forfeit the next sector of the Chunin Exams, please raise your hand and state your name. You’ll then be escorted off the premise.” Hayate coughs a bit into his hand, his voice harsh and wheezy. Smokers cough, Ino detects. Ino looks for any raised hands, spotting that boy named Kabuto with his arm sheepishly held high.

“My name is Kabuto Yakushi. Sorry guys but it’s just too tough for me...there’s always next time!” Kabuto apologizes scratching his head. A Chunin walks out and grabs Kabuto by his arms, directing him towards the staircase. The guy’s teammates don’t even glance his way, but Ino watches as Sasuke and Naruto both turn to him with suspicious gazes.

Ino startles when Sasuke begins inching his hand into the air. She looks to him with eyes wide, but Sakura and Naruto don’t seem to have noticed yet, too distracted and disappointed by Kabuto’s leave. Sasuke manages to hold his hand directly above his head without being noticed. She shares a confused look with Shikamaru. Sasuke’s face forms a grin and he calls, “Sasuke Uchi-”

Sakura tackles into his side, screeching loudly and messing up Ino’s perfect hair-styling efforts. Naruto shouts loudly in protest at Sasuke, his face as red as a tomato. Sakura pins Sasuke’s arm to his sides, effectively squashing any more attempts at raising his hand and forfeiting. Naruto continues to preach to Sasuke about the importance of never giving up, Sasuke unable to block him out with Sakura restraining him. The three of them together garner the attention of every Genin in the crowd. Sasuke struggles to raise his hand back into the air as Naruto and Sakura snarl. Hayate clears his throat, leaning forward to try to catch sight of the commotion. “I’m sorry, are you forfeiting or not?” he wonders, coughing. Ino can see the amusement on his face from all the way over here.

Sakura claps a hand on Sasuke’s mouth as Naruto shouts. “No way is he forfeiting! Nothing to see here folks!”

Ino giggles as Sakura finally lets Sasuke go, Sasuke slumping and glaring at them. A girl with blonde hair across from them with a headband from Sunagakure giggles and wonders, “Is that allowed?”

The boy next to her snorts and says. “Whipped...”

Ino laughs at Sasuke’s defeated expression. “This is kidnapping...” he murmurs. “Why can’t I forfeit? I got you two this far that’s good enough!” his voice is heard loud and clear over the crowd of laughing Genin as he points furiously at Sakura and Naruto.

Someone in the crowd shouts, “You tell ‘em Uchiha!”

Ino breaks and bursts into a fit of laughter, Sasuke pouting moodily at her. She wheezes out apologizes to him in-between uncontrollable laughing.

Hayate clears his throat, trying to get a group of children to refocus on the task at hand. “Well, now that that’s settled...we’ll begin the preliminary rounds at seven thirty tomorrow. Anyone who misses their match will be automatically disqualified. We close our doors at eight o’clock, so don’t be sleeping in! Until then make sure to get in a good dinner and plenty of rest. For those of you recovering from injuries the hospital doors are always open! They’ll be offering painkillers, ice, and temporary casting free of charge. Keep in mind that once you enter this room at seven-thirty you won’t be permitted to leave until you’ve participated in a match.” He coughs heavily into his hand, rubbing his throat absently. “That will be all. Note that the consent forms Ms. Miterashi previously passed out still apply. The Leaf Village will not be held responsible for any injuries you may receive, including life threatening ones...dismissed.” Hayate declares. Ino watches as Naruto and Sakura instantly burst into rapid questions directed at Sasuke, wondering why he would ever think to forfeit. Sasuke just slumps and accepts the verbal harassment.

Ino interrupts Sakura mid-scold, tugging on her sleeve. “Soeur cadette!” She calls out her nickname for Sakura, “Want to catch dinner with me? The Shika and Cho of my team have already eaten.” Ino motions to her teammates. Choji guffaws.

“What? Ino? I could go for a second dinner!” he claims, rushing up next to her. Sasuke waves happily at him.

“Hey, Choji!” he greets brightly. “I’ll go to dinner with you!” he enthuses.

Choji’s eyes bulge. “Wow, you’re the best, Sasuke!” He turns to Naruto. “Naruto, are you coming too?” Choji asks politely.

Naruto points to himself in surprise. “Me? Uh, yeah...I mean, I’ll come too!” He hops from foot to foot. “This is awesome!”

Shikamaru lets out a frustrated breath, studying Team Seven with a shake of his head. “Yeah I’ll guess I’ll come too...” he sighs. Ino can tell that he’s only feigning reluctance. He’s smirking ever so slightly.

She jumps at the call of another familiar voice. “Hey, you guys!” Kiba calls, running over. He’s followed by Hinata and Shino. Kiba stands before them and laughs, “How are you? I saw you trying to forfeit, Sasuke...man you are way too tough to back out now! I think you have a real shot at this thing!”

Sasuke flushes, looking down. “You think so?”

Hinata comes up behind Kiba and nods rapidly at Sasuke, “d-definitely, Sasuke-san!” Shino nods firmly beside her.

Kiba crosses his arms. “Looks like its rookie-nine back together once again.” he declares, “We’ll be joining you guys to dinner!”

Hinata stammers, “K-Kiba! You can’t just invite yourself!” she scolds, red-faced. “I’m so sorry-” Hinata turns to them sincerely.

Ino interrupts her needless apology. “No, no don’t worry, everyone’s welcome!” she winks at Hinata, “Even rude dog boys.”

Hinata giggles in surprise, before looking down shyly and pressing her forefingers together. “In t-that case can Neji-nee come too?”

Ino blinks. She hadn’t forgotten that Neji had visited Hinata after the exams, but she hadn’t realized how close the two actually were. Ino smiles brightly, “Of course!”

Hinata nods enthusiastically, hurrying away to find Neji amongst the group of kids. _Her skipping is adorable_ , Ino thinks. She watches Hinata tug on her cousin’s sleeve and ask him and his team to join them for dinner. Ino doesn’t look away until Neji nods and Hinata sends her cousin a blinding smile. Ino turns back to her team and hooks her arms under theirs. “Naruto’s right! This is awesome!” 

Sakura pumps her fist in the air. “You bet Ino!”

The group starts to chat amiably, everyone catching up with each other. Ino looks around at the scene before her and her shoulders relax happily. Sasuke is listening indulgently as Choji rambles to him about...Ino cranes her ear. Choji is explaining in great detail the origins of the Chunin Exams and how it has evolved over the years. Hinata is quietly introducing Neji to anyone who doesn’t know him, but Neji doesn’t have to introduce his two teammates, as both of them are extroverted and loud. One of them shouts exuberantly that their name is Lee, and the girl standing behind them pushes his shoulder with an eye roll, declaring her name to be Tenten. Ino stores their names away for later. Kiba, Naruto, and Sakura have begun challenging each other to an arm wrestling championship, all of them glaring daggers at each other. They’re throwing taunts back and forth like kindergartners throw spitballs, and Shino is watching the scene with obvious amusement, spurring them on. Most of the other Genin have filed out of the room, only a few loitering like them. The proctors have already begun cleaning up. Lord Third is already gone. Ino finally finds the last person on her list, Shikamaru, who is still standing right beside her and gazing out upon his friends like her. She sends him a soft smile. Shikamaru returns the look with a half-smirk. “So, what’s soeur cadette mean?” he teases.

Ino dusts off her pleated skirt and crosses her arms. “It means little sister.” She admits quietly.

Shikamaru huffs, “How cute.” He says sarcastically, raising both of his eye brows. Ino doesn’t take the bait.

“You pronounced it wrong, by the way.” She says instead. Shikamaru’s eye twitches. Ino gives him a look of triumph, and then turns away to direct all of her friends to actually head to the cafeteria and not just stand around and talk. They do so reluctantly, caught up in their conversations. Ino claps her hands loudly. “For ninja you sure do move like turtles! Get a move on, c’mon!” Her shouting finally gets them going. Everyone moves towards the staircase, bumping shoulders and speaking over one another. Ino gets separated from Shikamaru in the midst of it all, but she keeps an eye on him all the same. She keeps an eye on Sakura as well. When their large group has descended the third staircase or so the girl named Tenten finally asks about Ino and Sakura’s matching clothes. Everyone else here, who remembers how tight she and Sakura were back at the academy, had hardly even noticed their matching getup.

“Oh,” Ino laughs, “Sakura needed a nice change of clothes and Team Seven’s supplies got lost in the Forest, so I offered her some. Otherwise she’d still be wearing that hospital gown.” Ino shudders for dramatic effect.

Naruto, who’s been holding hands with Sakura the entire walk, suddenly wrenches his hands away from her and clutches his head in horror. “NO! THE SUPPLIES!” Naruto yells, “I completely forgot about my ramen! It’s all gone...!” Naruto mourns, choking on the word gone. Sasuke stops talking to Choji for a moment to smirk at him, laughing quietly.

“We lost...” Sasuke begins, laughing through his words, “All of our expensive weaponry and explosive tags...but you’re worried about instant ramen?” he asks rhetorically, disbelieving to his teammates eccentricity. 

Naruto crosses his arms and scrunches his nose, stomping a bit as he walks. “You know Sasuke, I distinctly remember you telling me how upset you were about losing that toothbrush you packed.”

Sasuke points an astonished finger at Naruto. “That is completely different and you know it!”

Naruto snorts. “Uh huh...”

Sakura buries her nose into her hands, giggling at the absurd display. Tenten, Neji’s teammate, winces. “Did you guys really lose all of your supplies? Wow that’s terrible, I’m so sorry.”

Choji turns to Sasuke, looking concerned. “Oh yeah you guys came in looking pretty worn out I wanted to ask...what happened?”

Sakura stiffens, and Ino winces at the memory of Sakura’s shaky voice explaining how Orochimaru viscously belittled them. Ino chooses not to interject, as Naruto shrugs amiably and says, “Ah you know, bad run in with one of the foreigners. That security breach the old man was talking about? Turns out the Grass Village sent in an upper-ranking shinobi to pose as a Genin. Their plan was to weed out as many other village’s Genin as possible, but we managed to hold out until authorities arrived.” Naruto shakes his head exasperatedly. “You know, I think Team Seven has the most rotten luck of all. Did you guys hear about our C-rank gone wrong?”

Ino marvels at Naruto’s smoothness. He explained it vaguely, yet Ino has the sense of an intimate understanding for the story. And then he diverted the topic without ever looking uncomfortable. She wonders if he thought up that lie on the fly or if he’d been sitting on that fib for a while. However he came up with the foreigner story, Ino is impressed.

Ino hears Sakura dramatically moan at the mention of their C-rank gone wrong. She listens curiously as the large group descends the last final staircase, Shikamaru briefly directing them on the right path to the cafeteria. Sakura raises her finger, gathering the attention of everyone around them, “I do not condone joking about the Land of Waves.” She begins, but it’s obvious that her anger isn’t true. Sakura’s having fun. “However, the memory of Sasuke saving that cute baby bird will stay with me for the rest of my life.” she smirks.

Sasuke’s shoulder slump and he rubs his forehead. “Sakura...” he says warningly. Naruto cackles and the two of them launch into a story about how they tricked Sasuke into tree-climbing by faux endangering a baby bird. It keeps the entire group entertained until they reach the cafeteria, everyone sharing their own experiences of first learning how to tree-climb. Neji’s team had a particularly terrifying story about their sensei Gai Maito leaving the three of them on top of a mountain with no way down. Because apparently Lee has a rare chakra condition Neji and Tenten took turns carrying him down on their back. When the three of them had confronted their sensei about it, he’d apologized, but then claimed that the exercise was effective after all “Because there is no better Team Bonding than life or death circumstances!” Hilariously enough all three of their voices had suddenly lowered a few octaves when they explained this. All of them held out there arms and gave a thumbs-up, then explained that they were doing an impression of their sensei. Ino does not want to meet their crazy sensei. Asuma-sensei just taught them how to climb a tree the normal way.

Their group walks through the open-doorway entrance of the cafeteria, met with sight of long folding tables and chairs scattered messily throughout the room, having clearly been moved over and over by Genin who wanted to sit a certain way. At the right side of the room is a fairly empty line of Genin waiting for their turn to grab a tray and dig into the free buffet Konoha is offering. As they all get into line for food Shikamaru remembers the real reason why they started talking about tree climbing. He looks to Naruto with a raised brow, “You mentioned a supposed C-rank gone wrong, am I right? Well, what went wrong?” he asks curiously. Ino also leans forward, achingly eager to hear of a mission more interesting than the grueling D-ranks Asuma-sensei forces onto them. Team Seven collectively winces. Kiba laughs at their expression.

“Now I gotta’ know what happened.” Kiba grins wolfishly, Akamaru barking in agreement. Ino doesn’t know if animals are allowed in the food court but she chooses not to point that out to the aggressive dog boy.

Sakura twirls a piece of hair around her finger that has come undone from Ino’s styling, a contemplative frown on her lips. Sasuke side-eyes her and shrugs one shoulder with a sigh. “It’s actually not a happy story. Kakashi-sensei got hurt really bad, my ribs are still sore,” Sasuke rubs his stomach with a shudder, “...Naruto almost died from poison, and Sakura became a human pincushion. I’m just glad we’re alive, it could’ve ended a lot worse than it did.” At the front of the line, Shino grabs a tray and begins spooning lasagna onto his plate. Sasuke continues his story, “Our client lied about the danger he was in. Our C-rank escort mission turned into an A-rank protection mission.” He emphasizes. The group gasps appropriately, starting a new conversation topic about the dangers of suspicious clients and whatnot, but Ino tunes them out. She’s watching Sakura’s expression closely. Sakura looks uncomfortable, glancing at Naruto with obvious concern. Naruto matches his girlfriend’s irritated expression, and Ino realizes that the Land of Waves is definitely a sore spot. It’s Ino’s turn to grab a tray, Naruto and Sakura right behind her, and Ino smoothly diverts the conversation topic. “So, what does everyone think of preliminary one-on-ones? Sounds interesting to me,” She offers loudly, Naruto and Sakura instantly jumping onto the change of subject, Kiba getting swept up as well. Ino walks down the line feeling satisfied, piling steamed broccoli, a few spoons of brown rice, and an assortment of other veggies onto her plate, filling up a paper-cup of water as well. She spots some watermelon last minute and decides that sounds tasty as well, carrying all of her food over to the chaos of her friends trying to reorganize the tables and chairs so all of them can sit. She sits down at an empty spot, quietly observing everyone. Most people don’t notice it, but Ino is introverted. Introverts don’t have to be reclusive, Ino isn’t. But she always needs to recharge after social events. Ino isn’t quiet but she’s not the most talkative of the bunch. When she does talk it’s loud and decisive, but most of the time she keeps her thoughts and opinions to herself. She likes to listen.

Finally her friends begin to settle down, pulling out chairs and scarfing down food. Sakura is sitting in the middle of Naruto and the Lee fellow, Kiba across from them. They really are having an arm wrestling tournament Ino thinks with amusement and to be completely honest, slight disgust. Whenever someone’s turn isn’t being taken they busy themselves by shoving food down their throats as fast possible, hardly even enjoying their thinly-sliced pizza, lasagna, peanut butter bars, and oatmeal cookies. Ino shakes her head, startling as two people decide to sit across from her. One is Neji, and the other is Sasuke. They’re both silently enjoying each other’s company. Hinata sits down on her right, Shikamaru taking his spot on her left. They all chat, and Ino enjoys the company. Neji and Sasuke may be stuck up, but Hinata and Shikamaru level them out. Ino finds herself engaging with them.

Across the table Sakura shouts proudly, having won an arm wrestle against Shino. Kiba cackles at his friend’s expense. Ino watches them interact, letting her side of the table’s conversation wash over her ears. Sakura suddenly turns, noticing her gaze.

Sakura smiles brightly and Ino smiles back. They’ve changed and grown, matured and learned in their time apart. Somehow, even throughout all the struggles their friendship has been through, they’ve stuck it out. There’s love between them, an understanding that keeps them close. A part of Ino knows this peace around them won’t last. She’s mistrustful by nature. But she holds her tongue and does her best to enjoy the calm before the storm.

If Orochimaru’s in the village, if Sasuke was taken by T&I, if Team Seven’s sensei is Kakashi Hatake, if Asuma looks dead on his feet, if security is low, if the majority of the Five Shinobi Nations haven’t shown up for the Chunin Exams, if every Rookie in Konoha is taking the Chunin exams...if Ino, a Genin, has noticed all of this...it can only mean one thing.

Her dad was right. Konoha is going to war.

Ino hums at something Sasuke says and takes another bite of rice that tastes like ash on her tongue. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me forever to put this chapter into words.


	28. A Why Worth the Try

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And here we go. 
> 
> The preliminaries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO everybody out there I want to give a very special thanks to literal all of you fantastic people who are commenting on my story. It's totally an honor and thanks so much. 
> 
> Side note, the chapter after this will be in Kakashi's point of view. Anyone as excited as me????

Sasuke goes about the morning with his stomach in his throat. The night before he’d learned that today they’ll be participating in a preliminary round that consists of a sudden death one-on-one. It’s almost like a pre-tournament. Sasuke had wanted very badly to opt out of the exams content that’d he’d done his part and helped his team make it. But Sakura and Naruto wanted him to try, and Sasuke didn’t want to let them down, so he hadn’t called it quits. Sasuke has a bad feeling about today, but to be fair, Sasuke hates taking tests, so he chalks it up to nerves. He is very nervous. The anxiety coursing through his veins is strong.

He awakens at six o clock, and Sasuke has everything packed by 6:20. He can’t stomach breakfast. Usually Team seven would be chatting excitedly about the night before, but this morning all of them have a bad case of nerves. The realization that they’ll be fighting one on one, maybe even against fellow Konoha Shinobi puts everyone on edge. It doesn’t help that Sasuke was the last person to see Kakashi-sensei, and their parting conversation was a worrying one. Sasuke hopes that Kakashi-sensei is alright. He feels guilty for not telling Team Seven all that transpired in the T&I room, but his current anxiety overpowers most of the guiltiness he would have normally been feeling full force. He can’t worry about Kakashi-sensei when he has a lot more present matters to agonize over. Sakura and Naruto are talking in low tones as Sasuke re-checks to make sure he has evenly distributed what little kunai and shuriken they have left. Losing all of the supplies sure put a whole in their pockets, but it means even more now that they’re going to have to fight without the majority of their weaponry. Sakura says something sharply to Naruto, hand hovering over her neck, and Naruto grabs both of her hands with an open expression. Sasuke turns away as the two of them continue talking. He doesn’t want to disturb them. A few minutes later and Team Seven is heading out the door and towards the arena. Luckily Team Seven’s room is located near the stairs, so it hardly takes them any time at all to arrive in the large arena.

It’s the largest arena Sasuke’s ever seen in person. There is an upper balcony where a few other participants are gathered, some other people loitering around the actual arena floor. Their proctor Hayate Gekko is here, as well as their previous proctor Anko Miterashi, and they are standing front and center of the arena. The two of them are loudly discussing the plans for the preliminaries to a group of Jounin that _doesn’t_ include Kakashi-sensei. Sasuke looks around some more. He’d seen the whole room the night before when Lord Third was making announcements. Now Lord Hokage is seated up on a balcony that is separate and directly across from the one that the participants are being directed to. Lord Hokage’s balcony is also significantly smaller, only large enough to fit The Third’s chair and the two Anbu dutifully guarding him. Sasuke’s gaze travels back down to the conversing proctors and Jounin. Anko Miterashi is laying down the law thick, while beside her Hayate Gekko is coughing and nodding occasionally. Sasuke gazes out upon the Jounin, realizing that all of them are sensei, and not all of them are from Konoha. He recognizes most of the Konoha sensei, Asuma Sarutobi who is Lord Hokage’s son, Kurenai Yuhi, Gai Maito, and Misande Takumi are all standing at attendance. Well, Asuma Sarutobi is smoking a cigar and Misande Takumi is looking ever more bored by the minute, but at least they’re all on time. Kakashi-sensei still hasn’t made an appearance. He’s probably the only sensei that’s a no show, Sasuke thinks as his gaze sweeps over the other village’s sensei.

Sasuke asks Sakura for the time and she responds with an absent, “Quarter ‘til seven.” She’s observing the arena with a look of pure excitement and nerves. Sasuke doesn’t know why Sakura always knows the time, but she does. Naruto is flaunting an ecstatic expression similar to Sakura’s but much wider and obvious. Sasuke’s glad that his teammates are excited, but he truthfully wishes they’d have let him leave. He doesn’t want to be in this arena at all. After everything that happened in the Forest of Death, Sasuke is not equipped to handle more battle. His stomach churns at the thought of fighting someone right now. But a part of Sasuke trudges onward. With how forceful the shaking of his knees is, he’s not sure how he’s managing to walk. But he is managing and he pushes himself to lengths he’s never gone to.

Sasuke stiffens, sensing an ugly chakra signature nearby. Already too anxious for words Sasuke pushes down his sensory abilities and tries to focus on breathing exercises. Sasuke follows his teammates with ever-shaking knees up the balcony stairs and over to the railing. Sakura and Naruto are rambling nervously, but Sasuke’s beyond the stage of nervous rambling. He can’t even form words, let alone sentences. Sasuke spends the next half-hour in absolute hell, and it’s completely self-induced. His stomach is tied in a hundred knots and he just wishes he were back home, hiding under his sheets. Maybe then his fear would finally be vanquished. Seven-thirty rolls around and Sasuke is barely able to tune in as Hayate Gekko makes a speech and explains that they’ll be randomizing the matches, and that the matches will be displayed on an electronic board above them. The board spins but Sasuke can’t look, because chances are he will be seeing a familiar name. It could be anyone, but Sasuke prays that it’s not him. _Anyone but me, not me, not me,_ Sasuke chants. He winces as the spinning names finally settle and...

Sasuke looks up at the electronic board in shock. _Those names can’t be right_.

But the name Sasuke Uchiha stays on the board, fluorescent and obnoxious, like the lighting down in the T&I facility. 

Perhaps if Sasuke weren’t so panicked he’d find the humor in being the first on stage. After all, most of the other Genin in the room have wilted in disappointment at not being the first picked, including Sasuke’s two teammates.

Sasuke finally thinks to check out who his opponent is. He looks back up to the board and reads _, Sasuke Uchiha Vs. Misumi Tsurugi._ Sasuke has no idea who the other boy is. He violently wishes he hadn’t let Sakura and Naruto convince him to participate. But no matter _how_ he got here, he’s here.

Sakura glances at him, lips parted in shock. But it won’t just be Sakura’s eyes on him throughout his match. Sasuke will have all of the participant’s eyes on him while he fights. He doesn’t really mind being watched, but on the on-chance that Sasuke has a panic attack, he doesn’t want all of his friends to watch him unravel. Sasuke takes a deep gulp of air, wishing Kakashi-sensei was here to pat him on the shoulder and maybe calm his nerves. Sasuke hasn’t heard from Kakashi-sensei since the day before.

But even without Kakashi-sensei to comfort him, Sasuke wants to do this. He has to prove to himself that he can stand beside Naruto and Sakura. 

Hayate Gekko shouts, “Will Sasuke Uchiha and Misumi Tsurugi please make their way down to the stadium!” Sasuke glances at Sakura and Naruto as they wish him good luck. Naruto bumps his shoulder and Sakura beams telling him to _crush that lame-ass_! Sasuke can’t really focus on their words as his shaky legs carry him down the steps.

He observes his opponent, Misumi Tsurugi. He’s a boy, maybe two or three years older than Sasuke. That’s two or three years of more experience, Sasuke thinks cautiously. He’s got on a long face mask, a coat with a tall collar, black rimmed glasses, and a headband from the Village Hidden in the Leaves. Sasuke’s never heard of a Tsurugi clan. Sasuke’s never attacked a fellow Leaf Shinobi outside sparring matches at the Academy (Sasuke’s not counting the bell test. He didn’t do any real fighting.)

Sasuke makes it into the center of the arena and stands before their proctor. Across from him is his opponent, looking relaxed with a cocky smirk. The hours Sasuke has spent agonizing over this very moment inundates him. This boy looks like he only just remembered to think about his match. Sasuke sees his paranoia as an advantage in this situation, because it makes him more prepared for anything. Sasuke’s eyes sting briefly but Sasuke forces his Sharingan not to activate. Against every instinct he’s ever had, Sasuke meets eyes with his opponent in an act of defiance not against any outside authority, but against the authority within himself known as hesitation. 

“Then if you’re ready...” Hayate sweeps his hands down. “Let the match begin!”

“Let’s go!” his opponent shouts. Sasuke jumps away instinctively as his opponent takes on an offensive position. 

Sasuke jumps back to create some distance between them. His Sharingan spins to life as if it has a mind of its own, and along with the activation Sasuke feels a restless throb pound against his head. Sasuke grunts, the pain in his eyes distracting him. Misumi Tsurugi rushes at him with intent. Sasuke feels more pressure build in his eyes as he begins to panic, unsure how to attack his opponent. He knows nothing about Misumi, and with nothing to protect, Sasuke’s mind is wiped clean except for the singular instinct that has carried him throughout his entire life...survive.

He steps back quickly, further separating himself from his opponent, fingers flying through the seals he’d memorized at the tender age of six in order to impress his brother. Sasuke feels acutely aware of the beating in his chest, blood rushing into his ears. Everything else fades into the background, his fingers, toes, face, limbs, chest, everything but the sound of his heart pounding against his chest. Sasuke hardly even registers his own voice call out, “Fire Style: Fire Ball Jutsu!” he blows the fire out at his opponent, his opponent getting swallowed in the flames. Any thought of impressing his team has deprecated into panic. The pain in Sasuke’s eyes pulsates. 

Misumi makes it out of the fire. Sasuke recognizes the use of a water-clone and replacement Jutsu. Misumi runs towards him with an enraged expression. Sasuke is frozen, however. He can’t move. He can only think of the fear in his body. He’s not even quite sure why he’s so afraid today of all days. He’s just exhausted, he’s tired of everything, and he doesn’t have the strength to fight the fear. Somewhere in the back of his mind there is a flicker of force, something that’s screaming at him to move, but he can’t grasp onto it. Sasuke trips on his feet as he sidesteps the punch Misumi sends at his face.

Sasuke is not expecting Misumi’s arm to suddenly twist. His stomach drops. Almost as if his opponent possesses no bones Misumi’s body morphs and he’s suddenly behind Sasuke, arms wrapped around his throat in a chokehold. Misumi’s legs slither up Sasuke’s waist and trap Sasuke’s arms to his sides, squeezing without remorse. His opponent’s arms and legs are as limber as putty. Sasuke freezes, eyes widening as what little control he’d been clinging to slips out of his grasp. _I can’t get out,_ Sasuke thinks hysterically. He struggles against his opponent’s grip but there’s no moving space at all. He is overwhelmingly afraid. He thinks of his bed, and Itachi, and the basement, and being completely helpless. Sasuke’s mind short-circuits to one, hysterical thought. _Get off of me._

Sasuke stumbles, the sudden weight on his back jarring. Sasuke had thought he was improving. That he was starting to get his bad memories under control. He’d made it through the entire forest of death without a panic attack. He’d protected Naruto and Sakura. But here, in this arena surrounded by a million eyes boring into him, Sasuke falters. His opponent hisses right in his ear, “I got a special surgery that allows me to dislocate every one of my joints, softening my body, then with my charka I can control my softened body at will. The surprise of the technique ends a battle quickly. Especially when my opponent is an arrogant Uchiha,” the grip around his body tightens. “How about you forfeit this battle before I snap your neck?”

Now that Sasuke can feel again he knows that the pressure on his neck is going to leave a multitude of nasty bruises. It reminds him of the days where he’d wear extra high collars and layers of Genjutsu to silence any questions his Academy teachers might have had. It reminds Sasuke of being pinned to the bed with large hands wrapped around his throat and squeezing. He doesn’t know how his opponent expects him to forfeit when he can’t breathe, let alone speak. Sasuke would gladly forfeit if it meant that his opponent would get off of him. Sasuke chokes for air, but the grip around his throat doesn’t let up. 

Sasuke feels tears well up at the corner of his eyes as his Sharingan burns. The pain throbs and persists as fear shatters into hysteria. The throbbing of his Sharingan is demanding, like his eyes are screaming at him to do something. It only makes Sasuke’s anxiety skyrocket, and suddenly Sasuke feels trapped not just by his opponent, but inside his own skin. An old habit resurfaces and Sasuke closes his eyes tightly. He realizes as the darkness of his eyelids envelops him that closing his eyes had been a terrible idea. Without anything to ground Sasuke to reality his mind is free to imagine that the person behind him is Itachi. Hot air puffs against his ear, and against all logic Sasuke thinks he can smell his brother’s breath. His stomach clenches as his mind takes him back to Itachi’s hands crawling under his shirt, but Sasuke is completely incapable of squirming away. Sasuke feels his head pound as his body becomes depleted of oxygen. He desperately wishes he were somewhere else. He wishes that he’d been granted his month of well-deserved rest instead of thrown into more senseless fighting. His brain has completely turned against him, providing Sasuke detailed images of the torment his brother put him through.

The pressure in his eyes builds until it’s more painful, _more prominent_ than the hands around his throat and the images in his mind. He feels like screaming, like doing something. There is a pounding in his ears so loud it drowns out Naruto and Sakura from the balcony screaming at him _to get away_. His vision clouds with red. The tears at the corner of his eyes slide down his face and Sasuke finally, finally is strong enough to reopen his eyes. Everything crashes down upon him at once. He feels like a bucket of ice water was just tossed onto his head. As tears slide down Sasuke’s cheeks he realizes something. He can breathe.

And his ears are _ringing._

With the realization that he can breathe Sasuke greedily gasps for air. Even though his opponent is no longer confining him the memory of his snake-like limbs is burned into Sasuke’s memory. _Snake-like....?_ Sasuke realizes, gently touching the bruises on his throat and wincing in pain. He rubs his eyes with the back of his hand, but the texture he tries to rubs away is unusually slippery. Sasuke clicks his tongue and notices a metallic taste in his mouth. Looking down at his knuckles, Sasuke realizes that what he thought were normal tears were actually tears of blood. He looks down at his red stained knuckles in horror.

That’s when Sasuke notices the _mumbling._

Sasuke regains control of his legs and stumbles back around to face his downed opponent. Sasuke stares at the sight before him in confusion. He can feel more and more blood sliding down his face as his Sharingan pulse. He resists the urge to empty the contents of his stomach on the arena floor.

On the ground is Misumi, mumbling uncontrollably and clutching his head in obvious pain. The boy is rolling around in desperation, like he’s being tortured by something Sasuke cannot see. Sasuke wipes his eyes and finally releases the vestigial amounts of chakra he’d been pumping into his eyes, his usual black eyes returning. Sasuke, feeling that every last drop of his chakra has been sucked away. _I’ve hardly done anything though_ , Sasuke thinks.

Misumi’s mumbling cuts off, body slumping, out cold. Sasuke observes the scene before him with shaking hands and utmost confusion.

And then a hand lands on Sasuke shoulder. He looks up and sways, distantly hearing Hayate hesitate before declaring him as the _winner_. Kakashi-sensei is staring him directly in the eyes with a very concerned expression. Sasuke is very close to throwing up in response to the unwanted touch, hurriedly separating himself from Kakashi-sensei. He stumbles a bit and rubs his eyes, groaning in pain. He’d expected to feel relieved when his match finally ended, but Sasuke feels worse than before.

_Is there something at the back of my throat?_ Sasuke wonders. He has the sudden compulsion to brush his teeth. He’s so out of it he’s not even happy that his sensei has shown up. Sasuke blinks away the drying blood sticking to his eyelashes, studying his red hands in morbid, confused fasciation. He says the only thing he can think of. “You’re late, Kakashi-sensei.”

Sasuke’s knee buckles. A medic catches him. He has no idea when the medics arrived, but feels insurmountable guilt as the medics cart off his opponent. _I didn’t do that._ He thinks in confusion. The medics disappear through the door in a hurry, leaving Sasuke to lean against the medic shakily. He’s glad that she’s a girl. Girls don’t freak him out as much as guys. He manages to tolerate remaining in close-contact with her. “Can you walk?” the medic asks him in a low tone.

Sasuke nods blearily. The medic nods back. “Let’s get you out of here.” She murmurs, glancing up at the crowd. Sakura and Naruto are cheering loudly, smiling down at him. Sasuke smiles back at them weakly. They’ve seen him overuse his Sharingan to the point of bleeding before. They know he’ll be fine. They believe that he tried is best. They’re proud of him. It doesn’t feel as great as he’d imagined it would. He’s not feeling satisfaction. He’s feeling the absence of disappointment.

The rest of the crowd is talking quietly, wondering what kind of jutsu he used, most likely. Sasuke wishes he had an answer for them. The medic lets him lean against her as they walk away. He catches sight of Lord Hokage on his separate balcony with a poorly concealed shock. He turns back around to see that Kakashi-sensei is watching him leave with a horrified expression, his hand brushing against the headband concealing his Sharingan.

Sasuke has rules.

He’s not allowed to be curious. He’s not allowed to ask questions. He’s dealt with personal pain and he can do it again.

They make it down the hallway, the medic guiding him to what Sasuke assumes to be an on sight hospital. She hasn’t asked him anything yet. She wants to though, Sasuke can tell.

Sasuke wants to ask questions too. He has many, many questions for his sensei. He thinks that if he had the guts to get inside that arena and fight, he should have the guts to talk to his sensei, but that’s not the case. The mere thought sends a pit of unrest into his stomach. Sasuke still wants to throw up.

Sasuke remembers flying at Sakura and catching her out of the air after Orochimaru bit her. His eyes felt different then. He’d yet to have the opportunity to take a gander at his Sharingan in the mirror, but he remembers feeling something change. He wonders if that something is more important than he’d originally thought. If so, Sasuke suspects he knows what just transpired in that arena.

A little known fact is that Sasuke had the Sharingan long before the Land of Waves. The problem was that he had very poor control over his premature eyes. When he was born the Clan Elders had said it was likely he wouldn’t get the Sharingan at all. But after trauma after trauma relentlessly befell on him, Sasuke had begun developing headaches and eye pain. He’d gone to his brother about it, and his brother seemed equally confused. After weeks of complaining about his head and eye pain, Itachi had come to the conclusion that Sasuke was developing the Sharingan. Itachi hatched up a plot to make Sasuke believe he was in grave danger in hopes of triggering it to fully activate. Like most of Itachi’s plans, it worked, and Sasuke’s Sharingan had flickered to life; however, the ability and activation was completely out of his control. Try as he might, Itachi was unable to trigger Sasuke’s Sharingan into _proper_ activation. It wasn’t until years later, when Sasuke witnessed his teammate Sakura nearly lose her life that his Sharingan finally got under his control.

He and the medic make their way down a hallway with white walls that smells of cleaner. The smell of disinfectant is familiar to Sasuke, reminding him of the years he’d spent loitering around the hospital and observing medical ninja. It’s calming. Hospitals have always had a special place in Sasuke’s heart. Don’t get Sasuke wrong, he’s met grumpy medical ninja, but the good, kindhearted medics he’s come to know outnumber the unpleasant ones ten to one.

Sasuke shakes himself off, refocusing on his previous train of thought, but with a calmer outlook. Sasuke’s Sharingan is unique because he’s not a purebred Uchiha. For so long he’d been unable to control it. His current theory of what happened back in the arena is a very likely possibility. His theory is that he’s activated his Mangkeyou. It’s not entirely unbelievable; to activate it, one has to be put through severe trauma. He’s been through loads of trauma, and now that his body is finally equipped to handle its power, Sasuke can actively control it. Sasuke’s mind short-circuits as he realizes that a crowd of foreign ninja have perhaps witnessed him use the Mangekyou.

But all of this is theoretical. Because even though Sasuke thinks he knows what happened, he still doesn’t know _what happened_. Sasuke hadn’t activated anything, he hadn’t cast a Genjutsu, and the Mangekyou only works when you look someone in the eyes.

Sasuke isn’t quite sure if he wants to have the Mangekyou. He hopes that there is an alternative explanation. His cousin, father, and brother had all possessed it and Sasuke doesn’t wish to follow in any of their footsteps.

Sasuke looks around, realizing that he’d been so lost in thought he hadn’t noticed that they’d arrive at the door to an examination room. The door is big and wooden, and there are many matching sets all down the hallway.

“So, sweetie, are you doing alright? I think your just suffering from a bad case of charka exhaustion. That was quite the jutsu you used.” The medic smiles at him as she opens the door to an examination room with one hand and helps him inside.

He smiles weakly at her and obediently hops onto the edge of the examination table. “I’m fine. My neck hurts, but other than that I just have a killer headache...” he pauses, wincing at the thought of his bloodstained face. He looks down at his haggard appearance and hisses. “I would like to wash up, though.”

The medical ninja looks at him in surprise, pulling on standard uniform gloves. “Oh, right yes. Just head to that sink over there and use some of those paper towels.” She motions to the sink in the corner of the examination room, and Sasuke struggles off of the examination table silently. He moves over to the modern sink, deciding to wash his hands first. Above the sink is a cabinet, and next to the faucet a desk mirror. He uses some soap and spends an inordinate amount of time picking blood out of his fingernails, the medical ninja behind him talking rapidly on an intercom and giving out orders. He winces. She sounds very busy. Once his hands are washed Sasuke dares to tilt the desk mirror his direction. He winces. His cheeks are smeared with blood, his throat is marred with colorful bruises, and his eyes are bloodshot. Sasuke sighs and rips off a few paper towels, dampening the paper and starting on his eyes. When Sasuke is finished and his face is presentable, he turns back around to see the woman angrily shouting into her intercom. Seeing that she’s busy, Sasuke looks back to the mirror and tries to pulse chakra into his eyes. It hurts and makes Sasuke all the more dizzy, but once the world stops spinning Sasuke hones in on his reflection. He represses any sounds of horror so the medic won’t notice. His Sharingan is different, three tomoe spinning anxiously as red and black whirl together. He jumps back from the mirror and clutches his eyes with shaking hands. _I look so much like him._

Sasuke removes his hand and glances over at the medic to make sure she didn’t see him stupidly use his Sharingan through chakra exhaustion. She hadn’t, focused as she is on whoever she’s shouting at through the communicator in her ear. Sasuke waits patiently, and when she spots him she smiles and motions back to the examination table. Sasuke walks over, eyes darkening with dizziness as he climbs back onto the table.

Still talking with someone on the intercom in her ear the medical ninja make her way over to him with glowing green hands. The medical ninja stands before him and swipes away his hair before wrapping both hands around his neck. Sasuke winces at first, bad memories resurfacing, but relaxes as the soothing sensation of healing chakra kicks in. He breathes a sigh of relief as her hands cradle his neck and gently dance along his pulse. She pulls away with a clap of her hands. “Better?”

Sasuke clears his throat and it doesn’t hurt a bit. He works his jaw up and down, and then hums. All of the actions are completely painless. “Much,” he says gratefully.

She walks away and comes back with a thermometer in hand. She swipes the thermometer across his forehead, nodding approvingly at him. “Perfect temperature, Shisui,” she declares.

He blinks at the name she uses, his mouth parting in surprise. Usually he’d tell the medical ninja his name after filling out the standard papers necessary for an examination. Her calling him by his cousin’s name is worrying, especially when Sasuke’s name had been on display in the arena. He supposes she only saw the ending of his match. Sasuke swallows in realization, remembering Hayate’s words from the previous night. Hayato Gekko had said that the consent forms transferred from the Forest of Death are still applicable. When Sasuke had signed the forms there was a sheet asking for all of Sasuke’s current medical conditions. This would all be fine and dandy if Sasuke hadn’t faked his name and faked the entire contract. Come to think of it, why can she do an examination without access to his medical history? Sasuke comes to another realization. She must be accessing his cousin Shisui’s files.

Sasuke stiffens as the medical ninja walks back over to him with the intention to take his blood pressure. He holds out his left arm and lets her take off his armguards. She sighs at the sight of his scarred forearm but doesn’t press, used to shinobi with roughened skin. Sasuke’s left arm is thankfully less scarred than his right. On his left arm is a large burn mark from a “cooking accident” and a few scattered white scars from various training over the years. He feels uncomfortable with his arm showing, but finds solace by reminding himself that he’ll have his armguard back soon. She straps on the blood pressure gauge and begins to squeeze the pump. Sasuke clears his throat. She gives him her absent attention, clicking off the intercom with one final sharp bark of “I’m busy!”

Hesitantly, Sasuke speaks up. “If you don’t mind me asking, mam, could I have your name?” he asks. She giggles at him as the arm band around his forearm tightens.

“Oh gosh,” she starts abashedly, “I am all over the place today! My name is Kuru, nice to meet you Shisui!”

Sasuke hums. _I feel bad for this Shisui guy,_ Sasuke thinks, _He’s in some deep shit._

The medic, Kuru, walks over to a desk and takes off her gloves, disinfecting her hands before checking sifting through a stack of papers. Sasuke peers over at the document and confirms that she has his cousin’s old medical file in her hands. Sasuke can’t help but think that this medic is not very qualified. His cousin had died at sixteen five or six years ago, meaning he was born at a completely different time than Sasuke. Sasuke supposes he could pass as a sixteen year old, maybe. Sixteen is the average age for taking the Chunin Exams. But he’s short, and acne-less, and has always thought that he looked younger than he actually is. He watches the medic rub her eye and guesses that she’s just had a long day, or maybe week. She clears her throat.

If she’s using Shisui’s name to access the hospital’s system, then she’ll have information that is totally unrelated to Sasuke. Sasuke prepares himself for anything as the medic flips through a series of documents that belonged to his long-dead cousin. “It says here that you’ve overused your Sharingan to bleeding before?” the medic inquires.

_What._

“Yes.” He says unthinkingly. It’s not a lie. Sasuke has overused his eyes on multiple occasions. He just hadn’t known that cousin Shisui’s Sharingan used to bleed as well. 

She makes a frustrated sound. “You are very irresponsible.” Sasuke flushes in shame as she shakes her head and _tsks_ at him. “I can help with the headaches, but I can’t help with the ocular pain beyond prescribing some more eye-drops.” She states. Her lip curls at the information before her and she addresses him directly. “Would you mind if I weigh you? It looks like you’ve lost some weight since the last time you were here.” She motions to a scale at the corner of the room. Sasuke nods obediently and carefully makes his way over to the scale, her hands guiding him. Sasuke’s brow furrows. He’d known that Shisui had been short, but Sasuke hadn’t realized that he was the same height as his cousin! It sends a pang in Sasuke’s chest, because when he was younger he’d not only metaphorically looked up to his cousin, but physically as well. Thinking about being the same height as Shisui is disconcerting and reminds him of how young his cousin was when he passed on.

Sasuke steps onto the scale and lets her weigh him. She glances at him and then at the number, frowning. She tells him to step off and sits him back down on the examination table before speaking up again. Sasuke shifts under her scrutinizing gaze, wincing at the obnoxious crinkling of the examination table’s paper. “You’ve lost fifteen pounds. You’re twenty pounds under the recommended weight for males your height and age.” She crosses her arms. “No boy 4’11 should weigh ninety-two pounds. It is required of me to ask you a few questions.” Ms. Kuru clears her throat. “Have you ever thought about making yourself throw up?”

Sasuke thinks about it for a moment. He can’t remember a time when he considered forcibly making himself throw up. He shakes his head a firm no.

“Do you often feel like you weigh more than other kids around you?” she asks.

Sasuke immediately shakes his head no. He often feels much smaller and weaker than most kids around him. She sighs slightly, gazing at him with a familiar expression of pity. Sasuke squirms. “Do you know what an eating disorder is, Shisui?”

For a moment, Sasuke is thrown by the use of his cousin’s name. Then he understands her question and he nods. He knows what eating disorders are. Sasuke jerks, pointing to himself with wide eyes, realizing the meaning behind her intruding questions. “I don’t, I don’t have an eating disorder.” He assures her, dumbfounded.

She shakes her head dismissively. “Correction, you don’t have a body-related eating disorder. But nobody that weighs as little as you do eats properly. You’re severely malnourished.” She takes a note pad and jots something down with a pen, tearing off the note and passing it to him. Sasuke studies the address curiously. “I’m recommending you give this nutritionist’s office a visit. She’s very adept at handling these types of situations.”

Sasuke studies the phone number and nods at the medical ninja slowly. He hadn’t realized how bad his eating habits had gotten. It makes him think about all the times he’s struggled with eating. Actually, he’d just skipped breakfast this morning, and hadn’t had anything for dinner the night before. Suddenly, Sasuke is hyperaware of the cramp in his stomach. But still, eating anything at all sounds like a challenge Sasuke isn’t mentally prepared for. Maybe it would be beneficial to talk to a professional.

“Now, Shisui,” Ms. Kuru starts, and Sasuke briefly winces at the name, feeling guilt squirm in his stomach at lying to such a kind lady. “I’m giving you a pack of special eye-drops to help with your Doujutsu.” She smiles gently at him, “Also, I’d recommend that after this check-up you head straight to the food court. I’m going to give you bottle of vitamins that I want you to take with every meal for the next week. That should be a good start on nourishing your body. As for the headache you complained about, headaches are a common side-effect of chakra exhaustion. That will go away with rest.” She rubs his shoulder soothingly. Then she smiles. “Please wait here and I’ll go get your things.” She makes her way out the door swiftly. With how busy the hospital seems it will probably take her a long while to return. Sasuke sits still for a long moment, anxious. If Ms. Kuru ever encounters someone who knows his real name, Sasuke’s cover will be blown. But what are the chances she talks to someone who knows his name? People know his last name, but the first name “Sasuke” is pretty close to “Shisui.” Most people will probably shrug their shoulders and not know the difference.

At least, that’s what Sasuke hopes.

Without the medic’s eyes boring into him, Sasuke’s mind strays back to the arena. He winces at the onslaught of new painful memories. The panic clawing at his throat, Kakashi-sensei’s stricken expression, the crowds cheering...all of it leaves a bad taste in his mouth. What haunts him most of all is the memory of what he did to that boy. Sasuke’s never hurt anyone like that before. He’s never hurt anyone unless it was absolutely necessary. He still has no idea what he did.

Sasuke never wants to hurt anyone again. It’s a jarring realization, one that he will have to contemplate thoroughly. The ninja lifestyle is his life, it’s where he’s put all his time and effort, and where all of his friends are. But...Sasuke hates hurting people. His shoulders slump downward as the image of that boy’s incomprehensible mumbling and thrashing about penetrates Sasuke’s brain with such force he visibly shudders. Once again Sasuke swallows back the urge to throw up. He’s half convinced the only reason that he hasn’t vomited is because there’s nothing in his stomach but acid. _I really should eat something._ He thinks, trying and failing to muster up some willpower. Sasuke’s not sure how much longer he can do this. How long will it take for his trying and trying to mean something? How long until he feels satisfied? Why is he even a ninja? Sasuke sucks in sharp breath at his rapid, confused thoughts. Sasuke needs to start living his own life. He can’t live to kill his brother or impress his father. It’s near impossible to find determination to live only through others demands...like, say, the village wanting him to be an Anbu. Sasuke bites his lip. He wants to be a ninja to help people. He’s always wanted to help people. But Sasuke can’t see how needlessly harming others saves anyone.

He bites down harder on his lips, unsure. He pictures the boy again, imagining the medics carting him away. Those medics weren’t doing anything but saving someone’s life. And the medical ninja that healed his throat...Sasuke can’t think of anything in comparison to a medical ninja. The jobs exists entirely to heal other people....to help people. 

Kuru walks back into the room, startling Sasuke out of his thoughts. He stares at her in surprise as she passes him a paper bag with a beaming smile on her face. She’s a wonderful person, it’s clear in the concern she’s showed him up to this point. Even exhausted and tired she helped him to the best of her ability. Toeing the line he drew for himself many years ago, Sasuke finds the bravery within himself to ask a question...to display a hint of curiosity. “Do you know if there are any programs I could participate in for medical training?”

Kuru turns to him in surprise. “Oh...um, yes! Yes, there is! This is so exciting, so few shinobi want to be medical ninja! The hospitals are very short-staffed. I have already worked twenty hours over-time, and I have a forty-five hour week, so...” As if on cue, Kuru yawns. “But don’t mind my sleep deprivation I am so excited for you! But, ummm...” Kuru suddenly looks hesitant, visibly deflating. “Medical ninja programs are reserved for Chunin outside of direct tutelage. You could ask around to see if anyone would tutor you, but your best bet is definitely going to be training you tush off for the final exams! You only have one more sector to get through in the Chunin Exams! You’ve absolutely got this.” she gushes, grabbing her notepad and jotting down something quickly, passing it to Sasuke. Sasuke, slightly overwhelmed by Kuru’s enthusiasm takes the notepad and glances down at it. On it are the words “Chunin Medical Reformation” and a date and time. Kuru grins at him. “So, here’s the deal. If you can gain ten pounds and get promoted to Chunin show up at the Konoha Central Hospital at this date.” She says, motioning to the paper. Sasuke nods, doing his best to take in all the information she’s providing.

She smiles at him. Sasuke takes a deep breath and smiles back at her, shoulders shrugging. The two of them meet eyes. A shout from down the hall interrupts the moment. Sasuke frowns as Kuru jumps, rubbing her eyes tiredly, “Oh, sounds like trouble. I’m so sorry. You’re dismissed, Shisui. Usually I’d keep you longer but these Chunin Exams are bad news for us Medical Ninja. Something you will learn if you do manage to make Chunin, and I have total faith in you. I better get going.” She strides over to the door, adjusting her hair tie as she goes. Sasuke has a feeling she’s completely violating protocol by leaving him alone in the examination room. Before completely leaving the room though she halts, hands gripping either side of the doorframe. She turns back around slight and points at him, “Do you know your way to the cafeteria?” she wonders.

Sasuke nods, opening his mouth to ask another question, but by the time he’s collected his thoughts Kuru has already rushed down the hall and begun shouting orders at other medical ninja. Well, if he does become a medical ninja, he’ll certainly have to get a handle on his anxiety. Being a medical shinobi looks very stressful.

Sasuke slumps on the examination table, looking down at the address in his hands. His ears ring at the sudden silence. Eventually he works up a small smile and shoves the note into the paper bag, Ms. Kuru’s words echoing in his mind. She’d recommended that he head down to the cafeteria, but it’s not exactly like she’s here to enforce that. He plans to go back to the arena to hopefully watch Sakura and Naruto’s fights. Sasuke suddenly jerks, staring off in the distance in horror. The fights, he thinks numbly.

He needs to get to the fights. He needs to find Kakashi-sensei. Any of his friends could’ve already participated in a match.

Sasuke’s pulls himself to his feet, paper bag in hand. He approaches the door with intent, only to stumble back from it in surprise. Leaning against the doorway is Kakashi-sensei, staring down at him in relief. After overcoming the initial surprise at seeing his sensei, Sasuke swallows and looks away, unsure what to say. Kakashi-sensei is smiling down at him now, acting like nothing happened yesterday. _That’s such bullshit._ Sasuke can’t help but think aggressively. Yesterday had been the trigger to his near-panic attack in the middle of a preliminary match. Sasuke’s mind supplies him with a detailed list of all that went down yesterday.

After getting dismissed from the hospital, and then picking at his broccoli and chicken lunch, Sasuke was forcibly separated from Naruto by two Anbu. The Anbu brought him down to the Criminal Investigation Department and then blindfolded him. They said that the blindfold was standard protocol, apologizing for the inconvenience. Sasuke remembers the peaking anxiety that had come with being blindfolded, bad memories rising in his chest. He was walked in what felt like absolute circles, the only indication of changing locations being the difference in lighting. They’d walked and walked until finally he’d been sat down in a bright room where his blindfold was removed. The disorientation of walking around for nearly fifteen minutes in complete silence lingered all throughout the rest of the day. It took Sasuke’s eyes a moment to adjust to the light, but when they did he honed in on two Anbu with lackadaisical postures. At first they’d asked standard procedure questions. “When did you first know it was Orochimaru you were fighting in the forest?” “Did you receive any strange injuries like your teammate?” “How did Orochimaru curse Ms. Haruno with the seal?” “Can you estimate how long your teammate was unconscious?” and so on and so forth. They seemed pretty chill, which partially calmed Sasuke’s nerves. Sasuke had been interrogated before, so he wasn’t utterly terrified but he was highly uncomfortable. At first he’d been extremely anxious, but he’d warmed up to the strangers in masks pretty quickly. The room hadn’t even really felt like an interrogation room. It had bright lighting for one thing, and was empty of all intimidating torture devices. Sasuke was sat unbound in a wooden chair at a table where across from him the two Anbu sat and rattled off questions, then copied the answers down onto long scrolls. Sasuke had seen and endured real interrogation rooms with bound hands and dark spooky lighting after the Massacre, so comparatively the two Anbu were a freaking walk in the park.

Sasuke had only become scared when the large heavy door burst open and in stormed Ibiki Morino with two Anbu behind him. Ibiki had instantly begun shouting at the two Anbu Black-Ops, red in the face and openly worried. Sasuke used to have this impression that Ibiki Morino never got upset, but whatever had happened had even disturbed the ever calm and collected professional interrogator. Once Ibiki was finished chewing out his, quote, lazy and foolish subordinates, he’d turned to Sasuke with a concerned yet stern expression. Sasuke recalls the man’s words exactly. He’s said, “We need to transfer you to a safe location. Security is breached and there are spies in our ranks.” Then he’d turned his gaze onto the Anbu behind him and motioned to Sasuke. “Horse will escort you out of the facility.” Sasuke had been heaved roughly by his arm out of the chair and towards the door by Horse. He’d heard Ibiki shouting orders from all the way down the hall as Horse rushed him away. Sasuke, now without a blindfold, had been dragged through confusing twists and turns of endless fluorescent lighting and halls with locked doors. At some point, Sasuke had focused enough to sense something strange. Sasuke’s senses had caught on to a slimy, slippery chakra signature. He’d studied the masked and hooded Anbu before him, remembering Ibiki’s words about spies being in their ranks. Just as Sasuke had realized the identity of the Anbu dragging him away, his captor had unlocked a nearby door. Sasuke was harshly shoved into a storage unit, the door closing behind them.

“Kabuto?” Sasuke had murmured, and looked up at Kabuto with wide fearful eyes from where he was shoved onto the floor. None other than Kabuto Yakushi had removed his Horse mask and smirked at him, pulling out glasses from inside his pocket and shoving them up the bridge of his nose. “It’s nice to see you again, Sasuke.” He’d crooned. Sasuke had scrambled away as Kabuto Yakushi approached him. Kabuto had frowned and halted his forward progression. “There’s really nothing to be afraid of Sasuke. I’m the good guy here. It’s them you need to stay away from.” He’d claimed. Sasuke’s brow had furrowed at the mention of a mysterious ‘them’, before quickly catching on that Kabuto was referring to the _actual_ Anbu. At the look of fear on Sasuke’s fear Kabuto took a few steps backwards with his hands raised. Sasuke stumbled to his feet with his hand on his near-empty kunai pouch. Sasuke whispered, “Are you...you’re the security breech?”

Kabuto chuckled. “No, far from it, actually...the security breech is a few allies of mine that are making for an excellent diversion.”

Sasuke asked in bewilderment, “Diversion for what?”

“I wouldn’t be much of a spy if I told you that...” Kabuto grinned. Sasuke had faltered, looking at Kabuto with obvious fear. “Anyway, I’m not looking to hurt you. I want to talk to you....about your clan. Just a few questions, really, it won’t be any harder than answering those other Anbu’s questions.” He’d reasoned. Sasuke had shuddered, eyes desperately searching for an escape route or some way to call for help. But no one would have heard him had he screamed. After realizing the weight of the situation, Sasuke lost his offensive stance entirely. Chakra exhausted and injured, Sasuke lowered himself to the floor and onto his knees, raising his hands placidly.

Kabuto had given him an admiring gaze. “I like you. You’re smarter than most...this doesn’t mean that I will be merciful should you refuse to answer any of my questions.” Kabuto’s eyes sharpened and turned predatory. Sasuke nodded as he shook in fear, hands behind his head and breath quick.

Kabuto’s first question hadn’t been what Sasuke was expecting. “Do you know if your brother planned to massacre the clan?”

Sasuke remembers swallowing, having thought that Kabuto would want to learn about the Sharingan, not about the death of his family. Sasuke glanced around, nervous. He wasn’t sure if answering Kabuto’s question was treasonous. Sasuke was fine with being a traitor to his _dead_ clan that couldn’t do anything should they find out he’d had a loose tongue, but betraying his village was a different matter. Eventually he’d settled with a simple, “Yes.”

Kabuto glared at him, a kunai in hand in an instant. “Was it planned or not?” he’d hissed.

Sasuke doesn’t even remember opening his mouth. He’d responded in complete terror, “It was planned! It was planned!” Sasuke’s eyes narrowed in the kunai knife with caution.

Kabuto had put away his kunai, and Sasuke sighed in relief. “Tell me Sasuke, did you witness your brother kill your clan?” Kabuto questioned mercilessly. 

Sasuke flinched. An onslaught of unwanted memories resurfaced, but all of them existed only through his brother’s Genjutsu. “No.” he responded. He’d only seen his parents die through a Genjutsu, over and over and over...he hadn’t seen his brother kill his family in person. He’d woken up after the fact and Lord Third had been waiting for him beside his hospital bed. Lord Third told him that Itachi killed everyone. It was easy to believe, seeing as Itachi had put him under a brutal Genjutsu of just that whilst standing over their parent’s dead bodies.

“Do you know how your cousin Shisui died?”

Sasuke whispered hoarsely. “He committed suicide.”

“ _Don’t lie to me!_ ” Kabuto shouted, voice raised for the first time.

Sasuke jumped. “Itachi killed him! He...he stole his eye and Itachi killed him!”

Kabuto paused for a moment, eye steely. Then he’d whispered. “His ‘eye’?” Kabuto repeated. Sasuke paused, blinking. Kabuto approached him, glare sharp. “He stole one eye? What of the other?” his words were slow and carefully controlled, but Sasuke could sense the underlying panic and rage.

Sasuke shifted and kneeled there in pure shock. “I have no idea.” He realized.

“I see.” Kabuto murmured. Then he’d said quietly, “Last question, Sasuke. I know this is hard for you.” The pity in his voice wasn’t comforting in the slightest.

Kabuto trying to comfort him was one of the most disgusting things Sasuke has ever experienced. Kabuto spoke the last question, “Do you believe that the Leaf Village knew that your brother planned to kill your family?” Kabuto pushed up his glasses and begin twirling a kunai around his hand threateningly. Sasuke swallowed.

Sasuke remembers looking up at Kabuto with a shrug of his shoulders. “It doesn’t matter what I believe.” He stated bluntly.

Kabuto persisted. “It matters to me.” He’d claimed.

For the first time Sasuke saw a hint of real emotion creep onto Kabuto’s face. Prompted by the vulnerability in Kabuto’s eyes, Sasuke confessed, “The Leaf Village didn’t know about it.” Kabuto’s gaze turned disappointed, but Sasuke continued, gazing at the floor with deep exhaustion. “The Leaf Village _planned it_.”

Kabuto stepped back, looking both triumphant and horrified all at once. The loud sound of alarms startled both of them immensely. Alarms started blaring all throughout the room and hallways, loud enough to make Sasuke clap his hands onto his ears in pained surprise. In a show of great speed, Kabuto discarded his glasses back into his pocket and put his mask back in place in record time, striding out of the door and locking it behind him. Sasuke was left by himself in the mostly empty storage room, curled on the floor and terrified.

After a few terrifying minutes of Sasuke staying tucked onto the floor in fear, the alarms had stopped blaring making. Sasuke at first hoped that someone would come and find him soon. He’d waited around and gone over everything that had happened without leniency, looking into everything Kabuto asked and how he asked it, most bewildered by the realization that Sasuke had no idea what happened to Shisui’s other Sharingan. Sasuke had known that logically he stood no chance in a fight in his current state, especially against someone that could successfully pose as an Anbu, but that didn’t stop the guilt for spilling secrets from eating him alive. When waiting around for someone to find him didn’t work Sasuke tried jiggling the lock, and when that failed he searched in vain for alternative exits. Sasuke had paced briefly, stretched out his tired senses to see if anyone was close by, but sensed nothing. Sasuke pressed his mouth against the door and screamed for help, kicked the door, slumped against a cardboard box in exhaustion, but after nearly two hours he still wasn’t found. It only got unbearably bad when the lights in the room suddenly shut off, and Sasuke was completely alone in the dark. He’d crawled next to the door and peered through the keyhole, not seeing any light on the other side. He’d gambled what was left of his chakra and stretched out his senses, but didn’t sense anyone within hearing distance.

He’d been stuck, and Sasuke had completely lost track of time. He’d felt like crying, but instead, Sasuke had dug into his kunai pouch and searched desperately for an exploding tag; nothing, no tags. All of them had been lost in the Forest of Death. There was truly no way out. He’d finally broken down, crying hopelessly, surrounded by darkness and reliving all the bad memories Kabuto had brought to the surface. He had no idea why the power was shut off, and even less of clue how Kabuto had gone from Genin to Anbu to spy.

Things got better when the power flickered back on. He had to assume that Kabuto or his supposed allies were the source of the power-down, because otherwise the lights wouldn’t have come back on so soon. He’d wiped his tears and looked around the now familiar little room. Then Sasuke, after an inordinate amount of desperate thinking, finally came up with a solution. He’s noticed that one of the boxes in the room was full of empty paper tags, no seals on them. To save money in his childhood Sasuke’s mother used to paint their own explosive tags, and after watching his mother make thousands of them, Sasuke had the process memorized. He’d dug around the room until he found an ink pot and awkwardly thick brush, painting on the empty tag the seal for explosion. He’d grinned and rushed to the door, too tried and scared to bother thinking about the consequences of blowing up a door. He stuck the tag on the door and pulsed just a little chakra through it, ducking away as the explosion went off and the door was blown to pieces.

The sound was loud, and Sasuke’s eyes had gone wide at the sudden break in silence, but even wider at the destruction he’d caused. Before him were hundreds upon hundreds of small wood chips, but most importantly, an empty doorway.

Sasuke took a bewildered moment to gape at his work. But after the immediate shock passed Sasuke made quick work of concealing his presence and creeping back out of the room, leaving the damage he did to the door to be dealt with by someone else. He chose to be cautious and conceal himself because he didn’t know if Kabuto or his friends were still lurking around and causing trouble.

Sasuke was more than a little relieved when his calculated wandering led him to Naruto and the others. Sasuke was using process of elimination on the paths in hopes of eventually finding some sort of exit or maybe helpful Anbu. Sasuke found no one, except for when he’d sensed his friend’s signatures out of the blue. He followed their chakra to what Sasuke had to assume was some sort of central hall, and then Neji tugged him inside a small room. Sasuke hadn’t known what was going on with T&I, but he’d resolutely decided that before anyone else he’d tell Kakashi-sensei about Kabuto. It was perhaps the only adult Sasuke actually trusted. Sasuke was flattered when he discovered that Naruto, Neji, and Ino had gone through so much trouble to save him; an unlikely crew that had one similar goal in mind and that protecting _him_. Sasuke would’ve started crying again if not for the crisis they all had still been in. Kabuto had done a number on him with his intimidation tactics and mind games. Kabuto made him an emotional wreck. But when Naruto suggested he go by himself, Sasuke summoned enough trust to fully believe in the capabilities of his friend.

Sasuke’s reasoning of going to singularly Kakashi-sensei singularly was a bit of a selfish one. He partially chose Kakashi-sensei because Sasuke couldn’t trust T&I at all after they’d let Kabuto in their ranks so easily, but the larger reason was because Sasuke didn’t know how to explain Kabuto’s questioning of him. Sasuke couldn’t very well lie to T&I about the questions Kabuto asked him. In dire situations like the one he was in its procedure for a Yamanaka to loot around his brain to ensure that he would be telling the truth. T&I would have found out that Sasuke thinks that the Leaf Village had something to do with the Massacre, as well as the secret that Shisui didn’t actually kill himself. While attacking his mind the Yamanaka’s might’ve discovered other secrets that Sasuke would rather not share. He just...as selfish as it was, Sasuke couldn’t in that moment risk the consequences of coming clean about Kabuto. And, and well...truthfully? Sasuke was confident that he could get away with not telling them. Kabuto was ordered to take Sasuke off the premise which means that Ibiki Morino thought that Sasuke had already left the T&I center; which means that nobody was looking for him. How would they ever find out that Kabuto had questioned him if they didn’t know that Sasuke had never left?

They wouldn’t suspect a thing. Sasuke had still felt horribly guilty about it all, but he was firm in his decision. He’d even had to keep it from Neji. Sasuke told Kakashi-sensei the story a few hours later, after Neji took him back to the hospital and talked to him for a good long while. Kakashi-sensei told Sasuke that he would handle it with such confidence that Sasuke had just naturally believed him.

Sasuke looks up at Kakashi-sensei now, wondering if Kabuto forfeiting the exams had been Kakashi-sensei’s doing. He’s also painfully curious if Kabuto is working for Orochimaru. He doesn’t know what Kakashi-sensei did to Kabuto. He doesn’t know if Kakashi-sensei did anything at all. However, it’s one of Sasuke’s rules to never be curious. Sasuke lives his life bound by his rules because he wouldn’t be alive at all without them.

So he stares at Kakashi for what feels like eternity, wondering if he should ask. In the end, Sasuke has rules, and one of his rules is to never be curious. He won’t ask, because it’s clear that Kakashi-sensei wants things to be normal between them. Besides, Sasuke had kept the fact that Shisui didn’t kill himself and that the village had something to do with the Massacre a secret from Kakashi-sensei. All Kakashi-sensei knows is that Kabuto is a rogue ninja and locked Sasuke in a room. He’s still unsure if leaving the other stuff out was a good plan, but he can’t fathom how Kakashi-sensei might react if Sasuke tells him what he strongly suspects about his clan.

He smiles up at his sensei, ruminating over the lengthy conversation that occurred between them. Sasuke had explained everything with great care, making sure that Kakashi-sensei detected not a single lie or cover-up. He hopes that it worked.

Kakashi-sensei says, “That _technique_ of yours...it didn’t look you had control over it.” Sasuke is whipped back into the present abruptly. He suddenly remembers all of his other problems. Sasuke still has no idea what he did to his opponent in the prelims. He also remembers that the medics currently think his name is Shisui. Shisui, Sasuke blinks. Shisui, who’s other Sharingan is lost. Sasuke glances behind him at the stack of papers that hold Shisui’s file.

Sasuke remembers to nod at Kakashi-sensei, mind whirring. Kakashi-sensei walks over and silently supports his wobbling figure. With his one eye Kakashi-sensei peers inside the paper bag in Sasuke’s hands and hums sympathetically. “I’ve had to do the eye-drops, too. Not fun, it kind of burns for a while after you use them.” He explains. Sasuke shrugs, unable to form proper words. It’s almost as if his mouth has forgotten how to move properly. Sasuke has way too much going on inside of his mind right now, making it near impossible to focus on anything external. His sensei helps him to the door, and they start to make their way down the hallway. Sasuke thinks over his apparent Mangekyou Sharingan, and the missing one that belonged to his cousin. He doubts the medical files will hold anything of significance, but there’s always a chance.

“...How did you get it?” Kakashi-sensei asks, voice hollow. Sasuke doesn’t have to ask Kakashi-sensei what he means. He’s asking how he developed the Mangekyou.

Sasuke clears his throat, absently musing over the fact that Kakashi-sensei is leading him back to the arena, and not to the cafeteria. Sasuke takes a deep breath. “The same way as you.” He answers.

Kakashi-sensei glances at him with obvious sadness. “Was it your parents?”

Sasuke looks straight ahead. “It wasn’t.” he declares. Kakashi-sensei’s eye darkens.

“Then who?” he wonders.

Sasuke thinks about it for a moment. The Mangekyou only appears when a person loses the will to live. When had that happened for Sasuke? In his youth, his will to live had been entirely absent, but he can still recall the exact day that his world shrank into an endless cycle of hopelessness. Sasuke responds, “After the Massacre...I....” Sasuke blinks, startlingly bringing his hand up to his face. He wipes away a lone tear. Sasuke thinks about Kakashi-sensei’s question. The day he’d lost his will to live was the moment Itachi left him. But Sasuke doesn’t consider it a loss. The way he’d lived with Itachi was closer to survival, and that will to live had been a rotten one. Itachi had destroyed everything, but it had allowed Sasuke to try to start again. At first starting over had been gruesome, but now, Sasuke knows he has a reason to go on. He smiles at Kakashi-sensei, but it’s the sad kind of smile with furrowed eyebrows and watery pupils. “After the Massacre I lost myself. I didn’t know who I was, and I had no reason to continue living. _But I do now_ , I do want to live. And not just for Sakura and Naruto...for myself,” he declares. Kakashi-sensei stops walking and removes his hands from his pockets. Sasuke follows suit, embarrassedly wiping his eyes and sniffing. Kakashi-sensei smiles with his eye, and Sasuke feels his chest warm. Kakashi-sensei carefully raises his hand to his own eye, voice lowering.

“I got your scroll, Sasuke.” He says quietly. Sasuke glances around himself unconsciously at Kakashi-sensei’s suddenly low tone. “I understand a few things better now. So thank you.” His voice lowers into a complete whisper now, gently placing a hand on Sasuke’s spine and moving Sasuke forward. Kakashi-sensei glances around suspiciously. Sasuke obediently starts walking again, straining his ears to catch Kakashi-sensei’s quiet words. “The Leaf Village now knows about your Doujutsu prowess, so chances are, you’ve already got a Chunin Vest waiting for you whether you win your tournament match or not. But...” Kakashi-sensei hisses sharply, “It also means that they’ll be expecting great things from you. Not just anyone has the Mangekyou Sharingan, as your scroll put it, ‘the Mangekyou Sharingan is as rare as a blue moon. One must endure suffering to achieve ultimate worthiness of the Mangekyou.’ Because of the Mangekyou’s rarity, people are going to start calling you the next Uchiha prodigy.” Sasuke glares at the ground.

“I know.” he explains quietly, lips pursing. Kakashi-sensei towers over him, causing Sasuke to stiffen.

Kakashi growls at him. “You don’t, Sasuke.” He hisses, forcing Sasuke to walk faster. “Now that you’re a prodigy, two things are going to happen. One, people will expect higher performance from you. Meaning they’ll be forcing big career decisions on you, like say, the opportunity to accept a position to train for the Anbu Hunter Ninja Corporation.” Sasuke feels himself pale at the prospect. “And two,” Kakashi-sensei continues, “Everyone will have an opinion about you.... _everyone_. Love, hatred, pity, you name it; your personal life is now in their hands to judge and criticize.”

Sasuke tries to stop walking but Kakashi-sensei shoves him forward. He gulps, mind reeling at the new problem to be stressed about. At this rate, Sasuke’s going to crack. He can’t believe he’s about to go watch all of his friends fight in dangerous one-on-one battles _and he’s supposed to pretend that everything’s okay._

He and Kakashi-sensei stiffen and wave at a medic passing by them, smiles disappearing when the medic can no longer see them. Kakashi-sensei leans back down closer to his ear, “You said that despite once losing the will to live you now wish to go on, right?”

Sasuke nods.

Kakashi-sensei sucks in a sharp breath. “It only gets worse from here. When things get bad, remember why your life is worth living, Sasuke. You’re going to need a ‘why’ if you want to get through this.”

_My why_ , Sasuke thinks, _my why is to help people_.

“Kakashi-sensei?” he starts, shoving down any hesitance. Kakashi-sensei hums low in his throat.

“I want to become a Chunin so I can join a medical program...can I still do that?” he asks, voice low.

Kakashi-sensei steps away from him and starts walking like normal, casually saying. “Leave it to me, Sasuke.”

Kakashi-sensei smiles down at him, raising his hand. Sasuke flinches at first, but after realizing that Kakashi-sensei just wants to rub his shoulder he relaxes. Instead of rubbing his shoulder like Sasuke thought he would, Kakashi-sensei stops halfway and forms a peace sign with his hands.

Sasuke snorts, shyly responding with a peace sign of his own.

They walk a little bit further, Sasuke forcing himself not to worry about Kabuto and Orochimaru, nor his newly acquired eyes. He has to slip back into the mindset of being a normal Genin taking the Chunin Exams...or well, a new mindset that involves playing the part of a prodigy taking the Chunin Exams. He has to make himself believe the act if he wants anyone else to fall for it. He clears his throat, willfully forgetting about the rest of his issues and deciding to mull over them later. Sasuke asks conversationally, “What matches did I miss?” He forces lightness into his tone, and Kakashi-sensei responds in kind.

Resuming a lackadaisical pace and posture Kakashi-sensei hums, “Naruto and Sakura haven’t gone yet, and it’s aggravating them greatly. You missed Shino Aburame and Yoroi Akado’s fight. Shino’s bugs crushed that other guy like a bug.” Kakashi-sensei explains, and because of the drawl in his voice, Sasuke’s not sure if the pun is intended or not. “I don’t know who’s up next.” Kakashi-sensei informs him unapologetically.

Sasuke glances at Kakashi-sensei, bouncing from foot to foot. “I really want to see.” He says anxiously.

Kakashi-sensei laughs at him. “...if you let me carry you we could probably move faster. Just, you know, throwing it out there.” Kakashi-sensei casually flips through Icha Icha Paradise as they walk, but Sasuke can see the slight flush to his cheeks. Sasuke doesn’t say anything for a moment, contemplating how ready he is for such close contact after his recent episode. _There’s no time like the present to improve,_ Sasuke decides. He needs a win today, and he counts letting someone get that close to him as a major achievement.

Nervously fiddling with his arm guard, Sasuke clears his throat. “Okay.” He agrees nerves prominent in his voice. Kakashi-sensei’s book disappears in a flash, and suddenly Sasuke’s sensei is crouching down in front of him. Sasuke takes a steadying breath. He wraps one hand around Kakashi-sensei’s shoulder, followed by the other one, pulling his body closer to Kakashi-sensei’s back. He swallows, warding away any and all thoughts of Itachi. He wraps both of his legs around Kakashi-sensei’s sides, and his sensei stands up.

Kakashi-sensei laughs at him, sounding slightly out of breath. Sasuke buries his face into Kakashi-sensei’s Jounin flack-jacket, holding on tightly. “Are you ready, Sasuke?” Kakashi-sensei turns his masked face to crinkle his eyes at him.

Sasuke presses his forehead firmly against his jacket, breathing deeply as his hands clench Kakashi-sensei’s shoulders in a vice grip. He struggles to respond. “Uh huh,” Sasuke manages to croak.

Sasuke learns that Kakashi-sensei is very, very fast. He bunches his hands tightly to his jacket as the world whips by them, until suddenly they are standing on the balcony right next to Naruto and Sakura, who have yet to notice their arrival. His teammate’s eyes are firmly fixed on the battle below. Sasuke briefly glances down to see the Kankaro Sand-nin guy preparing to fight off against Rock Lee, Neji’s teammate. Kakashi-sensei grins and pulls out his Icha Icha Paradise book as Sasuke casually walks up and leans against the railing. “My money on Rock Lee.” He drawls.

Sakura and Naruto jump a foot in the air and then split into wide grins. “Sasuke!” they cry. Sasuke smiles at them as they both burst into questions.

“What technique did you use? Are you alright?” their questions are in perfect synchronization. Sasuke unconsciously moves a hand to his throat, reminded of the choking.

“I’m alright.” He settles with, “As for the technique...I’m still sure not about that. I’ve got no clue what I did.”

“Ha! I win!” Naruto yells, hands flinging in the air. “I knew you had no clue what you were doing.” Naruto pats Sasuke’s shoulder with a wide grin. Sasuke stares at him uncomfortably.

Sakura guffaws. “So what you’re telling me you just won the match on accident!? Sasuke you lost me five dinners to Icheraku’s!”

Sasuke winces. Sakura’s going to be broke for a while. Then he blinks in astonishment, “Did you bet on me?” he asks incredulously, but inwardly he’s not that surprised. Sakura and Naruto chuckle nervously before Kakashi-sensei appears behind them and hits the two of them on the head with his book.

“No betting you two. Why do you think the word debt has bet in it?” he chastises. “Betting is the fool’s way to both earn and lose vast amounts of money quickly. Do you want to be fools or ninja?”

Sakura and Naruto cross their arms petulantly, but soon regain their vigor when looking over the match below them. “Rock Lee is facing off against that Sand guy!” Naruto enthuses. “I hope Rock Lee beats him into the dirt...I mean, bushy-brows is actually pretty cool when he’s not hitting on my girlfriend, you know?” Sakura giggles at Naruto’s exclamation, agreeing with him and launching into a conversation about the arm-wrestling they were doing the night before. Apparently, Rock Lee was undefeated.

Sasuke scoots next to them and similarly leans over the railing. His stomach flips with nerves at seeing the arena, remembering his own match. After the matches Sasuke is going to be checking up on his opponent. He’s worried he really hurt him, and if Sasuke accidentally loses control of his Sharingan like that again, then he wants to learn how to heal his victims.

Sasuke closes his eyes against his own will, for once not trying to escape his mind, but escape reality. Usually when he closes his eyes it’s a certain path to sink into horrific memories, but Sasuke’s not sure which is currently worse; memories of his past or the current hell he’s experiences. Reality hasn’t been this horrible for Sasuke in a long time; it kind of gives him a sense of déjà vu. He knows how to smile and he knows how to be convincing. Even if he doesn’t always show his reconnaissance prowess Sasuke’s far from rusty. Half of his life was spent lying to the faces of authority. Sasuke, despite popular opinion, is not squeamish. Kakashi-sensei may be worried about how he’s going to do under the pressure of the public eye, but Sasuke’s more concerned about Kabuto and Orochimaru, and another idea that has been haunting him lately. If Orochimaru can break into Konoha without anyone knowing, then why can’t Itachi?

Keeping his eyes closed Sasuke lets the sound of the world crash over him. Shouts of encouragement from his teammates, screeches of disappointment from a few distant Genin, the sound of knives clattering against the arena floor, the pages of Kakashi-sensei’s book absently turning....Sasuke takes in every single sound and then firmly pushes out of his senses. He needs to calm his mind and then-

_What the fuck._

_This guy._

With his mind in a state of calm Sasuke’s chakra senses had unconsciously settled out across the arena. His eyes snap open with a near inaudible growl. Sasuke senses two chakra signatures, and neither of them are good news. Across the arena on the Hokage’s balcony is Kabuto or “Horse” kneeling beside the Hokage seat. Sasuke could almost laugh out loud. The irony that Kabuto dropped out of the exams just so he could objectively observe them whilst posing as an Anbu does not go unnoticed by Sasuke. The second chakra signature makes Sasuke bubble with hysteria. Pressure builds at his eyes that he forcibly shoves down. Standing amongst the Jounin is not Misande Takumi the sensei of Kabuto’s Genin squad, but Orochimaru, Rogue Ninja of the Hidden Leaf.

Sasuke excuses himself from Sakura and Naruto, voice strained. He makes his way over to Kakashi-sensei and murmurs, “We’ve got a problem.”

Kakashi-sensei closes his book and laughs quietly, “At this point, nothing you could possibly say would surprise me.”

“Orochimaru’s posing as Misande Takumi.” Sasuke responds.

Kakashi-sensei snorts, but the sound lacks humor and is teeming with irritation. Sasuke’s two eyes and Kakashi-sensei’s one eye go wide as Sakura and Naruto shout in unison. “C’mon Lee! Is that the best you got to represent the Village Hidden in the Leaves?!” Sakura cups her hands over her mouth and shouts down to the fighting Genin.

Sasuke peers over the arena and see’s Rock Lee’s eyes light with determination. Kankaro growls something Sasuke can’t hear, and uses his hands to manipulate thin chakra strings through the air. Sasuke glares, a _puppeteer user, then_ , he realizes as a mechanical battle puppet the same size as Kankaro lunges at Lee with sharp spinning discs as hands. Sasuke keeps his eyes glued to the battle as he and Kakashi-sensei converse. “Sasuke, explain.” Kakashi-sensei mumbles, voice seemingly casual. Kakashi-sensei’s eyes don’t leave his book.

Sasuke watches Lee easily dodge the oncoming puppet with impressive speed, leaping over the mechanical creature to try to get to Kankaro. The puppet spits out a wave of weapons into the air, and Lee has to duck and land on the ground to dodge, pushing him even further away from his opponent. But Sasuke’s not worried. It looks like Lee is just getting warmed up.

“I mean,” Sasuke responds, “Exactly what I said. While you’re gawking at Orochimaru go ahead and check out the Anbu behind Lord Hokage, too.”

Kakashi-sensei hisses, fist clenching on his beloved book, “That’s not _horse!_ ” He instantly recognizes, recognizing the difference between the imposter and a former comrade.

“It’s Kabuto.” Sasuke clarifies.

“Shit.” Kakashi-sensei curses loudly and unexpectedly. Sasuke looks at him in surprise.

“I know it’s a situation, but keep your voice down!” he chastises. Kakashi-sensei shakes his head.

“Not you shit, _him_ shit!” Kakashi-sensei hides his book and gestures wildly across the arena. Sasuke blinks for a moment before suddenly there is a large man standing just three feet away from him, fist raised and looking like an exact copy of Rock Lee. Gai Maito, Sasuke realizes. Sasuke is surprised to find out that he’s even faster than the bingo books claim. He’s wearing a skin-tight green jumpsuit that is just way to revealing, and an odd bowler cut hair-style that is nothing compared to his dark colored bushy eyebrows.

Sasuke winces as the man shouts exuberantly, “MY ETERNAL RIVAL! At last you witness my protégée in action! You shall grovel at the greatness of my teaching capabilities!” he shouts fist raised before him with fire in his eyes. Sasuke is once again reminded of Rock Lee, but the grown man version of him. 

Kakashi-sensei looks ready to hide from his fellow Jounin. Instead he schools his features and squares his shoulders, eyebrow raising. Sasuke supposes that Gai must have a special quality about him that allows him to catch even people like Kakashi-sensei off guard. “I’m sorry Gai, I couldn’t hear you over the sound of my student’s Mangekyou Sharingan.” Kakashi-sensei drawls. Sasuke’s mind blanks at the unexpected compliment. He’s quick to school his features into a neutral expression, however. He has half a mind to tell Kakashi-sensei to shut it, when he remembers that the entire arena has probably already figured out that his eyes are very advanced. It’s best that Kakashi-sensei reveal the information before people decide to go snooping and find out more than Kakashi-sensei and Sasuke want them to. It’s very tactical, Sasuke observes.

Gai lets out an enraged shout. Sasuke jumps at the man’s vibrancy, taking a few cautious steps backwards. He stops when he feels a hand clap down on his shoulder. Sasuke jumps out of his skin and stumbles back into Kakashi-sensei’s side, eyes wide. Kakashi-sensei rests a reassuring hand on his shoulder, “Whoa there, Sasuke. It’s only Naruto.” Kakashi-sensei says slowly, his tone of voice obviously concerned. Sasuke takes in a shuddering breath, nodding sheepishly. Naruto looks him in the eyes skeptically, blinking in confusion. Sasuke walks over to him with an embarrassed shrug of his shoulders.

“Sorry, Naruto,” He apologizes.

Naruto holds out his hands pacifyingly. “Don’t worry about it, ba- um....” Naruto’s brow furrows and his cheeks dash bright red. He’d clearly been about to call Sasuke, ‘bastard.’ Naruto flounders and Sasuke isn’t denying his amusement. “baaaa...” Naruto’s eyes suddenly turn mischievous. “ _Baby bird!”_

“God no that’s worse!” Sasuke reels back, mortified.

“That’s _even better!”_ Sakura screeches, bounding up from behind Naruto and finally tearing her eyes away from Lee and Kankaro’s match.

Sasuke tunes back into to Matio Gai and Kakashi-sensei’s conversation. He can hardly focus on them talking, however, because he’s acutely aware that Orochimaru and Kabuto are present in the room. Sasuke’s beginning to think that there is no such thing as paranoia; it seems like nowadays anything can happen.

Sasuke smiles as Naruto and Sakura step by either side of him, giving him space but astutely noticing his distress and supporting him. Sasuke sends them grateful looks, but his anxiety doesn’t falter. Sasuke’s anxiety stops for no one.

“Ah, My Eternal Rival,” Sasuke can’t help but gawk at the prospect of Maito Gai and Hatake Kakashi, both ninja legends, being rivals. He’s never heard anything about that before. In a nerdy way, he delights in the new fact he’s acquired about the two legendary shinobi. “Observe my student as he starts to take this battle seriously.” Maito-sensei orders.

Sakura swivels around to Maito-sensei with her brow furrowed, “Starts? Lee has been kicking Kankaro’s ass!”

“Language,” Kakashi-sensei admonishes. Sakura dismisses him, turning back around to eagerly discover what else is up Rock Lee’s sleeve. Naruto follows suit, Sasuke in the middle of them as Team Seven leans over the railing.

Sasuke’s gaze flickers back to the Hokage stands. Lord Third is calmly smoking his pipe, oblivious to the potential danger his life is in. Sasuke looks to Kakashi-sensei and wonders why in the hell he’s not doing anything!

Sasuke bites his lips furiously and tries to distract himself by observing Lee and Kankaro’s match. Lee is talking loudly, his voice echoing around the mostly silent arena. “Now I shall REMOVE MY WEIGHTS AND WE WILL BEGIN THE TRUE BATTLE TO DISCOVER WHICH ONE OF US IS WORTHY OF CONTINUING THE EXAMS!” Lee makes many demonstrative motions before removing the bands around his legs, holding them on either side of him. _Boom!_ Lee drops the banded weights and they smash against the floor, leaving deep fissures in the arena terrain. Sasuke’s eyes bulge at the big craters the weights left, wondering how Lee was moving so fast, let alone standing, with those heavy weights attached to his body.

Kakashi-sensei hums. “Alright Gai, I’ll bite. That was pretty impressive.” He declares. Maito-sensei places both hands on his waist and gives a toothy grin.

“So you admit that I’ve surpassed you.” Maito-sensei gloats.

Kakashi-sensei gets out his Icha Icha book and snorts. “I wouldn’t go that far, Gai.”

On either side of him Sakura and Naruto scream in surprise. Now, Sasuke loves and appreciates the support his teammates are showing for him when he’s very obviously stressed, but he really does not _appreciate them shouting in his ear._ He grits his teeth and rubs his head tiredly. Naruto and Sakura don’t notice his pain. Their eyes are wide with wonder as they observe Lee disappear and Kankaro get effectively knocked out within the next minute. The match concludes with Rock Lee from the Village Hidden in the Leaves as he winner. Sakura and Naruto start cheering, somehow Maito-sensei managing to be even louder than them with his enthusiasm. Sasuke can’t hold onto his irritation for long when he’s surrounded by so many friends. A slow smile pulls onto his face and Sasuke joins in their cheering with, “That’s three wins for The Village Hidden in the Leaves!” he shouts out.

Sakura and Naruto’s shouts get even louder at the realization Sasuke provided that the Leaf is schooling the other villages. The two begin jumping up and down in excitement. Eventually Kakashi-sensei shuts all of them up with a simple clap of his hands. All of them stand at attendance, even Maito-sensei. “Alright, calm down. Your patriotic support is bordering arrogance.” He scolds. Sasuke, Naruto, and Sakura all quickly switch their expressions to that of regret.

“Yes, sensei!” they chorus, faces solemn. The expression is soon wiped off their faces when Maito-sensei shouts in excitement as his student races back up the stairs to stand before him. Sasuke notices that Lee’s wearing his leg-weights again. His eyes flicker to Kakashi-sensei, whose nose is buried in Icha Icha Paradise once more. Sasuke grits his teeth, wondering what is going on through his sensei’s mind. Two rogue ninja are spying on all of them and he’s just standing there! Sasuke peers at Kakashi-sensei with an analytical gaze. Kakashi-sensei’s hands are twitching ever so slightly, his nails digging into the bind of his paperback. Sasuke rolls his shoulders as Sakura and Naruto reluctantly pull away from him to congratulate Lee. His teammates are worried for him. He tries to calm himself by finding a reason behind Kakashi-sensei’s inert stance.

Sasuke racks his brain, thinking about how Orochimaru is a Legendary Sanin. It’s unlikely that even Kakashi-sensei could take him on. Meaning...if Sasuke and Kakashi-sensei reveal the rogue’s presence right now, there could be many casualties. Orochimaru and Kabuto together could cause mayhem, hurt foreigners, take hostages, ruin the Chunin Exams; yes, Kakashi-sensei must’ve already realized all of this. Lying in wait is the only option. The Leaf Village could start a war if they let foreigners die at the hands of a Leaf rogue. With that thought in mind he wonders is anyone else has noticed that Horse and Takumi-sensei are not who they say they are. He rules out Maito-sensei immediately. Not that he has anything against the boisterous sensei, but Gai Maito looks far too cheerful on behalf of his successful _protégée_ to be aware that rogue ninjas are watching. Sasuke blinks, realizing that he’s become severely lost in thought. He turns around and stands next to Sakura and Naruto. Both of them give him grins, and Sasuke notices that Neji and Tenten have meandered over to stand next to Team Seven and their sensei and teammate. He can’t help but chuckle a bit as Kakashi-sensei breaks into a startled laugh, joking back and forth with Maito-sensei. It’s good to meet Kakashi-sensei’s trusted comrades.

“Sasuke, how was your match?” Neji asks, coming up beside him. The rest of the group crows in agreement. Sasuke reluctantly opens his mouth to talk about it, but is interrupted by Hayate Gekko announcing loudly.

“Will Karin Uzumaki and Shikamaru Nara please make their way down to the arena?” Hayate calls out. All of their heads swivel around to stare across the arena to Shikamaru. The lazy Genin is slumping dejectedly as he heads towards Team Seven for the stairs. Another girl with crimson red hair looks extremely terrified as she heads over in the same direction as Shikamaru. Sasuke remembers her from before the Forest of Death. Her chakra signature was captivating, and Sasuke can feel that it still is. Even chakra exhausted, hungry, and mentally worn out, Sasuke can sense her signature perfectly. It feels like...red, fiery and with a hint of cinnamon. He’s never felt a signature so prominent before. As if sensing his gaze her head snaps up to meet his. Now Sasuke can observe that her hair is long and red, her eyes a similar color. She’s wearing black-rimmed glasses, and despite her small frame and terrified expression, the girl looks highly intelligent. All in all, Sasuke can’t help but stare. She offers him a coy smirk, and Sasuke gives a half-smile back. Sasuke suddenly feels a signature prod at his own, and a rush of cinnamon and fire fills his senses. The onslaught doesn’t stop, and Sasuke can see that she feels it to. Her wide eyes meet his and two of them stare. Sasuke wonders what his own signature feels like.

Naruto unexpectedly shouts, “Baby bird!” Sasuke turns to Naruto with a startled expression, hoping that Naruto’s new and improved nickname does not become a thing, especially now that all of Rookie Nine and Neji’s team are familiar with the story. “I _said_ , you called the win last time, who do you think is gonna’ win this time?”

Sasuke feels his gaze flicker back to Karin Uzumaki. “I didn’t know you had foreign relatives, Naruto.” He says in place of answering Naruto’s question.

Naruto’s eyes turn curious. “Yeah, I had no idea either. But I guess it makes sense, I mean, nobody knows who my parents were.”

Sasuke hums as Karin Uzumaki finally passes by them to get to the stairs. Shikamaru is moving at a turtles pace, so he won’t make it to them for a while. But Karin Uzumaki is here and Sasuke can’t help but call out, “Good luck, redhots!” he exclaims, almost disbelieving to his newfound confidence.

Karin swivels on him and her cheeks flush, before an impish look flickers in her gaze. She pushes her glances up her nose and stamps her foot, somehow shorter and smaller than even him. “I don’t need luck, waterfall!” she hurries across the pathway and down the steps at a much faster pace, a grin splitting both of their lips. Sasuke’s gaze follows her until a book smacks him on the head. He flails for a moment, spinning around to see that Kakashi-sensei is raising his visible brow at him. “No flirting with the competition.”

Sasuke splutters. Naruto and Sakura both giggle uncontrollably, and Sasuke throws his hands into the air, resigned to be the victim of constant teasing from his team. “What’s with the nicknames?” Tenten asks, head tilting to the side. As Sasuke thinks up a proper answer, they all move back over to the balcony edge to observe the next match.

Sasuke shuffles, wishing Nara would hurry up so he could avoid the brutal teasing of his friends. “I can sense charka and...she can, too.” Sasuke explains. _Waterfall_ , he can’t help but think. He knows that chakra can remind someone of anything, but a waterfall just seems a lot more peaceful than Sasuke feels.

Naruto makes a sound in the back of his throat, lowering his voice and saying something to Sakura. Sasuke turns away from their private interaction as Tenten asks excitedly, “Really? That’s so cool! You’re a real prodigy, aren’t you?” she gushes. Lee exuberantly begins shouting about one day besting Sasuke.

Sasuke chuckles nervously, but is saved from responding when Shikamaru walks by their group towards the staircase. Sakura briefly meets eyes with Shikamaru, something dark twisting in her expression. Sasuke remembers what went down between the three of them with a pit in his stomach. These Chunin Exams really haven’t made his life easier, have they? Shikamaru scoffs suddenly, shoving his hands into his pocket and picking up his pace for the first time since he began walking. Sasuke quickly turns away from the scene, eyes back on Tenten. She’s looking at him with an excited expression. “What does my chakra feel like?” she wonders, Neji humming curiously and Lee bouncing from foot to foot and asking, “Oooh! May you tell me mine as well?”

Sasuke’s about to answer, but halfway through opening his mouth to respond Sasuke’s head spins. Sasuke’s vision darkens and he sways where he stands. He clutches his head with the palm of his hand, Sakura instantly behind him and steadying his shoulders. Sasuke blinks until his vision fully returns. “Whoa.” Sasuke mumbles. “Sorry, dizzy...”

Naruto studies him. “Is it the Sharingan?” Sakura looks at him with similar concern. Neji’s gaze sharpens on him. 

“No, ah, no I’m fine.” Sasuke waves off. He doesn’t want to concern anyone right now. They have enough problems as it is. “I’m probably just hungry, haven’t had much to eat today.” he explains. Sakura and Naruto look skeptical, but can’t pester him further with Neji’s team standing right there. Sasuke turns his head downward just as Hayate Gekko announces the beginning of the next match.

Shikamaru and Karin create some distance between each other, the crowds hushing as the two begin their fight. Sakura tells Naruto, “I’m going to go find Ino and watch the match with her, okay?”

Naruto blinks at her and responds, “Do you want me to come with you?” Sakura shakes her head.

“No, you can stay with Sasuke. Sasuke, tell Naruto if you’re feeling sick, okay?” Sakura orders. She hurries down the hall and around the balcony to meet up with her friend. Sasuke turns his gaze downwards, wanting to sink into the ground permanently as issues and problems continue to resurface. Naruto scoots next to him, voice lowering. He’s embarrassed to admit that he forgot all about his fight with Sakura...and the reason behind it.

“What’s wrong?” Naruto asks knowingly, shifting so their shoulders are touching. Sasuke shakes his head and pulls away from him.

“My entire life,” he responds quietly. With more seriousness Sasuke side-eyes Naruto and mumbles, “Let’s save this talk until after the prelims, okay?” Naruto nods slowly, taking a deep breath and turning his head back down to the match. Sasuke follows suit and leans his arms against the balcony railing, but he can’t help but let his gaze briefly flicker up to where the Hokage is seated.

“My money is on Shikamaru.” Sasuke bets, despite Kakashi-sensei’s advisory against gambling. Naruto chuckles at him.

“Well, you’re the expert.”

The two of them settle in, absently bidding Neji’s team goodbye as Maito-sensei leads them over to where Asuma Sarutobi, Choji, Ino, and Sakura are all cheering on Shikamaru. He and Naruto stay where they are, Kakashi-sensei standing behind them. The three of them are collectively tense. Sasuke guesses that not only is Naruto perceptive enough to sense that something is wrong, but he’s only nervous about his upcoming preliminary match. Sasuke swallows, but can’t muster up enough cheer to give Naruto any words of comfort. Naruto can always tell when he’s lying anyway.

Shikamaru Nara and Karin Uzumaki’s battle turns out to be very boring. Being a chakra sensor, Karin can always tell when Shikamaru plans to use his Shadow Possession Jutsu. Shikamaru and Karin go head to head, but Karin is obviously outclassed in tactics and sheer skill. Karin can’t throw weapons very well, she has yet to cast a jutsu, and it’s very clear that all she has aside from chakra sensory is great dodging abilities and high endurance. It’s obvious that the longer the match draws out, the more Shikamaru grows frustrated. He has all the skills and intelligence to win this match, and as he grows angrier and angrier at being unable to trap his opponent, Shikamaru becomes motivated as well. Shikamaru’s shadow nips at Karin’s heels, but Karin jumps right onto the arena wall and runs across it, landing several meters away from Shikamaru. Shikamaru’s eye twitches. “You’ll never win if you don’t fight back!” he shouts at her.

“I won’t lose, either.” Karin responds, wiping her brow of sweat. She adjusts her glasses on her face. Sasuke himself is growing irate with the endless battle. Despite having a chakra-sensory connection with Karin, he’s still voting for his fellow Leaf Genin Shikamaru. And watching Shikamaru try and fail at every attempt to capture Karin using the same move over and over again is grating on his nerves. Sasuke knows that Shikamaru can do so much more than the Shadow Possession, so what is he waiting for? He’s just going to run himself dry of chakra, and Karin will be able to sense it when he does.

“Shikamaru!” Sasuke startles at the call of one Sakura Haruno from across the balcony. He gawks as Sakura cups her hands over her mouth and screams, “Shikamaru you damn one trick-pony!!” Sakura insults. For a moment Sasuke is worried, because Sakura and Shikamaru are fighting with each other. However confusion inundates him when Ino joins Sakura in shouting at Shikamaru.

“Yeah Shikamaru how come the only skill you have is the Shadow Possession? I’m embarrassed to be your teammate!” Ino screeches. Thrown for a loop, Sasuke watches his friends jump and down with fire in their eyes, fists raised and voices loud. Beside them Choji leans over the railing, potato chip bag absent.

“How do you plan on fighting in the third exams if you can only use one jutsu?!” Choji calls downs.

Naruto’s eyes suddenly dawn with realization. Sasuke watches in pure confusion as Naruto follows his friend’s lead, screaming, “It’s people like you that give the Leaf Village a bad name!”

Sasuke notices Shikamaru’s shoulders are shaking, and he worries that his friends have just made Shikamaru _cry._ Shikamaru puts a fist into his mouth, shoulders shaking even more violently. Sasuke realizes what the rest of his friends have already. Shikamaru is laughing.

“What’s happening?” Sasuke looks around himself, completely confused with not a single clue as to what his friends are doing. 

Naruto snorts at him, and Sasuke cheeks flush. “Shikamaru’s trying to keep his skills private for the third exams, we’re just...making sure that whoever his opponent is fully believes that Shikamaru is a waste of space. It’ll make his match ten times easier if he’s underestimated, and you know how lazy Shikamaru is.” Naruto explains. Sasuke blinks. It’s a very tactical move to keep his skills under wraps.

Naruto adds with a grin, “Plus it’s fun to scream at him.” to prove his point, Naruto cups his hands over his mouth and shouts, “NARA! You better shape up!” Naruto kicks the balcony fencing for good measure.

Sasuke looks at Naruto, wondering how in the world he could possibly think making himself look like a fool was fun. However, Kakashi-sensei pockets his book and declares, “That does look like it will relieve some of my stress.” He dramatically clears his throat, “I knew that Asuma was going too easy on you!” his voice is more commanding and disappointed than angry and loud, but it carries across the arena all the same.

Shikamaru barely manages to pull himself together, obviously trying his best not to break out into random laugher. A few minutes later that is filled with much screaming from Sasuke’s friends, Karin slips up, getting captured in Shikamaru’s shadow. He knocks her out using the wall of the arena to his advantage.

Sasuke joins his friend’s in their loud cheering, but his eyes follow Karin as she’s carted away by the medics. Something about that girl...Sasuke has a feeling he hasn’t seen the last of her.

Shikamaru makes his way back up the steps and passes by him, Kakashi-sensei, and Naruto with a half-smirk. Sasuke congratulates him, and as Shikamaru walks back to his team Naruto drags Sasuke along to join him. They meet up with Team Ten and Neji’s team, everyone talking so much that hardly anyone notices Sasuke’s silence. Kakashi-sensei comes over as well, and Sasuke has to admit that he prefers standing in the middle of the balcony rather than so close to the steps. Something about being closed to the steps caused him a strange amount of anxiety, but standing in the middle of the arena surrounded by comrades makes Sasuke feel comfortable.

The next match rolls around, being Temari against Tenten. They all cheer for Tenten brightly, but Temari isn’t deterred by her lack of voters at all. The Sunagakure girl wins with flying colors, and Sasuke can’t help but wince as Tenten is rushed out of the arena with obvious spinal injuries. Tenten is the first Leaf Ninja to lose a match and Sasuke can’t imagine that it feels very good. On the other hand, Temari looks triumphant, a wicked gleam in her eyes as she returns to the stands. Neji and Lee look very worried, and Ino promptly begins comforting them. Oddly enough, Sasuke feels very distant from the whole scene, present but not exactly participating.

Then the next match is called and everyone takes a moment to pause and double-check the names. “Uzumaki Naruto Vs. Akimichi Choji, please make your way down to the arena!” Hayate shouts. Choji and Naruto glance at each other before walking side by side in silence down the hall and over to the stairs.

Ino breaks the tense atmosphere with a clap of her hands and shout of, “C’mon Choji! Show that loser who is boss!” Sakura reels on her best friend with an outraged expression, before explosively shouting at her boyfriend.

“Don’t go easy on him, Naruto!” she demands.

It becomes clear very early in the match that Choji doesn’t stand much of a chance. Naruto is declared the winner, despite Choji’s renewed vigor at Asuma-sensei promising to take him out to barbeque should he win. Even though Choji lost he and Naruto shake hands and Asuma-sensei decides that Choji earned barbeque even in loss. Naruto wins by pinning Choji with a threatening kunai and demanding he forfeit. Choji does, and Sasuke is glad that Naruto chose to end the battle so non-violently. When Naruto comes back to the stands, Sakura gives Naruto a big kiss on the cheek, which Kakashi-sensei is quick to break up with a furious scowl, which leads to Kakashi-sensei, Maito-sensei, and Sarutobi-sensei all getting into an argument about ‘youthful romance’. Matio and Sarutobi-sensei argue that kids will kids and should be allowed freedom, while Kakashi-sensei firmly dismisses their leniency with much less wishy-washy arguments and actually valid points. Their pointless bickering lasts until the next match is chosen.

Neji Hyuga Vs. Hinata Hyuga is displayed on the screen. Sasuke swallows, the crowd suddenly silenced. Naruto and Sakura break out into protest, declaring that family shouldn’t have to fight family. Neji doesn’t protest however, face pale and hands quivering. Neji’s sensei seems to sense an issue but looks reluctant to broach the topic. Before Neji can walk down to the arena Sasuke grabs his hand and squeezes it tightly. Neji looks back at him, his eyes full of determination. Sasuke hopes that Neji knows what he’s doing. Neji’s always been hard to read.

Hinata passes by them on her way down, her teammates cheering her on before the match has even begun. She looks incredibly nervous, but none of them offer her any words of comfort. None of them know what to say. Hinata and Neji are very close, but they are also segregated by the Main and Branch system that the Hyuga family lives by. Sasuke’s has not a single clue what’s going on in the minds of his two friends. Naruto tries to make light of the situation, asking who Sasuke thinks is going to win. Sasuke’s toes curl as Hinata and Neji stand opposite of each other with obvious apprehension. He responds to Naruto, “I don’t think anyone who comes out of a match like this a winner.” He settles with. In terms of strength, Neji is stronger. But is Neji willing to hurt his younger cousin, the person he’s sworn to protect?

“Let the match begin!”

Unlike the other matches, neither Neji nor Hinata move. The crowd holds their breath at the still opponents. Neji and Hinata don’t even settle into defensive or offensive stances. They look at each other with squared shoulders and unflinching gazes. Then swiftly and sullenly, Neji kneels, head bowed. Sasuke can feel the entire crowd tense. Even the foreigners who don’t know the dynamic of the Hyuga clan recognize such an obvious display of subordination. Sasuke grits his teeth at the sight of kneeling friend. He’s not surprised by Neji’s actions, but he would never have been able to predict them.

Hinata walks forward, her sandaled footsteps clacking. Hayate Gekko looks obviously nervous. The walk feels longer than it should, but despite her slow pace and confident posture Sasuke does not arrogance. Hinata stops before Neji, kunai in hand. She raises her arm into the air, Neji obviously tensing, but she doesn’t harm Neji like Sasuke is anticipating. Sasuke unconsciously gasps, as do many others in the crowd, as Hinata drops the weapon abruptly and with her hand still in the air makes a quite yet firm declaration.

“I’d like to f-forfeit this match.” She nods politely to the proctor, who is standing stock still in shock. Neji’s head snaps up with eyes wide and an unguarded expression.

“Hinata-sama?” Neji’s voice wobbles. Sasuke leans forward as Hayate Gekko nervously looks between them. 

“Wait, what?” Sakura wonders, head whipping back and forth. Kakashi-sensei’s eye is wide, and he doesn’t even try to respond to his student’s confusion. Typical Sakura, ready to deliberate and handle a situation before anyone else has even processed it.

Neji unexpectedly shoots to his feet, hand raised in the air. Sasuke can’t help but smile at his friend’s brave next words. “I’d like to forfeit this match as well, sir.” Neji snarls.

Hayate Gekko splutters. Hinata’s hand flies to her mouth, but Neji stands beside her and nods. “You’re a fool, Hinata-sama.” He declares, but his voice is warm.

Hinata’s shoulders relax, and Sasuke can see that her eyes are starting to water. “If I accomplish something, I want to accomplish it on my terms, not because of my last name. If I let you let me win, I would never have been proud of myself.” She reasons. She and Neji turn to Hayate with expectant gazes. Sasuke feels his face split into a grin.

“Uh, um...well...” Hayate clears his throat. “Due to a draw neither participants will be passing on to the next exams.” He informs the crowd, and with his statement comes a flurry of noise from fellow participants and onlookers. Hinata Hyuga and Neji Hyuga leave the arena and ascend the stairs side by side, neither smiling but both radiating pride.

“Holy shit.” Kakashi-sensei curses.

Asuma-sensei lights a cigar. “Well I’ll be damned.” He admires.

Sakura is whispering back and forth with Ino in shock. Beside him Naruto shrugs his shoulders. “What’s the big deal?” he asks Sasuke, “So they didn’t want to fight each other. I don’t get it.”

Sasuke chuckles softly. “It’s more than that, Naruto. Neji was going to let Hinata win because Neji is considered of lower status. He was acknowledging the difference between them. Hinata basically just declared that she and Neji are one in the same. She ignored Neji’s subordination and evened the playing field. It’s...”

Naruto finally understands. “Oh, they just broke some weird ass tradition.”

Sasuke sighs. “Yes, Naruto...but you make it sound so rebellious when it’s actually quite beautiful.”

Kakashi-sensei tweaks Sasuke on the ear with his forefinger and thumb. “Rebellion _is_ beautiful, Sasuke.”

Before Sasuke can respond to that absolute nonsense, Hinata and Neji approach their Leaf Genin gathering. Kiba, Shino, and their sensei Kurenai Yuhi rush over to them, Kiba and Akamaru enveloping Hinata’s petite frame in a monster hug. Hinata squeaks, but relaxes into the embrace. Shino joins the hug, face buried into Hinata’s neck. Neji clears his throat and Hinata’s two teammates freeze before quickly removing themselves from Hinata in embarrassment. Kiba rubs his head sheepishly and Shino turns away, pulling his shirt collar higher up his face. Neji observes them with his arms crossed. Kurenai Yuhi takes the liberty of hugging Hinata tightly into her chest, Neji’s stern gaze breifly softening at the sight before turning back to stare down Kiba and Shino threateningly. Naruto nudges Sasuke in the side as they both observe them with silly, uncontrollable grins.

“Rebellion is beautiful, you know?” he mumbles. Sasuke laughs at his emotional teammate, Sakura jabbing Naruto in the side and snapping at him to,

“Get it together, Naruto!” 

Sasuke meets eyes with Neji as Lee rushes over to him, crying dramatically and ranting about youth. Gai bounds over to Neji, telling him that now that their team’s final match has concluded they should go visit Tenten in the medical wing to see how she’s faring. Lee agrees loudly, but Neji asks Gai if he can have a minute before leaving the arena. Gai acquiesces. Sasuke glances at Sakura and Naruto in surprise when Neji nods farewell to Hinata but strides over to Sasuke, leaning towards him and asking swiftly, “Could I talk to you for a minute?”

Sasuke nods a bit, “Definitely.” He excuses himself from Sakura and Naruto. Neji pulls him aside, all the way to the back of the balcony and against the wall. Sasuke leans forward, shoulders hunching as he and Neji huddle close in an attempt to block out eavesdroppers. Sasuke briefly checks over his other friends to ensure they’re a proper distance away. All of them are converses happily, Maito-sensei standing next to Lee as he waits for Neji and discussing something with Yuhi-sensei. 

Neji lowers his voice, his eye twitching. Neji’s right eye always twitches when he’s frustrated, it’s from years of using the Byakugan, and Neji left eye is a bit weaker than his right. “When in the hell did you get the Mangekyou?” Neji cuts to the chase. Sasuke had been expecting a question of the like, but it was still jarring to be reminded of his awakened Doujutsu.

Sasuke sucks in a sharp breath, not even questioning how Neji knows the name of Sasuke’s new, strange Sharingan. “Okay I don’t have all of the answers for you.” Sasuke begins, mind wracking for an answer that would appease his freind, but Neji interrupts.

“Is this why you needed that scroll all about the Sharingan?” he wonders. Sasuke flinches, creating some space between Neji’s face and his. About a week and a half ago, when Sasuke remembered that he wanted to thank Kakashi-sensei for all that he’d done, Sasuke had deliberated thoroughly until coming up with the brilliant idea to get him a scroll on his Sharingan. He’d remembered how little Kakashi-sensei knew of the Sharingan on the Mission to Waves and wanted to help Kakashi-sensei out. He even thought to get him a scroll on the Sharingan itself and on implanted Sharingan, which Sasuke knew from his childhood bookworm days were located underneath the Clan Shrine in a big library-like facility. The only problem was that it had been years since Sasuke visited the Uchiha Compound. He hadn’t wanted to step a foot in ghost town. Sasuke had considered going to Naruto, but was worried the dobe would one, be accused of breaking and entering, or two, no be able to find the entrance, let alone the specific scroll. Then he’d thought of Sakura, but she was always busy with training, the library, and recently hanging out with Naruto, so he only had one more person he’d ever consider asking a favor from. Sasuke had trudged his way to the Hyuga Manor and endured the grueling questioning of the Hyuga guards before finally making into the actual building where his friend was summoned to greet a guest. Neji was pleasantly surprised to see him, for it was rare that the two of them could find time to hang out with each other, especially over the past few months. He’d requested Neji’s assistance and his friend had readily agreed to get the scroll for him. They had agreed to meet up sometime next week in the park to train and catch up, but it just so happens that the next time Sasuke and Neji saw each other was a bit earlier than they’d anticipated, during the Chunin Exams. 

Neji sighs. “Sasuke I’m not mad at you.” He says, but Sasuke feel confusion bubble because his tone of voice is evidently irritated. “I’m mad at myself for not being able to help you.” Neji looks at him imploringly, the twitch disappearing from his eye as he takes a calming breath.

He and Neji both freeze as Ino whoops loudly. Glancing at the screen, the two of them notice that the Yamanaka has been pitted against Kiba Inuzuka. Ino cracks her knuckles and Kiba puffs out his chest, the two of them eyeing each other suspiciously. Sasuke turns away from the scene and back to Neji, “Look I’ve been having a really shitty month, and I’m sorry I didn’t come to you sooner but between the team assignments, being a new Genin, the C-rank gone wrong, and now the disastrous Chunin Exams, I haven’t exactly had the time to sit down with a cup of coffee for small talk.” Sasuke rants.

Neji shifts, uncrossing his arms to look at him imploringly. “It’s...it’s just that, I thought _you couldn’t_ get the Sharingan at all.” He raises both eyebrows pointedly, quickly looking around to make sure their conversation is still private. As a prodigy himself, Neji is all too familiar with the press; and people wonder why the two of them are so uptight.

Sasuke runs his hands through his hair. Neji is one of few that know about Sasuke’s _birthrig_ ht. “I thought I would never be able to control it. But here we are.” Sasuke motions in between them, a small laugh leaving his throat. He wishes that they had more time to talk, but Maito Gai and Lee are getting impatient, and Sasuke’s own team has begun sending them curious looks.

Neji sighs. “Yeah...I would never have guessed five years ago this is where I’d end up. Forfeiting a fight for freaking Hinata Hyuga, the disowned heiress of the Hyuga Clan,” Neji shakes his head. “Little me would probably have a heart attack at seeing how we turned out.”

Sasuke snorts, eyes rolling. “Mom always said that permanence is just a silly bedtime story we tell to kids so they can sleep at night. She was paranoid, but not wrong.” Sasuke concedes. “I feel like everything’s changing.”

Neji laughs. “Hey, not you and I....we’re still us.” Neji moves his hand very cautiously, placing his hand on his shoulder, giving Sasuke a sense of calm that only Neji can make him feel.

Sasuke shakes his head, a grin splitting his face. Neji falters. “What? Too corny?” he wonders in embarrassment, reaching his hand up to pinch Sasuke in the cheek teasingly. Sasuke leans away with a laugh, cheeks aching from his silly grin.

“No, no,” Sasuke reassures, “I’m just really happy that you said _you and I_ instead _me and you_.”

Neji breaks out into startled laughter. Sasuke forgot how much he cared for his friend. They both stand opposite of each other for a minute, basking in the normalcy the two of them can provide for each other. Eventually, as Maito-sensei’s and Lee’s restless becomes harder to ignore, Neji sighs deeply. “I better get back to my team. I’m actually really worried about Tenten.”

Sasuke coos. “Aww, look at you, being a good person!” he exclaims teasingly.

Neji doesn’t respond, turning away and back to face his intense teammate and sensei. If Neji was a less man, he’d have given Sasuke the finger.

Feeling more comforted than he has all day, Sasuke approaches his teammates, who are cheering loudly for Ino. At first he wants to admonish them for picking sides, but realizes that Sakura and Ino are best friends, Naruto’s is Sakura’s boyfriend, and Kiba is kind of an asshole. Sasuke whoops loudly, deciding to join the fun. “Go Ino!”

Kiba, down in the arena, raises his fist at Team Seven. “I’m officially de-friending all of you!” he shouts at them. Hinata looks ready to protest, but Kiba beats her to it. “Hinata is the only that remains!” Shino guffaws, pointing at himself in shock. Sasuke shrugs at him sympathetically. Shino always gets the shaft. Hinata blushes brightly at Kiba’s proclamation and begins fiddling with her fingers, navy hair obscuring her face from view. 

Team Seven bursts into a fit of laughter. Sasuke tells Naruto, “My money is on Ino.” Naruto throws his arms into air.

“You have yet to be wrong, my friend.” Sasuke hears Hinata giggle.

He turns to her with a tilt of his head and she says quietly, “Aw man, h-how’s Kiba supposed to win now? I don’t think you’ve ever lost a bet in your life, S-Sasuke-san.” She complains.

Sasuke blows the hair out of his face, crossing his eyes and saying wittily, “Well Hinata-san, the trick is to eat all of the jellybeans out of the jar and then guess zero.” He says, waving his arms about to prove his point. Hinata’s eyes go wide and her shoulders shake with laughter. Sasuke pauses, noticing his teammate’s silence. He glances beside him to decipher what in the world caused Naruto to shut his mouth.

Naruto is stiff, glancing behind him to confirm that Kakashi-sensei is distracted. When Naruto sees that Kakashi-sensei is deep in conversation with that Anko Miterashi woman Naruto turns around and brings Sakura under his arm. Kakashi-sensei doesn’t notice, leaning forward into Anko Miterashi’s personal space and talking with a grin. Suddenly Naruto whips back around, pulling away from Sakura in shock. “Oh my gosh.” He whispers. Sasuke marvels at the quietness of Naruto’s tone.

Sakura raises an imploring eyebrow, giving Naruto her full attention. “What is it, Naruto?”

“Behind you,” Naruto prompts. Sasuke purses his lips as Sakura turns around and her jaw drops. Sasuke looks at them in confusion.

“What?” Sasuke wonders.

Naruto motions over to their sensei. “Oh you’ve got to be kidding, Sasuke! Kakashi-sensei has a girlfriend!” he points at the two laughing Jounin who, even though they’re only a few feet away, are oblivious to Naruot’s words.

Sasuke’s mind blanks. He turns to Kakashi-sensei skeptically, but Naruto and Sakura’s attention spans have already run dry, refocusing on the match. Sasuke reluctantly follows their lead. He’s sick of watching battles, but it’d be suspicious not to. Sasuke has eyes watching him from every corner of the room. Sasuke chokes however when Ino suddenly collapse, blond head banging against the dirty arena floor. Sasuke watches with worry as Ino doesn’t move in inch, face slackened and eyes closed. Akamaru is the first to react, barking loudly and rushing over to Ino’s pale form. Akamaru’s tail droops as he sniffs Ino. Kiba drops his weapons and speeds over to his friend, shaking her shoulder. “Ino? INO!” he yells. From beside them Shikamaru bolts upright, mouth gaping and hands gripping the railing tightly. Asuma-sensei jumps up to go into action but stops short as both Anko and Kakashi-sensei grab his arms. It’s a strange sight. Sarutobi-sensei a very broad man and Anko and Kakashi-sensei are both lithe, yet perfectly capable of holding him back. “It’s not what you think!” Kakashi-sensei chastises, just as Shikamaru smirks and slumps back into the railing, scoffing and averting his eyes.

Sasuke begins to understand that something strange is going on when Hayate Gekko doesn’t call the match. The proctor just stands and watches.

Akamaru’s worried barking suddenly turns into whimpering. Akamaru collapses onto the floor, leg twitching violently. Kiba forgets all about Ino and dives for his dog, wailing loudly. “Akamaru!” he screams, distressed. Two things happen in the blink of an eye. The first is that Akamaru stops whining abruptly, wiggling his tail as if perfectly fine. The second is that Ino jumps off of the ground and slams the back of a kunai knife against Kiba’s skull. Kiba collapses to the floor and as if he isn’t already knocked out Ino jumps on top of him, presses her thighs on either side of Kiba’s back. She whips out a kunai and holds it against Kiba’s neck. Ino pants visibly, eyes dark but mouth twitching into a devilish smirk.

“And the winner of this match is Yamanaka Ino!” Hayate Gekko states loudly, causing Asuma to slump in relief and Kakashi-sensei and Anko to relax their grip on him, patting their friend consolingly on the back. Ino’s dark look disappears in a flash and she gets off of Kiba, briefly cooing at Akamaru. Sasuke leans away from the rail with a shocked shake of his head.

“Remind me not to mess with her.” Naruto gulps. Sakura cheers, clapping her hands and hollering praise.

Ino skips away from her downed opponent cheerfully, looking ready to burst with excitement. She begins ascending the stairs, a smile permanently glued to her lips. Sasuke turns around to see Asuma wiping his brow in relief as Kakashi-sensei and Anko stop comforting him and begin to tease him without mercy. Sasuke is starkly reminded of Sakura and Naruto teaming up against him, and wonders if Naruto and Sakura’s assumption is correct. Are Kakashi-sensei and this Anko Miterashi in a relationship? Kakashi-sensei notices him staring and motions him over. Sasuke walks over to him, Naruto and Sakura rushing over to go meet Ino halfway and begin congratulating her. Sasuke nods in greeting at Kakashi-sensei, but Kakashi-sensei finds the distance between the unacceptable and grabs him into his side, ruffling his hair. Sasuke tolerated his sensei’s affection as Kakashi-sensei motions to him and then to his friends. “Sasuke, this is Asuma and Anko. Asuma and Anko, this is my adorable student Sasuke.” He introduces, mussing up Sasuke’s hair once more for good measure. Sasuke waves at them uncertainly. Anko laughs.

“I already know the brat, Kakashi. Or did you forget that I was the Forest of Death Proctor?” She rolls her eyes sarcastically.

Kakashi-sensei waves his hand. “Maa, Anko, you must be confusing me with Asuma over here. He’s been losing his memory left and right.” Miterashi-san crosses her arms with a mischievous grin as Sarutobi-sensei sighs despondently. 

“Where is Kurenai when you need her?” Sarutobi-sensei grabs a cigar from his pocket and lights it swiftly. Sasuke nods sympathetically, but is anxious to join his friend’s in congratulating Ino.

He looks over at them and notices that Shikamaru has joined his teammates in praising Ino’s sneakiness. Sasuke looks up at Kakashi-sensei hopefully. “Sir, can I go congratulate Ino?” Kakashi-sensei opens his mouth to respond, but Sarutobi-sensei beats him to it.

“Wait hold on _sir_?” Sarutobi-sensei interjects. “You make him call you _sir_? I thought you loosened up on the rules.” He frowns at Kakashi-sensei.

Kakashi-sensei’s face freezes for a moment, looking pained. Sasuke is shocked to see that someone’s opinion has affected his sensei. Kakashi-sensei has always appeared...untouchable to Sasuke. Sasuke finds his stomach boil with anger at Kakashi-sensei’s supposed friend jabbing at something Kakashi-sensei is obviously sensitive about. Sasuke tilts his head with furrowed brows, “I’m sorry what does that mean?” he asks curiously. “Are you insulting my sensei or are you patronizing him because I,” Sasuke motions to himself, “I happen to choose entirely on my own to address my sensei with respect.”

Sarutobi-sensei removes his cigar from his mouth, hands raising placidly. “I didn’t mean anything by it, your sensei just used to be really strict on the whole ninja rules thing, kid. I was looking out for him.”

Anko turns to Sarutobi-sensei this time, head tilting. “And that’s your business why? Honestly Asuma, in what realm is that your business?” Before Sarutobi can respond, Anko wheels onto Sasuke and snaps her fingers at him. “Go ahead and say congrats to your friend, brat.” She says forcefully. Sasuke spins on his heel, stomach twisting in knots. But despite his anger at Asuma for hurting Kakashi-sensei, he decides that whether or not Anko and Kakashi-sensei are a couple, he approves of her immensely.

But all of this is wiped from his mind as Sasuke joins his friends and they group up to watch the next match, not because of the names on the electronic board, but because _Takumi-sensei_ is approaching their group with a wicked gleam in his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya'll are awesome for sticking around until this chapter! If you have any questions i'm always open for answering (but try not to ask spoiler questions)


	29. ...No More! (Part 3 of To Die For)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi's plan starts to unfold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, so this is unintentionally really long, and i was going to make it even LONGER so, enjoy this, but know that it ends in a teensy bit of a cliffhanger.

_Fear and I are old enemies. I’ve won many fights against fear, but I’ve lost even more. The strange thing about fear is that it behaves according to every person it comes across. Fear is like a mold, shaping itself around a person and solidifying, trapping them in its clutches. Fear can be tempting to listen to. Fear uses your own insecurities against you and is always, always watching. Fear knows you better than anyone else and knows how to make you squirm. Fear can be physical, like in rapid heart palpitations, short-breath, shaking hands, wide eyes; most of the time fear is uncontrollable._

_Fear isn’t always the enemy. Sometimes, fear is good. Fear prepares you for something like a big test, or maybe it stops you from doing something stupid like jumping off undesignated cliffs. But whether the fear is for your own safety or not, nobody likes to feel afraid. It’s uncomfortable. In my particular life there is much fear. Some fear I learn is helpful and other terror I must overcome._

_But always, always, fear is watching. Waiting for a moment to warn me, to hold me back; fear of public speaking, fear of gaining weight, fear of bee hives, fear of heights, fear of failing, fear of love, fear of pain, fear of sorrow, fear of reliance, fear of death, fear of life, fear, fear, fear. So what is fear? Why can everyone feel it? Why aren’t I afraid of the same things as you? Why does something that paralyzes me do nothing to you? I don’t know. I don’t know what is so halting about fear. I don’t know why a stomach full of butterflies is so painful. What I do know is this. When a large of group people fear the same thing, a bond forms between them that has the power to start a war, create chaos, burn the fear into nothing but ashes. Nobody wants to be afraid. When I was little, I was terrified of spiders. I told everyone I hated them. But that wasn’t quite right. I didn’t hate spiders, I was scared of spiders. People tend to hate the things that cause them fear. So what happens when a group of people fear one thing more than anything else, hate one thing more than anything else? First, they have to find out that they aren’t alone. They have to realize that so many other people are scared, just like them._

_This is a story about fear, and how it turned my world to ash. But I’d rather build my life on ash than live my life in fear of being burned._

_\--Kakashi Hatake, Journal Entry Number One_

For once, Kakashi is in a hospital room voluntarily. It’s a strange thing for him to do. He’s always hated hospitals and usually leaves at the soonest chance possible; but then again, Kakashi’s hardly ever been inside a hospital to visit someone else. He can count the times that he’s been the visitor and not the admitted on one, singular hand. Sakura is sleeping peacefully on the hospital bed, despite her matted pink hair tear stained cheeks. Kakashi is thankful that her sleep is peaceful, unlike her like her previous fit of sleep which had been full of random kicking and mumbling. It wasn’t violent enough to prompt the nurses to bind her, thankfully. Kakashi knows from intimate experience how jarring it can be to wake up with bound hands and feet, especially after a traumatic experience.

Kakashi and Anko practically worked together to seal Orochimaru’s curse mark, if what Kakashi did counts as helping. Sakura was nervous throughout the experience, but kept relatively quiet up until Kakashi was about to leave the room. She’d pleaded for him to stay. Kakashi explained that for the sealing process Sakura would have to be in her undergarments, that Anko was plenty qualified and she had nothing to worry about, but Sakura shook her head furiously and protested with such vehemence Kakashi relented and decided to stay. He’d brought his headband over both of his eyes, pulled over an uncomfortable hospital chair, and sat down beside her for the rest of the process. Sakura kept impressively calm and let Anko work on painting the intricate designs across her body without even flinching at the cold paint. She would occasionally ask curious questions that Kakashi answered to the best of his ability, but sometimes her questions had much to complicated of answers, like the origin of the seal they were using for the curse mark and if they used red paint instead of black would that affect the process? She’d asked if it would be painful and Kakashi and Anko both told her that it was likely the sealing would hurt more than the bite, a fact neither of them cared for. Sakura hadn’t seemed surprised. She’d grit her teeth and nodded, but collapsed into sobs the moment Anko activated her chakra signature and began the sealing process. It lasted ten or fifteen seconds of Sakura hysterically screaming and crying until she’d slumped into unconsciousness. Kakashi’s hands had clenched on arms of his chair with such vehemence Kakashi fears he will have permanent indents in his skin.

Even though he hated watching his student bear the pain of the curse mark, he’s relieved that she’s no longer being tormented by it. His chest tightens at the reminder of her screams. Now both of his student’s screaming will be burned into his skull for eternity. He still doesn’t know why Naruto was in so much pain, but plans to have a thorough conversation with his student whenever Naruto inevitably decides to try and visit Sakura again. He can’t get that video of Naruto out of his head.

Getting Sasuke and Naruto out of the hospital room, however, turned out to be surprisingly easy, as both of them understood the gravity of the situation with a level of maturity he’s both proud and gloomy that they possess. Naruto and Sasuke have yet to come back to see Sakura, and Kakashi debated internally on telling them that they’re welcome to visit, but ultimately decided he was too exhausted to try and do anything but sit beside Sakura in relief.

Surprisingly enough, the toughest kid to keep out of Sakura’s room was Ino. She’d pestered about Sakura’s injuries with suspicious blue eyes yet a charming smile that is proof enough of her relation to Inoichi. She’d trapped him in small talk, obviously waiting to be invited inside to see Sakura. Anko eventually came out and barked at the small girl to go away. Anko’s rudeness towards the child didn’t surprise Kakashi but he felt the need to scold Anko anyway, but Anko hardly listened to him. He hasn’t heard a peep from any pesky children for a while, and he’s embarrassed to admit how much he needs this small break, leaning back against the hospital chair with his book resting on his face with closed eyes. He loves his students, and it warms his heart to see how many friend’s Sakura has; Hinata, Kiba, and Shino had all made their way to Sakura’s hospital room at one point or another to ask how she was doing. He’d been forced to explain that Sakura was being treated and that only family was permitted entry _to all of them, individually_. Of course, it wasn’t all adorableness, the children were very stubborn and insisted on asking about what exactly Sakura’s was recovering from, as well as the progress she was making All things that Kakashi explained again and again he couldn’t tell them. Kakashi swears that if one more child speaks to him as if he and they have the same IQ he’s going to retire and become a grumpy old greenhouse-keep...and he doesn’t even know a thing about plants. That’s the point Sakura’s friends have pushed him to.

Kakashi is sitting alone beside Sakura. Anko left after helping him seal the mark, having plenty of other business to attend to. Kakashi is grateful for her help. The Forest of Death left her scrambling with duties, stretching from scouring the premise of the Training Ground 44 to examine any evidence Orochimaru left behind, all the way to writing condolence letters to the Villages who lost their Genin. Her job is a tough one, but there are few people better suited to run the exams than she. Still, Anko told him that after this disaster of a year, she’s quitting the weighty responsibility of proctoring the Chunin Exams. He can understand. Orochimaru ambushing the exams was a shock nobody was prepared for, let alone his ex-student.

Kakashi sits, curls his toes inside his ninja sandals, trying to relax his sore muscles as he ponders intently over his next move. What must be done is simple in construct but difficult in performance. Kakashi needs to lay low and ensure that not a soul catches wind of he and Anko’s plan, which means repetitive small talk and relaxed posture. Kakashi mentally reviews every single thing he might do on a normal day, including ticks, words, and inside-jokes. He plans what-if conversations in his head in an attempt to minimize the amount of unpredictable variables that could make him pause. He knows he should be resting, but with everything that’s happening it’s impossible to force his brain to rest instead of obsess.

Kakashi jerks however when a familiar face barges into the hospital room. The book slips off his nose and his eyes go wide, shoulders squaring, hurriedly standing up and falling into an instinctual bow.

Ibiki Morino is a very controlled man. It is a rare and worrisome occasion when something perturbs his control. Kakashi stands up from his bow and watches the man huff and puff by the doorway, official T&I badge in hand in case any medical ninja’s attempt to throw him off the premise. He looks at Kakashi with a grim face, and Kakashi mirrors him. Kakashi doesn’t like Ibiki Morino, both from a personal and moral objective. Back when he was in the Anbu, it was often Ibiki he reported to Ibiki is a very strict Constant Prerogative, and Kakashi doesn’t doubt that Ibki would kill him if he found out his plan. First however, he’d mercilessly interrogate him to discover if Kakashi had any associates.

Ibiki is an undemocratic man with a totalitarian outlook on life. He is very wary of him. It would take much more than a sob-story to dissuade Ibiki’s loyalty. Ibiki’s comfortable in his privilege, comfortable with the idea that hundreds of others work underneath him and endure horrible circumstances. It’s not that Ibiki doesn’t care about the general populace, it’s that Ibiki thinks of life on a much larger scale. He considers pain to be an unavoidable misfortune, an inevitability that can’t be changed no matter how much one tries. In Ibiki’s eyes, Konoha gives a good amount of people a life where suffering is absent, and he is willing to sacrifice anything to avoid a world where all suffer. So no, Kakashi doesn’t care for the man. Ibiki is wrong in his thinking. It’s not _true peace_ if there are still those who endure the hardships of war.

“Kakashi,” Ibiki grunts, voice politely lowered for the atmosphere of Sakura’s hospital room. “I need you to come with me, please.” By the tone of Ibiki’s voice he expects Kakashi to do so immediately, no questions asked. Kakashi walks forward, cursing himself as he knee buckles beneath him. Ibiki watches with a sharp eye, but Kakashi shakes his head as if to say, ‘it’s not important.’ Ibiki scoffs but drops the subject, nodding sharply at the door. Kakashi walks over to him and follows him out of the hospital room. His head spins dizzily, his mind scampers about to focus, and worst of all his stomach churns. He has no idea why Ibiki is leading him away, but none of the scenario’s playing through his mind are good news.

Ibiki leads him down the hall, a few medical ninja’s assuming Kakashi to be a patient and sharply asking Ibiki if he has the authority to take him off the premise. Ibiki does nothing but hold up his official badge and the medics lips snap closed, some cowering away but most glaring at him moodily. One good thing about field medics like these is that they always care about their patients. Being a medical ninja doesn’t pay well, isn’t rewarding in any status sense, and more often than not means being severely underestimated. These inequalities, these lack of sufficient job-benefits, are all the more reason to respect medical ninjas. They decide to help people no matter the cost.

Kakashi follows Ibiki out of the Hospital Wing and to his surprise, towards the Criminal Investigation Department. Kakashi keeps his mouth shut along the walk, hyperaware that whatever has happened is very, very serious. He bites his tongue at the thought of Ibiki somehow finding out about Anko and Kakashi’s plan and bringing him in for interrogation. Not only is it paranoid and absurd, but wearing a guilty expression around a professional interrogator is a bad idea.

Ibiki shows his badge to the receptionist of the Criminal Investigation Department, and Kakashi can’t help but glare at his superior’s back. “Wish I had a badge like that...” he grumbles as they walk down the hall. Ibiki scoffs, unexpectedly turning a sharp corner. Kakashi’s leg and shoulder sting as he follows him. Ibiki glances behind him at Kakashi’s obvious stumble, but doesn’t say a word. Kakashi has to wonder if Ibiki is privy to the fact that Kakashi remains a member of the Anbu.

“Your Anbu Mask has the exact same effect, Kakashi.” Ibiki points out, and Kakashi reluctantly concedes to his point. Ibiki’s comment only strengthens Kakashi’s suspicions that Ibiki knows about his Anbu Black-Op side gig. But he doesn’t think that Ibiki’s comparison is very fair, because Ibiki holds a position of prestige that makes people follow his lead. People only obey Anbu because rumors claim Anbu to be heartless automatons with ruthless killing streaks and a penchant for manipulation.

Down a few more halls of the Criminal Investigation Department and Ibiki finally comes to a stop before a door, flicking through a few seals in order to open it. A quiet sound of compressed air being released is heard, and then the door opens around the edge. Ibiki pulls it the rest of the way open, motioning Kakashi inside. He follows obediently.

Ibiki closes the door firmly behind him, briefly ordering Kakashi to, “Have a seat.” Kakashi sits down opposite of Ibiki, glancing around the private room. The small chair that Kakash is sitting on is opposite of a much comfier and regal looking chair, a desk in between. On the desk is the name tag _Ibiki Morino_. There aren’t any windows, but the office is comfortable in size, a few filing cabinets in the corner and a cork board hung on the wall. “Welcome to my temporary office.” Ibiki declares with a hint of exhaustion in his tone, taking a seat in the black leather chair behind his desk. Despite the tired lines on both men’s faces neither of them relax fully into their seats. The atmosphere is tense and makes Kakashi want to sprint back to Sakura’s hospital room. As ironic as it for an experienced Anbu, Kakashi’s instinct has always been flight, not fight. Plus, he feels anxious leaving her there alone, but as nerve-grating as it is Kakashi can’t legally refuse a direct order from Ibiki. So he sits for what feels like a much longer period of time than it actually is.

Ibiki leans forward, balancing his elbow on the desktop and pressing his thumb to his lips. “I need your professional advice, Kakashi.”

Whatever Kakashi had assumed Ibiki wanted to talk about, it had nothing to do with advice. He sits back, slightly confused. “In what regards, sir?” he questions, tilting his head almost invisibly. 

Ibiki leans back in his chair and crosses his muscles arms across his chest, chin tilting upward. “It is to my understanding you have exceptional, dare I say, unrivaled experience in the Anbu Corporation. I’ve heard a number of outrageous rumors, one going so far as to claim that you’ve discovered the identity of every Anbu member the Leaf Village has under its belt.” Ibiki declares, expression stern but words praising. “Because of your thorough experience it is you that I chose to assist me on with this particular issue.”

Kakashi shrugs his shoulders almost abashedly, pulling his mask further up his nose. He’s aware that Ibiki is simply buttering him up before delivering bad news, but he can’t help but get sucked in. Hardly anyone praises his ability, and to have such a strict man acknowledge his prowess is both flattering and humbling all at once. “Anything you need, sir, I’m all ears.” Kakashi doesn’t relax despite Ibki’s lenient attitude, keeping his body language formal and gaze steady.

Ibiki clears his throat. “Aside from the major breach in security involving your female student, there’s been another breach in security that _almost_ involved the Uchiha.” Kakashi feels his eyes go wide, a brutal worry slamming him in the chest. Ibiki raises a hand and Kakashi only barely withholds an outburst. “What I’m trying to say is that whilst questioning Sasuke Uchiha about Orochimaru, it was discovered that someone had broken into our facility and destroyed all of the footage of the recent Chunin Exams. After a thorough investigation it was discovered that that someone was posing as an Anbu Black-Op. We escorted Uchiha Sasuke of the premise immediately, and no harm was done to him.” Ibiki clarifies. Kakashi settles back into his seat, but doesn’t settle his growing worry. “I’m asking you if it seems like a rash decision to gather all of the Anbu we have for an official evaluation.” Ibiki explains. Kakashi nods to himself, mulling over Ibiki’s calm explanation. Ibiki is impressively put together, sitting across from Kakashi with not a single trace of panic breaking through his steely expression. Ibiki’s wants to evaluate the Anbu Corporation to check for Anbu Black Ops, and the idea is good in theory but almost impossible to enact all at once. It will have to be an organized, patient game.

After a moment of scrutiny, Kakashi responds, “Yes, in an ideal world we’d summon all of the Anbu en mass and evaluate them at once. But the Anbu serve not only as our inside Village Guard, but they also handle a large chunk of missions, therefore income and battle. We cannot simply call back all of our Anbu at once, the Village will be left completely defenseless.” He reasons.

“That’s why I’m asking if it’s a rash decision.” Ibiki snaps not at Kakashi, but at the frustrating situation itself.

Kakashi splays his hand, a plan formulating in his mind. “It isn’t a rash decision, but it is a rash plan. If we’re organized about this, it should be very easy, if tedious, to handle. For all we know, this intruder posing as an Anbu could have been sent out on one of our missions, believe me, Anbu schedules are unforgiving.” Kakashi taps the desk with his fingers, meeting Ibiki’s eyes. “Here’s what I would do. Call back the single-working Anbu industry first at interval times under the guise of a mandatory psychoanalysis. We’ll do the singular Anbu first because logically speaking an Anbu imposter working with a team should be scouted out fairly quickly by his or her teammates. If the singular working Anbu industry is a dead end, search the espionage division. It seems silly but espionage is the easiest division for a spy to break into because a spy doesn’t have to pretend to be spy when they already are one. Use the same tactic to handle the espionage division; interval call backs that work around the Anbu’s schedules. And then if, and only if you come up empty again, repeat the process until you work your way through the entire corporation.”

Ibiki loudly clears his throat, “and what of time efficiency? We’re going to call back small groups of Anbu to be individually tested _hundreds_ of times? Not only is it risky in the sense that our spy might figure out the ploy, but it’s a complete waste of time and puts T&I confidentiality on the line.” Ibiki’s not arguing, he’s attempting to enhance Kakashi’s plan by pointing out possible negative outcomes. Kakash pauses for a moment, mulling over Ibiki’s points and coming up with a solution. .

Kakashi shakes his head, more sure of his developing plan. “It’ll take a week tops if you do it like this. Anbu aren’t like Jounin and Chunin, they don’t need an appointment, they just take the order. You send a missive scroll to all the Anbu at once giving them specific times during the day to report to T&I. The evaluation should only take thirty minutes so you start as soon as possible. Then you schedule every group’s appointments thirty minutes apart. For the Anbu it’ll be in and out, no questions asked. Anbu are used to random psychoanalysis tests, so it’s doubtful they’ll look into it beyond a complaint about inconvenient timing, what with the Chunin Exams and everything with Orochimaru going on.”

It’s a good plan, Kakashi thinks to himself. Anbu is his area of expertise of course, so it’s natural that he knows how to handle the schedules and whatnot. However, Kakashi hasn’t dealt with a lot of spies in his lifetime, so it’s jarring even for him to hear that someone managed to break into a seemingly invincible ninja force. Honestly, seeing that the Anbu isn’t perfect makes Kakashi feel a bit triumphant and a lot better about he and Anko’s plan. The implication of an imperfection in the Anbu has the opposite effect on Ibiki, of course. Even though straight-laced Ibiki is as composed as ever, he’s still stressed, and Kakashi can tell by the pinch in his eyebrows and forcefulness in his eyes. 

Ibiki sits back in his chair, nodding to himself. “I’m glad I called you.” He says decisively. Kakashi can’t help but beam, glad that his years in Anbu have proven useful for something. “I’m far from an Anbu expert.” Ibiki excuses his own lack of procuring a solution, “The only other issue to your plan is that we don’t have nearly enough interrogators to handle this kind of work on top of our normal duties. A lot of our interrogators are already swamped with the Orochimaru ordeal, the Chunin Exams, or both.” Ibiki unconsciously flexes the muscles in his crossed arms, “These events are a complete waste of time and money.” Ibiki grumbles.

Kakashi groans, running a hand through his hair, “Don’t forget about supplies and, how Gai likes to say, youthful potential.”

“Gai...that’s your fellow sensei, right?” Ibiki offers him a half grin that shows off his well-kempt bottom teeth. Kakashi nods genially and Ibiki continues, “So how is _has_ your new sensei job been treating you?”

Kakashi rubs his neck, familiar with T&I specialists love for gossip. “Oh yes, I couldn’t have asked for a better opportunity than--”

“Alright, cut the bullshit Hatake. You hate it, don’t you? I’ve heard about all the students you failed in the past.” Ibiki interrupts. Kakashi mentally curses Ibiki’s seemingly unlimited knowledge arsenal, but doesn’t get to opportunity to correct Ibiki’s half-true statement, as the man continues on. “Lord Third has decided to postpone your return to your real position until your students graduate to Chunin, correct? That’s why you let your team enter as rookies.” Ibiki sighs heavily. Kakashi does his best to shield his bewilderment, shocked by what people think about him behind his back. He’s admittedly hurt as well, that people believe he’d risk innocent Genin’s lives just to get his job back. “Lord Third finally stopped letting you take on Anbu missions _and_ hold the title of Jounin, forcing you to finally pass a Genin Squad. You can’t lie to me, Kakashi. I’m privy to everything.” Ibiki claims. Factually, Ibiki is correct; Kakashi’s Anbu missions have slowed since he passed Team Seven, and Lord Third did heavily imply that Kakashi was supposed to pass Team Seven. It’s also true that Kakashi failed a bunch of past students, and that he takes on Anbu missions under the guise of _just_ being a Jounin Sensei. But Kakashi doesn’t want his job back, he hadn’t want to put Team Seven in the Chunin Exams, and even though his mission fountain from the Anbu has slowed significantly, Lord Third hasn’t stopped the flow entirely.

Ibiki probably interpreted most of what he said, and is eager to be proven right. Kakashi is unimpressed by Ibiki’s blind belief of heresy, and even more disappointed that there are enough people out there who think Kakashi is a complete asshole that Ibiki is confident in his hypothesis.

The thing about T&I workers is that they’re commonly perceived as paranoid. This is false. T&I aren’t paranoid because they believe they are always right and that they know everything there is to know. T&I aren’t paranoid, but they are persistent. They ask and ask because they have an intrinsic urge to learn everything about everyone. This urge to question helps them learn, yes, it helps them see every side to every story; but because of their ability to detect lies and gather information, it makes T&I workers believe that nothing can get passed them. It makes them arrogant in their skillset, gives them a false sense of omniscience. In other words, when T&I think that they are right, they completely forget about the possibility of being wrong.

Kakashi manages to shove down all the hurt that Ibiki had to hear these rumors from somewhere, had to find out about this either from Lord Third himself or a string of rumors and lies that lead him to this conclusion. Kakashi sets aside his emotions and makes his face seem very, very tired. “Ah well, you know how it is...I worked my entire life to be in the Anbu, and all of it was taken away from me before I could even put up a fight...” The words feel so wrong falling from Kakashi’s lips that he has to take a moment to really contemplate how it would feel to actually desire to be an Anbu Black-Op. It’s near impossible for Kakashi to fit himself inside the box that Ibiki believes he belongs in, because Kakashi has never once even deliberated the absurd idea of enjoying being an Anbu Black Op. There was once when he found pride in his work, but it’s been so long and Kakashi has spent his entire life since then feeling terribly guilty for ever believing that being an Anbu made him morally righteous. Putting himself back into his wide-eyed five year old self’s shoes isn’t a matter of scrunching up his toes but a matter of cutting them off entirely. 

“I thought you retired from the Anbu and regretted the decision?” Ibiki prompts, letting his curiosity bulldoze subtlety. Kakashi can see the question in his eyes, the painful wondering of whether or not Kakashi left of his own free will. Ibiki needs to know all, to control all, and this foible allows Kakashi to very carefully manipulate the situation to his favor. He can live without a couple toes for the time being.

Kakashi’s bitter laughter isn’t even remotely faked. He mimics Ibiki’s relaxed posture with a lazy, spiteful grin, “Actually, I was labeled mentally unfit and forcefully removed from the program. Which is....”

“Bullshit.” Ibiki finishes, shaking his head and _finally_ relaxing into his chair. “I was in charge of your evaluation hundreds of times and you always passed my testing.” His words gain vigor and his eyes conceal an inferno at the injustice and a need for control only rivaled by Lord Danzo. “The fact that you were labeled mentally unfit and not, say, Itachi goddamn Uchiha makes me want to ram my face through a wall.” Ibiki snaps.

Kakashi laughs, shrugging his shoulders helplessly. “You know how Lord Danzo is, always playing favorites.” He drawls, voice casual but posture respectful and demure. He keeps his back straight and feet pressed against the floor. Ibiki expects subordination, but also likes a little joke here or there, someone to briefly converse with. Over the years Ibiki has made his disapproval of Lord Danzo crystal clear, and here Kakashi uses that distaste in his favor. He hasn’t made his brown nosing obvious, he hasn’t outright stated that he doesn’t like Danzo, but he’s carefully complained about how Danzo operates situations. Ibiki always thinks he’s right. To earn Ibiki’s respect and simultaneously feed the man’s inflated ego, Kakashi will agree with him.

Ibiki might be head interrogator, but he’s no politician. Kakashi’s been playing this game ever since Hatake was his surname. He throws in a good natured roll of his eyes, a shy shoulder shrug, and Ibiki’s eating out of his hand with a hearty laugh, “we need more people like you in T&I.” Ibiki leans back, head shaking. “None of my subordinates even get their actual jobs done, let alone wish they could help more.”

Kakashi shrugs his shoulders. “If I’m being totally honest sir, I damn miss my job. I worked my whole life for that position, and while being a sensei has its perks...it wasn’t my dream.” Kakashi tries to make his voice borderline vulnerable. He wants to come off as an soldier desperate to serve his village.

Ibiki offers him a smirk, crossing his muscled arms across his chest. “How about we strike a deal.” It suddenly feels like Ibiki is brown nosing him, trying to weasel his way onto Kakashi’s good side. It makes Kakashi uncomfortable, because he’s never been on the receiving end of flattery before. “You find that spy, and I’ll see what I can do to put you back in the ranks.... _for real.”_ he looks at him appraisingly.

Kakashi feels his heart stop beating in his chest, but manages to hold his composure as he responds. “What do you mean by ‘find that spy’ sir? Are you suggesting I search the Anbu ranks?” Kakashi can barely get the question out of his mouth without choking.

Ibiki actually chuckles, his coal eyes looking directly into Kakashi’s singular one. “No, I’m suggesting that you organize the entire investigation.” Ibiki leans back in his chair, a satisfied expression on his face. “It’s your plan. It’s only fair that you get to execute it.”

Kakashi splutters. “Sir, I’m honored, but there has to be someone out there more qualified...” he’s hardly even aware of his words, mind wracking at the opportunity Ibiki is presenting before him.

“There is no one more qualified than you. You’re efficient, focused, thorough, and most of all, you’re very trustworthy, Kakashi. You don’t give yourself enough credit. Seize the opportunity I’m giving you.” Ibiki holds his hand out over the table for a handshake. Kakashi knows the meaning behind this, knows that handshakes are only preformed between two shinobi that trust each other. It’s traditionally a civilian custom because most ninja are too suspicious to let another ninja, comrade or no, grab onto their hand. Kakashi stands up and stares at the offered hand, momentarily feeling guilt weigh down upon him. The entire village trusts him, has put their faith into Hatake Kakashi. He’d labored his whole life to earn that trust...and he’s going to abuse it? After spending his entire life proving that he was nothing like his father, is Kakashi really willing to manipulate them?

Then Kakashi thinks of Obito. Obito, and with him, Sasuke, Naruto, and Sakura. They’re all counting on him to change the village. Why should Kakashi be a loyal to a village that needs to be changed? Why should Kakashi cling to a place that has decimated so many people’s lives? He knows that the loyalty he feels is actually fear, a fear that has been drilled into him since he was a child. Right here, right now, Kakashi can’t be a coward. He has to take this chance—he has to make a gamble.

Kakashi grips Ibiki’s outstretched hand with his own, his grip steady and firm. For once, there is something more important to Kakashi than proving his worth to people who will never truly understand him. He remembers Ibiki’s assumptions and feels his gut turn, because Ibiki wouldn’t have come up with that solution on his own...he had sources. But Kakashi doesn’t even want their approval anymore, because he knows his worth.

Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke are worth so much and they’re all relying on him. Their worth makes Kakashi worthy by extension. Obito is relying on him, gave him his eye and made him swear to use it well.

Kakashi’s terrified, but he can’t let that fear stop him. He’s not a coward. Obito gave him a gift and Kakashi isn’t going to be ungrateful by misusing it. And that’s not like his father, his father who spoke out and then feared retribution, leaving his only son to fend for himself in a world full of hate. Kakashi isn’t his father, because even though his father wasn’t a coward, he believed he was all alone and killed himself because of it. Kakashi is far from alone, and far from giving up.

Kakashi swallows and Ibiki pull his hand back. “I appreciate your help, Hatake.”

Kakashi offers a long nod that is comparative to a bow. “I should be the one thanking you, sir.”

Ibiki puts a fatherly hand on his shoulder, leading him back out the door. Kakashi has no time for celebration as his brain begins working at an unforgiving pace, going over every opportunity that leading this investigation provides him with. 

Before Ibiki reopens the seal door for him he orders gruffly, “Be back here at six sharp, understood?”

Kakashi straightens his back. “Yes, sir.” He choruses. Ibiki opens up the door and Kakashi follows him out, letting out a long breath of air as the door closes behind him. He’s still tense, but he’s calmer now. In this momentary lapse in his determined state of mind he can’t help but think _Anko’s going to lose her shit._ And her reaction will be warranted, because what has happened is unbelievable.

But this is reality. And reality is where Kakashi must face the beauty and cruelty of the world with equal embrace. The reality is that Kakashi has gotten lucky, has dared to try and was blessed with success. Kakashi has control over every Anbu schedule. He has full clearance to pour over every confidential piece of information he’s ever wanted to get his hands on but couldn’t. Unwittingly Ibiki doomed his chances of defeating Kakashi by placing Kakashi in charge of this investigation. He can use every piece of information to his advantage and give he and Anko such an upper-hand that the game may no longer be fair. But that doesn’t mean Kakashi will be reckless. He’s smart enough to know that the game isn’t over until someone’s declared a winner.

Kakashi makes his way back out of the Criminal Investigation Department, having always had a good mind for directions. He walks at a brisk pace, but remembers to nod genially at the receptionist as he heads back to Sakura’s hospital room. He has some time before his work begins and he doesn’t want to bother Anko while she’s so busy. So he heads back to his lonesome student’s hospital room, wondering if perhaps she’ll have some visitors. It’s unlikely that she’d awake and talking to them, but it’d be nice to know she wasn’t alone when Kakashi left.

He’s interrupted from entering the halls of the hospital by a medic who’s sporting a firm glare.

Kakashi resists the urge to roll his eyes and instead raises an eyebrow. The medic doesn’t falter, gaze steady. She’s young looking, but has that womanly sense about her that makes her feel like a mother and makes Kakashi feel like a chastened child. Kakashi stares longingly at the hospital hallway, wishing he could just go back there without the hassle of a paranoid medical-mother. Her glare levels into a smile and she says with undoubting authority, “Sir, you can’t go back there without checking in.” she reminds him.

Kakashi shoves his hands into his pocket and glares upon realizing that she’s missing a nametag. Kakashi’s not petty enough to call in to hospitals and complain about concerned medics, but he’s petty enough to angrily think about it. “I already checked in; Kakashi Hatake, student Sakura Haruno?” he prompts, drawing out Sakura’s name in a way he hopes irritates her. If she’s irritated, she doesn’t show it, rifling through a clipboard in her hands with a level of patience Kakashi finds disconcerting.

The medic raises a finger and says. “One moment please.” Kakashi resists the urge to rub his temples as she continues to unhurriedly flip through a couple pages. He waits impatiently, watching for the moment she sees his name listed as Sakura’s designated field-guardian.

Her eyes light up, “Yes, right this way.” She’s about to lead him to the back room, when a second voice interrupts Kakashi’s determined trek.

“Kakashi-sensei?” Sasuke is looking up at him with wide eyes, standing next to who Kakashi instantly recognizes as the famed Hyuga prodigy. Neji Hyuga it Gai’s student, and from the stories they’ve occasionally shared, he’s a piece of work. It doesn’t surprise him that Sasuke has what it takes to tolerate the arrogant child, but it does surprise him that Sasuke doesn’t introduce he and Neji. The Hyuga is looking up at him with poorly concealed suspicion and annoyance, but Sasuke looks nervous and frazzled. “Sakura’s...um...we kind of,” he looks at the medic for a moment and instead of continuing raises his eyebrows pointedly.

Kakashi narrows his eyes at Sasuke. “Right...” he says slowly, glancing between Sasuke and the Hyuga boy. He looks at the medic and waves her away. “I apologize for the inconvenience. There’s been a misunderstanding.” The medic looks skeptical but scuttles away upon seeing another shinobi try to barge into the hospital without permission. Shinobi have a tendency to go where they want to go and damn the consequences. He pities medics, honestly. But that pity isn’t enough to stop him from doing as he pleases.

He looks down at Sasuke sternly. “She’s with Naruto.” He realizes with a hint of resignation in his voice. “And they sent you here to handle fall out?” he wonders arms crossing as he looms over his student.

Sasuke pauses, glancing at the Hyuga beside him and then pursing his lips. “Actually, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about.” Sasuke settles with. The Hyuga nudges Sasuke in the side and says something low in his ear. Sasuke nods at him understandingly and waves goodbye as the Hyuga strides out of hospital determinedly. _That kind of determination can only be taught by Gai_ , Kakashi thinks wryly. 

Sasuke bites his lip and asks, “Can I talk to you?”

Kakashi glances at a nearby round wall clock. It’s about 5:20, so talking to Sasuke and learning the reason behind Sakura’s early dismissal shouldn’t get in the way of his work. “Sure, I have about forty minutes before an appointment.” He relays.

Sasuke looks at him in disappointment, arms crossing. “Your already late, aren’t you, Kakashi-sensei?” he asks, looking particularly small and childlike. Kakashi tries not to laugh at the sight of itty-bitty Sasuke trying to scold him. He purses his lips against the urge and pats Sasuke on the head. Sasuke looks up at him and Kakashi feels suddenly aware of how big his hand is compared to Sasuke’s head.

“Maa, it’s my job to worry about you, not the other way around.” He reminds him. Sasuke only works up a small smile, which makes Kakashi suddenly alight with worry. Ibiki told him that when the spy was discovered Sasuke was quickly removed from the premise. Perhaps Sasuke wants to talk to him about the experience. He motions for Sasuke to follow him, wracking his brain for a private location. He’s struck with an idea and ushers Sasuke through a hallway into the hospital, the medic that had stopped him luckily distracted by an angry woman speaking rapidly in a language that resembles the Inuzuka Tongue, but Kakashi can’t be sure.

“C’mon, kid, we’ll use Sakura’s hospital room.” Kakashi tells him. Sasuke nods, glancing around himself skittishly. Growing worried, Kakashi pulls Sasuke along a bit quicker, placing a comforting hand on his student’s shoulder. His student doesn’t relax, growing even more wound up. Kakashi doesn’t understand why Sasuke hates physical contact as much as he does, but respects Sasuke’s preferences and removes his arm from his shoulder. By the time they make it down to the hospital room Sasuke looks ready to jump out his skin. Kakashi ushers him inside and shuts the door. Now back in the hospital room, Kakashi feels uncomfortable. He despises hospitals. Right now the lighting of the room is slightly bluish, the sun still bright but hiding behind clouds and the drawn curtain.

Even though Kakashi suggests he sit down, Sasuke stands. Then is student paces a bit, looking anxious out of his mind. “Sasuke...” Kakashi begins slowly, “What happened?”

Sasuke looks up at him with a quivering lip, and the air is knocked from Kakashi’s chest. “C’mon, kid.” He urges. He wants to approach Sasuke or offer words of comfort, but he doesn’t know what to say and Sasuke hates when Kakashi touches him.

Sasuke inhales very, very shakily before murmuring, “I was taken in by Anbu for some questioning. It was fine at first.” He says, beginning to pace again. Seeing Sasuke pace makes Kakashi want to pace, and for a moment he wonders if his student has picked up the pacing habit from himself.

Kakashi raises his hand and says quietly, “Hey, kid, I know. They discovered a spy and escorted you to safety...right?” he clarifies.

Sasuke looks up at him with a haunted expression. “No...” he shakes his head. “No, that’s not what happened!” he establishes.

He finally, finally sits, collapsing down on the edge of the hospital bed. “The Anbu that took me away was the spy, Kakashi-sensei.” Sasuke’s voice is shattered, and it’s clear to Kakashi that his student sitting before him has no idea how to piece himself back together. Sasuke looks at where he’s sitting and his eyes go impossibly wide. He jumps up, face contorted in a mess of pain. Kakashi can feel his blood run cold at hearing that his student’s encounter with the spy was a lot more up close and personal than Ibiki believes.

Sasuke tells him bits and pieces of the truth. It’s clear that Sasuke wants Kakashi to know, but he doesn’t want to _talk_ , and it’s difficult for Kakashi to coax him into explaining the situation at all. Once he coaxes Sasuke to talk to him, the panicked look in his student’s eye is replaced by steely purpose, before his eyes glaze over with a look full of fright. Sasuke has many words but few facts, a skill of avoidance that Kakashi finds admirable but irritating when the technique is directed at him. Sasuke is usually a very concise person, and it’s a tell that Sasuke gets flowery when he lies. Sasuke talks far more in the next twenty-five minutes than Kakashi has ever heard him speak in one sitting, and Sasuke’s lie is so elaborate, so well thought out, that Kakashi genuinely can’t find a loophole. It’s almost as if Sasuke believes the story himself. Sasuke’s conundrum of words and half-truths do reveal _one_ sure thing to Kakashi. Sasuke reveals the identity of the spy that is sneaking into the Anbu Corporation.

When Sasuke has finished his story, and that’s all it is really, a _story_ , his gaze drops to the floor. Kakashi must give Sasuke props for his body language. He fidgets and moves about just like he normally would, even occasionally biting his lip and blinking rapidly. No, the only reason Kakashi can tell Sasuke isn’t admitting to everything is because Sasuke’s not a talkative person, nor is he a calm one. But Sasuke’s not...he’s not scared, he’s panicked. Sasuke made himself seem overtly frightened to tell Kakashi, not overwhelmed. If Sasuke were telling Kakashi something on a normal day he’d break down what was absolutely necessary, starting with those facts and then waiting for Kakashi to ask questions. Sasuke avoided being asked questions by eliminating any questions Kakashi might have. And by making himself seem scared Kakashi is persuaded into comforting him. It’s a good trick, but it’s the kind of trick that would only work on strangers, non-ninja, and acquaintances.

It doesn’t work on Kakashi. But Kakashi knows that Sasuke won’t be telling him the whole truth any time soon, so he sends his student on his way with parting reassurances that relax Sasuke greatly. Whatever Sasuke is keeping from him is personal, Kakashi can tell, and he won’t force Sasuke to open up to him.

He did his best to learn as much about the spy Yakushi Kabuto as he could without invading Sasuke’s privacy. Sasuke relayed to him Kabuto was wearing a Horse mask. Kakashi actually knew the real Horse when he was in the Anbu, and for a moment Kakashi is so blindly angered by Kabuto impersonating an old friend that he almost misses the opportunity in front of him.

This spy has managed to infiltrate the Anbu Corporation unnoticed by Ibiki Morino himself. Someone this good doesn’t just mess around; he’s here for a reason. Sasuke presumes that Kabuto is working for Orochimaru and Kakashi has to agree with his astute student. But he might be so inclined to believe his student because Sasuke’s theory plays into Kakashi’s hand perfectly.

Looking at the alarm clock by the hospital bedside, Kakashi sees that it’s almost six. Sasuke left just a few minutes ago, pale but properly reassured. He exits the hospital with a sense of purpose so powerful that even the medical ninja move out of his way, reluctant to get swept up by the storm that Kakashi has summoned. All but one medical ninja, that is. “Excuse me, sir! Sir!” That same nurse from before stands with her hands on her hips, obnoxiously still lacking a nametag.

Kakashi huffs, barely containing the urge to Shunshin away, hurt leg and all. Last night Anko showed that she knows quite a bite about medical ninjutsu, but not enough to make the ache in his shoulder and leg disappear completely. She did manage to greatly assuage the pain in his chest from Zabuza’s number on him, and Kakashi is grateful for the win. “Is there a problem?” he drawls at the unnamed medic.

“Yes, sir...you’re limping. I can help!” she volunteers. Kakashi openly scoffs at her, feeling uncomfortable that his injury has become so obvious. It was easy to hide at first, but the longer he endures the pain the harder it gets to remember not to limp and stumble.

“No thanks,” he dismisses, beginning to turn around when she says something that halts him.

“Anko told me about a poem you wrote for her. ‘I’d rather build my life on ash than live my life in fear of being burned.’ It’s beautiful, I could never come up with something like that.” The woman shrugs.

Kakashi slowly turns around, head tilting casually. “That was supposed to be private between Anko and I,” he rolls his eyes, but his gaze is shrewd when he directs it at her.

“The more people with us the better shot we have at this, right?” She responds cheerfully. “I can really help with your leg, sir. The name is Kuru, by the way.” Her grin is shy and mischievous all at once.

“Kuru...” Kakashi hums. “Well Kuru, are you on a shift right now?”

Kuru shakes her head absently. “No, sir,” she walks forward, and Kakashi marvels at the kindness in her smile yet intelligence beneath her eyes.

Anko was right. There are plenty of good people that will help them. Kakashi had no idea that he wasn’t the only one. It’s a freeing feeling, a sensation of community he hasn’t experienced since his old team. Kuru, this random medic Kakashi has never met in his life is willing to help them. She quoted his journal, his documentation that only Anko’s eyes have seen, which mean Anko had to have recruited her. He’s suddenly proud of Kuru for how bold she’s been to interrupt him all day, as if Kuru is one of his own and he has the right to be proud of her. But he can’t help it, it’s been so long since he’s had people to care for he’s eager to earn the friendship of this stranger that knows him better than any of his friends ever have. Kuru, this random medic,that shares Kakashi’s agenda; he wonders if she feels the connection too.

“Okay then, can you follow me? I have an appointment that needs to be taken care of and then you can work your magic.” He suggests.

Kuru groans, striding past him. “What is it with you shinobi and calling Medical Ninjutsu magic?”

Kakashi laughs, walking past her and leading her down out of the hospital. “Is it not a compliment?” he wonders. Kuru doesn’t deign him with a response, huffing and crossing her arms indignantly. She slows her pace to follow him all the same, and together they make their way to the Criminal Investigation Department. Kakashi asks her if she will wait for him to come get her, and Kuru obliges, digging into her bag and pulling out a sandwich to snack on. At first Kakashi thought it was him that was putting his complete trust in Anko’s judgment, but he realizes that Kuru too is putting her faith in Anko simply by following an strange, intimidating man into a secluded section of the building. He almost feels bad, but Kuru doesn’t look scared. She looks casual. He leaves her relaxing on a cushioned bench and taking eager bites of her sandwich, and he respects how much she seizes the small reprieve from work. He continues his path down the hall and towards Ibiki’s office.

Ibiki greets him outside the office door, a scroll in hand. Kakashi, used to the greeting of Anbu, falls into a kneeling position. Ibiki doesn’t seem surprised, just murmurs a quiet, “At ease, Hatake.” Kakashi stands up with reluctance. He’s more comfortable receiving orders in a kneel rather than standing face to face. “You’re not late.” He notices, brow furrowing. Kakashi feels himself stiffen in surprise at being called out for arriving on time, having forgotten that he has a devil-may-care reputation to uphold. He relaxes after a moment and feels an expression of embarrassment creep onto his face.

“When it counts, I am never late.” He settles with, eyeing the scroll in Ibiki’s hand curiously.

Ibiki clears his throat, lifting up the scroll. “Let’s get to business. This,” He shakes the hand with the scroll in it, “Is a list of all our Anbu, segregated by the Anbu we have currently partaking missions and the Anbu in the Village.” He informs. “You will be heading down to T&I as soon as possible to begin organizing this investigation. Are we clear?”

“Yes, sir,” Kakashi nods formally.

Ibiki shakes his head at him, handing over the scroll. “Coming from me this ought to sound strange but you would do well to loosen up a bit.”

Kakashi pauses for a moment, unsure. “...yes, sir.”

Ibiki openly snorts at him. Kakashi takes that as a win. Ibiki trusts him with this task, has seen him take things seriously and seen him joke around. Kakashi knows that he’s capable of charm and that he’s technically manipulating Ibiki, but there was once a time when he would’ve glowed with pride at a man like Ibiki _approving_ of him. Now he just feels a bit sick watching Ibiki’s appraisal sweep over him. It feels a bit like betraying his friends, but in the end, Kakashi knows he’s doing the right thing. Or well, he’s doing a _good_ thing. His father used to have a saying... _Hatake play in the grey_. The saying used to be something he despised, but Kakashi is beginning to hear the ring in it; the appeal in acknowledging one’s own moral neutrality.

Ibiki hands a document out of his pocket to Kakashi. “If anyone questions your authority—and in T&I, they will—give them this document. It’s a signed statement that explains how I gave all authority on this project to you.” Ibiki clears his throat with a firm nod.

“Understood,” Kakashi successfully resists the urge to bow at the waist, but it doesn’t go unnoticed by an amused Ibiki.

“Guess what they say about the Anbu is true. You never really leave, do you?” Ibiki harrumphs, gaze flicking to his office door. Kakashi assumes that his superior must be very busy, and Kakashi is about to be as well.

“More true than they even know.” Kakashi responds, and the implications behind his words are caught by an amused Ibiki. Kakashi parts with Ibiki, hand raised in a still-wave as he advances down the hall.

He finds that he’s not sad to leave Ibiki. The cold nights spent with his bony elbows bent to press flesh against each other with thick metal cuffs are no fondly remembered. The coo metal chairs Ibiki would bind him to before brutally picking apart his brain until Kakashi was spun in circles, unable to even distinguish right from left without feeling like he’ll be critically judged for his answer. That was the worst part of the experience. It wasn’t the sore wrists and ankles, it wasn’t the thick blindfolds, and even though it infuriated him Kakashi could deal with his silencing seal being reactivated to keep his tongue stayed. What always stuck with him, what still sticks with him today, is the anxious feeling of being judged for his every statement, for every twitch of his muscles and change in pitch of his tone. For days after the so called _checkups_ Kakashi would be on edge, nearly reduced to a panic attack if someone asked him a question and Kakashi didn’t have an immediate answer for them. Yes, the paralyzing feeling of being judged for his every word, action, and intention is what sticks with Kakashi today. Kakashi blinks, realizing that his jaw is getting sore from how hard he’s clenching his teeth together. He takes a deep breath, relaxes his shoulders and jaw, tries to push down the memories of Ibiki unexpectedly slamming his hand down on the table when Kakashi was too slow to answer. It’s hard for him to even think about the kind of missions he would come back from, bloody and shaking, only to be sent directly to T&I to ensure that the public remained oblivious to the sins Anbu commit in the dead of the night.

Kakashi feels his gut churn. He’s not safe. He’ll never be safe so long the village is run by the selfish who have fooled themselves into believing they’re gracious.

A few twists and turns and brief greetings to busy ninja, and he’s back in the entrance room, where Kuru is waiting for him on the bench, sandwich gone and legs crossed politely. Kakashi can’t really see how a woman like this and a woman like Anko could even manage civility, let alone friendship. He doesn’t pry into Kuru’s reasoning for helping them. He simply clears his throat and Kuru stands, chin raised. If Anko trusts her, then so does Kakashi. Besides, Kakashi could use some help right about now. “Extremely complicated” doesn’t even begin to explain the level of difficult the task he’s about to embark on is.

“We’ll be heading down to T&I...how experienced are you with sorting through files?” Kakashi wonders.

Kuru give shim a dry look. “I’m a medic, I deal with ninja files every day of my life.” She points out.

Kakashi shrugs innocently. “Just making sure....” Kakashi walks away and Kuru guffaws, scrambling after him huffily. Together the two of them head for Staircase B3, which leads to the bottom floor of the Tower and into the Forest of Death. Kuru fiddles with a medical pouch on her hips, checking her supplies. “Isn’t T&I kind of a place we want to avoid...?” Kuru gives him a skeptical look, laughing nervously.

Kakashi chuckles with her, wobbling his hand from side to side. “Better yet, we’re heading down to catch a spy in the Anbu ranks,” he responds sarcastically, “But worry not, I already have a massive lead.” Kakashi crosses his pointer fingers before looping them upward in the shape of a smile. “Now, turn that frown upside down! This is going to be a piece of cake, I promise!”

Kuru throws her hands in the air. “That’s it? That’s all I get? What department is the spy in? How long is this going to take?” she drills him.

Kakashi shakes his head, wondering if he’s dodging her questions because she’s a medic and it’s instinct or because he finds it funny to rile her up. _Ah well, either way, we shouldn’t discuss T &I out in the open_. “I’ll finish explaining our task when we reach somewhere more private.” He clarifies, and as a medic familiar with confidentiality she sighs and follows him down three flights of stairs in complete silence. Kakashi is left with much time to plot. They both hurry down and out the front entrance, entering the hot air of the Forest of Death. Kuru gives him an exasperated look, pointedly looking at three hidden camera’s around the Forest.

Kakashi throws his arms in the air and claims, “That’s not my fault!” before jumping off the ground on an unstable knee and balancing gingerly on a tree branch.

“You’re going to break your leg straining it like that.” Kuru chastises, hopping up on the branch next to him with a motherly expression. Kakashi responds by twisting his hand and raising a certain finger, leaving Kuru to guffaw and sputter at him. He leaps away to avoid her withering glare.

They make good pace, Kakashi gritting his teeth through the consistent throbbing in his knee and the occasional intense jarring of his shoulder. When the tell-tale barbed fence of the Forest of Death comes in sight his soul itself sags with relief. Kakashi is left feeling like the few kilor trek was a freaking marathon, or perhaps race against Gai.

Kakashi swiftly jumps over the fence and manages to land his body weight on his good leg, Kuru following suit with surprising grace. But her gracefulness doesn’t extend to her expression, which twists with obvious irritation. She stomps up to him and glowers. “I observed your leg whilst we were running and I can properly diagnose you now. Your shin bone, the tiba to be exact, has a severe stress-fracture that could develop into an actual break if you’re not careful. But that’s not the pain-causing issue! You have a large incision in your adductors, which despite the vaguely misleading name is a muscle in the inner thigh. This incision might not bleed terribly, but the tear in your muscles are causing the majority of your pain and the difficulty you’re having walking.” She points her index finger at him. “I suggest you stay off your feet unless you want to cause permanent damage! I mean what did you do, stitch your leg back together at home and call it fixed?” Kakashi shakes his head and digs into his pocket, trying to stop himself from admitting that’s exactly what he had done. Medics are scary. Kuru just predicted all the pain he was enduring by simply watching him run.

Both to help with the pain and to irritate Kuru he swallows two pain meds dry, causing Kuru to shriek, and the sound is music to Kakashi’s ears. “The quicker we get to T&I the quicker you get to know what we’re doing.” He says in place of responding to her medical jargon. She levels him with a furious scowl, eyes rolling so far into the back of her head Kakashi bets that she can see Saturn.

During this run, Kakashi is properly dosed with a couple pain meds, and they move even more efficiently. Kakashi loves his adorable Genin, but Naruto and Sakura move at a turtle pace, and Sasuke can only barely keep up with what Kakashi considers a jog. Despite her being a medical ninja and therefore infinitely irksome, Kakashi relatively enjoys her company as she mindlessly talks to him about her nieces and nephews. Kakashi snorts a bit about a disastrous story involving a D-rank babysitting job. Honestly, Kakashi has no idea who decided Genin were responsible enough to take care of children. When they make it town the two of them wordlessly jump into the air and land on the roof buildings designed to hold the weight of ninja. As the conversation lolls Kakashi picks it back up with his own question, “Do you have any kids of your own?” Kuru continues her pace, but her face freezes as if put on pause. Kakashi feels his stomach sink.

“I did.” She says quietly. “But Lord Third saw to changing that.” Her voice quivers with rage, fists clenching. Kakashi feels like he understands Kuru a bit better now. This woman seeks not just revenge, but change. She seeks to change the world that killed her child, or, for all Kakashi knows, children. He doesn’t pry. He can’t, when the very thought of losing a single one of his Genin makes Kakashi want to keep them hidden from the world forever.

Instead of turning silent like Kakashi expected their genial exchange to Kuru picks back up the conversation with a worried glance around her. Kuru isn’t just pained, she’s paranoid. Her cheery chatter sounds identical to before, but now Kakashi understands that much of her chatter is posed, a deliberate manufacture of a happy medical ninja escorting an injured Jounin along the street.

After passing by building after building along with both empty and bustling streets they finally, finally arrive in front of T&I. Kakashi is sweaty, but after years of working outside his sweat is less from the heat and more from bearing the pain of his leg and shoulder. As strange and stubborn as it may seem, Kakashi doesn’t plan on letting Kuru heal him. Lord Third will notice and he’ll look into it, and then Kakashi, Anko, and Kuru’s covers will all be blown.

Kakashi prepares the document Ibiki gave him as Kuru opens the double doors. By the look on her face she’s been inside T&I a few times, but if she’s friends with Anko it only makes sense she’s familiar with the uncomfortable scenery of the Torture and Interrogation Department.

Kakashi walks in and puts up a wall of authority, layering it with an aura of importance. T&I are suspicious by nature, and Kakashi is metaphorically walking into a den of snakes. All of them are individually sneaky and independently venomous. He can’t beat them at their own game, oh God no, but the bane of T&I is how little information is shared throughout the department, causing rifts in the level of comfort T&I members have around each other. Members of T&I don’t even trust each other, which means that the dividing part of ‘divide and conquer’ has already been handled for him. He walks in, purposefully ignoring the receptionist and heading straight for the back room, Kuru following him and copying his confidence. Kuru’s improvising skills are impressive.

“Sir, you cannot go back there unescorted!” the receptionist, a man in formal all black attire snarls, stumbling out from behind his desk and pointing at him in shock.

Kakashi holds up the document, sending him a look colder than ice. “Of course,” he drawls. He checks the man’s nametag and says dryly, “My sincerest apologies to...Kane Tsurge?” he asks rhetorically.

The man visibly pales, raising his hands. “No, uh...the fault is on me....sorry, uhm...” 

“Kakashi Hatake,” if possible, the man manages to look more terrified, before hurrying back behind his desk with a stuttered promise of being available if Kakashi is to need anything.

And, much to Kakashi’s glee, he sees that the man doesn’t pick up the phone to notify anyone of his presence. The less people that know what he’s doing the better; if Kakashi is ever implicated for criminal activity, having few witnesses is a welcome advantage. T&I is in desperate need of a lesson in teamwork. Kuru stalks down the hall with him, and Kakashi can’t help but feel amused at her goofy grin. She clearly enjoys watching people scuttle away from her for a change. He can’t imagine how frustrating it must be for ninja to ignore and push her around all the time.

Kakashi knows where he’s going, because he used to have to come down here once per month for a psychoanalysis of his own. He’d also come down to the Anbu department on multiple occasions for private information exchanges. Kuru’s undoubtedly never been down here but she’s not as nervous as Kakashi anticipated. In fact she seems to be mentally preparing herself, eyes following the Anbu and T&I officers around them like they’re going to suddenly lunge for an attack.

“I’m sorry, and who are you?” Kakashi and Kuru are halted once again, and Kakashi’s genuinely surprised they hadn’t been stopped earlier. He supposes that T&I is very busy this time of year, so he cuts them some well-deserved slack. The person who stopped them is another glaring man, backed up by another young looking man and an older looking girl.

Kakashi pulls out the document with exaggerated flourish, if only to impress Kuru and ease her worries. He’s startled when Kuru steps up, a triumphant gleam in her eyes. “He’s Kakashi Hatake.” She declares, full of pride.

Kakashi startles when the three of them instantly back down, looking terrified out of their mind. They spew out a few apologies and practically flee. He’d been expecting them to at least thoroughly scan through Ibiki’s document before backing down. He hadn’t planned to scare them off so easily; very little scares T&I workers. Kuru doesn’t seem to care about their reaction, however, cheerfully declaring. “I wish _my_ name worked like that.”

Kakashi quirks an eyebrow at her, but his obvious teasing has no effect on her cheerful expression. He has a sense of déjà vu to his own jealousy at Ibiki’s official badge. Now his jealousy seems silly, as he’s more respected than a hundred percent of the medical population, and if anyone deserves respect, it’s doctors and nurses. He and Kuru look around themselves in surprise as whispers break out all the way down the hall, a few people daring to point at him in both wonder and fear. T&I workers are horrible gossips, mostly because their work involves such intense secret keeping anything that htye can legally share is basically candy. Kakashi realizes what department they’re in with a wince. Only prestigious T&I members and Anbu have the clearance necessary to be this deep in T&I. Everyone here will know his name and reputation, the Anbu especially. It complicates his plan to get by unnoticed. But while Kakashi scowls at all of the unwanted attention Kuru looks around herself with pure happiness.

Kakashi gives her a disgruntled look. They move down the halls with less ease, one guy even having the balls to approach Kakashi and ask him, “Is it true that you stabbed someone’s eye out when they questioned your authority by saying you were too young to be in the Anbu?” The guy had clearly approached him on a bet judging by his jeering friends in the corner.

Kakashi decides to both humor and properly intimidate him, responding with a flippant, “Not at all. It is true that I ripped the insubordinate’s eye out with my bear hands, however. Honestly, rumors these days...”

Kuru looks at him with disapproval as the guy runs back to his friends looking ready to piss himself.. “That was mean.” She complains.

Kakashi’s lip curls. “He accused me of ripping a fellow Leaf Ninja’s eye out of its socket, Kuru.”

Kuru side eyes him moodily, reluctant to admit the guy deserved it. There stopped only once more by a man who actually proves to be competent by thoroughly checking over the document in his hand. Kakashi realizes he recognizes the guy and gives a short wave to fellow Anbu _Hyena_ who retired about nine years ago because he was recruited by T&I. Hyena responds by passing him back the document and saluting sarcastically. “Nice to see you too,” He drawls. Kuru looks at him curiousl but Kakashi just shrugs and says, “Old acquaintance,” and it’s actually true. He and Hyena only went on about two or three missions together in all their time spent working in the same department.

They walk a bit more until Kakashi stops abruptly, Kuru stepping on the back of his shoes and stumbling into him. After over thirty minutes of travel time, they’ve finally arrived. They’ve found the Anbu intel department, buried underneath two stories of other confidential information. “Here we are.” Kakashi murmurs, shoving down the onslaught of bad memories that arises at the sight of the room.

“So, what are we doing here?” Kuru asks, eyes narrowed at the locked door suspiciously.

Kakashi goes through the proper hand seals and the door clicks open. “You’re going to help me reorganize the schedules of over six hundred Anbu Black Ops.” He declares, not even bothering to feign cheer. Kuru makes an indecipherable sound in the back of her throat, walking inside the enormous room before them.

It is a very daunting sight, one that even today Kakashi isn’t quite immune to. All six walls of the hexagonal room are rowed with neat limestone bricks, linoleum flooring taking up the surface area. Pushed up against the very back wall is a sea of filing cabinets and work desks, with brushes and scrolls lined up to perfection. The whole room screams uptight, but nothing is more satisfyingly organized than the shelves of scrolls that surfeit the room. The shelves themselves appear small in length and width, but are stacked upon each other over and over again, pressed side by side as tightly as possible. The shelves are black in contrast to the pristinely white documents and scrolls that are held within. Kakashi walks forward, breathing in the scent of paper and ink. All in all, there are twelve rows of shelves fit into one masterfully systematic space.

“Okay then...” Kuru blinks, looking around herself and dusting off any overwhelmed feelings she possesses. “What exactly are Anbu schedules?” she turns to him with wide brown eyes. For a moment, Kakashi feels his tongue burn, but when he presses the muscle against the roof of his mouth he realizes it was just his imagination. Kakashi would never say it out loud, but he really hates T&I. T&I’s existence is the reason secrets exist in the village, the reason that Kakashi has spent his entire life agonizes over everything he wished he could say but couldn’t.

He shakes off any feelings of doubt, using that fear to fuel his determination. He double-checks the innocuous door behind them to ensure that they’re alone, satisfied when he sees that the door has been tightly resealed once more. Kakashi doesn’t have to worry about slapping a temporary privacy seal anywhere as the entire room they’re in is already secured by a massive system of professional privacy seals. Not that Kakashi thinks he couldn’t mimic the privacy effect if he wanted to, he’s simply glad someone’s already done it for him. he turns to Kuru with a roll of his shoulders, ignoring her question at the moment and saying instead, “I know who the spy is.” he declares, watching Kuru blink in astonishment. Not even a few seconds pass and she’s shaking off the look and instead nodding at him to continue his explanation. Her eyes only briefly drift around the room to take another gander at the massive collection of confidential information gathered in one space before turning back to him with complete focus.

“We’re going to set a trap to lure him in, and then we’re going to recruit him.” he informs her. Kuru stops nodding along, raising a finger.

“Can we trust this spy?” she interrupts.

“...We’ll see,” Kakashi amends, “but more importantly...” clearing his throat, he begins his the start of a soon to be long winded explanation. “Because the spy may know the schedules of the Anbu, I’ve been assigned to reorganize their missions and then document—in writing—every single Anbu successfully completing a psychoanalysis that determines if they are a spy or not. When I say every single Anbu, I don’t mean just one department; I mean the operation as a whole.” Kakashi emphasizes. Ibiki technically didn’t order him to reorganize all of the schedules, but now that Kakashi has the authority to do so, he’s not passing up the opportunity to rewrite the Anbu schedules. The only Anbu he doesn’t have access to are ones controlled by Danzo, but Kakashi can’t be upset. Kakashi can rewrite all of Lord Thrid’s Anbu schedules to be exactly as he pleases. Kakashi’s had access to the information in any of these files when he was an official Anbu, but he was in a subservient position, not a position of power.

It’s stupidly exciting to finally, finally get to organize an Anbu schedule. After spending so many years subjected to a schedule he had no control over he’s excited to have the privilege of writing them for his comrades.

Kuru’s begins pinning her hair back into a tight bun, fingernails raking across his scalp. “Well, we have all night, don’t we?” she responds.

Kakashi hums, “You’re taking this very well.” He points out.

Kuru laughs. “Hell yeah, I’m grateful if anything.” She finishes tying her hair back, lips pursing, “We legal have access to all Anbu assignments. Not only that but we might have another potential recruit! This is amazing news. It’s a huge advantage...and...I’m hopeful.” She turns to him with earnest eyes and an unwavering smile of gratitude. Kakashi looks away from the gaze with a sharp inhale, cracking his neck. An image of children with Kuru’s face bleeding out on a battlefield pass by his eyes, and doesn’t think he’s ever respected someone the way he respects the woman standing across from him. 

Insomniac is a title that Kakashi is getting closer and closer to being unlucky enough to wear. But Kuru is right, they can’t complain, and if Kuru, a sleep-deprived medical ninja can be that grateful, Kakashi will try his best as well. After all, an opportunity like this doesn’t just fall into someone’s lap every lifetime. Sleep is a small price to pay for the profound progress he and Kuru make.

She and Kakashi sit down on one of the desks and settle, Kakashi spending the next fifteen minutes or so of his life explaining the plan. The plan is to assign at least a dozen or so innocent Anbu to go to the alleged psychoanalysis before assigning Kabuto Yakushi to interrogator Anko Miterashi. The first batch of innocent Anbu will be given to Inoichi Yamanaka, and the next few will be passed on to Anko, and in one of those batches they will slide Kabuto to her. Anko will implicate to Kabuto her own esoteric beliefs and send the spy in Kakashi’s direction. Whether or not Kabuto accepts the recruitment or not is left up to the unknown. Executing this devious plan is not the difficult part of their evening, however. The rest of the night is filled with unwavering gazes and a drive so powerful it overrides the need to sleep. Using Ibiki’s list of Anbu, Kakashi and Kuru learn that there are exactly 651 working Anbu, and nearly 300 of them are currently on a mission outside the village. The document itself only provides a list of all Anbu and their codenames, but soon, Kakashi and Kuru have devised an efficient system to begin rescheduling. They first begin with the Anbu inside the village, organizing the listed Anbu back into their specialty departments.

Kakashi recognizes a few names; Horse (Kabuto), Boar, Tiger, Eel, Dragon; but wipes the emotional memory of them clean and focuses on scouring scrolls for information on them. Complete control over the Anbu schedules is exhilarating and terrifying all at once, and Kakashi and Kuru work conscientiously to ensure that not a soul realizes what they’re up to. Many names appear that Kakashi doesn’t recognize, like Panther, Crane, and Rhino, but Kuru volunteers her energy into searching the room for scrolls on the many, many unknown Anbu’s mission records and skills. The first three Anbu’s schedules nearly takes them a half hour of focused documenting and double-checking, but once those first one’s pass, Kakashi and Anko find a groove. The amount of work is overwhelming and the attention to detail required of them incomparably stressful. The next five pass within forty-five minutes, Kakashi sitting at the desk with a calendar on one side of him and a list of available Anbu missions in the other. Sitting above the calendar is the list of Anbu names that they must check off, and in a neat folder labeled ‘Improved Schedules’ all eight of the Anbu schedules they have completed so far are neatly tucked away. Kakashi can’t help but convince himself that this duty was made for someone with his level of obsessive compulsivity. His hand writing is neat, his focus is unrivaled, and in the next hour they get ten more Anbu schedules completed. Kakashi carefully checks off Anbu names as he goes, Kuru reading ahead of the names to gather up as many scrolls on them as possible. She reads while he organizes, and once he’s ready for the next Anbu she explains their skillset and mission experience with textbook accuracy, even adding in a few injuries current and past that could hinder their work. Unluckily for them, on normal occasions the Anbu schedules usually cover the course of a month, but due to the Chunin exams the schedules stretch out all the way until the final exams. Or, well, it’s actually not unlucky at all in terms of their plan. It’s entirely up to Kuru and Kakashi to designate which Anbu will be on guard during the Chunin exams and which Anbu will be on missions. Not only that, but they get to assign every Anbu’s exact position.

 _It’s the exact kind of advantage that we need_. Kakashi pauses in his writing for a moment, shocked by his own thoughts. _We_ , he thinks to himself, _when did I become a we_? Kakashi dismisses his straying thoughts, deciding not to care when it happened and to just be thankful that he’s no longer isolated.

“Kakashi...” Kuru begins, hand resting on her paper with a yawn, “How are we going to get all six hundred Anbu schedules planned to our benefit and fitted to include a therapy check-up?” it’s the first time either of them have strayed from the work at hand. Kakashi pauses, unwinding his cramped fingers from around the brush and blinking slowly at Kuru.

“Well, eventually we’ll get there, won’t we?” Kakashi points out.

Kuru shakes off any doubt, vigor restored. “Right...this makes our plan go a lot smoother, huh?” Kakashi nods.

The plan, Kakashi thinks, really is coming together. Kakashi and Anko’s original plan is definitely evolving, but the base of their scheme relies on the Chunin Exams. Anko and Kakashi realized that the only time Lord Third is truly seen outside his office is during grand events, and it just so happens that Kakashi and Anko have flawless alibis to be included in the soonest one. They chose the final tournament of the Chunin Exams, where hundreds upon hundreds of lords and lady’s from across the world will come to gamble and enjoy the luxury of watching children fight and slaughter one another for sport. He can imagine the sharply dressed men and women now, champagne in one hand and cash to blow in the other, tittering back and forth and sharing drunken breath. Now Kakashi knows exactly who will be guarding the lord and ladies, who will be kneeling dutifully beside Lord Third, and who will be standing in the stands with the Genin participants. He and Kuru ensure that the two of them are well-versed in all of the Anbu they’ve assigned to the Chunin Exams techniques and skill levels. Ibiki pinned this enormous responsibility off on Kakashi because the rest of Ibiki’s men are tired and worn from the piling work Orochimaru has caused. Kakashi can’t help but grin at what a mistake Ibiki made.

Their makeshift rebellion couldn’t have had a better stroke of luck. _Thanks, Ibiki_ , Kakashi thinks with a great amount of triumph. Kakashi has been interrogated by the brutal man his entire life, and just before he his plan to tear apart the very foundation of the Great Hidden Leaf Village is put into action, he gets one small but sweet taste of what revenge will feel like by deceiving his long-time tormentor. Even if Kakashi, Anko, and now Kuru too fail, Ibiki will be fired no doubt.

They spend the rest of the night thoroughly immersed in work. They work until they have completed the schedules of every Anbu still left in the village, totaling up to a whopping 250 schedules over the next seventeen or eighteen hours. With no clocks in sight the two have no way of knowing how much time has actually passed, especially since they’re so far underground with no way to see the sky, but neither are surprised when they make their way back up to the surface that it is daylight. Sometime during the night Kakashi’s fever had struck again, and he’d been too exhausted to resist Kuru’s help. She’d bandaged his leg after properly stitching and disinfecting it, and then with a swipe of her hand made the aches and pains in his shoulder disappear. He hadn’t been able to help the groan of relief that slipped from his throat, nor the closing of his eyes when she spent the next six of seven minutes with her cold hands pressed against his forehead with medical chakra pouring throughout his body, killing the steadily growing infection.

Oddly enough, Kakashi feels more refreshed than ever. He is used to sleep deprivation, and apparently so is the groggy Kuru beside him who looks dead on her feat but overwhelmingly satisfied. Because he’s used to sleep deprivation he’s always prepared for it. After swallowing some soldier pills himself he offered a few to Kuru, who took them with absolute reluctance. Some medic’s greatly disapprove of soldier pills while others emphatically assure skeptics that the effects on the body are minimal. Whether or not soldier pills will one day destroy his chakra and cause some weird cancer Kakashi plans to continue taking them. Soldier pills have saved his life time and again. Now, they will save him from a day of snappishness and a feeling akin to a hangover.

Today is the preliminary exams, and he and Kuru part ways before reentering the building, Kakashi letting her go first so she can get back to her actual job, making sure to thank her thoroughly for helping with the work he dragged her into. She bids him goodbye with a poorly executed salute that Kakashi is proud to say he doesn’t call her out for. Kakashi enters the building a few minutes behind her in an effort to make it seem like they weren’t together the entire night, heading for the arena determinedly. It’s nearing 7:45, and the doors to the arena close at 8:00. He just barely makes it on time, using the staff door that leads directly onto the balcony rather than the door that would interrupt any matches that may or may not have begun.

Oh. The matches have definitely begun. Kakashi gazes out onto the arena with horror.

Kakashi’s student is being brutally choked by an inhuman contortionist. Sasuke’s opponent has managed to twist his body around his student with loose limbs that appear to be uninhibited by bone structure, cutting off Sasuke’s circulation and air supply. Every muscle in Kakashi’s body is latent in action other than his hand that has latched onto the balcony railing in a vice grip; Sakura and Naruto don’t even shout at him for being late, too busy screaming their lungs off at Sasuke. Kakashi should move. He should interrupt Sasuke’s match and save him, but even though his nerves are alive with panic his mind is slow and uncomprehending. Kakashi feels a storm within him bubble, thunder pounding against his skull and onerously demanding he move even as something within him is still confused and halted by the terrifying sight. But even with his emotions crackling within him unexpectedly, Kakashi believes he is the first in the crowd to notice the change of color in Sasuke’s eyes. He looks upon Sasuke’s red eyes with sick fascination, having seen the exact image reflecting back at him in the mirror on multiple occasions. It is only once the blood gushes out of Sasuke’s Sharingan that the crowd shrieks and gasps like clockwork.

Sasuke’s opponent suddenly collapses, twisting his body in circles on the floor and moaning in ostensible pain. The kid’s head and limbs smack against the floor over and over again as if Sasuke’s Sharingan has conjured an artificial seizure. Kakashi’s gaze hardly lingers on the boy. Kakashi hones in on Sasuke, who’s eyes are the same color as the blood smeared across his face. It takes Kakashi a moment to confirm that Sasuke’s Sharingan is indeed a paradigm of Obito’s, scarlet red with three black tomoe that shine like onyx. Sasuke’s eye is restless, spinning in rapid circles like Obito’s only does on occasion. Kakashi looks around himself at the whispering crowds and resists the urge to snarl at them for gossiping about his student.

Kakashi is down in the arena in a flash, steadying Sasuke’s body as he sways dizzily and his eyes blink back into black. Hayate declares Sasuke the winner, and Kakashi muses over the annoying fact that out of every goddamn Leaf Shinobi in the world, Hayate is the designated proctor. Loyal to a fault, Hayate’s girlfriend even serves in the Anbu.

Sasuke jerks away from him, and Kakashi can’t help but feel rejected by his student’s terrified expression. After spending so many months with Sasuke he’s begun to understand his eccentric dislike for any physical contact or remotely intimate gestures, but it’s this exact reason that Kakashi hoped that Sasuke wouldn’t recoil. Kakashi prefers physical affection over prattle which makes it difficult for him to accept Sasuke’s obstinacy. Kakashi gives Sasuke some space, startling as a familiar face barrels through the emergency double doors and heads towards Sasuke. Kuru meets eyes with him before ignoring Kakashi entirely and cradling Sasuke in her arms. She helps his student out of the room, murmuring words of reassurance to him and trying to escape the whispering crowd as fast as possible. Before leaving the room Kuru cranes her neck and gives Kakashi a pointed look. Kakashi grinds his teeth together at her scared expression, but takes it the win that out of every medic it is Kuru who is taking care of his student.

Kakashi hears a gentle clack of sandals and swerves around, met with Anko’s fierce glare, “C’mon, Kakashi. They’re getting ready for the next match.” She scolds him, motioning back to the stands before high jumping and grabbing the railing, swinging her body over it and landing on the balcony in a crouch. Kakashi follows suit, jumping high and grabbing the metal bar with both hands, pulling himself up and over the bar. He thumps down beside her, wincing at the excited chattering all around him. Anko looks at him with crossed arms yet a paradoxically open expression.

He suddenly remembers a very important piece of information he has to share with her.

He clears his throat as purposefully as he can, leaning down into her ear. “Let’s go somewhere private.”

He’s not expecting Anko to giggle girlishly and press her chest against his arm. He gives her a slightly amused stare, realizing her scheme. “Honestly Kakashi...” she murmurs demurely, “You’re insatiable.” Even though her voice is quiet, the sight of their noses nearly touching and bodies pressed tightly together attracts a lot of attention from nearby Genin and sensei. The sensei shake their heads, the Genin start gossiping, and Kakashi thinks that Anko is a genius.

Kakashi decides to play along and maybe have a little fun with it, too. He tugs on her arm, dragging her over to the staff door and much to his embarrassment passing by Kurenai, who winks at the both of them and calls, “Don’t get too carried away or you’ll miss the next match!”

Kakashi swears revenge on Kurenai as he and Anko sweep into the hall and throw themselves into a storage room. She loops her thumbs in his back pocket, and Kakashi ends the charade, extricating himself from her digging fingers. He slaps a silencing seal onto the door before turning to Anko with his eye narrowed. 

“What’s more important than checking on your kid?” Anko huffs, glancing at the silencing seal with a knowing expression. “If this is about Kuru...”

“It’s not. Kuru is a saint.” Kakashi interjects with a wave of his hand. “This is about a potential ally.”

“You have friends?” Anko spits, looking shocked to the point that Kakashi is actually offended. He steps further into the room to lean against the back wall, eyebrow raising. He substantiates that they are indeed in an office by glancing over the contents of the small space and taking note of the dry erase board and desk. He hopes that the person this office belongs to isn’t important, but his worries are sated when he finds the nametag and recognizes the office as belonging to Hayate Gekko himself. Kakashi and Anko don’t have to get their panties in a twist over him randomly abandoning the preliminary exams to grab something from his office.

“Right...no friends...” he says slowly, watching Anko flush and cross her arms stubbornly, trying to protest that she didn’t mean it that way. He ignores her. “You’re right thought, the potential ally isn’t a friend of mine. He is....well, his name is Kabuto Yakushi.” He clarifies. “And I’m sending him your way. His Anbu name is Horse.”

Anko gives him an even more disbelieving look. “You’re recruiting an Anbu?” she asks bluntly, picking at her teeth which are undoubtedly sticky from dango.

“You recruited Kuru.” He counters.

“Kuru’s a saint, you said so yourself.” Anko counters.

He shakes his head. “I think Kabuto could be an asset.”

Anko’s eyes suddenly go wide. “Wait a minute, I recognize that name! He was one of the Genin in the Forest!” she snaps her fingers cheerfully. “Hey,” she whines, “How come I wasn’t informed we had an Anbu watching over the Forest? I have a sufficient security clearance to be allowed to know about that kind of stuff!”

Kakashi winces, running a hand through his hair. Suddenly Kakashi realizes something very distracting. Anko is still wearing the jacket he gave her. She has changed clothes, she wearing tight biker shorts that show of her long legs, and a fishnet instead of a real shirt, but indeed Anko has his Hatake jacket pulled over his shoulders. No wonder Kurenai thinks they’re dating. He doesn’t comment about it though, because he’s busy defending his case.

“About that....” Kakashi begins, clearing his throat awkwardly. “The thing is Kabuto Yakushi isn’t exactly...he’s a fake Anbu and a fake Genin. He’s a rogue ninja.” Kakashi supplies.

Anko’s face tightens all at once. “Hatake, you can’t be serious. I am not recruiting a _rogue.”_

Kakashi holds up his hand and commands, “Let me finish!” But what he really wants to say is, _and what are we, loyalists?_

Anko leans back. Kakashi tells her about Sasuke’s experience, and Ibiki assigning him the new job. Anko gives him a horrified look at hearing that more work has been pinned off on his shoulders, but he waves away her concern and focuses on the most important issue at hand. Anko is skeptical the entirety of the conversation, having had many bad experiences with rogue ninja cruelty in her lifetime. Kakashi keeps his suspicions about Kabuto’s relation to Orochimaru secret, knowing that Anko would reject the idea completely if she knew he wanted to team up with her tormentor. Still, as Anko reluctantly agrees to send Kabuto his way and the two of them bid goodbye, Kakashi can’t help but become aware of another guilt weighing down his heart. Lying to her feels wrong, but Kakashi must take on one evil at a time, and if that means fighting fire with a blade, he’ll gladly subject himself to her hatred. He’ll betray her if it means freeing his team, his friends, and Anko herself from the clutches of the village. Anko leaves the conversation with an unrelated, sharp order, “Don’t let the village recruit that kid, Kakashi. That Sharingan of his is something else.”

As Kakashi walks to Sasuke he passes by a busy looking Kuru who gives him a pointed stare. Kakashi meanders over to her and she informs him which room she left Sasuke in, but when no one is looking she whispers quietly to him, “Same time today?” to which Kakashi nods affirmative. Kakashi isn’t sure why her eyes are so sharp but she’s swept up in taking care of another patient before he can ask. He makes his way to the room she directed him to, thankfully not interrupted by any paranoid nurses.

Sasuke looks worse than he had last night. Bags are under his eyes, his lips are chapped, and there is a slight redness to his neck that shows it’s been recently healed after severe bruising. He looks Sasuke up and down and wishes he could help him in some way, but the best way to help this kid is going to be completing their plan.

The kid’s activated his Mangekyou, which Kakashi learned the name of through Sasuke’s nifty doujutsu scroll. As he guides Sasuke out of the room and back to his friends, Sasuke willfully confesses to once feeling suicidal enough for the Sharingan to activate, but completely avoids discussing their conversation from the night before, probably worried to be caught in his lie. It makes Kakashi worry too, because if Sasuke openly discusses such serious issues as suicidal thoughts, then what happened with Kabuto that was so bad he’s keeping it from Kakashi? But shoving down his worry he lets Sasuke’s avoidance slide, because if they do talk about the conversation from the night before Kakashi will be forced to lie to Sasuke about handling the issue of Kabuto, when in reality he hopes that Kabuto will contribute to he, Anko, and now Kuru’s subversive cause.

But even if Kabuto doesn’t join them, soon their small group of three will hopefully be brimming with supporters. Anko has begun the process of recruitment while Kakashi initiates the first steps of their plan.

Few people are analytical enough to realize it, but Konoha is near impossible to take down from the inside. It’s almost as if Konoha was built to defend against its own people. It’s easier to take Konoha down from the outside; if your goal is to destroy, that is. But Kakashi’s goal isn’t to destroy. His goal is to _expose_. And what better way to expose a village full of crimes than at an honorable event hosted by the leaders themselves? Kakashi doesn’t plan to stand on a pedestal and make a damn speech, but he does happen to know that it’s easier to feed a fire than to start one on your own. Kakashi doesn’t have to burn the leaders down; all Kakashi has to do is start a fire. Once the fire has started people will jump at the chance to provide fuel.

Kakashi plans to spark a revolution with something painfully simple yet stupidly reckless. He discusses with importance of having a strong will with Sasuke, trying to get across how very serious it is that Sasuke has developed the Mangekyou. Sasuke takes most things seriously, but Kakashi still feels the need to inform Sasuke of any possible outcomes Sasuke hasn’t already considered. Kakashi knows that it’s silly, but when Sasuke accepts his invitation to carry him to the prelims his heart claps with electricity. The action would seem trite to an outside viewer but for Kakashi it’s a superfluous display of trust that he graciously accepts.

He spends the rest of the day in near agony. Sasuke informed him of Orochimaru and Kabuto’s presence, and despite the comfort of having Asuma, Gai, and Kurenai providing an aura of friendship, the only thing he can really focus on is his plan and if Kabuto will listen to reason. His mind is filled with questions. He wonders if recruiting a rogue ninja is the right choice, if betraying the village will get him anything but a bounty on his head, if Sakura and Naruto will pass their exams; thankfully, those last two questions have more immediate answers. Naruto wins his match against Choji with ease, but he doesn’t seem too pleased about the matchup. Naruto was looking forward to a real fight. Kakashi is pleased however, because unlike Sasuke’s match, Naruto won without consequence. He’s so busy worrying about Sasuke however that it’s difficult to find time to worry about everything else. Sasuke’s eyes are a major concern that puts more pressure on Kakashi’s back to fix the village system before his student is forced to partake in a cruelty that will destroy Sasuke from the inside out.

Kakashi’s gaze sharpens, honing in on two names glowing on the electric board. Beside him Anko whistles.

“Will Haruno Sakura and Shigeri Zento please make their way down to the arena?” Hayate shouts. Hayate’s voice lost all of its feigned enthusiasm about when Temari and Tenten finished up their match. Kakashi can’t imagine it’s an enjoyable task to ensure that two reckless children don’t accidentally kill each other while simultaneously remaining unbiased in favor of his own village when he’s an advocate for Leaf Village dominance.

Anko places a hand on his shoulder, leaning her chin onto his arm. She’d made her way over to him with Kurenai’s team. He smiles at her, eye crinkling, and some of his worry about his student’s seal dissipates upon knowing that another seal specialist is on site and ready for action. Anko is kind to him, and it turns out that she’s fiercely loyal. Asuma has never snapped his mouth shut so fast than when Sasuke and Anko teamed up on him. Kakashi finds that the sting from Asuma’s words vanished entirely the moment Sasuke opened his mouth in protest.

In front of them, Sakura cracks her knuckles, mouth forming a grin as Ino murmurs into her ear. Kakashi absently eavesdrops and discovers that Ino ran into Shigeri Zento’s team during the Forest of Death. Shigeri’s teammate is Karin Uzumaki, the girl Sasuke talked to and the Nara heir battled.

Kakashi waves Sakura over before she can skip away, holding his hand high in the air. “Good luck, Sakura.” She jumps up and slaps his hand with her own, creating a satisfying clapping sound that turns a few heads.

“Thanks, sensei!” Sakura clenches both of her fists and nods firmly, eyes steely as she crouches and sprints towards the balcony, jumping off the railing into a straight dive. Right before her hands touch the floor Sakura rolls, absorbing any of the shock from the land with both technique and chakra control.

Anko snorts beside him. “What a show-off!”

Kakashi disagrees with her, watching as Sakura’s opponent takes the staircase down to the arena with a determined expression. “No...I think it’s something else.” Kakashi tells Anko contemplatively. Anko narrows her eyes down to Sakura, sighing in realization.

“She’s hurt.” Anko notes, chewing on her thumbnail. After a moment of consideration, Anko adds, “She’s bluffing.”

Kakashi shakes his head. “My students are scarily adept at prevarication.”

Anko snorts. “I wonder who they got that from.” Kakashi raises a challenging eyebrow at her, and she cranes her neck to stick out her tongue at his expression.

“MY ETERNAL RIVAL, I HAVE RETURNED IN TIME TO WATCH YOUR FINAL STUDENT ENTER THE ARENA! I BRING WITH ME MY OWN GLORIOUS STUDENTS, LEE, NEJI, AND TENTEN!” the abrupt announcement makes neither he nor Anko flinch, but they meet each other’s eyes and reflect the same despondence.

“Did you say something Gai?” Kakashi drawls, watching as Gai flops sideways and moans despairingly.

But Gai soon regains his vigor, as usual, never one to be deterred for long. He raises an eyebrow at he and Anko, a grin splitting onto his face. “And you have a lovely lady accompanying you to watch the match, I see. My Eternal Rival has always been very smooth.”

Kakashi feels his cheeks tint pink, both at the implication and at being called smooth in any romantic sense. Let it be known that Kakashi has never been smooth with ladies or with gentlemen. Sometimes his awkward indifference is interrupted as laidback and cool, but that only simplifies the process of finding one-night stands, not long term partners. Not even Obito’s love came easy for him. At the reminder of Obito, Kakashi can’t help but feel a small glimmer of hope, rather than the usual emptiness that being reminded of his long-dead boyfriend initiated.

Why hope?

Because Sasuke gave him a scroll; a scroll on Doujutsu, a scroll on Sharingan transplants.

It turns out, Sharingan cannot develop passed the stage level they are implanted in. It’s a simple rule of thumb. But, after extensive research and grown understanding of Doujutsu transplants and the Sharingan in particular, he came up with a hypothesis. Theoretically speaking, if the original user of the Sharingan retains one eye, and that eye develops, then the matching eye will also develop. Even if, theoretically, that other eye is given to another person; Kakashi has the Mangekyou. Obito didn’t. But after Rin’s passing, he gained the Mangekyou.

Kakashi was driven mad by this realization. He’d scavenged everything he could find, every paperclip, anything that could clue Kakashi in that Obito had, miraculously, survived. Everything pointed to Obito’s survival...everything. Obito’s body was never retrieved, which means that all of this time Kakashi has been visiting an empty grave. The realization itself makes Kakashi want to grab Lord Third by the collar and break his _nose_. The Uchiha actually ordered a clandestine search party for Obito just one week after Rin’s death and Kakashi’s development of the Mangekyou. Which means that on some level the Uchiha knew how impossible it is for a transplanted Sharingan to develop and deliberately kept it from him. Kakashi has been in the dark so long that he got used to it and now that there is light his head is whipping from side to side to take in all that he hadn’t known was there before.

And if you want to dismiss him as a living in the past, a desperate soldier who takes coincidences too far, go right ahead. Kakashi doesn’t really care if another group of nobodies think he’s gone mad. Because Kakashi knows he’s not perfectly sane, but he is absolutely right. What he has are not hypotheses but proof that Obito lives on, or at least didn’t die the day Kakashi believed he had. Kakashi spent an inordinate amount of time staring at Sasuke’s scroll in shock when he’d read and re-read the next bit of information. Decades ago, Uchiha exchanged one eye each with their spouses, as they believed that it would produce stronger children, and tie their marriage together eternally. Strangely enough, each spouse could still control the eye that they exchanged inside of the other spouse’s skull. The other would always know, no matter how far apart they were from their spouse, what the other was feeling because the Sharingan would spin, or randomly activate, or pulse. The exchanged Sharingan tied their emotions together.

So many times Kakashi would randomly feel saddened, or angry, and on rare occasions, very, very threatened. His Sharingan would spin out of control at the most random of times, only occasionally spinning intensely in battle. It was a sure sign, a sign that Kakashi is clinging to.

Obito’s eye still spins, which means that the Sharingan’s user is active. It has to mean that. Otherwise the Sharingan wouldn’t spin at all. It would be still in Kakashi’s eye socket. 

The thought of Obito living on makes his chest hurt with want. He wants it so bad that it almost feels dreamlike; Kakashi still can’t decide if he actually had dreamed the whole thing up. Once, Kakashi dreamed he retired from the Anbu, and his friends all held a little celebration for him. His favorite foods were on table-clothed low tables and a big banner with the words _Congratulations Kakashi_ painted across from it. The dream was so vivid, so real, he’d even dreamt up witty banter with his friends and the taste of desert on his tongue. When he woke that morning he’d forgotten all about it, going about making his bed and organizing his kunai pouch. He remembers looking into the mirror and freezing up as the memory of the dream came back to him. The dream had felt so terribly real it took him a few minutes to gather his thoughts and realize that’s all it was...a dream...a dream that Kakashi still longs for today. Reality is rarely kind, Kakashi knows. Reality is survival of the fittest. Reality killed the dreamer in Kakashi before he was even born but now, now that he has hope, there’s no going back. He’ll do anything to find Obito. _After all these years, Obito is still my everything_ , Kakashi thinks to himself.

He doesn’t know what a reunion between them will look like. He doesn’t know if Obito has moved on, or if Obito is a rogue, if Obito quit the life of ninja, but he knows that he will never be okay with not knowing. He has to find out. For better or worse Kakashi has to find out where Obito is...who Obito has become. Kakashi thinks about who Obito used to be; the Uchiha rebel that stole his heart and still hasn’t given it back. He can’t help but to get lost in the memories. The memories make his chest ache, tempting him to get lost in the past. Kakashi’s everything sweeps him away into a maze of twists and turns that’s exit is so buried Kakashi is better off not trying to get out at all.

_Gasping...running...turn, run, turn, run. Tree branches whip by him and he squats low._

_“Obito!” Rin shrieks. “He’s right behind you!”_

_It’s too late, Kakashi has already pounced. He dives onto Obito’s back, fingers digging into his shoulders, breath heavy. “Forfeit,” Kakashi demands. He pins a kunai to the side of his boyfriend’s temple._

Without missing a beat Obito cries, “Not today!” Obito suddenly bucks upward, causing Kakashi to lose his balance and fall forward onto Obito’s back, narrowly missing accidentally slicing up Obito with his kunai. So shocked by nearly harming Obito, Kakashi is too distracted to fight back as Obito pins him down. Realizing his position, Kakashi struggles to get free, forcefully aiming an elbow into Obito’s side. Obito takes one arm and snags both of Kakashi’s bony wrists, twisting one arm so it’s shoved across Kakashi’s nose and the other so it’s pressed uselessly into the ground. Kakashi pulls on the hold, realizing how overpowered he is in terms of strength. He plots to wrap his legs around Obito and flip him over, when Obito does something unexpected. With a glimmer in his eyes Obito raises his free hand. Kakashi chokes as Obito, lightening quick, mercilessly begins tickling Kakashi’s masked neck _._

They’ve been training and sparring for nearly four hours, sweat dripping down their faces and heat reddening their skin. Kakashi only barely managed to wrangle his teammates into one last sparring match, Rin as referee. Minato-sensei left a while ago to grab lunch for all of them in town, and since they’re in Training Ground Seven today, it’s a pretty long walk. Their usual training ground is undergoing repairs because of a few disastrous jutsu attempts via Kushina-nee. Kushina-nee doesn’t have much control over her chakra at all, and Minato had been hesitant to let her practice her jutsus in his favorite training ground. This only spurred Kushina-nee on, and when Minato-sensei left to grab them all lunch, Kushina went behind his back to attempt her new jutsu. Her jutsu obviously backfired, and Kakashi still remembers Obito’s raucous laughter as hundreds of trees were blown into nothing and Kushina-nee span around with wide eyes, “Nobody tells Minato!” She’d declared. Minato-sensei had obviously found about Kushina-nee’s failed jutsu attempt, seeing as, just as he predicted, his favorite training ground was demolished. Kakashi theorizes that they had such a brutal training regime today because none of them stopped Kushina-nee from trying the jutsu while Minato-sensei was gone. Well Rin tried, but she wasn’t successful. 

And there was no way Kakashi was going to tell Kushina-nee no. Kushina-nee is scary.

Obito is hot and sweaty above him, uncomfortably sticky but with a joyous expression he hasn’t worn all day. Kakashi feels his own face twist into a smile without his permission as Obito assaults him with tickles, quickly moving down to Kakashi’s sides. Obito had complained all day about how uptight Kakashi was being, and Kakashi supposes that it was only a matter of time until Obito pulled something. He resists the urge to laugh up until Obito splays his fingers across his tickle sensitive stomach, to which Kakashi shouts in surprise and kicks out a foot in a desperate attempt to squirm away from him. Kakashi wriggles and writhes, giving in as laughter overtakes him and Obito gleefully tickles him in every place he can find. The tickling gets worse, but Obito has pinned both of his legs together by now, hips keeping Kakashi immobile. Kakashi’s face is buried into his own elbow, Obito still pinning both of his arms down with one hand. Kakashi thinks it’s completely unfair how much stronger Obito is than him, but Kakashi focuses on technique whereas Obito does so much more strength training than him.

He laughs, the sound muffled by his arm, as the assault continues. Soon Kakashi can only wheeze, completely out of breath, and just when Kakashi thinks he can’t take any of it anymore, Obito stops tickling, using both of his hands to spread Kakashi’s arms out on each side of his body. Obito moves so all of his body weight presses Kakashi’s arms into the ground. The force behind Obito’s hold has shifted into something equally as inescapable but so much more intimate.

Kakashi’s eyes go wide as he suddenly feels two lips on his, a mouth moving slowly against his mask. He freezes for eternity, before he gains his breath and a quiet moan escapes his lips unbidden. He slumps into Obito’s arms, eyes slipping closed as his body sinks into the grassy floor. He can’t even care about winning or losing the sparring match as Obito works his mouth against his masked lips. One of Obito’s hands slip under Kakashi’s neck for support, and the other winds into his hair and pulls with an absurd amount of gentleness, a level of gentleness Kakashi didn’t even think possible until he met Obito. It’s as Obito’s massaging his scalp with blunt nails that Kakashi’s eyes snap open, and he realizes dazedly that he’s lost his first sparring match, ever.

There is a kunai pressed against his jugular. Kakashi is completely and utterly out of breath.

Obito pulls away, the sun glowing on his pale skin. Kakashi’s face feels unbearably warm, and he can’t tell if it’s from embarrassment or pleasure. Obito grins tiredly at him. “It’s the only way I could think to win, Bakakashi.” He confesses, shrugging an exhausted shoulder with an aura of mirth.

Kakashi simply stares at Obito in shock, hyperaware of the hand still in his hair. His body is completely relaxed. Before he could even think to wonder what was going on he’d fallen prey to Obito’s smooth administrations. He’s melted into a puddle of goo, and even now he can’t focus because Obito’s hands are still on him. Their noses are inches apart, and Kakashi is still very, very out of breath, his chest heaving with exertion.

Obito’s tired grin turns more mischievous, and he chucks the kunai in his hand away from him. Kakashi is too enraptured by Obito to attempt to stop him as he bumps their foreheads together and grins down at him, returning in his slow process of massaging Kakashi’s scalp. Kakashi sighs contently, eyes slipping closed. He feels drowsy and very alive all at once, unable to work past the pleasure and call his cheater of a boyfriend out for enticing him mid-spar. His head fall back against the dirt floor and his shoulders relax. Obito’s lips meet his much slower this time, careful and attentive. His masked lips moves against Obito’s as his boyfriend’s winds patterns into his scalp with his fingertips. Kakashi realizes that his arms are free and wrests them on his boyfriend’s waist, digging his thumb into his sides. Obito shifts with the new position, pressing their bodies even closer. 

“Obito! Kakashi!” both of them ignore Rin’s indignant shriek of embarrassment in favor of continuing their exploration of each other. It feels as if Kakashi is trapped beneath Obito, but his hands are free and Kakashi takes advantage. He splays his palms against Obito’s spine, Obito humming in response. Kakashi absurdly wishes he could make the mask disappear, because he doesn’t have the heart to pull away long enough to remove it but he desperately wants to feel actual skin against skin. 

“I said _spar_ , not sex, you dirty minded teenagers.” At the sound of Minato-sensei’s voice Kakashi leaps back, or tries to but ends up smacking his head against the grassy floor. Obito doesn’t move an inch, leaning protectively closer to Kakashi and glaring moodily up at Minato-sensei. Kakashi presses his hands against Obito’s chest but he doesn’t budge, and Kakashi swears to never let Obito pin him during a match ever again. Kakashi can feel his face grow redder and redder by the minute as Obito’s grip on his hair moves to settle on his waist, pressing them impossibly closer together, right in front of their superior officer.

Rin is standing behind Minato-sensei, giggling quietly at what Kakashi knows is his expense. He tries to get Obito to move off of him, but only ends up bending his back awkwardly and causing himself to freeze in horror at Minato-sensei’s suddenly very dark expression.

Obito is suddenly yanked off of him, once again bringing to light their famed sensei’s nickname “the flash.” Kakashi calms his racing heart and traitorous hormones as Obito crossing his arms stubbornly and tries to claim innocence.

Minato-sensei grabs Obito’s ear, pulling him away from Kakashi, who is still sprawled on the grassy floor. Minato-sensei growls, “I don’t care if you’re both boys and there aren’t any pregnancy risks! Have you heard of STDS? And you can’t just harass Kakashi in the middle of a sparring match, you brat! You’re too young for this!”

“I wasn’t harassing him, he’s my boyfriend! And it was just _kissing_!” Obito interjects, arguing with Minato-sensei’s scolding. Obito uncrossing his arms and rolls his eyes dramatically.

“It _is_ harassment, boyfriend or not when you’re pressing a kunai knife to his throat! Now, apologize to poor, innocent Kakashi, and give me twenty laps around the perimeter.”

“WHAT?! We already jogged a 10K!” Obito protests loudly.

“Do you want me to make it a hundred laps?” Minato-sensei releases Obito’s ear, shoving him in Kakashi’s red faced embarrassed direction. Kakashi scrambles off the floor and stands up with an awkward clearing of his throat. He nervously straightens his hair and clothing, but Obito doesn’t bother, leaving his clothes in disarray.

He feels like he should defend his boyfriend’s honor somehow, but Kakashi has never directly defied authority and Minato-sensei is scary, scarier than Kushina-nee. But Obito’s crestfallen face doesn’t deserve the brutality of being forced to apologize, and Kakashi finds himself doing something completely reckless. When Obito finally trudges up to him, gaze downturned, Kakashi tugs down his mask and presses his real lips against Obito’s.

Obito’s eyes shoot open as Kakashi pulls away quickly and tugs back up his mask, hiding it from the view of Minato-sensei and Rin’s prying and shocked gazes. _“Neither of us is sorry.” Kakashi declares petulantly, and Minato can’t even form words at seeing his student’s face for the first time, let alone scold them. But once he regains his bearings scold them he does. Kakashi swears up and down that he’s never met anyone scarier than Minato-sensei._

With a start, Kakashi realizes that he’s spaced out entirely, caught in old memories. For once he doesn’t try to pull away and harshly scold himself. Kakashi lets the memories drift like ashes falling imprecisely to the ground. For a moment that feels like eternity but is ephemeral and ungraspable by nature, Kakashi allows the memory to consume him, to dig its claws into his skin painlessly and intangibly. He cannot help but love, love Obito and love the memory of him. Even if Obito has changed, even if he’s not the same reckless boy he shared clandestine kisses in between missions with Kakashi wants to know who he is today. Kakashi yearns to see every way Obito has matured and every way he hasn’t. His only fear is not that Obito has found someone else, but that Obito has forgotten him, and does not share his want to deliberate every second that they’ve been separated. Kakashi wants to know Obito’s story, but if Obito hates him, if Obito does not want anything to do with him...Kakashi will finally be forced to close the chapter of his life that he has long since left unfinished.

He’s not sure if he’s ready to learn the ending. But Kakashi will not back out. He will not play the coward and continue to live a life full of regrets. He will find Obito, and he will finally be able to open his eyes to the truth. He’ll escape the maze of memories that has accumulated in his mind and finally, finally get to see the other side. He hopes freedom is worth knowing.

“Let the match begin!”

Kakashi startles embarrassingly. Lately he’s been getting more and more lost in his thoughts. He shakes off the lingering disorientation and focuses his eyes on his student’s match. Sakura is injured and her curse mark only recently sealed, which gives her a huge disadvantage, but Kakashi has faith in his student. Unconsciously, Kakashi tugs at his headband where Obito’s eye is. Anko pulls away and studies the action off the balcony with a critical eye.

Across the balcony, Sasuke lets out a very loud, very nervous laugh. Kakashi turns his head away from Sakura, confused at the thought that Sasuke is laughing during his teammate’s match, and is predictably met with a mortifying sight. “ _Takumi”_ has approached a lonesome Sasuke, Naruto and Ino entirely distracted by leaning so far forward onto the railing they might just fall off the balcony. Takumi, aka _Orochimaru_ , is leering at Sasuke with a raised eyebrow. The fake-sensei has a hand on his student’s shoulder, his body language predatory enough that both Gai and Anko catch on to the creepiness of the close contact. He meets eyes with them, a silent agreement to interfere passing between them. Just as Takumi is leaning down with his lips hovering by Sasuke’s ear Asuma appears on the scene out of nowhere, cigarette hanging from his lips and pure steel shining his eyes.

Asuma pulls Sasuke away from Takumi by the shoulder, causing everyone watching to relax significantly. He sees a few foreign sensei shoot each other odd glances, while a couple kids subtly shift closer to eavesdrop on the out of ordinary situation. Sasuke looks thoroughly spooked. He already has a thing against touching, so Kakashi can’t imagine how he’s dealing with the close-contact of a creepy stranger that happens to be an S-class rogue ninja in disguise.

Striking up a conversation, Asuma chuckles at Takumi genially, blowing smoke from his cigar with a half-smirk. Sasuke’s never looked more relieved in his life, scrubbing at his shoulder and looking up at Asuma gratefully. He huddles a bit behind Asuma, peering around Asuma’s burly frame at Orochimaru.

Anko’s eyes darken and she lets out a growl. “I’m going over there.” She mutters to Kakashi, “I’ll handle him, you watch your other kids.” Kakashi nods gratefully as she loudly joins the conversation. He can’t help but wince as she unknowingly interacts with her long-lost sensei, but he can’t stop her without telling her the truth about everything that has been going on.

Kakashi walks forward towards the railing where Naruto and Ino are zealously watching Sakura fight. Kakashi puts a hand on Naruto’s shoulder. Naruto’s eyes don’t leave the arena as he greets him absently. Sakura has taken one from Shikamaru’s book and looks to be trying to win this match without giving away any of techniques. She’s exclusively fighting with Taijutsu. Sakura has the upper-hand, tirelessly offensive and letting let up in her attacks for a single moment. Her opponent doesn’t have the chance to counter-attack, stuck on the defensive. Her plan appears to be going smoothly, so Kakashi lets his eyes snap back to Sasuke, who is now standing behind both Asuma and Anko. Anko has her interrogator face on, probably trying to figure out which kid’s sensei is Takumi and how someone as creepy as him is at all qualified to teach. Kakashi’s hasn’t seen such obvious perversion in a while; strange men don’t just walk up to children and put their hands all over them. Anko looks outraged, but Asuma is keeping her in line as he subtly orders Sasuke to go stand with his friends. Sasuke gladly agrees, rushing back over to them as Takumi’s—Orochimaru’s—face sours significantly.

He fears the interest in Orochimaru’s eyes as they follow Sasuke’s retreating back. Sasuke has made himself a target by activating his Mangekyou, but Kakashi supposes it was just a matter of time before people found out. Still, he would have preferred if they could have kept it on the down low a little longer. It’s not preferable that the big news is released right as Kakashi is kicking a plan into action and Orochimaru has invaded Konoha.

Kakashi turns back to Sakura’s match and watches her backflip and kick her opponent under the chin at the same time. Maybe Anko was a little right. Sakura’s a bit of a show off. Kakashi raises an eyebrow in surprise when instead of continuing her steady assault Sakura stops just long enough for her opponent to snap an arm out in an attempt to hit her on the temple. Sakura side-steps, her hand shooting out to grab his raised arm. One of her hands press down on his wrist and the other presses up underneath his elbow. She applies pressure and Kakashi swears he can hear the snap from up on the balcony as her opponent’s joint breaks. The crowd collectively winces. Sakura doesn’t stop, keeping her opponent’s wrecked arm in a firm grip. Shiguri, Kakashi remembers the boy’s name, looks nauseas with pain as Sakura yanks his arm until he loses balance.

Naruto leans forward and shouts, “You’ve got him now, Sakura! Don’t let up!”

Sakura’s face twists at Naruto’s words, her eyes glowing with determination. She snatches Shiguri’s ankle and lifts, causing his body to tilt downwards. Now with both an ankle and a wrist, Sakura pulls forward, forcefully pushing both of Shiguri’s appendages towards his body. His arm and leg strains for a moment before abruptly jerking forward and then loosening significantly, the bones broken; Kakashi feels himself grow impressed. Both his leg and arm are going to be out for the count for the next couple of months, Sakura has so thoroughly broken both of them.

Shiguri shouts and gasps, Sakura’s eyes narrowing mercilessly. “Forfeit,” She says vehemently. It’s the first words she’s spoken the entire match. Kakashi can’t help but feel a little responsible for her willfulness to inflict suffering. But in the end he’s too proud of his little student to feel guilty for encouraging her wrath.

Shiguri doesn’t forfeit. He stupidly reaches his remaining arm behind him and tries to grapple with Sakura, only to lose balance and fall forward onto his face, probably breaking his nose. Sakura’s eyes darken, and Kakashi hurriedly looks to Hayate. He’s seen Sakura’s callousness and doesn’t want any unnecessary causalities, foreign ninja or not. Hayate catches his gaze and Kakashi shakes his head slowly at him from up on the balcony. Just as Sakura throws Shiguri to the ground and is readying a kunai knife, Hayate calls the match. Shiguri garbles, unable to protest through the harsh pain of broken bones; his pain finally garners a reaction, and Sakura’s lip curls in disgust.

Naruto and Ino begin clapping merrily. Kakashi lets himself glow with pride at Sakura’s well-thought out strategy, but Sakura doesn’t appear all too happy with herself, cracking her neck. Her frown only shifts into a slight smile as Hayate declares her the winner. She waves up at him and Kakashi gives her a peace sign filled with pride. Kakashi turns to Sasuke, who has a very confused, very disturbed look on his face. Sasuke’s expression shifts into something unreadable when he glances at Asuma, Anko, and Gai, who have all finally managed to shoo away Orochimaru disguised as Takumi. Kakashi can’t even think that absurd sentence without feeling as if he’s taken one too many solider pills.

To Kakashi’s surprise, Sakura doesn’t preform histrionics on her way back up to the balcony. She uses the stairs like everyone else, wincing slightly as she walks. As Naruto and Ino rush to greet her, Kakashi checks up on his other student, blinking at the sight before him. Anko is leaning down, hands on both of Sasuke’s shoulders with a stern expression. “Did that guy say anything to make you feel uncomfortable?” Anko stares Sasuke directly in the eyes, a feat Kakashi has only accomplished a few occasions in all of his time as Sasuke’s sensei. Sasuke shifts from foot to foot, unable to move away from her searching gaze. Kakashi hesitantly approaches the scene, watching Sasuke finally move enough away from Anko to cast his gaze downward. Anko remains kneeling, eyebrows raised pointedly in an attempt to get him to talk.

“He mentioned my brother.” Sasuke doesn’t sound spiteful, only sullen and dreary. Kakashi feels himself stiffen, Anko freezing as well. Anger churns in Kakashi’s gut, bubbling up from under the surface and striking all at once. Orochimaru has hurt Anko and now all three of his students. Once Kakashi sees his plan through, Orochimaru will be the first target on his next kill list. He can’t believe he let the snake close enough to his student to remind him of such things.

The thought of Itachi Uchiha sends a bought of unpleasant memories through Kakashi’s brain. His tongue burns, his silencing seal warning him of the confidentiality of the topic. He wonders for a moment if Sasuke has a silencing seal. Sasuke has never implicated that he has anything to hide beyond bad memories, but with such a heavy burden on his shoulders, it’s possible the village silenced him on the topic.

Anko leans forward, “What did he say?” she doesn’t say, _about your brother_ , but it’s implied in her tone and expression.

“He said...” Sasuke looks up at Kakashi, and that’s when Kakashi notices that Sasuke’s not just pale, he’s completely blank, like all life has been sucked from his body. Kakashi feels like he’s choking on cotton, unable to offer any words of comfort. He’s never seen Sasuke look so bleak, as Sasuke is always flowing and moving about with some sort of feeling. Sasuke looks away, shaking visibly but seemingly unaware. “Who said I have to tell you?” his voice is cold, colder than ice and very, very distant. He shakes off Anko and nearly runs face first into a curious looking Sakura. At the look on Sasuke’s face Sakura’s reluctant pride morphs into concern.

“Sasuke?” Sakura’s gaze turns to Kakashi and Anko. She meets eyes with him and her brow furrows, a confused expression overtaking her features. It’s gone as soon as it was directed at Kakashi, Sakura shifting her attention back to Sasuke. Her face lights up with a cheery smile. “C’mon Sasuke! You’re going to miss the last match!” She squeals, voice a few octaves higher than usual. She doesn’t grab Sasuke, instead motioning in the direction of Naruto and Ino, who have begun openly staring at the interaction. “Naruto is super pumped because it’s that Gaara guy vs the teammate of Shigeri, and I’m sure you know this, but that was my opponent! Come watch with us.” She orders. Sasuke flees to Sakura and Naruto faster than Kakashi can wrap his head around, Naruto glaring over at him and pulling Sasuke in the middle of their little friend group as they all gather around the balcony railing. Ino looks up at him and sends Kakashi a furious glare he’s not prepared for, calling over Shikamaru and Choji, forming a barrier between the sensei and the students.

Kakashi’s mouth feels dry. He thought he was finally getting his students to open up to him. At first they were all so distant, but he’d eventually earned their trust. He feels like he’s just taken three clumsy stumbles backward. Anko looks at Kakashi, shaken up. She rubs her face with both of her hands, unable to find a snarky comment in her reservoir of seemingly endless annoying commentary. Kakashi bets she feels as sick as he. Sasuke never looks like that. He’s never frowning, he’s never snarling, he’s never picking fights. The behavior is out of the ordinary, like prey cornered by predator. He can’t help but let his mind’s eye conjure up an image of Itachi, baby pictures of Sasuke in hand as he proudly shows them off to the squad. Conversely, another image appears before his eyes, this one of Itachi grinning wickedly as his hands drip with blood and he stands over a body of an enemy ninja. Kakashi grits his teeth, but even he can’t push the two images together. He can’t imagine what it must feel like for Sasuke. One minute Itachi would be an overly loving and sensitive kid, the next he’d be bloodthirsty and mad. Sasuke was seven years old when his brother snapped. That kind of betrayal isn’t erased because of a few promises and heart-to-hearts. Sasuke needs time, and he needs stability. Kakashi can’t provide either of those things.

The realization is disheartening. He’s not who Sasuke needs.

Anko must see the hopelessness on his face, as her own expression slackens into grief. “We’re doing everything we can.” Anko reassures him, her voice steady. Kakashi can’t help but feel that in some way she’s reassuring herself, too.

Anko shifts her gaze onto the Hokage stand, just as Hayate announces the beginning of the match. Kakashi gives Anko a quivering smile, a hundred lies caught in between his throat and his mouth and a hundred secrets buried in his chest. His mind wracks, unable to understand why Sasuke wouldn’t explain what Orochimaru told him, nor why Sasuke kept he and Kabuto’s real interaction private. His thoughts move rapidly, trying to understand his students, trying to convince himself that he’s doing his best. Despite knowing he tries harder than most he can’t help but feel he’s not trying hard enough. Kakashi isn’t enough for his students.

The next match is the Jinchuriki of the Sand against the other guy who doesn’t stand a chance. Gai interferes with the match before Gaara can take his opponent’s life. Naruto is so different than this Jinchuriki, and it sends a pang in Kakashi’s chest. Gaara has clearly been weaponized into something inhuman, a cross between man and demon. His opponent will probably lose his legs permanently, but thanks to Gai, at least the kid’s going home with his life. Kakashi feels like he should talk to Naruto, both because of the memory of him screaming on that screen in the sensei lounge, and the currently dark look on Naruto’s face as the match concludes and the medic’s cart Gaara off the premise.

The preliminaries are over, done with. His team has all passed, the only Team so far to accomplish such a feat. All the Genin line up at the bottom of the arena and Kakashi can’t help but note that the diversity of the crowd has significantly changed. Where once were diverse speakers, skin tones, cultures, and headbands, are now a sea of white Leaf Genin, and two Suna ninja; two foreigners out of the other hundreds of foreigners that entered the challenge. Ino, Shikamaru, Shino, Lee, Sakura, Sasuke, Naruto are all Leaf Ninja and all native speakers. It really is depressing how little of a chance the Leaf gives to minorities. But that’s the entire point of this Exam, really, the entire point is to remind undeveloped countries just how much better Konoha is than them. It keeps them in line, and the fact that there is a _them_ at all when referring to hundreds upon hundreds of diverse peoples with individual cultures and beliefs strengthens Kakashi’s resolve that things must change. He can and will make a difference.

Kakashi shakes his head. He can’t even imagine how it must feel to live in one of the smaller countries. If he took a person from each country they’d be completely different; different language, culture, belief systems, skin colors, and yet Konoha still thinks of them as one singular unit. It’s mind boggling and the inequality of it all is displayed right before Kakashi’s eyes as he watches the Genin wait for Hayate to announce the bracket for the tournament. Instead of forcing children to memorize Shinobi Laws, the Academy should provide some sort of foreign education class. But no, Konoha is stuck on too high of a horse to educate themselves on different, _not lesser_ , societies.

Kakashi holds his breath, wishing he were allowed down in the arena to stand beside his team. He can’t go down there until the bracket has been announced, so for now, weary and bone tired from the day’s endless stress, Kakashi waits.

The kids unravel the little papers Hayate passed out and take turns calling out their numbers. Hayate fills in a small list on his clipboard and then clears his throat. “First match, Rock Lee Vs. Ino Yamanaka!” he calls. Ino takes an obviously steadying breath and Lee clenches his fists, looking determined. Hayate coughs before continuing. Kakashi can’t imagine that Asuma willingly smokes even though he personally knows a man that still lives with the consequences today. “Second match will be Shikamaru Nara Vs. Sakura Haruno!”

A heaviness sweeps through the crowd, Naruto and Sakura oddly not cheering and Shikamaru oddly not complaining. Sasuke looks notably nervous, beginning to bounce his leg and glance between all his friends indecisively. Kakashi rubs his temples and prays that whatever the problem is, it’s not serious enough for him to need to get involved. “That’s going to be one hell of a match.” Anko acknowledges, “I haven’t seen a civilian make it to the tournament in _years._ ”

Kakashi hadn’t even thought about that. He hardly considers Sakura a civilian at all, mostly because she’s not. These days people treat being a civilian like it’s a social class, but really being a civilian is just not being a _ninja_. Sakura is a ninja and if she wins her fight against Shikamaru, she will win as a ninja. 

“The third match will be Uchiha Sasuke Vs. Shino Aburame!” Hayate declares. Sasuke raises his hand in greeting at Shino. Shino nods back at him politely.

Kakashi’s stomach begins to sink as he realizes what has happened. There are only two contestants left.

“And the final match will be Naruto Uzumaki Vs. Subaku no Gaara!” Hayate coughs mid-sentence, but everyone understands nonetheless. Naruto just nods solemnly with a steady gaze directed at his opponent. His lip is curled, and Kakashi watches as Sakura places a hand on his shoulder. Sasuke meets eyes with Kakashi just as a crowd of Genin begins descending the staircase to greet their successful teammates and comrades. The bustle of the crowd breaks their eye contact. Anko bumps his shoulder with a shout of goodbye and a cheeky grin, returning to her work front and center of the arena.

If Kakashi were a less uptight person he’d Shunshin down to his students and pull them from the crowd to have a long discussion. As it is, Kakashi is very uptight and is too anxious to waste that much chakra on something so trivial. So he simply walks down the staircase like everyone else, his student’s meeting him halfway with stiff shoulders.

He experiences an ironic moment of watching the rest of the sensei congratulate their successful students and console the ones that lost. Gai is giving a speech to all three of Neji, Lee, and Tenten, and across from him Kurenai has her students wrapped in a big hug as they shout excitedly for Shino. Asuma has a hand on Choji’s head in comfort while he speaks calmly to Ino and Shikamaru with a big grin stretched over his face. Kakashi looks down at his own students. Naruto lacks any visible injuries but is wearing a scowl so defiant that Kakashi fears for the person that managed to tick Naruto off. Sakura is injured, limping, covered in sweat, hair matted, and wearing an expression of impassivity that almost makes Kakashi believe she’s not experiencing any pain. Sasuke has his arms wrapped around himself, body hunched inward, looking as if at any moment someone is going to try to attack him.

Kakashi sighs. “Well...” he says, “Does anyone want me to congratulate them?” he wonders.

Naruto responds with a hiss of teeth, “Don’t even try.”

Kakashi raises his hands at the angry response. Sasuke and Sakura share a look, but don’t say anything. Kakashi looks around the crowd and finds himself sneering. “All right, you know what, kiddos? Sometimes, life sucks.” He says harshly. “Life hits you when you least expect it to and it’s a struggle to stand back up on shaking knees...but!” Kakashi raises his index finger, “Sometimes, you cannot simply stand up and face the issue head on. Sometimes you have to look for another way to solve your problem.”

His gaze sweeps over his students as all of their expressions widen with slight surprise before closing off in concentration. Kakashi pauses and then declares, “C’mon, we’re going back to our room.”

Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura don’t even look at each other as they nod in acquiescent. Kakashi raises an arm as he turns and his students obediently gather around him. They walk out of the arena, using the chaos of the crowd as a cover. Kakashi is glad, because now that Sasuke has the Mangkyou, Team Seven is going to have a lot more eyes on them than before.

As they walk back to the hotel room Team Seven is unusually silent. No jokes, no small talk, not even Sasuke making boring small talk about how great or terrible the weather is. Team Seven is quiet. Kakashi’s not surprised, just saddened.

He stands before the door to the room, all of his students tiredly slumping around him. Sasuke looks dizzy, Sakura looks at a cross between punching someone and bursting into pained tears, and Naruto is pure rage, his tapping foot containing an unbelievable amount of tension. Kakashi tries to unlock the door but the key gets jammed. He twists and turns in agitation, shoving his body against the door. Naruto lets out a disbelieving huff of air. Kakashi finally gets the door open with a twist, shoving himself inside and all of his students follow.

They don’t meander around. Sweaty and tired, Team Seven spaces out around the room, Naruto finding the bed and Sakura sitting next to him. Kakashi doesn’t comment on their closeness, feeling merciful at the memory of his own strict sensei. Sasuke finds a spot in between both beds with is back pressed against the drawer and hand wrapped around his stomach.

Kakashi stands there for a moment, feeling stupid for being unable to find the right words. Sasuke is the first to speak. “Kakashi-sensei I’m hungry.” He complains. Sasuke doesn’t typically complain. He requests not to do certain things but beyond that Sasuke doesn’t demand or whine ever. Sasuke curls up and Sakura and Naruto don’t speak.

Kakashi looks up at the ceiling and responds, “You know what kid, me too.”

Sasuke startles as Kakashi, without warning, chucks a ration bar at him. It smacks Sasuke right on the nose, causing him to jump nearly five feet in the air. It’s amusing and brings a tired chuckle onto everyone’s lips, which causes Sasuke to scowl furiously and tear through the bar, aggressively taking a chunk out of the top. Sasuke puts a hand to his mouth and stomach and groans, “It think I’m gonna’ be sick...”

Naruto holds up a hand and clears his throat, “Chew slower, but bite faster. Don’t wait in between, otherwise you’ll get full too fast.” He advises. Sasuke nods and takes his next bite right after he swallows, chewing slowly and repeating the process. It clearly does help, but it makes Kakashi feel a bit sick himself to know that Naruto’s been starving enough to have tricks on how to replenish yourself after undergoing long periods of time without food.

Kakashi sits himself down on the bed opposite of Naruto and Sakura. Sakura takes a deep breath and says, “So...we all passed...” Sakura sighs deeply. “What now?” she asks, sounding genuinely curious.

Sasuke takes another bite but Naruto is looking at Kakashi intently, his hand on his gut. Kakashi meets Naruto’s gaze, trying to project an air of approachability. Naruto finally takes a deep breath and says, “Actually, there’s something I wanted to talk to you guys about.” He looks down, and then he looks to Sakura, and Kakashi realizes where Naruto is going with this.

Naruto is the Jinchuriki of the Nine Tails Demon Fox. He harbors a demon inside of him, and the secret is kept from the common people. Up until about a year ago, the secret was kept from Naruto as well. Naruto wants to talk about it. He wants to tell Sakura and Sasuke. Sasuke continues to obliviously chew on his ration bar but Sakura looks at Naruto with an open expression. Kakashi figures it’s his duty as a Leaf Ninja to stop Naruto. But not only does Naruto deserve to tell, but Sakura and Sasuke deserve to know the truth, and it’s his duty as a _sensei_ to ensure that happens. 

“Do you guys know how in the Land of Waves...I, I was able to beat Haku? Well, it wasn’t as simple as that, you know?” Naruto dodges everyone’s suddenly attentive eyes, fiddling with his jacket sleeve. “And you also remember how Gaara and I seemed to have this weird connection?” Sakura and Sasuke nod, but Kakashi stiffens. He hadn’t known that Gaara and Naruto were interacting with each other. A battle between the two of them is going to be explosive, and he’s not sure if the two knowing each other worsens or betters the situation. Kakashi supposes he’ll find out in a month. “So, Gaara’s a Jinchuriki, turns out...Sasuke told me, actually.” Naruto keeps his eyes downcast, “And well...I’m a, I’m a Jinchuriki too. I am a vessel for the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox.”

Sakura’s reaction is a bit off-putting. She goes silent for a moment, analytically studying Naruto. Naruto doesn’t look up at her and after a few moments of awkward silence other than Sasuke’s nervous chewing, Sakura says, “Naruto, I’m not sure I know what that means.” She admits.

Kakashi startles, wondering how in the world she doesn’t know what Jinchuriki are. Every Great Shinobi Nation harbors a Jinchuriki. But then again, Sakura’s parents are civilians. It’s possible she grew up in a very sheltered environment. Naruto turns wide blue eyes on her. “Whaddya mean? I, I’m a demon, Sakura!”

“You’re not a demon, Naruto.” Sasuke snaps, and in his shock about Sakura’s reaction, Kakashi completely forgot about Sasuke’s. Kakashi feels his chest warm with pride at Sasuke’s reassurance, and joins him in comforting his student.

“Sasuke’s right, being a Jinchuriki is an honorable burden. You harbor a demon, but that doesn’t mean you are one,” Kakashi reasons.

“So wait...” Sakura holds up her hands, turning to Naruto with wide green eyes. “You have a demon inside of you? How?” she nearly shouts, looking frazzled and worn. “Like...like, does this demon talk to you? Don’t listen to the demon Naruto!” she assumes, waving her hands about and growing wilder and wilder. Sakura looks like she wants to grab Naruto’s shoulders and shake him.

Sasuke gives her a bewildered look, ration bar half-way to his mouth, and Kakashi can’t help but mirror him his stunned expression. Out of every question in the world, he hadn’t expected her to ask if Naruto could communicate with the Nine Tails. “Sakura,” Naruto rushes to assure, “The demon does not talk to me, I, I only found out about it recently so all it really does is just...exist, inside of me.”

Sakura slumps, a hand on her chest. “Oh...oh that’s a relief. So, wait, what’s the point, then? Why is there a demon inside of you?” Sakura looks around and then lowers her voice, “Can we get it out?”

“No, Sakura,” Sasuke hurries to respond, “That is not...” he rubs his temples and clears his throat. Kakashi turns to Sasuke with one eyebrow raised. _He sure is taking this well,_ Kakashi ponders. Naruto looks too lost to try to explain the situation to Sakura, and Kakashi is reluctant to interfere with his student’s affairs. Sasuke takes up the responsibility of giving Sakura a proper explanation. “Jinchuriki harbor demons to control them so the demons don’t wreak havoc on the world. The demons are passed down from generation to generation, and if the Jinchuriki are skilled enough, they can even tap into the power of the demon, harnessing the demonic chakra for good. Naruto being a Jinchuriki _is a good thing_.”

Sakura sits back, thinking. “Well, why Naruto?” she wonders.

Naruto holds up his hands, placing one on Sakura’s shoulders. “Wait, so...you’re okay with this?” he clarifies. “This doesn’t bother you?”

Sakura pauses, thinking. “We all have demons, Naruto. Yours are just...a bit more real.” Sakura finishes with a small smile. It’s no speech, Sakura is a girl of few words, but it’s meaningful all the same and Naruto gives Sakura a shy smile in return. Its clear Sakura doesn’t understand how impactful her easy acceptance is, how much it means to Naruto that not only does she still like him, but her feelings for Naruto haven’t changed at all.

Kakashi looks upon his students in pride for a moment before turning to Sasuke, who has finally finished eating his ration bar. He’s fiddling with the wrapper, worn around the edges. “Sasuke? How do you feel about this?” he asks, not tempting Sasuke one way or another and just asking.

Sasuke looks up, before full-on amusement stretches over his entire face. “I’ve known since I was like, four or something. I’ve known forever.” Sasuke chuckles and crumbles up the wrapper in his hand, looking up at Naruto rather than Kakashi.

Naruto lets out a sound like a dying bird. “You _what now_?” 

“Forever,” Sasuke repeats, “since I was like four and tiny and had parents who believed that the law was just a suggestion.” Sasuke rolls his shoulders and then changes his expression from humorous to soft. “But to answer your question Kakashi-sensei...Naruto’s my best friend. _All_ of Naruto.” Sasuke declares unabashedly, and Kakashi’s heart warms at Sasuke’s affectionate personality.

Naruto’s responding laughter is watery, gripping Sakura’s hand in his with a big toothy grin. Kakashi lets the young couple have their moment, turning to Sasuke and smiling at him widely. He tugs at his mask a bit, making sure it’s pulled up tightly to his nose. Sasuke looks rough, and not just because of his injuries. Yeah his eyes are bloodshot and his throat is rubbed raw, but it’s the exhaustion of his soul that worries Kakashi. Spirit is a lot more complicated to fix than skin; there is no right or wrong answer when it comes to the heart. Kakashi decides not to respond to Sasuke’s comment about his parents. It doesn’t really surprise him that the Uchiha ignored the Nine-Tails law entirely, so he doesn’t see the point in addressing the issue.

Sasuke leans his head back against the dresser, expression pained, and Kakashi can’t help it. He has to ask. “What did he say?” he says it slowly, testing the words to see if Sasuke will react violently; Sasuke doesn’t, expression remaining neutral, if a bit more guarded. “What did Takumi-sensei say about Itachi?”

Kakashi isn’t expecting it, but at the mention of Itachi Uchiha, the aura of the room completely changes. Sakura goes as stiff as stone, Naruto looks ready to knock someone over, and Sasuke looks as if he’s melded with a block of ice. Kakashi can feel his own gut stir with a storm, but does his best to relax his shoulders and not let out his anger. He can let out his anger later, when there aren’t any kids around to be victimized.

Naruto turns to Sasuke with a horrified stare. “That guy asked you about _him_?”

“What guy?” Sakura asks cautiously, glancing around the room with suspicion.

Sasuke makes a hoarse sound in the back of his throat, tucking himself into his knees. The room quiets as the somber look on Sasuke’s face, a look so different than his usual anxious glances and nervous lip-biting. It’s a look of someone who has seen far too much, and Kakashi doesn’t like the distance in Sasuke’s eyes. “He said that Itachi was thinking of me. That if it wasn’t for him, I’d be the one wearing a curse mark instead of Sakura.” Sasuke whole body quivers but his voice remains dull. “He said that Itachi wants me all to _himself_.”

Sakura looks beyond mortified and confused, but Naruto looks like he’s piecing something together. Kakashi is confused and angry, but before he can get a word in Naruto has jumped up. “That son of a bitch is looking for you? We can’t let that happen! We won’t let that happen!” Naruto looks back at Sakura for support in his angry tirade.

Sakura has her hand on her neck, green eyes confused. “How? How did he know about Orochimaru? Is that Takumi guy working for him?” she goes about this logically, focusing on getting the entire story before jumping to conclusions. Naruto doesn’t care if he looks oblivious, eyes flickering in and out of a worrisome red as he snarls.

Kakashi raises a hand. “Hold on!” he stops everyone, “This guy was probably just trying to get under Sasuke’s skin. No one has seen Itachi since he went rogue. What reason would Itachi have for going after Sasuke anyway?” Kakashi placates.

It’s the wrong thing to say. The room suddenly looks terrified. Fear is a strange expression to see painted on Sakura and Naruto’s faces, because the two of them are almost always recklessly confident. In this moment they look small, however, small and very, very scared. Sakura stands up and grabs Naruto’s clenched fist, her mouth forming a thin line. Naruto grips her hand tightly, but Sakura doesn’t appear bothered by his fierce grip.

Sasuke hasn’t even moved. He hasn’t breathed. He’s just looking at Kakashi with his face an empty husk of emotion. “I’m sorry, Kakashi-sensei.” Sasuke’s eyes drift to the wall, his fingers picking at the thin skin on his knuckles. “I should have said something earlier.”

Kakashi looks around the room, realizing he’s missing something. He swallows and leans back onto the bedpost, crossing his arms. “Okay.” He says, shifting in discomfort. “What do you mean?”

Sasuke’s gaze briefly flickers to Naruto and Sakura. Slowly, as if scared of the action himself, Sasuke’s hand inches towards his right arm band. He begins to unravel the strings that keep the band tied to Sasuke’s forearm, avoiding everyone’s searching gazes. Naruto and Sakura share a pale look and Kakashi grows ever more worried.

Sasuke finally unfastens the band and pulls it off his arm. He wraps his hand around his forearm before holding it up in the air, closing his eyes and leaning his head back against the drawer. His pale arm is shaking but Kakashi can instantly detect what Sasuke means to show him. Carved across the visible veins on Sasuke’s arm in fine handwriting are the words, _Property of Itachi Uchiha_.

Kakashi’s world zones in, his eyes unable to tear away from the words scrawled in scars on Sasuke’s arm; the sight is mortifying, yet captivating all the same. After a beat of stunned silence his eyes trail up the rest of Sasuke’s arm, taking in small scars and scratches he would normally have dismissed but now he questions. He questions how, who, and why. He’s never thought to ask those to anyone with scars before. Scars are personal, but Kakashi wants, needs, to know why Sasuke’s brother would do something like this to him. _Property of Itachi Uchiha_ , the words sound wrong in Kakashi’s mind. He swallows thickly.

He hears Sakura and Naruto suck in a sharp breath, but he doesn’t look at either of them until they move to Sasuke and enter his honed-in field of vision. Sakura places herself on one side and Naruto on the other. Sasuke opens his eyes slowly and lowers his arm, titling his head back up. Sasuke’s hand briefly hovers over the arm band before moving away from the resting in his lap instead. Naruto and Sakura have open looks of understanding across their faces but Kakashi doesn’t understand, and it makes him feel so much less mature, so much younger. It takes away that small bit of control that Kakashi is always clinging to. Sometimes, Kakashi forgets he’s only in his twenties. Sometimes, Kakashi forgets that he’s allowed to make mistakes, to overlook things. It’s easy for people to get so caught up in one problem that something that should’ve been completely obvious ends up being his downfall, he knows that. But Kakashi’s not supposed to be like everybody else, he’s not supposed to be ‘people’ and he’s not supposed to make mistakes. Kakashi’s hands quiver uncontrollably.

Kakashi purposefully, deliberately turned a blind eye to this. He declared to himself that Sasuke was better off figuring things out alone, that Sasuke needed to sort his issues out for himself. But the scar on his arm sends Kakashi’s stomach in knots and makes him revaluate everything. The scar sends an alarm bell through Kakashi’s skull, warning him that this, this horrific scar may not have been the only thing he’s overlooked.

“Sasuke,” Naruto chokes, and Kakashi watches him tap Sasuke’s wrist gently. Sasuke nods and Naruto’s fingers wrap around Sasuke’s pale forearm, running over the matted scar tissue with reverent sorrow and compassion. “What does he want with you...?”

Sasuke pauses, and Kakashi has a million questions running through his mind but he waits, he waits and listens as Sasuke inhales deeply. “He wants to control me,” he answers, and Kakashi can’t help but notice that Sasuke answers the question with complete confidence.

“Sasuke,” Kakashi finds his voice, but it’s hard to find words and he has to say something. Sasuke looks up at him and Kakashi can feel his throat close. He has no idea what to ask because he feels like he hardly understands anything anymore. He ends up stating with peaking confusion, “Itachi loved you.” His voice comes out strained, off-pitch and harsh.

Before Sasuke can say anything, explain anything, Sakura whips her head around and says loudly, “That was not love. What he did to you is cruel and nothing short of vile and wrong. Nothing he did to you was warranted, you hear me?” Sakura’s gaze flickers to his scar and then her shoulders square. “He had no right to do what he did, no excuse that made it okay.” Sakura raises a finger and scoffs, leaning backwards, “And he has no control over you.” Sakura looks outraged but most of all disturbed, a sneer on her lips and danger in her eyes.

At Sakura’s words, Kakashi realizes that Sakura and Naruto do know something more than he. They know how this happened.

“Sasuke what did he do to you?” He resists the urge to stand, to scream, to rage, because doing those things will not help the situation. He shoves down all thoughts of himself and focuses on making his students feel safe. He can’t think about all of the control over his mind he has lost because he needs to be there for his team, for Sasuke.

Sasuke looks down at his arm, where Naruto is still rubbing circles with his thumb across his scar, and then to Sakura who looks every bit the part of an assassin ready to strike. He settles his eyes on Kakashi, not quite making eye contact but instead staring at his Jounin vest. “I remember...he was angry. Dragged me into his bedroom, pulled out a knife...he nearly killed me. He said sorry afterwards, like that changed anything.” Sasuke pulls away from Naruto and Sakura, settling into himself. “He was abusive, Kakashi-sensei. He was sexually abusive.” The moment the words pass through Sasuke’s lips a sob claws out of his throat and into the world, tears springing to his eyes and breathing ragged. Kakashi can’t help but notice that Sasuke directly addressed him and not Sakura and Naruto. Sakura and Naruto don’t jerk or react in any way that indicates surprise. In fact, the two of them are watching him like a hawk, trying to gauge his reaction.

Kakashi is the last to know. He doesn’t really care, because he’s too busy wrapping his head around Sasuke’s words, fitting the story into Sasuke’s behavior. Everything he’d chalked up to eccentricity and trauma from the Massacre suddenly has a much more direct...he doesn’t want to say explanation, because that’s not what this is. It’s more like a final reveal, something that has been missing but is finally found and now Kakashi can truly see the full picture. He can’t tell if Sasuke is a pretty or ugly painting, but Kakashi loves the painting all the same.

He doesn’t know what to say or how to say it. Kakashi rarely exercises emotions and when he’s less of a comforter and more of an advice giver. But he can’t help but think that Sasuke is still searching for his approval. That Sasuke still expects him to suddenly turn around and decide Sasuke’s not worth the trouble. Kakashi somehow finds the words that sound best to him and stands up, walking over to Sasuke and leaning down. He grabs Sasuke’s hand and finds the scar with his thumb, Naruto retracting himself from the scene and Sakura following suit. “You’re not a possession, Sasuke. You’re not something he can own.” Kakashi shakes his head. “To tell you the truth kid, I like you as you are, skittishness and anxiety included. And I’m still going to like you as you grow and change, no matter what.” Kakashi’s eyes flit down to Sasuke’s forearm and he takes a deep breath. Sasuke looks away from him with an uncomfortable roll of his shoulders

“Thanks Kakashi-sensei but...could you give me some space?” his voice sounds a little strained. Kakashi startles and lets a smile overtake his features. Sakura scoots further away and Kakashi follows, but Naruto returns to Sasuke’s side. Kakashi, now a safer distance away, watches Sasuke unfurl his body and cross his legs underneath him. He grabs his armband and begins tying it back into place, the room silent and honestly awkward. Sasuke doesn’t look awkward, just content, but Kakashi feels very, very awkward. He doesn’t know what to say, he doesn’t know how he feels about this intense revelation, and he doesn’t know how Sasuke feels. He could ask, but all three of his student’s look absurdly content to sit in the silence of the room. Kakashi’s not. He feels like he needs to fix something, change something, the only problem is Kakashi can’t do anything right now.

Kakashi thinks about the long day his students have all had, how they all must be feeling about both Naruto and Sasuke’s confessions. As his mind expands beyond Sasuke’s admittance, he remembers the workload he has for the day. He still needs to explain the tournament to Team Seven and get back to Kuru so they can finish the schedules.

He has a couple questions, first. Kakashi grits his teeth and regains control over his emotions.

“Naruto, Sakura, how about you two head out for a bit? There are a few things I need to discuss with Sasuke.” Naruto and Sakura pause, reluctantly obeying Kakashi’s orders once Sasuke nods firmly at the two of them.

They head out the door, and Kakashi can tell that they have much to talk about together. He doesn’t move closer to Sasuke, but he suddenly feels closer to him now that his other two students have left room, almost as if the room shrunk. “I’m going to assume you’ve seen some medical professionals about the scarring and physical effects of your past, right?” Kakashi clarifies.

Sasuke nods, still somehow more comfortable in this situation than Kakashi. “Yeah, but all of it’s in the Anbu Archive, so that kind of stuff won’t show up on my medical files. It’s too confidential, you know?”

Kakashi lowers his voice, keeping it steady and firm. “Sexual abuse is very serious Sasuke, and it was so brave of you to tell me, but I have to know. Was it legal for you to tell me?”

Kakashi notices that Sasuke flinches at his words. Kakashi hit home, then. If it’s too confidential for Sasuke’s medical files, and after all this time Kakashi’s only hearing about this directly from his student, then he has to assume that Sasuke’s not supposed to talk about it at all. Kakashi thinks that’s immensely unfair, silencing a child about a trauma that he will carry with him for the rest of his life. The village is cruel and unjust at its core, the entire mechanism of ninja based around killing and lies. Leaders are blindsided by paranoia and their desire for a safety that is impossible to reach so long as the world’s standard of brutality remains the same. Hatred breeds hatred, violence equals violence, and fire cannot be stoppered by fire. He wonders when people will realize that the traps they set for the bears stop them from travelling through the woods.

Sasuke shifts uncomfortably. “I...I mean, I don’t know. Nobody ever said I wasn’t allowed to say anything...I, I suppose it wouldn’t be ideal if the information got out, now that I think about it...” 

Kakashi’s sharpens. “Nobody’s talked about this with you before?” he tries not to sound astonished, outraged, but he can tell a bit of his emotions seep into his words.

Sasuke shrugs, laughing a bit and looking away. “I...unless interrogators count...” his laughter fades away, seeming to realize that his joke is far from funny. Sasuke picks at the skin around his nails.

“Did they?” Kakashi asks, voice low.

Sasuke tilts his head. “Did they what?”

“Did they interrogate you about your mistreatment?” he says _mistreatmen_ t because Sasuke doesn’t seem to like the label _sexual abuse_ , but Kakashi doesn’t think the word does what Sasuke went through justice. Sasuke foraged through hell, and the word _mistreatment_ makes it seem like Sasuke simply missed out on belly rubs from his mother when he’s was sick with the flu. 

“Well yeah.” Sasuke blinks. “They had to know. I mean, they did know.”

“Excuse me?” Kakashi’s eye narrows despite himself. He watches Sasuke flinch and takes a deep steadying breath. He’s similar to Itachi Uchiha in build, height, and age. He can’t just glare at Sasuke and expect him to be fine. He has a lot of revaluating past situations to do. But for now he hones in on Sasuke’s statement, because picking apart words s instinct for him. ‘ _They did know’_ is past tense. “They knew what?” he says carefully, erasing the glare from his features.

Sasuke presses both of his palms against his thighs and slumps. “I...I tried to tell someone, once...I didn’t really know what it was back then...”

“Who?” Kakashi interrupts, disturbed by the image of Sasuke, five years younger oblivious to the crimes committed against him. 

Sasuke looks up at him with startled eyes. “Huh?” he asks, lost in memories. Kakashi understands. It’s easy to get lost in the mind.

“Who did you tell?” Kakashi calms himself down. He probably shouldn’t be talking about this with Sasuke when he’s so worked up, but he has to find out and he’s not sure how much time he’s going to have to learn about it.

“Lord Hokage,” Sasuke responds. “I had no idea what I was talking about back then, I mean, I showed him an injury and admitted Itachi did it,” Sasuke’s rambling nervously, knee bouncing up and down. “But Itachi denied it and mom covered it up by saying I was just attention seeking and jealous, so I mean I guess he realized I was telling the truth after the...” Sasuke’s voice grows small and fragile, “massacre...” For whatever reason, Sasuke shifts away from him, and Kakashi can only assume his chakra signature is not very friendly.

Kakashi thinks about that statement for a minute. First of all, Sasuke’s mother participated in keeping Itachi’s perversion a secret, which is a horrifying can of worms all in itself. But Kakashi can’t help but focus not on the image of Mikoto Uchiha, but on the image of small Sasuke standing in Lord Third’s office and trying to explain that his brother was a hurting him. And then Lord Third dismissing Sasuke on the word of an Uchiha, on the word of Mikoto Uchiha...it’s just not plausible. Lord Third knew it’s not exactly like anyone actually trusted Itachi Uchiha _he was a weapon and nothing more_. Lord Third let his student get hurt, and then after Itachi went rogue interrogated his student about the sexual abuse he originally ignored.

Kakashi’s tongue feels numb, probably reminding him how little he’s actually permitted to say on the subject. He closes his eyes. “Sasuke...” he tucks his shaking hands out of sight, into his pockets. “Who interrogated you, exactly?”

“Morino Ibiki...” Sasuke says cautiously, and it’s a sure sign Sasuke’s not thinking clearly because he put the last name before the first name, a habit Kakashi slips into from time to time.

Kakashi’s going to kill him. Regardless of Lord Third’s downfall Kakashi will make sure Ibiki burns in hell. Maybe Kakashi will be joining him, who knows, Kakashi’s got enough blood on his hands that the prospect isn’t inconceivable.

“Would you care if I read the files?” he says quietly, because he doubts Sasuke wants to reiterate his childhood right here, _right_ now, when he’s already worked himself into quite the state. Sasuke’s injured and hungry, but Kakashi needs to know the gritty details.

Sasuke looks almost relieved. “Yeah, sure...I mean I don’t care.” A hint of confusion creeps into Sasuke’s eyes.

Kakashi nods to himself, about to open his mouth, when Sasuke cuts him off with his eyes squeezed tightly shut. “How many more?” he asks, choking a bit. “How many more questions?”

Kakashi would like to envelop his student in a hug, but that would not benefit the situation. Instead he says, “Sasuke you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, and if you say the word, I won’t read the files. I just thought...if they exist, it’d be easier for me to truly understand what you went through if I had more details. It’d be easier for me to understand how to help you, in case...”

“In case Itachi really is after me?” Sasuke spits, hands shaking. “I don’t care if you read the damn files, Kakashi. I don’t care if you know, I _want you to know._ ” Sasuke runs a hand through his hair, “But I didn’t tell you because I was scared and still am! You’re reckless, sensei! You can’t fight or stop Itachi just because your heart wants you to! He’ll kill you. He will kill you.” Sasuke sniffles. “So you have to promise me.”

Kakashi pauses, taken aback, “Promise what?”

“Promise me that if Itachi comes back, and, and he’s after me...you won’t try to stop him. He’ll just kill you.” Sasuke’s voice cracks, shuddering at the idea of Kakashi’s death.

Kakashi shakes his head. “Itachi’s not coming back, Sasuke....”

“Don’t patronize me!” he snaps, looking frustrated. “Everyone always tells me that all of it is in my head; that Itachi means more to me than I do to him! And, and it’s just not true! They have no idea what they’re talking about because Itachi will come back, he will find me, and he will kill anyone who gets in his way.” Sasuke stops talking, breathing haggard. “I’m already broken, so there’s no reason to treat me like I’m fragile. And even though I just glued my hundreds of shard pieces back together to create this half-person that I am...I’m not afraid of shattering again. I’m not afraid of finding the salvageable pieces and trying to rebuild myself. _So tell me the truth,_ Kakashi-sensei. I deserve the _truth_.”

Guilt eats at him. Lying has become the usual, and it felt better to falsely soothe Sasuke’s worries than face them head on. But Sasuke is right, they can’t avoid the truth. Running away from problems that are much faster than them will only lead to their doom. Kakashi should treat Sasuke fairly. It still doesn’t sit right in his stomach not to comfort his student, but he won’t take Sasuke’s trust for granted.

Kakashi stands up, having not realized before that Sasuke had jumped up in his passionate rant. He stands across from his student and doesn’t skirt around the truth.

“Okay...okay, Sasuke. There’s a very real chance Itachi could come back for you....maybe for your eyes.” He adds quietly. “But if by chance Itachi breaks through the Village Gates, waltzes in here and finds you, you can’t ask me to promise not to try to stop him.” Kakashi shakes his head, “You wanted me to tell the truth, and I’m going to. If Itachi comes back and I try to stop him, and I fail, then it won’t be anyone’s fault but Itachi’s. The truth is, even knowing how likely it is that Itachi will kill me should we fight, there is nothing that would stop me from protecting my pack. You’re not the only person Itachi puts in danger by finding you. If he gets ahold of your eyes, that’s it. It’s game over for the Leaf Village.” He clears his throat, trying not to think about the distressed look on Sasuke’s face.

“That’s not true!” Sasuke bursts with a quiver in his voice, “It’ll be my fault!”

“No, Sasuke, that’s not...” Kakashi starts to reassure, but is cut off by Sasuke.

“It will _be all my fault_. You know why? Because I got close to you, I’m the one he wants, and I’m the one who couldn’t just fucking die like the rest of my family!” Sasuke buries his face into his hands. “I won’t be able forgive myself if you die, Kakashi-sensei! You can’t...I...” Sasuke’s voice is raw, off pitch, and Kakashi assumes that the only reason he’s not crying is because he’s already cried out all of his tears. “You mean so much to me.”

Kakashi steadies himself and takes a deep breath. “Sasuke, I’m going to do whatever I can to keep you safe...to keep everyone safe. I hear you, but you shouldn’t put all that weight on your shoulders. I know what it’s like to feel helpless. That feeling makes you want to do everything you possibly can to cause a change. But sometimes everything _you can_ isn’t enough. Sometimes it takes a _we_.”

Sasuke’s breath hitches, and Kakashi isn’t prepared for it, but he suddenly has an armful of Sasuke. He doesn’t wind his arms around Sasuke’s shoulders, he doesn’t trap him in his arms, but he hums quietly and lets Sasuke squeeze his waist and shake. He’s scared, Kakashi realizes. So little scares his students but this has all of them shaken up. Sasuke’s not anxious or nervous, he’s terrified. Sasuke squeezes him tighter for a moment, Kakashi humming quietly at him. He can’t resist the urge to pat Sasuke’s head a bit. Sasuke lets out a choked sound in the back of his throat.

Sasuke shifts and pulls away, hand on his stomach and eyes vulnerable. “You’re right...I just wanted to do be useful, for once. All I ever do is make other people’s lives harder, and I never give anything in return. Sometimes I feel like I could disappear and everyone would be better off...and I know it’s stupid, and that I have so many friends now but...” Kakashi understands. The feeling is born from insecurity coped with by perfectionism. A thought process supplied by a brain that thinks in terms of logic and nothing else. It’s easy to apply that heartless logic to yourself, to see what’s best and follow through. This kind of thinking makes it hard for Kakashi to truly empathize with others at times, and it’s a problem he sees in Sakura. Sakura expects things from herself and all others that no person should be held to. It makes Sakura have a difficult time feeling pride, letting herself relax without feeling guilty. Seeing the trait in Sasuke is a bit surprising because Sasuke views all people with utmost leniency. He doesn’t typically view anything with indifference or cold facts. Sasuke is very emotionally driven.

Then again, Sasuke doesn’t talk much about the Uchiha, or the night of the Massacre. Sasuke could just be showing a side of himself Kakashi has never seen before. But still, Kakashi has this odd feeling that this isn’t Sasuke thought process at all. Sasuke usually isn’t insecure, or logical, or divisive. It’s off-putting. Kakashi understands it all the same, and helps Sasuke gain some clarity.

Kakashi closes his eyes and murmurs, “You’re afraid. You’re afraid of losing everything all over again. But let me tell you something, Sasuke. I’d rather build my life in ashes than live my life in fear of being burned.”

Sasuke meets his eye, and Kakashi suddenly feels very thoroughly assessed. When Sasuke looks at people, when he really looks, it’s as if he sees straight through their eyes and into the soul. Whatever Sasuke finds satisfies him, but he still frowns despondently. “And what if...what if the fire never dies down? What if the fire remains to chase you even in ashes?”

Kakashi tilts his head, wondering what Sasuke is referring to with his continuation of Kakashi’s metaphor. There could be a hundred different situations playing through Sasuke’s mind, but Kakashi isn’t privy to any of them. He hopes that his answer will suffice. “Then we’ll burn too.” He responds. Sasuke’s gaze hardens and Kakashi feels his own body stiffen. They stand for a moment, Sasuke close enough to hug and yet not touching him at all. Kakashi looks down and Sasuke looks up. Together they let their brains whir to life as they go over the entire conversation they just experienced, deciphering each other’s expressions. It's peaceful. Kakashi takes a moment to just be in the moment, erasing all of his problems from his mind and just standing next to his student. Sasuke has a peaceful affect on people; Kakashi's witnessed it, but he's never experienced it. Kakashi tries to respond in kind and project an aura of complete acceptance, like it doesn't matter what Sasuke does or believes because the two of them are simply standing next to each other and breathing. 

Sasuke's stomach growls, and like a flip of a switch the suffocating atmosphere lessens, and Kakashi has enough leeway to give Sasuke a crinkle of his eye. “You should probably head down to the cafeteria, huh? And don’t forget to do your eye drops, either!” He tells Sasuke cheerily.

“Did you just call it a cafeteria, Kakashi-sensei?” Sasuke says dryly. “We’re not in the academy anymore.” Sasuke has picked up on the change in topic, and Kakashi is relieved that he accepts the shift.

“But _you are_ still a child and the place you eat is still called a cafeteria.” Kakashi counters. Sasuke steps away from him with a stabilizing inhale, looking a bit calmer after participating in their usual back-and-forth bantering. Sasuke readjusts the kunai pouch that rests on his hip, double-checks his arm bands, and then stands before Kakashi with a pause. Kakashi still marvels that Sasuke doesn’t have an ounce of awkwardness in him. Being embarrassed by a situation is clearly below Sasuke. Kakashi doesn’t quite understand how Sasuke can be guarded, emotional, and peaceful all at once, but his student manages to pull off each and every mood with ease. _Teenagers_ , he thinks fondly.

“Kakashi-sensei?” Sasuke asks. Kakashi hums, doing his best to pretend as if everything between them is still normal and casual. Kakashi tells himself that if he pretends long enough eventually it will be true. Sasuke pauses a moment before smiling ever so slightly, quirking a brow in amusement as if Sasuke understands who Kakashi is from the inside and out. It’s unsettling, but Sasuke in general is an unsettling child with his perceptive eyes and a mind far too sharp for anyone’s good. If any ninja had bothered to take the time to see passed Sasuke’s outside façade they would have long ago detected Sasuke prodigal status. Kakashi doesn’t know many children with a mind as dangerous as Sasuke’s. In fact, he can count the children he knew like Sasuke on one hand, and none of them lived ideal lives. But Sasuke is different in the sense that Sasuke wants nothing to do with power. He rejects cruelty like the plague and lives his life limited by a moral compass all his own. Sasuke’s an admirable person and he’ll climb mountains that nobody even knew existed. Kakashi was nothing like him when he was younger, and he’s glad of the fact, both for his and Sasuke’s sakes. 

Sasuke shakes his head and his smile grows wider. “Thanks.” He says with a grateful nod.

And then Sasuke just leaves, he leaves Kakashi standing by himself in Team Seven’s temporary room with those parting words. If Sasuke had stayed any longer, he’d have seen Kakashi’s eye glisten with unshed tears. The door clicks shut and Kakashi takes in a deep, shaky breath. He wants to scream but somehow Kakashi knows that it won’t make him feel better. Nothing is going to make him feel better. The conversation he just had is too devastating for his usual coping mechanisms to override. But if Kakashi’s not going to feel good anytime soon, he might as well be productive.

He has work to do. Kakashi grabs his bag and thinks about the documents out there that contain Sasuke’s file, thinks about meeting up with Kuru and trying to wrangle Kabuto Yakushi onto his team. He thinks about lying to Anko, Ibiki, and Sasuke. Three people he swore honesty to and yet lied straight to their face afterwards.

Sasuke might be right. Even in ashes, the will of fire will live on and keep raging.

Kakashi doesn’t consider himself any sort of hero. He’s travelled way too far into the grey zone for such an honorable title. Kakashi’s made peace with that.

Kakashi’s not a hero, but he’s no longer a coward, either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, have a great day! Stay safe :)


	30. Ash on Eyelashes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Genin prepare for the tournament

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter has a couple trigger warnings for panic attacks, mentions of paranoia, and implied/referenced sexual assault. 
> 
> Wow. That makes this chapter sound really dark i'm sorry guys.

Back when she was still a student at the Academy, Sakura was used to coming home to an empty house and missing parents. She could make her own dinner, pack her own lunch in the morning, and do her laundry before she could multiply math equations. She used to tell herself that her parents were playing hide and seek, and whenever her parent’s came through the door after days of absentness she’d shout “I found you!” and her parents would chuckle in obvious confusion. They never asked why she shouted _I found you,_ and they never played a real game of hide and seek with her. But still, Sakura was mostly happy with her independence. She liked that they weren’t controlling, that their curfew was suggestive and not lawful.

Sakura doesn’t bother to knock on the door to her house. She knows there won’t be an answer. She’s wearing something of both Naruto and Sasuke’s, Naruto’s jacket and Sasuke’s slightly baggy pants. Ino had already left by the time Sakura realized she had nothing available to wear since all of it was lost in the Forest of Death, and the outfit Ino had dressed her up in had been abused thoroughly during the fight. Mind you, Sakura didn’t wear any makeup during the prelims, but she only had Ino’s miniskirt and top to pull on. Ino had been miffed when she saw that Sakura was wearing her adorable outfit for sparring, but when Sakura explained everything else had been lost, she’d concurred in understanding. Naruto complimented her but asked _why are you wearing a skirt, isn’t that counterproductive?_ Sasuke usually noticed small changes, but he hardly seemed to acknowledge her change in clothes. Sasuke’s absentminded behavior wasn’t unfamiliar, but it was worrying. He was acting how he used to in the academy; cold, detached, standing beside you but million miles away.

Her parents gave her a spare key for a gag graduation gift and Sakura unlocks the door with practiced ease. She steps inside and the first thing she does out of an intrinsic urge is look down at her shoes. After a moment of frustrating reluctance she unstraps her sandals and discards them in the cupboard. She used to notice that the cupboard was bare, but now the sight of her parent’s shoes vacant from the shelf doesn’t surprise her. She walks inside, toes curling at the cold floorboards. It’s silent. Sakura takes a moment to appreciate the quietness of her home. She inhales deeply, gathering her bearings.

“What a day...” she says out loud to herself, a habit she should probably kick. She’s used to talking to herself. Still, Sakura finds a bit of comfort in hearing her own voice, and resolutely decides that she can try to get rid of the nasty habit another time, when she isn’t emotionally drained. “I guess I should cook dinner, huh?” Sakura makes her way over to the cabinet but her hand stops before reaching the knob. “Or, maybe takeout...” she realizes. Neither she nor her parents have been home for nearly a week. Sakura almost laughs to herself. It sure felt like longer. Her stomach rolls with hunger, but her cabinets are undoubtedly empty and any fresh food they did have is probably rotten or worse.

Sakura doesn’t really want to go outside to face the world yet. At least her parents aren’t home to bug her and ask purely out of courtesy where she’s been for the past week. She bitterly wonders why her parent’s didn’t just drop her off at the orphanage after finding her. But she knows the story very well. Kizashi and Mebuki found an orphan alone in the woods just after they discovered Mebuki couldn’t bear children. Sakura was a miracle, a sign from God that her parents were meant to raise a child! She didn’t turn out to be the daughter her parents hoped for, though. Sakura learned very quickly that their love was and is conditional. But...she doesn’t really mean that. She wants her parents here.

Sometimes though, she longed. She wished that her parents would notice the lack of joy in her eyes. She wished that she felt comfortable enough to walk up to her parents and say, “Can we talk?” when the bullies got loud and the voices in her head louder. But she’d hardly complained. Sakura saw so many orphans that the thought of whining about her warm home and providing parents didn’t even cross her mind. She always tried not to compare pain like her therapist always chided her for, but Sakura couldn’t help but measure her worth against others. She was competitive to a fault. It was like a motivator, something that pushed her to keep moving. She’d look at the sensei with perfect aim, better jutsus, exemplary technique, skillful handwriting, seemingly endless knowledge and—she’d strived to be like them. Sakura always sought others approval and always sought to be better than other people. It wasn’t a good thing. She should work for herself, not for others. And even though she consciously tried not to, Sakura compared her life to the lives of those around her because it was simply her default setting.

The ache in her chest whenever she’d try to talk to her parents and they’d outright ignore her or say they were too busy went largely ignored. “If you’re bored go do your school. If I recall correctly you begged me to let you go to that academy.” Sakura’s mother would scold, “Stop bothering me Sakura I’m trying to read the paper.” Her father would wave her off, not even looking at her. Her parents often made her feel guilt for issues that shouldn’t fall on her shoulders, and Sakura often ponders if maybe that’s the reason she has such a hard time owning up to problems that are her fault. Her parents make everything her fault, so sometimes it’s hard to recognize where the blame truly falls. Her parents never made her apologize, either. She remembers acting out on multiple occasions, hoping her parent’s would ground her or make her say sorry.

But her parents weren’t like that. They’d say things like, “You’re so annoying, Sakura,” and eventually Sakura heard it so many times she believed it. Annoying, ungrateful, aggressive, rude; her parents like to insult her. That’s fine. Her parents don’t know her that well anyway. She’d had to figure out who she was on her own, but sometimes it’s hard to separate opinions, to remember what’s true and remember what’s not. She had nobody to comfort her when she was small so she was constantly comforting herself. It wasn’t a good habit. Sakura now knows how very capable she is of being wrong, but for a long time Sakura lived her life believing that she was exempt from being incorrect. That she was somehow above other people. She felt stupid for ever thinking like that.

Her parents see annoying, but Sakura has learned to see persistent. Her parents say aggressive, but Sakura knows that just means she’s capable of defending herself. Her parents call her rude and ungrateful, but Sakura understands that she’s actually honest and constantly seeking more from life. She’s learned to see her weaknesses as strengths, like how she’s civilian born and it’s taught her to work hard. How being civilian born has its advantages, because nobody expects her to succeed and they end up underestimating her abilities.

Still, Sakura can’t help but feel her stomach churn. She wants her parents. She shouldn’t, Ino is so much more loving than them. Naruto is the kindest person she knows. Kakashi-sensei actually cares, he cares so much that he lost sleep for her and he gave her a high five before she even won her match!

But her parents are her parents. And as she stares into an empty cabinet, she wants them. She wants her mother to hug her and her father to make stupid puns, but she knows deep down that’s not going to happen. Her parent’s will never accept who she is and they don’t love her unconditionally.

Sakura hums to herself and slams the cabinet door shut with a bit too much force. Her new memories put lot into perspective.

Kabuto Yakushi, she thinks to herself. He forfeited the exams before even Sasuke could. She wonders if he remembers raising her, if he recalls being her only friend, or if his memories had been wiped away as well. The only way to find out will be to ask him. Sakura is hesitant to look for him. She has no idea what he’s capable of. The memory of his clinical gaze tears its way through her skull.

Sakura walks upstairs to take a shower, forgetting about food for the time being. At first she’s hesitant to step under the water at all, but she reminds herself firmly that there are no more demons in her mind to torment her when she’s all alone. Taking a shower can be relaxing for once and not a terrifying experience. She’s proved wrong. Even though Inner isn’t around to torment her or try to seize control, plenty dark thoughts replace Inner’s insistent voice. As water runs down her chest and stomach Sakura takes a moment to observe Orochimaru’s curse mark. It’s inky black and mockingly elegant. Sakura experimentally tries to scrub the seal away with soap, but the ink has melded to her skin. She closes her eyes and does her best to clear her mind from all things Chunin Exams, failing utterly. Starting tomorrow, the finals will be the only thing on her mind. She should give herself a reprieve, but her mind has other opinions. Sakura’s used to scattered thoughts, not dreadfully persistent ones. No matter what she tries her mind refocuses on the recent horrors of the Chunin Exams, depicting every word shared throughout the past couple days. Eventually Sakura clicks her tongue and removes herself from the heat, pretending it’s because of her growling stomach and not because she’s sick of being alone with herself.

She changes into fresh clothes, towel dries her hair, brushes her teeth, and looks into the steamy-mirror. She reaches her hand out, briefly hearing Ino’s words about smudges, before wiping on the glass surface. Green eyes, pale skin, pink hair; her appearance hasn’t changed a bit, really. Yet it feels to Sakura like the image staring back at her is completely divergent to the girl who graduated the academy with top marks.

She’s changed.

Sakura takes a moment to be comfortable in her own clothes. Loose shorts, red tee, and her ninja headband resting on her forehead; she’s briefly reminded of Ino wearing it on her forehead for her as well and her heart soars. The fact that Ino would sacrifice her sense of fashion for her puts a soft smile on her face. Her cracked lips stretch as her muscles moves. Sakura licks her lips. She could use some chap-stick.

She walks outside of the bathroom and into her room, heading for the drawer by her bed where she keeps lip balm. Sakura pauses at the sight of Team Seven on her desk, mission deterred. She withholds a small laugh at the sight of them all.

Kakashi-sensei is grabbing onto Naruto’s jacket and hoisting him slightly in the air. Naruto looks furious, arms crossed and glaring daggers at his teacher. Sakura is standing in front of Kakashi, her eyes narrowed and scolding Sasuke about something she can’t quite remember. Sasuke looks utterly miserable, Kakashi-sensei’s hand in his hair in obvious affection. But whether the gesture is affectionate or not doesn’t matter to Sasuke’s queasy stomach; his face is practically green. He’s standing off to the side as well, trying to avoid the group hug Kakashi valiantly attempted to start. _We’ve come a long way,_ Sakura smiles to herself, feeling silly for smiling alone in a room but unable to contain the warmth. Her smile falters when she glances down at the drawer where her lip balm is. She opens the drawer and instead of pulling out lip balm her fingers brush over a stack of other photos, kept together by an old hairband. She pulls out the top picture from its confinement, rubbing her thumb over the texture, taking in a shuddery breath. She’s standing by herself, seven years old with a trophy in her hands. _Junior Spelling Bee Champion_ the plaque reads. She shudders, pulling out the next picture. In this photo she stands by herself with an A exam paper held proudly in front on her. She turns the next picture, and she’s alone once again, nine years old and wearing the dress Ino bought for her.

Sakura chokes on a dry sob. It’s sudden and unexpected, and she feels like a fool. The tears drip down her cheeks onto the paper. _What am I doing here?_ She looks around the house with a cold feeling in her stomach. Someone looking at the pictures wouldn’t have known, but Ino Yamanaka was the photographer of every one of these photos. They’re the photos she keeps close to her heart, photos of her achievements, reminders that she is worthy of being a kunoichi. Her parents didn’t show up to a single one of these events.

Sakura looks around the red room with blurry eyes. She doesn’t like red so much anymore. Red like blood and red like fire; she looks down at her scarlet tee shirt in disgust. “What am I doing here!?” she screeches, pulling at the roots of her short hair. She used to think if she proved she was a good kunoichi her parents would understand, her parent’s would love her.

She realizes now that she never should have tried. She should never have tried to prove her worth to anyone, especially when so many people love her. Ino, Naruto, Sasuke, Kakashi-sensei—Sakura has people now. She doesn’t need _this_. Sakura looks around herself and for once she sees what’s really here. A cold home, one without love, one without support, one that will never accept her; Sakura looks at her bedroom floor and suddenly an image flashes before her eyes...the image of a snake emerging from the bones of Inner and slithering about her bedroom floor. Her room isn’t comfortable anymore.

Sakura reaches her hand up to her arm, the pain of severing it clean burned into her memory. Her shirt is short sleeved and in a moment of panic, she looks down at her arm. _It’s still here._ Sakura thinks to herself. But something itches at the back of her mind. She digs her fingers into her arm, nails leaving indents in her skin. Her breath picks up with a vengeance, her nails digging harsher into her skin. She feels as if she’s forgetting something; a memory that has yet to resurface.

Before she knows what she’s doing, she’s exhaling aggressively and lunging for the place underneath her bed she keeps a set of spare kunai. She scrambles on her knees and elbows to shake a kunai free of its confines before hurriedly straightening back up, standing in the same spot as last time. Standing in the place where she killed Inner. She focuses on evening her breathing out, sparing a brief moment to tuck a strand of pink hair behind her ear.

Inner was always paranoid. Inner constantly felt like her every move was being watched. Inner felt the need to pose for the world, to give everyone her biggest brightest smile and hide the frustration boiling under the surface. Inner pretended to like Sasuke to make Naruto jealous and Inner ditched Ino when she got too close. Sakura wonders if this is another burden she has to carry from now on. The burden of paranoia, of the skin crawling feeling of being watched.

She looks around but sees nothing. _I’m safe, nobody’s watching me._ But Sakura can’t seem to calm down.

_When I walked through the marketplace I felt like this, too._

Even though hardly anyone had been interacting with her on her way back home from the exams, which was unusual since she knows everyone in this marketplace, she still felt uncomfortably watched. She couldn’t help but give her old acquaintances a calculating stare as she made her way to her house thinking, _should I be afraid of you?_

She’s reminded of Sasuke and his wide, frightened eyes, constantly looking people up and down with suspicion. Whenever he gets like that Sakura tries to console him, remind him that he’s in a safe place, but if this turmoil Sakura is feeling is anything close to Sasuke’s anxiety than she doubts her comfort was ever any use.

 _Somebody’s watching me,_ Sakura thinks to herself, knife tightening her grip on the kunai knife until her knuckles turn white. Her heart is beating a mile a minute, no matter how much she tries to convince herself that it’s only in her head. But something this paranoia is different, tangible in a way she can’t explain. Sakura can feel a distant memory pulsing at her fingertips, something she’s forgetting and desperately needs to remember. Taking a deep breath, Sakura begins untangling her rapid thoughts one by one, starting at Inner’s death.

When she fought Inner she could’ve harmed any part of her body, her stomach, her leg, her chest, but she chose her _arm._ Unconsciously she knew that severing her arm would so something, would somehow separate her from Inner. She willfully severed her arm into a stump and didn’t think twice. Sakura looks down at her arm and realizes that she’s begun scratching her skin aggressively.

Sakura swallows, stopping her scratching and replacing her nails with the tip of her kunai. She presses the blade to the skin of her arm, the memory pounding at her skull, barely out of reach. Sakura studies the pinched, whitening skin underneath her blade and feels like she’s been suddenly attacked by a migraine. She has not a single rational thought left in her mind. Sakura’s emotions have been in complete control of her lately. Usually she’s more tactful, more calculating, but ever since she found her old memories again it’s like all she can do is _feel_. She presses the blade harder and just as she feels like she’s about to grasp onto that _something_ she’s forgetting, the sound of the doorbell startles her.

_Ding Dong!_

Sakura stands there, kunai slipping out of her grasp and clattering onto the floor. Her heart thumps in her chest. The doorbell echoes all around her house, but Sakura does little more than stare in the direction of her bedroom door in surprise.

_Knockknockknock_

Sakura jumps, looking down at herself. She flattens her hair, hesitating before picking back up the kunai on the floor and pushing the blade under the waistband of her shorts. She creeps down the stairs at a brisk pace, standing before the front door with trepidation. She clears her throat and presses her forehead against the door, pressing the tips of her fingers to her pulse and taking a few calming deep breaths. “Who is it?” she calls breathlessly through the wood.

“Oh! It’s Sasuke, Sakura. I uh, I couldn’t calm myself down without knowing you got home safe. Sorry, it’s stupid, I—I can go.” Sasuke babbles and Sakura barrels into action, swinging open the door.

“Sasuke, wait, Sasuke you don’t have to go!” she glances around, cheeks flushing. “Please don’t go.” Sasuke stands in the doorway with his lips parted in surprise, the evening moonlight filtering into her house.

Sasuke walks inside without another word said. He takes off his shoes without being asked, placing them next to hers. He doesn’t ask where her parents are. It’s almost as if the question doesn’t occur to him. It... probably doesn’t. He had shitty parents and both Neji and Naruto are orphans. She can’t imagine he’s familiar with what a normal home looks like. Not even Tazuna’s house was a haven, and all of Team Seven had adored the place.

They walk inside a bit further, standing parallel and just...staring at each other. Sasuke’s eyes are perceptively sharp, and when he speaks, his voice is low and controlled. “Your chakra signature is racing. Has something happened?” his hand hovers over a bag on his hip, and Sakura realizes that he’s for once not dressed for battle. Sasuke has on a loose long sleeved shirt that’s plain and white, with navy sweats and bare feet.

“You look weird.” She says in lieu of answering.

Sasuke looks down at himself then looks up at her with a furrowed brow. “Thanks.” He says awkwardly, looking around her house with wide onyx eyes. He takes it all in and after a moment turns back to her, only to soften with worry. Sakura finds the gaze to be both obnoxiously uncomfortable and exactly what she needs right now.

Sasuke’s eyes hone in on her arm, and Sakura follows his gaze with slight confusion only to realize she’s still bleeding. Her heart rate has slowed and now that she can think clearly she realizes how irrational it was to be scared of the doorbell. _No one’s watching me._

“Need me to help?” Sasuke wiggles his fingers, the tips of them glowing green. Sakura offers her arm up, not knowing the proper way to graciously accept help. She tries to convey her gratitude in her eyes, but Sasuke isn’t looking up at her, instead focusing on her scratched up arm. Sasuke’s eyes flicker red, and Sakura finally has the chance to see his new Sharingan up close. The red eyes are a bit off-putting, especially since there appears to be no direct pupil. She stares at his eyes even as he focuses on her arm, which is why she doesn’t notice his darkening expression.

Sasuke suddenly chokes. His fingers are digging into the place where Sakura had been scratching, thumbs pressing into the skin hard enough to make Sakura uncomfortable. His fingers are spindly, so much so she can feel the outline of his joints, and her skin turns white at the pressure Sasuke is unconsciously applying. “Ngh...” the sound Sasuke makes is indecipherable. He’s barreling head first into a fit of panic, but before Sasuke freaks out Sakura needs to know what he saw in her arm. Her head pounds as a memory presses its way to the surface.

“What?” she demands, resisting the urge to yank her arm free of his bony grasp. 

Sakura’s eyes dance between her arm and Sasuke’s worried face. Sasuke looks at her for a moment before looking back down. “There is metal lodged inside of your arm, underneath your skin. What _happened_?” He murmurs, analytical gaze absorbing the information. His voice is quivering, and his grip slackens completely out of shock. Sasuke swallows and removes himself from her, taking a few calming breaths. She can’t try to comfort him through his anxiety, however, because a realization becomes very clear to her.

“A tracker?” She whispers to herself, finally snagging on to the tail of the missing memory. She stiffens and Sasuke follows suit, having heard her mutterings. Both of them stop moving completely. Together, they look around as if something is going to fly out of nowhere and attack them, carefully moving only their heads and keeping their hands poised in position for attack. 

When nothing happens, Sakura changes the direction her kunai is pointed at. Instead of pointed at an enemy neither she nor Sasuke can see, Sakura aims her kunai at her arm, the enemy she’s sure is present. “Where is it?” she asks Sasuke, lips pursed. Sakura tries to see past the dust coating her memory and makes out someone, some person, _Kabuto_ , pressing a syringe into the baby fat of her arm.

Startling Sakura, Sasuke practically squawks, yanking her arm towards himself as if trying to steal it from her. She jerks forward and glares at him. His hands are shaking and he’s leaning away from her with a pained expression, clearly uncomfortable with the close contact. He still choses to stay where he is, and his voice is firm when he speaks.

“You can’t just cut into your arm!” he scolds, lowering his tone in accordance to the fact someone could be watching them. To Sakura’s surprise, his hand is suddenly alight with flame, and he burns the the tip of Sakura’s kunai with his alight palm. Sakura watches him take the knife and press it to her skin, green eyes wide with surprise. “Don’t look.” He warns. He moves quickly, and Sakura hardly even notices that he’s moved at all until there is a searing pain in her arm. She stuffs her other wrist into her mouth and bites down to stop herself from tearing off her tongue, breathing raggedly through her teeth. She hadn’t been prepared for Sasuke’s swift reaction to the situation. Her arm throbs with pain, shaking violently in Sasuke’s firm grasp, and for a moment everything but the pain becomes irrelevant. Sakura doesn’t even notice that Sasuke finishes until he speaks directly to her. 

“It’s over.” Tears spring to her eyes as the pain fades with a soothing sensation, and she manages to look over at her arm to see a gaping, red hole slowly stitching itself back together by the will of Sasuke’s chakra. His hands are cold, soothingly cold against the heated pain she’d experienced moments before.

Sakura takes a deep breath. “That hurt...” she says weakly, trying to regain a bit of self-control. It’s easier than fighting against Inner, and soon enough she’s blinking back at him with full coherency.

“I’m sorry. There wasn’t any time to think.” Sasuke apologizes, looking down at the metal device in his hands. It’s the width of Sakura’s thumbnail and spherical. It’s also covered in blood, and so are Sasuke’s hands.

Sasuke pulls away from her and studies the tracking device. “Don’t get rid of it.” Sakura warns.

Sasuke looks up, not quite meeting her eyes but focusing on her nose. After a lengthy pause he asks, “Why not?”

Sakura holds out her hand and Sasuke drops the device into her palm. She peers closely at the tracking device. “Because whoever is tracking me will notice if we break it, and that could be worse,” she reasons. “It’s probably Orochimaru.” She adds, and she appreciates that Sasuke doesn’t look surprised, only morose. He gnaws on his lip and genuinely considers her words. Sakura rolls the small device in between her fingers, “How do you think they got it in me?” she tries her best not to sound disgusted, clinging to the memory of Kabuto and some sort of shot.

Sasuke shrugs a shoulder, eyes pinned to the tracker. “Probably some sort of injection. A quick shot when no one was looking.” Sakura startles. She hadn’t known trackers could be injected with _syringes._ So the blurry memory of Kabuto was real. She wonders how young she must’ve been when it happened for her to remember so little of the experience. Sakura can’t even recall if she was crying or not.

Uncomfortably, Sakura takes a look around her house. The itching feeling of eyes following her hasn’t gone away, even with the tracker out of her arm. Sasuke looks similarly uncomfortable, shoulders pulled up to his ears and teeth tearing through his lips. She briefly considers whether or not she should tell the authorities about the tracker, but dismisses the idea. It’s likely that telling the authorities about the tracker will alert whoever injected her in the first place. Plus, what was the Leaf Village going to do about some random Genin being tracked? Not much, Sakura knows, seeing as they have a lot more important issues to focus on. It’s not like they’d bothered to stop Orochimaru the first time around.

“Does it smell weird to you?” Sasuke asks out of nowhere, nose twitching. Sakura looks up at him in irritation, having assumed he was also contemplating how to deal with the current issue.

“You do have blood on your hands.” Sakura points out.

Sasuke looks at his hands in surprise before shaking his head. “Nah. Something else.” He dismisses. Sakura shrugs her shoulders helplessly.

He takes a deep breath and says, “Gasoline?” he blinks in complete astonishment, looking around the house with wide, confused eyes.

“What?” Sakura blurts. She takes a deep breath and catches a whiff of something unusually flowery. _That’s strange...I didn’t light any candles..._

Sasuke’s eyes go wide. “Halothane.” He murmurs, “I’d recognize that floral smell anywhere.”

Sasuke unconsciously rubs his arms, smearing the blood on his hands all over his while long sleeved shirt. “What is Halothane?” Sakura asks cautiously.

“In large doses it can be lethal, but some hospitals administer it to patients to keep them down for a period of time. It’s floral scent is known to be calming.” Sasuke looks up at her and then around the house, taking a deep breath, sounding like he was reciting the explanation from a textbook. “Where is it coming from?” he asks more to himself than to her.

“It’s an anesthesia? Shouldn’t we run?” Sakura asks, bewildered and pulling her shirt over her nose to hopefully dull the effects. She feels panic grow inside her at Sasuke’s absurdly calm stance to supposedly realizing that someone is gassing her house.

Sasuke’s eyes go distant. “My brother used Halothane on me. It works much faster than Chloroform. In cases where it’s directly applied, that is...” Sasuke’s gaze refocuses. “Where is it coming from?” he seems frustrated, bewildered.

Sakura grabs his hand and shakes him a bit. “Sasuke we should leave!” she tells him.

Sasuke looks at her, bloody hands still gripping his white shirt, and then looks at her tracker. “Leave it.” he whispers.

Sakura clutches the tracker tighter. “You’re not making any sense.” She hesitates. Sasuke seizes up, eyes flickering around the house.

“Leave it!” he snaps, and Sakura drops the tracker like it’s a bomb. Sasuke grabs her hand and looks around frantically, and Sakura winces at the slick feeling of her own blood. Sakura can tell Sasuke’s looking for a place to hide and so she drags him over to their broom closet. His breath picks up a bit and Sakura presses herself as far away from him as possible, but the closet is small and jammed with her mother’s useless knickknacks.

Sakura makes sure her voice is lowered into a whisper. “Your brother isn’t here.” She tries to reassure.

She can see well enough in the dark to spot his head shaking back and forth in obvious panic. She reaches out her hand and checks his pulse. It’s faster than usual, and his Sharingan is blazing in the dark, spinning wildly at her. “Okay.” She lets it slide, “Why are we hiding?” she asks, and Sasuke furiously shushes her.

Sakura takes a deep breath and decides that if Sasuke is just having a panic attack, being alone in a closet with him isn’t too indulgent. And on the other hand if Sasuke’s right and something bad is happening then at least the two of them are safely tucked away. The sound of rushing water makes her inhale sharply, and she’s suddenly overcome with the sensation of a blanket wrapping around her shoulders. She remembers the red haired girl’s charming nickname for Sasuke, waterfall, and presumes _that this_ is what Sasuke’s chakra feels like. Soothing and rushing all at once, like a waterfall. He must be hiding their signatures.

When Sasuke speaks, it’s barely audible and Sakura strains to hear him without getting closer. “They won’t be able to sense us.” He tells her. “They’ll be looking for your unconscious body but they’ll only find a tracker. We can listen to see who it is.”

Sakura feels like throwing up. “You’re sure someone’s after me?”

“Not you.” Sasuke responds. “Us.” Sasuke’s Sharingan stares into her eyes with obvious fear.

Sakura pauses a moment, wondering. She doesn’t know who would be after both of them, but after Sasuke’s story about that Takumi-sensei guy coming over and basically threatening him, Sakura allows herself to assume that the ominous ‘they’ is Orochimaru and whoever is crazy enough to follow him. She settles herself down, still on the fence over whether or not Sasuke’s having some sort of anxiety attack from smelling something similar to a drug his brother used on him. Her mother does have an abundance of flowery candles. Sakura stomach drops. She’s been too caught up in figuring out why Sasuke looked like he was ready to book it to the Hidden Mist Village at any given moment to really consider his words. He’d said that Itachi had drugged him with an anesthesia. Thinking about Sasuke being drugged by Itachi now has her mind conjuring many, many disturbing images of Sasuke, seven years old and younger, in the clutches of a madman. She shudders.

If he’s having an attack and it makes him feel better to hide in this closet, fine. Sakura’s endured way more boring things in her life. “Okay Sasuke. I trust you.” She murmurs into the closet space.

She’s not expecting Sasuke to seize up like he’s been shocked with a bolt of electricity. His Sharingan flickers off and his breath stutters. Sakura’s heart sinks. She’s never been good with words but she truly hadn’t intended to cause him pain. He looks horrified. Sakura can feel panic claw at her throat as she wracks her brain for what was wrong about that statement. Did telling Sasuke that she trusted him imply there was something untrustworthy about his acclamations? She hadn’t meant to imply anything of the sort at all, she’d been trying to comfort him. Oh, God, small talk and fake smiles Sakura can do, but anything personal and she falls apart.

“Why?” Sasuke asks. The question is crushed, scared, and Sakura reels. She wonders what Sasuke is talking about for a moment before realizing that he’s asking her why she trusts him. She blinks. It’s a fair question, she supposes, Sakura never trusted Sasuke before they were on Team Seven. Sakura might not be great at touchy feely but Sakura can do _honesty._ She’ll just tell Sasuke the truth, exactly what makes her feel safe around him.

“You just are trustworthy.” She reasons, voice respectfully hushed. “I mean, your kind, strong, caring, and one of the most badass people I know. You’re also like weirdly super wise and not _Lord Third_ wise but the cool kind of wise, you know what I mean? I can’t think of a reason not to trust you.” Sakura tells him sincerely. She hasn’t dropped her whisper, keeping her voice low. She imagines Ino’s soothing tone and mimics that.

Sasuke shifts and now that Sakura’s eyes have adjusted to the dark of the closet she can make out his whole body. “No, no that’s not right. I, I freeze up in battle and I’m not badass, sometimes I’m scared of my own reflection! I’m, I’m always putting others in danger and I’m way too emotional. I get upset over stupid stuff, too!” Sasuke argues, and Sakura’s never heard anyone argue against themself. It throws her for a loop but she regains her bearings and sighs in frustration at his irrationality.

“Sasuke, those are mistakes, not defining characteristics.” She informs, “Everyone messes up, it’s unavoidable. We just have to look forward instead of backwards and understand that sometimes the only way to learn is to fail. But failing doesn’t make us failures. We can always get back up and try again.” Sakura whispers. “That’s what makes you a badass Sasuke. Not the fact that you’re flawless, but the fact that you make the best out of your flaws! Yeah, so, you care too much, but that just means you’re always correcting those small details. And yeah, you’re emotional but because of that you can empathize with so many others and are able to see their point of view! And Sasuke, the fact that you’re scared of your reflection but still get up every day and look in the mirror tells me nothing but the fact that you’re brave.” Sakura smiles, even though she doubts he can see it. Then she clears her throat. “Now stop dissing yourself or I’m going to have to teach you a lesson. Nobody trash talks _my_ teammate.”

Sasuke laughs wetly, which suggests he might be crying. Sakura sighs and settles into the closet. Sasuke has already stuffed the bottom of the door with an old towel he found in the corner, supposedly to fight off an air born anesthesia. She has a feeling she’s going to be in here a while, so she presses herself further from Sasuke and creates as much distance as possible between them. The air is getting a bit warm in here.

“You’re the only person.” Sasuke mutters and Sakura’s unsure if she was supposed to hear it or not. She doesn’t respond and Sasuke takes her silence as a prompt to continue. “You’re the only person that never forgets I don’t like touching. When you do touch me, I can tell that you’re aware you’re doing it. You make the conscious decision to nudge me or poke at me. I thought eventually you’d forget, but you never do.” He wraps his arms around himself and looks over to her.

Sakura doesn’t know what to do with that piece of information, so she remains silent and watches the door _just in case_. Her chest feels oddly warm with something like pride but she does her best to ignore the feeling. She shouldn’t let Sasuke feed her already brimming ego. Still, Sakura can’t withhold a small smile.

Sakura is unsure how much time passes, but at some point she’s aware of how hungry she is, and even further in her stomach growls. Sasuke scolds her, as if Sakura has any control over her growling stomach. Also, according to Sasuke, she moves way too much. She has no idea how Sasuke is capable of staying as still as a statue when Sakura can’t help but at least tap her fingers or foot. Sasuke snaps at her for that, too. She does her best to heed his wishes of being silent, eventually forcing her body to still and her head to lay back in what can hardly be considered a comfortable position. But the angle gives her a perfect view for door duty.

Sasuke seems calm now and Sakura’s beginning to consider the very real possibility of a rogue ninja breaking into her house. If Sasuke’s calm and is still voluntarily forcing himself into a closet, then something has to be wrong, right? Her anxiety only heightens when more time passes and Sasuke says nothing. She doesn’t dare speak but the urge to is overwhelming.

The sound of Sasuke’s breathing eerily disappears and Sakura strains her ears. There’s a distinct sound of keys jiggling in a locked door. Then the sound of her front door banging open filters into the muffled closet. She can still recognize the sound of her father’s booming voice, though. “Dad?” she whispers, but Sasuke shushes her. Sakura rolls her eyes. Her parent’s voices go back and forth until they come close enough that Sakura can make out their words.

“What the fuck?” That is unmistakably the sound of her mother swearing loudly, footsteps storming in. Sakura rages for a minute that her mother is still wearing her sandals in the house. All thoughts of shoes clear from her mind as she stops breathing all together from her mother’s next words. “How the hell did that girl find the tracker in her arm?”

“She did what?” her father responds, and she can hear his footsteps hurry forward, probably catching sight of the bloody tracking device on the floor. “Goddamn it all. Lord Orochimaru is going to kill us.”

“You think?” Her mother responds in outrage. Sakura feels her hands start to shake. “We got to get out of here.”

“At least we’re already packed.” Her father grunts. 

“What about Sakura?”

“She’s someone else’s problem now. Hurry up, we don’t have much time.”

There’s the sound of hurried clatter and a door slamming closed, but Sakura’s heart is pounding too loud to really recognize any of it. She feels paralyzed, lips parted and eyes wide with incomprehension. She dimly recognizes Sasuke leading her out of the closet and into the kitchen, but her mind is muddy and she can’t focus enough to know if he’s speaking to her or not.

Sakura looks at the closed front door with something akin to numbness. But it’s not numbness, because numbness doesn’t hurt. _Is this shock_? Sakura guesses. She doesn’t feel all too shocked, though. She feels overwhelmed with nothingness, if that’s even possible. She’d always imagined shock to be a state of denial manifested through panic, but Sakura wouldn’t call what she’s feeling denial. Her mind has accepted information that seems impossible...but...she’s not denying the truth of the information, she’s having trouble comprehending it. The situation is unmistakably reality and yet Sakura feels detached.

“Sakura, I’m so sorry.” Sasuke’s voice hardly pierces the bubble that has formed around Sakura’s mind. She thinks she hums in response, but she can’t be sure.

The world doesn’t crumble to dust or shatter to a million pieces. The world is the same as before, Sakura’s the thing that’s changed. Sometimes she’s arrogant without meaning to be, but she’s definitely not pretentious enough to claim that her parent’s betrayal changes the world. There has been a knife in her back all her life and she hadn’t been aware of it until her parents cruelly twisted the blade. Sakura doesn’t know when she crumbled into a heap on the floor, but she’s here now, body slack and eyes unfocused. _Yes,_ she decides, _the world definitely hasn’t crumbled to dust_ , _but I have_. She sits and stares, and Sakura’s glad that Sasuke’s not saying anything. If he speaks he’ll expect her to respond, and she’s not really up for talking right now.

Sakura inhales weakly, a pitiful sound scratching up her throat. Sakura usually cries when she’s sad, but right now is different. Right now her sadness exists. There’s a reason to it other than internal distress. Her sadness is solid, an inescapable cage that leaves her staring at nothing. At least there’s Sasuke, though. She’s not used to having someone wrap their arms around her shoulders. Sasuke’s thin and fragile, but his hold on her is oddly strong. It’s comforting to know that Sakura’s not the only walking paradox in Konoha.

_My parents...I..._

Sakura blinks slowly, realizing how little she’s been breathing. She inhales again, but it’s still weak and can hardly count as a gulp of air. Sasuke’s breath is erratic behind her, and she decides that it’s probably not a good idea for the two of them to be hugging right now. He sounds shaken up and she knows from experience that overloading Sasuke’s senses will not help him overcome his fear of physical contact. She moves away from him and turns around so that they’re face to face. Sakura rests her palm face up on the floorboards. He grasps his hand in hers. Remembering his panic attack at the Land of Waves Sakura presses his hand to her chest and begins breathing long and slow. She takes in a deep breath. Sasuke follows suit. They find a rhythm, and Sakura’s so focused on breathing it’s hard to remember anything with clarity. All she can really focus on is breathing and _hurt,_ a wrenching hurt like nothing she’s felt before. Inhale, exhale...Sasuke’s breathing just like her, in a way that speaks of something underneath the surface. A niggling thought presses to the surface of her mind, and because Sakura is recklessly curious she chases it. The thought whispers _unlovable_ in her ear but she tears the idea apart limb from limb. She has people to rely on, and Sakura will one day earn their trust. It’s going to take time, but Sakura has her whole life ahead of her. There’s no rush. She’ll take one step at a time. Inhale, exhale...

Sweat sticks her pink hair to her face, drips down her lower back, and smears across her chin and forehead. She hardly noticed how hot the closet was when she was stuck in it, but back in fresh air sweat flows from her pores.

Sasuke’s squeezing her hand so hard it’s a miracle he hasn’t shattered one of her bones. She hardly has the wiggle room necessary to run her thumb over his knuckles, but she finds the space and begins a back and forth motion that she hopes is reassuring. She winces as she feels every dip and curve of his metacarpals. Sasuke is truly the definition of skin and bones.

She turns her head to the side, catching sight of the wall clock hanging on the wall. Its nine PM, way passed dinner time. She looks at Sasuke’s narrow face, his purple finger nails and discolored skin. He’s thin to the point of looking sickly, and these past weeks she’s watched from the sidelines as his health deteriorates. Last night was a completely foreign experience when Sasuke ate that entire ration bar. It’s the most food she’s seen Sasuke digest in all of her life, both at the academy and on Team Seven. “We should eat.” Sakura croaks, and she startles at Sasuke’s bewildered expression.

“The fuck makes you think I can keep anything down after that?” Sasuke asks her hoarsely.

Sakura blinks, having not expected his answer or his curse. She makes a sort of ‘huh’ noise in the back of her throat. Sasuke’s eyes go wide with absolute panic as he bolts upright from his hunched position. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry I didn’t mean that. We, w-we can eat or whatever I don’t care, I’m sorry—” Sasuke blurts in a rush.

Sakura removes her hand from his and gives him some space, trying to lessen his obvious distress. “Apology accepted.” She tells him smoothly, “But now that you say that...we probably have more important stuff to do than eating.” She reasons despite her grumbling stomach. Sakura hadn’t known he had a _serious_ problem with food, but looking at the pale skin that hangs from his bones and the way his eyes sag, Sakura probably should’ve caught on sooner. It’s just that, Naruto eats about the same way, and he’s fine. Sakura just figured she was _an eater_. People typically didn’t eat with the same nonchalance as Sakura. Ino always liked to ‘make healthy food choices’, so Sakura spent most of life eating raw spinach and shit. She eats whatever anyone puts in front of her, really. Sakura had assumed she was the anomaly, especially when compared to Kakashi-sensei, Naruto, or Sasuke. The amount they eat can’t even be compared to Sakura’s digestive intake.

Sasuke stands up and Sakura follows suit on wobbly knees. She feels lost in concept. Sometimes, not all the time, but every once in a while Sakura feels like the battle against her own mind is the toughest battle she participates in. She’s tried to find something that challenges her more. She’s looked in books, she’s looked to teachers, and she’s looked to the ninja lifestyle, but none of what she found was as daunting as _Inner_. Nothing is more frightening to Sakura than uncontrollable thoughts, urges she has to quell before they even arise.

Teetering on the precipice of a breakdown, Sakura straightens her spine and asks Sasuke the question that has been lingering in the back of her mind for quite some time now, “Us...? You said _us_ before. But...” she swallows, trying to block the memory of her parents leaving her behind without a second thought. She doesn’t want to focus on that right now, not when she has so much left to figure out. Like, for example, Sasuke telling her that _both of them_ were in danger.

“I...” Sasuke swallows. Sakura watches him stand alone in entrance hallway of her house, an odd sight indeed. She’s not sure if she’s ever had friends over at all...not even Ino, not really. Ino’s seen her house but she’s never been invited inside. Sasuke’s the first.

Sakura rubs her eyes just as Sasuke starts to explain himself. “Takumi, that guy that said all that stuff about...Itachi...” he whispers Itachi’s name like it’s a curse, stiffening and looking around as if speaking Itachi’s name will summon him. Sakura watches him carefully, absorbing his words and the meaning behind them. “It got me worried that...if, if Orochimaru knows we’re here...can track you...” Sasuke shrugs a shoulder. “Why can’t my brother?”

Sakura doesn’t have an answer for that. Sasuke’s right, after all. If Orochimaru can track her under the village’s nose, why can’t Itachi Uchiha track Sasuke?

“But that’s not why I said us.” Sasuke cuts into her thoughts, “I said _us_ because I think Orochimaru might be trying to give me to Itachi. I think they have some sort of deal. That’s what it sounded like, at least, when I was talking to Takumi.” His hands shake and eyes plead for her to agree, to reassure him that he’s not paranoid. Sakura isn’t even lying when she tells him he came to the right conclusion. His conclusion is brutally logical, and Sakura’s had the truth kept from her long enough to recognize that Sasuke won’t appreciate white lies. She doesn’t plan on feeding him falsely comforting lies.

But then again, Sakura’s always been paranoid, so her opinion is going to lead towards pessimism. 

Sakura’s body suddenly feels as heavy as lead, the weight of the burden she carries unbearable. She finds Sasuke’s Sharingan blazing irises somewhere in the mess of horror that has clouded her judgment listening intently as Sasuke requests something of her. “You’ll kill me, right? You’ll kill me before you let _him_ have me.” 

Sakura doesn’t hesitate. “I will.” She agrees. She’s aware of the hatred it will cause her loved ones to feel for her. Ino would never forgive her, and neither would Kakashi-sensei or Naruto. They’d rather have Sasuke alive and traumatized than gone forever. But this request is something Sakura deeply understands, and it goes further than fear of temporary pain. Sasuke’s afraid that if Itachi gets him, he’ll have him forever. “If I’m there, and I can, I’ll kill you, Sasuke.” Her words are honest, as honest as she’s capable of being. If Sakura kills Sasuke Naruto will never look at her again, but this isn’t about what her team wants. This is about Sasuke, his right to a small comfort, and a decision that is ultimately his to make. 

Sasuke frowns not because he is devastated, but because he simply has no will left to work up a smile. Sakura knows what his frown stems from because she’s wearing the same expression of emotional exhaustion. Still—before Sakura can truly let herself crumble, she has one more thing she’s wanted to do for a long time.

Sakura looks around her big empty house. It’s got plenty of furniture and luxury items, but the expensive knick-knacks don’t fill the silence that’s always brought her discomfort. She thinks for a moment, pondering if she wants anything from this house. She doesn’t, not really.

She wants her parents, but they aren’t coming back.

She has a plan. It’s a merciful one, but it’s the path she wants to take. She inhales and exhales before saying, “This house needs a serious makeover.”

Sasuke looks up at her with very tired and confused stare, but listens to her plan all the same. 

\------

Naruto receives the message at one thirty in the morning. The messenger bird is loud but Naruto wasn’t sleeping anyway, mind reeling from the events of the day before. He’d gone over the conversations he had with Sakura and Sasuke again and again until he memorized them. The other reason he wasn’t sleeping was because he was afraid that he might have nightmares, but he did his best to ignore the second reason and pretend only the first one existed. Even though he knew he wasn’t going to be sleeping he’d still turned off the lights and crawled into bed wearing pajamas. It was good to keep up a habitual bedtime, even if that meant Naruto would be lying awake in boredom for most of the night.

He crawls out of bed in a hurry and shoves open his window, shivering at the cold air. Naruto yanks the scroll from the persistent bird’s talons, the bird cawing aggressively at him as it flies a way, but Naruto ignores it as he flicks open the scroll and rubs his eyes, using the moonlight to help him see the words. When he starts reading Naruto jumps in shock and rushes to find a light switch, flicking it on and not giving his eyes proper time to adjust before devouring the contents of the scroll; he doesn’t change clothes, or grab his keys, of think anything at all before running to the door of his apartment and racing out into the night air.

\------

The cover story went like this:

Sakura’s parents decided to take a bath to calm their nerves about Sakura’s late arrival home from the exams. Her parents got in and fell asleep together, oblivious to the fallen candle and rising smoke until their very last breath. Sakura didn’t get home until it was too late to save them, because she was with Sasuke for the entire night. He didn’t feel comfortable leaving her after what happened in the exams so Sakura went to his apartment to keep him company. She’d eventually had to leave, Sasuke insisting on walking her home because of the late hour. She aborted her plan to sneak in through the window when the clock turned ten and Sakura, flanked by Sasuke, arrived in her front yard to see her house in flames. Sasuke held her back from running inside and her hysterical screaming alerted a few of the neighbors, who called the authorities to the scene.

She’d saved her parents. They may not have been perfect, but they raised her, and now Sakura doesn’t have to feel like she owes them a debt. She can leave them in her past.

Sakura, to maintain her innocent façade, conjured up as many false tears as she could, clinging to Sasuke’s arm in supposed hysteria. Despite her thorough enjoyment of witnessing Sasuke’s mischievous side, her heart aches.

Standing here and seeing the result of her ploy, Sakura’s realizes that her plan turned out to be a tad bit more risky than she’d intended. Still, Sasuke was eager to help and his encouragement spurred her on. The consequences of her actions hadn’t occurred to her until now, standing alone in her yard and watching her childhood home turn to ash. Sakura dried her crocodile tears a while ago, but she finds a bout of real ones falling from her cheeks and onto Sasuke’s shoulders. A medic pulls away from a discussion with an Anbu and walks over to her and Sasuke. Sasuke looks up at the woman and brings Sakura closer to his side. Sakura can’t seem to stop the tears from falling from her eyes as the woman begins speaking, so she buries her face into Sasuke’s arm to hide her shame.

“It was a tragic accident; my condolences. The investigators suspect that your parents were bathing when the house went down in flames, although with the little information we have nothing can be certain.” The medic seems to realize Sakura has no intention of interacting with her, and begins speaking directly to Sasuke rather than her, which is fine. Sakura knows her parents aren’t really dead, but they might as well be. They left her, and she showed them mercy by giving them an easy way out. Mebuki and Hizashi Haruno are dead to the world...and that means they have to be dead to Sakura, too.

She buries her face into Sasuke’s fresh shirt, because his other white shirt had been soaked with blood. She doesn’t want to inhale, knowing she’ll smell the aftermath of her house burning to nothing. “We’ve called your sensei here, who will be acting as Sakura’s legal guardian under the circumstance that another relative doesn’t claim parental rights.” Sasuke nods, Sakura knows because she feels his shoulder bob. “I understand this is very difficult for you, and we thank you both for your cooperation. Creating a detailed report of traumatic events is always challenging, you’ve done such a good job so far. But even though you’ve given us the run down _together_ , we’d like to talk to Sakura individually about her new situation and go over what happened tonight one more time, just to ensure that all of our information is accurate.”

Sasuke glares at the nurse. “I don’t see why I can’t be present.” He argues. “I’m a direct witness.”

“But you’re not directly affected by these events. We need Ms. Haruno to—”

“Nothing.” Sasuke snaps, “You need her to do _nothing_.”

The medic straightens up. “Now, you would do well to be supportive to you’re young teammate during these trying times—”

“That’ll be all, Mrs. Kaito.” Kakashi-sensei’s voice makes Sakura dare to look up from Sasuke’s shoulder with watery eyes.

The nurse, Mrs. Kaito, clams up. Mrs. Kaito dips her head, “Of course, Captain.” She says tightly, straightening her back and walking away at a fast pace. Sakura clenches her jaw as her eyes accidentally follow the medic’s retreating back, forcing her to glimpse the sight of her home rendered to ash. She swallows thickly, ignoring her churning stomach and pushing the pain of her loss to the back of her mind. She extricates herself from Sasuke and instead looks to her sensei.

To her surprise, Sakura stares into an unfamiliar Anbu mask, but very familiar white hair. Sasuke shares a wide-eyed look with her. “Captain...?” Sasuke asks cautiously. Sakura’s mouth parts as she begins to realize what she’s staring at.

Kakashi-sensei chuckles good-naturedly, removing the mask to reveal his usual face mask. There’s an indignant cry of, “Captain!” from a nearby Anbu, but Kakashi dismisses the Anbu with a wave of his hand. Even Sakura knows it’s against protocol to reveal your Anbu identity in front of subordinates, but Kakashi-sensei doesn’t bother to care; Sakura understands the sentiment.

“Ma, please don’t start calling me that. I may have been recruited back into my old profession, but I’m still your sensei and you shall treat me as such.” Kakashi-sensei tells Sasuke sternly.

Sasuke, very quietly so only she and Kakashi-sensei can hear, mumbles, “Captain Kakashi-sensei, how did his title get _longer_.” Sakura lets out a weak laugh, which makes Sasuke turn to her with slightly surprised eyes and a soft smile.

Sakura isn’t expecting Kakashi-sensei to lean down and wrap his arms her frame. He excludes Sasuke, he probably wouldn’t have if yesterday hadn’t happened—or maybe it’s late enough for it to have been two days ago, she’s not sure anymore— but now he knows what Sasuke has been through and he’s acting accordingly. Sasuke gives them space. He walks over to apparently talk to the medic from before. Sakura doesn’t know why he’d want to do that, she was a very rude woman. He disappears a bit in the darkness of the light, but if Sakura squints she can still see him politely addressing the medic.

Sakura wraps her arms around Kakashi-sensei despite the unfamiliar texture of his Anbu uniform. He smells like blood, and he grunts in pain when she wraps her arms around him fully. She loosens her grip but keeps her face firmly pressed against what feels like a pocket on his chest. His hands don’t card through her hair or anything of the sort, and it’s this strange occurrence that makes Sakura pull away a bit to examine her sensei. For once she can see his shoulders pale skin and all muscle. There a bunch of scars on the minimally visible skin, and her stomach flips when she spots a particularly nasty injury across his shoulder that looks to only have recently healed. A tanto is strapped to his back, the blade lithe and poised just like Kakashi.

“Kakashi-sensei, were you on a mission?” she doesn’t mean to sound so bewildered, but the fact that he rushed here in full gear is worrying.

Kakashi steps away from her fully and looks down at his hands. Sakura finally notices the fresh blood on his gloves that glints in the moonlight. “Well, sort of.” He says awkwardly, “I’m not really supposed to say.”

Her mind whirs with so many questions she doesn’t know which one to ask first. Just as Kakashi-sensei is opening his mouth for what she assumes is some sort of explanation, something barrels into her back. She knows it’s Naruto before she sees him. She makes a small strangled sound in the back of her throat before squeezing her body in a circle and hugging him back.

Naruto is warm, and he’s tugging her away from her house. _He understands_ , she thinks dazedly. They move out of the yard, Kakashi-sensei barking orders at a few Anbu and calling Sasuke over to him, probably to get a verbal run down of what happened. The air is weirdly muggy and ashy all at once, the huge water jutsus used to stopper the fire affecting the atmosphere. Naruto pulls her out of her yard and into the street, standing across from her.

Naruto cups her face with both hands, directing Sakura to look into his blue eyes. His hands are warm, she realizes, warm like sunlight, not like fire. Naruto leans in right next to her ear. She expects condolences, and she suddenly feels a flash of guilt for not recruiting Naruto into her and Sasuke’s charade, but it’s squashed by shock at her boyfriend’s next words, “Do I get to know why you burned down your own house?” his tone is soft, his eyes caring, but his words ask a question she is completely unprepared for.

“How did you know?” she blurts, but Naruto hushes her like she’s said something very sad and despondent.

“Oh you know, reasoning, observation.” his voice is still bewilderingly soothing, “So? Did you and Sasuke just murder your parents, because honestly Sakura that’s a bit concerning.” He kisses her on the nose and Sakura has to blink for a minute. She realizes that Naruto’s trying not to attract attention while still gathering information, so she lets her lip quiver and her eyes glisten.

“No, Naruto.” She responds quietly, “My parents ran off, we covered it up. I’ll explain later.” She adds watching Naruto nod before the faux concern fades into a real, more open expression.

He grabs her hands instead of her face, saying nothing, asking for nothing. She ducks her head and squeezes his hands, not expecting Naruto to murmur quietly, “You should look.”

Sakura startles, glancing up at him. “What do you mean?” she says hoarsely, but she knows exactly what he wants her to do.

“It’ll help, Sakura.” He tells her.

It takes Sakura a moment of gathering her equanimity, but she manages to look up and finally observe the wreckage around her. Her house is in shambles. The roof collapsed through both the second and first story of the Haruno household, the shingles now laying in pieces on top of split support beams and piles of house materials. Sakura catches sight of her couch buried underneath a large beam of wood, and can’t help but wonder how the old thing managed to survive the burning. The water jutsu quelled most of the smoking, soaking what’s left of her house and yard. Her lawn is singed, the porch is gone completely, and the only the only thing left of the door is a single row of wood that used to be a frame. Around the house Anbu with gloved hands are observing her now chipped marble bathtub, more Anbu in rapid discussion with field medics. Sasuke is listening intently to a medical ninja, nodding occasionally, and Kakashi-sensei has his Anbu mask back on as he handles the sea of concerned neighbors that are trying to approach the wreckage. A few neighbors are even crying, mourning the loss of their longtime friends Kizashi and Mebuki.

The night is dark, but the moon is bright, almost full. She can’t see any stars.

Sakura looks around herself and let’s herself grieve. She grieves for her parents. Before it felt unbelievable, but now Sakura is forced to see that her parent’s really aren’t coming back. No more arguments around the breakfast table. Never again will her mother drag her to formal parties. Sakura won’t sneak in through her bedroom in the middle of the night, and she’s _really_ never going to see either of them ever again.

This is real. The ashes are real. But her team, her loved ones, are all standing around the ashes and helping her. Ino will support her, too.

She’s lost an aspect of her life, and maybe it was a dark twisted one that wrought much hardship, but still. A part of her has been torn out. She’s going to need help to patch up the hole in her heart, but she trusts herself and those around her enough to believe she can recover from this.

Sakura doesn’t remember much of the next hour or so, if she’s being honest. It’s absurdly late for one thing, and for another, her mind is elsewhere. There’s much talking and arguing, questions directed her way she feels too exhausted to answer. This isn’t like the time she set fire to the Yamanaka’s—this fire was mercy. This fire helped her move past a chapter in her life she’d been stuck rereading over and over again.

She tunes back in when Naruto grabs her and Sasuke flanks them, Kakashi-sensei leading the way. She’s finally leaving her house and it feels like the end. Kakashi-sensei leads them into an apartment complex, opens the door and unceremoniously ushers them inside. It’s his place, she realizes as she catches sight of a picture hanging on the wall of him and Anko Miterashi. He and the woman are hugging, Kakashi-sensei looking vaguely amused and Anko cackling. Beside that picture is a picture of Kakashi-sensei and an older man that looks exactly like him. Kakashi-sensei is young in the picture, very, very young, but he’s still wearing his stupid face mask even while he sits on the shoulders of a man Sakura assumes to be his father. Hanging above both pictures front and center is a picture of Kakashi-sensei and a bunch of the other Rookie Nine sensei. All of them are wearing face masks like Kakashi-sensei, and Sakura can’t help but quirk her lips at the obvious mockery.

Her eyes roam around the apartment, but everything other than those three pictures is barren. The floor is polished, the throw pillows Kakashi has are undented where they rest on a sofa. His kitchen is sleek but small, and his house smells like cleaner. A hallway leads back to a door Sakura guesses leads to Kakashi-sensei’s bedroom. All in all...it’s not very homey. The color scheme is entirely chromatic.

Naruto sits down next to her on Kakashi-sensei’s couch. The couch cushion doesn’t give away as she sits down. There’s a coffee table in front of her. The open floor plan of the apartment allows her to see into Kakashi-sensei’s kitchen as well. Sasuke asks for a glass of water and Kakashi-sensei’s leads him into the kitchen, Sasuke waiting by the counter seats.

Sasuke finally speaks, but it’s not about her parents. Sakura doesn’t mind the ignoring of the elephant in the room. She’s too drained too discuss what happened to her home, and Naruto is patient enough in waiting for an explanation to simply sit beside her and exude comfort. She’s so grateful for Naruto in that moment she knows she’ll never be able to express her appreciation in words.

“So you’re an Anbu? What does that mean for us?” Sasuke’s eyes take in his surroundings, narrowing in on the unlocked windows but excessively locked door. Sakura wouldn’t have noticed it if Sasuke wasn’t so perceptive.

Kakashi-sensei turns on his sink and fills a glass with water, wincing and rolling his shoulder. “It’s only temporary...” he begins, passing the glass of water to Sasuke. Sasuke takes the cup and then takes a small sip, eyes intently trained on Kakashi-sensei throughout the whole exchange. “Ibiki Morino suggested I reinstate my former position, and I have to concur that in accordance to the state the village is in currently the temporary promotion seems rather necessary. It’s only for a month, Sasuke. Of course, that means I’m not going to be around to prepare you three for the upcoming Tournament, and I’m sorry for that...I take great pride in watching the three of you exceed all of my expectations. But not to worry, I have personally selected some excellent teachers for each of you while I’m away on missions.”

Sasuke leans on a counter stool contemplatively, “Will we still see you, occasionally? I mean missions can’t take up all of your time, right?” he sounds hopeful, borderline desperate, and Sakura realizes that he’s upset not because Kakashi-sensei did this behind their backs but because it means Sasuke’s not going to be able to spend time with Kakashi anymore. Sakura feels downtrodden about it as well. A month is a long time to go without seeing someone. She’ll miss her teacher.

Kakashi-sensei hesitates before answering Sasuke’s question. “I...if I’m not partaking in missions, It’ll most likely be due to injury or because I’m swamped with reports and paperwork.” He tells Sasuke, “I’ll try to check in on you, though. Really, I will.” His voice holds conviction, but Sasuke still looks put out.

Sakura glances at Naruto and sees him sporting a similar expression. Normally she’d try to redirect the mood, but she’s not really in the right place to bring cheer to a situation. Instead her own indignation seeps into her words. “Who did you choose to teach us? Are we not training as a group?” her tone comes out affronted, accusatory.

Naruto’s eyes go wide. “But sensei I don’t want to train alone!” he whines.

“Wait I don’t get to be with Sakura and Naruto?” Sasuke’s face pales as he wraps his arms around himself.

Kakashi is undaunted by their rapid protestation. He grits his teeth, voice devoid of emotion as he explains, “I’m sorry, but it’s easier to get someone to agree to train one student rather than three. Think of it this way, you’ll have plenty of new moves to show each other in the upcoming tournament. I mean, logically speaking, the three of you are opponents. Only one of you can win; individual training is a good thing.”

The sound Sasuke makes is a mixture between tearful and outraged. Sasuke has well kept secrets, a relative concept of self-preservation, and the survival instincts of a pro, but Sakura can tell that these things don’t give him a sense of security. He seeks understanding, empathy, trust, and when these things are reciprocated Sasuke _glows._ His brother’s betrayal hurt Sasuke, but admirably so Sasuke continues to strive for intimacy with others. This—Kakashi-sensei leaving—is affecting Sasuke. He needs Kakashi to stay, to be a stable figure for Sasuke to rely on. 

And, Sakura thinks, the only reason she understands how Sasuke feels right now is because she too needs Kakashi-sensei to stick around. He’s the only real adult figure she’s ever been able to rely on, sans the Yamanaka’s; but they were so private, so intimate, that whenever Sakura was around she felt like an intrusion. Even before today, before her parents abandoned her, Sakura never felt comfortable enough to really discuss things the Yamanaka’s. With Team Seven, Sakura feels wanted.

Sakura’s not like Sasuke. She’s not constantly seeking others for fulfillment; but Sakura knows that despite having never sought out security, it would make her really happy if for the next month Team Seven could all work together. She doesn’t need it like Sasuke does, but she craves it. She wants Team Seven for selfish reasons, reasons that make her chest ache with longing.

Naruto jumps up from the couch and squares his shoulders, “Fuck winning the tournament! After everything that happened you’re really going to abandon us like this?” Naruto, eyes blazing, says the one thing that everyone’s feeling. Sakura hadn’t wanted to say it, and Sasuke looks as if he didn’t want to admit it even to himself, but Kakashi-sensei rejoining the Anbu truly feels like _abandonmen_ t. Sakura, sick of seeing Naruto’s back instead of standing beside him, gets up from the couch to show her support.

Kakashi-sensei’s face slackens. His visible eye goes wide and his shoulders hunch. He raises a hand to his mask and looks like he wants to say a hundred things, but chokes on the words. Sakura feels a bout of confusion at the abrupt change in her sensei’s stance, from cold to heartbroken in an instant.

Sasuke’s face twists into something ugly and snarling. “How dare you,” Sasuke spins around and addresses Naruto, fists clenched, “That’s too far, Naruto. Can you try to be a little understanding? This isn’t just about us, this is about the safety of the entire _village._ ” he spits.

Just as Naruto is riling up for a fight, arms poised for attack and sneer on his lips, Kakashi-sensei emboldens his pitiful expression and clears his throat. “Sasuke,” he warns sharply, causing Sasuke to flinch back and look at his feet. For a moment Kakashi’s face flashes with what Sakura assumes is guilt, but it’s gone the next instant when he turns to her and Naruto. “Naruto, before assuming the situation let me explain. I really have no choice in this matter. Ibiki went to Lord Third about the issue and what’s done is done. I’m in the Anbu, and if all goes well this next month, they may just transfer me permanently.” His voice turns grave, and Sakura finally notices the way his hands shake as he speaks. “ _I’m sorry._ I...I don’t _want_ to go back.” He’s lost the clinical tone he’d valiantly tried to keep up. In the face of authority Kakashi-sensei is just as helpless as they are; it might seem like he holds power when he orders around Anbu and Jounin like its second nature but the reality is that no one says no to Lord Third.

“I’m not sure if I ever even left in the first place.” Kakashi-sensei whispers, visible eye closing in resignation. Sakura doesn’t like the expression on his face, helpless and pitiable. She’s used to seeing him strong, standing tall and righteous. She looks around and sees Sasuke irrationally angry, when usually Sasuke is neither irrational nor angry. Naruto is pointing blame—something her empathetic boyfriend is reluctant to do because he prefers to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. She steps back to observe her own behavior and realizes she hasn’t said one word this entire argument. Sakura, a renowned debater and devil’s advocate has purposefully silenced herself. Right here, more so than even yesterday, Team Seven is at its rawest state. The four of them have been whittled down to the bone, stripped bare for all to see.

Sakura really can’t handle this, but she’s relieved to see that her expression of frustration is shared with the rest of her team, in its own way. Kakashi-sensei’s posture is slumped over and not in its usual lackadaisical manner. He’s tired and it shows. Sasuke picks back up his glass of water and Sakura watches as the water inside turns to ice, mist permeating off the rim. If Sasuke’s not careful, he’s going to shatter Kakashi-sensei’s glass.

Sasuke sets the glass down carefully, rubbing his hands together to fight off the cold of his chakra nature. Naruto and Kakashi-sensei don’t comment on the unlikely occurrence. Sakura realizes with a strike of fear she’s probably the only one capable of progressing this argument passed senseless fighting. _None of them_ are acting like themselves and _all of them_ are acting like uncommunicative fools.

Sakura straightens her back and narrows her eyes, rolling up her carefully chosen long-sleeved shirt. “If we only have tonight, Kakashi-sensei, I’d like to ask about the tracker Sasuke and I found in my arm.”

Naruto turns wide, horrified eyes on her. Sakura keeps her face neutral.

\-----

Ino Yamanaka’s parents call her downstairs in the midst of her intense complication of a new lip gloss. She sighs a bit dramatically, feeling that her parents should have learned by now how much she hates to be interrupted in the middle of _art,_ but figures they just want to talk to her some more about her new training schedule. It’s still early in the morning, just about six thirty, but she’s forgoing a pre-workout breakfast and instead trying out a post-workout breakfast for size. It’s supposed to increase performance, so Ino figured she might as well dip her toe into the world of hardcore exercise prep. She tidies up quickly because she’s eager to do whatever her parent’s need and then get to come back and finish her makeup. Nothing, not even intense training, can sway Ino away from the world of makeup. She currently only has one eye finished because she wanted to see how the shadow and mascara flowed with her new gloss color, so her face looks a bit curious, but her parents have seen her look worse.

She sets down the lip gloss with a furrow to her brow, sparing a moment to fix her hair in the mirror before flouncing out of her bedroom and down the stairs to the dining room. Her mother doesn’t smile as she walks down, and Ino’s heart sinks, realizing that her parent’s may want her for more than training talk. “Ino, honey, how about you come sit down.” Her mother suggests.

Ino’s pace slows as she nervously dusts off her skirt and walks over to seat herself across from her mother at the table. She smiles at her mom and crosses her ankles, head tilting nervously. “Is something wrong?” she wonders, glancing between her parents skeptically.

“Well...” Her father cuts in, sitting down at the head of the table. Ino always feels most like a family when they sit at the table like this. It’s nice when they’re all together. But right now she can’t focus on the pleasant surprise of both of her parent’s being home at once, because her mother’s blunt delivery of the tragic news cuts deep into her core.

“Sakura’s parents just died in a house fire.”

Ino doesn’t finish her makeup.

\------

When Sakura wakes up its abruptly, with a pit in her stomach and unshed tears in her eyes. She doesn’t remember the dream she was having, but she knows it was distressful enough to make her toss, turn, and sweat through her dirty clothes. The first thing she becomes aware of is Naruto, laying on the floor underneath the couch Sakura was given to use as a bed, still dressed in his pajamas. Naruto’s jammed between the couch cushion and Kakashi-sensei’s coffee table, which Sakura would be concerned about if she didn’t know how little he moved around when he was sleeping. The first time she saw him sleep she got concerned and checked his pulse, because she could hardly even see the rise and fall of his chest. With the back of her knuckles Sakura wipes dried saliva from the corner of her mouth, pulling Kakashi-sensei’s blanket off from her body and onto the couch headrest.

She looks around, taking in the unfamiliarity of Kakashi-sensei’s apartment. It’s surprisingly bright, she notices, and sees that none of Kakashi-sensei’s windows have curtains. When she glances at the clock, it’s just about six forty-five, meaning she probably got less than three hours of solid sleep time.

Sasuke is sitting at the kitchen counter with a cup of tea in his hands. She’s distinctly aware of the lack of breakfast around him, and feels a frown mar her face first thing in the morning. She sits up and yawns a bit, contemplating lying back down. Her stomach growls though, halting any hope for more sleep, and she resists the urge to groan loudly along with it. She counts down from five under her breath. The moment she reaches _one_ she steps over Naruto’s body and greets the day with a stretch of her back and a hangry attitude.

Sasuke has a book out in front of him. Sakura walks over and murmurs a quiet good morning to him, receiving an absent minded greeting in return. She glances curiously at the book he’s reading, but she can’t see the title because Sasuke has it resting face up on the table. She shrugs a bit and opens up Kakashi-sensei’s cabinet, only to be met with a small selection of different teas and a stock of ration bars that would last a man who lives by himself an entire year. Sakura breathes deeply, tapping her fingers on the countertop before walking over to the next cabinet and swinging it open. She’s met with prescription pills, an assortment of painkillers, some Vaseline, and a bunch of medical equipment. Growing frustrated, she opens up the next cabinet to find that this one is filled with nothing but books. Actual books in a shelf in someone’s kitchen, and not just one or two, but a multiple stacks of them. Sakura wheels around and whisper shouts, “Is there any actual food in here?” Despite always waking up early, Sakura’s not a happy go lucky morning person. She’s determined in the mornings, not chatty.

Sasuke looks up from his book with a shrug. “I don’t know. I stopped looking after I found the tea and books.” He motions to his gratifying morning set up before diving back into the book he’s devouring. Sakura double takes when she realizes that he’s turning the pages way to quickly to _really_ be reading. She doesn’t comment on her strange friend’s behavior (not her friend’s strange behavior but the usual behavior of a strange friend), instead turning around and opening up yet another shelf. This cabinet has a minimal amount of _paper_ plates, a pack of plastic forks and spoons, and some solid cups that double as water bottles.

Sakura walks over to the fridge and is met with nothing. Literally nothing. She aggressively forces her way through the lower cabinets, nearly crying out ‘Hallelujah!’ when she catches sight of her saving grace. A box of minute rice is the sole occupant of the cabinet next to a bunch of chemicals. She scurries about and finds the pot she’d seen earlier, filling it with water and putting it on the stove. Task completed and with nothing better to do, Sakura finds entertainment in watching Sasuke calmly turn pages at an inhuman pace. He has a devil-may-care attitude about the whole affair, as if he really is reading like a normal person when in fact he’s flying through pages like a deranged monkey.

“...are you even reading that?” Sakura wonders, glancing quickly at the water boiling on the stovetop. She wishes it would boil already.

“Yup.” Sasuke pops the p obnoxiously. Sasuke’s always obnoxiously cheery in the mornings. Sasuke doesn’t offer an explanation and Sakura doesn’t question him once her tired mind notices his bright red eyes. The Sharingan appears to be the culprit. Sasuke may not even be aware of how fast he’s reading.

“Do you know where Kakashi-sensei is?” Sakura asks.

“He left for a mission at like five this morning.” Sasuke responds. “I’ve been awake all night, so I waved at him as he crawled out the window.” His eyes never stray from the book in his hands, greedily absorbing its contents, only stopping to occasionally sip at his tea. Sakura is struck with the amusing image of Kakashi-sensei’s tall figure crunching down to fit through a window and pausing to wave goodbye at Sasuke.

She redirects her brain to Sasuke’s other statement. He hadn’t slept all night. She’s not surprised but she is concerned. She can’t really imagine it’s easy for Sasuke to sleep in unfamiliar places, and the last couple of days they’ve had has surely fueled his unease.

It’s strange, how the two of them are standing around in an utterly domestic setting and pretending that nothing happened the day before. Sasuke’s acting so casual. Maybe this is just how he copes. He just...goes on; keeps moving. Sakura supposes that even throughout tragedy life goes on. Time doesn’t stop turning in the name of pain.

Her water starts to boil, and she pours a cup of rice in and removes the pot from the heat, closing the lid tightly. Sasuke continues turning pages with his Sharingan blazing. Sakura closes her eyes to the rhythmic sound as she waits for her rice to expand.

 _Thump. Thump. Thump._ Sakura inhales deeply, finding her pulse with her fingers on her bare wrist. She’s still wearing her sweaty, soot covered clothes from the night before.

Her mind takes her back to the conversation she had with her team last night. Explaining what she and Sasuke had done, especially to an intimidating authority figure like Kakashi-sensei, had not been easy. Sasuke had been stiff the entire conversation, looking at Sakura with wide eyes. It became clear to her he had no intention of telling Kakashi-sensei the truth, but Sakura really wanted to put honesty into practice and she trusted Kakashi-sensei. At least Naruto had been supportive, hand on her arm and caring in his eyes. Naruto had snuck glares filled with suspicion the entire conversation, though.

Of course Sakura understands Sasuke and Naruto’s hesitance to let her come clean about her parents, the tracker, and all that followed. Sakura has been seen as perfect her entire life, and to shatter that innocent façade was scary. However Naruto and Sasuke’s reputations caused people to expect the worse from them which sparked an innate fear of consequences. They were scared Kakashi-sensei would distance himself or act unexpectedly. Sakura was only afraid of disappointing him.

By the time she was done explaining Kakashi-sensei looked tired, and not just physically. Then he’d said something that had Sasuke jerking upright and Naruto finally looking up from his shoes, “I understand why you did it, Sakura.” Kakashi-sensei had told her, “You’re welcome to stay here for as long as you need. And that goes for all of you, although if you choose to stay you’ll want to grab a few things from your apartments....” He’d ruffled her hair, “But don’t think for a second I’m taking you shopping. Social interaction and blowing cash are on my list of _least favorite activities.”_

She’ll have to go shopping for all new clothes, a new toothbrush, basically all necessities. It also turns out that she needs to buy some food because her sensei doesn’t eat. Food she can do, she’s the grocery shopper in her family. Or, well, she was the grocery shopper. Sakura grits her teeth and distracts herself by checking the rice so she has something to do other than wallow. Of course, checking the rice only takes so long, and soon her mind is elsewhere once more.

At least Kakashi-sensei said she could stay. He’s great. But...he’s also very _quiet._ He hadn’t said much of anything about her parents being _traitors._ He’d been very focused and clinical. Kakashi-sensei hadn’t scolded her and Sasuke for burning down her house, either. If she was reading him accurately he almost seemed proud of their impulsive thinking. Naruto didn’t look pleased when he heard that it’s likely Sakura has a stalker. It’d taken him an unusual amount of time to fall asleep, and even now, Sakura peers around the counter and notices with her brow furrowed that he’s frowning in his sleep. Naruto shivers, pulling up the covers around his chin. Sakura’s tempted to wake him, but she knows that waking people up from nightmares only makes the dreams more vivid.

She and Naruto stayed up most of last night together, whispering back and forth. They took the floor and couch in the living room, Kakashi-sensei not-so-subtly assigning Sasuke to watch the two of them. For once Sasuke ignored a command and left Sakura and Naruto to whisper to each other, disappearing _somewhere_ to do _something._ During the late hour Sakura hadn’t really thought about it, eager as she was to talk with Naruto about everything that’s been going on. Sakura was still wrapping her head around the idea of a demon inside her boyfriend, and Naruto was still struggling to understand her parent’s façade and Orochimaru’s intentions. She hadn’t told Kakashi-sensei or Sasuke anything about Inner and her past, but she plans on telling Naruto. Inner is personal, and maybe she’ll tell her other teammates eventually, but for right now she’s positive she wants to keep it private. It was for her and her loved ones’ safety that she told Kakashi-sensei about the tracker in her arm, but knowing or not knowing about Inner won’t change anything but perspective. She’s not worried about Naruto’s opinion of her changing, not after Ino proved to be so accepting.

Naruto doesn’t share much, Sakura knows and understands this, which is why it was a rarity when he shared something with her last night. He told her all about the seal on his stomach, and the way sometimes his nightmares morph into the flashes of what he’s deduces is the Nine-Tails Attack.

She glances at his now sleeping form with worry. She wishes she could start mindlessly eating her rice but it’s taking an obnoxious amount of time to cook. Instead she has to stand and ruminate in all of the terrible things going on around her. The scariest part is that she has no control over any of them. She can only do her best, and it’s likely that her best won’t be good enough.

“Where did you go?” she asks Sasuke, tapping her fingers on the counter. “Last night, I mean. When Naruto and I were talking.”

Sasuke stops reading, Sharingan flickering off as he looks over to her, eyes on her chin. “Well, it seemed like you two wanted some alone time. I’m very aware of constant side-glances.” Sasuke purses his lip and Sakura offers a half-hearted apology that he quickly waves off. “But at that point it was like, three-thirty or something and I figured if I wasn’t going to sleep I might as well be productive. So I stopped by my apartment to grab some stuff, and by the time I was packed up it was four fifteen so I went over to Naruto’s and got his stuff, too. His house is a pigsty, by the way, so I took the liberty of tidying up. Then I dropped off the bags here and went out to a clinic that was recommended to me by a medical ninja in the Chunin Exams.” Sasuke looks back down at his book and then shrugs. She feels herself blink. 

“You did all of that?” she reels, “Well, _thank you_ , Sasuke. Naruto’s going to appreciate you packing his bag so much. He hates organizing things.”

Sasuke shifts in embarrassment before quietly confessing, “It was more for my benefit than anybody else’s. I was anxious and I needed to do something productive.” Once again Sakura is surprised, not just because she’s marveling at Sasuke’s accomplishments but because it’s rare to see Sasuke embarrassed. He’s so unabashedly himself all the time that the look of shyness on his face prompts Sakura into diverting the topic.

Sakura scratches her ear with a laugh, “Oh. I’m not usually very productive when I’m stressed. My brain wants to do so many things at once I can’t seem to focus.”

Sasuke fiddles with his book and Sakura, in a desperate attempt to keep the conversation going, asks “You said something about a clinic?”

“Yeah.” Sasuke confirms. Sakura isn’t quite sure if he’s purposefully avoiding a proper answer or is just so unfamiliar with social queues he doesn’t know when to elaborate. Or maybe he doesn’t want to be a bother and offer information she didn’t ask for. But who knows, with Sasuke, it could be a stressful combination of all three.

“What for?” she pries.

Sasuke gentle closes Kakashi-sensei’s book, no bookmark or even dog ear to keep track of his spot. Sasuke like the newly labeled prodigy he is probably memorized the page number. From what she knows of the Sharingan, it’s great with long-term memory. “I was actually going for some meal plans. Just....you know, ideas on how to keep track of what I eat and when I eat it...the nurse at the Chunin Exams was concerned about my weight. I didn’t even know it was an issue until she said something.”

Sakura pauses, taking a step back from Sasuke’s admittance to pour her rice into a bowl and grab a plastic spoon from the cabinet. She takes a deep breath before suggesting, “Ino could probably help you with that.” Sakura keeps her tone light, “She’s really into nutrition and diet.”

“Yeah?” Sasuke looks hopeful, probably not wanting to put his trust into a stranger. It’d be weird to have some random person choosing what you eat every day.

“Definitely.” She replies. The conversation strikes her as odd. Usually Inner would be around to shriek annoying things upon hearing Ino’s name and call Sasuke’s worthless for not even being capable of completing a simple task as _eating._ Her toes curl at the idea of making Sasuke feel bad about something so obviously personal and difficult to talk about. She’s glad that she has control of herself now.

Sasuke flips through his book and offers quietly, “This is the fourth one I’ve read today. Kakashi-sensei has a well-kempt collection of classics.”

Sakura laughs a bit at that, managing to refrain from urging Sasuke to eat some rice with her. She doesn’t want to get into the habit of being the reason Sasuke eats. He needs to find that motivation on his own.

Sakura shovels rice into her mouth, laughing halfway through her bowl through a mouthful of rice as Naruto sluggishly awakens and stumbles into the kitchen, looking confused at first and then grouchy. Sakura takes pity on him and informs Naruto beforehand that Kakashi-sensei’s cabinets are empty. The information certainly doesn’t improve his mood, but Sasuke informs Naruto that he packed him some instant ramen when he visited his apartment, which makes Naruto perk up significantly. Only once his stomach is full is Naruto awake enough to realize that Sasuke did him a huge favor, and whilst blinking in surprise Naruto profusely expresses his gratitude. Sasuke simply grins and puts the book he was reading back in the cabinet, already finished. Sakura realizes when she sees his flushing cheeks that the easiest way to embarrass Sasuke is not teasing, which he appears to be unfairly immune to, but gratitude. She can’t imagine he got many thank-you’s growing up. Sasuke’s cheeks burn as Naruto showers him with praise when out of the bag Sasuke packed for him he pulls out one of his favorite outfits. Naruto gives him a quick high-five that Sasuke stumblingly accepts, before racing off to change his clothes. 

Sakura decides then and there to express her gratitude for Sasuke as often as possible, even about the little things.

Sasuke washes out his tea cup and Sakura follows suit with her rice pan, throwing away Naruto’s leftover ramen cup and wiping down the table. Kakashi-sensei’s house is so pristine it feels wrong to leave a mess. Also, cleaning is instinct at this point, her mother’s voice echoing in her mind about responsibility. She grits her teeth. Sasuke notices her expression, but when Sakura tries to smile it off, he frowns deeply. Wordlessly, Sasuke leaves the room, summoning his friend to the scene. Naruto walks into the kitchen freshly dressed in training clothes with his arms outstretched in offering. Sakura walks over and folds herself into the hug.

Naruto rubs her back soothingly and Sakura _breathes_. After ensuring she’s alright Naruto pulls away with a grin, tucking her into his side hug with bright eyes. “C’mon, I know what will cheer you up. We can snoop around Kakashi-sensei’s apartment.”

Sakura rubs her hands together. “Ooooh...mischief,” she replies, just as Sasuke walks back into the room holding yet another book. He looks up at them with his Sharingan blazing, a sight Sakura is slowly becoming accustomed to. Sasuke takes one look at them and proceeds to bury his nose in Kakashi-sensei’s book. It’s his sixth one. Sakura thinks it’s the first time she’s ever seen Sasuke enthused by the idea of something resembling training, because at least he’s exercising his new Kekei Genkai.

Naruto leads her through the apartment, and the two of them snoop around the bathroom curiously. Naruto sorts through the medicine cabinet while Sakura examines the shower. She pulls back the curtains to inspect the shower head to see if she wants to take one this morning, only to be met with a sight that makes her wince. Hanging on the rim of the shower is an array of bloody uniform pieces, a shirt, one of Kakashi-sensei’s masks, and a headband cloth. Naruto pulls out a prescription bottle and makes a curious sound, but Sakura hisses at him and wildly motions to Kakashi-sensei’s clothes. Naruto winces. “Is that his blood?” he wonders.

Sakura closes the shower curtains and washes her hands for good measure. “I sure hope not.” Naruto puts back the prescription bottle where he found it, peering into the trash bin.

“It’s his.” Naruto decides, looking at a pile of bloodied bandages in the trash bin. Sakura winces.

“Let’s not tell Sasuke...” she suggests. Naruto readily agrees. They both know how tough Anbu work is, so it doesn’t come as a surprise that lazy Kakashi-sensei can’t find the time to wash his laundry, even when his dirty clothes are covered in blood.

“Do you think that was last night?” she wonders.

“Most likely,” Naruto shakes his head as they walk out of the bathroom and back into the living space. Sasuke has found refuge on the couch Sakura slept in, briefly flashing his Sharingan up at them before continuing his binge. Sakura’s not sure if it’s a series of if Sasuke just really, really likes books. Reading could be another one of those things Sasuke does when he’s stressed, she considers.

They find Kakashi-sensei’s bedroom and peer inside, quietly creeping across the floorboards even though they logically understand Kakashi-sensei is currently out on an Anbu mission. Kakashi’s bedroom is just the same as the rest of the house. The bed is made, the sheets and covers both a dark grey color, the pillows cases black. His curtains are drawn, too, and every drawer in the room is tightly closed, along with the closet door. It feels...unlived in. Not really how she imagined it. She’d pictured Kakashi-sensei’s house more like Naruto’s; lively and bold, with products of his character strewn all over the place. Once again, the only reason she knows this apartment is Kakashi-sensei’s and not some other strangers is a photograph of Team Seven sitting on his bedside. It reminds her that her own photo had been lost in the house fire. With a pang, she wishes she’d remembered to save it. In the dark pit of turmoil she’d been trapped in it hadn’t even occurred to her. Next to her Team Seven’s photo is a group of people she doesn’t recognize, all except for a young looking Kakashi-sensei.

Beside her, Naruto chokes. “Is that...Lord Fourth?” his voice shakes with excitement. “LORD FOURTH WAS KAKASHI-SENSEI’S TEACHER?!” Naruto screams right in her ear. Sakura rubs her ears with a growl.

“Naruto!” she complains, but takes a closer look at the photo all the same. There is a striking resemblance between Naruto and the man in the photo, almost like someone printed exactly how she pictured Naruto looking as a grown up and made it come to life. The man is blonde, blue eyed, and undoubtedly Lord Fourth. “Holy shit,” Sakura blinks, leaning back in surprise.

Sasuke comes into the room with an irritated expression. “Why are you shouting?” he wonders, only to realize what room he’s in quickly observe his surroundings.

Naruto bounces from foot to foot, motioning to the picture. “Lord Fourth was Kakashi-sensei’s sensei!” he cheers.

Sasuke tilts his head and notices the picture. “Right yes, everyone knows that, Naruto.”

“I DIDN’T!” Naruto screeches. He’s too caught up in his excitement to be upset about his lack of knowledge on one of the kage’s. Naruto prides himself in being a Hokage expert.

“Neither did I.” Sakura adds with a shrug, looking back at the picture. She’s more curious about the team dynamic as a whole. It’s cool and all that Kakashi-sensei was taught by a Hokage, but overall unsurprising. He’s a very powerful shinobi and it makes sense to her that he’d been taught by one too.

Little Kakashi-sensei is standing beside a boy that reminds Sakura of Sasuke in looks, the Uchiha crest on his shirt sleeves and a smile on his lips. There is a girl on the far right holding up a peace sign and smiling giddily. Their sensei has his arms wrapped around all of them in a big hug, pulling them close. Their dynamic just seems so...friendly. Kakashi-sensei is caught in the middle of it all.

“They look happy...” Naruto says, his tone subdued compared to before. Sasuke hums in agreement. “Do you guys know what happened to them?” he wonders.

Sakura shakes her head. “I know that they died young, but that’s about it. Poor Kakashi-sensei...” she can’t imagine how she would feel if she suddenly lost Team Seven after her parents just left her. It’d be heartbreaking.

Sakura finds herself drawn to the picture. She lifts it up and quietly observes his comrades, Sasuke and Naruto coming up on either side of her.

“Ma...It’s rude to snoop, you know.” Sakura barely stops the picture from slipping from her grasp. She sets the frame down and turns to her sensei with genuinely abashed eyes.

Naruto rubs his neck. “Sorry, we didn’t mean...” he starts, but Kakashi-sensei walks over to them with a dismissing wave of his hand. They all part and allow him to stand in front of the nightstand. 

“Don’t worry about it.” he orders, adjusting the picture on the table to its original place. He clears his throat, “Obito and I were just like you and Naruto, you know.” He looks at Sakura whilst saying this. She feels her brow furrow, unconsciously scooting closer to Naruto. Does he mean the girl with the brown hair? “We were constantly arguing, but when it counted, everything clicked. We were synchronized, focused...until one day. We let our tendency to argue get the better of us. We started fighting in the middle of a mission. He was angry because I had been recklessly trying out the first models of what is now the Chidori. The fighting only got worse from there. Our teammate, Rin, was captured because of our inattention.” He steps away and looks off at something none of them can see, his visible eye reflecting the pain of the memory. “I said some things. He punched me in the nose and ran off by himself—he was always doing that, running off by himself. So was I. We had a bad habit of thinking things were easier when handled on our own.” Kakashi-sensei clears his throat and looks back at all of them. “I lost Obito that day. And he gave me this.” he taps the headband that hides his Sharingan.

The story was ambiguous, but it’s the most Sakura’s ever heard him say about himself. She looks to Sasuke, expecting him to comfort their sensei in some way, but instead his eye is almost comically wide. “Wait, what do you mean you and Obito were ‘just like Sakura and Naruto?’” he makes deliberate air quotes with his fingers.

Kakashi-sensei chuckles, scratching his head with his index finger, “Well, what do you think I mean?” he evades.

Then it clicks in Sakura’s mind. Obito isn’t the girl with brown hair. Obito had the Sharingan. Kakashi-sensei was using male pronouns. Obito is the Uchiha boy. Naruto looks around himself in confusion, trying to catch on to the new turn of events.

“You’re gay?” Sakura realizes. Naruto chokes a bit, looking up at Kakashi-sensei in bewilderment.

Kakashi-sensei hums amusedly, “Don’t go spreading rumors now.” he tells them voice warm. His expression sobers up with his next words. “But yes, I do romantically engage with men, if that’s what you’re asking.”

Naruto holds up his hands. “Hold on!” he barks, “You’re telling me that the Uchiha guy in that picture,” he motions to the picture, “And you...” he points at Kakashi-sensei now, “were like,” his hand come together, “ _boyfriends_?”

Kakashi-sensei pats Naruto’s head affectionately. “Mhmm...he was a good kisser, too. And sensei was horrible at catching us.” A gleam enters his eyes as he stares down at the two of them. Sakura can’t resist the urge to laugh. 

“Is that the real reason you invited me here? To make sure Naruto and I don’t have clandestine make out sessions?” she guffaws.

Kakashi-sensei flicks her on the head. “Perhaps...” he drawls.

Out of nowhere Naruto bursts into a fit of giggles. Sasuke gives him a strange look and Naruto secretively lowers his tone towards Kakashi-sensei, eyebrows wagging suggestively. “So are you and that Anko lady...pretend dating?” he sounds absolutely ecstatic at the prospect.

Sasuke rolls his eyes. “Naruto, that’s absurd they’re adults—“

Kakashi-sensei looks Sasuke directly in the eye and says, “Yes.”

Sasuke closes his mouth with an audible click as Naruto cackles triumphantly. Sakura finds herself laughing along with them, and for just a few moments, everything is as it should be. Sasuke puts a hand on Kakashi-sensei’s arm as if to say, ‘I’m sorry for your loss,’ without really having to say it. Naruto’s grin softens into a close-lipped smile, and Sakura’s own giggles fade into a comfortable sigh.

But everyone knows that kind of sappy bullshit doesn’t last forever. The only reason Kakashi-sensei came back from his new elite position was to pick up Naruto to introduce him to his replacement sensei for a month of training. And Sakura, well, Sakura had her own demons to face.

Sakura knew she didn’t want to sit inside and mope all day, and well, she had shit to do. Legal parental rights and inheritance and life insurance mumbo jumbo that she very well knew she couldn’t do on her own. Sasuke had his own problems to deal with, it was true. He’d been reluctant to let her leave the apartment by herself but she convinced him she needed to be alone. Sasuke could use the alone time too.

The truth was she needs answers _,_ and not from Team Seven. Sakura couldn’t even be a hundred percent sure she was a legal citizen, what with how her parent’s raised her like a pig for slaughter or something. There was only one way what happened in her past for sure. Sakura usually liked feeling grounded but right now she felt pinned to the earth, trapped under rubble, and the only way to crawl free was to address the situation. She couldn’t just let her childhood home burn and not find out why it had to happen.

She remembers glinting glasses and latex gloves with a wince, but she remembers days spent listening to fairy tales under shady trees with a smile. She can and will face Kabuto Yakushi, if that’s even his real name. She wants to know who he is, if he remembers, if he can and will help her. Her parents were somehow working for Orochimaru, and while she has a hundred theories as to how that came to be, she can only rely on one other potential witness for answers. Sakura could and probably is walking right into the clutches of the enemy, willingly walking into a trap, but the enemy cornered her and now she has nowhere else to go. She could go to Kakashi-sensei about her citizenship and standing as a technical adult citizen, but he’s busy, and she’s unsure how much information about her childhood she’s ready to divulge to him. As of now, Kakashi-sensei believes her parents were just _recently_ paid to put the tracker in her arm and when she _immediately_ found out they skipped town. He doesn’t know she’s ‘adopted,’ nor does he know about Inner. He’s busy, anyway, and Sakura doesn’t just want help...she wants answers.

She can’t tell Sasuke about it either, because he’d physically restrain her before letting her try to have a civil conversation with the man that experimented on her as a child.

Finding Kabuto Yakushi is surprisingly easy. All she has to do is wonder aimlessly around the hospital Naruto told her he volunteered at and voila, Kabuto Yakushi appears. It also helps that he might’ve been waiting for her, too. She goes unquestioned by the medical staff, because a pink haired child is hardly the height of their worries. The few who ask about her presence she tells she’s visiting her cousin who recently got injured in the Chunin Exams and was transferred here.

Kabuto Yakushi still wears glasses, she notes, and he smiles at her with the same mixture of gentle and condescending like she’s still an oblivious four year old child. Only she’s not anymore, she’s a Kunoichi and a member of Team Seven.

And she’s never been more scared in her entire life. Not for her safety, but for the leap of faith she is taking. She’s relying on Kabuto to tell her, to honestly tell her. It’s nerve wracking and terrifying. Because she doesn’t know what she’ll do if he denies her answers. She has no other source of information.

“Sakura...” Kabuto steps forward, and Sakura stiffens as he peels off a glove and ruffles her hair. “Good job passing the prelims. I heard you didn’t even break a sweat.”

Sakura meets eyes with him. “Do you know why I’m here?” she asks.

Kabuto leans forward, lowering his voice, “I see. This is most unexpected.” His voice is smooth, sharp, a sweet poison she’s lapping up like a starved dog. She hates how much she needs him.

Sakura purses her lips. She thinks to herself, _but didn’t you plan this?_ Out loud she says, “I’ve been told I’m unpredictable.”

Kabuto, in the middle of a hospital hallway with white walls and white floor that make her skin crawl (and she finally, finally knows _why_ she’s always hated medical ninja and her dumb therapist, it’s because of this boy standing in front of her), takes her hand and murmurs, “Yes, well, that’s not always a good thing. In my case, being unpredictable lead me to where I am today.”

Sakura clenches her jaw. “Is it arrogant to say the same?”

Kabuto smirks at her, a wicked smirk that is genuine in its mirth. “Wonderfully so.”

They meet eyes. It’s strange to be eye level with him when all of her new memories are of her looking up at him because of the significant height difference between a four year old and teenager. She holds her ground and blanks her eyes, resisting the urge to gulp in fear. She might need him, but that doesn’t mean she’s going to bare her throat.

“You’ve grown,” he notes, a hint of warmth that contrasts with the calculating glint in his eyes. Sakura doesn’t respond. She doesn’t know what to say. Even after all these years of wondering and all the questions flooding her mind with the abundance of sand grains, she finds her jaw locked. Kabuto rakes his eyes over her figure. His body language screams amused, and Sakura watches with poorly concealed confusion as he lets out a low chuckle. “You’re a lot like your sensei, aren’t you?” he asks rhetorically

Sakura looks at him suspiciously, “What would you know about Kakashi-sensei?”

“Enough,” he responds with a shrug. Sakura watches carefully as he procures a square silky cloth from his pocket. He removes his glasses to inspect them before wiping off any smudges with the cloth. Nostalgia hits her like a ton of bricks. She’s seen him do that exact thing before, over and over again like a habit.

“Are you willing to talk?” she’s putting her heart on the line, she knows. She could try to manipulate information out of him, but then she’d always fear he’d been lying or covering something up. She wanted everything, and if she couldn’t have everything, she’d rather have nothing than a meager taste of something.

Kabuto put back on his glasses and smirked, “Ask me anything.” He replies.

Kabuto unceremoniously leads her away. They walk side-by-side, not hand in hand like how they used to. Neither of them look at each other as they walk down the hall of the hospital, not even when Kabuto explains to the receptionist that he’s leaving early due to a family emergency. They don’t interact with each other until they make it outside and a little ways down the road, where Kabuto suggests eating at Icheraku ramen. Sakura gives him a bewildered look and Kabuto just shrugs, responding, “I’m not much into cuisine,” which causes Sakura to snort despite herself. She realizes after a moment of thought that he probably only suggested Icheraku’s because of Naruto. She’s not sure if that means he likes Naruto or is just trying to get on her good side.

Sakura clears her throat. “No...uh, how about somewhere more private.” She enforces.

Kabuto shrugs. The two of them continue on wordlessly, both marginally unaffected by nearly ninety degree Fahrenheit (32 degrees Celsius) weather. Sakura’s trained in 102 Fahrenheit before, so the sweat on her skin really isn’t much of a bother. The bright sun does bother her eyes though, and Sakura sees Kabuto’s squinting eyes and decides he shares the sentiment. The glasses probably make it even worse.

They arrive on the outside of a small coffee shop. Sakura openly laughs. “What is this, our first date?”

Kabuto scoffs. “Please, I am way out of your league.”

Kabuto lets the door slam into her face, the absolute gentlemen, and Sakura barely manages to catch the door and push it open before it can bust her in the nose. She glares at him but he ignores the animosity entirely and asks, “What do you drink?”

Sakura stretches a bit, eyeing him suspiciously. “Nothing you give me.” She responds.

Kabuto lets his hand fall away from his pocket with a bark of laughter. “That’s fair.” He acknowledges.

They sit down in a booth across from each other. Kabuto raises an eyebrow and Sakura grits her teeth. Eventually the silence stretches on and Kabuto rolls his eyes. “I thought you had questions.” His tone has shifted into something less biting, almost soft. It only makes Sakura hyperaware of the unfathomable situation.

She looks away. “I guess I don’t where to start.” She pauses, “I guess I’m afraid of the end.”

Kabuto, infuriatingly enough, laughs at her once more, seemingly to find her endlessly amusing. “Oh, young one, your nowhere near the ending.” He drums his fingers on the wooden table between them, “As for where to start...I’d suggest you start with a question, and we’ll go from there.”

Struck by the use of her childhood nickname, Sakura flounders for a moment. With nothing else to say she ends up blurting, “What kind of coffee do you drink?” The both of them startle, wide, curious eyes meeting each other.

“...it’s sort of elaborate.” Kabuto starts, a grin sliding onto his face. “An iced, triple, Venti, Sweet, Caramel Machiato with toffee nuts...” he crosses his arms with a slightly embarrassed look.

“Oh my God. That’s monstrous.” Sakura responds. “I mean, I’ve never had coffee, and even I know that’s pure evil.”

Kabuto pulls a horrified face. “You’ve never had coffee?” he digs into his pocket and declares, “That’s it, you’re trying my creation, and you’re going to love it. And then inevitably become addicted to it and waste twenty five bucks as often as possible.”

And Sakura well.

Sakura laughs.

It’s a startled sound, one that bubbles up from her throat and ends with an unintentional snort. Kabuto gets up and after a moment of hesitation Sakura follows him, standing beside him as he orders two of his strange specialty coffees. Sakura takes a sip before they sit back down and ends up smearing it across her face. Instead of getting all flustered over it, Sakura mimes being an old man, stroking an invisible beard and treating the cream on her upper lip as a mustache. If Naruto were here he’d laugh along with her and mimic the action, spilling some over his upper lip and making his tone high and croaky like an old lady. But Kabuto isn’t Naruto and his eyes go wide at her strange behavior. He pats her head patronizingly after getting over his initial surprise. “You’re an odd little thing, aren’t you?” he tells her. Sakura beams at this and wipes the cream off her lip with her wrist.

They sit back down.

The atmosphere has changed. It’s less hostile now, and Sakura is comfortable enough to ask him the question that’s been tormenting her since hiding in the closet the evening before. She knows, logically, that he’s still the same person who mistreated her, but something was always curiously human about him; something that made him different than Orochimaru. A special trait that fills Sakura’s childhood with memories of laughter and a familial bond that she still feels today, no matter how much logic she forces into her heart. “Were my parent’s always with you?” Sakura finds the courage to ask.

Kabuto’s smile falters, and his face schools into a neutral expression. “You mean with Lord Orochimaru, I presume.” He responds coolly. Sakura nods, uncertain but not wanting to show it. Kabuto sets down his drink but keeps his hands wrapped around the cold cup. “Yes, they always knew he had a certain interest in you. I recently noticed you found the tracker in your arm.” He waits for her reaction, but Sakura keeps her expression level. She’s waiting for more. Kabuto lets out a low sigh and says, “They had no idea about the results of Lord Orochimaru’s experimenting, of course. And I’m fairly certain they were unaware of the nature of your abilities...but from the start they knew about him, yes.”

Sakura raises an eyebrow. “’The nature of my abilities?’” she quotes.

Kabuto chuckles at her. “Don’t tell me you haven’t realized it yet? You have two chakra systems. It took a lot of work to create that kind of chakra capacity, you know. It’d be nice if you at least pretended to appreciate it.”

Sakura sucks in a sharp breath. “Oh...” she mumbles, thinking about Inner and their separate chakra systems. She forgoes responding to his snide remarks, focusing on the information he provided. She hadn’t realized Inner’s chakra system was still in her. She hadn’t thought about the fact that ‘Inner’s’ chakra system was just _hers_.

“I...was against the plan. I told Lord Orochimaru that there would be very negative side effects, and I thought you had potential without the experimentation.” He hums inquisitively, “I still don’t think I’m wrong, but...it seems you’ve matured well, Sakura.”

Sakura lets out a humorless laugh. Inner had been an unintentional side effect, then. “...so the raid? Was that faked?” Sakura wonders.

Kabuto scoffs. “Of course not. The raid was most displeasing. We hadn’t planned on giving you to the Haruno’s so early. We lost quite a few test subjects that day, but not you. We called the Haruno’s in to find you and raise you in Konoha...it was no longer safe to keep you with our other subjects, and the basis of our work on you was completed. It’s a good thing the others left you behind. A little grass snake told me that Lord Orochimaru recently recaptured all of them. Lord Orochimaru would have been very upset if his prized creation refused to play by his rules.” Sakura doesn’t bother to suppress a shudder. She can hear her own disgust reflected underneath Kabuto’s words.

She thinks about his statement for a moment. A grass snake, she thinks to herself. That’s not just clever wording. That’s a code. Orochimaru was disguised as a Grass Ninja when he attacked them in the Forest of Death. “You have spies in the Grass Village?” she concludes.

“As perceptive as ever, I see.” Kabuto smirks.

Sakura leans forward, “If you’re so disgusted by his work than why did you choose him to be your leader? I just...I can’t imagine he’s benevolent. His intentions are utterly selfish.”

“The enemy of my enemy is my friend, Sakura. Leader is a strong word.” He replies smoothly. Sakura narrows her eyes, but knows an evasion when she hears one.

“And my parents? Why did they agree to help you? Was it for money?” Sakura asks. Some may view her wording as callous, but she thinks of her sentence structure as efficient. If Kabuto’s willing to answer, Sakura is glad to ask as bluntly as she pleases, no gimmicks.

Kabuto narrows his eyes, and Sakura is surprised to see a hint of malice in them. “My dear girl, we simply were returning borrowed goods. You’re their flesh and blood. You see, Orochimaru struck up a deal with them not to long ago; Konoha Citizenship in exchange for their newborn. They agreed, and five years later Orochimaru sent them you’re location so Kizashi and Mebuki could finish rearing you into a young woman.”

Sakura blinks, sitting back in contemplation. She wants to be angry at Kabuto’s cruelty, his indifference to human rights, but she can’t conjure up the hatred. Instead she asks, “Who’s the enemy?” Sakura knows curiosity killed the cat, but sometimes she can’t help herself.

Kabuto takes a long sip of his coffee, and Sakura finds herself following suit. The coolness soothes her throat. It’s delicious, as irritated as the fact makes her. She’s always had a sweet tooth and now she knows it was Kabuto who taught her to adore sugar. Damn him.

Kabuto sets down the coffee and raises an eyebrow in a way that challenges Sakura’s pride. She straightens her back and glares at him defiantly. They stare across from each other for all but ten seconds before Kabuto is nodding, relenting, and Sakura follows suit, relaxing her hostile position.

“Konoha.” He informs her, and then oh so casually takes another sip of his coffee.

Sakura looks down at her hands for a moment, rolling the information around in her mind. It doesn’t bother her as much as it should. Kabuto wants to take down Konoha; big deal. Plenty of people dream of Konoha burning to the ground. She doesn’t want to judge him after she herself burnt down her childhood home until only ash remained. So Sakura picks up her cup and wordlessly takes another drink, marveling at the delicious caramel combined with a coffee aftertaste. Kabuto was right, she’s addicted.

Kabuto laughs at her with mirthful surprise. “Not a Constant Prerogative I see?”

With a dry stare she rolls her eyes, “I’m nonpartisan.” Sakura explains. This only fuels Kabuto’s delighted laughter. Kabuto calms himself after a moment and settles into a more comfortable position, one arm settled behind his headrest.

“Don’t worry,” Kabuto assures her, “I have no intention of telling Lord Orochimaru about you. He’s simply...a means to an end. But you, Sakura, you are _interesting_.” He smirks devilishly with narrowed eyes and defined cheek bones that make him comparable to the appearance of a snake.

Sakura chugs the last bit of her coffee, toes curling at the almost prophetic image of her and Inner’s fight. When Inner lost, a snake emerged from her corpse. Now, Sakura is left with the one option... chasing after the snake that bit her. But once bitten, and twice prepared; Sakura doesn’t plan on letting her guard down, even if Kabuto is playing nice. “So...all of those experiments you did on me...why? What was the reason?” Sakura swallows. She’s not afraid of the answer, she’s afraid that there won’t be one.

Kabuto leans forward, glancing around himself before turning back to her with his chin raised. “Lord Orochimaru seeks immortality. His grand ambition is to learn all that there is to learn. He works for the sake of science and himself. You’re right, his intentions are utterly selfish.” Kabuto shifts, pulling his arms across his chest. He props one leg up on the other before clearing his throat and continuing. Sakura listens raptly, absorbing the information as quickly as she can. “Not too long ago we discovered a jutsu that allows a person to transfer their soul into another’s body. He wants yours.”

“What?” Sakura face twists with incomprehension. “Transfer souls? _You_ helped him figure that out?”

Kabuto scowls at her. “Oh yes, that’s what you focus on. Not the fact that science just beat nature in their ever controversial battle, but the fact that I’m the one who helped Lord Orochimaru do it.” Kabuto responds with a hint of petulance in his tone.

Sakura scoffs, crossing her arms and leaning back with her chin raised in challenge. She could argue with Kabuto forever, and it’s a tempting thought, but she’s here for a reason and she’d prefer to keep on track. “Why me? Will I die if his soul... _invades_?” 

“Yes, essentially, if his soul invades as he you put it, your death is inevitable. And he wants you because of your abilities.” Kabuto informs her, raising a brow. Sakura belatedly realizes the similarities of their positions and awkwardly uncrosses her arms and instead clenches her fists at her sides.

“Yea, what exactly do you mean by abilities? There are a hundred thousand more qualified bodies out there than me!” Sakura snaps.

Kabuto growls, “Yes, we’re aware. Our second choice was your teammate but his brother...complicated the situation.” Sakura stiffens at the mention of Itachi Uchiha, expression darkening. She waits for him to continue with an impatient air about her. “Our first choice was introduced to a deadly disease, rendering him useless. You on the other hand are available and healthy. Also...you seem to not understand the importance of having two chakra systems. I’m hurt, Sakura, that you don’t recognize the results of hard work.” He critically gauges her reaction, his words teasing but his tone sharper than before.

Sakura grits her teeth. She’s used to be looked down upon, but even she has her limits when it comes to Kabuto’s relentless dancing and patronizing. “What am I overlooking?” she wonders.

Kabuto’s smile widens with eagerness. “The kind of power this ability grants doesn’t relate to the amount of chakra you possess, Sakura.” Her name rolls of his tongue like a sin, “Plenty of clans have larger than average chakra capacities. No, having two chakra systems is important because it grants immunity.”

Sakura purses her lips. “I don’t understand.” She admits quietly.

Kabuto splays his hands and declares, “I’ll give a few examples; when one chakra system is immobilized, the other can still come out to play. If you were a fighting Hyuga they’d only be able to attack your first chakra system and have no access to the hidden one. You could activate two jutsu at the same time, if you could master one handed jutsu signing! What two chakra systems grants is potential, an ability never seen before.” Kabuto’s smirk turns wicked, “You could break free from a Genjutsu and activate a ninjutsu at the same time. You could prepare for the activation of a jutsu while engaging furiously in chakra-infused taijutsu...don’t you see, young one? This is exactly the kind of power Orochimaru wants to get his hands on. It’s unique...it’s dangerous...”

Sakura has a sudden flash to Haku. He’d been able to use one handed jutsu, she recalls Sasuke telling her he used the ability when he was fighting Naruto. He’d seemed immensely startled. Sakura finds herself saying, “It’s unpredictable.”

Kabuto’s responding bark of laughter is sharp and yet pleasantly surprised, “Precisely.” He drinks the last bit of coffee before pointedly glancing down at the watch on his wrist. He looks up at her with feigned apology in his expression, “So sorry, perhaps we can finish this another time. I have an important meeting with loverboy to get to, and he’s not the kind of person that likes to be kept waiting.”

Sakura’s lip curls, “What kind of codename is loverboy?” she mocks. He’s been mocking her all morning so she feels her turn to make a jab.

Kabuto smacks her on the back of her head as he walks passed her side of the booth, “The unpredictable kind.” Kabuto parts with those words.

Sakura watches him go with an indescribable ache in her chest. She doesn’t want him to leave, but she says nothing as the vintage door swings behind him. She’d asked her questions, and he told her to meet up with him again, so she can always ask more when new ones inevitable arrive. She has a lot to think about.

She leaves both she and Kabuto’s coffee cups on the table, not bothering to feel guilty about Kabuto paying for the drinks. Sakura walks out of the store and down the street, breathing in the air and listening to the civilians bustling about their day. It’s strange how she used to consider herself a civilian but now she’s a kunoichi through and through. She doesn’t even remember when the transition happened, when she really started identifying herself with the title. Sakura is reminded of the sound of her parent’s voices as they clambered out of the house with haste, and she realizes something very disturbing. She hadn’t even seen them leave. She only heard them. She already hasn’t seen her parents for an entire week, and for rest of her life that number will only grow.

“Fuck...” Sakura mumbles to herself, turning around to stare at the coffee shop she and Kabuto were just at. Her mind whirls. The longer she stares the more stomach churns and she’s struck with a sudden feeling of sickness. Sakura spins away from the coffee shop, her chest tightening painfully. Shepicks up her pace down the road, trying to block out her own swirling thoughts.

She finally understands why Inner hated it so much when Sakura would overthink. The striking emotions she feels as her brain tries to adjust to the new information has her horridly sick.

As the buildings blur past her, Sakura struggles for air, her eyes and head briefly drifting upward then squeezing shut rapidly at the blinding light of the sun. The light makes her queasy, the world spinning out of focus. She feels lost in a sudden all-consuming lonely. The summer heat doesn’t help her sudden dizziness. She stops mid walk, clapping a hand to her mouth and swallowing convulsively. Bile crawls and burns the back of her throat as her stomach fills with acid.

Sakura turns the corner in the direction of the public bathrooms. She picks up her pace until she’s practically running, filled with relief when she spots the bathroom door. Stumbling her way into the bathroom Sakura barely manages not to vomit all over the floor, shoving her way over to an empty stall. She barrels her way inside, falling to her knees. Sakura throws up. Gagging and spluttering she sucks in deep breaths through her nose as her stomach betrays her. She spits out a string of saliva into the toilet water, scrabbling a hand into her hair to try to keep it away from her face.

Sakura was never one to get physically ill. She can count the number of times she’s thrown up on less than one hand and recall them all. A wave of unfamiliar nausea rolls over her and tears spring to her eyes. She chokes and tastes a soured version of the coffee she’d just been drinking. Her throat burns as she tries desperately to stop herself from vomiting.

There’s a knock on the stall door. Sakura spits out a string of regurgitation and shouts out, “Occupied!” with as much force as she can muster. Which isn’t much, seeing as the world around her is still moving in circles.

“Sakura?” the voice calls, and Sakura winces when she recognizes who it is. Hinata Hyuga, pristine clan heiress taking pity on some civilian low life. It’s exactly what she doesn’t need right now. “A-are you alright?” she murmurs, and Sakura can feel the empathy ooze off of her. Irrational anger pins her and she suppresses a few violent coughs before shouting back.

“I’m fine!” in her sweetest tone possible, but the effect is ruined when her body wracks with a shudder and she gags violently. She furiously holds her hair back, not expecting the stall door to swing open and cool hands to suddenly assist her. Her green eyes widen as Hinata pulls her sweaty pink locks from off her skin with blunt finger nails.

“I saw you running through the streets and followed. I a-apologize for being nosy but I got worried.” Hinata admits quietly. “You looked distressed.”

Sakura slams both of her hands back on the toilet seat and hisses, “Will you just leave me alone!”

Hinata’s grip tightens on her hair and her response is simple. “I don’t think I will.” Sakura, unable to conjure up the will to argue further, slumps against the toilet seat in exhaustion. Her face burns with shame, but she’s admittedly glad that Hinata is with her when her stomach flips and she’s leaning over the toilet and spilling the rest of the rice and coffee she had into the water below her. Hinata rubs soothing circles on her back and keeps her hair out of her face. A disgusting smell wafts around the small stall, causing another gag to bubble out of Sakura.

Sakura’s starts crying. She tries to stop the flow of tears because she’s not a crybaby, dammit, and she hardly ever cries _so why should she now?_ But despite her best efforts the tears drip off her nose, into the corner of her mouth and roll down her chin, plopping into the toilet water. She sniffles.

Hinata hushes her, wrapping her thin arms around her back and squeezing. Sakura accepts the comfort, as unexpected as it is, softly crying her heart out to who Sakura considers to be a total stranger. “They’re gone!” Sakura wails as more tears cling to her eyelashes and stream down her cheeks. “They’re go—“ she chokes, “—Go-oonne...” her sob breaks through her words, her inhales weak and shaky. She feels weak. She should be able to handle this without breaking down. Sakura has more important things to be doing than crying uselessly on the floor of a public bathroom.

“It’s okay, you’re okay...” Hinata soothes, but the words hardly register to Sakura’s ears. The harder she tries to control herself the faster the sobs come. “What happened, Sakura? Who’s gone?” Frustration bubbles up because Sakura doesn’t want to have to explain. Irrationally, she wishes Hinata just knew already and would say exactly what Sakura needs to hear. Obviously, that doesn’t happen, and Sakura’s sobs grow louder.

Sakura can’t help but think _if this situation were reversed,_ _would I do the same for you?_ She doesn’t know, and it hurts her because Hinata is so good and Sakura is...Sakura is empty. A vacant endless pit of bad luck that people throw themselves into without understanding the consequences of their actions; she hurts everyone she’s around, whether because of her or because of the people who want her. Sakura doesn’t know if she’s as good of a person as Hinata.

She wants to be.

The tears come faster.

Was it a good idea to go to Kabuto? Was that selfish of her? Why didn’t she feel anything when Kabuto implied he wanted to destroy the Leaf? Sasuke would have felt something, she thinks to herself. Naruto would have done something; Sakura just sat there, face to face with the enemy and chatting with him like old friends. Is she old friends with the enemy?

Sakura doesn’t know. She has no idea who she’s become. Before she knew who she was; she was the better side of herself, the side that wasn’t cruel, the side that was calculating and thoughtful. But that identity has left her with who she is now, an orphaned kunoichi of the Leaf Village reduced to tears on a bathroom floor, unable to resist throwing herself a pity party.

“I’ve always admired you, Sakura.” Hinata’s voice breaks through the haze of confusion that has clouded her judgment. She hones in and clings to Hinata’s words, confused beyond belief. Sakura’s never considered herself to be admirable. She’s strong, sure, but plenty of people are stronger than her. Plenty of people are better, nicer than her. “You never complained, not once. You always tried your hardest and when someone treated you unfairly you called them out.” Hinata giggles, “I remember this one time, I don’t know if you know this but I was in the library too, at the time.” Sakura finds that despite Hinata’s irritatingly high pitch voice and usual stuttering, she appreciates greatly what the girl has to say. It’s nice to hear kind words come from someone that’s not her internal rationale. “K-Karen Daigle, was the girls name. She came over to you and stole your book, teasing you in front of everybody I-I mean Shikamaru, Kiba, and Choji were all studying right there next to you! But you didn’t even glance their way. You just grabbed a d-d-d-different book and started reading it instead, completely ignoring _stupid_ Karen D-d-daigle.” Hinata tells her. Sakura’s remembers the day, but Karen Daigle messed with her so many times it hardly stood out to her. “Her face went bright red, and I thought to myself, Sakura’s so strong, all the time. I wished I were like you.” Hinata confesses. “But...I-I think that was wrong of me. By idolizing you I dehumanized you, and everyone’s human. That’s unavoidable. People try to escape it but...life catches up one way or another.” Hinata flushes a bit, smoothing a pink lock of hair back with dexterous fingers. “Part of being human is having weakness. Nobody is strong all the time, Sakura, but that doesn’t you weak. That just...makes you human. You have a right to that, being human, I mean.”

Sakura has a flash to sharing a closet with Sasuke, telling him very similar words. She feels silly, but somehow hearing Hinata Hyuga of all people telling her this makes her feel immensely better about herself. It’s like confirmation. She’s always tried to be her own person, to not need someone else to tell her what she’s worth, but she admits to wishing and longing for praise on multiple occasions. Hearing Hinata say what she’s unconsciously been telling herself all these years...it’s the most heartening of all confirmations.

Sakura feels more tears bubble to her eyes, upper lip quaking as she whines, “What is it with quiet people and being so fucking wise?”

Hinata giggles, and Sakura pulls away to lean her back against the stall wall. Hinata looks at her concernedly. “What happened?”

Sakura sniffs, and prepares herself to share the bad news. “My house caught fire. My parents were in it.”

“Oh my God, Sakura, are they okay?”

“They’re dead.”

_To me, at least._

Hinata wraps her arms around her shoulders once more as she dissolves into another bout of sobbing.

When Sakura calms down, much, much later, her throat is tacky, the toilet is flushed, and Hinata’s sweatshirt is stained with tears. She apologizes profusely to Hinata, but Hinata deflects her words until Sakura gives up. Sakura doesn’t have many friends, and she has only one female friend but...Hinata is kind. In a way, Sakura admires her the same way Hinata confessed to admiring Sakura. Hinata is allowing and graceful, where Sakura is manipulative and aggressive. Of course, Sakura is aware that all traits have their second halves and that perfection can never be achieved but...that doesn’t make Hinata any less of a wonderful girl. Sakura will never be like her, but she can still respect her.

They part ways and Sakura wishes, very briefly, that Hinata were a gossip, because it would save Sakura the trouble of having to explain to all of her friends that her parents are dead. But her unwitting wish vanishes when she realizes that if Hinata were a gossip she’d boast to everyone about how Sakura unraveled in her arms. 

Sakura’s eyes are red and puffy, her skin slick with sweat and tears, and overall she smells disgusting. Sakura feels her skin itch and decides that she’s willing to remove Kakashi-sensei’s bloody clothes from the shower edge in order to clean herself off.

 _Oh God_ , she thinks to herself. Sakura almost forgot that Kakashi rejoined the Anbu Black-Ops. She almost forgot her new home was his apartment. Her traitorous feet were heading in the wrong direction. It’s seems absurd, because her parent’s disappearance has been haunting her. Sakura remembers that Sasuke’s also at Kakashi-sensei’s apartment, probably still reading, and she doesn’t want to have to face him right now. Sasuke’s a human lie detector, really. He’ll know she’s been up to something the moment he sees her. And he’ll ask annoying questions like, ‘how are you doing, Sakura?’ and ‘do you need anything?’ or ‘what can I get you?’ Sasuke’s a sweetheart, truly, but Sakura swears up and down that he’s going to be the worst helicopter parent in existence.

Instead of turning towards Kakashi-sensei’s apartment, she turns towards the bathhouse. Her feet feel oddly achy, but she powers through the short trek, breathing in the steam as she approaches the double doors. She doesn’t want to think about anything right now, not her parents, not Kabuto, and definitely not her humiliating encounter with Hinata. She’s never particularly liked the bathhouse, but right now in particular she feels immensely awkward when entering. Not just because of her disheveled appearance, but because Sakura has a new fear of people she’s never had before. This isn’t about comparing herself to others or worrying about others people’s opinions; this is about her teammate, and the horrors he experienced.

She’s disoriented, especially when she passes by someone with black hair and instantly goes tense, her hand unconsciously hovering over her kunai pouch. He’s just a few meters away from her, towel slung over his shoulder. Sakura can’t breathe. The strangers face twists and Sakura suddenly sees yellow slit eyes, a mouth with a long tongue, and razor sharp fangs. His head turns towards her and Sakura jumps. She blinks and the image disappears, the man with black hair waving genially at her as he ambles down a hallway. Sakura sighs to herself, removing her hand from her thigh and clutching her head a bit. Stupid, she thinks to herself. But after the false image of Orochimaru, she feels on edge.

She pays for the bath. Sakura usually carries money with her, because she may not look like it but she’s a trigger-happy shopper. Sakura’s usually not impulsive, but when it comes to shopping, she lets herself run free. Hence, always keeping money on her person, she wants to give herself the rare freedom of impulsivity. She walks into the girl’s changing room through a curtain, her eyes and nose assaulted with bath salts and steam. She begins removing her shoes first, but freezes when she gets the odd feeling she’s being watched. Her skin itches. She tries to power through it and is about to take off her kunai pouch, when a voice halts her movements. ‘Better paranoid than dead.’ Sasuke’s voice whispers. Her team had all unanimously agreed on this. She trusts her team more than anyone.

She turns to a woman behind her, who’s about to take off her top. “Mam,” she begins, but when the woman doesn’t hear her, she says it louder, “Mam?” the woman spins around, shirt gone and bra all that’s left.

“Oh, what is it, miss?” she responds, smiling kindly.

Sakura swallows. “Do you get the feeling we’re being watched?”

The woman’s face shuts off, and her eyes narrow. She looks around herself and Sakura is surprised to see her reach into her locker and grab her kunai pouch, forgoing the shirt entirely as she creeps forward. She pulls back the curtain that separates them and the steaming bath, suddenly launching her kunai into the distance.

The woman screeches loudly, “You pervert! I’LL HAVE YOU ARRESTED! There are underage girls in here!!” followed by dozens of other female voices. Sakura rushes to follow her out, catching sight of a man with white hair and a telescope scurrying down a nearby tree and booking it.

Sakura looks down at herself and suddenly doesn’t feel like taking a bath anymore.

And then a blonde head pops out over the fence. Sakura startles, not expecting it, but Naruto’s got his hand over his eyes and is crying for a seize fire as the women scream. Sakura cries out, “Hold on!” and everyone silences, realizing that Naruto is covering his eyes and trying to talk to them.

“I’m really sorry!” Naruto cries, “That guy’s a total perv none of you guys should have to worry about being peeped on!”

The woman next to her guffaws, “It’s not your fault, kid!” she calls. A chorus of women agree, yelling angrily about the runaway peeping tom.

Sakura calls out, “Who is that guy, Naruto?”

Naruto freezes where he’s precariously balanced on the fence, still voluntarily blinding himself, “Sakura?”

“Yeah?” she shouts back, raising her voice in pointed question.

Naruto’s whole body stiffens. “I’ll kill him.” he declares, and even though he wasn’t shouting, Sakura and all the women around her hears him loud and clear. Just like that, Naruto is suddenly gone, jumping off the fence and down the road without further explanation.

Sakura blinks. Then anger floods her. _That idiot is supposed to be training._ She thinks to herself. After a moment, her anger shifts into affection. _Naruto was protecting me!_ She squeals to herself, trying to squash down the part of her that is still a romantically wide-eyed teenager.

Then Sakura slumps a bit, because feeling this many emotions at once is _exhausting._ The woman from before turns to her, head titled. She’s got brown hair, a black bra that cups her large bust, and cargo pants that hang loosely around her narrow hips and waist. Her legs are muscular, her ankles dainty. “You know that boy?” she wonders.

“He’s my boyfriend.” Sakura explains, then adds, “He’s the best!” with much more girlishness than she intended.

A chorus of embarrassing coos erupts from the women around her, making Sakura feel like Sasuke when the women in department stores catch sight of him and try to use him as a dress-up doll. Oddly enough, Sasuke hates those women with particular vehemence. Sasuke hardly expresses genuine anger about anything, so to see him throw a hissy fit about being flocked by middle aged women is a hoot.

“I like your tattoo.” The woman from before tells her. Sakura startles, hand unconsciously wrapping around her neck.

“Oh, um...yeah.” she pauses, “It represents...” she wracks her brain and settles with, “A soul.”

The woman notices her hesitance but takes it for shyness, giggling at her and saying, “Well isn’t that poetic.” The woman tells her. “My name’s Kuru, it’s nice to meet ya!”

Sakura’s smiles genuinely at her, engaging in conversation that soon borders personal life. She learns that Kuru is a medic, and as they talk Sakura eventually finds the courage to undress and step into the bath. Kuru and her talk for the next hour, until Sakura’s fingers are prunes and she’s suffocating in the heat of the bathwater.

Even after exhausting her throat with small talk, when she leaves, it’s with reluctance. Kuru’s kind smile provided a welcome distraction from her swirl of dark thoughts.

Amazing how even with Inner gone Sakura has no control over _anything._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have fun with that cliffhanger.


	31. The Denouement Nears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And the training begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is very time-skippy, sorry abou that, if you get confused i have the amount of time that's passed in the end notes. Thanks for reading!

Naruto’s blue eyes narrow into slits, dissatisfaction cloaking him in compressive fog that demerits Naruto’s usual easy-going attitude. There standing in the hallway of the Hokage Tower, Kakashi-sensei keeping a firm hand on his shoulder as Naruto glares at the worn wooden floorboards littered with kunai scratches and obscure indents. The inclination to cry out in childish frustration strikes him with fleeting potency, causing Naruto’s lips to form an enraged scowl as he squashes the compelling urge to wreak futile trouble. The hand on his shoulder squeezes, nudging him forward with a gentleness that only serves to sour Naruto’s mood.

Standing across from him in sleek ninja sandals more expensive than Naruto’s rent, a black jacket with a similar shine, and downturned lips that give him the face of a frowning goat, is the one and only Ebisu substitute sensei. The worst part of his uptight outfit is the try-hard attempt at coolness thrown onto his face in the form of sunglasses devaluing any aspect of respect Naruto never held for him in the first place.

Naruto shifts his eyes upward to glimpse Kakashi-sensei’s genial smile forming behind his mask, struck with the horror that Kakashi-sensei and Ebisu are actually _friends_. Kakashi-sensei has overflowed with surprises this week, and Naruto can’t decide if he’s more shocked by his out of the closet sensei or his Anbu Captain sensei. Kakashi-sensei being gay doesn’t surprise him as much as he’d initially assumed it would. Once Naruto got over the initial jump it’d been easy to fit the idea into his mind that Kakashi-sensei likes guys instead of girls, even if Kakashi-sensei reads porn obviously targeted for heterosexual men over the age of thirty. One the other hand the idea that Kakashi-sensei is not just an Anbu, but a familiar Anbu, spins Naruto’s world in a plethora of dizzying circles. Kakashi-sensei’s Anbu mask was that of Hound, an Anbu that once-upon-a-time escorted Naruto home from the academy every day for a month, and followed him everywhere he went in the same duration. The Hound disappeared thereafter, but made occasional appearances throughout Naruto’s entire childhood. Naruto still hasn’t addressed the subject with Kakashi-sensei, and he doubts he ever will. It’s an unspoken connection between them that just seems...untouchable.

“Well, Naruto? Are you going to properly introduce yourself?” Kakashi-sensei pesters.

Naruto glares at the floor putting into a practice a bout of typical stubborn behavior he’s possessed since he was a small child. Ebisu holds out a hand with an upturned nose, “There’s really no need. Naruto and I are familiar with each other.” He informs, peering down at Naruto with unconcealed distaste.

Brief surprise flickers over Kakashi-sensei’s face. “Oh. I hadn’t realized you two were acquainted.” He takes a humble step back, uses the momentum to push Naruto forward. Naruto shoots Kakashi-sensei a disgruntled sneer.

Naruto expresses his agitation in actions more so than words, unable to accurately express in words his distinct determination to refuse Ebisu as his replacement teacher. It’s bad enough Kakashi-sensei is leaving them in the middle of the Chunin Exams. Giving Naruto a teacher like _Ebisu_ is just kicking him while he’s down. Ebisu, the closet pervert, got knocked down by something as foolhardy as Naruto’s Harem Jutsu. Naruto won’t take orders from _anybody_ who falls for tricks like that.

Well, except Iruka-sensei, but Iruka-sensei is special, and the real reason Naruto really doesn’t like Ebisu is because Ebisu tends to treat him like he’s stupid. And Naruto’s not stupid, he’s sometimes slow going and he doesn’t always grasp and understand things on the first try, but he’s far from being an idiot. Ebisu once had the gall to call him a bad influence on Konohamaru. But, Naruto doesn’t want to think about that right now, otherwise he might snap and throw a tantrum. His anger has been getting harder and harder to control ever since Orochimaru induced that nightmare of the Nine-Tails attack.

In summary and summation, Ebisu is an all-around asshole and Naruto doesn’t have the patience to deal with this bullshit right now. He has more important things to expend his energy on, like being there for Sakura through her parent’s disappearance and doing actual training for the tournament instead of just “expanding on the basics.” Kakashi-sensei said his form was sloppy and he needed to perfect the basics before moving on to intermediate level, but to that Naruto says he can expand on the basics and learn cool new jutsu at the same time, preferably without an asshole like Ebisu bossing him around.

Kakashi-sensei pushes him forward awkwardly once last time and Naruto finally takes the hint and goes to stand next to Ebisu, arms crossed and glare firm. _This is so not happening._ He refuses to allow this. Naruto knows about a hundred people who would be better teachers than Ebisu. He’s willing to bet that flunkey-Kabuto Yakushi would be a better teacher than Ebisu. Poor, poor Konohamaru for having such a devastatingly stupid caretaker; it might sound like Naruto’s being harsh, but Ebisu really is an idiot, unlike Naruto. _Demon brat_ , Ebisu had spat at him when he caught Naruto giving Konohamaru some tips for shuriken practice. _Get out of my sight before I call the authorities._

Naruto hates people like Ebisu. And he hates that snide smirk on his face too. Sasuke’s very accepting of all people and Naruto tries his _best_ to be as forgiving as his _best friend_ , but in the end some people don’t deserve Naruto’s forgiveness. Ebisu can be a great person to others, but he hasn’t done shit for Naruto, so why does Naruto have to treat him with respect?—he supposes that’s where he and Sasuke differ. Naruto is a firm believer in the fact that some people deserve a good nose-punching. Sasuke’s against all forms of violence.

Kakashi-sensei and Ebisu shake hands, Kakashi giving him an inquiring look that Naruto resolutely ignores. He keeps his face stony as Ebisu claps him on the shoulder and Kakashi-sensei bids them goodbye, racing off to take on more ninja missions. Naruto doesn’t know how many missions Kakashi-sensei completes in any given day, but it seems like his sensei must be breaking some sort of record. His mission intake is inhuman. He wonders if Kakashi-sensei will be home tonight even though he wasn’t all day and night yesterday, and if so, will he need to go to the hospital?

Naruto has the sudden strange thought of bringing home Icheraku takeout for everyone back at the apartment. He’s never really had anyone to bring food to, and once the idea is planted in his mind, Naruto can’t seem to shake it off. He doubts Sasuke will eat any of it, but Sakura can inhale ramen almost as efficiently as Naruto can and she always appreciates a good meal. He doesn’t know if Kakashi-sensei will be home, but he’ll keep an extra bowl in the fridge to be heated for whenever he shows his face again. Kakashi-sensei’s schedule really is haywire, but the man seems to have it memorized. He’d explained the whole schedule in great detail to Sasuke, but Naruto hadn’t been there and when he asked Sasuke his friend was too busy reading his book to reiterate the complicated mission plan.

He trusts Sasuke and Kakashi-sensei’s opinion, and if they think the schedule is efficient and genius, then Naruto does too, even if it means Naruto won’t get to see Kakashi-sensei nearly as often as he wants to.

“Alright, I think we should begin with what you do know and expand on that. Do you have all the Academy Kata memorized?” Ebisu questions, forcing Naruto to pay attention to him.

Naruto rolls his eyes, arms still crossed and voice slightly rude. “Of course.” He responds, not offering any more information. He begins hatching up an escape plot, only for his deviant planning to be once again interrupted by Ebisu’s snobby speech and mannerisms.

“Please focus, Naruto. I’m only helping you because Kakashi asked this favor of me, do you understand?” Ebisu asks.

Naruto’s mouth has a mind of its own, and before he knows what he’s saying he snaps, “Understand what, English?”

Ebisu scowls darkly. “I will not tolerate such disrespect, Naruto.”

Naruto manages to reel in his explosive anger enough to resist retorting. Instead he digs the blunt of his fingernails into crossed arm’s biceps and mumbles, “Whatever, let’s just get this over with.”

Ebisu’s stance relaxes a fraction of an inch and he inclines his head condescendingly. “As I was saying, from what Kakashi has told me, I think you’re well passed _Academy_ basics and we should move on to more advanced fundamentals like chakra control, Genjutsu resistance, and so forth.” Ebisu declares.

Naruto had no intention of obeying this guy, but it turns out that despite the pole up his ass, Ebisu still manages to be a good teacher. They end up taking up fort in training Ground Six, in a some clearing with a pond resting peacefully and a bunch of training posts and targets hanging in the trees surrounding them. It’s a nice set up, and Naruto takes a moment to admire being back outside and training. The trees are the closest thing Naruto has of homely childhood memories, days on end spent camping out in training grounds and practicing his survival skills.

It was better than the alternative, which for a long time had been a very troubled orphanage, and later was an apartment that was frequently egged and vandalized by outraged and prejudiced villagers. The woods, trees, the outdoors in general, it gives Naruto a sense of security, and back then was the closest thing to a home he had. He rarely visited Training Ground Six when he was small, mostly because it was one of the more popular training areas and Naruto’s presence typically attracted negative attention. However he vividly remembers one occasion where he ran through Training Ground Six and stumbled across a little clove that someone had put a sleeping bag in. The small leafy cavern was decorated with an assortment of flowers and paper ornaments. Back then he’d dreamed up that someone had made the flowery hideout for him, and he’d bundled up in the sleeping bag in exhaustion. He woke up to pink hair and startled green eyes. Then he’d promptly lashed out and scrambled away at breakneck speed, little Sakura narrowly ducking the wooden kunai he clumsily chucked at her. He’d carved the knife himself, actually.

That was the day he met Sakura, in her fort that other than her only he and Ino knew about. She’d been nothing but nice to him, a little hesitant, a lot quiet, but she was indisputably Sakura and that’s all he needed to know. It’d always been Sakura, for him, and everything she was and is has always been better than good enough for Naruto.

Back then, after finding a strange boy sleeping in her hideout, Sakura remained as cool faced as ever. Sakura had pursed her lips and asked with a screwed up nose, “Are you homeless?” then she’d reached into a compartment Naruto hadn’t noticed and given him three granola bars but called them ration bars. “I read in a book once that homeless people are malnourished. When ninja need quick nutrients they eat ration bars, so this should help you!” she’d expressed. It was the first thing Naruto ate in a few days, and after observing the offered food he’d quickly snatched them away and gobbled them down with such vigor he’d somehow managed to impress Sakura. He remembers fearing that she’d take them away from him, but that fear would soon dissipate with time.

Naruto remembers looking up hopefully and Sakura passing him another ‘ration bar’ as he thanked her hesitantly yet profusely all the same. Little-Sakura simply waved him off with an absentminded shrug. “You can pay me back by making me these. My parents won’t buy any for me, they said it’s a waste of money.” She’d picked up his kunai knife and carefully admired his carving skills, tilting her head with a screwed up nose and oddly blank expression.

Naruto wonders if the little hideout is still out here in Training Ground Six. He wonders if Sakura kept the wooden Kunai he made her and they burned down in the house fire.

He grits his teeth and tries his best to get out of his head, but its slow going. He feels trapped in his own mind, stuck in a state of lethargy that leaves him so absentminded he keeps forgetting how to breathe.

Ebisu stops talking, looking at him irritably, but Naruto hadn’t listened to a word of his prattling speech. Quickly replaying Ebisu’s words in the back of his mind Naruto deduces what has been asked of him. Water-walking, right, like tree walking but harder....should be a breeze. “Chakra at the soles of your feet, understood.” He responds, blinking slowly and trying to will away his catatonic mindset. Inevitably falling into the cold pond water should help shock him back into reality. He doesn’t know why today of all days he can’t seem to connect his brain to his body.

Naruto’s takes Ebisu’s expectant staring as an initiative to pull his light blue shirt over his head, the one Sasuke picked up for him, and chuck off his sandals. After a moment of indecision he decides to keep on his shorts over his boxers, uncomfortable in Ebisu-the-closet-pervert’s presence. Sasuke’s influence has definitely made him more paranoid.

Naruto dips his toe onto the surface of the water, wishing that Sakura and Sasuke were here to practice with him. Sakura would shine in this scenario, and even though Sasuke is anxious by nature he’s unusually comfortable around water, being quite literally _in his element_. But they’re not here so Naruto is left on his own to train, and he presses his foot flat on the top of the rippling water. He grounds himself on the balls of his other foot, slowly shifting his balance onto the water instead of the ground. He briefly contemplates asking Ebisu if he should apply chakra before or after placing his foot on the water, before easily coming to the conclusion that he’d rather fail than talk to Ebisu. Naruto doesn’t have the mental tolerance to speak to his replacement teacher right now.

The chakra in his foot feels a bit foreign and unusually shaky, but overall Naruto can feel the solidity of his stance. He pulses chakra into his other foot the same way and places it on the water as well, wobbling as he stands on shaking knees. He holds his arms out to his sides and dares to take a step, and, encouraged by success, takes another. The experience is difficult and shaky but Naruto is confident that with enough practice he can get the hang of the technique. He walks two more steps before losing balance and making sure to fall on his butt instead of his knees. The chilly water splashes him, the rocks dig into his shorts, but overall the shock refreshes his mind, and the new task serves as a great distraction from his tornado of dark thoughts. He puts his entire self into the new goal. Ebisu occasionally barks out instructions but other than that the air between them is frosty and precarious, Naruto nodding and mumbling in response rather than actually engaging with his phony teacher.

Naruto learns how to walk around for three minutes without falling, albeit a bit shakily. He would have kept going until he could fully grasp the technique, but Ebisu calls it off and asks Naruto to demonstrate his skills.

Ebisu has him show off his kunai and shuriken accuracy, jutsu prowess, and taijutu forms with painful conscientiousness. Ebisu offers not a word of praise or criticism, only intense observation, and it relieves Naruto of the stressful idea of having to talk to him while his brain feels so scattered. Naruto is then ordered to run two miles at his fastest pace without chakra, which is an impressive 13 minutes and 30 seconds. He then obeys as Ebisu lists off an itinerary of calisthenics including pull ups, flips and backflips, pushups, and an array of core moves.

By the time Naruto is done demonstrating his skill level, he’s mentally and physically worn out. Ebisu seems most impressed with his endurance, making a _full on list_ of styles that would suit Naruto. At this point he’s too tired to glare so he just nods a bit breathlessly, hands on his knees. It’s been about three and a half hours, but Ebisu is still unfinished. He brings Naruto back to the pond where Naruto takes back off his clothes and struggles to walk on water once more. The first few attempts are horrid, but eventually Naruto manages to work back up to three minutes or so. It’s not until Naruto makes four minutes and thirty seconds that Ebisu calls it day.

“Good job, Naruto. Your skills are most impressive. You’ll make a fine shinobi one day.” Ebisu praises, clapping him on the shoulder. Naruto startles, having not expected Ebisu to remove himself from his strict stance.

“Er...thanks?” Naruto replies a bit awkwardly, shrugging off Ebisu’s hand and rubbing his neck sheepishly.

“How about I treat you? You would do well for a replenishing meal after all that hard work!” Ebisu hums, nodding to himself. Naruto pauses, biting his lip. He’d wanted to pick up Icheraku’s for _dinner_ anyway, not lunch, and there is a hopeful, earnest look in Ebisu’s eye that’s difficult to say no to.

So Naruto doesn’t try to say no. Instead, he agrees. “Sure, yeah.” Naruto hesitantly accepts the offered olive branch, proceeding with utmost caution.

Ebisu doesn’t talk much, Naruto gets the feeling that the few things he does say always means something. Naruto takes up the job of talking. He hates the idea of simmering alone in his thoughts, and if he talks exuberantly enough Ebisu might not take notice of the glares and muttering that follows him as he walks down the road of the village. It sure helps distract Naruto from the ruthless hate the villagers direct at him, whether with words or cold shoulders matters not.

Naruto rambles about Kakashi-sensei and eating dinner with his team tonight, which he doesn’t have to fake enthusiasm for. He’s really warming up to the idea of a makeshift-family dinner. Ebisu asks who his teammates are, which causes Naruto to burst into more excited rambling that inevitably leads to the topic of Sakura and wondering who _her_ substitute teacher will be. It’s in the middle of explaining how Sakura and he got into a ramen eating contest that lead to both of them emptying their stomachs in the middle of the Icheraku Ramen shop and how that was the first time Sakura ever threw up, when Ebisu halts in front of the bathhouse with a bewildered expression.

Ebisu looks up and Naruto follows his gaze, staring with equal shock at an obvious old man leaning over the women’s side of the bathhouse and giggling. Sakura and Naruto at least have tact—whenever they snuck out to peep on the opposite sex’s side they used the nearby tree as cover and a nifty pair of binoculars passed back and forth between them. This man doesn’t seem to care about getting caught, perched on the bamboo fence and riskily leaning over as he is.

“I...” Naruto begins, watching in horror as he notices the notebook that the old man is furiously writing in.

Before Ebisu can lunge forward there’s a shout from inside the bathhouse. “You pervert! I’LL HAVE YOU ARRESTED! There are underage girls in here!!” 

Naruto and Ebisu exchange disturbed looks, watching as the man startles and hurriedly climbs down the ladder before rushing off.

Naruto is running towards the fence before Ebisu can say anything. He has a brief flash to Sasuke’s pained face as rain splatters across his skin back at the Land of Waves, and his determination is rectified. He scales the fence and covers his eyes with his hand, despite having seen the inside of the women’s bath plenty of times. Women shriek but Naruto barrels on, until the bath before him is quiet and Naruto can be properly heard. “I’m really sorry!” Naruto calls down, “That guy’s a total perv none of you guys should have to worry about being peeped on!” There a few scattered responses, but Naruto’s blood boils when he hears a familiar voice.

“Who is that guy, Naruto?”

Naruto freezes where he’s balanced on the fence, still voluntarily blinding himself, “...Sakura?” his voice quivers with repressed rage.

“Yeah?” his girlfriend shouts back, raising her voice in pointed question.

Naruto’s blood boils. “I’ll kill him.” he swears, scaling back down the fence and rushing in the direction of the pervert. He makes it a few steps before a hand on the back of his jacket halts him, jerking Naruto backwards.

“Now just where do you think you’re going, child? You still need to replenish yourself.” Ebisu tells him calmly, but the words hardly register as Naruto struggles against his surprisingly inescapable grip. Anger threatens to consume him, a gale of rage sweeping his mind clean of all rational thought.

“That guy was peeping on my girlfriend!” he shouts back, twisting and turning in an effort to yank himself free. His previous exhaustion is forgotten in the name of rage.

“I see. And how do you suppose chasing after him will help? If you must exact revenge, you can do so later, when you’re thinking clearly.” Ebiu chastises.

Naruto slumps in his hold, relenting to the cold logic. He’s surprised when Ebisu doesn’t immediately loosen his grip. Instead he keeps a firm hand on his shoulder as they walk away from the scene. He supposes his previously sneaky actions have taught Ebisu to handle him with extra suspicion. “How do you have so much energy right now? You should be exhausted. Perhaps I need to train you harder.” Ebisu doesn’t sound accusatory, merely thoughtful. Naruto perks up at the aspect of more training, but before Naruto can try to convince him teach him cool new jutsu, Ebisu stops in front of an unfamiliar restaurant...well not unfamiliar, Naruto’s seen it before, but he’s not gone in. It’s expensive and posh, exactly the kind of place that would actively try to keep Naruto away. 

As memories of being chases away by upset villagers file passed his conscious one by one, Naruto is reminded of Sakura’s curious questions the night before. She’s asked him having demonic chakra means and the steps he can take to control it. Naruto’s never really seen the demon chakra as an ‘it’. It’s always just been something that’s _there_ that causes him trouble. Imagining the Fox as a sentient being makes Naruto wonder what the hell the demon has been doing all these years. Does the Fox just exist within him? Is the Fox sleeping? Can the Fox hear Naruto’s thoughts? Naruto doesn’t know anything about something he’s struggled with his entire life. It’s off-putting.

“What are you thinking? You’re quiet.” Ebisu sounds suspicious.

“I’m plotting revenge against that creep, obviously.” Naruto responds as he’s lead inside the restaurant.

Being with Ebisu isn’t as bad as Naruto expected it would be. Ebisu is strict but he doesn’t mind Naruto’s incessant rambling and he doesn’t comment on the rude manner in which the waitress takes their orders. Ebisu orders for him, which is strange because Naruto’s never had someone do that before. When the food arrives Naruto takes a deep breath, blue eyes bulging. He looks at the expansive meal and blurts, “I can’t eat all of this!” Ebisu makes a curious sound before shrugging and telling him that he’ll bring any leftovers to Konohamaru.

The food tastes _good_ , but Naruto still has to be reminded many times not to talk with his mouthful and to busy his mouth with eating instead of prattling on. He doesn’t eat much, despite Ebisu’s sharp gaze following him. He distracts Ebisu from his lack of appetite by peeling off the hot peppers from his Inzuka-style dish and eating them whole, challenging his substitute teacher to do the same. He’s on the road to liking Ebisu, but he’s far from respecting the pervy coot, especially after he takes up Naruto’s dare to try the spicy peppers and only makes it in two bites before gulping down an entire glass of ice water.

Naruto eats the spicy peppers and washes it down with the hot sauce set out on the table, just to show off. Ebisu glares at him and calls him a brat, but it’s oddly fond. Naruto eats as much as he can, Ebisu encouraging him to continue, but soon his stomach feels like it’s literally exploding and it’s actually kind of heavy to breathe. Naruto doesn’t know how he’s going to eat Icheraku’s after this, but for ramen, he’ll try.

He usually doesn’t eat much, mostly because he forgets to. He doesn’t often feel hunger, and Naruto’s beginning to theorize it’s an effect of the Fox within him. If he has crazy healing and endurance, then maybe he needs less food and nutrients than the average person as well. He’ll ask Sasuke about it, he decides. Ebisu picks up the bill as promised and they leave each other on good terms, not perfect, but amiable enough that Naruto knows they won’t have any trouble finding a routine and tolerating one another’s presence in the near future.

Naruto leaves the restaurant alone, mind drifting to Sakura, and then inevitably drifting to the creep on the fence. He doesn’t know why, but something about the guy makes his stomach burn and his shoulders tense. He wants to see him again but at the same time his chest aches with an indescribable fury.

Naruto shakes himself off, heading back to Kakashi-sensei’s apartment. He walks inside the double doors and because he’s impatient jogs up the stairs instead of walking. He can’t wait to hear about Sasuke’s day with his trainer. He’s also very eager to catch up with Sakura on all that she’s done. Kakashi-sensei said she won’t meet her trainer until tomorrow, and Naruto doesn’t know if it’s because her trainer isn’t available or because Kakashi-sensei wanted to give her a day to herself after...yeah.

He knocks on the apartment door, belatedly realizing he doesn’t own a key, and is met with Sasuke’s newfound lopsided smile. Naruto likes how much Sasuke smiles now. Smiling suits him.

“Hey Naruto!” Sasuke beams. “How was training?” Naruto walks into the apartment, Sasuke following him as he sprawls out on the couch Sakura used as a bed the night before. Sasuke sits on the armchair to his right.

Even though Naruto’s done so much talking today, he’s eager to launch into a story about Ebisu. He wonders if the better choice is telling Sasuke Ebisu is a closet pervert or telling Sasuke that Ebisu called him a demon. After a pause in the story that Naruto covers up by pretending to need a very long and desperate drink of water, he decides on telling Sasuke neither. Instead breezes over the fact that Ebisu disapproved of him helping Konohamaru train and leaves out any harsh details. That alone puts a dark expression on Sasuke’s face, but it softens up as Naruto goes on and tells Sasuke that Ebisu is _actually not so bad_ , if excessively strict. He also leaves out the part about Sakura getting peeped on, knowing Sasuke won’t handle the news very well. He eagerly awaits the moment Sakura arrives to Kakashi-sensei’s apartment to hatch a revenge plot with her.

He might be letting his weird gut feeling guide a bit of his anger, but chances are that pervert saw his girlfriend in the nude, which is reason enough for Naruto to allow himself to be swept away by his anger. Come to think of it... “Where is Sakura?” Naruto wonders, looking around himself.

Sasuke’s lips purse. “She’s out with Ino. She dropped by briefly but she looked pretty upset so I suggested she go talk to her.”

Naruto hunches his shoulders. “I wish there was something _I_ could do.” He confesses, twiddling his thumbs despondently.

Sasuke just hums, nodding sympathetically. They lapse into an uncomfortable silence, until Naruto lets out a tired yawn and begins weighing his energy level. He looks Sasuke up and down and sees that he appears to be equally as exhausted. He’s not horribly exhausted though, and Naruto decides that his friend appears to have enough energy to help Naruto with his newly decided on ~~distraction~~ _task_.

Before Naruto has the chance to ask about Sasuke’s teacher and use that to initiate the topic of training, Sasuke runs a hand through his hair and says, “Kakashi-sensei won’t be back tonight, but he’ll be here tomorrow morning at three am. I’m gonna’ try to stay up so I can heal any of his injuries.”

Naruto nods, humming, “Oh, that’s a good idea, Sasuke.” He encourages, before quickly adding slyly, “So I guess it’s just us, huh?”

Sasuke snorts. “Yeah, I guess so.”

Naruto bounces his foot on the floor, avoiding his makeshift bed and tapping the actual wood. He needs something to get his mind off things, and a brilliant idea is forming. “So...” Naruto raises his eyebrows pointedly, leaning forward with a grin.

“What?” Sasuke asks suspiciously, leaning away from him. 

Naruto’s grin widens. “Me and you...”

“It’s you and I.” he snaps, groaning. Naruto caught him with his guard down, and Sasuke doesn’t have many protests left in him.

“Uh huh...ME and YOU...”

“Why are you like this?”

“Ready for action-”

“Do we _have_ to?”

“-bestest friends like never seen before...”

“No.”

“You’re in, right?”

Sasuke rubs his head. “...fine.”

Naruto can see Sasuke smirking, even though he’s trying to hide it. The two of them haven’t had any time to train their Wind Style: Spiraling Storm since the Land of Waves. They’d only just managed to properly preform the combined technique, and Naruto has been dying to perfect it ever since he and Sasuke figured out how it worked. Well, Sasuke did most of the figuring, but Naruto did most of the jutsu-ing. Naruto pauses to gauge Sasuke’s wellbeing for a moment, seeing the sweat coating his hair and tired look not in his eyes but in his body language. His eyes actually look rather bright, hopeful, almost. Naruto smiles to himself, applauding Kakashi-sensei for whoever he got for Sasuke’s teacher.

He and Sasuke stand up and head to the door, already dressed in their training clothes. Sasuke grabs his sandals and splashes on some hand sanitizer before nodding at him silently. The two of the head out the door, side by side and arm in arm; Naruto with a skip in his step but Sasuke with a smile says it all.

The trek back through the town is irritating, but Sasuke switches from walking down the street to running along the rooftops, which saves Naruto the pain of dealing with angry villagers. Naruto suggests they go to Training Ground Seven but Sasuke shoots down the idea for fear of knocking down trees and getting scolded. They end up going to Training Ground Twelve, which is mostly just a wide expanse of dirt that ninja spar on. It used to be a forest, don’t get Naruto wrong, but so many ninja were sparring and destroying the property they just stopped rebuilding the grounds.

Naruto runs into the center of the clearing, kicking up dust as he sprints. Sasuke runs a few feet away and parallel from him. Once some of the dust disperses Sasuke cups his hands around his mouth and shouts, “Ready?”

“You bet!” Naruto calls back.

Sasuke focuses his water release, thickening the air with humidity and chakra that Naruto finds oddly soothing. Not wanting to waste time, Naruto moves his hands through the seals with single-minded determination. The muggy-air before them picks up furiously, creating a large circle of air that grows taller and taller as Naruto focuses his chakra out into the world around him. Soon a wildly spinning tornado forms in the space between them. Naruto narrows his eyes with a huff of exertion passing between his lips before aiming the tornado sideways, struggling with keeping the swirling air balanced. The tornado’s movement is slow, but the air conjured inside of it remains whipping and fierce. Naruto exhales, trying to relax his shoulders.

He’s not expecting the tornado to suddenly whip in the opposite direction and collapse in on itself, causing an uproar of dirt and dust to consume the clearing, following by a loud and deafening _woosh_ that leaves Naruto’s ears ringing. The kickback has Naruto sprawled onto the floor, coccyx bone aching. The leftover chakra-filled air tumbles and rolls across the dirt before disappearing completely, leaving an upheaval of dust to settle in the air. Naruto lets out a low groan.

He hears Sasuke erupt into a coughing fit. Naruto waves his hand around the dust in the air in an effort to be able to see more clearly, barely making out a blur of color he recognizes as Sasuke. “What happened?” Sasuke calls, choking on a mouthful of dirt.

A shooting pain in his stomach prevents Naruto from responding. With a cry, Naruto’s wraps his arms around his stomach and hunches forward, eyes instinctively clenching shut. He tries to get himself under control, sucking in a breath of air between his teeth, but soon the pain becomes unbearable, spreading from his stomach throughout his whole chakra system, burning his insides and knocking the breath out of him. Naruto scrabbles for some sort of relief, nails digging into his sides and trying to his best to paralyze himself for fear of causing the pain to worsen. He doesn’t remember when a blurry image of Sasuke appeared next to him, and he doesn’t feel anything but cold when Sasuke puts a glowing green hand onto his forehead. Sasuke gasps sharply and tugs his hand away, looking down at his slender flingers in pained shock. Naruto tries to apologize, but ends up wheezing on the dusty air, re-closing his eyes. “Ah...” he gasps, feeling as if his skin has become tender and sore and his bones turned paper-thin. 

“Naruto? Naruto c’mon you’re really scaring me what’s wrong?” Sasuke’s voice is loud and annoying. Naruto grits his teeth and doesn’t respond, willing the pain away. Sasuke continues asking, voice growing more and more panicked until Naruto forces himself to peel back his crusty-eyelids to see Sasuke mere inches from his face.

Naruto inhales shakily and exhales harshly, the sound wet and aching. “Don’t know...” he explains, “M’ seal...” his hand weakly grapples with his stomach, and Sasuke’s eyes darken.

“I don’t know anything about seals.” Sasuke whispers, terrified. Naruto thinks blearily that Sasuke can’t possibly expect to know everything. The pain in his chakra system throbs before slowly ebbing away, replaced by something less painful but equally burning; anger. Naruto doesn’t want Sasuke to be here if something happens, but he can’t work up the strength to make a sound, let alone speak. It feels like his brain is slipping away, like he’s disconnecting from reality.

Sasuke’s voice sounds more frightened than angry, but Naruto’s too delirious to read him properly. “What were you thinking you idiot! Why are using your seal if something’s wrong with it!?”

Naruto loosens his harsh grip on his sides and feels his last shred of awareness slip away. The pain has vanished, replaced by a pounding demand for violence that Naruto won’t be able to resist much longer. “Ya gotta’ go...” Naruto mumbles. He can feels his eyes shrink and bleed red despite them being closed and his fingernails sharpen into fine points. “’ _Go_.”

“I’m not leaving you again.” Sasuke grabs Naruto’s hand, and Naruto’s eyes snap open at the unexpected touch. He watches with distant horror as his oozing red-chakra hand consumes Sasuke’s pale fingers. Sasuke hisses but stubbornly, stupidly, clutches his hands tighter. But something about the hold grounds Naruto, and he finds that the next breath he takes is easier. He’s starting to be able to feel the dust around him once more, the sweat coating his neck. The awareness is taken away from him the moment Naruto hears a resounding echo, a sound similar to dripping water. He can’t shake off the delusion as if only reverberates in his brain, repeating over and over. Drip, drip, drip...he chokes on his next breath, the echo light and yet all-consuming. Sasuke makes a pained sound, gripping his hands tighter.

The voice that Naruto hears is not Sasuke’s pleading cries. “ _Naruto.”_

It’s a guttural thing, deep and growling, not quite angry but demanding and forceful. He freezes, because he recognizes the sound, he’s heard the sound in his dreams—nightmares.

Drip, drip, drip...the echo sounds louder and louder, ringing like a sweetest of jingle bells but foreboding as a blade poised against the jugular.

He thinks he might feel something grip his shoulders tightly, someone hysterically calling out to him, but it’s all very distant. Drip, drip, drip...his vision blackens at the edges, the world slipping away.

 _Drip_.

Naruto snaps his eyes open, but what surrounds him isn’t a cloud of dust or Sasuke’s pleading face. He can still hear the irritating dripping sound echoing down the halls... _halls?_ Naruto thinks in bewilderment, belatedly realizing that he’s slumped on the ground in a deep puddle of water. He gingerly stands, looking around himself as water soaks through his training pants. And he’d done so well staying dry today with Ebisu, too. Naruto presses a hand to his stomach, blinking in his surroundings and beyond relieved that the pain and anger boiling in his stomach has vanished as if it never existed. Drip, drip, dip...

Naruto strains his ears, and he only realizes he’s begun approaching the rapturing sound once the sound of water splashing underneath his feet registers. It’s dark, water overflowing the ground of what appears to be a cavern of sorts, but the blackness is too prominent to tell, even if Naruto squints. He finds himself taking a few more steps forward, unconsciously following the dripping as if compelled by an invisible force. _It’s so peaceful,_ Naruto thinks to himself, _I feel like I could fall asleep forever._ With every step Naruto sinks more comfortably into the darkness, his thoughts and worries swept away and all but forgotten.

_Drip._

Naruto jerks, reaching a hand up to his cheek as the cavern around him swirls. When Naruto’s fingers brush his skin he realizes his face is completely, yet Naruto has the distinct feeling something wet has splattered against his cheek.

Drip, drip, drip...Naruto’s feet begin carrying him back towards the compelling noise, but he freezes when yet another drop of water splatters against his nose.

He looks around himself, and the world shifts, something horribly bright causing him to clutch his head and grasp onto his eyes in discomfort. The darkness is sucked in away all at once, and Naruto jerks back into himself, sitting back down on the floor and breathing in dust and the smell of shampoo.

 _Drip._ A water droplet falls onto his forehead and slides down his cheek. He snaps his eyes open at the feeling of arms violently squeezing him, eyes instantly assaulted with Sasuke’s dark locks. Naruto pulls away with a throaty sound escaping his lips, wincing at the painful grip Sasuke has locked around his waist. “Sas...uke...?” Naruto mumbles dazedly. Much to Naruto’s surprise Sasuke’s eyes well with tears, and a sob breaks free from his throat. Naruto tilts his head, unable to comprehend the situation. “Sasuke?” he croaks once again, searching for answers as his senses are overwhelmed and a bout of misplaced anxiety clutches his chest.

Sasuke’s mop of blur hair whips around as he nods frantically, rubbing at his eyes with his sleeve. “You’re okay?” he asks, his face his red and watery.

Naruto squints at him in confusion, looking around at the clearing. Pieces of his world start to settle and fall back into place, along with the sickening smell of scorching flesh.

He wipes his face where Sasuke’s tears left tracks, looking around for the source of the disgusting smell. He meets Sasuke’s eyes and takes a deep breath of horrid scent.

Out of the corner of his eye, he’s sees the second person in the clearing. It’s a man with long white hair, barely noticeable wrinkles, a red coat, and a stern frown. “That was very irresponsible of you. Look! You worried your boyfriend sick.”

Naruto, barreling past the disturbing thought of him and Sasuke romantically together, looks up and mumbles, “Perv?” Naruto squints in confusion. The man is familiar, the horrible gut feeling he’d had earlier that day returning full-force. He’s seen him, seen this pervert peeping on Sakura. He has no idea what the guy is doing here right now. _What time is it, anyway?_

Sasuke gasps. “Naruto!” he hisses. “This is Lord Jiraiya! He just saved you from...w-w-w-well I don’t even _know_.” Sasuke voice sounds quiet, fragile, shaken to the core. Guilt crashes down at Naruto with enough force to knock the breath out of him.

Sasuke had been so happy before, and if Naruto had just gotten up the courage to say something about his seal earlier than whatever happened wouldn’t have happened! And what was that place? Why are have his thoughts been slipping away? Where is that smell coming from? _What happened with this seal?_

It doesn’t matter what happened, what matters is why it happened. It happened because of Naruto. Naruto did this. Naruto ruined Sasuke’s good day when he was supposed to be helping to cheer him up. _Sasuske doesn’t need this! Nobody needs this! What was I thinking?_

He wants to apologize, and his body quivers with the need. Sasuke’s been nothing but helpful to Sakura and he needed a reprieve, not a burden. _Dammit._ And what is that _disgusting_ smell?

“Hey, breathe kid.” Naruto startles as a hand comes down to ruffle his hair. If possible, his breath stutters further. He quickly and forcefully reminds himself that he’s safe (am I?) and he manages not to flinch away from the stranger’s hand.

Naruto swallows, scrabbling for stray thoughts and struggling to process the overload of information assaulting his senses and brain. He glances at Sasuke and clears his aching throat. ( _It feels like I’ve been screaming for hours, but I don’t even know what time it is._ ) “Wait, did you say Lord Jiraiya? Like the Hermit of Mount Moyubaku? The Toad Sage? _The Legendary Sanin?”_ Naruto forgets all about the burning smell in the midst of his shock. Sasuke had said ‘Lord Jiraiya’ as in the sensei of The Great Fourth Hokage.

“Ah, so you know me.” The man smirks.

Naruto snarls at the expression, gut twisting. “You bastard! You’re a closet pervert too!” he reels back, pointing an accusatory finger at the stranger.

“..too?” Sasuke whispers in confusion, just as The Perverted Sage glares and hisses at him.

“Is that anyway to treat the man who just saved your life?” he reels back, towering over Naruto’s significantly smaller form. Naruto does his best not to look intimidated.

“It’s the way I treat the man who peeps on Sakura!” he shoots back, and then winces a bit and rubs his stomach. “Ow...” he mumbles. Sasuke is up in his business in an instant, rubbing his shoulder and looking at him with a concern akin to a mother.

He internally laughs at the thought. Sasuke’s going to be such overbearing dad someday. “I’m fine, Sasuke.” Naruto assures. Sasuke removes his hands, looking unconvinced. He still says weirdly close by, a rarity for Sasuke who’s aversion to touch knows almost no limits.

“You really should’ve told someone about that seal of yours, you know.” The Toad Sage cuts in. “It could’ve caused serious danger if I hadn’t been at the right place at the right time.”

Naruto looks up and glares at him. Sasuke gives him a curious look. “What’s wrong?” he asks, voice brimming with concern.

“I caught this guy peeping into the women’s bathhouse, with Sakura in it. Today.” Naruto hisses. Sasuke looks up at Jiraiya in shock. Then he turns his head to Naruto, giving him a look that says they’ll be talking about this later, when they don’t have an audience.

“...The Great Toad Sage? You’re sure?” Sasuke’s voice is void of emotion.

“Yup.” Naruto responds tightly.

That’s all Sasuke needs to stand up and lend Naruto a hand, both of them scooting a safe distance away. Naruto feels embarrassed that he has to lean so heavily against Sasuke, arm wrapped around his shoulder and body weight collapsed against his smaller friend. Sasuke is obviously straining to keep him upright, but Naruto feels as if all of his energy has been sapped from his body. He just wishes he could disappear for a little while and forget any of this ever happened.

Sasuke doesn’t share his opinion, looking up at Jiraiya with a guarded sort of curiosity that speaks of great hesitance. “What was wrong with it? The seal, I mean.” Sasuke wonders, sparing a brief glance at Naruto’s face. Naruto grimaces when he tries to smile at him, taking a deep exhausted breath only to catch another whiff of that burning smell. _Seriously what is that?_ Naruto tries to look around using only his eyes but even that seems to expend too much of his energy, and he finds that his vision darkens for a moment before returning with a wave of dizziness. Naruto bites his tongue and grounds his feet to stop himself from swaying.

“He chakra exhausted himself, and then I’m assuming _unconsciously_ tapped into the Nine-Tails chakra.” The sage intones, “There was a seal placed onto him that wasn’t supposed to be present, and it looks to me to have been the work of an old friend...”

“Orochimaru?” Naruto guesses, barely keeping the tremor out of his voice as he remembers the palm slamming into his stomach and the nightmare that knocked him off his feet.

“Yes, I suppose you must have run into him. I heard he infiltrated the village, but I haven’t gotten around to hearing the full report.” The Toad Sage looks suddenly skeptical, “But neither of you are really supposed to know about the Fox, are you?”

Sasuke and Naruto both stiffen. The man glares at them sternly, a dark aura about him. Just as Naruto’s about to open his mouth to nervously explain how both of them finding out had technically been the work of rogue ninjas, the man bursts into hearty laughter. Sasuke jumps in surprise, and in a fit of panic Naruto lings tightly to Sasuke’s arms, aware that it’s the only thing keeping him upright. The Toad Sage waves them off, “It’s alright! Really! I always thought the law was a bit recessive in its functionality anyway. And redundant, you’re the Jinhcuriki of the Leaf! You had to find out eventually!”

Sasuke relaxes, and so Naruto follows suit, trusting Sasuke’s judgment of character. He still feels oddly pulled in by the Toad Sage, and he wonders why. It’s almost like his mind (his seal?) is trying to tell him something...if only Naruto could speak the language of ominous gut feelings.

“What was Orochimaru trying to do?” Naruto asks, taking a deep breath to fight off another swarm of dizziness.

The man sobers up. “My best guess is a repeat of October Tenth.” He says darkly. Sasuke tightens his grip around Naruto. October Tenth is the day of the Nine-Tails attack. He feels his mind short circuit at almost being responsible for something as devastating as a repeat of the worst natural disaster (terrorist attack?) in history. “You’re lucky this brave Uchiha was here with you, otherwise you could’ve caused some serious mass destruction. He bought me enough time to find you when I sensed the Nine-Tail’s chakra.”

Naruto looks down. “...oh. I’m Naruto, by the way,” He tilts his head up at his friend. “And this is Sasuke.” Sasuke raises his free hand in greeting. 

“You can call me Jiraiya!” the man says exuberantly. “I’ve got to say, that’s quite the Sharingan you have, Sasuke.” He praises. Sasuke flushes, digging the toe of his shoe into the ground. He’s not used to be showered with this much praise, and at the expression of open wonder on Sasuke’s face Naruto feels a bit of the tightness in his chest lodge free.

“Thanks. I think I’m really getting the hang of it.” Sasuke beams back, before his lips purse. “You fixed the seal, right? This...it won’t happen again?” Sasuke glances at Naruto with a face full of concern, eyebrows knitted together and eyes watery. Jiraiya walks over and ruffles both of their hair at once, an action neither of them appreciates but power through all the same for fear of coming off ungrateful.

“I promise Naruto’s perfectly safe, kiddo.” He assures. Sasuke lets out a low relieved breath, but Naruto isn’t quite as mollified.

Then he turns to Naruto with a horrified expression. “You scared me.” He says scathingly. “Why didn’t you say something about Orochimaru? What did he do?”

“I didn’t think it was a big deal!” Naruto defends himself. “And I didn’t want to make a mountain out of molehill when—“ Naruto glances at Jiraiya and swallows, “—so much other stuff was going on.”

“Better paranoid than dead! Always better paranoid than dead, Naruto!” Sasuke snaps, scrubbing at his eyes. It’s the first time Naruto notices the red liquid gathering at the corner of his black irises. He remembers Sasuke’s Sharingan bleeding in the preliminary round, too. His gaze travels up and down Sasuke and he sees for the first time how disheveled he looks. His hands are covered in, in-- in _burns_ , his shirt sleeves hinged, his neck crawling with a morbid painting molten flesh. Sasuke’s skin is bright red from head to toe.

He wants to ask, _what did I do?_ But the words that that fall out of his slips are, “...how long was I out?” he wonders, voice quaking.

“About seven minutes.” Sasuke mumbles. “I...” he looks down at himself. “I was scared to let go. You looked like you were having a seizure, but...that charka...” Sasuke shudders.

Naruto gently reaches out and grasps onto Sasuke’s hand. Sasuke gasps sharply. His hands are scorched, the flesh of his palms red and angry.

Naruto feels like he’s been smacked. “I’m so sorry.” He manages to get the words passed his closing up throat, a sob caught between his lips. Sasuke pulls away, wincing.

“It was scary.” He repeats again. His face is open and vulnerable, searching Naruto’s face for reassurance.

Naruto, against the urge to beg for forgiveness, looks at Sasuke with the sincerest face he can muster. “I’m okay.” Naruto nods. “I’m _okay_.” He repeats firmly. Sasuke’s lip quivers. Naruto gauges Sasuke’s wellbeing, from his burned hands to the spot on his chest where his shirt has been singed off. Naruto doesn’t know what happened, but a flashback to the Land of Waves and Haku’s frightened expression gives Naruto an idea. He remembers the boiling rage, the way his entire body light up with the power of the Nine-Tailed fox. How Haku’s pulse felt between his thumbs as he pressed down, cutting off his air supply the same way he’d done to Sakura. Naruto tears his eyes away from Sasuke, unable to bear the look of his disheveled, pained friend. He wants to hide, to curl into a ball and seize to exist.

He wants to feel that cold numbness he sanctuary of his mind provided. It was empty, and oddly peaceful, and for once Naruto wasn’t fighting with every inch of himself to suppress his other half. He was free, and a part of Naruto wanted to go back there, to follow the dripping sound.

But that was wrong...wasn’t it? The demon was wrong.

And the demon was an _it._ It was something too, it had feeling, and Naruto would never have considered the thought has Sakura not suggested it. He and Naruto...they’ve coexisted his entire life.

But when Naruto turns his gaze back to Sasuke, to the burns coating his hands and neck, to the tears and blood mingling in streaks down his face, the brittle connection he’d begun to feel snaps cleanly. If being whole with his demon half means hurting his friends, Naruto will continue to fight tooth and nail to suppress his seal.

 _I’m so sorry_ , _Sasuke. And I know you forgive me, but I don’t know if I can forgive myself._

The sound of a pen scraping startles them out of their reverie. The two of them look over to see Jiraiya scribbling something down on a notepad, but he stops when he notices their irritated gazes. “Oh, don’t mind me. I’ve just been struck with inspiration, is all.”

Sasuke gives him a confused glare. The look makes Jiraiya tuck away his pen and motion Sasuke over. Sasuke glances at him and Naruto steps away, feeling stable enough to walk on his own. With the idea of fighting the Fox set firmly back in place the unbalance within him settles. Sasuke moves away one step, and then another when he sees that Naruto isn’t going to simultaneously combust or whatever he’s convinced himself is going on.

Sasuke walks on wobbly feet, offering his hands when Jiraiya asks, “May I assess the damage?” The Perverted Sage hums, gentle prodding at the torn apart flesh; Sasuke’s hands look like they’ve been struck into a pit of fire. His fingers are bubbling with fresh blisters. This time, Naruto forces himself not to turn away, knowing he deserves to see the pain he put his teammate through. _How could I do this?_ _I know better than to make stupid mistakes like this._

And now Sasuke’s hurt, badly, and he’d had to watch as Naruto convulsed and garbled in pain. Naruto feels an odd sense of disconnect between an hour ago and now, between a week ago in now. He wonders how their lives have gotten to this. His hands shake. He should’ve been prepared. He shouldn’t have persuaded Sasuke into training with him. He should’ve told Kakashi-sensei about Orochimaru.

Jiraiya _tsks_ , patting Sasuke’s head and either ignoring or not noticing the responding flinch. Sasuke protectively hunches his shoulders. “These aren’t the kind of burns that can be healed by medical ninjutsu. You’ll probably have to deal with these burns for the next week or so until all the Nine-Tails chakra dissipates and they can begin healing naturally.”

Naruto’s head snaps up. “ _What?_ No!” he looks to Sasuke, his focus on reality slipping dangerously, reverting back to that drearily dreamy state of mind he’d had before training with Ebisu. “He, he can’t be in _pain_.”

Sasuke lets out a quiet, “Oh,” looking down at his hands with obvious despondency.

 _This could’ve been avoided_ , Naruto thinks with a note of hysteria. _Why did I have to do this?_

“I’m sorry, kid. It’s not gonna’ be a comfortable recovery. But hey, think of it like this, you saved a lot of lives! The burns are a small sacrifice, right?” Jiraiya insists.

Sasuke frowns. “Uh huh.” He looks contemplative as he turns away from Jiraiya, “It’s okay Naruto, I’ll be fine. It’s not so bad.” He punctuates his word with a small shrug, but the intended effect is ruined entirely by the wince and small gasp of pain he lets out as he gently prods at his injured shoulder.

Jiraiya claps Sasuke on the shoulder. “That’s the spirit!” he crows. Once again Sasuke moves out of his reach, sick of being constantly touched and nudged by the overly affectionate stranger.

The disconnected feeling worsens, the overwhelming guilt eating at him being too horrible for his brain to handle. He squeezes his eyes shut, unnoticed by the pain-filled Sasuke. He feels faded...weakened. But...at least his resolve is strong. He can’t let the Fox hurt people, it’s his duty as a Jinchuriki to keep the Nine-Tails imprisoned. He won’t let himself stray from his mission again.

Naruto isn’t sure why this feeling of ‘ _too much’_ happens, but occasionally, after horrible nightmares or painful circumstances...he gets this way. And even though he’s painfully aware of the profound distance between his mind and body, it usually takes hours, or even days, to reaffirm his connection with reality. Plus, Naruto doesn’t always know the triggers. Sometimes he just wakes up feeling stuck. Surrounding himself with people usually helps, but Naruto doesn’t know how he’s going to force himself to face Sakura and Sasuke right now when the guilt in his chest has knocked him against a wall. He feels like punishing himself, like...like hiding from the world. But he shouldn’t wallow. Naruto knows that wallowing gets a person nowhere.

...he can’t looking at Sasuke without feeling physically ill.

“...do you kids need someone to take you home?” Jiraiya hesitantly offers, once again startling he and Sasuke out of their thoughts. “I think you could use the escort.”

Naruto would normally protest, but his jaw feels heavy and he thinks the feeling in his stomach is akin to nausea. He feels distracted, distant, trapped in the clutches of an unbearable regret. Sasuke shrugs, hands outstretched in front of him. After a moment of pained consideration he reaches into his kunai pouch and pulls out a pair of navy gloves. Naruto stops Sasuke from completing the task by himself, helping him gingerly fit the gloves onto his hands.

Naruto wants to apologize. Sasuke’s face is twisted in pain as Jiraiya asks where they each live. “We’re heading to the same place.” Sasuke explains, “It’s an apartment complex next to the square.” Sasuke tells him the address but the words have an odd ring to them, a buzz that drowns out Naruto’s awareness.

They walk. Naruto feels like his body is on autopilot. Sasuke tries to get him to talk but he hums and ducks his head until the message is received. He can’t speak, can hardly think past the guilt threatening to crawl out his throat. Sasuke takes up the duty of making small talk with Jiraiya, making obvious attempts to include Naruto. Naruto shoots down the chatting with simple one-worded responses and nods. He can’t talk right now, doesn’t Sasuke get it? He finds it difficult to remember Jiraiya and Sasuke’s conversation, despite walking right next to them the entire trek. The only thing that manages to snap Naruto into action is Sasuke being unable open the entrance door to the apartment due to the severe burns on his gloved hands. Naruto opens it for him, and Jiraiya reluctantly takes his leave, watching the two of them go with a sad but resigned expression.

Naruto and Sasuke walk the flight of stairs in silence, Naruto’s gaze focused on the floor as Sasuke guids him through the motions until they reach Kakashi-sensei’s door. Unlike Naruto’s apartment door that leads directly to the outside, Kakashi-sensei’s apartment door is inside the building and surrounded by other doors. Naruto wonders if Kakashi-sensei has ever interacted with his neighbors at all. Naruto avoids his like the plague.

Sasuke unlocks the door. Naruto doesn’t ask where he got the keys from, assuming Kakashi-sensei gave him the responsibility of keeping the spare key.

Naruto walks inside first, met with the sight of Sakura lounging on the couch in new clothes. Sasuke follows close behind him. She’s sitting next to Ino Yamanaka, their legs tangled together as they rest their heads on opposite arm rests. Sakura sits up a bit and raises an eyebrow at them. “Sup,” she greets, looking them up and down. “Where were you guys?” Sakura’s brow furrows as she takes notice of Naruto’s firm expression. Ignoring Sakura’s inquiry Naruto beelines for the kitchen with a guiding hand holding onto Sasuke’s forearm. The thought of cool water to soothe Sasuke’s burns has been playing repetitively in his mind since they left the training grounds. They make their way to the kitchen, Naruto turning on the facet of the sink as Sasuke follows behind him without fuss.

“I got hurt.” Sasuke supplies as Naruto pulls his arm over the sink. “It’s not that bad.”

“It’s really bad.”

They say it at the same time, and Naruto gives Sasuke a withering glare. Sasuke shrinks back but still looks reluctant to admit the severity of his injuries. Sakura and Ino get up from the couch with caution. Naruto slips off Sasuke’s gloves with care, tugging as gently as possible. Sasuke braces himself, shoulders stiffening, and just as the girls crowd around the sink Naruto runs the burn underneath the facet. Ino claps a hand to her mouth with a gasp of horror. Sakura swallows and sharply asks, “Why haven’t you healed it yet?”

Naruto grits his teeth, glancing at Ino. Sasuke takes a deep breath and leans into the cool water before gently extricating himself from everyone around him. Naruto passes him his gloves, Sasuke gratefully accepting them, and Sasuke creates an arms-length distance between himself and everyone else. Sakura and Ino look to him expectantly, but seem to understand that he wants some space.

Sakura places a hand on Naruto’s shoulder. “What happened?” she demands, furrowed brow beginning to leave creases in her forehead. Naruto finds that the answer is too painful to admit out loud, so instead he looks to Sasuke, who is being conscientiously watched by Ino.

Ino’s gaze is sharp and calculating as her lips purse. When she speaks, her words are slow and careful. “That looks like the burn my mom got from the Nine-Tails attack. She...still has the scar.” Her words are slow and careful, but there is a perceptiveness about her that Naruto reminds Naruto of when she told them the location of T&I back at the tower. Naruto swallows when Ino glances pointedly at him. _Does she know_? Ino tilts her head and glances at him. Naruto feels his breathing stop all together, and it’s a conscious effort to start inhaling again. Sakura’s eyes go wide at the implications, and she looks to Naruto for answers. Naruto looks away, shoving his shaking hands into his pockets and wishing he could disappear.

Sakura approaches Sasuke, who’s struggling to pull back on his gloves in the sudden dead silence of Kakashi-sensei’s apartment. Naruto watches in confusion as she stops him, cradling the gloves in her hands before placing the gloves on the counter. Instead of grabbing him she leans toward his hands, eyes narrowed. “I think...” she hums, “I think I can fix this.”

Naruto startles. Sasuke pulls away with a panicked look. “I’d really rather you not try, Sakura.”

Sakura give Sasuke a flat stare and after a moment of indecision he reluctantly puts his hands back in hers. Naruto’s not sure why Sakura thinks she can heal Sasuke’s wounds when he couldn’t, but if there’s any chance Sasuke doesn’t have to spend the next two weeks in pain ( _because of me_ ) then he’s up for trying anything.

Her fingers twitch where they rest on top of Sasuke hands. She takes a deep breath, chest visibly heaving, and then her eyes fall shut. Her palms, elegant and dainty despite the callouses, stretch out and splay across his open hands. Naruto holds his breath.

Another pause, and then Sakura tilts her head and huffs in slight triumphant. Naruto watches in horror as Sasuke’s skin begins to _bubble_. Ino chokes, her hand lashing out and gripping his arm in a vice, but Sakura’s concentration isn’t swayed. “Sakura.” Ino alerts.

“I know what I’m doing.” Sakura grits out.

Sasuke lets out a low, pained groan, his eyes fixated on the moving skin before him. The sound causes Ino to look around frantically, worry evident in her features. Her eyes settle on a hand towel thrown haphazardly across the stovetop. She snatches the towel and marches over to Sasuke, guiding him into biting the polyester texture. Sasuke tears his eyes away from his hands, head tilting back as his jaw latches onto the towel.

The bubbling on his hands becomes a prominent, menacing red color that consumes his fingers, palm, and wrist in glowing fiery chakra. Sasuke makes a choking sound, hands pulling away on instinct, but Ino reaches out and holds his wrist in place, murmuring words of reassurance to him. Naruto grips the sink behind him in an effort to ground himself, because his stomach is starting to feel like he’s hovering a hundred feet in the air and the only place he can look is down.

Sakura inches her hands upward, taking with her a trail of the bubbling red chakra. After what feels like hours of slow inching Sakura’s hands rise to her eyelevel, taking away all the red chakra in Sasuke’s skin and wrapping it around her hands instead. She’s still breathing steadily. Sasuke continues to bite the towel, sucking in sharp breaths through his nose, but at least Sasuke’s skin is no longer bubbling and blistering, instead retaining the appearance of an average burn. Ino looks up at Sakura with prideful eyes, letting out an encouraging, “Steady, sœur cadette.”

Naruto feels frozen as he watches Sakura step away from Sasuke, eyes trained on the chakra in her hands. The only thing that gets him to move is the memory of an oath, pledged on a wound he inflicted himself. He promised he wouldn’t stand by and watch his comrades get hurt. He can’t freeze up again, he can’t dissociate like this. He moves over to her and in one swoop transfers the chakra into his hands, where it instantly climbs up his arms, slithers down his chest, and settles into his seal.

Sakura looks down at her hands and then up at Naruto with twitching lips. “...heh.” she breathes. Sakura meets eyes with him and together they stare in amazement at the occurrence.

Sasuke’s gasp of shock brings them back to the present, their heads whipping in his direction. Sasuke is looking down at his hands with a relieved expression, the glowing green quickly healing the burns causing everyone to relax. “It worked.” Sasuke murmurs, eyes tiredly slipping closed. Sakura beams, clapping her hands girlishly.

“Yay! We did it!” she looks at all of them with an open expression of delight. Naruto marvels at the rare look of pride in his girlfriend’s eyes.

He swallows, watching as the glowing green fades. “You’re okay?” Naruto asks hoarsely, seeking confirmation.

Sasuke pauses, looking over to Sakura. “That depends...” he starts, motioning to his neck with his newly healed hands, “Can you do it again?”

Sakura’s smile falters. “Oh, shit.” She realizes, and Naruto returns the sentiment. Sasuke’s chest, the back and front of his neck, his shins, and his ankles are all missing layers of skin. Now that Naruto is looking closer he can see the way the burns seem to vibrate with energy, a barely noticeable sheen of chakra sweltering the air around his wounds. Naruto’s Fox chakra is trapped in Sasuke’s injuries, eternally burning his skin. Why hadn’t that perverted sage said something?

He glances at Ino, who’s already staring at him. She purses her lips before turning away, shoulders tense. Naruto swallows, unsure how to feel about her lack of comment.

Naruto glances at Sakura just as she takes a calming breath. At the miserable look on Sasuke’s sullen face, everyone moves at once with grim resolution. Ino guides Sasuke into a counter stool, pulling a hair band out of nowhere and moving to tie his hair. Sasuke waves her off and ends up accidentally impressing Ino by showing he’s capable of pulling back his own hair into a neat bun. Sakura commands the affair by ordering all of them into efficient positions, Naruto on her right, Sasuke biting down on a towel, and Ino hovering next to them with a simple water jutsu ready in case something accidentally catches fire—Naruto made sure to inform them of that very real possibility. One time he woke up after a disturbed nightmare, hands glowing red, and in his panic he’d set his bed on fire. He’d ended sleeping in an ice bath for a while in a fit of paranoia.

Ino’s taken up the job of murmuring encouragements to all of them. As Sakura pulls the fiery chakra from Sasuke’s burn the front of his neck, a thing that she can apparently do, Ino fills the tense silence with encouraging commentary. Naruto accepts the fiery chakra back into his seal and Ino praises all of them, gently informing Sasuke that the second bout of pain is over and done with.

Sasuke shakes his head miserably, knowing that he has another infected burn on the front of his chest and climbing up his calves as well. Sakura takes a moment to breath before ordering Sasuke to readjust himself on the counter stool. She looks at him in hesitation, before Sasuke decides that peeling off his shirt is underrated and instead rips the already torn cloth in a circle around the burn. Sakura shrugs, accepting the decision, before diving back into her work. Ino continues her encouraging muttering and Sasuke continues breathing deeply. Naruto’s half-convinced Ino’s muttering is entirely for her own comfort.

When Sakura passes the chakra she extricate from Sasuke’s chest to him, he feels a bout of guilt that the experience is perfectly comfortable. Accepting the chakra feels like a combination of _right_ and _power._ His chakra has returned to him, and it gives him a strange burst of energy that’s akin to a morning run. But the energy doesn’t stop him from feeling bad, watching Sakura struggle to control the chakra while all he’s doing is being a vessel receiving the dangerous fire. There’s not much else he can do, and the guilt is there, but he’s too grateful for the solution to complain. Sasuke’s face softens as his own green hands heals the burn on his chest, Ino taking a moment to marvel at his pain tolerance.

Naruto hadn’t really thought about the fact that Sasuke had walked all the way to the apartment with severe burns. Sasuke hadn’t complained once. Naruto left him to fend for himself in regards to making conversation with Jiraiya. _I’m so damn selfish._

The burns on Sasuke’s legs are less severe. The process goes by much sooner, Sakura’s steady and patient hands guiding the red chakra safely back into Naruto’s possession. Before healing the angry burns on his legs and ankles however Sasuke pauses, looking defeated. “I’m out of chakra.” He confesses.

Sakura, much to Naruto’s surprise, pushes him forward. He gives her a bewildered glare before a pit forms in his stomach. She can’t possibly mean... “I’m not going to do that! It’s my fault he was burned in the first place!”

Sakura glares at him. “Give ‘em so damn chakra right now, asshole!” she responds, and Naruto doesn’t have time to duck as she cuffs him on the side of his head.

His gut churns as he makes a great show of rubbing his temple, Sakura rolling her eyes dramatically. He doesn’t want to risk hurting Sasuke. Still, Sakura’s suddenly gentle green eyes nudge him forward and he lets out a shaky sigh, shuffling towards Sasuke. Ino stays silent throughout the interaction, a pensive look on her face that makes Naruto feel like she’s trying to understand the entire scope of Team Seven’s brain in one single minute. It’s uncomfortable to be so thoroughly scrutinized, especially in a moment of vulnerability.

Naruto awkwardly offers Sasuke his hand, and without a beat Sasuke accepts the offer. Naruto feels an odd sensation run through his very veins before Sasuke is pulling away and his hands are once again glowing green. He finishes the process of healing his burns, including a few minor ones that hadn’t been infected with Naruto’s chakra.

An awkward silence fills the room as Sasuke rubs at the tender spot on his bare upper chest, Ino offering him a glass of tap water Naruto hadn’t even noticed her grab. Sasuke accepts the drink gratefully, his throat bobbing as he swallows. He stares into the half-full glass with pause before passing it over to Sakura. She gulps it down with equal fervor.

“Can I get you a shirt?” Naruto suggests. He knows he’s avoiding explaining the situation, but he’s tired and still kind of foggy and needs a moment to gain his bearings. Sasuke sees his offer for the avoidance tactic it is and raises a brow.

“I’ve got it, thanks.” He drawls back, lifting himself off the chair and marching out of the room.

Sakura jumps on the chance to ask him what happened. Naruto opens his mouth but finds that for once he’s at a loss for words. He looks to Ino, who’s again studying him like he’s a particularly challenging puzzle. He turns away and is faced with Sakura waiting for him to speak, green eyes wide and wondering. 

He can’t believe he did something like this the day after her parents abandoned her. It’s not only utterly selfish but borderline cruel, especially since she was the one who dealt with the fallout of his idioicy. All Naruto did was stand and stare.

“It was my fault.” It’s the only thing he can think to say, and he watches Sakura’s lips purse not in surprise, but in understanding.

_What?_

“Oh.” She says quietly. “You don’t have to talk about it, Naruto.” To Naruto’s surprise, ever curious, ever demanding Sakura pulls him into a hug and rests her chin on his shoulder. “Whatever happened, I forgive you.”

Ino quietly excuses herself, saying something about being right back. Naruto doesn’t listen, basking in the warmth his girlfriend exudes in spades.

It’s those words that spurs on the resulting ramble...ironic that the idea of not _having_ to tell Sakura encourages Naruto to tell her absolutely everything. Naruto pulls away from her hug and babbles on and on about a blur of feelings and happenings, admitting to the strange dripping sound and the disorientation of waking up. He tells her about hurting Sasuke, about the gut feeling he gets around Jiraiya, and the excruciating pain that seemed to last forever. Sakura listens quietly throughout the whole thing, offering not a single word until Naruto has spilled his story all over Kakashi-sensei’s apartment.

It’s only once Naruto has finished his story that Sakura speaks. She speaks and speaks, saying words that make Naruto’s eyes sting and his throat close. She speaks with an understanding of the situation Naruto hadn’t known possible. “You just want to take it all back, Naruto, I get it. You want to go back and change it. You can’t, though, so take this as a learning experience. What happened won’t happen again. It was a mistake, and mistakes are unavoidable.”

A mistake, Naruto thinks to himself. He’s not allowed to make mistakes, though, because when Naruto messes up people take notice. They taunt and jeer and point it out until Naruto’s reduced to that one singular slip-up.

Their intense conversation fades away, words lost in the hug they wrap each other in. When Sakura pulls away she doesn’t go far, instead pressing their noses together with a sigh. He catches a whiff of Sakura’s flowery shampoo and the scent of strawberry pocky, the pleasant smells of her breath and hair tangling into a tonic that relaxes his muscles completely. From this close distance their eyelashes brush with every blink and breath, their lips only centimeters apart. Naruto runs his hand along her slender shoulder, the bones and muscle standing out sharply from underneath her new ivy-green sweatshirt. He lets his hand roam from her shoulder blade to her collar bone, rubbing circles around the expanse of her throat. Sakura’s hand curls in his sweaty blue tee in the center of his chest, her green eyes fluttering and Naruto can feel the rapid movement of her eyelashes against his. Being this close to Sakura is intoxicating, like he can’t get enough. 

Naruto and Sakura lean in at once. It’s awkward, at first, new and unfamiliar. They’ve never really kissed before. Up until now their main show of affection has been rough shoulder shoves in the hallway and literal pony tail pulling in the classroom. The kiss is almost similar to their usual roughhousing. It’s far from slow and sweet. When their lips first connect their bottom teeth clang together and cause the nerves in Naruto’s gum to tingle. Sakura wants to set a pace for their lip-movement, her head tilting one direction, but Naruto wants to let his tongue explore every crevice of her mouth, from the cavity filling in her bottom molars to the sharp edges of her canines. They don’t find a rhythm, but they find a zone of exploration. Naruto wishes to memorize the way Sakura’s mouth moves in the same way he’s memorized all of her ticks and fidgets. Naruto wants kissing Sakura to become a habit, but for now he basks in the new. After a brief break for oxygen, their lips meet with passion. Naruto hisses when Sakura’s teeth catch his lip, and Sakura smacks his chest when he grips her shoulder too tightly.

When Sakura pulls away, she’s glaring. Naruto smirks lopsidedly at her, dazed. “Hold on...” she mumbles. Sakura squirms until Naruto’s arms are wrapped around her back and Sakura’s arms hugging his shoulders. Their lips meet and this time there’s no tongue, no confusion or aggression; there is only Sakura’s lips pressing against his. Sakura pulls away, and on instinct, Naruto brushes her short hair to one side of her face. She smiles at him with sparkling green eyes. Because she’s Sakura and she can never let a moment last, she’s soon frowning pointedly. “We need to get better at that. You bit me like, twice.”

Naruto guffaws. “I bit you? Are you kidding me right now Sakura? You were like a freaking viper _what the hell_.”

Before Sakura can protest with reddening cheeks a puffed out chest, Naruto hears a distinct click of a lock.

Sasuke walks out of the bathroom and back into the open floor plan of the kitchen and living room. He looks better. His eyes look sore, but that’s probably from overuse of the Sharingan, and his face a tad bit paler than normal. Otherwise his hair is down and relaxed, he’s sporting a fresh long sleeved shirt and sweat pants, and his arm bands are all in their rightful position. The only thing he’s missing is... “Where’s your headband?” Sakura asks, beating him to the punch.

Sasuke shuffles a bit and taps his neck. Naruto almost smacks himself for missing it before. It’s hanging loosely around his neck, the leaf insignia on proud display. Naruto wonders with growing dismay if Sasuke heard everything they were saying, and he only prays he hadn’t heard their lips smacking together. But then again, the walls of Kakashi-sensei’s apartment are thin. Sasuke clears his throat with an awkward shrug, “I-I kind of always thought it was uncomfortable to wear on your forehead, so I tried this out.”

Naruto gives him a thumbs-up. “It’s great, b...baby bird.”

Sasuke’s expression sours as he makes his way into the kitchen, mumbling incoherently. Naruto cranes his ears and recognizes it as Uchiha Tongue. “Anata no sono yōna usuratonkachi...tada matte mirudake...” Sasuke’s mumbling cuts off and instead he points an accusing finger at Naruto, shouting from inside the kitchen. “Watashi wa anata no suimin-chū ni anata o doku shi, anata wa kashikoku wa armasen!” Sasuke shouts, waving around yet another book he’s procured from Kakashi-sensei’s seemingly endless collection. He hops onto the counter and flips open the cover.

“I have no idea what you just said. You do realize that, right?” Naruto asks, frowning. He glances at Sakura to see her not jumping to his defense but giggling quietly. “You’re on his side, aren’t you?” he crosses his arms with a glare.

Sakura raises her eyebrows in challenge. “You literally burned him half to death today. Am I supposed to be on your side?”

“That’s too soon, you horrible cow!” Naruto snarls back. “And at least I didn’t drag him into a crazy scheme that could’ve got you both thrown in jail!!”

Sakura gasps, her face going red as a cherry. “You wanna go, Uzumaki? ‘Cause oh ho, we can go!” she challenges.

Naruto lunges for her, grappling at her pink hair, and they tumble down, wrestling around Kakashi-sensei’s coffee table. Sakura knees him in the shin and jabs him in the throat with her elbow, giving her enough wiggle room to slip out of his grasp, only for Naruto to spin her around and sacrifice banging his hand on the table to get the advantage. Sakura grabs onto the side of the couch and tries to heave herself up, shouting venom at him he’s hardly paying attention to. To stop her from getting onto the couch Naruto wraps both of his arms around her legs and tucks his face in her side, effectively pinning her.

“Does this happen a lot?” Neither of them stop wrestling each other as Ino waltzes into the apartment, preoccupied by playing dirty with bony elbows, spit, and hair pulling.

Sasuke hasn’t looked up from his book throughout the whole affair, but at Ino’s words he glances over at them dispassionately. “Not recently, but it’s happened enough I’m surprised they haven’t seriously injured each other. This is their way of being normal, don’t worry about it.”

“Or...” Ino says, and both of them freeze as an alluring smell wafts past their nose. Sakura’s gotten her fist weaseled into his side, her knee shoved into his stomach, and face hiding in his chest, but Naruto has one arm wrapped around her torso and both of his legs pinning hers, both of them full on the ground. He and Sakura freeze and sniff pointedly, a salty and tangy falvor overwhelming their senses. Ino smirks triumphantly, “I can end all of this with some ramen! I got it from Icherakus, you know, to cheer everyone up!”

Naruto and Sakura disentangle themselves in flash, sporting matching grins as the clamber onto the couch and eagerly await ramen. Sasuke doesn’t look up from his book, but Naruto and Sakura have enough enthusiasm to make up for his lack of vigor. Ino giggles, prancing over and placing the takeout packages onto the low coffee table. Sasuke sighs, meandering away from where he was perched on the kitchen counter next to the cabinet of books. He makes his way over and sits on an arm chair beside he and Sakura’s sofa. “How are you feeling, Sasuke?” Ino asks as she hands out chopsticks to him and Sakura, who are salivating impatiently. She hums to herself all the while.

Sasuke gives her a weird look. “Oh...you know. Super.” He mutters.

Ino stops humming, turning her attention to Sakura and him, “and what about you guys? Are you two good?” Ino narrows her blue eyes and purses her lips. Naruto and Sakura look at each other and then look back to Ino with a shrug.

“I’m hungry.” Sakura offers.

Ino lets out a frustrated sigh, passing the both of them steaming ramen cups which they look upon eagerly. “Not what I meant...” she mumbles to herself. Naruto and Sakura snap their chopsticks and begin a silent ramen enjoying competition, making exaggerated moans and praising Ino for bringing it to them in an over the top fashion.

Sasuke frowns when Ino passes him a ramen cup, insisting he try some. He hesitantly snaps his chopsticks, wincing at the cracking sound, before smelling the ramen with a screwed up nose. He takes about two noodles into his mouth and then makes a small, “Mmm...” sound, nodding at Ino with feigned enthusiasm.

“Are you not eating anything, Ino?” Naruto stops slurping his ramen to point at her with his chopsticks. Ino leans back, shaking her head.

“Oh no, I already ate.” She pats her stomach with a satisfied grin. Sasuke glares at her before setting down his bowl, clearly unfinished, and resuming reading. Naruto resists the urge to roll his eyes at Sasuke’s petty behavior.

Ino looks to Sasuke with concern. “Did you not like it?” she asks fussily.

Naruto once thought Sasuke was overbearing, but now he’s met Ino. 

“No, it’s just that, I’m not...I’m not hungry.” Sasuke buries his nose into his book, reading like a normal person instead of with his Sharingan. But that’s only because he’s chakra exhausted.

Ino looks around at them, settled on the floor instead of on the perfectly open seat beside Sakura and Naruto. It’s not like either of them would mind if she came over. “Do you guys want to talk I mean...a lot has happened.”

Naruto looks at his two suddenly quiet teammates and snaps his fingers. “I mean, actually...” he begins, letting what’s left of his ramen cup rest in his lap for the time being. “I wanted to apologize again for the uh, the training accident...thing. I should’ve said something about it sooner.” Sakura nods her head over-encouragingly, caught up on everything that happened today.

Sasuke peers out over his book to stare at Naruto’s nose. “It’s fine. I forgive you.” He expresses. “And it’s more of uh,” he looks to Ino skeptically, “Well, it’s largely someone else’s fault anyway.” He informs him. Naruto gets the message, but in his head he knows that Sasuke’s wrong. The Fox wasn’t blame for today.

Ino watches the whole exchange with a furrowed brow. Naruto takes another bite of his ramen. Sasuke resumes reading. This is not how Naruto imagined his first makeshift family dinner. 

“Okay so wait.” Ino holds up her hand. “Does everyone here know about...” she turns to Naruto with a frown, trying to find a subtle way to express her meaning.

“The demon thing?” Sakura supplies, and Sasuke directs a sharp glare at her. “What?” she raises her hands defensively, chopsticks splashing into her cup. “That’s what it is!”

Naruto, followed by the rest of Team Seven, all turn their eyes onto Ino. She barrels through the undivided attention with the essence of a natural born leader, clapping her hands and declaring, “’ _The demon thing’_ is called being a Jinchuriki, and I’m only asking about it because I want to make sure we don’t have to worry about the _training accident_ reoccurring.”

Sasuke sets down his book and rubs his eyes tiredly, huffing in exasperation. Sakura grabs one of his hands and squeezes, and the comforting action gives Naruto enough courage to respond to Ino’s question. “Yeah no, uh...we’re all good now. I got the problem fixed and...everything is okay.”

Sakura snorts a bit, using her free hand to take a large bite of noodles. Once she swallows she stares deep into her bowl with a sigh, “This is awkward. I don’t usually eat dinner with people.” Sakura shares, and Naruto can relate. Most of the time he forgets to eat dinner entirely.

Ino protests, “This is not awkward, the conversation is just... _uncomfortable_ , I’m sure that—“

“It’s awkward.” Sasuke mumbles under his breath, eyeing the ramen cup Ino presented him with in distaste.

“Really awkward.” Naruto decides.

“Overwhelmingly awkward.” Sasuke shoots back, voice gaining volume.

“Really overwhelmingly awkward.” Sakura cuts in, a grin beginning to form on her lips.

Ino sighs.

But, despite the communally agreed really overwhelmingly awkwardness of the dinner, over the next week the nightly meetings becomes a ritual of sorts. In place of Icheraku’s Ino began straying to more nutritious meals, all homemade. She silently (but still obviously) encourages Sasuke to eat, but Naruto and Sakura remain silent on the matter. It’s not really their place, nor is it Ino’s, but Ino is pushy and Sasuke gets exasperated enough he eventually ditched reading at meal times and actually sits around the coffee table with everyone else, plate in hand. He doesn’t always finish his food, but it sates Ino’s constant pestering that he’s at least joined them.

Sasuke claims to be omnipresent (which in reality is insomnia) because he’s the only one of all four of them to have seen Kakashi-sensei during the first week of training. Naruto finally got around to asking Sasuke who his substitute teacher is, and much to everyone’s surprise he explained that he was working with Iruka-sensei. It turns out Sasuke is honing his medical ninjutsu on the injury prone Academy students, as well as practicing his chakra sensory abilities and Sharingan prowess. You’d be surprised by how many Academy students skip school or randomly go missing, and its Sasuke’s unofficial job to track them down and return them to school. He’s basically become an underpaid teacher’s aide because Sasuke has elected to help out with students’ throwing accuracy, students’ taijutsu forms, and hallway wrangling. He had one very dramatic story this week about two kids who got into a fist fight during lunch. Iruka-sensei deescalated the situation and Sasuke refused to heal their respective black eyes and scraped knees on the grounds that the pain of their injuries would teach the troublemakers a lesson. Well, Sasuke didn’t refuse them, Iruka-sensei ordered Sasuke to and Sasuke reluctantly obeyed. If it were up to Sasuke he’d spoil the children rotten. Around the apartment Sasuke is rarely seen without a book in hand, but he’s moved on from Kakashi-sensei’s collection of books to educational books suggested to him by Iruka-sensei.

For the past week Ino’s been training with her father in his spare time, as well as doing joint-training and sparring with Choji and Shikamaru under Asuma-sensei’s care. She’s always wearing makeup, which in Naruto’s opinion can only be witchcraft, and she’s always sneaking up on everyone, which is also witchcraft. It’s like one minute she’s not there and the next second BAM, Ino’s right next to them and chatting cheerily, rummaging through the cabinets to cook dinner. Ino made Sakura a grocery list that included obscure things like basil, onion powder, balsamic vinegar, and garlic cloves. The list made Sakura complain loudly, but despite her complaints she came back from the market with everything Ino asked for. Kakashi-sensei’s once bare cabinets and fridge are now brimming with an assortment of fresh food and shiny washable plates rather than cheap paper ones, along with a fresh new set of utensils Sasuke brought from his apartment. Ino hums while she cooks, which annoys Naruto but hardly phases Sasuke, who sits on the counter stool and flips through his book with a single minded determination. Ino and Sasuke don’t really interact with each other except on the rare occasion Sasuke takes a moment to rub his eyes and stretch and Ino pauses to flash him a smile.

It turns out, that first day Ino was at the apartment with Sakura because the two of them had just come back from shopping. Sakura has a whole new wardrobe, and Naruto takes a hot minute every day to admire Sakura’s clothes. She’s abandoned the Haruno colors, which doesn’t surprise Naruto, but what does surprise him is her new choice of clothing. Most of the time she wears an ivy green training hoody with a white undershirt, along with a pair of 100 % polyester black shorts, and standard training sandals. Her short hair gets pinned back by a red Uzamaki Clan clip Ino admires with a giddy squeal, yammering on about cute couple things. Naruto personally agrees with Ino’s squealing, he really loves that dumb clip. It suits Sakura, the whole outfit does.

Sakura hasn’t cried since the first day of the fire, but on occasion a distant look creeps into her eyes, causing worry to consume any witnesses. She usually wears a brave face, but more than ordinary she slips away to be by herself, and whenever asked how she’s fairing Sakura responds in clipped tones with shoulders stiff. The one thing that never fails to improve her mood is her training with Anko-sensei, her substitute teacher. Anko-sensei is teaching Sakura methods to cope with the curse mark placed upon her neck, which Naruto recently found out Anko-sensei is cured with as well—damn Orochimaru. Anko is well-versed in the art of toxins, and Sakura oddly delights in dipping her weapons with paralysis and sleeping agents. In Sakura’s free time she picked up a book on and how to distinguish natural remedies from potentially dangerous plants, which Sasuke also took a turn in reading thoroughly, but Naruto doesn’t bother. Sakura leaves the apartment at six am and comes home at four pm—Naruto has no idea how she does it. Anko-sensei must be insane.

As for Naruto, the past week has felt like a constant _go-go-go_ leaving zero wiggle room for a chance to stop and breathe. The second day of training with Naruto’s seal freshly fixed and the man who helped him mysteriously absent Naruto aced water walking on his first try. He did a little victory dance on the water just to aggravate Ebisu. Ebisu breifly congratulated him before whipping Naruto into shape, ordering Naruto to complete brutal conditioning, as well as the conscientious art of perfecting the fundamentals of Taijutsu and Genjutsu. Ebisu didn’t take him out to lunch the second day, but he did the third day of training, and that’s the day Ebisu became Ebisu-sensei. He and Ebisu sat down at Icheraku’s and ordered, and while Teuchi cooked away in the kitchen, Ebisu stood up and bowed, delivering a very stiff and formal apology for misjudging him in the past. Naruto accepted his regret with an embarrassed rub of his neck and sheepish grin, having never accepted anyone’s apologies but Sasuke’s before. It turns out forgiving Ebisu-sensei takes a lot less work than hating him, and it’s a lot easier to be around him without their pervious bad blood getting in the way. The fourth day of training a switch has been flipped and Ebisu-sensei really turns up the heat, throwing Naruto into full on survival mode by introducing him to the trap-zone of Training Ground Six.

He’s lucky he never stumbled upon the trap area of Train Ground Six when he was a kid. Naruto gulps at the thought, fully accepting that had he found it when he was young he’d have been a goner. By the end of day four he’s covered with bruises but filled with a deep-rooted satisfaction yet a powerful determination to improve, and Ebisu-sensei ends the fourth day on a very promising note by asking what his chakra nature is. Naruto responds with a firm _wind_. On the inside he’s squealing in excitement but he’s not going to let Ebisu-sensei know that. However, when he gets back inside the apartment that night, he grabs Sakura and screams very loudly in her face in, shaking her shoulders. It says something that Sasuke and Ino don’t pause at the sound of Sakura and Naruto’s joint shouting of exhilaration in response to the news, both of them hopping up and down in glee.

The fifth and sixth day of training are spent in grueling heat as the brunt of Konoha’s summer crashes upon them. Ebisu-sensei works him to the bone, not a whisper of a new jutsu in earshot. On the seventh day Ebisu-sensei bids him to rest, so Naruto spends his time meandering about the apartment and mulling over how in the hell Sakura is going to live through Anko’s training, agonizing over the possibility of learning a new jutsu, and laughing as Sasuke walks through the apartment door with the need of a new shirt because an academy student puked on him after complaining about _a headache_. When Sakura rolls in at five, later than usual, her chest is puffed proudly. Naruto asks about her grin and she tells him she _just had a very successful training session,_ which Naruto knows is bull but doesn’t call her out for it. According to the devilish grin that doesn’t leave her face for the rest of the night, he’ll find out sooner or later.

Friday, an entire agonizing week later, is when Ebisu-sensei introduces him to the new jutsu. Before they start the grueling task of taijutsu or taijutsu on water or taijutsu on the side of a tree, before a warm-up run that makes him gasp and before another horrid Genjutsu he has to break free from, Ebisu-sensei demonstrates something spectacular. It’s called Wind Style: Gale Foraging Jutsu, and the havoc that it invokes is contagious.

Naruto blows himself up the first couple times he tries, but he’s enthusiastic, and Ebisu-sensei isn’t the babying type that worries over a few scrapes and rug burns. The jutsu is supposed to create a tunnel of wind that pushes against your opponent. Ebisu-sensei said that the first time he tries it the wind will probably only be strong enough to blow an opponent’s hair or knock their hat off, but Naruto had the opposite problem. He accidentally conjured a wind that started a domino of trees crashing to the floor, and ended with him sprawled on the ground and rubbing his head due to kickback. So the issue wasn’t force, it was a matter of control.

Naruto is the embodiment of pure determination for the entire training session, and Ebisu-sensei actually has to pull him away and tell him to stop and begin the kata of a brand new and advanced form of Taijutsu. Naruto loves learning new things, but not to being able to grasp the jutsu frustrates him to the point that it consumes the rest of his day. When Ebisu-sensei takes him to lunch the only thing he can talk about is mastering the new Taijutsu set and Wind jutsu. He’s excited and determined and kind of angry, too. A weird angry born from the need to _be better_.

He gets back to the apartment at the same time as usual, but unlike usual, he’s not alone. No, instead he is met with the sight of Kakashi-sensei breathing deeply and leaning his head back against the kitchen cabinets, shakily trying to unscrew the lid to prescription soldier pills.

Naruto hurries over, turning the sharp corner of the kitchen counter and approaching his sensei with both excitement and concern. Kakashi is dressed in his Anbu uniform, Anbu mask resting at his hip but usual mask still pulled up to his nose. There’s a wet patch underneath his chest plate, and the flecks of blood scattered along his scalp contrast sharply with his grey hair. Despite his disheveled appearance, Naruto hasn’t seen his sensei in a week, and the length of their time apart all comes back to Naruto in one big _whoosh_. “Kakashi-sensei!” he cries in joy, snatching the pill bottles and popping open the lid for his sensei. Kakashi-sensei lets out a small laugh of greeting before gently taking the pill bottle and pouring three blue capsules into his hand.

Naruto’s never really heard of taking three pills at a time. He tries to glimpse the bottle label but Kakashi-sensei tucks it back into the medicine cabinet. _Ah well_ , Naruto thinks, _I’ll look into it later._

Kakashi-sensei pauses, looking to Naruto with a slight glare. He’s holding the pills up to his masked mouth, his other hand resting at his masked nose. “Do you mind?” he asks, and Naruto crosses his arms back at him.

“Yes.” He lifts his chin slightly, honing in on his sensei’s masked face.

Kakashi-sensei’s face sours, “...Naruto...” he mumbles, and before Naruto knows what has happened his jacket is pulled up over his head, blocking his field of vision. Naruto hurriedly struggles to right himself, but by the time he is freed of his jacket and he can see again, the pills are gone and Kakashi-sensei’s mask is snugly fitting his face.

“You suck.” Naruto crosses his arms angrily.

Kakashi-sensei is about to say something, but he hisses and grabs his side with a wince. Naruto looks around awkwardly. “Sasuke’s not here yet, sensei.” He says apologetically, checking the round wall clock. Sasuke should be getting home pretty soon, so there’s no need for Naruto to apply first aid; it’d be better just to wait. 

“That’s okay.” Kakashi-sensei croaks, and then the front door is swinging open and a cheery cry reverberates around the room.

“You won’t believe the day I had Naruto!” Ino crows, skipping into the apartment, but her face freezes at the sight of Kakashi-sensei hunched over in the kitchen. “...um.” she realizes, blinking slowly.

Kakashi-sensei waves a hand in greeting, “Yo.” He says, clutching his stomach and struggling to make his way to one of the cabinets. He swings the first one open and glares at its contents. “Which one of you reorganized my cabinets.” He deadpans.

“I wasn’t aware it was organized in the first place.” Naruto grumbles, raising his hands in defense when Kakashi-sensei sends him a dark glare. “Don’t look at me!” he cries.

Ino walks into the kitchen, face flushed from exertion but smile glowing. “Oh, that was me.” She explains, “Do you want me to make you something to eat? With all the work you’ve been doing I doubt you’ve had a good meal in a while...” She hums.

Kakashi-sensei looks at her like she’s a foreign object. Before Kakashi-sensei can say anything, the front door bursts open once again. Naruto really needs to remember to lock it, because this rate they’re all going to be robbed. Sakura grumbles something at them before walking into the living room and collapsing on the couch. Her body flops onto the cushion and her pink hair shimmers with sweat. Naruto resists the urge to snort at the fact she didn’t notice the newcomer.

Kakashi-sensei calls out to her, “Good afternoon to you too, Sakura!” with a teasing lilt to his voice.

Sakura jumps up from the couch and runs full force into the kitchen, second wind found. She wraps her arms around Kakashi-sensei’s waist with a joyful cry, Kakashi-sensei wincing in pain but patting her head anyway. “You’re here!” she cries out.

Kakashi-sensei looks content to let her cling to him, so Ino takes his moment of distraction to begin making him a meal. She’s mumbling to herself in the Yamanaka tongue, and Naruto’s beginning to curse himself for not taking a language elective. Naruto, unwilling to interrupt Sakura’s reunion with Kakashi-sensei, smiles to himself as he removes his sweaty jacket, slings it across the counter stool, and goes to lock the door. Just as his hand is reaching out to grip the lock, the door is pulled open. He steps back in surprise, Sasuke smiling gently at him as he carefully slips off his shoes, the only one of all of them to do so. “How was your day?” Sasuke wonders.

Naruto smiles back and says, “I’ll tell you all about it later.” Then he pulls Sasuke away from the door and in the direction of Kakashi-sensei. Kakashi-sensei crows upon seeing Sasuke, Sasuke laughing and walking toward him at a sedate pace, already pulling out his med kit. Kakashi-sensei and Sasuke reunite with two mock salutes, and Naruto has to assume Kakashi-sensei came up with the greeting in lieu of hugs and close contact. Naruto turns both of Kakashi-sensei’s lock and then hooks the door chain tightly.

He turns and observes the kitchen for a moment, reveling in the atmosphere. Sakura has finally extricated herself from Kakashi-sensei, talking rapidly about Anko-sensei and how her past week has been training. Sasuke carefully prods at Kakashi-sensei’s injured side, face twisted in concentration. Kakashi-sensei hardly seems to notice the pain of Sasuke’s administrations in the face of Sakura’s excitement. Just as Kakashi-sensei is mesmerized by Sakura’s happiness, Naruto was overjoyed to discover her passion for what Anko has to teach her. Kakashi-sensei un-tucks his black shirt for Sasuke to roll up over his side injury, and Sasuke’s eyes narrow as the wound is revealed in its entirety. Sakura politely pauses in her story-telling but Sasuke waves her on to continue, chewing on his lips as his fingers work their magic. Naruto shifts his gaze to the other occupant of the room.

Ino is carefully sticking toothpicks into mini sandwiches made with spinach, tomatoes, whole-grain bread, and sprinkled with basil. She sets them out in a fanciful platter and proudly holds up her creations. Naruto approaches the kitchen just as she’s setting out a pitcher of orange juice her mother squeezed the other day.

Naruto throws himself into conversation, ranting and raving about Ebisu-sensei’s training. Sasuke makes an irritated sound whenever Kakashi-sensei chuckles at certain parts of Naruto’s stories, but is otherwise silent. Kakashi-sensei winces only once throughout Sasuke’s well-practiced checkup, and it’s because Sasuke has to disinfect an open wound on his scalp before healing it. Sasuke first dabs it with warm soap and water before dousing the wound in hydrogen peroxide and quickly sealing it closed.

Ino offers everyone a sandwich, and since Kakashi-sensei has no dining table they all huddle around the coffee table in the living area. Sakura and Naruto sprawl on the couch, Ino seats herself on the floor on the opposite of them on the other side of the coffee table, and Sasuke gives up his solo-arm chair so the injured Kakashi-sensei can rest. Sasuke ends up sitting at the metaphorical head of the coffee table on Sakura and Naruto’s right, but he doesn’t touch Ino’s mini sandwiches until she plops one in front of him. Naruto and Sakura stop in the middle of eating their third sandwich to gawk as Sasuke nibbles at the sandwich before making a pleased sound and finishing it of entirely.

Sasuke gives all three of them a defensive look. “What? I like tomatoes a lot, okay?” he grabs another sandwich and takes a bite, shuffling uncomfortably and glaring at the ground. Sakura and Ino turn away, Sakura with an amused expression and Ino with a triumphant one.

Naruto, not wanting to make it a big deal, merely beams at him before finishing off his own baby sandwich. Naruto’s definitely gained weight since he started living with Team Seven. It’s a good thing, he feels healthier, fuller, and more present than ever. For once he actually has people to remind him to eat...which reminds him, actually. He’d wanted to ask Sasuke if it’s possible that having the Nine-Tails inside of him could deplete his appetite. It’s probably not normal to forget about eating, seeing as all of his other friends complain about hunger pains and fatigue after exercise. But, he’ll ask later, when Ino’s not grinning like a maniac and obviously plotting to feed Sasuke a lifetime supply of tomatoes. In response to Ino’s triumph Sasuke is aggressively chewing mini sandwiches with his Sharingan spinning in irritation.

“How have your missions been, Kakashi-sensei?” Ino’s grin switches into a soft smile as she takes a large gulp of water with a contented sigh. She’s only ate two mini-sandwiches, but Ino’s always been a dainty eater. Team Seven glances around at each other, brows furrowed. Naruto knows that missions are missions; they involve violence and death. That’s like, a taboo question. Kakashi-sensei has never talked about his time in the Anbu, and all of Team Seven just naturally assumed he’d prefer a distraction from his brutal work rather than a questionnaire. Ino didn’t get the memo. Sakura pauses, sandwich halfway to her mouth.

“Oh you know...missions, work, yada yada yada...” Kakashi-sensei breezes past Ino’s question, his plate still full of the mini sandwiches. Naruto thinks to himself _see, Kakashi-sensei gets it._ Sakura relaxes back into her chair and continues eating.

Ino doesn’t comment on Kakashi-sensei’s avoidance, probably assuming it’s confidential, and instead widens her blue eyes at Kakashi-sensei’s full plate. “Oh! Goodness, do you want us to turn around so you can eat? I didn’t even think about your mask!”

Sasuke sets down his glass of water with a clink, suddenly staring at Kakashi-sensei intently. Kakashi-sensei shifts. “What’s that look for?” he asks, ignoring Ino’s question. Ino glances at Sasuke’s intent face.

“Just...making sure I don’t miss anything.” Sasuke leans forward.

Ino frowns. “That’s very rude. If he doesn’t want to show his face you shouldn’t pry.”

“I wanna see.” Naruto pipes us, watching Kakashi-sensei’s face with a similar intensity to Sasuke. Kakashi-sensei’s visible eye narrows.

Sakura finishes off the last sandwich, raising her eyebrow at Kakashi-sensei and lounging back into the sofa. “I’ll see what’s behind that mask one day, Kakashi-sensei.” She glares at him and Ino makes an obviously frustrated sound into her glass of water. But it’s all in good fun, and the joking atmosphere eases everyone into conversation. Ino tells them about the big day she mentioned when she first arrived inside. Her father taught her a new version of the Mind Transfer Jutsu she insists will thoroughly impress the judges. When asked if she thinks she has it in her to defeat Rock Lee, Ino laughs in their faces. That’s how Naruto learns, that despite all of her cheeriness and kindness, Ino is a stone cold ‘realist,’ which Naruto sees as pessimism and bad faith. Apparently she’s just trying to impress the judges as much as possible before Lee ‘inevitably’ beats her. Naruto tries to argue with her, but arguing with Ino is impossible. She’s like a politician but _worse_. It’s literally zero fun at all, and she’s so damn condescending.

Sakura tells about her day as well. Much to Kakashi-sensei’s displeasure, Anko-sensei taught Sakura the basics of contract summoning. Sakura’s already summoned a very baby snake that Sakura complains was the size of a worm, but also firmly reinstates that progress is progress and soon she’ll be summon massive Orochimaru-level snakes.

The idea of Sakura with giant-man eating snakes on her side, is like, ultimately badass.

Kakashi-sensei disagrees.

Visible eye narrowed he hisses vehemently, “Sakura, you are not summoning giant snakes in the middle of the tournament. I _forbid_ it.”

“But what if—“

“No.”

“Can I summon average sized snakes?”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Please?” Sakura slouches her shoulders and gives Kakashi-sensei the best puppy dog eyes in her arsenal.

“....fine. But only _average sized_ snakes. Got it?”

“Understood Kakashi-sensei!” she cheers. 

Ino looks enthused about the idea of Sakura having an ace up her sleeve, encouraging Sakura to practice the large summons even though she’s not allowed to use it in the tournament. Sasuke shakes his head throughout the affair, too pleased by Kakashi-sensei’s presence to let himself worry over Sakura’s over enthusiastic tendencies. Naruto’s not worried, unless you count his worry for Shikamaru.

After a lull in the conversation Sasuke quietly explains his day, offering little snippets here and there about a few children that Naruto hasn’t heard him mention before, along with some cute stories about a few kids he mentions frequently. Iruka-sensei hasn’t exactly been teaching Sasuke the skills he needs to pass the Chunin Exams, though, which Naruto makes sure to loudly complain about to Kakashi-sensei. Kakashi-sensei responds to Naruto’s pestering by cuffing him on the side of his head. Sasuke chuckles, but the sound is cut off by a thump against the window.

There’s a distinct pecking on the window that has everyone stiffening. Naruto’s beginning to learn that sound of rhythmic tap-tap-tapping against windows only means bad news. The night of the house fire sweeps his mind in an unexpected windstorm of Sakura’s tears and the suffocating smell of ash. He detests the insistent squawking of the bird, and the way Kakashi-sensei shoots out of his chair with his visible eye wide, caught off guard. He strides over to the window, somehow managing to appear completely unaffected by the injuries plaguing his worn-down body, and Naruto almost wouldn’t believe Kakashi-sensei had just been gone on a mission binge for a week straight if not for the blood stains marring Kakashi-sensei’s Anbu uniform.

Ino is stiff in her chair, Sasuke peering over at the window with a haunted look in his eyes, and Sakura isn’t looking at all, glaring stubbornly at the coffee table. Kakashi-sensei opens the window, unceremoniously ripping off the string holding it together and beginning to read. “Another mission, Kakashi-sensei?” Naruto asks rhetorically, merely to fill the silence.

Something flickers in Kakashi-sensei’s eyes, annoyance, perhaps, and Naruto reels slightly. Kakashi-sensei stares down at Naruto and mumbles, “I have to leave. I’ll be back—I...I’ll be back.” Kakashi-sensei shudders a bit, hikes the window up the rest of the way with one hand, and pockets the scroll with the other. Then he slings his leg through the window and into the breezy night air, the moon peeking through the clouds. His body slinks outside and he calls back behind him, “Have a good week, kiddos.” Before he’s leaping off onto the side of the building opposite of them and scaling the rooftops, disappearing off into the night with an Anbu mask firmly in place.

Ino blinks. “Wow...” she breathes. “He’s a really busy guy.” Something about her gaze is too calculating, uncomfortably skeptical, and it puts Naruto on edge.

“Yeah, so?” Naruto snaps. “He does a lot for the village, it’s a good thing.” He gets up from the chair and watches Sakura absentmindedly clean up dinner, earlier cheer vanquished. _Dammit._ Naruto shakes his head. _Why can’t the village send someone else? Why him?_

Sasuke gets up and walks around the couch, shutting the window with a dull, unsatisfying thud. The sound snaps Sakura out of her trance and she pauses in her mindless cleaning, clearing her throat loudly. She captures the attention of the room, Sasuke turning around and leaning against the closed window frame with his arms crossed, and Ino standing up with a tilt of her head. Naruto watches her closely as she struggles with her words whilst carefully putting up the platter Ino used for the sandwiches. “Look, all I’m saying is...he said goodbye. He didn’t _want_ to leave.” Sakura turns to look at them with a shrug, “Sometimes I’d get home and there wouldn’t even be a note...my parents would just be...gone.”

Sakura shuts off the sink and turns away from the kitchen, walking back towards the living area. “Don’t blame Kakashi-sensei, I know it sucks but...if we focus on training now ...” Sakura sits down on the sofa with a sigh. “Then one day we’ll be strong enough to get out there and help him. Help everyone.”

Sasuke, arms crossed and still leaning against the window turns away with suspiciously glossy eyes, distracting himself by inspecting the window thoroughly. “I’m buying a lock for this.” he declares out of nowhere, startling Sakura enough she spins around on her chair with her arm slung backwards. Sasuke snorts. “You know, to mess with him. He’ll try to leave through the windows and then like, a fucking alarm system goes off. First it’ll scare the shit out of him but once he realizes what’s happening he’ll get like, explosively grumpy.”

“...is that your socially inept way of telling him you don’t want him to leave?” Sakura asks, bewildered. Ino chokes on her spit and hisses Sakura’s name warningly. Sakura ignores her friend and continues studying Sasuke, who looks out the window and then back to Sakura with pursed lips.

“I guess so.” He agrees. He sniffs loudly and scratches underneath his arm bands, and it occurs to Naruto that wearing that 24/7 seems very uncomfortable. He wishes there were another way, but Sasuke’s scars would attract a lot of unwanted attention, especially at the academy.

Ino clears her throat. “Well, uh...I have an early curfew today ‘cause both of my parents want to do some....family bonding stuff.” Ino dusts off her skirt and smiles fleetingly. “I gotta go.” They all chorus out a few goodbyes, Sakura and Ino briefly hugging, before Ino unlocks all of Kakashi-sensei’s locks and heads out of the apartment. When the door clicks shut Naruto gets up and makes sure to relock it securely, realistically considering Sasuke’s window locking suggestion. This entire apartment has become a safety hazard ever since Team Seven started living in it.

“Family bonding, huh?” Sasuke moodily walks over to curl up in his self-proclaimed arm chair. “What does that even mean?”

“Like, games and stuff...maybe baking.” Sakura explains, yawning tiredly. 

Naruto narrows his eyes at Sakura. “Baking together? Seriously? Aren’t there more important things to be doing with your time?”

Sakura glares at him. “I’m not making that shit up! Families bake and whatever!” she snaps, “I never said I liked baking.”

“I like baking.” Sasuke volunteers, a sudden eager expression creeping onto his face, “We should bake.”

It’s probably the first time Naruto’s ever heard Sasuke suggest an activity in his entire life. Sakura actually has to take a moment before answering, looking bewildered out of her mind. “I don’t know how to bake, Sasuke.”

“I took home ec! I can teach you!” Sasuke jumps up and claps his hands together in a way both reminiscent of Iruka-sensei and Ino all at once. In that moment, Naruto takes back everything he ever said about Iruka-sensei’s bad teaching. If Iruka is somehow making Sasuke glow like this, then Naruto is officially prepared to fight whoever tries to take that away from Sasuke. Sasuke’s never volunteered for anything, he hates being around people. But here he is, asking he and Sakura to, of all things, bake with him. When Naruto and Sakura’s silence stretches on for too long Sasuke’s eyes begin to cloud with insecurity, so Naruto leaps into the conversation full force.

“That sounds awesome!” he enthuses. “Sasuke can teach us how to bake for family bonding time!!!” Naruto rushes into the kitchen, hardly even aware of his own exclamations until he turns around to see Sakura and Sasuke with sporting looks of awe.

“Okay...” A smile creeping onto Sakura’s face. “Family bonding time...” She glances at Sasuke, her brief dazed look passing. “You better not fuck up our cake.”

Sasuke scoffs, walking into the kitchen and slinging open a cabinet. “ _Please_.”

They all crowd around the kitchen, Sakura standing with a furrowed brow and Naruto standing beside her. Sakura says, “I made like, box cake with Ino when we were kids, but all I did was pour stuff in the bowl and mix. She did all the measuring.”

Sasuke opens up the cabinet, saying to Naruto, “Hey, man, will you grab three eggs from the fridge? Sakura, the flour is in the shelf with the broken handle, get that out please? And don’t worry about it, if you’re not trying to make the cake perfect, baking is pretty easy.” He and Sakura glance at each other before splitting up and then returning with their findings, setting the ingredients down on the countertop. Sasuke comes over with a measuring cup, sugar, cocoa powder, and salt. “Okay we need baking soda, and baking powder...that’s in the cabinet over there.” He points to the shelf next to the books. They carry on like this until all the ingredients are neatly organized in groups, via Sakura. Sasuke has a large silver bowl in front of him and says, “Okay, Naruto we need three cups of flour.”

Naruto takes the measuring cup and passes it to Sakura who holds it out for him as he shakes the flour into the cup. The process is slow though and hardly anything comes out of the dumbly designed bag. Growing impatient, Naruto shakes the bag a bit too roughly, ending up puffing flour in Sakura’s surprised face. She chokes, violently coughing as the flour cloud settles. Naruto freezes at just how much flour he got on her face; her forehead is dusted in white, her nose stuffed up with flour, and her lips coated in the dry substance. “Naruto...” she growls, and before Naruto can flinch away she takes the measuring cup in her hand and dumps it over his head.

Naruto gags on the flour, rubbing his eyes and choking. “Hey! Mine was an accident!”

“So was mine!” Sakura claims, roughly slapping the glass measuring cup down on the counter and crossing her arms.

“No it _wasn’t_!” Naruto argues.

“The only thing you two do is fight.” Sasuke grumbles. “Fine, I’ll make a cake, you two can clean up the flour you got everywhere.”

He and Sakura erupt into whines, pleadingly arguing until Sasuke concedes and reluctantly lets them help with the cake again. The measuring doesn’t go perfectly, especially in regards to the wet ingredients. A couple egg shells are pulled out with what Sasuke claims to be ‘dirty’ fingers, and they end up adding more sugar and chocolate because Sakura has a steely sweet tooth and Sasuke won’t taste test for fear of germs.

Disaster strikes when Naruto chucks an egg shell at Sakura, but expecting retaliation he ducks out of the way with quick reflexes. The egg in Sakura’s hand cracks, but not onto Naruto’s head.

Sasuke makes a choking sound as egg yolk slides down his navy hair and smears his forehead. Sakura’s hand freezes, her face paling. “Uh...” Sakura slowly crumbles the cracked egg in her hand, chucking on the kitchen counter. She wipes her hands onto her pants and looks at the ground abashedly. Naruto winces.

Sasuke wipes the egg yolk from his forehead and sneers, voice low, “I’ll get you for that, Sakura.”

And oh, the last time Naruto heard that one he was tied to a post in the middle of a training ground for three hours until a random stranger came along and mercifully freed him.

As Naruto excessively rubs butter on the bottom of a pan and Sasuke and Sakura pick up stray egg shells off of Kakashi-sensei’s kitchen floor, Sasuke admits to not being a fan of sweets, only the baking process. Naruto and Sakura aren’t too surprised, only exaggeratingly offended. Sasuke and Sakura dump the egg shells into the trash can, but their efforts don’t really make a difference.

The usually pristine apartment is very messy, sweaty clothes hanging over the couches, cups left out on the table, shoes strewn next to the front door, food wrappers left out in random places, and don’t even get Naruto started on the kitchen. He doubts Kakashi-sensei will mind too much, he’s hardly at the apartment anyway, but he still feels bad for causing such a mess. Naruto vaguely wonders when Kakashi-sensei’s apartment became the one and only apartment. It’s only been a week and Naruto’s already getting too comfortable in an arrangement that will never last, especially if not all of Team Seven makes Chunin.

That just makes it so much more important to enjoy what he has right now.

Naruto stops buttering the pan and conceals a laugh at the look of panicked horror on Sasuke’s face as he bends over the sink to scrub the egg out of his hair. Sakura looks equally mortified, standing a little ways away and wincing as Sasuke makes a particularly disgusted sound. Naruto picks up the cake batter that looks lumpy and runny all at the same time and asks, “Hey Sakura? How do I do this?” Naruto’s never poured cake batter before.

Sakura passes him a spatula and steadies the bowl, and after a quick explanation they work together to empty all the cake batter into the pan. Sasuke dries his hair with a hand towel and then unexpectedly groans loudly. “I forgot to preheat the oven.”

Sakura sets down the bowl and jumps, and Naruto imagines a shiny light bulb popping over her head as her face lights up with an idea. “We should play a game while we wait.” She suggests.

Naruto turns to Sasuke, who is looking around at the big mess around them. “C’mon man!” he wheedles. “Game! Game! Game! Game!” he chants, pumping his fist. Sakura joins in, repeating the chant until Sasuke finally caves.

“Okay fine, but what are we even playing?” Sasuke’s question sends the kitchen into contemplative silence. Sasuke looks completely lost, and Naruto admits he’s having trouble coming up with a game that’s not outdoors.

Sakura looks around the apartment searchingly, as if the messy area will send her answers. Sasuke scratches his head and says, “We could play chess.”

“That’s two-player.” Naruto shoots down, but he’s mostly against the idea because he despises playing chest with Sakura and Sasuke. Sasuke used to play with his brother and Sakura used to read chess strategy books at the library...for fun. Naruto stands no chance.

“We could play duck duck goose!” Sakura advocates.

“What’s duck duck goose?” Naruto asks, and his sentiment is shared with a narrowed eyed Sasuke.

Sakura looks startled for an instant before rubbing her neck abashedly. “Oh...right...it’s a civilian game. It’s pretty simple you just sit around in a circle and...you know what, I’ll show you, c’mon.”

Sakura sits Sasuke and Naruto down across from each other in the open space between the kitchen and living room. Sakura walks around them in a circle, and Naruto is taken aback when she pats his head. “Duck,” she says, and then taps Sasuke’s head, “Duck...”

“Sakura what’s happening?” Sasuke wonders.

“I’m confused.” Naruto adds.

Sakura proudly puts her hands on her hips, eager to explain. “I go around in a circle tapping each one of you and saying duck. But, when I say goose, the person I tap has to get up and tag me before I run in a circle and make it to their seat.”

“How do you win?” Naruto wonders.

“By keeping your seat,” Sakura enlightens.

Naruto rubs his hand together as Sakura comes back around and taps him on the head. “Duck, duck,” she says as she taps Sasuke on the head again, “Goose!” Sakura shrieks and Naruto stumbles to his feet to chase her around the circle, but she slides into his spot before he can grab her.

Naruto narrows his eyes as Sakura giggles, having the advantage of being an experienced player. “It’s on.”

The next round he tags Sakura out, and the round after that she tags him. Sasuke remains composed, and Naruto and Sakura would have forgotten about him had he not paused the game to put the cake in the oven. When he comes back Sakura decides it’s his turn to be it. She hurriedly shrieks out _goose_ as she pats his head, but unexpectedly and without standing up, Sasuke’s hand lashes out and tags her in the shin.

Sakura glares. She tries again, only for a repeat to occur. She tries running the other direction but he tags her wrist instead of her shin. She tries and tries, but Sasuke elbows her in the knee, jabs her in the side, and avoids getting it over and over again. Naruto’s mocking laughter isn’t helping her frustration. Sakura, slightly out of breath lets out a furious cry. “What the hell!”

Sasuke snorts. “You have _no_ chance.” He claims. “This game was made for me.”

And Sakura did have no chance. Once, she got him to actually need to stand up to chase her, but he was so fast it hardly mattered, and he was back to sitting in the blink of an eye. Sakura tagged Naruto who hurriedly tried to catch Sasuke off guard and tag him, but no strategy worked. Sasuke was undefeatable, and by the time the cake is done, Sasuke was undefeated.

Waiting for the cake to cool is underrated, and it’s not like they were trying to win a presentation award anyway, but Sasuke insists they wait. He and Sakura huddle around the hot cake pan with impatient forks at the ready, absently talking about everything and nothing. Sasuke doesn’t tell them where his recipe came from, but Naruto can bet that his mother taught him. Sasuke’s shared many fond memories of him and his mother over the years. Naruto doesn’t know how he feels about the woman, there’s something about her lack of action that rubs him the wrong way, but he’s glad that Sasuke has at least some happy memories with his family, even if they are bittersweet.

But the cake is anything but bittersweet, moist chocolate sponge and a mountain of icing that Sasuke makes and non-so-subtly suggests he and Sakura doesn’t help with. t’s incredibly sugary and wholly unhealthy, especially when it’s still a weekday and all of them have training tomorrow, but once Sasuke’s icing is completed they all eat like it’s their last day on Earth, even Sasuke joining in on the delectable festivities. Naruto’s never been a fan of chocolate but this cake quickly makes him rethink that assumption; chocolate created by chef Sasuke is _delicious_.

They banter back and forth, some conversation tropics straying into nonsense while others argued until he and Sakura are red in the face. By the time all of their stomachs are full and then some, exhaustion is creeping in and cleaning up the mess is too much of a chore to truly consider. Sakura and Naruto take up the floor because Sasuke had long since hogged the couch. Sakura and Naruto piled covers and pillows into a mountain of a makeshift bed the first night Sasuke practically passed out on the couch, but the second night it happened they dragged out their sleeping bags and called it a day. Giggling with delirious exhaustion, Team Seven falls asleep to the sound of Kakashi-sensei’s ever-ticking wall clock.

The next day Naruto feels light. He sleeps without nightmares and it feels good to sleep in for once. Training begins once more on Monday, but for now Naruto will stretch and listen to the sound of Sakura and Sasuke bustling about their morning business.

He gets up only when Sakura comes over and starts shaking him awake. If Kakashi-sensei had curtains for his various windows, Sakura would’ve slung them open, but as it is she settles for ruthlessly scolding him until he blearily throws the blankets off his shoulders, struggles his way out of his sleeping bag, and grumbles his way to the kitchen. Naruto finds some sort of cereal Sakura picked up at the market a few days before and pours it into a bowl. He grabs milk from the fridge, checking the expiration date for fear of a repeat of the day of Team Assignments. Confirming the expiration date to be usable, he pours the milk inside and shovels spoonful after spoonful of cereal into his mouth in the process of sitting down next to Sasuke.

Normally the morning routine goes on, Naruto finishing breakfast and Sasuke strapping on his sandals and slinging his bag over his shoulder, the first one to leave the apartment. Sakura would pin back her hair with her new Uzumaki hair pin, slide on her ivy green training sweatshirt, and hug him goodbye before meeting up with Anko-sensei. Naruto would turn off all the lights to the apartment and lock the door firmly behind him with the key Sasuke decided Naruto should have responsibility of. Sakura protested Naruto’s level of keeping track of things but Sasuke insisted he didn’t want to deal with the job and Anko-sensei was too strict for Sakura to ever be the last person to leave the house, so the duty was left up to Naruto.

But today is a Sunday, and none of them have anywhere they have to be. So they end up cleaning. They hustle around the apartment and scrub everything until it resembles the old shine Kakashi-sensei managed to upkeep. Then they all awkwardly stand around looking at each other, because now that it’s a Saturday without training they don’t quite know what to do with themselves. But then Naruto remembers an important question that’s been bothering him ever since his first day of training with Ebisu-sensei.

“Sasuke? I actually had a question that you....might know the answer too...?” Naruto begins. Sasuke pushes a bit of hair behind his ear and frowns deeply with a curt nod. Naruto shuffles as Sakura stops leaning against the fridge and gives him her full attention as well. “So I was thinking, is it possible that the...the uh, Fox provides something that makes me less hungry and tired than most people?” Naruto rolls his shoulders and tries to calm his racing heart because he’s really not used to talking about this.

To Naruto’s surprise, Sasuke instantly starts explaining, shoulders squared and chin raised. Naruto has a strange thought where he realizes just how good a teacher Sasuke would make, and how hanging around Iruka-sensei has probably only strengthened the intrinsic ability. “Okay well here’s the thing, chakra has two types, spiritual and physical—everyone knows that. However few know what each do when they’re not combining for a jutsu outside your body. Most people believe that chakra is dormant when it’s in your system. But that’s not the case. Chakra is used to regrow burned muscle fibers at a faster pace than the body is capable of on its own, help pulse oxygenated blood throughout your body, and soothe negative impact received on the bones—which is one of the reasons why ninja can run dozens of miles every day with minimal long-term effects.” Sasuke walks over to the counter and sits on the outermost stool, clearing his throat. He and Sakura nod along to his explanation.

“But these supplement recovery actions can only occur during rest, because your body has to have time to combine the physical and spiritual chakra into a force and it’s difficult to do that when your moving around and especially when you’re using chakra in the form of jutsu.” Naruto listens intently, not quite understanding the logistics but definitely comprehending the basics. Chakra does stuff even when you don’t tell it to, but it can only help out if you’re resting or sleeping.

Sakura raises her hand to the side of her head, wiggling her fingers around in obvious question and interruption. Sasuke turns to her and she clears her throat with an absorbed look in her eyes, “So you’re saying that chakra speeds up the body’s natural functions? Does that mean that the more chakra you have—“

“The faster you heal.” Sasuke finishes. “But not surface wounds, concussions, or internal bleeding. Those are a bit trickier and require active effort to heal.” Sakura leans back, satisfied with Sasuke’s answer.

Sasuke splays his hands out and continues, “Chakra speeds up many natural functions of the body, including metabolic processes. Which is the process the body uses to consume and store energy derived from digested food.” Sasuke shrugs one shoulder, “I’m sure you’ve heard the word _metabolism._ Some people have a naturally faster one, some slower. The metabolism decides what energy is most useful from your food and gives it to cells in your body so they can carry out their functions. The energy that isn’t needed is stored in fat cells and this is the nature of gaining and losing weight—obviously most unhealthy foods are deemed non-useful and get stored as fat cells rather than used for energy. If the only thing you’re eating is the rotten stuff, then you’re going to feel lethargic and slow because the energy is derived from low quality ingredients. I actually just read a whole book on this.” Sasuke admits.

Naruto nods along. Metabolism is the system that gives you energy and also stores energy for later. He has a feeling Sasuke’s about to answer his question. Sakura walks over to stand next to him, leaning over the kitchen counter and listening as Sasuke rambles on.

“Now, chakra can occasionally provide synthetic energy by tricking the metabolism into thinking its food and nutrients. The chakra can then be used to build and provide ATP—which is energy—and give the ATP to the cells so they can carry out their functions. So, yes, Naruto; your metabolism is actually probably very ‘ _slow’_ because of the Fox. Whenever you’re hungry it’s possible the Fox just provides chakra for your cells instead of food. I wouldn’t recommend relying on the Fox’s chakra for food because I don’t know the long term effects of living off of synthetic energy. You’d probably become very thin and malnourished.” Sasuke got a bit science-y, but Naruto is still following.

“So you’re saying that the chakra provides my cells energy and then I don’t need food?” Naruto asks, Sakura’s brow furrowing.

Sasuke raises a finger, “Well technically, but if you want to be healthy you should still eat. Eating when you’re not hungry isn’t exactly instinctual, but in your case it’d be best to find certain times to eat during the day because that food will transfer into stored energy and then when your body needs ATP it will use the stored energy from food instead of the synthetic energy from the Fox chakra.”

Sakura holds out her hands, “Why do you know this?” she asks, blinking. “I took advanced biology and they didn’t teach you about chakra correlating with metabolic processes. I was in that class with you.”

Sasuke rubs his head sheepishly. “Ino gave me a book on nutrition. Plus, chakra interacting with the basic human body is the root of understanding the Sharingan, so a bunch of Uchiha scrolls detail chakra functions directly affecting the systems; including the endocrine system, by the way.”

Sakura’s face freezes for an instant. “Wait, so you mean...chakra affects hormones?” she says slowly, looking very disturbed all of the sudden.

Naruto cuts in, waving his hands about and glaring at the two of them, “I took normal biology and got a C, so what’s happening right now?” he looks between them in pure confusion.

Sasuke purses his lips. “The endocrine system is a system in the body that controls hormones Naruto. Sakura hadn’t realized chakra can affect mood swings. In the case of the Sharingan, it can produce Endorphins in response to the stress of activation. On rare occasions it can also produce dopamine but that’s...unlikely and usually only happens the first time you activate the Sharingan. The ‘feel-good’ hormones are supposed to help control activation.”

Naruto looks to see Sakura with a dark expression creeping onto her face. “So, charka directly affects all hormones?” she asks carefully. Naruto pauses to think of that statement, a hand unconsciously wrapping around his stomach.

Sasuke shrugs. “Typically, yeah. Not like, in an extreme way, but chakra persuades hormones to do certain things. Like charka types! That’s controlled by a series of hormonal enzymes.” Then he says, “My ancestors were said to be derived from a group of people who struggled with ‘great loss and sorrow.’ Then Indra Uchiha came along and offered a way to feel better again...a _cure_ for sadness. The Sharingan, which in reaction to negative hormones produces positive hormones that tricked people into believing they were happy...in exchange for their loyalty and the formation of the Uchiha clan. Indra Uchiha founded the Uchiha clan and created the Sharingan. There’s speculation on the formula he used to create the Sharingan, but no one knows for sure and all attempts at replication have ended in failure. What they do know is that for whatever reason Uchiha become highly attached to the people around them and are typically controlled by extreme emotions. People believe that this increase in emotional output is the key to tapping into replicating the Sharingan.” Sasuke seemed happy to share his clan information, smiling slightly along with his story.

Naruto feels himself frown. Sasuke said that chakra could affect hormones, which greatly explains why the Fox’s anger is capable of manipulating his feelings. He’d always just assumed he was feeling what the Fox was feeling, but perhaps the Fox’s chakra was persuading his hormones to make him angry on purpose. And if Naruto’s riled up, it’s probably easier to control him.

He grits his teeth. That implies he has zero control over his anger. The Fox decides can basically decide to make him mad and he’ll be powerless to stop it. Sakura looks similarly disturbed. “So your saying to get the Sharingan you have to be really, really stressed? And Uchiha have a naturally more extreme output of emotions which makes them susceptible to the Sharingan activation?”

“That’s right.” Sasuke nods. “The Sharingan activates because of stress. It relieves the stress, and then grants you the power to seek revenge; that’s kind of Indra Uchiha’s thing...a utopian world free of stress, and to accomplish his goals, he needed to get rid of his ultimate enemy. Revenge is kind of what the Sharingan was created for. No one knows who Indra Uchiha was out to get, but...Uchiha historians speculate Indra’s grudge was against the Senju clan, and the hundreds of years of bad blood between our clans back the theory.”

Naruto feels his jaw drop. “Clan history is so cool.” He can hardly contain his excitement, “The Senju and Uchiha founded Konoha! It’s so weird to think they were, like, sworn enemies.”

“I know right?” Sasuke responds, raking his fingers through his hair, “But then again, Madara Uchiha and Hashirama Senju—“

“Killed each other, holy shit.” Naruto gawks, bouncing on his heels. Naruto spent most of his childhood reading about the Hokage’s, and to hear that the first Hokage and Madara Uchiha’s fallout was more than just a misunderstanding is shocking. He knew that the Senju and Uchiha clans formed together on a battle truce, but he hadn’t known that the war between them was waging for centuries. It puts a whole new spin on the founding of Konoha.

Sakura voice interrupts his internal fanboying. “So, charka taps into hormones and you have to experience extreme for the Sharingan to activate?” Naruto sobers up at her question, deciding to ask Sasuke about the clan wars at a later date. He has more important things to discuss right now, like the nature of his best friend’s freaky eyes. He tunes into their conversation with utmost focus.

Sasuke nods firmly. “Yeah. You got it.” Naruto nods to himself, thinking about all the times he’s seen Sasuke activate his Sharingan. They were all very high-stress situations. He can’t believe he’s never asked how the Sharingan works before now, but then again...he’s never really had the time.

“Then why didn’t you get the Sharingan earlier?” Sakura cuts in, “Why was the first time in the Land of Waves?” her green eyes reflect her curiosity. 

Sasuke swallows. “It wasn’t the first time.” he says simply. “I just can’t control mine because my Sharingan is _fucking stupid_.” He sounds spiteful all of the sudden, and he crosses his arms in a temper. “Since my father wasn’t an Uchiha my Sharingan is whacko and doesn’t produce endorphins. Which basically means I have the Sharingan with no means of controlling it unless I can completely and utterly control my emotions, and Uchiha have a history of uncontrollable emotions,” Sasuke grouches.

“But you can control it now.” Sakura points out.

“Yeah but...the issue isn’t turning it on. It’s turning the Sharingan off. The Sharingan wants to activate whenever you’re _stressed_.” Sasuke looks down, and Naruto and Sakura come to the same realization. It’s a rare day when Sasuke isn’t fussing over something, or worrying, or stressed out. If the Sharingan activates whenever he’s stressed then it should be active...all the time. Naruto winces in sympathy at the thought of such chakra depletion.

“It gives me a lot of headaches, but it’s better lately. I’ve been less stressed.” Sasuke reasons with a shrug. “It’s finally full-circle activated, you know? Before it was messy but now...I think I’ve got it.” Sasuke gives them a smile and Naruto and Sakura return the gesture.

When Sasuke excuses himself to the bathroom they lapse into contemplative silence. Then Sakura’s grabbing her shoes and Naruto is raising an eyebrow at her curiously. “Where are you going?” he wonders.

Sakura glances at him in surprise, “Do you wanna come? I’m going on a walk. I like walks, they help me think.” And she does look like she needs to think, with her eyes distant and her brow furrowed. Naruto agrees and grabs his own shoes. Sasuke walks into the room and pauses, head tilting.

“Where are you two off to?” Sasuke wonders, smiling and jogging over. Naruto can smell his fresh spear mint breath from here, which reminds him he should probably brush his teeth, too. He’ll do it after the walk.

“We’re going on a thinking-walk.” Naruto declares, adopting the voice of an elderly man. “To clear the mind, exercise mindfulness, become our truest selves...” Sakura snorts.

“Ah back in my day appreciating the breeze was an academy requirement!” Sakura joins him in his ageist impression, barely able to hold back her laughter. Good, that was the intention, Naruto thinks to himself. Sakura was looking a bit dreary. He's glad he brought her recently darkened thoughts some cheer. 

“Yeah okay I’ll come, as long as you guys don’t mind.” Sasuke agrees. Both he and Sakura vehemently assure Sasuke he’s not intruding on them at all. Naruto locks the door behind them, safely pocketing the key, and then they’re descending the familiar metal staircases of the apartment.

They exit the apartment building and are met with the already bright morning sun. Naruto feels bad that Sasuke has to wear his long sleeves and pants in the smoldering heat, but Naruto’s pretty sure Sasuke can’t walk around civilians with scars like his on blatant display. He almost says something, but Sasuke seems so cheery, and Sakura already looks down, that he doesn’t want to disturb either of them. Much to Naruto’s chagrin Sakura and Sasuke really are going on a thinking walk. Sakura takes the lead with the sun glinting off her bubblegum pink hair, Sasuke waving occasionally at a few familiar faces. Most of the people who wave at Sasuke are the same villagers who glare at Naruto on a daily basis, so he finds it incredibly strange to be met with cheery smiles for once.

Naruto curls his toes in his sandals, walking down the road in companionable silence. Even though he hates silence, he takes this much-needed time to contemplate Sasuke’s explanation and how it all affects him. Naruto’s gaze flickers about anxiously, peering up at the sky and then narrowing at stray pebbles down the path. He’s trying to find that serene headspace that Sakura and Sasuke have entered, but Naruto is usually only comfortable surrounded by nature. In the center of the village, he feels on high alert. His mind wants to do anything but relax.

Sakura doesn’t know the people in this marketplace, thank Hashirama, because otherwise Naruto can guess that she’d be swarmed with condolences and pitying stares. They continue walking, the sun beating down on Naruto’s back and forcing his eyes to squint. Sakura leads them down the path, the silence driving Naruto mad. He tries to find a distraction, but the silence is too all consuming for Naruto to focus on anything but the need to _talk_.

“Well, well! Are my eyes playing tricks on me or is that you Naruto, Sasuke?” the sound of Jiraiya of Myōboku’s commanding call snaps Team Seven to attention. “And is the lovely lady your teammate?” Jiraiya strides over with the same long white hair and billowing red cloak as before. He’s standing within arms-reach, smiling brightly and possessing a commanding aura that has Team Seven instinctively stiffening.

“Oh, hi.” Sasuke waves. Naruto quietly pushes Sasuke behind him. He’s not going to make Sasuke chat with Jiraiya again, this time, he’ll stand tall. Besides, that churning gut feeling of distrust is still making his head pound.

“What do you want pervy sage?” he crosses his arms with a glare. Sakura steps away from the man who’d tried to peep on her in the bathhouse days before, pert nose twitching in agitation. She hates being interrupted from her thinking time.

“Don’t tell me you’re really going to call me that?!” Jiraiya mourns, rubbing his head sorrowfully. “Look if it makes you feel any better I had no intention of spying on _underage_ girls and I saved your life, didn’t I? That’s gotta count for something!” he protests.

Naruto feels Sasuke shift. Sasuke seems oddly inclined to the man, and Naruto grits his teeth as Sasuke steps up beside him to give Jiraiya a curious once over. His stomach summersaults when Sasuke nods respectfully, “And we’re grateful, really.” He assures. Sasuke doesn’t smile, but he gives Naruto a pointed look as if to say, _can you please be nice?_

Jiraiya preens at Sasuke, chin tilting upward. “You should give your little boyfriend some advice on how to properl treat a Sannin.” He tells Sasuke. Naruto feels a moment of incomprehension, before a dawning horror crashes upon him.

Sakura makes a confused sound, looking between he and Sasuke skeptically. “What did you do?” she accuses, referring to the fact Jiraiya is under the impression that the two of them are boyfriends.

 _I totally forgot to tell him off for assuming we were romantic._ At the time the idea was so silly Naruto had completely forgotten to correct him. It just seemed weird to think of Sasuke as anything but his best friend.

Sasuke takes the assumption in stride, glaring at Naruto with obvious spite. “I do. He seems to have no understanding in regards to the respect a Sanin deserves.” He says slowly.

Naruto winces at the jibe, knowing that Sasuke is referring to both withholding the information that Orochimaru messed with his seal and now blatantly behaving ungratefully to the Sannin that saved his life. He scratches his arm. Jiraiya makes him uncomfortable, but he can’t just tell Sasuke he has some weird gut feeling and not get patronized. Sakura shoots him a concerned look.

She frowns at Jiraiya. “I dunno.” Her hand wraps around her neck, “I don’t think Sannin deserve inherent respect.” Sakura dares to voice.

Jiraiya’s gaze shifts to Sakura, a sobriety creeping into his gaze that ages him a decade. He takes a deep breath and releases it slowly. “I’m sorry about Orochimaru. I was just recently briefed on what happened to you.”

Sakura’s eyes harden and she turns away from him with a huff. Naruto grabs her hand and tugs her next to him, doing the same to Sasuke. “Well, hate to cut the reunion short but we’re very busy!” Naruto lies, turning on his heel and dragging the two of them away.

“Too busy to learn a few things from a bored old man?” Jiraiya wonders, turning the opposite direction. Naruto freezes. He stops mid-step, blinking slowly as he extricates himself from Sakura and Sasuke with a gaze of disbelief.

“Are you for real?” Naruto gawks.

Jiraiya responds with a harrumph, casually leaning his neck into his hands, elbows sticking out. “Well, if you can’t keep up with me I might just change my mind!”

Jiraiya suddenly and abruptly disappears, no smoke or leaves to imply a Shunshin or foul play. Three Genin move at once, not even sparing each other a confused glance before bursting into action and frantically running after him like their lives depend on it. 

A freaking _Sanin_ just said he’d train them. That kind of opportunity doesn’t just fall into someone’s lap every day. _Like hell am I going to waste this chance._

And even though the gut feeling sticks around, Naruto ignores the warning. _Why should I listen to that dumb fox anyway?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's two weeks into training, and they just met Jiraiya. No, Kakashi's probably not fine, thanks for asking...
> 
> Man, i made myself sad. Thanks for reading!


	32. Where There is Smoke There is Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If Neji's being honest, he really, really hates his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, uh, sorry about the wait...I just started school again and it's been keeping me super busy what with the virus and the schedule learning--you get it. Still, I finally finished this chapter! And i really like how it turned out!

To demystify the recent conflagration of rumors surrounding the newfound Uchiha Prodigy, Sasuke is far from being a replica of his rogue ninja older brother. It’s utterly typical how even though Sasuke’s talked to most of everyone in the Academy in person the only thing the teachers and students alike remember about him when they end up in conversation is the fact that he has a homicidal older brother. Living in the shadow of a man believed to be great only to have a sinister, cruel side had been hell throughout Sasuke’s childhood; teachers accidentally calling him Itachi and constantly comparing his grades to his brother, his fellow clan members snidely reminding Sasuke that he will never amount to Itachi’s greatness—but now he’s back at the Academy for a supposed fresh start, and his once-teachers and younger classmen are still only interested in Sasuke’s Mangekyou Sharingan and whether or not he’ll use it to exact revenge on his clan’s murderer. They still don’t carry about anything _Sasuke_ has to say.

The fact that random strangers are under the impression they have any right to approach Sasuke and talk about his brother in casual conversation is driving him up the wall. He wants desperately to raise his voice at them, to scold the absurd people that speak without care for consequence, but Sasuke knows deep in his chest that making a scene will only lose him his tutorship under Iruka-sensei. He finds Iruka-sensei and the kids to be a beacon of light in his life, and he will not let that go because of something as simple as a lost temper.

It’s been three weeks working at the Academy, though, and he’s never come across a person quite so persistent in their effort to get on his nerves than the man standing across from him. And that’s a true feat, because Sasuke’s dealt with many irksome people in the past few weeks, and throughout his life. In the past three weeks alone he’s had to explain to an elderly teacher who called him Itachi on accident that Itachi is now a rogue ninja, he’s had to placate a terrified woman that was shielding her children from danger upon seeing him, and worst of all was forced to walk past trophy case that displayed three of Itachi’s school awards on his way to finding Mr. Borin’s classroom; but these blood curdling occurrences pale in comparison to the man and woman across from him. People get braver in pairs, Sasuke knows, but Mr. Regio has hardly caused him any trouble at all. Only Mrs. Lee has been a menace. But together they glare daggers at him while Sasuke stands stock still against the lockers, a stack of papers clutches tightly to his chest.

They don’t like him. Sasuke doesn’t know why. He wishes, suddenly and desperately, that he’d told Naruto and Sakura about the disturbing rumors and questions involving his brother that haunts the Academy like an angry poltergeist. But...he’d wanted to prove to himself he could handle it on his own. He’d wanted to stand up for himself instead of letting Sakura and Naruto do all the talking. But against his previous wishes instead of standing tall Sasuke feels like a worn down rug, with Mr. Regio and Mrs. Lee tap-dancing all over him.

“Who do you think you are, anyway, grabbing those papers from my office! Mrs. Lee was right about you all along!” Mr. Regio takes a step closer, and Sasuke takes a steadying breath in response. The situation isn’t looking good. Iruka-sensei asked him to pick up some papers from Mr. Regio’s office, knowing that Mr. Regio was on his lunch break and forgot to bring them down himself. Sasuke isn’t even quite sure what is on the papers, all he knows is that Mr. Regio had walked in on him and accused him of stealing important, classified information. Mr. Regio had yanked him by the arm in a firm grip that Sasuke had feared would soon turn painful. He’d shoved him into the hall, slammed his office door, and approached Sasuke in a thunderous manner that prompted Sasuke to scramble backwards into lockers.

Sasuke’s back is beginning to ache from the padlock pressing into his spine, but he’s too scared that if he moves Mr. Regio will grab him again. Sasuke shivers, nearly biting a hole through his lips. Logically there’s nothing to be scared of, but Mr. Regio’s uniform gives him a sudden flash to Mizuki that stoppers the cognitive functions he usually possess. His mouth moves on its own before his brain can catch up. “I...I just...I-Ir-Ir-Iru—“ his voice stutters to a stop all together as his mind frantically orders him _shut up_ in response to Mr. Regio moving unpredictably.

Mr. Regio snatches the papers out of his hands, and that’s all he does. Sasuke wonders when the violence will come, wishes that Mr. Regio would just get it over with instead of forcing Sasuke to wait in terror. Sasuke scoots closer into the lockers, arms hanging numbly in the air where the used to be holding the papers.

His eyes instinctively find the ground, bangs removing Mr. Regio’s furious face from his field of vision. Mrs. Lee, who’d heard the commotion from across the hall and came out to investigate, harrumphs pointedly, her red pumps clacking against the waxed flooring. “You’re exactly like your brother.” she sticks her nose into the air and looks down at him in disgust.

An affronted gasp interrupts the situation, but Sasuke is hardly coherent enough to take notice. The man and woman’s glaring eyes feel like needles pinning him in place, their chakra signatures blending to create a singular frightening aura. Sasuke squeezes his eyes shut and waits for their words to become actions, waits for a knuckle to smash against his lip or a knee to crush his ribs. The waiting, the anticipation, is arguably the worst part. Pain is temporary and can always be healed, but the fear that comes with the unknown may follow Sasuke throughout the rest of his week. ‘What if’ is perhaps the worst question of all, and a great example of why Sasuke is so firmly against curiosity as a whole.

_What if it happens again? What if it’s worse? What if no one believes me?_

Iruka-sensei sharply clearing his throat makes Sasuke stop breathing altogether, his mind sensing the imminent confrontation. Over the years he’s come to recognize that Iruka-sensei only clears his throat while handling particularly undesirable situations and readying for a fight. “Mrs. Lee, unless you want to be removed from the Academy ranks I’d suggest you stop allowing personal grudges to guide your judgment. I will not tolerate such blatant discrimination in any situation, whether it be against staff or students.” Sasuke tunes out most of what Iruka-sensei says, deeming it unnecessary for now and filing it away for later. He can’t seem to spare a moment to stop and ask himself, _what do I actually think is going to happen right now?_ It’s one of the many downfalls of forbidding curiosity from his lifestyle.

Mrs. Lee sputters. “Excuse me? This child was stealing from Bruno’s office!” she finds her words and meets Iruka-sensei’s glare head on. Sasuke listens to the angry voices with peaking anxiety, his teeth brutalizing his lips out of habit.

Iruka-sensei holds up a commanding hand. “And this supposed occurrence gives you the right to bring up a child’s personal life and use it against them? Please do explain how this at all handles the assumed issue of theft?” Mrs. Lee’s mouth snaps shut and a furious expression overtakes her features. Iruka-sensei, calm as can be, barrels on. His calm voice actually soothes some of Sasuke’s nerves, forcing him to pay attention to what he has to say. “I personally asked Sasuke to pick up those papers for me. I was trying to do Mr. Regio a _favor_ but I see now how undeserving he was of it. Sasuke is by all rights and documents _my student_ , and I really don’t appreciate how quickly you jumped to conclusions about his character.”

Sasuke can feel Mr. Regio staring at him angrily. “Why didn’t you just say that?” he snaps sharply. His chakra signature fluctuates with his words, and all of the temporary reprieve Iruka-sensei’s presence was beginning to fill him with is sucked away like a crack of a whip. Sasuke slams himself back into the lockers, causing a loud banging and ricocheting to echo around the hall. He can’t breathe properly. frozen in place with wide, frightened eyes. It’s hard to see through his bangs, but he’s glad of it. He doesn’t want to see the glaring eyes of Mr. Regio and Mrs. Lee for a moment longer. Nor does he desire to see Iruka-sensei’s disappointed gaze.

But when Iruka-sensei speaks, he doesn’t sound disappointed. In fact, he sounds just as calm and composed as before. “Sasuke? It’s alright. You don’t need to be scared.” But despite the calm of Iruka-sensei’s voice, his teacher’s sudden close proximity has him hiking his shoulders up to his ears and squeezing his eyes shut. _Bad idea,_ he scolds himself. The world fades away, becoming nothing but background noise to the pounding fear in his ribcage. His toes curl and he ducks his head lower.

“What the...? What’s wrong with him?” Mrs. Lee asks, her high-pitched voice offended and confused. She works in the filing department, so Sasuke can safely assume she’s never witnessed a panic attack before, or really worked with children at all.

Mr. Regio hisses at her, “Shut up, Lee, you clearly don’t know anything about this situation. You said he was _trouble_.”

Sasuke _drowns_ in the bout of arguing that ensues, lungs tightening until all the air in the whole world disappears. Their words don’t even register, only their angry tones that gradually increase in volume like instruments at the start of the loud and crowded band performances he hated so much when he was younger. Iruka-sensei grabs his arm, which Sasuke had unconsciously wrapped around his head in act of defense. Iruka-sensei guides his arm down, his words washing over Sasuke and managing to unclog his ash filled lungs. He takes a deep breath, the first one in a while, and becomes aware of the burning ache in his chest demanding oxygen. He continues to breathe, shakily and deeply, until the world around him shifts back into focus like a blurry camera lens adjusting to a new lighting. He pulls his arm out of Iruka-sensei’s grasp, looks around the Academy hallways in a scrabble with reality, and finally pulls away from the lockers. His back aches from the pressure, and he gently prods at his chapped lips with his thumb and forefinger to wipe away a drop of blood. “Sorry, I’m sorry.” It’s the first words he can think to say, voice quiet and nearly inaudible even in the dead silence of the school hall.

Iruka-sensei grabs his shoulder with care and nudges him towards the end of the hall. “Go back to my classroom. I have a few things I need to discuss with my subordinates.” His voice is too commanding to argue with, and Sasuke finds his feet carrying him in the direction of Iruka-sensei’s classroom. By the time he reaches the familiar door he’d spent most of his childhood in and out of, he’s back to being completely alert and very, very anxious. He’s not frozen, he’s not drowning, but he’s boiling with shame and rage.

Sasuke opens the door and a hundred thoughts register. Iruka-sensei is probably chewing out Mrs. Lee and Mr. Regio, he realizes. Sasuke puts his head into his hands and takes a shuddery breath, trying to find equanimity amidst the chaos of his life. _You’re exactly like your brother_ , her voice hisses, but much to his surprise it’s not a bout of insecurity that follows, but a torrent of anger; his being boils like a steaming kettle on the verge of overflowing. _I am nothing like my brother—_ and Sasuke has a mob of friends that would fervently agree.

Pacing is something Sasuke’s been prone to doing ever since he watched Kakashi-sensei do it and realized it was a great reliever of stress and anxiety. He’s not as particular about it as Kakashi-sensei who draws exact lines in the floor and makes patterns with his footsteps, but he likes walking back and forth and sharply spinning on his heel like he’s got somewhere important to be. It makes his worries seem less daunting, like a wall he needs to climb rather than a mountain he has to leap.

He spends his time pacing and pondering over the fiasco that occurred moments before. He doesn’t blame either of them for his anxiety attack. Sasuke upsets easily and it’s something he needs to work on. He doesn’t expect special treatment, nor does he want it. However, a part of him is still bitter. Throwing such serious issues in someone’s face is not how a mature adult should handle an undesirable situation. If Sasuke has the common sense to understand such a simple civility then a man and woman twenty years his senior should be able to put it into practice.

Before doubts and insecurities can creep into his skull and Sasuke can second guess himself, he’s reminded of Kakashi-sensei’s words back in the Land of Waves. He’d told Sasuke to think for himself, and that’s what he’ll do, right here, right now. He’ll decide his own opinion without needing the reassurance of others. And he thinks that Mrs. Lee is _kind of a bitch_ , or at least is behaving like one.

The door opens. Sasuke jumps a bit, halting his pacing to watch a haggard looking Iruka-sensei close the sliding door behind him. “Are you alright, Sasuke?” he asks, walking over to his desk to set down the stack of papers he’d sent Sasuke to fetch.

“I’m okay now.” Sasuke confirms. He does his best to erase the towering image of Mr. Regio merging with Mizuki from his mind’s eye. Dwelling on it won’t help him right now. He needs to learn how to overcome his issues, not stew in them. “I was overwhelmed.”

“This was not your fault. I’m filing for Mrs. Lee to be removed from the Academy this very instant.” Iruka-sensei insists.

Sasuke blinks. “On what grounds?” he wonders, mind conjuring up the image of Mrs. Lee and Iruka-sensei toe to toe in a shouting match in the middle of a school hallway. He rubs his forehead as a headache begins to blossom.

“Admitted verbal abuse of a minor, irresponsible behavior in a situation where protocol should be strictly followed, insubordination, unwillingness to cooperate, and physical assault of a coworker.” Iruka-sensei lists off, making a displeased sound in the back of his throat and collapsing into this desk chair, fingers massaging his temples.

“She did what?” Sasuke lifts a startled hand to his heart, before realizing how very _Ino_ the action is and quickly dropping his arm.

“After I sent you away Mrs. Lee and Mr. Regio engaged in what began as an intense verbal disagreement regarding your episode. Mrs. Lee was under the impression you conjured up the anxiety attack with the intention of making her look bad. Mr. Regio strongly disagreed and called her a few vulgar insults, which resulted in Mrs. Lee smacking him across the cheek and leaving a trail of bloody fingernail marks in her wake. She might have gotten off with her job intact had she not continued to throw a fit and deny responsibility for the situation—you see, Mr. Regio testified that she was spreading a few false rumors about your behavior that lead him to believe you were stealing from his office.” Iruka-sensei recounts, aggressively stapling a few documents together and then uncapping a highlighter marker and scribbling on the paper. Sasuke stays quiet, no longer pacing but instead tapping his foot nervously.

“Do you think she’ll get fired?” Sasuke wonders, voice lowered in fear of triggering Iruka-sensei’s current short-temper.

“Undoubtedly.” Iruka-sensei responds firmly, before shoving the papers away from him and leaning back into his chair with a long-suffering sigh. “I’m so sorry Sasuke. Why didn’t you say something about her behavior sooner?”

Honestly? The thought hadn’t really occurred to Sasuke. He hadn’t known there’d be consequences for her actions, having witnessed blatant discrimination against himself, his clan, Naruto, and Sakura on multiple occasions. Sasuke considered complaining about his sudden infamy a subject to avoid, not something to explicitly mention to an adult. He genuinely hadn’t realized Iruka-sensei could do anything to stop her bad mouthing. “I didn’t know what she was doing was against the rules.” Sasuke confesses, thinking about all the times Naruto’s perfectly acceptable tests had been brutally failed by teacher after teacher. Did Iruka-sensei not know about that? The thought seemed impossible. It was so obvious at the time, seeing as Naruto’s general intelligence far surpassed what his academic scoring represented. But Iruka-sensei had so many children, so many responsibilities that Sasuke had never known about before his internship, that it would make sense if he overlooked a few details.

Also, Iruka-sensei knew it was an anxiety attack and not a panic attack? If Sasuke weren’t so tired, he’d thank Iruka-sensei profusely. As it is, he resolves to find a way to repay his teacher at a later date.

Iruka-sensei meets his eyes, and Sasuke instinctively averts his gaze to his chin. Iruka-sensei’s face twists with sympathy, “Of course what she did was against the rules, Sasuke. False accusations are a serious offense, and so is degradation of character. Mrs. Lee displayed blatant bias that directly affected my coworker and student; her actions are inexcusable.”

Sasuke pauses, assessing Iruka-sensei’s logic. It makes enough sense, he supposes; why would a school want a person with such bad morality to be teaching their students?

Iruka-sensei reminds him of a professional. He makes Sasuke oddly comfortable, and not like Team-Seven-comfortable, but a kind of comfortable where he feels like everything he says means something yet at the same time won’t be taken personally or used against him. It’s safe with Iruka-sensei.

He can talk to Iruka-sensei free of judgment, and free of worrying about judgment. Naruto, Sakura, and Kakashi-sensei are all wonderful...but they’re all very, very judgmental in their own ways. Naruto remembers everything, Sakura takes everything everyone says to heart, and Kakashi-sensei acts like everything Sasuke says is a piece of a complicated puzzle that defines who he is as a person.

He just wants to say shit without feeling like his life depends on his words.

Enter Iruka-sensei.

“Is everyone going to know what happened?” Sasuke releases his lip from his teeth, the dull sting beginning to become sharper the more he bites down.

“We’ll try to keep it between us three, but it’s likely you will run into a few colleagues who’ve been told the story. But don’t worry—nothing you did was in the wrong. You could have been more professional, but ultimately it wasn’t your fault and no one can blame you.” Iruka-sensei grabs his fountain pen and signs a slip inside an envelope , before pursing his lips. “You need to get better at handling high stress situations.” He enforces.

Sasuke draws circles on the ground with his toe before kicking glumly, pouting. “I know...” he admits. “It’s hard not to freeze up. Even thinking about being in that kind of situation is scary.”

Iruka-sensei adopts a thoughtful expression. “You know...I was against you entering the Chunin Exams.” He informs him. Sasuke blinks, having forgotten that Iruka-sensei would’ve been present for the Chunin Exam selections. After all Itachi was selected because of Academy recommendations....and Lord Danzo, but officially speaking it was his Academy teachers to blame. Iruka-sensei continues, “I actually wheedled my way into being allowed a preliminary test to ensure Kakashi-sensei’s recommendation was valid.” He chuckles. “Sakura greatly surprised me—I think she even knew it was me underneath that rogue ninja disguise. Naruto blew all of my expectations out the window, I mean, his improvement is off the charts!” Iruka-sensei praises.

Sasuke watches him carefully. He’s not sure where this story is going. “But you Sasuke, I was never able to test _you_. Do you know why?” Iruka-sensei asks, a glimmer in his eyes.

Sasuke suddenly resists the urge to slap himself. _Oh my god, that explains it._ The day before the Chunin Exams Sasuke sensed a killer intent heading his way. He’d run all about Konoha, even hidden behind public trash cans to escape the terrifying signature! “You couldn’t find me.” He realizes.

“Yes.” Iruka-sensei says warmly. “I couldn’t find you! I looked everywhere, but to no avail! Have you ever considered this might be your strong suit?”

Sasuke shuffles uncomfortably. “Not really. What good is being able to hide?” Sasuke scoffs.

“Since I never got the chance to really test you before—I decided to watch you extra carefully when Kakashi-sensei came to me about this internship of sorts.” Iruka-sensei barrels on. “I learned that you have a distinct maturity beyond your years that gives you the tools necessary to treat others respectfully and dissolve conflict. You’re a real problem solver! I knew almost immediately that intellectually, you’re worthy of being a Chunin.” Iruka-sensei holds up a finger. “The only thing left was to decide if you were physically capable enough to uphold the title.”

Sasuke holds his breath.

“You’re strong enough, Sasuke.” Iruka-sensei chuckles. “Don’t give me that face, it’s true! But despite your prodigal strength I believe it’s your ability to hide and your medical prowess that makes you deserving of the Chunin title.”

Sasuke shakes his head. “Okay, you lost me.” He confesses.

Iruka-sensei nods patiently. “If a medical ninja can hide, then how will an enemy ninja know to target them?”

Sasuke is inundated with a vision of Haku waiting in the trees just in case his master may have needed him. “...I never considered that.” Sasuke says quietly, his mind a sudden whir of thoughts and ideas. In fact, in multiple situations, it’s been his hiding skills that have kept him alive. Hiding from Mizuki, using the Mist Jutsu in the forest of death, hiding in Sakura’s closet, and the dozens of times he actually beat Itachi in a game of hide and seek. He’d never really thought about the option of playing to his skills. It’d always been ‘get better at this because you’re terrible at it.’ Maybe he needs to focus on what he’s good at and then perfect those skills.

“I can hear your thoughts from way out here.” Iruka-sensei jokes, snapping Sasuke to back to attention. “What’s on your mind?” he probes.

Sasuke shakes his head, a half smile tugging on his cheeks. “Just...realizing how right you are.”

Iruka-sensei laughs good-naturedly. “Well, I’ve been doing this a long time.”

Iruka-sensei dismisses him soon after, leaving Sasuke to ponder over his words of wisdom.

Much to Sasuke’s surprise, he’s never brought into questioning by the authorities on what happened in the hallway. Iruka-sensei and Mr. Regio’s word alone is enough to get Mrs. Lee fired, and he can’t really decide how he feels about that. It doesn’t feel fair, to him or to her, the way everything went down. Just like that Mrs. Lee will be fired, and just like that Sasuke is expected to forget all about the whole incident. The rest of the day is weird. Strangers ask him if he’s okay, and some strangers glare pointedly or roll their eyes at him. Sasuke’s used to incessant staring, but he’s not used to the floodgate of concerns and righteous exclamations people offer on his behalf. By lunch it’s all the school can talk about, and Sasuke admits that he reverts from his mostly-maintained diet in order to skip lunch. Instead of eating he helps out the school nurse healing the usual floodgate of patients that come in either way worse than they thought or obviously exaggerating their pain; Sasuke learned quickly that it’s never in between. By the time he leaves the school he’s completed all of his usual training modules and once again had to drag little Teslie back to school after she decided to play hooky for the fifth time this week. She’s tried to run away from school _every single day,_ and every single day like clockwork Sasuke carries the girl back inside. He’s starting to wonder if the reason she skips school is because she knows he’ll find her. Little Teslie kind of acts like she has a schoolgirl crush on him; if this is the case, he’s going to need to ask Iruka-sensei if he should contact her parent’s about the issue. He’s wholly uncomfortable with the thought of a six year old little girl crushing on his fourteen year old self.

Right about now Sakura’s should still be training with Anko-sensei. Naruto is probably arriving to the apartment, and Ino undoubtedly hanging out with Shikamaru and Choji. As Sasuke exits the Academy to finish up his daily routine, he feels unsettled. Not about Mrs. Lee. He’s not guilty that she’ll be fired, and he’s no longer disturbed by her words. Instead, something else is niggling at the back of his mind. Two memories to be exact; one of a hallway he’d stumbled across last week, and the other of Iruka-sensei telling Sasuke that hiding is his strong point.

So he spins on his heel because actually _does_ have somewhere important to be and then marches back inside, a destination in mind. His shirt is sticking to his skin with sweat, he smells of a combination of puke and antiseptic, but he still marches right passed the janitor with his head held high towards his sought after Academy hallway, large bag slung over his shoulder and swamping his small frame. 

Soon after the convoluted route to his destination is crossed and he spots what he was looking for; the large Academy achievement case where three of Itachi’s trophies are proudly on display. Itachi also has a plaque on the wall a little ways down, awarding him for his unrivaled Academy achievements. It’s next to Kakashi-sensei’s plaque that awards him for being the youngest Academy graduate of all time. Kakashi-sensei’s record is something that Itachi’s was always bitter about. He’d graduated at seven while Kakashi-sensei had graduated at five. Itachi had once complained that if were the one born in the era of the war then he’d probably have graduated at age _four,_ a whole year before the oh-so-great _Kakashi of the Sharingan_.

Unbidden, a rueful smile plasters onto Sasuke’s face as he stands before the large glass trophy class that nearly extends wall to wall of the narrow hallway. It’s as he’s reading the names that he notices Itachi isn’t alone in his controversial presence. Sasuke doesn’t think that it’s okay to put the names of such people on the wall of a school full of impressionable children, even if every name mentioned is highly accomplished. Orochimaru, Lady Tsunade, Kakashi-sensei, Itachi, Shisui, Anko, Neji...and those are just the names Sasuke personally recognizes. All of names on the awards and trophies have inarguably two things in common; one, their genius minds and two, their anti-traditionalism. For example, Lady Tsunade is renowned for trying to start up the requirement of a medic on every squad that leaves the village, arguing tooth and nail with the village elders and even more notably smacking her own sensei across the face. Orochimaru’s reputation speaks for itself, as does Itachi’s. Shisui was hated for his outgoing ideals about peace, and his renowned essay arguing that ninja’s very existence was built off of war and therefore can only breed war. Anko Miterashi is considered a traitor amongst most, what with her sensei being Orochimaru and how she still bears his curse mark. Neji is responsible for many rallies and uprisings of the branch family, as well as retaining the reputation of being insubordinate and deliberately disrespectful toward his superiors.

And all of them are geniuses.

The geniuses of Konoha hate Konoha, or at least the foundation of it.

At first Sasuke had been pissed off about the fact his brother’s name wasn’t removed from the Academy all together. But now he sees that whoever decided against demolishing this wall of negative influencers had a dark sense of humor and a penchant for toeing the line of depravity. Sasuke finds a chuckle slipping out of his chest. His own trophy is proudly displayed in this case as well—Rookie of the Year engraved across a small trophy shaped like a ninja headband with his name underlined in bold print.

This hallway is more than an overlooked endorsement of has-been role-models—whoever designed and kept this wall standing understood the risk of making such a bold statement. It’s not a coincidence that all these controversial names are gathered here in one place. Someone specifically created this wall.

Sasuke slides his bag off of his shoulder, unzips one of the many pockets, and pulls out a notebook and pen. He’s not very traditional when it comes to calligraphy. Scrolls and brushes are elegant and necessary for sealing, but otherwise Sasuke sticks to a normal writing set.

At first Sasuke squints through the glass to make out the names on the trophies and plaques, but then, feeling like a fool, he activates his Sharingan and flies through the names. He plans to look all of the people up in the library and figure out why these names in particular are compiled in one place. With a wince Sasuke comes across the name Mizuki, and later recognizes the name Kabuto. Kabuto had rubbed Sasuke the wrong way, with his slimy chakra signature and condescending attitude.

Another person may have wondered why no one had removed the names of, in the very least, the _rogue_ ninja’s from the walls. The answer is simple. Someone in the Academy had a rebellious side, and no higher-ups deigned to visit the Academy. They all considered themselves far too important for such lowly place. The only important face Sasuke had ever seen at the Academy was on special occasions, like visiting clan parents and when Lord Third would come to give a speech. The thing is this hall is pretty closed off. It’s a roundabout way to get to the boiler room, completely unnecessary in its tortuous existence. Parents would never come down this corridor and neither would Lord Third. In fact, the only people who would ever need to walk down this hallway are mechanics and maybe janitors. The hallway always struck him as peculiar, but last week when he stumbled across it he’d immediately started avoiding it like the plague after seeing Itachi’s name marked on the wall.

The hallway is weird anyway, even if you’re so unobservant you don’t notice the rogue-ninja- worshipping the walls and trophy cases endorse. Instead of hanging arts and crafts on the walls or the typical school posters, elegant and small black engravings line every wall of the hallway from top to bottom, shaped like delicate leaf insignias; the walls are faux bricks, and inside each brick is the symbol of the leaf. The walls are white and the design is actually very stylish compared to the rest of the academy, and the engravings had to be foolishly expensive. 

Looking around suspiciously, he puts his pencil back in his bag and shoves the notebook in as well, hurriedly zipping it closed. The hallway is silent, eerily so. Even in a hallway as empty as this one when it’s school hours the voices of children echo every which way and create a constant buzz of noise.

He notices something peculiar as he quietly makes his way back out of the building. There’s no reason to sneak, but he’d rather not take his chances after the wild accusations Mrs. Lee had spat at him and Iruka-sensei said so himself that Sasuke’s good at hiding, should even practice it.

Engraved on the spot where the wall meets the ceiling amongst hundreds and hundreds of leaf insignia’s is a single small cross. He’d never have noticed it if not for his Sharingan being activated. The X runs right in the center of the Leaf Insignia.

Sasuke stops moving his feet and stands in the middle of the hallway with his bag hanging loose in his arm, trying to convince himself that the cross on the Leaf is a an wall scar or a smudge of dirt. His Sharingan spins and Sasuke’s stomach plummets like he’s launched himself off the edge of a waterfall. He turns his Sharingan off and shakily grips his bag tighter, hiking it up his shoulders and starting off down the hall at a hurried pace.

He doesn’t know why it all connects, doesn’t know why Mrs. Lee’s words keep ringing in his head, but he’s discovered over the years that he doesn’t know a lot of things. Despite what everyone says Sasuke doesn’t actually know everything. But he’s starting to think that if he wanted to know everything, he could.

_Do I want to?_ Sasuke grits his teeth and hunches his shoulders, barreling out of Academy exit B and starting off in the direction of the market. His chakra signature is probably as sporadic as his thrumming pulse as confusion and panic intermingle within him. _Who were the rest of those people? The names I didn’t know? Are they rogues too?_

Sasuke weaves through the market, dodging a few familiar faces in order to avoid conversations. Sasuke is unable to tear himself away from the furious questions wreaking havoc on his equanimity. His feet instinctively carry him down the road, and despite the trek being significantly shorter than the distance he’s used to walking to the Uchiha Compound, he wishes the entire walk that he was safe inside the apartment. He glances over his shoulder more times than he can count.

_All of my life, I’ve answered questions._ Naruto asked, Sasuke answered. Iruka-sensei asked, Sasuke answered. Strangers came to him and asked, Sasuke answered. Kakashi-sensei asked, Sasuke answered.

Why? Why hadn’t Sasuke ever _asked_?

If Sasuke wasn’t mean to know, then he wouldn’t always be the first person to figure it out. Everyone great discovery begins with a question. Sasuke’s not ready to start asking questions, he’s not ready to face another demon.

But then why did he go back inside and check the hall? Sasuke had seen something like this coming. Actually, the moment he walked through the double doors of the Chunin Exams he’d sensed something off, something wrong. He’d known Kabuto was trouble, sensed Orochimaru’s presence, and signed his cousin’s name in place of his own on the consent forms. His mind short circuits to the image of Mizuki-sensei, of the disbelief he faced about what happened on that autumn day. Sasuke always assumed that...there’s no point in asking if the answer he receives is going to be a lie. And Fugaku and Mikoto never let him ask questions. His house demanded unquestioned obedience, and Itachi demanded unquestioned loyalty. As his life progressed those ideals were only reinforced when Lord Third lied to his face about his family’s deaths, and then Mizuki happened and Sasuke finally got up the courage to tell someone and they didn’t believe him. Like always. 

Kabuto asked him if he thought the village was involved in the Massacre. Sasuke spent his whole life telling himself he didn’t care, that his family is dead no matter if the genocide was a deliberate act or one of insanity. But Kabuto drugged up old questions, and now here Sasuke is, once again being the first to notice, and the first to ask. The question remains...will Sasuke seek answers or will he let someone else do the talking?

Before Sasuke knows it, he’s standing in front of the apartment door and knocking. Ever since Naruto took to locking the door, Sasuke had to train himself to knock instead of just walking in. He didn’t see why Naruto felt the need to lock it. If a competent ninja wanted to attack them they sure as hell wouldn’t use the door. But it made Naruto feel better, so he shrugged and knocked instead.

Naruto swings the door open. Sasuke plasters on a smile. Naruto inevitably asks what’s wrong.

Sasuke...pauses. He could tell his best friend about the sound symbol, and about Kabuto. Naruto’s trustworthy and Sakura is too, as well as Ino.

But something about this situation rubs Sasuke the wrong way. He doesn’t actually want Naruto to know.

So instead he tells Naruto about Mrs. Lee. He sits down at the kitchen counter and talks about the rumors she spread and the words she spat straight to his face. Naruto expresses indignation, and when Ino knocks on the door and is invited inside Sasuke reiterates the story to receive a similar reaction. When Naruto tattles about him skipping lunch, Ino gasps annoyingly and hurries off to start cooking him something, angrily ranting to Naruto all the while. “I mean how dare she? She literally had no right, I mean, it just pisses me off.” Ino aggressively chops vegetables with a wide bladed knife, Naruto furiously agreeing.

Sasuke isn’t so sure. Mrs. Lee didn’t seem like a bitch. She just seemed...misguided. He’d bet money that the Uchiha Clan wronged her. That doesn’t give her the right to take it out on Sasuke, Ino’s right about that, but it gives her a motive.

When Sakura comes in the whole situation restarts itself, except Sakura’s indignant fury is much more vengeful and angry than Naruto and Ino’s sympathetic whining. Sakura threatens bodily harm to Mrs. Lee, shouts downright vulgar and completely biased opinions, and retains the opinion that Iruka-sensei should have nipped the issue at the bud before it got to the point where other staff members were affected. Sasuke actually finds her reaction a lot more satisfying than Naruto and Ino’s, who just wanted to complain and bitch for hours instead of actually doing something. Within ten minutes of hearing about the incident Sakura is talking about starting a freaking petition to require all Academy Teachers to go through training on how to handle psychiatric episodes, because she believes that Mr. Regio should have recognized the signs of a panic attack before Iruka-sensei interrupted the squabble.

Sasuke explains that it wasn’t quite a panic attack, he it was actually an anxiety attack, but his words only spur her on. She waves her arms about and shouts, “Another good point! Teachers should be able to tell the difference between an anxiety and panic attack, both of which have easily recognizable warning signs! _Iruka-sensei_ noticed, didn’t he?! I swear sometimes I think that sexist asshole is the only competent teacher in the whole damn SCHOOL!” For whatever reason, Sakura’s always thought that Iruka-sensei is sexist. And Sasuke can see why. Iruka-sensei is far from old fashioned, but the way he treats girls is noticeably different from how he treats boys.

Sasuke actually agrees that the school staff could benefit from some psychological training, but advises Sakura that they shouldn’t try to start a petition until maybe _after_ the Chunin Exams. She begrudgingly agrees, but only after arguing that the Chunin Exams would be the perfect time for righteous change due to how many important figureheads gather in one place on tournament day. But Sasuke stands by his words; Team Seven has way too much on their plate as it is.

The day drags on. Sasuke taps his foot impatiently and hardly eats anything. He’s admittedly both touched and annoyed by the responding concern Ino shoots his way, but no one asks him what’s wrong after hearing about the distressing story of the day. Everyone else talks and chats about their own training, Ino mentioning their training with Jiraiya. Jiraiya trains all of them on Sundays and Fridays, but does special training with Naruto specifically after practice with Ebisu on Mondays and Thursdays. Sasuke has yet to find out what Jiraiya’s been teaching Naruto. No matter how much Ino needles for information Naruto remains very tight-lipped on the subject yet still obviously excited to show off on tournament day.

Sasuke’s learned quite a bit from Jiraiya in the combat-sense; after watching Team Seven fight, Jiraiya suggested Sasuke take up a long distance weapon. Sasuke then admitted he knew his way around the bow and arrow. Jiraiya was quick to encourage the suggestion. His archery is a bit rusty, and it brings back both sickeningly sweet memories, but Sasuke still wants to master the technique. For a ninja who has a severe touch aversion a little bow and arrow can go a long way—metaphorically and literally.

As the immediate flood of greetings and talking dies down, Ino packing up and leaving for the night, Sakura and Naruto cuddle up on the couch and Sasuke grabs a book from his bag. He starts pretending to read. Usually right about now he’d feel perfectly at ease, he might even make himself a cup of tea to sip at while reading quietly in the corner, but his mind is far too rampant to try to process text and paragraphs right now. Instead he stares down at his page dully, letting his body slump forward in exhaustion.

He can’t stop thinking about the musical note hidden amongst the Leaf Insignias. The disturbing part, the terrifying part, is that he hallway only leads two places; Mr. Borin’s classroom and the boiler room. It’s weird that the hallway has trophies in it at all, no behaved student is going to wander that far off unless they’re like Sasuke and are asocial enough to want to take a quiet walking route that lets them avoid brushing shoulders with strangers.

Kakashi-sensei laid out his Anbu schedule for Sasuke a while ago, so Sasuke knows that at 2pm tonight Kakashi-sensei will slink back into the apartment for a maximum of thirty minutes before leaving for missions once more. He checks the clock. It’s only seven. Sasuke’s got plenty of time to kill before his sensei will need him to help with his injuries. 

He turns a page to his book, the words on the paper blurring out of focus as he sinks deeper and deeper into contemplation. He’s coming up with a plan, wracking his brain in order to connect the scattered dots presented before him.

He has an idea. He stands up. “Hey, guys, I’m going to go to the library to pick up a few books, is that cool?” he points his thumb in the direction of the door, met with twin shrugs as his friends smile back at him.

“Go for it!” Naruto enthuses, and Sasuke relaxes for all but two seconds before noticing the skeptical look Sakura is giving him.

“Yeah, okay, be safe.” Sakura meets his eye, and his own eyes skittishly dart away on instinct, before he forces himself to hold eye contact. Sakura levels him with a flat stare. “There’s something I needed to talk to Naruto about anyway.” Sakura turns away to meet Naruto’s curious stare, and Sasuke gratefully takes his leave, unsure if he imagined Sakura’s suspicion or not. 

“Bye.” Sasuke calls, turning away and heading toward the door to grab his shoes. With shoes in hand he digs around his bag an finds the notebook he jotted the trophy case names down on. He sticks his pen into his mouth as he slides on his sandals. Then he unlocks their various locks and heads down the hall. Naruto and Sakura’s muffled goodbyes reverberate in his skull as he hurries down the staircase and out the double doors of the apartment complex.

The night air is cooler than the daytime, but even in the evening warmth still wraps around him like a blanket. The air is crisp and lacking any humidity, and earlier than usual the moon is peeking out of the light blue sky. Sasuke’s mind is less peaceful than the world around him. While he’s walking, he thinks of Mizuki and Kabuto, the sound ninja that attacked him, the truth about Sakura’s parents, and how in the world Orochimaru is connected to all of it.

Even though it’s the least recent terror that has struck him across the cheek Sasuke mostly thinks of Mizuki. There’s something familiar about the way Mizuki lured him in, made him feel safe, before snapping at him with viper fangs. He should’ve seen the betrayal coming but instead Sasuke willfully galloped into the trap. He’d blinded himself from the obvious because he’d wanted so desperately for someone to believe in him as Mizuki claimed to. Mizuki, his old academy sensei, had tried to...Sasuke winces. It all just feels like one big _mess_ and he has no choice but to clean it up. It reminds him of how Sakura’s chakra signature has lately been untangling itself from the messy glob it used to be, becoming more refined and direct. That’s what he has to do. Like Sakura is meticulously refining herself into the end result she desires Sasuke must do the same. He needs to pick up one piece of the mess at a time until he’s left with a clean starting point. He just wished it was as easy as theory made it seem.

He takes a deep breath, slowing his pace down and thinking back to when he was eleven years old and still, even after everything he’d been through, a gullible child.

Back then, Mizuki was always nice to Sasuke. He brought Sasuke lunch when he didn’t have any and let Sasuke eat it alone in his classroom, supervised by Mizuki. Mizuki would work and Sasuke would eat quietly, happy to not be in the midst of the cafeteria rush.

Sasuke hadn’t thought much of it when Mizuki noticed that Sasuke’s eyes would occasionally flicker red. He’d asked about it and Sasuke rubbed his eyes and made some excuse about weird lighting. When he commented on Sasuke’s incredible reaction time and throwing accuracy, Sasuke enthused he’d been practicing constantly. Which wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the whole truth, either. Sasuke only realized all the instances after it was too late.

The last straw that clued Mizuki in on Sasuke’s eyes was when he’d walked in on Sasuke wiping blood off his face like teardrops, back when his migraines were frequent and his eyes burned constantly. Mizuki had hurried over in concern that Sasuke now knows was faked. He’d lied to Sasuke’s face about why he followed him into the bathroom. He’d said he’d noticed Sasuke rubbing his head and eyes and become concerned. Sasuke ate the attention up like a starved dog, but denied there being a serious issue with his eyes all the same.

One day Mizuki pulled him aside and asked Sasuke if he’d like individual training after school. Sasuke, ecstatic that Mizuki was interested in his skills, had accepted without a second thought. He’d grown to like Mizuki over the years and at the time he hadn’t thought there was anything to worry about. Mizuki was one of his nicer teachers, and the _only_ teacher to never compare him to Itachi.

Later that day he’d met up with Mizuki, on a night just like this one with the perfect mixture of warmth and breeze that makes every breath come easier. Little Sasuke’s hopes were high. Nearly bursting with excitement he didn’t know how to express in other way but a big bright smile, Sasuke met Mizuki at the training grounds, gear equipped and ready for action. Mizuki did exactly what he said he would; he trained Sasuke and as an added bonus showered him with praise.

Sasuke hadn’t noticed anything was wrong until Mizuki came up behind him to correct his kunai form. Sasuke knew his kunai form was flawless, and when Mizuki held his hand to adjust his grip he’d jerked away on instinct. Mizuki had misinterpreted the action and instantly lunged for him.

He’d flipped Sasuke over and pinned him to the ground, using Sasuke’s kunai to press against his rapidly fluctuating jugular. Pinned to the ground Sasuke had frozen in terror, stuck underneath Mizuki’s much larger form.

It’s not that Sasuke noticed Mizuki’s ill-intentions. Mizuki was always nice and his chakra signature flowery and soothing. But Sasuke hated to be touched, and Mizuki had frightened him. Sasuke’s fright made Mizuki think the gig was up, and he’d lunged for attack.

Sasuke assumes that if he hadn’t reacted to Mizuki’s grip so violently then maybe Mizuki would’ve tried asking him about the Sharingan instead of randomly attacking him. But he’ll never know for sure what Mizuki had actually been planning.

Mizuki threatened him, demanded Sasuke activate his Sharingan, and when Sasuke attempted to explain that he couldn’t, Mizuki called him a liar. He stuck a shuriken in Sasuke’s arm and demanded the truth. Sasuke doesn’t remember whether he cried or not, he only remembers staring between Mizuki and the blade lodged into his arm in complete shock. It was as Mizuki was shouting and screaming at him to turn the Sharingan on that Sasuke kneed him as hard as he could. Mizuki had cried out, punched Sasuke in the ribs, but Sasuke was pain tolerant and fast enough to sock Mizuki right in the nose, hitting once and then twice until he heard a pop. Then he’d yanked the shuriken out of his arm and thrown it into Mizuki’s grabbing hands. The blood that burst from his teacher’s palms had splattered against Sasuke’s cheek, smearing his pale skin with a deep red.

Sasuke remembers running, but he doesn’t remember feeling tired or noticing the pain of the bruise on his chest. He vividly remembers hearing his short inhales and exhales as he sidestepped through tree branches and lunged over roots, never once stopping until he’d made it to an old hiding place he’d once used against Itachi in a game of hide and seek. The training grounds Mizuki took him to has a dock that leads out into a huge lake. The dock sinks deep into the water, dark rough waves splashing against the shoreline in a never ending torrent. The dock had always been sturdy, as far as docks go, all except one loose floorboard. Sasuke remembers diving into the lake and swimming underneath the dock, gripping onto the dislodged floorboard for purchase. Mizuki’s footsteps had come rushing in some time later. Sasuke had sensed his chakra before hearing him, and the moment Mizuki came within walking distance Sasuke plunged himself under water, not resurfacing until Mizuki’s curse words died out and his chakra signature vanished. He’d gasped for air as he lunged up out of the black water, wiping his wet hair with his palms and blinking against the renewal of dim light.

The advantage of the loose floorboard was that Sasuke could cling to it for hours without exerting any energy to stay afloat. That night he’d been too afraid to go home, scared Mizuki would search for him in his apartment. He lived alone, after all, and he didn’t trust the authorities. He’d clung to the loose floorboard until the sun set and then rose once more, and only then did Sasuke dare to drag himself back to his apartment on high alert, change clothes, and head to the academy—late, for once.

By the time he got to the Academy everyone in school was talking about how Sasuke had had some sort of mental breakdown and punched a teacher the night before during detention. Sasuke hadn’t had a detention at all, but Mizuki had gotten to the authorities first and spun an irrefutable lie. Sasuke had tried his best to explain his side of the story, even demonstrating the wound on his arm, but Mizuki had already conjured an explanation for that, too. Mizuki claimed that Sasuke had done it to himself. Mizuki said that he’d tried to come over to calm Sasuke down and stop him from injuring himself further but Sasuke reacted violently and ended up punching Mizuki out of the way. It was a totally absurd and yet completely believable story.

Sasuke’s protests eventually lead to the authorities checking the cameras, because conveniently enough Mizuki’s detention had not been in a classroom where cameras are prohibited, but out in the hall where cameras are encouraged. The black and white footage clearly showed Sasuke doing everything Mizuki claimed, and Sasuke was declared to be a problem child. A simple shadow clone and a transformation jutsu was all Mizuki needed to fake the evidence.

Not that anyone cared.

He thinks about being back there; underneath the dock with his hands slick and slippery and his body shivering with the cold as exhaustion crept in and his eyelids grew heavier and heavier until Sasuke was tempted to let go and submerge himself into the murky depths below. After the Mizuki incident Sasuke spent his lunches at the nearby restaurant, and whenever anyone asked him about what happened, Sasuke said nothing. If they were just going to call him a liar, there was no point in showing them his vulnerable side. It would only cause him pain.

Sasuke’s doesn’t deny he _is_ a liar. But he’d never been caught lying. In his entire life if Sasuke wanted to lie he would, without consequence. That’s what makes what happened with Mizuki so frustrating. Being disbelieved after actually telling the truth for once made Sasuke think that people would only believe his lies, and only accept his silence.

But today he hadn’t lied to Sakura and Naruto about where he was headed. 

He _is_ going to the library to pick up a book—a copy of the bingo book, actually. He wants to compare the names on his list compiled from the trophy case with those of Konoha’s missing ninja.

Down the road, around the building with a broken sign, passed the bright green bike rack, and up-up-up an annoyingly steep staircase lies Konoha’s largest library. Sasuke passes by each check point with growing anxiety, picking up his pace over and over again until he’s nearly running, zipping by passer byers with single-minded determination. He needs to figure out why all the names connect. There has to be something more that links them together than all the names belonging to disreputable shinobi.

He finally climbs the long metallic staircase that leads up to the library, slightly out of breath throughout the uphill ascension. He makes his way across the concrete path and past a sea of finely trimmed greenery. He steps up to the entrance and pulls the handles of the glass paneled doors, a slight gust of air following him inside. The library is exactly as he remembers it, the smell of worn paper consuming his senses. The noise of the outside world muffles as the door slows to a shut behind him. It’s quiet in the library, like the building suctions you away from reality.

The atmosphere grants him the peace of mind to slow his pace down and wipe his brow of sweat. He waves at Ms. Beeves, the old maid with dark red hair and perfectively manicured fingernails who runs the library. She raises an eyebrow at him with a gentle smile. “Back so soon?” her voice has always sounded smooth and high, but her manner of speech is similar to a teen girl who chews gum and snaps her fingers. It’s an odd combination, but one that Sasuke’s become strangely familiar with over the years.

“I’m actually looking for an older edition of the Bingo Book? Do you have one?” Sasuke approaches her desk, running his hands along the smooth wood and studying the assortment of pens and papers strewn about her mahogany desk.

“I think so?” she screws her nose, “Let me go check the discontinued section.” She nods to herself and rolls her eyes as she turns, heading down the hall. Sasuke thrums his fingers along the desk with a huff of air, waiting impatiently for her return.

Ms. Beeves comes back out from the back, lazily holding an old torn up version of the Bingo Book. Sasuke can see a blood stain from where he’s standing, and also notes that the binding is torn. He clears his throat as Mrs. Beeves tosses the book onto the counter before him. “You can’t check this out but you’re welcome to look at it here.” Ms. Beeves stares at him dispassionately.

Sasuke picks up the book and briefly observes it, “Cool. Thanks Ms. Beeves.”

“Yup.” She chirps.

On his way to a secluded sitting area Sasuke picks up a present-day Bingo Book. He finds a table to sit at and pulls out a chair, briefly stretching his chakra senses out to scout the perimeter for prying eyes. Finding the coast to be clear Sasuke opens up his notebook and gets to work.

A near hour later, Sasuke discovers that out of all sixty-seven names he copied down in his notebook fifty of them are rogue ninjas, and only nine of them are dead. He knows they’re dead because of the outdated Bingo Book he grabbed; their names once existed but are now no longer in the book. It might seem weird to check the background of the dead rogues first, but Sasuke actually has quite a bit of theory behind the decision. The way they died could be telling to however all of these people in the trophy case are connected.

He roams every corner of the library until he comes across a book about deceased Bingo rogues and their deaths. It was written by Howard Stewart with the intention of teaching the younger generations how to scout and kill rogues. Sasuke is going to use it to identify the nine rogues he found memorialized on the Academy wall. He searches the Index of the book for the first name on his list; Setsuno Rhye. According to the bingo book she was a Konoha ninja for twelve years before disappearing after failing the Jounin exams. Sasuke also learns she was thought dead for a time before reappearing as a rogue ninja, making wild accusations that her own team attempted to assassinate her. Met with the disbelief of loyalists, she killed a total of nineteen Konoha Chunin and Genin before being taken out by the Anbu Cat division. A strange occurrence, seeing as most rogue ninjas are handled by the Anbu Falcon division; but it’s far from concrete evidence. The Cat Division may usually handle underground work but they’re known for assassination and it’s not unbelievable that they would handle a woman like Setsuno Rhye who was disparaging Konoha’s reputation.

The second person on Sasuke’s list is a bit trickier to find. Tai Jackson was hardly a rogue ninja for three months, and Sasuke ends up having to loot through some old Konoha records to dig up information on him. He graduated the Academy early at the age of ten and went on to make Chunin at the age of thirteen. While he was on a solo B-rank mission his Genin team went on what was supposed to be a no brainer mission, but surprise-surprise there were unexpected conditions that lead to them getting captured by a group of terrorists. Their capturers demanded Konoha pay them 30 milion yen, but supposedly the Genin team and their Jounin-sensei were already killed by the time Konoha agreed to pay the ransom. Sasuke doubts the honesty of the story, however, because Tai Jackson came home from his mission in pure rage, killing two Anbu guards before fleeing from the village. Strangely enough, the Anbu team that stopped his rampage once again belonged to the Cat Division.

Sasuke’s beginning to see a pattern—but, twice is a coincidence, and three is a pattern. He narrows his eyes at the next name on his list. He can’t help but remind himself that Itachi belonged to the Cat Division of the Anbu, along with Kakashi-sensei.

The next name on his list died inside the Interrogation center, officially assassinated by a man belonging to the Cat division. Try as Sasuke might, that’s about all he can find out about Tonakatsu Reisu. Reisu spent three months under severe interrogations by the Wolf division before being quietly injected with an anesthesia by am Anbu from the Cat division. Otherwise Tonakatsu Reisu seems to be completely erased from the records.

Four, five, six, and seven all play out in similar ways, with suspicious reasons for going rogue and even shadier deaths—all administered by the Cat Division, and all with minimal information released to the public. Sasuke does some extreme digging and finds a lot more out about number eight, Marie Smith, who was actually a member of the Cat Division for a time being. She released a statement that threatened blackmail on Lord Third himself with supposed crippling evidence, but horribly enough her husband—the only ninja who knew her location at the time—found and killed her. Her husband was a retired member of the Cat Division. Number Nine is just as terrible. Daiton Terrance, a man living his days out as a Jounin Sensei, accused Orochimaru Lord Third’s at-the-time prized student of kidnapping his son. _Apparent, unspecified_ evidence found Terrance guilty of treason and the Cat Division privately executed him. 

Sasuke sits back in his chair, thinking. Kakashi-sensei’s working for the Cat Division this very moment.

He mulls an idea over in his head, but it really, really doesn’t sound appealing. He taps his shoe, bites his nail, and can’t seem to will himself into a decision. Most of the stuff Sasuke will want to know is probably buried deep, especially since Sasuke’s not sure what exactly he’s searching for. What he _wants_ is to find out what the connection is. Why Mizuki, Kabuto, Orochimaru, Kakashi-sensei, Shisui, Anko, and Lady Tsuande are all featured in the same trophy case.

_What happened? What’s the link?_

It doesn’t make sense that the cat division handled all the previous cases of those dead rogues. The Cat Division is under Lord Hokage’s direct jurisdiction. Why would he want them to do such needless jobs when the Cat Division is comprised of the most elite ninja in the village? The Cat Division is supposed to do underground work, like assassinate princesses and eliminate tyrants, not go after rogues.

Sasuke takes a deep, steadying breath, his eyes shifting about the room cautiously as he senses a second chakra presence within the library. Without thinking twice he stands up, forcing himself to remain calm as he gathers the scrolls and books he’d picked up in the last four hours. It didn’t take him any time to read them. The struggle was in piecing together all the information of the many scrolls and books he had to find scattered amongst the shelves and shelves lining the walls of the double-floored library. He stretches out his chakra signature, noting that the newcomer is familiar, an Anbu Black-Op, and is chatting with the librarian perched at her desk. He moves as efficiently as possible, his photographic memory allowing him to remember every place he found each book. Sasuke firmly believes that there is no such thing as too much caution, and he doesn’t want to leave a trace of his presence.

He slides books into their rightful places as he walks down the aisles, scrolls in a lump sum and both paperback and hardback books overflowing his arms. He pulls out a drawer and carefully places two scrolls back into place, steps on a stool to shove a book on the top shelf, and finally makes his way to the second floor that overlooks the bottom floor. With his heart rate racing from adrenaline he finishes off the upstairs floor and slowly makes his way down the stairs with a book in hand that reads _Tournament Tactics for Dummies_. He walks past the librarian’s desk, almost disbelieving to the fact he managed to get by unnoticed, when the Anbu Black-Op calls out to him, “You’re Uchiha Sasuke, right?”

Sasuke turns around, tucking the book to his chest and keeping his gaze on the floor. “That’s right.” He confirms, clutching the book tighter.

“I saw your match at the prelims, I was on guard that day. Quite the impressive use of that Sharingan, you know. That Genjutsu is unrivaled. We could use a guy like you in our ranks.” A year ago, Sasuke would’ve smirked, but the expression would’ve been dull and dispassionate. He would’ve told the Anbu _likewise, I’m training to be a in the Falcon Division_ and then walked away feeling drained and without reason.

Now though, he smiles ever so slightly, showing off the book in his hands. “Well, right now I just want to make it to Chunin.” He says lightly.

The man laughs at him good-naturedly, his mask multi-colored and vibrant. Sasuke’s positive he recognizes the signature, and the mop of brown hair on the man’s head as well. He can’t seem to place him, however. “That’s a good goal, kiddo. Take it at your own pace. With a teacher like Kakashi you can so anything you want. Tell your sensei that Cat said hello, will you?”

“Uh, right yeah. I will.” Sasuke nods his head awkwardly, turning around with a wave. With his heartbeat thrumming a mile a minute, he pushes out of the library doors and into the cloudy night. He shivers in the nippy air, wrapping his arms around himself and slowing walking down the metal staircase, looking up to see Konoha’s central city covered in lanterns, string lights, and the sound of ninja pattering against rooftops as they return from missions.

The answer comes to him when he spots the Hokage Tower, noticing it’s distinctness in the darkness of the night. It glows in abundance, it’s beautiful appearance misleading as to what occurs within its doors. He wonders what Lord Hokage is up to right about now, if he’s still at work signing papers or if he’s returned home to get in some much needed sleep for an old man. Itachi always hated Lord Third, called him an incompetent senile old man past his peak. Kakashi-sensei doesn’t seem to like Lord Third either, and Sasuke digresses that he doesn’t possess much fondness for their long-time Hokage either. Huh, he realizes _. Itachi, Kakashi-sensei, and I were all featured on that stupid trophy case._

He takes a deep shaky breath. Orochimaru and Lady Tsunade are Lord Hokage’s students, and they two were featured on the wall. Heck, Anko was Orochimaru’s apprentice, making her a direct associate of Lord Third. Sasuke mulls the rest of the names over in his head, beginning to frown. The stories of all the ninja couldn’t have been more different, but the result is the same.

Kabuto lived at the orphanage that Lord Hokage specifically shut down and stopped funding. Shisui wanted to be Hokage and was explicitly and publicly demeaned by Lord Third, called incompetent for the position. Kakashi-sensei was taught by Lord Fourth who was taught by Jiraiya who was a student of the Third Hokage. And if that seems like a stretch, well, let’s reinstate that Kakashi-sensei worked in the Cat Division for _years._ And Mizuki? After being rejected by Lord Third for the position of Academy-sensei he went against Lord Third’s orders and got the endorsement of not only Lord Danzo but both village elders, overwriting Lord Third’s rejection.

All nine of the dead rogue ninja were killed by Lord Hokage’s direct order. Someone built a trophy case out of people wronged by Lord Hokage. Rogue ninja, loyal Konoha ninja, dead, or alive, all of the people on that trophy case were grouped together for a reason. _What reason?_

Sasuke can hear his own heart beating. Both of his hands come up to cup his face, his eyes wide with horror. He rubs his face for a minute before blatantly realizing he’s on the last step of the staircase. He walks down and towards town, trying to erase the burning assumption from his mind.

He can’t seem to, however. The names almost feel like a code, and despite the fact nearly no one walks down that hallway, the names couldn’t have been hung up for long without someone noticing. Sasuke would say a month, tops. Meaning that the trophy case is a recent thing, and so is the hidden Sound Symbol amongst the Leaf insignias.

If Sasuke’s guessing correctly, the names are a sign of revolt, a symbol to represent revolution. The word rebellion settles itself in the crevices of Sasuke’s mind, reminding him of Kakashi-sensei telling him that rebellion is beautiful. Kakashi-sensei does a lot of questionable things, things that are against the rules. Rebellion, Sasuke wonders, his feet carrying him on autopilot as his mind blanks around that one hypothesis.

He should quit while he’s ahead.

If there is another rebellion going on, Sasuke wants nothing to do with it. He doesn’t want anyone to get hurt. He’s not his family, and has no desire to become anything like any one of them. If he chases after some maybe-rebellion and finds it to be real, he’s setting himself up for death or worse. Sasuke thinks it’s better to stay out of it. It’s better not to be curious. For all Sasuke knows, he could be looking way too far into this. _Liar_ , a voice hisses, but he already knew that. After what he saw Kakashi-sensei doing the other day, he knows that it’s likely this revolution is very real. But Sasuke’s afraid, and that fear roots him in place.

_Actions have consequences, everyone always tells you that. But no one ever tells you that doing nothing may create an even worse outcome._

The remembrance of the words he’d said to Inari back at the Land of Waves makes Sasuke pause in his abrupt decision. He’d warned Inari of his inert stance, cautioned him that Sasuke did nothing and still regrets it. Staying out of this fight won’t change anything. If he wants to help people, he needs to get answers, find out what’s going on. Things have been off ever since Orochimaru infiltrated the village. The lack of Chunin Exam diversity, Kabuto, and Sakura are all obvious signs of a much bigger issue at hand.

Sasuke’s rule of never being curious is self-serving. And this...this isn’t about him. This is about the thousands and thousands of people an uprising will affect. Sasuke won’t let people get hurt because of a dumb rule he blindly follows that Fugaku of all people drilled into him. His mom can’t tell him he’s imagining things that aren’t there. Itachi can’t tell him he’s worthless. Shisui can’t enforce his utopian desire. His family had their chance to make a difference. Fugaku was self-serving, Itachi wanted revenge, mom wanted safety, and Shisui was delusional about the existence of a utopia; Sasuke doesn’t need to idolize these people. He’s always put them on a pedestal impossible to reach and quietly sat underneath it, never trying to best them.

But Sasuke’s beginning to see the difference between him and the clan. The clan was calling for a war that never needed to come to fruition. The clan wanted to be Konoha, not beat Konoha.

Sasuke is fighting in a war and he has no desire for unwarranted power. He doesn’t want to be on top, he wants everyone to meet in the middle. He doesn’t fight for himself, his wants, or the desire for perfection. Sasuke fights to protect.

And doing nothing won’t protect anyone.

Sasuke straightens his shoulders and enters town. If Kakashi-sensei really is a member of some massive rebellion, if there really are a group of people out there who realize the truth about Lord Third, Sasuke needs to know their plan. He needs to accept that not in spite of, but because of his loyalty to the village, a rebellion may be necessary.

And learning the truth all starts with an action as simple as asking a question. Sasuke walks under the starry sky as he passes through a lantern lit town to head towards Kakashi-sensei’s apartment, all the while panicking over the prospect of confronting his teacher. He can’t help but feel as if he’s about to light a match when all his life he’d warned himself not to play with fire.

Hours later, and Sasuke is lying down in the makeshift bed comprised of a couch that Sakura and Naruto gave him, awake as can be. With the grace of a cat Sasuke slinks out of his covers and crawls over the back of the couch, landing softly onto the wooden floor. Sakura and Naruto sleep peacefully in their sleeping bags, unaware of their teammate’s movement. He pads across the floor, glad he slipped on a pair of socks before bed to help muffle the slapping sound of bare feet against wood. He flicks on the Sharingan, and if it weren’t for the sobriety of the situation he might have smiled. He’s surprised even himself with how much he’s grown to love having the Sharingan. He’d always wondered why the Sharingan was luminescent in the dark, the vibrant red visible no matter the time of day. But now he knows that the Sharingan has night-vision, allowing him to see in the dark without squinting in the slightest.

He creaks open the door to Kakashi-sensei’s room, breath hitching in surprise when a gloved hand pulls up underneath the window and shoves upward at the exact same moment. The window opens, letting in a gust of wind that echoes and whirrs in the silence of the apartment. Sasuke breathes deeply and observes as his sensei crawls through the window and lands on the floor, looking thankfully uninjured, despite the blood staining his uniform. Sasuke winces at the metallic smell, doing his best to differentiate the situations of his life before the massacre and now—of Itachi and Kakashi-sensei.

“Yo.” Kakashi-sensei greets. “No injuries to report. Sorry for the inconvenience, I know my suffering has given you a lot of great training opportunities.” he says lightly.

“Don’t joke about that.” Despite his the firmness of his words Sasuke’s voice and expression undeniably softens.

Kakashi-sensei chuckles, but before he can say anything, make some excuse to avoid talking like he usually does, Sasuke takes a deep breath. He doesn’t want to back out, so he gives up clarity in favor of bravery. “I need to talk to you.” He swallows thickly.

“Hm?” Kakashi-sensei narrows his eye in concern. Sasuke closes the door to his bedroom shut, flicking on the lighting and deactivating his Sharingan. The light makes Kakashi-sensei grumble and rub both of his uncovered eyes, but it relaxes Sasuke. Now he can see the objects in the room, the clinical organization of all of his teacher’s objects that is starkly different from Itachi’s cluttered bedroom.

Sasuke focuses on the ground. It never gets easier to see Kakashi-sensei’s Mangkeyou, and it never gets easier being alone in the bedroom with him, but the lights do help, and so does the weird safe feeling Sasuke gets whenever he’s around his sensei. _This isn’t about me_ , he reminds himself. _I’ll regret it forever if someone gets hurt and I could’ve stopped it_.

“I don’t really like causing trouble.” Sasuke begins, fists clenching. “And believe me I know how crazy I sound for suggesting what I’m about to suggest...” Sasuke swallows, listening to Kakashi-sensei’s slightly haggard breathing. “But are you...are you...”

Kakashi-sensei’s face blanks, and the expression floods Sasuke in anxiety. He panics, his gaze shooting up from the floor and scavenging about the room as he struggles to find the right words. He quakes with terror. _You could always back out_ , he tells himself. _You don’t have to do this. It’s making you so uncomfortable, why do it?_ With a vengeance Sasuke pushes these tempting thoughts aside, knowing that if he does this half-heartedly then he won’t do it at all. He needs to be all in. He needs to get his mouth to move and his vocal cords to vibrate with sound.

“I’ve noticed things.” He says carefully.

Kakashi-sensei waits patiently. Sasuke’s noticed that about his sensei. Kakashi-sensei seems to possess an endless supply of patience. Around his sensei Sasuke rarely feels rushed. Intimidated, yes, critically observed, definitely, but never rushed. Sasuke knows that Kakashi-sensei will let him say his peace. He won’t interrupt, nor will he jump to conclusions. It’s a nice change from Itachi’s conflagration of assumptions and violence. Itachi hit first and asked questions later. Itachi never let him finish his words and never let him make suggestions or try something new. If Sasuke ever wanted something Itachi thought it meant he was dissatisfied, dissatisfied with _Itachi_. Ungrateful, Itachi would spit at him before Sasuke even had a chance to explain himself. Eventually, he just stopped trying.

Sasuke flounders, taking a deep, audible breath and exhaling slowly. “I don’t know how to do this.” Sasuke confesses in a bare whisper, his voice cracking with effort. A bout of shame rises within him. He’s usually not the type to get embarrassed. He’s always one hundred percent, unabashedly _himself_ , but he can’t help the humiliation he feels at his own incompetency. Here he is, finally in a private place where he can ask the questions that have been burning his mind since forever, and he can’t seem to figure out what to say. He’s had these conversations in his mind hundreds of times yet more than anything he just feels like giving up and saying nothing.

Kakashi-sensei walks forward, concern etched onto the visible half of his face. Sasuke squints in the bright light, his black eyes rimmed with strain. He’s been overusing his Sharingan, and it’s taking a toll on his body. It’s not nearly as bad as it would’ve been had Sasuke not lived with a half-activated Sharingan his entire life, but the stress on his eyes is still irritating. “Whoa, kiddo,” he slides off the armor of his Anbu uniform, folding it and placing it gently on the ground. He comes over to sit himself down on the edge of the bed, looking to him imploringly. “I’m not sure what ‘this’ is, but I’ll let you figure it out.” He tells him.

Sasuke clears his throat, relaxing at Kakashi-sensei’s understanding expression. Unconsciously, he drops his guard, and it’s freeing, to say the least. He’ll look back and wonder why he was suddenly so calm in a moment that should’ve brought him great anxiety, before he’ll realize it was the fact that for the first time in a long time he chose to let someone else see his vulnerable side. And it was accepted with open arms.

“Can I tell you a story?” Sasuke suggests. He’s good at storytelling, always has been. It’s easier than deep, back and forth conversations. With stories, he can sink into the memories and subtly get his point across without needing to say anything outright.

Kakashi-sensei settles into his bed and unstraps his kunai pouch, stretching. “I don’t see why not.” 

“Okay.” Sasuke clears his throat. Play to your strengths, Iruka-sensei advised. He can do that. Subtlety and story-telling aren’t the traditional ways to confront someone, but it’s the only way Sasuke knows how. “I was six, when this happened, and like the rest of my family, I was smart beyond my years. Even at such a young age I had a pretty solid grasp of the world around me.” Sasuke feels awkward, standing as Kakashi-sensei sits, but he doesn’t have the peace of mind to force his body to settle down. “Six years old, Itachi told me to do something weird. He’d always disapproved of my academy friends, but for whatever reason, he never minded when I hung out with Naruto. He’d tell me I was just so smart for buddying up with him, that I should keep doing what I was doing. I was so confused, but for once Itachi was being nice to be about my friend! Sometime later Itachi suggested I bring Naruto over. He wanted it to meet him!” Sasuke rubs his hands together. “At first, I was so happy that my two favorite people were going to meet. But then I pieced some things together. That night, I heard Fugaku telling someone he planned on releasing a demon in the middle of the village. I was so scared I stopped eavesdropping immediately and ran to Itachi’s room, hiding under his covers.” Sasuke pauses for a moment, lost in the memory of the terror racing through his veins. Kakashi-sensei is quiet, but Sasuke can see the cogs turning in his mind, the realization dawning on his features.

Sasuke’s voice hushes with the quietness of the apartment. “Like I said, I was a smart kid. I pieced together the insults the villagers through at Naruto, and I figured out he was ‘the demon.’ The next day I went to school and told Naruto that instead of coming over to my house, we were going to play my favorite game...” Sasuke clenches his fist. “—hide and seek. I was seeking and he was hiding, and I made it clear he couldn’t come out until I found him. I didn’t even try to, though. I ran to another hiding place and hid myself in a fit of terror. When I didn’t come home that day, Itachi came to find me. He found me, of course, even though I was hiding my signature as best as I could at the time. He was so angry. And scared.”

Sasuke forces himself to take a deep breath. Itachi got angry a lot. Through things, yelled, hit, hurt—but that day was different. Itachi had been terrified that something happened to Sasuke, abandoning the job Fugaku gave him and ruining the coup that the Uchiha had planned. Kakashi-sensei sit sand listens, his visible brow furrowed.

“I don’t know if you know this, but Hizashi Hyuga used to come over to my house all the time. Neji and I would hang out while he, mom, and dad talked. Something happened that day...something bad. Because the rebellion the Uchiha had planned was thrown out the window all together, and Hizashi Hyuga paid the price. Hinata Hyuga was supposed to be kidnapped whilst everyone was distracted by the Nine-Tails rampaging the village, but with no distraction, Hinata’s kidnapper was easily slaughtered.” Sasuke shrugs and Kakashi-sensei lets out a shaky breath. “I don’t know the gritty details, but I know Hizashi was in on the clan’s rebellion, and that a bunch of Branch Members supported him. The official story is that Hizashi died for his brother but I just...I don’t think that’s quite how it went down. Neji and I theorize, of course, but nothing we come up with is concrete. We don’t even know what the full plan or goal of the rebellion was.”

Sasuke and Neji have talked over that horrible day so many times Sasuke can’t recall all the theories they’ve come up with. Neji’s father never let Hiashi know about the rebellion, though, so the main family has no idea that the branch family was ever planning to revolt. The Uchiha clan had been working on their flawless plan for ages, and if everyone had indeed done what they were supposed to, the Village Hidden in the Leaves wouldn’t be here today. Itachi was supposed to take out the Village guards, Sasuke was supposed to bring Naruto to the house, and Shisui was supposed to use his Mangekyou to control the Kyuubi. Nothing went according to plan. Itachi wouldn’t leave the house until Sasuke showed up, so he didn’t even take out the Village guards, and obviously Sasuke and Shisui didn’t follow through with their part of the plan. Itachi taking out the Village guards was the signal for the Uchiha to start the attack, so even the attack didn’t happen at all.

The only thing that happened was Hinata’s attempted kidnapping. The Uchiha clan was callous, but they cared about their comrades. He remembers his mother’s sobbing at Hizashi’s demise, Fugaku’s boiling rage, and Itachi’s determination. The only one who didn’t seem further fueled to hate the Leaf Village after their horrific failure was Shisui who after everything still thought that peace with the Hokage was an option. The Uchiha cut ties with the Cloud Village their temporary ally who offered their aid in exchange for the Hyuga heiress.

Sasuke never quite understood why he wasn’t blamed more for what happened. It was all his fault, wasn’t it? He’d overheard Fugaku’s plan to wreak havoc using some sort of demon and he’d gotten scared. He was a confused kid, he hadn’t known about the rest of the plan until after the massacre, when he and Neji met up and Neji explained his side of the story, and the two of them pieced together what happened on that fateful day.

Neji had told him, ‘Dad said distract our family. So I did. I spent nearly twenty-minutes showing off kata to boring aunts, uncles, and distant relatives. Dad said to run for the Uchiha Compound once I saw smoke rising from the edge of the Hyuga forest, but I never saw smoke. So I just kept showing off until Hiashi, with his Byakugan blaring barged away looking pale and came back with a dead enemy ninja in his arms.’

The smoke, they theorized, was probably some sort of signal that the Uchiha clan was giving Hizashi. Neji was older than him and back then the age difference was pretty significant, which meant that Neji could’ve easily run away and escaped to the compound unnoticed by his family.

Whatever happened that day—the last people alive in the Village to know about it are he and Neji, and now Kakashi-sensei, too.

He recalls his own devastation. Neji and Naruto were two of his only friends, and after the attack he was forbidden from seeing both of them. He doesn’t remember Hizashi well, but what he does remember is a strict man who never smiled. Neji doesn’t talk much about him, but the stories he does share aren’t exactly pleasant.

After Itachi’s initial fright, he’d become violent, angry, and his punishment of never seeing Naruto or Neji again was swift and depressing. His leg was what took the brunt of Itachi’s anger, small limb getting caught on the staircase he was shoved down. The bone broke in three places, and for once, Itachi didn’t say sorry. Sasuke did though. So many tears were shed for someone who wasn’t worth his love. Sasuke thought it was love, he’d thought that Itachi cared about him, but all Itachi did was cause him pain. He made Sasuke felt horrible about himself, convinced Sasuke that he deserved to get hit, to be hurt.

He knows the difference now. Back then, though, everyone had told him the same thing. _Ungrateful,_ as if Sasuke should’ve been grateful just to have been kept alive after it was found out he was a bastard child, let alone for Fugaku to feed and provide for him.

“That’s...that’s awful, Sasuke. They could’ve hurt so many people.” Sasuke startles having nearly forgotten Kakashi-sensei was sitting across from him. Kakashi-sensei watches him carefully, his visible eye skeptical and maybe even frightened or worried. Sasuke doesn’t look long enough to tell. He darts his gaze away and back to the floor, shoulders hunching. 

“Yeah well, that’s the thing. Remember...remember how I said I’ve noticed things?” Sasuke reminds him.

Kakashi-sensei goes still. It’s eerie. One moment Kakashi-sensei is concerned and confused, the next he is nothingness—calm and composed as if Kakashi-sensei is rubber and the world is glue. 

Sasuke’s noticed it before, the way Kakashi-sensei shuts down. It’s different than Naruto’s tendency to dissociate. The blankness is deliberate, manufactured to be wall between a blade and Kakashi-sensei’s throat. A defense mechanism, if you will.

Sasuke thinks, suppressing an out of place self-deprecating smirk, that he’s currently going against his own defense mechanisms. Sasuke’s unwillingness to be curious has saved him more times than he can count, and yet here he is, purposefully denying himself his right to self-preservation

_I’m insane, I must be._ He thinks in delirium, but Sasuke pushes forward nonetheless, towards a shore out of reach while he labors through the crashing waves of an endless, raucous ocean.

His words gargle up his stomach and throat in a rush of breath and panic. “I found you. With Kabuto.”

He’s not focused on how Kakashi-sensei is reacting, too concerned with his own, traitorous brain. Regret is the first emotion, like a terrifying windstorm, but the regret is quickly replaced by adrenaline’s inclination towards indifference. Sasuke can hardly care what Kakashi-sensei has to say at all. He’s simply watching the scene from afar, ambivalently wondering what will happen next. The rush from facing his fear is powerful enough to give Sasuke a false sense of bravery. He’s been on enough emotional highs to know that the confidence won’t last, but while he’s feeling on top of the world Sasuke will square his shoulders and meet Kakashi-sensei’s eyes head on.

Kakashi-sensei looks shaken up, not in any manner of his facial expression, which is still so purposefully blank, but in the way he’s holding himself, hunched with shaking hands. Sasuke can hear his quick breath and the hitch right before Kakashi-sensei stands up and walks forward, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I see.” He mutters, rolling his shoulders. Sasuke blinks, waiting for his answer. He doesn’t tell Kakashi-sensei about everything else he’s noticed. Kakashi-sensei doesn’t need to know about all of Sasuke’s suspicions immediately. Sasuke already has the upper-hand here, the advantage of information that the authorities clearly do not possess, so he sees no point in revealing the rest of his trump cards.

Like the trophy-case, or the fact that Kakashi-sensei is lying about how he received the Sharingan. Sasuke’s heard plenty of stories from his mother about Kakashi-sensei’s story of Obito giving him the eye directly after activating it—which would all be fine and dandy if the eye hadn’t suddenly transformed into the Mangekyou after his other teammate, Nohara Rin, passed on. So yes, Sasuke’s spotted quite a few holes in Kakashi-sensei’s façade that others have yet to pick up on. If Kakashi-sensei is hurting people and is somehow able to get out of conviction for associating with Kabuto, Sasuke has a bucket of other evidence ready to be used to prove Kakashi-sensei’s guilt.

This is all on the off-chance that Kakashi-sensei is hurting people. The notion of a rebellion Sasuke can handle, but he will not stand for a plan to slaughter innocent lives, no matter the result.

Kakashi-sensei looks up at him with his visible eye wide. “Sasuke...” Kakashi-sensei’s eyes flicker. “I have a lot of explaining to do, huh?”

Sasuke doesn’t answer. He doesn’t know whether or no Kakashi-sensei has a lot of explaining to do. For all Sasuke knows there might not even be a plan for bloodshed—this battle could be a political one. But whatever the case is Sasuke needs to find out.

He doesn’t really want to know. He’d rather spend his life living in the dark. But at some point, Sasuke is going to have to open his eyes and face reality, even if the light blinds him.

“No one can know. Not even Sakura and Naruto.” Kakashi-sensei intones.

Sasuke stiffens. _I’m not ready to know. Leave me in the dark._

Kakashi-sensei clears his throat.

Sasuke listens.

_This isn’t about what I want._

\------

_One week later: The Tournament Commences_

Hinata’s beside him, lithe yet shapely figure dazzling in a navy blue cheongsam with silver cherry blossoms decorating her figure. The handmaids spent hours fitting the dress to perfection, to the point where Neji doubts the dress would fit on anyone but Hinata herself.

Neji Hyuga observes his small cousin with one thought circulating his mind. It’s the same thought that’s been tearing at him for the better part of the past three weeks—other than avoiding a very competitive and antsy Rock Lee, that is.

_I can’t believe she did that._

Every waking moment he spends feeling like he’s walking around in a dream, and every morning when he opens his eyes he thinks he’s finally awoken from it. Hinata forfeited the preliminary match like they were equals. She’d treated someone lower than her with the same respect she’d treat a close friend.

Neji hadn’t known they were close friends. Sometimes it’s hard for him to tell, especially when he sees his friends so happy with other people, arguably happier than they are with him.

Compared to the lords and ladies around them Hinata is merely dressed for the occasion, but Neji thinks there is something about his little cousin that stands out. Something immeasurable that makes Hinata seem important in a crowd of nobles dressed in silk and jewelry, holding glasses of vintage wine and talking big like their the kings and queens of the world. Conversations with nobles are always the same. The only time nobles are interested in what you have to say is if they need to schmooze you because you have something they want. Otherwise, they only care to talk about themselves. Their land, their business, their money, their children, their love lives; its almost humorous how they can titter on and on without a single care in the world. Neji’s grown used to their narcissism. He spent his whole life indulging them and their self-importance.

But unlike the nobles who talk loud and treat lying like it’s currency, Hinata is quiet and shy, a girl who means every word she speaks. Sasuke would scold Neji for gauging Hinata’s value by comparing her to others, but anyone with half a brain would be able to see how Hinata outshines everyone else in the main branch and beyond.

Today is the day of the Chunin Exam tournament, and Neji is starting to feel sympathetic for how frightened Sasuke must be. But Neji believes in Sasuke, perhaps just as much as he believes in Hinata, and if Sasuke wants to pass the Chunin Exams he’ll find a way. It might be untraditional and convoluted, but Sasuke usually gets what he sets out for. People always call Sasuke an unmotivated genius, a product of his generation just like the Nara heir, but Neji begs to differ on both accounts. Sasuke and Shikamaru simply have very individual likes and dislikes therefore the force that motivates them is unusual and personal.

He turns his gaze away from Hinata and her cropped navy hair rebelliously framing her face, unlike the rest of her family members long flowing locks pinned up in intricate buns. The main branch cut Hinata’s hair short so long ago and Hinata never let her hair grow out since. Such a simple act of defiance makes Hiashi endlessly enraged.

The crowds aren’t just brimming with nobles, though. Civilians and ninja alike have gathered in the stands to observe the semi-annual event hosted by the Hokage himself. The stadium is more grandiose than usual, but that could just be Neji’s imagination since this is the first time he’s ever known the participants personally. The stadium is wide and circular, the stands stretching dozens of feet above the arena and casting a shadow across the prep team down below. The lighting of the room is typical, and all four walls are the same color, but everything thing else in the room is vibrant and loud.

Civilians from the countryside are crowding together with classic event food like hotdogs and nachos, dressed in overalls, t-shirts, jeans, and even the occasional sun and cowboy hat. Their children run about the stands in a frenzy throwing rubber kunai at each other and spilling snack food across the stands. The children make sure not to stray too far away from their parents, of course, because just beside them is a group of uppity civilians that would not hesitate to request the farmers and their screaming babies be removed from the premise. Not that anyone would indulge the upper class civilians, but still, bitchy civilians crying lawyer are the _worst._

The upper-class typically religious civilians are safe distance away from the ninja stands despite having pushed themselves as far away from the rougher civilians as humanly possible. These upper-class civilians are dressed in collared shirts and khakis in regards to the men, tops and long skirts in regards to the women, and the occasional shimmery cross pendant, pair of white gloves, or gold wedding band. From what Neji can make out some sort of potluck is going on between them, women holding large crockpots and children proudly helping their mothers carry utensils and napkins.

Scattered amongst the country-side and upper-class civilians are the equal opportunist merchants and business men and women, who dragged their children here to watch them schmooze strangers and promote their companies. These merchants are always a bit of a wild card, and hard to read because of how insincere they tend to be about their belief systems in order to appeal to their customers.

The shinobi and kunoichi of the room have obviously and intentionally segregated themselves from the civilians. The ninja stands are less drastically separated from each other, but if Neji spends enough time looking he can spot that many of the Shinobi are sitting next to their own rank, Chunin with Chunin and Jounin with Jounin—but Neji assumes that this is more of a comrade and friend than an act of classism. There’s also a lot more drinking amongst the ninja stands, wine and iced beer replaced with bottles of vodka and trays of shots passed around by men and women alike. The civilian women, Neji notes, are hardly drinking anything at all, but the kunoichi have no such qualms, downing shots and laughing with equal exuberance as their male companions.

The civilians are also more modest than the ninja. Women talking to women and men talking to men, and as Neji critically sweeps his gazes over the crowds, he sees very few variations to the unspoken law of gender-segregation. But the ninja are far from modest and polite, and that shows in their appearance alone, let alone their posture and mannerisms. The ninja are dressed one of two ways; in their uniform, or wearing next to nothing. Kunoichi in the stands are wearing pencil skirts that ride up their crotch, crops tops that are more like bras, and boots so high Neji doesn’t doubt they could kill a man with the heel. The Shinobi are wearing loose tanks that show off bold tattoos, piercings in curious places, and packs of cigars stuffed into weapon pouches. Few kids roam about the ninja stands, but the ones that do are either already ninja or are going to be, and it makes a difference in the behavior of the children. Instead of running about and talking to friends the kids beeline away from their parents, impatiently seating themselves and waiting for the fun part to start, for the tournament to begin. The kids all crowd around each other in social circles, some smoking cigars like their parents and others relaxed in their seats and talking to their friends, not bothering to socialize outside of their immediate friend groups as civilians tend to do.

And then there are the stands Neji is in, the stands that include both nobles and ninja alike, who obviously don’t get along but are making nice for the sake of the press. Neji is surrounded by the rich no matter where he walks, and the only person in his clique that doesn’t bother him is Hinata.

He searches amongst the ninja crowds to try to find Sasuke’s navy blue hair, but he knows he’ll have little luck in finding his friend without activating the Byakugan. And even if he had the Byakugan on, he wouldn’t be able to find his other participating comrade. Lee is doing some last minute training with Gai-sensei, which seems stupid considering that Lee shouldn’t tire himself out before the exams even start, but Neji isn’t Lee’s teacher and never will be. That privilege belongs to Maito Gai. 

A hand on his shoulder and a silky smooth voice startles him out of his calculated observations. “Neji, go take Hinata down the stands with the rest of the Genin; I don’t want our business-talk to bore you.” Despite the polite tone Hinata’s mother—Akira Hyuga—uses her words are far from a request. Neji nods acquiescingly and stands up from his seat, Hinata doing the same. He guides her through a sea of greetings and familiar faces, relieved when he finds the exit to the reserved stands and is able to move without constant interruptions. He takes a gander at today’s security, frowning when he realizes he doesn’t recognize most of the Anbu guards stationed around the room. Neji likes to make himself aware of the security in an area because he’s technically apart of the security staff. It’s his sworn duty to guard Hinata.

He and Hinata move through the stands with single-minded determination. Both of them are sick of infuriating small talk and are eager to relax surrounded by friends rather than sit stiffly surrounded by _business associates_. They make it into the sea of drinking, loud Shinobi, the smell of hard liquor fleeting past their noses along with the occasional whiff of cologne or perfume. It’s crowded to the point Neji’s afraid to let go of Hinata for fear of losing her amidst the chaos. More often than not his shoulders brush against someone else’s or someone screams in his ear. The worst is when he and Hinata come to a standstill and are forced to endure hearing the butt ends of obviously vulgar conversations, some topics not even sexual but violent and disgusting. He hears a couple of Shinobi bet that Sakura will rip off the Nara kids arm and _enjoy it_. It takes a measure of self-control not to stomp over to his superiors and inevitably get his ass handed to him by the much stronger group of ninja in an effort to defend his friends’ honor. He doesn’t even know Sakura or Shikamaru that well, but the anger at the injustice still festers within him.

They eventually spot their friends and Neji can feel Hinata’s relief. On their way over they dodge a crying baby and the mother who is glaring viciously at a couple of formerly dressed boys passing around a joint and picking a fight with a group of kunoichi who want nothing to do with them.

“Hey Hinata, you look snazzy! Ain’t that right Akamaru?” Kiba’s dog barks in agreement to his words as the boy stands up upon seeing his teammate’s arrival, waving her over. Neji follows Hinata as she happily makes her way over to the Inuzuka boy at an increased pace, close to tears with relief.

Sitting down in the stands makes everything seem a lot less chaotic and crowded, but Neji knows his mind is just playing tricks on him. There’s a definite difference between observation of chaos and participation of chaos that decides the opinion of a situation.

He realizes with dread that he will have to walk Hinata back to the noble stands. It sounds like walking through fire without the promise of rebirth, but his mother always did call him dramatic. At least walking through the crowds on the way here they knew that they’d be rewarded with the company of their friends, but walking back the only thing that will meet them is pompous business associates. Plus, the crowds will be even more hectic after bets have been won and lost and everyone is high-strung.

Neji observes as the mother who brought her baby passes by Neji to threaten the kids with the joint, and when the kids try to protest, a couple Jounin come up behind her. Deterred with wounded prides the kids grumble and hand over the joint to the mother. They sulk as they quickly high tail it out of the stands, the mother and Jounin inquiring on the wellbeing of the kunoichi they’d been bothering. He catches the words _civilian pricks_ and snaps his head over to the now drugless boys making their way back to the civilian stands. He sighs. Of course the boys who were so entitled to flirting with the uninterested kunoichi were civilians. As if ninja don’t hate civilians enough without the added bullshit.

Neji doesn’t bother to pay attention to Hinata and Kiba discussing Shino Aburame’s success in his upcoming match, largely due to the fact he’ll be strongly voting for Sasuke. Instead he scopes the stands, Byakugan activated. It’s technically considered rude to activate a Kekei Genkai in a formal setting, but now that he’s not next to a hundred uppity snobs there’s no one here to call him out for it.

Neji’s eyes hone in on the Anbu guards. He’d been right. He doesn’t recognize any of the surrounding Anbu, and for whatever reason the host standing in the arena is Shirenai Genma instead of Gekko Hayate. Gekko Hayate is much more reliable than the ever elusive Shirenai Genma who only retired from the Anbu after he failed his mission of protecting Lord Fourth. It seems absurd to replace the two of them. Genma is an ex-Anbu who is hardly remembered by the crowds and Hayate is a ninja of status, renowned amongst his coworkers for his easy-going and well-adjusted attitude.

Another strange addition to the crowd is Miterashi Anko chatting with Yuhi Kurenai and Sarutobi Asuma a few seats behind him—Neji doesn’t have to turn around to see it. The Byakugan has a near 360-vision and Neji’s trained himself to see at least 500 meters out, so spotting the Jounin without moving a muscle is child’s play.

That red-head who’s team got demolished in the exams is here, a few rows to the left of him, for whatever reason. None of her team passed, so shouldn’t they have all gone home? Looking closer, the girl is alone, except for the black haired man behind her Neji vaguely recognizes from _somewhere_. After a moment Neji recalls where he’s seen the man before. He’s a Jounin coast-guard.

_This is getting weird_. Neji hums, wishing Sasuke were next to him to theorize with. Sasuke’s usually the person Neji goes to with all of his outrageous conspiracy theories because Sasuke has vast knowledge regarding history and laws. It’s fun to theorize with Sasuke when he has so many real facts and knowledge on subjects never before taught in the Academy to add into the mix. Neji finds it odd that Sasuke’s nowhere to be found, but he has a duty to stay by Hinata’s side and protect her. He can’t just run off to search for his strangely missing friend. Then again, where is Team Seven as a whole? Not even Hatake Kakashi is here with the rest of the Jounin-sensei. He’s not too worried, though, because from Sasuke’s stories Hatake Kakashi is usually late and Neji knows that Gai-sensei prefers punctuality, and Gai-sensei isn’t here yet. That gives Hatake Kakashi plenty of time to make an appearance.

Tenten comes bursting down the hall, shouting a quick goodbye at her father as she barrels towards them, skipping steps until she’s close enough to them she slows to walk, fiddling with the senbon lodged into her updo and smiling serenely. “Hey guys! This place is crazy-packed!” she stops at the row to Neji’s left. Neji hums in vague agreement, patting the seat beside him in offering. Tenten slings herself over the chair, happily leaning against his arm. “Hi Neji.” She greets cheerfully, her voice muffled by the ruckus of the crowds.

Neji raise an eyebrow at her. “Hello, Tenten.” He greets with a bit of dryness to his tone. Tenten, always full of energy, shifts positions once more. She sit up straight in her seat bouncing and waving her arms excitedly as she launches into an excited conversation about Lee. She’s been way more nervous about Lee’s upcoming match than Lee is himself. Lee’s been more focused on his opponents after his first match, seeing as his second opponent will according to the bracket either be _Gaara_ or _Naruto_ who are both powerhouses. Neji huffs a bit. He’s disappointed he won’t get a chance to try his hand at facing such admirable opponents. Hinata’s generosity is only considered as such because Neji’s expectations are low—in reality, he should’ve gotten to fight her. He should’ve gotten to _beat her,_ to prove himself.

He shakes himself off. There’s no use thinking like that. He and Hinata? They aren’t the same. He’s different than everyone else.

He doesn’t have the choice to become a Jounin-sensei, or an Anbu, or a medic, or, or _Hokage._ For the rest of his life this is where he’ll be.

By Hinata’s side.

It could be worse.

( _I could always take the easy way out.)_

Neji jerks, shutting down the thought before it can take ahold of him. He’s been down that road before, he has the stashed prescriptions to prove it, and he only barely managed to pull himself out of that dark place. He’s happy where he is. Maybe not satisfied, maybe not fulfilled, but he’ll live the rest of his life happy. What more could he ask for?

Neji endures all of Tenten’s chattering and gushing over Lee, as well as patiently listening as Hinata stutters out stories of her own about Shino’s recent training, but most of the time, he’s thinking about the bottle of different pills he’s collected over the years he has hidden in the pocket of one of his old coats, tucked away in a drawer in his room at the compound.

As embarrassing as it is to admit even to himself, Neji’s spoken to many, many lifecenter professionals. He’s not vocal about the visits and had nearly died of shame and regret the first time he visited, but once the initial strangeness was breached he worked up the courage to visit a second time and actually stuck around long enough to get passed the awkward ‘hi,’ he’d originally run away after .

The lifecenter is Konoha’s national suicide prevention organization. The first time Neji visited he forwent going to his local center and instead made the long trek out to the center as far away from his apartment as possible. At the time he’d had this irrational fear of the center somehow finding out his identity and...doing something to him.

The lifecenter is completely anonymous. When you walk in you are cloaked in a genjutsu and sat at a trick window where a faceless professional sits across from you and talks through a microphone. None of the professionals Neji ever talked to bombarded him with questions or made him feel pressured. It was...nice, in a way, because nothing was being demanded of him. He could talk about his day in general or talk about his deepest darkest secrets in complete anonymity free of judgment. He never told anyone about the clandestine visits, preferring to keep his thoughts to himself. He was afraid that they’d make a huge deal out of it, but at the same time Neji feared they’d make him feel like he wasn’t suicidal at all.

_Am I overreacting? This pain never lasts forever. Sometimes, I’m happy._ Neji would remind himself, and the reminder served to stop a lot of potential visits at the lifecenter, but not all of them.

Neji has been suicidal, but he doesn’t feel like committing suicide all the time. Just sometimes, when the world goes quiet and his thoughts grow loud, doubt creeps in and the only way to shake the feeling of discomfort is the reprieve of talking. The suicide lifecenter provides anonymous free of judgment conversation where Neji can talk about the deeper issues in life without having to worry about letting anyone down or being seen as weak. For a few minutes at the lifecenter, Neji can lower his guard and simply talk. Honestly, he considers his conversations at the lifecenter way more therapeutic than his actual therapy sessions ever were. Granted, he didn’t go to therapy for very long. He only went the required four weeks directly after his father’s death, but he distinctly remembers hating his therapist.

Poor Mr. Katoyama, he didn’t deserve Neji’s hate. Neji was a very unwilling, very distrusting patient that wanted nothing more than to sit in his office for an hour in complete silence. And that’s what he did. Every day. For a month.

Neji sighs. He hates small talk. Crowds are tolerable, loud noises are manageable, but there is nothing on planet earth Neji hates more than small talk. It’s not engaging enough and inevitably Neji’s mind drifts into boredom and boredom is not a safe place for Neji.

Boredom is the kind of place that has him counting every weapon he can find hidden on Hatake’s figure, alphabetizing the names of his friends, and calculating the approximate area and perimeter of the arena without exact measurements, simply to avoid sinking into dark thoughts and contemplating a permanent decision that shouldn’t appear in his mind as often as it does.

“Sup.” It’s not Team Seven, but it’s a member, wearing an Uzumaki hair clip and a tight expression that speaks of great stress. Neji recognizes the stressed out face because he’s seen it in the mirror. However, he’s less curious as to what is bothering Sakura and more curious as to why her two teammates are nowhere to be seen.

“Where’s Naruto?” Hinata pipes up beside him, her face tinting pink. Neji resists the urge to sigh. Hinata’s always idolized the knucklehead’s determination, and Neji will admit that his display at T&I spoke of great character, but she really shouldn’t go asking after other girls’ boyfriends. Haruno’s face is surprisingly neutral when she answers Hinata’s question, which surprises Neji, because he’s seen first-hand how possessive Naruto and Sakura are of each other. With everyone but Sasuke, that is. Hinata seems to have joined that small list of exceptions.

Hinata told him what happened to Sakura a month ago. He’d kept his mouth shut about it and so had she, if Neji had the choice when he was younger to keep his father’s death on the down low, he would’ve. That’s probably why Sakura’s decided to be civil to Hinata. He’d talked about it with Sasuke not too long ago, but Sasuke had seem shifty and weird about the entire event, eventually saying that he’d _rather talk about anything else._ His avoidance made Neji question the story of the house fire, but Sasuke had said it wasn’t his place to tell, so Neji let it slide.

Instead of glaring or sneering, Sakura actually smiles, her gaze softening in Hinata’s direction. Neji looks between them suspiciously, confused by the civil interaction. Then again, he’s not exactly a relationship-expert, and he doesn’t know how many points Hinata earned when she comforted Sakura in the bathroom. Neji sympathizes with her nausea. He’s thrown up more times than he can count, because of both of both physical and mental pain.

“Oh, he’ll be here.” Sakura waves off, before turning to him. “Sasuke will probably be here sometime after Naruto so there’s nothing to worry about.” She reassures. She seems fine, but life goes on even after someone loses loved ones. He wonders if she can even enjoy spending so much time with her teammates when it’s only because her parents are dead—Sasuke found no issue in telling him that he, Sakura, and Naruto were all staying at Hatake Kakashi’s apartment.

Tenten sits straight up in her chair, admiring Sakura’s array of hidden weapons and efficient attire. Tenten’s usually very nice, but sometimes she gets carried away and Neji has to stop her from talking someone into oblivion. “Wow Sakura! Your family must be so proud! You’re a civilian and you made it all the way to the finals! Ugh. My folks were pretty upset I didn’t get to the finals, but both of them are shinobi, so you know.” Tenten chatters. Tenten doesn’t realize it, but it’s a backhanded compliment. She wouldn’t realize it, having lived a sheltered life away from the discrimination so many face daily. She knows that the discrimination exists, but she’s never actually seen it. Observation and participation are two wildly different concepts, yes, but textbook knowledge isn’t even on the same spectrum.

Neji remembers Sakura defending Tenten from the idiot examiners who’d punched her in the face before the first round, as well as her determined face as she hobbled down the hallways of the tower in search of Naruto, refusing to be carried. If anyone paid their dues to get here, civilian or ninja, it’s Sakura Haruno. Tenten implying that it’s only impressive because Sakura’s a civilian is just plain ignorant and politically incorrect.

He’s sure on a different day under different circumstances Sakura wouldn’t comment, but as it is she’s about to spar in front of thousands of ninja and civilians alike, and one month ago her proud _civilian parents,_ they died. _Tenten, I love you to pieces, but nobody else in the world gives me headaches like you do._

Sakura’s eyes dull and quietly she fiddles with the hair pin on her head. “Uh...yeah...”

Neji notices it almost immediately, not Sakura’s hesitance, but Hinata’s warning gaze directed at Tenten. Before Hinata can start being passive aggressive and before Tenten can keep prattling on, Neji cuts in, effectively stopping his teammate’s words from blowing up in her face. “—Likewise. What I’m curious about is how you passed your preliminary match without expending a single ounce of chakra.” He engages, and Sakura’s shoulders relax as she begins talking to Tenten and Hinata about her Taijutsu strategy.

Situation handled, Neji focuses his eyes on the arena down below, observing a handful of Jounin talking to each other in the epicenter of the chaos. Finding himself uninterested in the laboring teachers, Neji turns his Byakugan back amongst the crowd, searching for Sasuke once more. He finds nothing. Neji admits it; the boredom is driving him mad. He has not a single clue how all of them can have so much to say about such meaningless topics. Neji usually listens, but sometimes _just_ listening grows dull, but even if he wanted to talk he’s unsure he has anything to say. Smalltalk is just so...pointless. He scrabbles for a distraction. 

“Hinata-sama, would you like my jacket? You look cold.” He offers, tilting his head inquisitively while his Byakugan absently watches the Jounin-sensei joke around behind them. Hinata doesn’t look cold, it’s actually pretty hot in the thick of the crowds, but that’s not the point. Neji’s jacket is laced with chakra to create a strong material resistant to kunai and other dangerous projectiles, including fire. He’s getting suspicious about the stadium around him. And taking extra precautions never to hurt anybody.

“O-oh...thanks Neji-nee.” Neji slips the coat around off of his shoulders, passing it over to Hinata. Hinata shrugs on the garment and flips her hair out from sticking to the back of her neck. 

“It is no problem at all, Hinata-sama.” He assures her, just as Tenten waves Sakura over and the girl sits down next to his teammate on his left, chatting brightly. Hinata starts talking to Inuzuka and Aburame once more.

Neji sighs. _Where is he?_

Neji decides to be productive, checking the perimeter for potential escape routes. There are plenty of windows around them, but they’re shatter proof, so Neji writes them off. Other than that the least busy exit would probably be the one across the arena and on the other side of the stands, where the uppity civilians are having a potluck.

It will definitely be hardest to leave using the exit next to the reserved section of the stands, but at least the nobles have plenty of Anbu to shield them from potential danger. The shinobi section, however...he observes the brimming stand with disappointment. The Arena feels like one giant trap to Neji, but everyone else looks to be having the time of their life, or at least enjoying themselves. Neji’s doesn’t trust _everyone else’s_ opinions though. _I recognize a cage when I see one._

Neji tilts his head in the direction of the Jounin behind him as Hatake Kakashi slides behind Anko Miterashi, an arm wrapping around her shoulder and his weight leaning against her. That must be why she’s here, Neji supposes. Her boyfriend’s rookie team managed to do what hasn’t been done since the Legendary Sanin. All three of them made it into the finals. Neji furrows his brow, leaning back to catch a few words from their conversation. “Where are your students, Hatake? Have you no sense of responsibility?” Sarutobi lets out a particularly angry puff of smoke. Neji agrees entirely. At least Gai-sensei is with Lee, Hatake Kakashi seems to have no regard for whether or not his students pass the examination. He doesn’t bother listening to the rest of the argument, instead honing in on the center of the arena, where Shirenai Genma is clearing his throat.

Neji straightens his back and narrows his gaze, tensing the muscles in his body. “I hope everyone’s placed their bets!” Genma’s voice is made louder by the mouth piece he’s wearing. “Because Ino Yamanaka and Rock Lee are now making their way into the stadium! Give them a round of applause folks!” he shouts. Neji catches sight of Ino Yamanaka standing up a few rows below them. Her blonde hair is pulled back into a pony tail and as she climbs the staircases to the exit hallway, Sakura’s loud shouts and enthusiastic clapping stands out amongst the rest of the crowd’s cheering. Neji hums to himself. It’s not exactly like she’s friends with any of _us_ , but she can’t sit down next to her _opponent_ , even if her opponent is sitting next to her best friend. Sakura’s in a pretty uncomfortable situation.

Even though Ino helped him save Sasuke back at T&I, Neji has a teammate to cheer on. 

_C’mon Lee. Don’t you dare let the time I dedicated to sparring with you this month go to waste._

Thankfully, Neji knows that Lee must finally be here, because Gai-sensei appears next to his fellow Jounin with enthusiastic flair. His Byakugan quickly spots Lee already in the center of the arena, furiously jogging in place, face set in determination. “C’mon Lee!” Tenten screams. Sakura glances at her with a frown.

When Ino emerges from the hallway in the bottom of the arena, Sakura cups her hands over her mouth and screeches. “You’ve got this INO!”

Neji shakes his head at the pettiness, allowing Hinata to dig her fingers into the side of his arm in anticipation. “I hope they b-both do alright.” Hinata expresses, placating the two girls beside her.

“Sorry Hinata, but my vote is for Ino! I’m a fan of the underdog, you see.” Kiba grins wickedly, Akamaru letting out a happy _ruff_ and wiggling his tail excessively. Neji thinks Kiba’s opinion is utterly worthless, seeing as Ino grew up as a clan heiress and Lee grew up with virtually nothing. The ignorance grates on his nerves, but he resists the intrinsic urge to patronize the Inzuka. People seem to think because Lee is better than Ino that makes Ino the underdog. Sorry to disappoint, but the hardest worker in the room is always going to be Lee, and Lee built everything he has off of nothing. That makes him the underdog, not Ino and her laid back training regime and lifetime of simply _knowing_ that one day she’ll make Chunin.

Neji respects Ino as a fellow clan member and an incredibly talented rookie—but his vote and bet is on Lee. After a year of working with Team Gai he’s gotten pretty close to his team. He considers them his friends and a sense of loyalty makes him inclined to vote for Lee. Even if Lee can be...eccentric, and Gai-sensei...a lot to take...they’re his _team_. And Lee would make a fine Chunin.

Genma raises his hand dramatically, and Neji takes a moment to ponder over the fact that the usually dry and unceremonious Genma is exercising theatrics. Neji finds it preferential that he’s taking his job seriously, but also it’s odd that Genma, former lazy Anbu, accepted a position at the Chunin Exams of all places and is actually putting effort into his work. _The staff today is so unusual._

Genma orders everyone to settle down. The crowd reluctantly quiets, whispers and scattered laughter still audible throughout the stands.

Down in the arena Ino and Lee glare determinedly at each other, stances poised for battle. Genma stretches his hand further in the air, causing the entire crowd to hold their breath. “Begin!” he shouts, striking his arm downward.

The crowd loses their composure and begins chattering in excitement as Ino and Lee blur into action. Lee and Ino’s match is far from the most anticipated fight in the tournament, but Ino and Lee are both skilled ninja and their match marks the beginning of the event. He sees a couple people raising their drinks high and others loudly boasting they’ll a shot for every time a Genin breaks a bone.

Dozens of feet below the stands, Lee removes two of his lighter-weight ankle bands causing minor dents to form in the ground around him. It’s a smart move to conserve his energy for his tougher matches, but Neji thinks that Lee would do well to hurry up and go on offense. Lee doesn’t though, and Ino makes the first move.

Ino doesn’t bother to create distance, knowing she’ll be outran, instead launching a kunai in his direction and forming the signs for Genjutsu. Neji winces. Genjutsu really isn’t Lee’s thing. Lee is capable of dispelling it, he’s just a lot slower than most to catch on to mind tricks especially since no one on his team specializes in Genjutsu. Ino obviously did her homework, but just because Lee’s slow against Genjutsu doesn’t mean he’s useless. Lee dodges the kunai and dispels the Genjutsu.

The fight wages on. Lee picks up his pace upon realizing that Ino (obviously) isn’t going to go down without a fight. She dodges most of his attacks with cleverly cast Genjutsu and weapons thrown at just the right time. Lee looks upon Ino with determination, Ino not bothering to meet his eyes and instead flying through a series of hand seals and activating a water jutsu, temporarily knocking a surprised Lee off of his feet.

Then Lee finally sheds all of his weights and comes at Ino with intent, but that appears to be what Ino is waiting for. Instead of dodging or activating yet another Genjutsu Ino allows Lee to punch her right across the check bone, sending her sprawling on the ground. Neji remembers her trickery from the prelims, the dirty way in which she’d humiliated Kiba. He’s expecting something similar, and so is Tenten, shouting nonsensical advisory that Neji can’t decipher amidst the buzzing of the crowd.

But when Lee stops with wide eyes, walking over to help Ino, Ino doesn’t get up like Neji is expecting. She doesn’t lash out and she doesn’t suddenly cast a Mind Transfer, she takes Lee’s hand, standing up and swaying obviously. A big bruise mars Ino’s face, making her nose crooked. Lee worries over her, the entire stands and even the proctor shouting in confusion, yelling insults and booing incoherently.

Then the ground rumbles, and before Lee’s feet Ino Yamanaka bursts from the ground, her hands wrapping around Lee’s ankles and shoving him beneath the earth, pinning his legs and arms until nothing but his neck is visible. Lee’s eyes bulge, his eyebrows shooting up, and the Ino with a bruise on her cheek disappears not in a cloud of smoke, but in a mirage of colors. At some point Ino must’ve replaced herself with a Genjutsu, but amongst the rest of the Genjutsu not even Neji’s Byakugan could keep up. If he’d been down there fighting he would’ve noticed undoubtedly, but in the stands surrounded by distractions while Ino flings dozens of Genjutsu about Neji had no chance of noticing the disruption in her chakra. I need to get better at multitasking, he scolds himself.

Ino dusts off her skirt and claps her hands as the dust settles. “Head Hunter Jutsu.” She declares, smiling. Her smile quickly fades when Lee’s eyes narrow viciously and he plunges out of the ground in a burst of strength, barreling towards and sending an elbow into the side of her cheek for _real._

Ino grunts, sprawling on the floor, but Lee isn’t finished. He lifts her into the air by her arm and pushes her across the field, sending her rolling along the dirt like a windswept tumbleweed. She sits up in a daze, just as Lee appears before her and turns to the side, the toe of his sandal crashing into her temple. This time, Neji isn’t fooled. Ino disappears in a cloud of smoke. Clones are a lot easier for the Byakugan to detect than Genjutsu. Clones are straightforward, a being created out of a mere portion of the chakra held within a ninja’s body.

Lee spins around, stance strong, until suddenly his stance is anything but, his body going soft and his head tilting to the side. Neji grits his teeth at Ino’s relentless exploitation of Lee’s weakness, her insistence to use only Genjutsu.

Lee snaps out of it just in time to dodge the flurry of weapons Ino launched in his direction, one of the nicking the sleeve of his jumpsuit and tearing into cloth and skin, creating an angry red line on his shoulder.

Despite the match being relatively unanticipated, the crowd is rowdy and excited. There is something undeniably captivating about the way Ino and Lee fight, an elegance that flows through the both of them and out into the battlefield. It’s smooth, it’s quick, and it’s entertaining.

Neji looks around and confirms his explanation, noticing the way the crowds eyes are glued onto the arena, drinks in hand forgotten and children peering over the edge to see what has their parent’s so distracted.

Genin aren’t typically elegant or confusing. Genin are brutal and the play dirty, but the grace and pride that Ino and Lee share is that of an elite ninja.

Lee and Ino collide, Ino with a weapon in hand and Lee bearing nothing but his fists. Lee is faster than Ino, stronger than Ino, and he quickly overpowers her. A palm to the stomach, an elbow to the side, and Ino doubles over. Lee raises his foot in the air, preparing to bring it down onto her spine, but Ino forms a familiar hand sign.

Neji’s eyes widen. “Lee!” he shouts in alarm, but his cry is unheard amongst the uproar from the crowd. Lee glances behind him, confused by the sudden uptake in shouting, distracted by the eyes upon him in a way that Ino is not. Ino, who is used to be watched, Ino, who has lived the life of a Clan Heiress and is unafraid of being the center of attention. Lee, who has been overlooked and ignored his entire life.

The advantage is clear.

Lee seizes, caught within Ino’s jutsu.

Ino’s body careens forward, her forehead pressed against the ground of the arena, her limbs strewn about awkwardly and her hair in disarray.

The crowd’s shouting goes silent, reduced to scattered mutterings and whispers as everyone leans over the edge of their seats to observe the match concluding.

Neji wants to turn away, but he doesn’t. He sits and watches Lee involuntarily raise his hand into the air. Neji can feel shock and disappointment thrumming through his veins like an IV drip.

“I, Rock Lee, hereby forfeit this match.”

The crowd around them hollers, bursting into excitement rambling and screams of triumph. Neji sighs, rubbing his temples.

“Ino Yamanaka wins!” Genma calls, but it’s a statement made out of formality. The crowd is already aware of who will be moving on to the next match.

“That’s my girl!” Sakura whoops beside him. Down in the arena Ino slips back into her body and stands up, rubbing her aching knees and sore forehead in slight pain. Lee doesn’t come to, unconscious as medical ninja rush onto the scene. Ino waves them off, having not been badly injured during her match, her eyes not leaving Lee’s body. She’ll have some bruises, will be in definite pain, but her injuries do not qualify for mid-tournament medical aid. No broken bones, no bleeding external or internal, and no concussion.

Neji growls in displeasure, massaging his temples. “That was humiliating.” He mumbles.

Hinata glances down at the arena, brow furrowing. “Father bet on Ino.” She mutters back. Neji raises a brow at her, Kiba turning to Hinata with similar question. 

“Whaddya mean?” Kiba asks abruptly, scratching behind his ear. Neji and Hinata jerk away from each other, watching as Tenten scowls darkly at him. He realizes that Kiba wasn’t talking to Hinata and shares a confused look with his cousin.

Tenten groans loudly. “You’re a boy, so you don’t get it. If Lee was facing, say, Naruto, do you think he would’ve wasted time removing one layer of weights? No. He lost because he was cocky enough to believe he should go easy on Ino, and he dropped his guard.” She sounds personally affronted. A kunoichi a couple rows away from Tenten shouts in agreement.

Kiba winces and Hinata’s expression turns hesitant. Tenten’s annoyance grows the more she thinks about what just happened. “That stupid idiot. I spent all month training with him, worrying how he’d fair fighting against Gaara or Shikamaru, and he lost because he didn’t see Ino as a real threat!” Neji focuses his gaze back to his unconscious teammate being hauled away by medics. The match couldn’t have lasted but ten minutes. Tenten stands up, growling and grumbling. “I’m going to go check on him. He’s probably in as bad of shape as Gai-sensei.” She rolls her eyes.

Neji doesn’t have to turn around to see Gai-sensei’s devastated sobbing and endure listening to Hatake Kakashi’s awkward soothing. Anko Miterashi is openly laughing in Gai-sensei’s face, Asuma and Kurenai-sensei trying to stop her antagonism. Neji sighs. It almost feels like a joke. No one works harder than Lee. Lee didn’t miss a day of training this month, even during the rain. He clenches his fist. _Dammit Lee...you....something...something is wrong here. Ino’s good but she didn’t stand a chance against you. And you shouldn’t have gotten knocked out just from the Mind-Transfer alone, you’ve endured way worse conditions!_

Tenten makes her leave, Neji contemplating Hinata’s grumbling. He and Hinata were voting for Lee, while her father was betting on Ino. He’d have loved to rub Lee’s win in Hiashi’s face, is sure that Hinata would have to. More than anything though, he’d have loved to see Lee’s beaming smile while he was shrugging on a Chunin Regulation Jacket. _It wasn’t to be._

Neji’s catches sight of Ino making her way over to them, ignoring the sea of ninja congratulating her on her impressive win. She dodges a few people with blithe smiles before walking down the steps to stand right next to Sakura, who is sitting on the outer edge seat. She wraps a casual arm around her shoulders, but her eyes are intent and purposeful. “I won.” Ino declares giddily, her perky smile conniving and the ice in her eyes undeniable. Neji resists the urge to glare at her. Lee deserved that win.

Sakura turns to her friend with a bark of laughter. “Hell yes. I knew you could do it.”

Ino laughs. “Thanks for teaching me that jutsu, Sakura. It might not have worked like we thought it would, but still. It’s a great jutsu to have in my arsenal.” She pats Sakura’s shoulder with a smile. Sakura snorts at her, green eyes sparkling with pride.

Their happiness is soon drained as they realize what match is up next. Neji’s stomach flips.

Ino’s eyes flicker about anxiously as the crowds grow restless. Sakura’s jaw locks and her eyes blank. Neji observes the girls tensely

Ino bumps shoulders with Sakura, her gaze somber. “Don’t wear yourself out against Shikamaru.” Ino orders with feigned lightheartedness. “Cause my next match is against the winner of you and Shikamaru’s, and I won’t be holding back.” 

Sakura bites her lips and laughs blandly, shrugging her shoulders without much emotion. “Of course.” She agrees smoothly, releasing her lip from her teeth. Neji can’t decipher what the look in Sakura’s eyes means.

The ninja crowd buzzes with arrogance at the last match being won so thoroughly in their favor, but the civilians shrug off the ninja’s hubris with the knowledge that Sakura and Shikamaru’s match is next up.

From what Neji’s seen Sakura primarily fights with Taijutsu, making her easily susceptible to Shikamaru’s shadow technique. However, Sakura’s preliminary match lasted a very short amount of time. It’s foolish to assume that all of Sakura’s skill was displayed in such a short duration. He has no idea how this match will turn out, how any of the matches will turn out. Sasuke isn’t even here yet.

It’s sickening, how the crowds shout in excitement as Genma calls Sakura and Shikamaru down to the stands. Sakura and Shikamaru are friends, aren’t they? This match isn’t like Ino and Lee’s match. This match has become something of a political anomaly. A civilian fighting a clan heir?—preposterous. But here they are, Sakura and Shikamaru, pitted against each other for thousands of ninja and civilian alike to bet on. This isn’t a sport anymore, this is a well and true battle.

Sakura cracks her neck, sighing tiredly and rising from her seat. A few rows in front of her, Shikamaru Nara groans, stretching his arms high above his head. _Well aren’t they casual—_ which is Neji’s first impression, until he notes that despite their laid back postures both of their faces are twisted with grim determination. Neji watches the two of them move at once, climbing the staircases towards the nearest exit.

The crowds yell furiously, a handful of ninja reaching out to pat Shikamaru on the back. Sakura walks with her head raised high even as the ninja boo and hiss at her. Someone has the gall to throw a bucket of popcorn at Sakura. The red and white strapped package bounces off the back of Sakura’s head and explodes it’s contents outward, the popcorn and kernels sticking Sakura’s pink hair. She carefully removes the food from her body without falter, running a hand through her hair and even taking a piece of the food into her mouth, her eyes never leaving the exit staircase that leads down to the arena.

Sakura disappears down the hall at a leisure, prideful pace, Shikamaru following closely behind. He spots Hatake Kakashi’s foot tapping in agitation as he glares down the man who tossed the popcorn at Sakura, looking ready to lunge for his throat at any given opportunity. Asuma steps away from him, eyes focused on the arena, and Kurenai follows suit. Anko Miterashi puts a hand on his shoulder, but she doesn’t appear to be discouraging any act of violence Hatake is liable to commit. Sakura handled the discrimination well, almost too well. She’s been in this situation before, where men and women have hated her for nothing but her heritage. Neji’s faced discrimination, but hatred isn’t something he’s familiar with.

Neji startles as he hears a familiar shout, followed by Naruto speeding through crowds of irritated ninja shouting profanity at him as he rushes by. Someone tries to grab the back of his jacket, but Naruto ducks away, kicking he guy in the shin and carrying on. Naruto spots his friends and hurries down the stairs to greet them, stopping before them with wide blue eyes. Shino, who is sitting on the opposite outer edge as Sakura used to be, is suddenly harassed by Naruto. Naruto grabs Shino by both arms and shakes him violently.

“I didn’t miss her, did I?! TELL ME I MADE IT ON TIME!” Naruto wails. Neji’s brow furrows in confusion at Naruto’s random question. _Sakura?_ He interprets.

Shino extricates himself from Naruto, but Naruto persists, stepping closer to all of them with horrified blue eyes. “Well? WELL?!”

“I’m afraid I don’t understand...?” Neji’s brow pinches together.

Kiba sighs, shifting his eyes away from scratching Akamaru’s ear. “Sakura’s match is just beginning.” He assures him, and instantly Naruto slumps in relief, hands clasping together in thankful prayer. Neji snorts despite himself, realizing that Naruto was simply worried about missing his girlfriend’s match. He doubts Sakura would hold it against Naruto for missing her match, but still, Naruto’s relief is palpable as he struggles past Hinata and trips over Neji’s shoes on his way to sitting down beside him in Tenten’s old seat. Hinata greets Naruto but Naruto just nods vaguely, plopping down next to Neji with an exhausted sigh.

The crowd roars into a screaming fit as Sakura walks out past the center of the arena and waits for her opponent.

Shikamaru emerges from the hallway, hands shoved into his pockets as he meanders to stand across from Sakura. The civilian stand, farmers, middle-class, and merchants all collectively fall into a fit of near-hysteria, screaming encouragement for Sakura Haruno, the girl who represents their _entire culture_ ; the pressure is unimaginable. No one has ever expected much from Neji, other than obedience, so to watch Sakura calmly accept the responsibility of fighting for her culture is unbelievable. She’s calm, poised, and her green eyes are steely. The ninja crowd claps for Shikamaru, rolling their eyes at the civilian stands enthusiasm. Their hubris goes unmentioned by the civilian stand, who rise from their seats and clap for Sakura.

Sakura tucks a strand of pink hair behind her ear.

Neji’s teeth gnash together. He’s personally unbiased as to who should win this match, but the controversy in the arena and around his friends causes him great stress. It goes unsaid that Kiba, Shino, and Hinata are all cheering on Sakura. Kiba and Shino’s clans have been civilian advocates since before time and Hinata would vote against her father no matter if it was her he was voting for. Neji can’t pick though, because they’re both his friends and neither of them deserve to carry the burden of this battle.

Naruto turns to glare down a kunoichi who shouts something obscene about Sakura and her background whilst waving around a beer can. He struggles to remain calm as the ninjas around them cast their prejudiced opinions without a care in the world, Hatake adorning a similarly tight expression.

Down in the arena Sakura’s gaze flickers behind her towards her civilian fans, lips quirking upward. Across from her Shikamaru digs his heels into the ground, mouth set in a firm line, not bothering to respond to the shouts of the crowd.

Ino marches her way back down the stands to sit next to Choji, and Neji notes the way she grips onto his hand for dear life, eyes going watery.

Neji couldn’t have imagined such a brutal turn of events in response to Sakura’s presence. Death-threats and cat calls emerge from the crowd like a call of war, brutal words, lewd comments, and biased opinions spitting from the crowds mouths as easily as small talk. Ino and Lee’s match hadn’t garnered nearly as much attention, but Sakura’s the first civilian to make it onto the stage in more than a decade, and Shikamaru is the genius heir to the Nara clan who fought his preliminary round using only _one_ jutsu. It must be hard on Ino, for both of her friends to be pitted against each other like this.

It’s hard on Neji, and he doesn’t know Shikamaru and Sakura nearly as well as her.

Genma has to shout into his mic to be heard over the roar of the stands. Neji braces himself. “ _Begin!"_ Genma declares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	33. Pre-Test Anxiety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura and Shikamaru face off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO I am aware of the longer wait than usual but as I explained earlier I am swamped with school. And math. Not that I hate math or anything but...yeah, I'm sure you get it.   
> Hope you enjoy this chapter! It's been perrttyyy fun to write!

Walking down the stairs and into the arena is a surreal experience for Sakura. The roar of the crowd is silenced by the protective walls of the secluded staircase, making the walk so quiet and calm she can hear Shikamaru’s footsteps echoing behind her. It's a feeling akin to the calm before the storm, to looking down the side of a cliff you are about to jump off of. The feeling is exhilaration, and Sakura lets it consume her.

Sakura is teetering on the precipice of danger—the precipice of a fight that will impact the rest of her life. On one hand, she started from the bottom. She started from being nothing but an expendable civilian experiment and now she’s here, representing all the overlooked civilians who have been wronged and are wronged by ninjas that never have to face the consequences of their crimes. Women who are raped by shinobi of power, men who are robbed of their livelihood by those stronger than them, children who are kidnapped by ninja like Orochimaru. She represents the underdog, and the responsibility sits heavily on her shoulders. But there is always a catch.

On the other hand, if Sakura beats Shikamaru, if Shikamaru loses this match, his shinobi career could be ruined forever. Ninja won’t respect a Clan Head who loses to a civilian girl—in reality, the ninja won’t see Sakura’s strength, only Shikamaru’s weakness. And Sakura’s already wronged Shikamaru. She’d nearly killed him.

The only thing on the line for Sakura is her pride. Shikamaru is motivated by fear. He could lose everything in just one single match. He could garner the hatred of not only his clan but hundreds of nobles and ninja that gambled on his win and have to live with the shame of his loss.

I can’t just forfeit. They’ll think someone paid me to throw the match.

Worse yet, Shikamaru would never accept such an easy win and would likely intentionally botch his next match so terribly he’d make a bigger fool of himself. People always say Sakura is prideful, that she behaves as if she stands taller than the trees. Maybe they're right, maybe Sakura is a bit too prideful, a bit too sure of herself and her abilities. But being sure of herself can be a boon. In comparison Shikamaru is prideful and insecure, which makes him hesitant to try things. He doesn't want to make a fool of himself, so he never approaches a problem he’s not sure he can solve.

There’s also the persuasive guilt weighing her conscious down. She’s stupid to believe she is infallible, that emotions are beneath her. She does these things to herself, makes stupid decision that leads to gut churning guilt and the feeling of wanting to hide from herself and the world. It’s her own damn fault she feels this shitty.

The question remains; is the guilt heavier than her sense of responsibility? Winning won’t accomplish anything but the chance for a Chunin promotion, which is nice and all, but not worth the consequences. Ninjas´ minds aren’t going to change because some random civilian girl beat some random lazy genius. They’ll only hate her more, and hate Shikamaru too.

Life will only prove to be predictable—the civilian’s will expect recognition and receive condemnation. She cannot change hearts filled with hate, but maybe she can lend a hand to hearts weighed down by chains. Maybe she has a shot at showing the civilians of Konoha their true potential is limitless.

What do I do? Shikamaru beating me in a fair match is a 50/50 gamble but…I’m hesitant to leave it up to fate.

Sakura stops walking. Shikamaru’s footsteps halt. She turns around, her eyes narrowing. When Neji and Hinata forfeited, it was beautiful. The whole village heard of the show of innovation, the demonstration of improvement towards equality for Branch and Main Family members.

This is different.

Sakura stands there, thinking about turning around. She wants to talk to Shikamaru but she doesn’t know how. Her heart thumps in her ears, a near painful and insistent throb. But her voice feels stuck, her eyes glued ahead of her. In the end with defeat overcoming her Sakura keeps her mouth closed. She takes a step, than two and three until sheś walking once more. Shikamaru begins walking again as well, their rhythmic feet tap-tapping as they go. Her heart beats in her chest as she progresses down the stairs, reminding Sakura of her existence. She is nothing more than human and the emotions sheś feeling are real. Sakura just wants everything to stop, to have an opportunity to explain herself to Shikamaru.

Feeling a hundred things at once, Sakura walks into the arena, the cheers around her not nearly as scary as she’d imagined they’d be. She was full on ready to pee herself not too long ago, but now all that is left of her is a deeply ingrained sadness. She just wants all of this to be over.

Once she passes the proctor she stops walking, facing the ninja stands with her back towards the civilians.

And then a feeling of euphoria like never before overcomes Sakura.

The civilian stands behind her rise. They stand for her, cheer for her, and a third emotion outperforms both responsibility and guilt; a reason, a purpose. It’s the familiar drive of determination hardening her bones and leveling her spine. She’s always let her determination guide her. She’s never had to push her mind, only her body. Her mind knows what it wants, and all that’s left is to provide a vessel to accomplish her mind’s goals. She’s honed her skills all month for this moment. She’s contemplated this moment day and night. Sakura has imagined every last second, every move she may or may not make, but she never made a decision.

Now her mind is set firm.

When Shikamaru makes his way into the arena, she meets his gaze head on. He’s taking her seriously, considers her an opponent, a threat, and that’s all Sakura has ever wanted. To prove myself.

But now that other people see her worth, Sakura finds that their opinions don’t mean all that she’d assumed they would. She doesn’t care what anyone in this entire damn crowd has to say. She doesn’t even really want to be a Chunin anymore.

Her new reason, the new goal she’s set her eyes upon is simple and straightforward. When the weak can’t stand, don’t carry them. Instead, teach them how to walk. 

She wants to show every civilian watching her, woman, man, or child, that anything is possible, that civilians are worth just as much as ninja. Ninja’s opinions don’t define civilians. Who cares what ninja think of people like us? They’ll be proved wrong one day when civilians stop harvesting crops for them; when civilians learn to defend themselves and no longer need ninja aid. Civilians have been taught to believe they rely on ninja. But it’s actually the opposite. Ninjas need civilians much more than civilians need ninja. The class separation is a social construct designed to keep us in line.

And she’ll prove that today. Whether she wins or loses, she’ll fight back, and that in itself is a statement to every little girl and boy out there who dreams of a better life, of a life lived in peace, not fear. All it takes is the decision to try. Win or lose trying is what's important. And try she will.

“Begin!”

But her mind is made up.

Shikamaru must win. Sakura has to throw the match.

She’ll go down fighting, of course, she always does.

\------

To say that Shikamaru Nara is anxious is an understatement. In fact, Shikamaru would feel inclined to stamp a label directly onto the forehead of whatever idiot would dare to correlate anxiety and the feeling in Shikamaru’s stomach. That idiot’s forehead in bright red ink would read STUPID, because the people around the utter buffoon would need the warning to properly navigate a situation with the poor bastard who actually believes the word _anxiety_ sums up Shikamaru’s emotions. Maybe he’s exaggerating, who cares. _I’m a drama king, sue me._

It’s not in Shikamaru’s blood to be anxious...he despises the feeling. All his life he’s gotten by just fine on dry, dreary, and boring. Sure without struggle there is no success but contrary wise without struggle there is no anxiety. The lack of struggle has made the majority of Shikamaru’s life very peaceful; a boring and troublesome life indeed, but peaceful. High expectations were never a problem for Shikamaru either. It’s not that he didn’t care what other people thought, it was just that at the end of the day, it was easier to ignore what other people thought. His father usually didn’t nag and despite Shikamaru’s frequent complaints his mother hardly asks anything of him. He has a good home life, loving parents, plenty of friends, and a clan name to erase all the bad grades he’d received at the academy. Life is simple.

Life is easy, and life is boring.

Now however, the thrumming in his chest threatens to tear him apart, and Shikamaru remembers all the reasons he’s never tried before. This feeling of pure elation and terror is so troublesome, the cheering of the rambunctious crowd drowning out his usual systematic stream of thoughts. He can’t think properly. It’s much easier to not care, to get a fail for not turning in his paper rather than stress over getting an A and letting his parents down the _one time_ he gets a B. For everyone else a B is acceptable, but for Shikamaru a B is bullshit. No Nara should have a B. The only explanation is that Shikamaru wasn’t trying!

(Except that, Shikamaru had been trying. He’d missed a stupid question because he was a stupid kid. He _wasn’t always right_ , especially not when he lets his anxiety get to him and he can’t think clearly.)

It’s easier for everyone if Shikamaru just doesn’t put in the effort. He’ll only let everyone down when he cries before tests and gets B’s instead of bloody A’s because his anxiety skyrockets and turns his logic into dust particles. _Why are you crying?_ _You’re smarter than all the other kids. Just take the test, you’ll be fine._

Sometime around seven or eight he’d realized he was plenty smart and that the tests weren’t teaching him anything, so he’d quit worrying himself over studying. He’d stopped showing up to the Academy on time, fell asleep in class to avoid the unbearable feeling of eyes prickling his skin from every direction, and botched all of his tests on purpose. It made the anxious flutter of his stomach disappear and replaced his typical-anxiety with a dreary, bored feeling that weighed down his chest like a pile of bricks. Shikamaru is an all or nothing type of person. One way or the other is the only way he can live. There’s no point in trying if you’re not trying to be the best, so he might as well quit. 

And as Shikamaru’s grades dropped everyone’s expectations for him had slowly dwindled out into disappointment. People began expecting him to fail, to not try, and the low expectations were much easier to handle than the impossibly high standards. It might hurt his heart to hear his mother’s grumbling and his father’s sighs, but it’s easier than the stress of letting them raise him to be a genius. Historically speaking, geniuses don’t live the best lives.

Shikamaru will be the first one to admit that boredom is better, so much better, than the thrilling, terrifying thumping in his chest he’s experiencing right now. He’d rather feel nothing at all than this undefinable mess of fright. There’s no going back now, however, not after what he’d witnessed minutes before when walking down into the arena. He has to fight. He doesn’t really have a choice in the matter.

Shikamaru barely manages to hear Genma shout the beginning of the match over the echoing of the crowds. “Begin!” the proctor declares, and yet Shikamaru’s mind is elsewhere. Shikamaru’s brain is hyper-focused on the intense thrumming in his chest. All of his strategies are thrown out the window, not that he’d had very many to begin with. Sakura is proficient in seemingly all types of battle, long range, close range, Genjutsu—you name it and Sakura can do it, and do it well.

There is something else that has left him unbalanced, something other than his all-consuming anxiety. He’d never known there could be more than anxiety, as all-consuming as the feeling is.

Shikamaru has found that he’d rather lose than win.

Usually his pride would keep him in check and force him to attempt to win, but today is different. His gut churns with the idea of the ninja stands cheering him on. He can’t seem to rid himself of the image of the popcorn grease slicking Sakura’s hair, of her blanking eyes and stiff shoulders. No matter how hard he tries the image lingers. It’s sickening, the entire situation is sickening. He doesn’t want any part in it. He doesn’t even want to be a Chunin. _Why am I here? It’s all too much. There’s too much pressure._

His brain is scattered. How is he supposed to sort through his torrential thoughts when his stomach is queasy enough to leave him vomiting on the arena floor?

Sakura tried to kill him, and he’s pissed off at her as hell, but is it weird he’s beginning to see her side of things? He’d be angry too if strangers felt entitled to slur at him and call him crude names while none of his friends lifted a finger to help. None of them stood up for Sakura—they might claim social convention prevented them from taking action, but if it had been Sasuke, or even Naruto being insulted, no one would have thought twice. Yet Sakura was left to fend for herself.

If Shikamaru were Sakura he’d probably hate him, too. He feels _stupid._ Stupid because he’s always known he was privileged but he’d never known just how horrible other people’s lives could be. His privilege is just above average...but the average is terribly bleak. 

He’d heard about Sakura’s parent’s death. There wasn’t even an official investigation. Nobody cared that Sakura’s house burned to the ground in the dead of night with seemingly no explanation. It’d been the first thing he’d asked his parent’s, and yet they’d had no answer for him. _How did it happen?_ He’d wondered. His parent’s had exchanged a look and shrugged _. Shrugged._ As if death is something to shrug about. What is _wrong_ with them?

How was he supposed to fight a girl who’d fought all her life to be here? How was he supposed to try to win against this _pink haired tiny thing_ who was just orphaned? The amount he’d trained the last month doesn’t even compare to the way Sakura has trained her _whole life._ Doesn’t she deserve to win?

_Sakura nearly killed you,_ he reminds himself. And Ino may love her, but Ino has a heart big enough to hold the sun. Ino loves everyone who needs her love.

He’s confused out of his mind, and that’s not like Shikamaru. Shikamaru’s thoughts are always straightforward, he’s always figuring out the problem as it’s laid out before him. But now he has every piece he needs to complete the picture and he can’t seem to fit them together. He doesn’t even know what he’s trying to see. 

He’s taking this situation more seriously than he’s taken anything else in his _life._

Shikamaru doesn’t remember who throws the first punch, he only knows the sporadic rise and fall of his chest as he and Sakura move in a flurry of pain and bones. He grapples with her hair, she knees him in the ribs, and the both of them collapse into a heap of adrenaline. But Shikamaru doesn’t want to hurt her, not because he’s afraid of causing her pain, but because the consequences of winning this match are not ones he wants to face. Besides, being a Chunin sounds like such a drag, and Sakura would be better at it than him anyhow. His body slows as his mind teeters on a decision, floating away from him in ungraspable disarray.

His lack of focus, his indecisiveness, makes him susceptible to the fist flying his direction. Shikamaru stumbles and clenches his eyes shut, preparing for the punch that will most likely be followed by a kick. He wouldn’t be surprised. He probably deserves it, for spending his whole life relying on his privilege instead of actually training. He deserves it for living in fear of his own damn emotions.

Instead his head whips to the side and his eyes snap open as blood slides down the side of his cheek. She’s slapped him, clawed him more accurately, and her face is red with anger. Humorously, he notes the smooth, clean condition of his nails compared to Sakura’s rough callouses and jagged, scarred nail beds. His nails are filed and round, stupidly posh. Just that one small observation has the power to make him feel so, so stupid, and so, so ashamed. His anxiety plummets back into nothingness, and Shikamaru hates to admit how he actually prefers the dreariness.

“Get your head out of your ass, Nara!” Sakura reaches her hand back to punch him for real, but instincts kick in and he grabs her fist and shoves her backward. Sakura wipes spit from her mouth with the back of her hand. “If you don’t start fighting me for real I’ll tear you a new asshole, you hear me?”

Shikamaru reaches a startled hand up to his cheek, fingers trailing along the angry red lines bubbling with pain.

“I want your respect!” Sakura screams, running towards him. “Not your Goddamn _pity_!”

Sakura tackles him to the ground. He sees stars as the back of his head slams against the floor. The combination of the pain splintering his brain and her demanding words cause him to jerk into focus. Her words ground him. The world around him fades until all that’s left is he and Sakura, alone in the battlefield. He can’t hear the shouts of the crowd anymore, he can’t see his father’s disappointed gaze or Asuma-sensei’s condescending one. He’s not thinking about the written test or about Sakura’s dead parents.

He’s focused. He’s completely utterly focused on the match ahead of him. He supposes that Sakura must have this effect on people. He’s seen her empower freaking _Sasuke_ before.

He knees her in the gut, grabs a fist full of Sakura’s hair even though it’s a dirty, cheap move, and drags her to the ground, slamming her front teeth into the arena floor. He procures a kunai, thrusting it downwards, and Sakura barely rolls out of the way, his knife digging into the ground, the force behind it reverberating in his wrist.

Sakura grins, her mouth bloody, and Shikamaru’s eyes meet hers. No words need to be exchanged. They communicate without meaningless chatter and explanations because the both of them fully comprehend the situation. They know what’s happening. They leave behind their identities and _breathe_.

Shikamaru isn’t feeling _nothing_ , but he’s not feeling anxiety either. He feels... _alive_. He feels, he feels pretty _good_ ; unbidden, his lips quirk into a smirk.

As they fight, kunai on kunai and fists in each other’s gut, Shikamaru’s brain is blessedly empty of all worries. It’s freeing, being so focused on thinking you can’t think at all. Sakura is a marvel. Something about her, despite the fact that she’d nearly killed him, is so utterly admirable. She’s managed to throw away everyone else’s opinions of her and hone in, and her actions have prompted him to do the same.

Sakura elbows him in the side and Shikamaru chokes. Shikamaru nails a shuriken in Sakura’s thigh. Shikamaru jumps high as the earth around him crumbles, and Sakura hits the ground to avoid the dozens of kunai he’d set up for her to fall into.

Yes, Sakura is admirable. Ignoring people’s opinions is a constant, never ending battle, and few people are up for the challenge. Fighting Sakura feels similar. Like their fight will never end, like the adrenaline hiding the pain in his limbs will never fade.

From behind him Sakura leaps onto his shoulders and wraps her legs around his throat, her thighs squeezing his neck and her ankles locking. Shikamaru stumbles backwards, the weight unexpected and the agility of his opponent ever startling. She wraps her hands around his mouth and nose to further block his oxygen, and Shikamaru admires the intelligence put into the move. If she’s on his back Shikamaru can’t possess her with his Shadow Technique.

Still, what she doesn’t know is that he’d noticed the set of senbon needles in her kunai pouch, and takes advantage of her position, reaching his hand into the pouch on her thigh and grabbing the needle. Without putting much thought into it he sticks the needle directly into her thigh. Sakura grunts as the needle bypasses her long training pants and enters her skin. Shikamaru really hopes his assumption that the needles were laced with poison was correct.

He allows himself to fall backwards, his lungs screaming for air, but Sakura flips off and over him, straddling his chest and wrapping her hands around his throat, pressing down. Shikamaru barely managed a gasp of air in between the movement. His body is rapidly depleting of oxygen. He needs to get air _soon_. He almost doesn’t notice the pain, the adrenaline he’s high on as concentrated as it is. She buries her face in his neck to protect herself from getting punched. Shikamaru knees her in the privates, Sakura gasping in pain and shock. Shikamaru quickly takes advantage and grabs a kunai. Sakura regains her bearings and snags a knife of her own, clashing the blades head on.

Their faces are in between their kunai, but Sakura is pressing her entire weight into the blade and Shikamaru is pushing upward and still trying to gather his breath. He’s losing ground, the blade inching closer to his face. But Asuma-sensei called him a _knight_ for a reason, and that’s because Shikamaru may not win in terms of brute force, but he’s tricky and valuable all the same.

He twists the angle of his blade and pushes _down_ instead of up, causing Sakura to lose the balance that was relying on the pressure his blade provided. Their knives brush both of their chests and stomach as their blades slip downward, but neither pays the irritating pain any mind. Shikamaru aims a palm at Sakura’s nose that she quickly jumps away from, creating distance between them. He scrambles to his feet, his fingers flying through his first jutsu of the day. Distance is exactly what he needs.

“Shadow Grenade Jutsu!” he calls, his voice hoarse from strangulation. His senses are beginning to come back to him, air circulating through his body once more. His shirt is ripped where he and Sakura’s kunai snagged it, a thin stream of blood trickling down his chest. Sakura’s pink hair is stuck to him in various places, her blood sticking to his clothes and her skin underneath his fingernails. His whole body aches with exhaustion, screaming and demanding he sit down and forfeit the match. But Shikamaru ignores his brain’s rationale. Sure, he’s never been more exhausted in his life. Yet contrary wise he’s never been more _motivated_ to do something. Fighting Sakura is...dare he say it, _fun._

Shikamaru’s shadow jutsu erupts up and out, consuming the arena in temporary darkness. It’s a jutsu he only recently learned, so he can’t hold it for long, but he can hold if for long enough to replace himself with a clone and earn himself some time to strategize.

He hears Sakura shriek in the sudden dark, but he’s busy burning his very limited chakra supply on replacing himself with a clone while simultaneously keeping up the darkness he cast upon the arena.

He uses the replacement jutsu with himself and some rubble behind a tree, gasping for breath as he lets the darkness disappear and his clone buy him some time. Gingerly, Shikamaru brushes his fingers against his throat, glad that it’s only minor bruising and not swelling. Despite the minimal damage his throat is still painfully dry and sore, putting pressure against his ears as well. He crouches down behind the tree, glad for the slight shade, and takes a moment to himself. He’s always loved the shade, and he’s not sure if it’s a Nara thing or not. It calms him, wears down on the adrenaline he’s been running on. He can feel the anxiety coming back, a mounting pile of stress he has no business feeling.

He calms his racing heart and struggles to breath, trying to rediscover that blissful focus he’d achieved at the start of the match. The cheers of the crowd are beginning to come back to him, the obscenities and curse words so overwhelming he has to resist the urge to clamp his hands on his ears and just stay hiding. Instead, he envisions a strategy. The first step to every good strategy is identifying an opponent’s weakness, and then moving on to exploit it using your strength. Like, for example, playing a game of chess against Ino; Ino is utterly patient in every sense of the word, however, she only attacks if you attack. Playing defensive is the best way to confuse Ino and leave her floundering, unable to seize Shikamaru’s pieces. He’s used this strategy countless times.

The problem lies in the fact Sakura seemingly has no weaknesses. She’s perfectly confident, but not overconfident. She’s better than him at Taijutsu, Genjutsu, Earth-Style—which happens to be both of their chakra types—and she’s got better endurance and chakra reserves than him.

_But I can’t just lose._

The image of his father’s face creased with disappointment makes his heartbeat pick up faster than when Sakura was suffocating him. He’d let down his entire clan losing to someone like Sakura.

_What am I thinking? “Someone like Sakura?”_

He takes a deep breath. This isn’t about the clan. This isn’t about politics. This is about...what, pride? Becoming the kind of person he hates? Earning a Chunin Vest? What’s the Goddamn point?

_Focus, focus, focus, focus on the match and win._

_....but why?_

Sometimes Shikamaru thinks too much.

Shikamaru would actually be enjoying the competition Sakura provides him, the intelligence she possesses, if not for the fact he’s supposed to be automatically better than her. _But I’m not._ _She’s better than me. She’s coolheaded and strong. I’m anxious and...a crybaby._

_A weakness,_ he reminds himself. _Sakura’s weakness._

Sakura uses all of her weakness so brilliantly, covering them up and using them to her advantage, leaving her virtually untouchable. Someone from the crowd shouts something Shikamaru doesn’t even want to think, something he finds so offensive he wonders how Sakura can take it. It makes his stomach roll, and his determination waver.

_Asuma-sensei says I’m a knight, but what does that matter? I’m still a game piece, controlled by an unsayable, ungraspable master._

Shikamaru doesn’t want to play his clan’s game, the Village’s game. He doesn’t want to be used to put other people down. _You’re wrong. I’m not a Knight._

There’s only one option.

Shikamaru has to throw the match.

He’ll have to make it look believable, of course.

_I’m a game master._

\------

Sakura’s has a job to do, and an important one at that. Win or lose Sakura’s proven something today—so Shikamaru has to be winner, so he doesn’t let down his clan and the name of ninja.

It’d been hard at first, to get him to fight her, but a slap in the face and some common sense did the trick. Once he regained his decisiveness Shikamaru proved to be a worthy foe.

It was pretty _fun_ to fight him, but Sakura would never admit that out loud. It was unprofessional, and out of place in such serious circumstances. Shikamaru’s complexity and curious maneuvers forced her to rely on only her instincts and just that. She’d long since given up on out-strategizing him. When he looked at her with that lazy, dull expression she hardly expected anything from him. Sasuke’s eyes are so telling, wide and seeing as they always are, and Naruto’s eyes hold every flicker of emotion that he doesn’t let himself expression. Shikamaru’s eyes give away nothing at all. He seems so average, so dull. In fact the only shiny thing about him is his clan name. But he’s quite the opposite of dull, he’s brilliant and shiny as a light bulb, and no one would ever expect such greatness from a boy so scrawny and laidback.

She searches the arena for where her opponent is hiding, having realized his little Shadow Genjutsu trick. It was clever, but it was nothing but a stall. Neither of them are any closer to winning than they were before; more relevantly, _Shikamaru_ isn’t any closer to winning than he was before. She can’t make it look like she’s utterly lost and failed unless Shikamaru actually fights her. If he runs away, how she’s supposed to take a good hit to the face and get herself knocked out? _Stupid_ , she thinks, glaring as she dispels his clone.

Shikamaru comes out of his hiding place without a single plan to defeat her etched onto his face. All he looks is worn out. He limps and the weird thing is Sakura doesn’t even remember harming his leg. He could’ve sprained his ankle while running, she supposes, but it seems a silly thing for even an unseasoned ninja to do. Every Genin knows how to run properly. Then, using a simple transportation jutsu that Sakura thinks is an utter waste of chakra, Shikamaru appears before her, fists clench as he sways on his feet.

The blow is painfully obvious, so painfully obvious, and it wounds her pride to allow such a horrible blow to strike her in the nose. It’s her turn to get hit. She’s been cataloging Shikamaru’s injuries, and the strangling she’d inflicted upon him took a toll on his stamina. He’d emerged from his hiding place looking so tired and rugged she’d figured the sooner she ends this the better.

Sakura wipes her bloody nose and throws a weak elbow into his side that is all bone and no strength. He grunts, but otherwise is able to reel back for his next hit. He draws his hand back across his shoulder. _He’s going to backhand me_ , Sakura realizes with a start. On instinct Sakura trips him before he can demean her in such a way. It’s one thing for a girl to smack a guy across the cheek when he’s being an idiot, it’s another thing for a boy to backhand a girl in the middle of a fight. Strange, the difference between a backhand and a smack; a smack is obvious. Your opponent knows that its coming. But a backhand was designed to take your opponent by surprise, to make their eyes widen when you hit them across the cheek. _Asshole,_ she thinks angrily.

And the anger makes her pause, because Shikamaru is a strategist, isn’t he? He’s riling her up. In fact his slight limp is probably all for show. He’s making her think she has this in the bag and simultaneously getting her angry so she slips up. It’s a good plan, and it’s believable enough that Sakura would fall for it. Good then, he has a plan, he’s done the work for her. All she has to do is fall for it.

She gets angry. Spews generic words at him she can’t recall with any sort of clarity, knees him where it hurts, lets his shady obvious blows hit their mark. Her thoughts stray as her mind works on a lazy mode she’s never entered before.

Not that it’s her fault her mind so hazy, but that’s beside the point.

She thinks about how weak Naruto must see her for not ending this match yet, she wonders where Sasuke is, and goes over her conversation with Tenten, Neji, and Hinata. Hinata must’ve told Neji her parents were dead, judging by the way he reacted. She can’t say she’s surprised, they _are_ cousins, and they clearly love each other greatly. Even while taking a punch to the side she feels a flash of pride and triumph when her mind flickers to Ino and her match with Lee. Ino did so well. Ino doesn’t have the highest self-esteem—she calls it realism—and she never gives herself enough credit. She expects to lose and then when she wins she’s not even happy. Sakura isn’t always satisfied when she wins but that’s because she wants _more._ People already expect Ino to succeed, so when she wins...it doesn’t mean as much.

Another thing that has been bothering her is that Sakura tries so hard to win all the time; to be the best, the smartest, the most talented. But here she is, deliberately attempting to lose, and it’s not nearly as easy as it should be. If she tries so very hard to win, shouldn’t it be so very easy to lose?

_Only if you’re up against someone who’s trying to win with everything they’ve got. Otherwise you’re just two lazy asses giving up on a fight._

_Is_ Shikamaru giving up? Sakura knows he can do better than this. She’s seen him spar before.

The uppercut he aims at her only glances her chin, sending her stumbling instead of sprawling on the floor. Sakura pretends to fall down anyway, and Shikamaru lunges on top of her, grabbing the front of her shirt with one hand and reaching far back to land a punch on her face. His positioning is all wrong, he’s not using his bodyweight, and he’s so unbalanced Sakura could turn her body to the side and send him onto the floor. She knows he can do better than this. She turns her head away from the punch, because even though it wasn’t all of his strength, getting hit doesn’t sound good right now. She’s unsurprised when he careens forward with his punch, his balance off as he tumbles down. Sakura takes her chance to ‘seize’ him by the shoulder and give him the perfect opportunity to break her hand or worse.

He doesn’t. Instead, he glares at her. “Fuck you.” He hisses, so low she can hardly hear him over the incomprehensible roar of the crowd. The damn crowd is getting annoying, with the shrieking and hissing the people all feel entitled to screech. Sakura doesn’t typically like people, no matter how hard she tries, so she’s unsurprised by the unexplainable urge to stand up and raise both of her middle fingers high in the air. She doesn’t act on it, of course.

Sakura narrows her eyes and jabs him in the side. The weak hit only causes him to huff out a breath of air, before his face screws up and his hand is shooting upward, elbow extended and expression furious. Sakura’s eyes widen.

Sakura’s not sure what’s going on, but she understands what raising your hand in the middle of a match means. She tackles him before he can ruin his entire career for no reason at all, wrapping her arms around his sides and pinning his arms in place. He could escape the hold, he _is_ a boy, but he doesn’t, instead giving her a bewildered expression. “ _Fuck_ you.” He says again, malice replaced with frustration, and she imagines that if he could he’d bang his head against the arena floor.

“What are you doing, Nara? Get it together and knock me out already.” Sakura snaps, tightening her hold and adjusting herself into a better grip, shimmying up his body to glare at him dead on. It’s awkward to be so close to Shikamaru, but at this point she’s used to sparring with boys.

“I’m not knocking you out. God you’re stupid.” Shikamaru groans, sounding utterly done with the entire situation. 

Sakura grunts in both pain and annoyance when he kicks her and then elbows her in the cheek, tackling her to the ground and gaining the advantage. She has to remind herself not to throw him off of her. She is trying to let him win after all.

“You need to win.” Sakura spits, because she can’t imagine why he’d be trying to throw the match. It’s bewildering and utterly _stupid._

Shikamaru makes a sound in the back of his throat, and Sakura notes how raw and achy it is. She may have gone overboard with the strangling. An odd feeling of triumph reverberates within her. _Weak civilian my ass,_ she thinks as Shikamaru levels her with a stern glare. “All those people in the crowd are relying on you, Sakura. Don’t you get that? If you lose you let them down.” He reasons.

Sakura knees him in the side for his blind sidedness. Ninja might see the world in black and white, village and enemy, success and defeat, but civilians live on a spectrum. Civilians have to stick together even through their differences, work through the dichotomy of their cultures and beliefs. Ninja may have differing political views but that’s really the only thing that separates them from each other. It’s always been ninja and civilians, not Jounin and farmers. The variety of civilians is innumerable: farmers, politicians, merchants, shop owners, employees, office workers, carpenters, blacksmiths, engineers, and factory workers just to name a few.

Sakura huffs, a headache pressing into her temples. “I already succeeded, Nara. I’m here. I’m fighting you. I already broke the chains. I don’t need to win, they don’t care if I come out of here a champion or not. All they care is that their children can look up to me and realize that they can accomplish anything they put their minds too. Is that why you’re throwing this match? Not because you’re too lazy, but because you wanted to help them?” Sakura elbows him in the side, but it’s almost affectionate. “That’s actually really sweet.” she tells him her voice softer than usual. But soon enough she squares her shoulders and purses her lips. “...however, losing this match will only devalue both of us. The ninja will dethrone you and claim that you’re a useless dud of an heir. They’ll lie and say you’re uselessness is the only reason why I beat you. And the civilian will be demeaned and ignored once again. The best outcome is my loss. I think my pride can take the blow.” Sakura informs him.

Nara looks down at her, his eyebrows furrowed. He shifts his weight and presses down firmly on her arms. There’s a tense moment of silence, where Nara’s eyes give away not a flicker of emotion or inclination to agree with her. Finally, he says in gravelly, choked tone, “You’re sure about this?” he asks her, eyebrows pinched skeptically.

Sakura snorts. “Hurry up.” She grunts at him, resisting the urge to smile in victory. He sneers.

Then in a sudden show of vigor Shikamaru punches her in the nose. The pain shouldn’t take her by surprise, she’d told him to do it, but the technique is perfect and he’d swung all of his body weight into the hit. It leaves her feeling terribly disoriented and even dizzier than before. Her head spins as she kicks him off of her on instinct, a pulse of chakra coursing through her limbs aiding the movement.

The dizziness lasts longer than it should as she stumbles away from him. She knows the reason why, of course. She’s been avoiding thinking about it. Technically, she didn’t need Shikamaru to agree to win at all. But she figured she should at least elude him towards believing he had a choice in the matter. Plus, it’s been a bitch to hold back her blaring curse mark, despite all the training Anko-sensei put her through to keep in under control. She’s not just letting all that work go to waste by winning after all.

Shikamaru unwittingly shot her up with her own poison, stabbing her right in the arm with Anko-sensei’s senbon needle. Sakura has the antidote on her, of course, she’d be a fool not to, but she hasn’t used it. Shikamaru hadn’t realized he had literally no say in who was winning this match. He’d poisoned her and probably forgot all about it. Sakura coated the tips of the needles in a very slow moving poison, one that is odorless and undetectable.

It’s not a poison that Anko-sensei taught her. It’s from Kabuto.

She knows it wrong, what she’s been doing. But his offer to meet up again was impossible to resist. So for the past month, like clockwork, Sakura has been hanging out with Kabuto from three to four pm, immediately after finishing training with Anko-sensei. She’s been telling Naruto and Sasuke that her training is simply very, very long and arduous, that Anko-sensei pushes her to her limits. She’s been lying.

Sakura doesn’t feel guilty about it, though, and that’s the part that scares her. She should feel remorseful. She’s been lying to her friends. She’s letting a rogue ninja train her. Sakura should hate Kabuto, despise him for all that he’s done to her. But there’s this odd, unspeakable connection she feels whenever she’s around Kabuto. Like Kabuto and her are family, like she belongs. The feeling has compelled her time and again to seek Kabuto out, hang out with him in secret. Sometimes, they don’t even train. They’d just laze about and chat, commenting on the weather and sipping cold, creamy coffee.

She can’t possibly feel guilty for doing something that makes her so happy, though. It felt surreally natural to go to Kabuto about her need for an undetectable, slow affecting poison. He’d given her his own personal concoction, a mix of ingredients he hadn’t divulged and a promise to use it wisely. She might not be using it the way he’d wanted her to, but her actions have arguably been very wise, so he shouldn’t fault her.

Her movements are slowing down, her brain fizzling back into the hazy, contemplative state it had been in before she’d realized Shikamaru wasn’t trying. Shikamaru throws a kunai at her that he expects her to dodge. Only she can’t, because her brain is getting steadily hazier. Kabuto explained the poison as a relaxant, relaxing the opponent into a near comatose state.

She’s certainly feeling quite drugged, quite absent-minded. She’s pretty sure the drug he gave her is used for roofying, which is probably why he didn’t tell her the name. He knows her well enough that he could predict she’d instantly snoop around the library until she found the ingredients and interpreted how and why he created the drug. She doubts Kabuto would use the drug for any means of his own, but she can definitely see him giving it to Orochimaru. She shudders to think who this drug has been used against in the past.

Sakura’s train of thought is cut off as Shikamaru’s kunai imbeds itself in her shoulder, causing her to choke in pain. It’s not quite her shoulder, though, it’s the tendon between her shoulder and chest, shooting pain throughout every nerve in her body and leaving her in a haze of pain and confusion. She lets out a quiet gasp and sways, barely dodging the next set of weapons he launches her way.

Shikamaru is keyed up, she’s seen it in his tense shoulders and pinched lips. He’s worried about her, about her reasoning, and he’s anxious. She’d never known Shikamaru Nara to be anxious, but this is probably his first real one on one fight, and he’s fighting a girl who’d tried to kill him no less. She’d tried to kill him and now she’s trying to help him. Without meaning to be, Sakura is quite the paradox, 

Sakura can be a confusing person. She exists on a spectrum of emotions, guided by a feeling rather than morality. Sasuke has a certain set of rules, a certain set of things he always feels, always believes—he’s steady as a river. Naruto’s emotions may fluctuate but it’s true that his goals have never once faltered from their original path. But Sakura is ever changing, ever adapting to her surroundings, and the inconsistency leaves Shikamaru floundering. Sakura’s changed from wanting to prove herself to the village to not giving a flying fuck of what anyone could think of her. She’s changed from diligently following the rules in hopes of praise to realizing that she doesn’t need others to validate her worth. She’s always followed morals that she never believed in. _Being aggressive is bad_ , her parents had said, so Sakura did her best to hide her volatility into the deepest pits of her mind. She’s done living by the rules though, she’s through with wishing desperately that someone, anyone would like her, and changing herself to fit their description of _nice._

Sakura will be herself, and she may not know who that is yet, but she’s not going to let someone else decide for her. She wasn’t born to be a follower. She’d done conforming to the Village’s standards.

She can be both, a civilian, and a kunoichi. Sakura doesn’t have to choose.

Even in Sakura’s disoriented state, however, she notices the dullness of the crowd, the sound of kunai on kunai and the sudden urge to collapse to the floor and sleep. The cheers have faded in the distance.

Shikamaru is by her side in an instant, picking her up and jumping across the arena to avoid an avalanche of rocks barreling toward the arena in a rapid speed. Sakura looks around herself in confusion, her eyes straining against the sunlight. Soon she’s slumped on the floor next to the arena wall, Shikamaru kneeling beside her with a panicked expression. He grabs her and shakes, but the action intended to snap her out of the dreary spell she’s in only serves to elicit a low groan from her chest.

The counteracting drug is in her pouch, but she’s not sure she can work her jaw to explain it to him. Her mouth feels oddly heavy, her eyelids like metal lids rather than thin flaps of skin.

It turns out Sakura doesn’t need to explain, because soon enough Shikamaru deciphers the lazy look in her eyes. He unstraps her kunai pouch frantically, rummaging through the weapons and tossing her expensive knives aside like she hasn’t spent her life’s earning collecting the pricy weaponry.

Sakura hardly pays attention to any of his actions, instead shifting her gaze upward. The crowds look so peaceful, sleeping as they are, and the whole scene would almost be beautiful if not for the violent look in a select few ninja’s eyes as they toss kunai back and forth at each other, raging infernos of panic and hate, a perfect depiction of the paintings Sakura’s seen in history books. She feels the sudden urge to laugh, but her lips feel too numb to move. She thinks she manages a delirious smile. She’s always loved history books.

Sakura hardly feels the counteracting drug inject into her arm. She’s unsurprised Shikamaru found the injection, but she is surprised by how recklessly he injected her with it. She didn’t exactly label the liquid antidote. For all he’s aware he could be poisoning her worse. A stupid genius, she realizes, the epitome of an oxymoron.

The antidote isn’t a drug designed to break down the poison, meaning that returning back to her body is not a slow going process. The injection is a shot of adrenaline, a drug with the opposite effect of a relaxant. The moment the liquid enters her veins she shoots up from her seated position and into a standing one, gasping and clutching her heart, ripping the syringe out of her wrist and throwing it carelessly to the ground. He nailed her right in the sublavian veins, too.

Shikamaru only gives her enough time to observe the ensuing chaos at a glance before he’s grappling with her wrist and tugging her towards the exit, debris slapping them in the face and smoke filling their noses and lungs. Her heart beats rapidly in her chest, her skin tingles, and her shoulder bleeds freely from when Shikamaru launched a knife at her and it landed. The arena above her is actually quieter than before when the stands were filled with cheering and booing crowds. Now the chaos is quiet and deadly, explosions and pained groans echoing in her eardrums. She thinks she can hear Kakashi-sensei shouting above them, but his voice doesn’t stop her and Shikamaru from sprinting towards the exit. Just as they make it to the large double doors a chorus of horrified screams fill the ear, and it’s not the shouting, but the sudden horrific aura that swamps the battlefield in dread that prompts both of them to screech to a halt and turn around at once, Shikamaru numbly releasing her arm from his grasp. Her cathartic state from earlier has become forgotten as her eyes immediately find the source of the dreadful, encompassing aura of death that grips the arena by its windpipe. Her body seizes with fright.

Up on the Kage seating, Lord Third is kneeling on the ground before the Kazekage himself. The reality of the situation crashes down upon her. Sakura’s earlier comparison to this scene and one is history books proves to be painfully accurate. _War_ , she thinks in disbelief. _War is afoot._

Shikamaru quivers beside her, shifting so the two of them are shoulder to shoulder, and Sakura welcomes the small reassurance. Then the two of them are running, running away from the scene as fast as humanly possible, too terrified to think beyond _survive._ She feels like Sasuke, gasping and panting with a desperation she’s never known before as she and Shikamaru make their way out of the arena building, where a large staircase meets them. They thunder down each flight, never once slowing down their pace. On the fifth or sixth flight of stairs she and Shikamaru skid to a stop, throwing themselves into the wall of the building as a dozen weapons and knives sails past them. Sakura looks around for the enemy ninja who threw the blade, not hesitating before launching a knife in her direction.

The knife lands with a sick thud, blood gushing from the enemy kunoichi’s throat and spilling onto the floor. Sakura keeps running, erasing the image from her mind and tearing down the staircase, finally coming to a platform and then a door. Without hesitating she barrels through the door. Before Sakura can comprehend what’s happening, Shikamaru is throwing her to the side, clapping a hand over her mouth and dragging her underneath a nearby window, crouched low in the brush.

In their close proximity Sakura can feel him shaking, quivering uncontrollably. He removes his hand from her mouth with stiff, robotic movements, curling into the thorny brush and weeds as tightly as possible. Sakura struggles to see past the branches shoving in her face and tangling in her hair. 

With a few blinks, she looks out into the forest with horror. Smoke rises from the tops of the trees, rubble crashes through the air, and innumerable enemy ninja crowd around the outside of the tower, completely surrounding the perimeter.

Sakura gulps, her throat bobbing and her saliva thick, a spider crawling up her leg and nestling itself in the crook of her knee. Sakura doesn’t dare move to rid herself of the creature, paralyzed by the fear of the sight before her. The intruder’s headbands are a mix of Grass, Sand, and Sound, their jackets a blur of green and tan amongst the trees. She catches her breath and calms her racing heart, the adrenaline from the drug finally dialing down. Sakura presses her hand to the gaping wound in her shoulder with a shaky sigh, Shikamaru’s teeth chattering as he sweats unbearably not from the summer heat, but from nerves and anxiety. She breathes as quietly as possible.

“They’re...” Shikamaru says aloud, looking around himself in a daze. “They—they’re gonna see us.” He declares, blinking furiously. Sakura wracks her brain, but the enemy ninja are drawing nearer, some even scaling the building and filing into the windows. She and Shikamaru are completely surrounded. The spider underneath her knee bites her, and Sakura grits her teeth to stop from shaking it away. She doesn’t move the branch stabbing her in the corner of her mouth, and she doesn’t shift away from Shikamaru, even though she can feel his hot panting breath against her nose. She doesn’t dare move.

“We have to run for it.” Sakura declares, because any half-assed chakra exhausted transformation or Genjutsu they conjure right now will be easily snuffed out by the Jounin and Chunin surrounding them. Some of the enemies are even Anbu, sporting elusive masks and dangerous looking tanto, katana, and swords strapped across their backs.

“We won’t make it. They’ll slit our throats before we make it to the edge of the clearing.” Shikamaru argues, his voice a bare whisper. He has a point, Sakura acknowledges, because for about fifteen feet there are no trees or bushes to hide their identities. The area around the tower is filled in with grass and pebbles to create a clearing. “And,” Shikamaru hisses at her, “We don’t know when the enemy troops end. They could be scattered throughout the whole forest to catch stragglers.”

Sakura lets a frustrated breath from her nose, nostrils flaring, stopping herself from turning around and glaring at him. She glares straight ahead, her fist clenching. “What do you suggest then? Stay here and get caught?” she whispers, unable to convey her emotions in such a quiet tone of speaking.

“No.” Shikamaru denies, leaning in closer to her. Sakura can feel him swallow, can feel his pulse beating sporadically. He doesn’t say anything else, not a single other option coming to mind.

“We have to go.” Sakura warns him, watching as the enemy troops surrounding the building in increasing numbers strategically send out teams into the building through every point of entry available.

“We’ll die without a plan.” Shikamaru’s voice shakes, and Sakura can feel his fear like it’s a living, breathing thing.

Sakura cracks her neck, a reckless idea forming. “Chances are we’ll die even if we have a plan. So we might as well go now, before we’re caught and taken as hostages as worse.” Sakura cracks her knuckles and glares ahead of her.

_I only have one life to give. I better make sure my sacrifice is worth something._

“Nara, we’re even after this. You better run like hell.” Sakura grunts, rolling her shoulders.

“Even? Sakura, what are you doing?” She ignores the alarm in Shikamaru’s voice.

“Run. Like. Hell.” She orders, turning her head so he can see the seriousness in her eyes. He blinks at her, and even though she knows he’s not prepared, she follows through with the half-assed idea of a distraction that has formulated in her mind.

Suddenly and sporadically as a mole popping out of the ground Sakura jumps out of the bush and lunges into a sprint, arms pumping and striding for all her legs are worth. She takes a kunai out of her pocket and attaches an explosive to it all in one breath, carelessly tossing it in front of her and running right into the midst of the following explosion. Burns streak her arms and ankles, her cheeks flaming with heat, but she carries on, enemy ninja shouting orders as she wreaks havoc across the forest.

She won’t ever know if Shikamaru made it out alive, but she’s going to try her damn near hardest to cause enough chaos that slipping away is possible for him, simple, even. Sakura uses a trick Kabuto taught her, the ability to use both of her chakra systems at once. Or, she planned to, before the ever-present throb in her neck spikes ferociously and she lets out a choked, surprised cry. Jumping onto the branch of a nearby tree and taking the enemy by surprise, Sakura ducks out of the way of a kunai before flying through a set of hand-seals, her neck burning with agony as the curse mark fights to overcome her.

She hopes Shikamaru has gotten far enough away. Sakura wanted to save him, not kill him.

Before her rapidly numbing fingers can finish the jutsu she’d been recklessly attempting to preform, the curse mark on her neck breaks free from its confines and sends agony plummeting through her body.

The curse mark is strangely familiar yet horrifically grotesque. The curse mark glows red and burns, spreading out from the seal with triumph, creeping up the side of her neck. Like snakes wiggling under her skin the seal creeps down her arms and legs, around her collarbone and through her cheekbones, hallowing out her skin and giving her an emaciated, pale appearance. The curse mark glows deep red before settling into an ominous maroon, a surge of chakra entering her limbs. Her arms feel light, the injury on her shoulder pulling itself back together with an uncomfortable squelch.

Sakura can feel the edges of insanity creeping upon her, a whisper of power crooning in her ear and curling around the crevices of her mind. The force that threatens to overtake her is nothing like combatting Inner. This force is entirely hers to control, hers to wield. It doesn’t demand of her actions she doesn’t wish to take. No, instead it convinces her that violence is a temptation; corrupts her brain and nudges her down the path of brutality. The curse mark is not like Inner. It doesn’t not threaten to overcome her, it threatens to change her.

The first enemy that launches themselves at her is a male Anbu, haughty and prepared to take out a no name Genin trying desperately to escape the enemy’s clutches. She twists on her heel and dodges his attack, grabbing him by the neck in a show of bewildering strength and snapping it to the side in one quick motion, remorseless. He falls to the branch with a dull thud, his body sliding awkwardly onto the floor and falling helplessly into the brush below.

Sakura turns her gaze back onto the dozens of enemies surrounding her, green eyes wild and untamed, her skin glowing with the curse marks brand. Like vipers digging into her skin the curse mark continues to writhe and torment her, only sated when Sakura reaches into her kunai pouch and leaps onto the ground, slitting the throat of the nearest Chunin. She doesn’t watch his body crumble, doesn’t hear his last gasp of pain before death, because her gaze is already honed in on the next enemy. These people have threatened her, her loved ones, and are threatening to tear apart her village. Sakura flips the kunai in her hand and raises a haughty eyebrow, a show of cockiness that is usually beneath her. She needs not say any words, her expression and upturned lips all the initiative needed for the enemies to come flying at her, attempting to overwhelm her.

But Sakura knows that the power surging through her veins and the utter euphoria of strength humming in her heart is much too powerful for them combat. She will win, she will destroy them, and this she is confident of.

She can’t see them all come at her in slow motion, she’s not as precise and diligent as Sasuke. What she sees is a mess of movement and what she does is a mess of instinct, kunai flicking from her wrists and earth jutsu crushing the limbs of her enemies like water to chalk. Before she’s even aware of it she’s killed two Jounin, eyes blazing and lips upturned in a conceited, condescending smile. She feels a laugh bubble out of her throat, kunai gliding through someone chest and shuriken imbedding themselves into spleens and jugulars. She crushes someone’s larynx with her bare hands, and she rips the mask off of an Anbu before Sakura shoves a kunai through their temple.

Soon enough a heap of bodies lay at her feet, blood caking her sandals and toenails, gasps and moans of pain silenced eternally. She can’t feel an ounce of pain herself, the curse seal having healed every last one of her injuries and rejuvenated her strength better than a full night of sleep has ever achieved. She wiggles her fingers in anticipation, arms hovering by her sides. She takes a step forward, shoe crunching a corpse’s nose, and grins the smile of the devil, tongue darting over her teeth. “I guess foreigners have lower standards than the Leaf Village, huh? If you can’t take out one measly Genin then how you plan on disposing the dozens of Anbu Operatives lurking in the tower is beyond me.” Sakura hums, her voice glittering with false pity before a fierce growl rips from her throat. She snarls, eye twitching and shoulders hunching, as crowds upon crowds of Jounin and Chunin surround her from all sides, cautiously watching, waiting for her next move, deciphering the best way to kill her.

Sakura’s smile twists into a frown. She spots a familiar mop of white hair in the crowds.

“Young One! You’ve made quite a mess, haven’t you?” Sakura glares at the sound of Kabuto’s voice, turning her head in his direction. If he thinks he can stop her now, he’s dead wrong. She can’t stop now, she’s too relaxed, too free from the burdens of her sanity. She wants to protect her village, seek vengeance on these people who work for the man that tormented her and Anko-sensei. She knows that the entire desire is hypocritical, seeing as Kabuto was her direct assailant and these ninja are nothing but pawns. A gossamer thread of logic holds her back, stops her from lunging forward and ending the lives of every last one of Orochimaru’s subordinates.

“I wonder...” Kabuto hums, “Does the Curse Mark dispose you of your inhibitions, or does it increase your ability this much? Perhaps a combination of both.” Sakura wipes the corner of her mouth, the curse mark slowly receding as Kabuto steps out and walks toward her, confident in his safety. She huffs.

“What are you doing here?” Sakura says hoarsely, her neck throbbing as the brand slithers back down her face and up her arms, bundling itself back into Anko-sensei’s seal. With one final pulse the curse seal glows red and then flickers out, the seal regaining its authority. But the evidence of Sakura’s lost control is all around her, in the blood between her toes and the stains on her kunai.

Kabuto snorts. “Helping you out.” He adjusts his glasses with a sardonic wink, completely turning his back to the sea of enemies behind them. Or perhaps they aren’t Kabuto’s enemies. Perhaps they are allies. 

Sakura can feel the edges of her sanity creeping back in, panic settling as the curse marks resigns itself to defeat. Kabuto wastes no time in grabbing her wrist and transporting away in a swirl of leaves. Her head spins, the enemy ninja launching themselves at them in a sudden panic disappear, and the moment she and Kabuto hit solid ground Sakura is sprawling by the bushes, dry heaving and spitting blood.

Kabuto watches her with a passive expression, walking over to her with a deliberate slowness. For a brief moment Sakura thinks he’s going to comfort her, to hold her hair back, but instead he clamps a hand down on her neck. She lets out a choked scream, pain splintering her shoulder as he pulses chakra through her cursed seal.

He releases her from his hold, catching her before she careens forward into a pile of her own vomit. He drags her away by the scruff of her neck and shoves her to the ground, sighing pointedly. “You lost control.” He observes. “Not a good plan in the middle of a battle like that. You would’ve been killed had I not shown up.”

Sakura wipes her mouth with the back of her hand, slumping exhaustedly. She wants to argue, to tell him he’s wrong, that she had it handled, but they both know the truth. “I hate you.” She settles on, digging her palms into her eyes and trying to shake the image of her bloody feet and the corpses littering the ground around her.

“Get up.” Kabuto orders, startling Sakura, “Don’t expect me to comfort you. I was much younger than you the first time I ended a life, and I’d like the both of us to live long enough to become senile and forget about it. Don’t go feeling guilty—they wouldn’t be crying over you’re corpse, now would they? These men and women knew what they were risking to be here. They chose their fate, not you. So get up.” Kabuto orders, his words clear and concise. He hadn’t needed to tell her that, Sakura already knew all of that—and yet it’s oddly soothing to hear it out of his mouth and not just ringing in her brain. Sakura pulls herself together, standing up with shaking knees and blinking back the urge to collapse back onto the ground in complete exhaustion.

Kabuto looks her dead in the eye. “You won’t want to hear this.” He declares, and it’s then that Sakura notices the uncommon seriousness in his eyes, the lack of humor and deceit that usually graces his face at all times.

She swallows, clenching her fist. “What is going on? Are you behind this?” she wonders, her heart yearning to understand how this has happened, what is going on and why the village is being attacked. Any news he has to deliver can wait. She needs to understand what’s going on.

“It doesn’t matter. Only one thing matters right now.” Kabuto swallows audibly, letting out a frustrated, very nearly scared sigh. “Itachi Uchiha just crashed our party. He’s here, in the village.”

Sakura feels her jaw turn loose, chest contracting in disbelief.

Kabuto shoves a new set of kunai into her pouch, his hands notably quivering. “And let me tell you this; he is not a happy camper.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Special thanks to Smolbirby for their amazing comments and relentless questioning!


	34. Of Snakes and Crows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> None of this was supposed to happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! So I managed to finish all my homework and get to writing this during study hall...that was great. Hope you enjoy this chapter, but you.   
> probably wont.   
> It's....dark.

An explosion can be heard. The sound reverberates, echoes in the skulls of the ninja far too close to the flames to be considered safe. With ringing ears a swarm of leaf ninja flock towards the crying and screaming masses, fire licking flesh and pale hopeless faces resigning themselves to death. The explosion targeted a civilian district, a series of neighborhoods filled with children and retired elderly. The explosion is not an act of war, but an act of terrorism. The Konoha ninja save as many lives as they can, accepting children from the arms of mothers and prying babies out of the hands of corpses. The ninja sent out to save the area are young, none above the rank of Chunin. They shed tears for the lives they cannot manage to save, and turn horrified backs on bodies that have been severed in half.

No one is expecting the second explosion. Every Chunin and Genin in the district die on contact, the parents that have yet to bleed out crying out in horror at the false hope they were given in regards to the future of their children. No one survives, nothing remains. The once posh brick houses lining the gravel pathway are reduced to rubble and ash, tree branches scattered and dust filling the air like a martyr of death. The smell of burnt flesh permeates the air with an abundance almost as toxic as the smoke, and the bodies of the innocent lives are unrecognizable.

A third explosion shakes the ground, but this blast takes no lives. It obscures the bodies eternally, and it is only later, when the village is accepting reports of missing, unaccounted for civilians and ninja that they will discover the identities of the many lives lost.

Across the village a war continues to wage, oblivious to the unexpected, unplanned act of cruelty. Contrary to the belief of the lost civilians, Orochimaru did not order the attack, would never dare commit such an atrocity, and neither would he allow any of his subordinates to attempt it. Orochimaru works in the name of science, but he's never been one for social experiments.

No, the culprit of the attack is someone far crueler, someone who has no sense of fairness.

Perched on the remnants of a bicycle rack, the caw of a crow goes unheard.

Itachi Uchiha, flanked by Kisame Hoshigake, waltz into Konoha without an ounce of sympathy for the dead beneath their heels.

\------

Sasuke’s running a bit late. He’s supposed to be at the tournament, mingling, sharing laughs with friends, and gorging on snack food. That’s the well-gossiped hype of the Chunin Exams, at least. The reality would be Sasuke avoiding the crowds like the plague, politely declining every offering of food sent his way, and screwing up his nose at the smoke and alcohol permeating the air with the stench of morning breath. He has a ready list of excuses as to why he shouldn’t go at all, all of them more convincing than the last, and he’s managed to subvert his anxiety by convincing himself he really won’t go at all. He avoids thinking of Naruto and Sakura’s reactions, and even more so avoids thinking about the disappointment Kakashi-sensei would feel when he’s stood next to all of his big-shot Jounin friends and _his_ student is the one that didn’t show. 

He’s been at the Academy since before the sun rose this morning, listening to Iruka-sensei’s thorough strategy lectures whilst organizing papers and reporting a mass of obscure objects to the lost and found. It’s the least tiring job he’s had all month and yet surprisingly the most tedious. A toy microphone, a stuffed moose, an old Barbie doll of some sort, a forgotten notebook full of scribbles, and that’s just to name a few. Some poor children out there are crying their eyes out, and frustrated parents are offering both admonishment and sympathy for their children’s carelessness. Picturing the scenes of the loving families sends a pang in Sasuke’s chest. _It’s the small things that hurt the most,_ he thinks tiredly.

Sasuke shakes himself off, instead watching in amusement as Iruka-sensei attempts to grade papers and talk rapidly on the phone at once. Iruka-sensei is buzzing with energy, excited for Sasuke and all the Chunin Exams could entail for him, but also overwhelmed with the daily tussle of academy labor. Whenever Iruka-sensei has a moment to spare, which is a rare time indeed, Iruka-sensei fills Sasuke’s head with chatter and encouragement. Iruka-sensei’s prattling includes many what-if scenarios. Should Sasuke become a Chunin, Sasuke could start a tutorship under a medical ninja, Sasuke could apply for an internship at the Academy—the list of new opportunities is endless, and Iruka-sensei’s enthusiasm would have been infectious had Sasuke not known the truth of his circumstances. Iruka-sensei is in for a rude awakening, because this year’s Chunin Exams is liable to produce nothing but washout Genin. Everyone keeps saying that Sasuke’s promotion is a given, but Sasuke isn’t so sure. Today could change things, for better _and_ for worse.

Maybe that’s the real reason Sasuke doesn’t want to go to the tournament. He doesn’t want to face the change. Sasuke’s oddly content with life the way it is, the only problem is, everyone else around him seems to flow with discontent like a faucet. Sakura and Naruto have wanted to change their surroundings and life since day one; they were so excited to leave the village for the Land of Waves mission. Kakashi-sensei can’t stand still when there is still work to be done, and in a village like Konoha, there is always room for fixing.

A week ago Kakashi-sensei told him of his plan, late during a night where the moon was covered by clouds and the wind still and silent. Kakashi-sensei tried to rest a hand on his shoulder but Sasuke dodged the movement, standing a good distance away until every last detail of Kakashi-sensei’s truth rumbled with finality. Only then did Sasuke let his guard down, only once he knew for sure that Kakashi-sensei had no intention of harming innocents. He allowed Kakashi-sensei to wrap his arms around his shoulders. He’d grit his teeth through the urge to squirm away, tucking his face into Kakashi-sensei’s arm and breathing.

He resists the urge to rub his temples at the thought of his sensei. Kakashi-sensei is a pain in his ass.

Now Sasuke sets down a stack of ungraded papers on Iruka-sensei’s desk, putting a red mark on a paper that is unnamed. Kids need to get with the program; school work is always turned in with a name at the top. It’s not rocket science, it’s not even advanced biology. Teachers can’t grade work that belongs to an anonymous student.

He’s learned over the past month of healing Kakashi-sensei’s injuries and simultaneously robbing himself of proper sleep that Kakashi-sensei can be...reckless. As surprising as it is, Kakashi-sensei is brazen when it comes to missions and battle. Not overconfident but simply...self-assured. Like Sakura, actually; neither of them believe themselves to be infallible, but neither of them care about consequences so long as the desired result is achieved.

However, as much as Kakashi-sensei’s plan is reckless, it’s also thorough. Amongst the general populace Kakashi-sensei is reputed to be a ruthless murderer exempt of a heart, but amongst the village leaders Kakashi-sensei is a most trusted confidant. Kakashi-sensei has information that Sasuke’s never even dreamed of obtaining.

He’d been relieved to discover Kakashi-sensei had no intention of harming anyone. And yet, Kakashi-sensei’s plan is dangerous, could lead to accidental casualties. Sasuke can’t stop thinking about everything that could potentially go wrong, all the people he won’t be able to save, even with having prerequisite knowledge of the attack.

The plan is simple in construct but intricately complicated when put into action. Kakashi-sensei has attained a combination of Anbu that are _in_ on his plan and Anbu that are far from CP’s planted in every station at the Chunin Exams Arena. The loyalist _Constant Prerogative_ ninja who usually roam important events have been replaced with dozens of Anbu who’ve taken insubordination a step too far. Kakashi-sensei damned Lord Third by surrounding Lord Third with people who want to see him dead.

Sasuke knows how terrifying it is to be surrounded by people who would revel in seeing your throat severed. His life in the clan, surrounded by aunts and uncles who spat _bastard_ at him and glared with burning red eyes; grandparents who hissed under their breath death threats and cousins that laughed at him behind his back. Lord Third spends every day of his life ignoring the hatred of his subordinates. Lord Third is so confident, so falsely secure, that it throws Sasuke’s off balance. How can Lord Third relax surrounded by people who hate him? What makes Lord Third so confident? Something has to make Lord Third confident, and whoever or whatever it is terrifies Sasuke to the bone.

Kakashi-sensei and Anko-sensei have planted themselves amongst the Jounin, awaiting a signal sent out by Orochimaru. Sasuke winces at the thought. Anko-sensei has not a single clue she’s working with Orochimaru. Kakashi-sensei thinks he knows what he’s doing, but Sasuke’s not so sure. His intentions are good but his actions could be...damaging.

The signal is planned to occur during Naruto and Gaara’s match, and of course none other than Kabuto Yakushi is in charge of delivering the fateful first blow.

Kabuto will cast a widespread Genjutsu out across the perimeter, lulling most of everyone to sleep. The Anbu will then allow Lord Third to be swept away and captured within a sealed dome to be killed by Orochimaru himself, Orochimaru who is disguised as the Kazekage. That’s all Kakashi-sensei has planned.

That doesn’t mean that’s all _Orochimaru_ has planned.

Sand and Sound will be attacking the Leaf Village. Kakashi-sensei says that his prerequisite knowledge will limit the damage. That he’ll save the lives of hundreds if not thousands simply by knowing about the attack...and maybe that’s true. But what about the hundreds of lives he won’t save?

If Sasuke warns the Leaf Village, Kakashi-sensei won’t be able to take out Lord Third.

It’s both a priority and moral issue, but Kakashi-sensei is firm in his belief that the village can handle the fallout. After all, the village is prepped to deal with small invasions, and that’s exactly what this is; one battle, one invasion, in exchange for the death of a man responsible for hundreds of thousands of innocents suffering.

Still the plan is risky. Only a handful of the Anbu stationed around the arena were actually informed of Kakashi-sensei’s plan, and only Sasuke has been informed of the invasion. But Anko-sensei has no clue her old sensei is orchestrating an attack on the village, has not a single clue about the invasion. Anko-sensei is volatile. It’s probable that she try to kill Kakashi-sensei for his treachery.

And yes, the invasion could get people killed, but informing Lord Third of the invasion won’t prevent the travesty from happening. All it will do is maybe, maybe, minimize the damage. For all Sasuke knows Lord Third could make it worse by declaring an official war on Sound, or worse, declaring war on Suna.

The best plan is to lay low until the invasion strikes; which means that Sasuke has no intention of heading down to the arena in the middle of the chaos. He plans to stay right here in the Academy, where he can keep the kids safe. Where in case Suna and Sound invade he will be here to protect them and alert the sensei of the situation.

A couple times throughout the day he comes close to breaking down and telling Iruka-sensei everything about the plan, about the potential danger the kids are in. He only barely manages to hold his tongue. He can’t risk the exposing plan when Kakashi-sensei is _so_ close to doing the impossible.

Sasuke’s not a vengeful person, but if there is ever someone he’s loathed, it’s the Third Hokage. He blames him for the death of his clan, and perhaps worst and most unforgivable of all, it’s Lord Third at fault for Itachi Uchiha’s insanity. That man allowed Itachi to get promoted young, allowed Fugaku to mold him into a tool, and it was Lord Third that confirmed his enlistment into the Anbu. If not for Lord Third, everything could have been different. _Itachi_ could have been different. They could’ve been...it’s best not to dwell on such thoughts.

The disgust churns his gut. He can’t stop thinking about it, no matter how thorough a distraction he finds. He desires to prevent as much death as possible. Kakashi-sensei wasn’t clued in on everything Orochimaru and Kabuto have planned, so they can’t possibly stopper the entire invasion, but the simple knowledge that an attack is coming gives Sasuke time to prepare. Yet it’s not nearly enough time. One week has felt like a day, yet with all the worrying and fussing Sasuke’s done, that day might as well be an eternity. It’s all very confusing and even more stress inducing.

Sasuke is hyper alert as the day drags on, teeth mangling his lips and Sharingan pulsating just behind his eyelids, threatening to burst free. Most people steer away from him, exempting the children who cling to his legs and ask him to help with their homework. The children provide as good of a distraction as any, if only Sasuke could be distracted. But horribly enough he can’t seem to allow his mind to wander. In the end, his anxiety pays off.

Sasuke notices something distinctly off about Iruka-sensei’s 6th period classroom. He doesn’t detect it immediately, but once he’s caught on to the shift in routine his toes never unfurl.

Sasuke a sensory type. He can detect a chakra signature from miles away, recognize a person after only meeting them once, and conceal his chakra until he no longer exists.

However all of this merely contributes to his identification as a sensory type. What really makes Sasuke so sure of his talents is his uncanny ability to sense _danger._

Sasuke’s standing in the Academy, Iruka-sensei lecturing a group of—not well-behaved children, per se, but the silent type, who don’t desire to speak or participate in the class whatsoever. But Iruka-sensei can’t fault his students for being quiet, even if they are ignoring everything that is coming out of his mouth. The worst part is that all of them have a silent agreement to back each other up, so if one student does one thing then the rest will follow unquestioned. So even though they’re quiet, Sasuke always pays rapt attention to this class, for at any moment one of their sharp tongues could collapse the entire rest of the class into back-talking chaos.

Right now however his attention strays; which is odd, because not only does he like observing the students, but he likes hearing Iruka-sensei’s lectures as well. Sasuke never paid much attention in class. Reading, math, writing, it had all come easily to him, so the Academy sensei’s lessons tended to bore him and there were so many other important things to worry about. But he’s found that Iruka-sensei has vast knowledge on many things, just as Sasuke does, and it’s not that Sasuke learns anything new, but it’s nice to refresh his memory.

And yet he can’t pay attention to the students nor the lecture, because he’s focused on the smell wafting past his nose. The scent is floral, like cheap perfume lingering the air every way he turns. The air is also unusually thick and muggy, the moisture palpable. The students have yet to complain about it but even still its noticeable enough they have _commented._

So against his training and the lessons Iruka-sensei has drilled into his mind, Sasuke interrupts a lesson for the first time all month.

On the day of the tournament no less.

“Iruka-sensei, is it just me, or do you smell flowers?” it’s an obnoxious question, he knows, but it gets Iruka-sensei to pause and stare at him in bewilderment before breathing in deeply out of curiosity. The kids around follow suit, the less shy of the quiet group commenting absently that they do indeed smell flowers.

Iruka-sensei shrugs. “I noticed the moisture in the air but that’s because a few Chunin came in saying that they scheduled a revision of the boiler room. They’d said it would get muggy or something, I don’t know, I’ve never worked in maintenance.” Iruka-sensei explains dismissively. “But Sasuke I’m in the middle of a lesson—“

“What?” Sasuke blinks, breezing past Iruka-sensei’s scolding.

“Sasuke,” Iruka-sensei says scathingly, aghast. Sasuke breezes past him.

“Did you say the boiler room?” Sasuke asks for confirmation, gaze flickering about the room. _Kakashi-sensei said that Orochimaru wasn’t sharing his whole plan...but even someone as crazy as Orochimaru wouldn’t...?_

_He would._

Sasuke splays his hand in front of him, his mind working a mile a minute and his gaze distant. “Iruka-sensei, these men, did they have documentation of their work? Some sort of contract?”

Iruka-sensei gives him his full attention, a looking of understanding dawning on his features. With no small amount of worry he wonders, “Sasuke, is something wrong?” his hand subtly hovers over his kunai belt, gaze flickering around the children concernedly.

Sasuke kneels to tighten the straps of his sandals, teeth grinding together. “We’ve got trouble.” Sasuke stands and digs into his bag, slinging his extra weapons belt across his waist and buckling it firmly. “I’m going to go check it out, wait for my signal,” Sasuke orders, doing his best to overcome the rapidly consuming anxiety within him.

Iruka-sensei’s look of concern shifts into panic. “What?” His facial expression alerts even the inattentive children in the room to chaos.

“What’s going on?”

“Are we doing a drill?”

“What’s that smell?”

“Iruka-sensei can I use the bathroom?”

The voices of the students emerge from the crowd all at once. Some start talking to their friend’s, others fire Iruka-sensei with questions.

“What’s the signal?” Iruka-sensei largely ignores his classroom, searching Sasuke’s gaze.

“The fire alarm.” Sasuke relates to Iruka-sensei. In an instant and before his sensei can reply he’s striding to the classroom door and heaving it open, closing it tightly behind himself. With one swift turn of his heel and a deep, calming breath, Sasuke sprints down the hall at top speed.

He knows his way around the Academy better than anywhere else. It’s not hard to find the nearest staircase, head to the bottom floor and turn the proper corners in the direction of the boiler room. His sandals squeak against the wax floor but Sasuke doesn’t bother concealing his footsteps. Once he makes it into the proper hallway—that is, the hallway covered in the trophy cases of talented, prodigal individuals—Sasuke speeds to a stop. With quick, long strides he finds the fire alarm he knows to be just down the hall and behind a corner wall. He has to tiptoe to smash the glass with the back of his kunai, his fist met with cold, sharp glass and warm blood creating a distracting tingling sensation. Immediately alarms begin blaring every which way, snapping Sasuke back into reality and away from the thoughts of pain in his wrist. The sound of shouting and footsteps resonate throughout the entire building above and around him, kids sneakers scraping the floor and confused shouting echoing every which way.

He starts back into a run, mind whirring. Better paranoid than dead, he reminds himself, and he desperately wishes that his hunch is a result of his own typical paranoia. Once again Sasuke wishes that his instincts are wrong, that he’s delusional and overly concerned about small meaningless matters.

It’s not to be.

Sasuke’s feet suddenly _lag._ His speed spins to a slow and he feel a heaviness weigh down on his eyelashes, thick layers of chakra settling over his being. The panic ebbs away, replaced by a dreary sort of pleasantness. He hums, body swaying and eyes closing. He feels tired, heavy, content to fall to the floor and sleep. But an uncomfortable churning in his gut grasping for freedom prickles in the back of his mind. He can’t fall asleep. He knows he has something important to do. What is it? What was he doing? If he forgot, could it really be that important? _It’s so quiet._ Sasuke’s always liked the quiet, but more the quiet, he likes the academy.

The academy is _never_ quiet. Nor should it be.

Sasuke peels back his eyes before snapping them open, gasping sharply. “Kai!” he shouts, releasing the Genjutsu and looking around himself in remembrance _. My hunch was right. Something is going on. What kind of Genjutsu was that?_

Sleep gone and a feeling of utter panic returned, Sasuke’s mind is inundated with memories. The boiler room, the floral smell, he recalls. Without the state of mind to overthink his next action Sasuke begins running, first slow and laggard and then picking up speed as his body comes to him. He knows now that someone has indeed broken into the Academy; that the floral smell can surely be nothing but the disgusting scent of Halothane and a vicious reminder of Itachi Uchiha. The smell of Halothane twitches his nose and causes his heart to pound in his chest furiously.

The closer he gets to the boiler room, the thicker the moisture in the air and the stronger the floral smell becomes. He’d been wondering how Sakura’s parent’s got the drug in the house the first time around, assuming Sakura’s parents was behind the scheme, and one of his assumptions had been the usage of the ventilation system. Shove the gas in there and it will circulate around the entire house. That’s why his first thought when Iruka-sensei said someone was down in the boiler room without explicit permission was that they were an enemy ninja. Halothane can only be spread so many ways. Also it’s difficult to attain a highly concentrated form of Halothane in bulk; not only is it pricy, but it’s also pretty rare. The flora scent is distinct, too, especially since he and Sakura just breathed it in not too long ago. It’s a good thing there aren’t typically vents in storage closets, otherwise he and Sakura would’ve been conked out for sure.

The theory same works for the boiler room. The pipes around the academy are filled with water, either heated or cooled according to the season and the will of the maintenance workers in charge of the control panel. Fill the pipes with Halothane and the entire school gets circulated with the drug within minutes. It’d be easy then to cast a sleeping Genjutsu and temporarily knock out everyone, only for their sleeping bodies to inhale the gas and become permanently out for the count of a good seven or eight hours. It’s a simpletons job to release victims of a sleeping Genjutsu, but the only way to awaken from a drug induced sleep is time passed. Or, he supposes, a shot of adrenaline or other counteracting drug; which is unlikely to be used on children, elderly, pregnant women, or anyone with allergies. Counteracting drugs are _dangerous_ ; Sasuke would not recommend mass distribution.

_I hope I sounded the fire alarm in time._ He thinks to himself, breathing quickening as the feet above and around him continue to pound desperately to escape the building. With desperation guiding his emotions he clings to the hope that enough children escaped before being taken by the sleeping Genjutsu, that the sensei managed to realize it’s hold and prevent themselves from falling prey to the unknown enemy. He’s beginning to sense wisps of a deadly killer intent, razor sharp and pounding insistently in the back of his mind, so he knows not just from the walls around him that he’s nearing the enemy.

He thinks of Itachi only briefly before casting Bleeding Freeze on the door of the boiler room, kicking it down in one burst. He’d sensed three chakra signatures behind the door, but he only sees one of them.

He activates his Sharingan as the guy comes running at him, no questions asked. With ease he ducks under the lackey’s kunai and sends a knife into his back, causing the man to cry out in pain. The second man makes an appearance and starts towards the door, but Sasuke knocks out the guy who’d attacked him and lunges for the second man. Woman, he realizes belatedly as he comes down on her, slamming the back of his kunai into her nose and then hitting her in the center of her forehead for good measure. Lackeys, he thinks assuredly, wearing Chunin vests for intimidation purposes only.

He pockets his kunai, wipes his brow of sweat, and looks around the room. He still senses another chakra signature, this one stronger and releasing a wave of killer intent. It’s nothing compared to Zabuza, Orochimaru, and his clan, though, nothing compared to Kakashi-sensei, Naruto, and Sakura.

The man jumps down from above Sasuke, clucking his tongue condescendingly. “You shouldn’t have come down here kid. Now I’m gon’ hav’ta’ kill ya’.” His voice has an accent of his sorts, and Sasuke’s not sure if it’s poor universal-tongue or a country twang.

Sasuke takes a deep breath. He’s not worried about the drugs right now, he’d have to be exposed to a much larger amount for a much longer time for any effects to take place, but he is worried about the hand signs the man weaves through. He braces himself for an elemental, only to realize that this man must be the Genjutsu specialist who bid the Academy to sleep.

Despite knowing the tell-tale signs of the leaves around him, despite his Sharingan seeing through the deception of the Genjutsu, he falls prey to the Hell Viewing Technique. He’s on his knees, a cloth around his eyes and a pair of handcuffs jangling on his wrists. Footsteps can be heard clattering down the basement stairs, a voice crooning at him as he kneels on the cold cement floor of his childhood home. “Hey, pretty boy.”

He screams, in terror, rage, indignation. Sasuke releases the Genjutsu without any words necessary. He tears through the Hell Viewing Technique and catches the punch aimed for his face, visibly shocking his opponent. Taking a page out of Sakura’s book Sasuke twists the man’s arm as she had done to her opponent in the prelims, pulling back the man’s arm and snapping the bones with a sickening _pop_. She’d earlier claimed it was satisfying to do and he has to disagree with her. His stomach rolls with revulsion. Sasuke releases his grip and slams the man in the back of his head with his fist, once, twice, until the man collapses on the floor, unconscious.

He hadn’t been expecting the Genjutsu specialist to be here. He should’ve known better than to let himself get so disoriented by someone so much weaker than him.

Sasuke takes a deep, steadying breath. As the air circulates his lungs Itachi’s breath seems to mingle with his, his eyes ghosting past Sasuke’s vision. _There’s not time for this now,_ Sasuke tries to convince himself. _I need to dismantle the gas...and it’s going to take me a minute to figure how in the world I’m going to do that._

He takes a moment to look at his surroundings, realizing that he’s never really been inside a boiler room before. It’s small, cramped--kind of like the tech version of a janitor’s closet, but with the distinct smell of oil and gas permeating the thick moisturized air. With a disgusted grunt he finds, much to his bewilderment, a bright red switch that reads emergency on it. With a wince, his hand hovers over it, briefly glancing around to take note of any other option he may have. Finding nothing, he pulls down the switch, pinching his bony fingers in the process.

A low groaning sound resonates before Sasuke can very clearly note the sudden stopping of the constant whirring in the walls. With a great relieved sigh that speaks of little reprieve from the anxiety in his gut, Sasuke exits the boiler room.

The fire alarm is still blaring, loud even in the boiler room, but he only takes notice of it now that the adrenaline from the immediate is fading away. His Sharingan catches sight of every flickering light, and he closes his eyes as a wave of dizziness washes over him _. Never look into the light with a Sharingan activated,_ he realizes too late. He lets out a slight hysterical laugh, checking over his kunai pouch to prepare for another fight. 

Then the ground shudders, the Earth itself shaking, and the fire alarm cuts off with startling abruptness. At the same time the lights in the Academy blink out of existence, swamping Sasuke in darkness. Looking down the halls as he is, he can’t see any remnants of light.The Academy is dead silent. 

And then to replace the blaring of the fire alarm the screams of the children and teacherś rise to a crescendo. 

The children wail with high pitch hysteria as the commanding shouts of the Academy teachers attempt to reel them in. The voices mesh together into a never-ending cacophony of screams, and Sasukeś heart pounds furiously in his chest. Sasuke lets his Sharingan lead him through the darkness, back out of the hallway and up to the stairs, running as fast as his legs will carry him, uncaring to the burning in his lungs.

He finds his way to the source of the screaming, back up the stairs, down the hall, and into room 242. Mrs. Bark and two other adults are trying desperately to gather three classrooms´ worth of five years olds through the darkness. Mrs. Bark is reduced to tears, and both her teacher’s aid and the other sensei, Mr. Carter, Sasuke recognizes, looks completely unsure how to proceed. The darkness persists and the children wail, and Sasuke wouldn’t be quite as worried as he is if he knew how all the electricity just shut off. But he doesn’t, which means someone’s messing with more than the boiler room, and that puts every child inside this building in danger. Especially since Sasuke can sense enemy ninja approaching, none of their signatures friendly. Everyone is essentially blind, both sensei and children. Sasuke knows they do not keep spare flashlights in their desks for every child on the occasion of a blackout. _What about the backup generator?_ Sasuke considers. _How do I get down to that?_

He looks upon the sea of small children and dismisses his idea. There’s no time for that. They need to get the kids out now. He stretches his chakra signature out, bypassing the small children and the teachers, horrified to find out that another group of children are stuck on the other side of the building, unmoving and in hysteria _. Why do they keep the small children on the second floor?_ He wonders in irrational frustration. The other group of kids are somewhere between six and seven, slightly older but no more capable of calming down.

_Plan, plan!_ He thinks hysterically. His stomach drops. He can now sense with clarity that four or five enemy ninja are making their way towards each group. Sasuke doesn’t have time to get both kids out of the building.

_Do I have time to fight both groups of enemy ninja? Or at least stall both of them?_

_Fight or flight?_ Sasuke asks himself. It’s pitch black, but indicated by the quick pace the enemy ninja are approaching at itś smart to assume they have some method of sight. The academy sensei have no hope of protecting the kids and fighting off five enemy ninjas at once, especially if those enemy ninjas can see and theyŕe blind. _Wait a minute, why can’ t they see the light outside? The windows should be providing light! Fuck me, Genjutsu!_

_It must be ariel. It is dark, itś not tricking anyone, but this darkness can be dispelled by a mere pulse of chakra._

“EVERYONE RELEASE! It’s only A GENJUTSU! EVERYONE RELEASE! KAI!” Sasuke shouts with everything he has, cupping his hand and reaching into the pits of his stomach for a shout he never uses. The sensei catch on first and a few of the clever children, releasing the Genjutsu. Mrs. Bark wipes her tears as she realizes what she’d fallen prey to, regaining her bearings and releasing the Genjutsu from the rest of the children. In the midst of the panic and terror Sasuke finds time to hate himself for not noticing the presence of the Genjutsu sooner, even with his Sharingan on. There are no windows in the boiler room, though, and he hadn’t been thinking.

“Get the kids to the other side of the building and out the window!” Sasuke screams as loud as his voice will carry over the whimpering cries of the children. “Enemy ninja in the building, OUT THE WINDOWS NOW! No time for the fire exit!”

Mrs. Bark and the rest of the children hurry down the hallways and into a classroom, barricading the doors and clambering towards the edge of the room. Sasuke can no longer see them, but he prays they are making quick work of getting out the windows. Sasuke spends a moment breathing deeply before spreading his senses out further and reassessing the situation.

The five enemy ninjas running towards them will not make it in time. Mrs. Bark and the children are safe. But the enemy ninja heading for the group on the other side of the building...

_Flight on one side, fight on the other._ Sasuke runs for the second group of enemy ninja, glad of his speed. He reminds himself of Iruka-sensei’s advisory. He’d told Sasuke to play to his strengths. Sasuke’s good at hiding. A sneak attack, then, is his best option against a group of enemies that outnumber him so.

Even through his speed he wishes he were faster. He only barely makes it to the second group before the enemy ninja, and that’s only because with his sensing he knew their exact location. This group is smaller, but much more chaotic. He realizes that these children are _all_ civilian born. Their hysteria isn’t linked to confusion, but terror. The dozen or so children are all collapsed on the ground, wailing their eyes out as teachers try to get them to say their names aloud so they can keep track of everyone. Whoever cast this Genjutsu is a force to be reckoned with. It doesn’t just cause darkness, but disorientation as well, and no one would’ve been able to sense it had it not been for Sasuke’s Sharingan.

This group is crowded out in the hall and halfway into a classroom, the sensei´s growing stress evident on his face. 

He scrambles through the crowd and to the sensei, panting and huffing. The sensei startles when he sees him, the darkness Genjutsu still affecting him and his abilities. “The darkness, it’s just a disorientation Genjutsu. It’s okay.” Sasuke pants through his words, his heart still racing from his run and the fear coursing through his bloodstream. The enemy ninja are getting closer to them, and the wailing children aren’t exactly quiet. The enemy can no doubt hear them perfectly and track them down with ease.

It’s safe to assume that the enemy ninja coming after them are brutes, sent to take out the few Academy teachers that noticed the sleeping Genjutsu they cast. He can still sense another dormant team of Academy Students collapsed on the very far end of the Academy, none of them moving and all of their signatures relaxed. They’ve fallen prey to the Genjutsu, Sasuke realizes with a start. He reaches his senses out and notices a singular panicked and familiar signature as well. Growing panicked and overwhelmed, he focuses his attention on one issue at a hand.

_Kakashi-sensei assured him this wouldn’t happen. Kakashi-sensei didn’t know about this. What else doesn’t he know about? Fuck, Kakashi-sensei, you fucked up._

“Sir, enemy ninja are amongst us. You need to get out of here _now._ There’s no time for the stairs, you’ll have to use the windows.” Sasuke addresses the teacher. The teacher goes pale, looking out amongst his children.

“Enemy ninja, you say? How strong?” he wonders, his gaze raking the children with a chilling calm.

Sasuke swallows. “At least Jounin level, according to their chakra signatures.”

The sensei nods to himself, before boldly taking the kunai belt off of Sasuke’s waist. Sasuke’s eyes go wide at the unexplained action, gawking openly. “What are you—“

“I’m taking care of the enemy. You’re getting these children out of here. You’re good with kids, right? Yes, I believe I have seen you here before.” he asks rhetorically. “That means you can wrangle them all out of here.”

Sasuke splutters, arguing over the loud wailing of the children, grabbing his sensei’s arm. “You’ll die if you take them on.” He protests.

The math teacher levels Sasuke with a glare. ¨I served the Anbu for ten years, kid. I have a better chance of surviving than you.”

Decision made, he turns away, leaving Sasuke to flounder. He asks where the enemies are located. Sasuke tells them their exact location and where the enemies are headed, and then sparing one last concerned glance he quickly gets to work corralling the sea of civilian children through a classroom door. It won’t be easy getting them out a window. 

Two stubborn children glue themselves to the floor, but the more well-behaved ones stumble through the door on shaky feet. He scoops the terrified duo into his arms and locks the door firmly behind him, ushering everyone to the window. He walks to the window and bypasses the safety lock with a quick snap, shoving the glass upward with deft fingers. A rush of clear, easy to breath air hits him in the face, but he wastes no time reveling in it. His sensei is out there buying them time, and even as his eyes water and his throat clogs he grabs the most well-behaved child and brings them out the window. He has a feeling these children will be needing a replacement sensei. 

The wind picks up but Sasuke keeps a firm grasp on the sill, hooking his leg on the side of the wall and propping the kid up in his arms. “You know how to jump, right?” The kid, teary eyed and terrified, nods numbly. Sasuke nods and sits the kid on the sill, jumping down to the ground and bending his knees. He lands with a grunt on the grass, his ankles reverberating with the force of the drop.

The kid doesn’t hesitate to jump into his arms. Sasuke catches the child and takes a deep, shuddering breath, setting the kid down onto the floor and sharply ordering him to be quiet. The next seven year old climbs to the sill. On and on Sasuke catches as the children drop down. The kids _should_ know how to jump, so he feels no pride for the teary eyed frightened children. He needs cooperation right now, not bullheadedness. 

When Sasuke was their age he’d probably jumped from higher places unsupervised, but these are civilians and they're scared and shaky. He doesn’t feel safe having no one up there to count the children as they jump, but he doesn’t have another choice. Heś not even sure if he has all of the children. 

The jump is too high for him to lean down and drop them from, and they don’t have enough time for Sasuke to carry them individually, so he method heś using is really his only option. 

The plan goes smoothly for the most part, until the two sniveling children who wouldn’t stand up before look down at him and wail, unwilling to jump. They can sense the danger in the air, but they’ve never experienced something like this. The Academy didn’t cover window jumping in the drills.

Sasuke with adrenaline pounding in his veins is forced to abandon the crowd of seven year olds and climb back up the building, grabbing ahold of the children and jumping down with both of them at once. He lands a bit awkwardly, pain lacing through his legs, but the kids are unharmed and they scramble away from him and into each other’s arms, crying desperately. 

On a normal day, he would comfort them, but right now Sasuke can feel killer intent emitting from the Academy building in waves. More than that he can feel killer intent all around everywhere, no reprieve in sight. The ambush has begun, then, and just as Sasuke predicted it’s much worse than Kakashi-sensei believed it would be.. Killer intent and foreign signatures are swarming the Leaf, crowding around the perimeter of the Academy like moths to a flame.

Sasuke would headcount the kids, but he doesn’t know how many children are in this math class, and he doesn’t know if all of them attended today. Instead he reaches his signature out and finds the class of sleeping Academy students, as well as the singular, small and familiar signature from before. _Teslie_ , he thinks desperately _, what are you doing?_ Little Teslie is always running off, but he never imagined that in times of crisis she’d be roaming the halls all by herself. She’s only nine, for crying out loud. How could her sensei let her out of their sight?

He addresses the seven year olds with his heart thrumming in his chest. “We need to move quickly.” He can sense the mass of Konoha signatures crowding outside of the Academy, Iruka-sensei’s signature prominent amongst the main entrance. They’re all moving single file to the planned safe house in case of attack. They’re all moving to the Hokage tower. He thinks about the sensei he left behind with a pang in his heart, about all the other kids stuck inside the Academy and the sensei that can’t do anything to save their comrades. There are too many children to keep track of. 

Sasuke can’t save everyone. He can’t, at least not while he’s in charge of a group of children like this.

He starts leading the kids away, the strongest children leading the run and Sasuke taking up the rear, ensuring that all of the children are present and moving. He doesn’t know any of the kids’ names, but he doesn’t need to. He commands them and they run until they spot the sensei ushering their students single file down to the Academy. Itś a cluster of children and terrified sensei, with few competent and rational shinobi leading the way. With relief he spots some of the older students taking the lead and helping the sensei. Most kids made it out safe. Sasuke mostly saved everyone.

_Most_ isn’t _enough._

He drops the Math class kids off with some random sensei, hardly sparing them a glance, before taking off at a sprint back towards the Academy. It’s stupid, utterly reckless, because with how many enemy ninja that managed to break in all of the Academy teacher’s combined wouldn’t stand a chance, let alone Sasuke. But there are kids in there, innocent lives, and Sasuke can’t give up on them.

“Sasuke!” he hardly stops for the voice, making it to the entrance of the Academy and cursing when he realizes that the doors are locked from the outside.

“Sasuke!” finally he turns, and he spots none other than Konohamaru rushing towards him full speed, sweaty and worried. Sasuke makes an animalistic sound in the back of his throat when he notices that the enemy is getting closer to finding the one classroom left sleeping. The enemy must be confused, worried that their plan got found out, but they’re still persisting, settling with one classroom of children instead of an entire Academy full.

“Sasuke, I want to help! They’re people still in there right?” Sasuke turns, spots Konohamaru with his face set in a determined line, and a plan starts to form.

There are fifteen separate enemy ninja in there that could whip he and Konohamaru’s ass individually. They don’t stand a chance, they’ll both die if they go on. He should discourage Konohamaru, but Sasuke can tell that even if he doesn’t help Konohamaru the kid will go in on his own. If they’re going to die, they can save some lives on the way.

“Teslie.” Sasuke tells him, flying through a series of hand seals and activating Bleeding Freeze, ice creeping up the door and warping the windows. “She’s there alone, by the upper-floor Gym. Find her and get her out of there.”

Konohamaru nods immediately. Sasuke does not hesitate to reel back and slam his body against the door, shattering it into crystalline pieces. The both of them run inside heading in opposite directions. Sasuke doesn’t think about the fact he can no longer sense the signature of his math teacher. He never knew Mr. Kaya but he doesn’t want to think about a gravestone, about a lifeless body lying on the cold floor of the Academy, all alone and never knowing if his students made it out in time. He grits his teeth and runs as fast as his throbbing legs will allow, dodging the halls the enemy ninja are on and concealing his chakra expertly. He has a plan. It might not work, but it could, and he spares a moment to pray to the heavens above that he saves the kids.

The enemy ninja are nearing the classroom, but Sasuke will get there first. He _will._ There’s no other option, no other outcome but saving the children. He skids to a stop before room 209, grabbing ahold the door and listening inside, hearing the faint echo of snores and mumblings. He swings open the door and against his instincts keeps it unlocked, ducking underneath the window and throwing the entire room in the most advanced, most reckless Genjutsu he’s ever activated. His entire chakra system groans at the abrupt cast, striking pain through limbs and especially his chest, but he keeps up the Genjutsu and conceals their chakra, frozen underneath the window beside the door.

The footsteps of the enemy ninja come pounding down the hallway. Sasuke isn’t breathing, too focused on suppressing the existence of an entire room of Academy students from the enemy ninja. His chakra pleads to give out, his body says _I can’t I can’t I can’t_ but Sasuke barrels through. He forces himself to continue through the exhaustion in his body and through the pain spreading out from his chest and burning behind his eyelids.

The footsteps of the enemy ninja barrel down the hall, opening doors on the way and spitting words at each other that Sasuke can’t understand. He doesn’t even recognize the language. Sasuke holds up the Genjutsu, praying that when the enemy opens their door, they will see nothing. The door across from their room is thrown open, more shouts echoing alone in the halls.

Sasuke doesn’t breathe, hasn’t breathed in the last twenty seconds.

The door opens.

The enemy ninja looks around and snarls, slamming the door shut behind him.

THe enemy ninja and his comrades' footsteps echo down the hall until they are nothing but chakra signatures. Only then does Sasuke suck in a sharp breath, releasing the Genjutsu and collapsing forward, his body spasming in pain. His chakra feels as if it’s been stretched too far, taught and fragile. Just a bit further and Sasuke may have snapped his system, may have killed himself.

But the kids are safe.

He can’t use his sensory right now, he can’t sense Konohamaru or Teslie because he’s too bodily exhausted. He simply slumps underneath the window, mouth dry and Sharingan flickering off, blinking dully.

_They’re alive. Not safe, but alive._

Sasuke lets the tears come.

He feels foolish, crying on the floor as he is, but he can’t stop the tears as they come. The sobs wrack his frame with shudders until his voice is thick with saliva and his cheeks are sopping in tears. With clenched fists he manages to stand, arm swiping over his eyes and pain following him with the extension of his knees. He takes a gander around the room, stumbling toward the sensei slumped in her desk. He blearily releases the Genjutsu she’s caught under, watching blandly as she sits straight up with a sharp gasp and looks around with wide, horrified eyes, wrinkled face screwing up in panic. 

“What happened?” she whispers, her hands shaking as her gaze flits between him and her students lying dormant on the floor. “What have you done?!” She stands up in fury, reaching to grab a hold of him. He stumbles away, shaking his head and sniffing.

She notices his state and falters, her eyes going from rigid to confused once more. He says hoarsely, “There was an attack. You need to get out of the building, now.”

Her eyes harden and then in a flurry of understanding and movement that only a seasoned kunoichi would possess she mills about the floor and unseals all of her student’s from the Genjutsu, asking no further questions and wasting not a second of precious time. As the kids awaken they blink furiously, but she makes sure to hiss sharply at each child to stay quiet. The room is clearly young, the kids nodding nervously and sitting up from their desks with blurred eyes, the textbook pages they’d been using as pillows rumpled and their hair in disarray.

“You!” the woman snaps, pointing a finger at him and keeping her voice low and her attention on the children. “Explain.”

Sasuke straightens his back and purses his lips. “It’s an enemy ninja invasion with the intention of kidnapping Academy students. Fifteen high level ninja in the building, unknown number on the way.” Sasuke pauses, “Most of the other classes are probably halfway through the village right now, making their way to the Hokage monument bunker.”

The teacher nods, hissing at her children to stay quiet, before walking over to the window and breaking off the safety guard. She shoves the window open and motions him over. “Head down, catch the children.” she says dismissively, already picking up a child she calls _Amy_. The girl snivels but other than that doesn’t make a sound. Sasuke marvels at the woman's keen ability to maintain order.

He jumps out the window cautiously, landing and steadying himself before turning in time to catch the girl as she falls. He repeats the process with child after child until the only one left in the building is the teacher herself. Even in her near fifties the woman leaps down with grace, landing softly on the grass. Sasuke experimentally tries stretching his senses outward only for a shooting pain to strike him in the head and stomach. He bites his lip to withhold a moan of pain, dizziness swamping him.

He has no way of knowing where the enemy ninjas are, if Konohamaru has made it out. He wants to start crying again. 

He doesn’t get to find out if they are okay.. Sasuke has been wondering why more backup hadn’t arrived, why the Academy was essentially left to fend for itself, and the answer becomes startling clear.

The ground shakes, three towers of smoke appearing and looming over Konoha like a mark of death. The smoke spreads outwards and disperses, the ground quivering and a boom resounding so loud the children cry out and clutch their ears.

Three massive snake summons bigger than the Hokage tower wreak havoc on a village suddenly drowning in screams. The behemoths hiss and whip their tail this way and that, destroying the buildings without care. From Sasuke’s distant vantage point, he can watch the scene unfold like a spectator rather than a participant. Shinobi and Kunoichi rush towards the snakes, bodily throwing themselves at the summons. Most are tossed backwards like nothing but an annoying pest, flying into the air and out of visibility, but others are stomped and crushed by the tails and jaws of the snakes. Orochimaru’s pets have already killed dozens of ninja in the few minutes they have been summoned. 

The screams of the villager's rise like Konoha’s own alarm system, begetting a call of war and danger. Sasuke curses himself for trusting Kakashi-sensei to take care of this situation, curses himself for believing that a man driven by hate could think rationally. The screaming rises and falls in pitch, the children cry in defeat, and Sasuke makes a decision.

He starts running in the direction of the chaos, ignored by the distracted sensei coveting her children from danger.

Kakashi-sensei said that the battle would only be taking place in the arena. That he knew each and every Anbu placed on the field and that every single one of them would be helpful when the attack broke out. Kakashi-sensei claimed no one but Lord Third would get hurt.

_Liar_ , he thinks angrily but on the inside he knows that Kakashi-sensei never could have planned for this. Just like Sasuke he was completely in the dark about this entire situation. Orochimaru and the Sand aren’t just targeting Lord Third. They’re after the entire Village. Konoha is in peril.

As Sasuke is jumping from tree to tree and toward instead of away from the chaos, he wonders what’s happening in the arena with his friends. For all he knows Lord Third has been apprehended, or even killed. He hopes everyone is safe, but he bigger fish to fry than worrying right now. He does his best to tune out the pain in his limbs and body as he runs, the dizziness that threatens to send him into unconsciousness. He needs to move, to help the civilians being overrun by the dogs of the devil himself.

If Sakura were here, she’d tell him to take out the snakes and _then_ start healing the civilians. But as Sasuke runs into town, met with the gruesome sight of crying civilians with missing limbs it's impossibly difficult to quell the urge to reach out and help them. He spares a moment to feel a drowning devastation, observes the bodies trapped underneath rubble, and uses the resulting pain as fuel.

Their desperate cries ring in his ears as he parries a kunai launched in his direction by an invader, the Suna and Sound ninja coming upon the Village in terrifying waves. He doesn’t know what Sand gains from helping Sound, especially when Sand relies so heavily on Konoha’s industry. None of this was supposed to happen. These peoples were put through needless suffering.

Another blade whizzes past him but he pays the weapon no mind, jumping over a barbed fence and continuing on his path, his target in sight. The first massive snake wreaks havoc upon everyone and everything, destroying buildings and filling the air with dust clouds and the scent of blood. The sound of battle can be heard every which way, weapon on weapon clanging and the unmistakable sizzling of fire jutsu. Death hangs in the air like an inevitability with no end in sight. Sasuke closes his eyes and when he opens them?--his Sharingan is blazing.

He wishes he could close them, un-see the horrid details of the battle but he knows he has no right to give up on these people. A ninja’s responsibility is to protect their comrades. With an unheard battle cry amongst the roaring screams of pain and loss, Sasuke charges. 

Sasuke mentally measures the size of the snake, how big one fang is compared to Sasuke’s body. He’s half convinced the snake is unbeatable, but Sasuke has faced Itachi Uchiha before and lived, so fighting this snake should not bring him to his knees. 

He lands atop a building, crouching low and observing the chaos. The ninja leaping recklessly towards the snake are either killed or batted away, so Sasuke needs a strategy if he wants to be successful. Another ninja is killed, then two more, their necks snapping. The Genin here are low-level, retired parents and young civilian children. _I don’t have enough time._

The plan in his head is so messy it cannot be considered a plan at all, but rather a split second stupid decision. He tries to use his chakra again, but not to activate Bleeding Freeze, but to activate a technique he uses so rarely he nearly forgot it was in his arsenal. With heat and intensity coursing through his veins Sasuke summons as much force as he can muster. “Fire Style: Fireball Jutsu!” 

The flames reach out and lick at the snake’s scaled skin, tearing into the rough texture and causing the snake to hiss in rage, mouth gaping wide and the barrage of flames bearing down upon him. The red flames produce a plume of smoke, cinders and ash falling from the air as delicately as feathers. The snake’s skin shrivels and the scales lining its body begin to shed one by one. Sasuke distracts the snake long enough for more shinobi to come down upon it, activating other fire jutsu and burning the summoning out of existence. Through bleary eyes he watches a few kunoichi bulldoze the leftover flames with water jutsus. 

And yet he can hardly think about all the lives he just saved. There is a striking pain in his chests, an extremity of a very familiar feeling: chakra exhaustion. It feels as if burning coals have lodged themselves in his heart, settling their embers in his lungs. He can hardly breathe through the torture, and soon he is collapsing towards the ground, knees buckling and back going limp. He melts onto the floor, Sharingan flickering out of existence and eyes reverting to onyx orbs. From here he watches the shinobi and civilians waste no time to cheer, fleeing from the sight on wobbly injured bodies, carrying small children in their arms. His saliva thickens, his lungs constrict; it feels as if he is dying.

A shinobi appears next to him, face smiling and as he furiously thanks him, propping as arm beneath his shoulder. Sasuke can’t do much but wheeze out a quick thanks, stumbling on shaking knees. Then an enemy ninja appears, hastily wrapped wounds and a missing eye, fighting not to survive but to kill as many enemies as possible. He must’ve lost someone he loved in this fight, Sasuke supposes. The man helping him extricates himself quickly, bravely facing off against his superior. He dies almost instantaneously, trying in vain to save Sasuke. But he stood no chance. The enemy ninja was a Jounin. Sasuke doesn’t waste his breath feeling guilty. By the expression on the enemy’s face, he’ll be joining his protector shortly. 

The ninja sprints over, kneels before him, his kunai raised high and aimed for the center of Sasuke’s skull. His form is sloppy, angry, both hands gripping the hilt of his blade. Sasuke almost feels sorry for him. _I’m not ready,_ Sasuke thinks, but the Sand ninja can’t hear his thoughts, can’t sympathize with his enemy. _I want to see tomorrow._

His wish comes true. 

A kunai splits the ninja’s skull. The enemy’s body spasms and he collapses down onto Sasuke, the weight making it even more difficult to breathe. Sasuke doesn’t have the strength to move the corpse, so he suffers underneath the still-warm body. He can’t tell if the stickiness on his shirt is blood or not, but he doesn’t want to find out. He’s even sure if he’s been saved or left dead.

Then Sasuke hears someone call his name, someone familiar. He knows the voice well, as smooth and calm as it is. The sound sends warmth of a different kind through his chest. He _loves_ that voice, whoever it belongs to. “You’re an idiot, always so reckless.”

The corpse on top of him is removed as the person lets out an exasperated sigh. Sasuke looks up blearily, the pain in his chest almost gone now. He doesn't think that the numbness is a good sign, especially the sudden emotional numbness too. He knows this person, he’d thought they were a comrade. But the voice is...he starts to smile at the person helping him, but instead he frowns, blinking once, then twice. 

A face appears. 

Sasuke doesn’t believe his eyes. The only conclusion can be that he’s hallucinating from the pain, that he’s fallen prey to another Genjutsu.

“Genkidesuka, otouto?” Itachi Uchiha looms over him, his face twisted in an amused smile, his Sharingan absently spinning. Sasuke tastes ash. His chest constricts, his body spasms, and fear becomes all he knows. He doesn’t breathe. He simply stares ahead of himself, wondering if the nightmare will go away. 

_(Are you alright, little brother? Itachi asked—I wasn’t, no, but I’m even worse now that you’re here.)_

Itachi’s face goes dark. Sasuke’s mouth parts, numbness vanishing into fear as adrenaline pumps through his veins. “Who did this to you?” Itachi Uchiha asks with a tone so low and eerily familiar, like a scene pulled right out of his past. 

Sasuke can’t speak, not because he is physically unable to, but because Itachi has always had that effect on him. A whimper rips itself from his throat, and this time, he’s able to inch himself away from his brother, scooting backwards with shaking hands. He thinks he might be mumbling, but he can’t quite tell through the pure terror grinding his very bones to ash. He is nothing right now, nothing but a Itachi’s favorite toy.

“Itachi, Samehada is saying something is off with the kid’s chakra system. He probably blew it out conjuring that massive flame.” Sasuke doesn’t really care to listen to the words spewing from the mouth of the stranger next to Itachi. He hadn’t even noticed his presence until now. Sasuke had gone over this question in his mind hundreds of times, but he never really thought he’d have to go through this situation. It had always been inevitable, and yet here Sasuke is, scared beyond belief, shocked beyond recognition.

Again he tries to move away, but the pain in his chest has spread out to his limbs, making him gasp and gag with dizziness. He hadn’t realized how much chakra he’d been wasting, too focused on saving lives. Sasuke wishes he’d wasted just a little bit more; just enough to kill him, enough to bypass the pain and go straight to Hell. At least in Hell there is no Itachi. 

“Let me help.” the stranger beside his brother suggests, beginning to approach Sasuke with purpose. Sasuke stiffens, his eyes shooting to Itachi _. Itachi can’t really mean to let this stranger…?_

“Touch him and you die, Kisame.” Itachi deadpans, his Sharingan still circling lazily, yet never once leaving Sasuke’s face. Sasuke swallows a string of regurgitation that climbs up his throat.

Kisame, the stranger, raises his hands in surrender, making an exasperated sound in the back of his throat. Sasuke doesn’t observe the strange looking rogue for long, and quickly refocusing his gaze back on Itachi Uchiha, back on the apex predator.

“You’re not wearing our clan attire.” Itachi notes. A wave of disappointment roll off of his brother like it is a present, physical thing.

He says the first thing that comes to mind, because when Itachi talks to him, he responds. Later he will think back on his brother’s words in spitting rage and somber desolation, going over everything he could’ve said in response to such a stupid, unfair statement. But right now he doesn’t dare think about the consequence of ignoring Itachi twice in the same setting, unbidden words falling from his mouth in an act of survival. “You aren’t either, Itachi.”

Itachi isn’t wearing their clan clothes, as strange as the sight is. Sasuke is used to seeing Itachi dressed in their clan colors, over the top of his clothes his ranking uniform; but Itachi’s new rank is as a member of the Akatsuki, and the clan no longer exists as a culture, so it only makes sense he’d dress for the occasion. Itachi’s nails are painted deep purple and replacing his Anbu chest plate is a long cloak that reaches the floor, red and black swirling colors with hints of white here and there. His face is just as blank as always, with the smallest hint of malice darkening his Mangekyou Sharingan. The familiar resemblance between them is undeniable, but when Sasuke looks in the mirror at his own Sharingan, he no longer sees Itachi’s deadened eyes. He sees life in his Sharingan, life that was never present in Itachi’s gaze. He’s always pictured his brother wearing his Anbu uniform, but now he has a hunch that his nightmares will feature this new image of his brother. This adult version of the child he once knew well.

Yet even with all the bodily changes his brother has gone, puberty long-gone and replaced by adulthood, it took Sasuke not an instant recognize his brother. Sasuke has sensed his eyes, his voice, his hands nearly every night of his life, and while the changes are unwelcome and startling, they do not render him unrecognizable. _Why do you get to grow up and Shisui didn’t? Why doesn’t mother get to grow old? Aunt? Uncle? You take advantage of everyone and everything, don’t you, Itachi? You take advantage of life itself, when life is nothing short of a gift. You don’t deserve to live._

Itachi laughs; the sound is an amused, short thing. “You’ve aged well. I dare say you’ve grown more attractive than mother, and everyone knows she was the most beautiful woman in the clan.” Itachi purses his lips, a look of hatred dominating his expression. His eyes narrow into slits, his shoulders stiffen. “I suppose we’ll never know, will we? Thanks to the Leaf Village mother isn’t here anymore.”

Sasuke doesn’t have much time to ponder over his brother’s dark musings, because soon enough Itachi is approaching him. He walks forward at a casual yet eager pace, his gaze softening and his sandals tapping on the wood paneled rooftop. Sasuke should wish for more than death, but he can’t hope for much else. His friends are nowhere to be found, he can’t run, and his chakra is so botched he wouldn't stand a chance in a fight with anyone, let alone Itachi. He can’t do anything, but he never really could. He’d always known Itachi finding him was inevitable, that his life was doomed to revolve around a man crueler than the gods themselves. All these years he’s been living on borrowed time and now he’s finally dealing with the consequences of such a heavy debt.

Itachi stops walking, stands before him, leans down. His shoes are next to Sasuke’s face, his robe brushes Sasuke’s shoulders. Itachi lifts him up into a standing position and steadies his wobbly knees. The hungry gaze Itachi observes him with speaks of only danger, and yet Sasuke can’t listen to his flight instincts, his body as crumbled as a dead leaf.

Itachi’s Sharingan turns like a wheel, his lips thin, and he raises his eyebrows with a natural authority he inherited from Fugaku.

“Now,” Itachi starts, clear and strong, “tell me who I need to kill.” Itachi’s voice doesn’t fluctuate in the slightest, the prospect of killing so casual to him he no longer shudders in revulsion. _Sasuke_ shudders, however. His shoulders shake and the urge to throw up nearly bests him. He wants to cry, his lip wobbling as hopelessness roots itself in his heart. “It’s going to be okay, Sasuke.” Itachi reassures him, noticing the hysterical state of his brother. “You’re safe now.” Sasuke doesn’t speak, he knows better. If he speaks he will cry, and if he cries, Itachi will kill. He doesn’t want anyone else to die. The reason he became a ninja was to save lives. Itachi only knows how to destroy them.

He manages a hoarse whisper, hardly a sentence at all. “Sorry, nii.” he mumbles, tears threatening to spill over. Itachi quickly tucks him into his side, head shaking.

“Woah there otouto, anata wa semenai.” He thinks he’s soothing, but every word out of his brother’s throat is like a needle stuck in his eardrum. He doesn’t want Itachi to touch him, to act as if their love is mutual. Itachi knows no love, only possession and desire.

Itachi’s body is as unbearably warm and suffocating as it used to be. The silky, soft texture of the cloak is lost on Sasuke as he quivers in fear. Sasuke tries to pull away but his attempt is so weak Itachi doesn’t even notice, readjusting him into his shoulder.

Itachi quickly becomes taken by the cut on Sasuke’s forehead Sasuke hadn’t even realized existed. Itachi reaches an arm out, Sasuke’s eyes following the movement as his large hand rubs at the blood with a purple polished fingernail, a nail that for once Sasuke hadn’t personally painted. The scraping of his rounded nail stings, but Sasuke doesn’t protest Itachi’s ministrations. He obediently stares up at his brother, gaze fixated on his nose in an attempt to avoid the red of his eyes at all costs.

Sasuke jumps in surprise, his eyes crossing downward. Itachi presses his thumb against Sasuke’s lips, his remaining fingers hooking under Sasuke’s chin. Itachi chuckles at his expression, looking pleased. “What, do you want _my_ saliva all over your forehead? I know how you hate to be unsanitary.” Itachi rolls his eyes, applying pressure against Sasuke’s mouth. Closing his eyes, Sasuke breathes shakily through his nose at the firm press of Itachi’s thumb. He doesn’t let himself think about it.

Sasuke slowly parts his lips, allowing the appendage to press down on his tongue. It tastes like salt and Itachi, if Itachi could have a taste. Itachi slides his thumb out of Sasuke’s mouth, saliva trailing along with him. Sasuke’s lips making an embarrassing popping noise as his thumb exits Sasuke’s mouth, Sasuke convulsively swallowing. Itachi presses his wet thumb against Sasuke’s forehead and scrapes the rest of the blood clean, his head tilting as he observes every flicker of emotion that crosses Sasuke’s face. Sasuke’s neck aches at being shoved so far upward, the height difference between them equally as prominent as before. _It’s almost as if nothing has changed._

Itachi finishes cleaning Sasuke’s wound with a satisfied expression, grabbing Sasuke by his forearm and wrapping his other arm around him. Sasuke’s face has nowhere to go but against Itachi’s lower shoulder. His smell lingers on the cloak and intoxicates Sasuke’s senses—Itachi never smells of sweat, for Itachi never exerts much of his energy. Itachi has always smelled like fabric softener and ash, a paradigm of his own personality and dreams. “There you go.” Itachi soothes, rubbing a hand up and down his spine, pressing hard enough to feel the ridges of his bones. “You’re so tense, little brother.” Itachi clucks his tongue disapprovingly, gazing down at him. Sasuke keeps his gaze averted, slipping into the crevices of his mind, consuming himself in the dark parts he usually keeps firmly hidden away. The cage door is wide open, leaving the beasts of his past to rip him to shreds.

Sasuke makes a sound in the back of his throat, jolting out of the folds of Itachi’s robe. Ahead of him and Itachi and across the roof he stares, eyes wide with shock. Unmoved, Itachi sneers down at Sasuke as if to say, _see what I have to deal with?_ Then with a _zip_ he catches the kunai sailing towards him all the while never shifting his gaze away from Sasuke’s face. Itachi flexes his wrist and spins around his new prize, showing the blade off to Sasuke with a small smirk. Itachi shifts his grip on Sasuke’s arm and pushes him behind his back, standing in front of him with sturdy shoulders and a snarling expression.

Sasuke can’t breathe, having seen who threw the kunai. Fear begins to thrum in his veins once more, bringing to life Itachi’s dead puppet. _Don’t kill him Itachi please._

Across the rooftop Shikamaru Nara readies another kunai knife, his eyes zeroed in on Itachi, his breath coming out in short puffs as his small chest heaves. He’s outmatched by someone ten times his strength, and Sasuke bets that the type of man Itachi would accept as a comrade won’t be some sniveling Genin. Sasuke doesn’t know what to do. Usually his nightmare is over by now, and he can assure himself that it was all a dream. That Itachi isn’t here, tormenting him, and he can’t do anything more. But Itachi will do more. He’s here, in person, and Sasuke won’t wake up. “You have to run Sasuke! Get out of there, you don’t stand a chance!” Shikamaru cries, his brown eyes searching for Sasuke’s. But Sasuke keeps his gaze pinned to the floor, hands shaking.

Itachi has enough confidence to laugh, peering at Sasuke out of the corner of his eye. “The nerve of this child...accusing me of...” he mutters. His focus shifts back to Shikamaru, the spinning of his Mangekyou halting sharply. “I’d never harm Sasuke.” He states with firm clarity and annoyance, “And Sasuke would never run away from me.” And Itachi believes he speaks the truth.

Sasuke wants to listen to his comrade. He wants to run. But even if he wasn’t paralyzed by the pain corroding his chakra system the obedience and terror Itachi’s presence instills is enough to keep him rooted to his spot. Shikamaru may think he understands this situation, but this is more than the reunion of two cursed brothers. Itachi and Sasuke share bad blood both with each other and others. 

He shakes.

The adrenaline of battle still thrums in his veins, yet all that’s left on his mind is Itachi. He can’t even tell Shikamaru to run away. He just...looks at Itachi’s back, stunned. His new height doesn’t even surprise Sasuke, as used to looking up at him as he is.

“Little brother...you know this brat?” Itachi wonders, sliding the kunai knife in his pouch. The cloak he’s wearing swishes in the wind. “I asked you a question, Sasuke.” Itachi turns to face him, his mouth thinning into a tight line. Sasuke can’t breathe.

He should answer, but standing and seeing Itachi for the first time in years is too overwhelming. Instincts kicked in before, but now his voice is lost. Shikamaru is here, about to die, and Sasuke is hear, wishing he were dead. I

He looks to the ground, gaze pointed at Itachi’s narrow sandals. Itachi lashes out, wrapping a hand in his hair. Sasuke jerks as Itachi shoves him to the floor, his knees hitting the wood of the rooftop. The force causes his balance to slip through his fingertips, and he falls down to his elbows. Itachi still stands between he and Shikamaru.

Somehow, the pain is familiar enough to ground him. He’s present enough to realize that Itachi’s partner is still standing beside them, looking vaguely interested in the scene unfolding before him. If he’s friends with Itachi, that means he must be powerful, and that means Shikamaru is in some serious trouble. That doesn’t mean Shikamaru will inevitably die, it means he’s in danger, and he needs help. Sasuke needs to do this.

Sasuke won’t die. But Shikamaru could. Itachi is growing steadily angrier, but Sasuke has enough practice in calming him down to know how to respond.

He looks up with dull eyes, hands wrapping around his shivering chest as he sits back on his heels. He’s rusty, he used to be able to fake an expression of joy, of love, but now he can’t work up the same emotion. If he speaks to Shikamaru that’s a sure way to get him killed. He digs his nails into his arms, something he’s seen Sakura do to ground herself, and finds that the action is oddly soothing. Feeling more in control of his own mind, Sasuke looks up, “I...yes, I know him, Itachi-nii. Sorry, I didn’t mean to ignore you it’s just...” he forces as much vulnerability into his eyes as possible, hoping desperately that its good enough to fool his sharp minded brother. “You’re back.”

Something like sorrow flickers in Itachi’s gaze, guided by emotion only when it comes to Sasuke. Then he says with no small amount of hurt, “Did you think I wouldn’t come back to get you? This battle provides the perfect distraction, Sasuke, of course I’d take advantage of it.” Itachi’s hurt voice gains vigor, “So hurry up, we want to leave quickly.” Itachi enforces, nudging him in the side with his foot and looking at him imploringly.

Sasuke doesn’t have to feign the wince that overtakes his features. “I can’t walk, Itachi-nii.”

Itachi gives him a dry look, his hurt fully dissipating into amusement. “You haven’t changed at all.” he scoffs. “I’ll carry you, Sasuke.” He grumbles, but Sasuke can tell he’s pleased. He’s always pleased to discover that Sasuke needs him, relies on him.

Shikamaru unexpectedly and stupidly sends a kunai Itachi’s direction once more. Itachi catches the blade, giving Shikamaru a look that says he’s done playing games. _Shikamaru is an idiot_ , Sasuke thinks in horror. He had Itachi distracted. Shikamaru could’ve ran away, could’ve gotten real help, but now he’s going to die a meaningless death and it’s all Sasuke fault.

But then, Sasuke chokes, his one sure fact faltering into oblivion. He’s already on his knees, but if he were standing he´d fall over. Pain laces up his spine and to the back of his neck, putting pressure behind his eyes; left behind is a lingering sense of vertigo. Itachi spins around so fast Sasuke doesn’t even see him move, but that could be due to the sudden blood loss.

_There’s a kunai in my spine,_ Sasuke thinks deliriously.

He slips backwards, Itachi’s hands quickly catching him, his brother shaking with fury. Sasuke can’t heal himself right now, but even if he could, he wouldn’t.

Sasuke feels his eyes growing heavy. Sakura kept her promise, then. Across from him and Itachi, what used to be behind them, Sakura stands, her arms outstretched in a clear sign she threw the blade. Shikamaru cries out in alarm, but Sakura looks ahead of herself with dead eyes, not responding to Shikamaru’s flurry of enraged cries. If Itachi doesn’t kill her, Sasuke just did.

He chokes again, this time blood and bile spitting up from his mouth. His muscles lax, his body numbs. He feels…oddly relaxed. He’d always known one day he’d die in Itachi’s arms, and yet he’s at much more peace than he ever thought he would be. His pulse is slowing, his breath is evening out. He’ll soon die a vaguely meaningful death, but dying alone would be better than dying with Itachi.

Itachi looks up with a blaring Mangekyou Sharingan. Kisame makes a sound like a dying fish, backing away from Itachi’s rage. His killer intent must be stretching out all the way across Konoha, Sasuke guarantees it.

“Did you just...?” He begins, his face twisting with incomprehension.

Sasuke can’t imagine what it must feel like to be on the other end of his rage. His thoughts are slowing down, though. Pretty soon he won’t be able to imagine at all. The thought makes him oddly sad. _I wasn’t done, dammit. And I won’t get to say goodbye to Naruto, to tell him congrats one day when he becomes the Hokage._

Sakura doesn't run. And if Sasuke got to choose the last thing he saw, he would choose this sight every single time. Instead of fearing Itachi as all of Itachi’s opponents typically do, Sakura laughs. Her lips upturn in a mockery of a smile, her shoulders shake giddily. She raises both middle fingers in the air, blood soaked pink hair blowing in the wind.

Kisame’s head whips to the side, his gaze focused on the forest in the distance.

Sakura runs.

Itachi chases.

Sasuke dies.

Maybe the gods aren't so cruel after all.

Then Shikamaru enters his vision. Sasuke knows it’s insane, but he swears he tastes ash, as if Itachi is still here. He tries to say goodbye to Shikamaru, but the words are so slurred he can’t even tell if he’s speaking universal tongue or Uchiha tongue.

His head feels gone.

Then Sasuke jumps up so fast he falls over directly afterwards, bruises knees banging on the floor and hands scraping the ground. His heart palpitates rapidly and his chest heaves with sudden exertion.

He turns to Shikamaru in shock, eyes wide. Shikamaru has the gall to smirk at him. Then slowly, Sasuke’s eyes travel down his own body, recognizing a stinging in his wrist. He raises his forearm towards his face in shock, left hand plucking the syringe out of his arm with slow comprehension. He swallows thickly.

Shikamaru’s smirk dies out into a somber expression. “You’re okay, Sasuke. It’s okay.”

Sasuke collapses into Shikamaru’s ready arms, his entire body shaking. Shikamaru runs a hand down his hair, and even though Sasuke feels like throwing up from the close contact, he’s too terrified to exist by himself right now. He needs to remain in Shikamaru’s embrace.

“It’s okay.” Shikamaru assures. He’s a good liar.

\------

Sakura is running for her life. She admits that her plan was hardly genius; that enlisting Shikamaru as a distraction was a gamble, but in the end, they’d saved Sasuke. That’s what matters most.

She just wishes that she could’ve saved Sasuke without nearly killing herself.

After Kabuto shared the news Sakura wasted no time in throwing a fit, panicking as to where her teammates were. Kakashi-sensei just told them all that the Akatsuki was after Naruto, and Sasuke himself said he feared Itachi would come back for him. A combination of both happened at once and Kabuto was so casual about it, so frustratingly normal. She’d gathered her things, demanded Itachi’s location, to which Kabuto protested. After much fighting and arguing he’d relented, calling her insane and telling her that Itachi and Kisame blew out the civilian border in order to make un-alerted, safe passage through the village. She’d left him there in a hurry, fingernails leaving indents in her forearms.

Really, it was coincidence she found Shikamaru again. She’d been heading in the direction of the Academy, preparing first to alert Sasuke into hiding, only for her to instead a stream of Academy students hurrying away from the building single file, Academy sensei leading the pack. In the middle of the crowd was Shikamaru, talking furiously to Konohamaru, who had a young girl clinging to his leg. She’d stumbled through the sea of children and, in horror, wiped her blood covered palms on her legs, only then remembering the reason her shoes squelched whenever she took a step. Shikamaru spotted her, his eyes horrified, and he quickly reached out to grab her arm. “Sakura,” his voice had quivered, “I thought...” he looked so relieved, and Sakura had taken her his puffy red eyes and disheveled, vaguely uninjured appearance with sorrow. He’d thought she were dead.

But in the middle of the battle there wasn’t room for consoling him. So she’d turned to Shikamaru with a straight back, shooing away Konohamaru. He’d reached into his pouch unprompted and started wrapping her wrist, but Sakura talked rapidly. She’d breezed over how she survived, skipping right to the important part of _overhearing_ someone say they spotted Itachi Uchiha in the village. She’d asked where Sasuke was in a rush, telling him she needed to warn him, to make sure he went into hiding. Shikamaru’s face had gone pale. He’d said that the last person who saw Sasuke was an old teacher, who claims he left her group in a hurry, straight for the middle of the village.

She’d started to run away, but Shikamaru tightened his hold on her wrist, eyes narrowed. He’d said one simple sentence. “I can keep up, Sakura.” Sakura had nodded and the two of them left the group of children and took off into the trees, planning while they ran. He’d asked her why it was important Sasuke know of Itachi’s presence. She’d internally paused, debating the priorities of the situation. In the end, explaining would be too complicated, so she gave up only an inch of the truth.

“He wants Sasuke’s Sharingan. Some ritual thing will supposedly give him eternal power.” Sakura had explained, trying to sound ignorant. Shikamaru understood immediately, picking up his own pace in a rush. He’d looked terrified. They’d imagined it would be incredibly difficult to find Sasuke, but it’d been pretty easy to spot the two massive chakra signatures on the rooftop. She and Shikamaru had ducked beneath a building, huddled together in fear. They’d watched from a distance as Itachi put his hands on Sasuke, groped him. Shikamaru remained quiet, but by the sick look on his face, he was beginning to further understand the situation. He hadn’t asked, instead hurrying and tripping over explaining a hasty plan. He would distract the enemies and Sakura would go in from behind and try to snatch Sasuke. Sakura edited his plan, remembering the poison still in her kunai pouch. She laced her kunai in the poison and their plan was revised. Instead of trying to retake Sasuke, Sakura was to pretend to kill him, just as Haku had to Zabuza back in the Land of Waves. From personal experience she knows the plan works pretty well. And it _had_ worked perfectly, as disgusting and terrifying as it was to watch Sasuke submit to Itachi and not even fight back. She knows Sasuke is a fighter, seen him action, and to watch him relent his control like that had been...devastating, horrible. Sasuke is always so strong and...seeing him so defeated made her _scared._ Flipping off Itachi had been an attempt to show Sasuke she was strong, that she would help Sasuke get back on his feet.

She just...hadn’t thought Itachi would be so fast.

She doesn’t get very far out of central Konoha before Itachi is upon her. He grabs her hair and shoves her face into a tree, shaking her entire body and ripping out stands of her hair. Sakura struggles, grappling with his hands and screeching indignantly. He presses his chest against her back, pulls her head back and slams her forehead back into the tree bark. She pushes back against him, but he’s much stronger than her. It feels like pushing against a steel wall. “I’m not going to make this fast. You’re going to regret being born.” He hisses into her ear, even as she thrashes and screams. She tries to bite his arm, but her neck can’t crane to reach him. Just as he’d done to Sasuke, Itachi pushes her to the ground, but with her he puts enough force behind the action that Sakura face plants. The pain stings, but what Sakura struggles to handle is holding back the curse seal raging against her neck.

She won’t lose control again. Not like before, not like when she—her thoughts cut off. Itachi has a kunai in his hand, a flame in his other. Sakura’s stomach drops. She tries to roll away but he grabs both of her legs and pulls her forward, keeping her trapped in his grasp. She screams, punches, kicks, but nothing works. He pins both her wrists with one arm. Sakura thrashes her head and bites and squirms as best she can. Then he removes his wrist, but her hands stay where they are. She pauses in her resistance, gasping for breath, to look upwards at what Itachi has done. A seal is wrapped around her wrists, binding them together and to the grassy floor. Her chest heaves in horror, and then she opens her mouth to let out a loud, indignant scream, hoping to draw fellow shinobi to the scene.

Itachi sneers at her, nonplussed by her screaming and shouting. Soon enough, he binds her ankles with the same seal in one fell swoop that leaves her completely helpless. She continues to fight, to struggle against the binds, but it does nothing to deter her captor. He re-summons the flame in his hand and presses it against his kunai knife, holding it over the metal until the blade is visibly red. Then he presses it to her cheek.

The blade sears her skin, burning and smoldering. When he pulls it away from her cheek, her skin peels off her face and sticks to the blade like heat to plastic. Sakura screams until her throat is raw, the curse seal crawling up her skin and burning her into oblivion. Her shoulders and back scream with pain, her cheek feels numb and disconnected from her body, and all she can think of is prayer for it all to end. She wishes to fall into unconsciousness. To break free from her bonds and kill the psychopath who tortured her best friend.

But her wish is just that; there is no substance to aid her desire. She cannot do anything to stop the pain, and she has no shot of killing Itachi. The pain drags along her skin in burning, fiery wisps. No one can responds to her screams. 

The last thing Sakura sees is the whir of the Mangkeyou Sharingan staring straight into her soul. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so yes, Sakura will have a scar, and yes, it will be bad. But no, the blade did no reach into her skin. 
> 
> Just for clarification.


	35. Just in the Nick of Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi has never liked being late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hey guys. School is a lot but I am pretty damn proud of this chapter. Hope you enjoy this update, and would love to hear some theories about things I'll mention in the end notes!!

Shikamaru watches in a haze of desperation and sickened relief as Sakura’s back disappears off the roof. The adrenaline in his veins threatens to rip him to pieces, but beyond the panic there is a malaise of dullness, an intrinsic flip that has been switched inside of him that speaks of deep seated fury. The fury unsettles his skin, grappling with his perspective and untangling his skewed views of the world into a concise, visible line. He sees things as they are, suddenly, abruptly. It makes him so sick to his stomach he wishes he could throw up, if only to rid his stomach of the anxious illness plaguing him. He doesn’t wish he could un-see what his eyes now know, but he wishes to disappear into a wisp of air, to fade out of existence as his ignorance does the same.

He holds Sasuke in his arms, warm, thick blood coating his hands and Sasuke’s hair brushing against his neck. Without hesitation Shikamaru retrieves the adrenaline shot Sakura had handy. Normally he’d be beaming at the perfect success of one of his strategies, but the something about the situation feels horribly wrong, terribly false.

He and Sakura had planned to fake Sasuke’s death. Sakura’s kunai was laced with a very potent extraction of the slow-working poison Sakura had been cut with. It’d taken Sakura a while to concoct the potent version, which was why Shikamaru had been required to stall. When Sakura’s kunai had slid into Sasuke’s spine, splitting bone, the fury on Itachi Uchiha’s face was undeniable. But it wasn’t the face of someone who had lost the fight, but rather someone who hadn’t expected a fight to come to fruition. He was angry at the gall he and Sakura had to challenge him so, not because his younger brother had been murdered. Yet he’d appeared so...smitten with Sasuke. Why wasn’t he sad? What did he know that Shikamaru didn’t? _Did he figure out our plan?_

In the midst of the battle cooling down around them, Shikamaru injects the adrenaline shot into Sasuke’s arm, watching as he gasps and jumps onto his feet, similar to Sakura. The two of them are pretty much unbothered by enemies. Itachi Uchiha’s shark-toothed, blue-tinted skinned comrade ran off towards the forest, but Shikamaru has not a single clue as to why. It worries him, but right now he has more immediate problems to face. He works up a small smirk for Sasuke, exhaustion creeping into the corners of his vision, responsibility weighing heavily on his entire being.

But the look on Sasuke’s face has him rethinking. He’s not really aware of his own words as he wraps Sasuke into his arms, but he’s acutely aware of Sasuke’s hysterical sobbing, his body shaking with fright. Shikamaru knows that, logically, they can’t stay here forever. Itachi Uchiha will be coming back. Sakura can’t run forever, and she will get caught, and she will—

All the relief he’d had at realizing she was alive fades into ash, the embers around them drifting into the concrete as if they’re something innocent, peaceful. It drives him crazy. Sakura’s life has been lost all over again. 

He pulls Sasuke closer. _I’m going to die._ And it’s less of a panicked thought and more of a somber realization.

Until he thinks about Sakura, alone in the forest, mouth opened in a silent scream as Itachi Uchiha brutally ends her life. She’d sacrificed her life so Sasuke could have a chance to live on. It’s Shikamaru’s responsibility to get him out of here, to not let Sakura’s sacrifice be in vain. The pressure nearly pushes him to the ground, but this isn’t like anything in his life before. He can’t convince himself that the panic isn’t worth the outcome. He can’t convince himself trying hard is a drag and nothing more.

He has no choice, not now. He can’t give up. He has to save him, for Sakura, who’s died twice for the sake of someone else in the same day.

He doesn’t know a place where Sasuke will be safe from a man as unstoppable as Itachi Uchiha. His instinctive belief is _nowhere,_ but that’s not entirely true. Hatake Kakashi has got to be the strongest ninja in the village right now, other than Lord Hokage. He can go to Sasuke’s sensei. He’ll know what to do. He has to, because Shikamaru doesn’t. Briefly, he thinks about his own parents, where they might be. He wipes the thought from his mind. His parents would come save he and Sasuke in a heartbeat, but his mom and dad would stand no chance against Itachi Uchiha.

But...it’s Hatake’s responsibility to take care of Sasuke. He’s basically Sasuke’s dad, anyhow. He can keep him safe. Shikamaru wishes he was as sure of himself as he wants to be.

“Sasuke, we’ve got to go. We have to run.” Shikamaru says abruptly, his mouth moving just behind his mind.

Sasuke’s body shakes in his arms. He pulls away, shakes his head rapidly and presses his lips together. Shikamaru grits his teeth. “Do you want to die?” he asks incredulously, resisting the urge to reach out and knock some sense into Sasuke.

Sasuke scoffs, swallowing. He looks up with just his eyes, bangs obscuring his vision, eyes as dark as coal. When Sasuke speaks, his tone is meant to be derisive, but it’s hoarse and frightful. “Itachi won’t kill me.” He claims.

Shikamaru thinks about Sasuke’s mouth, wrapped around Itachi’s thumb, and has to swallow down the urge to both cry and vomit all at once. There is perhaps more truth in Sasuke’s statement than Shikamaru will ever know. Instead of falling prey to Sasuke’s argument Shikamaru narrows his eyes and straightens his back. “This isn’t up for debate. If you don’t let me carry you, I’ll Shadow Possess you, damn the chakra consequences.” Shikamaru isn’t even bluffing.

Sasuke sucks in deep breath, a wince overtaking his bruised features. Shikamaru looks over him, looks down at the matching blood on his hands and on Sasuke’s face and back. He needs to get Sasuke medical attention, now. Sasuke averts his eyes. “You can’t save me.” He insists stubbornly.

Shikamaru interrupts whatever thought process Sasuke is rationalizing, his eyebrows knitting together as his frustration increases. “I can damn sure _try_. If you think I’m going to leave you here—“ Shikamaru spits, but Sasuke cuts him off, eyes snapping up at Shikamaru in fury. If Sasuke had more chakra, Shikamaru can imagine the red that would be whirring in his irises right now.

Sasuke growls. “I’m not asking you to leave me!” His chest heaves as he takes a moment to calm himself, during which Shikamaru does the same, reminding his callous side that Sasuke has currently been through hell and back and deserves as much slack as Shikamaru can afford to give him. Sasuke continues on. “I’m asking...I’m asking for you to finish what Sakura started.”

Shikamaru’s brow furrows. Sasuke barrels on with his voice shaky and quiet. It occurs to Shikamaru that Sasuke is smaller now than he’s ever seen him before. “Shikamaru, I’m only gonna’ come out of this one of two ways. Either leaving this village as Itachi victim...or dead.” Sasuke lets out a shaky breath, but his words have shocked Shikamaru into silence. He doesn’t even know how to respond to a prediction as absolutely ludicrous as Sasuke is suggesting. Sasuke sighs, seeing something in his eyes he must find disappointing. “I know you’re smart enough to understand which outcome is better.”

Shikamaru feels himself snarl, desperation kicking in as Sasuke’s words wash over him in a blur. Sasuke’s exterior of supposed _calm_ pushes Shikamaru over the deep end. He raises his voice almost unconsciously. “Well apparently we both have misconceptions about each other. You think I’m smart enough to understand that your death benefits anyone, and I thought I knew that you were strong, strong enough to face this situation!” Shikamaru spits, rage clouding his judgment. The sudden dark look in Sasuke’s eyes goes unnoticed by him as he continues, voice raising and hysteria increasing. “So what if you bleed out?! So what if the chances of surviving are less than one? You have to try, Sasuke, Sakura sacrificed everything for you! What don’t you get about that?!”

Noticing Sasuke’s lack of reaction Shikamaru slumps, his lips quivering with the unforgiving anxiety attacking him full force. “You can’t just give up.” He pleads. The emotion in Shikamaru’s voice is raw. His quivering lips threaten to break out into a full on sob. The chaos around them is beginning to die around, the ash in the air clearing up and the humidity slipping away like granulates of sand in between fingers. But the clearing skies do nothing to clear Shikamaru’s turmoil. There’s an itching beneath his skin, a need to do something, to make something happen, and yet not a single means in sight. He’s useless, and utterly, humiliatingly anxious.

Sasuke stumbles away from him in anger, slipping on his own blood and falling to the floor with a grunt. Shikamaru startles, moving to help, but Sasuke’s disgusted glare has Shikamaru hesitating. Undeterred by the fall Sasuke scrambles backwards, rubbing at his mouth in agitation. “Yeah well Shikamaru you’re not gambling with your own life, you’ve bet mine. And I’ve got a lot more at stake here than the risk of death.” Sasuke’s lip starts to tremble, and that’s all the warning Shikamaru has before he’s letting loose a terrible sob, his shaking hands continuing to rub at his mouth, his nose twitching. Sasuke loses all semblance of control, taking Shikamaru by complete surprise. He’d seemed so calm just moments before, and now here he is; inconsolable. Sasuke’s tears flow and drop off of his hands and into his lap as he sobs openly, hysterical and helpless. But Shikamaru watches without an ounce of sympathy to lend. He can’t invite Sasuke into believing he is in any way right about this situation. He needs to remain cool, unmoved, and firm in his reasoning—a battle is no place for tears. If he allows Sasuke to witness the anxiety nearly tearing him apart from the inside out Sasuke will not think his word is reasonable.

“I’m not leaving you.” He enforces, his tone brooking no arguments.

Sasuke, in a move fast enough to take Shikamaru by surprise, swings his arm backwards and wrenches the knife in his back out of his spine, a squelching, sickening sound emitting from his back as it clenches in an attempt to keep the blade inside.

Shikamaru lunges, easily wrestling the knife out of Sasuke’s grip before he can rake it across his own neck. In too much shock to thoroughly process the implications of Sasuke’s actions, he swings his elbow into the back of Sasuke’s head, knocking his weak form into unconsciousness.

He takes a deep, steadying breath. His heart beats a mile a minute. The real world comes back to him in a wash of color and pain, reminding Shikamaru of his own injuries and he battle cooling down around them. Shikamaru winces. He hadn’t wanted to handle Sasuke so brutally. He’s injured, and being sent into unconsciousness could really hurt him. Shikamaru gets queasy at the thought of Sasuke never waking up. He needs to call a medic, get Sasuke some help. He looks down at Sasuke’s slumped form, his terror spiking. Shikamaru runs a hand through his hair, hardly breathing.

Sakura said...Sakura said to find Hatake Kakashi. But he can’t think of finding Hatake Kakashi right now when his eyes are glued to Sasuke’s unconscious body. Sasuke’s skin is growing paler by the minute, nearly grey. His arms and legs as thin as twigs and with the bruises marring his skin of Itachi’s hands like finger paint. He looks dead. He looks worse than, he looks like he’s suffering. Shikamaru hands start to shake. He needs to do something, to stop the blood from leaving Sasuke’s body as quickly as it, but the whole idea seems utterly pointless. Sasuke...Sasuke looks dead. _Is he going to wake up at all?_

He looks around himself, at the busy, shrieking shinobi. He knows he has no chance of seeking help from any of them, the way they’re running about like they’re a part of a stampede. Recklessly, Shikamaru rids himself of his jacket, leaving him in nothing but his fishnet. He kneels, gritting his teeth at the pain in his stomach. It feels as if his ribcage just _moved._ He ignores his own pain by focusing on the task at hand, pressing his jacket against Sasuke’s spinal wound. Quietly, he feels for Sasuke’s pulse, only to be met with silence. His hands start to shake. He ties the jacket around Sasuke’s back as quickly and efficiently as he knows how to. Then he gently turns Sasuke over, moving as fast as both of their injuries will allow. He peels away Sasuke’s jacket, leaning down into the thin black undershirt beneath. He presses his ear against Sasuke’s chest and listens intently. He doesn’t find a heartbeat.

Shikamaru has very, very limited knowledge on medical ninjutsu. He’s, he’s never even seen a spinal injury before. He has no idea what to do. The only thing he can do is give CPR and Sasuke’s currently _dying of blood loss_. He doesn’t even know how long a heartbeat can be absent for until someone is declared dead!

A female voice behind him startles Shikamaru out of his state of confusion. He jumps, spinning a kunai protectively into his hand. His ribs ache, his vision blurs at the sudden movement, but he narrows his eyes in determination.

It’s a Konoha shinobi. “Whoa, I can help him. I’m a medical ninja, I’m qualified for this.” The woman raises both of her hands out steadily, her eyes trained not on Shikamaru’s weapon, but on Sasuke’s body. She doesn’t even see Shikamaru as a threat. Shikamaru looks between himself and Sasuke and stumbles away, nodding breathlessly.

In an instant the woman is kneeling beside Sasuke, setting down a pack of medical equipment, adjusting her hair tie. She’s got a Konoha med cap on her forehead and a Leaf Ninja Headband strapped to her arm. She hardly spares him a glance, instead putting all of her focus into Sasuke and his injuries. 

She gently adjusts Sasuke’s position, lying him on his side and tearing away the layers of clothing sticking to his open wounds. Shikamaru can hardly watch her, distracted by the steadily growing pain in his stomach and rib cage. He grits his teeth, shoving past the fog in his brain and using the medic’s voice as a base to keep him grounded to reality. She’s speaking to an intercom in her ear, her words unhurried and calm. “Uchiha _Sasuke_ found and accounted for. The patient has a thoracic spine injury and is in state of cardiac arrest.” As she speaks her hands deftly unwrap the jacket Shikamaru tied onto Sasuke’s back, a spurt of blood leaving Sasuke’s spine as it reluctantly peels away. Shikamaru watches in fascination as the woman works, his blurry gaze finding purpose in the hope of Sasuke’s return to life.

The woman finally spares him a glance. Shikamaru does his best to not look as if he’s dying, covering up his injury by straightening up. It doesn’t even hurt that bad, so long as he focuses on other things. _Just don’t think about it, that’s all there is to it._

And yet warm his blood feels slimy as it slides down his stomach and through his pants. There’s a distinct throbbing in his ribs as with every last of his heartbeats, and Shikamaru has to force his gaze steady, otherwise he’d fall to the floor in nausea. He can feel bile in his chest bubbling with urgency, globs of blood leaving his body in a steady flow.

The woman says with urgency in her tone, “How long has he been in cardiac arrest?” but Shikamaru is far too out of it to interpret that she’s even talking to him at all, let alone asking him an importation question.

Shikamaru pulls a face, wracking his brain for the response he knows is expected of him. The medic purses her lips impatiently. “How long has his heartbeat been absent?” she rephrases, her gaze looking him up and down skeptically as her voice turns sharp. Shikamaru had unconsciously placed his hand around his stomach, hunching over onto himself. He clears his throat, straightening up.

Shikamaru opens his mouth, his words seeming stuck in his throat. He closes both of his eyes as a dizzy spell overcomes him, managing to answer tightly, “I think it started after, after he went unconscious, which was about...three, two minutes ago?” _Yes, that’s right._ He felt Sasuke’s pulse just a moment or so ago. And it wasn’t there. His heart starts beating faster, and with the anxiety the blood leaving his body flows at a faster rate.

The woman breathes out deeply from her nose, unlatching something from her pouch and pouring it over Sasuke’s back. The substance bubbles and fizzes as it seeps into Sasuke wound, clearing up some of the bleeding. Sasuke’s spine isn’t bleeding as much as Shikamaru imagined it would be. Instead, the bleeding seems to be slowing, like....like Sasuke’s dying or something. Like his heartbeat is slowing down. Shikamaru clenches his fists.

The woman’s hands begin to glow with green chakra, pressing against the spinal wound. Shikaamru listens to the best of his ability as the woman begins speaking into her ear once more. “The patient isn’t responding to treatment. There appears to be foreign substances in his bloodstream and...” she places the back of her hand to Sasuke’s forehead, her fingers briefly glowing blue. “He’s suffering severe chakra depletion.”

The woman closes her eyes. “I don’t know, Kakashi, _I don’t know._ Look, what about your other students? Have you located them?”

“Kakashi?” Shikamaru wonders. “Like, Hatake Kakashi?”

The woman spares him a side glance, nodding curtly. “Correct. We’re attempting to account for all of his students, who are all targets in this attack. If you have any information, that would be extremely imperative. You can start with who did this to your friend here.”

Shikamaru swallows, unsure. “Can I talk to him? Like, through the device?”

The woman takes off her earpiece and chucks it at him, focusing entirely on her patient. Shikamaru stumbles before catching it, his whole brain spinning a circle. In a daze, he observes the small device for a moment, disbelieving that he’d managed to catch it. Then he shoves it into his ear. “Kakashi-sensei?” he wonders.

“Who is this?” The voice on the other end of the line pants with exertion, conciseness dominating his speech. In the midst of battle, there’s no time for pleasantries. Shikamaru lets out a harsh breath of his own.

“Who’s targeting Naruto?” Shikamaru gets right to the point, eyes narrowing. “That woman said all three of your students are being targeted. _Who’s targeting Naruto_?”

The voice responds in a clipped tone. “The Akatsuki. Now who is this?”

“Shit!” Shikamaru nearly rips the earpiece out of his ear in frustration. He should’ve known Itachi’s comrade leaving he and Sasuke alone meant something. But why Naruto? What do they want with him? His dad had talked about the Akatsuki before, but only to warn Shikamaru of the dangers of the outside world. Everyone else he’s mentioned about it has been cryptic and vague.

“Do you know something about Naruto?” Hatake demands, his voice full of force.

Shikamaru starts from the beginning, his mind turning furiously. “This is Shikamaru Nara. Sakura and I got separated after leaving the building. Later she found me by chance but....”

Shikamaru closes his eyes. “The Akatsuki has infiltrated the village. Itachi Uchiha and a man, uh...Kisame, together. They, they attacked Sasuke and then...Kisame ran towards the Forest of Death in a hurry, and Itachi Uchiha ran the opposite way, chasing after Sakura.”

Fizz is the only response to his statements he receives for a long moment, before a voice clicks back into place. “Where? Where is Sakura?” Hatake asks.

Shikamaru closes his eyes. “By now, sensei? She’s, she’s nowhere we can find her.”

Rage hisses on the other end of the device, and Shikamaru shares the sentiment. He spares a glance at the woman, who’s got Sasuke mostly cleaned and wrapped up, but she looks devastated, terror written across her face. She turns to him, eyes wild. “Ask Hatake how close he is, ask him when he can get here!” she orders.

Shikamaru stumbles a bit over his next words. “Kakashi-sensei, do you think you can get over here? We’re in central town, across from...uh...” Shikamaru looks to the rubble around him and changes his description accordingly. “We’re sitting ducks on the roof of one of the only buildings still intact.” 

“I’m on my way.” Hatake’s voice responds with a small crackle before the device in his ear shuts off. Shikamaru looks over to Sasuke, watching the way Kuru desperately feels for his pulse.

“How long ‘till he’s here?” She says quietly, her voice devoid of emotion.

Shikamaru swallows. “He didn’t say.”

The medic looks down, some of her hair falling in front of her eyes. She tucks it away, suppressing a sigh. “The kid’s not going to make it. I hope...I hope it takes Kakashi a long time to get here. It’s a small mercy, to allow hope to live in his chest for a few minutes longer, before another burden is bestowed upon him.” She sounds breathless, her hands quivering over Sasuke’s chest.

Ino once told Shikamaru that in all suffering, there is beauty. She’d been referring to a roaring fire bulldozing miles and miles of cornfields, the flames wreaking havoc upon the farmer’s lands. The fire itself had been mesmerizing, the flames dancing in Ino’s eyes as she watched the chaos unfold, helpless to stop the roaring fires rampage. In just two days what was once flourishing farmland was reduced to ash, the destruction beautiful and captivating, alluring people to appreciate its travesty, but the aftermath was anything but. Farmers forced out of their homes, nearby townsfolk dying from smoke inhalation, and hundreds of thousands of dollars lost because of an unaccounted for circumstance. Ino had observed that in all suffering, beauty can be found, and in all beauty, suffering exists in spades. At the time he’d been capable of dismissing her metaphorical gibberish, but for whatever reason right now, in the midst of a battle, a surge of anger claws through his chest. He wonders how she could’ve ever believed there to be beauty in moments like this. Moments where everyone is absolutely helpless to stop the inevitable years of pain they will face because of one, small moment. One mistake, one slip up, and everything he’s ever known has turned to ash. Sasuke’s pale, dying face isn’t beautiful. The ash and burning buildings around them isn’t beautiful. _But this is the aftermath, isn’t it? This isn’t mean to be beautiful._ Shikamaru considers. _Was the beauty of the flames worth the destruction? Who gains from this?_

The woman slumps her shoulders, her eyes expressing immense sympathy. Shikamaru wants to spit at her for the look, for the easy acceptance of the end. Sasuke can’t die. Shikamaru won’t allow it. This isn’t the end, this isn’t the aftermath. Shikamaru will find the beauty left in this suffering, he will. The war is still waging, the fire will keep burning, and Shikamaru will be here to feed the flames. At least then he will have some control over who the fire burns. 

The medic begins to stand, letting Sasuke’s head drop back to the floor, but Shikamaru is by her in an instant, his brain wracking. “We need to start his heart.” He says decisively, dropping to the floor. His knees dig into the wood, his hands clutch Sasuke’s chest.

The medic purses her lips. “Shikamaru, we don’t have any of the tools necessary to restart his heart. He’s only got about a minute or so until reviving him will be impossible. You should say goodbye, before he goes. He can’t hear you, but...maybe it will mean something more if he’s alive while yo—“

“A defibrillator.” Shikamaru murmurs to himself. “We need to shock him, don’t we? Where the fuck is Hatake?” he stands up, beginning to pace as the wheels in his brain beginning turning once more, his hands shaking and his lungs burning with the ash and moisture around him. He ignores all the pain in his chest in favor of focusing on this idea forming in his mind’s eye. He has no idea if it’s medically possible, but there’s a medic right next to him that could easily remedy any flaws and—

He scrambles with the device in his ear. “Hatake, can you get here in the next fifteen seconds?” Shikamaru barks, all pretense of respect and courtesy flown out the window in face of losing a childhood friend.

“I’m right here, kid.” A voice reassures. Shikamaru jumps, looking across the roof to spot to Hatake, clutching the rails of the rooftop for support. Blood slides down his temple, his ninja pants are torn at the knee, but most noticeably his Sharingan is deathly still. Hatake keeps his gaze directed at Sasuke, his hands shaking as he takes in the scene before him. Shikamaru hardly thinks of the pain the two adults must be experiencing, focusing entirely on the hope kindling in chest.

Shikamaru doesn’t give Kakashi even a moment to mourn his dead student, determined to save Sasuke’s life. He points between the medic and Hatake. “Hatake, uh,” he realizes he doesn’t really know the medic’s name. “—you! We have to start his heart up.” He enforces, hands waving around as he speaks, his eyes flitting about as he pulls together what little information he has about a patient whose heart has stopped. “I, I think this might work.” He swallows, noticing only now how much salvia in his mouth. He swallows again, screwing his nose up at the thickness in his throat. 

Hatake doesn’t waste a minute to respond, latching onto any inclination that Sasuke may still live on. “What?” Hatake, even as injured as he is, moves in a flash, kneeling beside Sasuke and cradling his student’s head in his lap. He looks devastated, inconsolable. Bu there is a determination flickering in his eyes that Shikamaru understands means that he’s willing to do anything if it means undoing the damage that’s been inflicted upon Sasuke. The woman’s eyes flicker to him. and Shikamaru is relieved to see that she isn’t looking at him like he’s insane. He probably looks insane, with the blood on his hands and hair, bruises marring and discoloring his skin like a fist would a peach. The two far more experienced ninja could be writing him off as nothing but a desperate, panicked Genin, but instead they are considering his words. It shows him that they both want Sasuke alive just as much as he does, if they’re willing to listen to his ramblings.

Shikamaru holds his breath. “Homemade defibrillator?” he suggests, holding his hands out hopefully, shoulders raised, voice breathless. It’s all the prompting the two of them need.

The medic’s eyes briefly meet Hatake’s, before Shikamaru witnesses a blur of action. Hatake summons a string of electricity in his hands, the blue chakra sparking and crackling audibly. The medic cuts through the rest of Sasuke’s shirt with a scalpel, her hands steady and dexterous. She and Hatake have the same determined look in their eyes, Hatake’s Sharingan included. Nothing could stray the two of them from their task, even if a swarm of enemy ninja started rushing towards them with weapons bared. Shikamaru’s never had that kind of calm, that lack of anxiety. A plan he can create, but executing the mission is an entirely different aspect that he is incapable of. Even now only as a spectator his hands are shaking and he can’t stop bouncing on his toes.

The two get into a readying position, the medic sitting behind Sasuke and avoiding direct contact with his skin. Hatake is kneeling to the side of Sasuke, his hands hovering over Sasuke’s chest, his gaze directed at the medic for a signal to begin. 

“Clear!” the medic calls, and then Hatake is leaning down, pressing both of his hands against Sasuke’s chest. Sasuke’s body jerks upwards as Hatake makes contact with his chest. Sasuke’s eyes remain closed, however, with not even the smallest inclination towards revival. Hatake removes his hands, only for the medic to dive downward.

The medic moves quickly, pressing her forefinger and thumb against Sasuke’s nose. She inhales deeply before leaning down and blowing as much air into Sasuke’s lungs as she can manage, taking a quick breath before repeating the process. After the second breath the medic removes herself from Sasuke and calls once more, “ _Clear!”_

Hatake repeats the action a final time, his hands sparking with electricity, Sasuke’s body convulsing in response. Hatake follows the medic’s instructions without hesitation, relying on her expertise to guide him through the process.

The medic begins CPR once more, quickly and without pause breathing into Sasuke’s mouth. After three or four breaths the medic clutches her chest and clears her throat, sniveling and blinking slowly. Hatake presses his fingers against Sasuke’s throat, and his eyes go wide.

Shikamaru jumps, leaning forward. Hatake sits back on his heels, breathing a sigh of relief as Sasuke chokes on his own blood. Hatake leans Sasuke forward, guiding him onto his hands and knees to cough up the blood blocking proper oxygenation. His chest his heaves desperately as if his heart and lungs are trying to catch up for the lost time. Hatake extricates himself from his student when the medic regains her breath and approaches Sasuke with hands glowing green. She places one hand on his forehead and the other on the back of his neck. Sasuke finishing choking and spluttering, weakly wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, and Hatake releases a breathless laugh. Hatake sighs, slumping noticeably, his eyes closing in relief. Even the medic spares a happy smile, her teeth peeking through her split lip.

Shikamaru can’t really relate to the sudden change in the air. His own injury continues to steadily leave him with less and less blood, and he can practically feel his pulse in his neck and wrists. Despite his heartbeat having slowed down significantly, his anxiety is still causing rapid thoughts to ricochet around his mind like a kunai in a steel trap. He can’t help the fact he still feels the urge to spill the contents of his stomach off the side of the rooftop. Tears sting at the back of his eyes but he forces them down, squaring his shoulders and focusing on the many tasks at hand.

Itachi Uchiha is still out there and will probably be returning any second to retrieve Sasuke and kill Shikamaru for getting in his way. That other Akatsuki member is running rampant in the village. Sound and Suna are invading every inch of Konoha and have made it abundantly clear they are targeting civilian districts, yet worst of all their Hokage has been kidnapped by the Kazekage. _But hey,_ Shikamaru thinks sardonically, _at least Sasuke’s alive._

The medic continues helping Sasuke sit up, but Shikamaru’s mind is elsewhere, working to solve the next problem. He knows it’s wrong to demand so much of Hatake after his student just nearly died, but Shikamaru knows that if they both want to make it out of this with the Leaf Village intact Hatake has no choice but to hear him out.

“Hatake! We’ve got trouble yet!” He calls over. Sasuke glances over at him before looking away quickly. Shikamaru winces, remembering Sasuke yanking the blade out of his own spine in a fit of hysteria. If Sasuke doesn’t talk to someone about it, then Shikamaru will have to.

Hatake rises, nodding curtly at the medical ninja who made all of this possible. There’s something grateful in the simple action, however, that has Shikamaru feeling more terrified than ever. That nod felt almost like a goodbye, a final thank you. It doesn’t bode well for the situation at large.

Hatake crosses the short distance between them, Shikamaru unbothered to meet him halfway. Up close Kakashi Hatake is a tall man, intimidating despite the obvious injuries littering his battered form.

Kakashi-sensei clears his throat, addressing him as nothing more than a formality. It irks Shikamaru to be so severely underestimated, especially after he literally just saved Sasuke’s life. “Shikamaru, Kuru has Sasuke taken care of.” Hatake informs him. “I’m going after Itachi.”

Shikamaru opens his mouth in immediate protest. It’s suicide, to chase after a man like Itachi Uchiha. But he pauses before any words can escape his throat, remembering Itachi Uchiha preying on Sasuke, his eyes filled with sick amusement. If there’s even a chance to keep Sasuke alive and prevent Itachi Uchiha from getting his hands on him, Shikamaru will take it. Hatake won’t hesitate to risk his life for his students, it seems. And here Shikamaru thought Hatake Kakashi was a man of ill repute. Well, he supposes that reputation isn’t everything; as Naruto once told him, something that matters far more is the intention behind every action, not the action itself.

Hatake, Kakashi-sensei, whatever Shikamaru will call him at any given moment, places a hand onto his shoulder. He looks up, trying his best not to display his own exhaustion. “ _You_ are going to go find your teammates. Ino went chasing after Naruto not too long ago, outside the tower. Naruto was chasing after Gaara...so, in summary, Ino is chasing Naruto who’s chasing Gaara who seems to be chasing after his own mind...ah, it’s all quite a mess, you see.” Kakashi-sensei admits. Shikamaru imagines that with every word that comes out of this man’s mouth a new splitting headache awakens. He just seems like that kind of man. Hatake’s eyes rake over him, noticing the way he’s leaning forward and clutching his stomach in pain. Kakashi-sensei’s eyebrows rise in slight surprise. “Have Kuru check that over.” Shikamaru can only imagine Kakashi-sensei means the medic helping Sasuke a few feet away from them.

Shikamaru takes in the new information. He has no idea how he’s supposed to find three Genin in the middle of an entire forest overrun by enemies, but he’ll have to figure that part out on his own. He’s just glad Hatake saw where Ino ran off to, so he can help her, protect her. _And_ , Shikamaru thinks, his eyes darkening, _I can be the first to tell her about Sakura._

Shikamaru suddenly remembers that Kakashi-sensei is waiting for a response. Startling, he squares his shoulders and shakes himself off. “Of course...” Shikamaru begins, unsure. He presses the palm of his hand against his ribcage, forcing his mouth to move, despite his minds sluggishness. “Hatake, is there...is there a message you need passed on?”

Unconsciously, Shikamaru’s eyes flicker to Sasuke’s slumped form as the medic, Kuru, guides him through drinking a glass of water. If Sasuke had died he wouldn’t have gotten to say a single thing to anyone.

Then his mind shifts to Sakura, poised in the brush beside him and ready to run at top speed to distract the enemies in order for him to make a hasty retreat. He thinks of Sakura, laughing in joy as the two of them tumbled forward in the arena, breathless with adrenaline. He thinks of Sakura, crouching on the roof a building and observing her teammate suffer with gritted teeth, conjuring a half-assed plan that paid off, in the end. If Sakura’s been killed...she won’t have gotten to say goodbye to anyone. Anything that was waiting to be said is just...over.

He thinks of finding Naruto and Ino and having nothing to tell them but the fact he let her die. He let her be the sacrificial lamb, instead of taking up the role for himself. He followed her reckless, stupid plan, instead of waiting for backup, as they should have. And he hadn’t thought to ask her if she wanted him to tell her loved one’s anything. If she really is dead...she’s dead. She has no legacy to be passed on, as she’s always dreamed of.

_Please, please don’t be dead. Be alive, be okay._

Hatake’s hand on his shoulder tightens. “Tell Sasuke something for me. Tell him that...things aren’t what they seem, and that...those books are my life, Shikamaru. Books are my life.” With those confusing words Hatake pats his shoulder, then pats his head, before looking off into the distance and swallowing audibly.

Hatake shoves him forward. Shikamaru stumbles a bit, but when he turns back around to face the man, Hatake is already long gone. In a daze Shikamaru watches Hatake disappear into the distance, his summoning dog leading the way. He watches until Hatake is nothing but a blur of color. But soon reality crashes upon him, and he remembers the promise he just made Hatake. Shikamaru grabs his stomach with a wince, dizzy with pain and confusion. He’ll pass on the message, so long as he lives long enough to do so. Hatake probably wishes he could go back and change everything, arrive here just a few minutes earlier in time to save both of his students from suffering.

But a time machine would do Shikamaru little good right now, because even if Shikamaru could do it all over again, against a man like Itachi Uchiha? He would stand no chance.

And that, above all else, is what pushes him forward. The thought that he hadn’t even put up a fight, that Itachi Uchiha was playing with him, enjoying his attempts to save Sasuke like it was all an entertaining show. He hadn’t stood a chance, and he still doesn’t.

 _But next time_ —Shikamaru thinks haltingly. He looks around at the surrounding suffering with a critical eye, marveling at the stark contrast between central Konoha of now and of yesterday. He thinks about Sakura Haruno and the callouses on her hands, Sasuke Uchiha and his absolute confidence that whatever his brother could inflict upon him wasn’t worth trying to live for. If he’d been stronger, he could’ve done something. He could’ve made a difference. But next time—

There won’t be a next time.

_I’ll personally see to that._

\-------

Eyes dark, lips curled beneath his mask, and chin raised high, Kakashi observes the chaos around him. As a perfectionist Kakashi feels an intense distaste for the mesh of fighting and sleeping occurring around him, ninja shrieking in the stands and civilians slumped in their seats, some even scattered on the floor. The wide, expansive arena stands have elapsed into complete chaos, blood dripping from the top stands and staining the earthy floor below. The windswept dust picks up into the air as the raucous enemy ninja disturb the arena’s fragile peace, and the smell of alcohol is replaced with cool iron, the scent metallic and causing Kakashi’s nose to burn irritably. The sound of obnoxious laughter now rings with the finality of silence. All traces of the previous atmosphere have been terminated.

Kakashi readies into a battle stance, bracing himself to fight through the pain of his recent injuries. The sky above them fails to reflect the aura of the day, bright and blue with the sun smiling down at them, while ninja fight without a shred of humanity and civilian children are hauled away by terrified parents.

For the past month Kakashi pictured every possible outcome of this fight, reimagining scenarios and theorizing with both Kuru and Anko how to ensure Lord Third’s downfall is absolute. While he did no voice this to Anko nor Kuru, Kakashi privately believed all along that Suna would be joining this invasion. His frequent meetings with Kabuto Yakushi have only served to confirm this belief, as more than once Kabuto implied that Orochimaru would be showing up to this invasion disguised as the Kazekage himself. Kakashi is actually able to tolerate Kabuto Yakushi just fine, despite the way he treated Sasuke and despite the fact he hasn’t been able to dissect the whole truth of the matter out of either boys. The only thing Kabuto really does that grates on his nerves is refer to him as the outlandish nickname _loverboy_. He knows where Kabuto derived such an idea, having told him Kabuto his plans personally. He and Kabuto have come to an agreement of sorts, and that leaves him relying on Kabuto to handle the aftermath of this invasion.

The invasion being pushed forward into Shikamaru and Sakura’s match was one of many hypothetical thoughts Kakashi sifted through in the past month, so he’s not too surprised by the sudden transition into chaos. The utter mayhem still makes him dizzy with the battle mindset, but at least he’s not been taken by surprise like most of the arena has. Truthfully he didn’t have as much time to plan as he would have liked to, but in order to keep up his façade of loyalty to the Leaf some sacrifices had to be made. Sleep, proper eating habits, and his general physical wellbeing were all consequences he was willing to face in order to kill Lord Third. It sounds callous in his head, but he reminds himself that it’s crueler to allow the Leaf Village to continue withering under Hiruzen’s rule than it is to pray for his death.

Anko is supporting his weight, watching the chaos with parted lips and a mask of calm. Kakashi can see the anger underneath her expression, the quivering fury she is withholding for the sake of a stunned Asuma and Gai. Kurenai has already flown into action, dodging enemy blades and releasing as many ninja still under Kabuto’s illusion as possible. Just as Kakashi’s about to join her he stops short, breathless as a startling scene unfolds before him. Both Sakura and Shikamaru halt their movements to watch Lord Third disappear to the top of the building. Kakashi isn’t sure if he wishes to follow the sensei and student or not, too fearful Orochimaru won’t be able to take down Lord Third singlehandedly after all. 

Even the ever-focused Kurenai looks up when Lord Hokage is taken by the Kazekage. Kakashi knows the truth of the matter, that the Kazekage is long dead and in his place stands Orochimaru, Lord Third’s own rogue student. It’s frightening to realize he’s one of the only people in the world to be aware of this.

Breaking out of his foolish state of shock, Kakashi desperately calls out Sakura’s name. When she and Shikamaru disappear out the arena he curses under his breath, but doesn’t chase after her. She’ll do just fine on her own, and Kakashi is needed a lot more elsewhere. Still, his skin itches with the knowledge he can’t keep track of her.

He’s startled out of his thoughts when Anko shoves him out of her grasp, sending him a withering, loathing look. He’d been expecting the anger, honestly, but that doesn’t mean it stops his chest from clenching. The forces around them are scattered enough not to worry too much about, but there’s enough firearm flying through the air to cause some minor damage and piss off Anko greatly. Kakashi doesn’t think it’s that big of deal. There are hardly enough enemies here to take on the arena, let alone actually affect the Leaf Village. But her anger puts him on edge, makes him feel guiltier than he already does. _I had no choice,_ he wants to tell her, but that would be the lie of the century. What he really means to say is _I made my choice._

Asuma and Gai turn to the two of them in confusion. Kakashi hates having them watch this, having them witness his true intentions. Anko snarls, uncaring to their audience. “What did you _do_?” she spits accusingly.

Kakashi’s visible eye twitches. He spins around on his hurt foot, putting his back to Anko, and summons a Chidori. His arm rips through an enemy ninja’s chest. Quickly, he presses his heel against the ninja’s chest to kick them off of his arm, watching out of the corner of his eye as their body tumbles down the stands. Charred flesh permeates the air, but the stench of blood around them is far more poignant and quickly overcomes all other scents.

“Anko, please...” He begins, gritting his teeth and spinning a kunai into his left hand, uncovering Obito’s Sharingan with the other. He wishes Sasuke were here, both so he could ask him how many enemies are surrounding them, and because a part of him believes that wherever Sasuke is he’s not safe. Kakashi is beginning to notice an increase in enemy ninja since the invasion started. The enemies are probably coming in through the Forest of Death, filing in through all the wide open entrances. The Chunin Exams has always been a damn hazard. Add to the fact the Forest of Death must be pretty easy terrain for the enemies to navigate, seeing as they had a bunch of Genin in the second exam liable to be scouting the perimeter.

...and if the enemies are coming in through the Forest of Death, does that mean they’re in the village, too? How many enemy ninja managed to break through Konoha’s defense?

 _Jesus,_ Kakashi thinks as he watches the crowds become overrun with Suna and Sound Shinobi. He’s not sure if he’s exasperated or disappointed with how flimsy Konoha’s defense has become in times of peace. He decides he’s feeling neither, and the feeling churning in his gut can only be anger.

Kakashi can feel his anger in his jaw, in his gums, and it burns worse than his knee and shoulder combined. The agitation is making his skin crawl. The chaos around them is getting worse by the minute.

“You want me to remind you how we got in this situation? _You_ went off making deals with untrustworthy enemy ninja!” Anko snarls, whipping out a kunai and throwing it towards his head. Kakashi isn’t surprised by the display of violence, quickly crouching to avoid the blade. The kunai sails past him and splits the head of any enemy who was recklessly charging his back. Kakashi watches out of the corner of his eye as the enemy’s corpse leans backwards, tumbling down the stands. Asuma and Gai watch he and Anko’s back and forth with eyebrows knitted in confusion. He wants to yell at them to get their head in the game and start taking out opponents, before Konoha is stuck in a disadvantage.

A handful of enemies try to sneak up on Anko, emerging from the backdoor, directly in Kakashi’s line of sight. Kakashi groans in annoyance. He grabs Anko’s arm and spins her behind him, seizing the hilt of the blade from the incompetent Jounin’s hands. He twists the sword from his gasp, impaling the enemy’s chest remorselessly.

Kakashi pulls the sword from the enemy’s chest and lunges forward, grabbing a Sand kunoichi and slicing her neck, a fountain of blood springing forth. He tosses the heavy long sword aside as Anko launches a handful of senbon at the other enemies, killing them on contact. Their bodies drop lifelessly to the floor.

Kakashi turns his head behind him, opening his mouth to retort to Anko’s unfair accusations, when his jaw turns loose. More than a hundred enemy ninja burst through the arena doors, dozens more pouring in through the exits and alternative entrances. They leap and bound around the floor, weapons at the ready.

He shuts his mouth, stomach sinking. The civilian stands are completely unguarded, despite all the shinobi crowding around and hurrying to get the important figures to safety. The Hyuga are nowhere to be seen. The civilians of lesser status are being completely neglected, enemy shinobi carelessly stepping on them as they run past, charging Leaf ninja.

Anko’s angry expression shifts into horror. “Fuck.” She breathes. “What the...what the fuck...”

“Where did all these enemies come from?” Asuma spits out his cigar and puts out the tip with his sandal, Gai forming a defensive Taijutsu stance beside him, steel in his eyes.

Kakashi ignores them. “Anko, with me.” He orders, but she’s already strapping an extra set of kunai knives around his waist, narrowed eyes scrounging for an exit. Kakashi quietly thanks her for the weapons, despite having packed extra heavy for the occasion.

Down in the center of the arena Genma has begun taking out enemies left and right, his years of experience in the Anbu guiding him through a swarm of enemies that outnumber him fifty to one. “Asuma, Gai, go help Genma hold off the troops.” Kakashi dismisses, but by the looks of it Genma is doing just fine on his own.

He doesn’t wait to see if the two of them listen or even hear him over the roar of battle. Anko takes him by the arm, squeezing it tighter than necessary. Kakashi breathes out his nose sharply, facing the center of the arena. The fastest way out of the building is going to be through there. For a moment, there is quiet, as his anxiety settles his mind zeroes in.

When he and Anko move, they move fluently and in synchronization, taking the balcony stairs five at a time and faster than the eye can see. One moment they’re at the top of the stands and the next they’re standing in the midst of the chaos, the familiar metallic ringing and bloody smell of battle dredging up memories Kakashi would rather not contemplate. They charge through the mass of ninja, sidestepping, ducking, and jumping through blades and jutsu. A fire jutsu narrowly sails past them, lighting up their features with heat and singing his jacket. Kakashi breathes deeply through his mask, sweat gathering on his forehead. His knee screams with pain.

A few times they’re forced to move backwards to dodge a particular weapon or enemy. They take as many lives as they can while they move, senbon and kunai bared. They outclass these ninja, the difference in ability is stark, but the numbers don’t speak kindly for them. He knows Suna doesn’t have many ninja. Their population is much less than Konoha’s thousands upon thousands, their land smaller. But even so their higher level ninja are equally experienced as the average Konoha Jounin. Kakashi knocks out a young boy, a boy no older than Sasuke, with the back of his kunai. The boy is sporting a Jounin Flack-Jacket but his skill level and age can’t possibly be that of an actual Jounin. “Shit...” he mutters, unheard by anyone around him.

Why would they send all their lower level ninja to the arena?

His question is answered soon enough. He and Anko barrel through the open arena doors, breathing a sigh of relief and meeting each other’s eyes. The first thing Kakashi sees is a flicker of movement, before his eyes widen in complete shock. He and Anko are surrounded on all sides by the _real_ Anbu and Jounin, hundreds of dead Leaf Ninja and civilians scattered across the floor like discarded scrap paper. He catches sight of a young boy missing his lower torso and quickly looks away, focusing his gaze on the enemies, and his attention on deciphering the enemy strategy.

The plan isn’t crueler than Kakashi’s imagination, but it’s more dishonorable than anything Kakashi has ever been faced with in battle. Ninja are sneaky and clever by nature, but for a ninja to intentionally target innocents? That’s the work of rogues and terrorists, not the work of a ninja village.

From what Kakashi can interpret from the outside, Suna and Sound disguised their lower level ninja as elite ninja with the intention of using them to lure the enemies out of the building. Then the moment the civilians, lords, ladies, and shinobi left the building the actual elite ninja have been swooping in and eliminating them. But the plan...by the end of the hour, there won’t be any Suna and Sound survivors left in the tower. All those children will be killed by the elite Konoha ninja inside, this Kakashi knows. Why would these people sacrifice their young without cause? It’s the kind of plan only implemented when one’s loss is inevitable, when one has no other way to defeat their enemy. But Konoha and Suna weren’t in a war before this. All of this death and slaughter is...pointless. There is nothing to gain from his battle, not even glory.

Kakashi looks to the corpses around him, his breath hitching when his gaze lands upon the boy he’d seen before. The child’s eyes stare lifelessly up at the sky, his lips bloodied, his hair matted. Kakashi spots a mess of flesh next to the child that can only be his mother.

His Sharingan isn’t spinning, but if Obito were here, if Obito could see, Kakashi knows his Sharingan would properly reflect his fury. The Obito Kakashi knows would never condone such dishonor, twenty year difference or not. 

Kakashi feels his own sense of guilt for this situation. The guilt stirs up an irrational amount of anger, a painful torrent of hate. Kakashi can feel the guilt rumbling in his stomach, a physical, haunting presence that won’t soon dissipate. It eats at his skin and thrums in his veins, an electrical current of pain that brings bile to his throat. He can’t think properly through the haze of regret, can’t work through breathing exercises to settle his anger. Kakashi is angry and the fact is undeniable _._ Kakashi uses the wrenching guilt within his chest to guide his blade, to aid his fury

He strikes forward, and he doesn’t need Sasuke beside him to know that his killer intent is powerful. He refrains from focusing on the fact he has not a single clue where any of his students are. His students aren’t even with each other, worst of all, scattered amongst Konoha, perhaps even alone. His grip on his kunai knife tightens, the blood on his hands lubricating the handle.

He spares a glance with Anko. She huffs. And then a kunai spins towards them, the blade spinning and whirling, light reflecting off of the metal. At once they move, sidestepping the kunai with ease, with but not grace. Their earlier fluidity and elegance has been squashed, torn apart by the ruthless, undeserving enemy before them. Kakashi doesn’t plan on holding back.

It doesn’t take the enemies much time to realize that they are greatly outmatched by the newcomers. He and Anko only get four easy kills in before the enemies are ganging up on them and sizing up the new threat. Kakashi grasps his forearm and summons a Chidori. Anko’s usual grin is wiped off her face entirely, three senbon needles in the crook of each knuckle.

He can’t control himself, not right now. His thoughts are too jumbled. He relies on Anko to guard his back as he charges forward, a quick fire style jutsu leaving ten opponents injured and two dead. Anko steps away from him for a brief moment in order to stick a senbon through the throat of medical kunoichi pushed to the back, before flipping over the medics guard and twisting his neck to the side with a quick burst of chakra. In an instant she’s back by his side, grappling with a man who’d tried to come up behind him whilst he was distracted by the burly man lumbering about with a heavy sword and pompous enough to believe he stands a chance against Kakashi. The man goes down without ever learning a lesson on his own arrogance, Kakashi remorselessly moving on to the next opponent. The two of them coat their hands in blood, staining their fingernails and darkening their long list of kills with unnamed ink splotches. Half the people Kakashi kills he doesn’t even look in the eyes, already busy handling the next surge of opponents charging upon him.

Anko takes a step forward and Kakashi follows, birds chirping in the wind as his arm crackles with electricity. His Chidori rages through opponent after opponent, the spin of a heel, the angle of his hand, and whether he’s facing his opponent or stabbing him in the back differing with every kill. In this battle there is no honor, Sand and Sound made sure of that, so Anko and Kakashi fight with not an ounce of regret or shame. Kakashi’s anger at both himself and the situation trap him in the blood of the battle, in the rhythmic vibrations of blades sinking into skin.

Kakashi doesn’t give himself a moment to breath, even when Anko summons a ring of snakes that push the forces back greatly. The snakes nip at the enemies heels and sink their fangs into forearms, leaving their opponents paralyzed, and if bitten enough, dead. But even the ones that survive the snakes don’t last long, their own comrades trampling their bodies in order to throw themselves at Kakashi and Anko’s homicidal rampage.

Anko claws out the eyes of a kunoichi, sinks a kunai into someone’s temple, and kills their enemies with a personal vengeance. He wonders how furious Anko would be if she knew their perpetrator was actually Orochimaru, that the reason all of this is happening is because Kakashi intentionally withheld information from the Leaf Village. Kakashi’s brow furrows when the consuming enemies thin, spreading out around them with frightened, confused expressions. Kakashi gauges his surroundings, pulling out a kunai and readying to throw it at his opponent while their guard is still down, only to nearly be knocked off his hurt knee from a force that shakes the ground with a powerful booming.

The force rumbles and the settles, causing everyone, both enemy and the occasional comrade, to look around themselves in pondering. Then the second force hits, and this time Kakashi can recognize the causation for the mini earthquakes. Something around the village has been targeted by an explosion of great power, and they can feel the after affects still shaking the ground. He looks around himself in concern, a few Suna ninja wiping their brows and becoming hesitant, gaze peering out over the distance. Kakashi observes the moment of humanization with a rolling stomach. In this midst of battle it’s easy to forget that your opponents are anything but monsters. But that’s not the case, and this is made clear by the concern radiating from their confused opponents. Were they not the ones who ordered the attack?

Just outside the Forest of Death lies a middleclass civilian district that borders the Leaf Village. Kakashi and everyone around him can see the rising smoke, the rubble and ash erupting in the distance. Kakashi feels sick to his stomach, hands quivering violently. He forgets all about Lord Third for a moment, about the civilians still trapped in the arena, because no one had been there to save the hundreds of innocent lives just brutally destroyed.

Anko makes a sound like a wounded animal, her eyes filling with hatred. Her emotion makes her knees shake and her eyes glimmer with tears. “You heartless bastards!!” she snarls, her grip tightening around her kunai. “You think war is about killing innocents? Slaughtering helpless families?! You’re the scum of the Earth, YOU HEAR ME?!” She screams, her voice raw and spreading throughout the entire battlefield. The rising smoke taunts them, reminds them of their failure. Kakashi hadn’t even thought about protecting the civilian districts. He’d only considered hurrying to the main town, stopping their village from being seized.

And now....he looks out onto the smoke with his Sharingan spinning. The entire town has been reduced to ash.

 _That’s what you wanted isn’t it?_ A cruel voice croons in his ear. _You were willing to risk everything for the chance to start anew._

Kakashi sees the enemies withdraw kunai directed at Anko. He grabs her, tries to shield her with his body, ducking in preparation for an enemy attack. His hands wrap around her tightly, protecting her neck, head, and heart from any weapons they weren’t prepared to defend against. He braces himself for a painful wind jutsu or a blade in his spine, holding his breath and keeping both his eyes closed.

The kunai never comes.

His eye snaps open, his Sharingan reluctantly following. He looks up in confusion, his grip on Anko subconsciously tightening.

“Was that a civilian district?” Kakashi looks up to see an enemy ninja hesitantly approach him, his voice quivering and his Anbu mask askew. Kakashi can see his mouth move as he speaks, and the sight is so off putting his mind halts completely, his arms slackening.

Anko pulls away from him, stumbling into a standing position. She glares at the man who spoke up, snarling with rage. She reaches out and storms across the field to the man. Kakashi realizes with a sudden fear that he and Anko are surrounded by enemies on all sides, having been crowded around in their moment of weakness. Anko is going to get herself killed, Kakashi thinks in a state of panic, his breath hitching. He jumps to his feet, prepared to kill anyone who approaches his comrade.

The man does nothing when Anko grabs him by his collar, pulling him towards her face and practically spitting with rage, blood smeared across her lips. The Anbu lets her hands grip his shirt with quivering, shaking anger, dragged up onto his toes.

Kakashi looks around himself, slowly taking in the Suna ninja surrounding them yet paused, the Sound ninja amongst them beginning to look hesitant and frightened. “Tokohonima was innocent.” Anko spits, tightening her grip on his shirt. “You just...you fucking bastard...you killed everyone...”

Kakashi feels his eyes flicker to the rising smoke. Anko’s assumption is correct. There won’t be any survivors from that civilian district.

The Suna ninja’s eyes harden. Kakashi braces himself, quickly lashing out and Shunshin over in a great waste of chakra, pulling Anko back towards him and behind him. The Suna ninja launches forward, his knife bared, eyes crazed. Kakashi does his best to keep Anko’s behind him, not daring to take his eyes off the enemy for even and instant. But a moment later Kakashi blinks as a Sound ninja drops dead to the floor, body lifeless. Not a sound escapes the Suna’s Anbu’s lips as he pulls his mask back into place, steeling himself for battle. Completely stunned, Kakashi watches the Suna Anbu kill three Sound ninja in a whirlwind of anger, blades sinking into skin without an ounce of his previous hesitation. No words a spoken.

The Anbu isn’t the only Suna ninja who takes a stand. Suddenly it’s not Kakashi and Anko who’re outnumbered a hundred to one, but the enemies that are struggling, unable to call for backup and trying desperately to reason with the rogue Suna shinobi. The battle cries emerge in a crescendo, Suna kunoichi and shinobi alike charging at the remaining Sound ninja, outnumbering and outmatching them with ease. The near massacre of Leaf shinobi ends in a rush, Konoha ninja finally breaking free from the battalion and rushing through the Forest of Death and out to protect their comrades, seizing the golden opportunity handed to them.

Anko doesn’t move, her eyes clenched shut, her hair in disarray. Blood soaks her body, her shirt, stains her pale skin, and Kakashi turns around fully, pulling her closer to him. She shakes against his chest. “We’re alive.” She mumbles, but he can tell by the way her words trail away that a hundred more thoughts are flying through her mind a mile a minute. Kakashi can hear the silent _and they’re all dead_ lingering after her words. Whether she’s talking about the enemies or the civilians Kakashi doesn’t know, perhaps both.

It’s easy for Kakashi to forget that not every child of his generation is like him. Anko was Orochimaru’s apprentice and when she saw battle, it was after the fact, not in the midst of the bloodbath. _Asuma, Gai, Rin, Genma, Obito, all of us were prodigies, forced into fighting because of our parents legacy or because of village recruiters._ But Anko...she was young, and distant from the war. It’s likely the worst battle she was present for is the Nine-Tails attack, where she would’ve been hiding in a bunker.

Anko might know killing and death, but war and actual battle? She’s never seen what ninja can do to each other en masse. She’s never had her mind reduced to nothing but the instinct to live and the reflex to kill.

Kakashi watches blearily as the rebelling Suna ninja begin charging the building. The Suna ninja sprint at their once allies with vigor, demonstrating a level of enthusiasm that had not been present when they’d been fighting the Leaf. They drag the Sound ninja off the sides of the wall, charge them before they can make it through the entrance, and start pouring through the windows. As they go the rebelling Suna ninja start recruiting confused Suna ninja into the fight, all of whom nod without question and begin following their comrades. The easy way Suna ninja rebel against their leader, or who they believe to be their leader, shows Kakashi two things. One is that Suna ninja must hate their leaders with a passion if they are so willing to disobey direct orders, and two is that Konoha depends on a strict and twisted Government. Kakashi doesn’t know a single Leaf shinobi that has ever purposefully disobeyed direct orders and survived.

Anko eventually stops shaking, pulling away from him and wiping blood off her forehead. Soonafter the enemies begin to thin, swept away into the building to call of the fighting and save their young. Kakashi has a sudden flash to wonder if he would have done the same if he were in Suna’s shoes, but he quickly dismisses the thought. He usually allows himself to indulge in what-ifs, but here in the middle of battle is there isn’t a shred of time for hypotheses. Kakashi straightens his back as Asuma and Gai come rushing out of the building, Genma hot on their heels. The Sound ninja have almost completely been eliminated.

Kakashi can hear the Suna ninja raging, their screams for peace loud and clear. These Suna ninja have lost loved ones today, but Konoha isn’t to blame. The one at fault is their own Kazekage, the man who ordered an attack on a civilian district. Unbeknownst to them, however, their Kazekage is actually Orochimaru. When Anko finds out who’s orchestrating this massacre, what will she do?

Kurenai gets to them before Asuma and Gai, jumping down the side of the building. She takes one looked at their disheveled appearance and claps a hand to her mouth, swallowing thickly. The two of them must be a sight, soaked in enemy blood and skin, dirt and grass blades sticking to their open wounds like wet paper. Kakashi’s seen and experienced all of this before, so there is a certain level of immunity he’s obtained regarding war. He’ll feel it worse after the fact, when he’s in his apartment building with no distractions other than his own breathing, until even the steady rhythm of his lungs disappears into concept. But for now he won’t panic, not so long as there are things that need fixing, people who need saving.

Kurenai looks confused, desperately curious, but she doesn’t ask. Kakashi is grateful. Then Asuma and Gai make it over to them. Asuma rakes his eyes over the lingering smoke in the distance before settling his gaze on him and Anko. Anko doesn’t bother to greet him with a grin, instead wiping her lips with her knuckles and inhaling sharply.

He knows what she’s thinking, because he’s thinking the same thing. _Why?_

“Anko...” Gai begins, face paling as he nearly steps on a dismembered finger on the ground. He carefully steps over it, back stiffening. Gai hardens his gaze as if steeling his eyes will protect his soul. Kakashi wonders what kind of blood bath the arena has become, if it has even Asuma and Gai shaken up. “Kakashi.” Gai says with purpose, and Kakashi, vaguely alert, looks over to him despondently. “I sense something amiss.” Gai claims, his sharp gaze lingering over the trees. It’s not in the direction of the smoke, however. Anko hums softly, the sound calm, but her gaze sharp and panicked. Kakashi can see goosebumps break out on her skin.

She narrows her gaze up at the forest. Her eyes go wide. “No.” Anko breathes.

It’s enough to send Kakashi into a fighting position, just as a mass of smoke erupts over the village on all corners, deafening popping sounds echoing out onto the forest. This time to the cause for the smoke is not an explosion, for there is a distinct lack of ash filling the air. He stumbles on his bad knee, gaze stretched upward as the smoke clears to reveal multiple behemoth snake summons in the distance, summons that can only belong to a Legendary Sanin. The snakes start rampaging before the smoke finishes clearing, leaving more rubble and stirring up ash in its wake. Even from miles and miles away the snakes are perfectly visible. He wonders how many have breached Konoha.

Anko starts leaping through the trees and to the summons before anyone can stop her, Kurenai quickly catching up with her. Kakashi watches them sprint away in a blur, placing a hand to his own forehead and gritting his teeth. He’s dizzy as shit, if he’s being honest. He can’t remember the last time he had a proper meal, and the hunger pains are getting to him.

Asuma and Gai share concerned looks with him before nodding resolutely. “Go after her.” Asuma commands. “We’ll escort the rest of the civilians in the arena to safety. You and Anko might have managed to earn us more allies but...this battle isn’t over. And...” his gaze flickers towards the arena building. “I have a Hokage to find.”

Kakashi notices with a short, breathless laugh that Asuma didn’t say _save,_ simply find. All those years of cruelty are finally catching up the old man.

Fuck him.

“Fuck him.” He doesn’t even realize it’s out of his mouth before he’s spitting the words like acid. Asuma jerks, his eyes going cloudy, but Gai hardly reacts, the only indication he heard Kakashi at all the slight thinning of his lips.

Gai clears his throat, briefly glancing between them. “It’s best not to dwell on one man when we should be focusing on the lives of thousands.” Kakashi loosens his stiff stance, Asuma shoving a cigar into his mouth, somehow unaffected by the smoke cascading around them. Gai continues on, “Kakashi, listen to Asuma and go dispel the summons with Anko and Kurenai.” Something in Gai’s tone prompts Kakashi to listen, whether it be the fact Gai usually uses the word _lovely_ before referring to any lady or because Kakashi is in battle mode, where listening orders in second nature.

Kakashi wants to say more to Asuma, but Gai is right. He should keep his mouth shut and start focusing. He’s being completely stupid, running his mouth like this.

Just as he’s turning away, however, Kakashi can feel the words inside of him eating him alive. He needs to get them out into the world, just in case he never gets the chance. A part of Kakashi knows he will regret these words later, after he’s tried so hard to keep everything a secret and keep himself free of blame. But he doesn’t focus on that rational, cold side of him. Instead he focuses on the side of him that knows his friend deserves the truth. He pushes everything else to the side and lets courage become the only emotion he knows.

Kakashi clenches his shaking fists.

He turns, locking eyes with Asuma. If he thinks too hard about this, he’ll back out, so for once, he lets his mouth guide him. It’s been so long, since he’s been without a silencing seal, he’s half convinced his mouth with start burning any second. But it doesn’t, all thanks to Kabuto and his expertise on anything anti-Konoha.

Kakashi clears his throat, willing himself forward. In the end, something stops him, and he finds himself smiling, his eyes curling upwards. “...well, you know how it is. If I die, make sure you read my will thoroughly. Not that I’d leave any of the good stuff to you, old man.”

Asuma actually startles a laugh, his voice warm as he responds, “If you finally kick the can after all these years it can only mean one thing; the apocalypse is coming and we’re all doomed.”

Kakashi pretends to contemplate Asuma’s statement, before nodding somberly. That even gets Gai to chuckle. But the interaction soon comes to a close, and once again Kakashi is consumed by battle.

Kakashi starts into the Forest of Death after Anko and Kurenai, quickly catching up to them even on his hurt knee. If Sasuke hadn’t lost sleep healing him nearly every night for the past month Kakashi would be long dead, and not nearly as capable of sprinting as he is now. He wishes he knew where his students were, not just because he’s their sensei, but because the three of them could be in real danger. He knows Sakura is a target in this attack, and when aren’t Naruto and Sasuke getting themselves into trouble? Scratch that, Sakura’s probably in worse shape than the both of them, without Sasuke to real her in from being reckless. 

It’s those thoughts that keep him on the lookout as he’s running through the forest, the sound of battle quiet but still present, waiting for them in the distance. Anko leads the pack, being the one who knows this forest like the back of her hand, Kurenai impressively maintaining their elite pace with determined ease. Kakashi’s glad for the slower pace than he’s used to, his hurt knee aching with each jump.

They exit the forest through some shortcut that Anko has in her arsenal. Not once do the three of them slow their pace down, keeping up the hard sprint. It makes Kakashi wonder what kind of Genin team they could’ve made if they’d all been together, back in the day. He, Kurenai, and Anko would’ve been an ideal team for strength and they would’ve gotten along well enough. But in Konoha the ninja occupation is dominated by men, and very, very few teams are ever devised of two females and one male. Still, Kakashi can’t help but wonder if Obito and Rin had been placed on a different team, maybe they would have survived.

No use dwelling on that now. Battle is no place to let his thoughts run loose.

He, Anko, and Kurenai emerge from the back roads and into the main districts. They don’t spare the burning buildings and rushing shinobi much thought, throwing themselves down the roads at top speed and heading for the nearest snake summon. The behemoth is causing indescribable destruction, thundering bricks and wood crashing to the ground and screams tearing through the skies like doves.

Ninja battles are a sight to behold, blood and fire mingling in the warmth of an average Konoha day, ninja rushing blindly at each other without remorse. Kakashi keeps running through the streets, Anko still leading the pack. They aren’t particular on where they run, on the pavement where they can easily dodge the explosions or on the rooftops where the best vantage point is, all that matters is making it to their destination.

Until they come across the line of Academy students and teachers rushing precariously towards the safe houses in the Hokage monument. Anko halts abruptly, choking on her spit and snarling. If the Academy is vacating to the Hokage tower than that means that the safety bunker beneath the Academy has been compromised. The enemies targeted their youth, the children who haven’t even thrown a kunai at anything other than a target.

Kurenai spins to a stop beside them, inhaling deeply. They observe the rapidly passing children, eyes flickering this way and that. Then Anko nods sharply, looking back at them for confirmation. They respond in kind, nothing but sharp, concise nods. The two of them follow Anko as they rush into the crowd, quickly detecting the sensei amongst the students. Kakashi spots Iruka-sensei in the crowds, more towards the back and ensuring every child is accounted for. In an instant they’re standing beside him, faces somber and backs straight. Kakashi suddenly longs for his Anbu mask, left feeling exposed and strange without it.

“Kakashi-sensei, Kurenai-sensei!” Iruka-sensei realizes, his eyes widening. He looks at the both of them with obvious relief. His next words make Kakashi stops moving, a ringing resounding in his brain.

“Sasuke’s missing. He ran after the snake summons. I don’t know what he was thinking!” Iruka-sensei reports, his eyes somber.

Anko replies before Kakashi can, grabbing Iruka-sensei by the arm and looking him dead in the eye. “Which snake?”

“The one nearest to us; Konohamaru said Shikamaru and Sakura just went after him and...they looked rough. Konohamaru said that Sakura was...” his eyes shift hesitantly over to Kakashi, who feels as if someone has stolen all the oxygen from the air. Iruka-sensei looks down. “He said she was covered in blood.”

Iruka-sensei gasps as a nearby child trips, falling onto the harsh pavement. Iruka-sensei helps the child up, looking panicked. He looks up into Anko’s eyes, swallowing, before looking back up at the Hokage monument. “I’m sorry, I have to leave. Stay alive, you guys, and I don’t mean for me, I mean for the kids.” he nods at them before hurrying away, urging the small child next to him to move faster.

Anko spins around. “Kurenai, with me. We’re going to go take down the Snake Summon by the main gates. Hatake, find your kid.” She spits a rush, her orders ringing in his ears.

Kakashi doesn’t watch them leave. He’s suddenly hyper focused, scrambling for his idiot student. Sasuke’s supposed to be the smart one. He should have left the summons for the actual Goddamn professionals. That kid and his anxiety stood no chance against one of Orochimaru’s snakes.

Kakashi sprints through the crowds, forced to use the roofs as the scrambling civilian crowds get thicker and thicker. The women, men, and children are shoulder to shoulder as they force their way through the thicket of the chaos, some people calling out desperate prayers as they go. Kakashi looks away. Take down the Snake Summon, save the people. Trying to bring order to the chaotic crowds would be a hopeless waste of effort.

He arrives to the main town, Icheraku ramen crowded by people desperately forcing their way to safety, Asuma’s favorite barbeque restaurant in shambles, Anko’s go-to Dango stand drowning in flames, and the Hokage tower in his line of sight. He takes a deep breath. There hasn’t been a raid on Konoha in over a decade, not since the Nine-Tails attack. He can see the line between them blurring, the Nine-Tails rampaging, the screaming of the crowds. He forces himself to inhale slowly unsure of what has come over him. It takes him a moment to see properly once more, to calm his racing hear. But soon he’s scrounging the buildings for any sign of a Snake Summon, only met with shambles and the chaos of desperate, frightened crowds. All he sees is smoke and fire and as he breathes he notices the odd mix of moisture to the air, like steam.

Suddenly, there’s a buzzing in his ear. He almost forgot about the earpiece he was wearing in order to communicate with Anko and Kuru, and suddenly he feels foolish for not immediately checking in with Kuru the moment the invasion began. Her words make him freeze.

“Uchiha Sasuke found and accounted for. The patient has a thoracic spine injury and is in state of cardiac arrest.”

His Sharingan burns as he scavenges to find them, biting his thumb through his mask and summoning Pakkun.

_I won’t let my comrades die._

\------

There is a big difference between a cage and clipped wings, Neji has come to learn. He can feel Hinata’s heart beating beside him, her throat bobbing up and down as she cries silently for the lives lost for her sake. She’s pressed against his back, makeup smeared, dress torn, face buried into his shoulder. Neji looks down at the dead lying side by side on the ground, blood painting their bodies in a sea of red and black. Hinata has always been a sensitive girl. He used to wish he could care about life as much as she and Sasuke did. Now he sees that his lack of empathy for the enemy is a blessing. This moment will haunt Hinata for the rest of her life. She will always remember the enemies who wished to take her life only to lose theirs instead.

Neji won’t. He hasn’t known much death in his life, but why should he care about these distant, abstract strangers? Why should he care about family members who’ve never even spoken to him? The family who left him out because he’s always been stuck in between a branch family member and a main family member, the family who spitefully call him _stuck up_ and _too quiet_. He doesn’t care, at least not right now. Maybe he will later, but somehow Neji doubts it.

He turns away, grabs Hinata by the arm. He doesn’t plan on babying her. She’ll have to learn one way or another to take care of herself because one day, Neji’s not going to be around to do it for her. Her cries fade to whimpers, her pale teary eyes glinting with the light of the forest fire. Sweat pours down his back, smoke suffocates his lungs, but he presses a damp, slightly bloody cloth to Hinata’s face and carries on, dragging his cousin along with him. She can’t even breathe without him helping her. _Stupid_ , he thinks to himself, despite the fact he’d sooner take a knife to the throat than leave her behind.

“Neji.” Hinata whispers, her tone shaky and frightful. Neji keeps walking, tightening his hold on his cousin. Hinata carries on unprompted. “Where a-a-are we going to g-go?”

He stops, leans her weight against him. She grabs the wet cloth with shaking hands and begins presses it to her face without Neji’s assistance. He side-eyes her briefly, thinking the question stupider than the fact she look more tired than he, and he’s the one who’s been fighting all of her battles for her. With a resentful sigh Neji points out to the distance, towards a location he knows has a safe bunk where Hinata can hide out in. She’ll be less of a burden there.

“No.” she suddenly steps back, chin raised high. “I won’t go.”

Neji raises an eyebrow at her, reaching to grasp her arm and continue his expedition. She parries backwards, her eyes darkening. Neji frowns. “I said n-no, Neji.” Hinata insists.

“Your father—“ Neji begins, his index finger instinctively pointing upwards, proving to everyone out there who’s ever called him a stuck up know-it-all, that he is, indeed, a stuck up know-it-all.

“My father is a-a-a-an idiot and a coward for running from this fight. I will not.” Hinata presses her shoulders back and narrows her eyes, looking more and more like a bullheaded Clan Heir by the minute. _At least she’s not pigheaded_ , Neji thinks to himself. It’s not as if Neji had much of an argument conjured up on behalf of Hinata’s father anyway. He was really just trying to scare her into listening to him. Well, Neji’s uncle _is_ likely to kill him should Hinata die, but that’s too cruel of an argument to use against Hinata, even for Neji, who’s callous and blunt by nature.

“As you wish, Hinata-sama.” Neji mutters, more to himself than to her. She beams, allowing him to seize her arm once more. “Might I ask what you consider courageous battle?” Neji drawls, purposefully being difficult. _Stupid_ , he thinks, resentful and fond all at once. _She’s going to get us both killed_.

Ah well. Not like Neji particularly cares whether he dies now at the hands of an enemy or later at the hands of her father. He doesn’t really care about dying at all.

It takes Hinata an obnoxious amount of time to answer his question. She wastes his time by nervously beating around the bush, frightened by his short temper and tendency to call her stupid for the smallest things. Well, it’s not as if he’s going to lie to her. Most of the time, Hinata is stupid. It’s just a fault though, she has many other great qualities. Like the warm heart she bears in her chest. She has an infinite amount of empathy to lend others. Neji can’t relate. He supposes they make up each other’s differences.

“Well....” Hinata trails off, hesitant. She steps a bit away from him so they can meet eye to eye. Hinata spends her sweet time wiping blood of her cheek, picking underneath her fingernails, and shuffling her feet before Neji acts on his impatience.

“Well?” he snaps, arms crossing.

“The reason for the s-smoke over there. I think that might be Naruto.” Hinata murmurs, pointing to something behind him.

Neji turns his head in apprehension. Once his eyes catch onto what Hinata is talking about he stumbles in shock. Just a few miles out into the forest, a mass of demonic chakra is present, thick and swarming with hatred. Unbidden, his jaw clenches. It’s like nothing he’s ever seen before, and he’s had a fully developed Byakugan since the tender age of four. “Well alright then.” Neji mutters.

Hinata may be stupid, but someone once said there’s a thin line between stupidity and bravery. 

\------

Kakashi looks ahead of him, teeth gritted. He can’t seem to shake the cold feeling of Sasuke’s still body beneath his fingertips, jerking and jostling with movement with each volt of electricity Kakashi pulsed through him. It’s a frightening thought, to come close to losing someone that their heart stops beating all together. He was that close to being inadvertently responsible for his own student’s death. It reminds of Obito, in a way, both the fault on his shoulder and the narrowly escaping death. Itachi once told him Uchiha are like cockroaches, but at the time he’d assumed Itachi was referring to the fact that both Uchiha and cockroaches have a nasty tendency to invade people’s homes. Cockroaches also repulse most people; it’s highly unlikely Kakashi will ever meet a person who welcomes cockroaches into the home with a smile on their face. But now he’s beginning to see that Itachi may have been trying to clue him in on something, to hint at the possibility Obito survived after all, like a cockroach beneath a shoe, a body beneath a boulder.

Maybe he’s looking too far into it, though. That’s the more likely outcome. Kakashi has a tendency to overthink and see things that aren’t really there. And yet, the thought lingers, thrumming in his mind. Because on the off chance Itachi does know Obito survived, on the off chance he thought far enough into Kakashi’s past to realize the impossibility of the events...that means Itachi knew. He didn’t just hypothesize. He knew. He wouldn’t have said anything had he not been certain, for Itachi is a lot of things, but a man of uncertainty is not one of them.

“Boss.” Kakashi hears, his best tracker pausing in leading the way, startling Kakashi. Pakkun takes in his surroundings with an expression of utmost suspicion, a look in his black, rounded eyes that has Kakashi swallowing nervously. 

Kakashi’s jaw is tight, pressure pounding behind his eyes, his arms shaking and the pain in his knee forgotten. “What’s the matter?” He knows Pakkun has memorized her smell by now, with how often he’s gotten to smell her around the apartment the past month. He has no idea what’s caused Pakkun’s sudden hesitation.

But Pakkun turns away, barking a quiet “Nothin’s wrong.” Then Pakkun takes off in the opposite direction, his actions unexplained. Kakashi follows, praying despite Shikamaru’s implications that somehow, Sakura is alive. He’d give anything to talk to her, to see her. He’ll never be able to look Naruto in the eyes again if he’s truly stood on the sidelines and permitted her death as an acceptable casualty.

_Permitted hundreds of innocent lives to drown, supposedly for their own sake, for the hope of a better future. I didn’t even consult them, consider if they were willing to sacrifice themselves for a better future. The fact that I was putting my own life at stake as well doesn’t make any of this reasonable. I see that now. I wish I’d seen that before._

_But even if had...would I change what I’ve done? Or would I still prioritize Lord Third’s death?_

He shakes himself off. There’s no time for what-ifs on the battlefield.

But Kakashi can’t afford to think like that. Not right now, when so many lives are at stake. He has to be strong, to not fall apart. He has to save Sakura. 

He runs through the forest, back towards the Forest of Death. He feels sick that if he had found her during his first trip into town with Anko and Kurenai he might have been able to save her. She was right there, right next to him.

Pakkun yelps, spinning to a stop. Kakashi sees red. In the middle of a clearing is Sakura, lying down on her back. Above her is Itachi Uchiha, kunai glowing a mockingly gentle red and face twisted into a satisfied, leisure smile. Kakashi’s Chidori flickers alive almost without his conscious effort. He rushes forward, his feet carrying him the whole distance without making a sound. Yet even so Itachi predictably jumps away from his attack with ease, his Mangekyou spinning disinterestedly as Kakashi’s chidori flickers out of existence, having met nothing but air. He ignores the throbbing emptiness in his chest from chakra depletion, despite having taken a solider pill on the run here.

Itachi Uchiha turns to him, a welcoming smile gracing his lips. “Captain?” Itachi inquires, an aura of amusement surrounding him as he feigns ignorance.

Kakashi doesn’t stop. He spins on his heel, forgoing wasting more chakra and instead grabbing a kunai from his belt. He lunges at Itachi, only to be parried once more, Itachi flickering behind him in an arrogant expenditure of chakra. Kakashi spins around, snarling at the audacity Itachi has to insult him so.

Itachi’s smile disappears, replaced with an unnerving blankness, his eyebrows smoothed out and his mouth relaxed. “Oh. Well isn’t this interesting. A Jounin flack-jacket...she must be one of yours, then.” He tilts his head towards Sakura as he spins a kunai into his head, his eyes never leaving Kakashi’s. “You have my gratitude for taking such good care of Sasuke, and I should say...” Itachi shrugs, his Mangekyou piercing into Kakashi’s. “The sensei lifestyle truly suits you.”

Kakashi stops short from throwing himself at Itachi once more, despite expecting his fury fueled attacked to be dodged with infuriating ease. He only pauses because Pakkun barks, nuzzling Sakura’s hair and wagging his tail exuberantly. Kakashi breathes out sharply, his eyes zeroing in on his student. She’s alive.

“Oh thank God.” The words slip out of his mouth unbidden, exposing his vulnerability to his enemy without his permission. Yet he doesn’t take back his words, for it truly is a miracle that Sakura has survived an encounter with one of the most dangerous men alive.

Kakashi usually doesn’t let himself get frightened easily, but suddenly there is more to this situation than revenge. This is protection, and Kakashi feels feral. “She’s alive, boss.” Pakkun reports, but his words are unnecessary.

Kakashi glances between Sakura and Itachi, head tilting, shoulders hunching. The brief sense of relief at discovering Sakura’s alive and breathing is vanquished as a new kind of dread consumes him. He grits his teeth, but he is unable to fully quell the swarm of emotions tormenting him. Seeing Itachi here, a murderer, _a rapist,_ a man who was once his best friend, it leaves him upside down. He just wants to consume himself in his anger, to strike out of existence like a bolt of lightning.

He meets Itachi’s Mangekyou Sharingan head on, fear thrumming in his veins. Itachi raises an eyebrow, chin raised superiorly. 

“You think I care who you are? You think I care we bunked together, ate together, worked together? Do you think I’m too soft-hearted to take this seriously?” Kakashi laughs, his hands shaking around his kunai. “Let me enlighten you on the reality of this situation. Either you leave this village empty handed or one of us dies here!”

Itachi takes a menacing step forward, a predator sensing fear. “I’ll be leaving with Sasuke, mind you, once I recapture him from that arrogant brat. This girl actually thought she could pull one over me. I had to teach her a lesson, otherwise she’d never learn.” Itachi scoffs. “I am sorry I hurt your student though. I hope there are no hard feelings.”

Kakashi waits for the punch line, for Itachi to laugh at his own absurd joke, but it never comes. Itachi continues staring him down with eyes as blank as stone, all humor absent from his expression. In a moment of paranoia Kakashi looks around himself, wondering if there’s foul play afoot. Itachi could be distracting him, trying to make him let his guard down. But as the silence continues and Itachi continues to patiently wait for a response, Kakashi tightens his grip on his kunai and shakes his head in fearful astonishment. “You’re insane. No hard feelings? You let me think we were friends, only for me to find out that you’re the kind of man who would hurt his own pack, hurt _my_ pack.” His gaze flickers back down to Sakura on instinct, but he quickly redirects his gaze at Itachi with a sharp inhale. His brow furrows. Itachi isn’t even considering him a threat, having not seized his chance to take Kakashi down whilst he was distracted.

Itachi sighs. “Have I ever told you my theory about Konoha?” Itachi wonders, lazily observing his fingernails and looking up to the forest above. Kakashi’s jaw aches with the stiffness caused by his anxiety, his muscles spasming. Itachi carries on, uncaring to Kakashi’s unwillingness to participate in this conversation. “The theory occurred to me many years ago, at a playground of all places. Children really are a reflection of their parents, of society, and it was a truly fascinating experience.”

Itachi looks down at Sakura and Kakashi snarls, fearing the worst. Itachi raises his hands in the air like a caught criminal, scoffing and rolling his eyes. Itachi drops his hands and continues spinning his kunai in his hand, lazily observing Kakashi as he speaks.

“Your student here surely knows by now the truth of social class.” Itachi informs him.

“Society is sort of like the structures and slides at playgrounds. I realized this one day when I was babysitting Sasuke and took him to the playground, where the other children went so far as to unscrew the ladders so he couldn’t get onto the playhouse. I was going to interfere, you see, but then clever little Sasuke tried something else. He tried crawling up the slide! And there was nothing they could do to stop him unless they lowered themselves to his level!” Itachi clears his throat. “But the thing about starting from the bottom of a slide is that one simply cannot settle for the _middle.”_ Kakashi swallows, eyeing Itachi carefully as his Mangekyou begins spinning lazily, caught in a memory Kakashi can’t see. “You have to make it to the top and fight your way through the crowds. If you’re too weak the others will kick you down, and if you settle for the middle, you’ll just slide right back to where you started.”

Itachi chuckles. “I’m sure you of all people understand this, Kakashi. And I’m sure you of all people would know that my little brother, despite being perfectly capable of running those village brats to the ground, left that playground with a black eye and quivering lip.” Itachi sighs.

Kakashi can feel his hands start to shake. There’s a certain fear of the unknown and unexpected he’s always been a victim of. Itachi is a variable in every sense of the word and he simply hates the terror he’s causing within him, the unrest of being confused as to what Itachi hopes to gain from spending overtime in a village that identifies him as an enemy. He’s wasting both of their times by stalling here, by talking, and yet Itachi and his partner are at the disadvantage the more people discover their entry to the village. The longer they stay the worst their position becomes. Why, why is he speaking to Kakashi like their old friends who’ve run into each other at the bar?

He looks around in panic, hating the mind games, hating how Itachi has such control over his emotions. He should be able to combat his fear, discover why Itachi is behaving so obtusely.

Itachi chuckles, his voice so much lower than when Kakashi was friends with him. He himself probably sounds quite different. It only puts Kakashi further on edge, further distancing his brain from being able to properly grasp Itachi’s angle.

Itachi continues on, as casual as ever, as if he truly believes the knife in his hand is an icy glass of whiskey. “But if you’re thinking it was those brats that gave him that nasty bruise, you’d be mistaken.” Itachi admits. “No. After he figured out how to wobble up the damn slide and make it to the top, gripping the rim of the slide with his two tiny fists, the kids pushed him, and got to laugh as he fell down. Why? Because Sasuke didn’t push back. If he had, trust me, they would not have been laughing, nor would they have stood a chance.” Itachi clears his throat, taking another leisure step forward. “So naturally I grabbed him by the arm and taught him a lesson. I pushed him. And pushed him. And pushed him, and kicked him, and hurt him until finally, Sasuke, sobbing like a baby, pushed me back. To defend oneself, one cannot just run and hide. In a world of ninja fighting is unavoidable.” Itachi claims.

He looks down at the Sakura with a mild pride. “I was impressed by her. She knows how to aim for the top, and she knows how to push back. That’s why I didn’t kill her. A girl like that deserves her place in this world.” Itachi looks up, his eyebrow raised, eyes suspiciously soft. “Wouldn’t you agree, captain?”

Kakashi doesn’t understand the meaning of the smile ghosting over Itachi’s lips. He understands Itachi’s reasoning, as twisted and wrong as it is. Itachi’s not coming from a place of irrationality. Kakashi can perfectly see how Itachi got from point A to point B. But Kakashi can’t see the reason for laying this idea out for him. He’d normally assume Itachi was threatening Sakura, lording one student of his over the other, but that doesn’t appear to be Itachi’s intentions. He seems to be genuinely expressing agreeability, something the two of them may have in common.

Kakashi feel his pulse pound against his neck.

He squares his shoulders and wills his Sharingan to bloom with chakra. “I won’t let you hurt my students. Not a single one of them.” Kakashi declares, attempting to back away without showing his true fear. He doesn’t want to give an inch to his opponent, especially not by showing him that he’s affected by his words.

Itachi rolls his Mangekyou Sharingan, unconsciously showing off the control he has over his Kekei Genkai. Kakashi’s never seen an Uchiha over their Sharingan with such ease. “That’s my point, Hatake. What if, instead of climbing the slide and groveling at the feat of those who claim to be above us, we burn the slide instead? Reduce society’s standards to ashes and start anew. Your students...Naruto, Sakura, and my little brother, correct? All victims of societal circumstances.”

Kakashi can’t help but shudder at how similar Itachi’s reasoning is to his own. _Is that what I sound like?_ But then another, more terrifying thought weasels its way into his mind. Kakashi swallows a thick clump of saliva forcing its way up his throat. _Did I teach him to think this way?_

No. That’s _ridiculous._

Kakashi forces the thought out of his mind, realizing how insane it is for him to think such things. Itachi was crazy long before he met Kakashi. Itachi was already a member of the Anbu by the time Kakashi got ahold of him, befriended him; _encouraged_ him.

( _But what if I made it worse?)_

Kakashi calms his shaking hands. Itachi’s trying to get in his head. Kakashi can’t let him. He refocuses on his surroundings, noting that Pakkun has already begun dragging Sakura away, and Itachi has once again invaded his personal space, standing merely a foot and a half across from him.

Kakashi swallows. He knows it’s unreasonable to reason with a man guided by no goals, no morals, but Itachi’s words are practically forcing him to participate, to argue against him. “...and what then, huh? What happens after Konoha’s leaders fall? We’d all just scramble. It’d be survival of the fittest just the same.” Kakashi points out.

Itachi rolls his eyes. “I’m not talking about getting rid of Konoha’s leaders—although that would be _incredibly_ satisfying—I’m thinking on a much larger scale. I’m talking about ridding this world of ninja all together.”

Kakashi throws his kunai straight for Itachi, the kunai hitting him square in the chest. A moment later Itachi bursts into a murder of crows flying up and scattering outwards. Kakashi spins around quickly, but Itachi is nowhere to be seen. He looks up, side-to-side, and nervously flits his gaze downward. Then in a flash Itachi is standing before him, only a foot distance between them. Itachi stares directly into his eyes, his Mangekyou pulsating with chakra. “It’s a shame you don’t agree. But I haven’t given up hope just yet, captain. After all, I’ve been promoting you to leader-sama for quite some time.”

What?

“Are you...” Kakashi trails off, beginning to back away, watching out of the corner of his eye as Pakkun works to drag Sakura out of the battle by the back of her shirt collar. They’re nearly out of sight. He swallows.

Itachi laughs as uproariously as the composed prodigy can manage, his lips quirking up and his shoulders quivering. He tucks a strand of his hair behind his ear in a motion eerily similar to Sasuke. “Yes, captain. I’m asking you to join the Akatsuki.” Itachi confirms teasingly.

“You’re insane.” Kakashi feels his body go numb, shock overtaking his features. “I’m not a terrorist.”

“Neither am I, captain.” Itachi fires back, his eyes suddenly sharp, his voice smooth and deadly. 

Itachi looks at him with an expression of loathing that has Kakashi stepping forward and spitting with rage. “You have no right to reject the title! You slaughtered you’re entire clan!” Kakashi digs into his kunai pouch and grabs a handful of shuriken, readying himself for battle. Sakura and Pakkun are a safe distance away now, hidden in the brush. It’s not nearly far enough, in Kakashi’s opinion, but he can only demand so much from one of his smallest canines. 

Itachi squares his feet and shoulders, the spinning in his eyes halting, his lip curling upwards in a sneer. “The blood might have ended up on _my_ hands, but I assure you, captain, I didn’t _slaughter_ anyone. That massacre is not one me.” Itachi looks him directly in the eyes, and Kakashi realizes with a jolt that the two of them are now the same height. If Kakashi wanted to he could strike Itachi right here, right now. He could end the chatter and think to himself _I don’t care what this psychopath has to say. What he did to Sasuke is unforgivable._

But something compels him to listen. A dark, morbid curiosity that largely overwhelms his common sense stays his weapon; the terror thrumming in his veins, the smooth, steady beat of Itachi’s voice. It frightens him, but it also traps him, forcing him to want to help and reason with Itachi. Kakashi still keeps his kunai in hand and stays on the alert, but Itachi’s words are so utterly confusing and shocking that his usual aptitude for focusing is stilted.

Itachi smiles dully, his lips curling upwards in a way that is sickeningly similar to Sasuke when he smiles. It’s almost enough to make Kakashi drop his guard, to make him loosen his hold on the shuriken in his hand. Itachi’s laugh, his fighting stance, his mannerisms, all so closely related to his beloved student. The clinical descriptions of Sasuke’s experiences flit through his mind like pages in a book, reminding him of all the sins Itachi has committed. Itachi brings his own kunai into his hand and spins it around on his finger. The burning in his eyes is what sets him apart from Sasuke, reminding Kakashi that Itachi is no comrade.

Itachi continues on, prompted by Kakashi’s silence. “Have you ever heard of Kotoamtsukami, captain?” he wonders.

Kakashi doesn’t respond. He wills himself not to care, not to fall into Itachi’s trap. He’s probably stalling, waiting for his comrade to appear, Kakashi tells himself. But his rationale doesn’t do him any good, for he stays exactly where he is, eyes narrowed and the ashy air reverberating in his lungs.

Itachi’s gaze sweeps over him. “You probably haven’t,” he decides. “It was Shisui’s personal ability with the Sharingan. You remember Shisui, don’t you?”

It’s a stupid, rhetoric question, and they both know it. He and Shisui had been very close, both prodigies, both in the anbu. Because of their similarities Kakashi had been completely unsurprised when Shisui’s body was found in the river. Shisui of the Body-Flicker was largely forgotten, overlooked as nothing but what he had committed; suicide. Kakashi never forgot him. Nothing had pushed him over the edge like hearing about Shisui’s death. Yet another friend lost to the ninja lifestyle, and another reason stacked against continued to live. The anbu locker rooms were unsettling quiet after Shisui’s departure.

Itachi clears his throat. He stiffens, infuriated by Itachi’s casualness, his easy-going attitude. Itachi is unafraid. Anyone can see that his bravado isn’t just for show. He truly believes Kakashi to be no threat. “Well,” Itachi goes on. “Shisui’s Kotoamatsukami enhanced one of the Sharingan’s most useful abilities; persuasion. His ability was more than just a Genjutsu whispering in someone’s ear.” Itachi drawls out his voice, lowering his tone and sneering. “His ability was mind control, full and complete.”

The trees around them blow in the wind, the setting sun casting a glow over the clearing. Itachi’s crows screech unendingly, largely ignored by their master.

Itachi’s gaze shifts upward briefly, his gaze halting the conundrum of chaotic cawing his caused by his crows. “It’s not a secret the clan was rebelling, I even once enlisted you to join us—much to my disappointed you declined heavily, but still. However, I bet you didn’t know that there were those in the Uchiha clan who wanted a peaceful solution....Shisui was one of those few. He convinced the Leaf Village council to let him use his ability on the Clan’s elders and my father, to control them into loyalty to the Leaf Village.” He hovers over his words for a moment, letting Kakashi absorb there meaning.

Itachi sneers down at him, his eyes burning with hatred. “My idiot cousin didn’t understand that no matter what the Uchiha Clan did we would be _nothing_ in the eyes of the village.” Itachi pauses, meeting his eyes with a cold laugh. “Cockroaches beneath their heels.” He spits between gritted teeth.

Kakashi’s stomach drops.

Itachi scoffs. “This war had gone on too long to be ended peacefully. He and I, we got into a fight, and during that fight, he took a dive off the cliff side and into the river. But not before ensuring the safety of the Leaf Village.”

Kakashi is beginning to see where this tale is leading, how the story will end. His hands quiver. _No, no, no, no._

“He used Kotoamtsukami on me, not with the intention of forcing me to kill the clan, but simply to force me into everlasting loyalty to the Leaf Village.” Itachi scoffs. “It worked, for a long while. Suddenly I was protesting the clan’s ways, taking my Anbu missions seriously, fighting like a true soldier. And then dear Danzo gave me the order.” Itachi’s voice disappears into a cruel, sharp whisper. “Slaughter everyone.”

Kakashi shakes his head back and forth, side to side, trying to regain a proper view of the world around him. Kakashi exhales shakily, his eyes as wide as they can go, even with his scar. He shouldn’t offer his sympathies to Itachi Uchiha, but his stomach twists with disgust all the same.

Itachi tilts his head to the side, amusement and resignation settling on his face. Kakashi wonders how long it took him to become immune to the pain, the injustice of the Uchiha Massacre.

“And I had no way to stop myself.” He continues on conversationally. Kakashi wishes he would stop speaking, that Kakashi were a child again and it was acceptable for him to clasp his hands on his ears and refuse to listen. But Kakashi had never been treated with such leniency before, by himself or by others, even when he was a toddler. It appears Itachi didn’t have a nurturing child either.

“I still remember the utter blankness, the feeling of my family’s blood warm on my hands, the sound of Izumi’s screams.” Itachi shakes his head. “I almost came to, almost was able to overpower the thrall of the Kotoamtsukami when I came across mother.” Kakashi can see his jaw clench. He understands how it feels to kill a comrade, and he understands the pain of having it burned in your skull for eternity. “But I couldn’t do it. And she fell, and father fell, and then...” Itachi looks up at him, Sharingan whirring, a ghost of a smile on his lips. “I saw Sasuke and started to feel the heat return to my body, the numbness fade into pins and needles. I remember trying desperately not to kill him, to curve my kunai. But I can’t remember much else, not until I was running from the village at top speed, throwing up on the side of the road. I found a river, washed myself off, stumbled across a caravan and hitchhiked to the Village Hidden in the Rain, a place where no one would find me. It was only then that numbness truly gave way to anger.”

Itachi is suddenly inches before his face, looking deep into his eyes with a fury unrivaled. “That’s when I realized that forgiving such a world as this one would be an act of utter stupidity. This village, this world, it has to burn before it can ever become whole again. I truly believe this.”

A hundred thoughts flit through Sasuke’s mind, but the most prominent is one simple realization. _Sasuke knows. And he practically told me, too._

And then there’s a Chidori in his hand and he’s stepping forward, birds chirping, the air crackling with electricity. The storm has finally arrived, and Kakashi has brought it.

Itachi Uchiha might terrify him to the bone, but Kakashi Hatake is a coward no more.

\-------

Silently, just after escaping the cusp of a battle with simple-minded Suna folk who seemed to see _him_ as an enemy, Kabuto Yakushi stumbles across Sakura’s body, being adorably guarded by a weak little pug summon. Before seeing the young one covered in blood and buried in brush he’d been in a rather peppy mood, having just witnessed Lord Third and Lord Orochimaru on the brink of permanently destroying one another.

But now Kabuto peers around the corner and catches sight of Itachi Uchiha, his mood soured. He pushes up his glasses with a calculative glint to his eyes. 

He and loverboy may have to adjust their plans a little. His gaze flickers to Sakura, a frown marring his features as anger settles in his stomach. Itachi Uchiha is going to regret hurting her.

Really, only idiots get on Kabuto Yakushi’s bad side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so theories for:  
> Kakashi and Kabuto's plan.  
> What the f--k Naruto is up to.  
> What Sakura is seeing in the Tsukiyomi. 
> 
> P.S. If you read between the lines of previous chapters, I've implied the answers in the text.


	36. War Changes People

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ino and Neji learn something new about themselves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!!! WHOO, OKAY, emotional roller-coaster of a chapter, but if i'm being honest, when isn't it super angsty? I mean, c'mon, it's me.
> 
> I honestly really like this chapter. It sets up everything so nicely. If you have any questions, ask in the comments section and I'll be happy to help, or wait for it to be revealed in Chapter 37!

Falling from the highest part of the roof to the deepest ridge of the arena floor, Ino watches feathers cascade downwards, ending their descent scattered across laps and balancing on the noses of already sleeping civilians and ninja. Dispelling the Genjutsu had come easily to her, but for most of the unlucky citizens in the arena who weren’t expecting any sort of divergence from the usual Chunin Examination, who had coolers packed and wore party hats proudly atop their heads, it was inevitable to fall prey to the enemy’s assault. For a brief moment all around Ino is graceful and at peace, and then disaster poisons the arena like rats to arsenic.

Sakura and Shikamaru are quick to indulge in an escape, hurrying across the arena floors and stumbling over one another. She’s never seen either of her friends move so quickly, so fearfully, gripping each other’s sweaty hands as they sweep their way through the growing chaos. She’s not too surprised that they two of them aren’t fool enough to hate each other—Ino knows her friends well, and deep down, neither would watch innocents die. It’s odd, for it’s rare for Shikamaru to view someone as his equal, and yet there Sakura is beside him, ever a variable.

They don’t make it too far without turning to look, to watch Lord Third disappear out of thin air, taken away by the Kazekage, perhaps never to return. Ino’s never witnessed something so historically poignant, a day that will go down in history; she’s never seen people lose their lives before, at least not in person. She’s known people to have passed away, violently or otherwise, but she’s never _seen_ it. Ino knows that standing instead of taking cover as she is she is a target waiting to be knocked to the side. But she can’t will herself to move, enraptured by the bodies of acquaintances, friends, and people she will never get to meet, bleeding out on the stands or tumbling down the many layered benches and smacking against the bottom railings, some dangling over the edge and some falling uselessly to the arena floor.

These people who exist in an utterly different world than her, people Ino has never known, have died without forewarning, their dreams and plans pinched like a flame between her forefinger and thumb. Despite knowing how very real their existence was, it’s difficult for Ino to comprehend how different people’s worlds will be when they discover that these bodies are now lifeless. And Ino’s world? Ino’s world will remain utterly the same, unaffected, unbothered, an early morning word of repentance paid for the suffering of others read about on the paper, followed by the continuation of her usual existence. _There’s a whole world out there_. Ino licks her cracked lips. _A world of suffering I’m not privy to._

Tearing her gaze away from the stands draped with corpses, Ino wastes one final minute watching her friends disappear out of the arena. Her face feels clammy and pale, but from here on out she can’t herself to drown in these feelings of hers. Instead she puts her effort into something marginally more productive. She shakes herself off, steels her gaze, and forces herself not to think of all the things out of her control, like the life of her father, miles and miles away guarding T&I’s secrets, and the life of her friends, already disappeared into the battle field Konoha has become.

Her gaze flickers across the arena, blue eyes directing themselves upon Gaara of the Sand. Her father had made it abundantly clear that the village suspected the worst from the Jinchuriki of the One-Tails. He’d taken her by the shoulders and spoken in their native tongue, just to be sure of no eavesdroppers, even in the safety of their home.

_“Il veut dire la mort, mon Sanglier.”_

Ino always hated it when her father called her that, _Sanglier_. Whenever he used that name it meant he was looking down upon her, patronizing her with half-truths and hidden meanings. _He means death, my wild boar,_ her father had warned. Her parents said that the wild boar represented ferocity and also pride, and they constantly warned her to be careful in confusing the two. Ino heeded their warnings ungraciously. She was never anything but composed, so to be called ferocious or gluttonously prideful wounded her. How could her parents see her in such a false light?

Yet, buried underneath the crevices of Ino’s mind she keeps even from herself, a little voice in the back croons that Ino could be as ferocious and prideful as she pleased, if only she allowed herself to emancipate her true nature from its confines.

But as it turns out, Ino isn’t the only one with a misplaced namesake. _Gaara_ , meaning love; it must’ve been a joke, surely, to name someone so deadly a name with such grace. Perhaps Ino has the Kanji wrong, she learned Uchiha Tongue in the academy and she’s hardly fluent, but it’s not like her to forget a word as important as love.

If she is right and Gaara indeed means _love_ , she understands his identity crisis immensely. To name someone as meek and duplicitous as Ino after something so brash and pigheaded, her parent’s seemed to hope she was going to grow up to be someone completely different. She wonders if Gaara feels like a failure. Not that, not that Ino does. She doesn’t. She’s _fine._

She’s _always fine._ Her parents and friends don’t ask too much of her. She can handle it. And she can handle this, too.

The chaos around should be a surprise but Ino’s been envisioning what a future battle would look like all month, keeping her tongue stayed around town but her eyes sharp. The Yamanaka household was under no delusions about the declining state of Konoha’s short-lived peace. There was an unspoken rule not to discuss the future possibilities, instead keeping a low profile and continuing on as if everything was normal, cooking away her stress and feeding the fruits of her labor to Team Seven.

But she can’t hide behind her veil of deceit any longer. The battle has come.

Her friends are suddenly scattered, but Choji is still beside her, sweat sticking their clasped hands together. Vermillion covers the pristine arena stands, adhering to the walls and trudging down like slime, leaving a red streak in each splatters wake. She’s never seen so much blood in her life, yet as fascinating as it is to listen to the thumping of bodies smacking the floor and tumble across the linoleum, Ino ducks down and grips each of Choji’s chubby hands in her own. The stand seats ahead of them provide adequate cover for the time being, so Ino pushes away her worries of being targeted and focuses on Choji’s sickened face.

“Listen to me, you’re not to leave this arena.” Choji looks as if he’s about to start hyperventilating, his breath picking up and his shoulders heaving. Ino tugs on his sleeve with authority. She feels that his sleeve his soaked with blood, fearing for a moment he’s injured. Her face pales upon seeing no harm done to his arm, realizing that the blood on his sleeve is one of their fallen comrades around them.

She pushes aside her sudden illness. “Hey! Hey, you’re going to undo our friend’s from the Genjutsu, and then you’re going to stick beside them. Understand?”

Choji nods a bit too rapidly, so Ino softens her grip and brushes his curly hair behind his ear. “Stay safe.” She orders. Then she stands back up, ignoring Choji’s breathing turning rapid all over again, and heads to find Naruto. She doesn’t have time to deal with Choji, and maybe that’s callous, maybe that’s nothing like how Ino usually treats her friends, but she needs to...needs to _trust_ that, without her babying him, Choji will be able to take on this task.

Naruto will help her get Gaara, and after that, they can find Sakura. And where Sakura is, Shikamaru is. That’s two lost friends in one.

She climbs up the stairs without another moment of pause, sandals clack-clacking and Ino doesn’t even stop when something wet squishes between her toes and splatters across her bare shins. She finds her friend, seizing Naruto by his jacket sleeve, realizing that he’s still stuck in the depths of the sleeping Genjutsu. She pulls at his slumped form, quickly dispelling the Genjutsu cast upon him. Ino wipes her brow of nervous perspiration as Naruto snaps awake with a jolt, undoubtedly creating a kink in his neck. His cerulean eyes bore into her turquoise ones ephemerally, both of them breathless. During this brief moment of eye contact Ino swears she sees a speck of red creep into the depths of his irises, but it’s such a short span of time she doesn’t comment on it, merely tucking the information away for later.

“What’s going on?” he wonders, his voice lacking its usual gusto. Ino swallows, diving into a quick explanation. She explains the Genjutsu, where Sakura and Shikamaru are, but stops short when she realizes that Naruto’s attention is elsewhere.

“Naruto,” Ino begins questioningly, a bit miffed at his inattention, “What are you staring at, we’re sitting ducks here!” She scolds, motioning around them. The two of them are standing tall amongst a sea of sleeping Genin, bright blond hair and clothes making their Leaf ninja headbands all the more obvious. Naruto himself would say they were as conspicuous as a single blue-jay flying amongst a flock cardinals.

Naruto’s eyes flicker, and this time Ino can’t chalk up the dusted red in his irises as her imagination. She follows his gaze searchingly, beyond confused by his peculiar behavior. She looks through the stands until a small gasp flings out of her mouth and she spots Gaara of the Sand, eyes boring holes into Naruto’s gaze. “Naruto!” she hisses. “Pull yourself together! You can’t go all... _you know_ , right now. I need you to help me get that guy _out of here_ , not get him _angry_!”

In an act that greatly startles her Naruto spins around and grips her shoulders firmly, his blue eyes now fully swirling with the same vermillion staining the arena. “I think he’s going to hurt someone. I’ve got to stop him. I’m the only one who can, Ino.”

He releases her, turning away, but Ino lunges for his shoulder. “Hey!” she halts him. “Don’t be stupid. I’ll cover you, Naruto.”

Naruto’s gaze flickers back to Gaara, and then to her, before nodding slowly. “Okay.” He nods slowly, his throat bobbing as he swallows. “But if things get bad...”

“I’ll leave right away.” Ino finishes for him. She’s lying of course, but Naruto believes her without an ounce of hesitance. _I’ve left him once before, after all. In the T &I facility. _

She startles out of her guilty revere as a kunai comes sailing towards her chest, barely retrieving a kunai and deflecting the projectile in time. She huffs after the fact, the adrenaline leaving her frazzled.

“We should get a move on.” Naruto speaks up, looking around suspiciously. He puts a hand on her shoulder to prompt her, and the two of them duck into the fray, heading straight for Gaara of the Sand.

She and Naruto move with very little grace through the oncoming battle. The two of them don’t have a rhythm and they clearly think in very different languages. Ino almost loses her head twice, and Naruto gets a sharp punch in the gut that ends with him violently throwing the aggressor off the balcony and into the battle below, and after that Ino stops watching, already knowing the enemy’s somber fate. Ino winces. She’s not cut out for this. She’s made from a different mold than Naruto, one that would rather risk her life in order to reason with the enemy, one that wants to ask questions first and fight later. Naruto is aggressive in everything he does and Ino has to admit that the only reason she survives the short journey across the arena stands is because of Naruto’s intensity. She’s _not_ a damsel in distress. She’s just...more brains than brawns...less aggression and more _Zen_. She’s certainly a lot more coolheaded than Naruto, she’ll give herself points for that.

She’s just surprised, is all. Naruto is so nice and sweet 100 percent of the time, it’s hard to wrap her head around the way he’s behaving now. Whatever switch he and Sakura both possess, Ino doesn’t have it. She lacks the same passionate intensity. But she’s not quite like Sasuke, either, who constantly bounces with nervous energy.

_I’m calm. Team Seven is...not._

She and Naruto find their way to Gaara, her standing a safe distance behind him and staying on guard, in case an enemy ninja spots her. Ino observes Gaara and Naruto, pushing the kunai whizzing around her and heat from fire jutsu down below waving up into the stands into the back of her mind, zoning in on the two _Jinchuriki_ before her. Naruto squares off, looking as if nothing in the world could distract him from his task, hands clenched into fists on either side of him, eyes narrowed into slits. Gaara meets his eyes head on, chin tilted up and lip curled into a sneer. Ino takes a stand back. But the moment she disturbs the standstill between Naruto and Gaara, the two of them lunge.

The sand comes out of nowhere, startling Ino into yelping loudly, even though she’s not the target of the attack. She claps a hand down on her mouth and throws herself to the floor, watching the scene before unfold with nauseating fasciation.

Enormous and sudden, waves upon waves of rippling sand crash upon Naruto. He jumps high and escapes the fray with terrifying ease, launching his kunai at Gaara whilst still in the air. Once he lands on the ground Naruto jumps to the right, dodging yet another blast of sand and pushing him a few feet closer to Gaara.

He carries on like this, steadily growing closer and closer to Gaara in a zig-zag pattern, Gaara belligerently striking his hands in the air, sending sand wave after sand wave collapsing after Naruto. The air becomes viscous in a hurry, smoke and sand particles invading the oxygen and polluting Ino’s lungs. She wipes her eyes and squints harshly, switching into an army crawl and creeping closer, trying to keep track of Naruto. She struggles to push forward, keeping her head duck and quickly swiping away her hair from her sweat-slicked forehead. Suddenly and absurdly, she kind of understands why Sakura keeps her hair so short. _Hair is a bitch._

Naruto holds out his hand and charges forward, right, left, right, left, he jumps side-to-side, each time dodging the sand’s clutches, but only barely. Ino squints and coughs through the dust and sand, heat flickering up the side of her face from a destructive fire jutsu down below. Charred flesh briefly overtakes the smell of blood and dust, but Ino doesn’t let the thought distract her, wiping her eyes furiously and crawling closer. She doesn’t want to let Naruto out of her sights, even though he can probably defend himself a lot better than she could defend him, she still feels that when the time is right, she’ll be of use.

Naruto makes it to Gaara, leaping high with his arm still outstretched. Through the blurry smoke Ino can see the light emitting from the great mass of chakra swirling in his outstretched palm, twisting and curving a bright blue. Ino’s shocked gasp turns into a choke from the dust lingering in the air, but the burning in her throat does little to quell her shock. She recognizes that technique. What Naruto’s trying to do should be impossible, the people who can wield that technique are either dead or have been missing for years. He’s trying to use the Fourths personal jutsu, Ino can see it in the determined set of his jaw and the twitching of his fingers. He’s trying to use the—

“RASENGAN!” Naruto’s shout reverberates around the arena, echoing off the walls of the stands. His hand sails through the air, aimed directly at Gaara’s chest. Ino watches the scene unfold in near shock, the swirling blue wind chakra morphing into a sphere clutched in Naruto’s right hand, and the glaring blue of Naruto’s eyes flickering vermillion. Naruto didn’t try to use the Rasengan. _He did it._

Just before the Rasengan makes contact Gaara takes a step back and pushes both his hands in the air, palms mere inches away from Naruto’s face. More importantly, the Rasengan is a breath away from brushing Gaara’s chest, and Ino holds her breath, watching as Naruto starts to take a step forward to finish the job. The moment his toes brush the ground and his weight shifts forward, Naruto is engulfed in sand. From head to toe, in a mere instant, Ino can no longer see Naruto, a thick encasement of sand muffling his attack and rendering him defenseless.

Ino croaks, coughing into her fist, holding her breath in order to catch what happens next. Gaara holds his hand open in the air, and then— _snap._ His fist closes. Ino’s every nerve jumps in panic, her eyes wide and her lips parted. An unnatural whining, moaning sound is heard, like pressure being applied to a great hunk of metal. The ground shakes mildly, upended rocks and dust quivering into the air and bouncing across the floor. She strains her ears, eyes narrowed in confusion. The sand keeps shaking, as does the ground, but this is all that happens. Gaara’s mouth closes and his face darkens.

Gaara snarls, reopening his fist and clenching it, only to be met with the same nothingness as before. He looks down at his hand in utter confusion, observing his own fist as if seeing it for the first time. The moment his attention wavers from Naruto, a great sound like fire erupting out of thin air is heard, causing her heart to leap into her throat. Ino too paralyzed with fear to take cover, to shield her head, to do much of anything but stand in shock. Her natural fight or flight instincts have been scared off.

The hardened sand encasing Naruto from all sides bursts outward, not into the air, but settling instantaneously onto the ground around him, like all the charka holding it afloat has been sucked away, reverting the willful sand back into useless grains. It causes a great whooshing sound, the air dropping and the temperature increasing noticeably. Naruto stands in the middle of the havoc, eyes bleeding vermillion and whiskers as profound as ever. His body burns with viscous red chakra, power oozing from him in waves not dissimilar to Gaara’s sand. The heat he produces is visible in the air, rippling red and giving the entire affair the quality of a mirage. Naruto lets out guttural growl, demonstrating animalistic canines. His flexed arms end in bared claws instead of fists. Yet he’s not unrecognizable. Through the eerie red chakra and animal-liked appearance Ino can still sense Naruto, her friend, her comrade.

She can’t possibly know if Gaara is always like this, or if his siblings have seen him happier. It’s difficult for her to conjure up the image of a happy Gaara, but she doesn’t have to try imagining for long. 

Gaara’s face at first looks frightened, and Ino begins to wonder if maybe he’ll give in, submit to Naruto’s inevitable superiority. Nine against one just isn’t a fair fight. But then Gaara’s features twist into anger, and then, much to Ino’s horror, glee. He eyes light up in a deranged, unnatural way, and his lips stretch from one ear to the other. When Gaara lets out a laugh, the sound is utterly revolting, loud and throaty. He throws his head back and cackles, but his eyes never leave Naruto’s growling face.

Ino presses the back of her hand to her mouth, anxiety setting in. She looks around, beginning to fear the worst for the people of Konoha. If Naruto can cause that kind of explosion without an ounce of effort than what will the two of them do when they actually square off?

“Naruto!” She screeches over the roar of battle below. She’s hardly spared the actual fighting a glance, but she’s now knows how foolish that was of her. At first glance is looks like Sand has the Leaf beat, but then she observes how Genma is effortlessly dominating the battlefield, Gai and Asuma-sensei alongside him. They’ll make it out alive, so long as Naruto and Gaara blow this arena to pieces.

Naruto doesn’t spare her a glance, but he growls when he hears her voice, claw-like fingernails curling inward in distaste. “Naruto!” she tries again, but to no avail.

Ino swears at full volume, but her shrill voice can’t be deciphered over the uproar of the stands. She closes her mouth tightly and grits her teeth, stress weighing down at her.

_Okay._ She thinks dumbly. But what she says out loud is “New plan,” if only to give herself confidence. She looks down at the arena, observing how quickly the tides have turned. Sand and Sound ninja collapse and gurgle on the ground, Konoha ninja standing over them mercilessly. Konoha is winning here, and only Sand would benefit from a sudden Jinchuriki rampage in the middle of Konoha land. Letting Naruto and Gaara loose here is not an option Ino is willing to consider. The best way to get Gaara out of here is not by starting a fight and dragging him away, but by somehow getting him to willingly leave this arena. Switch gears, she thinks, as she is now. She’s switching from paralysis to fight, and she needs Gaara to switch from fight to _flight_. She’ll have to scare Gaara. She’ll have to make him run away, and then Naruto can safely take down Gaara without causing more harm than good.

_But how do you scare someone so untouchable?_

_Well,_ Ino realizes, her lips quirking, _that’s just it._

She tucks a strand of blonde hair behind her ear and army crawls closer to Naruto, fighting the urge to turn tail and run. The power Naruto emits is dangerous and overpowering, and Ino would stake a bet that it’s affecting her coherency. If it’s this hard for her to stop wanting to run away, what is going to kick Gaara into halting this fight? She closes her eyes for the briefest of moments, wishing she didn’t have to reopen them. But Ino knows that opening her eyes now is not a matter of deciding whether or not she wanted to exchange sleeping in for going a day without makeup on. This is a matter of life and death, and she has no right to be prissy about it, to run away from this fight. She opens her eyes, and a plan stares in front of her, an idea more reckless than she’d ever give herself credit for.

She reaches her hand back to her hip and grabs an exploding tag and a kunai, sticking the two of them together with a quick burst of chakra from her fingertips. Ino raises her voice, hoping this time Naruto won’t ignore her. “Get me an opening!” she screeches.

Naruto jumps away from an onslaught of sand, landing firmly in a square stance, ready to doge the next attack at any given moment. Still, he’s confident enough to spare a moment for Ino and glance back at her. He smirks. Ino tries not to feel too frightened by the sharpness of his teeth or pronounced whiskers on his cheeks. Naruto can’t help that he’s utterly terrifying.

Smoke and blood fill Ino’s nostrils as she waits patiently on the floor for an opening, knees aching and debris trapped in her hair and clothes. The arena is utter chaos, and the fighting looks as if it could stretch on for miles. Ino keeps her eyes on the battlefield just long enough to see Asuma-sensei rip his hand into a stranger’s throat before quickly blinking and turning away, separating the image of her sensei and the murderer of a man down in the arena. _War changes people._ Ino had believed it before, but seeing it for herself blurs the line where her usual reality teeters on.

Then, from across the stands, Ino catches sight of a flash of color. Springing from beneath a nearby bench one of Gaara’s siblings suddenly make an appearance, complicating the entire issue. Ino wants to screech in outrage when his sister begins shouting, hair disarrayed and voice desperate. “Gaara, Gaara this isn’t part of the plan!” Temari pleads. Ino’s gut twists, hand tightening on her kunai. Gaara doesn’t give his sister the time of day, pushing his arm up high into the air and summoning another barrage of sand to attack Naruto, who dodges the sand with well-placed bursts of chakra and fanciful footwork. Temari tries again, but then her other brother shows his face, jumping up from beneath the same bench as his sister. He hesitantly moves forward, keeping a safe distance and warning Temari not to get any closer. “Stay back!” he calls, but Temari ignores her brother’s words of wisdom.

“Gaara, you have to listen to me! He’s stronger than you, you can’t beat him!” she goes on, cupping her hands over her mouth and shouting with all the force her lungs and gut can muster. Ino watches the exchange with growing anxiety.

Gaara’s head whips around, a snarl overcoming his features; Ino shivers. In one quick motion he’s sending a blast of chakra filled sand towards Temari, looking purely savage, intent on getting her out of his way and refocusing his rage on Naruto.

The other brother emerges from ducking behind the nearby stands. He straps something onto his hands Ino can’t see, a glimmer of light reflecting off his knuckles, and then he sends his puppet in front of Temari. Temari has her hands across her face in panic, prepared to take the oncoming blow. When no pain comes Temari’s eyes sap open and widen, when instead of her smothering her the Sand wraps around Kankarou’s puppet, suffocating the work of art and reducing it to nothing but splinters. A terrible whistling fills the air, before the sand disperses and returns to Gaara.

Naruto roars and Ino startles, head whipping to the side. She realizes he’s once again wielding a ball of quivering wind chakra in one of his hands, the monstrosity aimed directly at Gaara’s face. His Rasengan glows brilliantly. Gaara’s eyes widen. It’s the first sign of humanity Ino has seen painted across the boys face.

The Rasengan doesn’t land, and Ino doesn’t know how she feels about that. The sand once again bursts upward to protect Gaara’s face, barely halting the Rasengan. For a moment there is an ethereal standstill, where Naruto is pushing forward with all his might to fight through the sand and Gaara is ducked into a corner, summoning layer upon layer of sand to combat Naruto’s assault.

Ino takes her chance, and she launches the kunai forward. The kunai whistles, lost in the sound of the rest of the battle and gone unnoticed by Gaara’s siblings. Kankarou is holding Temari back from trying to save her brother and attack Naruto. Kankarou uselessly shouts about how she’ll only kill herself if she gets between the two of them, but Temari seems to be ignoring him at large, struggling against her brother’s hold and silently fighting with all her might to save Gaara. Of course Ino can’t help but think that Kankarou should know he stands no chance talking Temari out of helping Gaara. He’s currently risking his own life to save his sister’s, putting himself in the midst of two roaring Jinchuriki liable to cause irreparable damage. Yes, Ino thinks, Kankarou should know that love doesn’t cower in the face of death.

But she can’t feel guilty, for what she’s done. She needs Gaara to be afraid.

Her kunai explodes inches before reaching Gaara’s face, and Naruto stumbles forward, his Rasengan sent tumbling into a mess of panicked sand. Ino’s heart beats a mile a minute as she watches Naruto scramble away, kicking at the sand wrapping around his ankles. He creates a safe distance from the sand destruction. When the immediate dust and smoke clears, Temari is still fighting against Kankarou with all her might, and Kankarou has stopped shouting, merely holding tightly onto his sister’s waist.

Gaara looks worse for wear. His head bowed in between in his knees at an odd, unnatural angle. The sand settles despondently around him, swirling at his feet and nudging him gently. For a moment the entire clearing doesn’t make a sound, unwilling to believe or unable to comprehend the death of Gaara of the Sand. But then, Ino watches with growing trepidation as a layer of Gaara’s skin peels away, crackling and leaving gaping black holes in its wake. His face looks the craters of the moon, his bare feet digging into the sand and curling. The explosion kicked off Gaara’s sandals, and tore a hole through the back of his shirt. Now his clothes hang loosely on his shoulders, and his bangs turn in knots. He doesn’t look like the same composed enemy as before. Now he just looks like a child.

“Gaara’s ultimate defense...” Kankarou murmurs into the silence, looking numb with shock.

Having heard his brother speak his name, Gaara looks up. His shoulders shake as his grin crumbles into sand grains, opening up to reveal a look of utter shock underneath the shield warped along his face. _He keeps a layer of sand on his skin?_

“Holy shit.” Naruto breathes, looking at Gaara with an indiscernible expression.

_How do you scare the untouchable?_

_By proving they aren’t._

Gaara runs.

None of them move as they stare off to the spot Gaara sprinted off to, shock dulling their senses. Temari is the first to snap out of her stupor, glancing over at Naruto and Ino with a fierce glare before wrenching away from her brother’s slackened grip and chasing after Gaara. Ino slowly sits up, eyes trailing after Temari as she rushes down the balcony aisle and straight for the exit, pounding down the staircase.

Kankarou jumps up defensively, eyes blinking in a way akin to a curious owl. He looks over at them with extreme caution, and Ino realizes he’s weaponless. He’d lost his puppet in order to save his sister.

Before she can tell him to go, chase after Temari and Gaara because neither she nor Naruto plan on stopping him, an explosion shakes the ground. Kankarou smashes against the floor with a winded “ _oof_ ” and Naruto barely remains sitting up, his body jerking. Ino feels the pain before she realizes that her nose has smacked against the linoleum.

People all across the arena fall to the floor or stumble, looking around themselves in obvious confusion; even the enemies look disoriented, caught off guard by the sudden and dramatic earthquake that has rocked the entire arena. She looks to Kankarou, but not even the Kazekage’s son appears to understand what has happened, looking towards the distance in alarm. “Was that Gaara?” he wonders.

Naruto shakes his head, slowly rising, coughing into his hand. Seeing Naruto cough makes Ino do the same, feeling as if a hundred sand grains have lodged themselves in her throat. “No way. I would’ve felt his chakra.” Naruto states with conviction.

Just as Ino’s standing up a second explosion sends her sprawling to the ground, and a distinctive ringing fills her ears. She feels like gravity has collapsed upon her, the Earth itself shaking and quivering. Her heart leaps into her throat. She waits a minute before standing up this time, wondering if someone is bombing the arena, and if they should be running instead of hitting the floor as they are.

The rumbling stops only for a minute before booming again, crackling like thunder and settling upon the entire stadium like a blanket of fear. She can feel the buzz of fear within her comrades and her enemies without having to see it, knowing that all of them are fearful of the same outcome. That this entire situation is a trap, that they’re all about to be reduced to smithereens, to a percent on a death toll. This time Ino stays on her feet, squaring her stance and preparing herself to break into a sprint and order Naruto and Kankarou to do the same. She doesn’t know why Kankarou has been thrown in the mix of their group, but she does know that there was something far too humane in the way he and his sister tried to save Gaara. It’d be cruel of Ino to treat him like an enemy, when he hasn’t done a single thing to personally offend them. His village’s actions don’t reflect Kankarou’s behavior. 

Ino snivels, wiping her palm across her nose. She takes a few calming breaths, catching her bearings, and Naruto and Kankarou begin to do the same. Naruto stands up fully, and after a moment, offers a hesitant hand to Kankarou. He’s shaky, Ino realizes, and he’s cradling his foot with a tentativeness that speaks of injury. Upon closer inspection she sees that a piece of shrapnel has lodged itself in the side of Kankarou’s ankle. “Yowch.” Naruto says as Kankarou clasps his hand, gratefully accepting the offer. He stands gingerly, balancing on his hurt foot with hesitance and then confidence.

Ino cracks a smile at Naruto’s ability to put Kankarou at ease, at his genuineness that simply can’t be mistaken for foul play. But her eyes go horrifically wide and her jaw turns loose, when she spots danger creeping upon them. Behind Kankarou is a Sound ninja, his hands flying through a series of signs she recognizes as a water jutsu. “Watch out!” she cries out, knowing she’s not near close enough to the Sound ninja to stop him from attacking.

Naruto goes on high alert, reestablishing his grip on Kankarou and pushing the boy out of harm’s way. Kankarou tilts sideways, his hurt foot spasming. Ino can’t help it. She squeezes her eyes shut, unwilling to witness the conclusion of this situation.

But then she hears a soft, dull thump, and when she hurriedly snaps her eyes open she’s met with Naruto and Kankarou staring in confusion at a Sand kunoichi, the body of the Sound ninja beneath her. Kankarou is on the floor, the only injury retained a sore butt bone.

The Sand Kunoichi waves her hand at them, tucking away her kunai.“You kids alright?” she wonders, her voice deep and maternal, her arms littered with tattoos, and her lips pursed in concern. Her appearance makes all of them drop their guard, look upon her for an explanation.

“We’re okay, I think.” Ino offers, standing up and dusting herself off, beginning to notice the drag in the battle around them. The Sand ninja smiles at her.

“Good.” She wastes not a moment to get down to business, however. “You, from Sand,” she points at Kankarou, clearly having no idea she’s addressing her Kazekage’s son. “Our asshole _leader_ just blew up an entire civilian distract. You felt the earth shake, didn’t you? Yeah well, the kids in that town sure did. Three _fucking_ times.”

Ino isn’t really aware of the buzz in her own ears, or the shaking of her own hands. Instead she focuses her attention on the way Naruto goes stock still and Kankarou’s back squares, hurt but unsurprised. She can’t address her own feelings at the moment, because her body instantly recognizes that other people are in _pain_ and they need her _help_ , that Kankarou looks ready to blow off his own father’s head, and Naruto looks as if he’s one shove away from going full fox.

The woman says nothing more, as helpful as she is, before disappearing back into the fray, jumping down with her fellow soldiers with finishing off the last of the Sound ninja.

Kankarou’s face goes stone cold. Ino moves to ask him _are you okay?_ but stops herself, because the question seems redundant. Instead Ino rushes over to both boys and grabs the back of their shirts, tugging them towards the exit. “C’mon.” Ino urges. “We have to catch up to Temari and Gaara.”

Kankarou exhales bitterly before nodding, and Naruto simply starts running, she and Kankarou not far behind. It’s clear Kankarou’s foot still hurts, and Naruto’s shaken up from the news, but Ino knows that all three of them have more immediate problems to face.

And none of them have to say a single word to know that they’re in this together _._

\------

Neji remembers the only time his thoughts had teetered dangerously towards actions.

Thinking back to that day feels like trying to recall a hazy dream.

It’d been the spring after graduation, before he’d really gotten to know his Genin team, and before he and Hinata had reconciled their friendship. The previous hustle and bustle of Academy finals ended crisply, so there were no more distractions for Neji to turn to whenever he felt particularly low. The hours wasted proving himself time and again to be a faithful student were reduced to bittersweet memories, and all four years spent huddled in a bathroom stall instead of facing the horrors of the cafeteria were forever branded as regrets. Back then his attitude was dreadful, and his outlook on life was more cynical and wrought with hopelessness than the brink of a battle lost.

The decision itself was pretty nontraditional. It wasn’t compulsive or sudden, and there wasn’t a particular trigger that sent him tumbling off the edge of sanity. It was an average day, with Lee screaming in his ear and Tenten juggling between defending him and secretly wishing Neji would slip-up, just once. She thought she was clever about her prejudice but it was obvious to Neji that nothing would give Tenten more pleasure than watching Lee beat him, just once. He almost felt bad enough about it to let Lee win. But that would teach Lee nothing, and Neji was too prideful to give up his well-earned undefeated status for the sake of feeding Lee’s ego. He’d never really thought about the consequences of allowing Lee to feed his.

The night was cold when he got home. Neji had spent yet another lunch sitting lonesome, drowning in his own sorrow, feeling so numb and cold that not even a bucket of ice could’ve shocked him out of his state. He hadn’t known numb would be like a prison, when he’d originally decided to stop feeling things. Everything around him had hurt too much. He’d been too focused on perfect grades and saying the right thing, there wasn’t any time for friends. The friends he did have were never smart enough or nice enough or, they just didn’t understand Neji. They wanted Neji to exist quietly amongst their group and chime in only when invited. Neji had enough of being sidelined when he was at home. He didn’t need the feeling at school, too. But it was painful, to be alone all the time, to speak and never be heard or be dismissed and ignored. So he’d decided he didn’t care. He didn’t care if he had friends or not, and once he realized how much easier the numbness was, it had gradually taken over other aspects of his life.

He didn’t care if he looked like a know-it-all when he answered the teachers questions three times in a row. He didn’t care his that aunt and uncle uninvited him from dinner so they could have quality family time with their daughters. He didn’t care when Lee and Tenten went out for food after training and didn’t even bother inviting him. He didn’t care when Gai-sensei told him he was spoiled and needed to right his attitude. He didn’t care that Sasuke hadn’t talked to him in months, that Hinata was living her own life and no longer had time to deal with him, that his very life itself was closing in and becoming an inescapable nothingness. If he expected nothing, he would never be disappointed.

He didn’t care, and so long as he didn’t care, he was numb. The number he got the more distant he became, until that cold, average night, where he’d decided he was through with it all. He’d thought about it enough times to know exactly when to commit the act, but he’d never considered his thoughts dangerous until that day. After all, they’d only been thoughts, a childlike day dream of sorts; something to fall back on whenever he needed a semblance of control over his life. 

Directly after dinner when Hinata and Hanabi went off in the living room to quietly discuss their day and his guardians crept away to have a little together time, he’d made his move. He’d locked his bedroom door, and instead of grabbing a text book and studying as he’d usually do, he’d walked into his personal bathroom and locked that door, too.

Then he’d turned on the shower, scalding hot. He hadn’t gotten under it, but he’d simply been curious what a scalding hot shower would feel like. He’d never tried turning it all the way before, he’d never been curious enough to try lots of things, too uncaring to feel wonder. Neji remembers the next part with very little clarity, finding the knife and stripped off his jacket and pants. He doesn’t remember sitting down on the title and leaning against the drywall, bare skin shivering, and he can’t quite remember whether or not he’d been happy or distressed with his decision.

Despite all of the holes in his memory, Neji distinctly recalls the cold feeling of the blade pressing against his wrist, the blade vibrating with each frantic jump of his pulse. Whether he was feeling anticipation or terror Neij will never know. His memory is just that...blank about the whole topic. They say depression causes memory loss. Neji never would’ve believed it had he not experienced the phenomenon for himself. The only way he could describe the saddening loss of what should’ve been precious childhood memories is...he felt so blank, so uncaring to the world around him, his mind hadn’t bothered to store the memories. His brain considered the memories as useless as Neji felt in the moment.

He’d come so close to dying. It would’ve been extremely easy. He’d cut himself before, once, as an experiment, a test of willpower. He’d done it right across his thighs and taken mild pleasure when he’d hidden the wound and not a soul had noticed his act of self-harm. It meant he could kill himself, if he really wanted to, and it gave him a sick sense of control in a life lacking free-will.

They say suicide is genetic. His uncle says his father sacrificed himself, but Neji know the truth.

Yet sitting on that bathroom floor, pressing the metal to the skin of his wrist, Neji hadn’t felt very controlled. He’d felt lost and broken, like he’d spent years and years fighting an invisible force telling him to give up and winning, only to well and truly break down and lose. The numbness was still there, and when he thought of the his aunt knocking on his door the next morning and asking him _how on earth he’d slept so late,_ he hadn’t felt anything but a deep sense of satisfaction at not having to listen to her nagging. He hadn’t been scared of hurting his family.

Today, that’s what scares Neji the most. That’s what forced Neji to change, to decide to start feeling things again. He wasn’t any better than a villain if he couldn’t find it within his heart to care about other people. Sometimes he still slips away and convinces himself it’s quite easier to be numb, but most of the time Neji remembers that feeling things is what makes him human. But his lack of empathy wasn’t what stopped Neji from killing himself; it might’ve caused a massive change within him after the fact, but it hadn’t been what stayed his blade.

Then he remembers wondering if he had any unfinished business before leaving the earth and all of its tragedies behind. He’d mulled the thought over in his head until he’d thought up leaving a note, a list of reasons why he wanted to kill himself. In the end he’d seen his so-called list as nothing but excuses, and had forgone putting them to paper. This was the next moment that forever changed him. Much later he would decide that from then and forevermore it was his personal rule that if he couldn’t write the reason down on paper and still see the rationale behind it, then it wasn’t a reason at all, but an excuse for his unjust feelings. But it wasn’t this strange understanding of his own cowardice that stopped him from finishing what he’d set out to do.

Time ticked by and Neji still sat with that blade pressed to his skin, teetering on a permanent decision, the only permanence of life: death.

Then his mind had drifted to Hinata, all the harsh things he’d ever said to her that’d never be able to make up for, that he’d never even apologized for. The same happened with Lee and Tenten, and all the anger he’d felt at being ignored by them vaporized into nothing. When death was so close to him it was easy to see all of his own shortcomings; Neji spent all of his life blaming other people for the things he felt and saw, but sitting there, about to be the only person to blame for his own death, it was easy to look back and see the other side of things. His aunt and uncle never tried to leave him out, they only wanted to spend time with their daughters. He’d never given anyone at school a chance to know him, hidden behind a hundred emotional walls and always acting as if he were above others. He could’ve spent his lunches getting to know people but instead he’d given up, hiding away in the bathroom stalls and blaming the world for making him feel afraid. Yet this realization was not to blame for why Neji didn’t kill himself. This realization indeed irrevocably altered his way of thinking. From then on Neji bit his tongue before snapping sharply at someone, thinking to himself how he would feel if someone were to say something as cruel as that to him. From then on he’d taken a step back and forced himself to see the world through other people’s eyes instead of foolishly believing himself to be all seeing.

In the end, Neji had no idea why he’d dropped the blade to the ground and turned off the shower, chucking his shoes aside and crying himself to sleep. He doesn’t know why he didn’t do it, what unknown force stopped him from committing the ultimate act of permanence.

But he does know that he’d stopped, and he’d wanted to stop. Now, whenever Neji thinks of killing himself, he thinks back to that moment, and reminds himself that even after hitting rock bottom, he still managed to find a reason worth living for, whatever it may have been. If even the saddest version of himself was strong enough to continue living, then Neji had every reason to push on, if only until he discovered why he’d decided to continue living in the first place.

Still, he was endlessly curious. _Why didn’t I just end it all? What stopped me?_

Neji doubts that he’ll ever find out, back then. He knows his reasons for continuing on nowadays, though. Whenever he gets low he counts them down in whatever order comes to him. Hinata, usually his very first priority, and all the times he could still protect her, keep her safe. His team, Gai, Lee, Tenten, Sasuke, his uncle and aunt who’ve already lost so many family members, mornings spent drinking tea, sleeping late, waking up early, and saving his cash to buy a brand new weapon set designed for chakra to run through the blades. The homeless puppy he feeds on his way to training, the feeling of success after training, the feeling of love, of hope, of happiness, and even the feeling of sadness. Life is a reason in and of itself to keep on living, and yet some days the voices are too loud and the pain is too unbearable. Despite all that he’s learned and all that he’s always known, Neji can’t always fight the battle by himself.

He confides in poetry.

Neji has never been a connoisseur of the arts, never quite understanding the elegance some found in an interpretive painting of paint splotches and brush strokes. He’s always chalked up art to an activity indulged in by those who had nothing but time to waste, designed for the pleasure of snobby nobles who wanted to look sophisticated and talented; a past time for those with nothing better to do than to gaze at statues and paintings with a wine glass in hand. But he’s learned over the years that there is a certain talent and beauty to art, and it’s a brave act indeed for artists to share their work in such public manners. Neji’s never had the guts to share his love for poetry with anyone, let alone share the poems he authored himself. He wasn’t particular shy, just worried that sharing his love for poetry might devalue his affections.

He’d first become fascinated with poetry when he discovered Sylvia Plath, a woman who’s poems sparked Neji’s passionate relationship with poetry. Poe, Dickenson, Cummings, and so many more authors, both famous and unknown, have inspired Neji to make it to today. He’s never spoken of his love for poetry, of the notebook he hides underneath his mattress brimming with drafts and rhymes, for fear of the rebuke that would surely come. He has a reputation to uphold, after all, and he would hate for his friends and family to think less of him. 

The point is he has a distinct feeling that if he ends up surviving this invasion after all, he’ll be revisiting that hidden notebook and filling the pages to the brim with new poetry, poetry depicting this horrific day in gruesome, satisfying detail.

Another thing Neji would never admit out loud is that he’s quite a _worrier._ Today has reduced him to exercising a coping mechanism he usually only exerts on days he’s stared at a pill bottle for too long or observed his kunai knives with a little too much fasciation. List compiling is Neji’s go-to coping mechanism.

So, Neji quietly compiles a list of reasons that today will go down in history as the most worrying and terrifying experience he’s ever endured, replacing the day of his father’s death without contest.

The list goes like this: he has yet to discover the whereabouts of one of his only friends, Sasuke; Hinata is being overtly, intentionally reckless; Suna has auspiciously broken the only peace treaty it has ever participated in, which has officially ended after no more than a decade of relative courtesy between signees; and worst of all, Uzumaki Naruto and Subaku no Gaara are running completely rampant with no regard for environmental life.

It’s an issue, and Neji would claim he was working to absolve the matters at hand, but really, Hinata has utter control over where he is and if she wants to help Naruto and Gaara then Neji must follow suit. However, Neji is a stone-cold and proud pessimist, and he believes whole heartedly they stand not a single chance against either demonic Genin. It seems his problems cannot lesson. They simply continue compiling the longer Hinata insists she attempt to stop the ongoing rampage.

If it wasn’t for the fact he had three absurd women surrounding him, arguing amongst themselves over the best course of action to take in regards to halting the mass destruction being caused by the Jinchuriki, Neji would be just fine accepting his inevitable demise. Alas, he has four useless imbeciles to save from their own idiocy.

He has yet to join their pointless discussion, mostly because he disagrees with all of them, for even the fourth imbecile known as Kankarou believes that Gaara and Naruto can indeed be gently brought down from their demonic states.

He personally believes that Naruto and Gaara aren’t currently posing a threat to the Leaf Village and therefore should be left alone. But no one ever listens to Neji. He’s just a branch member, after all, the man behind the woman, an ironic paradox of societal standards.

Besides, similar to Neji’s friends, tailed demons don’t listen to reason. They don’t listen to anybody.

Yet here Neji crouches, crowded upon a wide tree branch and listening to the four Genin around him squabble like toddlers. It’s time like these Neji wishes for Sasuke the most; a fellow weary old man at heart. Alright, that may be an exaggeration, but Neji is getting tired of the absurd levels of immaturity he has to face every day! Neji knows he has much to learn, that he obviously doesn’t have life figured out, but he’s certainly more adjusted than most, especially these four who he’s begun to refer to as the Great Imbecile Quartet.

He’s been listening to them argue for so long he’s had time to come up a name for them! That alone should prove how exasperated Neji has become.

The useless whisper shouts begin to rise in volume, Ino attempting to talk over Temari and Kankarou and Hinata squabbling to regain peace. Neji grits his teeth, each word out of their mouths like a needle pricking his eardrum again and again. His teeth grind together with a vengeance until Neji can’t take it anymore, until he feels he may implode from his silent observations.

Yet Neji remains dutifully silent, quiet, invisible, as he’s always been taught to behave.

An explosion racks the ground, but the Great Imbecile Quartet has become so used to the after effects of Naruto and Gaara’s battle they ignore the earth quake entirely. However Neji knows better than to dismiss even something as casual as a misplaced leaf on an autumn day. He’d never dismiss an explosion. 

His head whips around, Byakugan blaring. With a task to focus on Neji calms down significantly, trying to distance himself from the arguments occurring around him. It’s hard for him to allow their squabbling to continue instead of butting in. “Shit.” He mutters under his breath, unnoticed by the other present parties.

In the distance he spots a swarm of enemy ninja heading their way, chasing after a much smaller signature that fluctuates with panic. He glances at Hinata, knowing he’s legally bound to stay by her side, so he’s no help to the poor soul being chased right into a death trap. “Hinata-sama.” He tries, but she doesn’t even hear him, engrossed in quietly dismissing Ino’s plan, arguing the dangerousness of her ploy.

“Hinata-sama.” He says once more, this time catching her attention. She turns her head to him, mildly irritated and huffy.

“W-what, Neji-nii?”

Neji swallows, glancing in the distance. “We have company.” He declares.

Hinata glances in the direction he’s inclined his head towards, her squinted eyes widening instantly. Of course, it is only when Hinata personally relays the information of enemy combatants to the rest of the group that they react properly, jumping to their feet and readying their weapons. Neji could scream in frustration. Unheard, unseen, supportive at Hinata’s side; he may as well be invisible, for all the difference it would make.

Most days, Neji really hates his life. But on days like these, his life is nearly unbearable.

For a moment everyone argues over who should rush over to help the fleeing chakra signature, despite the answer being absurdly obvious. Neji cannot go without taking Hinata with him, so that rules out the two of them. The Leaf ninja present do not even remotely trust invasive Suna ninja, despite calling a temporary cease fire in order to handle their shared Jinchuriki problem. Which means that the only logical decision would be to send Ino after the fleeing signature; Neji could have told them all this the moment he noticed the chakra presence, and yet it takes all four of their moronic brains to come up with the same solution and send Ino out after the signature. He huffs, hesitating before creeping an inch away from Hinata, peering around the tree they’ve hidden behind to catch sight of Naruto and Gaara’s current situation.

He grits his teeth at the new outlook.

Nearly an hour earlier, Neji found himself following Hinata as she barreled head first into a wreck of a situation, stumbling across the horrifying sight of Subaku no Gaara in half-demon transformation. Hinata had gasped at the outrageousness of Gaara harming his own sister, who was desperately jumping away from his sand attacks and pleading for him to relax. Naruto was actively attempting to help her, even with his red eyes and defined whiskers, fingers curled into claws. Upon seeing them Naruto had sharply ordered Neji to get Temari, the Suna kunoichi, out of harm’s way. Neji, impressed with Naruto’s quick-minded authority had listened without question, leaping through waves of Sand and choking as the grains stuck to his eyes and weighed down his clothes. He’d managed to smuggle Temari into his arms, despite her kicking and scratching at his him in hysterical worry for her younger brother.

She’d continued screeching with rage all the way until Neji pulled them away from immediate danger, hidden behind a large tree on a wide branch. He’d realized with a start he’d lost Hinata, but he couldn’t very well let go of the still violently struggling Temari. He’d tightened his grip and clenched his eyes closed, praying Hinata would make it out of the thicket of swarming chakra and sand. His arms were bleeding from all the nail marks Temari left on his arms, cuts and bruises she never apologized for. Neji wasn’t too upset with her, of course, he’d be worse in a situation where Hinata was in peril.

He was more than surprised when Hinata appeared by his side looking perfectly disheveled, yet unharmed. “Neji,” she’d said sharply, shoulder’s squaring, “Give her here, you’ve got to go get the other one!”

He’d had not a clue what Hinata meant by the other one, but it was fairly easy to interpret that someone else was trapped in the middle of Naruto and Gaara’s battle. Hinata rarely directly ordered him to do things, understanding how he was legally bound to obey everything she asked of him. But in that moment her voice brooked no arguments, and so he was forced to shove the screeching Temari into Hinata’s arms and rejoin the fray, scavenging for what felt like eternity through the Sand to find the other poor soul Hinata had noticed. If he was someone else it would’ve been an impossible task, but his Byakugan guided him to the boy who’d later introduced himself as Kankarou. He wasn’t hysterical like Temari, rather he was in great danger, only barley conscious and weakly coughing on the sand filling his lungs. As a Suna shinobi he was used to sand storms, so Neji knew instantly that something must’ve been very wrong. His assumptions were confirmed when he’d seen how limp Kankarou’s hands appeared, bloodied and limp.

He was gagging in pain when Neji grabbed him underneath the shoulders and supported him, what was left of the bright red skin on his hands littered with sand grains. He’d wheezed weakly, and when Neji asked him if he could stand, he’d thrown up on Neji’s shoes, pain and dizziness catching up to him. Kankarou collapsed in his arms, dizzy and feverish, and Neji had no choice to carry him back through the Sand storm towards Hinata. It would’ve been faster to exit the sandstorm in a different direction, but he swore to stay by Hinata’s side. He needed to find her again. Neji was an asshole on a good day, but his moral code was strong. He’d never leave someone in need behind, which meant he was stuck with Kankarou.

But yet he couldn’t help looking into Kankarou’s pained eyes and wandering whether or not saving his life was truly mercy.

Neji would be so hateful, if someone were to save his life when in similar state.

But not everyone was Neji, with longing stares at Adderall and knives, so he’d dragged Kankarou through the sandstorm, panting with exertion. By the time he struggled his way back to Hinata, Temari was calmed, shaking and crying quietly. He’d deposited Kankarou next to them, collapsing in a heap of exhaustion.

That’s about the time Ino Yamanaka made herself known, not a hair displaced on her head and looking quite out of the ordinary compared to the rest of them and their scrapes and bruises. She’d taken one look at all of them and practically crooned, inquiring about their health in a tone of voice that made it seem like she actually cared about their answer, Suna ninja included. Ino Yamanka was so strange in that way, in the way that when she asked _what’s wrong_ it didn’t sound empty or cliché like it did with other people. Kankarou, wheezing and nearing unconsciousness with bloody meshes of flesh instead of hands, had taken one look at her and declared, “You guys need to run. Leave me and _get out_.” 

And that’s how the arguments arose, Hinata protesting leaving Naruto to the mercy of Gaara and Ino protesting leaving Kankarou to die. Ino went so far as to accuse the two siblings of being brash for rushing in to help their brother. Temari wiped her tears and rid herself of her state, rising to wobbly knees and spitting back at Ino that she _couldn’t simply watch her brother destroy himself_.

Neji spaced out after the arguing continued on, all parties needlessly explaining their stories and situations. Neji was not even remotely curious as to the rational the three had for chasing two Jinchuriki deep into the forest, yet they decided to share their oh-so riveting tales anyhow. Neji had wished the entire time he could grab each and every one of them and shake them violently by the shoulders, but he’d not dare give in to the urge. Instead he’d listened to Ino’s reasoning for following Naruto, stating that it was the most logical choice in case Naruto needed her assistance, as well as the belief that Sakura’s first instinct would be to find Naruto, and Shikamaru would be highly unlikely to separate himself from his comrade, so she’d find him as well. At least, that’s what Neji gathered from her frequently interrupted statements courtesy of two stubborn Sand siblings.

The Sand sibling’s story was much more straightforward. Temari had seen her brother run off into the forest and followed him out of sisterly instinct, and Kankarou had done the same to Temari with the same reasoning.

Now Neji peers around the tree branch with his Byakugan blaring. Kankarou’s hands have been wrapped by his sister, and someone has finally gotten the boy a wet towel to drape across his feverish forehead. Hinata is more alert than before, ready to launch into action at any given moment. Temari is calm, Ino is off saving the poor soul being chased, and Neji can finally, finally focus.

Miraculously, Naruto has not transformed into his demon form. Only Gaara has reached such a state, his beastly body reaching up into the sky and growling so loud it could be mistaken for thunder. Naruto has introduced a massive toad summon to the battlefield, nearly reaching the same size as the demon across from him. Naruto has much better control of the Nine-tails than Gaara has of the One-tails, and this is proven by Naruto’s mildly enhanced fox like features instead of Gaara’s complete possession.

Temari won’t soon leave either of her brother’s, so having her carry Kankarou to a medic or having a Leaf ninja carry Kankarou to a medic won’t work. Hinata is dead set on helping minimize the damage caused by Naruto, and Ino wants to find her two teammates and Sakura, whom she lost when the invasion began. Nobody here has the proper mindset for dealing with Jinchuriki, and so long as Naruto prioritizes keeping his own demon under control, he won’t stand a chance against Gaara. Neji practices taijutsu, so it’s not as if he’s fit for blindly throwing himself into the fray, and that’s ignoring the fact he can hardly leave Hinata alone.

He searches deep within himself for an accumulation of wise souls, imagining some sort of combination between his mother’s, Sasuke’s, and Gai’s voices. Imagining what they would do in a time like this.

_We’re all stuck here_ , he realizes, _as sitting ducks too stubborn to accomplish anything._ If one of them doesn’t soon bend their own personal agenda at least a little, if they can’t compromise, than there’s no hope to move forward. Worst case scenario; Temari will die protecting Kankarou, Kankarou will die from his wounds, he and Hinata will die when either the demons act recklessly or someone looking for the Hyuga heiress comes along, and Ino will die desperately searching for her comrades.

That’s...that’s a pretty bad worst case scenario.

_Someone has to bend. It won’t be Hinata, it won’t be the Sand siblings, and Ino, perhaps his best asset, just sent herself off to save some idiot’s ass who’s leading a group of enemy ninja towards us._

_Neji_ have to bend.

_But can I? Am I willing to?_

_I’m not a child anymore. I can’t hide from the monsters by crawling underneath my bed sheets and waiting for tomorrow to come forth._

There’s not really any part of his childhood that stands unbroken in the face of reality. Why not go ahead and throw away his adulthood, too.

Yes, well, Neji’s learned there’s no comfort in life, only sorrow, and the un-willfulness and eventual defeat to succumb to restrictions. If the worst case scenario is everyone dying, then maybe the best case scenario is all of them surviving and Neji getting his ass kicked for not keeping by Hinata’s side.

It’s not his only choice, but it may as well be, for all the good that will come of the outcomes otherwise. Wretchedly, he is reminded of the words that paused him the first time he read it in the midst of a gloomy night, rendered him speechless for a good long while until he was no longer floundering but marveling at the rawness of the writing Sylvia Plath managed to achieve. She truly was a woman, a civilian, capable of tapping into the soul itself. She always spoke of feeling trapped to the confines of her own mind, her own depression.

Neji has to agree with Sylvia Plath’s many musings. There’s something unearthly about the want for everything to stop moving as quickly as it comes. It’s a paradox of a feeling, wanting to be surrounded by loved ones yet be free of all judgment, a sort of judgment that is only perceived because Neji believes the judgment to exist. It is wanting so desperately to be isolated from the world around him, yet fearing more than anything a lifetime of loneliness and rejection. It’s not particularly death Neji is after, but he is after the death of something inside of himself or perhaps in the world around him. He’s waiting for the day he will be able to walk out of his four cornered shell and take a deep, uninterrupted breath. As it is, he is still trapped in the confines of something unidentifiable.

“Hinata, you need to take Kankarou and find him a medic.” He turns to her, his eyes firm.

And here Neji is, trying beyond his best effort to keep his friends alive. What a strange place the world is, what a curious thing to believe that meaning can be found in something as abundant as existence. Yet, yet, yet, here he is all the same, no different from the rest of everyone who fights to win simply because they were told to forfeit.

Hinata gives him a wide-eyed stare, her lips parted in shock as she continues on gaping at him like a goldfish. Neji goes about ignoring her well-merited shock, too stubborn to admit that Hinata had every right to her reservations. He unsheathes a kunai from his waist and stands straight and true, reluctant to allow even an ounce of hesitation to tear at the wall of determination being steadily built within in his mind. Neji isn’t sure whether or not he’s relieved when Hinata snaps out of her daze. She turns to him with fiery eyes, readying herself up to protest his logic and argue to stay by his side.

Neji hears Temari make an uncomfortable sound, reaching over and grabbing her brother’s hand. In a way he can understand both of their fears, but logic has always won Neji over. He’s a perfectly reasonable person and it’s quite possible for his opinion to be swayed by the right deliberations.

Temari and Hinata don’t really seem like their opinions are going to be easily changed. Their stances are as bullheaded as any heiress Neji knows. It makes him rethink what he’d believed before. If the two of them were pigheaded rather than bullheaded they’d currently be much easier to handle. But then they’d be stupid, and Neji loathes nothing more than stupid people.

Difficult to handle it is.

“I’m right.” He declares, hoping to end this discussion before it even begins.

Hinata coughs, affronted, and Temari pulls Kankarou closer to her. Neji purses his lips together as silence descends upon them. He nods silently to himself, looking around for an escape route. Just as he’s about to assume they’ve decided to listen to him Hinata plants herself directly in front of him, her own lips pursed and her eyebrows knitted together. “ _Neji_.” She hisses.

Neji watches her warily. If she says the word, his plan crumbles to pieces.

Hinata surprises him, seizing him by the shoulders in a quick vice-hug. She squeezes his everything, encompassing him in the smell of her shampoo and the coolness of her hands through his sweaty shirt. He can feel her desperation to convey affection, to convey a statement shared between them that neither wishes to voice aloud.

She pulls away and Neji smiles at her. His smile, as rare as it comes, is always genuine, small, as gentle of an expression as he can muster.

Temari interrupts them by lifting her brother onto her back and approaching Hinata with a ferocious glare. “Take care of him, okay? I know we don’t know each other but...I have no choice but to trust you with him.” she looks hesitant, but Hinata nods seriously, her eyes narrowing with determination.

“Y-You can count on m-me.” She reassures her, gracefully accepting Kankarou’s heavy weight onto her shoulders, wincing. “...mph. What does your brother eat?” she mutters, squeezing her eyes shut tightly and moaning weakly in exertion.

Temari’s laughter rings pleasantly in the air for the briefest of moments, before Hinata’s is jumping away and rapidly burning through her chakra reserves in order to accommodate for Kankarou’s dead weight.

Neji heaves a sigh. He watches Hinata rush away in a hurry to the rhythm of an inaudible tune, the musicality that is unique to war and death. When Hinata disappears she takes the music with her, leaving Neji with a devastating silence, despite the thundering booms resounding from Naruto and Gaara’s continued battle.

_(“The silence depressed me. It wasn’t the silence of silence. It was my own silence.” And Neji couldn’t agree with Sylvia Plath more.)_

Silence can be consuming at times. Other times, it can be clarifying. Neji’s not sure which kind of silence he’s experiencing at the moment, but the feeling is sorrowful and the hope in his chest dwindles like a dying flame. He’s never been much of a fire person, being ever a wet match, holding so much power and drowning in suppression. He doesn’t want Hinata to ever feel as he did growing up. If there is one thing he is sure of, it’s that change is possible, and he’ll see to it himself.

Neji turns to Temari, taking a deep, shaky breath. He’s about to ask her, _are you ready?_ —which could mean a hundred different things and come out as a hundred different outcomes. Temari can see the almost-question in his eyes, the way she stands taller and presses her thumb to her pulse to will her sporadic breathing into submission.

Only thing is, the two of them are interrupted from their determined thinking, not by Ino and the person she’s saving who are battling just a few hundred meters away, but by a different force. The presence is massively off the charts. Neji’s Byakugan has never seen such a malicious presence, and the peculiar stink of rotten fish permeates the forest air.

He turns to Temari and swallows down his old words, wracking his brain to conjure up a new generic phrase that will hopefully be enough to push them through this battle. When his brain comes up empty of ideas he forgoes encouragement and sticks to his usual, blunt self. “Don’t die. I don’t want your death on my conscious.”

Temari raises both eyebrows, looking only vaguely concerned. “What now?”

Neji turns away from her, hand hovering over his kunai pouch. “Get Naruto and Gaara as far away from here as possible.” He orders shortly, eyes narrowing at the scene ahead of him. “I’m going to try to hold off this enemy up here—if you can, lead Ino away from this clearing as well. There’s a terrible chakra mass approaching us at an inhumane pace. The only reason someone that strong would be approaching this clearing...” he trails off, watching Temari’s eyes widen in fear before narrowing with resolve.

“Shit.” She hisses, sparing him a glance as she turns to face her brother and Naruto, her hand shaking as it clutches the fan strapped across her back. “They’re after my brother.”

He nods to himself, cracking his neck and steadying his beating heart. “That would be a fair assumption.” He confirms.

With one last deep breath, Neji lunges into the forest, heading directly for the approaching enemy.

He practically floats through the trees as he runs, hardly aware of his own harsh panting and the tiny aches and sores rubbing at his joints. The further away he catches the enemy, the longer time he gives his friends to stall. He wonders for an instant if they too think of themselves as Neji’s friends, or if their extroverted nature gives them so many friends they see him as only an acquaintance. But Neji doesn’t make friends easily, and so he’s been silently considering Ino to be one of his only friends for quite some time now. It doesn’t matter to him either way, but it would look quite foolish if he referred to them as his friends right to their face only for them to give him an awkward stare and uncomfortable laugh. At least he knows Hinata thinks of him as her friend, even if her opinion of him may be skewed out of his favor for all the times she’s seem him behave in ungainly ways.

Neji’s never thought of himself as superior to others in any way, but he does retain a certain reputation of goodness that he’s admittedly proud of. His reputation of goodness stretches so far and wide that even when he and Hinata essentially rejected their own clan’s tradition in the middle of a highly public exam, no one batted an unpleasant eye, accepting the act as an act of love and nothing else. He’s always been able to uphold a fair reputation because he’s always been infinitely more mature than other children his age. It doesn’t help he only hangs around kids who are even younger than him, for even when Neji is with Tenten or Lee he can sense the difference between their maturity levels like it’s a thick, glass wall muffling their words. He doesn’t always dislike feeling smarter than others, some days there’s a certain preening glory to being relied upon for intelligence, but other days it leaves him feeling weary. When everyone else is happily engaging in meaningless chatter Neji is consistently pushed aside, left to stand by himself; he simply wishes to be included in the conversation, asked questions about his day and greeted with a smile, he’s not asking for eternal friendship. He always feels so hopelessly silly when his friends push him aside or exclude him from their conversation circle.

It makes him wonder if they’re truly his friends at all. They seem unbothered when he’s not around, and give him the impression that his presence disturbs the peace of their usual routine.

None of that matters now. He’s risking his life to ensure their safety all the same, no matter if their friendship is as one-sided as it feels.

He focuses on the path ahead of him, straining his muscles to endure more pain in order to quicken his pace. As he jumps through the trees the chakra signature of his target becomes closer and closer with every puff of air Neji releases. His Byakugan burns as he aptly watches the glowing blue chakra signature suddenly flicker away, disappearing out of thin air.

Neji holds his breath, still as a corpse. There’s a blur of movement to his left, and then with great force Neji is shoving off of the tree branch he was balancing on, his calve muscles spasming and his heartbeat growing unsteady once more. He jumps outwards, limbs flailing for a moment and a _boom_ resounding in his wake. He can see a bright flash of light as his back flares with sudden heat. He’d dodged that explosion without a second to spare.

Neji realizes all too late that he’s on the upscale of fall that will send him plummeting to the ground from about fifteen feet in the air.

His breathing is erratic as he angles his body to fall sideways into the bark of a nearby tree. For a moment he scrabbles as he falls, unable to gain control of his chakra, knees banging against the bark and palms bleeding as he scrabbles for purchase on the rough surface. In a quick movement Neji digs his toes into the bark, grunting with effort as he pushes against the tree with all his might. Neji slows down his fall long enough to regain his equilibrium and pump chakra to his hands, sticking to the side of the tree and dangling off the edge like a wet flag.

He takes a deep, shuddery breath. It feels like he can’t breathe, his chest is constricting and a knot is swelling his throat. He clenches his eyes shut, gasping, only to snap his eyes back open, remembering the threat at hand.

With his Byakugan blaring he can sense the chakra signature’s movement behind him. He shoves himself away from the tree once more, sending him back first towards the ground below. He watches with horror filled eyes as the tree he was just clutching bursts into flames, before his back smacks against the unforgiving floor. He grunts on impact, head snapping to the side, flames dancing across his spotting vision.

Wasting no time Neji scurries onto his knees and propels himself forward, diving behind a nearby tree and searching frantically for the location of the intruder. There’s a gentle _thwump_ and then a blur of movement. The first thing Neji sees are slender sandals wrapped around blue-tinted feet, and then a poignant stench of rotting fish. His eyes travel upwards, ascending until he’s looking the intruder directly in his bleached eyes. Neji doesn’t even realize he’s not breathing, focused instead on the shark-like grin of the man before him.

Neji swallows, suddenly remembering to breathe. His chest heaves with a sharp inhale. He recognizes the man draped with a red and black robe, signifying to Neji his involvement with the infamous terrorist group _Akatsuki_. The Akatsuki is known for having all rogue-ninja members, but Neji never would’ve imagined a man as renowned and utterly terrifying as Kisame Hoshigaki would join their ranks.

Kisame Hoshigake is one of the seven swordsmen, and arguably the most powerful and vicious amongst them. He’s known for slaying his own comrades without remorse, and for supposedly abandoning his village on the grounds of boredom.

Neji swallows.

It feels as if they stare at each other for an eternity. It’s awkward. Neither of them expected to see the other appear out of nowhere. Looking into the odd, circular white eyes of one of the most wanted men in the world was definitely not how Neji thought this day would end.

He’d try to run away, but he also happens to know that he and Kisame’s wants are very, very opposing.

“Look kid, I’m not looking for meaningless bloodshed. Why don’t you run along home and we can forget this whole thing ever happened?” Kisame Hoshigaki offers, rather congenially, in Neji’s opinion.

He pauses, mouth opening and closing.

_Why didn’t I see him before?_

The massive chakra signature he’d sensed earlier is still steadily making its way towards Neji, Kisame Hoshigaki having appeared out of nowhere. His squints in confusion, wondering where Kisame Hoshigaki had been that Neji had missed him entirely. He supposes the many strong chakras around him could’ve confused his Byakugan, but that’s a highly unlikely story. His Byakugan is extremely advanced. Neji shouldn’t be thrown off balance so easily.

The massive signature he’d sensed earlier still makes its way over, heading in a dead sprint. Neji couldn’t run that fast for two hundred meters, but this guy is sprinting at that impossible pace for what’s already been nearly a thousand kilos.

Neji’s not really the type to get scared. But he is a worrier. And he’s suddenly very, very worried.

“Kid. I don’t want to hurt you.” Kisame Hoshigaki expresses once more, removing his hand from his blade and grinning, displaying a series of shark-like teeth. “So just...step aside.”

Neji glances sideways, pursing his lips. “Uh.” He mutters, at a loss for words. His eyes are beginning to burn, too much information being taken in at once. He can still see Naruto and Gaara in the distance, Ino facing off against the mystery enemies, the mystery comrade at her side, and Temari lost in the fray, her chakra signature flickering weakly. Before him is Kisame Hoshigaki, behind him is a chakra like he’s never seen before, and running through the forest at top speed is the girl he’s sworn to protect, carrying an injured enemy ninja.

Okay, so maybe it’s not just his eyes that are overwhelmed. He himself feels overwhelmed by all the _information_ his eyes are constantly feeding him.

Then he stumbles, head whipping sideways. The massive chakra signature is begins summoning a huge wave of power into their hands, never once slowing their inhuman pace. “Oh _shit!”_ Neji swears, turning away from Kisame and gasping, feeling as if the world around him has slowed to a stop.

Yet Neji runs faster than he’s ever moved, ducking beneath a tree and holding both of his hands above his head. Another huge explosion is heard, this one filling the clearing with a hundred times more smoke, Neji coughing immediately upon inhalation. At least Neji has learned he won’t grow up to be a smoker. He hates the feeling of the smoke in his eyes and crowding in his lungs. He’d always worried he’d grow up to be a smoker.

Hesitantly, Neji peers out from behind his arms. The smoke around him is thick, and it takes him a moment of blinking to rid his eyes of the particles. He stands up on shaking knees, his ears ringing, his vision slowly coming back to him and branching out amongst the perimeter, relearning his friend’s locations. Hinata’s nearly out of his range of sight.

Then he catches sight of what’s going on right next to him. Kisame Hoshigake glares daggers at none other than Jiraiyha of Mount Myoboku, the Great Toad Sage. Neji watches in apprehension.

Lord Jiraiya stands on a nearby tree branch, arms crossed and eyebrow raised condescendingly. His presence looms domineeringly over the clearing, white hair trailing down his back, red coat slung over a loose green shirt identical in color to his training pants. He’s wearing unique sandals, bands on his palms, and the Kanji for _oil_ carved proud his forehead protector.

Kisame Hoshigaki growls, his hand shaking with rage as it clutches the handle of his legendary sword.

Neji watches with disproportionate mix of delirium and disbelief, his hand reaching out blindly to clutch at the tree next to him, only to realize that in the midst of the explosion the tree he was kneeling underneath was blown off its hinges, nothing left but a sharp, jagged and hollow stump. His arm falls numbly to his side. He doesn’t bother to take in the rest of the damage around him, already seeing too many things all at once.

Which is why Neji is the first in the clearing to notice the third chakra signature heading their way, and at this point Neji is almost immune to the enormity of the stranger’s reserves, immune to the authority these men once possessed. “Lord Jiraiya!” Neji’s voice is incredibly croaky and tired when it claws through his throat, but it does the trick. Lord Jiraiya jerks from his position, eyes wide as he looks down at him. Neji hadn’t realized Lord Jiraiya didn’t know he was here, and it offends him on levels nobody else in the world would be able to comprehend. Even a Legendary Sanin doesn’t sense his presence. That’s how invisible Neji has become.

“Kid?” Lord Jiriaya looks down at him with obvious surprise and concern. Neji briefly glances down at his torn and burnt clothes, but for the most part he’s uninjured, so he gets down to business.

“Someone’s coming!” he shouts. Kisame whips his head to him, fear beginning to creep onto his expression.

Jiraiya only looks confused, however, so Neji thinks it’s safe to assume that the massive signature approaching them is indeed an enemy.

But throughout the whole experience it doesn’t even occur to Neji to run away. Self-preservation seems to be a skill only wielded by the tactful

The clearing is quiet for the most ephemeral of movements, a moment of calm creeping in before the oncoming storm hits them full force.

_“Kisame!”_ Itachi Uchiha crashes the party.

Neji suddenly can’t breathe, a flood of childhood memories returning to him all at once. Rage boils his veins suddenly enough to truly shock feeling into him, breaking through the numbness that had been consuming him before and replacing it with disgust and terror. Sasuke’s small, bruised face, a smile on his lips as he dismissed every last one of Neji’s concerned questions. The world slows to a stop. 

His hands shake, a pounding in his ears loud enough to drown out the rest of the world around him. His Byakugan hones in on Itachi Uchiha and Itachi Uchiha alone, forgetting about everything else in the face of such a sorry excuse of a man.

But Neji regains control of himself with a deep, sharp inhale, focusing on the task at hand and allowing his emotions to once again be dulled by his usual, general numbness. He can’t, doesn’t want, to feel anything right now. He needs to be focused. He forces away all of the anger and hatred and locks it tightly away, focusing his vision on the many issues around him. _Calm, calm, calm,_ he chants. If he lets himself feel something right now he’ll drive himself insane.

“Kisame, we need to leave.” Itachi orders, and the world begins turning at its usual pace, Itachi deftly landing on a tree branch a safe distance away from Lord Jiraiya. Lord Jiraiya startles a laugh at Itachi Uchiha’s statement.

“You two aren’t going anywhere.” Lord Jiraiya growls, moving to bite his thumb, eyes narrowing into slits.

Itachi Uchiha turns to him with a sneer. Neji’s never seen Itachi look so weary, blood sliding down his temple, Akatsuki robe torn in various places, and ankle badly bruised. A few bandages are messily wrapped around Itachi’s shoulder like a makeshift sling. Despite the pain he’s clearly in Itachi doesn’t display an inch of emotion, as cold and impassive as ever. From his place on the branch he openly scoffs at Jiraiya. “What are you going to do about it, old man?” he challenges, quickly turning back to Kisame. “I said _let’s go._ ”

Kisame looks at Itachi like he’s grown a second head. “Wha—we have two Jinchuriki helpless over there on a silver platter and you want to _leave_?” Kisame splutters angrily, aggressively slapping his hand in the direction of Naruto and Gaara.

“Yes, precisely. I miscalculated and...” Itachi takes a deep breath. “I’m not in the mood, Kisame, I swear to God I’ll leave you here to die if you don’t hurry the fuck up.” He snaps.

Jiraiya moves to attack, but Neji’s never seen the look in Itachi’s eyes before. If someone pushes Itachi Neji can tell the psycho won’t hesitate to kill them, damn the consequences. His eyes are already bleeding, his Sharingan spinning fast enough to make Neji dizzy. “Stop!” he cries out, causing Jiraiya to hesitate briefly. A kunai is in Neji’s hand before he knows it, mentally preparing himself to launch it at Jiraiya should he try to engage them. Those two leaving the village right now is what’s best for everyone.

Itachi’s gaze shifts down to him. Kisame startles, having forgotten Neji was here altogether. Itachi Uchiha gives him a nod.

Neji’s stomach drops.

And then Itachi and Kisame are disappearing in a blur, Jiraiya swearing loudly. “What did you do that for, kid?! I _had_ them!” Lord Jiraiya turns to him in rage.

Neji stares at the spot the two Akatsuki members once more with unrivaled relief, closing his eyes and sealing his lips closed as he silently gags, Itachi’s Uchiha’s new look burned into his skull.

_He’s so much older._

He doesn’t even know why that thought sticks with him more than anything. Maybe it’s because it reminds him how much time has passed, and yet he can see his childhood like it was yesterday, greeting Mikoto Uchiha with the fine manners his mother instilled in him and hugging Sasuke tightly, playing with Itachi’s toys and diving under the bed whenever he came to check in on them, pretending to believe they actually did disappear. _Why did he nod?_ He thinks to himself, borderline hysterical. _Why’d he do it?_

But a part of him knows the answer. Itachi saw what he did, distracting Jiraiya from attacking, as an act of loyalty. He thought Neji was trying to help him. And his behavior preceding running into Itachi, leaving Hinata behind, not attacking Kisame...he almost looks like a traitor.

Neji turns off his Byakugan. He tries in vain to calm himself down, to stop the sweat dripping down his palms and spine. Sickness rises up his stomach and he swallows, a sour taste settling in the back of his throat. Throwing up has always run in the family; he can’t count how many times he’s held Hinata’s hair back as she emptied the contents of her stomach into a toilet bowl. He chokes and whimpers all at once, startling when a thump is heard beside him.

“Kiddo? You good?” The Lord Jiraiya wonders, and yet the hype of seeing him here has all but disappeared.

He swallows one last time. “Swell.” He responds cheekily, rolling his eyes and ignoring the dull sting behind his lids.

It feels like everything has amounted to nothing. He’d seen Kisame Hoshigaki, seen Jiraiya, seen Itachi for the first time in years, and then nothing had happened. It was simply a harsh reminder of the past, a hand raised high in the air. Neji had flinched, yet the slap never came, and now he’s left with a phantom sting in the side of his cheek.

Mikoto Uchiha once said that permanence was nothing but a bedtime story. He’d never seen the rationality in such a statement. Most of the time Neji feels as if everything is the same as it ever was, that the _befores_ and _afters_ that stories talk about were only ever imaginary, a way to divide and organize thoughts.

But now, seeing Itachi Uchiha all these years later, witnessing Hinata stand up to the clan, watching Sasuke grow into a strong individual...he was wrong, and he’s never been too prideful to admit such a thing. He’d always thought to himself that _plenty_ is permanent—friends, family, Konoha—he had plenty of things that would always be with him.

But Mikoto was right. She’d believed that she had to fight every day for everything she had, over and over again, the same battles, all in order to keep things the way she wanted them. Once Mikoto achieved something it didn’t just stay that way, it was either progress or regression. Mikoto didn’t believe in stability. _It’s like anything._ Mikoto would say. _If you stop doing it, one day you’ll wake up and you won’t be able do it anymore._

Nothing is permanent, and Neji has foolishly stood by and done nothing to make a change when a change is so possible, so within his reach. Everyone else has moved forward and accomplished something, everyone but Neji himself. He’s always been the same. And all this time he’s stood by and waited for something to happen. Mikoto was right. He stopped fighting just because conditions were bearable. Neji _settled._

“Kiddo? Are you okay?” Jiraiya repeats, his eyes brimming with concern.

Neji looks up, his Byakugan returning full force, “Yes, I’m quite alright. However, my friends could use a hand.”

Neji knows the truth. He knows he deserves more than the hand he was given. He deserves to be seen, heard, and appreciated. He deserves a life of his own choosing.

But even if someone unlocks his cage...Neji’s too preoccupied to try and fly. Too much has been placed onto his shoulders, and he doesn’t have the heart to give up any of it. _Caged bird, weighed bird... imprisoned by chance, flightless by choice._

And he’d always thought he could continue on, unseen, underappreciated, unrecognized...quietly supporting his loved ones from behind the curtain. That’s what the Branch Family is for, after all.

One day, though. One day Neji will crumble.

He hadn’t known his demise was inevitable. He didn’t know he was trying as hard as could to win a rigged game.

And past the lock on his cage and the weight on his shoulders something within Neji is changed; he knows now, that continuing as he is will get him nowhere. He will remain in suspense, forever waiting for things to get better while simultaneously bracing for the worst.

With those thoughts kindling in the back of Neji’s mind, it’s only a matter of time until a fire is born. His hope for finding a better future whilst continuing on the way he is swept away like a candle flame, but borne in the ash is much stronger heat, the burning of true hope. _Maybe there’s another way?_ A voice whispers in the back of his mind.

_Maybe there was a reason Neji had never been able to kill himself. A reason deeper, more secret than he’d ever bothered to find._

_Maybe he’d always known there was more to life; more to see, more to feel, if only he was brave enough to fly after it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did y'all like it? I know. I...probably really made you sad. My bad. But good times are to come.   
> You know.   
> In Shippuden.


	37. Nowhere to Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto stays calm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI GUYS!! So exam week is finally over, and I got so excited I sped edited this chapter that's been sitting in my desktop for some time now. This chapter is significantly shorter than the other chapters in the battle-sequence, but that's just because we only see Naruto's POV here. This chapter is really all about character development and stuff, so there's a significant lack of answers here. NEXT CHAPTER, however, holds all the answers to all of your questions. I almost attached it here, but then decided it deserved it's own, very lengthy chapter.

Naruto is running fast. And for most ninja, this would be no special occasion, but for Naruto it is a poignant variation from his usual jog-passing pace. He’s sorry to admit that his default run is very slow in comparison to most ninja of his caliber. Sasuke is unusually speedy, so he’s not counting him, but even in comparison to Kiba or Shikamaru Naruto is on the slower side. Yet right here, right now, Naruto is anything but slow, running towards Gaara with every ounce of speed he can muster.

That’s what it looks like from the outside—determination to get to Gaara and stop him, fueling his slow pace into a full on sprint, driving Naruto forward. Naruto’s breath is short and quick, his eyes are narrowed in fierce determination, and his leg muscles quiver with each pounding step he takes towards his goal.

The reality is that Naruto is running _away_ ; away from himself and away from the echoing in his mind that he can’t seem to shake. He thinks if he runs fast enough, he’ll be able to outrun the thoughts. Whenever his brain gets messy Naruto’s usual solution is to jog. He jogs miles and miles and laps and laps and he doesn’t stop until the echoing has stopped, until the _drip, drip, drip_ has settled. His mind only seems to have a reprieve when his body is left without a modicum of energy to spare. But sprinting and jogging, Naruto finds, are entirely different sensations, and the sprinting isn’t clearing his brain of the foggy delusions tormenting him with terror.

Ever since this morning, the strange and ominous dripping of water is the only sound he’s been able to focus on. Even throughout his battle with Gaara he felt distracted, off-foot, because of his pounding headache that has yet to dissipate. The dripping just won’t leave him alone, and consequently has become the only constant presence throughout the day. Watching Sakura and Shikamaru’s fight had left his jaw hanging and was an incredibly inspiring experience. To see _his_ girlfriend out there, kicking ass, well—he couldn’t be more proud of her. Ino was less enthusiastic, but she must’ve been mourning at the thought that no matter who lost it’d fall on her shoulders to comfort them. Naruto on the other hand could guiltlessly cheer on Sakura; and so he did. It was the only match he got to see, sadly, and he didn’t get to participate in his own highly-anticipated match either. Before the battle started the echoing water was a lot less frequent, and a lot further away in his mind. Now, it’s as if the sound is pounding right in his ear drums.

But this is the option he’s been reduced to carrying out. Since he can’t jog for miles and miles, running at full speed will have to do. In fact, he’s running so fast Ino and Kankarou are having trouble keeping up.

_Drip._

The vibrations persist, water echoing like the leaky faucet in his old apartment.

_Drip._

And _damn_ , terrifying it may be, the sound is becoming horrifically annoying. A silent scream of frustration is lodged deep within the pit of his stomach, the dripping causing a needle to prod again and again at the forefront of his mind. He pumps his legs just a little bit harder, ignoring the unnatural pain beginning to spread out from his stomach, mingling with the burn of his muscles.

_Pitter-patter, pitter-patter,_ and suddenly the sound is _different_. He stumbles a bit, a moment of panic overwhelming him as he hurries to regain his balance. Once he is stable on the branch, a shudder wracks his body.

The abrupt change in sound is jarring enough to slow Naruto down. His slower pace will hopefully give Kankarou and Ino a chance to gain back the stretch of distance between them, but he could do without the pounding in his chest and the loss of his stomach. He’d really almost let himself drop fifteen feet from the air because of a silly mistake.

Naruto turns his head left and right, searching for a potential external source of the strange, clamoring water sound. He’d thought the steady beat of water would never go away. But...he’s not exactly happy with the new sound development. He winces, rubbing his ears, coming to a quick decision. He jumps down off the branches and lands soundlessly on the floor, rubbing at his ears as the _Pitter Patter_ rises in pitch, piercing his eardrums. His breath picks up, his chest constricting, but it’s not from exertion. He swallows thickly and ignores the panic clawing at his veins, starting up another run—this time safely on the floor, underneath the wide-stretching tree branches casting a shade upon him. It should be peaceful, but all Naruto can think about is the need to run faster, to get the new, horrific sound to go away. 

The new pitter-pattering is only getting worse, gradually and endlessly. It makes his breath wheeze with every gasp. His head pounds, his eyes itch, and he comes to the terrifying realization he doesn’t know how much longer he can stand the ringing until he goes mad. It gets worse, when he finds that the new sound isn’t a reprieve from the dripping sound at all. The dripping comes back, joined by the pitter-pattering.

_Drip, Drip, Drip. Pitter, patter, pitter patter._

Naruto makes a pained sound in the back of his throat. The dripping is back, louder, clearer. The pitter-pattering restricts his chest like rope pulled taught, trapping and suffocating him all at once. “ _Fuck_!” the curse slips from his mouth unbidden, his fist clenching, yet the urge to scream deep within his stomach has yet to be sated. He runs faster, his sandals pounding on the forest floor. He wants to let all of his frustrations out, but he knows that if he loses even an inch of control, the Nine-Tails won’t hesitate to take advantage.

He _can’t give in._

Naruto tries not to think about it. He’s found that the more he focuses on the sound, the stronger the sound becomes. Instead, Naruto runs faster, and any progress Ino and Kankarou were making in catching up to him is reduced to worthless effort. His speed is unbelievable, and not just compared to the slow, turtle pace his normal running is characterized by.

_The sound is nothing. The sound isn’t real._

Drip, drip, drip, pitter-patter, pitter-patter, drip, drip, drip...

_The sound is not what you think it is, you idiot. The sound is NOTHING. The sound ISN’T REAL._

He can’t run any faster than he’s already running. He’s starting to tire out, but the exhaustion doesn’t seem to be working. The sound is getting louder, the trees around him contorting in and out of focus. It’s only a matter of time before he slips and the world around him loses its permanence, until his eyes won’t see and—Naruto’s breath catches. He hasn’t ever hyperventilated while running, but it’s never too late to try new things.

_No, no. I can do this. Breath out....and in. Focus. Nothing is inevitable._

Naruto runs faster. There’s a distinctive burning in his legs he does his best to focus on. Naruto’s breathing isn’t getting any better, and just as he’s contemplating stopping running altogether to take a breather, a metallic booming reverberates in his ears. The clanging is deafening, like a fence being banged against by a hundred angry dogs. The force of the sound knocks him off his feet as easy as a tornado. He trips, his eyes widening as the floor zooms closer to him, and despite knowing he’s about to break or seriously injure his nose, he’s not in the proper state of mind to catch himself and stop the fall.

Just before he hits the ground a strange thought occurs to him. It’s not the inevitable pain or the stupidity of falling over that his mind decides to latch onto. Instead, his last thoughts before colliding with the dirt are of Sasuke and Sakura, and how if they were here, one of them would have managed to catch him—they would have run alongside him and never allowed his panic to get this bad. As it is, he is alone, and his legs bang against the floor, his palms bleed, and the pain in his nose cause his eyes to sting with suppressed tears.

Naruto’s mind blanks. His ears feel numb. _He can’t give up. He’s gotta keep fighting it._

“C’mon...c’mon!” he tries to stand, but his hands slip on the dirt and branches spread across the forest floor. His lips quiver as the pressure behind his eyes increases until Naruto fears he may actually end up crying.

Drip, drip, drip. Pitter-patter, pitter-patter.

Naruto chokes, trying to wipe at his eyes, but too unbalanced and shaky to succeed. Instead he digs his hands into the ground, nails filling with dirt and palms bleeding profusely.

CLANG, CLANG, CLANG!

He startles forward, the sound louder than ever. His ears ring with the pain, as if the sound isn’t all in his head, as if the sound is actually affecting his eardrums. He gives up trying to keep his hands and knees on the ground, instead collapsing forward, his nose pressing against the dirt. He wraps both hands around his ears and holds back a sob, tilting his forehead down. The water and the shaking metal persevere in his mind, getting louder, louder, louder, surpassing its previous howling and raucous volume with each passing second. Naruto whines, pressing his palms harsher against his ears.

Kankarou and Ino are too far behind to have seen his fall. _Sakura and Sasuke would’ve helped him,_ he thinks, and he tells himself it’s not out of spite, but out of simple acknowledgment of the truth.

His palms are covered in leaves and splinters. He takes one hand off of his ear, and wipes the corner of his bleeding lip off with his dirty knuckle. His entire arm shakes.

The world around him shifts. He scrambles onto his hands and knees. He launches off the soles of his feet, despite the aching in his shins. Naruto runs, launching forward and barreling through the forest, only he can’t see the forest around him. He can’t see anything.

He can’t see.

He can’t _breathe._

The forest around him blurs, the green and brown of the trees coalescing with the blue of the sky. The pain spikes, like the very blood in his veins and arteries is boiling and bubbling.

Naruto opens his eyes.

_Drip._

The sound echoes. The other, rapid fire, piercing sounds do not follow. Instead, there is silence.

Slowly, his gaze shifts upward. Naruto’s eyes widen, and he realizes distinctly that no longer are his eyes mingling with red and squinted like a foxes; rather, his eyes pertain their usual blue roundness, and his cheeks...Naruto’s hands reaches up to brush against his face. No whisker-marks roughening his skin.

His eyes pinpoint a swirling, massive seal, lying stark red and thrumming with energy against the epicenter of an enormous, sky-reaching cage. The symbols twirl together, oddly familiar and...Naruto’s hand wraps around his stomach. Familiar, because he sees the same image every time he dares to look in the mirror and study his greatest burden. His breath hitches, before quietly evening out.

A plume of rising smoke pervades the air around him. The saturated air of the cavernous area is abruptly dry and caked with unbearable heat. His heartbeat thrums in his chest like a deadened toy being wound to life, set free and pounding with fervor. _What’s going on? I, I’ve seen this place before._

Naruto nearly screams, his gaze directed up, up, up, as he falls backwards, landing full-weight on his tailbone. Orange and red chakra intertwine to form an indistinct, grinning face, the impression menacing and terrifying enough to make Naruto’s chest shake with terror. But the image disappears as soon as it comes, for suddenly his eyes are clenched shut and watering in order to protect him from an onslaught of heat. A wave of smoke rushes all at once at Naruto’s face, overwhelming his nose and suffocating his lungs, and then, like compressed air releasing, the smoke disappears in one, sharp burst. With a small cough, the smoke clears, and Naruto is faced with the full image of the brief apparition he’d seen before. No longer is the image a bubbling apparition, but a burning, horrifying reality.

An impression of a smile ghosts upon a large beasts lips. The beast’s mouth is larger than Naruto, larger than three doors would be standing upright and pressed tightly against each other. Its fangs are sharp and its tongue is long and scratchy, resting against the roof of the beast’s mouth like an enormous slab of sand paper. Orange and red swirl together to form the most massive signature Naruto has ever bore witness to. The beasts body disappears in the shadows behind him, unseen yet distinctly mortifying, for Naruto can see nine sharp tails swaying back and forth somewhere in the distance beyond the cage. _Cage._ A cage separates the beast and Naruto, long metal bars rowed both horizontally and vertically, metal un-rusted and sturdy. A paw the size of _five_ Naruto’s peeks out from beyond the humongous cage— _wall, barred fence, prison_ —it’s claws bared and curled, its fur slick back with the illusion of softness. The fiery chakra which swarms the paw like bees to a hive says otherwise.

_Drip._

The beasts nose peeks through a slot in the cage, his smile shining and glistening beneath it. On top of the beast’s nose is a drip of water, constantly and consistently falling to the watery floor below.

_Drip...drip...drip._

The beast’s claws tighten, and the water underneath its paw splashes outward and into the air, before raining down in a series of small droplets. _Pitter-patter, pitter-patter._

The Nine-Tails.

Naruto can’t tear is eyes away from the sight of the demon that has been silently existing within him for years. A beast he should know by heart, yet knows not a single meaningful thing about.

“Fox...” his voice shakes, his hands quiver. He stuffs them in his pocket, tripping over his feet in order to stand up and take a cautious step backwards. Judging by the scratch marks on the cage’s surface, the clanging he’d heard earlier was the Nine-Tails banging against his prison, demanding freedom.

He’s unwilling to tear his eyes away from the demon, despite the fact that Naruto doesn’t know where he is. He knows that there is a distinct wateriness about the floor, and an eerie, echoing quality to the walls.

“ **Naruto**.”

He shivers. Hearing his name out of the mouth of a legendary demon is earth-shattering enough, but the moment the word leaves the fox’s curled, sharp lips, Naruto’s name echoes and bounces off the walls like a warning, a promise. _Naruto, Naruto, Naruto_ , the echo repeats back at him.

And then, like a rubber-band snapping back into place after being stretched too thinly, Naruto is standing, running, running through the trees of a forest and blinking rapidly as light and color reacquaints his vision. The blue of the sky separates from the green and brown of the trees, and the sunlight peeks down through a thick layer of branches.

He stumbles. He doesn’t remember when he started tree-jumping, and he doesn’t remember when Gaara’s signature grew so close.

He feels like throwing up.

“Fox?” the word tumbles out of his mouth unbidden, his gaze whipping back and forth and his hands crawling up his arms to dig scratch marks into his jumpsuit. The word is a harsh whisper, raw in his throat.

There’s no answer, not that he was expecting one.

_Drip, drip, drip..._

Naruto stops running with an admirable level of abruptness, digging the soles of his shoes into a tree branch, knees bent as if outstretched to jump. He straightens out, his eye twitching, a snarl crawling out of his throat. _When had he started tree jumping?_

Gaara’s signature continues to move away. If Naruto wants to catch him, he needs to keep moving.

_Drip_

_Drip_

_Drip_

“GAH!” both of his hands come to rest on either side of his ear, a scream tearing out of his throat with bubbling, rising frustration that pulls at his stomach and pounds at his temples.

“What do you want?!” he screams, his shouting absorbed by the endless expanse of forest around him. No one can hear him. Not even the fox, or if the fox does, he does not respond.

...screaming at the fox is not the wisest thing to do, but if a demon truly lives inside of his brain, then the Nine-Tails already knows what he’s been thinking. He doesn’t receive any inclination of the fox’s presence—there is nothing, absolutely nothing; not even a well-timed breeze to ruffle the branches of the trees around him. Everything is silent, as if Naruto dreamt the whole thing up.

Everything is silent, of course, but a resounding, echoing _drip, drip, drip_ , that consumes his brain with endless torment. The clanging and pitter-pattering sounds have retreated. Naruto doesn’t think he’s relieved, only scared, scared like a small child is of being along in the dark.

He starts running again, and he runs for nearly eight-hundred meters more before catching sight of Temari and Gaara. Temari is running furiously at her brother and screeching meaningless axioms while Gaara ignores her in full, continuing on with his run. Naruto follows them a few steps further before Gaara notices his presence.

Gaara stops short, spinning around, and Temari nearly runs into his back in surprise. Gaara’s sand lashes out before their bodies can collide. The sand tosses her sideways, her body slapping against a nearby tree and her limbs flailing as she barely manages to regain her balance midair. She safely digs a chakra infused hand on the side of the tree, narrowly avoiding a fifteen foot fall as she leans off the side of the bark like a sailor hanging off a mast. She has a desperate look in her eyes as she hovers near her brother, but thankfully she doesn’t try rushing at him again.

Naruto approaches Gaara with the bare requirement of caution, landing soundly on a branch across from him. His gaze slips downward, making him highly aware of the dangers of such an elevated battle. He hates heights.

He pushes down his fear, forming a fist with his hand and leveling Gaara with a menacing glare. “Hey! No one runs away from me, you here?” Naruto calls out. It’s only then he realizes that the red slit of his eyes have returned, and the whiskers on his cheeks are stark against his skin.

An image of the mighty, terrifying fox flickers past his mind’s eye. He shoves it down with vehemence. At this point, it’s difficult to recall that he’s supposed to feel relieved the fox has disappeared into the crevices of his mind. Not when the demon had been so close to him, so real. He’s not sure how he’s supposed to fight Gaara without the help of the demon within him. He’ll have to try, though, because he has no way of contacting the fox. If he did know how to speak with the fox, though, would the fox be willing to help him? Would Naruto be willing to ask?

The Nine-Tails is a speaking, intelligent creature...maybe one that can be reasoned with.

But a flash of one of his recent nightmares comes to mind, the haunting terrors that he’s been afflicted with ever since the fight with Orochimaru in the Forest. His nightmares of the Nine-Tails attack, the tragedy that killed more Konoha Shinobi than any war ever managed. A beast that causes that sort of havoc for no reason other than a passion for destruction cannot possibly be reasoned with. He can’t expect the Nine-Tails to help him. All Naruto’s ever done is inhibit its freedom, the very prison that keeps him at bay. He can’t imagine the Nine-Tails wants anything to do with him.

Naruto’s capable of forgiving that kind of injustice, but he’d never expect others to show him the same courtesy. After all, if the Nine-Tails is the inmate, and Naruto the prison, that makes Konoha the warden and guards. Naruto understands it’s not the village’s fault he must carry such a burden. What they’ve done to him is nothing personal. They didn’t make him into a Jinchuriki out of vindictive glee, no, they did out of necessity. He’s perfectly capable of seeing the truth and relinquishing any negative feelings he might feel towards the village for inflicting such a thing upon him. That doesn’t mean he assumes everyone else is equally as understanding and reasonable. Most people are blinded by pointing blame—seeking causation, instead of a solution, and always wallowing in what _is_ instead of hoping for what _could be_.

He can’t run from his past forever. But for now, he doesn’t have the time to point blame or wallow in his past. Besides, it’d be foolish to complain, when his future looks brighter and warmer with every passing day. Once upon a time, he may have been facing Gaara alone.

But now? Now Naruto’s not alone, even without the fox’s help. He has a comrade with him, and two supportive allies. That’s more than plenty. It might not be his team, but it’s still something.

...it’s not enough to defeat Gaara. He’s thrilled to have friends. He is. But he’s just not sure if a group of friends is going to be strong enough to take down Gaara, without taking his life. He needs...

He needs himself, fully, and that means he _needs the fox_. Damnit it all, he won’t. He won’t allow himself to give in. _I can do this alone_.

Gaara lashes out. The fear exuding from him is palpable to Naruto’s senses, and even more prominent is the lingering scent of blood staining each grain of sand as it collects with its brothers and sisters and attacks Naruto in a hazy blur. The air around them begins to sweep with a sandstorm, the sight of Gaara’s face losing concentration with each passing moment. As Gaara’s sand kicks up and causes mayhem, Naruto jumps high, low, swings to the right, and summons a handful of Shadow Clones that are promptly and efficiently suffocated out of existence. Still, the sand continues on, relentless in its determination to end Naruto before Naruto ends Gaara. But the self-defense isn’t like before—all calm and confident—no, Gaara’s attacks are sporadic. Naruto’s cornered him.

But something isn’t right. Gaara’s holding back, cornered but resisting, stopping himself from going all-out. Naruto’s not what Gaara is afraid of.

Gaara is afraid of _himself._

_This isn’t good. We’ll fight forever if one of us doesn’t go all out._

Naruto dives out of the way of a burst of sand. He needs to get closer to Gaara if he wants to inflict any sort of wound upon him, and yet, the sand continuously pushes him away, forcing him backwards and further into the trees, until Gaara’s face isn’t even a blur of colors, but a figment of his sensory prowess, a person he knows exists but can’t see. _Much like the fox inside of him; out of sight and yet the only thing on his mind._ For some reason, this realization sends an irrational spark of anger through Naruto’s veins. Amidst the roar of the sand and the shouts of alarm from his singular comrade and two allies on the other side of the sandstorm, Naruto screams. His scream isn’t piercing, it’s actually very muffled by the roar around him. His nose is screwed up as he stares into the sky and opens his mouth wide, eyes clenched tightly together, fists clenched. The scream settles something within Naruto’s chest.

And so, no longer trying to fight with the emotions inside of him, Naruto pulls out five kunai knives, quickly strapping an explosive tag on each one. He adopted the idea from Ino.

He roars with rage as he barrels headfirst into the middle of the sandstorm, the scream equally as satisfying as the last one. He tosses all four kunai in the air, quickly making his most familiar hand sign. Four shadow clones multiply around him, each one snagging a kunai out of the air as it falls down, and each one shouting with energy and rage.

He makes it four more feet dodging the sand before a wave that he can’t quite handle crashes towards him. He ducks low, wincing as one of his shadow clones tackle the sand wave and, armed with its explosive kunai, digs the blade into the sand and implodes on contact. Naruto doesn’t wait for the cascading grains of burnt sand to clear before jumping through the mess and redoubling his efforts to make contact with Gaara. His eyes water, his vision blurred from the particles, but through the pain and the swirl of colors he can make out his enemy’s stark red hair.

He dives sideways to avoid another sand barrage. He tumbles and lands on a branch, not having a moment to gasp for air before he’s shooting skyward, the branch splintering from his intensified chakra. The sand wave Naruto narrowly avoided tears the branch off the tree and smothers it as it falls to the ground, the sound of its landing muffled and dull.

One handed, Naruto snags a branch before he can plummet to the ground. His elbow extends slightly, pain vibrating through his forearm and his feet dangling in the air. He ignores the burn in favor of the adrenaline coursing through his veins, kicking his legs back and swinging off the branch to avoid yet another onslaught of sand. This time, however, the sand learns, and instead of crashing into the tree, the sand turns around and follows him.

Naruto’s breath catches.

A clone barrels into the approaching sand, arms quickly restricted by ropes of sand. The clone grins, his kunai glinting in the light. Naruto barely has any time to jump off the branch he’d finally found refuge on before the clone’s grin turns into a snarl. He winces at such an open expression of anger on his face, not used to looking his clones directly in the eyes. The clone digs his kunai into a lump of sand and it explodes on contact, releasing a burst of smoke and debris into the atmosphere. Glass shards blow with the wind to the dirt below as the remaining sand grains clamor to return to Gaara.

Naruto swallows, gathering his footing on the branch. This time, even whilst squinting through the whipping, relentless sandstorm, he’s close enough to make eye contact with Gaara. Naruto scoffs. Gaara jerks in a way Naruto can’t help but interpret as a flinch. Let it be known he derives not an ounce of satisfaction from instilling such fear into Gaara. He might have, under different circumstances, felt prideful and pleased in this same situation. But knowing what Gaara’s really afraid of, knowing what he’s forcing Gaara to consider...it’s the only way to out-maneuver him, but it pains Naruto all the same. If he wasn’t pushing himself into that exact same, crammed corner, he’d be unwilling to accept resorting to such extreme measures.

As it is, he needs to push Gaara over the edge, allow Gaara to reach his highest point—only then can Naruto knock him to the ground. Otherwise, they’ll coexist in this same stalemate for eternity. On the upside, Naruto will willfully concede that Gaara deserves to get knocked down one or two- _thousand_ pegs.

He readies a _Rasengan_.

It’s symbolic to use the jutsu Master Jiraiya taught him. The Rasengan was passed down from the great Minato Namikaze, Lord Fourth himself; a man renowned for besting a demon. Now Naruto has it in is arsenal, and is capable of wielding the jutsu in his own roundabout way. He requires two hands to complete the Rasengan. At first he’d required a clone by his side, but as he trained and trained on it throughout the month, he’d learned to go without the aid of a clone to summon the vortex of wind to his hands.

He jumps, he leans forward and peels back his arm, ready to thrust forward and shatter the sand into individual particles. His last two clones serve to distract Gaara, crowding around on either side of him and exploding their kunai, screaming with rage. Gaara whips his head side-to-side, trying to keep track of Naruto’s game plan. Naruto jumps forward, yards, feet, and then inches away from making impact.

Naruto tears through Gaara’s sand. He and his fellow Jinchuriki meet eyes, Naruto’s red irises filled with sorrow and a sense of justice that outweighs his sense of responsibility to his fellow jinchuriki. Gaara’s eyes are a curious color of light green, fueled by pain and isolation, acting on anger and self-absorption.

Naruto’s Rasengan tears through Gaara’s shoulder blade. His fist had been aimed for Gaara’s nose, but terror guided Gaara into side-stepping just in the nick of time, leaving Naruto’s fist to crash into his shoulder blade, tearing through muscle tissue and bone like a table saw to wood.

Gaara’s scream of pain is unadulterated, and the shifts in his eyes so supreme Naruto feels a drop of fear twist his gut. He tips forward as his momentum carries him through, the Rasengan still blazing vibrantly. Gaara’s scream rapidly turns into a sob as Naruto falls forward. Naruto feels reality sort itself out and time continue moving on, back at his usual callously rapid pace. He plummets to the ground face first, stomach dropping and rolling until his heart is pounding in his throat and his eyes are blurred with tears conjured from the high speed wind. His hand soaks with blood. He knows he should move, but the fleeting thought is ungraspable as his mind blanks with sheer panic. Gaara’s raging screams fade into the background. He _hates_ falling. He hates falling _so much._

Just as Naruto’s stomach is settling and he’s resigning himself to making contact with the earth and breaking just about every bone in his body, Naruto’s stomach twists into the air once more. He feels arms wrap around his torso and then tighten, and then he hears a dull thump as all the air is knocked out of him. He takes a gasping, choking breath. Gaara’s screams continue filtering through his ears, and along his skin he can feel the swishing, burning sandstorm gradually increasing in intensity. There is something solid beneath him.

He blinks open his eyes. Kankarou looks down at him, face paint smeared and lip bleeding. Otherwise, he looks relatively fine. Naruto would bet his knees hurt like a bitch though, with the way he caught Naruto out of the air and softened his fall with his own body, skidding across the floor on his knees and keeping Naruto’s body pressed against his chest. “Che.” Kankarou smirks in satisfaction, roughly shoving him off his lap and onto the floor. Naruto grunts on impact, chin digging into the ground. “Idiot.” He sneers, popping his head from side to side and glaring up at his brother.

Temari and Ino are off to the side, Temari looking out at her brother determinedly as Ino talks beside her, their words unheard but their hand-gestures and expressions saying enough. Out of all the possibilities he considered, Naruto did not imagine himself becoming the distraction and being excluded from the strategy. 

Naruto stiffens. Kankarou throws himself out of the way of a sand attack, hurt shoulder smacking against the floor. The boy winces, but otherwise doesn’t make a sound. Naruto hyper-focuses, recalling just who Gaara is and how dangerous a threat he poses to the people he cares about. The Jinchuriki of the One-Tails, Sasuke told he and Sakura; highly explosive, highly bloodthirsty, but without comparison to the strength of someone wielding the Nine-Tails. No offense to Sasuke and his knowledge, but Naruto not only disagrees that the One-Tails stands no chance against him, but is also thoroughly skeptical that wielding the Nine-Tails is something he is capable of. Half the time, it feels as if the Nine-Tails wields him.

He’d stake a hefty sum that Gaara, eyes bloodshot and quivering in the air with sand as a floating platform, consumed by copious amounts of chakra his body can hardly sustain, would vigorously agree with the sentiment. Naruto knows that a legendary demon like the Nine-Tails cannot be wielded nor tamed, only caged—and then not even that, truly.

Temari and Ino get a clear shot at Gaara, planning to do something. Ino forms a seal with her hands that makes Naruto’s stomach drop, his eyes widening. She’s got to be insane, to try and use the mind-transfer jutsu on Gaara.

Naruto watches Ino’s body go limp in Temari’s arms. It’s too late to try and stop her, now. All he can do is hope she knows, at least on some level, what she’s bargaining for.

The sandstorm picks up to the point that Naruto is knocked off his knees and into a face plant. Gaara has finally stopped screaming, but the sand grains spiraling out of control and suffocating anyone within the clearing make up for the lack of sound. Naruto barely manages to dodge the sand wave headed his way, rolling across the forest floor like his clothes have caught fire. Gaara’s sand grasps his ankle, attempting to drag him to the center of the sand vortex that has begun forming around where he’s assuming Gaara must be hiding through his thicket of flowing sand.

He kicks, red chakra forming a ring around his ankle and then dispersing, the sand bouncing off of his foot like electricity to rubber.

He scrabbles to his feet and dives behind a tree. He clutches a hand to his heart, relief flooding his senses. He looks down at his ankle and thinks, almost fondly, but mostly with furious indignation, _dumb fox._

Then he hears a wail, loud, male, and sharp in his ears, choking and fluctuating in volume and pitch. “AGHHH-hhhnnnn...” The sound breaks off into a sob, and despite the wind whipping past his ears and the adrenaline pumping through his veins Naruto can tell that the sound came from Kankarou.

_I left him there._

_...he saved me and I left him there._

_How could I...?_

“KANKAROU!!” Temari’s scream joins her Kankarou’s, the anguish in her tone palpable as she desperately attempts to rush through the sandstorm to get to him. Her efforts are in vain. With every step she takes she’s next a dozen steps back.

Naruto’s heart pounds in his eardrums. His breath quivers and shakes. He can hardly see or feel anything through the sand, the grains cutting through his skin and rendering his appendages numb.

He peers harder out from behind the tree that’s beginning to make a concerning groaning noise, as if about to fall over from the pressure, and catches a brief glimpse of red.

“KANKAROU!!” he shouts throwing as much volume into his words as possible. He doesn’t receive a response. It feels like everything he’s done in the past hour has been all for nothing, the same equation erased and redrawn countless times now proving to be answerless.

_Is he...?_

_I don’t want to know. If I don’t know, he can’t be dead._

_...or alive,_ he reminds himself.

Naruto’s feelings for Gaara are dramatically shifting. Anger is replacing any sort of empathy he may have shared with his fellow Jinchuriki. The guy deserves to be beaten down—could benefit from Naruto’s fist connecting with his jaw. And it would feel _good_ , after what Gaara has inflicted on his own brother—and Naruto doesn’t even know what Gaara has done, doesn’t need to. Kankarou’s pain filled wail was enough to go by. He turns back away from facing the sand scene, pressing his back against the bark of the tree. He knows what Ino and Temari were trying to do. They were trying to get the demon to hurry up and come out to play, so Naruto could stop fighting at a standstill and feel free to let his own demon run amok and defeat Gaara. If Gaara remained in human form while Naruto fought him all-out, well, he’d kill Gaara. It was better for Naruto if he didn’t have to hold back.

_If only I knew how to let go._

Naruto’s thoughts unwillingly shift back to Kankarou, wet stinging his eyes.

_Is he dead or alive? Is he...?_

_I don’t know. I don’t know which he is and..._

Naruto exhales heavily, letting his eyes fall close to protect him against the sand.

“That’s it.” Naruto mutters. “ _That’s it_.” In an entirely literal sense, he’s going to have to make peace with the demon inside of him—he’s going to have to stop trying to decide whether or not he’s a demon or himself.

_For Kankarou_ , he thinks, _someone who saved me without really knowing me. A total stranger, willing to die, and brush off his sacrifice as something anyone could do_. For Kankarou, his enemy, who knew that Naruto was perhaps the only person who could stop his brother, he will try. He will attempt to push aside his personal grudges and communicate with the Nine-Tails.

He has to. And it won’t be giving up, but it will be giving in.

The thought makes him want to cry, but Naruto Uzumaki hasn’t cried in a very long time. He doesn’t plan to break his streak because of something as fickle as fear.

He tries to relax, despite the whipping sandstorm and groaning oak tree he’s leaning against. Sakura showed him how to meditate, once. She told him that the proper, simplistic way is to sit crisscross style with palms facing upward, eyes closed, chin raised. He tries it, right now, knowing that he’s going to need all the advantages he can get if he wants to find focus in the midst of this chaos. Naruto thinks of Kankarou, and then imagines every other man, woman, and child within Konoha screaming with the same pain and knows that it is his duty to prevent such an outcome.

It’s hard to drown out the background noise, when he really, really wants to join the fray of the battle. It’s hard to sit here, thinking about everything he doesn’t want to think about, when he could very well ignore it all and go do something more important.

No. Nothing is more important than stopping this insanity, both within himself and within Gaara. He can’t do this alone.

He needs help.

_I’m scared._

_You can’t afford to be,_ he tells himself.

He tries to find the fox, but it’s both simultaneously difficult not to laugh in disbelief and cry in hysteria. Sasuke and Sakura believe in this kind of hippy-bullshit, but Naruto’s never considered soul searching to be an actual activity. He’s never just sat around before, especially not...inhale, exhale, and focus, Naruto reminds himself. He has no idea what his plan is or where he’s going with the whole meditation thing, but he figures if he tries hard enough, he can contact the fox and ask him for some help. He hopes. _You can’t meditate unless you trust the process, Naruto._ In a weird way, imagining Sakura rolling her eyes at him helps him relax.

Seconds or minutes tick by, he can’t tell, and Naruto grows frustrated. It’s like the more Naruto tries to push the fox towards him, the further away he gets and the further that drip, drip, dripping slips from his grasp. He’s trying to get close to the fox, for once, and now the fox is running away from him! _God!_

A scream tears through the air, the sand waves spike, and the tree behind him shakes. Naruto jumps, squeezing his eyes shut and tightening all of his muscles. After a moment, he convinces himself to stay put, relaxing his palms and exhaling slowly _. You can’t help them until you figure this out, idiot._ His inner voice is Sasuke, this time, eyebrow raised and lips pursed. Maybe his brain is trying to tell him something by giving him wisps of his teammates advisory.

_What would Sakura and Sasuke do?_

Naruto takes a deep breath and relaxes his whole body, imaging each and every joint losing all tension and stress. The first thing Sakura would do is find a safe place to relax and think, uninterrupted.

Inhale, exhale, in, out, in, out...

The creases in his eyebrows unfurrow. Naruto relaxes his jaw as he imagines Sasuke’s thought process next, the sand and chaos around him fading into the background. Sasuke would think logically about the situation, try to see the problem from a different angle.

_Maybe the issue isn’t that they aren’t too far away. I mean, the fox is already living inside of me, how much closer can two beings get?_

_Maybe we need to be pulled apart._

He jumps when a splash reverberates within his brain, following by a loud, scraping noise.

The drip, drip, dripping starts again, and Naruto’s claws feel sharper than ever. Naruto quickly softens the tension returning to his body, trying to find some sort of inner-peace as the irritating dripping returns to echoing endlessly in his eardrums. He’s never met anyone with a higher tolerance than Sakura. She can go hours burning in the heat, and still not allow herself to utter a word of complaint.

He keeps breathing rhythmically, nearly in tune with the drip-dripping and pitter-pattering.

_We need to be separate. And that’s...that’s why I couldn’t feel my whiskers when I faced the fox before. Our realities were finally merging, and we as individuals were finally splitting apart, introducing ourselves into forms in which we could communicate._

Naruto‘s body slackens, his pulse slowing to a steady da-dum-da-dum. He feels a rush of warm, moisturized air, and then a small flare of heat. He smells a stream of smoke and rusted metal, hears the drip, drip, dripping of water bouncing off the Nine-Tail’s nose.

Naruto opens his eyes. His sandals are soaked with water when he takes a step forward, sloshing on the concrete. 

A distinct growling reverberates in his ear drums. Naruto straightens, shoving down his fear in favor of pride and standing his ground. He’s back in the place he visits only in the rare nightmare, watery, concrete floors, an expansive prison of unknown depths, and a beast, lying in the center of all of his fears.

The Nine-Tailed Fox gives him a withering glare, red, orange, and thrumming with energy. It’s overwhelming, crumbling other the presence of another of much greater power. Even so, Naruto returns the angry gaze as best he can, maintaining the stare down until the enormous demon lets out a great huff that causes a gust of wind strong enough to knock Naruto off of his feet had he not been ready. Instead Naruto is pushed backwards with near-buckling knees, his angry expression hardening as he stumbles. Once he’s straightened, he carefully observes as the fox folds his paws across each other and rests his chin across the length of his furry limbs, head bending down and eyes narrowing at him. Naruto swallows.

“ **So the brat finally figured out how to contact me, huh? Hmph. Took you long enough.”** The demon bemoans, his voice low and quiet, but holding an undeniable authority that has Naruto’s stomach flipping.

Naruto takes a deep breath, opening his mouth and readying his proposal, but the fox cuts him off before he can make a sound.

“ **I’ll stop you right there.”** The fox grumbles. “ **I already know what you’re about to say. I suffer daily enduring your never ending idiotic feelings, brat, I’m sure you can imagine I’d remember your minimal intelligent thoughts _quite clearly_.**”

Naruto grits his teeth, his whole body seizing for a fight. After a long moment he releases a sweep of air through his mouth and closes his eyes. He crosses his arms, relaxes his shoulders, and curls his lip against the urge to spit back a biting comment. It’s as if all of his previous inhibitions have vanished in the face of the fox’s attempt at authority, Naruto’s naturally defiant behavior getting the best of him and urging him to lash out. He bottles up the defiance, instead opening his blue eyes and sending the enormous beast a withering glare, keeping his voice level. “Okay then, so what’s your answer? Are you gonna’ help or what?”

The fox growls, and the sound is so loud and booming it should surprise Naruto, but it only makes him strengthen his stance and curl his lips. His ears have had enough abuse for an entire month. “Are you seriously throwing a _tantrum?_!” Naruto shouts over the fox’s angered growls, the fox stops growling, instead snarling in rage.

“ **Me? Throw a tantrum? I’ve watched you overreact and rage about meaningless, human nonsense for nearly _thirteen years_ —!”**

Naruto throws his arms in his air, taking a daring step closer to the cage, angling his head up to meet the fox’s gaze head on. He forces down the fear in his chest like a mantra. “What is this, a pity party?! Oh _boo hoo,_ I murdered people ruthlessly and faced some actual fucking consequences, can you imagine that?” Naruto’s voice escalates in anger, his gaze snapping upwards with a ferociousness to be trifled with.

The fox quiets, rising to his full height, all nine-tails sharpening and spreading like a fan behind him. He slowly lowers his nose, presses it against the bars so he and Naruto are eye level with each other. Naruto suppresses a shiver.

The fox bares his teeth. **“Word of advice? Do not speak of what you do not understand, child.”** The fox chastises, his voice almost pitying, yet condescending in a way Naruto can’t stand. Sure, he’s a kid, but that doesn’t mean he’s an idiot. If he can fight in a war and live without a caretaker, than he can damn sure understand something as simple as a _concep_ t. Adults have nothing to lord over him other than their age, which, in Naruto’s opinion, often makes them more susceptible to biased, outdated beliefs that should be squashed beneath his shoe. In the midst of his righteous anger, somehow, the fox stops being the fox for just a moment, and morphs into Lord Third. Lord Third who summoned Naruto his office after a dumb mistake that’d quickly become a national hazard, their leader who instantly began rationalizing his reasoning for keeping from Naruto the fact he’s been a Jinchuriki all this time. Lord Third can’t possibly believe Naruto fell for his obvious manipulation. It was impossible for him to rationalize leaving Naruto to, for _nearly thirteen years_ , suffer and squander for reasons why everyone seemed to hate him so venomously, when all along his favorite old man was keeping the answers to himself.

Naruto fists clench as the memory bursts away and he remembers where he is and his self-designated mission. He squares his back, swallowing his pride and curling his lip.

“Fine. Be that way. Don’t help. Leave me, you, and the rest of the whole Leaf Village to burn. The implications of your sad, hatred fueled neglect tell me all I need to understand, without knowing what sort of life you lead in the past.” he snarls right back at the demon, his fear not forgotten, merely overpowered by the hypocrisy of the fox’s rationale.

He’s not expecting the fox’s tails to slowly close, the fan spiraling shut and then lowering out of Naruto’s sight. The Nine-Tails leans back and sits up like a curious dog, his eyes full of spite and wisdom all at once. **“Little wordsmith, I never thought I’d be on the receiving end of one of your manipulation tactics.”** He fox hums, and he tilts his head and peers at him through two red slit eyes. **“Less so did I think I’d allow myself to bend to your smarmy will.”**

Naruto’s been told that the red, fox eyes are terrifying, but a part of him enjoys looking into the fiery redness of the fox’s gaze—it’s almost comforting, in a strange way, in the kind of way that has his instincts warning him to proceed with caution. He shouldn’t be feeling so gratuitous towards a demon expressing the barest of humanity by helping Naruto stop millions of death. But Naruto considers that humanity isn’t the proper term, for half of the humans he knows wouldn’t think twice about running away and hoping someone else would deal with the One-Tails.

“I’m not manipulative, I’m charming.” Naruto argues insistently, forcing down the pulling at the corners of his mouth and crossing his arms protectively across his chest.

The fox huffs. He loses his curious sitting position and instead adopts a grumpy expression, slumping down to the concrete floor of his cell, crossing his paws, and resting his chin between them. His nose peeks back through a hole in the cage, a drop of evaporation beginning to form and then dripping down to the watery floor with a soft plop. The fox suddenly looks smug.

Naruto loses all traces of composure he’d managed to glue together for this interaction. _Not this again, please God._

_Drip, drip, drip..._

Naruto’s eyebrow twitches. “Why.” He barely manages to force the question through his grinding teeth.

The fox grumbles distastefully **. “How else was I supposed to contact you? Banging on my cage was far too loud to be effective without blowing your eardrums.”**

Naruto ignores the fox’s logic, along with the concerned voice in the back of his mind realizing that the sounds were affecting his ears after all. He hones in on feeling angry about the smug look on the fox’s face. His brain wraps around the statement before answering, trying to come up with a proper argument. Just as Naruto’s about to open his mouth and say something snarky, the fox goes ramrod straight. Naruto’s breath catches. A loud, piercing scream filters through the cage’s walls. The sound is high pitch and terrified, but thankfully not pained.

“Ino!” Naruto blurts.

The fox looks down at him, his red eyes glaring. **“Time’s up. Remember, if you don’t want to accidentally kill your friends while you’re trying to handle my power—do what you’ve been doing all along—stay calm.”**

Naruto gasps.

Sound and feeling comes back to him in a rush. He becomes aware of his sweat slicked jacket and shirt, forearms and shoulders sticky and aching. His legs are cramped, his eardrums are ringing, and his eyes are filled with sand. He blinks rapidly, realizing how his eyes are back to being red, his whiskers have returned, and, he notices, his heart is thrumming in his chest like he’s just sprinted a mile. He takes a deep breath and feels his body fluctuate with a swarm of unfamiliar chakra. Red hums on the surface of his skin, dances across his knuckles, flicks across his forehead and fangs. He can feel the power consuming him, drowning him.

The fox’s chakra is untamed, spiking, volatile. Despite the Fox being on his side, he can’t exactly help Naruto; the Fourth’s seal must be too strong for them to reach each other beyond the mindscape. Naruto isn’t sure how he feels about that thought, the thought of the fox within him being an ally. He doesn’t dwell on it.

He focuses on remaining calm.

The chakra feels warm, but for a terrifying moment, as Naruto’s heart pounds in his chest and his consciousness becomes as graspable as oxygen, it feels scorching. 

Naruto practically jumps out of his skin. His neck jerks, and he winces, knowing he’ll be feeling that for days to come. He looks down at his arm, breathing hard. _Stupid_ _fox_ , he thinks aggressively. _How am I supposed to control this?_

His arm is burnt from his wrist to his elbow. Naruto imagines that the sweltering heat blistering his skin is as bad as what he’d done to Sasuke. It makes his jaw clench, and as a wave of guilt washes over him, the fire chakra around him lashes out, finally blasting the tree behind him off of its hinges. The tree echoes as it hits the floor, but it’s not the only tree to fall. A dozen trees around him fall to the floor, red chakra lingering in the air around each of the stumps. Red chakra lingers around the splintering branches, and Naruto, knees pulled into his chest, watches the chaos unfold in shock. He doesn’t feel like himself—or rather, he’s afraid of himself, of the red chakra consuming him, of his claws, fox eyes, whiskers, and of the fact he’s beginning to confuse the line between demon and ally.

He’s scared.

He can’t afford to be.

Naruto slowly rises to his feet, a ring of tree tops around him. There’s not a grain of sand in the air Naruto has created.

He turns around, facing the swirling sandstorm Gaara is cowering in. He doesn’t see Ino, Temari, or Kankarou. He hopes that means they’ve escaped, but the more likely reason is they’re buried in Gaara’s sand.

He bends on knee and launches forward. His chakra feels unstable. The destruction of his chakra is going to be reliant on his ability to maintain control; how well Naruto can keep his mind empty and calm. It’s a good thing he’s not one to crack under pressure. “Calm.” He says to himself, then cracks his aching neck and jumps onto the side of a tree, releasing a ring of red chakra that shatters the sand around him into glass particles. “Calm.” He repeats, bouncing on his toes. Calm, calm and cool like Kakashi-sensei wrangling the demon brothers, or Kakashi-sensei ordering his fellow Anbu operatives to stand down. Take a page from his sensei’s book.

His lips twist into a grim smile. The asshole taught him something after all.

And then he jumps off the tree, reducing the poor plant to splinters as he barrels headfirst into Gaara’s bubble of sand. There is nothing about this situation that is okay, yet the actual demon inside of him has the gall to conclude that the key to defeating Gaara is remaining calm...he hates to admit that the advice is helpful.

He burns through the folds of sand separating him and Gaara, focusing not on madly trying to contain his chakra, trying to control it, but instead of keeping calm, on breathing deep. With Haku, it’d taken everything he had to reign his chakra back in, he’d wrangled and fought tooth and nail, always had. But it made sense, now that he truly considered the fox’s advice, why being calm would help settle the uncontrollable chakra within him. His coping mechanisms had always been distracting himself, running, being with Sasuke or Sakura, and trying to train the anger out of him—and that had worked, for a while. It made him calm. But he needed to keep that calm. Calmness allowed him to control the fox chakra, not strength. He couldn’t beat the demonic power within by fighting it head on, because the chakra was on his side. When he was angry, the chakra grew angry.

_So when I am calm, my chakra will be too._

_I can do this. No backing out, no giving in. No more running away._

He makes it through the storm of sand, chakra pumping through his veins, claws as sharp as kunai knives. He begrudgingly admits, upon laying eyes on the scene before him, that his chakra slips out of his control in panic, lashing out at every sand grain around him. The spike of his red chakra is instantaneous, millions of sand particles frozen on contact of the wave he emits, transformed into glass and suspended in the air. The glass shards twinkle like stars in a night sky, reflecting the light and colors around them in an eerie, blinding way.

But it’s hardly the phenomenon Naruto is paying attention to.

Instead his gaze is glued to the massive figure before him, not unlike the dormant demon he’d just met. This demon, however, is very active.

Gaara has summoned the One-Tails.

It’s a terrifying, bewildering sight that Naruto could stare into for hours and never tire—but he isn’t permitted much time to marvel, and he doubts the demon would appreciate Naruto’s gawking anyhow. Everyone knows it’s rude to stare. What he does glimpse before being ruthlessly engulfed in a cocoon of sand is a towering raccoon stretching higher than the Hokage tower, chakra strong, firm and so unlike Naruto’s. Naruto and the Nine-Tails, whose chakra is wispy and heated couldn’t be more opposite than the One Tails and Gaara, whose solidified power and matte chakra are not even on the same planet as he and the fox’s glowing fire.

But the sand lashes out at him, surrounds and nearly suffocates him with its sheer mass. He lets out a low growl as his vision darkness and the sand tries to tighten around his skin like a prison. _I hate small spaces almost more than I hate falling._

His opponents’ sand doesn’t stand a chance against he and the fox’s blazing energy. It bursts forth from his pores like sweat, instantly shattering Gaara’s sand into glass, rendering the grains useless to the other boy and demon.

Naruto leaps into the air as his prison falls away, landing on a tree branch and continuing up, up, up, racing up the bark and through the branches faster than he’s ever been capable of. In just a few seconds he’s standing on the very top of the trees, overlooking the entire Forest of Death stretching out into Konoha, where the monuments stand, and the war rages on. He can spot Orochimaru’s snakes from all these miles away, wreaking havoc on innocent civilian towns. He can see rising smoke from _Syoboku_ , a village near Sakura’s hometown—the town borders the edge of the village. He and Sakura have taken countless walks down that street. The rubble and lack of buildings is clear, and the black soot and scattered fires are impossible to miss.

Anger churns in his gut. His calm slips away. He’d heard explosions go off, earlier, back at the Chunin Exam Tower. _You’ve made a mistake messing with my village._ The thoughts filtering through his mind are frantic, his gut heated and the chakra on his arms leaving burns across the top layer of his skin.

He sets his eyes on the demon across from him.

Tanned color, wide-stretching grin, spotted with purple and swaying its tail in the air like it owns the place. A snarl tears through Naruto’s gut and up his throat.

Atop the head of the demon, Gaara rests, sound asleep. A demon and a boy’s conscious are intertwined and therefore cannot exist within the same body in the same reality; Naruto was only able to find the Nine-Tails once he’d slipped away from the real world and met the Nine-Tails as himself. He and Gaara’s seals might be designed differently, but there are certain aspects that have remained the same. Gaara needs to be sleeping, meditating, or somehow non-present when the One-Tails comes out to play.

If Naruto can knock off Gaara, or somehow smack Gaara back into himself, Naruto will be able to defeat the One-Tails and his Jinchuriki.

The only problem is, unlike Gaara, Naruto can’t succumb to his power to win. The Nine-Tails can’t really help him beyond a chakra aid. His seal wasn’t designed that way.

“Time to get serious.” He mutters, and for some odd reason, he can’t help but think of Kankarou and his bloodied form. He hopes he’s safe. He hopes all of his friends are safe. He takes comfort in the fact that in the least, he’s protecting them from one enemy.

It stings to know he can’t save everyone, and as he gazes out into Konoha, he has the distinct feeling that he’s failed, despite the reassurance of Gaara being completely distracted before him.

He shakes off the feeling and charges forward, forcing his racing heart to settle _. Calm,_ he reminds himself. _Calm and cool as Kakashi-sensei._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YUP, lots of battling, lots of internal monologue. Naruto's just the best guy ever.


	38. They Were Worth it, Though

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obito would be proud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys. I love winter break. It means I have plenty of time to write and plot to make my readers cry but end up making myself cry, too. 
> 
> Battle aftermaths are just so sentimental.

When Sasuke wakes up, it is vaguely and with the distinct feeling of unrest creeping upon the blood in his veins. He can feel an IV drip attached to his forearm, a steady, drilling beeping beside his ear, the coolness of the air, and faint scent of lemons and cleaner. He knows, without a doubt, that he is in a hospital. It doesn’t come as too much of a surprise to him. He remembers why he’s here, after all. When he opens his eyes he already remembers everything down to the grimiest detail. There isn’t a sudden rush of memoires clamoring into his mind.

So when he opens his eyes, he closes them back against the bright, unbearable hospital room lights. That’s always been something he’s resigned himself to about hospital rooms. He understands that medics have to operate in clear lighting to operate, and having light-switch settings or turning off the lights puts patients at an unnecessary risk. In a hospital, every second counts. He wonders if every second counted for him, too; he wonders how close he was to losing his life.

For a while there, he’d thought he was dead. A part of him had been relieved, another part, disappointed. Neither were very strong feelings, but if he had to guess, he’d say the disappointed part was stronger. It makes him uncomfortable, actually, to lose that bit of control he’d had over his life that was okay with dying. Now that he’s not okay with it, he has so much more to fear.

The thought makes him exhausted.

Right now isn’t the first time he’s been awake since being admitted into the hospital. The first time was a while ago, at night, he thinks. He doesn’t remember it too clearly, and come to think of it, he doesn’t know if it’d been the first time he woke up or just the first time that he remembers, but he does know that he’d started panicking. He’d hyperventilated until his heart monitor alerted a medic and they’d put him under.

That’s probably why he’s so dreary, right now; he’s been drugged. His limbs feel heavy, his eyelids more so, but most starkly he notices the loss of panic within his mind, like he’s viewing everything from a distant, elevated location. To prove his theory, he tries to wiggle his fingers and toes. He can’t feel them.

He moves his aching, dry mouth, tongue clacking as his jaw shifts about. Everything hurts, he realizes, but causing the most discomfort is the unbearable weight on his chest, strange and aching. His chest feels completely empty, his lungs and gut clenching, but at the same time it feels like his torso is sinking into the sheets of the hospital bed and that his muscles have grown too weak to lift himself. The scratchy feeling around his chest must be bandages, although he can’t remember getting injured in the chest.

Oh. His spine took a mighty blow, of course.

Promptly, and without much warning, Sasuke leans over the side of the bed and throws up, heaving onto the hospital linoleum floor. He chokes and heaves onto the hospital floor, clutching his hand on his stomach despite the fact it’s his back that burns with an injury. He’s surprised he’s not paralyzed, especially since he managed to live. Or, more accurately, someone managed to save him.

He looks down at the swirl of red and tangerine vomit on the hospital floor and blinks, his head tilting to the side and his sweaty hair sticking to the back of his neck. He tries to wipe his mouth but he forgets his arm is supporting his body, so he ends up flopping back down onto the hospital bed at an awkward angle.

His cheek presses against the sheets and he tries to groan, but only a scratchy, breathy sound escapes him. He wipes his mouth off, then wipes his hand on the edge of the hospital bed. He feels disgusting.

A medic hurries into the room. One thing he doubts he will ever understand unless he himself manages to become a medic is how nurses always seem to know when their patients are awake. It’s like a sixth sense or something.

He sits back as she cleans the floor without complaint, quickly and promptly, procuring a rag out of seemingly nowhere. Maybe she left to go get one. Sasuke’s too dizzy to tell.

Soon enough she’s pressing a cool towel to his forehead, wiping his mouth off. She tells him that he was sporting a terrible fever, and that he’s been in and out of fever dreams for the past three days. She tells him the battle is over. They won.

Sasuke’s too exhausted to listen to anything else. He passes out, his head still tilted at an awkward angle.

The next time he knowingly comes to consciousness, it’s without his consent. A medic is pushing on his shoulder, helping him sit up, telling him he needs to eat something. It reminds him of the days following the massacre. How he would lay in bed without saying a word, only moving and eating when the medics forced him to. Except back then, he’d had to be drugged in order to fall asleep. Now, sleeping feels like the only thing he can do.

He groans, grasping at the food the medic hands him with weak limbs and numb hands. The drugs are wearing off, though, and he’s starting to feel more and more pain return to his body. It’s not as unbearable of pain as he’d imagined it would be. His body must’ve done most of its healing while his fever was causing him to be delusional.

Soon enough, he’s drank all the soup he can muster up the courage for, and proceeds to ignore the medics pestering. He leans his head back and stares at the wall, feels his toes and fingers when he wiggles them, and notices a set of white lilies in a vase by his bedside. He doesn’t smile at them, but he thinks he feels something other than pain in his chest for the first time since he’s woken.

The medic pulls the covers up his body. He notices she has black, cropped hair, is just about a quarter of an inch taller than him, and has dark brown eyes. He works his mouth as she gets up to leave, barely forcing out two hoarse words that have her stopping. “Thank you.” He croaks, and she turns around and smiles at him, her dark eyes curving.

“Your friend left you some flowers. She’s been visiting every day.” She places her hand on the door frame, head tilting. 

He mulls her words in his mind, thinking of pink hair and a charming smile. “Who?” he asks, because his heart is clenching with hope and the heart monitor beside him is picking up gradually; if the medic notices, she doesn’t comment.

“A young woman with pink hair,” She declares.

Sasuke nods calmly, but his insides are leaping with joy. _She’s okay_ , he thinks, and ghost of a smile graces his lips. The medic returns his smile cheerily before leaving to finish her rounds.

The heart monitor continues its dull beeping, and he glances over to it he notices that the medic left the soup at his bedside.

He should’ve asked how Sakura was doing. He should’ve asked if Naruto and Kakashi-sensei were okay. He should’ve asked for the numbers of the death toll, but he didn’t. His mind is stuck playing what happened on repeat, leaving him to shiver and shudder and wish, quite desperately, that he could just disappear. He scratches his arms until they bleed, and clenches his eyes shut tightly. He tries to force the intrusive thoughts from his mind, avoids thinking about that man at all costs. His stomach churns and he squeezes his clenched eyelids together, as if blocking out the outside world will stop his brain and stomach from knowing the truth of his feelings.

He wishes for sleep, and after what feels like eternity, sleep arrives.

This time, however, he doesn’t sleep for long. He thinks he’s at the fourth day of his stay at the hospital, but he can’t be certain, what he does know is the clock up on the wall says four o’clock and the last time he’d checked it was three thirty. He’d hardly got any sleep at all. The moment he awakens his anxiety comes back full force, and his first thought is _don’t think about it._

Sakura’s here, he realizes, and she startles when she notices his eyes boring into her. She’s cleaned up, but her face is pale, and she jumpier than usual by the way she startled at him. Her hair is pulled back in a high pony not unlike Ino’s, she’s wearing tanned pants and a red tank top. It’s simple, but it’s different. Her face is without makeup, her nails are clipped and unpainted. Sasuke focuses on the small changes because it distracts him, if only slightly, from the torrent of memories pressing into his brain uncontrollably. He is worried about the bandage on her cheek, though, the wound it’s hiding must be painful.

She smiles at him, but it doesn’t feel quite right, before placing a card beside the flowers on his bedside. “It’s from Neji.” She tells him, and then her lips pull out of that fake smile and her face goes eerily blank. “How are you feeling?”

Sasuke shrugs, because he can’t sum up the torrent in his chest. He shrugs because it’s so unlike Sakura to ask such a dumb question. She’s usually so determined and brusque, but here she flounders, a fake but not unkind smile on her lips, a hesitance in her eyes. Her foot taps against the floor, her teeth pull at her lip.

He’s only been asleep for four days. He sees her face and immediately knows that something terrible has occurred for the short period of time he was out.

She takes a deep breath, glances at the propped open door to his room, and walks over to close it. She’s wearing close-toe sandals. The door clicks shut, and as she turns around, her face has changed. The determination is back, and Sasuke admits he’s incredibly relieved she’s dropped the act. She’d been debating something, he thinks. “You’ve been out of it for nearly five days now.” she says, and Sasuke narrows his eyes in frustration, because somewhere in the middle of the confusion and pain he’d lost track of an entire day. The news is jarring, but at least Sakura’s voice is back to normal, direct and with purpose.

She grabs a plastic chair from the corner of the room and pulls it right beside him. Sasuke should flinch at the close proximity, but he doesn’t. Sasuke should give her some sort of response, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t because he doesn’t feel like Sasuke right now, he feels like a twisted, ugly version of himself that can’t think or talk or move without seizing in panic and being starkly reminded of the recent transgressions.

He wonders why she sits in the plastic chair, instead of taking her time to pull over a cushioned one. He doesn’t ask, though.

“Itachi is gone.” She says it clearly, her shoulders pulled back, her eyes steady. Sasuke tries not to show the panic that wraps ahold of him at the mention of his name. “And so is Orochimaru. Everyone is safe now, and although we suffered many causalities, specifically civilian lives, we can and will recover. The damage inflicted on the Leaf from the battle is mainly structural, and many volunteers are already participating in reconstruction.” She speaks like she’s reading from an itinerary, collected, straightforward, so very Sakura it makes his eyes sting.

He’s still reeling from the simple knowledge that she’s alive. She’s okay and...and his fears are gone, for now. He wonders why she’s taken it upon herself to tell him these things, when Naruto and Kakashi-sensei should be sitting beside her and giving their own two cents. He appreciates her clarity all the same. She’d never sugar coat things to spare him, unlike some of his other friends. She doesn’t think Sasuke shouldn’t know something just because he may have a hard time dealing with it. Sasuke trusts her not to belittle him by pretending the village is unharmed and he’s immensely glad she’s the one telling him these things, not matter how much he wants to see the rest of his friends.

Sakura carries on, succinct, professional, and still the same old Sakura he knows and cherishes. She’s okay. He’s glad.

“The Academy students are all okay. No student life was lost. The Academy sensei have made it out alive as well, all uninjured but one. The injured teacher is currently comatose, but the medics are hopeful he will wake up in a few days, and his students have been taking turns reading to him. It’s very sweet.” She tacks on the last part in a far more kindred tone than her list-giving voice, and it’s obvious to Sasuke she truly finds the children adorable. It’s a nice change of pace from her previous blankness.

He nods quietly, fiddling with his bed sheets and wondering why none of these questions occurred to him yet. He should’ve asked about the Academy, or at least thought to. Sakura actually predicted his worry to the point that she gathered information about the Academy to report to him. But he hadn’t been worried; didn’t have time to worry, when he was busy _not thinking about it._

She seems to pause, to wait for him to respond, but Sasuke just shifts, tightening his fingers on his bed sheets and stubbornly staying silent until she continues. She clears her throat, seemingly unsurprised with his lack of response. Sasuke feels bad about it, but he knows deep within himself he can’t muster up the strength to talk with her. He can only listen.

“Naruto and the rest of Rookie Nine are all out of the hospital too. You’re the last one in here.” Sakura tries for a smile, but it falls flat. “There is a particular casualty I think you should be aware of.” Sakura concedes, her gaze shifting.

Sasuke turns away from her. For some reason, looking at her is making him tired. Instead, he stares at the wall, and tries not to think.

“Lord Third was killed.” Sakura tells him, and Sasuke inhales a bit, surprised...maybe even relieved. His conscious tells him how horrible it is to feel relieved about someone’s death, but he’s beyond the point of caring. If he’s relieved Lord Third died, then he supposes that’s what he feels; it would take too much effort to try and change his mind, and it would bring up memories he’d rather not think about right now.

Sakura stays quiet beside him for a long moment, letting the news sink in. She shuffles her feet and then bends over, procuring a kitchen knife, a paper plate, and an apple from the bag she’d set down beside his bed. She begins peeling the apple, and Sasuke winces, because the way her hands wrap around the fruit with ease reminds him of his mother, and how she used to peel apples.

Sakura’s foot taps against the floor, a sign of nervous energy that should concern him, but instead it makes him anxious. He can’t deal with her, right now. She’s sitting beside him with hurt dancing in her eyes, and guilt inundates because he’s knows he’s not emotionally present enough to comfort her.

Sakura finishes peeling and cutting the apple into thin slices. She stands up and passes it to him quietly, a silent request for him to accept the food and eat it. Sasuke glares at the plate, glares at the apple. Sakura openly snorts at his expression. The familiarity is beyond soothing. Sakura places her hand palm up on the hospital mattress, and, after a moment of hesitation, Sasuke grasps her hand in his. He’s still not sure he remembers how to properly speak, and his mind is far from being able to _not think about it_ without his utmost attention towards ignoring the memories, but it’s nice having Sakura here.

He takes a moment to gather himself, before quietly patting the spot next to him. He can’t slide over, because his spine is liable to cause shooting pains throughout him (he’s lucky he’s not paralyzed), but Sakura is small and has enough balance to sit near the edge of the bed without tumbling sideways to the floor. He keeps his hand barely touching hers, their bodies not touching, but close enough Sasuke can appreciate the silent comfort exuding from his teammate. Sakura shifts so the apple plate is in her left hand on her lap. Her fingers twitch beneath his, and he jumps slightly. Sakura doesn’t pull away like he’d expected her to. She stays where she is, available if he needs her comfort. He lets his hand relax fully onto hers. His face is far from relaxed, however, pulled into a tight, uncomfortable expression.

He’s not uncomfortable because of Sakura.

Sasuke is uncomfortable in his own skin.

Sakura has a similar expression, if he’s being honest. The blankness is still there, like a shield at the ready to jump to her defense, but he can clearly see pain behind her green eyes. The bandage on her cheek needs redressed, he notices, and her mouth is faintly swollen.

He looks around himself, genuinely surprised he and Sakura’s moment hasn’t been interrupted by stomping footsteps and shouting yet. He’d actually been anticipating the blustering arrival of their final teammate. “Where’s Naruto?” It’s the first words he speaks, the words hoarse and croaky. His glare at the world transforms into a furrowed brow. He wants to see his best friend, alive and okay. But it’s not just that. He wants Kakashi-sensei here. He wants proof of their survival, and he wants them to tell him everything will be okay. Sakura’s has a hard time comforting others with sugar-coated assurance, because Sasuke knows she never believes the words herself. She’s less of a comfort and optimist person and more of a hope for the future and realist person; and yes, there is a big difference.

He wants Naruto and Kakashi-sensei, here beside the both of them, to explain their stories with humorous detail while Sakura rolls her eyes at the obvious inaccuracies, pointing out their boisterous haughtiness without the need for words. He can have full conversations with Sakura with only a quick eyebrow raise and smirk.

Their Hokage is dead and Kakashi-sensei did it, he won, and he wants to see the man brimming with joy that his plan followed through and succeeded. He needs that right now. He wants to tell Kakashi-sensei that despite his plan mucking up and ending in chaos and ruin, he’s proud. That he’s even _relieved_ Lord Third is gone.

But then Sakura’s hands tighten around the paper plate. “Sasuke, Naruto is busy right now. He’ll visit you in a while, okay? So can you eat something, please?” and she doesn’t sound frustrated, but he’d bet money she is, probably because he hadn’t been talking to her. He thinks that’s unfair. He shouldn’t be expected to be okay and reasonable after everything that’s happened.

He glares at her, shoulders hunching, and mutters, “I want Kakashi-sensei, too.”

The apples in Sakura’s handle tumble to the ground, flipping off of her lap and thumping soundly. The paper plate lands softly on top of the ruined pile of slices, Sakura’s hand hovering in the air and clutching at nothing. Sasuke jerks his hand away from Sakura’s, the sudden loud and unwanted sound tearing through the previously peaceful hospital room. He looks over to see a haunted look cascading over Sakura’s eyes for the briefest of moments, but in a flash the look is gone and Sakura is smiling her previous, fake smile. “Oh, that’s so silly of me, I’m sorry.” She apologizes quickly, standing up and bending over to pick up the apples off the floor.

Sasuke’s stomach feels like ice. 

He’s sitting up in full, despite the ache in his back, staring down at Sakura as she stands up and walks over to the trash can. She ignores his staring as she discards the apples. The only thing that keeps him from shouting at her is the cold look in her eyes as she makes her way back to the bed, sitting back down in the plastic chair.

She wraps one hand around her stomach, and sticks the other around her mouth in a cup shape. She’s takes a moment to pretend the floor is fascinating before meeting his expectant gaze, looking him directly in the eyes. Involuntarily, Sasuke flinches. But still, he leans forward, desperate to know what’s bothering her.

“Sasuke,” she says his name with a tightness in her voice, like it physically pains her to address him. “At first, I didn’t think I wanted to tell you this—at least, not so soon after you’d woken up. But you deserve to know the truth, and...and you deserve to hear it from someone who cares about you.”

Sasuke has already begun shaking his head. He doesn’t want to listen to her, anymore. He doesn’t want to hear. “Sakura...” He says lowly, suspiciously, his teeth gnawing at his lip.

There is a beat of silence, utter and overwhelming. It’s so quiet Sasuke can hear the beeping of his heart monitor pick up. He fiddles with the IV in his aching arm and swallows.

Sakura foot starts bouncing again. Sasuke can see a flash of regret in her green eyes, before her mouth falls open, saying nothing for the longest moment. Finally, she speaks.

“Kakashi-sensei is dead, Sasuke.” And then her shields are flying up, Sakura’s face filled with nothing but impassivity. She doesn’t cry, or ask for comfort, or tell him its okay. She just sits there and delivers the news, her expression blank, her hands folded neatly in her lap. “Itachi Uchiha killed him.”

Sasuke’s ears ring. He can’t think past the shock wrenching his entire being and he can’t look at Sakura any longer, not when she’d purposefully had a casual, normal conversation with him this whole time, not when she’d saved the worst news for last. _How could she? How could she?_ The thought is like a mantra reverberating in his mind. How could she sit there and keep this from him, tell him everything but what he’d deserved to hear _first_? How could she let him go on believing everything was okay?

He looks at her with shaking, clenched fists. He looks into her bottomless, emotionless green eyes and clenches his teeth and—stops to think. _This isn’t her fault. It’s mine, if anything._

_Kakashi-sensei is dead._

_Kakashi-sensei is dead because Itachi came to Konoha for me._

_Kakashi-sensei is dead because I let him go through with that stupid, stupid plan._

Kakashi-sensei is gone.

He realizes soon enough that Sakura is speaking to him. 

“He saved our lives, Sasuke. He did that out of his own volition. It’s not his, yours, or my fault. It’s Itachi Uchiha’s. _Sasuke_ , I’m positive Kakashi-sensei died without regrets. He loved us more than anything and to honor his sacrifice we need to honor his decision.” Sakura’s pitchy voice is trembling as she fails to hold onto her usual calm and collected mannerisms.

She thinks she has to console him. That somehow, all of this is her responsibility. She’s eloquent, for sure, but he can tell her words aren’t from the heart. She just wants him to feel better. She probably feels the same way he does, but logically knows how faulty her own feelings are. Logic doesn’t get a person through grief, though. _My fault, my fault, my fault—could’ve done more. Could’ve prevented it if—but I didn’t prevent it. Because I’m a failure._

He can Sakura has had enough time to get over the immediate shock. She’s not struggling with the news, or with guilt; Sakura is struggling with _grief._ He can see it within her teary but disturbingly blank eyes. She’s spent every moment since the battle thinking about how much she misses Kakashi-sensei.

But he’s not like her. Sasuke knows grief. He knows how, when someone dies, it’s like all the bad things melt away. You’d do anything to get them back. You’d forgive everything that’s ever gone wrong, every mean, terrible thing that they said to you—if only you could hear their voice again. Greif isn’t like guilt. Greif is a turmoil of regrets, wishes, and memories. Greif is drowning.

But _guilt_. Guilt is like being boxed in by a hundred thick walls of ice and not even bothering to try to break through. That’s how he feels; trapped in this hospital room, in this hospital gown, with the heart monitor banging in his ears, and the bed sheets suffocating him. He can’t escape the feeling.

So no, it’s not the surprise or grief that pulls at Sasuke. Sasuke has gone over the day someone will deliver the news of his loved ones’ deaths more times than he’s brushed his teeth. It’s the _guilt_ that leaves him staring at her with wide eyes, instantly comprehending her words but a millennia away from forgetting them.

But one more shattering isn’t going to make him give up. He’ll teach her how to use the glue and they’ll get through this, scars, shards, and all. They have to.

“Sakura,” Sasuke interjects, and he can’t look at her when she’s spouting nonsense, when she’s rehearsing meaningless consolations like she didn’t personally know their sensei, so he looks away. It’s his fault. Nothing she can say will sway him. Who else’s fault would it be?

Sakura cuts him off before he can even gather his thoughts to figure out how to stop her from talking. “Sasuke, I know I sprung this on you, and I’m sorry, but please hear me out—“ he takes a moment to wrack his brain, before remembering that Sakura values actions more than words.

He manages to scoot to the edge of the bed, Sakura’s mouth snapping shut when he struggles into a kneeling position and looks up at her. She’s taller than him, like this, so he remedies the situation. He makes a motion for her to sit, and, in a daze, she listens, plopping down on the plastic chair and slumping.

“I’m sorry, Sasuke.” Sakura looks away, her eyes downcast. He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t have the words.

He’s never been good with articulating his thoughts verbally. It’s like all the thoughts and feelings are trapped inside his mind and he can’t quite grasp them, instead choking on them. Naruto’s always been the inspirational one. _Where’s your best friend when you need ‘em?_

But then Sakura is sniffling, wiping her eyes with her palm. _She’s crying._

He reaches his hand off the side of the bed and she takes it gratefully. He can practically hear her thoughts, with the way she’s looking at him. Maybe communication doesn’t have to be through words alone. Maybe they can hold each other’s hands and the words will pass through each of them soundlessly.

He thinks of Kakashi-sensei and his warm gaze, cooking pancakes for his team the only morning of last month he’d not been swamped with Anbu missions. Naruto had never even had a pancake before, never even heard of one. His best friend was so excited. Kakashi-sensei was so happy to put that expression on Naruto’s face. Sakura was ecstatic for her sensei to teach her something new, bouncing on the balls of her toes and twirling her hair around her finger. Kakashi-sensei, they learned, was a rather skilled cook, despite the utter lack of food and ingredients he’d had before they moved in. He’d been able to flip the pancakes in the air using only the pan, and shape animal ears onto the pancakes, each perfect in size.

He thinks of his promise to buy his sensei a chef apron after the Chunin Exams.

The swarm of sadness that follows makes him physically ill.

“He’s really gone.” Sakura whispers, choking on her words. “I—I. I found the body myself.” He sees that her tears are about to overflow, but can’t think of anything that would make Sakura feel better. Instead he just squeezes her hand and closes his eyes.

Sakura does the same, leaning back into the plastic chair with a breathy sigh.

Time passes, and Sasuke spends every minute replaying the return of his brother in his mind, feeling increasingly useless the more times he realizes how little he could’ve done to prevent his sensei’s death. The only thing he could’ve done was the one thing he wasn’t willing to do. He could’ve gone with Itachi. That way, Itachi wouldn’t have hurt anybody. To put an end to his obsessing, Sasuke’s brain finally comes to a conclusion that leaves his heart as frozen as the walls imprisoning him.

_Kakashi-sensei is dead, and I’m selfish enough to be grateful for his sacrifice._

\------

_Four days earlier: Sakura_

Sakura’s been in pain a lot in her lifetime. It’s an undeniable fact. And, since she no other choice but to endure the torture of growing up an experiment, then she’s accepting the barest reward of getting to declare to the world that she knows pain. She knows pain intimately. She’s survived through the unimaginable, through Kabuto and Orochimaru staring down at her with twin matching grins, wielding scalpels and medical masks while her wrists were bound. The memories overwhelm her from time to time, but mostly, Sakura has them under control.

Still. Pain is, somehow, lesser, when it’s trapped away within the confines of her memories. Enduring something once doesn’t make it hurt less when it happens again. It just makes you less unsuspecting to the harsh reality of the world.

She presses her fingers to the bandage on her cheek and lets her eyes fall closed. She’s kneeling in the grass, her thighs, ankles, wrists, and chest burning with black and blue bruises. Someone healed her, though, because there’s a bandage on her cheek. She’s awake, but she doesn’t how she got here. The last thing she can remember outside of the Genjutsu Itachi cast is Itachi binding her with seals and pressing a burning blade to her cheek. She knows that the burn will scar. She can feel the mark already forming beneath the bandage.

She woke up just a few minutes prior, blinking her eyes groggily. She should’ve been screaming as she jerked awake, but all she did was hunch her shoulders and roll onto her side, willing herself to fall back to sleep. But then the memories came back to her, one by one like sand grains falling into an hourglass, and she’d sat up. Sakura had looked around and got on her knees, her breathing heavy and confusion dominant.

She has no idea what kind of Genjutsu she was just trapped inside. There is no comparison of pain she can make to truly decipher if it was the worst thing she’d ever experienced, but she knows, distinctly and clearly, that the memory of that pain will be carried with her throughout the rest of her life. She will always remember Itachi Uchiha’s Genjutsu, and she will remember it with quivering fists and hatred in her eyes.

She kneels on the grass, but she’s only temporarily forgotten how to stand, and if the world lets her have this small moment to breathe she will remember how to stand and she will stand tall. Sakura rarely gives herself moments of reprieve to gather her bearings. She deserves this one.

She does, eventually, get up from the floor, rubbing her aching neck and rolling out her shoulders. She brushes her fingers against her cheek and winces at the numbness. She can’t feel her mouth, inside or out. She prods her tongue gently into the cheek but still, there is nothing. She has a feeling she will prefer the odd numbness to whenever the pain returns and she has to figure out how to eat around the new wound.

She looks around, trying to clear her throat and failing miserably. Whoever healed her is long gone. _Kabuto...?_

Her eyes narrow in on a medical bag lying on the floor a little ways away, speckled with blood. Her vision spins in and out, but she fights through the exhaustion and stiffly strides over to the offending object.

She picks up the bag, confirming it as Kabuto’s when she thinks back to the one he had attached to his hip. A reverse hit and run, then—a heal and run. She’s not filled with overwhelming gratitude, but she’s forgiving enough to appreciate the sentiment, and the small clue he left to let her know of his recent presence. _But how did I get here?_ This isn’t the clearing she was originally in when Itachi caught her.

_How the hell did Kabuto save me?_

She moves to take another step but shouts—actually, truly shouts—when a striking pain shoots up her sides. She groans and doubles over, wrapping her arms across her torso. After a long, grueling moment of deep breathing, Sakura manages to straighten up. She pulls the hem of her shirt up to reveal a sight that has her breath stuttering. Gone is her usual hue, replaced with deep elongated bruises that travel from just below her hips all the way up to the lining of her bra. _What fun_ , she thinks sarcastically, gruffly shoving back down her shirt. If Sasuke were here he could—

“Sasuke!” she shouts his name out loud, and with his name comes crowding a hundred more concerned thoughts from the panicked part of her conscious.

Her senses are coming back to her, one by one. She can smell iron everywhere, the blood gag-worthy, and the brightness of the sun is headache inducing. At least she can gauge that she wasn’t unconscious for a super long time, since the sun is still shining.

_Wait a minute, if I’m alive...what happened to Sasuke? Did we successfully fake his death? Did Itachi get to him?_

Her chest heaves. She controls her breathing the moment she notices how erratic it has become, instead focusing on the next challenge. Only, she’s not sure what to do. The only thing she can think of is getting back to the village, and in her current state that could take hours of stumbling and whimpering pathetically in pain. The mere idea of walking worsens her headache and makes the aches in her body scream in protest. She doesn’t think she can walk that far. But there’s a thrumming in her veins that’s working as a sort of adrenaline, and Sakura decides there are more important things that fear of physical pain. She’ll get through it. She has to know what’s happened to her team, for better or worse. That doesn’t make the floor look any less tempting, nor does it ease the impossibility of the daunting task before her, and if she gets lost she doesn’t know what she’s going to do. She’ll cry, probably. But she has a cause, and with a cause Sakura can accomplish anything.

That is, if she wasn’t suddenly completely distracted by the sound of a whimper, feint and in the opposite direction she’s supposed to be headed (she thinks, if she can recall the way properly). Sakura twitches. The whimpering continues on, and, curiosity peaked, Sakura tilts her head towards it.

_It’s an animal._ She realizes. Against all better judgment her aching feet start following the sound, because when a decent person hears the sound of an injured animal, they have no choice but to help. She moves through the trees, wincing with each step and cursing herself for the curiosity she feels towards finding the crying animal.

The closer she wobbles the more familiar and distinctive the whining becomes. _A dog_ , she identifies. A couple more stumbling feet and she hears a sharp bark that causing her mind to short-circuit. “Pakkun?” she asks out loud. Over the last month she’s familiarized herself with Kakashi-sensei’s summons. She’d recognize Pakkun anywhere.

She stumbles into a flimsy run, wincing at the pull on her bruises. She keeps at it for a short distance that agonizes for an eternity, until she finds herself halting at the clearing Itachi chased her into. Except this time, she stops on her own accord, not because she’s not being attacked. Somehow, it still feels like someone’s just knocked her to the floor.

Sakura’s eyes zero in on the middle of the clearing. She’s looking down at Pakkun, only, the ninken isn’t alone. Pakkun is curled up into the arm of her sensei, nose pressed into the crook of his shoulder, usual perky tail weighed down by an invisible force. Sakura doesn’t make a sound. Her feet stop pounding against the forest floor. She hones in on her sensei, paling skin, wet mask, and matted hair. There is a kunai knife lodged into his temple, gushing steadily with blood sliding down his forehead by the will of gravity. His original eye is lifeless, and his Sharingan is nowhere to be seen. An empty, bottomless cavern of blood tells Sakura his eye was ripped out pre-mortem. Bodies don’t bleed so heavily once they’re dead.

And she knows he’s dead. She knows it the moment she lays eyes on his still form because her sensei doesn’t let an injury get to him. He pushes through whatever, be it a cut, a bruise, or a fifty foot tall mountain.

What she doesn’t realize right away is that whilst saving her life, Kakashi-sensei lost his. She doesn’t realize it until she’s kneeling next to him, blood coating her wrists as she stares into his eyes and reflects the lifelessness looking back at her. Pakkun hardly takes notice of her, just starts howling a little louder, mourning the death of his boss _._ His fur coat is wet and slippery with blood, his eyes wide and sorrowful.

Sakura grabs ahold of her sensei’s face, feeling more blood slide between her fingertips. Kakashi did not die painlessly. She removes her hands almost immediately, eyes zeroing in on the rip in his Jonin Jacket. She reaches out without thinking about, her fingers curling into the ripped vest and skin. She can feel the gaping wound on his chest beneath her fingertips, and every corpse dummy she’s ever held is nothing compared to the clamminess of her sensei’s body.

“Pakkun.” Sakura’s voice shakes uncontrollably, “Is Itachi gone?” the thought of Kakashi-sensei dying, only for Itachi to get his hands on Sasuke anyway threatens to crumble her entire _world_.

The dog takes a moment to look up from beneath Kakashi-sensei’s arm, his beady eyes boring into hers. The dog straightens up for an ephemeral moment of countenance that Sakura will forever appreciate in her moment of weakness. “Yes.” Pakkun assures.

And that’s all it takes for Sakura to start crying.

Sakura takes her time to grieve right then and there. She wraps both her arms around his chest and presses her forehead under his chin, not bothering to swallow back her tears. She clings to him, and with every sob torn from her throat the idea solidifies in her mind just a bit more. _He’s dead, he’s dead, and I won’t see him ever again._ No one will.

She curls her knees in closer to his body, aware that she’s covering herself in his blood, aware that his body is beginning to lose its warmth. Her sensei’s not cold yet, but it’s only a matter of time.

She stays like that until she can’t anymore, until she wrenches away and screams up at the sky, until her cries turn to rage and she’s shaking him, begging him to take it back; to take back saving her. Then she imagines the argument she’d be having with him if he was right there next to her, because her brain can’t stop repeating his voice again and again in her mind like the electric shocks in her nerves have gone rogue. _I didn’t just do it for you_ , he’d say, _Sasuke and everyone else in this village is safe._

It stills Sakura’s rage into exhaustion. She collapses back to her knees and gazes at her sensei, seeing through his corpse, seeing the memories this man blessed her with. She kneels there until she doesn’t have any energy left, and Pakkun has retired to her arms, whines long-since stoppered. They sit in silence together. Sakura’s nose presses into his fur and her hand clutches her sensei’s gloved one. He can’t grip back. He can’t lift his arm to squeeze their fingers together.

_He’s dead._ She confirms to herself, standing up and wiping her tears with her arm, letting Pakkun hop down to the floor. _And I’m the first one to know._

It’s strange to imagine that in every part of Konoha but right here, Kakashi Hatake is alive.

Sakura knows, suddenly, that pain is comparable when it is within yourself. She knows this hurts more than the experiments, she knows this hurts more than the curse seal, and she knows this hurts more than Itachi Uchiha’s Genjutsu. Sakura knows Kakashi-sensei is her responsibility now. And she knows his death is more painful than anything else she’s felt before.

“Pakkun.” Sakura says the name again, except this time, it is with authority. The dog barks up at her, not in his usual excited manner, but in a sharp, attentive way. “You’re injured?” she inquired.

Quietly, the pug shuffles on his hurt paw. “I’ll carry you.” Sakura suggests. “And you can tell me what I need to know about sensei’s death. I’m not asking for everything, just a story I can explain to the mortuary affairs professionals when I report him dead.” She doesn’t need to tack on that they can’t carry him back themselves, and that she’s going to need to ask someone to come get him. Pakkun already knows their limited capabilities.

The dog lets her scoop him into her folded arms. Somehow, the bruises hurt her less when she starts walking, Pakkun and his nose quietly guiding her through the quickest way back to central Konoha. On the journey Sakura both grieves the loss of her sensei’s face and allows relief to flood. She’s glad she’s no longer tempted to look into the man’s deadened gaze.

Pakkun gives her a crisp report. Itachi Uchiha was attacking her and backed off when Kakashi-sensei showed up. Pakkun was summoned to drag her away. He dragged her off as far as he could, guarding her dutifully. Then Yakushi Kabuto appeared out of nowhere, from the direction of Kakashi and Itachi’s battle. Somehow, the two ex-Anbu hadn’t noticed his presence. At first, Pakkun admits to being skeptical, but tells her Kabuto showed he meant no harm. Sakura rolls her eyes, but she’d never admit it the action was almost fond. Kabuto then healed Sakura and just...disappeared. Then, when Pakkun went to find his boss...Kakashi Hatake was dead.

The trip back to central Konoha is shorter than it would’ve been if she was alone. Even so, by the end of the walk her arms are shaking as they hold Pakkun, and with each step she takes her legs muscles burn. She’s aware how terrible she must look, with blood all over her, even soaking through the bandage stuck to her cheek and rapidly lubricating the suction. Her hair is matted together, she’s covered in sweat, and her body is covered in bruises. Sakura’s only saving grace is that her eyes lose their crying puffiness without needing too much effort on her part. She shoves down the part of her that wants to burst into tears all over again, and catches sight of the edge of the forest and a path to central Konoha. The knowledge of the end to her trek does nothing to make Pakkun lighter in her hands, however. Her limbs and chest still feel weighed down.

She steps into central Konoha and observes the wreckage. In between every other structure there is a burnt down building now dripping with water. Injured civilians cry for help underneath massive wood chips, brick piles, and stones. As she limps further down the smoking streets she catches sight of a man whose leg is trapped beneath a street light, the weight right at the center of his knee. His leg won’t make it out of that surgery.

She tries to ignore his pain in favor of her own, but after walking no more than two feet away, can’t stomach the thought. She’s heading over to him in without thinking it through, Pakkun giving her a confused, delirious look. The infection on his leg is worsening. She feels his nose and its dry, but she’s never owned a dog before, so she doesn’t know if checking a dog’s temperature through its nose is a myth or not.

_Ill’ll get him to the hospital to be delivered to the Inuzka soon_ , she swears to herself. But first this man needs her help. She notices he has a daughter who’s barely reached walking-age crying next to him and picks up her pace as best she can, arriving in front of them with impressive speed. She sets Pakkun down beside the pained man. “I’m here to help.” She tells him and his daughter, lifting up the small child into her arms and moving her out of the way. She struggles into a position horizontal to the man’s legs, lying down on her back and placing her feet on the light pole. Pakkun whines at the loss of her body heat but otherwise doesn’t verbally protest her actions. She rocks back and forth for a moment, testing the waters, before kicking up with all her might. The light pole pops upward for a moment and Sakura strains, relief flooding her when the light pole roles off of her feet and smashes into the ground. The man gasps in relief, his leg spasming.

He looks over to her, propping himself up on his arms. He’s in his mid-thirties, she thinks, and when his toddler daughter throws herself upon his legs Sakura wills herself to smile. If either of her teammates were here, they could make the man some sort of sling, but Sakura can only offer to help him stand, using her shoulder as leverage. He balances precariously on his injured leg as ninja around them rush to stop fires and save lives. She feels oddly a part of something, in that moment, with everyone around her working towards the same goal. It’s a small comfort. “Thank you,” the man nods, though neither of them think to ask each other for their names. Making sure he’s steady on his own, Sakura extricates herself to lift his daughter away from his legs and into his arms. The girl’s tears overflow once she’s in her father’s embrace. Sakura can’t stand to look any longer.

One father left her, and the other died to save her. She wishes she could go back and hug him a hundred more times than she did.

Sakura waves over a ninja and they come over to them in a flash, recognizing her as a fellow ninja. The unfamiliar Chunin grabs onto the pained man and starts helping him in the direction of the hospital, quietly thanking her. Sakura just nods, watching them retreat out of sight.

Sakura scoops up Pakkun and carries on. The battle is over, and she should be more shocked by this, and yet, all she feels is a strong sense of responsibility. Rebuilding the village after this mess of a surprise attack is going take months, and the effects on people’s lives will last for years, injuries, lost loved ones, or otherwise.

That man isn’t the only person she stops to help. She told herself _just the one_ , but that resolution quickly fell through when she realized she was one of the few able bodies left—or more accurately, the damage outweighed the amount the able bodies were capable of. A kunoichi waves her over and Sakura sets down Pakkun to help the woman lift up a board and release a civilian woman who’d been suffocating beneath. A group of shinobi shout out to her, and she hurries over to help the men coax five children out from underneath the rubble of a building; there isn’t a parent in sight. She helps a young woman out of her own volition, because her best friend has a large gash wound and she’s not strong enough to take her to the hospital. Sakura admires the young woman’s handiwork of suppressing the blood flow with her jacket, before angrily screeching at a nearby Suna shinobi until he bothers to help the two girls out. All the while, Pakkun trails along with her. She’s bone-tired, but when she spots the leaning pile of wood halfway through blocking the exit to a burning building, Sakura has to join the group of ninja’s pressing their backs against it to keep it upright and ensure the civilians inside can safely escape. A couple ninja have already begun casting water jutsu to put out the fires as Sakura and her fellow ninja strain to keep the rubble upright, and the relief they all feel when the last civilian rushes out of the building and into safety is palpable, and not just because they can finally put their muscles to rest and let the rubble fall.

Each time she passes an injured individual Sakura considers not helping them. She imagines rushing to the hospital to answer all of her questions about the state of her loved ones and finally getting some rest of her own. But then she remembers Kakashi-sensei’s bloodied face. She can’t comprehend being responsible for anyone else in her village receiving the same devastating news about their loved ones as she has. So she helps the young boy with a concussion, the old man crying about his family’s business burning to the ground, and the pregnant woman afraid to inhale too much smoke. She helps them because if she doesn’t, it’d be her fault if something to them. She helps them because no one deserves to suffer, and because she now understands how meaningless the ache in her bones is compared to the life of a loved one permanently eradicated.

When Sakura finally makes it to the hospital, she’s acquired several new injuries. Bruises on her knuckles, splinters in between her toes where her sandals don’t cover, and a lot of missing strands of hair. She’s also no longer holding Pakkun, because on her way she ran into an Inuzuka who’d scooped him from her and wrapped his wound, introducing herself as _Hana_ and swearing to deliver Pakkun to a proper animal hospital. Sakura believed the older girl.

Sakura can stay standing amongst the mass of ninja and civilians crowding around the outside of the hospital. Someone shoves into her hard, sending Sakura tumbling onto the ground, and unexpectedly, the person swoops down to help her up. He has an apologetic, nervous face, and his glasses remind her of Kabuto. “Oh! I’m so sorry!” he quickly brings her to her feet. “I’m supposed to be out here helping emergency patients into stretchers and instead I’m knocking the able ones down!”

_Huh._ Sakura thinks, because maybe Kabuto designed his look after the stereotypical medic. She briefly imagines Sasuke in a medic coat like the boy before her, black rimmed studious glasses pulled over her nose, and for that brief moment she thinks about smiling. But she can’t, not with the weight on her mind, so instead she just gives the boy a nod. “You’re alright.” And with that assurance, the stranger disappears into the crowd, reaching into the medical pack on the back of his thigh and rushing towards a collapsed woman.

Sakura struggles through the crowds, no longer trying to help the injured people, but instead just trying to make her way to the stairs. Reaching and then climbing the stairs is hell, medics rushing down and up endlessly, patients crowding around the bottom waiting for an opening to squeeze inside. Sakura’s eyes flit about her, overstimulated by the piercing volume of the voices around him.

“Sakura!”

She startles, eyes shooting upward.

“Sakura!” The voice is from Ino, who is standing beside the propped open medical doors and waving excitedly. Sakura feels a rush of relief flood her. With regained vigor she forces her way up the stairs, stopping in horror when she notices a small girl curled up next to the railing and clutching it with tiny pale hands, watching wide-eyed as people bustle past her. Sakura grunts as someone slams into her shoulder, surely deepening the bruises already littering her skin. She doesn’t bother to yell at them. Instead, she ducks low and heaves the small girl into her arms, rushing up the stairs and making it to the doorway, only to find Ino has been swept away by the chaos of the hospital interior. Sakura shudders, setting down the girl and realizing in horror that the small child is covered in blood. A medic comes barreling towards her, scooping up the small child and shouting things at her coworkers. Sakura swallows as she watches the girl get manhandled onto a stretcher, a device fitted across her mouth.

Before she can think too harshly about it, a hand lashes out and grabs hers, pulling her inward. Sakura nearly shrieks, but then she sees the dainty wrist and blue painted nails. “Ino!” the words are spoken in the crook of Ino’s neck, her arms immediately tangling around her best friend’s, Ino’s blonde hair filling her mouth and eyes. She doesn’t care. She inhales Ino’s hair deeply, and pulls her arms around her tighter. They stand there for a moment, the rest of the chaos sweeping away, before someone else shouts her name.

“Sakura?! Oh thank God!” the voice is Shikamaru, and he barrels towards them, wrapping himself in their hug. She notices the way he struggles as he does so, and remembers Itachi hurting him. The thought of Itachi makes her blood boil, and tears spring to her eyes. She suppresses the feeling and instead clings to her friends tighter.

“Let’s go over here.”

“Yeah, we need to get out of the way!”

Their voices envelop her ears, and Sakura gladly lets herself be guided towards what appears to be a waiting area. Many treated patients are huddling on the floor and around chairs. Ino and Shikamaru drag her to a corner in the room. Ino helps Shikamaru sit, her hand never leaving Sakura’s, and together the three of them huddle on the hospital floor, keeping as close as possible. It’s calmer over here, as if the three of them have just leapt out of tornado and our now watching it wreak havoc from a distance. It’s also so much quieter. She’d hardly been aware of the loud noises until the quietness rang pleasantly in her ears, assuaging her pounding headache.

“How are you...?” Shikamaru trails off, looking her up and down. “Did Kakashi-sensei get you out of there?”

She hadn’t expected Shikamaru to know Kakashi-sensei came after her. She hadn’t prepared for Ino already knowing that Itachi Uchiha infiltrated the village. But she keeps her cool, maintaining a calm exterior _. Should I tell them...?_

She dismisses the absurd question as soon as it comes. _Of course_ she should tell them. And then she needs to get in contact with a Mortuary Affairs Professional to have them gather the body, and then she needs to get to Naruto and Sasuke and explain what’s happened. She can’t relax right now. She’s not outside the tornado. She’s in the eye of the storm.

But...she doesn’t want to tell them. She’s still reeling from the news herself. She’ll just—she’ll leave out the part about her sensei. She wants the first people to know to be Naruto and Sasuke, and she wants them to hear it from her and not the rumor mill. If she tells Shikamaru and Ino, Sakura knows that they’ll start a chain reaction that leads to everyone learning of the truth.

She wants to keep quiet. She’s won’t be able to discuss it without bawling her eyes out for no tangible reason other than a hysterical sadness within her. Also, her teammates deserve a calm discovery of Kakashi-sensei’s death, so breaking down now will only make her life harder in the long run.

Sakura takes a deep breath and straightens her shoulders, preparing not to lie, but to withhold. It’s a task that’s going to be far more exhausting than her brain is okay with.

“He got me out of there.” She confirms, but because she knows questions will arise after her statement, and she needs to know what’s been going on with everyone else _now_ , says, “How did you escape?”

Shikamaru doesn’t think much of it. He launches into an explanation which Sakura forces herself to engage in, shoving past the swirl of thoughts that say _he’s dead, he’s dead, he’s dead_ _and nothing else matters_. She doesn’t actually believe that. She’s going to be okay. She has to be.

Shikamaru tells her of Kuru, the medic that arrived, helped him, healed Sasuke, and got in contact with Kakashi-sensei. She files the name away and swears to find the medic later so she can tell her personally what’s happened to her sensei, and thank her for saving her teammate. Shikamaru’s voice occasionally mixes with Ino as they go over the dramatic events of the day. Shikamaru tells her that Sasuke’s okay, and she hadn’t realized there was such a heavy weight on her chest until she hears those words and the weight vanishes. _Sasuke’s okay,_ she thinks, and a part of her relaxes.

“Naruto’s okay, too! We all are!” Ino interjects. Sakura smiles for the first time in hours, a small, grateful thing.

Shikamaru carries on. He tells her that despite the wound in his chest, he’d raced to find Ino, leaving Sasuke to Kuru. Kuru brought him to the hospital. Sasuke’s been in the Emergency Ward since Shikamaru and Ino got here, so they don’t know how many hours he’s been a patient, especially since it took them nearly a half hour to find any information on him from the front desk.

But back to the story—in the middle of searching for Ino, Shikamaru started to get chased by a group of enemy ninja. He’d tried to run them off, but they were faster than him and he was wearing down from the injury in his chest. “For such a genius, you’re clueless, you know that?” Ino interrupts him, looking furious with her teammate for trying to find her whilst enduring a bleeding wound. Shikamaru just rolls his eyes as Ino overtakes the story.

“I found Shikamaru before he could find me.” Ino tells her, and jumps into her own story that Sakura leans into. Ino was in the stands with Naruto and the other Genin when the attack started. It’s clear she and Shikamaru have already swapped stories, by the way Shikamaru nods along understandingly throughout the entire reiteration. Ino asked Choji to undo the Genjutsu placed on the rest of their friends, before joining Naruto in his quest to stopper the Suna Jinchuriki, Subaku no Gaara. Here Ino pauses hesitantly, but Sakura waves off the concern beginning to etch into both Shikamaru and Ino’s faces.

“It’s alright.” She assures. It’s the first real words she’s spoken in past twenty minutes since they’ve started ranting. “I already know Naruto is a Jinchuriki. He told me a while ago.”

The concern melts off their faces. “Oh okay, well in that case...” and Ino continues on.

She tells Sakura of everything, of the fight with Gaara, of the sensei’s fighting in the arena. She rants about her plan with the kunai and explosive tag actually working, and her face crumbles when she talks about the explosions that rocked the Earth. They all take a quiet moment to mourn the lost town, Sakura’s heart panging for the souls, before Ino hesitantly rambles on. Sakura learns all about Naruto’s speedy catch-up to Gaara, the way he’d fought so full-force and so _elegantly._ Sakura has to snort at Ino’s choice of words. She earns a slap to the shoulder and an extremely sassy eye roll for her noncommittal snark.

Ino, heartfelt, explains Kankarou saving Naruto only to be crushed by Gaara’s sand, and lighting up when Neji and Hinata arrived onto the battle. Neji and Hinata saved Temari and Kankarou from the swarm of sand that was summoned when Ino—

“You did _WHAT_?!”

“See?! See?! THAT’S THE SAME REACTION I HAD!! _Thank you!_ ”

“What possessed you to try to use MIND-TRANSFER on a _Jinchuriki_ —“

Ino groans loudly, her voice whining. “Okaayyy, I get it! Now shut up and let me finish! It worked really well in the end!” she emphasizes her complaint with an exasperated huff.

Apparently, Ino’s Mind Transfer had the desired effect, and it messed with Gaara’s seal and demon enough to force him to lose control. Once Naruto could go all out without worrying about killing the other boy, the battle was ended within the hour. Ino wasn’t there for it, though, only Temari was. Ino says Temari’s name rather distastefully. Ino tried to huddle and negotiate with the other girl, but she describes the girl’s reaction as uncooperative and overemotional. Sakura and Shikamaru wince. No one wants to be on Ino’s bad side; she’s both eloquent and accurate with her insults.

Ino goes on to explain how Hinata notices Shikamaru in the distance, as well as the enemy ninja chasing him. Ino was sent to go after the potential enemies, who were following someone that at the time they’d had yet to realize was Shikamaru. That’s how Ino ran into Shikamaru and the two of them took down an entire group of Sound ninja with ‘nothing but the power of teamwork’ (their words, not Sakura’s).

At the end of her story Ino concludes that she and Shikamaru made it back to the clearing where Naruto and Gaara were battling only to find utter destruction. They’d traveled back to Central Konoha, where the overall battle was concluding, and it took them nearly an hour to get through the crowds and make it into the hospital. Shikamaru had been very dizzy by that point and in serious need of medical attention. He and Ino were briefly separated by the medics, where Shikamaru was forced to endure a handful of painkillers as the only numbing agent whilst the medics stitched his side together. They couldn’t waste their chakra on such a minor injury, so stiches it was. Which explains the bandage on Shikamaru’s ribs, as well as the constant wincing; she can’t feel too bad for him, though. At least he received medical attention, unlike half the other people around the hospital.

Sakura quietly reiterates the most important parts of their stories in her mind, overwhelmed by the sudden swarm of info.

Sasuke and Naruto are both in the hospital. They’re the only injured members, so far, of all of Konoha 12.

She notices after a moment of heavy silence that Shikamaru and Ino are looking at her expectantly...waiting for her story. She rubs her hands together, getting a sudden, unpleasant rush of Itachi Uchiha’s Genjutsu, followed swiftly by an image of her sensei’s bloodied face. She grits her teeth through the flashes, patiently waiting out the churning in her stomach.

Then she forces herself to meet their gazes. “I...uh... _oh_.” she clears her throat, feeling water sting at her eyes. “I’m sorry.” Sakura tries to shake herself off, her leg bouncing.

Ino’s brow furrows. Sakura waves her hands about before she can say anything comforting, swallowing thickly. She’s about to just blurt the truth, to tell them both straight forward what’s happened, but she stops herself. The idea still doesn’t feel right.

“...I think, I think I just want to sort some things out with Naruto, before I talk to you guys, okay?” she finds herself saying, the words coming deep down from some responsible part of herself. “It’s a lot to process, everything with Sasuke and Itachi Uchiha.”

“It’s okay, Sakura,” Ino grabs her hands in hers, understanding shining in her bright blue eyes, so different from Naruto’s, yet equally as sincere. It makes Sakura squirm because she knows that when people stare into her green eyes they see _nothing_ but deception. It’s not as if she’s given them a reason to see something else, though. “It has to be so much.” Ino sympathizes.

Sakura just smiles at her friend and takes the words to heart, because, well, if Ino knew the truth, she’d be saying the exact same thing. Shikamaru nods along with Ino, and the three of them lapse into silence. It’s neither awkward nor comfortable, and the silence is far from peaceful. It’s more like a moment of calm, a time they’re all taking to gather their bearings. Sakura can’t tell if she desperately needs to be alone or wants every person she knows to hug her all at once.

The answer comes to her after a moment of deliberation. What she really wants is Kakashi-sensei to be here, if only to ruffle her hair or pat her head. Sakura swallows down her tears and prays for the time where she can tell Naruto what’s happened. Before anyone else hears the news she wants Naruto to know, then Sasuke, whenever he wakes up. They deserve to be the first to hear.

In the silence of their contemplation, the memories of Itachi Uchiha’s Genjutsu seem unavoidable. She shivers on the floor and lets the hurt overcome her. She thinks that maybe, if she wallows now, it will give her more energy later when she’ll have to dislodge the pain from her chest and tell Naruto what’s happened. It’ll be him first, she knows, because he’ll heal faster than the medics or anyone will anticipate.

It wasn’t like any other Genjutsu she’s ever combatted before. It trapped her for _so long_ —seventy-two hours, Itachi’s voice crooned, filtering through the sea of red and black that consumed the sky. She inhales deeply, her hand ghosting over her jaw. She massages it for a minute, assuring herself that her jaw is intact. She glances at Shikamaru and Ino, noting how they too seem lost in thought, surrounded by the chaos of the hospital yet stuck in their own realities.

For seventy-two hours, Sakura was tortured. The only reason she knew it was a Genjutsu was the red colored sky and Itachi’s insolent gloating. Sakura can feel her face go blank with each passing minute that ticks by, replaying the atrocities wrought upon her. She swears by the blood of that Itachi spilled she’ll kill the man. She won’t hesitate and she won’t make it last. She’ll do it quickly, because the worst thing that could happen to an arrogant, malicious man like Itachi Uchiha is to die suddenly, without realizing it. She’ll split his head open so fast he’ll have no time to prepare a counter-move.

_Don’t fight fire with fire,_ she’s been scolded, but Sakura rolls her eyes at the stray thought. No metaphor can convince her that Itachi doesn’t deserve to die. She’d been able to resist her thoughts before, when he hadn’t done anything to her personally. He’d hurt Sasuke, but ultimately, it was Sasuke’s choice to decide what Itachi Uchiha deserved. Now, though? Itachi Uchiha inserted a pear-shaped device forming two wide prongs into her mouth, stretching her jaw wide. He’d slowly pushed the handles together, causing the prongs in her mouth to pull apart. Then with a click that Sakura can _still_ hear resounding in her ears, the prongs in her mouth snapped apart. He broke every bone in her jaw, chipping her teeth, flooding her mouth with blood. She can still feel the way the prongs dug into her lips and kept her mouth wide, even after her jaw was rendered irreparable. _Now you know_ w _hat it feels like to be silenced,_ Itachi claimed. _Don’t forget it._

After the first time he’d broken her jaw, Itachi dragged her to the center of whatever doomed world he’d created and strapped her to a pole, where she hung limply. She wouldn’t forget the way her jaw was suddenly healed, and healed each time he continued to break her jaw over, and over, and over again. She couldn’t forget the words he’d repeated and repeated while he grabbed her hair and forced her to meet his eyes. _This is it what it feels like to be silenced. This is what it feels like. This is what it feels like._

Seventy-two hours.

She won’t forget it.

She thinks the adrenaline and shock must be wearing off. She doesn’t want it to. It’d been protecting her from the panic. She presses her fingers to her cheek and is surprised when a splice of pain heats her mouth. Her cheek has feeling again.

“What happened to your cheek, Sakura?” Shikamaru’s mumble is soft, hardly conceivable over the roar of the medical jargon being spewed from the mouths of the medics around them like spittle. “Do you need someone to look at it?” he wonders, gaze tracking the way she traces the bandage with her fingertips.

Sakura plucks at the strings of the wrap self-consciously. “A field medic looked at it,” she lies because...because Kabuto is something else, something not quite Konoha. Kabuto is something Shikamaru won’t understand.

“Oh. What...what happened?” he wonders, and she can see he regrets the question as soon as it leaves his mouth, but she’s not bothered. He’s concerned.

She goes for the truth this time, but less because she wants him to know and more because she’s sick of lies. “Itachi burned me with his kunai.” She smiles shakily, trying to hide her dismay behind confidence. “It’s going to be a pretty badass scar, at least.”

Shikamaru snorts, hands lingering over his rib cage. He looks up to the ceiling. “People are such drags. After this, I’m going to go cloud watching in complete isolation and _no one_ can stop me. Not even my mom.” He says with a stubborn narrow of his eyes. Sakura gives him a strange look.

“Your mom won’t let you cloud watch?” she asks incredulously.

Shikamaru shrugs. Ino snorts, shifting back so she can lie down next to her friend and share the view of the hospital ceiling. Sakura doesn’t lie back, but she puts props her arms up behind her and follows their gazes, wondering if Shikamaru is imagining a blue sky in place of the shiny white ceilings

Sakura finds herself thinking out loud. “My mom loved watching the sky. When I was little, I used to ask her what she saw up there. She never told me.” Sakura always hated it when her mother was vague. She’d pester and pester and her mother would wave her hand and say _not now, Sakura_. But whenever her mother talked about the sky there was a quirk to her lips, so Sakura never minded when her mother was vague when she asked about it, because it was one of the few times her mom looked happy.

Shikamaru shakes his head back and forth. “No, see, Sakura? That’s the beauty of it. You see something new every time you look.” And Sakura, well, she likes that explanation. Sakura’s mom loved travelling more than anything, so it only makes sense she’d love something as ever-changing as the sky.

Ino giggles, closing her eyes and stretching out her legs, _oddly_ uncaring to the prying eyes all around them, people who are potentially scorning them for taking up too much floor space. “I just see the sky, Shikamaru. I don’t know what you’re seeing, but it’s probably just because that big head of yours is always up in the clouds.” Ino argues.

Shikamaru doesn’t rise to the bait, instead shrugging a shoulder. “The clouds are a nice place to be.”

After a moment, Sakura and Ino find themselves nodding. “Yeah,” voice gentle, Ino hums, “I bet they are.”

This time, when they lapse into silence, it’s more of a _together silence_ than the individual quietness they’d been caught in before. They all look up to the ceiling and see an expansive sky rather than the blinding white, all imagining themselves anywhere but cramped up in a hospital where they’re injured, parentless, and sensei-less. At least Shikamaru and Ino can tell themselves it’s only temporary.

With a shudder, Sakura looks away from the ceiling, reminding herself that foundationless wishing won’t get her anywhere. Her reality is unavoidable. Her parents aren’t coming back, Kakashi-sensei is dead, and Orochimaru has left a permanent curse on her body that will always be a source of injury.

She’s going to have to learn how to cope with feeling like this all the time. It’s the most daunting task she’s ever been faced with, and Sakura has overcome plenty.

But her thoughts are wiped away as she sits up ramrod straight, because in the entry way of one of the medical wings she spots a mop of blonde hair, squinting in irritation at the medical ninja escorting him out of the hospital. Sakura winces. She should’ve known that despite the battle, the people in this village would still hold their prejudices close to their hearts. Sakura’s standing before she can register the shooting pain in her entire body, her limbs out of her conscious control.

“I’m going to go after him.” she blurts, uncaring to their understanding comments as she rejoins the havoc of the main room, and then the entrance. It’s easier to leave the building than it was to enter it, the natural flow of staff members carrying her down the steps and into the massive crowd of injured civilians and shinobi. The flow of voices and shouting feels much louder than before, or perhaps she’d just gotten used to being an observer of the chaos. Naruto’s mop of blonde hair is easy to spot, and when he catches sight of her, it doesn’t take either of them long to shove their way through a sea of shoulders and knees to stretch their arms out and clasp hands. Together with hands clenched they shove their way out of the mass of crowds and into a lesser stream of people. They follow the emptiness until the two of them are standing next to some dumpsters behind the hospital building, completely alone.

They take a breather while they embrace, hands fisting into each other’s shirts and torso’s slotting together.

Neither have to admit they were scared for each other—it’s clear in just the way they breathe. Soon enough the immediate clinging fades out, and Naruto’s hands grow gentle around her. She softens her own embrace, bumping their knees together and pressing her forehead against his. Her hands cup the back of his neck as Naruto lets her slump her bodyweight against him. She arches her back so she can press herself closer to his chest. They bask in the knowledge that they’d both made it out safely. After they’ve gathered their bearings Sakura pulls away from the hug, taking a moment to look over Naruto’s face. Uninjured, she thinks, except for a bruise forming on his temple. Sakura has to blink rapidly to extinguish the image of a kunai lodged into her sensei’s temple, blood vessels popped and redness oozing into the corners of his mouth. Naruto is okay, she tells herself. He’s here with her.

Naruto is the first to speak, “What happened to your face?!” he practically shouts the words at her, the loudness of his voice startling her. It’s actually relieving to hear his voice, and yet she’d jumped out of her skin all the same. She has the sudden thought that this might be how Sasuke feels every day of his life, when people touch him or remind of something terrible. It’s jarring, to flit between a horrific memory and the current situation.

Sakura briefly thinks about forcing a smile onto her features, but then she remembers that this is Naruto, and around him, she can be real. So she grips his hand and allows herself to feel the sorrow weighing down her bones. “I have so much to catch you up on.” She declares, because _God_ is it true. He doesn’t know anything, she realizes. Not that Itachi infiltrated the village, not that Orochimaru is behind this entire invasion (which she’d learned _not_ from Kabuto—the secretive bastard—but from a kunoichi in central Konoha who’d watched the Kazekage shed his skin and appear as Orochimaru). Naruto isn’t even caught up on Lord Third’s death...Sakura inhales deeply. There is so much to say.

Naruto squeezes her hand. “What do you mean? The battle is over, right?” he asks the question almost rhetorically, but by the quick glance in the direction of the hospital entrance, she can tell he’s not super sure that his assumption is correct.

“Of course,” Sakura is quick to reassure him. “And Sasuke’s okay, too, by the way. He’s in the hospital, the medics are doing everything they can to take care of his injuries. The only person that’d be able to explain it to you in detail is him, so...sorry, I don’t have much for you. But I know he’s okay.” She’s rambling a bit, because she’s nervous, and she knows that Naruto won’t want to hear what she has to say.

Sakura does really need to get this story off of her chest, though, so bad news or not she finds her mouth moving all the words that’d been stacking in her brain finally tumbling down. It’s relieving to be able to say everything without repercussions. She might be jumping into an explanation too quickly, but she pushes past her concerns and let’s herself confide in Naruto. Naruto’s face is open and expressive. He’s always been the person she loves talking to the most.

She starts with what happened during her battle against Shikamaru; the poison, the shock of the Genjutsu. She lingers on the panic of how many enemy ninja they’d found outside the tower building, waiting to capture escapees. She tells him of her and Shikamaru getting separated when she used herself as a distraction. Throughout the story she keeps her eyes focused on Naruto. She’s determined. She doesn’t let her gaze stray to the hospital walls or the trash cans propped open all around them. It’s not the most comfortable setting, but Sakura doesn’t even think about it. She simply lets everything off of her chest.

She doesn’t gloss over the details of the curse seal and how it’d crept upon her, how she hadn’t been able to control it. She finds herself explaining the feelings in intricate detail. Naruto listens to her rather patiently, never interrupting beyond sounds of affirmation. It’s only once she gets to Kabuto’s part of the story that she realizes her mistake.

_Naruto doesn’t know about Kabuto._

She freezes up, blinking at herself, her jaw dropping. She winces, grabbing her cheek and her jaw, because she’s still feeling phantom pains of the Genjutsu and moving like that was a stupid thing to do. 

Naruto furrows his brow at her. “What, what is this, a cliffhanger?” he wonders, only half-joking, throwing his hands in the air. Her gaze follows his expressively moving arms. She notices he’s in nothing but the black t-shirt he wears underneath his orange jacket. Sakura can see how the skin on his arms is flawless, strong arms, clear skin. It makes her feel self-conscious about all the scars that litter her own clammy arms. She refrains from looking down at herself in comparison. Sakura refuses to consider how the scar marring her cheek will look. Naruto has his whisker scars. Naruto won’t care.

Right? Right. Why would he care about something like that?

“Kabuto found me.” She tells him after an awkward pause, and then she waves her hands around and clears her throat, her eyes flickering about as she becomes more and more flustered. “That’s a, that’s a total story for another time. We’ve got more immediate issues to focus on.” She says gruffly, and Naruto just shrugs, muttering a quiet _okay_ under his breath. He sounds irritated. Sakura breezes past his aggravation because she wasn’t lying. It really is a story for another time.

Sakura carries on, telling Naruto all about how Kabuto healed her, and then moving towards how Kabuto told her some extremely disturbing news. He’d caught sight of an intruder within the village. She skirts around the main topic for a moment, knowing she can’t simply blurt out this next piece of information. Sakura takes a deep breath, refocusing her eyes to meet Naruto’s. “Remember those explosives?” Sakura asks.

Naruto grabs onto her arm in concern. Sakura leans into his hold, shifting closer. “The explosions that destroyed Syoboku?” his voice is temperate as he asks, but his eyes are alarmed.

Sakura nods, surprised he’d known exactly which town was targeted. Trust Naruto to always be on top of things. Sakura shifts even closer to him, moving until their sandals are brushing against each other. Naruto’s mostly clean, other than his bloody clothes. The medics must’ve wiped him down. Sakura is still utterly disgusting, covered in blood, bruises, smoke, and debris. Sakura pulls away a bit, feeling stupid for acting so disheveled and out of order; Naruto probably thinks she’s gone crazy, with the way she looks and has been behaving. Sakura clears her throat awkwardly, forcing the next set of words out of her throat, because right now? None of that other stuff matters; there are so many more actually important things to be focusing on. “I know who did it.” Sakura states, “It wasn’t the Sand or Sound.” Sakura takes a deep breath, preparing herself for the fallout of her words. “It was Itachi Uchiha.” Then, all she can do is wait for his response, gaze locked onto his.

Naruto’s face goes through a torrent of expressions. His brow twitches, his lips tighten, his eyes widen, and then it’s all wiped away with a sickened, abrupt glare. He’s uncomprehending to her words, but Sakura can see the cogs turning in his mind as the knowledge sinks in. He lets go of her arm to wipe his forehead and sweep back his bangs, then rubs his eyes roughly. Finally, Naruto steps away from her, his hands held out in front of him like he’s preparing for an attack. “Sakura,” His voice is both sharp and pleading, “Who did that to your cheek?”

Sakura struggles to focus. Her brain is distracted by a hundred different things, but she should be focusing on helping Naruto understand the recent events. She’s not, though, because she’s too selfish to _actually_ help someone. All she can do is make Naruto feel hurt and worried.

It takes her a long moment to find the right words. “Naruto, I’m trying to explain, I am, it’s just a lot to cover—“ Sakura starts to reason, but snaps her mouth at the sudden shift in the air. The look Naruto gives her is anything but pleasant.

Naruto’s blinks at her in bewilderment . “Do you really think this is some mission report?” he spits, and Sakura startles at how harshly his words leave tumble from his mouth. “’A lot to cover’ isn’t really _covering_ the gravity of what you just told me.” He argues.

Sakura’s walls rise defensively, startled by the way Naruto is trying to pick a fight with her over this. “Wha—? How else did you want me to tell you?” She takes a step back towards him, gawking when he takes another step back. She snaps her aching jaw shut and purses her lips, trying to figure out how to deescalate the situation. 

Naruto swipes a hand through his disheveled blonde hair. “Why is Sasuke in the hospital.” It’s not a question. It’s a demand.

Sakura flounders for a moment, shocked by Naruto’s obstinate behavior. She looks around, raising her hands and opening her mouth only to find that her voice seems to be lost in the turmoil she’s feeling. Sakura gives him a helpless look, curling her fingers and returning her foot to rest beside her. Naruto putting her on the spot like this has left her hesitant.

“Why the hell is Sasuke in the hospital, Sakura?!” he shouts, and she can’t stand it. She hadn’t meant to make him so angry. She was supposed to be here to let him down easy. She’s sees now that she was foolish to think there could ever be a situation where Naruto takes this news easily. It’s in his nature to fight. But this time Naruto can’t do anything to change what’s happened; Itachi was here and he wreaked havoc on all of them. Now they have to deal with it. So, yes, logically Sakura understands that Naruto isn’t mad at her. He’s mad at the picture being painted before him, and it’s his natural instinct to fight through things he finds displeasing.

That doesn’t make it easier for her to shove down the onslaught of tears that sting her eyes from being shouted at. Any other day she could handle Naruto’s roughness, but today has left her weary. She doesn’t have it in her to fight back.

So Sakura shoves down the sorrow as best she can, her eyes glistening. She decides to give him some space. Maybe, if he takes a moment to think, his anger will cool. She’s had plenty of experiences with Naruto’s anger, and his rage usually appears in bursts.

Naruto takes a couple more steps backwards, hands raking through his hair as he looks around himself in a daze. Sakura feels suffocated by the exhaustion that consumes her.

“How are you acting like this?” Sakura finds herself asking. “How am I supposed to tell you everything else when you won’t listen?” it’s a genuine question, one she hopes he takes to heart. She feels like a broken record, with how many times she’s asked Naruto to listen to her in the past fifteen minutes.

He doesn’t listen, though, which is probably why Sakura has to keep repeating herself.

Naruto laughs in her face, and Sakura doesn’t bother not to feel offended. She gives him a worn out look as he starts pacing back and forth, before he’s standing before her and waving his arm around indignantly. “You want me to just be fine, knowing that my best friend’s sociopathic brother arose from the pit he’d disappeared to _SEVEN YEARS AGO_ to come here to hurt him and my girlfriend? You think I should be FINE?!” he yells at her, his words bouncing off the hospital walls and ringing in her ears. Sakura digs her nails in deeper to her palms and forces herself not to sink to his level and worsen his anger. 

“You weren’t there.” She retaliates, and then, because he can’t seem to remember her words, “I need you to try to listen to me because there’s so much more you need to know. I haven’t even told you anything yet.” She crosses her arms across her chest.

He wants to fight. She can see it in his eyes. Nothing she says will sway him. So suddenly, she falls silent, aching jaw clenching. It doesn’t even make sense that her jaw hurts. Sure, her cheek burns, she can accept that. But why does it feel like her jaw is falling off? It’d only been a Genjutsu.

She jumps when Naruto starts reeling again, his fight returning full-force. “What the hell do you mean there is more? What happened while I was unavailable for two fucking hours?” Naruto isn’t backing away from her anymore. He’s approaching her, his anger palpable. Sakura holds her ground in the face of his anger. She keeps her face neutral, her lips pursed. Sakura focuses all of her attention on stopping the flow of tears and reminding herself that Naruto’s anger is in no way her fault. He’s angry because it’s his natural response to conflict, not because Sakura’s said something mean or unnecessary.

Right? Right.

She shakes her head, trying to mask her rising anxiety. “It’s not my fault he showed up. Besides, Naruto, there was nothing you could do to stop Itachi Uchiha. You’d only have made it worse, actually, because he’s after you!” Unbidden, she finds herself raising her voice in order to be heard next to his shouting. Once the words leave her mouth she tilts her chin up in hopes of looking confident. Naruto’s impossibly good at arguing and making everyone else feel like he’s always right. He doesn’t do it often, but when he does, he’s a force that _shouldn’t_ be reckoned with. It’s a trait in her boyfriend she begrudgingly admires, despite how often it’s used against her. She avoids remembering all the times Kakashi-sensei was forced to break up one of their arguments. He’ll won’t be around to ever do that again.

Naruto blinks at her in what appears to be astonishment. She exhales in frustration. Sakura’s not stupid. She didn’t say anything that would offend or shock Naruto. But she’s losing her footing, and doubt is beginning to creep in. Maybe she has mucked this conversation up. Sakura forces herself to take a deep, calm breath. She doesn’t want him to find out about what happened because she’s accidentally screamed it at him. The possibility itself makes her shiver in disgust. 

Naruto struggles to regain his bearings, dragging his hand down his face, rubbing and popping his neck in agitation. Sakura takes the moment of reprieve from their back-and-forth to steady herself as well, beyond relieved he’s calming down. Naruto clears his throat. “Okay, Sakura, I’m going to ignore the fact that you just threw my Jinchuriki status in my face in favor of trying to work this out with you.” Naruto mouth seizes into a thin line. “What other important things have happened that I’m unaware of?” despite the lack of yelling, Sakura can still sense some underlying anger in his voice. She can feel her own tenseness worsen. She’d preferred the yelling. Sakura’s never been good at handling people’s feelings when they aren’t upfront about them.

Maybe she _had_ been throwing his Jinchuriki status in his face. It didn’t feel that way. It felt like a legitimate argument, not like an empty insult. But it was a topic Naruto was sensitive about. Sakura shouldn’t have tried using it against him.

“Okay,” Sakura begins, hoping to settle on less explosive territory, feeling all the weight on her chest return in one fell swoop. “Lord Third was killed in a battle against Orochimaru, who disguised himself as the Kazekage in order to infiltrate the village” She pauses, going over the clarity of her statement, before tacking on, “Orochimaru is also the leader of the Sound Village.”

Naruto wraps his hands around his neck and exhales deeply, before nodding in a way that Sakura interprets as _carry on_. She’s surprised he doesn’t have any questions. It makes her unsure of how to proceed. It’s like all those days she’d spent reading psychology books and trying to understand people were for nothing. She’s no closer to understanding people than she ever was. In fact, she feels further away.

Sakura goes to bite her lip, but her cheek flares in pain. Sakura closes her eyes. She wants desperately to say them but her next words leave her mouth very reluctantly. It’s not uncommon for Sakura to feel split within herself, but it’s strange to have her body betraying her mind. Her increased heart-rate, churning stomach, and the perspiration on her forehead all speak of nervousness. Is she nervous? She looks to Naruto’s frustrated, terrified face and decides that yes, her nerves are getting the better of her.

Sakura shuffles. “Itachi did hurt me.” She mutters. “I’ve got a lot of bruises, was put under a rather nasty Genjutsu, but...he burned my cheek with his kunai knife. It’ll scar, and I don’t think it will turn out very pretty.” She shakes herself off, finding that once she starts speaking it’s easier for her to continue. “The important thing is that with Shikamaru’s help I got Itachi away from Sasuke. Once Kabuto’d explained to me he was in the village I went searching for Sasuke and found Shikamaru again, instead. It was lucky of me. I truly believe he saved Sasuke’s life, and...” She thinks about the way he’d called Kakashi-sensei and sent him after her. “And definitely mine, too.”

Naruto is nodding along. Sakura can tell he’s still brimming with anger, however, and it concerns her. She doesn’t want him to be angry, not at her, not at anyone. But she can’t do anything to make his anger go away; the situation is just too terrible. Her lips quiver. _God_ , what was wrong with her? She’s being such a crybaby. If she stays strong, she can help Naruto through this. They can help each other through this.

Naruto nods again, before saying, “I’m glad everyone’s okay.” Sakura’s stomach swoops to her feet because, no, that’s not true. Naruto doesn’t notice her paling face as speaks, looking less overwhelmed than before. “I don’t know how I feel about Lord Third’s death...” he’s searching for comfort, and despite Sakura being terrible in regards to making other people feel better, she tries to help.

“Maybe it’s just shock right now, Naruto. I’m sure you’ll gather your emotions together when everything is less chaotic.” Sakura reasons. Naruto smiles at her, but Sakura gets the feeling it’s more tolerating than appreciative. She goes back over the statement in her mind and shoves down a grimace. It was an awfully condescending thing to say.

Before Naruto can say anything else, and since Sakura’s already mucked up this entire interaction, she runs headfirst into the last part of her explanation. She doesn’t even know if she’s desperate or terrified to tell of what has happened, but what Sakura does know is that Naruto has to find out. He’ll be the first to know, other than her. It’s the smallest mercy she can give him, but at least it is mercy.

“There’s one more thing, Naruto, and it’s going to be really difficult to deal with.” She takes a step closer to him, wondering if he’ll seek out a hug after she tells him. Sakura kind of hopes he will. She could use another Naruto-hug after the day she’s had. She shakes off the needy idea. Naruto can hug if he feels like hugging her, not because Sakura wants him to.

Naruto’s blue eyes cloud over. “...how difficult?” he asks cautiously.

The silence between them is strange compared to the screaming he’d been doing earlier. She lets her eyes go shifty again, observing the creeping darkness onto the day, and honing in on a mesh of bloody bandages that must’ve missed the trashcan and instead fell to the floor beside it.

Sakura purses her lips, feeling her eyes sting more insistently with tears. _Not now,_ she thinks to herself, _there’s no crying now. I can’t make him feel obligated to comfort me; and knowing Naruto, he will._

“It’s really bad.” Sakura almost whispers it. Naruto swallows, and goes quiet, patiently waiting for her to speak. She appreciates his first display of calm.

She’d thought she’d be able to tell the whole story, to tell of how she’d been chased by Itachi and knocked out. She wants to tell him how Kakashi-sensei found and saved her, and when she woke up, she found Kakashi, but it was too late to do any saving. She just can’t seem to turn the story into words. She’d imagined letting Naruto understand the situation thoroughly, but she gets too choked up, and only barely manages to say her next words loud and clear. She doesn’t even know why she can’t seem to make her voice work. It’s just that...her body is failing her, and tears are insistently pushing at her eyes.

“Kakashi-sensei is dead.” When the words fall out of her mouth, Sakura feels nothing. A sudden cold sweep of numbness, because now that Naruto knows, the statement is real.

Naruto goes stock still.

Sakura isn’t sure how to conjure up the proper words to say to him. She thinks staying quiet might be in her own best interest, judging how violently he’d reacted to her before. So she watches the emotions and pain flicker across his face like a whirlwind, constantly changing in turmoil. She hates how powerless she is to make things better. She can’t imagine how it must be for Naruto, who couldn’t even be there to help.

“Oh my God.” Naruto has a hand on his mouth, and he’s stumbling backwards, his eyes impossibly wide. She takes another step forward, anxious for his reaction. “There’s, there’s, how did he...?”

He’s not screaming. He’s steps forward and grabs her by her shoulders, eyes boring into hers. She keeps her face steely as she responds, hoping to help the reality sink in. “Itachi killed Kakashi-sensei.” She tells him, as calmly as she’s capable of.

Naruto’s grip on her arms slackens, his hands sliding down to her elbow and then falling limply to his sides. She thinks he may be losing the anger, his eyes slipping closed. Sakura thinks about taking his hand in hers and comforting him, but thinks better of it. He doesn’t want meaningless sentiments right now.

Naruto reaches out on his own accord, grabbing her shoulder and squeezing. “I should’ve been there.” He tells her. “I should’ve—“ his blue eyes gloss over. She’s never seen such deep pain overcoms his irises. It makes her toes curl and her eyebrows knit together hopelessly.

In all of Sakura’s lifetime, she’s only witnessed Naruto cry two times. Once, when they were eight years old and an old woman threw an apple at his head while he was trying to buy Sasuke a birthday present. Sakura remembers screeching at the woman, storming away and dragging Naruto along by the arm in a fit of rage and confusion. Then she’d noticed his quiet sniffling and been completely at a loss for what to do. Naruto ran away from her before she’d been able to say anything, and the next time she saw him, she didn’t mention the incident. 

The other time was right after the battle with Zabuza. She’d left him to his own company, knowing he’d be ashamed. Kakashi-sensei and Sasuke were injured and pained, Zabuza and Haku were dead. They’d just found out everything about Itachi Uchiha. She’d set out to help him, only to discover him leaning against the bottom of a tree, choking on his sobs. She’d left him. She’d left him because Sakura had thought Naruto needed to be alone.

Maybe she shouldn’t have. Because if she’d dealt with Naruto back then, maybe now she would know what to do when Naruto starts crying silently, rubbing a hand down his face. Maybe she’d know the right words to say as his breath hitches. Naruto stumbles back into the hospital wall, shaking. She can hear him let out a near silent sob. Unlike the rest of how Naruto communicates, his crying is silent.

She understands his tears, shed them herself. But just because she understands doesn’t mean Sakura thinks she can comfort him. Sakura’s never been put into a position where someone was demanding something from her she didn’t know how to give. This isn’t like training, where she can try and fail. If she fails now she could really hurt Naruto.

But if she does nothing, hurting him is inevitable.

“He died saving me.” She offers in the silence of the back alley, the whiff of trash and blood causing her nose to twitch. “I found him after I woke up from Itachi knocking me unconscious. It was, it was ‘cause I heard Pakkun crying.” Her voice shivers for a moment. “I, Naruto I know nothing I say will change anything but—“

“Then stop fucking talking!” she startles at the explosiveness he displays. He pulls away from the wall and wipes furiously at his eyes. “And stop looking at me like I’m about to hit you or somethin’!”

Sakura bites her lip, panic clutching at her gut. “I don’t think you’re going to hit me, Naruto.” She says firmly.

That’s the last straw. His fist makes contact with the wall of the hospital. “ _I don’t want to know!_ ” he shouts, voice cracking. He’s not looking at her, but instead hyper-focused on the wall. Sakura watches blood gather around his knuckles, dripping to the ground and echoing in the silence. Naruto’s whole body is shaking as he grits his teeth, pressing his knuckles harshly against the wall. “I’m done, Sakura. I’m done just, just stop, just...” he wipes again at his eyes, rubbing harshly enough to cause his eyes to go red and puffy.

She’d felt like crying before, but now, there is nothing but a big gaping wound where her heart should be, and instead of tears at her eyes, there is a pounding headache. She doesn’t try to pretend everything will be as it once was. Greif is suffocating.

Naruto looks at her and a fresh wave of tears gather around his eyes. At an utter loss for how to proceed, Sakura watches him tumble out of control. He inhales and exhales shakily and quietly, trying to stifle the sounds he’s making. After a moment of deliberation, Sakura steps forward and wraps her arms around his shoulders, pulling him towards her. Naruto’s tears redouble. “I’m sorry.” He mutters into her shoulder, hunching in on her. His palms dig into her spine. “I shouldn’t have yelled. I’m so sorry.”

Sakura just holds onto him tighter. She has plenty of knowledge in her mind, but when it comes to understanding people, she always gets it wrong. So she doesn’t try to understand why Naruto is angry, or why he’s suddenly hugging her when he’d seem so distant before. She accepts his feelings as they are, unquestioning.

Naruto’s the one who’s good at this stuff. Naruto’s the one who _gets it_ when Sasuke doesn’t say how he’s feeling but instead shows it. Naruto sometimes explains how she may be feeling to _her_. But maybe it’s okay that Sakura is bad at _getting it_ and bad at offering condolences. Maybe Sakura can be good at this. She can accept and appreciate Naruto for all of his traits, good and bad. She’s an open person, and no matter if Naruto breaks down crying or screams in rage Sakura will stay beside him.

She hugs Naruto tighter, gripping the back of his jacket.

“What, what happened?” Naruto finally croaks, wetting her shoulder with tears. He doesn’t pull his face away, but buries himself further.

Sakura inhales deeply. She strains to hold up his body weight, his bigger arms and torso smothering her. Then she loosens her aching jaw and tells him the story.

As she lets the words and pain tumble out of her mouth, she lets a few stray tears of her own slide down her cheeks and glisten on Naruto’s blonde hair.

But, despite all the pain and confusion her sensei’s death has wrought her; Sakura knows that loving him in life was worth it.

\--------

They say that right before you die your life flashes before your eyes.

It’s fitting, then, that Kakashi’s last thoughts are of Obito Uchiha.

_Obito_ , Kakashi thinks, because how could he not? He’d always imagined that he’d be at peace when death collected his soul. After all, death already took Obito from this world.

But he was wrong. Obito was _alive_. Kakashi snorts. Patience is his least favorite virtue. He has a while to wait before he can rest in peace. _Not until Obito and I can rest together_ , Kakashi decides.

So while waiting for Obito grates on his nerves and demands more patience than Kakashi has left to give—he’ll do it without complaint. Because, well, it’s Obito!

And Obito is worth the wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading everyone! Feel free to let your anger out in the comments, I can take the heat, promise.


	39. And Nothing But the Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto doesn't cope with things, and then he does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okaayyyy guysss!! I edited this chapter a whole lot, was going to add some of the next chapter onto it, but decided against that plan. So this is a relatively small chapter.   
> The scene ahead with Sakura in it is based loosely off of the song "Our Word" from a podcast musical called 36 Questions.

Life goes on.

Naruto’s never lost someone before; not to death. It’s jarring, how life carries on despite an irrevocable change lodged in the center of his heart. But reconstruction has to start somewhere. Funeral homes cram their schedules to accommodate for as many services as possible, civilian and shinobi volunteer their time to assisting hospital and construction staff, and most jarringly, not even a full day after the battle concludes, shinobi continue to accept missions.

He sees now how delusional it was to think that life would stop and give them all a chance to grieve. Instead, they grieve within the chaos. As the hustle and bustle of the village becomes the new normal and Leaf’s people work harder than Naruto has ever witnessed, every individual senses the aura of pain lingering in the air. Konoha’s citizens drag through the working days, and deal with their grief like learning how to walk after the loss of a leg. As of yet, Kakashi-sensei’s Will hasn’t been released—there are too many deaths, and his is hardly a priority. Besides, it isn’t as if he left much behind for anyone to inherit.

The remaining living officials of both villages are scrambling to salvage the peace treaty between Suna and Konoha all without the rule of a Hokage or Kazekage. The one thing that everyone, Konoha and Suna ninja like, agree with is that Orochimaru needs to be hunted down and killed on sight. The bastard managed to escape after the battle, but a few ninja have reported him receiving many damning injuries that should affect him for the rest of his life. Naruto doesn’t know all the details, especially not the accurate ones, but since the uninjured Suna ninja are helping with the reconstruction of the village, the peace treaty doesn’t seem to be on the track of being abolished. Also, Suna greatly helped in the battle after the majority of their ninja broke free from Orochimaru’s manipulations, so it’s arguable that Suna ended up preventing many Konoha deaths, as the enemies’ plan depended on Suna’s aid.

Naruto’s been keeping up with the current events to the best of his abilities. He’s also been trying his best to do his part, like the rest of his friends. Sakura is working nonstop with the reconstruction and rescue teams. Horrifyingly enough, there are still people trapped beneath the rubble of burnt and collapsed buildings, people who Sakura has managed to help discover and rescue. Lee and Tenten are also helping with construction, using their unique abilities to their advantages. The three of them actually make a very efficient team. Sakura’s shared may unbelievable stories with him.

Ino helps around the hospital. Only Chunin are allowed to be official interns, so Ino’s isn’t allowed to sit in and watch medics operate, nor is she allowed to directly heal any patients, but anyone who walks into the hospital would be able to see Ino dressed in scrubs and keeping busy. She cleans, cooks meals for patients, organizes paperwork (nothing confidential, and she can’t look inside any envelopes or documents), and deals with angry visitors demanding to see patients who are not yet cleared for company. Other than her work at the hospital, Ino can be seen taking on D-ranks free of charge. The aftermath of the battle has done nothing for the pockets of Leaf citizens and everyone—the single mothers, the shinobi parents, the elderly—should be able to request help without spending the last of their pennies.

Shikamaru was promoted to Chunin. Apparently, Lord Third himself was considering the promotion before his passing, which is why he could be given the jacket so soon after the battle. Usually he’d be going through some sort of standard training, but due to the village needing every available man possible, Shikamaru is instead carrying out a B-rank somewhere in the Mist Village. Ino and Choji parted ways with their teammate very reluctantly. He left the day after the battle.

Choji’s helping his parents out, actually. The Akimichi clan is delivering meals to family’s who can’t afford it in the hard times, and also providing free lunches to all medical ninja. Kiba, Shino, and Hinata, who are all uninjured from the battle, have gone out on their first unsupervised mission, a B-rank that requires them to escort a noble woman to the border of the Land of Fire. Much like Shikamaru, they left for the mission immediately after the battle. And Neji, without Hinata to take care of, went on his own solo-mission. Despite the fact he didn’t graduate to Chunin and shouldn’t be allowed a solo B-rank, the village made an exception for a prodigy in times of hardship. He’s off assassinating someone, Naruto thinks, but Neji was very vague when he’d explained it the day Naruto caught him leaving Sasuke a card at the hospital. 

_Sasuke_. He doesn’t want to think about his best friend, still unconscious from his injuries.

But Sasuke isn’t his only friend suffering behind the confines of the hospital doors. Kankarou only became coherent three days after the attack. Even then, he was in so much pain it was hard for him to hold a conversation with anyone.

They’d learned that Kankarou’s left hand was salvageable, but his right hand was barely dangling onto his wrist by veins and blood, the bone crushed to smithereens. His right hand was amputated. When he’d woken up, he’d been surprisingly calm about the missing appendage. Naruto hadn’t been there, but Ino was, and she’d seemed infinitely stupefied (impressed, by the look in her eyes as she reiterated the tale) when the guy didn’t notice that one of his hands was reduced to a stump. He’d looked around groggily, furiously pulled an IV out of his arm, and started shouting at the medics in the room, waving his hands around as he demanded answers. His question weren’t anything to do with “where is my hand?!” but rather “where’s Temari?!” and “What did you do with my brother?!” Naruto’s first impression of the guy was subpar at best, but he sees now that the guy’s priorities are sorted admirably. Ino said he hadn’t been too happy when he caught sight of his missing hand, finally noticing the pain after the medics calmed him down. He’d glared at the stump with sneer, looking deeply contemplative. Ino said he took the medics explanation very maturely.

His sister visits him nonstop. She was cleared from the hospital pretty quickly, and now she’s holed up in an apartment with a handful of other Suna shinobi. Konoha is dealing with both Sand and Leaf injuries, but Sand sent word to their village and a dispatch of medics should be arriving shortly. It’s a bit of an awkward situation. Konoha barely has enough remaining buildings to house their own people, let alone a sea of Suna shinobi. The hospital, surprisingly enough, is no longer overflowing with patients. After the first two days of the aftermath receded into the past, the hospital hadn’t received many patients who needed overnight care. It was a small blessing amongst the chaos.

There are those who spit at and rage against the presence of the Suna shinobi. They shriek about injustice and act purely out of spite and selfishness, occasionally even engaging in a scuffle born of abject protest that ends with the Suna shinobi gritting their teeth after being shoved in the shoulder for the nth time in a row. But those people are typically civilians, and typically, those people are unreasonable in every aspect of their lifestyle, not just in regards to Suna ninja. There are some, however, who simply hover in between the decision to treat the Suna shinobi with respect, because they’ve lost those close to them and can’t help but blame their former allies for the pain caused. So, while the arguing is present all across Konoha, it’s pushed aside by anyone with actual authority in favor of focusing on the real threats at hand. Like the poor people of Konoha starving, for one, or the hospital running out of supplies.

Naruto was the first Konoha resident to sit down by Kankarou’s Hospital bedside. He’d visited at the first opportunity, once Temari was through with explaining the situation to her brother, and Kankarou could properly cope with his amputated hand. Gaara was still unconscious after his fight with him, which was beginning to worry all parties. No hospital wanted a potentially volatile Jinchuriki unconscious in bed next to the rest of their patients.

The hospital wasn’t discriminatory, per se, but he’d hung around medics long enough to know that his presence was never appreciated. The only thing that kept him in the hospital was Ino vouching for his presence—so he told people. The truth was that even after Ino tried convincing the medics he wasn’t a danger to anyone, they’d treated Ino like an ignorant child and continued refusing him entry. It wasn’t until Naruto snuck in to see Kankarou that the medics quit bothering him; not because they gave up, but because his girlfriend caught sight of an injustice.

Sakura just so happened to be visiting Sasuke at the time he was visiting Kankarou. They hadn’t communicated with each other about visiting the hospital at all, yet the two of them ended up in the same place at the same time anyway. Sasuke had apparently woken up in a feverish haze, and Ino alerted Sakura, who came over solely for the purpose to anxiously look over Sasuke’s unconscious form. While hovering in Sasuke’s hospital room, she’d heard the sound of a skirmish. She’d discovered a nurse attempting to forcibly remove him after catching him joking around with Kankarou. Kankarou didn’t seem too surprised by the brutal treatment the nurse gave Naruto, probably because Gaara faced the same prejudice on a daily basis. He’d just winced, mouthing an apology his way.

When Sakura came down the hallway to see him struggling against a male medics hold, trying to squeeze in a last goodbye to Kankarou, she’d just...snapped. He’d never seen Sakura lose it like she had when she’d turned the corner and saw the man gripping his forearm. The man was equally shocked. Ino was the first observer to peek her head around the hallway, having less work to drop to see what was causing the distress. Her face plummeted in shock when she’d caught sight of her best friend screaming her throat raw at a startled medical ninja who’d long since released Naruto’s forearm from his grip.

Sakura waved her finger in his face, stomped her foot, and screamed until two other medics came down the hall and tried to coax her into calm. The male medic was just standing there with that same shocked expression as the female medics hurried around Sakura to soothe her. It took a moment for the medics to maneuver Sakura’s attention away from her rapid-fire scolding, but when they did, one of them stood back and glared at the male medic and the other held Sakura’s shoulders gently.

Sakura looked between the two female nurses who’d been behaving so kindly towards her and promptly burst into incoherent, hiccupping sobs. She’d shakily pointed a finger at the male medic. He’d tried to defend himself, raising his hands and claiming innocence. “I did _nothing_! I have no idea why she’s crying!” but the female nurses would hear none of it. One of them dragged the man away to be chewed out and the other comforted Sakura, rubbing a hand down the back of her sweaty red tank top until her sobs were only shaky breaths.

Naruto stood amidst the chaos, unsure what to say or do. Ino squeaked a bit, blue eyes wide.

When all three medics disappeared after ushering he, Ino, and Sakura into Kankarou’s hospital room, Sakura’s crossed her arms and narrowed her gaze at the wall with deeply flushed cheeks. There was a heavy silence around the mostly empty hospital room.

Then Kankarou burst out laughing, cutting the tension like a wire. His legs kicked and shook the hospital bed as he threw his head back, nearly slamming it into the wall. He’d told Sakura, quote unquote, _that was the best damn thing to happen to me since I’ve been in Konoha_.

The red of Sakura’s cheeks turned scarlet. Naruto had hesitantly walked over to her, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Uh...you good?” he remembers asking, but a bit of astonished laugher crept into his voice. Even Ino let out a choked snort, her eyes twinkling with mirth as she watched Kankarou wipe a tear from the corner of his eye and holler praise at Sakura, quoting insults she’d spat at the man and swearing to remember them for later use.

Sakura shrugged off his hand and kicked the floor with her new construction sandals. She’d hunched forward, huffing under her breath about stupid medics and idiot men. At that point, Naruto couldn’t hold back his laughter. Soon all of them were laughing as Sakura’s face deepened to shades of scarlet and she grew more and more frazzled. They were crowing and quoting her, asking what the hell just happened, as Sakura tried to defend her emotional outburst in vain. He’d been quick to reassure her, of course, that she had nothing to justify or apologize for. Too quick, actually.

Before he could control his stupid mouth, Naruto blurted through his laughs, “No, no! Don’t apologize. That was, that was perfect! _I love you.”_

Meaningless to say, all of their laughter died rather abruptly. Naruto’s face froze in his grin, panicking seizing him.

Sakura’s eyes shot up to his so fast he’d bet she got whiplash.

Ino had a hand clasped to her mouth. Kankarou glanced between him and Sakura with a half-formed grin that looked only slightly worried, because he was unsure where the situation was going.

Naruto’s stomach was in his feet as he looked to his girlfriend. He didn’t even need her to say it back, so he told himself. He only needed to know he didn’t just scare her off. He can still remember that horrible, clinging anxiety that left him near-shaking.

Then Sakura had punched him in the arm. _Hard._ He still has the bruise as proof. He’d jumped, rubbing his arm and looking at her in fear. Sakura’s hair was in disarrayed and her green eyes were watery. It all happened so fast Naruto could hardly react. “Well, well, well,” she’d stuttered, at a loss for words, her eyes glancing everywhere but at him. “I love you too!” she finally shouted back at him, her eyes meeting his. She’d seemed angry whilst saying it, small fists clutched to her chest and green eyes blazing. That hadn’t stopped her from planting a huge kiss on his cheek before storming away, out the door and towards the hospital exit. He’d been bewildered by her fluctuating mood. Sakura’s usually as steady as a stone, and yet, she’d gone from rage to sadness to something Naruto couldn’t decipher.

Naruto didn’t waste any time before running after her in panic, Kankarou and Ino’s shocked laughter following him down the hall.

“Wait, Sakura! Sakura?!” He yelled after her, catching her in the halls and ignoring his friends.

She hadn’t stopped, wiping furiously at her eyes as she hunched into herself and continued forward. Naruto caught up to her, though, because she wasn’t running. If she was running, he’d never have caught her—she was giving him a chance. He’d nearly knocked her down with the force of the hug he enveloped her in, his chest pressing into her back and arms crossing across her stomach, squeezing tightly. She’d started crying all over again, choking on her tears, head bowed.

He’d pressed a kiss to her temple, prompting her to spin around and fully accept the hug. She buried her face under his chin. “That was the coolest thing anyone has ever done for me. Really.” He’d told her. Sakura’s sobs hitched, before getting even louder.

“I’m sorry!” she’d choked. “I’m, I’m emotional and this is stupid, I’m sorry.”

Naruto shook his head, wrapping his arms around her tightly. “No, no do not apologize for that. Seriously. No one’s ever stood up for me like you just did.” He’d hurried to assure her, squeezing her tighter.

Sakura kept sobbing, practically unable to breathe. “Y-yeah b-but, b-but, I’m _crazy_.”

Naruto pulled away then, holding her at arms-length. He’d shoved his finger in her face and declared, “Nobody calls my girlfriend crazy but me.”

That got Sakura to smile through her tears, a laugh breaking free from her chest. He’d re-enveloped her into his hug and told her, speaking quieter than before, “But acting on your emotions doesn’t make you crazy.” He murmured.

He’s still pretty proud of his quick thinking, and maybe a little smug about it, too. And, the rewarding kiss he’d received for his wise words was pretty fucking awesome, if he does say so himself.

She still said no to grabbing ramen with him, though. To be fair, he’d suggested Icheraku’s, and well...it kind of got blown up with the rest of Konoha...she’d given him a dead eyed stare and removed her hands from his face, calling him an idiot. But, but then she’d promised to make some ramen for him when they got back to his apartment! That was a _win_.

Sakura was staying in his apartment. They—they couldn’t go back to Kakashi-sensei’s apartment, not after everything that happened. So he’d brought Sakura over to his place. She’d nearly hyperventilated when she’d seen the state of his messiness, which was organized chaos, in his opinion. She did laugh at the cactus on his windowsill, though. Sasuke was the one who gave it to him. After thoroughly cleaning the apartment well past the time Naruto curled up on the couch and tried to go to sleep, she’d made herself comfortable not in his bed, but right beside him on the couch. He’d told her that they might as well sleep on the bed, but she’d shaken off the thought. ‘ _Couch is auspicious,_ she’d grumbled at him. He still didn’t know what that meant exactly, but she continued to sleep on the couch so Naruto followed suit.

His apartment being clean was nice, he found, despite Sakura’s nagging. And together they scraped by on the subject of cooking; both of them were familiar with the basic necessities of the kitchen. They weren’t great, but they managed. Over the past four days they were each other’s only constant. It seemed that every hour there was some big news scandal or setback going on with the officials, the hospital, or the construction crew. It seemed that every hour Naruto would remember that his best friend was in the hospital and his sensei was dead. But he had Sakura and she had him.

As for what Naruto was doing during the days that followed the battle...mostly, he helped out Iruka-sensei. He knew it’s what Sasuke would’ve wanted, and a lot of the kids Iruka was taking care of didn’t have places to go, which meant the sensei of the Academy were needed almost constantly. Whether they were recently orphaned, or their guardians were busy, it didn’t matter. Someone had to take care of the sea of children that flooded the, thankfully, still intact Academy walls. None of the older kids were at the Academy, because the Academy wasn’t officially in session. Right now, the Academy was being used as a free babysitting service, and also, rather sorrowfully, a temporary holding place for the newly orphaned. He spent as much time there as Iruka-sensei would allow. It was through the Academy that he’d learned even Konohamaru, Moegi, and Udon were doing their part to rebuild Konoha.

The days following the battle were emotional and hectic, but it was the fourth day that left him in a daze. On the fourth day, Naruto and Sakura are sitting side by side on the couch in his apartment. The two of them aren’t eating ramen, for once. Instead, he and Sakura were digging into the curry Ino gave Sakura, swearing up and down that she hadn’t made it specifically for Sakura, but that the curry was just leftovers from their family’s dinner. Sakura brought the steaming bowl back to his apartment with a knowing snort.

A knock resounds on the cheap wood of his door, startling both of them. Sakura halts in shoving curry into her mouth, setting down her bowl on the coffee table. She heaves upward, stretching out her back with a series of pops. “I’ll get it.” Sakura volunteers, but even so, Naruto sets down his own warm bowl and trails after her.

Sakura presses her eye against the peephole. After a moment of squinting, Sakura’s face freezes in surprise. Before Naruto can ask who’s at the door Sakura unlatches the locks and lets the door swing open. The two of them look up at Jiraiya in shock.

“Oh hey brats!” He greets them, rubbing the back of his neck. His long white hair is lifted into the air by the breeze. “I was just, uh, in the area and thought, hey! You know who I haven’t bothered to check up on in a while...heh...” he’s painfully awkward as he speaks, but some of the hesitance is wiped from his face when he looks down at Naruto. Jiraiya’s lips purse. “I remembered I had a proposition to offer you, Naruto. If I could speak to you in private, of course.”

Sakura blinks back her shock. Then she props her hands up on her hips, looking between Naruto and Jiraiya contemplatively.

Naruto looks down at himself and feels immensely awkward. He’s not exactly dressed to be in the presence of the Jiraiya of Myoboku, no matter how pervy and lame he’s proven to be. His mouth moves on its own accord, irritation and exhaustion combining to make him snappy. “If you’re offering to have me model for Icha Icha’s next sequel, I’ll pass.” He deadpans. Sakura snorts, shifting so she’s leaning against his opened apartment door and crossing her arms.

Jiraiya’s face turns red. He jabs a finger in Naruto’s face, making he and Sakura jump in surprise. Whatever denial Jiraiya was about to spew dies on his lips at he and Sakura’s flinch. Naruto looks to the ground, a bit ashamed. Sakura stares stubbornly up at Jiraiya.

Jiraiya moves his finger back, looking to the side awkwardly. Naruto keeps his gaze on the ground, weary. Jiraiya clears his throat. “No, uh, actually I’m...I’m...” he looks to Sakura, making a brief decision. “I’m offering you an apprenticeship, Naruto.”

He and Sakura go stock still. An ephemeral moment passes by.

Then Naruto splutters, his guarded posture shifting to one of complete shock as his head snaps upward and his spine goes ramrod straight. Sakura pulls away from the door and bounces on the balls of her toes, looking between him and Jiraiya in disbelief.

“For, for real?” Naruto finds himself saying, distracted by Sakura’s near-squealing. She has a hand clasped to her mouth.

“Of course!” Jiraiya gives him a thumbs up, grinning broadly. Sakura’s moving before Naruto can comprehend it, launching herself off the door frame and into the kitchen. He watches her move in confusion, still reeling from the opportunity before him. She grabs her wallet off the kitchen counter, and then marches back over to the door, bending over to pick up her sandals. She jumps up and down to slip them on, before bouncing out the door and directly behind Jiraiya. Then she places both hands on Jiraiya’s back and starts shoving him inside their apartment.

“Well!” Sakura says cheerily. “I’ll leave you two alone to sort out the details then! Isn’t this so exciting? Gosh this is so exciting!”

Naruto can feel a half-grin forming on his face at Sakura’s encouragement of him. It feels good to be so believed in that she wouldn’t even question Jiraiya’s decision to take him in as an apprentice.

The word strikes a chord within him. _Apprentice. Holy shit._ Excitement blossoms in his chest, butterflies turning his stomach.

Sakura doesn’t stop shoving at Jiraiya until he’s stumbling inside of Naruto’s apartment and standing beside him. Suddenly it’s Sakura outside the door and he and Jiraiya inside his apartment. Jiraiya looks around himself in bewilderment.

Sakura skips back inside for a brief moment to grab him by the lapels of his jacket and plant a big kiss on the corner of his mouth. “Bye, love you! You know how super busy I am , so...!!” Sakura crows, sparing a wink at him before leaping out the doorway. He watches in a daze as she rushes off at top speed, waving enthusiastically behind her.

Naruto’s fingers brush the corner of his mouth, before he blinks and remembers himself. He calls out the door and down the sunlight balcony hallway “I love you!” but she can’t have heard him. In a daze, he quietly closes the door, turning to see Jiraiya’s equally startled expression. _This is too good to be true._

“...it’s polyamerous?” Jiraiya mutters under his breath, eyes comically wide.

Naruto ignores the pervy sage’s mumblings, feeling his heart pounding against his rib cage like it’s about to sprout wings and soar through the skies. His hands quiver as he clutches them to his chest, looking up at Jiraiya with starry-eyed wonder. He tries to be patient, staring into Jiraiya’s eyes with terribly concealed excitement, but after not even a millisecond he can’t take it any longer.

“You want me to be your APPRENTICE?!” his vivacious shout causes the pervy sage’s eyes to roll in exasperation, but Naruto can’t help his enthusiasm. Even after a month of training with Jiraiya, Naruto still hasn’t gotten over the euphoria of having a Sanin teaching him. And now, he’s going to have a Sanin _all to himself._

_A sensei_. He thinks, but cuts the thought off before it can flourish. _No_ , he decides _. Not thinking about it_.

“Yes.” Jiraiya answers shortly, “I swear to teach you everything I know...and everything I taught Minato, of course!” he laughs heartily, digging into his pocket and presenting to Naruto what looks to be an average scroll. “We’ll start with the basics, of course. We never did get very far through the whole toad summoning thing...”

Naruto winces at the reminder of such a disaster. The toad summons hadn’t liked him at _all_. His expression flips back into delight when he realizes that he’s standing before Lord Fourth’s sensei, one of three legendary Sannin, who just swore to teach Naruto everything he knows. He thinks he may be going a little starry eyed, but his pride can be pushed aside for the time being as he marvels at the opportunity before him.

Jiraiya laughs a bit, clearing his throat. “There would be, ah, conditions of course, a few consequences here and there...but nothing too grueling, I assure you, just the usual master-student stuff!” he rambles on, but Naruto can see the return of the man’s nervousness as clear as day.

“Conditions?” Naruto prompts immediately. His concerns are waved away with a dismissive hand.

“Well you see child I travel _so much_ and really, I couldn’t just give that up in order to train you! That would be preposterous, a writer needs his inspiration! I’d have no qualms about you tagging along, don’t misunderstand me! It would just mean that you’d have to spend less time taking missions and the like. But what are a few measly missions compared to the recommendation of a Legendary Sanin?” Jiraiya wiggles his eyebrows a bit, moving in to elbow Naruto cajolingly.

Naruto is too caught up in his excitement to really comprehend the Sanin’s words, but what he can comprehend, after a moment of bouncing up and down and trying not to squeal like the dreamer he is, is the sudden saddened face that overcomes Jiraiya’s features. The expression is enough to cool Naruto down, looking up at his elder hesitantly. It looks like a face Kakashi-sensei used to make, when he was seeing ghosts instead of his students. 

He’s about to ask the man if he’s okay, when the expression only worsens and Jiraiya speaks up before him. “I...I need to have a more serious talk with you now, alright?” Jiraiya informs him.

Overcome with suspicion, Naruto nods slowly, enthusiasm seeping out of his bones. The thought ‘ _too good to be true’_ repeats and echoes in mind. He keeps hesitantly quiet, unwilling to let himself get too over enthused as the seeds of doubt begin to grow and his cheer is pushed to the back of his mind. Jiraiya clears his throat and looks around the apartment. “How about we sit down.” He suggests.

Heart heavy, Naruto leads him across the room to him and Sakura’s couch, where their covers and pillows are still tossed about the sofa, and two bowls of unfinished curry go cold on the coffee table. His apartment feels a lot homier ever since Sakura moved in, but he fears that the move is temporary and she’ll take the warmth with her. They haven’t really talked about it since he invited her to stay.

Naruto sits down on the couch, refusing to feel sheepish for the unpolished state of his apartment, and his paint splattered, muddy clothes. Both looked lived in, for once. He’s not going to apologize for it.

Kakashi-sensei bought him these pants, actually, and the jacket, too. Cheap, money-coveting Kakashi-sensei who haggled with boat keepers, owned a shitty apartment despite his overflowing bank account, and never failed to eat-and-run at team lunches, actually bothered to buy him a pair of clothes. Kakashi-sensei was nagging at Naruto for his bright orange outfit long enough that Naruto eventually admitted it was all he owned, and all he could afford. Training was extra grueling the next morning, but cut off early. The following morning, Kakashi-sensei threw a pair of training clothes at him and ordered Naruto to go change.

Naruto can feel a lump beginning to form in his throat. He shoves the emotions down and hisses at himself to keep it together. He shouldn’t be thinking about him right now. He should be focused.

He tunes in as Jiraiya sits beside him, awkwardly moving aside the blankets and setting pillows down on the floor. The man looks exceptionally ginormous in Naruto’s cramped apartment and sitting on his short-reaching couch. Naruto frowns at the abnormally serious expression on the pervy sage’s face.

“Look, kid. I’m going to be honest with you, despite the advisory of my _elders_.” He says elders a bit spitefully, so Naruto can assume he’s referring to the village elders. Jiraiya is quick to shake himself out of his frustration. He rubs his hands down his lap and sighs, the sound rumbling in his chest. Naruto watches with growing trepidation.

“The reason I’m here, in the village, I mean,” Jiraiya begins holding up a hand to silence Naruto’s immediate questioning. Naruto reluctantly snaps his mouth closed. “Is because of you. Because of the people—“ Jiraiya quickly corrects himself, “the organization who’s after you.”

Naruto straightens up, finally matching Jiraiya’s somber gaze. Blue eyes widening, lips parting, he lets out a breath. “The Akatsuki.” The realization makes him feel stupid for not considering it before. Then again, the village doesn’t exactly prioritize keeping Naruto in the loop.

Jiraiya clears his throat. “Right, yes, smart kid.” He mumbles, before speaking up, “That’s exactly what I’m here to talk to you about.” He repeats himself, looking flustered.

Naruto tries to nod as calmly and patiently as possible, hoping to balance out Jiraya’s nerves and prompt him to continue. He can feel something buzz in the back of his mind; a warning signal preparing his body for bad news. Naruto has half a mind to get up and leave, but keeps himself rooted to his place on the couch.

Jiraiya should by all logic look humorously large sitting on Naruto’s short, beat up sofa, but instead he just appears small and tired. Jiraiya’s voice is fluent and knowledgeable, but there’s an edge to it that speaks of great caution. “I lied before, about just passing through the Leaf...the truth is, I’ve been tracking the members of the Akatsuki, trying to decipher their aim. From what I’ve gathered, the Akatsuki is attempting to capture and extract all the Biju— _the demons_ ,” He explains, “from their Jinchuriki.”

Naruto pauses, really going over the information in his mind and ensuring he understands, before nodding once more. He’d known the Akatsuki were after him. He hadn’t known their aim, but he’d known he was in danger, and by extension, the people he loved as well. Talking so blatantly about such a personal subject makes him feel uncomfortably exposed, but Jiraiya isn’t finished.

“This organization is very dangerous. Its members are the best of the best, ranging from Leaf rogues like Itachi Uchiha,” The way he says the man’s name is normal and calm, but Naruto can spot his eyes narrow infinitesimally. Naruto finds his own lip curling as his hands bunch the fabric of his pants into wrinkles. “—to Mist rogues, like Kisame Hoshigake.” Naruto recognizes the second name as the man Shikamaru and Sakura saw with Itachi Uchiha; his comrade, they’d explained.

Jiraiya breathes harshly through his nose, taking a moment to regain his composure. “The reason I’m talking to you about this is because I think it best that you have a constant companion who can protect you from these rogues...and also because your presence in the village threatens the safety of our citizens.” Jiriaya speaks calmly, but Naruto feels anything but calm as what Jiriaya is implying finally sinks in.

_“There would be, ah, conditions of course_.” Jiraiya glossed over the sobriety of these details, it seems. Naruto swallows, but once his throat closes, the panic sets in.

He feels like all the oxygen in the world as disappeared, and every sound, every smell, has heightened times ten. Naruto is so overwhelmed it’s hard to remember that Jiraiya is beside him, yet at the same time, impossible to forget. Jiraiya’s eyes prick Naruto’s skin. There’s a tornado of panic that topples through Naruto’s mind that collects and destroys all of his mental clarity, and it’s the only thing keeping him from exploding in anger at Jiraiya for convincing Naruto this was something to _celebrate_.

He breathes when the ache in his lungs reminds him of the necessity. Words come sluggishly. Jiraya’s eyes are like thorns clinging to his skin. “...I...are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?” he asks him, his vision blurring. Can he even hear his own voice, or register the words before they slip out of his mouth and into the world?

Jiraiya makes a sound of confirmation. “Yes. Kid, we need you out of this village, and with me, for the safety of everybody—including _you_. “ Jiraiya rambles on behind the rationale of his statement, but Naruto is too focused on breathing through the panic to pay any attention to his words.

Naruto’s mind takes him back through the recent conflagration of events. The picture’s already been painted for him, so all that’s left for Naruto to do is to decipher it.

Orochimaru messed with his seal just about a month ago. Jiraiya appeared out of nowhere to help him with it. In fact, Jiraiya appeared in the village for no reason at all. The Toad Sage was always travelling...everyone knew this, because it was a huge deal that he left the village in the first place, stopping cold-turkey in partaking in official missions. Jiraiya used to be a reliable source of income for the Leaf. It’d been years since he set foot in Konoha.

Not that Naruto thinks what Jiraiya has done is unreasonable. He manipulated him, borderline gaslighted him, and yet Naruto sees the rationale—he hardly agrees with the means. But everything Jiraiya just told him are thoughts that have crossed Naruto’s mind many times in the past. _The village isn’t all that wrong to be afraid of me._

Kakashi Hatake just died because members of the Akatsuki were infiltrating the village in search of _him_. He and Gaara nearly destroyed half the Forest of Death during their battle. No one’s been especially happy about the _demon brat_ hanging around the kids at the Academy, and he’s already disturbed the hospital enough times, even if Sakura defending him warmed his heart.

From day one of learning that he was a Jinchuriki, all the spite and confusion he held for the village’s hatred of him vanished. Replacing that spite and penchant for vengeance was a creeping self-doubt, insecurity wringing his old vindictive behavior dry. Naruto would bet a fortune that he feared himself more than the villager’s feared him. He doubts the villagers of the Leaf lie awake at night weighing the benefits and burdens of his existence.

On the bad nights, he’d awake from a night terror, sweating bullets but thinking nothing of the sweltering heat. His mind gets too crowded with terror after a nightmare, and his physical surroundings disperse. Until one day where Naruto woke from a hazy dream with more on his mind than making the terrible images disappear. Which is probably why Naruto can only remember that the dream was of an black colored mask and ringing laughter, but whatever else occurred was enough to send his chakra in a frenzy. His bed sheets burst into flames. Naruto remembers leaping out of bed, cursing like a sailor, watching his costly bedding scorch and wither. He’d only barely been able to make it to the kitchen, unlock the fire extinguisher lid, and cool off his mattress. The mattress was salvageable (barely), but the bedding needed to be replaced. It wasn’t like he ended up using the bedding, though. The next day his arms stung with burns and his back was unrecognizable, red and angry. The evidence of the burns physically faded within the day, but Naruto has never forgotten the pain, nor the clench in his chest from waking up to a living nightmare.

He doubts the villagers have ever sunk so low in their fears that they filled a tub with ice and trained themselves to sleep through the immediate cold, knowing that hours later they’d wake up in hysteria, entire body burning. He knows that they’ve never shivered in a tub of ice water all night long, too terrified to move, too terrified to close their eyes.

He hadn’t always had his whisker scars.

Back when he was living in the orphanage, he’d woken up screaming every night. So, in an effort to help Naruto get some rest and quiet him for his fellow orphans, Miss Nono found some old sleeping medication for him in the crevices of her medicinal collection. It was the worst idea Miss Nono ever had, and she’d been full of terrible ideas, especially when it came to Naruto. With no way to wake from the dream that inflicted him the very first night of trying the non-prescribed medication, Naruto’s body grew more and more out of control and hysterical. Except the Nine-Tails within him, no one really knew what happened that night.

The next thing he actually remembers is waking up with a sweltering face and soaked bed sheets. At first he’d thought the bed sheets were soaked with sweat, but upon closer examination, he’d recognized the slippery liquid as blood. It was early in the morning, so he was the only kid really awake. He’d been a smart enough kid to know how to examine and disinfect the wounds on his face. He’d worked around the gooey blood that soaked the sinewy material of his bandages, and swathed his cheeks with cotton balls soaked in rubbing alcohol that was kept in the cabinets of the communal bathroom. Miss Nono never once helped him with the whisker-shaped wounds. He wasn’t even taken to a hospital. The orphanage just let him clean and wrap the cuts he’d dug into his face because of their medication and called it a day. At least he hadn’t screamed bloody murder, they’d said, and gave him the pill body with firm instructions to keep taking them. Naruto never touched that bottle again, and it’s not like his keepers cared enough to check. He flushed one pill down the sink every night before bed, and learned that the best way to prevent his nightmares was not to sleep at all.

Adults, ladies and gentlemen. It was Kabuto who ended up teaching him how to properly dress his wounds. He did praise Naruto’s creativity and ability to staunch the profuse bleeding, despite his utter lack of knowledge because, even though he was a highly injury-prone child, most times his wounds healed on their own.

In fact, those whisker scars are the only injury he’s received that the Nine-Tails couldn’t heal. The Nine-Tails couldn’t combat it because he’d inflicted the wound with the Nine-Tails power.

Ultimately, no matter how negotiable the Nine-Tails may prove to be, so much power was not meant for one mortal body. The fox was meant to be free, and the longer it’s confined within Naruto, the more uncontrollable its power will become. This Naruto knows, not just from personal experience, but from flickering memories that the Nine-Tails occasionally let slip, detailing vast expanses of forest and greenery when the beast had his freedom.

But he can’t full too bad for the Nine-Tails. Naruto wants out just as much as he. But none of the citizens could trust the Nine-Tails after his attack on Konoha, and the higher-ups are smart enough to know that having a Jinchuriki amongst their ranks is a huge advantage over weaker village’s. They couldn’t care less about the emotional burdens of the demons and vessels when they have the wellbeing of their entire village to worry about. He has no idea who the first person to create the _Jinchuriki_ was, but he hopes that they didn’t create such a hazardous, terrifying idea for the sole purpose of winning a war. The thought makes him feel so useless—like nothing but a tool to be wielded and disposed of.

It’s strange, he thinks dryly, how looked down upon Jinchuriki are. He did his research after discovering he was one of them. He also asked Sasuke about the topic, and since his best friend is fountain of confidential-maybe-illegal information, Naruto learned quite a bit. He learned that all of the Great Nations have a Jinchuriki. He learned that what sets Great Nations apart from none-Great Nations isn’t wealth, population, location, blood-line limits, or even ninja strength. What sets Great Nation’s apart from the rest is that each and every one of them harbors a Jinchuriki.

And each has the gall to treat their Jinchuriki like shit. The nerve and downright idiocy of the average human continues to surpass Naruto’s expectations. Simple logic should tell people that giving Jinchuriki decent treatment would probably warm them up to their village and help prevent their insanity. The amount of documented Jinchuriki related incidents is truly astounding and terrifying, he’s sure for the average person to know about (especially since Ninja Village’s love their secrets). What’s more shocking, and takes a little bit more digging than opening a text book to figure out, is the amount of Jinchuriki related incidents that had less to do with a demon’s vengeance and more to do with the personal grudge of the Jinchuriki. A grudge against the village that tormented them; a grudge that could’ve been prevented if any person in charge could develop a single brain cell. You would think the villages would try to manipulate their Jinchuriki and train them to the bone until they’ve learned to control their power.

Nope. Instead, most Jinchuriki spend their life caged, just like the demon inside of them. Just thinking about it makes Naruto’s head pound.

Belatedly, he realizes that Jiraiya is staring at him expectantly, waiting for his response. It takes Naruto a moment to remember where he is and what he’s doing, but soon enough he recalls their previous conversation. Naruto shakes himself out of his intrusive daydreams and opens his dry mouth to respond to Jiraiya. “You want to....” he can feel his eyes close, his previous enthusiasm draining from him with the carbon dioxide in his lungs. “You’re trying to take me away.”

_Punishing me, yet again, for something I’m not responsible for._

Jiraiya’s face freezes for a moment, before he releases a shaky sigh. “Don’t think of it like that, kid. It’s...it’s only until we know you have control and you can handle yourself on the battlefield.” Jiraiya seems to realize he’s rubbing his sweaty palms together nervously, and quickly drops his hands. Instead of snapping at him for his condescending tone, Naruto sits back in the couch in resignation.

Naruto can feel his blinking slowing, his grasp on reality slipping from his grasp. Jiriaya continues rambling on through endless platitudes, providing reasoning that Naruto himself already knows by heart. He doesn’t pay him any attention, and when he realizes that Jiraiya isn’t going to stop any time soon, he cuts him off. “I understand. And I agree with you.”

Because no matter how angry the situation may make him, no matter how unfair, it’s also perfectly reasonable. The villages depend on their Jinchuriki to protect and fight for them. Naruto isn’t providing his village anything by sitting around and being a target of the most renowned terrorist organization in the Shinobi World. For now the only way to beat the system is to play by the rules. But one day when peace is less fragile and fear between the Nations has dwindled, he can show the world how outdated the rules have become. But the last thing he wants is for people to be in danger because of him.

Jiriaya doesn’t seem to hear his easy acceptance. “Look, kid, I know it’s not ideal, and you love your little teammates to death, but this is for the be—“ Jiraiya sits back, his face twisting, “Wait, what did you say?” Jiraiya blurts.

“I said I get it.” Naruto explains. Naruto swallows, fiddling with his sleeves. “I’ve thought about it, too. I think I gotta’ leave. I’m putting everyone in danger.” He can feel his shoulders slump. Naruto thinks of Sasuke. Itachi might be after him, but Itachi wouldn’t have gotten into the village without the aid of the Akatsuki. Kakashi may still be alive if Naruto was somewhere out of the village with Jiraiya when the attack started.

He is a walking, talking hazard, who’s never learned how to control his power, and who has an organization of psychopaths all gunning for his head.

If Naruto is smart enough to figure that shit out it isn’t surprising that Jiraiya came to a similar conclusion.

“I—are you sure, kiddo?” Jiraiya asks quietly. “Cause, I can always try to negotiate with the elders, I could give you some time to pack and stuff. Some time to say goodbye. I could even get you to have visits with your friends here and there! It really won’t be so bad. It’s just until you can get you’re seal under control, and we don’t have to worry about the Akatsuki killing ya.” Jiraiya tries to laugh, but the sound is as hollow as it must surely feel.

Naruto closes his eyes for a moment, wrapping his arms around his torso and thinking. After a moment, he speaks up. “I know it’s not my fault, what happened to Kakashi-sensei—but if something like that happens again, and I don’t try and prevent it? Then that will be. My fault, I mean.” He meets Jiraiya’s gaze head on. “I want some time, before I leave. I wanna’, I wanna’ say goodbye. But that’s it. After that, I’m gone. No letters, no nothing. Nothing that could trace me back to Sakura and Sasuke, not until I know we all can defend ourselves.”

Naruto’s words are met with silence. Jiraiya turns his head away and folds his arms across his chest, eyes averted to his sandals pressed against the floors. Naruto turns away as well, shifting his gaze focusing on the clock hanging on the wall across from him. The seconds tick by, and in the quietness of the apartment Naruto counts the time. Ten seconds, twenty, the ticking beats rhythmically.

“Okay.” Jiraiya speaks up, keeping his eyes pointed downwards. “That’s understandable, Naruto.”

Naruto nods, because he already knows that. Jiraiya pauses, waiting for him to say more. After a long moment, Jiraiya stands up. “We’ll leave in two weeks, Naruto: the first of August.”

Jiraiya of Myoboku looks around the apartment for an everlasting moment, taking in the Team Seven photograph on the kitchen counter, the cacti on his windowsill that Ino gave him, and finally his eyes land on Naruto. Naruto meets his gaze unflinchingly, following him into a standing position. Their height difference is stark. Naruto barely reaches the guy’s shoulder.

The silence stretches on. Jiraiya clears his throat awkwardly. “Take care, Naruto.” He says.

Naruto doesn’t respond. When Jiraiya starts walking away, headed for the door, he merely sits back down. He listens for the click as Jiraiya closes the door, knowing he should get up and turn the lock. He doesn’t, of course. Naruto stays where he is, blinking slowly and staring at absolutely nothing.

Naruto doesn’t know what to do.

There is nothing, no plan, no optimistic spin. 

No tears to hold back, no anger to release, only a distant, creeping numbness that sweeps over him like a mockingly gentle breeze. He finds himself slowly lying down, his cheek presses against the arm of his sofa, his legs splaying absently. Naruto stays this way, listening to the clock chime as seconds turn to minutes, minutes bubbling into hours. He just stays there. He doesn’t even think about getting up.

Naruto doesn’t get up when there’s a knock on the door. He makes Sakura open it for herself. She comes inside, the evening casting darkness upon the room. Naruto hadn’t bothered to turn on the light. She does so herself, gently calling out his name. “Naruto?”

Naruto only grunts in reply. He keeps his jaw clenched, his body seized.

When Sakura walks over, catching sight of his unfinished curry, her concern is palpable. He hates it. He’s not a burden. He can take care of himself. He just needs a minute, here, to breathe. That’s all he needs. Just a few more minutes.

Sakura approaches him. She doesn’t ask him what’s wrong. Naruto’s grateful. Team Seven has learned what such a loaded question can unravel. Without saying a single thing Sakura sifts up his legs and scoots in beside him. She curls up for a long moment, letting him relax with her.

Naruto finds, much to his surprise, he doesn’t mind her intrusion of his privacy. She’s not afraid of his anger, his sadness, or his feelings. Sakura’s not afraid or cautious with him. She treats him like he’s real. Like his feelings are valid and not irrational. That’s why he lets her stay, and isn’t bothered that she’s here.

Sakura pats his knee. Her curious eyes are burning with questions. He’s impressed she’s managing to hold them back. He’s feeling a general anger, one that settles in his stomach and muddles his bran with fog. He can’t think clearly, yet thoughts seem to be all he’s capable of.

Sakura pats his knee. “You look...like you just received some really shitty news. Do you want to talk about it?”

Naruto scoffs at her.

Sakura acquiesces to his silence. She pokes him under the chin, which is irritating and uncomfortable, but he’s so disconnected from his skin he can hardly find the worlds to tell her off. Instead, he just stares.

“Sasuke woke up.” Sakura bites her lip.

Naruto doesn’t know what starts it.

Maybe it’s the knowledge that he hadn’t been there for his best friend. Maybe it’s the knowledge that he wouldn’t be able to be there for Sasuke ever again.

But, then again, maybe it’s the fact that Jiraiya waltzed into his apartment like he was bearing a gift basket only for Naruto to find he was concealing a bomb. _Maybe_ it’s that one bad thing after another befalls on him and no one ever gives him a breather. For all Naruto knows, it could be that he’s hungry, and tired, and has been for what feels like an eternity.

But. He thinks it’s most likely Sakura’s wide green eyes, so open and loving. She cares for him and he’s going to ruin her. He’s going to leave her behind. She’ll forget all about him. She’ll find someone better than him and she’ll move on. It will be all Naruto’s fault for leaving her.

He sniffles and starts crying, his fist coming up to muffle a sob. Naruto shoves his knuckles into his mouth and bites down, wheezing and choking. Sakura doesn’t keep gazing at him, instead tearing her eyes away and politely focusing on her hands, where they rub soothing circles on his pants.

Maybe, he considers, maybe it’s because he’d started to wonder how he was going to tell Kakashi-sensei that he was leaving, only to remember he’ll never get the chance. _Kakashi-sensei is dead_ , he thinks, and the thought feels forbidden.

But he cries. He cries and tries to keep it as quiet as possible, as if he were still that helpless orphan boy who used to lay awake at night, reduced to tears but unwilling to wake up his fellow inmates.

Naruto’s lips quake when he finally swallows down enough saliva to suck in sharp breathes of air, removing his knuckles from his mouth and gasping in hysteria. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do.” Naruto’s sobbing muffle by the end of his statement. He buries his face into his arms and wills the tears away, horrifically aware that the wetness on his shirtsleeve reminds him of his whisker scars and how it felt to wake up with blood running down his face.

He wrenches his arm away and looks to Sakura desperately. When she smiles at him, her gaze is watery. Her own lips look shaky. “I can’t read your mind, Naruto. I don’t know what you want from me.” Sakura tells him, taking his emotional outburst in stride. She probably thinks he’s crying about Kakashi-sensei. Maybe he is.

They sit in silence, because Sakura can’t read his mind, and Naruto is unwilling to explain. He finds himself staring at her, wishing she had some sort of solution to his problem. He studies her eyes, wills her to suddenly understand.

Sakura looks away eventually, shaking her head with quirking lips. Her smile should feel out of place, but there is enough sadness in her gaze to make the expression fit right in to the suffocating aura of the apartment. “Naruto.” She speaks up, her tone different than usual. It’s self-assured, but not firm, merely declarant. “I can’t read your mind, but I know my own, so if you will not talk of your day’s tragedies I’d like to speak of mine.” Her words are oddly formal, different from how she usually speaks to him, all inside jokes and soft stares. She is not treating him like a stranger, but she is treating the situation like it is delicate, and she’s afraid to shatter whatever it is she’s trying to create. 

Naruto gives her a nod, hoping to embolden her. She takes the cue for what it is, turning slightly so instead of staring into her eyes his gaze is fixed upon her cheek. “I talked to Sasuke today. We planned for it to be you who would explain everything, but, I couldn’t leave him there in the dark. Do you understand?” Naruto hums quietly. He hopes Sakura wasn’t too blunt about it, because Sasuke can be fragile when things are worded too harshly.

She sucks in a sharp breath of air and continues on, eyes still glued straight ahead of her. “He took it...he took it as well as to be expected.” She murmurs. “But the whole interaction reminded me of the strangest thing. It reminded me of something that happened ages ago, when I was a little girl. Very little. About six or so.”

Naruto finally offers another form of action that reassures her he is listening, tilting his head to the side encouragingly. Sakura’s forehead is without wrinkle, her lips, cheek, and nose are relaxed, but her eyes betray her composure. Her eyes...they aren’t angry, but the green reflects a certain ruefulness. “Parents lead by example, I’m sure you know. Well, my parents and I never talked much when I was little, Naruto. My parents never offered me any sort of advice, but...my father pictured himself an antiquary. He was always going on and on about the value of objects and time passed, and blah, blah...” Sakura laughs under her breath. “But despite not understanding a word of it, I always listened to his rants. He talked to me so little I absorbed the attention like a sponge.” Here, Sakura looks away awkwardly, as if she hadn’t meant to admit such an embarrassing truth. She clears her throat, steadying her gaze. He can tell she’s getting lost in her words, though, because a strand of pink hair slips out from behind her ear to frame her cheekbones. “But...one day, I snuck into my father’s study, looking for an old clock he told me about. ‘Over seventy year’s old, and pure copper,’ he’d said. The idea enthralled me.” She turns the words over in her mouth as if saying them for the first time. She glances at him, before turning to face him fully, shifting and wrapped her arms across his legs where they splay across her lap.

“I was very gentle with it, mind _you_.” She confides. “All I did was spin around the delicate hands and tap the glass a bit. Then I put it back on the shelf. But.” Sakura holds up a finger, raising a derisive eyebrow, rubbing her eyelids with her other hand’s knuckles. “Uh.” She exhales. “I slammed the door when I left the room.”

Naruto bets that if he were in less of a dreary mood, his stomach would drop, or he’d feel some kind of dread. Instead, all he feels is a sense of understanding. He’s made enough distant adults angry to know of the kind of fear and worry of how they might react. So how he sees this story ending is with an infuriated smack to her small, innocent face. In fact, he’s expecting it; expecting the screaming from her parents, or for Sakura to be dragged kicking and screaming into a small cupboard or closet. He’s expecting rage, and he’s expecting Sakura to pretend that it no longer affects her. He’s expecting this clock to break into a million bits and pieces.

He’s only right about one thing. “The clock broke.” Sakura confirms. “It fell off the shelf and the glass shattered, so I ran downstairs, crying hysterically, found the kitchen, and tugged at my mother’s pant leg.” Sakura shrugs. “I...told her everything. I covered every single detail with enough guilt to choke a man. But my mother told me not to worry.”

Naruto startles. He stays quiet as Sakura’s eyes go hazy and distant, as she stumbles into a memory, her words quickening, the images flashing before her as she paints the story for him to envision. “She said that all we had to do was tell my dad we were out shopping all day. And we did. We told him that no one had been in his study, and we were sorry, because the clock must’ve fallen on its own.”

Sakura slips her knuckles into her mouth and digs her teeth into the flimsy skin. She quickly removes her hand from her mouth. “My parents taught me to lie. But Naruto...lying and keeping things from people, it never got me anything but pain.” Her green eyes lose some of their usual shine. “I spent so long trying to bottle everything up inside because I wanted everyone to love me, and I thought if I had even one flaw, that I didn’t deserve love. And in truth I had many flaws. But I was taught that the truth could be lied away. That the truth doesn’t have to be resolute if you’re the only one who knows of it.”

She looks him directly in the eyes. “But I’ve learned that is not the case, and the truth will eat you up inside so long as your lies deceive those around you. I have learned that true love is seeing the flaws and accepting them. I haven’t lied away the pain in quite some time, and I didn’t lie away the pain today. I told Sasuke the absolute truth...and everything turned out just fine.” Sakura confesses, waving her in the air before setting in back down on his knee. “There is nothing unlovable about truth and flaws. In fact...I...I only want to live with the truth. So however harsh it might be...” Sakura grabs his hand. “Just....tell me what’s on your mind.”

There is a pause, and Sakura’s eyes crinkle at the edges. “You have no idea how many times I have practiced that speech in my head, just waiting to give it to you. You’ve been so distant these past four days...you have this look in your eye that makes me think you aren’t telling me something. I just wanted to let you know, in case you were afraid to talk to me because you thought I would react badly...I love you unconditionally.”

Carefully, Naruto removes his legs from her lap. He pulls them toward himself and sits up fully. Ever so conscientiously he moves, careful of the delicate atmosphere, mindful of the vulnerability in Sakura’s eyes. It’s the first time he’s truly moved in hours. Naruto stands up and holds his hand out for Sakura, who grasps her palm in his and allows herself to be heaved upwards. Like this, they are inches apart, noses brushing, knees knocking together. Naruto reaches out to brush the stray pink hair that fell in front of Sakura’s eyes behind her ear, but halfway through, he thinks better of it. Instead, he slips his fingers underneath Sakura’s hairband and lets her pink hair slide through his hand.

Sakura pulls upward, back arching and chin tilting towards him. Naruto meets her halfway. Their lips press against each other, but do not go further than that. He can feel her breathing against him, each inhale shaky and anticipatory. “I love you, Sakura. Unconditionally.” He tells her firmly, and his eyes slip closed as her hands reach up to wrap around his shoulders. 

In a few minutes, when he finally summons the courage to inform Sakura of the news, nothing will be the same. So, with the dread of knowing what is to come looming over him, Naruto throws himself into basking in the warmth that Sakura Haruno brings to his apartment.

He’d thought she was going to be the one to leave his home empty. It turns out Naruto will be at fault for his apartment’s biting chill. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know. No new information, only new bad stuff. Don' t worry. The next chapter became a lot wordier than expected, so it has pretty much every explanation you could ask for.


	40. The Funeral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Konoha mourns, and Sasuke loses sight of the big picture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers. How are you? If you say good, I'll say not for long! This chapter is terribly sad.   
> Grab your blankets and prepare, this one is long and filled with nothing but angst.

It’s been one day since Sasuke was discharged from the hospital, three days since Sasuke woke up from his injuries, and one week since the Battle of the Chunin Exams.

It’s been one week since Sasuke’s sensei passed away. And the same amount of time since his sensei quite literally brought him back to life. Shikamaru told him the story while he was still at the hospital. It seemed as if he’d wanted to say something else, but Sasuke still hasn’t found out what it is Shikamaru withholds from him.

He’s been staying at Naruto’s place. He’s the only person sleeping in a bed. It’s a nice bed, too. It’s a four poster, in perfect condition, and it smells like Naruto’s fabric softener. It’s humorous, really, that Sakura and Naruto have the guts to shamelessly share kisses around the apartment and a couch during the evening, but can’t muster up the indecency required of them to sleep in the same bed. It’s as if they’re concerned about nosy neighbors. Kakashi-sensei would’ve laughed at their modesty.

His thoughts shift to Kakashi-sensei. It doesn’t surprise him much; his sensei is all he can think about. Guilt clings to his skin like wet paper. Kakashi-sensei’s spilt blood stain Sasuke’s hands. Which is probably the cause of his recent ‘ _obsession’_ as Neji calls it; Sasuke couldn’t care less whether or not he’s obsessing, because his feelings are far from irrational. He’d needed to find Kakashi-sensei’s book collection, and since he couldn’t just break into his sensei’s apartment (he’d tried, but the seals were impenetrable) Sasuke had to exercise a modicum of patience. Sakura and Naruto kept sending him concerned glances, having yet to figure out why Sasuke was acting so anxious and impatient, but Sasuke was more focused on meeting with Kakashi-sensei’s will distributors.

Kakashi-sensei’s will was released very recently; the apartment was in Sasuke’s name, thank the Gods.

Sasuke was the one who spoke to the shinobi in charge of the Anbu financials, and after discussing the Will thoroughly with the masked man, he had to meet up with Jounin shinobi in charge of Kakashi-sensei’s other less-private assets, all the while limping around with a ginormous, thick bandage strapped across chest. But, Sasuke’s the only one out of his team who can remotely understand will-speak. Sakura and Naruto handle financials just fine, but with a Will, there are many different circumstances to account for, and one must be very detail oriented in order to receive the assets that were intended to them. A Will reading is tricky business, but sadly and luckily for them, Kakashi-sensei was the last Hatake of the Leaf Village, so there were no brutal arguments from clan members staking a claim on Kakashi-sensei’s Will.

Naruto received all of Kakashi-sensei’s non-underground money; all of the clean Jounin money went to him. Sakura received all of his Anbu assets, including many different kinds of currency he’d collected over the years, and particularly rarely, a couple outdated versions of the Mist Village coins. The Will was explained in grave detail to him; Kakashi-sensei’s chosen shinobi for delivering the Will were very respectable.

Sasuke was given the key to Kakashi-sensei’s account. He’d needed to rigorously assure the Anbu that he would delegate the money to Sakura properly in order to convince him of such, but put the Jounin at ease with nothing but a disarming smile.

He wasn’t entirely truthful about the urgency he felt towards acting on the Will distribution.

Sasuke is focused on something else entirely. Currently, Sasuke stands in the middle of his sensei’s apartment, door firmly closed, Sharingan blazing in paranoia. He doesn’t want to get caught. After all, he made a promise to his sensei, and he intends to keep it.

Only Jiraiya, according to his sensei’s wishes, should have access to the information Sasuke is about to uncover. He doesn’t know yet if he’ll listen to Kakashi-sensei and show the Sannin. He imagines himself to be more trustworthy of a confidante than the Toad Sage who plots to snatch away his best friend.

Sasuke walks across the apartment, concealing his footsteps despite being entirely alone. The windows are wide open and bring in a draft. There is a thin layer of dust on the kitchen counter when he walks by, as well as an old plate of plastic wrapped cookies that Team Seven never got around to devouring. He continues forward, making his way to Kakashi-sensei’s apartment, footsteps still padded, heart palpitating. His Sharingan is on, and he’ll sense any presence that comes near, but after everything that has happened Sasuke thinks a little paranoia is to be expected. The sting in his back and chest is proof of that, and since his sides feel like they’re being pressed with hot metal, Sasuke decides with a certain level of willful ignorance and a whole lot of stubbornness that paranoia is a word with an unfair amount of stigma clinging to it. Paranoia is hardly something to be ashamed of, and it’s not nearly as simple as an irrational fear. Sometimes, the paranoia Sasuke feels is entirely rational.

Sasuke cracks open his sensei’s bedroom door and steps inside the space, feeling as if he’s permanently desecrating the room by inviting his presence inside. This room was frozen in a time where everything was getting better, and now Sasuke lives in a world where there’s nothing left to destroy. It’s all been taken from him.

His eyes zone in on Kakashi-sensei’s two team pictures. _At least_ , Sasuke considers, _Kakashi-sensei is with those who love him._

He swallows. In a bit of a hurry now, as tears sting at the back of his eyes for vague reasons he can’t begin to explain, Sasuke approaches the closet doors and carefully pulls the sliding doors apart.

Inside, tucked away in a small box, is a collection of Icha Icha Paradise books. _How crude_. Sasuke thinks with nothing but fondness. A closet-pervert hiding his secrets in a literal closet; there is a sense of irony there about Kakashi-sensei’s undeniable gayness that has his lips twitching for the briefest of moments.

Sasuke pulls the box outside of the closet, but knows better than to sift through the collection right here, in broad daylight. It’s surprisingly heavy, and when he looks inside the box, he sees multiple repeats of the series in different editions. He runs a hand through his hair, huffing. Then Sasuke drags the box over to the window, genuinely surprised by how heavy the box is and how much trouble his back is giving him for it. He pulls up the window and looks down, where Neji, Ino, Naruto, Sakura, and Shikamaru are all outside absentmindedly waiting, a dozen feet below. Sasuke nearly smacks himself in the forehead. He told them to be _inconspicuous_. Neji is the first of the group to looks up, Byakguan blazing. Sasuke can tell just by the vague impression of his scowl and guarded stance that the rest of the idiot’s lack of stealth greatly irritates him; or maybe it’s their general demeanor and friendliness. Neji finds friendliness irritating, for some reason. Sasuke looks at the box of pornos in his hands and genuinely debates limping his way to the door, locking it, and figuring out Kakashi-sensei’s shit on his own.

Kakashi-sensei’s apartment is well-guarded. He doesn’t have to go face his friends. He wonders, briefly, why his sensei wouldn’t hide the books better, but then remembers that sometimes hiding things in plain sight is the best way to remain inconspicuous. If he’d the books, people would’ve been suspicious about them.

For the benefit of his friends, he tries to keep this idea in his mind as he stares out of his sensei’s apartment window.

Sakura and Naruto are the sneakiest, most manipulative people he knows. Yet, their stealth is so utterly abysmal Sasuke questions their competency just as he had the first time he saw the two of them throwing erasers at each other from across Iruka-sensei’s classroom. When his teammates spot him looking down from Kakashi-sensei’s window, they’re reaction is instantaneous. “Sasuke?!” Sakura cups her hands around her mouth and shouts up at him.

“Do you have it?!” Naruto screams, doing a little jump, as if that will make him closer to Sasuke, and therefore louder. 

Sasuke turns off his Sharingan and looks away, rubbing a hand down his face. _Why did I enlist all of them to help me?_

_You didn’t._ He reminds himself. _The three of them immersed themselves in your conversation with Neji and insisted they come._

He takes a deep breath and rolls his eyes. All pretense of stealth is gone now, so he might as well shout too. “Yeah!” he calls down resignedly. “I have it!”

Neji gives them all a disgruntled look, before taking a few paces back and then running towards the building, scaling it effectively. He runs up the side of the building and lands on Kakashi-sensei’s windowsill, arms outstretched. Neji raises his chin and commads,“Go lock up, I’ll take these down to the...imbeciles.” Sasuke actually chokes on a snort, grunting in pain as he hands over the box. Neji gives him a concerned glance. “Do be careful.” He admonishes.

Sasuke nods acceptingly. However, he has no intention of behaving any differently than he has been. He can take care of himself; he doesn’t need word from Neji’s poorly disguised motherly instincts in order to know to be mindful of his injuries.

Kakashi-sensei told him not to share the following information with anyone, but at this point, he trusts his friends far more than he trusts Jiraiya. They’ll help him discover what Kakashi-sensei found to be so precious, and they’ll help him decide what to do with it. With this positive thought in mind, he exits the apartment and locks the door tight, leaving no trace of his presence or chakra signature inside. Not even a fingerprint—the latex gloves Ino snatched from the Hospital made sure of that. Reluctantly, and only because it’s suspicious to walk around with latex gloves on, he peels off the gloves and stuffs them in his training pants pockets. He likes how clean the gloves keep his hands, and he likes that the gloves remind him of the hospital. He’s always felt safest at the hospital, but Naruto’s apartment isn’t so bad either.

He exits the apartment building swiftly, coming back around to the side of the building to see Neji and Naruto carefully stocking away the contents of the box into Naruto and Ino’s bags. Sakura catches sight of him. Sasuke smiles at her on instinct, but she doesn’t return the look. She frowns at him, lips pursed, eyebrows furrowed. It’s a worried expression. Her gaze flickers to the box in Neji and Naruto’s hands. Shikamaru stands beside them, silently judging they’re packing methods.

Sasuke swallows. He makes an aborted movement to walk over to the group, but the action pulls at the bandages on his chest and he gasps a little, grunting through pressed lips. Thankfully, his friends’ eyes are trained on the box instead of on him, so his pain goes unnoticed. Much more mindful of his wounds, Sasuke walks stiffly over to them. They stare in silence as Naruto zips up his now-full backpack and Neji hands over Ino’s duffel bag. Ino slings the bag over her shoulder. “Where are we taking this stuff to?” she asks.

Naruto instantly frowns. “My place is a no go. Too obvious, and ever since Jiraiya offered me the apprenticeship, Anbu have been crawling about my apartment building.”

_The apprenticeship,_ Sasuke openly scoffs at the horrid reminder. Naruto eyes him contritely. Ino quickly clears her throat, trying to ward away the sudden awkwardness, but only bringing more attention to the event hanging over Team Seven’s heads.

“...I don’t think anyone has been in the Uchiha Compound in a while.” Sakura goes for a bout of dark humor.

Ino openly gawks at her, a hundred protests on her lips. Sasuke stifles a snort. Sakura raises her hands defensively before Ino can go off, muttering, “I was just _saying_.”

Shikamaru crosses his arms and shakes his head scornfully. “It’d be a drag to try to sneak into my place. My parents would kill me if they found out I was slacking off on my new _Chunin_ duties.” He rolls his eyes exasperatedly.

Sakura frowns at him, and Shikamaru shrugs in response. She turns away and crosses her arms, head shaking as she offers unhelpfully, “I’ve got nothing.”

“We could go to the Hyuga compound.” Neji suggests as he helps Naruto lift his heavy backpack onto his shoulders.

Ino, Sakura, Shikamaru, and Naruto all effectively ignore Neji’s proposal. “I just don’t know where we should go.” Naruto asserts, shrugging in order to gauge the new weight on his back. “How come we didn’t think of this part of the plan?” he asks, blinking at their own stupidity.

Sakura throws her arms in the air. “I’ve been busy, I’m too tired to think up a full-proof plan!”

“Guys,” Neji cuts in, stepping away and crosses his arms. “We can go to the Hyuga compound; it’s not even that far from here.” He nods to himself, solidifying the idea in his mind.

Sasuke watches the scene unfold, a bit overwhelmed; especially when Naruto carelessly hitches the backpack up his shoulders, jarring the contents. “Naruto!” Sasuke scolds, alerted. Naruto gives him a confused look, shifting the bag on his shoulders and shaking the books inside once more.

“What?” he asks defensively.

Sakura rolls her eyes. “That meant, ‘Naruto, stop being so rough with the bag!’” she translates for him.

Ino groans loudly. “Can we please focus? We need to find somewhere to look at all this stuff, and this bag is already getting heavy.” For extra emphasis, she heaves the bag further up her shoulder. Sasuke’s eye twitches.

Neji openly gapes at them. Sasuke gives him a sympathetic look. Neji shrugs, snapping his jaw closed and looking resigned. He looks away from them with anger in his eyes. _Ignored twice_ , Sasuke thinks. He can’t relate. When he speaks, everyone in the vicinity turns to stare and judge him.

“We can’t go to my house.” Sakura points out. “So stop looking at me.”

Shikamaru snorts at he, commenting sarcastically, “ _Wow, who knew?_ ”

Naruto slams his fist on his open palm. “Okay.” he declares. “What about you, Neji, do you have any suggestions?”

Neji raises an eyebrow, startled at having been included. He smiles gratuitously at Naruto, before repeating calmly, “The Hyuga Estate isn’t far from here.” Then he adds, glancing at Shikamaru, “I doubt Hiashi would care if you guys came over.” He mutters something else under his breath that Sasuke strains to catch, but finds himself unable. Sasuke’s frown deepens; he knows the look on Neji’s face. It’s the look he gets when he’s high off of taking a risk, which, strangely enough, Neji is prone to irrational risk-taking. No one would expect it but Neji has an utter disregard for his own well-being, so he has no qualms about enlisting in dangerous activities. Sasuke would dare say Neji thrives off of danger.

The following commotion is overwhelmingly frustrating, especially when the six of them are standing out in the open like sitting ducks. Shikamaru smacks himself on the forehead, groaning, _troublesome_. Ino’s eyes go comically wide, and a choked “Wha-“ escapes her lips.

Naruto is the first to regain his bearings, throwing his arms into the air and nearly dropping the backpack in the process. “Well WHY didn’t you just say that?” he complains.

“Yeah, c’mon!” Sakura cajoles, “How come you didn’t say that before?”

Neji turns to Sasuke with eyes blazing. Sasuke hums sympathetically, hoping to cool his friend’s anger. This is exactly the reason why he and Neji were going to come here _alone_. His friends are providing an unnecessary layer of difficulty to this task. Two or three people, fine, but six—how, how are they supposed to remain inconspicuous with all six of them walking around in a pack?

Plus, Neji works better one-on-one. He flounders in large groups of people. Not only does he quiet down and stop offering his help, but he becomes defensive, overly-sensitive, and overwhelmed by all the talking and asking questions. Neji is much better and more understanding when it’s just him and one person together. Even back at the Academy, Sasuke can’t remember him ever joining a clique or having a friend group. He was just...always alone.

Some people work better alone. Some people prefer the peacefulness of their own mind. And that’s fine. But if Sasuke knew all of his friends were going to be tagging along, he wouldn’t have asked Neji in the first place. He can see how uncomfortable his friend is, and makes him uncomfortable in response. But, he reminds himself, Neji is the one who came to Naruto with his concerns about Sasuke’s wellbeing when Sasuke requested his help. Naruto told Sakura, Sakura told Ino, and Shikamaru managed to figure it out on his own somehow, probably noticing how suspicious his friends were acting. They all felt the need to...what was the word Ino used? _Intervene_ on Sasuke’s behalf, because they were concerned about his growing _belief_ (delusion, is what Ino was implying in that overly-sugary tone of hers) that Kakashi-sensei had a myriad of secrets he left to Sasuke in his Will.

So despite the fact he should be reveling in his friend’s suffering, Sasuke is Sasuke, and it’s in his nature to sympathize with people. He can’t help but wince at the scene unfolding before him. In fact, his sympathy is making him frustrated.

He’s feeling far too many things at once, and with the growing weight of Kakashi-sensei’s books resting upon his shoulders, Sasuke doesn’t know how much more he can take.

Neji hates to be asked questions. He hates explaining himself. The amount of questions the group is throwing Neji’s way must be unbearable for his friend. Neji is barely gritting his teeth through responding; all the chatter is grating on Sasuke’s nerves, too, because it means that his friends aren’t taking this seriously at all, and are just trying to make him feel better. Neji drones on. _Yes, my uncle is fine with it. I don’t think we need to worry about taking any shortcuts, that will only look suspicious. Yes, Hinata-sama is home, why?_

His composure is cracking. Sasuke grimaces as the group trudges along, Ino complaining about the weight of her bag but refusing to let anyone else carry it for fear of them hurting her belonging. Naruto still roughly handles the backpack, and Sakura rapidly continues her excited interrogation of the Hyuga compound—er, estate. Shikamaru falls back to walk next to him, hands shoved into his pockets. “You seem awfully familiar with this path. Been to Neji’s place before?” he asks, his faux-uncaring tone too awkward to be convincingly lackadaisical. 

Sasuke nods, eyes still trained Neji. Shikamaru huffs out a short breath. “Sorry about our intrusion. It seems like you two had a pretty solid plan going and we just...barged in. Especially me, nobody even invited me.” Shikamaru glances forward in brief interest as Ino and Sakura gasp at hearing that Neji’s compound has a full-on garden. Shikamaru’s love for nature is one of his most endearing qualities, but he can’t help but feel resentful of him for not noticing Neji’s obvious discomfort.

Sasuke immediately shakes his head, dismissing Shikamaru’s apologies. “No, no, don’t worry about it.” he thinks he should say something else to reassure him, but he isn’t really paying much attention to Shikamaru, more focused on stopping himself from snapping at Naruto and Ino for not taking better care of Kakashi-sensei’s things.

Shikamaru peers at him closely. “Are you okay?” he asks concernedly. “Everyone seems pretty concerned about you.” There is something in his voice that rubs Sasuke the wrong way.

Sasuke grits his teeth, jumping when Ino shoves Neji in the shoulder, causing his friend’s hands to clench by his sides. Neji doesn’t have much of a personal bubble, but Sasuke does, and he’s angry that Ino intruded Neji’s space without any warning or permission. “ _So great_.” Sasuke responds tightly. For the millionth time he wonders why in the hell Neji felt the need to take his concerns to Naruto and Sakura.

He supposes it’s his own fault, for refusing to open up to Neji about his feelings. Neji felt it was his duty to take drastic measures and request Naruto’s help. He clenches his eyes shut. He hates how much he overthinks everything, how his brain needs to see everyone else’s side too. Just for today, he’d like to be irrational without being crushingly aware of the wrongfulness of his own actions.

“Sasuke,” Shikamaru cuts in, “What do you think Kakashi wrote inside these books? What’s really going on?” Shikamaru finally asks, lowering his tone and matching Sasuke’s footsteps. Sasuke absently notes that the group is passing through the neighborhood that borders the Hyuga compound, and they should reach their destination in just a few minutes.

“...I don’t know.” Sasuke tells him. “But it meant something to Kakashi-sensei and they’re all treating this like it’s some sort of...” _delusion,_ he thinks, but says instead, “...joke.”

Shikamaru hums. “Did you tell them how much this meant to your sensei, and how much this means to you?” He wonders, but there’s a knowing tone in his voice that makes Sasuke glare at the ground moving beneath his sandals.

“No.” he confesses reluctantly.

Shikamaru nods with patronizing consideration, opening his mouth to say something else. But Shikamaru’s concern enrages him to the point he desperately needs a distraction. Thankfully, Neji shoots him a helpless look. Sasuke gratefully swoops in, effectively quelling the interrogate-Neji-time Ino implemented. He’d been standing in the back to hopefully hide how painful walking was with his injuries. But he has a feeling that whatever torment his friend’s will give him about being mindful of his wounds will feel a lot less brutal to him than their mindless chatter feels to Neji. Plus, he’d really needed to get away from Shikamaru and his condescending tone. He tries not to feel guilty when he sees the hurt and desperation in Shikamaru’s eyes. He hardly spares Sakura, Naruto, and Ino a glance as they start excitedly rambling to him.

Sasuke is an excellent listener. However, this does not mean he’s incapable of ignoring people. Years spent ‘learning’ at the Academy let him master the art of looking intrigued and engaged without listening to a single word coming out of the speaker’s mouth. He hums and nods and makes all the appropriate sounds as Sakura, Ino, and Naruto catch him up on things he doesn’t have the willpower to care about. He knows all the important information of the battle. He doesn’t need to know the gossipy details. He knows who’s alive and the number of deaths that have been accounted for, and he knows that the missing persons list is rapidly dwindling and spilling into the death toll. He knows what he needs to know, so why should he care about some politician’s botched speech about reconstruction? All he wants to do is figure out why his sensei cared so much about what he wrote in these books.

Maybe, he lets himself consider, his inability to pay attention to their talking has a lot to do with the overwhelming guilt and shame that haunts him every waking moment of the day and terrifies him throughout every anguished second of his dreams. Kakashi-sensei’s death sits unbearably on his shoulders. He wants to do something for his sensei, and he really needs these books to be the answer to assuaging his pain.

It’s true that Naruto and Sakura have lost so much, but they can’t know how he feels. They can’t know how awful it is for him to pretend not to notice the concerned glances they give him behind his back, especially when Sasuke is at a point in his life he doesn’t feel like he deserves their care.

The guilt, Sasuke knows, is a pain he’s going to have to cope with on his _own_. The responsibility he feels for his sensei’s death, knowing that Kakashi sacrificed his life for a life as pathetic as Sasuke’s, is all his own.

Kakashi-sensei’s scheme worked. Lord Third fell. But what to do now? Who is to become Hokage? The recent talk of the village is that Lord Danzo will take the hat—and the terror he feels at this hearsay is exactly the reason why Sasuke doesn’t want to hone in on current events. _Maybe Kakashi-sensei had a plan_ , he can’t help but consider. M _aybe I got him killed before he could finish what he started._

All of these feelings and intrusive thoughts play on loop in Sasuke’s mind for hours and hours. The torment is inescapable. He doesn’t know how to make the thoughts stop looping, because no matter how many times he tells himself that worrying will get him nowhere, the worries continue pressing. But now, here he is, finally able to do something concrete about his nausea inducing emotions, and his friends are all joking around like this is a gag endeavor.

He was the one who spent hours working with the Will Anbu and Jounin. He was the one who wrangled to legally get ahold of Kakashi-sensei’s apartment keys. And now he’s here, listening to his friend’s joke around and avoid even _glancing_ at the elephant in the room? What’s the point of the tip-toeing?

They all think he’s crazy, that’s the point. They don’t think the elephant in the room exists. In their minds, these books are just going to be books, and they’re going to have to comfort him when his belief proves futile. He gets it, okay? He’s in a fragile state of mind. They feel the need to humor him for fear that if they handle him too harshly he’ll break into a thousand pieces. Sasuke scuffles his feet dejectedly.

Sasuke lived seven years with Itachi Uchiha. One more bad memory isn’t going to break him. He’d always known Itachi was coming back for him. It’s infuriating that he’s the only person Itachi’s visit didn’t surprise; everyone else was stupefied.

It’s because they hadn’t believed him, not really; they shook off his concerns and coddled him, let Sasuke believe they were listening to him when in reality they were just subduing him. What really gets him isn’t the discovery of their disbelief, but their refusal to see that he isn’t insane despite the fact he was proven right about everything.

What happened with Itachi wasn’t a _surprise_ for Sasuke, and if anyone actually listened to him, they wouldn’t have been surprised either. So why are they treating him just like before? Why hasn’t this proven to them that Sasuke isn’t delusional? This isn’t just about Naruto, Sakura, and his friends, as much as their coddling is grating on his nerves. This is about the hundreds of medics and ninja who assured Sasuke again and again he was safe. At least Kakashi-sensei hadn’t lied to him. At least Kakashi-sensei believed in him.

_You killed the only person who ever believed in you_.

Sasuke physically attempts to shake off the thought, sucking in a breath of air and swinging his head back and forth, hands twitching. Shikamaru gives him a confused stare and he laughs it off, saying, “Oh, there was a bee.” Sasuke tucks a strand of hair behind his ear, feeling eerily judged.

_The guilt is crushing me. Make it go away, make it leave, I can’t shake it off—_

_I don’t deserve to shake it off._

Naruto has to leave the village to keep it safe because the village fears the Akatsuki is after him, and will attract rogues to their safe home. They’re essentially kicking out a member of their own village. And all of that is perfectly rational.

However, Sasuke simply fearing the return of his obsessed, psychotic tormentor who murdered his whole family and sensei—that’s an entirely _irrational_ prospect.

He works his jaw in a circle, counting down the minutes until they arrive at the gates of the compound. “But really, Shikamaru,” Sasuke finds himself quietly murmuring when the Nara joins the front of the group. “I promise I’m going to be fine, once I know what’s inside these books. Thank you for your concern.” He keeps his gaze pointed straight ahead, a smile fixing itself onto his features.

Shikamaru nods, diplomatically returning the smile. “No problem, Sasuke.”

Sasuke’s smile disappears. A few more paces, where his brain is stuck in a cycle, and then they’re standing before the Hyuga Estate.

“This is it.” Neji says without much grandeur. Sasuke is still in awe, even after all the times he’s seen this place. The Hyuga Estate is far more graceful than the Uchiha compound ever was. The gates conceal a neatly paved path that winds through a wooded area that, if followed, leads to a large circle of houses belonging to the many Hyuga clan members. Standing in the center of the houses is the Main Branch Manor, which, in Sasuke’s humble opinion, is a building far too large to belong solely to a family of five. More accurately, a family of four, with Neji residing alongside them, and a sea of serving Branch members who have their own quarters on sight in order for them to be as efficient as possible when their superiors call.

Neji addresses the guard at the gate, who might as well have been invisible for all the effort he put into making presence known. “Neji Hyuga and company.” He drones, raising a challenging eyebrow at the guard. Sasuke can see his lip quirking up, though, betraying the feigned professionalism between them.

“Now,” The guard tilts his head, adjusting his Konoha headband absently, “I recognize Uchiha, but I’m going to need the identities of the other ones, as well as to perform a body search...unless they have official invitations from Lord Hiashi, of course.”

When Sakura, Naruto, Ino, and Shikamaru start to look nervous, Sasuke feels himself openly gape. His friends glance around at each other, but startle when guard starts laughing in earnest.

“He’s _joking_ , they don’t do body searches.” Sasuke explains, looking at his friends in bewilderment. Ino flushes scarlet, muttering about the Yamanaka household rules, but Naruto, and Sakura both slump in relief. Shikamaru doesn’t react beyond shrugging; wearing a tired expression that tells Sasuke the Hyuga Estate guards preforming body searches are the least of Shikamaru’s worries.

Neji looks to his friends incomprehensively. “Wha- is that really how you see us? We’re not the _Anbu_.” Ino smothers a laugh at the look on Nei’s face, apologizing unconvincingly

Naruto squints at Neji, crossing his arms. “Well, for me personally, it’s less of an impression I have about the Hyuga clan and more of an impression I have about people’s natural distrust for me.” That causes Sakura to laugh loudly, and the two of them continue to joke around as the guard steps aside and orders the gates open. Really, Sasuke thinks to himself, the large tori gate is more of a formality. The winding, decorative wood hardly keeps any unwanted visitors at bay, and it’s not as if there is a wall around the compound. No, the Hyuga clan’s real form of security is the many seals that line the border of their compound, instantly alerting the clan of any foreign presences.

The Hyuga Estate is really just a small town tucked away from the rest of society. As much as Sasuke tended to hate the Hyuga clan’s ideals and morals, never mind their penchant for choosing tradition over justice, he has to admit. The Hyuga clan’s home is really quite lovely. Guarded by tall fir trees and a beautiful gate, is a winding, elegant path. There wasn’t a leaf out of place on the pathway, no weeds sticking up through smooth dirt. The sun shines brightly here, the wind cascades gently. However, the aura that travels with the elegant beauty is suffocating. No place demands perfection like the Hyuga Estate.

They turn a corner on the path, and the small encircle of houses come into sight. Green hip and gable roofs with gold lining, sturdy structures that all, in essence, look to be the exact same building copied and pressed beside each other. If one looks close enough they could spot small variances, for example, a different shade of linen curtains or a yard with an extra plant establishing in its roots. But it was obvious to anyone looking that each house is trying very hard to be the most identical of them all.

In the middle of the houses is a relatively grand stair case, carved of wood and stone, leading up to the looming manor belonging to the Main family. Its roof and lattice walls are designed just like the rest of the smaller houses surrounding it, making the only key difference between the main and branch family houses its towering size. A courtyard sits before the entrance to Neji’s house, and in the center of the square, tiled space, stands another tori, this one smaller but no less graceful.

“Huh.” Sakura mutters, less in awe and more in reproach. Naruto side-eyes her.

“Anyone else feel underdressed?” Naruto scuffs his feet against the smooth dirt floor, kicking up dust. Sasuke hadn’t even realized they’d all stopped to stare at the picture of elegance before them.

“Guess this place didn’t see any battle, did it?” Shikamaru mutters, but he catches his tone by the end of the statement and snaps his jaw closed. Neji shakes his head with a laugh, unoffended by Shikamaru’s observation.

“Guess not.” Neji agrees tersely.

They continue down the winding path, gazes looking up at the beautiful buildings surrounding them. The Hyuga Estate is as imperial as ever, only unlike the usual chatter and quiet laboring that usually fills the subdivision, the land feels completely deserted. Sasuke looks around himself, his confusion so evident that Neji sends him a knowing smirk. “I told you,” he says haughtily, “The Estate would be the perfect place to go. Every Hyuga I know is either out on a mission or volunteering their expertise at the hospital.” Neji skips a bit as he walks, kicking the ground with his sandal and turning to face them all. “The only people you’ll find on this entire property are a few token guards, the real protectors of the Main Branch, and my family.”

Sasuke knows from experience that when Neji says my family, he means Hinata and Hanabi, not his aunt and uncle. After all these years, Neji still leaves them out of his affection, and Sasuke doesn’t blame him. Neji holds grudges like he holds onto people; tightly, stubbornly, and with the expectation he’ll never have a reason to let go. After a pause, Neji turns back around, considering. “Not even the Clan Elders are here.”

Sasuke follows along. Even if the Hyuga clan wasn’t targeted for an attack, the Branch members are still helping with the reconstruction of the village, and he’s sure Hinata is doing everything she’s currently capable of. She went on her first unsupervised mission with Kiba and Shino just a few days ago, so he’s heard. It went off without a hitch.

He doubts Hiashi and his wife have lifted a finger to aid their allies. They have all this available land and not one person has heard a peep from the Clan Head about offering the homeless of Konoha or the Suna shinobi some refuge.

They make it to the staircase, and Sasuke notes that Shikamaru somehow got Ino to hand over her heavy (sparkly purple) duffel bag. After a double take, he realizes that Shikamaru wrangled the backpack off of Naruto’s hands as well, and with a look of utter loathing he is currently lugging around both of them. _Wasn’t he injured?_ Sasuke wonders, but then recalls that Shikamaru was promoted to Chunin and sent off on a B-rank since the attack. They wouldn’t send an injured heir off on a B-rank, so the wound must not be as bad as Sasuke remembers. Still, he could’ve sworn Shikamaru got hurt pretty badly, and there’s no way he isn’t feeling at least a little sore.

Sasuke would offer to help with the bags, but in all honesty he’s not even sure if he can walk up these stairs on his own. So instead he gives a pointed look to Sakura, which she misinterprets entirely.

Sakura bounds over to him and offers her support, but once she has his arm slung over the shoulder Sasuke doesn’t have the heart to tell her he hadn’t meant to ask for her help. He tells himself it’s because it would embarrass her, but the real reason is the relief that sinks into his bones when his weight is being supported onto her. Unbidden, he releases a comforted sigh.

All eyes turn to him. Sasuke flushes, Shikamaru’s bag predicament temporarily forgotten under his friend’s scrutiny. “Are you doing okay, Sasuke?” Ino inquires, her brow furrowed.

Sasuke inhales, taking a moment before exhaling. After an even longer pause, he responds. “I’m great, Ino.” She looks at him skeptically. Sasuke shrugs it off.

They start up the stairs, and only then does Sasuke remember that Shikamaru is the only one holding the bags. Neji beats him to the punch, giving Sasuke an exasperated, _are you seeing this_ , look. Sasuke is seeing it, and when Neji offers to help with the bags, relief floods Shikamaru. Sasuke tears his eyes away from the image of Shikamaru rubbing his chest and muttering gratitude at Neji. The rest of the walk up the stairs is filled with Ino and Naruto’s chatter. He tunes them out without really thinking about it, so by the time they make it the courtyard outside the entrance of the Hyuga Manor, Sasuke is completely consumed by thoughts of his sensei’s books.

“Douzo agatte kudasai.” Neji’s use of his clan’s tongue snaps Sasuke’s focus back onto his surroundings. Neji offers a respectful bow, a quick bend of the head torso and head, before straightening. “Please, come in.”

Sasuke gives Neji a short nod in return. Neji smiles at him, and silence sweeps the group as they finally cross the last distance of the courtyard. They anxiously watch Neji hold out his hand and knock sharply on the polished wood.

There is nothing grandiose about the Main Manor door. It’s of average height, with an elegant, yet overall simple design. If it wasn’t for the towering size of the building and surrounding picture perfect houses and yards, as well as the garden that Sasuke knows rests on the other side of the building, it would seem like the door of the average wealthy family. Neji steps back from the door, clasping his arms behind his back. Sasuke pulls away from Sakura and follows suit, politely waiting for the door to be opened to them. The door swings open abruptly. Sasuke jumps, but when he looks to the other side of the door, there is no one. Sasuke’s gaze swoops downward.

A child-like cry rings across the vast and empty space, and the next thing Sasuke knows is that a small child with a dainty bun and expensive looking indoor robes has thrown herself into Neji’s arms. “ _Nii-san!”_ she squeals.

Sasuke turns away so fast his head spins. Sakura grips his forearm tightly, a silent command for him to keep it together. He does his best to listen. Logically, he knows the girl is Hinata’s younger sister, Hanabi, and the baby cousin that Neji grew up with. He can’t seem to separate the past from the present, however.

Sasuke doesn’t watch what occurs, so he misses Hanabi’s widening eyes and blushing cheeks when she realizes that her older cousin brought visitors. Hanabi leaps out of Neji’s arms and falls into a formal bow, but Sasuke is somewhere else, drowning out the interaction. He doesn’t see Ino smile and lean down to greet the girl, and he misses the cute lilt in Hanabi’s voice as she switches from her native tongue to the universal tongue. He misses the introductions, and he misses Naruto’s cooing at the four foot child be interrupted by a rush of footsteps. Hinata arrives on the scene, but Sasuke just hunches his shoulders and keeps his jaw clenched. All he wants is to know why his sensei cared so much about the books. _That’s all I want._ Hinata bows, apologizes, ushers her sister inside, and Sasuke misses the interaction entirely, eyes glued to the ground.

“Sasuke-san, are you alright?” Hinata’s voice sounds like it’s filtering through water before reaching his ears. His eyes are still glued to the wall. Sakura tightens her hold on his forearm, trying to shake him, but he keeps his eyes down turned.

“I’m fine.” He reassures everyone.

Hinata tilts her head. “Are you s-sure? I can grab you a towel and some cool water, y-you look pale.”

When Ino chimes in that the walk must have been exhausting for him, Sasuke nearly loses it. But he manages to smother his feelings, put a lid on his facial expressions and force a smile. “I’ll make sure to rest when I get home, but honestly? I think the bit of exercise did me some good.”

It’s a blatant lie, not that he anyone has the guts to call him on it and risk upsetting him. Neji changes the subject, moving subtly closer to him and Sakura. “We’re all tired from a long day of work, Hinata-sama.”

Hinata nods agreeably, but even so, she ushers her younger sister further behind her, a skeptical gleam in her eyes. “Hanabi, go finish your katas.” Hinata orders, eyes focused intently on Neji’s face. Her sleeves drape over her hands, but when she settles a grip onto the edge of the doorframe her dainty fingers peek out from beneath the silken cloth.

“Hai, onesan.” The young girl immediately choruses, resting her hands on her thighs and offering a quick bow to their group before rushing back into the house.

After a moment of contemplation, Hinata steps aside from the doorway, a clear invitation for them to walk inside, but when Neji attempts to accept, Hinata inhales deeply and tilts her head to the side. Neji freezes. Hinata quirks an eyebrow.

“And this reconvening of friends just so happens to occ-c-ur whilst father is busy with meetings for the day?” she murmurs, eyes downcast, fingers twiddling. The lilt of her hidden smiles tells Sasuke she’s only teasing, but there is an underlying concern in her tone that puts everyone on edge.

“Of course, Hinata-sama,” Neji addresses, “We’re simply...” Neji pauses, and Hinata’s eyes narrow.

All the same, Hinata finally steps away fully from the door, a polite smile painted across her porcelain features. Neji walks in uninterrupted, but as he passes Hinata by, they can all clearly hear Hinata murmur to him, “T-T-Think up a lie, Neji-nee, and you’ll need a c-convincing one, if you wish to escape an indefinite grounding. Hanabi is the worst secret keeper to walk this Earth.” Her hushed voice is oddly easy for Sasuke to listen to, seeing as she speaks so quietly. But the sound is unobtrusive, and calm in the middle of Sasuke’s chaos. Hinata has always seemed stable to him, even from afar, watching her determinedly throw kunai knives at a training post from across the Academy grounds.

“Hai, Hinata-sama.” Neji nods once to her, and then to the rest of the group. They all take it as the cue it is, feeling like awkward ducklings as the trail behind the ever-composed Neji Hyuga, into a building carved not out of extravagance, but out of perfection.

The tatami floorings are clean, the light fixtures glow but not too brightly or too dimly, and there is a staircase at the corner of the room that leads directly into a closed-off upper floor. The entrance itself could fill an estimated two of Kakashi-sensei’s apartment floors, and there are many hallways branching off deeper into the Manor. There’s a potted plan right beside the entrance, and the home smells distinctly of rice straw, with perhaps a whiff of woodchips.

“You have a lovely home.” Sakura fills the silence, no longer holding onto him, but instead hovering beside him like he might suddenly fall over. It warms him, a little, to know she cares so much, but he’s also a little frustrated with her mothering. He doesn’t need this from them, right now. What he needs is to know why Kakashi-sensei wanted him to guard these books so urgently.

_Had he known he was going to die?_

Sasuke swallows the thought like a burning lump of coal.

“T-Thank you, Sakura.” Hinata graciously dips her head.

Sasuke can feel the tension inside of him building to insurmountable levels, and he wonders if the rest of the room feels the same way.

Kakashi-sensei told him to give the books to Lord Jiraiya, but...a selfish part of him wanted the books to himself, and a spiteful part wondered what the hell Kakashi-sensei knew anyway. His plan led to the near destruction of the entire Village Hidden in the Leaves.

Sasuke looks around to see everyone slipping off their sandals, only to look down at his hands and realize he’s holding his sandals by their heel, having subconsciously followed suit. He passes them to Ino, who neatly stacks the group’s sandals by the door. Sasuke isn’t sure what the blur of voices are saying because the tension in his chest is too all consuming for small talk. The adrenaline that rushes him when Neji finally moves towards the staircase nearly knocks him off his feet. Together, the group ascends the staircase at an excruciatingly slow pace. Someone makes a comment about the house’s elegance, another person jokes about the amount of hours put into cleaning the place. They trail Neji through the halls until finally halting before a bedroom door, a polished deep green handle resting in the center of the wood. Neji turns the handle and holds the door open for everyone to filter in, before letting the door make a smothered closing sound. Not even the doors in this house can hint imperfection.

Neji crosses his arms and leans against his bedroom door, clearly not used to having so many people hanging out in his room like this. In response to his awkwardness, everyone tries to stifle their curiosity for Neji’s personal space as best as they can. The room would seem altogether impersonal for someone who doesn’t know Neji, but Sasuke can sense that the room wholesomely belongs to his friend. A futon is pushed against the far corner of the room, a lightweight dresser on the opposite wall, a window with a little nook large enough to sit one person on the ledge, and a sliding closet door. A few knickknacks rest here and there, like a handful of hair bands on the dresser and the clock that runs on military time hung up on the wall beside the door. In perfect line beside the round clock there is a framed up wooden slate with a quote meticulously carved in it—Sasuke squints, recognizing Neji’s neat handwriting. The slate reads “I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart. I am. I am. I am.”

Sasuke tilts his head. He can’t say for certain he understands what the quote means. It was a bit too abstract, if you asked him. Sakura reads the quote out loud curiously, rolling the syllables along her tongue in a way that usually fascinates Sasuke, but today leaves him with a twitching eyelid.

“What does it mean?” Ino wonders, and Neji purses his lips. Shikamaru, without asking permission, sits on the Neji’s futon and leans his head back against the wall.

Neji looks over to the slate with a smile. “It’s a from Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar, specifically. It’s an invigorating read. The way she spins words is incredible to contemplate. Ah—the quote, the protagonist is reminding herself she is alive, that she’s real and concrete. She explains in just a few words that sometimes the best reminder of life is to just take a deep breath of air and let it all out, listening to nothing but your heartbeat.” Neji goes still, eyes averting. “At least, that’s how I interpret it.”

Shikamaru makes a sleepy sound, throwing a hand over his eyes to block out the light. Sasuke stands awkwardly, wondering why the hell no one else is feeling his intense need to rip open the bags and scour through the books. “Poets. I will never understand them.” Shikamaru comments offhandedly. “Why can’t they just say what the mean?” His complaint makes Neji’s eyes face slip back into its usual mask of blankness, eyes rolling.

Sasuke would wince if he had the emotional capacity. Neji is sensitive about the few things he is passionate about. He’s not like other people, who love what they love with no care to what anyone else has to say about it. Neji loves what he loves quietly, because he fears scorn. So, when he finds the guts the share something with you, it’s the ultimate testament of trust. How will you react? Will you cast his opinions aside, or will you actually listen to him, like so few people do?

Sasuke’s a good listener. Maybe that’s why he and Neji are such close friends.

“The books,” Neji declares, “Shall we see if there really is something odd about them, like Sasuke suspects?” he suggests, moving to grab Naruto’s backpack, which he apparently chucked carelessly onto the floor.

Everyone else shrugs, but Sasuke is by his side in an instant as Neji blankly unzips the bag and pulls out a copy of Icha Icha paradise without much preempt. Shikamaru becomes instantly awkward, turning his face away and hunching his shoulders. Naruto and Sakura look a little too comfortable next to the pornography series, but Ino makes it up for it by looking fully prepared to chuck the book out the window and into the Hyuga gardens should it prove to be scandalous.

Sasuke can feel a hum of chakra emanating from the paperback. He and Neji share a glance, before flicking their Kekei Genkai on at once. Neji’s eyes sharpen with veins and Sasuke’s sink into a swirl of deep red and onyx. Neji unceremoniously flips open the cover in his hand, one eyebrow raises when the image of a fair lady with light blond hair in a skimpy skirt comes into view.

Naruto snorts. “See, Sasuke? There’s nothing to worry about. Kakashi was still our perverted sensei, he wasn’t keeping secrets.”

In a fit of blinded rage, Sasuke snatches the book out of Neji’s hands and snaps, “You’re such an idiot, Naruto.” It feels overwhelmingly good to spit the words, his Sharingan blazing. He shoves the book open and flips through every page.

But there is nothing.

\------

Sasuke is standing in the rain. He’s not the only one standing beneath the sky’s gentle flurry. Hundreds of shinobi crowd the space around him, pressed shoulder to shoulder, some praying under their breath and others crying silently, their tears blurring with the water droplets soaking the black attire signifying their mourning.

It’s a cruel irony, he thinks, that a man as vicious as Lord Hokage has hundreds of people wishing him a peaceful passing and even the sky sheds a tear for their lost leader. On the day his family’s bodies were burnt to ashes, there were no tears from fellow shinobi or the sky.

Beside him, Sakura is dressed in a fitting black robe that hangs just above her knees, and despite Ino’s begging for otherwise, she has slipped on a pair of matching black _sandals_. Her pale skin glows in the candlelight, and fire reflects in the Uzumaki hair clip pinning her hair back. Her forehead protector hangs respectfully around her neck for a day such as this. Naruto is dressed similar, his blonde hair seeming darker in the dim, cloudy light, his robe hanging just a bit lower than Sakura’s, with black pants underneath. Sasuke forewent pulling a robe on for the occasion, deliberately choosing not to match his comrades in their traditional attire. It’s a small liberty but he’ll seize the disrespect all the same, wearing just the loose black pants and a fitting black long sleeved turtle neck. For once, Sakura and Naruto are better prepared for the occasion than he.

But he refused to spend his time dressing to honor the man who got his sensei killed. He keeps his headband on his forehead, and every time on his way to the funeral when his gaze lingered towards the Hokage monument, he locked eyes with Hiruzen Sarutobi, lip curling.

The memorial service is being held at the top of the Hokage tower. It feels fitting, in a strange, uncomfortable way that Sasuke can’t quite explain.

Now here he stands in exact line with his comrades, all dressed in form fitting black clothing, the majority donning robes. Naruto and Sakura are silent. Behind him, Tenten, Neji, Lee, and Hinata are silent. A little ways over, Team Ten stands at attendance, and behind them, Kiba and Shino keep their heads hanging low. Ibiki Morino, Maito Gai, Anko Miterashi, Ebisu-sensei, Iruka-sensei, and a sea of Chunin and Jounin watch the funeral with the somber eyes of weary shinobi. Sasuke has never seen Maito Gai wear anything but his green jumpsuit. The look doesn’t suit him, and Kakashi-sensei would’ve hated seeing his friend dressed like this. In the front of the line, Kurenai cradles Asuma’s hand in hers. “The raining suits the mood, don’t you think?” he hears Kurenai murmur.

Sasuke finds his eyes closing. Despite the indignation in his chest like something dark and inescapable burning its way up his throat, he finds his arms uncrossing from his chest and instead hanging by his sides. No matter the cruel deeds Lord Hokage committed, no matter the impression the man left on this world, Hiruzen Sarutobi is mourned by his comrades, and that counts for something. The Will of Fire must burn on without him. He will not treat this funeral like an opportunity to take a political stance. He’s better than that. He’s not his parents, he’s not the man in the casket himself, and he’s not a cruel person. This is a safe place for everyone he knows to say goodbye to a man they loved.

He opens his eyes and listens to Homura-sama deliver a speech before Lord Third’s memorial. “We are gathered here to remember and honor not only the Third Hokage, but all those who sacrificed themselves in this battle so that our village would survive.”

The amount of people who made it the funeral is a sight to behold. Sasuke, Sakura, and Naruto were all given invitations to participate directly in the memorial service, standing upright on the very roof of the Hokage tower, but surrounding the building on the decks, overflowing the streets below, and wafting in and out of the tower with flowers and gifts for the dead in hand are hundreds upon hundreds of Konoha shinobi. Sakura reserved a time today for Kakashi-sensei’s service to be held. He’s supposed to stand up and deliver a speech.

But no words can be used to sum up Kakashi-sensei. He was an entire person, with thoughts and feelings of his own, and Sasuke loved him. He’s not sure if Fugaku counted as a father, and he’s never discovered the identity of the man who was responsible for his birth. But Kakashi-sensei was there for him, cared for him, and Sasuke values that bond. This time, when he mourns, as he mourns, he mourns for someone who loved him back.

Sasuke swallows, forcing his fists not to clench by his sides. He can hear Konohamaru whimpering and crying. Iruka-sensei wraps a hand around the small child’s shoulder, his eyes overwhelmed with sympathy. One by one, ninja step forward, carrying an array of singular white lilies to gift to the Lord Hokage. Sasuke can feel his breath hitch, and he pulls helplessly at the collar of his turtleneck. Sakura steps up, stepping into the line for a turn to place a flower on Lord Third’s memorial.

Ino follows swiftly behind her friend, and the rest of Rookie Nine trail after, feet shuffling quietly. He thinks he spots a gentle smile resting on Sakura’s face as her turn approaches, and it’s her willingness to see the good in Lord Hokage that prompts him to step in line as well. He has no flowers to give, but he’ll make due with a farewell. The line begins to thin ahead of him but grows in mass behind him as more and more Shinobi line up to pay their respects. Soon enough he watches Sakura take a shaky step forward, before turning around and grabbing Ino’s hand last minute. The two of them walk up together, each placing a lily on the gravestone.

Hinata, Kiba, and Shino follow one by one, placing their flowers before dispersing back into the crowd. Naruto is the one standing ahead of him, water gliding down the back of his robe. Sasuke sniffs in the scent of sweet rain while Neji gives a humble bow before placing his flower on the memorial. Tenten and Lee smile as they bid their Hokage farewell. Shikamaru doesn’t spare the memorial a glance while in line, eyes downcast. His flower is so anxiously crushed in his fist that all the petals are nearly falling off. When it’s his turn, Shikamaru delicately places the flower on the growing pile despite how much he’d been fidgeting with the lily before. Sasuke mentally files away the information that Shikamaru doesn’t like waiting for things as his friend shoves his hands into his pockets and ducks away. Choji gives a white lily with wide, sympathetic eyes, before reluctantly trailing after his friend.

Its Naruto’s turn, Sasuke realizes. He’s right in front of him, yet he doesn’t budge an inch. Gently, Sasuke pushes him forward, and Naruto snaps out of it, stepping up to lay his flower beside the others. Naruto lingers beside the memorial, gazing into the picture resting amongst the lilies of Lord Third displaying a gentle smile for every Shinobi to be greeted by. His friend walks away quietly, footsteps sloshing in the rainwater. Sasuke steps up, fingers brushing over the tips of the dozens of white lilies already presented to the only Hokage he’s ever known. He murmurs a quiet farewell and trails after his friends. He doesn’t look back, even as a stream of familiar faces flicker past his field of vision, all waiting their turn to say goodbye.

_He doesn’t look back._ He can’t. He has to put the past behind him.

He walks down the steps of the Hokage tower, feet clambering, watching the shoes of his comrades make the same journey. He turns a corner on the staircase and continues descending, water dripping onto the tower floors. It’s quiet within the Hokage tower, an unlikely event for the usual busy building. Sasuke jumps when a streak of lightening flickers past the window.

It’s been quietly thundering for hours, but this is the first bolt of lightning Sasuke has caught sight of. The heating of the Hokage tower does little to stop Sasuke from shivering in his soaking clothes, but he doesn’t dare complain. A particularly loud thundering booms outside. Sasuke stops for a moment, gazing out a nearby window at the dark clouds swirling and moving quickly over Konoha. He only keeps walking when someone pushes into his back, a silent request for him to get a move on.

Sasuke doesn’t mingle at the funeral service. He waits patiently in the main floor of the Hokage tower as people upon people share grievances and sobbing laughter, as adults drink a little too much of the wine being served at the makeshift bar, and children stare in boredom from the feet of their parents’ in ignorance. He watches, and waits, listening to the rumbling thunder and letting his eyes widen a fraction whenever a streak of lightening lights up the tower. The rain from before was calm, drizzling in slow cascades, but now the glass of the windows smears with water and the roof of the Hokage Tower echoes with pounding raindrops. He thumbs a scar beneath his shirt sleeve, observing from afar as Sakura wraps her arms around Naruto, seeking comfort on this treacherous day.

“How come you aren’t with your friends?” Sasuke glances sideways. He’d sensed Anko Miterashi approaching him the moment before she’d started walking towards him. Her chakra was flickering curiously at him all day. Since his sensing abilities have recovered, they feel stronger than ever. It’s more of a curse than a blessing.

“Because I’d rather be alone with my thoughts,” Sasuke replies, accepting the glass she passes him with a suspicious glare. He smells the clear liquid in side. It’s obviously some sort of alcohol. He snorts, letting the glass hang loosely in his hand.

“You know, having people around you can really help a person feel better. Heals the heart.” Anko suggests, quickly downing the contents of her own glass. Sasuke doubts whatever strong alcohol she’s consuming is being served at the bar.

Sasuke inhales sharply, holding the breath in his chest before releasing it in frustration. “I don’t want to feel better.” With no small amount of disgust for the liquored beverage, Sasuke passes the glass back into Anko’s hands and heads for the exit. Kakashi-sensei’s service is being held outside, anyway. And it’s almost time for the funeral to begin. He pushes past the crowds and breathes easier when he can step outside in the cold rain. The thunder is louder out here, more demanding. Sasuke lets water fall into his eyes as he stops to stare up at the sky.

No tears come. He tilts his head and tries for a smile. It feels more like a grimace. Shaking himself off, he spots a podium across the way, and notices a couple shinobi ushering a group of people away from the cheap seats squashed together around it. Their funeral service must be coming to an end, then. Sasuke walks over to the reserved area outside the Hokage Tower, weaving around a few of the plastic chairs. He approaches one of the women in the group with a polite eyebrow raised. “Excuse me, are you the Sazuki’s?” he asks.

The woman nods, wiping at a trail of mascara beneath her eye. “Yes, what is it?”

“Oh, it’s nothing. I’m here for the service after yours.” Sasuke explains, holding up a hand to shield his eyes from the pelting raindrops.

The woman’s eyes cloud with understanding. “I see.” She murmurs, bidding him a sincere apology for his loss before rushing over to her a man and grabbing tightly onto his arm, walking away with him in a hurry to get out of the rain and escape their misery.

Sasuke sighs as one of the cheap plastic chairs clatter onto its side, swept up by the wind.

He looks around, spotting a peculiar skirmish not far from the podium. He walks forward, catching the tail end of the argument. A shinobi is insisting the family before him leave in time for the next service, a frown marring his features. The woman and man he’s scolding look perplexed and outraged.

Sasuke hurries forward, approaching the professional looking man with a shake of his head, holding out his hands, placating. “I’m the host of the next service.” He tells the shinobi. Then Sasuke turns to the woman the shinobi had been scolding, and the angry man supporting her, “Take all the time you need.”

The two give him their furtive thanks, shooting the startled shinobi dark glares. But Sasuke’s mind is elsewhere as he walks away from them. He moves past the podium, away from the tumbling plastic chairs, and makes his way over to the nearby fence Kakashi-sensei was prone to uselessly hopping over in favor of entering through the gate. He’d claimed it was faster. Sasuke leans against the fence with a sense of nostalgia, staring at the door to the Hokage Tower as he waits for the rest of the attendees to filter in. “Late as ever, huh, sensei?” he murmurs.

He rubs his shoulder as goosebumps emerge on his skin, the intensity of the rain lessening and causing him to be hyper aware of the soaked state of his clothes. It’s itchy and cold.

Slowly, the service before Kakashi-sensei’s clears out, and Kakashi-sensei’s attendees file in. All of Rookie Nine and their sensei make it to the funeral, and Team Gai take a seat as well. A few individuals he doesn’t recognize, but for the most part, Sasuke knows Kakashi-sensei’s friends. Anko, Genma, and a handful of Jounin have made it to the service. After a moment’s pause, he realizes that the clothed Anbu Black-Ops around them are here to attend Kakashi-sensei’s funeral, and not here for protection. When Sakura comes over to him, he rubs his forehead in exhausted. Inhaling and moving away from the fence he’s leant against, Sasuke pulls again at the wet collar of his turtle neck.

Sakura tucks a piece of wet hair behind her ear, Naruto’s pin no longer effective. “I’ve got an introduction ready. Do you want me up there first?” she asks, her usual bluntness not forgone even for special occasions. Sasuke appreciates her no-time-for-games attitude. He doesn’t know why so many shinobi are acting as if they aren’t even here for a funeral.

“That would be amazing.” He agrees, walking around her to go take a seat in one of the plastic chairs. The rain is almost fully calm now, but a gentle rumbling in the sky tells him that the storm is not gone, simply moved on. It’s comforting.

He sits down in a puddle of water on a cold plastic chair. Asuma Sarutobi sits beside him. On his other side, Ino picks up an overturned seat and slumps into it, ankles crossing. Naruto walks up to stand behind Sakura, who has her hands on either side of the podium, looking out onto everyone Kakashi-sensei cared about with a nervous but determined expression. He admires her courage, but finds that he can’t feel a single thing, let alone feel anxious over the speech he’s expected to give after Sakura’s introduction. He wonders why one of Kakashi-sensei’s older friends didn’t insist on introducing the funeral, but then remembers that this is Sakura, and she probably didn’t even consult them when making decisions. Kakashi-sensei left the Will in Team Seven’s name, after all, and most of the Jounin were either too busy grieving or away on urgent missions to worry about their friend’s funeral.

Sakura wasn’t so neglectful. She’d taken care of everything, the invitations, the expenses, and the scheduling. If it wasn’t for here, there wouldn’t be a funeral for Hatake Kakashi.

“Hello,” Sakura says, and despite not having a mic, she’s heard amongst the attentive crowd. A few people mutter hello back at her, strangers who never met Sakura Haruno, and Sakura gives them a smile for the effort. “Thank you all for coming today. Although, I’m sure if Kakashi-sensei were here, well, he wouldn’t be. Because even if it meant missing his own funeral, he’d get caught up in a hundred other duties and be three hours late,” Sakura laughs a bit, wiping wetness off of her lip and chin. A few chuckles startle out of the crowd. Sakura’s laugh turns into a wry smile, before she clasps her hands onto the podium and sighs deeply.

Sasuke stares up at her, stomach in knots. He feels numb, emotionally speaking, but physically, he wants to vomit all over his sandals.

“I don’t know a lot of the people who showed up today, it was a bit of hassle to figure out how to spread invitations out. But, even so, I’d like to skip pleasantries. We’re here for Kakashi-sensei, and he loathed small talk and wasting time.” Sakura nods to herself, somber gaze scanning the crowd. A few people gather at the corner of the service, not wishing to intrude, but prepared to pay their respects to any shinobi who lost his life for their village. Some peer over at the funeral simply because it is a spectacle. Sakura stands before a crowd of elite shinobi, pink hair in disarray and uncaring to how cold and shivery she is. She speaks with confidence.

“He survived so many hardships, half of which I don’t even know all the details of.” She clears her throat. “I didn’t know everything about him, so I can’t say whether or not we knew the same version, but...I did want to share a story today, maybe to uh, just rid this service of speech-anxiety.” She laughs a bit, fingers tapping against the podium. “You know, no judgment here, you can come up to the podium and tell me about the time Kakashi-sensei threw a kunai knife and I’d probably be interested. All stories are appreciated stories.” Sakura nods to herself, her confidence never faltering, the strength in her voice unwavering.

“My story is pretty much the typical Kakashi Hatake story.” Sakura splays her hand out in front of her, a smile stretching over her features as her eyes shift up briefly in contemplation. “Uh, I was actually six when this happened, so even before I became a genin, right?” Sasuke stiffens, and beside him, Ino makes an inquisitive sound.

“I was being picked on by these super mean girls at the Academy, you know how it is, and I ran into the training grounds after school because I was too ashamed to go home without the expensive bracelet my mom bought me that the girls stole. There, I curled up next to a training tree and, well...bawled my eyes out.” Sakura purses her lips, shrugging good naturedly. “Yup. Full on sobbing, hysterically, red in the face just...little girl crying alone in the woods kind of sobbing. Except, what I didn’t know, was that I was at a training ground Kakashi Hatake frequented.” Sakura nods to herself, weakly throwing her hands in the air. “Yeah, and he emerged from the actual forest, the forest—out of absolutely nowhere—this super concerned, awkward look on this strange masked man’s face. He shoved his hands into his pockets.” Sakura says, jokingly bitter. “I remember that because he was so tall and had the _worst_ slouch.” She squints, head shaking.

“He approached me without like any warning, you know, just a scary masked teenager-man, person, I don’t know, he was a tall guy and I was small and confused by him randomly talking to me in the forest....but, uh...what he said will always stick with me.” She splays her hands out and smiles, a small, pretty thing that makes her whole face glow. “Kakashi-sensei told me that ‘Shinobi don’t cry,’ and then he said, ‘but people do.’” She lets that stick with everyone for a moment, before shaking herself off. “Then he asked if I had a home, where I lived, and like the kind gentlemen he was—after I assured him I could get home by myself just fine—he walked hand in hand with me all the way home.” Sakura finishes, laughing by the end of her statement. Sasuke hears Asuma startle laugh beside him, for once no cigarette in sight. “I don’t even know if he remembered it, when we met again after I graduated.”

Sakura steps away from the podium, clasping her hands together. “But I’ll always remember that. Because it was nice to hear for once not some bullshit response like ‘you’re a little girl, of course you’re allowed to cry.’ That kind of response always made me feel worthless, but Kakashi-sensei never once in the time I knew him made me feel like I was anything but _worth it_. Because he knew that we’re all human, and just like humans...we fall. We cry. And as Kakashi-sensei was, we are all _imperfect_. So, join me today for a very unorganized, and rushed, and cheap-ass, but best of all, imperfect funeral service.” Sakura declares and a sporadic burst of claps follow her speech, Ino clapping with a sense of pride on her face unrivaled. Since Sasuke’s sitting beside her he gets a front row seat of the pride oozing out of her chakra. Sakura gives him a look, and he can tell what she’s asking. _You coming?_

He shakes his head. He expects Sakura to look disappointed in him, she usually is when he doesn’t do things her way, but she gives him an understanding brow furrow and smile instead. He looks away. He can’t stand the kindness, the delicateness with which people have decided to treat him. What happened to the Sakura who would glare at him and force him to do something anyway? Why is she being so kind to him, when he doesn’t deserve any of their sympathy at all? It’s his fault Kakashi-sensei died in the first place.

When it comes to a loved one’s death, it gets worse before it gets better. A lot worse. Because it takes a while for your brain to compile a list of all the things you will never have and never get to have again, and that realization of not only losing someone you love but losing everything else that person could’ve been to you, that is when it hurts the most. A pain so sharp you’d do anything just to forget about it all.

He feels cold both inside and out, his skin clammy and his heart aching. His knee bounces as Maito Gai walks up, an abnormally sorrowful look on his face. Gai does not cry, an unusual occurrence for the emotional man. His speech is a good one. Sasuke can tell by the thrum in the crowd and how Asuma chokes quietly, his knuckles pressing into his eyes. He can hear Sakura sobbing, and perhaps most concerning of all is that he can’t hear Naruto in the slightest. His usually loud and bumbling friend is silent for the occasion. Gai’s words don’t quite register through the roaring in Sasuke’s ears. He regrets coming here at all. His knee bounces in place, his lungs constrict. Gai concludes his speech, and Sasuke finds he misses the rhythm the man’s voice provided his ears. Without it, Sasuke slips a little further towards insanity.

More people take the stand, some to simply say goodbye to a comrade, other’s to share stories. With every passing second, Sasuke wishes he were somewhere far, far away, somewhere that he could wrap his arms around his sensei’s waist and breathe in the scent of iron and dog on Kakashi’s Jounin Jacket. He wants a _hug_. He wants his sensei to come back and hug him. Sasuke clenches his eyes closed. He should’ve savored the touches more, the fatherly ones, the kind ones. He should’ve hugged his sensei back and not shied away all those times Kakashi moved to pat him on the head or shoulder.

Sasuke misses his teacher and it aches. He wonders how many people take the stand, because he’s not counting, and he doesn’t care to remember. He’ll already remember everything about this day too vividly, it’s best to keep the details as vague as possible. Sasuke doesn’t even realize that people are beginning to stand up to mingle or leave until Asuma gently nudges him in the shoulder.

Sasuke flinches back violently, nearly knocking over his plastic chair. He almost apologizes to Ino, but realizes that she’s no longer seated in the chair beside him. Everything feels numb and out of place. Everything is confusing.

He eyes Asuma tiredly, standing up to the face the man, unable to shift the neutrality of his face even an inch. “Kiddo, you need some air or something?” Asuma asks.

Sasuke nearly hurls a kunai at him in a fit of rage. _Kiddo_ , he thinks, bordering hysteria. Kakashi-sensei would’ve said the exact same thing. He wishes it were Kakashi-sensei. _Why couldn’t it be Kakashi-sensei?_

Sasuke sniffs. The rain is gone, but the clouds hang overhead like a constant, niggling reminder of Sasuke’s uncanny ability to kill the people he loves the most.

“Leave me alone.” He mutters. He means it. He turns around and feels no guilt for rudely cutting off Asuma’s attempt at comfort. Sasuke can’t stand his own feelings. It all makes him want to rip out his own eyes and tear off his own skin, as if ridding himself of a body would make the emotional pain waver.

Sasuke pushes past the crowds. He’s wet, and sad, and he wants nothing to do with the rest of this tradition. His sensei believed in burials but Sasuke doesn’t see how any of it makes a difference. No one stops him when he leaves the area of the Hokage Tower and makes it onto the near-empty streets of Central Konoha. The rebuilding isn’t finished. There are unofficial construction sites every direction Sasuke looks. The unfamiliarity makes Sasuke want to cry. Everything around him is in shambles. 

He doesn’t cry. He can’t, because the tears won’t come no matter how badly his heart burns with cold. Maybe that’s the issue; he’s frozen solid. He can’t seem to do much of anything these days. Everything feels like a chore. His mind only wants to linger on Kakashi Hatake. He walks through the empty streets, refusing to let his eyes linger on the burned buildings, instead keeping his gaze glues to the floor.

His feet carry him back to Kakashi-sensei’s apartment; he hasn’t been there since the humiliating book incident. His feet slosh on the wet cobblestone. He occasionally forgets to breathe and swallow as he walks, mind in a confused blur. There _should_ be a ‘now’ and ‘then’ in Sasuke’s mind, but he can’t seem to find the strength to make the segregation. _Then, when Kakashi-sensei was alive, and now, a time where he no longer exists_ ; and yet, Sasuke cannot fathom the idea. It feels like he could still wake up and find his teacher smiling beside him.

Soon, he won’t have Naruto, either. Naruto will leave him to go play student with Jiraiya. A replacement sensei the day after the funeral of his last; Sasuke knows it’s unfair to be spiteful, especially since Naruto would rather things be different. Yet, it feels to him like Naruto did not fight to stay in Konoha. He’s leaving on his own terms.

Naruto wants to leave. To leave Sasuke, and to leave Konoha, and to leave behind the pain that Sasuke is trapped in. Naruto was given an opportunity to move on.

Sasuke stands outside of his sensei’s apartment door, key in hand. He still has the damn keys.

He turns the lock, walks inside, and feels like a horrible person for tracking water into his sensei’s immaculate apartment. The man cleaned like it was a hobby. No, Sasuke internally corrects himself, his sensei cleaned his apartment as Sasuke brushes his teeth; with single-minded determination, going through the motions in a near trance-like state. Lately, Sasuke had taken to scrubbing his tongue a bit too harshly. Naruto stopped him, once, hand wrapped around his wrist and blue eyes wide, because Sasuke had made himself bleed, and wasn’t stopping. He hated to put that dark, helpless expression on his friend’s face, but Sasuke could hardly stop himself. All the things he’d been slowly improving on felt useless now. Eating more, sleeping more, and keeping his thoughts away from self-deprecation hardly seemed important in the face of everything else going on.

It isn’t a good idea for Sasuke to revert to his bad coping mechanisms, especially since he’s been working so hard to quell the habits, but Sasuke feels like the only thing keeping him sane is scrubbing his mouth and pushing away food servings. Staring off into space and letting his mind wander for hours has also become a daily ritual for Sasuke. He doesn’t want to give his mind a chance to think.

Sometimes, when the visceral memory of Itachi’s thumb pressing against his tongue becomes too overwhelming, Sasuke envisions screaming. He envisions grabbing the object nearest to him and throwing it across the room. Other times, he pictures digging a kunai into his arm until it bleeds, or getting up and shaking his entire body until the memory leaves him. He never does these things, but imagining doing them makes the tenseness in his limbs subside.

Sasuke has a new nightmare of Itachi; a version of his brother who wears a silken red cloak. This brother pushes him to the floor, suffocates him, and plasters on a disgusting smile while assuring Sasuke that he would never hurt him. Then this Itachi kills Shikamaru, shoving a kunai into his throat. Using the same kunai Itachi will heat the blade and press the searing metal into Sakura’s cheek.

The strange thing is these dreams never happen in central Konoha. Instead, they happen within the Uchiha compound walls, inside his own childhood home. He’s never dreamt of Kakashi-sensei’s death, but he does dream of one plaguing image that always leaves him sitting straight up in bed, sweat clinging to him, eyes wide, and chest heaving. Sakura told him that Kakashi-sensei’s body was missing his Sharingan, a realization he’s ashamed to admit hadn’t even occurred to him. He’s really a disgraceful excuse for an Uchiha.

Sasuke’s nightmares can create the scene with gruesome realty. Itachi kneeling with his cloak billowing around him, face blank as he towers over Kakashi-sensei’s corpse and digs his nails inside of each of his eyelids. Then, with his characteristic conscientiousness, he carefully plucks out Kakashi-sensei’s Sharingan, a squelching, disgusting sound bubbling from the empty socket. Sasuke’s brain provides an image of the sluggish blood trailing down Kakashi-sensei’s cheek, and the poignant lack of reaction from his violently protective sensei never fails to leave Sasuke in tears.

Sasuke can imagine it exactly. It’s stopped sickening him. Now he just feels numb.

He wonders if Itachi was merciful enough to wait until he’d killed his sensei to take the Sharingan, or if Itachi Uchiha stole the man’s Sharingan whilst he was still living. That Sharingan was Kakashi-sensei’s, far more his sensei’s than it will ever be his brothers; Obito Uchiha gifted it to _him_. Sasuke lets his mind drift, imagining Itachi Uchiha’s sick laughter as Kakashi-sensei begs him not to take it from him, writhing helplessly on the floor of his childhood home. His sensei sobbing as his friend’s Sharingan is cradled in his brother’s delicate grasp, painted nails smeared with blood. Kakashi-sensei looks up at Itachi, empty socket convulsing, and he finally caves in and begs for death. Itachi impales his sensei with a katana just like his mother—Kakashi-sensei begs just like his mother, pleading with her son not to do it, to spare her, to snap out of it and stop this madness. She backs away, stumbling over her feet, tears streaming down her face, the expression so unlike her usual composed, gentle smile. There is a niggling thought in the back of his mind, screaming at him to remember something, to listen to her, but he can’t grasp onto it and—

Sasuke jerks forward, teeth sinking into his lip and tearing the skin.

Sakura refused to say for sure whether or not Kakashi-sensei’s Sharingan looked to have been ripped out pre-mortem, but if her shifty gaze was any indication, it’s safe to assume the worst.

Sasuke looks around his sensei’s apartment, noting that the cookies Ino brought over are still sitting abandoned on the counter just like the last time he came here. He locks the door behind him, sheds his sandals, and makes his way into the kitchen, shivering. Sasuke grabs the plastic-wrapped sweets and, in a fit of unbridled rage, raises his hand to throw the batch across the room.

Kakashi-sensei always begs in his nightmares.

Itachi never listens.

Sometimes, Kakashi-sensei’s begging transforms into his own.

In the end, the platter hangs limply in his grasp, and Sasuke brings the plate over to the trash can and tosses it, dish and all.

He feels pathetic. Sakura and Naruto are handling all of this so much better than he. Sakura’s been permanently scarred and she walks around peeling the bandage off and nursing her wounds like she couldn’t care less the world knows of her experiences.

He hadn’t even realized she’d been scarred upon waking up. She was wearing a bandage over her cheek, sure, but he’d assumed the wound was minor. It wasn’t. It looks like a chunk of her skin has been stolen away. The skin is discolored and tinted pink, and she still has trouble eating because of the pain in her jaw. He sees her rub her mouth so often he can feel his own jaw aching in sympathy.

Itachi did that to her. Itachi hurts everything he touches. If there was ever an ounce of good in Itachi’s body, it is now vanquished. Itachi is no longer human, and Sasuke must believe this, because if he is to ever have faith in humanity, Itachi must be a monster to him.

Sasuke realizes belatedly that he’s been hovering over the trash can for far longer than is acceptable. He quickly moves away, sucking in a short inhale, trying his best not to think about the Leaf and how hurt his friends are. He’s safer as he is, alone, guarded, away from judgment, ridicule, and loss.

But then he remembers days trying desperately to ignore Naruto’s friendship advances, telling himself, that he couldn’t e mourning his family if he was laughing and joking around like he didn’t care about them.

He remembers Sakura’s maniacal grin as she challenged him to an intellectual showdown day in and day out at the Academy, unruffled by his lack of response or care to her competiveness.

He remembers all of the great friends just waiting to be there for him that he’d denied himself for so long.

Then there was Kakashi-sensei, patiently passing him a kunai and telling him to take as long as he needs to throw it. He remembers his days as a member of Team Seven, the first time he’d truly let himself get swept away and uncurl from his shell. He can’t, he absolutely cannot go back to the way his life was before. That dull, endless nothingness, those days where not even Neji could cheer him up or convince him to smile and talk; Sasuke refuses to be that person again. He wants to be happy.

Kakashi-sensei would’ve wanted him to be happy.

But how, Sasuke wonders? How to smile, knowing that his sensei was gone? How to laugh, knowing that the first person to make him crack a grin in years was about to leave him for some—some apprenticeship? How can Sasuke rebuild it all again?

He feels like...he feels like everything is gone, again. He wants to give up.

...which is probably why Sasuke goes searching for those damned books. After the incident at the Hyuga Compound, so humiliating Sasuke doesn’t even want to think about it, Naruto and Sakura brought the book collection back to Kakashi-sensei’s apartment. The two of them agreed that they could snoop through Kakashi-sensei’s old things when they were mentally prepared for it. In a way, they meant when Sasuke was mentally stable enough not to be delusional about hidden messages or covert reasoning, and in a way, Sasuke agreed with them. He was going off his rocker. But he had felt the chakra stirring in those books. He could feel the anticipatory thrum in the delicate pages, like something was waiting for him to grasp and pull.

In a burst of swift determination Sasuke sets his jaw and strides towards his sensei’s bedroom. Either because he needs to be reminded that the books ended up meaning nothing, or because Sasuke knows deep within his chest that he’s letting self-doubt take the reins. He’s letting his mind trick him into believing that day out in the Land of the Waves when Kakashi-sensei first opened up to him meant less than it did.

He finds Kakashi-sensei’s closet and, much to his irritation, upon shoving the door aside, finds that the man’s books are on the ground, carelessly stacked atop one another. Sakura and Naruto hadn’t bothered to find a safe place to keep them.

He grits his teeth, hand moving to grab the book. Shame floods him, the memory of looking like a lunatic in front of all of his friends seated at the forefront of his mind. _No one ever believes me._

He thinks back to how shocked he was when first seeing Itachi. He’d thought about Itachi returning more than he’d ever wanted to, the possibility intruding on his sanity day in and day out, yet he was still shocked. He’s not surprised anymore. But for a long moment staring up at his brother, Sasuke remembers how numb with horror he was upon realizing that he’d been right along.

Sometimes, Sasuke knows things, knows things and hears things of absolute un-deniability, and yet he allows them to slip through his fingers. A part of him believes the things people around him repeat again and again; that he’s paranoid and attention seeking. That everything is fine and Sasuke is blowing the problem out of proportion.

But no. Sasuke is usually correct, no matter what his traitorous emotions tell him to think. This isn’t about some gut instinct, this is about an actual request his sensei gave him while he was alive. To think, he’d let his friends convince him it never happened, that Sasuke made it all up.

He leans down and picks up a book, shuddering at the warm chakra that encases his senses, Kakashi-sensei’s chakra; a blissful signature he hasn’t sensed in nearly two weeks. His hand nearly slips on the book, but he manages to keep his grip firm.

Then he sits down, leaning against the rim of sliding closet door. He intertwines his feet and knees until he’s sitting comfortably, and finally opens the book cover.

Another surge of chakra meets his hand, demanding to be recognized. Unbidden, Sasuke’s Sharingan flickers to life. He flips through the pages slowly, one at a time, scanning each page intensely despite the erotic images that flood and cause his instincts to hiss _no, no, no_. He goes slow, even with his Sharingan activated, and jumps when he gets to the near end of the book, page 67, and a large, black seal shocks his vision. The abrupt change in color has Sasuke blinking, assuring himself that what he’s seeing is real. Once his brain confirms the message his eyes have sent, Sasuke moves faster than ever before, hand reaching back into the box of books with unrivaled focus. He sets the other book aside, face up on the page with the black seal.

The black seal on the first book is half-formed, incomplete, like the pieces to a puzzle. Sasuke’s fantastic at puzzles, and no matter how much he hates solving them, he’ll work through it.

Each book Sasuke grabs and skims through hums with his sensei’s chakra, and on every page, without fail, there is a black seal. He stands and begins spreading the open books all around Kakashi-sensei’s bedroom floor, the black seals blending with the rest of Kakashi-sensei’s monochrome color scheme.

He flips through all thirty books in a matter of minutes, and spreads them out onto the floor all face up.

Then Sasuke stands back and inhales deeply, thinking, _now what?_

The inky patterns on one page of every book could theoretically connect with any other book, and if Sasuke doesn’t have to use every book in order to make a fully-formed seal, then the possibilities of what Kakashi-sensei created could be innumerable. He tilts his head, studying the seals. This is why Kakashi-sensei told him to enlist Jiraiya. He has no idea what kind of seal can be made out of these patterns.

Sasuke stiffens, thinking. After a moment, he turns off his Sharingan, looking at the books again.

The seals disappear, replaced with a mix of erotica and love scenes. He turns his Sharingan back on, and then off again, watching the ink disappear and reappear out of nothing. _Kakashi-sensei used something that only Sasuke would be able to see._

The only reason he didn’t see it before is because Naruto and everyone else had stopped him from thoroughly searching the pages. Sasuke feels his frustration mounting. _That’s fine_. Sasuke says to himself, refusing to even consider going to Jiraiya or his friend’s for help. _I can solve this on my own._

It’s a puzzle, after all, and Sasuke’s amazing at puzzles. Sasuke doesn’t know sealing, has hardly even studied it, but these seals don’t look nearly as complicated as the ones protecting Kakashi-sensei’s apartment.

It occurs to him, suddenly and fearfully, that his friends are probably looking for him. The funeral _festivities_ must be coming to a close, and here he is, looking like a lunatic with a whole bunch of erotica laying on his dead sensei’s floor, intensely deciphering seals that only he is able to see.

He doesn’t have his ninja gear, a backpack, or a storage scroll with him, but his sensei is bound to own one, if not all three of those carrying methods. He goes snooping around in Kakashi-sensei’s closet, in a hurry to clean up the mess he created and hopefully find a safe place to solve his sensei’s puzzle. He tugs aside old ninja outfits and pushes over a couple boxes of sandals, when he spots a rolled up piece of paper leaning against the back wall, tall enough to reach past his hip. He holds the rolled up paper in his hands, gingerly unraveling it, only to blink and realize that he’s staring at a map. A map with a whole bunch of pins and holes in random places, and one place in particular circles furiously in black ink. _A map he bought for a mission, maybe? It seems unlike Kakashi-sensei to buy something for a mission..._

After a moment’s pause, Sasuke tosses the map outside the closet to lay with the rest of the books. It might be important, for all he knows. The closet proves to have nothing important other than the map and some quality training gear. He moves on to the dresser and makes a sound of triumph when upon opening the first drawer he’s met with the sight of dozens of neatly stacked explosive tags, each stack tied together with a thin red string. Beside the explosive tags are many, many smoke-screen tags, and finally an abundance of sealing scrolls. He procures a scroll, pauses, and quickly conceals his chakra. Best not to have anyone find him until he’s concealed all evidence of his insanity. Seeing as he can sense if anyone comes within a two mile radius of him, he should be fine. His chakra sensing really is off the charts lately.

With a level of enthusiasm he has lacked since the day he woke up from the hospital, Sasuke places each and every book inside a scroll, committing the page number with the seal on it to memory, both for convenience and because the numbers could be a key to solving the puzzle. Once he has everything locked tightly away, Sasuke rolls the seal and realizes he has no kunai pouch to shove it into.

His shoulders slump and he embarrassingly tucks the scroll into the waistband of his pants, desperately wishing he’d worn a robe instead of the tight fit turtle neck he’d decided to go with. _Karma_ , he thinks wryly.

The waistband of his pants is too obvious looking, so instead Sasuke leans down and secures it around his ankle beneath his pant leg. To make sure the scroll doesn’t fall, Sasuke unties one of the red strings around his sensei’s explosive tag stacks and ties the scroll tightly around his ankle.

He looks down, satisfied with his quick thinking. _And just in time, too._ He can feel a chakra signature approaching his sensei’s apartment. Sasuke startles, taken aback by the fact that it’s not Naruto or Sakura who have found him, but instead none other than Asuma Sarutobi.

He shifts uncomfortably. _Where are my teammates?_ He feels silly now, for thinking they would worry about him so much, and yet...isn’t that what they usually do? Worry?

Asuma’s signature is quick to make the trek to the apartment, and in that time, Sasuke has cleaned up his sensei’s bedroom and made his way into the living room, procuring the perfect alibi of his presence in his sensei’s apartment by snatching his sensei’s team photo of them and staring at his longingly. It’s a cheap trick, especially when he has decided to play it up by curling pathetically on the ground beneath his sensei’s sofa. He also ensures that his signature is no longer hidden away, just in case Asuma can sense. Although, if he made his way to Kakashi-sensei’s apartment without realizing that Sasuke’s signature was undetectable, he doubts the man can sense chakra.

Maybe that’s why Sakura and Naruto didn’t look here. The two of them are pretty good at chakra sensory.

Asuma knocks on the door, surprising Sasuke with his politeness. “Kiddo?” he hears Asuma call, and he snarls at the nickname. “You in there, Uchiha? We’ve been looking everywhere for you. Naruto’s at the village gates.”

_What_?

He can’t possibly mean...Naruto said he would leave right after Kakashi-sensei’s funeral, but this is absurd. He can’t have meant hours after his sensei’s funeral.

He remembers vaguely that Asuma called out to him, and tucks his knees into his chest, suddenly feeling sickened by the picture in his hands. He swallows. “Yeah.” He responds. Raising his voice, he calls, “I’m here.”

He hears a jangling, and then a sheepish sound. “Can I come in?”

Sasuke slowly rises. He walks to the door for what feels like an eternity, watching his shoes scuff against the wooden floor. When he finally turns the knob to the apartment door, he doesn’t know what to think. Asuma Sarutobi is a large man, an intimidating one, who smells of cigarette smoke. He’s the son of one of the cruelest men to ever walk this Earth.

Sasuke looks up at him wearily, realizing after a moment that he’s still clutching their team picture tightly to his chest. His hands are shaking. _Maybe if I don’t let go of him, Naruto won’t leave me._

It’s a selfish desire. But who cares, anyway? Sasuke has the right to indulge in some selfishness.

He still says nothing, even as Asuma looks down at him with a pitying, saddened expression. “Sasuke...” he trails off, unsure. “Do you maybe want a hug?”

Sasuke immediately shakes his head no. He doesn’t. This silk black of that robe only reminds him of Itachi. He opens his mouth, his lips dry and stuck together. His bottom lip quivers as he speaks. “Naruto’s...he’s leaving?” he tries his best to keep his tone indifferent.

“I’m sorry.” Asuma straightens up. “But if you want to say goodbye, we’re going to have to be fast. Lord Jiraiya sent me to go find you since he and Naruto couldn’t, and the two of them were supposed to already be out of here.”

Had Naruto told him when he’d be leaving, and Sasuke hadn’t listened? Did that happen?

Did he really ignore something so important? Sasuke shifts uncomfortably, hyper-aware of the scroll tucked under his pant leg. If he can just figure out his sensei’s final request, he’ll be able to focus again, to start to heal. But he can’t heal knowing that Kakashi-sensei isn’t at rest.

Still, the thought that Naruto is leaving today and Sasuke didn’t know at all...it makes him sick to his stomach. He looks up at Asuma, fists clenching by his side, shoulders seizing up as he inhales. “Let’s go.” His voice is startlingly smooth and stable for how unbalanced he feels.

Asuma looks at him skeptically, but nods anyway. “Right.”

Sasuke steps outside and locks his sensei’s door tightly behind him. The key triggers seals of some sort that keep out intruders, but Sasuke doesn’t know how any of it works...that fact doesn’t bode well for Sasuke figuring out how to solve the books. He nods to Asuma, and then in a blur the two of them are disappearing out of the apartment and leaping onto the village rooftops, headed for the main gate of the Village Hidden in the Leaves.

Jiraiya is leaving with Naruto, the two of them planning to jump off the face of the Earth and hide even from the Akatsuki. He won’t be able to ask for help about the seals like Kakashi-sensei ordered him to. Briefly, he considers asking Jiraiya about it before he leaves, but very quickly dismisses the terrible idea. If he asked about it now...it’d either look like a last ditch effort to keep Naruto in the village, or it would only confirm the idea settling in his friends’ mind that he losing the remains of his sanity. He should never have told Neji about the books. He should’ve gone straight to Jiraiya. He should’ve listened to his sensei.

Sasuke picks up his pace, Asuma following suit beside him, watching him like he’s a ticking bomb. It puts Sasuke on edge. Sasuke tries to tune out his anxiety by focusing on the pitter-pattering of his footsteps against the village rooftops, but it doesn’t soothe him.

If Sasuke had originally gone to Jiraiya about the books, Neji wouldn’t have told Naruto, and everyone else wouldn’t have gotten overly concerned with Sasuke’s mental stability. Because he was selfishly angry at Jiraiya for taking away his best friend he lost his chance to get the Sanin’s help. Now he’s all alone in this endeavor as the only one who can see the seals. _But what if am crazy...?_

Sasuke pushes away the creeping self-doubt with as much force as he can muster. If he is crazy, better to embrace it, at this point. 

He and Asuma land on the ground a few feet away from the village gate, Asuma shoving a cigar into his mouth almost immediately, and Sasuke gazing out at the forest Naruto is about to disappear into with apprehension. His gaze snaps to Naruto, standing next to Jiraiya and Sakura, his backpack slung around his shoulders.

Sasuke had been trying to pretend this wasn’t real.

None of it actually sunk in until now.

It has for Sakura, apparently, a girl who can take everything in stride, accept change within herself and her environment like it’s a casual occurrence. She’s never in denial, never...never like Sasuke, standing across from Naruto with his hands shaking, terrified out of his mind to say goodbye.

Naruto catches sight of him and startles greatly, blue eyes widening. His friend studies him for a long moment, as if making sure that Sasuke is really here. Then, Naruto lets out a relieved laugh, drops his backpack off of his shoulders, and starts running towards him. 

Sasuke takes a moment to memorize his best friend as he runs forward. Naruto’s wearing new training gear, and his official Leaf Headband glimmers in the light.

Naruto skids to a stop in front of him, one hand twitching towards him, smile wavering unsurely. Sasuke doesn’t give himself a moment to overthink or prepare himself. He steps forward and slings his arms around Naruto’s shoulders, feeling relief flood his friend’s body. Naruto accepts the hug with a rough pat on his back before enveloping him fully into his arms, pulling him closer. Sasuke finds he can’t think about how uncomfortable he is, because he can only focus on the texture and smell of Naruto’s new clothes, proof of the new life he will lead without Sasuke.

For as long as Sasuke can remember, Naruto’s been the only constant in his life. 

Sasuke can feel a pressure building behind his eyes, and for once, the headache isn’t because of his Sharingan. It’s because he’s holding back tears. _Nothing is permanent_ , his mother’s voice whispers in the back of his mind. He can find no argument that can prove her wrong.

“Where were you?” Naruto asks into his shoulder, refusing to let go, keeping his arms tightly locked. Sasuke lets it be, because he’ll do anything to keep Naruto in the village just a little bit longer. “I thought you weren’t going to say goodbye.” Sasuke can hear the fear in Naruto’s admission.

Sasuke pulls his friend closer, tucking his chin into his shoulder. “I’m not saying goodbye.” He digs his fingers into Naruto’s back. “I’m saying see you later, loser.” Sasuke’s voice wavers.

The two of them startle at Sakura’s surprised laugh, Naruto jumping beneath his fingertips. Sasuke had almost forgotten that he and Naruto had an audience. Sakura must’ve walked the distance over to them while they were distracted.

They stand about 150 meters from the Village gates—just 150 meters away from the reality of what will be their last interaction. Sasuke should’ve savored his time with them more. He should’ve spent their last week as Sakura and Naruto did, clinging to each other and staying together for every moment possible. Instead, he’d let his indignation and guilt get the better of him. The memories of Naruto are all that he has. No new ones will be made for years to come.

_Years_. Naruto’s leaving. He’s not coming back next month of next year, he could be gone...he could be gone for...

Naruto will be gone for however long it takes for the Akatsuki to no longer pose a threat. Sasuke doesn’t want to think about how long that could be.

Naruto might not be his best friend in five years. This could be their last moment, the last time Sasuke can say _oh, Uzumaki Naruto is my best friend by far._ Sasuke is going to have to start anew. New friends, a new life, a new story; Naruto won’t leave and come back the same person Sasuke sees right now.

He’s going to miss watching his friend grow up. He’s not going to be there to celebrate the next time Naruto learns a new jutsu. He can’t say for certain he’ll even live long enough to see his friend again. The two of them could die hundreds of miles away from each other and never know.

Sakura walks forward, reminding Sasuke where he is, and he inhales sharply. Sasuke pulls away from Naruto abashedly, Naruto turning to meet Sakura’s eyes. He doesn’t move far away from Naruto. He keeps close, close, close, because Naruto is leaving for somewhere far, far away from him.

Sakura is smiling, but there’s an unmistakable sadness within her expression. Sasuke sighs shakily, gaze shifting up towards the sky. Naruto looks at him helplessly. Then, he jabs Sasuke in the shoulder, laughing at Sasuke’s irritated huff. Sasuke dramatically rubs his arm and glares at his friend. Naruto grins unsteadily. “Right. See you later, asshole.” Despite the mocking nature of his words, Naruto’s voice is warm.

Naruto moves to turn around, already late, already due to leave him, but Sasuke’s mind shudders. _This can’t be it_. He thinks to himself.

This could be it for Naruto Uzumaki and Sasuke Uchiha. He won’t let Naruto leave without a proper farewell. His wills his mouth to move, and the action takes a surprising amount of confidence. “Naruto?” Naruto halts, turning around to tilt his head and meet his gaze.

Sasuke holds his eyes steadily into Naruto’s blue ones, but he can’t seem to find the right words. Naruto turns around fully, shoulder’s sagging, head still tilted. “What is it, Sasuke?” Naruto murmurs, but he looks hopeful.

Sasuke rubs the back of his neck, rolls his shoulders, and despite how utterly humiliating it is for everyone to be watching this—less so Sakura, but horrifyingly Jiraiya from afar and Asuma right beside him—Sasuke makes a declaration. “I love you, loser.”

Naruto laughs, and this time the sound is wet and chocked. He immediately throws his arm over his eyes, face twisting into a grimace. “Stop, stop with the sap, _please_. You’re kil-killing me.” He continues to laugh, wiping aggressively at his eyes. Sasuke just shrugs, knowing it needed to be said.

Just as Sasuke is about to make some joke to ease the tension and let his friend leave, Naruto takes a deep breath and grins. “I love you too,” he says begrudgingly, kicking the ground. “Believe it.” he glances back up at Sasuke, and upon seeing Sasuke’s dopey smile, instantly cringes.

“Nope, nope, I regret everything.” Naruto shudders dramatically, causing Sakura to roll her eyes and place her hands on her hips. Naruto presses the palms of his hands into his eyes and makes a spitting sound, like he’s trying to rid his mouth of a bad taste. “Too much emotion in one day.”

Sakura walks towards Naruto and gives him a shove in the shoulder. “Hush, you.” She hisses, jabbing her finger in Jiraiya’s direction. “Now, stop inheriting sensei’s worst quality and _go_. You’re so late it’s embarrassing.”

Naruto turns to her, whining. “Why you gotta’ be so mean all the time? What happened to ‘ _I love you, Naruto_ ,’ ‘ _I won’t ever forget about you, Naruto_ —‘“ Sakura’s face flushes crimson, and she shrieks as she pushes Naruto again but with much more force.

“Don’t repeat what I said to you in confidence!” she shrieks. Sasuke’s cheeks ache from the smile spreading across his features.

Naruto sticks his tongue out at her, and Sakura’s eye twitches, rage at her boyfriend’s behavior beginning to climb. Just before it can boil over, Sasuke takes a step forward and lays a hand on her shoulder. She glances at him in surprise, stiffening. Then her features soften, and she calmly looks over at Naruto, green eyes swimming with unshed tears. “Come back safe and sound, Naruto, and I promise I’ll say those words to you anytime you ask.” She negotiates.

Naruto looks her up and down, ever the skeptic. “Anytime I ask?” he repeats incredulously. “So if we’re like, arguing about ramen—“

Sakura throws her hands into the air, Sasuke ducking out of the way and removing his hand from her shoulder, his chest shaking with uncontrollable laughter. “You just can’t have a moment, can you?” Sakura shouts in exasperation. Sasuke straightens up, his bright laugher contagious. It’s been so long since he’s let himself laugh.

The three of them treasure the moment for all its worth, before Naruto turns away, glancing back at Jiraiya. They sober up. Sakura grabs Sasuke’s hand and watches as Naruto retreats, moving closer and closer to the village gates. Just before he moves across the border Jiraiya says something to him, clapping a hand on his shoulder. Naruto scoffs at whatever it is, before turning around and giving Sakura and Sasuke one last thumbs up, a grin on his face.

Sakura and Sasuke shyly return the gesture.

After that, Naruto doesn’t look back, practically skipping as he and Jiraiya leave. They can hear him shouting about something to Jiraiya, already talking exuberantly, punching his fists into the air with excitement. Sasuke swears he hears the word Hokage.

Sakura and Sasuke don’t stop watching their friend until he’s completely disappeared from their vision.

Only then do they let the emotion hit them. Sasuke looks up, aware that his tear ducts should be dry even as he lets out a tremulous breath. Tears gather at his eyes, and when he tries to breathe, his entire chest wracks with shakily in protest. 

Sakura lets out a heart wrenching, violent sob beside him, turning towards him with a reddened face. “He’s _gone_.” She cries. Her wet hair sticks to her skin, and despite the fact that her black mourning clothes should look misplaced against her pale skin, bright eyes, and pink hair, Sasuke thinks that black is the only color fitting for the situation at hand.

Sasuke envelops her in a hug, mind spinning. She clings to him weakly, hardly able to breathe through her violent sobbing, hands coming up to clench at his shirt. Sasuke looks up, spotting Asuma staring at them with an unreadable expression, cigarette held loftily in his hands. Sasuke shifts uncomfortably, wrapping an arm around Sakura’s shoulders and guiding her away from the prying eyes of Asuma and the gate guards. He has to assume that the rest of Naruto’s friends already left after saying goodbye to him. Naruto’s other friends must’ve returned to their lives with a minor ache in their chests and a small amount of relief knowing that their village is safer than before.

Sasuke leaves the village gates with Sakura around him, who is utterly silent except for the occasional teary whimper, and a gaping hole where his heart used to be.

Sakura’s tears clear up surprisingly fast. After her initial violent sob she quietly begins the process of quelling her tears, accepting his arm around her shoulder and walking with him through the village. But halfway to Naruto’s apartment, Sasuke realizes where his feet are leading them. He stops, Sakura glancing at him with mild, dull curiosity, before her face pales. The two of them stand there, completely lost.

No Kakashi-sensei. No Naruto.

The apartments are empty.

The sound Sasuke makes in the back of his throat is inhuman and raw. They stand stock still as the crowds bustle around them, construction workers shouting, parents scolding their children not to get so close to the rubble, and ninja running on the rooftops and through the crowds in a hurry.

_It’s over._ Sasuke thinks. _It’s all over. I could not yell at him, or rage about how the village was ripping away my truest friend because—there is nothing anyone could do to stop Naruto._ If Jiraiya hadn’t taken him away, Sasuke has little doubt that Naruto would not have figured out some other way to leave and protect his village. It was all Naruto’s decision, in the end. He could not hate Naruto for finding peace in protecting his friends.

He _wants_ to hate him for feeling such peace in abandoning his friends, because here Sasuke stands, with Sakura by his side, utter hopelessness creeping into his chest like ice. Naruto left to do something bold with his life, and Sasuke’s future is caving in on him, demanding more bravery than Sasuke has ever been willing to offer.

Then Sakura pulls away from him, her eyes steely. “Sasuke.” She pleads.

He can’t help her. He can’t bring back Kakashi-sensei, he can’t fix Naruto’s circumstances, and the only words he can offer are ones without meaning. Platitudes and worthless sympathies won’t make Sakura feel better.

She looks around herself and squeezes her eyes shut tightly. Sasuke doesn’t know what to do.

So he brings her to his apartment.

He hasn’t slept or set foot in the place in over a month, and only barely remembered to pay the rent during his time away. The place is probably a dusty mess. The apartment building he lives at isn’t cheap or expensive, but somewhere in an affordable range between, and it’s a far out from the bustling center of society. He doesn’t have his key, he left it at Naruto’s place, but the neighbors all know him and won’t question it if he fiddles with the lock and slips inside. It’s not like Sasuke keeps traps around his house anyway, so there’s nothing to worry about.

Sakura doesn’t say anything throughout the entire walk.

When the two of them do finally get inside his apartment, they’ve been rained on again, and all the drying they’d done within the past hour is reversed. He scoffs at Sakura’s hesitance to step into his apartment wet, tugging her inside despite her steely protests. He takes her sandals and puts them away. She shivers. Sasuke thinks for a moment, trying to recall if he has a suitable change of clothes for her. It feels like it’s been a century since he’s been inside his makeshift home, let alone rummaged through his closet. Had he taken all of his clothes out when he went to stay with Kakashi-sensei?

“Sasuke?” Sakura calls out to him, and it’s then that Sasuke realizes he’s been staring across the room, his brow furrowed as his mind wanders.

“Hm?” his eyes flicker to her.

“We could leave too, you know.”

Sasuke’s heart stills.

And he knows, without any suddenness or surprise,, what this means for him; Sasuke will not leave the Village Hidden in the Leaves. He belongs here more than he would ever fit in anywhere else. Sakura looks ready to bolt. She looks ready to grab her things and flee the village tonight. Knowing Sakura, her mind won’t change.

Sasuke finishes taking off his own sandals, and in a fit of aggression, he looks at the shoe in his hand and then throws the insulting object across the room. It feels affirming, so he stretches his arm back and repeats the action. His shoes clatter uselessly to the ground, one smacking the wall and tumbling to the floor. Sakura doesn’t move. Sasuke clenches his teeth.

He’d known this was going to happen.

“What the _fuck_ , Sakura.” He looks at her, can feel his Sharingan bleeding into his eyes. Sakura swallows. He hadn’t thought she would be so bold to enlist him into her plot.

Despite how absent he has been for past two weeks, he knows what a goodbye looks like when he sees one. Sakura visited all of her friends, threw herself into working for the village. She visited her old neighborhood and stared at the vacant lot where her house used to be. Sakura enlisted Ino to allow her to look through her photo albums, because of hers were burnt. Ino gifted her friend a picture of the two of them with flowers braided into their hair.

Earlier this week, Sasuke went looking for Kakashi-sensei’s apartment key, because Naruto confiscated it. Naruto wasn’t dumb, but neither was Sasuke. Of course Sasuke knew he had hidden it in Sakura’s things instead of his own. He’d gone rummaging through her bags, the drawers Naruto lent her, and finally snooped through her kunai pouch. Sure enough, the key was there. He’d replaced the key with a genjutsu and a rock, uncaring that Sakura would eventually figure out he’d stolen it.

But there was something else in her bag that caught his eye. A rolled up piece of paper that at first he’d assumed was a draft of her speech for Kakashi-sensei’s funeral. Curious and past the point of caution, Sasuke scanned through it, only to realize it was a draft version of a letter Sakura was planning to leave to Ino...a _goodbye_ note.

Maybe, just maybe, Sasuke considers, Kakashi-sensei’s books aren’t really what he’s distressed about. Maybe they’re a distraction from everything else, from his sensei’s death, his best friend’s departure, and Sakura’s decision to leave him.

He moves away from her, fists clenching as he waits for an explanation he’s been waiting days to hear, silently ruminating over the note and trying desperately to convince himself he was misreading the situation.

Sakura looks up at him, green eyes beginning to flicker with guilt. The expression is wiped away and Sakura squares her shoulders. “Kabuto asked me to leave. I told him yes.”

Sasuke can feel his mind shriveling into a thousand, confused pieces. “He said you could come too.” Sakura adds.

“No.” Sasuke refuses instantaneously, shoving a finger at her. Leaving is one thing, but asking him to go with her? Sasuke steps further away, his own expression steadying into a controlled, blank canvas, repressing the anger churning in his stomach. “You don’t get to do this. Why do you want to do this? With someone like him? Why do you even know him?!” Sasuke spits.

Sakura rises to the challenge, chin raised defiantly. “I didn’t have to tell you, Sasuke. I wanted to invite you purely because I care.”

“If you cared you wouldn’t LEAVE!” he screams, backing away from her. Sakura goes silent.

Sakura looks up at him, rubbing her forearm quietly. “...I can’t stay here, Sasuke.” she mutters. Sakura doesn’t have to explain her reasoning.

This can’t be her home right now. It never was, really.

But will she ever come back if she leaves to be with _Kabuto_? Won’t Kabuto corrupt Sakura, twist her into a shell of who she has become? Sasuke can feel his eyes beginning to blur with tears. “You can’t be a rogue, Sakura. You can’t.” he’s not even sure why he’s protesting anymore, clinging to a hope that doesn’t really exist.

He knew this was coming.

Sakura could never be happy in this village; a village without Naruto. Sakura sighs. Sasuke’s frame shakes, even as his face remains passive. “Why?” he pleads, stepping forward. “You...you’re all I have left.”

Sakura shakes her head immediately, stepping forward to meet him halfway. “No.” She denies. “You have Neji, Ino, Rookie Nine. Sasuke, you have all of Konoha, a village that you love.” She looks to the ground. “I love Konoha’s people, and I’d love to stay with you, but...but Orochimaru won’t take no for answer, Sasuke. He wants me by his side, and maybe, maybe he has something valuable to pass onto me. Maybe I’ll kill him, and then I’ll get to come back, when he’s not trying to terrorize these people.” Sakura inhales deeply. “I have spent the last two weeks digging up injured citizens and corpses. Most of the injured I’ve saved don’t make it for long, their wounds too severe. If Orochimaru was capable of something like this...and I try tell him no? Sasuke, he’ll hurt everyone I have left. You’re in enough danger as it is.”

Sasuke feels his shoulders slump. So that’s why, then. That’s the real reason why she has decided to leave. Both of his best friends have decided he can’t make decisions for himself and—

But...can he? Has he really ever chosen things for himself? And is this really ‘his’ choice to encroach upon? If Sakura and Naruto need to leave in order to keep their village safe, who is Sasuke to deny them? When is Sasuke’s life going to stop revolving around his friends, to the point where if they make a decision without consulting him, he feels entitled to be angry?

Isn’t it her choice, not his?

What are _my_ choices?

He looks at her, before he turns away, hands shaking. There’s another worry causing him a rutheless headache. “You don’t know what you’ve just done.”

Sakura looks up, green eyes brimming with tears. “Wait—Sasuke, I—I promise, I’m still loyal to the Leaf, but just not the Leaf as it is—“

Sasuke wheels on her. “You shouldn’t have told me that.” Sasuke cuts her off, and he means it. She should’ve left without saying a word, it would’ve been safer. A hundred Anbu could be eavesdropping on them as they speak. In a fit of panic, Sasuke lashes out his chakra sensing, but thankfully finds no spies. It’s probably because they’ve moved locations. But the Anbu could find them within the hour. Sasuke quickly cloaks his apartment and disguises their signatures. Then he takes a deep, stabilizing breath. “No one will look for a civilian girl, Sakura. They won’t care. But if I go with you, every head in the village will turn.” He runs his hands through his hair and grits his teeth, anxiety skyrocketing. “ _Why_ did you tell me that? Do you not realize who I am right now?”

Sakura opens her mouth, but Sasuke cuts her off. “You don’t get it. I’m the last Uchiha. I awakened my Mangekyou Sharingan. My loyalty is already is question! My _existence_ is suspicious!”

“I’m sure if we tried hard enough, in times like these, the both of us could leave together. Tonight. I’ve already made the plans, I—I left a note for Ino. I’ve mapped out the best exit. You can come. Pack a bag, we’re in your apartment anyway!” Sakura realizes, looking around herself for the first time since she entered the apartment. “Come with me. Orochimaru is dangerous but so is Konoha. Kabuto is a medic. He could teach you anything you wanted.”

Sasuke looks at her in shock. “Did you hear anything I just said? We’d be caught before we left the village if I were to go with you!” Sasuke pauses, realizing that his argument has gotten away from him. “I am not a _rogue ninja_!”

Sakura seems to come into herself, moving away from him, her hand drifting towards the bandage on her cheek. Sasuke follows the movement, shoulders slumping in understanding. She’s not a rogue, either. Rogues are Orochimaru and Itachi, Sakura is...Sakura is somewhere in between, the often overlooked grey. Sakura is unpredictable, obstinate, vindictive—and she’s a good person. He stares into her green eyes and understands deeply that leaving this village won’t inherently make her terrible. Kakashi-sensei spent years without autonomy, and his life was a tired, pained one. He doesn’t want that for Sakura. He wants her to follow what she believes is right.

But Orochimaru is a terrible man. He’ll hurt her. She’s running straight to her doom, he thinks. Sasuke doesn’t want that for her.

He can’t condone this. It goes against everything the Leaf Village represents.

_Like slaughtering a clan in cold blood?_ A voice that sounds like Itachi whispers in his ear. He locks away the thought, eyes clenching together. But Kakashi-sensei’s voice is soon to chime in, falsely cheery. _Everyone I’ve ever loved died because of choices the Leaf Village made._

He looks around himself, remembering the scroll tucked away in pant leg. Sakura waits anxiously throughout his silent, looking ready to throw up. Sasuke frowns, watching her nails claw at her forearm. For the briefest of moments, he imagines Kakashi-sensei in her place, trying to prove to Sasuke the righteousness of his choices.

In the end, what bothers him about Sakura’s choice is not the questionable morality of abandoning her village. What leaves him floundering is the possibility of her running towards death.

_Oh._ Sasuke thinks stupidly. _How hypocritical._

“Stay here.” He orders, voice firm. Sakura looks after him in bewilderment, but something in his voice kicks her instincts into play. Her face goes steely, her mouth thins, and she nods in resolute understanding. Sasuke disappears into his bedroom. He reaches into his pant leg and unties the scroll, tucking it away underneath his mattress. Then he hurries back into the kitchen area and swings open a cabinet door. He finds a towel and starts wiping down the countertops. His brain is carefully articulating a scheme, his body running on adrenaline.

Sakura’s frowns in confusion, “Sasuke, what are you doing?”

Sasuke glances at her. “Creating a crime scene.” He shrugs and throws the towel in his hands at her, moving to grab another for himself. “We cleaned the kitchens together, went to make dinner, when you ruthlessly snuck up behind me and knocked me out cold.” He turns to her, sucking in a sharp breath. “Got it?”

Sakura opens her mouth to protest. Sasuke lets the adrenaline surge in his body falter, gripping the edge of the counter tops. “I don’t want to go with you, Sakura.” He murmurs. “Konoha is where I belong. And...I don’t want you to get hurt. If I tell on you, or try to stop you, it will only hurt us both.” He narrows his eyes, swallowing. “I don’t like this. But I see why you need to do it. I’m going to support you, Sakura.” 

Sakura looks at the towel in her hand, eyes watering, before she says quietly. “Okay, Sasuke.”

He nods at her, heart pounding.

About ten minutes later, Sakura is setting aside a pot of cooked rice and resting her hand on Sasuke’s shoulder. She’s standing behind him, parallel to him, their breaths sharp and hurried. He can feel the quake in Sakura’s hand.

The entire kitchen is spotless, Sasuke’s thrown shoes have been neatly tucked aside, and Sakura has changed into an old training outfit of Sasuke’s. Her look suits the occasion, he thinks. A deep red t-shirt, black training pants that fit her with absurd accuracy and, her headband quietly placed on the counter beside him, a deep slash across the plating.

Sasuke turns away from the sight. Sakura’s grip tightens. Her hair is still damp, and it brushes against his back. “Sasuke...” Sakura breathes, before cutting herself off abruptly. “I’ll see you later, right? _”_

Sasuke laughs weakly. Right. Not goodbye. He’ll see her again, he has to trust that. If anyone can survive Orochimaru, it’s a member of Team Seven.

She gently moves her hand to cradle his neck, hesitant. Sasuke closes his eyes, shoulders relaxing. “Stop overthinking.” He scolds. “You said you had this all planned out.” He tries to lighten to mood as Naruto would, but it falls flat.

Sakura makes a pained sound. “I never wanted to hurt you. I’m, I’m trying to keep this village safe.” She whispers, so quiet Sasuke has to strain to hear her. “I feel like all I ever do is hurt the people I love. For the past two weeks I’ve helplessly attempted to heal the chaos Orochimaru caused in just one day. It’s going to take the village months to fix the damage. I don’t...I can’t let him try that again.”

Sasuke shakes his head, refusing to look back at her. If he does, he’ll beg her to stay. Instead, Sasuke relaxes. “Sakura, it’s okay. I understand.” He feels a smile tug at the corner of his lips. “I trust you.”

He hears a strangled, loving sob, and then feels a brief sting of pain in the back of his neck that has his eyes lolling. His mind goes numb and every nerve cell in his body follows suit.

When Sasuke opens his eyes, he’ll have to face everything; the questions, the pity, and the suspicion. There is no comfort is such knowledge, and yet, he finds he does not want to sleep forever. He does not want to wrap himself in this nothingness Sakura leaves him in.

He wants to wake up. He can’t wait to spend every day making Konoha a home Sakura and Naruto will be proud to return to. He can’t wait until he will see them again.

And he will. He has to trust that Naruto will become a man worthy of the title Hokage. He has to trust that Sakura is strong enough to slay Orochimaru. He has to trust Kakashi-sensei’s word, and that these books truly mean something important. He has to trust himself, and the choices he will have to make in a world without Team Seven to guide him.

_They helped me open my eyes._

But this time, Sasuke will have to find the strength to open them on his own _._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the plot unravels before you.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I love reading comments they totally make my day even if they're like two words or just constructive criticism. I'm not trying to advertise I'm being honest here! I'd love to hear your opinions. Also, also, if you liked this story or even if you thought it was trash (which rude, but it's your life so I'm not gonna judge) you should definitely go check out LadyYang's account and read one of her spectacular stories. She's got some great Uchiha Sasuke fanfiction that I totally love. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!! I'm open for suggestions if you've got any! Keep in mind I have a lot of this story already written so I won't be able to take every idea, even if they're good ones.


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